anything goes with emma chamberlain - first kiss story

Episode Date: September 3, 2020

For some of us, our first kiss was cute and fun. Emma’s experience was… a bit different. That, and so many more embarrassing stories: awkward dates, uncomfortable interactions with celebrities, and of course, accidental farts. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Hey guys, welcome back to anything goes. It's me, Emma, God, Declan's crawling all over me. This is why I lock you out of the room when I record because you're really cute, but really fucking annoying. So get off of me. Thank you. Okay. Anyway. So a few episodes ago, I like teased that there was this embarrassing story that I wanted to tell, but I like kind of wanted to make a whole episode about it, or like at least a decent portion of an episode about it, like basically dedicated an episode to it. And it's my first kiss story. Listen, I've been putting this off forever, forever. I remember when I did a Q&A once, like one of the first videos I made on my channel,

it was a long-ass time ago. I like, one of the questions that I got asked for the video because it was a Q&A was like, tell your first-kiss story and I like, made up a joke or whatever and like said I'd never kiss somebody or something, whatever. And I've been waiting until it was very far behind me before I could like talk about it, because it's just like, it's kind of fucking funny. Like, it's funny to me now. But it was like a crazy emotional roller coaster.

And I just want to like talk about it and like tell you the whole story and whatever. And we can laugh together, we can cry together, whatever. And then, you know, see where it takes us, okay? So I'm gonna take you back to freshman year. For some context, I was a late bloomer, didn't go through puberty until I was 16. Very short, looked very young,

kind of unfortunate looking looking to be honest. Really like not sure who I was. Didn't really have a solid backbone. Like was kind of just all over the place. Kind of a mess. And I was really just trying to find my identity. And I was really just trying to find my identity. Like I don't think that I had a firm thought or belief about who I was.

Like I don't think I knew who I was. And I was always trying to be cool and like fit in and all of that dumb stuff. And like that was my main priority. And so the fact that I had not had my first kiss was very embarrassing because everybody else was dating boys, kissing boys, whatever, and I was not there, all of my friends.

They all had boyfriends or I could have had their first kiss and all of that, and I was very left out. Some of them hadn't, but most of them had. And so I was behind, it felt like. So it's a New Year's Eve party and I went to an all-girl school so we went to a party that one of the guys through that went to the all-boys school because there's all-girls school and all-boys school and they like do events together whatever. So one of the boys from the all-boys school through a party and I was invited. And I remember I show up and I need a bunch of people

that I'd never met. And I remember somebody was like, have you ever had your first kiss and I was like, no. And they were like, oh, you should kiss blank. We're gonna call him James. His name was not James, but I'm just gonna call him James. His name is not James, but I'm just gonna call him James because that's easier.

They're like, you should kiss James. And I was like, well, I've never met James. Like, I just met James tonight. Like, I don't think I should kiss him. And they're like, no, no, no, let me set this up. Let me set this up. And I was like, oh my God, no, no, no, no, no, no, no. I was like, oh my god, no, no, no, no, no, no, no.

It's like 8 p.m. at this point. Everybody's like socializing, having fun. Like everybody's flirting with each other and I'm just this timid little freshman that just like didn't know what the fuck was going on. I was so scared of boys at this point. Like boys to me were so foreign. Like, I didn't know anything about boys. Like, I was such like a mystery to me

and like, they scared the shit out of me at that point and I was so intimidated not to mention, according to my friends, this kid James, like, has kissed a lot of girls. So I was like, this is super scary to me. Like, I don't wanna do this. I'm not ready, whatever. And so, one of his guy friends came super scary to me. Like I don't wanna do this. I'm not ready, whatever.

And so one of his guy friends came back up to me and we were like, yeah, James would kiss you. And I was like, okay, like I don't know. I don't know if I wanna do that. I don't know, I don't know. I was freaked. And so I remember like 20 minutes go by, I like hide in the bathroom for probably

at least 10 of those minutes. And then for the other 10, I'm like out walking around just trying to like avoid him. And then eventually he's like, uh, come outside with me. And I was like, no, I'm 15 at this point, but I literally looked 10. So you have to like think about where my self esteem was at. I looked a decade younger than everyone else at this party, even though I was in the same grade. Like, it was, I felt so small and so weak compared to everybody

because I felt like a weak link because I went through puberty so late. And so I just like always had that in the back of my head that I felt younger than everybody else or something because I was so underdeveloped. And it really got of my head that like I felt younger than everybody else or something because I was so underdeveloped. And like it really got to my head. And it always made me feel like guys didn't like me and stuff like that, which was true, but whatever.

