anything goes with emma chamberlain - i tried a dopamine “detox”
Episode Date: May 14, 2023about a week ago, i had the realization that i had fallen into some bad habits. i'd been scrolling on social media a little bit too much, online shopping a little bit too much, ordering food delivery ...a little bit too much, and more. my brain felt cloudy. i felt anxious. i felt kind of depressed. i didn't feel as creative or as focused as i knew i could be. and i really make an effort in my life to have a healthy balance with modern convenience and entertainment, because i know how addictive these things are and how toxic they can be. but when i had this realization a week ago, i had the desire to take drastic measures. i decided i was going to do a dopamine detox. if you haven't heard of a dopamine detox, i'll explain it. and i will say this challenge, as minor as it may seem, was really eye-opening for me. it was challenging, but it was very rewarding. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices
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About a week ago, I had the realization that I'd fallen into some bad habits.
I realized I'd been scrolling on social media a little bit too much, online shopping a
little bit too much, ordering food, delivery a little bit too much, listening to podcasts,
a little bit too much, watching YouTube a little bit too much, falling asleep to the sound
of TV a little bit too much, watching YouTube a little bit too much, falling asleep to the sound of TV a little bit too much.
And I came to the realization because I felt like shit.
My brain felt cloudy, I felt anxious,
I felt kind of depressed.
I didn't feel like I was being as creative as I knew I could be.
I didn't feel like I was as focused as I knew I could be. I just felt like shit.
And I really make an effort in my life to have a healthy balance with modern convenience
and modern entertainment because I know how addictive these things are and I know how toxic they can be.
But every once in a while, I find myself in a place where I've lost my balance
with these things.
And usually what I do is just fix it
in a way that's pretty anticlimactic.
I mean, I just make the decision
that I'm going to regain that balance.
And then over the course of the following week or so,
I shift back into a healthy mode.
But when I had this realization a week ago
that I'd fallen back into these bad habits,
I had this desire to take drastic measures.
And I normally don't, as I just mentioned.
Normally, I just kind of make the decision in my mind
to go back to a healthy balance.
But for some reason, this time was different.
And I wanted to take drastic measures.
And I wanted to really try to do something that would make a serious impact on my life
so that I don't fall into bad habits as often.
So I decided I was going to do a dopamine detox.
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code anything at liquidiv.com. If you haven't heard of adopamine detox, I'll explain it in a second.
But this concept of adopamine detox became really, really trendy a few years ago, and everyone
was doing it, everyone was trying it.
But at the time when it was trendy, I wasn't really interested.
It just didn't appeal to me, and I never really looked into it.
But I remembered the basic concept, which was that you refrain from participating in leisurely activities and it kind of helps
to reset your brain in a way.
Like that's kind of all I knew, right?
And so I decided I wanted to try this dopamine detox, but obviously I had to do research because
I didn't really know that much about it.
So I'm going to share with you what I found online.
Okay, so the first thing I researched was dopamine.
What is dopamine?
I'm warning you before I start that,
I might fuck some of this up.
I mean, I'm not a scientist, okay?
I'm not a neurologist, go easy on me
and take all of this with a grain of salt,
because I am just kind of reading off Google, okay?
So according to the internet, dopamine
is a type of neurotransmitter.
It is a chemical that your body makes
and your nervous system uses it
to send messages between nerve cells.
Okay, so to pretty much all of us,
that means nothing, great. So this all of us, that means nothing.
Great.
So this didn't really teach me that much,
so I did a little bit more research.
And according to Harvard, dopamine is most notably involved
in helping us feel pleasure as a part of the brain's
reward system.
Sex, shopping, smelling cookies, baking in the oven.
All of these things can trigger dopamine
release or a dopamine rush, which makes you feel good and is involved in reinforcement,
aka making you want to go back and do it again.
So this is why when you smell the cookies in the oven and then you eat one, you actually
might go back and eat another one,
even if you aren't hungry anymore.
It's because dopamine is involved
in your brain's reinforcement, which means
it makes you want to go and do stuff again.
If something makes you feel good once,
then your brain knows, oh, it'll make me feel good again.
So it makes you want to go back and do things again, right? Now, immediately when I started to understand what dopamine was,
I was like, wow, it's all making sense to me. So what is adopamine detox? According to
the internet once again, adopamine detox is a period of time where you refrain from
participating in modern activities that released dopamine
too easily in order to hopefully reset your mind to start motivating you to participate in
slightly more challenging ways of life that are overall healthier for you mentally.
So for example, instead of ordering food delivery, which releases dopamine, gives you a dopamine rush, right?
