anything goes with emma chamberlain - relationships

Episode Date: February 27, 2020

This week, Emma takes on the tricky topic of relationships. She gets into some of her past relationships, and how to deal with tough breakups and heartbreak. Plus, why you should consider being friends first, the importance of having time to yourself, and why having different views than your significant other isn’t a bad thing. Plus, she answers questions and gives some advice to fans on their relationship situations. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Hi guys, welcome back to episode two. Well, welcome back to episode. I hate the way that I say shit sometimes. Like just why did I say it like that? Let's start over. Don't cut it out though. This kid's keeping me real with y'all. Hi guys, it's Emma Chamberlain.

Welcome to anything goes. It's our second episode and I'm feeling amazing. Let's just hop right into it because I feel like we're gonna be here all day today with this topic and I think the sooner we start, the better. Today we're talking about relationships, not friendships, relationships,

dating, all of that, which is weird because I've literally never talked about this in my life. I'm gonna say this right off the top. I'm not going to be talking about this is going to be very broad. So I'm not going to talk about my actual relationships that I've been in before, just because that's not the way I roll, as we know. If you know me a little bit, I'm not, I like to keep my relationships private, but I do think that relationships are important to talk about.

And I've always wanted to talk about them online because, weirdly enough, I have this weird fascination with relationships. And since I was younger, I don't know, okay, not to get like dark, but like, I don't know if it's because my parents were divorced when I was a kid. So I've always just been hyper focused about relationships. I'm not sure. I just feel like I've always been so interested in relationships and why people choose who they choose and why things don't work and why people do the things that they do and it's always been something that's been so interesting to me. So I'm excited to talk about it in a broad way. Obviously, I'm like, this is a broad

guys. Very broad. Like, I'm scared. I'm showing a little bit of fear here because this is not something that I normally discuss. But I am kind of excited because this is something I talk about with my friends literally every day, all day, all the time. I don't know what it is, but driving around at night and talking about relationships seems to be the go-to for me and my friends. I also am my friend's relationship therapist. I'm not kidding.

It's funny because I remember when I was younger, I would give all of my friend's relationship advice. They would always come to me. I was the girl that my friends relationship advice. They would always come to me. I was the girl that gave the relationship advice, but what was funny about it is I had never had a boyfriend before. So I don't know why I had all this good advice, but I did, and so people went to me for that. It's almost like how the coach doesn't play.

You know what I mean? That was me for a while there. So that was kind of funny. But anyway, so now that you kind of know my background, I am my friend's guru when it comes to that. Actually, we're kind of all each other's guru, but anyway. So the first thing I want to talk about with relationships and dating and all that is kind of what I just said, how I was younger I would give everybody advice, but I had actually never dated anybody Or really even spoken to a boy at that point. It feels like so I had this Issue when I was younger where I felt like such shit

for Never having a boyfriend right because everybody let's talk about high school here. It was like You know everybody freshman year had boyfriends and whatever. And you know, all my friends, they all had boyfriends. And I was like, so where the fuck is mine, dude? That's kind of shitty. And I felt so bad about myself.

And weirdly, when I was 16, straight up, and I had never had a boyfriend, I was like, oh my God, I'm literally going to never get married and never have a family. Like, I can't believe this. Like, I'm so screwed. I'm never going to find anybody. How am I supposed to like, you know, learn about what being

in a relationship means if I've never been in one and I'm 16 and I'm getting so old, I literally thought that when I was 16. Now I'm 18, so I'm still basically the exact same age. I put so much pressure on myself to try to like find a boyfriend when I was 16, not 18, so I'm still basically the exact same age. I put so much pressure on myself to try to find a boyfriend when I was in high school, right? And it kind of made me really miserable. I remember going to high school parties and just trying to talk to guys.

And if I didn't end up clicking with any of them, I would be super hard on myself. And then sometimes I wouldn't click with them at all, but I would like kind of try to force it and be like, okay, maybe I'll like him. Like, I would basically try to convince myself I said, said, boy, so that I could potentially date him and get over my, get that over with, get the first boyfriend over with, right? And like, that's just like, I don't regret it, because I think it taught me a lot now that I'm older. I'll explain why I'm a sec, but you know, in the moment it made me kind of

miserable, and I wish that everybody told me to, everybody's like, dude, there's no rush, but I just felt like I was missing out on something. I was like, dude, I must be like, this shit looks hella fun. I was like, oh my god, having a boyfriend so cute. Like go to the beach together. Hee hee hee. I don't know. Whatever, like I had, you know, it sounded great in theory.

And so I was like, you know, I just felt left out and I felt like I was running out of time. But that's not how it works. You know, being a teen, for some reason, I feel like a lot of teens feel like they were on out of, they're like running out of time and need to find their soulmate in high school or something, that's just not how it works.

