anything goes with emma chamberlain - intuitions

Episode Date: April 2, 2020

Gut feelings, instincts, that voice in the back of your head — we all have them. Sometimes they’re so strong they can’t be ignored. Should I be doing something different? Why don’t I fully trust this? Should this person be in my life? Emma dives deep into her intuitions, from important life decisions, to personal relationships, and everything in between. What to do with those intuitions, and when to trust them?  Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Hello everyone. I hope we're all having a good day. I am feeling so out of place right now. Let me give you... Let me set the scene. I am in my... One of the bedrooms of my house, like the guest bedroom specifically because there's a lot of pillows in here and supposedly recording at home sounds better if you're in a very pillowed room. So I am doing that pillowed room. So I am doing that and I have some clothes in here. So like it's probably gonna be better audio quality. I don't know. I look like I got hit by a bus. I have looked like that for the past week. Occasionally getting ready just to kind of feel good but then I just take it it all off after so I haven't really been It you guys know it is we've all been at home for like a week

We're all kind of just starting to lose our minds a little bit. I've been trying to keep it fun. I've been Actually, I'll tell you what I've been doing. Maybe I can inspire you My daily routine has gone a little something like this Every other day I try to work out in the morning. I've been trying to go and walk as well, just like walks around town, whatever, try to walk up some hills, get out of breath a little bit. It makes me feel better about sitting at home

for a long periods of time when I know that I exercised. I don't know if that makes sense, but like, if I exercise, then I'm cool with like playing Fortnite for the rest of the day. Because this is what else I've been doing. In the beginning, like earlier this week, I was watching movies every night, but now I'm playing Fortnite.

Let me tell you why this is a bad thing. I used to hate Fortnite. Like hate it, I mean, I liked it, but like, I used to play on computer with my friends, but like when it became a big thing, I hated it. I hated how everybody was playing it. I hated how it was like, I don't know why I hated it. I didn't have a reason. I think it's because I just didn't understand. Like everybody was talking about Fortnite. Everybody loved playing Fortnite.

Everybody was playing Fortnite instead of hanging out with their friends, like, it was like this phase, right? And I hated it, I hated when my friends played Fortnite, it just pissed me off. Okay, well, I now apologize to everybody who, I was angry at for playing Fortnite because now I am doing the exact same thing. And I've gotten kinda good. I just ordered a PS4 for my own house

And I've gotten kind of good. I just ordered a PS4 for my own house so that I can not use in borrow other people's And it's party time. It's victory royale time. Oh I actually I've only one Twice One was in duos with somebody else and they basically won for me. And then one was by myself. Winning Fortnite by yourself is probably the best feeling on planet Earth.

I mean, there's nothing better, but I'm going to shut the fuck up about Fortnite because I'm starting to turn into everything I used to hate like a year ago, so let's not do that. Let me have a sip of my... Oh, I heard that. It's my coffee. But I have to drink my coffee without ice right now because my ice machine and my refrigerator broke.

So now I have no ice. It's funny because I'm moving, but I can't move right now, obviously, because of the what's going on, but I'm moving soon. And ever since I like decided where I'm moving and it was like finalized, everything in my apartment started breaking. Like ever since I decided I was moving

and I got the place, I, but I still have to live in my apartment. Everything has been breaking. Like the lights in my kitchen one day broke. My garbage disposal broke, now my ice machine broke. Like the shit doesn't end. Give me a moment while I let my cat into the room because he or she can't tell who's meowing at me is obviously quite lonely. So PRB. It was my little girl Frankie. She wanted to come in to hang out. I am now laying in bed

recording my podcast. This is something I never thought I would do, but it feels kind of good. It kind of reminds me of all the evenings that I'm on the phone with my parents late at night, and I'm laying here in my bed on my phone, but now I'm talking to no one instead, which is a little bit weird, but you guys are someone. So you know what I'm saying. Let's get into the topic of the day. So this is a weird topic to talk about publicly. Again, see, I love this podcast because I just fucking talk about stuff I never thought I'd talk about on the internet. And it's weirdly less, it's really easier because I'm by myself and I'm not looking at a camera.

I'm just sitting here with a microphone like I'm on the phone and I can open up in a different way. I don't know why it's so different, but it is anyway, you don't care. Today I'm gonna be talking about my intense gut feelings and intuitions that I have. I don't necessarily, I'm not coming on here saying, oh my God, I'm psychic,

but I've definitely had some moments that are pretty interesting. And I thought I would share. The reason why I think that their soap is are is because usually when I have these, we'll call them gut feelings for now. It's interesting because I'll have these gut feelings, but they'll go against what my conscious mind is saying.