So we go outside and he's like, sit on my lap. And I was like, okay, so I like sit down on, this is TMI now. I kiss him, he kisses me, I was cool with it, I was like whatever, I'm like shaking the whole time, like shaking, not to mention 60 degrees outside, very cold, I hated the experience. I remember the first thing I thought I was like,

this feels like too cold, feels like a slug touching my mouth, like I hate this, I never wanna do this again. Like I hate this. I never want to do this again. Like I hate this. I hate this and I felt like weirdly guilty and like dirty about it afterwards. But then he was like, let's actually go into this other room. So we go into like this other room

and like he was like talking to me and then this is when chicken's embarrassing and this is when I'm not sure if the story can go on the internet. So we're, you know, we're doing our thing, whatever. Very PG, nothing crazy or anything. Obviously I was fucking 15 and like scared of literally being within 10 feet of a boy.

It was very innocent, but like very still weird to me. And this story will haunt me for the rest of my life. Declan, fucking stop. You're making loud sounds in the back of my first kiss story. That's literally only gonna last like five minutes of this podcast, which stresses me out because I thought that I was gonna be able to drag this one on and apparently I won't.

So I'm getting old stressed out. Declan, get the fuck out of my way. Anyways. And he touches my butt for like a second. And it startled me. And I fucking laugh. And he looks at me like I fucking killed his entire family. And he's like, what?

And I was like, oh, I don't know. It just tickled me. I said it tickled me. Ah. Ah. Ah. Ah. Ah.

Ah. Ah. He was like, you know what? I'm crying literally. My eyes are watering. I'm wearing makeup right now. My fucking makeup's running out my face. He was like, what happened?

And I said it tickled me. Oh. My God. Immediately after that, he literally left the room. I think, I can barely remember this. It was all a blur, because I was so anxious about the whole thing that I kind of blocked it out of my memory, but I do know that that is exactly what I said.

And I am so fucking mortified. Oh my god. Okay, so let's fast forward. So we exit the room, whatever, everything's fine. I'm feeling disgusting at this point. I feel dirty. I feel like I just did a bad thing, I feel bad about myself, I feel like really shitty. And I also realize like, okay,

I don't really actually have feelings for this guy. I don't even know him. Like, this feels really wrong to me. I never want to kiss this kid again or at least not for a very long time because I don't know him like that, and I feel like I just did something that was like not good. So I was feeling this terrible guilty feeling, and mind you, it was a New Year's Eve party. So at midnight, everybody was going to have their New Year's kiss, okay?

And I'm just like praying that he didn't want to do that with me, because I'm like, listen, buddy, boy. I don't think either of us had a good time. So, is this really what we want to do? Yeah, I was like, hopefully this kid doesn't want that. So a few hours pass and then it gets closer to midnight. And one of his friends comes up to me and says, James wants you to be his

New Year's kiss. And I'm like, and I literally look to my friend and I'm like, no, I can't do that again. I feel really weird right now. I feel like a different human being. I feel like a different woman. I feel like I'm rebirthed and not in a good way. Like I cannot do this. And so I hide in the bathroom at midnight. And supposedly James was very upset about this, but I'm really sorry James, you know who you are. Your name's not really James. You're probably never gonna hear this.

We actually became really good friends after that. And it was always something that we laughed about, so all good there. But yeah, I didn't want to do it again. And then here's what's funny. Okay, great. I'm at her first kiss. ha ha ha whatever

Part of me is like relieved because I got it over with I know what it's like now next time I have to do that. It's gonna be fine whatever but the next day I Was a mess. My dad and I used to go on a hike all the time and we went on a hike together the next morning and I wouldn't talk and he was like, what's wrong?

And I was like, no, nothing, nothing, like whatever, nothing. And then he kept asking me and then I started crying and he was like, what's wrong? And I was like, I had my first kiss. And I started crying and he was like, what's wrong? And I was like, I had my first kiss. And I'm pretty sure he was like, why are you crying about it? And to be honest, it was so weird

because I felt like that was the first time I truly felt myself like growing up. And I felt like I had kind of levelled up in maturity from it and the feeling really really really fucking frightened me and I hated the feeling and so It made me break down. I like didn't feel like myself. I also felt like there is this like stigma in our society that Makes us believe that like when you grow up

and you start to do those types of things, it's like dirty or like bad or like gross or whatever. Like I don't know why that is. And for some people it's not that way, but like for me, I always felt like this weird dark energy around like kissing boys or kissing girls, whatever, I mean, depending on what you're into. Like, for me, like the thought of kissing a boy was like really like wrong almost.