Like, I can tell you, I truly thought I would never find anybody like ever that I could even like, like, fully, like, even like, be interested in fully. And that has happened to me quite a few times in my life. It didn't in high school, but it did after that, and I would have never believed it. I was like, there's no chance.

Nobody gets me, no, I'm kidding, but I just didn't click with anybody, and that's okay, you know what I mean? And being true with yourself, being honest with yourself about that, is super important, because it can be kind of damaging if you're not. For example, I dated a kid for two weeks in high school. I hope he's not listening to this, but if he is, what's up, you know who you are, dude. I was just

so young and I feel like I need to have a boyfriend, I don't know. So I dated this kid for two weeks and I just was not emotionally ready to be in any form of a relationship. At all, I was not mature enough. I was not like whatever. And so, it just ended up being shitty because then I had to be like, I don't think I can do this because I just wasn't in that place. And then, it just ended up, I don't even think, I don't think we were friends after that

for a while. And that's kind of shitty, you know what I mean? Because it's like, why did I need to take it there? It was just because I wanted a boyfriend so bad, and then I kind of ruined a friendship. So there's that, speaking of friendship, my dad always told me this growing up. The best thing, like, it's almost better.

Like when you like somebody in a way, being friends with them is almost better than dating them. And I used to be like, what are you saying right now? I was like, what do you mean? Like that doesn't make any sense at all to me. And then I got older and I completely get it. Because dating people is a completely different situation than being friends with them.

When you're friends with them, it's so, there's no responsibility, there's no, I mean, there is, but it's very small. Issues just inevitably arise when you're dating, like inevitably, I mean, you could be the chillest person on planet earth and somehow one person in the relationship is gonna get upset about this and then the other one's gonna be like,

you know, why didn't you do this or, you know, you need to start doing this and like whatever, it's just inevitable. And being friends with people, I think, is 50 times better, most of the time. Don't get me wrong. Sometimes when the feelings meet you all in your day, that's great.

But people I think don't realize how special being friends with somebody that you really care about, like that is. Especially if you are gonna date them eventually, I think being friends before you date is huge. Like, I've done both. Like, I've been friends with people before I've dated them and I've not been friends with people. Like, I've started dating people kind of immediately. I've done both scenarios multiple times. And I can say based off of my data,

that the situation is 90 times better if you're friends first, for sure. I think it just is like, you already know you're getting yourself into. It's not like weird things come up that you weren't expecting about their personality. Like there's comfort there that wouldn't have been there otherwise.

I just think being friends is really important. My dad, weirdly, my dad gives me the best dating advice. I think that's why I'm the friend relationship therapist because my dad gives me the best advice, and I just relay it like it's my own. Sorry, dad, but whatever. I mean, at least I'm like learning and like putting your knowledge to use, right?

It's great, we should write a book. Oh my God, hello writing a book about relationships, just getting nobody to read it. And also everybody is probably already written books about what I'm saying right now, but that's okay. My dad always told me he's like, before you ever dated guy, Emma, be friends with him for three months.

After that, date him. But before three months, you're gonna make, you're going to regret it. And yeah, that that definitely can be tough because I think my dad's right. I think being friends with somebody for a decent amount of time for his really, really changes it.

Everything. And that might not be true for everybody. Some people I've seen, you know, some of my friends have relationships where they just started dating right away and it ended up being great for them. But in my personal experience, I've not had that.

Necessarily, I haven't had that look. So, you know, this is all kind of up for them. But in my personal experience, I've not had that necessarily. I've not had that look. So, you know, this is all kind of up for debate. I'm okay with debating all this with you guys. Let me look at my notes. I literally have notes for podcasts now, which is so weird. All right. Wow. This is going to be a stacked. I don't think I've ever had more things I want to talk about in my life. This episode is brought to you by Squarespace. Squarespace is more than a website builder. It's in all in one place to make an online space that's entirely your own. Their all-in-one platform allows you to customize everything from the fonts and color scheme to your domain name. All you have to do is choose from one of their beautifully designed templates as a starting off point. Then, at whatever you need to show off your ideas

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There's no instruction manual when it comes to being an adult. Sometimes I lay away at night rehashing something I said earlier that day, or lay in bed at night thinking about what the future holds. I know I'm not the only one going through a lot of what ifs. Like what if I get into a fender bender? Or what if my home gets broken into? But state farm can help you with some of those big what ifs. They're available to answer your questions day or night. You can reach them 24-7, file a claim on the State Farm mobile app,

or simply call your agent to ask what's on your mind. Like you good neighbor, State Farm is there. Call or go to statefarm.com for a quote today. So, the next thing I want to discuss is once you're in a relationship, like a few things, okay. So, I think when you're in a relationship, like a few things. Okay, so I think when you're young, it's so easy to get into a relationship and be so dependent on the other person. I've done this and it's hurt me really bad before

and it's not even been anybody else's fault with my own, but let me explain. So, you know, if you're in a relationship and, you know, this is nothing to be ashamed of either. Like, this is normal, it's human. But sometimes in relationships, you can be so kind of obsessed with the person in a sense, not necessarily in an unhealthy way,

but just kind of like, you know, you're so in love with them in a sense, or at least you think you are, that like, they're kind of all you think about, you know what I mean? It's like you wake up in the morning and you're brushing your teeth and you're like, oh my god, I wonder what they're doing.