And that'll make more sense when I start telling the stories, but that's why I find them so interesting because they contradict what I want to do with my life in that present moment, or like what I believe. But then I'll have this weird inner gut feeling that makes me super uneasy and I'll be like, what? And then it ends up coming true and then it's crazy. So let's get into some of the stories. The first one that I can actually remember is I was in middle school

and I was actually in Maine. I used to go to Maine every summer with my family, my dad's side. Oh my god, I miss it. I haven't gone in like two years, but it's like my favorite place. Anyway, well, the place that we stay in Maine is very remote. Basically no cell signal, very old timey, like lots of general stores and like, you know, little beach shops and stuff, but like in an ice cream shop. And like the closest grocery store is like 30 minutes away. It's like very remote, just for some context. But anyway, so one night I was sleeping there

as a middle school. And I was actually in elementary school. Sorry. One night I was sleeping there. Mind you, elementary school age, I think, I was in fourth grade. And I was whatever I was sleeping because I would go there for two weeks.

woke up one morning. And I remember the dream I had. I had a dream that I wasn't going to go to a certain middle school and I was going to go to this other middle school. Now for some context, my parents were divorced at this point and my mom lived in one town and my dad lived in another town 20 minutes away. At the time I was going to school five minutes away from my dad's house. So, in a different town.

But I had a dream that I was going to go to middle school in my mom's town, the town that my mom lived. And it was this school that actually my cousins went to. And I had this dream about it. And in the dream, I was told that I need to go to this school, like I need to transfer to the school, in my dream. And it was so bizarre to me at the time. I mean, mind you, I'm like in elementary school, and like not very smart yet. Still not necessarily

that smart. Fuck that. I'm smart. Not going to be degrading today anyways. It was weird. And so I asked my dad for like two quarters, and I run down to the pay phone at the bottom of the hill from the cottage that we were staying at. And I call my mom, and I say, you need to transfer me to the school in your town. I need to go to the school. Please can we transfer me over to that school? Like are we in the zone to go to that school? Please can we transfer me over to that school? Like are we in the zone to live, to go to that school?

Like can we please figure it out? I just have this feeling that I need to go to the school. And I ended up going to that school because of that one dream. I was fully planning on going to middle school in my town. I was fully prepared to go to middle school in the town that my dad lived. But like that dream changed everything and made me feel like I needed to go to this other middle school, which seems really random and seems really inconsequential. But me going to that school is definitely the

reason why I started my YouTube channel and definitely the reason why I am who I am today. If I wouldn't have gone to that school. I wouldn't have experienced this interesting culture in the area that I lived where the area that I went to elementary school was a lot more normal, middle class, whatever, and the area that I went to middle school in high school was a lot more wealthy. And I think that experience of going from a normal kind And I think that that experience of like going from like a normal kind of community to like a more wealthier community, I think it really impacted me and I think it kind of made me,

it made me grow in a way that I wouldn't have grown if I would have stayed in the old school and old community. And I'm like, so I think it almost made me want to rebel in a way. Because like, everybody was exactly the same. Everybody bought the exact same things. I participated in that for a while there as much as I could. But like, as I got older, I started to realize how everything was so fabricated and fake. And it made me lose my mind. Because everybody was just had rich parents parents all got the same expensive cars like it got to a point where I was just like I

hated it and I don't think that I would have felt the strong urge to start a YouTube channel if I wasn't in that situation and so That was a crazy one, but that was just the first time I ever felt an Intuition like that That was like or at a dream or know, something kind of weird like that. That was like, almost like the universe telling me to do something and then me being like, okay, I guess I'll do it and not questioning it and then changing my whole entire life in a weird way.

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There's no instruction manual when it comes to being an adult. Sometimes I lay away get night rehashing something I said earlier that day, or lay in bed at night, thinking about what the future holds. I know I'm not the only one going through a lot of what ifs. Like what if I get into a fender bender, or what if my home gets broken into. But state farm can help you with some of those big what ifs. They're available to answer your questions day or night. You can reach them 24-7 file a claim on the state farm mobile app or simply call your

agent to ask what's on your mind. Like a good neighbor, State Farm is there. Call or go to StateFarm.com for a quote today. Next story more is about high school. So in high school, I was a very was a very grade focused student. I was obsessed with going to a good college, obsessed, which might sound funny to you guys now, but no, I was like obsessive about college. Like, at an unhealthy degree, I like, I like, it was at an unhealthy point.