While doing a dopamine detox, you cook for yourself.
Now, cooking for yourself is positive across the board.
Number one, it's a useful skill.
Number two, you feel satisfied after you cook something for yourself.
You feel like you made something.
Number three, a lot of times it's more nutritious, not always,
but sometimes overall, cooking is a positive activity, you know. And so while doing a dopamine
detox, you're going to be forced to cook. That's one example. Another example would be to socialize
in real life instead of going on TikTok for five hours straight.
Going on TikTok gives you a dopamine rush because you're being exposed to a bunch of different
people and what they're doing and it's exciting and it's stimulating and it's entertaining
and all of this.
And it even kind of makes you feel social.
But the truth about TikTok is that you're not actually being social.
You feel like you're being social and your brain kind of thinks you're being social, but
in reality, you're just isolating yourself because you're not actually making meaningful
connections with people.
Yet your brain is responding as though it is and you're getting a dopamine rush, which makes
you want to stay on TikTok.
The idea is when you're on a dopamine detox,
instead of going on TikTok,
you instead are forced to go into something
like socializing real life, right?
Or hang out by yourself, and I don't know, do something creative.
So I see this sort of definition of the dopamine detox,
and I'm like, yeah, this makes complete sense to me.
So I get this basic understanding of the dopamine detox, and I'm like, this, this makes complete sense to me. So I get this basic understanding
of the dopamine detox and I'm like, this seems great. What are the rules? So I googled the rules
and I found a few different results. So I compiled a list of the most popular rules
into one master list and here's what I got. No internet, no social media, no music,
no gaming, no video content, no porn, no masturbation, no drugs, alcohol or caffeine,
no unhealthy food, no food delivery, no exercise, no socializing, even in real life, no reading books, no shopping, no thrill seeking.
So I see this as a rule, and I'm like, wait a minute.
This is not gonna work for me.
Maybe this is why I didn't try it when it was trendy.
I guess I must have forgot how strict the rules are.
And so I decided to do a little bit more research.
And I found very quickly some skepticism from scientists.
So the problem is a true dopamine detox is impossible
because the brain continues to produce dopamine all the time.
Yes, dopamine does rise when you experience pleasurable activities,
but it doesn't actually decrease when you avoid pleasurable
activities.
So a dopamine fast technically doesn't lower your dopamine levels.
You can't detox yourself from a chemical that your body is producing.
And the fast, it's like misdirected, right? It's called a dopamine detox, which insinuates that what you want to do is,
you know, avoid activities that give you a dopamine rush, right?
But I think what the goal really should be is, you know, like, participate in a technology detox.
That makes sense, because you can detox your life from technology
by not using technology.
I also read about how a lot of people who do dopamine detoxes
deprive themselves of healthy things
because they release dopamine.
So for example, people who are really hardcore
about the dopamine detox will not socialize or read books
because those things release dopamine. But those things are healthy. There's no science
stating that you must refrain from all activities that release dopamine if you really want to
reset your brain. Like there's no science there. So at this point in my research, I'm confused.
I'm like, is a dopamine detox even a real thing?
I guess not.
But I made the decision that I wanted to do some form of a detox anyway.
Because there were pieces of the dopamine detox concept
that were exciting to me.
There were also pieces of it that felt too extreme to me, and then there were obviously
pieces of it that were just completely inaccurate, scientifically.
And so I considered the idea of doing a technology detox, where I completely cut myself off from
technology.
But I can't do that because, you know, a lot of my job requires me to use technology.
And I can't take a break longer than 48 hours in the foreseeable future.
So that wasn't really an option. So I decided to just make my own detox that specifically
own detox that specifically targeted my weaknesses, my addictions, et cetera. And I made it doable. You know, a lot of the rules are healthy habits that I might want to bring into my day-to-day life
at some point. Some of them are a bit more extreme and I put them in my list of
rules just to see what would happen, but a lot of them are really doable and might actually be
integrated into my daily routine at some point. Who knows? Okay, so let me share with you the rules
for Emma's detox. I'm calling it Emma's detox because it's not a dopamine detox
because as we know that doesn't actually exist scientifically.
And it's not a technology detox because I will be allowing some technology.
So we're calling it Emma's detox.
My own set of rules to help me get back on track in my life.
So I'm not going to scroll through social media.
I will allow myself to post something,
but I won't allow myself to look through social media,
look at my comments, look at my likes,
look through my tags, nothing.
I'm only allowed to go on there to just post something,
and then I turn my phone off immediately after. No internet, unless I'm only allowed to go on there to just pose something. And then I turn my phone off immediately after.
