anything goes with emma chamberlain - dealing with adults

Episode Date: July 23, 2020

As we grow up, our relationships with adults and “authority figures” can be complicated, intimidating, and confusing. In this episode, Emma discusses the types of relationships we have with the adults in our lives, how to effectively communicate with them, how to build strong and trusting relationships with parents, and everything in between. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Oh God. Hi everybody. Welcome to anything goes. This is weird. This is weird. Let me set the scene. I like to like set the scene for you guys so you know what it looks like when I'm recording. So maybe you picture it in your head or not. That's up to you. It's midnight. When I'm recording this, this is so different. I normally record these at like 8 a.m. But guess what? Today was fucking shitty. Actually, it wasn't, that's, it wasn't a bad day at all. But today was like, not that kind of day. I was having a really lazy day to day. Like, I woke up pretty early, but just felt

tired and headache and just like whatever. And then I just like couldn't be productive all day and then I took a nap. But then after my nap, I was like, you know what? Yes, it's like 8 p.m. but I'm just gonna get everything done now that I was gonna do earlier than the day. And fuck it. You know what I mean? And now I feel so much better because I got everything done, even though it's late

at night, like I still got everything done that I wanted to get done. It's all about adapting, baby. Okay? So I adapted and now here we are. And it's late and I'm recording this. And I kind of have an interesting topic today that I don't know, I don't know, like I don't know how I'm gonna be able to,

like I don't know if I'm gonna be able to talk about this for a long time. I hope so. We'll see. But this was actually an idea that my dad gave me today and I thought it was kind of good. I want to talk about being like a teen and how to interact with, get along with adults. The thing that's really interesting is growing up, there's so many different types of kids, right? Like in so many different types of kids in, you know, ways that they were raised.

And I've noticed that there's so many different ways that kids deal with adults, some being good and some being bad. And now that I'm almost an adult myself, I mean, I am technically, but like, I'm also still a teen, so whatever. But now that I'm, you know, almost in adult, fully, like, I feel like I'm starting to, like, I'm in this middle ground where I feel like I understand both sides. And I feel like, this is something that maybe some people might need advice on. So, for starters, I'm going to talk about something really interesting that the last few years I've been kind of realizing and it's put a lot of things into perspective for me and I don't want to get misconstrued but I'm just going to do my best.

I think it's so interesting and I want to know if you guys can relate. When you're like a kid, you think of adults as being like perfect, almost. Even if they're very far from it, and all of them are, but there are authority figures, and you look at them as such. So all your family members, your parents, your teachers, you think of them all as like these perfect role models, almost. When in reality, that's all an illusion.

And when you grow up, you start to see through it. I think it all started for me when I was like, probably 14. And I started to learn more about things about the adults in my life. And the veil kind of started to lift and I started to realize, like, oh my God. Like adults have like almost dirty secrets. You know what I mean?

That kids don't know about until they get older. Whether that's like a teacher that got fired, nobody knew why, and then later you find out why. Or whether it's like a family member and you find out a secret about a family member, whether it's in their past or even in their present, you find out about all of the different flaws of these adults. And in addition, you start to understand humans better and you start to become aware of like adult's flaws, you know, where they're flawed in the way that they're wired in a sense.

For example, now that I'm older, if like I'm having an argument with my parents or something, or there's like kind of, you know, like a little tense moment or something, and if my parents or something, or there's like kind of, you know, like a little tense moment or something. And if my parents do something wrong, like I will confront them and be like, that was rude or like that was wrong or like whatever. And as a kid, you just kind of assume that everything that every adult does is what is supposed to be done because they're an adult and they're an authority figure. But in actuality, they're a human just like everyone else.

And if anything, they're just big babies. Adults are just big babies. But it's so interesting how the older you get, the more you start to realize that age doesn't, it kind of starts to disappear almost. It's like you could meet a 30-year-old that's a hundred times wiser and, you know, better of a person than maybe some 70-year-old. And vice versa, but like, it's about life experience. It's about who there is a person, and like age just kind of disappears.

And in it, like, some people never mature. Some people behave like a fucking frappoy until they're 50, you know what I mean? And other people become a responsible adult, you know what I mean? Not that crap boys aren't sometimes responsible adults. I'm not gonna judge y'all, but I mean You know I know a few crap boys from my high school I think they're I think they're probably pretty crazy right now probably going a little crazy, so I don't know I just drink water instead of coffee that was so weird. I'm so used to sitting here with my coffee.

I think another thing, I mean, that's kind of enough of that. I think you get where I'm going with that. It's just so interesting how the older you get the more you start to realize that adults aren't perfect, you know? Which kind of leads me to the next thing which is more relating to parents. There was like a lot of things that I think I was angry at my parents for as a kid.

