anything goes with emma chamberlain - gaining confidence

Episode Date: June 25, 2020

Breaking out of your shell and gaining confidence comes in different ways at different times for us all. Emma opens up about struggles with confidence growing up, and then eventually breaking out of her shell in various ways over the past few years, especially through YouTube. Plus, questions on things like making friends, talking with people you’re interested in, and how to be unapologetically yourself despite what others may think.  Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

And that was the sound of me drinking my coffee. Hi guys. Welcome back to anything goes. I'm Emma Chamberlain. Hope you guys are having an amazing day evening morning, whatever the fuck. I'm feeling particularly chill today. Like I don't feel the need to raise my voice or like scream or be loud. I just kind of want to have a chill conversation with you guys today. Um, because that's just the mood I'm in. But before we get into today's topic, which I'm really, really excited about, I want to just give you a little life update. So, for one, I dyed my hair. By the time this comes out, I'm not sure if I will have showed everybody what I've done with it.

I'm not gonna tell you what I did. Not that you guys fucking care. I mean, it's really, it's literally hair. People make such a big deal out of dying hair. Everybody's like, I did a thing. Everybody check this out. I did a thing. And they got like fucking three highlights in their hair.

Um, so that's me. Uh, actually I did something a little bit crazy. I look completely different. So, it is a little bit weird. I'm looking at myself in the mirror right So that's me. Actually, I did something a little bit crazy. I look completely different. So it is a little bit weird. I'm looking at myself in the mirror right now. Holy shit. This is weird. Did this a few days ago. It took six hours. I was sitting in the salon chair for six hours, getting my hair done. And it was a long time in my tailbone hurt. And I was hungry afterwards. And I filmed the whole thing. So that'll be up on my channel at some point. Hopefully by the time this comes out,

so you guys will know what I did, but really exciting. I honestly think that changing my hair is like, it actually is so fun and exciting, and it's just like a fun accessory. You know, like, the last hairstyle I did was controversial, some people hated it it and some people loved it. It was a mixed bag, but I did brown hair with blonde underneath, which was, it was a weird look.

I mean, it was kind of weird. I don't even, I got the idea off TikTok. Like, I don't know. The whole thing was kind of crazy, but that was fun. My last did, but I got so sick of it, and I couldn't get my hair done during quarantine, so it just grew out and looked like shit. And then finally, I was able to get my hair done,

and I was like so ready for a change that I literally did the most dramatic change possible. So excited to have a new hair color. It is a surprise, and I don't know why it's a surprise because who gives a fuck, but it is. Everybody likes it though. Everybody in my family, all my family and friends are like, yes, this is it.

We love this. So we will see, but it's getting to today's topic. I'm feeling quite boring today, so enjoy that. I'm really dehydrated though, I need my coffee. And it's also freezing cold in the room that I'm feeling quite boring today, so enjoy that. I'm really dehydrated though, I need my coffee. And it's also freezing cold in the room that I'm recording. And I record in basically my closet because it like, the sounds, there's clothes in this room, so like the sound waves like it caught in the clothes in the fabric and then there's like less echo in here.

I don't know if that's true, but that's just why I do it and who knows if that's even logical at all. But it's fucking freezing in here. I don't know why the AC gets so cold in here anyways. So today's episode is about coming out of my shell, gaining confidence, becoming who I really am in front of everyone unapologetically. The way, I don't think I even realized that I did this because it was so natural for me to come out of my shell

and I didn't even really notice. But I talked to someone who's a friend, not super close to anything, but a friend, I talked to them every few months or whatever. No, not even like once a year, but still in a Queen's, right? And I met this person when I didn't even live in LA yet. So I was like visiting LA and I met this person. And you know, this was in like 2018, 2017, 2018,

and I was just this little 17 year old that just stopped going to school, was trying to figure out who I was, like just kind of started getting some people watching my videos, like everything was weird, right? And I go to LA to do something and I meet this person. And I just remember I was so nervous and shy.

I met a bunch of people, but I'm talking about this person specifically. And I was just so shy. And like didn't know how to fucking get a sentence out. Literally. Like couldn't show my sense of humor, um, couldn't engage in a conversation comfortably. Like just so tense and like anxious and nervous and just like, it was miserable. And I kind of forgot that that happened. But then I talked to this person again, maybe two months ago, and they brought it up to me.

They're like, Emma, it's crazy how different you are now. Like you've come out of your shell in like the craziest way ever. Like I can't believe that. Like you've really blossomed in a sense. And I was, I mean, it was, it almost made me fucking cry when they said this to me, especially because I'm not really close with this person. They're not like a best friend or anything. And so, but it kind of got me thinking, and then that kind of planted a seed in my head.

Like, holy shit, I really have grown so much since I started this whole YouTube thing, and since I've moved to LA. And it's just been so freeing that I really just wanted to kind of tell my story about coming out of my shell and like, the phases that I've been through and like how I got to where I am today and maybe help some of you guys come out of your shell

as well because it's really tough. And I always considered myself like pretty confident, but in retrospect, I actually don't think I was. I really don't think I was. I think I was in front of my closest friends and family and maybe in front of a camera, because in front of a camera is basically just me by myself, but when it came to new people

and new experiences, I was so timid and shy and scared and nervous and anxious, so anxious. And so I think that I've really come out of that and I'm just like, have a totally different approach to everything now. And I'd love to talk about it. I don't know if I've actually ever really talked about this with anyone else.