It was like, oh my god, you're not supposed to be kissing people. Like, that's dirty. And like, that's such a bad way to look at, you know, being romantic with another person. Like that's not the right way to be looking at it. It's actually a really beautiful and special and important thing that us humans can do that obviously sometimes can be bad or a mistake

or sometimes it can be with somebody that you don't like whatever and like all of that. Like it's not always great, but when it's with somebody that you love or even with somebody that you just think is cool and like even if it's just a one time love, or even with somebody that you just think is cool, and even if it's just a one-time thing, sometimes these things can be so amazing and fun, and make you feel good and be like, just like a good experience.

But for me, I felt like extreme guilt. I almost felt like I was like, I felt bad for my parents almost for no reason, and they've never even remotely instilled something in my head that was like, oh, Emma, kissing boys is bad bad, Emma don't do that. Like, they never did that. So I don't know why I had this like mental block with it. Um, it made me feel really, really weird. And for really, like at least a mom after that, I felt like really bad about myself. I think the other problem was that I didn't really know that kid or like him. So like, that made me feel that too, because I was like, I just, my first kiss was with

somebody that I like didn't even know. And like, that's kind of shitty, you know what I mean? Luckily we became friends after that, so then it was like funny and fun. But like, you know, in the moment it seemed like the end of the world to me that I had kissed a guy that like I didn't really even know at all and that I had met that evening, like that was so not me. You know what I mean? And I think throughout our lives, we will do things that like didn't really even know at all and that I had met that evening. That was so not me. You know what I mean? And I think throughout our lives,

we will do things that don't feel like us, right? Especially with that. Sometimes if you go through a tough breakup, you might go and do shit that you regret. You might kiss a few people that you regret. You might get into a relationship that you'll regret. You sometimes you'll do shit like that that's not true to you and you'll realize that later.

That's all part of your growing, right? Like that's all part of growing, and that's really important, and it's really important not to feel guilty about that stuff, because I felt so guilty about kissing James, but yet there was nothing wrong with me kissing James. I agreed to it, I wanted to do it. I regretted it after,

because it made me feel weird, but that's okay, and we move forward and I have no regrets. That was a part of my past and I don't regret it anymore at all. And it was not even something I really regretted then and we just felt bad about it for whatever reason. And that's just so unnecessary. So I don't know.

I just think that that was such an interesting story. And kind of embarrassing and kind of embarrassing, kind of funny, whatever. If somebody ever grabs your butt and you're like, and then you start laughing on accident, just tell them that your butt is ticklish. That just also leads me into something else. Like I really don't know what it is about me,

but it's actually funny because a lot of people on the internet, I've seen people say this to me, they're like, I cannot picture Emma like dating someone or like being in a relationship and stuff like that. And it's so funny because since I was younger, I felt the same way about myself. There's something about me and my personality where like I just can't, it's, I don't really play the normal role in like a relationship like I'm very I don't feel like I'm

the normal person in a relationship because You know, I don't necessarily have the stereotypical like feminine like roles in relationships Which is like all just a stereotype and stupid but like I tend to be a lot less affectionate Sometimes and like I don't talk about to be a lot less affectionate sometimes. And I don't talk about my feelings a lot. Like I'll talk about my feelings about everything except for my feelings toward the person that I like or that I'm dating

or whatever, and that's something I'm learning. But I don't, I struggle with not being tough on the outside. And I think that normally stereotypically with a lot of relationships, it like that you see in movies and in shit like that. It's like, you know, the guy is like the one that has this tough skin and like whatever and doesn't want to be affectionate and shit like that,

even in real life the same way or whatever. But then with like girls, they're the ones that tend to be, you know, the ones that are all sappy and all of that. And like sometimes it's reversed, but that's always like in the movie, portrayed to be like rare and like different. And like for me, I tend to be not like that, like I don't fit that at all.

Like I'm somebody that like I'm kind of tried to put on this front and I have this tough shell on my outside and like that's not normal. And, or no, it is normal and it's fucking fine, but like, it's not the stereotypical, like, way that things work in movies and shit like that. And I think that that's why, like, me, like, kissing a boy was like weird

because I was like, I don't like like to be like sappy and vulnerable or like romantic at all. Like that just makes me feel weird and uncomfortable. And like, you know, like me accepting compliments has always been a struggle like shit like that. Like it just makes me so fucking uncomfortable. And so I think that's why me having my first kiss made me feel like that.