And then you know, you're cooking breakfast and you're like, oh my god, I can't wait to see them later. You know what I mean? And that's normal, but because again, I've had multiple relationships that are both ends of this spectrum where sometimes I'm like obsessed with them and I'm like, can't stop thinking about them.

And then sometimes I just like, think about them when it's necessary. It'm like obsessed with them and I'm like can't stop thinking about them. And then sometimes I just like think about them when it's necessary. It's like, I'm dating them. Cool. And then it's like whatever, right? I've just had both. And I feel like when you're super kind of obsessed and dependent on the person, the reason why I can make you feel like shit, long-term is because a few things.

Number one, their communication with you and the way that they behave towards you starts to directly affect your emotions. I've noticed, if, let's say they don't talk to you all day, like at all, right? You're gonna be bummed, like super fucking bummed, like you're gonna be like, damn, like, oh my God, like, do they hate me? Like I'm so upset gonna be like, damn, like, oh my God, like do they hate me?

Like I'm so upset, like I'm, you know, oh my God, like I literally can't get out of my bed. Like this has happened to everybody. I've every friend I've ever had, this has happened to them. But on the other hand, if you kind of are like, you know, if you're kind of a little bit more, how do I put this without something like kind of fucked up? Cause I wanted to say like half and half in it.

Like half and half meaning that you put, you definitely put a lot of time and love and energy into the person, but you also put another half, not even another half, but you also put a lot of time and energy and love into yourself too. Then when like your significant other doesn't text you back, you're like, okay, they're lost if they don't,

if they like, okay, are they gonna break up with me? Oh, let's see what happens. I don't care. Which is kind of not normal. But that sounds like I'm kind of being sarcastic. I don't know how to explain this, but it's like because you're not depending on them for your happiness day to day, you kind of have this weird feeling of sanity and comfort in knowing that no matter what could happen,

if they literally were like, we're over, you'd be like, sad and you'd definitely be bummed out, but you know that you could handle it. You know that you could get through it. I've been in relationships where I'm like, if they break up with me, I literally don't know what I would do. I literally have to go in a whole and like sleep outside, like in the rain and listen to Taiman Paula and cry for at least a month, right, in nature. I would literally need to move to a really cool Italy for a month and work in a coffee shop and learn Italian. There's been relationships like that for me.

And so, yeah, I mean, I just think that making sure So yeah, I mean, I just think that making sure that you're not, that you're keeping in, you're controlling yourself and you're making sure to stay focused on yourself and your own life and your own hobbies and your own friends and keeping all those things a huge priority in your life and not putting everything into somebody else because people always used to say that shit to me, being like, you need to have your own life, and I would be like, like before I ever started dating. And then suddenly, I blinked in like, I made that mistake.

Like, I fully made that mistake. So, and I mean, I'm glad I did in retrospect, like, because I learned a lot from that, you know what I mean. It made me like, I feel like I've been in relationships that have made me just not take care of myself either. Like, I just didn't even think about myself. I was thinking about them. And so, that was that.

So that's kind of, I think I pretty much covered dependent versus not dependent relationships. If you're in a very dependent situation where you guys are really, really rely on each other on a healthy way or a detrimental way, if you need advice on how to get yourself out of that because it's possible, I think the biggest thing is limiting your time with them, not spending every single day with them, not clearing your schedule for them, making the time with them special, but also spending a lot of time with people that aren't them, so maybe your friends, your family, by yourself, especially, I think spending time by yourself or your relationship is kind of weirdly rare, unless, unless like a long distance, but it's rare. And so like, making sure that you have some time by

yourself, like go home and do your own thing, you know, that can be hard. And I think if you're in school it's easier maybe, I'm not sure. But if focus on, you know, your school, your work, bettering yourself, like for me, it was like exercising once I started focusing on all those types of things. It was like, I kind of was able to let go of that dependent feeling that if they left, I would die. Like, you know what I mean? Because I then had a life on my own.