Like I don't think I've ever had this type of conversation like about how I did it and whatever. So it'll be really interesting to kind of dig into that and see what we can find and maybe there'll be something useful. So let me take a sip, my coffee. Drink too much in one sitting. Okay, so let's start with who I was as a child. I'm talking about ages like two to six years old.

I was kind of a little bitch. Based on the stories that my parents have told me about when I was kind of a baby, I was not nice. It doesn't sound like kind of an evil baby, in a sense. Like when my parents would have their friends over, like I would literally cry and yell at them to leave. Which is crazy to me now.

I don't know what was going on there. I don't know why I was like that, but yeah, according to them, I was quite the little bitch. Like really judge men as a baby. Like, you know when a baby doesn't like you? Like that was me, to like everybody except for my parents. So don't really know why I was like that, but you would think like, oh, okay,

a baby that comes out and has this insane bitchy attitude, it's probably gonna grow up and like always be like that. Well, no, because then I went to school and I remember like I showed up to my first day at kindergarten and I remember there are these three girls and they were playing games or whatever, and my parents had told me like, you know, go up and like tell people that you wanna hang out

with them or be their friend or whatever, because it was obviously my first day of school. I didn't know what the fuck I was doing. And so I went up to them and I was like, hey, can I play with you guys? And then they said, no, we're only here. There's only three people in this game. I was like, oh, so then I went and ate my apple slices

on a bench by myself, which in retrospect, me is gonna cry, but I don't really think I hurt my feelings too bad back then, so I don't think we need to pity me at all. That kind of explains how I was in school. I think I was pretty shy, not super bold overall in like elementary school, and then in middle school. I think I kind of came out of my shell a little bit, but I think that I was kind of like a little bit maybe more than elementary school, but I think I was really impressionable

in middle school and that's when I kind of just conformed and became a yes-man. Whatever my friends were doing, that's what I was doing. Whatever my friends liked, that's what I liked. Whatever my friends were wearing, that's what I would wear. Whatever the boy that I thought was cute told me to do, that's what I would do. Like, I would just go with the flow and do what everybody else was doing. I just wanted to fit in. Somebody died their hair, I would die my hair, and die their hair.

Like, just absolutely no personality of my own. Just like became one with the rest of the middle schoolers and just had no individuality at all. And I think deep down, I was like, this isn't really me. But I just kind of didn't care. I was like, well, this doesn't really me. But I just kind of didn't care. I was like, well, this doesn't really feel right. This doesn't really feel like me. I kind of felt like I was like wearing like a costume. And I was like acting like I was being something that I wasn't

just to fit in. And I like could feel that. Like I didn't feel comfortable in what I was wearing. Like I felt like I was playing a part. I don't feel like I felt like I was being myself. And I would buy clothes that I thought were cool and that I'd never wear them because it's like, oh, I'll get me fun for wearing that. You know the whole thing that everybody does in middle school, it's common. And then in high school, you know,

I feel like I kind of was a little bit more weird. Like I maybe like became a little bit weirder in high school if you will. Like kind of was a little bit more myself because I went to all girls school and there's no guys judging or whatever. So I wasn't like trying to impress boys so I was just kind of being myself.

But I still think that I was in a similar mindset where I was just trying to go with the pack, you know what I mean? Like just hang out with people, be a yes man. Like I throughout my years of being at school was like a yes man for sure. And I think that that stemmed from me like me like conforming so much in school and just doing what my friends were doing and doing what was cool and like whatever it kind of made me spineless. Like I had no personality or spine of my own.

I was not confident. I was really insecure. I don't think that I was as empathetic as I am now. I think I just kind of only thought about myself because I was so concerned about what everybody thought of me that I was not really thinking about like other people as much, you know Not like necessarily in a mean way like I wasn't

I'm just saying that like my number one focus was myself Whereas like now I don't think that that's as much true. I mean, I definitely is but it's like in a different way like back then it was like All of my mental real estate went into like dressing cool for a party. You know what I mean, I definitely is, but it's like in a different way. Like back then, it was like, all of my mental real estate went into like dressing cool for a party. You know what I mean? Like, that's what I was thinking about. Whereas like, now, like I put more thought in effort into like reaching out to people that I love and making sure that they're doing well and, you know, asking people how they're doing more and stuff like that.

But like, in high school, I was so focused on being a yes man and pleasing everybody and fitting in that I just didn't. I was just so much less thoughtful, but I think that's really normal, I do. And then obviously I took a test and I graduated school early once I became a YouTuber. And I had this phase of six months. I took a test and I graduated school early once I became a YouTuber. I had this phase of like six months after I graduated where I didn't see literally anyone.