No internet, unless I'm researching something for work
or for learning purposes.
No music, unless I'm with a family member friend or my boyfriend.
So when I'm all alone, I must be in silence.
No video content whatsoever, no YouTube, no movies, no TV.
Unless I'm with a family member friend or my boyfriend.
Like, if it's something that I'm doing with someone else, it's fine.
But when I'm alone, no.
No drugs or alcohol.
Caffeine is allowed because caffeine is not a drug to me.
It is just my life.
So we all know I don't smoke weed
and the only other thing I've ever tried is mushrooms
and I don't really wanna do them right now.
It's not appealing to me.
So we're good there.
Alcohol is a little bit more of a challenge.
I love having a little drink on the weekends.
If I have a really long day, sometimes I like to have a drink,
you know, I mean, I do drink. So that one was a little
bit more challenging. And then caffeine, I cannot remove from my life. Sorry. And I don't want to.
Next rule, no food delivery. That includes ordering groceries. I order groceries all the time.
When I'm too lazy, don't want to go to the grocery store, can't do it. Don't have the energy for it.
I order my groceries. And I decided that I wasn't going to let don't have the energy for it, I order my groceries and I decided that
I wasn't going to let myself do that.
And then obviously no food delivery, meaning pre-prepared meals from like a restaurant,
you know, post-maiding, door to ashing, whatever.
Last but not least, no online shopping.
So this is much less extreme than the dopamine detox rules that you find online.
My list of rules is much less strict than the dopamine detox rules that you find online. My list of rules is much less strict
than the dopamine detox, okay?
The dopamine detox is extreme.
Like no socializing, no reading books, no exercise,
kind of ridiculous.
And again, as I mentioned earlier,
cutting those things out that are healthy
doesn't actually benefit you. You know, so that's why I was like, no, I'm not cutting those things out that are healthy doesn't actually benefit you.
You know, so that's why I was like, no, I'm not cutting those things out.
My goal was to focus on high quality socializing with friends, family,
boyfriend, et cetera, to spend time in nature, to be creative,
to get work done, to stay focused, to exercise and move around a lot,
to meditate, to journal, to reflect,
and just to get back on track.
I decided I was going to do this for seven days,
and I documented my feelings and my thoughts
during this experience, and I'm gonna share with you
what happened.
Okay, so let's start with day one. I woke up immediately despising the silence.
Okay, it was eerie to me. Prior to starting this detox, I was listening to something constantly
when I was alone. Sometimes it was a YouTube video, sometimes it was a podcast, sometimes it was
music. Regardless, I was constantly listening to something. a YouTube video, sometimes it was a podcast, sometimes it was music.
Regardless, I was constantly listening to something
from the time that I woke up to the time
that I went to sleep.
And immediately in the morning of day one,
I realized how bad that problem had become
because being alone in a silent house was weird for me.
I immediately regretted making it a rule
that I wouldn't listen to music.
But deep down, I knew that I needed to do this.
I needed to be comfortable and complete silence again,
because I would consider myself to be an independent person.
I'm totally happy hanging out alone.
I love it.
I need it.
But the truth is, I'm good at being alone when I have
music playing, or when I have a podcast going, or when I have a YouTube video going. Like, am I truly
independent? If I can't be truly comfortable in silence by myself. So anyway, the morning was
weird for me. But once I kind of got over the silence,
I was actually excited to start working
because I wasn't distracted by the music
or by YouTube video or by a podcast.
And I was kind of bored, you know?
The lack of sound made me bored.
And so I was ready to get started working in the morning. Normally, it's kind of a challenge for me to get started working because I'm like,
I'm like, I have to turn off my music or I have to turn it down or I have to turn my podcast
off or I have to turn my YouTube video off. And it's like a bummer, you know? But I was
so understimulated by the sounds of the morning that getting to work was exciting to me.
And then I got a bunch done, although it did suck,
because like 40 minutes into working,
my neighbor's gardener started leaf blowing,
and it was so loud, and I just hate that sound.
And normally I would just put headphones in,
and play music, and ignore it.
But I couldn't do that because I am not allowed to listen to music
during the detox. So I just had to listen to music during the detox.
So I just had to listen to the leaf blower and it was actually, it was torture.
It was like 20 minutes of leaf blower and I just, I could not focus on my work for that
20 minutes because I was like laser focused on how annoying that sound was.
When I took my morning poop, I was bored.
You know, I usually let myself go on social media
when I'm taking my morning poop, not this day.