Like, I was so obsessed with going to a good college for no other reason Then just simply bragging rights and I can say that now But I just wanted to prove that I was smart because I think it was also this thing where at my school again It was a private school and there's a lot of wealthy kids and I think that me being not as wealthy and wealthy kids. And I think that me being not as wealthy and getting financial aid made me feel inferior in a certain way. And the way for me to feel better about myself was the fact that I got better grades than some of them, which is fucked up. It's not a competition in any way. And it didn't need to be. I don't know why my brain was wired like that at the time. But that's the way my brain was wired back then.

Now I wouldn't care, but like about either, but I'm in a different place in my life now. But I, you know, I felt like the only way that I could prove myself was to be smart. And if I went to a really good school and got really good grades, I would get attention for that while the other girls were getting attention

for the Audi that they drove to school one day. You know what I'm saying? Like it was like it's it's shallow to think like that But and I'm saying that because I don't want anybody to think that's how I'm wired now because I'm not so but like you can see what I'm saying Anyway, very obsessed with school But it was really weird because I remember I went to a SAT prep person when it was about to be time for SATs and I had a meeting with them. It was basically going to be like an SAT prep college counselor type of situation. And I remember driving home

from that and I was like, I don't even think I said this out loud to my mom or anything, but I remember thinking in my hand, I was like, I know I'm not gonna go to college. Why am I trying so hard? And at this point, I had not started my YouTube channel. Every single sign pointed to me going to college. And that was my goal. Yet for some reason, I had this feeling

that I couldn't shake telling me, Emma, you're not gonna go to college. Emma, you're not going to college. Emma, you're not going to college. And I'd be like, what the fuck? Like, yes, I am. I'd literally be fighting my inner mind. I'd be fighting my mind.

It would be like, part of my brain was telling me I was fully going to college. And then my subconscious mind was screaming at me, telling me, you're not going to college, idiot. You're not going to college. And my subconscious mind was screaming at me telling me you're not going to college idiot you're not going to college and I just ended up ignoring it and I was like maybe this is just my brain like behaving weird because I am not excited about college but like I am and then fast forward a few months I start my youtube channel still thinking I'm going to college and then eventually it was clear to me that I was not going to college. And then I was like, oh shit, my subconscious was right. But

I had no reason to feel that way when I was feeling it. So that's why it was so weird. Speaking of YouTube, I had really interesting YouTube related intuition gut feelings. Basically, I was a cheerleader in high school and I was obviously a student in high school and I worked so hard at both of those things, like extremely hard. Like with cheerleading, I was driving an hour to practice three times a week and then to go to my competitive cheerleading gym in a completely different time and hour away, sometimes two hours away if there's traffic because I wanted to be on a good team. It's kind of extra thank you to my parents for driving me to that. And then at school I was doing like eight hours of homework every day and also doing school

cheer for a few months before I got kicked off the team. But I was doing school cheer and so I was doing that every day. So I was doing a lot spreading myself quite thin at the time. And I was doing that because I wanted to do it. I wanted to be a good cheerleader and I wanted to be a good student

and I was working so hard at this sleeping three hours a night, like constantly like under the weather, like whatever. And I remember just getting in the car one day and I told my mom, I was like, I know for a fact that there is something out there in this world for me that I'm not doing, but I know that it's my path, but I don't know what it is.

I was like, I know that there's, because I always felt like I was doing these things, and I never felt fully passionate about them. Like with cheer, I was really passionate about cheer, but I knew that that was kind of coming to a close. Like it was just something that was a phase, and like my passion was kind of fading for that, and was school.

I didn't have a, I was, you know, I got good grades, but I didn't have a subject that I was super passionate about. Like I really liked biology, and I was like, maybe I could do something with biology, but I didn't have a subject that I was super passionate about. Like I really liked biology, and I was like maybe I could do something with biology, but nothing clicked in my head. Nothing was like a yes. This is what I wanna do with my life.

And it bugged me because I knew that there was something else out there in the world that was like my path more, and I could not figure it out, okay? I knew that it was there, but I couldn't figure it out. And it was so overwhelming that it made me so unsettled constantly. I was constantly like, what is it? I was constantly trying to figure out what it is. And I felt so bad about myself for not knowing what it was. And it took me getting to my darkest depression that I had ever gotten to,

end of sophomore year, to finally figure out what it was. But I think what led me to that depression was the fact that I was like living this day to day that I knew wasn't going to last. It was so bizarre. I knew that I wasn't going to be living. I knew that my life was gonna change soon, but I didn't know what it was. And so I was just going through the motions of, you know, doing school sports and going to school every day and, you know, going to class and working really hard, but I

knew that I was kind of doing it for nothing and it was so bizarre because My stomach is making so many sounds and I bet you guys can hear it I don't know why I think it's because I've only drink coffee today because it's like 11 a.m. And I'm Actually, it's new no fuck. I really have not done anything with my day yet today I was going through the motions of Being a student and being doing living my life as I knew it, but I knew that it wasn't going to last. So I felt like I was living a fake life and it was so weird.