Like I literally didn't see anybody. I was just in my mom's apartment with my camera and my computer. I just would film videos and edit them and post them. That was kind of all I did and I didn't really see anyone. And I didn't really have any YouTube friends because I lived in San Francisco, you know, well not in San Francisco, but I lived in the Bay Area. And so like I didn't know any YouTubers really. I wasn't really a part of the YouTube community. I was just kind of a YouTuber, but like I didn't know anyone, you know? And so that was weird because it was like at school, I had like school friends or whatever,

but then like once I became a YouTuber, I thought I was going to have YouTube friends and then I didn't and I was like, oh fuck, this is shitty and I'm really lonely. But then eventually I started to make YouTube friends. And it was a slow process, but I did. And I started, you know, people, it's just, you know, when you do the same thing as someone else, and you are in the same space, it's like an immediate conversation starter. So I started making friends with different people on the internet and started forming some friendships. And then, you know, I never met any of them. It was always a digital friendship,

like over text or whatever. And then eventually it was like time for me to meet all of them. This episode is brought to you by State Farm. There's no instruction manual when it comes to being an adult. Sometimes I lay away at night rehashing something I said earlier that day, or I lay in bed at night thinking about what the future holds. I know I'm not the only one going through a lot of what ifs. Like, what if I get into a fender bender, or what if my home

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use the offer code Emma for 10% off your first purchase of a website or domain. So I'm going to be brought here, but when I started meeting these YouTubers that like I admired so much that wanted to be my friend and I wanted to be their friend and it was like this amazing thing to me. I was like, oh my god like I'm finally I finally have like a community of people right because I was like really lonely from not going to school anymore And I was like, oh my god. This is like my new kind of social structure like is YouTubers right because I was like that makes sense

and so I started meeting them and I just I don't think I realized this in the moment, but looking back, like, I really had no spine. I just like, everything that they said, what they said was right. I had no unique opinion. Like, I would just agree with everything that they said. I was scared to be myself and show who I really was. I was, I mean like every time I would speak I would like think

about every word I said and like I couldn't get a full sense out. I was so different in real life than I was in my videos because I was scared to be who I really was in front of these people. But like I wasn't scared to do that in front of a camera. And like, I wouldn't show my sense of humor. Like, I literally would not show my sense of humor. I couldn't make a joke. I could not make a joke. It was too scary. I would like, go through it in my head like six times. I'm like, okay, well, what if they think that like, it wasn't funny. And like, what if the whole room gets silent? Like, all of the stuff and there was just all these concerns for me And I was so fucking scared of like Saying anything so I would just say nothing because it was like there was no risk in saying nothing, right?

And so I put them all onto this pedestal I was like oh my god these people are so cool like how can I be as cool as them and whatever and this was honestly so damaging You know because It wasn't fun for me. Like, I would hang out with these people and I would just be like fucking tense the whole time and I like didn't know how to act. And then, you know, I started filming collabs and filming collabs would give me this intense anxiety because I would try to have my like regular personality that I show on camera

and like who I really am in front of my close friends and family. But if I was filming a collab, I didn't feel safe to do that. Like be who I really was, because I was like, oh my God, they're gonna judge me. They're gonna think I'm weird. Like if I'm being loud or I'm talking a lot or whatever.

And I also think that a lot of my fear about like showing who I really am is that I've always been told that I talk too much and that, you know, I'm annoying and like this and that. And I mean, I understand that because I think I used to be actually pretty annoying and I still am annoying now, but I think I'm less annoying now. I've kind of settled down, but I've just always been told that I'm annoying and that I need to shut up and that I need to stop talking. So like, or that my jokes aren't funny or whatever.

And so when it came to like being around these people that I idolized in a sense, that were now becoming my friends, like there was just no way for me to be myself. And filming collapse was the worst because I like could not act normal on camera. Like I would be acting weird and I watch those videos now and I'm like,

ugh, I mean some of them weren't weird, but like some of them definitely were. And you know, it's sad, but I also think that putting myself in all of those uncomfortable situations, surrounding myself with people that I kind of put on a pedestal in a sense. You know, going out of my comfort zone and filming videos with people that like, you know, when it made me nervous, doing stuff like that.

And realizing that number one, the anxiety is mainly for nothing. There's really no point to have anxiety about it. But also realizing through working with these people that like everybody's a human. You know what I mean? Everybody's a fucking human. If anybody is not cool with who you really are, go find someone else. And that's something that I think is really hard to understand when you're in that mindset where you're like, no, like I really want to be friends with this person. I can't fuck this up. I can't fuck this up.

I can't fuck this up. When you're so concerned about messing up a potential friendship by being yourself, it seems like overanalyzing everything you do and say will like preserve that relationship or make sure that it like lasts. But in reality, I don't think that that's true. And I think that being yourself up front is the best option because then everything's out on the table and if you click you click and if you don't you don't and if somebody doesn't think your dope is fuck because you are and if somebody doesn't think that then you don't need to be their

friend. But I didn't know that. I was so afraid of like losing friendships with these people that I kind of idolized, that I just was a fucking wreck. I was a wreck, sorry I keep cussing, but I was a wreck because I wanted to be cool and I wanted to be funny and whatever. And I mean, it's actually crazy because I had some friendships with people

for a really long time, and those people still have no idea what my real personality is. Not anymore, because those are people I'm not friends with anymore, but there's certain people that I was friends with for periods of time that never actually got to see who I really was, whether it was because I felt that they were judgmental

or because they put them on a pedestal or whatever, they never actually knew me in a way. Which is sad, and I think that that fucked up some friendships for me, you know what I mean? Because I never felt comfortable enough to truly be myself. But I think that having a lot of friendships that didn't work out, putting myself