And so I was pretty bored.
I'm usually on the toilet for like 20 minutes
in the morning because I'm on social media,
but my morning poop was cut down to like three minutes
because I wasn't on my phone.
So that was kind of amazing.
It was also interesting how excited I was for my
workout. I normally dread my morning exercise to an extent. I know deep down I'm going to
be so happy I did it, which is why I do it as much as I can. I know that it's going to
make me feel motivated and energized and satisfied and good.
I know it's gonna make me feel good,
but I usually dread it a little bit before I go.
Not this day, I was so excited to get out of the house
and go have something to do and to be around people.
I was excited, more excited than usual.
It's usually a lot easier for me to be like,
I don't wanna go workout.
When I have music in my house playing,
or again, a podcast or YouTube video.
Usually I don't wanna turn off my morning podcast
or YouTube video or music to go workout.
And so that makes it even more dreadful.
It's like already hard to motivate
because exercise is challenging,
but usually I have the added pull of my morning entertainment that makes me even less motivated
to go and do my workout or get started working or whatever.
And the rest of the morning and early afternoon was pretty normal except the silence was unusual.
I kept finding myself wanting to turn something on to listen to and it just made me feel unsettled.
But luckily, I had an activity this day.
So I actually went on a road trip and my boyfriend and I drove together.
And we talked the whole way and there was music playing
and it was, it was normal. And this road trip was a breeze for me because I was driving. So I
couldn't go and check social media anyway. And I had someone with me. So I didn't need to watch
a YouTube video or listen to a podcast.
So I went on a little family trip that weekend. My mom, my dad, my boyfriend, and me.
And we went to visit my mom's side of the family. I know my parents are divorced, but they're still friends. It's very unusual. That's why my dad went, don't ask. It is a unique
situation. We'll talk about it. I don't know. Yeah, but very cool. Magical that their friends to a point where my parents can go on little vacations
together. I mean, yeah. But anyway, the rest of the evening was very easy because we showed
up to our destination and my parents were there and, you know, other members of my family
were there. And so I just hung out with everybody,
talked to everybody, and by the time bedtime rolled around, I was so tired, I just went to sleep.
And it was easy. And I think what I really realized that day was how helpful it is to have people
in your life when you're trying to have a healthy balance with technology. The first half of the day was really challenging for me
because I was alone and I didn't have the ability
to play anything out loud.
So it was just silence all day, right?
And it was hard.
And then the second I was with other people,
it was so easy.
It was like, I had no desire to break any of the rules.
And I was even more focused and excited in these conversations with my family,
because I really appreciated the social interaction.
So the next morning, I woke up and my parents were there, my boyfriend was there. So again,
not that challenging, right? I cooked breakfast
for everyone actually. And I was excited to do so. During my morning coup, I got some work done
on my phone instead of scrolling through social media. I almost felt like I was cheating because
when I was around everybody, I was like, I just have no desire to break any of the
rules that I made for myself.
This is too easy, right?
What's the point of this challenge?
But I knew that once the family trip was over and I was still on my detox, it would be challenging
again.
So I just tried to enjoy it while it lasted.
This day, I posted something on Instagram.
And the rule was, I can post, but I can't scroll and read comments and do whatever.
Already, I broke the rule. I did read some comments. And I actually saw a mean comment, which
doesn't even happen that often, to be honest. I mean, I try to protect myself from that
for the most part, but just randomly, I see a mean comment. And it really hurt me, more than usual.
And that was weird to me because it had only been 24 hours
since I last went on social media.
Yet I was significantly more impacted by this comment
than I normally am.
It only took 24 hours without social media
to become incredibly sensitive to its energy. And I
immediately got really anxious and upset. And that was bizarre to me because like, I normally
have a thicker skin than that. But then things really started to unfold. So I sort of had
a mental breakdown after this. Questioning whether or not there's a way to use social media and not destroy your mental
health, I was frustrated with myself a little bit wondering why I'm so sensitive to its energy.
Yet simultaneously, being grateful for what it's brought me in my life, because my career started on social media. And in a lot of ways, it was sort of an outlet
for me in the beginning. But I'm so sensitive to it. So yeah, I had a whole mental breakdown,
talked to my family about it, eventually got over it. But by the time I was over it, I was exhausted,
and it was like 5 p.m. And I was like, I fucking want a drink.
And normally I would have just made myself a drink.
You know, I'm on family vacation.
I had a hard afternoon, an emotional afternoon,
fine, I'll have a drink, but no, no drink for me.
And honestly, the impulse to drink was short.