And I don't know if that even makes sense because to be honest, it doesn't really make that much sense to me. But fast forward, after living a fake day over and over again because I knew that something else was coming, I got to a point of depression that was so bad. It was probably my darkest point. I've actually ever gotten to. I mean, it was really bad.

I remember it was my birthday one day. Like this was my birthday's my 22nd. So it was like the last day of school was my birthday. Or it was like the last day of school was my birthday. Or it was like the activity day or something. And I remember I was like, I can't go. Like I couldn't get out of bed. Didn't go to my last day of sophomore year. My dad was like, let's go to San Francisco and walk around.

I go to San Francisco with him and I tried to dress up and look good. Because of my birthday. And I remember I was walking with him and I couldn't walk anymore. Like I literally was so beside myself upset about whatever I couldn't even figure out what it was. I had to sit under a tree on grass for like an hour and just cry it out so that I could continue walking.

Like, I don't even know what I mean, it's bizarre to talk about now because now I'm like, I'm a why? What was wrong? I don't even know what was wrong. I don't know, so that was bizarre, but that's how dark of a place I was in. And then I failed my driver's test. And then I started my YouTube channel as a distraction and I was so passionate about it when I started and so determined to find my voice on YouTube and so determined to like do it and

I loved it. I love it to this day, but I loved it Immediately and I knew that that was what I bad been missing. And it was so weird because it's so funny when you like, you know, I didn't know where that was gonna go. I didn't know if I was ever gonna do well on the platform or if it was just gonna be a fun hobby for me. And to be honest, at the time, I was in such a dark place that I was down to do anything.

I didn't have any ulterior motive. I wasn't trying to be a YouTuber. I just wanted to make videos because I was so obsessed with YouTube and always had been growing up. It was just like an escape for me. And then next thing I knew, it was that missing piece that had been driving me nuts for years. And now I know that there's nothing else that I should be doing because this is what was eating at me inside that I like you know probably something like a fucking nutcase right now, but I feel it inside so I know it's real. But that's my YouTube intuition story. This episode is brought to you by BetterHelp. You know when you get so caught up in what everyone else needs that you totally forget to take care of yourself? I mean, it happens to me all the time.

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Next I'm going to talk about my intuition with friendships and relationships Interestingly enough, I had a very interesting one recent not like recently, but like within the past year about someone and It was so bizarre how it happened. So I Had this person I'm gonna keep this very broad because I just don't even want to I Don't even want like if the person I don't know. I'll keep this very broad because I just don't even wanna, I don't even want, like if the person, I don't know, keep it very broad, okay?

So I had this person in my life in a certain capacity, in a certain way, for a few months, and we got along really well and everything was good. They were a good person to have in my life. And I remember one night I was driving in my car with my homey Amanda and this person wasn't around. And I was driving around with Amanda and I was like, Amanda. I don't know why I feel like this,

but I feel like this person is not who they say that they are. And I don't know what that even means, but I have this feeling that this person is not who they say that they are. And I don't know what that even means, but I have this feeling that this person is not who they say that they are. And my friend Amanda also was friends with this person. And it was like, no, Emma, what are you talking about? Dude, my stomach is making such loud sounds. And I don't know how to stop it.

It's just gonna, listen to my stomach. Okay, just put my microphone up to my stomach. I don't know if that worked, but hopefully it did. Anyway, I was like, Amanda, I swear to God, this person gives me the darkest energy. Like, they are lying about who they are, truly. And like, we don't know who they are. Like, they're putting on a facade.