in uncomfortable situations, doing all of that stuff, has led me to kind of be more fearless about all of this. I think a big part of all of it was finding a group of friends that I did not feel like judged me and that I didn't feel like, that didn't make me feel small or dumb or intimidated, finding a grip of friends like that really helped me. Because then I had this solid foundation and then when I met new people, I wasn't so concerned like, oh, these are my only options of people that I can have as friends. I can't lose this because this is all I have. I have to be on my best behavior and everything I say has

to be perfect and everything I do has to be perfect and funny and awesome and loud and whatever. Like I wasn't so concerned about that because if I met somebody and they didn't like me, okay, cool, well I have my best friends that I can lean on and I don't need anyone else. And also finding confidence in myself and knowing like, I could spend a week alone

and be completely fine. I mean, it's not ideal, but I could do it. And knowing that also gave me some security, knowing like, I could be alone and I would be fine. So I don't need anybody to, some people cannot like me, some people cannot click with me.

And that's okay. I'm just gonna be myself and whether, and if they like it, then they like it, and if they don't, then they don't. Coffee ASMR. I just put my microphone on my neck, so I don't know what that sounded like, because I don't have headphones,

but like, hopefully that was crazy, so. Anyway, I think the key to it all, in summary, before we get into some questions, I think that the key to it all is, I mean, I say this in every episode for literally everything, like every time I give advice, it's like, oh, be by yourself. But really, I think that finding your own real identity, finding your people that understand you, that you can be yourself around and doing things that make you feel confident, you know, like whether that's dressing a certain way, whether that's exercising, whether that's, you know, reading a fucking book, I don't know, but doing things for you a lot.

I think that that really helps. When you're doing stuff for you and you reading a fucking book, I don't know, but doing things for you a lot. I think that that really helps. When you're doing stuff for you and you have a great life on your own and in your life when no one else is in it is still a good life, when you bring people in, you live without fear because you're like, I have a good life with or without this person.

And if they aren't gonna treat me right or if they are judging me or if they don't going to treat me right or if they are judging me or if they don't want to be my friend, it might sting a little bit, but I have a life to go back to without them or with them. That's a great life. And I don't need them. And I don't need anyone. And I don't need anyone's approval because I approve of myself. And I think that I'm funny. And I think that I'm funny, and I think that I'm cool, and I think that I'm a good friend,

and I think I'm a good family member, and I think I'm a good blah, blah, blah, blah, you know? And when you truly do believe that about yourself, I think that that's a really, I think that that helps with everything, and helps with your confidence in all social situations. If you believe that someone having you as a friend, sorry about that, I was a cute little burp.

It was actually kind of nasty. I'm sorry. If you know you're worth, then when someone doesn't want to be in your life, you can kind of think of it as their loss. But not in a way of like a narcissistic way, just in a way of like, well, I would have been a really good friend of that person. And so it's really a shame that they didn't give me the chance.

And if you believe that about yourself, rather than saying like, oh, what's wrong with me, what did I do wrong that they don't want to be my friend? Don't think of it like that. Think of it like that's their loss because I would have been a really good friend of that person. If that's true, if that is true, if you think you would have genuinely been a good friend

of that person and if you think you are a good friend, then it would be their loss if they missed out on a really cool friendship. And that's the way that you need to think about it, you know, rather than questioning yourself in wondering if you did something wrong, unless you did. And then you can handle that and then you apologize and then you move on. But anyway, let's get into some questions about this topic. I'm really excited to get into it. This episode is brought to you by LiquidIV.

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from small family farms. I'm mainly of 99.5% of the time I'm a vegetarian. And I eat a lot of eggs. And it's really important to me that the eggs that I'm eating came from chickens that were as happy as could possibly be. I really appreciate how vital farms eggs showed the name of the farm where they were laid on the side of each carton. And honestly, I just really think the flavor and freshness of vital farm eggs set them apart. I really appreciate vital farms eggs. Me, I eat them. My mom eats them. My dad

eats them. We all eat them. Actually, my mom introduced me to the vital farms eggs and said, these are the ones you need to be buying honey. And so my mom was like, these are responsible and good by these. And I said, okay, mom. And so I, you know, have been a customer ever since. At vital farms, hands-in-joy, fresh air and sunshine with outdoor access all year round that gives them a lifestyle that they deserve, with freedom to roam and forge just as Mother Nature intended. And if you're curious, you can see exactly where your eggs are from. Just find the name of the farm on the side of the carton and look it up on the Vital Farms

website to get a 360 degree peak at the pastor. To learn more about Vital Farms and where to buy them, go to vitalfarms.com slash BS free, Vital Farms keeping it bullshit free. Rock on Vital Farms. First question, how do you feel about overly confident people? Well, I think that there's a difference between somebody who's really confident

and somebody who's cocky. It's a fine line. I actually really like being around people who are super confident. And I'm not saying that I don't like hanging out with people who aren't, because there are some really amazing people who aren't necessarily confident in themselves yet. And also everybody struggles, and everybody's insecure

sometimes. It's like fucking human being human stuff. I think when people are confident, it can be actually really inspiring. I find it really inspiring when somebody's confident in themselves and proud of who they are. I think that that's super inspiring and amazing and I actually like surrounding myself with people like that. But overly confident people, no. I tend to feel like those people are a lot more judgemental

and are more obsessed with themselves than like confident. Like they're like just obsessed with themselves, but they're not confident. It's like, I think people who are overly confident actually tend to be some of the most insecure people and they're hiding something, which is really sad. And I like would hope for those people that they can, you know, tone it back a little bit and, you know, be actually like confident in themselves and not have to like, overdo it to like, prove a point.