I think the reason why it's scary, when you get really scared of somebody breaking up with you, I mean, obviously you love and care about them, so that's scary, but I think it's 10 times worse and 10 times more scary when you don't feel like you have a life of your own outside of the relationship, right? So you're like, oh my god, if they broke up with me, I wouldn't know what to do with my day. Like straight up, I wouldn't know to do it with my day. I don't do anything because except for like maybe work or, you know, go to school and like maybe do one other thing. And then besides that, I'm spending all

of my other free time with them. And so then the second that they're out of your life, you have all this free time and space to fill. And that's terrifying. And I think that if you kind of are filling a lot of your free time with stuff that's for you that doesn't involve them, then it's less scary if they were to leave

or if you wanna leave or whatever. And that's that, bitch. I think I'm done with that. I literally have no idea of anything that I just said makes sense and I kind of just tend to word vomit and blank out and like forget what I said. So I don't know what I sound. It's gonna be interesting for me to listen to this episode.

Maybe I'll teach myself something. Okay, I wanted to tell this story, but like, I've already told it so many times, but I do feel like it's low-key, metaphorical, and it could be useful. So let me tell you a story about when I was trying to impress a boy in like second grade. I've told the story so many times but like on my snapchat on my literal everywhere. I swear to God

But anyway, I'm in like third grade. I had a crush on this kid It's where to go. I literally have had crushes on people since I was four years old I had a crush in preschool. I feel like that's like not normal. What can I say? But basically I had a crush on this boy. Very cute and love my life. He's a little surfer boys from Hawaii. So my type had been set in stone since day one, super being super true to myself.

And I remember like, he would always come to school and he'd be wearing like, you know, quick silver and all the surf brands. And so, and I have these little pants that were Roxy, Roxy's like a surf brand for girls. And it's like Roxy and Quicksilver are like, they're like a, they're too separate, whatever, they're like the same, but it's like,

fucking, conversin' Nike. Like they're like connected under the same, who cares? Holy shit, who cares? Anyway, so basically I came to school and I was wearing these little roxy pants and I was like, hey, hey boy, I'm not gonna say a name. Hey boy, do you like my pants?

They're roxy because you're a safer boy. So, what do you think? Thoughts? I mean, I wasn't like third grade, so it's chill. Cause now if I did that, I would hope that somebody would just block my number and never speak to me again, but at the time, third grade, so like it's chill, cause like now if I did that, I would hope that somebody would just block my number and never speak to me again, but like at the time, you know, third grade,

third grade was a different era. It wasn't even 2010 yet. Yes, it was. Just gonna never mind. Was it? No, it wasn't. Okay, I was right. So yeah, I asked him about my Roxy pants.

He's like, yeah, they're cool. Why, why, why do you ask? And I was like, dude, cause you like surf, like thing, you like these. And I'm like, God, I wanna like, why do you ask? And I was like, dude, because you surf, like think you like these. And I'm like, God, I want to fucking, oh. Oh, that story hurts me. I'm literally like physically in pain from that story. Hope you guys enjoyed it.

But anyway, the metaphor for that is that I think a lot of people, and I've seen people do it, and I've done it. So let's not, I'm not going to fucking act like I haven't done it because I completely have. I've noticed something really interesting in relationships or even when you're like in the beginning stages of a relationship or you're just talking to somebody and you're kind of interested. Like a lot of the times when you like somebody you're going gonna kind of conform a little bit, you know, kind of agree, agree, agree, because like you want to agree with them so that they think that you guys have stuff in common, right? That's normal. And I used to be, I'm kind of

a people pleaser a little bit. I hope I'm using that word correctly, but I feel like I just want everybody to feel happy and comfortable all the time, and that's just my number one goal. Sometimes at my own expense, but that's the risk I'm willing to take. And so, you know, for me, like, I just tend to agree with, like, well, I don't do this anymore at all because I've completely, I hate that now, but, because it's not true to yourself at all. But I used to just kind of want to agree with everybody just so that everybody would feel

comfortable and they'd feel like they weren't being judged for their opinions or they wouldn't, you know, whatever or judge for what they like or judge for what they don't like. And so I would just kind of agree with people and just kind of go with it, you know what I mean? Or like try to or to take it a step further, more like the story I just told when I was a lot younger, like, you know, and even up until high school, I would like, like, act like I was interested in things that I wasn't interested in to try to impress said person. I think it's actually really cool when you and the person that you're dating have, like, different opinions on things.

Some people are like, no, that doesn't work. That doesn't work. I forgot people say that. They're like, no, it doesn't work. That doesn't work. I've heard people say that. They're like, no, it doesn't work. I completely disagree. And I think having different opinions or having different interests, it's like, it actually opens a door to learn more about something new. Because if you and the person you're dating have everything in common, there's nothing to learn or take from that. Whereas, let's say, one person in this relationship, loves cooking and the other person in this relationship loves to surf.

Basically, you can switch that knowledge, right? And then that's great. And you guys can learn new things. And that's really important. Or let's say one person loves tomatoes. The other person hates tomatoes. Okay, then just don't go to a fucking pizza parlor together. Relax.