And then I was like, okay, I don't care.
I'm good.
I spent the rest of the evening outside.
My family trip was on a farm.
So there were lots of farm animals everywhere.
I hung out with some of the horses and the cows
and the little kittens that are like stray
and running around.
And that really helped me.
Getting back into nature really grounded me.
I hung out with family some more.
And then I got a little bit more work done.
And I started to realize I was working as a form of entertainment, like going on email,
responding to work texts, working on different things, you know, whether it's a podcast outline or it's a whatever. I found that I was working to entertain myself.
And I started to wonder if that was a bad thing. I was like, am I really fully disconnected here
if I'm actually now abusing work in a way as a form of entertainment? But anyway, I fell asleep
so easily that night. At this point, not having
any stimulation wasn't really bothering me. Although I will say, sleeping with my boyfriend
next to me helped me, just having him right there helped me. We didn't watch TV, we didn't
watch a movie, we just fell asleep, but just having in there was helpful.
Day three, the morning was easy once again.
You know, I woke up to having my family there.
And beyond that, I didn't really wanna go on social media
because the day before I went on to post something
saw one mean comment and then had a meltdown.
So I was like, I'm good for a bit.
I had no desire to scroll on Instagram
during my morning poop.
I didn't even have any desire to work on my phone
during my morning poop.
I was like fully good without my phone at all
for the whole morning.
And then that kind of continued into the afternoon.
I swam in a lake, I went on a walk,
I hung out with all the farm animals.
I was like living my best life.
I had no interest in my phone.
My phone was literally in my room on the charger for 90% of that day.
And it was great.
In the evening, a bunch of my family members, extended family members came over, hung out
with all of them, didn't think
about my phone once.
The time passed so easy.
I will say though, there were moments during that day where I had this sort of dull anxiety
about what people were saying about me on the internet.
Because that's something that keeps me up at night all night every night.
This sort of obsessiveness around what people are saying about me on the internet.
And this was the day when I really realized how strong that obsession is and how strong
that desire is.
The first two days weren't so bad.
For some reason, the third day, it really set in for me.
How much of a control freak I am
about monitoring what people are saying about me.
And I just had this sort of dull underlying anxiety
in my brain from not being able to check.
And it made me even more aware of how often
I can pulsively check to see what people are saying about me. And not being able to do
that left me feeling a weird kind of anxiety. Usually when I get this sort of nagging feeling in
my brain saying go check, go check, go see what people are saying about you, go check. I just go
do a quick sweep on Instagram, look around, see, you know, what's going on, look at the comments,
look in my tags, see what's happening.
And then I go back to my day,
and I'm not anxious anymore because I just checked.
But this challenge was different because I couldn't go look.
I would get that sort of nag in my brain
telling me to go check, but then I couldn't go check,
so it never got resolved.
But, you know, other than that, it was a really great day,
it was a really easy day. And that was that. Day four, the morning was the same as the last few days. You
know, woke up with my family there. Everything was easy. We packed up to leave, unfortunately.
And the road trip back was much more challenging than the way there for two reasons.
Number one, I drove on the way to the vacation, but on the way back, I was the passenger.
So I didn't have that distraction of driving on the way back.
Also my boyfriend and I were tired.
Like we just didn't have as much to talk about.
We just spent the whole weekend together.
We were tired. and I retired. We just didn't have as much to talk about. We just spent the whole weekend together. We retired. And normally, I would have gone on my phone, talked to him a little bit,
gone on my phone, talked to him a little bit, gone on my phone. But all I could do was stare out
the window. It was fine, though. I was thinking about a lot of stuff. I actually was, I don't know,
coming up with random creative ideas for things. the boredom was actually a good thing.
Later that day, I decided to post something on Instagram
from the trip and, well, I accidentally stayed on Instagram
a bit too long.
Again, I ended up on the explore page for a second.
The explore page is like my kryptonite.
Okay, I can't control myself.
I can't stay off of the explore page. Like I love it.
Like it is truly catered to me.
Like the algorithm really knows me
and it just sucks me in immediately.
I would consider this a failure,
but you know what?
I was probably on my explore page for two minutes
and then I was off.
So although it was technically a failure,
it's all right. So I got home then I was off. So although it was technically a failure, it's all right.
So I got home and I was completely alone again.
And I really wanted to listen to a podcast
or to YouTube or to music more than I had any days prior.
Like it was intense and I truly, truly realized how helpful it is
to have people around when you're trying to find
a healthy balance with this stuff.
Like it really was nailed into my head at this point.
And I really started to question my independence.
I questioned my independence day one.