I just, I don't think that that's necessary. So I don't really like being around those types of people. Personally, but I also hope for those people that they can find themselves and stop being so obsessed with themselves. Next, do you find it hard to be yourself when you're trying to fit in with new people? Not anymore, but as I've mentioned earlier, yes.

Now I don't think so. I mean, it definitely, meeting new people. Not anymore, but as I've mentioned earlier, yes. Now I don't think so. I mean, it definitely, meeting new people is always a little bit awkward. Like you kind of have to feel out there energy and like, okay, is this person, somebody who needs a little bit of time to open up or is this a person that like, you know, automatically is just kind of an open book?

I tend to be somebody who's automatically an open book. Like I will meet somebody and act like I've known them for years. That's just kind of, I like, that's something I do because I feel like it makes things less awkward and it makes other people feel more comfortable. If I just meet somebody and I just act like I've known them forever and give them a really warm and welcoming energy.

Like if I meet somebody and I'm like, I seem excited to meet them. And I seem, you know, interested in them and like all of that. I think that that really helps because that automatically makes the other person feel comfortable around you so that it's less awkward

and the awkwardness never even happens. I mean, some people aren't down for that though. Some people you'll be like, hey, so nice to meet you. Like, what's up? And then they'll be like, hi. And those people are tough because then it's not your fault. There's nothing you can do.

If somebody's judgmental, like when you first meet them, even if you're super open and nice and welcoming and they still aren't having it, that is at that point not a you problem. There's nothing you can do. You just have to try to be welcoming and wait for them to open up, hopefully. And sometimes they do and sometimes they don't. But I think overall, greeting somebody and setting the tone with a really warm and welcoming

energy, that just really helps with fitting in and making things not uncomfortable. Somebody said, how long did it take you to become more confident yourself after moving to LA? I think that I had a huge turning point about a year ago. And so that's about a year and a few months into moving to LA. I think I finally have it pretty I have to fart hold it Okay a year ago

Maybe less maybe like eight months ago. I think I really figured it out and I think it's just from a lot of friendships and learning from those friendships and learning from the way that I was like You know just getting tired of like being a yes man from being, like after being a yes man for like a year and a half, like I was so sick of it that I was like, I'm just gonna fucking be myself now.

I just, it was like, I'm over it. Somebody said any advice on high school parties. I mean, man, I didn't go to too many. I did go to, you know, a few advice on high school parties. When it comes to the social element, like making new friends and like having fun and not being nervous, I would say one thing that always used to help me

was finding a friend that I felt really comfortable with and I was myself around them and going with that friend or going with a group of friends or whatever. So going with people that like, you already feel comfortable and safe with so that like when you're around other people, you just have this like barrier. Like if somebody you can help you fill blank space or help like with the conversations that you're having and all of that. If you are going to something by yourself, just start talking to people

because the sooner that you get into a conversation, the sooner you loosen up. It's really hard when you first arrive at something like a party and everybody's already talking and you're like, fuck, and you're in the corner and you're like, I don't know what to do. Just start a conversation with somebody. Be like, make a joke, do something,

like anything, be like, oh my God, your pants are dope, like where those from, like you can do anything like that. And just start a conversation. And then once you start talking to somebody else, I think it really helps to like alleviate anxiety and like just kinda distract you from your nervousness. And then sooner or later, everybody will all get comfortable with each other and then it'll be a fun party.

I've noticed that about high school parties. It's like in the beginning, everybody is kind of awkward and quiet and then after three hours, once everybody kind of talks to each other, then that's when it's fun. I don't know why that is, but. And then you move to LA and then you go to a party and it's like the beginning of a high school party

for the whole party, where everybody's all weird and not talking to each other. So I don't know what's up with that, but anyway. Next question, how long did it take you to find people that you feel comfortable around? It took me probably almost a year in LA to find that out, figure that out. Maybe, no, that's not true, probably six months. I got really lucky and I found my best friends really early on and that's lucky as fuck, but yeah, somebody asked, how

do you gain confidence and be able to show it? I think the first step is gaining confidence when you're by yourself. If when no one is around, you feel confident, that's an amazing first step. Whether that is, as I've said before, exercising, um, learning how to play guitar, uh, putting on cool outfits, doing makeup really cool, fucking watching a documentary that is interesting, like educating yourself on things, like doing whatever makes you feel good and confident when you're by yourself, whether that's feeling knowledgeable

about something or feeling like you're taking care of your body and your mind, whatever by doing something like yoga, you know what I'm saying? Doing things that make you feel good about yourself and make you feel productive and make you feel like you have a purpose that doesn't involve anyone else. Then when you go and you start hanging out with people,

it's a lot easier to show it because you have it by yourself when you're alone and when no one's around. And that really helps when you're around others because then that shows moving on thoughts on people who act different when they hang out with someone. Listen, everybody's probably done this before. I could say I've probably done it mainly around boys just trying to be fucking cool around around Bay or whatever. Actually, I don't think I don't think, I think that more referred to like guys

that had crushes on in high school, but still listen, people, and this is coming from somebody who has done this. I don't know how severely I've done it. I don't think it's been like that bad, but I mean, because some people are pretty bad about this, but I have done this, and you just have to understand that they're very insecure. Okay, and I know this because when I was doing this, I was very insecure.