Like, I'm convinced that we're being played here. Like, this person is a just talented actor. I was like, Amanda, I swear to God. but I don't know why I feel like this because I Don't want to feel like this about this person. I really enjoy this person and I want them to be who they present themselves to be But I had this feeling and I've had this feeling for a few days that this person is not who they say that they are Indeed down. They are not that and they have ulterior motives. There's something going on with this person and Amanda thought I was crazy, but she also was kind of like, if you feel that way, like, I kind of, you know,

I mean, she knows about my different weird feelings that I get, and now they tend to come true. So she was kind of like, if you feel that way, I'm kind of gonna trust you. But I also think that it could just be you overanalyzing the situation, and maybe you should just ignore it. And I was like, okay, I'm just gonna ignore it. So I did. I ignored it. I ignored my

gut feeling and low and behold, a few months later, things start happening with this person. And it turns out I think I was right. I just figured out that this person lied a lot and maybe wasn't in my life for the correct reasons, right? And it's just crazy. It's crazy because I knew it for a long time, but I continued to have this person in my life because I didn't know, because I didn't have any fucking proof.

All I had was my gut feeling. So how am I supposed to confront somebody about a gut feeling I had? That's like being mad at somebody when they're in your dream and they do something fucked up. Like if you're a fucking boyfriend cheats on you and your dream.

And then you wake up and you're like, Jeremy, that was really fucked up what you did in my dream, right? So you can't be mad at somebody when you don't have any solid evidence, like how you can't arrest a criminal unless you have solid evidence. You can know, but you can't do it. And so that's exactly how I felt. So I was pinned in the corner of that.

And, but I ended up being right. And I knew it the whole time and it was really eerie for me, being around that person after I figured that out and had that gut feeling. But now it's fine because let's just say it's fine because that situation is over. All right, let's answer some questions now about this topic. Although this is a very hard topic to ask questions about. So I said on Twitter to ask questions about this topic or anything else. So we're going to do all of that shit. All right, first question, do you believe in the law of attraction? I'm not super educated

on the law of attraction. I know my mom is super into it. I think the law of attraction is basically manifesting. That's kind of the vibe I get from it. I could be completely wrong, but just like manifesting something you want by telling you if you think about it, if you think about that you have it, then you'll get it type of situation. I'm pretty sure that that's what it is. I do believe in that. Actually, although I'm not necessarily, I tend to be kind of a realist in a sense. I do also enjoy those types of things. Like, I, you know, think that the law of attraction,

manifestation, even like karma, shit like that. I think that I do believe in it, because even if it isn't real, and all of that shit is just our own minds playing games, I don't really care because I think that it kind of motivates me regardless. Like karma makes me want to be a good person. And like what goes around comes around, right? Having that kind of subconscious feeling of karma since I was a child, I think has made me a

better person. And even though it's probably not a real thing, or it is maybe who knows, I don't know, I have no idea, nobody knows. It helps, it keeps me in line, right? So I believe in it because it keeps me in line, makes me a better person. Law of attraction motivates me, right? Manifestation motivates me. So regardless of how exactly it works, I think it's still a positive thing to participate in.

And I do believe it's real, but whatever. Next question, have you ever had a bad gut feeling and been right about it? Absolutely. Main, the majority of the gut feelings I have are kind of bad, or at least they seem bad in the moment, like me not going to college. That seemed bad to me.

I was like, what the fuck? I don't feel like I'm gonna go to college. Does that mean I'm gonna die? I thought that I was gonna die, and that's the reason why I wasn't going to college, that seemed bad to me. I was like, what the fuck? I don't feel like I'm gonna go to college. Does that mean I'm gonna die? I thought that I was gonna die, and that's the reason why I wasn't going to college, because there was no other reason to me that I wouldn't go to college unless I died. Like I couldn't imagine a scenario

where I wasn't gonna go to college. So that was bad. And even my intuition about that person that was in my life. And actually, I have other people in my life that I had bad feelings about as well. I mean, many. And that's been bad to me because I've thought that they were gonna be the bridesmaids of my wedding

or even that I was gonna fucking, you know, be friends with them until the day I died, like whatever, and then they ended up turning around and kind of proving my gut feeling to be true. And that's a bad gut feeling in my opinion. And so yes, I have had quite a few. Next question, do you always go with your gut? Yes. I always go with my gut. Not always immediately, but eventually I always do. And it's because my gut weirdly tends to be a less emotional path. Like my gut is like my

brain telling me what to do without any emotion and without anything else. Whereas my emotions will speak for me and tell me to do something else. But I end up always going with my gut and I end up, it's always actually what I should be doing. It's always the right decision. Somebody asked me if I'm superstitious. I definitely am.