It's like, I think people think they need to have everything in common. And that's just not true. And I used to think that too. And they would want to, you know, you want to please the person you're talking to, fuck all of that, fuck all of that. If you have an opinion, say it. It makes you more interesting, I think. I love when people challenge me a little bit. I love when people, if I'm like, dude, I love this song, and somebody's like, I think it's actually kind of shit. I'm gonna be like, really? I'd love to hear why, and I can tell you the conversation

about why we disagree is gonna be a lot more interesting than the conversation that we would have about why we agree most of the time. It's like, I think it's gonna fun. Like, I mean, obviously you're gonna agree on some shit too, and that's great, but don't change your opinion. I covered that, I'm over it. You're gonna be saying, I'm glad that I kind of,

in a sense, grow out of that because I think that I've actually made a lot more friends since that. Like I feel like I actually connect better with people. Now that I'm really honest about all of my opinions and I don't try to sugarcoat anything, I think it's actually made my relationships in my life a lot more meaningful. So.

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I feel like I'm kind of ready to answer questions. I mean, I was going to talk about, I feel like I just covered it. I feel like I did really fucking great, guys. I feel like I'm so good at this podcasting shit. Super genius might have been a fail, but anything goes as here and I'm a loves it. So I'm going to try to think about

if I covered this topic. Hold on. Okay, I guess I should cover breakups and then we'll stop and then we'll ask answer questions. How does that sound guys? Everybody answer me at home. I'd love to hear your voice. Okay. Anyway, so let's talk about breakups because they're they're the inevitable. I feel like there's a few types of breakups. There's like the type where Or at least these are the two main types in my opinion. There's a type where it's like oh my fucking god That is my soulmate. What the fuck? No, this can't be happening. We were supposed to get married. I can't believe this. What's going on? What am I supposed to do now? I'll never find anybody else like married. I can't believe this. What's going on? What am I supposed to do now?

I'll never find anybody else like them. I can't believe this. I'm traumatized. I never want to date anybody again. I can't even look at another person. Everybody else to me is ugly. I hate everybody. I can't do this.

I'm literally going to die. I like whatever. So there's that. Okay. And then there's other type where you're like, that kind of blows, but like, all right. Like, it wasn't meant to be. Where you're just kind of like, you know what? I can respect this person.

I can like, you know, care about this person, but I just, I know that we're not supposed to be together, you know? So, I'd say for the second type of breakup, the one I just talked about, that's just, I don't really, that really needs to be talked about because I feel like that's so much less significant. Like it's just, there's not, there's no mental toll really with that unless they did something

to hurt you, but let's say somebody hurts you in a way. Like let's say, I don't know, I don't even have an example, but they do something that makes you really upset, but you also don't really, you know, you also aren't really into the relationship anymore. Even if you kind of, even if the feelings were really, you know, you also aren't really into the relationship anymore. Even if you kind of, even if the feelings were lost, like you can still be hurt about things, like that's totally human. But I feel like still that's a lot easier to kind of move on from. Whereas the type of breakup when you think you break up with your soulmate,

that shit hurt it and I'd love to talk about it. So although I saw somebody ask me on Twitter if I thought soulmates exist and I would love to talk about it later, but The thing I've learned I think the first breakup in your of your life like the first breakup you ever have is the worst I think after that it gets a lot easier From what I can tell but I'm also only 18 and You know whatever but I Never understood what like heartbreak felt like until it happened to me for the first time.

And oh my god, I can't believe I'm talking about this on the internet. This is crazy. This podcast is opening my eyes. But the first time I was heartbroken, okay, I mean, I was a really young woman. So who knows what that had to do with the reaction, but I felt like I literally cried, I don't cry that often. I was like, I cried for like a week

and I did not think I could live on. Like it was the weirdest and I felt so weak. I was like, oh my God. What the hell? Like, I'm the type of person that bounces back, right? I bounced back from most things. So the fact that this was tearing me down more than like anything else I ever had, I was like, what the fuck? This is a dude, like this is a guy. I'm dead. Like why, why am I so upset? But I was really fucking sad. And the thing that was, you know, you never know how the other person feels either.

And it's kind of embarrassing and it's kind of vulnerable. You don't know if they feel the same. You know, you don't know if they miss you, whatever. It's like, the whole thing is like so confusing. But I'd love to tell you how I kind of got through my first break up. So I think for me, it was just, I mean, this is pretty obvious, but I just, I basically for the first month or so, actually, I think I was pretty, I was pretty good

after like a week. So let's say for the first week, I just spent some time where I was like, you know, just kind of chilled out whatever. And then, because it was like an intense one, you know, okay, because it's gonna give you some context. Some breakups aren't like that. And then, you know, after that, I started like, I actually started going to Soul Cycle, which is my favorite workout class.