But on day four,
I was like having an existential crisis about it, okay?
Because I realized that I struggled to be alone
when I'm completely in silence.
Yet that's a skill that I really, really want to have.
And so I realized how much work I have to do.
You know, there's work that I need to do there.
I never realized how comforted I was by podcasts and YouTube and music.
I never realized how that made me feel like I actually wasn't alone and how much I needed
that when I was alone.
But eventually I got used to the silence again in dinner time world around.
And I post-mated food on accident because I forgot that I wasn't ordering food delivery,
but I didn't have groceries and I was tired.
So I canceled my post-made order and I just scrapped something together for dinner using
stuff I had in my pantry.
And then I ate in silence, which is unusual because normally I eat
with a YouTube video playing or something to watch.
But I got over it and then I fell asleep
and complete silence with nobody next to me.
And I found it was actually more peaceful than I expected
and it really wasn't that hard.
Day five, I had a lot of work to do this day.
I was working out of the house,
actually at the Spotify studio.
And so the morning and afternoon were easy.
I mean, I still felt a little bit uneasy
in the morning in complete silence.
It was fun.
And on the way to and from the Spotify studio,
I called my parents and talked to them.
So that didn't really bug me.
But when I got home at around 4 p.m.
I was so tired and all I wanted to do was postmate food and watch YouTube and lay down.
That was all I wanted to do. Like I can't even explain to you the desire. It was like,
I work so hard all day. I just wanted to enjoy myself, right? Eat yummy food that I didn't have to cook and
watch something entertaining and just be flat in bed. But the only thing out of those three things
that I could do was just lay down. So I laid down and I had a protein bar as a snack,
which might have been cheating because that is technically like pre-prepared, but also like,
come on, it's fine. I made my own rules, so it's fine.
I ate my protein bar, and then I took a nap.
I was exhausted.
When I woke up, I went to the grocery store
to get food for the next few days.
And the car ride was silent, completely silent.
I didn't call anyone.
I was completely in the confines of my mind.
And I was really using this time to problem solve.
It was interesting because I use driving as a time to think anyway.
But usually I'm listening to music and I'm much less focused.
But driving in complete silence is really meditative.
And I don't know. I was like problem solving.
I was planning things.
I was getting work done in my head
so that when I got home, I could like,
I don't know, get a few things done.
I was like scheduling out my next two days in my head.
Like I was getting shit done in my head
because I had nothing to distract me.
Making myself dinner was really fun.
Even though it was in complete silence, it was really fun and it tasted good and I was
proud of myself.
Then I called my dad and I hung out with him on the phone for a little bit.
Then I got some work done and I felt really creative and I was like, coming up with creative
ideas and I was like, excited.
And then I had to grab analytics from my Instagram page
to send to my, okay, it was a work thing.
I had to go on Instagram and like send a screenshot
of analytics, but I actually didn't go on Instagram
and scroll or anything.
I just got what I needed, screenshot it,
and sent it into my work group chat.
And I did not scroll around on Instagram.
So I felt proud of myself there.
And then I got into bed, and I had a moment where I really wanted to online shop, because
I love online shopping late at night, but I didn't do it.
And then I felt proud of myself again, and I laid in bed and I stared at the ceiling,
and I was so bored, and I was like, what the fuck do I do?
So I got out a piece of paper, and I started doodling while I was laying in bed,
and then eventually I got tired,
and then I went to sleep,
and then I woke up the next day, and it was day six.
At this point, I'm like in the routine, okay?
The quiet morning for me, easy.
During my work day, I felt really focused.
I didn't feel any drive to distract myself in any way.
I did get really tired again, though,
and I took a nap again.
And I don't normally take naps.
Like, I'll take a nap when I'm jet lagged
or when I had to be up super early
for some reason.
But I did find it unusual that I was napping.
And I do think I was napping partially out of boredom,
but I was comfortable with the boredom at this point.
So this night, I kinda screwed up
because I was doing really well all day.
But then I hung out with my boyfriend and as I mentioned earlier,
I'm not making him follow these rules. Okay. This is my thing. This is my journey. I'm not
going to force other people to do this with me. So we post-made a dinner. I really appreciated
it. More than usual. Was it kind of a failure because I wasn't supposed to post my food? Yes.
But on the bright side, I really appreciated it more than normal because I had been cooking for
myself the last few days. Then I failed again because we watched a movie. We watched American
Psycho. I had never seen it, which is unusual. It made me really anxious. I mean, it is kind of a thriller-type movie,
but it made me unusually anxious.