And so it's just so interesting. But whatever. Anyway, I have more things I wanna talk about, but I hope you enjoyed my first-case story and now onto the next thing that I want to discuss. This episode is brought to you by Squarespace. Squarespace is more than a website builder. It's in all in one place to make an online space

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when it comes to being an adult. Sometimes I lay away at night rehashing something I said earlier that day, you by state farm. There's no instruction manual when it comes to being an adult. Sometimes I lay away at night rehashing something I said earlier that day, or lay in bed at night thinking about what the future holds. I know I'm not the only one going through a lot of what ifs. Like what if I get into a fender bender? Or what if my home gets broken into? But state farm can help you with some of those big what-ifs. They're available to answer your questions day or night. You can reach them 24-7 file a claim on the State Farm mobile app or simply call your agent to ask what's on your mind. Like you good neighbor, State Farm is there. Call or go to State Farm.com for a quote today.

Okay, so here's the next thing I'm going to talk about. And it's the fact that I have absolutely no mental capacity to hang out with anyone right now. And it's funny because somebody the other day asked me, they were like, Emma, like, what do I do? If like I accidentally distance myself from my friends and then they all get their feeling sort kind of and then I want to be friends with them again once I'm feeling better. How do I reintroduce those friendships or whatever? Well, let me tell you, I'm kind of struggling with a similar thing right now because I had this whole, my last few weeks for me have been really crazy. Number one, anxiety through the roof. Don't know what's going on at all with that.

That's been really bad on and off. I mean, it's constantly bad on and off, to be honest. I think my anxiety gets really bad when things change in my life and stuff like that and things start to get crazy. There's so many different factors, but like, within the past few months, like I moved and I've met so many new people

and shit like that and a lot of that makes me freaked out. Like I very much need stability. So like, you know, when things start changing rapidly, like I get super anxious. So that's been one thing. Hi. Anyways, so that's been making you really anxious and just like overall general anxiety, super bad.

And then on top of that, like I've had a lot of like unfortunate things happening to me. Like for example, my plumbing broke, not to mention like I've had like, you know, there's been a lot of projects that I've been working on that have been moved around and stuff like that, which means my schedule's always TBD and shit, and so it's just super confusing. Basically, it's been really hard for me to hang out

with people that aren't the two people that I hang out with that are like my family. Like besides that, like I literally can't. And every time I do, I get really anxious. Or I'm like putting myself out in a sense where like I'm hanging out with people, but like neglecting something that's on my schedule, which is always bad, because that makes me really anxious as well. It's just been really hard for me to like be social outside of like my family and my

best best best friends that are basically my family. Besides that, I'm really struggling to like be around people and like find time for that. And I think the problem is that normally in the past, I would like clear my schedule for everybody. And you know, not prioritize myself and my schedule for everybody and not prioritize myself and my schedule and my work and all of that. And so I was constantly like putting myself out and not getting shit done

because I was always clearing my schedule for everyone else. What I've realized is, as painful and uncomfortable as it is to like kind of be unavailable to people at times, sometimes you have to do it. And I'm struggling right now, not to feel guilty about it. But what I've realized is that there's no reason to feel guilty about that. It is normal. Sometimes we need it. And if people take it personally, when you get your ship back together, you can explain to them what's going on. And the thing is, is that it starts to

pile up, right? You start to like realize, oh my god, like I haven't talked to this person in a while. Oh my god, I haven't responded to this person, like blah, blah, blah. And it just all pile up, right? You start to realize, oh my God, I haven't talked to this person in a while. Oh my God, I haven't responded to this person, blah, blah, blah. And it just all piles up, and I think especially right now, because the whole COVID situation is obviously in LA, it's pretty bad still, but in a lot of places, things are starting to open back up and you can see your friends again,

and school is starting and all that shit. And so there's more opportunity Tunities the fuck there's more opportunities to Be around people right now and I think we're all used to this like isolation and then now all of a sudden everybody wants to hang out again and for people who are like me that like are if he on socializing It's like really anxiety inducing and I mean if you guys are feeling the same way, I just want you to know like I'm feeling it too, you're not alone and it's tough because I have to warm up to being social.

I can't do it right away. I mean not to mention I've become a little bit more awkward since I've gotten out of quarantine and all that and started to see people again. I'm awkward. I've lost a lot of my social skills and I'm struggling to relearn them. And I knew that this would happen too. I used to be so outgoing and socially equipped in news because I was going to all these events all the time and I was constantly seeing people and all of that.