And I started getting, you know, into working out and like, started like, bettering myself, you know? And like, focusing on myself and focusing on getting hobbies, focusing on getting closer with my friends and family and all of that. And then boom, won't there it is, I felt better and I was fine. And it takes time, you know what I mean?

It takes a lot of time, you think you're better. And then like, no matter if your breakup was significant or not in your life, you still think about it. Like it still crosses your mind sometimes when you're like, in bad at night, you're like, that she was fucking weird. Like, what the fuck? What the fuck, dude?

Like you still think about it or, you know, whatever, here and there. But like that's a life. I don't think anybody doesn't think about that sometimes, right? So that's that. But I think if you're going through a breakup right now, or if you're, you know, or if you haven't and you just want to store this in back your head, spend a lot of time with your friends and family and fucking exercise, cook for yourself, get a new fucking hobby. I swear to God, make new friends.

Oh, that's a huge one. I love making new friends in general, which is shocking. I hate it, but I love it. I mean, I like making new friends if they're cool and nice if they're not, then obviously not. But like, if I meet cool people, I love it. I love that shit. So I think kind of putting yourself out there

a little bit more and being really social. Even if it's a little bit out of your comfort zone can help so much. That helps me, that's helped me so much time and time again during breakups. If I just kind of put myself out there a little bit more, boom, I'm good. Because then it's just like, you know, I think the thing that you miss the most when you break up with somebody is like that constant communication and then if you get to go be social a little bit, then it's nice because it's like, okay, I don't even feel lonely right now, right? So those, that's breakups.

I think I covered it. I feel like we did a really, I feel like I really deep dove into relationships here. I hope something valuable came out of that for you guys. I'll probably end up doing another episode on relationships because I just have so much, so many opinions on it and so many feelings about it and I'm a very sensitive person and I love that shit. And so we'll get more on that later,

but now let's answer, not more on that later, we're still fucking talking about it, but we might do it again. Now let's answer some questions. So you guys ask me some questions, either left of voicemail, which if you want to do that, you can call 5667-275-3662 and you can leave a short voicemail question for the show, or you can obviously tweet at AG podcast and ask questions. I do tweet the topics on the AG podcast Twitter, whenever I'm about to record,

so you guys can ask questions that are more curated for the topic at the episode. So yeah, I think we're gonna start out with voicemails. So let's see what people have to say. Hey Emma, I have a question. How do you feel about dating a boy that's a few interest just shorter than you? And it's like way smaller.

Thank you. I love you, bye. Hey girl, so dating a guy that's shorter than you. So I've actually never dated a guy that was shorter than me. Let me think, have I? Let me just go through my fucking book of all the millions of men I've dated. Well, no, that's a joke.

But I actually had a crush on a kid. So I wasn't somewhere in your high school. Might have been. And he was about my height. Weirdly it didn't bother me for some reason. I don't know why. Dating a guy shorter than me because I'm not very tall. I don't know if I would necessarily love it,

but I also think that at the end of the day, like although obviously, you know, physical attraction to whoever you're dating is really important. I think that physical attraction can evolve and let's say you meet some guy and you're like, oh, it's too short for me, but then he ends up being a really, really great guy. You could easily fall in love with him

and the height just ends up being something that, you know, it doesn't affect you. Like, I think a big part about dating a guy that's shorter than you is more about what other people are gonna say about it rather than what you actually feel about it. And I think as best as you can, if the guy's a good guy is treating you right, if he's not, fucking dump him right a good guy, he's treating you right, if he's not, fucking dump him right now.

But if he's treating you right, you stay with him. And at the end of the day, who cares what anybody else thinks about the appearance of you and your significant other, that's stupid. But I do know that that does happen. You want to, it's stupid. But you want to, there's like a, no, I don't know what the right word would be,

like a whatever. There's like a society, they made these kind of rules about, or they said these opinions, society is spoken, and they say that the guy should be taller, but that's not what you need to say. Moving on. Hey I'm a big fan of the podcast and of course the vlog. Just going with a question about relationship advice. What are your thoughts on our long distance relationships? Is it even worth it to try and have you ever been involved

in what? Thank you so much, boys pleasure. I love this new VoiceMail feature. It's so amazing to hear you guys' voices. It makes me feel so connected to you guys, and I literally am obsessed with it. So I hope you guys are into it too. But anyway, yes, so I actually have had a long distance relationship before. If you are just kind of dating and it's like chill, I think it can actually be really healthy

because while you're growing up as a kid, being able to focus on yourself and have that separation can be really valuable because then when you come together, it can be this great thing, right? And then when you're a part, you focus on you so that when you guys come together, it can be this great thing, right? And then when you're a part, you focus on you so that when you guys come together, it can be this beautiful thing, ideally.