And I wonder if it's because I hadn't watched anything
in five days.
And so being exposed to that level of mental stimulation
made me anxious, I don't know.
My boyfriend fell asleep, and I didn't know what to do.
Normally, I would have went on my phone and just
done dumb shit on there, but instead I went downstairs and I worked on my computer for like an hour and a half.
And then eventually I got sleepy and then I went back upstairs and tossed and turned for like 20 minutes.
Really anxious. And then I went to sleep. Finally, day seven, last day.
Day seven, I started out with a failure.
When I was taking my morning poop, I did accidentally go on Instagram and it was weird because it
was like, wait a minute, I had been so good about not doing this for the past six days,
what the fuck.
But for some reason, my thumb just went there, but I immediately caught myself and was like,
wait a minute, what am I doing?
And I went off.
So that was good.
So it was a failure, but then it was a success.
I had my quiet morning, it was fine, it was normal.
I went and did my workout, it was fine.
Around lunchtime on day seven, though, I really realized how much I actually enjoy
eating meals in silence. And then I started to think about cooking in silence, and driving
in silence, and showering in silence, and all these moments that were usually filled
with some sort of noise. I started to realize how much I actually do enjoy this silence. And it was exciting because
I started to realize how useful this silence is. Because in the beginning of the detox, it was
challenging, right? It was challenging. It was upsetting. It was weird. It was unnerving. I didn't really know what to do with that silent time,
but naturally my brain rewired itself
and taught it how to use silence effectively.
And I realized I was using my alone time wisely
for the first time in God knows how long.
I was truly using it.
Sometimes it was meditative,
sometimes it was utilized for problem solving.
Sometimes it was used for coming up with creative ideas
about things, but it felt clear
and it felt effective and useful and helpful and positive.
But then I posted something on Instagram and I did glance at the explorer page again.
And then I was like, Emma, what are you doing?
Stop, get off.
And then I got off.
And it was fine.
I didn't stay on for more than probably 90 seconds.
But that was too long for me.
I was like, no, this is not honoring the challenge and the detox.
Get off.
So I got off.
I went to a nail appointment this day and I really enjoyed sitting there in silence.
It was great.
I loved it.
Again, I was thinking I was using this time wisely.
It was great.
And then when I got home, I was exhausted and I took another nap.
And I was like, what the fuck is going on?
Why am I napping so much?
Like I've, I can't remember the last time I napped three days
in a row, but I could not stop sleeping. And so I found that unusual. So I googled why am I tired
on it to open me in detox. And I didn't find any scientific articles, but I did go and read it,
which is a, by the way, least reliable source of all time. But somebody said, now this is not a scientist.
This is not reliable, but it kind of made sense to me.
So I was like, huh, maybe this is what's happening.
Someone said, being unmotivated,
and tired is a part of the dopamine detox.
It's the low your brain responds with
as a counteraction to the high you experienced before.
This is a result of your brain attempting to stay
in homeostasis and can last for months.
Somebody else said, imagine you had a car
and you had to change the engine from diesel to gasoline.
You have to put that car in the shop
for a little bit while they worked on it.
I think our brains are the same way.
We've been running on high octane dopamine for a long time
and now we're making a switch over to something different.
It's going to take a while to rewire and redo everything.
And during that time, it's going to be exhausting for the body.
Okay, that scientifically felt really off,
but I think that that might have been what it is.
You know, like my brain was not being as stimulated.
And so it wanted sleepy time.
I don't know, I don't know. But I just,
I kept taking naps, I don't know. And on day seven, that was my third nap in a row. So that
was weird. And then at the end of day seven, I decided to celebrate. And so I hung out
with my boyfriend again, and we did the same thing. We watched a movie, we got food delivered, we actually even had a glass of wine. And that was the end of the
M.A.D. talks. So I came to quite a few conclusions. I was really made aware of how reliant I am on
social media and entertainment to make being alone comfortable. And you know, towards the end
there, I got to a point where I didn't really feel like
I needed it anymore.
I felt comfortable actually in the silence.
And I started to enjoy the silence.
And I didn't feel uncomfortable or uneasy.
But I realized that was something I was relying on before.
And that's something that I could rely on again if I'm not careful. I also realize how much time I waste doing shit
that does not make my life more fulfilling,
more fun, more exciting.
You know, I've been the type of person to say,
ah, there's not enough time in the day
to get done everything I need to get done.
Yet I spent four hours that day,
online shopping and then on Instagram and
then watching a YouTube video and then getting back to work. You know what I mean?