Do a certain extent. You know, ever since I was a cheerleader, because when you do a sport, I think some sports are like this more than others, but I know for me I grew up from middle well from like eighth grade through high school. I always did sports, right? And before when I did cheer before I'd perform or before track across country before we'd run and do meets, we would all have these superstitious things. And if we wouldn't do them, we would think that we would lose. It was like, you know, I know on my cheer team we had this specific chant and we'd all like

jump a certain amount of times, give each other a certain amount of high fives, like say certain things. I had this ritual like while I was standing on stage before I'd perform. I had the certain ritual that I'd do with myself. I'd like jump three times and then look up to the ceiling and like say something to myself. I don't remember what I used to say, but I'd like say like almost like a prayer to myself before I'd perform and then I'd perform. And I believed genuinely that if I didn't do that, I would fucking not perform properly. And before races, when I did track and cross country, I would like, you know, we would do little prayer circles with our team.

And I believed in all that shit. It made me feel more comforted for some reason. What did it help? Probably not, but I mean, I believed in it, and even to this day, if I'm talking about something and I don't want to jinx it, if you will, I always will knock on wood left hand three times. My friend Amanda, kind of, I always knocked on wood, but then she was the one that was like,

no, you need a knock on wood with your left hand three times. And so ever since she said that, then I started doing it. And now I'm superstitious about that. Now, if any of us say stuff, let's say me and my two friends are in the car and we'll say something that we don't want to jinx. For example, I'm like, oh my god, I hope I get to like, I hope that this guy texts me tonight.

And then I'm like, wait, fuck, we all need to knock on wood. We knock on wood three times. Okay, that's like, and then I didn't jinx it. See what I'm like wait fuck we all need to knock on wood we knock on wood three times, okay? That's like and then I Didn't jinx it see what I'm saying so Stretching my back. I'm definitely a little bit superstitious Moving on Somebody asked me has there ever been a time where you've listened to your gut and been wrong

Okay, this is super interesting because no but but but but. This is an interesting thing I haven't mentioned yet. So my very intense gut feelings and intuitions are very clear to me. Like I see them, I hear them and I act accordingly. Sometimes that's not immediately, sometimes I don't know what to do with it, whatever, but usually they end up being right. But sometimes when I'm going through a phase of my life,

when I'm having really bad anxiety, or I'm going through a phase where I'm having panic attacks, the shitty part about being in tune with the fact that you have these gut feelings and intuitions is the fact that they can very easily get confused with an anxiety attack or panic attack. For example, one time I was having a panic attack and I was convinced that my whole family was gonna die like my mom and my dad and I

I'm an only child, and my parents are my life. Like I know that that sounds weird, but like I fucking love my parents more than I've like, oh my god, I'm gonna start crying, holy shit. I love my parents more than I've, like I love them, and they are like my best friends, but also like they're my parents. And they help me in every single element of my life. Emotionally, they guide me.

They help me with everything that I do. And they've been such good parents since I was a kid. And I just like, I love them so much and I had this panic attack and I felt like they were gonna die. And I was calling my parents every 30 minutes because I was in LA and I started to convince myself

during this panic attack that it wasn't the panic attack talking, telling me that my parents were gonna die, that it was my intuition, and I convinced myself that I was having an intuition that my parents something was gonna happen to my parents. And that's when shit gets twisted, is when you're really anxious or you're having a panic attack,

and you convince yourself that you're having a gut feeling, but really it's just your panic attack talking. And then once the panic attack goes away, you're like, fuck, it wasn't even, that was literally just me having a panic attack. And if you guys have ever had a panic attack you know how it is. Like you feel like your world is crumbling down. You can't breathe properly. You can't move. It's the worst shit ever. And it's actually really funny because the reason why that panic attack specifically was triggered was because I had just figured out that the person that was in my life that ended up not being who they said they

were whoever I refer to earlier. Once I found that all out it spiraled me into a five-day panic attack and it fried it actually made me physically sick when I was done with the panic attack when it finally ended I was physically ill because it took so much out of me emotionally and physically because I was like tense for five days. I was like hyperventilating for five days like it was the worst shit that's ever happened to me And it was because I figured out that that person was not who I said they were and everything came crashing down and I realized it all at once and it made me fucking freak out.

And anyway, I just thought I'd add that in. But anyway, I don't think my gut feelings have ever been wrong, but my anxiety and my panic have made me think that I had these bad intuitions that weren't actually true. Next question, do you believe everything happens for a reason? I do. I do because every single fucked up thing that's ever happened to me has always proved to

be something that I can't imagine living without it there. And even the most fucked up shit, I feel like has taught me something and I just tried to trust the universe and what's going on. And I try not to push against it because what happens happens, right? You can't fight what has happened or what continues to,

like if something fucked up happens that you're like, this shouldn't be happening, there's no way that this is happening if you fight against it It doesn't get you anywhere, but if you lean into it and you just try to find The positive in it it all ends up making sense and so you know even when I've gone through You know, sht, tough shit in the past Like it's always led to something better.