Like if they've made mistakes, you know, because as they're normal fucking human beings, they've made mistakes, right? And I used to be so mad at my parents for the mistakes that they've made, whether it's things that they've said that hurt my feelings or it was things that they did that seemed inconsiderate to me at the time. Don't get it wrong, I love my parents.

But again, these things happen, it's normal. Just recently, I had this realization where I was like, okay, I'm holding my parents to an unrealistic standard. My parents are human beings, not like these ethereal role models. They're normal human beings. And they deserve to be forgiven. I always was like, well, you guys are my parents, so you have to be perfect and raise me perfectly and never fuck up. And never hurt my feelings or never do something that's inconsiderate. That was like where my head was at. I was like, you guys don't have no room to fuck up. But as I grew up, I realized, and within literally the past month, I realized they are humans.

They think about things, they have normal brains. They aren't going to be perfect all the time. And like, it's natural to fuck up. And especially when you're a parent, like a man, I mean, the responsibility is like insane and it's impossible not to mess up here and there. You can nobody is the perfect parent. But I just never thought of it like that. I was always like, no, parents are supposed to be perfect. That is not true. And so just recently, I've like forgiven my parents for some things that they did that I'd bugged me in the past. I mean, I've forgiven my parents for some things that they did that had bugged

me in the past. I mean, I went through my parents, we went through divorce, and I was younger, and there was things with that that upset me. And just recently, I've been able to be like, okay, I always thought that this divorce was all about me. I mean, not really, but I always thought about how it affected me. I never thought about how it affected me. I never thought about how it affected them. So of course, that was probably an emotionally turbulent time. And I mean, we're through it and we have a great thing going now.

But those were probably really tough times for them as well. And I just never thought about that. And so anything they may have done while trying to work through that that has bothered me, that's not their fault. They were going through their own thing and they were still really young. I mean, they were like, what, mid-30s? Maybe, or like, they were young.

That's only like 15 years older than me and that's not that much. I mean, it is, but it's not you know and so I finally forgiven them for things you know and like stop holding them to such a crazy standard and if they like do something that upsets me like I am a lot more understanding now and I'm like you know what like I'm gonna give them room to you to learn and grow just like they have done for me as their child, but I also need to give them that space. You know what I'm saying? And

that opportunity, because they're growing every day just like I am, you know? And I just think that's something really interesting that I've never thought about. I just think it's important to do your best to be forgiving with your parents. I mean, obviously when it's necessary, there's obviously situations where like there's, you know, where it's a larger problem, but I'm talking about things that are more harmless, not invalidating anyone's feelings, including my own, because even some things that are technically harmless, they still have caused me some upset that has

lasted me some time. And so like I'm not invalidating that, but I'm just saying that coming to terms of those things and learning how to forgive, especially like with parents, is really important if it's possible and having that conversation with them. This episode is brought to you by Squarespace. Squarespace is more than a website builder. It's in all in one place to make an online space that's entirely your own. Their all-in-one platform allows you to customize everything from the fonts and color scheme to your domain name. All you have to do is choose from one

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first purchase of a website or domain. This episode is brought to you by State Farm. There's no instruction manual when it comes to being an adult. Sometimes I lay away get night rehashing something I said earlier that day or lay in bed at night thinking about what the future holds. I know I'm not the only one going through a lot of what ifs. Like what if I get into a fender bender or what if my home gets broken into. But state farm can help you with some of those big what ifs. They're available to answer your questions day or night. You can reach them 24 seven file a claim on the state farm mobile app or simply call your agent to ask what's on your mind.

Like a good neighbor, State Farm is there. Call or go to stateform.com for a quote today. Moving on, I think, speaking of parents, I want to talk about and give some advice if I can on how to have a better relationship with your parents when it comes to communication. I know the communication can be really tough with parents. And I've been really blessed in them. I have really great communication with my parents because number one, I'm just an open book

with pretty much everybody. I mean, anybody who's really close to me in my life knows that I do not shut up about everything. And I'm a pretty open book. Like I'll talk about just about, there's very few things I won't talk about. But some people don't feel comfortable doing that, and that's super normal,

but I wanna try to give some advice on how to learn to communicate more with your parents. I think that a lot of parents are actually uncomfortable with the thought of communicating with their child themselves. Like I think that a lot of parents actually are terrified of that, and uncomfortable by that, which is interesting to me, but I think that with everything in life that's uncomfortable, it won't be uncomfortable forever. You just have to push through the uncomfortable times.

I think that making it a priority in your day to day life, especially when you live at home, to be telling your parents about how your day actually was and talking about things in your life that you're interested in that you care about with your parents, instead of just being like, yeah, mom, my day was good. And then walking upstairs and like not talking to your parents instead of just being like, yeah, mom, my day was good. And then walking upstairs and like, not talking to your parents for the rest of the day, making that effort to talk to your parents

and have conversations with them, even if it's uncomfortable, and not just dismissing that is something that's not important. Having a close relationship with your parents, if possible, is something that's important. And if the only issue with it is that it's uncomfortable, that's something that can be worked through.