And so I got really good at having these, like, being comfortable in these social situations, but I feel like I've kind of taken a few steps back because of all of this and, you know, it's taking me a second to get back into it. And I feel bad sometimes because, you know, sometimes I can't hang out with people. And then in addition, like my weird things have been happening

in my life that have made it so that I don't have free time and unfortunate events. You know, me, my friend getting a fever and me being like, wait, are you sick or like whatever and then them not being sick and she'll like that but there's little things that are going on that make shit worse right now and make it harder to schedule everything. You know what I mean? And be around people that you haven't seen in a while. Like, or like my plumbing. Like I literally had to stay in a hotel for a few days.

And like I couldn't hang out with anybody during that because I was trying to work for my hotel. And it was like this whole chaotic mess. But so that's not even me, like consciously not hanging out with these people that was like I couldn't. But then when I had the free time, I was like, God, I don't know if I can text them right now because I really don't know if I have it in me

to be around people. And so if you're feeling the same way, just know that I think that this is very normal. I think everybody's feeling like this and I don't know, we'll get through this together, but it's fucking tough. Anyway, I think I'm done with all my stories and all that today.

I think we'll get into questions now. Because why not? So on the Twitter, I asked you guys for questions about embarrassing stuff, just because I thought my first-case story was really embarrassing. So I wanted to keep that theme. Okay, everybody's asking me for an embarrassing date story, but y'all, I hate to be the bear- Oh, wait, no, do you know what? I just remembered one.

I just remembered one. Okay, I was a freshman in high school and I went on a double date. So it was me and then, it was like, we were all a group of friends. So it was like me, the guy I was kind of talking to, and then his best friend and my best friend at the time, and they were dating. And they had been dating for a long time, super established couple. Me and him had just started talking.

I was very uncomfortable around him. It was not good. I was really scared of him, blah, blah, blah, blah, whatever. Okay, and we go to the movies, and we all sit down. And I'm like the movies and we all sit down. And I'm like so nervous and tense mind you. Like I'm not comfortable with this kid by any means, like being alone with him was like out of the question. I mean like no, okay.

And so basically we get to the movie theater, we sit down and we realize no one else is in the theater. So we're like awesome, this is so great. We start watching the movie whatever and like halfway through the movie theater, we sit down and we realize no one else is in the theater. So we're like awesome, this is so great. We start watching the movie whatever and like halfway through the movie, he whispers in my ear and he's like, should we kiss right now? Literally like that fucking vine or whatever. Are we about to kiss right now or take a talk with whoever the fuck? I'm so old. And he literally says that in my ear and I'm like, okay.

And then he just starts like kissing me in the middle of this movie and we're like right next to this other couple that's our friends. And they're just like awkwardly watching us kiss. Mind you, this was the first time I'd ever kissed him either as well. And it was so awkward. I mean, mad props to him for having the balls, I guess. But I also think part of him was maybe trying to like show up the other couple,

because he's like best friends with the other dude. And like, he might have been like trying to show up and like, yeah, look at us, whatever, but like we weren't any, we weren't even remotely like that. Like we didn't, we barely fucking knew each other at that point. Like we were not close like that. And I was so scared of him.

And it was just so awkward. And I felt like it went on forever. And I was just like, I don't know. I'm not good about PDA really. Like, I mean, I don't mind it, like a little like hand holding and whatever is like fine or like, a little kiss on the cheek or whatever. But like fully making out in a fucking movie theater

like could not be me, but it was me. And it was in front of our best friends. And I remember after they were like, my girlfriend was like, that was crazy. And I was like, yeah. And she was like, how do you feel about that? And I was like, I don't know. And like, it was actually also funny

because during it, I kind of wanted to get her attention because I was kind of embarrassed. And so I like kicked her leg a few times. During it, trying to be like, oh my God, like this is so awkward, like getting her attention so she knew that I was like, kind of like uncomfortable with it, not like uncomfortable, that's the wrong word, but like, kind of like embarrassed by it. And then later, she told, that's the wrong word, but embarrassed by it.