And I just wanted to cater to who I was with. I wasn't worried about being myself. I wasn't worried about anything. I was worried about being what I thought this person wanted me to be in that moment. I was really insecure and I was not a happy person. I think that those people will figure it out. Hopefully, some people don't. Some people do.

I hope for all those people that they figure it out, I sure did. It was a rough awakening because then you look back and you're like, ew, why was I just like not being nice? Like that's so shitty to look back on. And it's embarrassing, but it's also, you know, it's a learning lesson. And so I think you just love those people and hope for them to they grow out of that. If they're doing something that's harming you,

like if they're making fun of you and shit, then either have a talk with them or just distance yourself from that person. Somebody said, was it hard being your confidence self on YouTube? In the beginning, I was so weird on YouTube. If I watched my own videos, it makes me wanna throw up. I acted really weird and I was not confident at all, but it was also because I was going through a time acted really weird and I was not confident at all, but it was also

because I was going through a time in my life when I wasn't confident. And then once my confidence started coming in a little bit, I think YouTube actually helped that come out. Then I started showing that on YouTube and then that started showing more in real life and then now here we are. But it wasn't always that way. I don't think that it was, quote unquote, hard being my confidence self on YouTube because I don't think it was like a conscious decision. I think it was kind of like a slow process and it kind of like, it kind of happened naturally. But I also think that I wasn't, when I first started my channel, I didn't even think, oh, I'm not very confident right now,

and that's probably showing, I wasn't really aware of that. It was kind of all subconscious and it all kind of happened on-zone. And then now in retrospect, I can look back and be like, wow, YouTube really helped me come out of my shell and be who I really was,

because I think that I was being who I really was on YouTube, and that's what made me want to be who I really was in real life. So it was almost reverse. It wasn't like, it was like in real life, I wasn't being myself, but on YouTube, I was, and then eventually they molded all together. But then in the beginning of my channel, I wasn't being myself on YouTube or in real life. So like, yeah, it was, I don't know if any of that made sense, but I'm moving on because I don't really want to talk about it anymore because it's confusing me what I'm saying.

Somebody said, talk about confidence while making an acceptance speech. Well, let's get into a little story here. So in 2018, I believe I won a award. And I gave about the worst acceptance speech known to man. I don't remember what I said, but it was pretty fucking bad. I was so nervous, so nervous. Like, I was still at a point where I was very like,

and I was not out of my shell yet, when it came to like social situations. And when I was accepting my award, there were a bunch of YouTubers in the crowd, like hundreds, all of which I've like watched before. And I was supposed to do an acceptance speech in front of all these people that I like respected and like put on a pedestal, right? I almost started crying on the stage because I was so scared. It was the most awkward speech I've ever seen and it's crazy because like now I feel like I'd be fine. But back then I was not ready to do something like that. It

also seems so much easier than it is. Like whenever I see people do acceptance speeches, it looks so easier. Just like thank you to my mom, thank you to the academy. I don't even know what that fucking means. I like to think my agent and I like to think my manager and I like to think my lawyer and I like to think my and I like to think Jesus and like, you know, this is what people say. They just go, they riff off. But like it was, it's actually really difficult and also I I didn't know I was gonna win. So there was a bunch of feelings going on.

It was awful. It was really traumatizing. I still don't really know how to have confidence while making an acceptance speech, because to be honest, I don't really know if I'm ever gonna give one again because that experience was so traumatizing. And that would also mean that I'd win another award,

which I don't know if that's ever gonna happen to get either. So, yeah, I don't really ever wanna give an acceptance speech again. Somebody said, talk about how to make friends as an adult because I have no idea. It is tough because there's less places to meet people, but I do think that there's some key areas. I think that making friends at work is huge. I know my mom and my dad,

they've made a lot of friends at work. Well, my dad used to, and he had a different job, but like they've made a lot of friends at work. I've made friends through YouTube, you know, Ojina sense, it was kind of a similar idea, you know?

And I also think that like, you know, finding hobbies, like, for example, like, Soul Cycle for me, like doing cycling classes, that became kind of a hobby for me. And like, I met a bunch of people through that, you know, just from, like, seeing them all the time, I think going to a place consistently and seeing similar people, going to a coffee shop all the time. I think going to a place consistently and seeing similar people going to a coffee shop all the time, you end up becoming friends with like the fucking barista.

Like I'm not kidding, it happens. And then you end up hanging out and then you become friends. It's from going to these places consistently and seeing people consistently and growing a relationship with them that's very like passing and then like eventually it's like, we should actually hang out I promise That's like the best way to make friends as an adult in my opinion

But I think work is the most reliable because it's like, you know, you see the same people every day and blah blah blah but yeah Somebody said I have problems eating in public because I don't want people to think I eat too much or not enough Especially when I'm around teenagers do you have any tips? This is so tough because I actually used to get a lot of anxiety about this and I used to like eat before I'd go to like some sort of hang out or whatever just so that I didn't have to eat in front of people because it made me so uncomfortable and I'm also a picky eater and I'm vegetarian and so like there's a lot to be said

for like food related anxiety, socially, like eating and all that. I've only recently become okay with eating in front of people, especially guys. Eating in front of guys is scary. I hate that. I'm good about it now, but it used to be really hard for me. I would think about how every single bite that I took looked

because I thought I looked weird when I was eating. I mean, the thing is that you have to realize, nobody really is paying attention to what you're doing when it comes to eating. Think about it. People are just fucking, they're just ready to eat their own food, and they're not even probably looking at you

or what you look like when you eat. So just try to remember that it's nobody else's business. That is your business. Nobody can speak on that. That's literally none of their business. And if anybody tries to like, like, oh, you know, this isn't that about the way that you're eating or whatever, they have some serious issues. I've never, I've never in my life been like, judge somebody on like the way that they're eating or how much they're eating or like what like that's just fucking so toxic to me.