But you just have to make it a priority to have those conversations that are uncomfortable, you know, and to tell your parents things that you don't want to tell them sometimes. And let's say you're afraid of judgment, right? You're afraid of your parents judging you about something, but you want to tell them. This is what I would do. I would say you tell your parents about whatever you're afraid of being judged on. And then if they start to judge you and you sense that, be like, listen, I would really

appreciate it if I could talk to you and communicate with you with no judgment because I want to have a close relationship with you and I want to feel safe to be able to tell you anything and everything that I'm doing and that I care about and that I'm thinking. But if you are gonna be judging me, then I don't feel safe to do that. And that's not what I want. Like I want to feel safe to do that.

So I'd really appreciate it if you could give me advice or criticism that's constructive in a way that's non-judgmental, because I don't think I'm gonna feel safe to tell you these things moving forward if I'm just going to be judged for it. And honestly, I can guarantee if you told a parent that, they would be like, oh shit, they're right.

That's not right. I mean, obviously every situation is different, but you know, I think for a lot of people that would really change the dynamic. I really do. Having a good relationship with the adults in your life takes practice. It's not gonna come overnight. You're not gonna wake up one day and it's like not gonna be weird talking to your family about like, you know, the drama going on at school or like who you have a crush on or, you know, whatever. But here's the thing that I think is so special about it. If you can find a way to have a very open communication with your parents, it's going to help with the trust and the freedom that you'll have. Because I think a big reason why a lot of parents are really protective or really controlling of their kids

is because they feel like they don't know what's going on in their kids' lives. They feel out of control. They're like, I don't even know my kid. So fuck no, I'm not gonna let my kid sleep over at Jeremy's house, because I don't even know who Jeremy is for one. And for two, I don't trust my kid because I don't even know who Jeremy is for one and for two, I don't

trust my kid because I don't have that relationship with my kid. So how am I supposed to trust my child to not do something stupid if I don't even know who they are? If you can build a relationship where there's honesty and trust, it's going to be so much healthier and so much less controlling. But that has to form through practice. And it's not going to happen overnight. But that's the benefit of growing that relationship.

The whole thing is just going to be so much healthier. And you're going to have a lot more fun because you're going to be able to have sleep over. Like I know some parents are really strict, and we'll let their kids have sleepovers. You might gain that privilege of being able to have sleepovers if you gain that trust with your parents because they're going to trust that you are not lying to them or that you are going to be smart and that you're not going to go do some dumb shit, right?

They're going to have that trust in you. And also being honest about, sorry, also being honest about what you're doing. You know what I mean? Being transparent, being like, listen, I'm going to this birthday party and like there's gonna be boys there or there's gonna be girls there, like whatever, if like your parents are protective about that stuff.

Like being transparent, but being like, listen, I'm not gonna do anything stupid, whatever. Being transparent and honest, and then proving that to them, right? So let's say, okay, wait, let's say you're going to a party and there's gonna be alcohol there, and you're like, hey, I'm going to a party and there's gonna be alcohol there and you're like Hey, I'm going to this party. There's gonna be alcohol there. I'm not gonna participate I just wanted to let you know. I'll be home at this time. Is that okay?

They're like, eh, we don't know like we don't want you to get into something you're like Trust me. I'm gonna prove it to you that I'm not gonna participate You go to the party, you don't participate, you come home and you're clearly, you clearly didn't participate. Now you have a little token of trust in your parents because you prove to them that you keep your word, okay? Now they're going to be like, okay, well next time our baby wants to go do a party, we now trust that they aren't going to do something stupid because they have proven to us that they don't do that.

You know what I'm saying? And that we can trust them and that we can rely on their word. Just something, there's something to be said for that for sure. I think we're done with parents for now. I mean, I definitely got some questions about it, but I kind of want to talk about relationships with adults in like other settings. I think school is a great example. Teachers and authority figures in that way can be a real, it can be a tough one.

I know for me, I had kind of a tough time dealing with my teachers because I felt like they have this power trip going on sometimes that was like, they would actually end up making them really disrespectful in a way that wasn't fair. And I know that it's like kind of a little bit controversial to be like, to be holding adults accountable for being assholes.

But I mean, there's something to be said for it. Like teachers and adults and stuff get away with being assholes because they're adults in your kid. But if you feel like you're being disrespected by an adult and you're a kid, stand up for yourself. Okay, if you're at school, like I remember I had this one teacher that like was so fucking rude to me and would just like, single me out in class and like kind of bully me a little bit. And I remember one time I like clapped back and I was like, why do you single me out?