Then later she told me that she thought I was kicking her because I was having a good time. No! So anyway, that was that super embarrassing. Yeah. This episode is brought to you by LiquidIV. LiquidIV believes everybody needs hydration every day. It's not just for athletes or that one time you try to hot yoga class, staying hydrated is essential whether you're just taking a stroll through your neighborhood,

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use the code anything for 20% off your order. That's liquidiv.com with the code anything. Tap the banner or visit this episode's page to learn more. Okay, a lot of you guys are saying tell us embarrassing meeting stories, like things that have happened to me during meetings. I think the most embarrassing meeting I've had in retrospect, this wasn't embarrassing, but like, I think it kind of was in the moment.

So when I was like looking for an agent in LA, I met with quite a few and I didn't really like any of them. And then I had one more meeting with an agent, but at that point I was kind of discouraged and I was like, I don't even really want an agent. Like I just don't feel like they get me or my vibe or whatever, so I'm just gonna wait on it. But I had one more meeting and I was like,

you know what, I'll take it. I almost canceled the meeting. Really glad I didn't, because I ended up signing with this woman and she's my fucking favorite person in the world. But I had one more meeting and I show up and I had fake tan that was like fucked up all over, okay?

Because I had fake tan, but then I had like washed my hands after and like it just dripped down my arm and it was so bad. And I had drooled on my face. So the fatian on my face had like this gross like circle of discoloration. It was really bad. My hair had not been brushed in probably a week and was up in a bun that you could see the knots in it. And I was wearing sweatpants and a cropped shirt and like flip flops or something. And I met this woman who I had no idea. I had never spoken to her before at Phil's

and we had a meeting. And I was once I met her and realized that she was so cool. I was like, oh my God, I totally just fucked up. I showed up looking so unprofessional and disgusting. That is so embarrassing. But luckily, we ended up clicking amazingly. I signed with her and she is amazing. So shout out to my agent.

She's amazing, but I literally look like shit and it was very, very mortifying. Anyways, oh my god. You guys are asking me some crazy shit. Somebody said, how can I avoid getting my words mixed up when talking to somebody? Okay, this is embarrassing and this happens to me all the time. I think it's like taking a deep breath and talking slowly and not overly focusing on your words.

I find myself like focusing on my words and how I sound when I talk and that just fucks me up. So don't do that and I think that you'll be fine. Oh my God, I have another embarrassing story that I just remembered. One time I was, a long time ago I was, a long time ago, I was dating somebody. And oh, God, this hurts, this one hurts.

I was dating someone and I was hanging out with them in like a bunch of other people and there was like a bunch of other guys there. And some of them looked like, they were all kind of around the same height and like kind of a similar like build like they were all very similar like him and all his friends were very similar. Okay, and I walk into a room and from the back I thought that it was the guy I was dating. So I like put my arm around him like his waist and I look up and it's not him and it's his friend.

And I, oh, it was so bad. It was so bad. Luckily we all laughed about it after and it was like, fucking funny, but like, no, that was the worst thing that's ever happened to me. And like, he looked at me like I was fucking crazy. And I've never. It was so weird too, like to touch somebody like that

that I'm not dating. I felt like guilty. I was like, oh shit, like that's wrong. That's wrong, wrong. And so I felt bad, but anyway, so that was kind of funny, but somebody said most embarrassing experience in a public bathroom. Okay, so one time I went into a public bathroom

as one does and I was peeing, doing whatever, and a fart slipped out as it does. I didn't think anybody in there was in there that I knew, but I was on a set for a project that I was filming, and I let out a little fart, it was whatever. And I thought that the other person in there was like not from the set, like I thought it was someone else. And so I wasn't really so concerned about farting and all that

because I just didn't see anyone come in the bathroom with me so I thought it was fine. I walk out to wash my hands and in fact, it was, I believe, the photographer and or videographer who had then heard me fart. It was the most uncomfortable hand washing experience of my life. I didn't look up.

I literally was like, hi. And then didn't look up again from the sink. Again, we live, we learn. I'm just never gonna fart again. So that's good news. Oh my God, another embarrassing boy story. I have another one. They just keep coming to me, but I keep forgetting. So, okay, another embarrassing boy story. I have another one. They just keep coming to me, but I keep forgetting.

So, okay, it was a guy that I was dating a really long time ago again. And I was sitting on their counter, like they're catching counter. And like I was not at a place where I could fart in front of this person yet. I don't know if I ever even got there with that person. I don't think so.

I don't think I was like comfortable enough with myself to fart in front of anybody. I don't think I was comfortable enough with myself to fart in front of anybody. I still am not, so whatever. But basically I'm sitting on their counter, and I'm talking to them, in all of a sudden, and my legs are up, right? Like I'm sitting in a ball kind of.