And that's that. My thing with long distance that I think can be really tough is that if you didn't date for a period of time before you became long distance, I think it can be, I think it can be kind of hard to create a foundation with said person. I think if you already have a solid foundation with said person and their long distance, you guys end up being long distance like down the line,

I think that that can work. I totally do. But I think it's a lot harder if you've never not been long distance. Like you started the relationship long distance because I think that you need to spend a lot of quality time with somebody in order to fully know what you're working with, right? And so I think it can be kind of tough to fully connect with somebody on that crazy personal level, crazy, like, deep personal level when you don't get to see them as often as,

you maybe what if they live near you or whatever, but I think if you have a foundation, then you already have that foundation. So it's like, you're just building up on top of that. But if you don't have a foundation to begin with, good luck. But hey, you know what, again, things work for people, you know, and maybe my experiences have been different, you know what I mean?

All right, voicemails were fun, but I didn't tweet out the question in time, so we didn't get a lot of questions about relationships. So I'm actually gonna go on the Twitter, and we're gonna see what's up. My phone is at 7%, let's see how long we can last. Also, I really appreciate you guys going on the Twitter and asking questions, it's been so fun to...

I love how interactive this is for me. It's been really enjoyable. So let's find a good one. Okay, this first one's actually really great. Your thoughts on being an influencer slash YouTuber and wanting to keep your love life in private when 99% of your life is always on display for others. This is definitely really tough for me, because the thing about dating when you're super young

is that it's probably not gonna last. So that's why I think keeping it private is so important is because things change so quickly at this age and whether you wanna be single or And whether you want to be single or the other person wants to be single or you both want to be single or it's just not working. Whatever it is,

dealing with that shit is so exhausting by itself, but having everybody else comment on it is even more difficult. And I think also a lot of the times too, there's a lot of speculation about who's dating who and, you know, when a lot of the times, I mean, sometimes it's true, sometimes it's not, sometimes I mean, when you read anything on the internet, it could either be true or it might not be. But I think it's hard because, like, let's say you go through a breakup and then

it was public because I've never had a public relationship ever. So I mean, I'm just kind of speaking from what I would assume. Like, let's say you break up with somebody and then, you know, you have to, you know, you tell everybody you're like guys we broke up, you have to go on your social media and see stuff about them that you're probably being tagged in, or you probably, you know, it's topic of conversation. And now your relationship is everybody else's relationship. And that's kind of a weird burden

that I think can be really upsetting. Do I think like, you know, if I was married to somebody, would I make that public for sure, 1000%? But I'm not getting married anytime soon. So until then, I'm probably not going to have a public relationship ever. I mean, it would depend. I think I would not do that unless I dated somebody for probably like a few years, to be honest. And I think sometimes it's like, it's hard to, it's hard when, you know, you want to keep

something private, but you also want to be able to do things with said person. Because then that kinda complicates things, you know, because it's like, I don't know. But also, even if you're friends with somebody too, then there can be speculation if you're like hanging out with somebody that people might assume that you would date, that can also look one way or another. It's like, it's all kind of a crazy game. And that's why I just choose to not speak on it, really when it comes to my actual personal relationships.

I keep them all super private. And I think that that's, you know, leaves a little bit to the imagination, right? It's kind of fun. But yeah, I don't know. One day if I ever get married, probably not, but one day, maybe I'll have a husband and I will finally be able to just post a selfie with them. I'm kidding. All right, let's move on.

Have you ever had a relationship so serious that you and your significant other would say, I love you? Yes, I have. Next. Is it possible to be friends with your exes? I think it depends on what type of relationship you had. If they did something to hurt you, or you did something to hurt them, I think that you can eventually be friends with them, but I think it does take a lot of time to heal from that. And forgive, because when somebody that you date,

I think does something that hurts you. It can be really, I think does something that hurts you, it can be really, I think the anger in that is so much more intense than even with friends sometimes, because there's such an intense kind of love there sometimes depending on the relationship. But yeah, I think you can be friends. I think weirdly enough, I do think that the easiest way to be friends with your ex is if the relationship kind of faded away on its own in both of you are like, we kind of want to see other people. And that's kind of how it is. So then it's easy to be friends because it's like there's no hard feelings, not one person's

more hardbroken than the other. And it's great. But I think it's all like a balance, it also takes a lot of maturity from both parties. It's like, can you both handle that? Because I mean, sometimes being friends with your ex can go so wrong, because then it's like all of a sudden, you know, it can go really wrong.