Removing all the stimuli in my life that I was addicted to gave me so much more
time to do things that were meaningful. Now I will say I was pretty busy during this detox. And so,
I didn't have as much downtime as I wish I would have, because I think if I would have
had more downtime, I would have been motivated to journal and meditate. I just didn't
really have the time for that. During this seven day detox. I used most of my downtime to nap or to just think. And I never really got to the point where I was
like, oh, I want to actually meditate or I want to actually journal. You know, most of that work
was just kind of done in my head, which I think is equally as beneficial. You know, I guess
meditating is in your head, but meditating is also a physical
thing. You know what I mean? You sit and close your eyes and deep breathe. I didn't really have
a moment to do that. I was using all this silent time to think, but I wasn't actually meditating.
You know what I mean? But in a way, it was meditative. I don't know. I realized how much less rushed I feel
when I'm not participating in these time sucking activities like going on social media or watching
a YouTube video or listening to a podcast. I also realized how much creativity I'm stifling.
All of the addictive forms of entertainment make it so hard for me to shift into a mode where
I'm bored enough to be creative.
And you know, this was a huge eye opener for me because a lot of the things I do in a
way are creative in one way or another.
Not like creative is in getting out a canvas and painting a painting, but coming up with
a creative way to demonstrate a topic for this podcast or coming up with a new creative marketing
strategy for Chairman Lincolfi or coming up
with a new branding strategy, like whatever it might be,
there's a lot of different creative things
that I have to do or more importantly, want to do.
And I'm making it a lot harder on myself
when I'm filling my time with addictive forms
of entertainment. I also realized how truly anxious social media makes me. You know, I
realized how compulsive I am about checking social media and how obsessed I am with making
sure everything is okay all the time. And I realized how scared I am of the internet.
I am really fucking scared of the internet.
It's terrifying.
It's vast.
It's large.
I'm scared of it in a lot of ways.
I don't even know how to scratch the surface on that
because it's, you know, there's so many things about it
that scare me.
And yet I love it and appreciate it in a lot of ways as well.
But I realized how important it is that I find the correct balance
because it does make me really anxious.
And I am really compulsive about checking it.
And that's not healthy. So I need to figure that shit out.
And last but not least, I realized how much more present
I could be in my life.
I'm not proud to say this, but there have been times
when I've been in a conversation with somebody and I could be in my life. I'm not proud to say this, but there have been times
when I've been in a conversation with somebody
and I check my phone really quick.
I'm not the type to be like on my phone
during a whole conversation, but there are times
when I'll check my phone during a conversation
or maybe I'll cut a hangout with someone short
because I'd rather just go home and watch YouTube
or I'm not fully focused on something that I'm doing
because I'm also doing something else.
I can be so distracted by all these modern addictions,
and it can really take me away from important quality moments.
So here's what I'm going to do moving forward.
I'm actually going to try to keep up a lot of these habits,
although some of them are ridiculous. Like, I'm going to try to keep up a lot of these habits. Although some of them are ridiculous,
like, I'm going to listen to music.
I'm gonna listen to a podcast every once in a while
when I'm alone.
You know what, I mean, I'm not going to continue
this challenge for the rest of my life, you know?
But I am going to try to have more moments of silence
when I'm alone.
And I'm going to work on my relationship with social media.
And I'm going to try to stop ordering food delivery
as often.
And I am going to try to stop online shopping as much.
I think that there's a lot to be learned
by challenging yourself like this.
And I really recommend you try it,
but make your own rules.
And be honest with yourself about what you're addicted to,
and challenge yourself to take a break for a little bit.
Because a lot of these modern addictions are sneaky,
and you don't realize how addicted you are to them
until you remove them from your life.
But I will say this challenge as minor as it may seem,
was really eye-opening for me
and it was challenging, but it was very rewarding.
And that's all I have for today.
Stay tuned for next week.
The episode after this one is going to be an interview
with someone very special who knows a lot about dopamine,
indediction, and more. My very first interview. So check that out and be ready.
That's all I have for today. Thank you guys for listening. Go check out that interview.
It's going to be really great. Yeah, thank you for listening. Thank you for hanging out.
I hope you enjoyed it. Follow anything goes on Twitter at AG podcast or on Instagram at anything goes.
Follow me on Instagram if you want at Emma Chamberlain. I really just love and appreciate all of you and
I'm so grateful that you spent a little bit of time with me today. Oh, also, check out my coffee company, Chamberlain Coffee.
If you want, use code AG15 to get a little discount, okay?
And I'll talk to you next week.
Yeah, I'll talk to you next week.
Bye.
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