And apparently that position's not good, because a fart literally slipped out, like without my knowledge and it startled me and he lost his fucking mind. He laughed at me for so long as he showed it whatever. It was so fucking embarrassing. I, it was embarrassing because I didn't know that it was coming. So it startled even me and I like didn't know how to react. Farts are not that embarrassing if you know that they're coming. If you can be like, okay, way I need a fart BRB, like turn around or plug your ears or plug your whatever,

like get out of here. That's like fine and funny, but like if you fart and you don't realize that it's about to happen and then it just happens and you're like, oh shit, what do I do? That is not okay. That is dangerous, not good. So that's exactly what happened to me with him. It was so embarrassing, whatever.

It was funny though. I mean, we laughed about it, but like I got so red in front of him and it was just not good. Somebody said, what's your worst period story? I've told this before, but it's basically, I'll keep it short and sweet. I was at In-N-Out burger, white chairs. We have a whole meal there. We get up. I realized that I had

all over the white seat that was made out of like plastic acrylic. And one of the guy friends I was with asked me what that was on the chair, and I said it was catch up, and that we needed to go get into the Uber. He was luckily luckily not super well read on the vagina, so I think that we were totally good on that one and that he didn't know what happened, but anyway, I've told that story before, so sorry if you've heard it, but yeah. Oh, I have another good story. I can't say who this is, I don't think. So this was when I met. Okay, so somebody asked me for awkward celebrity story, slash something of that sort. And I just remembered one. So I was at an event and I see someone who I've had a crush on for a long time.

All right, I had a crush on for a long time. All right, I had a crush on for a long time. I don't anymore, but I did at the time. This was quite a while ago, but still very embarrassing. Had a crush on this person for a long time, and I was like, I need to talk to them, like at least just for a moment. And so, I was kind of obsessed with them to be honest. Like definitely obsessed with them,

like definitely a huge crush of mine. Like the crush didn't go away for a long time. I mean, I don't know, I mean, having crushes on celebrities is super fun and all that. But when you actually meet them, it's like a totally different scenario here. Basically, I like, talk to my agent and I'm like, I really wanna meet that guy right now, please.

And she was like, okay, let's make this happen. So, it was a work party, okay? And so, she talks to some of her other agent friends and was like, Emma wants to meet so and so, can we make that happen? And they were like yeah yeah for sure. And so but at this point I'm like fuck. It's gonna look like I orchestrated this whole thing and I'm the biggest fan. When in reality I just want to be asked out on a date. So what the fuck? Long story short, I get introduced to him.

And it's so awkward because it's like, what do you say, right? It's like, I'm pretty sure his team was like, oh, she really wanted to meet you. And I was like, no, no, hey, hey, hey, no, I didn't know, no, no, no, no, no, no, I Didn't know no no no no no no no I did not want to you guys Asked me if I would mean him because you guys wanted me to meet him this had nothing to do with me No, no no no he like like totally made me look like this like die-hard fan

So then my job at that point was to make myself seem so fucking chill that like there was no chance that he could think that I was any kind of fan or that he was like my celebrity crush for like multiple years. Like there was no I was like no I'm about to act as cool as I fucking possibly can. We actually had a decent conversation but it was so awkward because I felt like he was, I mean, I think our conversation was fine and I don't really think he was that awkward like in retrospect, he was so nice and cool and like whatever. But like, I really like him just so mortified knowing that that kid knew that like I was introducing him

as like a fan and that like I wanted to be like I wanted to seem mysterious. I wanted to seem cool. I wanted to seem different, not like other girls, but no. It was like, oh yeah, she really wanted to meet you. Here you go. Oh God. I just wanted to seem cool. It's like, I wanted it to be like a fan fiction where it's like, I just like went up and he was just smitten by me. Anyway, it didn't happen. And for better, honestly. You know, that crush was fun and it was long lived,

but it died. She passed away, that crush did. But it was actually funny because then I saw the same guy at another event, like a few days later and he was like talking to a girl and I was sitting at this like in this like within 10 feet of him and I was like fuck, like I was so upset. It's like god damn it, but then that's kind of when the crush ended honestly. I was like, eh, I don't know.

I was like, I'll just let him have his fun and talk to women and live his life and do his thing. You know what I mean? I won't get involved, whatever. I'm just the little fan girl over here. But I did really make an effort to make it look like I was having fun, sitting 10 feet away from him while he was having some deep conversation with this other woman. I was trying to make it look like I was very like

life of the party vibes to see if I would catch his attention. So I know don't do that. Super embarrassing. He probably thinks I'm the most annoying fucking creepy person he's ever seen because also the fact that we were at two events that like lined up the same, it was yeah. Super mortifying.