So if anybody's doing that anyway, let's friendship that you need to think about for one. But I have, okay, I have questioned when somebody wants eight french fries in dipped in mayonnaise. I was like, there's no way that that tastes good. That looks disgusting. I didn't say that actually. I was like, is that good? I was like, I's no way that that tastes good, that looks disgusting. I didn't say that actually. I was like, is that good? I was like, I've never seen anything like that. So that's the only time I've think I've ever commented on like how somebody was eating or what somebody was eating. Otherwise, you just shouldn't be doing that.

So if anybody's doing that to you, kick them out and eating is a normal part of being a human and don't be so hard on yourself. Somebody said, how do you become less anxious around judgmental people? Oh my God. I just can't with judgmental people that aren't like warm and welcoming and like nice and accepting and open minded. Biggest pet peeve, least favorite type of person literally makes me want to rip my hair out hate these people Have been friends with these types of people like they drive me nuts. Okay, they drive me nuts and

They will tear you down. They will tear you fucking down. Let me tell you They will tear you down. They will make you feel like you're small They'll make you become a yes-man if you tear you down, they will make you feel like you're small, they'll make you become a yes man. If you weren't one before, they'll make you one. Like, worst type of people to be around. Don't be asking yourself, how do I become less anxious around judgemental people? Just don't fucking be around them, point blank period.

Stop being around those types of people. I can tell you firsthand, they are life ruiners. The only people that judgemental people can be around are people that are like arrogant and don't care about what anyone think and just are really obsessed with themselves because then when they get judged, they don't care. Or, yeah, that's about it.

That's about it. That's kind of judgemental people and really arrogant people go really well together because the judgeal people judge them and then the arrogant people are like, well fuck you, I don't care. And then it's perfect. But if you're even remotely sensitive,

hanging out with judgmental people is just not gonna go well for you. And that is coming from one sensitive person to another. I got your back, don't talk to them, don't hang out with them. If you're anxious around them, that's normal. Because they do that to you. They do that to people. So annoying. Somebody said, how do you look confident around boys because my first instinct is to call myself ugly? Well, for one, you are not ugly. So

shut up with that. I don't want to hear it. But God, I've struggled with this. I actually still struggle with this. I like can't with this. I can't accept compliments. I have a really hard time with that. And I have a really hard time with not being self-deprecating in front of guys. Like I only know how to be self-deprecating in front of guys. It's a huge coping mechanism for me.

I think that stems from the fact that in high school, I was never the choice of the boys. I wasn't the talk of the town for the boys in high school, I was never like the choice of the boys, you know? I wasn't like the talk of the town for the boys in high school. I don't blame them. I was, you know, I wasn't really very special at the time because I was just doing what everybody else was doing. And I also was a late bloomer, so I looked seven years old when I was a freshman in high school.

So I get it, but I think that because I wasn't like, the girl that everybody wanted to talk to in high school, it's kind of made me have a little bit of, I still have some confidence issues from that when it comes to guys because I'm like used to being the one that no one never chose. So the now like a guy talks to me or gives me attention or like compliments me or does anything.

I'm like, are you sure about that? Because you probably are lying because nobody liked me in high school. So why do you like me now? Why do you like me? What's different? Yeah, this has never happened before. So why are you giving me attention? I have a huge, I struggle with that a lot. I'm still working on that.

I think that it's like catching yourself when you're doing it type of thing. You know, if you see yourself, if you are about to say something like, if I've gotten better about somebody like complimenting me or saying something nice and then me just being like thank you instead of being like no fuck you. That's not true. You know? And when it comes to like acting confident in front of guys just like act like they're your friend.

You know what I mean? And just try to talk to them like they're one of your friends. And be yourself and just take the pressure off and just be like, you know what, whatever happens here, I don't care. Just try to have the, I don't care mindset and just be like, if this dude doesn't work out or like, if this dude doesn't think I'm cool or whatever, I'll find another one, whatever, and just kind of put it all on the table. It is really scary though. And I think that something I've done, I mean, usually when I, if I like,

let's say I'm gonna hang out with someone that's a guy, I'll usually bring friends with me, not really, but not anymore, but I used to do that. I would bring friends with me, so that, you know, and then they'd bring their friends, so that it's not as awkward, like give a group thing going, and you can kind of build a relationship with that person without the pressure. And then when you go and hang out with them individually

or whatever, then it's like not awkward. But being confident in front of guys is really hard and I'm still struggling with that to this day. And at least in the beginning, like when you first meet a guy, whether it's a friend or somebody that you're interested in romantically, this could also go anyway, this could go also for girls and whoever, like just somebody that you're romantically interested in, it's really nerve-racking and like it's hard to be full yourself. But it all comes with time. Okay, last question of the day.