So I think waiting it out, growing apart, and then coming back together later, can be really important if you had really intense feelings there. Let's see. Do I think it's healthy to have a private relationship? I do. I do. I think it's a lot healthier. So yeah, that's that. To answer the question, I do think having a private relationship is healthier. And especially at my age, do you believe in soulmates? Ooh, I wanted to talk about this. I do, but it's weird because I think you have multiple. I think you can have a friend's

soulmate. I think you can have a significant other's soulmate. I think it can be an animal. Like I literally think there's so many different types of soulmates. I think in my opinion and in my eyes, a soulmate is just somebody that you click with in a way that you can't really explain. And it's kind of like, it's something that, yeah, you just can't even understand.

I think soulmates exist, but I think that there's a lot of them in this world. And I think that it's not just one person. So I'll answer a few more and then I'm gonna let you guys go because this is the longest podcast I've ever done. Oh, this is a great question though. What's a relationship deal breaker for you? I mean, there's a lot, like a fucking lot, but I think when somebody is super controlling and not open-minded, I've learned that that can be really, really hard.

I think dealing with people that aren't considered of your time and don't appreciate your time and your effort, I think that that can be a huge help breaker too. Somebody who forgets about you could easily just go, you know what I mean? That just sucks. That sucks ass. And obviously if somebody's a douchebag, I mean, they're out, if they suck. And I also think if somebody can't, I really value somebody who can have a great conversation with me. So if that's not in the cards, I'm not

interested. Just a respectful overall good good guy. I'm not too hard to please. I feel like I'm gonna answer like two more. Do you normally break up with somebody or do they normally break up with you? It's been all the above all that's happened multiple times. So both, and it, I don't know what it sucks more actually. I can't, they both suck. Oh God. Can't answer one more first date ideas. No, I don't know. I don't go on dates, dude. I couldn't help you with that one. How do you know when it's time to end a relationship? That's a great one to end on. I was trying to find the perfect banger to end this on.

And I think that that's a great one. I think you know when it's time to end a relationship when the majority of the time spent thinking or being with this person is Is not joyful. I mean, it's crazy because I think a lot of people will be in a relationship and they won't realize that they're actually fucking miserable like You can be so miserable, but you'll kind of just be like no, I think I'm supposed to be feeling like this No, you're not I swear to God. That is not how it's supposed to go. I mean, if you're feeling miserable 90% of the time, even like honestly, I'd argue 60% of the time, if you're feeling miserable 60% of the time, you need to get out. And if it's been like that for a long time, you need to get out. There's obviously things that are obvious, you know what I mean? If this person is, is not treating you right in any way, shape or form, that's an immediate

reason to get out, obviously. But I'm saying, when it's something where it's harder to decide because it's not as obvious, you know what I mean? Not that, you know, it's even not obvious when somebody is mistreating you. It can be really hard to recognize that when it's happening sometimes. But I'm saying like when you're kind of like, they're not really doing anything wrong, but I feel like like when you're kind of like, eh, they're not really doing anything wrong, but I feel like I need to end it.

But I don't know, that's what I'm kind of referring to. I think it's if you just don't feel happy around the person, you don't feel like you click with the person and you don't feel like they're helping you grow and like think differently. And you know, I think it also is like a weird switch in your brain where you kind of just, you kind of know you're like, it's just not the same.

And then you cut it off. And then you go find a new one. It's kind of fucked up. I don't know if that's fucked up. Like, let's have fun, whatever. So it's single Emma here. She helps you enjoy the episode. DM me, goodbye.

No, I'm totally kidding. Oh my God, I didn't even talk about how being single can be so positive. Do you know what, fuck it, that's, and I did, but like, now there's so much more to it, but I like didn't, I didn't hit that. So, but I could have, but I didn't, and it's fine. We're ending this. I actually have to go eat lunch. I'm starving So I hope you guys enjoyed this episode. I actually had so much fun with this one because I feel like it's something that I

Have so many thoughts on and sorry if I rambled rambled plug but Get used to it not really that sorry. I hope that you got something valuable out of this. I really do. That's kind of something I like, you know. I don't want to like talk for an hour forever to be like, well, that was fucking stupid. So I hope that there's at least something good

in there that you can take away. And let me know what you guys want me to make episodes on next. Tweet at AG podcast on Twitter, or call the number that I mentioned earlier. I will say it again though, because I'm so generous. The number is 567-275-3662. You can leave a voicemail and we will... That sounds like I farted, listen.

It's the cord from my headphones. I'm really fucking relaxed. I don't even have gas for once. Let me have this moment. Yeah, tweet, call, do it all. Oh my god, I'm making fucking gags, raise. Eee, eee. Snaps, everybody snap for my poetry.

Anyway, let me know what you only need to talk about. As new questions, you know the fucking drill. Peace out, I love you guys, thanks for listening. Don't date assholes or bitches. Am I gonna get in trouble for saying that? I don't think so. I can be a bitch, so they had an asshole. Date good people, guys.

Or date fucking no one and have fun. Love it. All right, bye.