So poor guy guy he probably think someone stalker and I'm not but it was very awkward though because it was like he was trying to talk to this woman his other woman and I'm like sitting at this like table like right near him and I was like fuck I hope he doesn't think that I'm like watching him he wasn't thinking anything he probably didn't even fucking see me so embarrassing but that was like super humbling experience. I was like, God, oh yeah, whatever. It was fun, it was fun while I lasted.

Somebody said, have you ever went out with a ripped shirt, slash jeans, and you didn't realize until later? Yes, this happened to me recently. So the other day, so I have this, my favorite pair of jeans right now, it changes one's so I have this, my favorite pair of jeans right now, it changes once a week, but whatever, my favorite pair of jeans right now, they have a rip right on the vagina,

like right, okay, so if you look at jeans, right, there's like a little cross seam, like right on the, right in the middle of your pants, on the bottom, like in between your legs. There's like that little square that's like where all this seems aligned. The one that's going like one way and then the one that's going perpendicular,

or would that be, yeah. And like there's that little seam in the middle. Well, I have a hole right around that area, which is basically where my vagina is. And so I wore those pants all day, and then it was funny because I was sitting in a chair and I looked down, and I see like my leg kind of popping out of that spot because of the way that I was sitting,

and I was like, oh my God! And I freaked out about it for about two hours, so, anyway. Somebody said, how do you recover from an embarrassing moment? Honestly, for me, it's humor. It's just like making as many jokes about it as possible. Like the other day, I was getting out of somebody's car and I hit my head and I literally just was like, am I just start making jokes?

Just start making jokes, lighten the mood before it even can go bad. So I just like lighten the mood as much as fucking physically possible. The key is to try to not to get red. Like I try to make jokes about it before I get red because I get red when I get embarrassed and that is the worst, the worst.

Okay, I really have to go to the bathroom soon so I need to wrap this up, but I'm gonna answer a few more or just think of some more stories. Like I must have more embarrassing stories. Like they never end. I'm trying to think of anything that's happened to me recently.

Okay, to be honest, I think the most embarrassing thing that I do is exist around guys that I like, really. I mean, I'm so like not, I don't get embarrassed often. Okay, like I do, but like it's pretty rare. I embarrass the fuck out of myself only in front of guys that I like, like so clumsy around them, like, stutter my words all the time, say weird shit. Like, it just doesn't make sense to me why that is that way. Why am I like that only when it fucking matters?

Like, I could trip and eat shit in front of my best friend and I wouldn't give a fuck, but why does that only happen around guys that I like? I don't get it. And that's literally how it is. It's like the most embarrassing shit happens to me then. And like no other time. Like even it dates back to like summer camp. I remember when I was a kid,

like I remember I had a huge crush on this kid named Jeremy at summer camp and we were sitting next to each other in the circle, I fucking fart next to him. Fully loud, on accident, similar to what happened with my boyfriend a few years later after that. Like, on the counter, that one that I told earlier, like farted in front of him. So embarrassing, I mean, luckily I was like five years old

so it didn't really matter, but like shit like that. Or like my one favorite iconic story of me like wearing a pair of rocksy pants to school because the guy had a crush on like fucking, he liked surfer girls. And so I wanted to be a surfer girl for him. Like, why do I act a fool like that? It's just so mortifying.

I need to really reflect on that. But anyway, that's it for today's episode. I hope you guys enjoyed that story and all of that. I might add a lot of fun hanging out with you guys today. And I hope you're all having an amazing day, week, all of that. And I love you all and keep it real. And I will talk to you next week. And let me know what you want me to talk about in the future episodes.

Ask me questions, do whatever. The Twitter is at AG podcast and leave us a little rating on Apple podcasts. Give us a little five stars, us meaning me. It's literally just me and my fucking microphone but whatever and Declan but still in Frankie. Also, so maybe there's four of us but whatever. Leave us a little review if you like the podcast and you check in and whatever, it really helps me out

and let's me know that I'm doing the right thing. And if I'm not, let me know what you want me to fix. Actually don't, I'm really bad at criticism. Anyway, love you all. Talk to you soon. Muah. and let me know that I'm doing the right thing. And if I'm not, let me know what you want me to fix.

Actually, don't. I'm really bad at criticism. Anyway, love you all. Talk to you soon. Muah.