I don't exactly remember the story because I feel like it was kind of traumatizing borderline for me and I literally blocked it out of my memory, but I kind of put them in their place for, you know, singling me out. And I know that you're not supposed to do that and you're not supposed to talk back to a teacher, blah, blah. But if you're being disrespected, like, by anyone,

communicating that respectfully and being like, hey, you're like kind of singly me out here and kind of hurting my feelings. This is kind of not fair. Even though they're an adult, you still absolutely have the right to communicate that. And if they don't respect that, they're assholes. But I can guarantee that that's something a teacher

would go home and be like, damn, I think you would take a very, a very mean person and adult to like not take something from that and take, you know, learn a lesson from that type of confrontation. This episode is brought to you by LiquidIV. LiquidIV believes everybody needs hydration every day. It's not just for athletes or that one time you try to hot yoga class. Staying hydrated is essential, whether you're just taking a stroll through your neighborhood, traveling or slogging through back-to-back meetings. And with just one stick of LiquidIV's hydration multiplier,

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Like, I never really think that anybody should act a certain way. I feel like you should feel free to act exactly how you act. And you don't need to put on a front. I think that things become cringey when people aren't being themselves. I've noticed that, actually, a lot. I've seen that a lot. Even on TikTok, for example, if somebody's clearly acting, you can tell when somebody's not being themselves, okay?

And maybe they're trying to be funny, or they're trying to be loud and outgoing, but you can kind of tell that there's a missing piece. It doesn't really feel genuine. It is cringy a little bit, because you're like, this person's not being themselves and it's showing. And I think that that's why like maybe you acting mature

may make you cringe a little bit because you're not being yourself. So don't, you don't need to act mature, just act like yourself. If anything, that is more mature than acting mature. Because acting like you're something else is not, that's not the right idea, you know what I mean. So just be yourself.

Okay, next, somebody asks how to talk to your parents about your relationships with your significant others when they aren't supportive of them. When you say not supportive, I mean, there's a lot of ways, I mean, I know some parents are like against dating in some parents just don't like it's people's significant others. I mean, both of those are common.

I'm gonna touch on both. So if your parents aren't okay with dating, this is a tough one because I feel like when you're living under your parents' roof, there's like a fine line. Like obviously, you deserve to experience those things at a young age and I don't think that there's anything, I personally don't think there's anything wrong with dating when you're really young. I mean, I had my first boyfriend in fifth grade and I didn't

learn anything from it but it's a funny memory. Like fucking getting him like Valentine's day gifts and like being nervous like give it to him and giving it to his friend to give to him like amazing story but like I mean didn't learn anything from it. I don't think that it's harmful but some parents do, and when you're living under their roof, there are certain things that you need to respect, I guess. But, I also think that you could, it never hurts to try to have a conversation

and to be like, hey, let's try to find a happy medium here. Like, what are your guys' concerns? Why don't you guys want me to date? And can we find a way where I really like this guy and I really want to date him. Can we find a way where I can date him, but you guys will be happy with it, whether it's promising, you know, fucking not to have sex or something, or promising like, have I ever said the word sex on the internet? Wait, I'm scared. Oh my god, I'm a big kid now. But maybe scared. That maybe scared.

Anyway, whether it's like promising like, you know, not to like do X, Y and Z or like, you Z or even if they're like, you can date him but you can't kiss him, like whatever, things like that. Find a happy medium. When it comes to your parents not being supportive of somebody you're dating because they don't like them, I think that this is again another conversation

that needs to be had where you're just like, listen, I know that you don't like this person, but I am in love with them. And I'd really appreciate it if you could just be kind of a soundboard for me to vent off of, like, let me vent to you and give me advice regardless and like, you know, I'm not probably gonna, I don't know how long I'm gonna be with this person, but like right now I really like them

and I can't really turn that feeling off. So let's just agree to disagree on this and I'd really appreciate like if you could still, you know, maybe not be, even if you're not supportive of the relationship, you can be supportive of me by giving me advice and you know, being a be supportive of me by giving me advice and, you know, being a support system for me, getting, like, being with this person in general, you know what I mean?

And I think communication is just key with all of this. Just being like, listen, this is how I feel and I can't change it. So sorry about it, but also, is not my fault. Because you can't control your feelings. I mean, I think people forget that too sometimes. Like, people also, you know, I think adults can sometimes

kind of invalidate young people's feelings when it comes to like love and stuff, because they're like, God, you haven't even been in love before. You don't even know what that's like. You're not even in a real relationship. You're, you know, crushed on this guy is dumb.

You're not even gonna care about them in a year. But those feelings are still very real and I do think adults kind of forget that. So I think reminding adults like, hey, like, this is a real heavy feeling that I have. Like being in love with somebody, you're having a crush on somebody is fucking heavy. That shit is like ways on your chest when you're trying to fall asleep. Like it is a lot.