For example, my parents got divorced when I was five. And that sounds fucked up, right? Like, that sounds like it wouldn't be good. Well, randomly enough, I am so fucking glad my parents got divorced. I am, I might do a whole episode about my parents divorced at some point. If they're comfortable with that, I know my parents will know my podcast, so if you guys

are cool with that, I might make an episode about it to help other kids that are going through that, but, or adults even. I mean, everybody goes through it. Anyway, my parents got divorced when I was five. I'm very happy that they got divorced. I'm happy that they got divorced because, number one, I don't think that they were necessarily meant to be married long term. I think that them not being together is what exactly was supposed to happen because now,

at least in my situation, I'm very, very lucky to say that my parents have a really great relationship now as friends and I think it's because you know they've had to bond over me in a sense and you know they haven't been able to stop communicating because of me and they've been very mature and very so admirable. I feel like the way that they dealt with the divorce was so seamless in a sense and it was tough for sure. I mean, I'm not gonna say it was easy. And there were some rough patches when my parents started dating and stuff. And that was really hard for me,

but regardless, now that I'm older, I wouldn't want it any other way. And even the shit that happened to me as a child, like the shit that was upsetting for me, like when my parents started dating other people and stuff like that. And that was really, really, really, really fucking hard for me. But even that, like I don't regret that because that taught me a lot and I've, and I've grown up and seen why they were doing that.

You have to, like, what are they supposed to do, not date anyone because of me? I realize that now. What are they supposed to do not date anyone because of me? I Realize that now and I also realize that There's a chance that I might get divorced one day with my husband if I get married I might get divorced and now I have this amazing insight on how to have a healthy divorce and You know, I have a group chat with my parents and we're all fucking homies And I text them especially right now because they're back in the Bay Area and I'm here and so I've been texting the group chat every day checking in on them and we all talk about what we're doing and

it's very, I actually really love that we can have this situation but I also was able to have separate relationships with my parents that were very intimate because it wasn't like I would ask my mom, hey, can we go get autopops? No, go ask your dad. It was never like that because it was just me, one-on-one living with my parents half and half. So I had the time to grow really, really strong relationships with each parent individually. And I don't think I would have had that if they would have been married still. Because there's this, you know, whatever. Obviously, who knows what it would have been like if my parents would

have stayed together? I don't really care because that didn't fucking happen. Some people even ask me, do you wish your parents would get back together? No. That would be so fucking weird. I would not like that. I don't want them to get back together. I don't even remember them ever being together. They've been broken up for 13 years. I don't fucking remember what it was like for them to be married. But yeah, I mean, I think their divorce was one of the best things that's ever happened to me, but or best thing that could have happened for my relationship with my parents. But, you know, in the moment, it seemed really sad and fucked up. Anyways, one more question and then I'm gonna wrap this up and

probably go please some fucking Fortnite to be honest, but um, okay last question, are your first impressions on people always on point or were you ever surprised after getting to know somebody and it changed your mind? This is really interesting because I will have gut feelings about people when I first meet them, but I have this bad habit of not listening to them. And I'm getting better at it because it ends up harming me down the line. I can think of at least three friends that I had in the past that actually more, probably like five, maybe I've had intuitions about probably five people that I've been friends

with very strong feelings, right? Where I was like, this person's bad news, but because I've enjoyed hanging out with them, I just would say, eh, it's fine, I'm just gonna ignore it, maybe I'm wrong. And I'll always say, like, oh, maybe I'm wrong, maybe I'm wrong, maybe I'm wrong. And try to convince myself that I was wrong. I want to convince myself that I'm wrong because I'm the type of person that likes to have as many friends as possible. I love being friends with people, right? Like, I love it. It's like, I love talking to people. I could fucking talk to a brick wall.

So like the more friends in my life I have, the merrier. I love that, okay. But I've had a few people where I've had these bad feelings, I've continued to be friends with them a few months or even a year or so could go by. And then I start seeing their true colors and I'm like, well, dammit, Wump there it is, it's there, they suck.