Actually, I want to look to see if there's anymore that we're good that I missed. Okay, I found a few more, that were really fun. You guys asked the best fucking questions. If you ever want to ask me questions for the podcast, I tweet the topics every week on adag podcast, on Twitter, check it out if you want to participate a little bit.

But anyway, so I have four more now that are really, really good. This is gonna be a long episode, it looks like, which is fun and different, fun, fun, fun, fun. Advise on how to regain confidence in trust in others after being hurt by people who are very close to you. God, I've been through this, I've totally been through this, and it is so, it's so tough because when you put all of

your love and trust into like some friends, for example, and they end up tearing you down or not being good friends or they do something to fuck you over, it makes you lose your faith in humanity a little bit. And you're kind of like, oh my God, like how am I supposed to ever trust anybody again? What I found is that you have to remember that no two people are the same, right? This is something I struggle with, but you have to try not to bring your past with you

when it comes to stuff like that because just because somebody did that to you doesn't mean that somebody won't. Doesn't mean it might happen again, sadly, yes. But now you know to be a little bit more careful, That's something positive that you can take with you. Be careful, but still be open and meet new people and let someone prove you wrong. I found that that really helps. If you kind of open up and try to meet new people and you let somebody prove you wrong and you let somebody show you that good people exist, that really helps.

Especially with relationships, too. If you've been in, you know, this isn't with both. Like, if you date someone and let's say they cheat on you or something, it's really hard to go out there and date again because you're like, well, how am I supposed to ever think the same way now? Like now I'm, now that's the only way I can think.

But you have to remember that the new person that you're talking to, it's a clean slate. Let them in their actions, paint a picture of who they really are. Don't take your past people that you've experienced and let them paint the picture. Does that make sense? Don't allow the people that have hurt you, paint the picture for the new people in your life because those people might be the most amazing people that you ever meet. And maybe they won't. Maybe they're shitty.

And maybe you'll just have to keep trying. But try to find somebody who can prove you wrong. And be open to that. But also have your guard up a little bit and be careful for your own safety. But also just be open-minded. You'll get through it regardless. If somebody ends up fucking you over again, you will be able to get through it. But I can also guarantee that if you keep looking,

you'll find people that make you believe in trust again and make you believe in yourself and your worth, even though your worth should not be dependent on what other people think of you. But like, I also understand that those two things can be connected. If somebody, you know, it does something to fuck you over. It can make you question yourself and it would be stupid to say that that doesn't affect it. So you get what I'm saying here.

Somebody said, why is it that the only person I'm comfortable around is my mom. I even find it hard to be myself around my friends or even my sister. Why is that? I think that it's so normal to be really comfortable with your parents, not for everybody. I mean, everybody has a totally, some people are not comfortable with their parents at all.

But I can relate to this where I am definitely my most authentic self in front of my family, like my parents, not like my my family, like my parents, not like my whole family, but my mom and my dad, because I know that the love from them is unconditional, and I know that they would accept me no matter what, and I know that I don't have to fear that relationship. I don't have to worry about that relationship,

them walking away, because they're my parents. And I mean, I'm really grateful that I have that type of relationship with them, because I know that everybody is such a different story and such a different situation with their parents and all of that. But I think that if you have one, let's make this more broad,

if you have one person that you feel really safe with, that you feel like you're truly yourself with them and not with anyone else, that's probably because you don't worry about that relationship going anywhere. You feel confident in the status of the relationship and you don't think that that person would just get up and leave you because you trust them. And I think that that's really normal and I think that's really special to have that type of relationship with somebody.

Maybe make it a goal to try to find more people that you trust in that way so that you can feel free to be yourself around others, you know, and around more people than just your mom. Find people that give you a similar energy to your mom that like make you feel safe and comfortable like that. Last question, do you have that person, an individual or a certain type of person that you just cannot make Convo with and your mind goes blank with nothing at all? Yes, I kind of mentioned this earlier, but it's people that are like really judgmental

and cold when you first meet them, I really struggle with that. Because I'm like, oh shit, they don't like me. So like, how do I, how am I supposed to start a combo with this person when it's very clear that they don't even really wanna have a combo with me? So I totally understand that, and that's super uncomfortable. But just remember that that's not your fault. And like, you know, maybe you just need to go talk

to someone else. But I do know, I have dealt with people like that and it always makes me so uncomfortable and it makes me like question myself. I'm like, God, am I just like not doing a good job here? Like, I don't know. But usually it's not you, you know? And even if it is, who cares?

You'll, you'll low, you'll low. And on that note, I've been recording for way longer than normal in hour and 20 minutes. That's fucking crazy. I hope you guys all enjoyed this episode. I love you all so much and I really appreciate you guys coming back every week and listening to me ramble about random shit. If you have any ideas of topics that you want me to talk about

or you want to participate in the question element of this podcast at AG Podcasts on Twitter. I tweet the questions. I tweet the links to the podcast. It's a great place to go for resources there. Yeah, I love you all. Have an amazing rest of your day, morning, night, evening, week, month. Enjoy your month. I love you all. Keep it real. week months. Enjoy your month. I love you all. Keep it real.