It's very emotional. And I think reminding them that being like, I know that I'm young and I know that this may seem insignificant to you because you know that there's a bigger picture and I'm probably not gonna be with this person forever. It doesn't matter because right now, this is how I feel about this person. There's nothing I can do about it. And you know how heavy that feeling is. You obviously felt that heavy about somebody

that you married them and now you had me. So, you know, not that that's always how, you know, that's not always how the situation is, but just, you know, not that that's always how, you know, that's not always how the situation is, but just, you know, stereotypically. But yeah, I mean, I think just reminding them that your feelings are valid. Okay, somebody asked, how do I tell an adult something uncomfortable or comfort with something bad that has happened to me?

In parentheses, I love you. Love you so much. The thing is, it's like ripping off a bandaid. It's gonna be uncomfortable, and you know, you kind of just have to swallow that pill and be like, okay, you know what? I know that this is gonna be uncomfortable, but this needs to be discussed.

And honestly, I can guarantee that once the conversation starts and you kind of get into it, the awkwardness usually will disappear and the uncomfortableness will usually disappear. I mean, I've had things that have even made me, I mean, I'm pretty close with my parents and even I still have things where I'll come to them and tell them and it makes me uncomfortable sometimes, you know, like bad things that have happened to me and sometimes they're emotional and I start bawling my eyes out and like sometimes, you know, whatever.

And it's uncomfortable, but the thing is, is that once you get it off your chest, you're gonna feel so much better. Think about that feeling. Think about how good it's gonna feel to get that shit off your chest, you know? And think about how good it's going to feel to get that shit off your chest, you know? And think about how good it's going to feel to hopefully get that support from your parents that you deserve.

The chance that you could connect with your parents over that uncomfortable or that upsetting thing, that's enough to make it worth it to try. Think about what you're going to say, plan it out, or just wing it. And like, I mean, both options, I mean, I think sometimes planning out what you're gonna say can kinda psych you out a little bit. But I also think that if you're kind of, your brains and chambles, like write something out

and kinda just look at it on paper and realize, okay, this is gonna be okay. You know what I mean? You have one life and Communication and human connection is one of the most important things that you're gonna experience Even if it's uncomfortable, it's always worth it to try So just rip off the damn bandaid Next How do I talk to my parents about mental health issues?

I feel like it wasn't as normalized back then, and I feel awkward talking to my mom about it. I love you. I think that actually a lot of adults are starting to learn. I agree. I think that mental health problems, it was not discussed. I think that a lot of our parents never even considered having those conversations with their parents. And also, I think a lot of our parents dealt with mental health issues,

but it wasn't as talked about, so they didn't even really know what they were dealing with. At the time, it was almost like, okay, I feel really sad every day, but I don't really know what this is. And so I just guess I'm gonna get over it, which has probably caused them some mental problems that they have to deal with to this day who knows. But I think that explaining it to the best of your ability and being like, listen, I've done some research.

I've kind of figured out that I may be struggling with X, Y, and Z, whatever that may be. Let's say it's depression. I've done some research and I think that I may be depressed and I don't want to live like this. It's uncomfortable for me. It makes my day-to-day life very difficult and I need support from you and help from you so that I can get through this and hopefully get rid of this or find ways to manage this better.

But I need your support and I need your help. And I also think that if your parents are really uneducated on the subject, send them some resources, send them some links to some videos that explain it. Send them, you know, an article, find something that you feel like encapsulates what you're dealing with and send that to them and let them do their research on their own, you know what I mean? And kind of learn about it from a source that maybe can explain it to them in a way that makes sense, rather

than, you know, it's hard to explain mental health problems yourself, you know. So use the internet, use the resources that are out there. There's so many. And explain that to them. I really think that that will solve all the problems. But I also know that some parents are like, nah, you're fine, you're fine, you're fine. When you're not, some of those parents like to invalidate, you know, and be like,

ah, you're fine. You're just being dramatic. I know that there's a lot of parents that do that. And that's especially a time to be like, listen, I'm struggling. And I had the courage to come to you and tell you about it. And for you to invalidate that feeling is extremely hard for me because I'm already dealing with

this on a day to day basis and I may be covering it well, but deep down, like I'm really hurting. And as my parent, like I would really hope that you would believe me and that you could help me get through this. You can also be like, why are the fuck would I be lying about this? Like this is, I don't want to have to bring this up. This is uncomfortable for me, but I'm desperate and I need help. And I think that confronting your parents on invalidating those feelings and not just letting them do it,

we'll hopefully get them to rethink. How do you talk to your parents when you guys have different beliefs? This is something that I feel is super important right now because I know that there's a lot of kids are starting to learn about things like politics or whatever, things like that. And that can cause some tension in households because not everybody's going to agree on those things. There are some things that are really I think I remember somebody always told or like it always used to be a saying like That like I think it was politics religion and like one other thing We'll always cause an argument Within like you know a com like usually within conversations like they're just things that

Sometimes you just have to agree to disagree on because people are really, you know, people aren't, people believe what they believe in, you know, some people aren't going to, they can't understand your point of view or, you know, and they're really passionate about it. Those are things that people are very emotional and very passionate about. And that's something you need to remember. But I also think that there's

and I've talked about this in a different episode. You can do your best to explain your point of view to your parents and explain where you're coming from and explain what you believe in to your parents. And they might not agree. And you might feel as though it's your responsibility to convince them or to change their mind. But I hate to say it, but it's not always going to work. You know what I mean? But that's okay.