But my bad habit, and I'm never really that surprised. I'm never surprised because I always saw it coming, always. But I just, I end up being angry at myself because I'm like, I'm a you knew that. You fucking knew that. Even when there was no reason to know that, I knew it, right? Like, they could be the fucking coolest person, so generous, so nice, so cool, and I could be like,

now I know it, there's something going on here. And then I end up figuring it out, and then I end up being pissed at myself because I knew. But I feel like I'm normally, I'm never shocked when somebody turns around and ends up being kind of fucked up. I feel like my read on people is pretty good, and I either can tell that they're 50-50

and that they're 50-50 and that they might fuck me over, or I know that they're actually a real homie, and even if they do something kind of wrong or fucked up, that that's a fluke and that they're not actually a bad person. So, yeah, that is that. I'm trying to, before I end the episode, I wanna try to remember any other crazy predictions I had,

but I feel like that's all I have Oh shit I forgot about this last thing this last Intuition thing that I have and then I'll end the episode false alarm. We're not over yet. It's not over yet so I have this weird thing that So, I have this weird thing that strictly pertains, that's the right word, to like events or things that you go to. For example, a concert, a party, you know, even just going to hang out with your friends. Things like that, events, we'll call those events, right? Things that you go to, things that you attend.

Ever since I was younger, I've known that things are gonna get canceled. Okay, that sounds so weird, but like this year, Coachella, I remember, because Coachella's now canceled or it's postponed until October, if it even happens in October, who knows? But a good example would be Coachella, where this year, I remember I was buying my outfits

and picking shit out, but I remember kind of just being like having this feeling where I'm like, I don't think I'm going to Coachella this year. I don't feel like I'm going, I don't think it's gonna happen. And this was even before, you know, the whole kind of coronavirus thing begun. I knew I wasn't going. And I wasn't, it was like,

I wasn't really trying as hard to pick out my outfits. Like I was, but like deep down, I knew that I was doing it all for nothing. And then it got fucking canceled and I was like, why did I know that this was gonna happen? I like, I knew that it wasn't gonna happen. And same thing with like, I had this, like seminar thing. Is that even the right word? It was like, basically, I was gonna go speak at a business thing. Like it was an event and I was gonna go like, do a speech or something. And that that was I remember that was

Plan for the end of March and we planned that in like January so That had been on my calendar for a really long time, but it was really funny because I I knew That I wasn't gonna go to it. I remember it was like On my calendar and I kept being like that's just not gonna happen. I don't know why but it's just not gonna happen Like when we were planning it. I was like planning it so nonchalantly because I Just knew it wasn't gonna happen for some reason and lo and behold it didn't and this has been happening to me for Years I will get this weird gut feeling that something's not gonna happen and then it doesn't and this only happens once every real blue moon

Because majority of the time things happen, right? And this only happens once every blue moon because majority of the time things happen, right? But then every once in a while I'll be like this isn't gonna happen This isn't gonna happen and then it doesn't and then I'm like oh shit. That's weird or even like I've like been and I've been I've been I've planned trips with my friends I remember I was gonna plan a trip for the 4th of July We're all planning it, but then deep down I knew it wasn't gonna happen. It's just shit like that happens and Sometimes I think it's just common sense, but then other times there's no reason for me to believe it's't gonna happen. It just shit like that happens. And sometimes I think it's just common sense, but then other times there's no reason for me to believe it's not gonna happen.

Flights will be booked, hotels will be booked, schedules will be open, and yet I still know that it's not gonna happen. So, I wish I could explain more why I feel like that, but it's just something that's so subconscious and out of my control that I literally don't know where it comes from. But yeah, on that note, I hope you guys enjoyed today's episode.

It's kind of a weird topic to talk about. If you guys have any topics that you want me to touch on moving forward, literally anything, tweet at AG Podcasts, I'll go look through. I know I have a tweet on there where I ask for you guys to tweet me questions so you can always tweet under that or just tweet me in general. Ask me questions on there, follow me on there, don't forget to rate, review and subscribe on

Spotify, Apple Podcast, wherever else you get your podcasts. Leave me a little rating if you're enjoying anything goes. I'm really enjoying it. I'm loving it. I'm so glad that we switched from super genius, my old podcast to anything goes. I think it's so much more me and I'm having so much more fun with it and it's so much more natural and it's so much more therapeutic for me. So I hope you guys are enjoying it just as much as I am and I love talking to y'all and can't wait for everything

to get back to business so that we can do voice-mails again in the podcast. We'll be back to normal But for now. I hope you all are staying safe staying positive staying inside using this time to Honestly bond with your family and friends. I know like you know Whether that's over the phone or in a very small group. I know some of y'all are quarantining with your homies, so that's what I'm referring to, but or like your roommates or whatever. I don't know, but just use

this time to connect with people and find a new hobby and maybe play a little bit of Fortnite. Never heard nobody. I love you guys. Enjoy your day and I love you all. I love you guys, enjoy your day and I love you all. Muah!