You don't need to have the same views as your parents or the same opinions on things as your parents or as anybody else for that matter and It's about respecting one another and the way that they think You can't do anything about it. You can't change as somebody's gonna think about things. You can try but I mean the best you can do is you know Share what you believe and if they don't agree, then that's a conversation that maybe you guys shouldn't be having. I think that you don't have to talk about the things that you disagree on. You know what I mean?

Like, those topics can be ignored or not ignored, but those conversations can be avoided. I think that when it comes to relationships with parents, those are, you know, that's an important relationship. And so if you have differing views, agreeing to disagree respectfully is the best way to deal with it. Because it's not like you can just you shouldn't not Respect somebody because they don't have the same views as you or the same opinions as you

It's about finding a happy medium and agreeing to disagree, but that has to come from both sides So both you and your parents both need to agree to disagree that you're going to respect the other's opinion And just not talk about it anymore. Because if you guys are both stuck in your ways, the conversation is never going to get anywhere. You guys are both just going to be fighting with each other about trying to prove that the other is wrong and it will just be an endless nightmare of a cycle. So instead, don't talk about those things

and talk about other stuff that you guys agree on and that you guys can bond over. And I think that's gonna be really helpful and a lot healthier as well. Okay, next. Hey, am I know you have divorced parents. I was wondering if you ever felt that you drifted with one of them and then now you've reformed the connection.

For sure, I think that throughout my growing up process, I've kind of like, I think my relationship with my, my relationship with my parents, each individually has had its own like fluctuations and its own struggles. I know at one point, I was, you know, my mom and I, I was in kind of like a moody teen phase, and my mom was, you know, had her own struggles, and so, you know, us together was just a fucking explosive mess. And we would argue quite frequently, and I kind of resented my mom because, you know, we would argue with butt heads because, you know,

she wanted the apartment a certain way. And I wanted to do this my way. And she, and we just didn't respect each other, I think. And we weren't like open-minded. And we didn't want to listen to the other person. And I think that that caused us a lot of tension. I also think it's normal between mothers and daughters to, you know, have that attitude with one another.

And I think that we both, both of us, not just me. I think we both grown through that and learn to communicate with one another and respect one another in a way that we wouldn't have otherwise without having that little time of tension, you know, but that now my mom and I are closer than ever. You know what I mean? And if one of us starts to kind of behave in that way, we'll put each other and check and be like, Hey, you're kind of, you know, you're being a little defensive or you're being kind of argumentative, check yourself. You know what I mean? We do that to each other. And so, you know, it's kind of like we have this little checks and balances thing going.

And now we don't really have that problem anymore and we have a great relationship. Those types of fluctuations in parent-child relationships are so normal. Next question. How do you make it less weird in awkward when meeting your Bayes parents? This is awkward. Always, it's always a little awkward. But I think just being like, you know,

showing enthusiasm about meeting them and being like, you know, oh my God, I'm so excited to meet you. I, you know, this is like, you know, you have an amazing child and, you know, I'm just so glad I get to meet you, whatever being enthusiastic about meeting them, but also trying to start a conversation with them and, you know, trying to bond with them, I think really helps because the sooner that you get over that awkward hump and you guys kind of talk about whatever, like that's when things settle down

and it's not uncomfortable anymore. Trying to start a conversation about something that you guys haven't common, I think we'll just really get all the jitters out. Next, somebody asked me how to tell your parents no without them grounding you. I think that a huge reason why parents get really angry is about how kids tend to communicate with them.

Okay, it's all about the way that you communicate something. If you start to raise your voice, if you start to get angry, if you start screaming, if you have an attitude, that's when your parents are gonna ground you. If your respectful, calm, composed, thoughtful about the way that you communicate things, that is key. I can tell you, I used to be a little bitch sometimes, and I'd fucking yell at my parents and be an asshole. And then it would just cause an argument, and then I'd just get in trouble.

But once I started to realize, oh my God, if I treat my parents with respect and I communicate with them respectfully and I don't raise my voice and I'm nice and I'm like, and I'm composed, like there's so much more open-minded to whatever I'm talking about. If I'm like either agreeing to disagree with them

on something or I'm asking them something or I'm telling them no or whatever, it's all about the delivery. Somebody asks, how to get them to understand the disagreeing with something that they think is not disrespecting them. I think again, that's all about delivery and being like, listen, I respect you and I respect your opinion and I respect your beliefs, but I also have different ones. And that has nothing to do with how I,

with my respect for you, but we're gonna have to agree to disagree on this, but I still respect you and I respect your opinion. And not like fighting them on it, it right because then that's gonna seem disrespectful But more just being like listen, I think that we're gonna need to agree to disagree on this one Next somebody's it how to talk to them and make them see that you're not a kid anymore. I think talking to them about responsibilities and talking to them about responsibilities and talking to them about things that are maybe

more mature topics and having those important conversations with your parents about new responsibilities that you're gaining as you're growing up, whether that's going to college and moving out or getting a job or whatever. Talking to your parents about those things, I think help take it to the next level because I think that it shows that you are growing up and it kind of clicks in their brain, like, oh shit, wow. You know, so and so is getting their first job, like, okay, you know, they're becoming an adult, whatever. And also, I think communicating with them in a a like calm and nonchalant way is

also a great way to show your parents that you're growing up and not being disrespectful or rude. I think that being respectful and being polite shows maturity more than anything. God I'm getting tired. It's one in the morning. It's like the latest I've been up and forever. I'm like kind of losing my mind. Next, somebody says, hi, Emma. I've always been the youngest of the friend group and the family same. I've always been at least one of the youngest.

I'm not a little girl anymore, but my family tends to treat me that way. How do I stop that? I think that it's really tough because you can't really like control that, right? I've always been the same way. I'm the youngest one of my friend group. I'm like one of the younger people in my family. I'm like the third youngest in my whole family out of like both sides.

Youngest on my mom's side, third youngest on my dad's. I think that it's just over time. They're going to start to realize like it'll all kind of the age thing kind of evens out at a certain point. Like I remember when I was younger, like around 17, like I was friends with kids that were older than me, like more around 20. And like, you know, I didn't have like, I was an 18 years old. So like, I needed a fucking parents permission to do anything, which is like funny to think about now. But, you know, I was the baby of the group and it was kind of annoying because everybody like didn't take me very seriously and whatever. But now I'm 19, a few years later,

and I feel like that's kind of all disappeared. I feel like everybody kind of, now I'm friends with people who are fucking 10 years older than me, and it feels like normal, because I just have adapted to like being friends with people that are older than me, and like, they've gotten used to it, and now I'm not the baby anymore,

because I've proven that I can fucking keep up, you know what I mean, over time. And now they don't really think about that shit anymore, but it's about like showing that you can keep up and I guess that's a hard one to answer because I feel like people always wanna do that. Somebody asked me if adults scare me. No.

You know, it's actually really interesting because I've... Always like... Not. I've never really... I mean, of course, sometimes adults intimidate me as do fucking kids too. Like, some people are just intimidating in general. So, I'm not saying I'm not intimidated by anybody, but there are definitely... I definitely am not that intimidated by adults.

I think it's because my parents raised me in a way where they never treated me really like a baby, which I'm really lucky. For that, I'm grateful for that. They always held me to a really high standard and they never babyed me. So, I kind of always just like felt like I fit in with adults even when I was a kid because my I fit in my parents made me

feel like I fit in with them and that they weren't they were talking to me like I was an adult in a sense they weren't talking down to me or anything like that. So I felt like I had that confidence to keep up with the adults, whatever. But I think that, you know, if you don't have that feeling of comfort, it's again, it's a practicing and just realizing like, they're not judging. They're like at a different stage in their life where like they actually care about shit a lot less than kids do And if anything I think other kids are more intimidating than adults adults don't give a fuck. They're like over that

Most of them are like over the whole judgmental stage like they're not judging you some of them are and I'm not saying They're not but most adults are like actually kind of over that and they're just kind of chilled out so Who cares about what they think you know what I mean? Well, not that. That's not necessarily true. I was like, who cares what they think? But don't be intimidated by them. Like, they're probably not looking down at you. And if they are, they're fucking asshole. So, somebody said, I have terrible social anxiety, especially when socializing with adults. I struggle with ordering food on the phone, talking to my doctors, literally, if you're older than me, I'm scared. How can I call my nerves when needing to talk to adults so I can

properly communicate with them? This is tough because I think that like, this is something that's super normal, but I think that it's like putting yourself in those uncomfortable situations. Instead of being like, Hey, mom and dad, can you guys call my doctor for me? No. Be like, you know what? I'm going to fucking do it. It's all about facing that fear and getting it over with and realizing, oh wait, that

was not bad at all. Like nothing bad happened from that. And I think that when you push yourself through those uncomfortable situations enough times, you will just realize that it's really not that bad because it isn't. And they're not judging you most of the time. And they're not even thinking twice about it.

You're thinking twice about it. They don't care. People are super concerned with themselves. They're not concerned with what other people are doing. They might be a little bit, but like barely, you know what I mean? They don't really care. People are concerned about how they look

and how they sound. They're not as worried about you. So don't ever try not to worry about that. Somebody said, what are your thoughts on the phrase mother knows best? Do you think that adults always know what's best? How do you explain to adults that what they think is in your best interest may not actually be in your best interest? I do think that, you know, there is something to be said for the wisdom that adults have

and for the experience that they have in life. But that doesn't mean that they're not always right and they definitely don't always know best. There's definitely still things that adults don't know everything about. Nobody knows everything about everything. You know, I think that you should definitely give your parents or you know, your authority figures are people who are older

than you, the chance to like, God, my earring is stuck in my fucking ear. I think it's infected. Ow, fuck. Oh my God, this is not good. There's a pus coming out of me. Ew, and blood is disgusting. I think there's something to be said for giving

your elders a chance to like give you advice because there's a good chance that they do know what they're talking about, but I do think that there's some scenarios where they don't. And I think that maybe asking more adults for more opinions and seeing if like everybody has a similar adults for more opinions and seeing if like everybody has a similar response and not just listening to like one adult, maybe like looking it up on the internet, like seeing what you can find, like going elsewhere and being like, okay, let's check the credibility of this fucking advice. Um, I don't feel good about it. I want to see what everybody else is saying.

And also thinking for yourself too, you know what I mean? At the end of the day, it's your life and these are decisions that you're making. And so don't worry about trying things out. I mean, as long as it's harmless, don't worry about trying things out that let yourself make your own decisions as well. But I also think that parents do have good advice a lot of the times and they do know what they're talking about.

So, and sometimes they're advised you might not even make sense in the moment, but down the line it will, regardless, at the end of the day, you're going to make your decision for yourself. Follow your gut. Do what you think is right. Somebody said, I get really sensitive when I'm arguing with my parents.

How can I avoid that? There's nothing wrong with being sensitive and vulnerable with your parents. I think that's really normal and I think you should let yourself feel those feelings. But I also think that with practice, you can learn to take what your parents say with a grain of salt. You know what I mean? And if they say something that's hurtful, you can learn to be like your parents say with a grain of salt. You know what I mean? And if they say something that's hurtful, you can learn to be like, okay, I know that they're my parents and that this stings a little bit worse than normal.

But I'm going to take this with a grain of salt and not take it too personally. They might just be angry in the moment and being impulsive and saying something that they don't mean or saying something that hurts my feelings, I'm gonna confront them on this and try not to get too emotional, you know what I mean? But I also think that there's, you know, crying and being sensitive, it's like, that's part of being a human being.

It's pretty hard to avoid. All right, last question. How do I start to talk to my strict parents about growing up, so as being more responsible, whenever time I do, they shout at me and cry. This is another conversation that needs to be had. Wow, Emma just like, all she does is just tell you guys to fucking communicate, but I think it is underrated advice

because communication is absolutely key. I think that the parent, I think parents biggest fear is that, you know, their baby is growing up and that they're going to lose their baby, right? And that you're going to not care about them anymore or something or you're not going to like check in with them anymore and that, you know, they're going to lose you in a sense. I think that reminding your parents, like, hey, just because I'm growing up and just because I'm becoming independent, doesn't mean I don't need you

and doesn't mean that I don't love you and doesn't mean that I don't appreciate you, X, Y, and Z. Like, that is not the case. I'm just blossoming and like, this is an amazing thing but I still need you and I still appreciate everything that you do for me, but this is a normal part of life and I'm really excited and I want you to be excited with me and I think that they would be like,

you know what, you're fucking right. And on that note, I'm exhausted. I don't think I'm ever gonna record at this hour again. If you could see me right now, my eyes are all swollen shut, like I literally look like shit, but I'm starving. So I'm gonna go make myself a weird 1am shredded cheese on top of a piece of bread type meal with like a frozen fruit on the side, because that's all that is available right now, or at least all I have the energy to make at this time.

I hope that this was helpful. Dealing with adults is a very like case by case thing, or it's like really like, you know, it's, there's so many different things that we have to deal with when it comes to dealing with adults as kids or as like young adults. But I think the communication is key and that practice makes perfect and push

through that uncomfortable shit. And you got this. I love you all so much. I'm here for you all. If you guys want to ask me questions or tweet me topics that you want me to talk about, the Twitter is at AG podcast. Don't forget to rate and review and subscribe on Apple podcast, Spotify, anywhere you get your podcasts I for always forget to say that because I kind of hate to say it but like also I really appreciate it if you do and You guys are also awesome and perfect. I'm going to bed. Peace out y'all