anything goes with emma chamberlain - social media

Episode Date: March 26, 2020

Social media. It’s in all of our lives. Most of the time, it can be used for good to connect us with each other. But sometimes, it can be a place of negativity and false realities that can really affect our wellbeing. Emma talks through her experiences with the ups and downs of social, dealing with things like body image issues, having unflattering photos of you spread around, and negative comments. She gives advice on how to handle it all, plus ways to practice healthy habits on social, and why she’s refusing to edit her photos on Instagram. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

All right, we're recording, which is weird because I am at home right now. But hi guys, welcome back to my podcast. Anything goes. I hope you all are staying safe and taking care of yourselves. This has been a very confusing and upsetting few weeks. And I bet a lot of you guys like me have been inside a lot, if not all the time. And I know personally it's kind of upsetting me a little bit.

Not only is it upsetting what's going on around us, but also being inside can create a lot of anxiety on top of all of that. So it's just kind of so many things piling up on each other and you're worried about your friends and family. And if you're like me and you don't live at home, I'm not with my family, I'm alone in Los Angeles.

So it's been very, it's a tough time right now. So I just wanted to say I'm thinking of all of you and I'm praying for all of you and we're gonna get through this this together and I love you all. And on that note, let's get into our sixth episode. I believe it's our sixth episode. I am currently recording from home, which is so weird because I'm used to being in a studio and now I'm in the comfort of my own home and it's so odd and I'm using like

a portable microphone and it's so odd. And I'm using like a portable microphone, and it's weird. It's weird not having somebody else in the room while recording, but we're gonna make the most of it. My cats are making loud sounds in the background. If you can hear that, I apologize if not, this microphone deserves a Nobel Peace Prize for not picking up that sound.

Anyway, well today we're going to be talking about an Instagram meltdown that I had a few weeks ago, maybe a few months ago now, that I think is like something that people don't, like I would never normally talk about this, but I feel like it's a good thing to talk about, and this podcast is a great opportunity for me to talk about the shit that I don't want to talk about anywhere else. So I'm gonna open up to you guys about it, and maybe we can find a way to learn from it together,

because I don't know if I've necessarily learned from it yet, because I don't know if I've necessarily learned from it yet, because it was kind of recent. So, all right. So basically, one night I was on TikTok per usual. And on my free U page, which is like the Explorer page, if you're not aware of TikTok or you don't have an account, basically just for U page is like an Explorer page

where the TikTok algorithm just gives you videos that they think you'd want to watch. And you can scroll through them and it's fun, whatever. I spent a lot of my evenings doing that. It's not good or healthy, but here we are. I'm scrolling through my TikTok for you page and suddenly a video of a guy comes up where he's like, these are the prettiest girls I've ever seen. And by some fucking miracle, I end up on this list with the rest of these women.

I'm super honored. I was like, wow, that is so sweet. Like, I definitely don't... Like, that's real... I was really, really made me feel good. I was like, wow, that's so nice. And that normally doesn't happen. I've been seeing those videos go around

and I'd never been in one. So, I was in one this time and I was like, wow, that's really sweet. And it was nice. And kind of out of impulse, I end up clicking the comment section to see what people are commenting on this video. And majority of the comments on this video

were basically saying, why would you put Emma in this? Emma is not pretty. Emma is actually quite ugly. She doesn't shower. She's gross. She looks like an 11 year old. Basically, the meanest shit you can imagine is what all these people were saying about

me in the comments. And naturally, I was quite upset. And so, kind of in a stream of consciousness, I don't even think I realized what I was quite upset. And so kind of in a stream of consciousness I don't even think I realized what I was doing. I end up going to my Instagram and kind of looking through and being like I wonder what people are seeing of me. Because you know none of these people have met me in real life and even on video people look different. Everybody looks different when you meet them in person. I was like what do people perceive of me through my Instagram? So I start going through my Instagram and I'm looking at all my photos

and I start nitpicking every single photo, every single one. I'm like, I wanted to delete my whole Instagram. I literally wanted to go through and archive every single photo. I was like, I don't even want to have a public image anymore. If I'm being judged this hard by thousands of people on TikTok, I mean, who's thousands of comments on this kid's TikTok calling me ugly? I was like, I don't even wanna be on social media.

In general, if this is like the type of response I'm getting, like YouTube is one thing, but like, you know, Instagram is very looks based, right? It's like, you know, you wanna have, like I know for me, like, that's where I go to post photos of me where I think that I look not as bad as usual. I also post stuff that's fun and shit,

but like, you know, that's the place that I go to like post cool outfits. You know what I'm saying? So I was like, I don't even wanna have an Instagram if this is the type of response I'm gonna be getting. Like that's so upsetting. So I end up going to my Instagram and I archived probably 50 photos and I cried

and I stared at myself in the mirror for a few hours, maybe an hour on and off. I would like look at myself in the mirror and then I'd go lay down and I would think and then I went back mirror, and then I'd go lay down, and I would think, and then I went back to the mirror, and I'd look again, and it was this terrifying feeling of holy shit, like a lot of people fucking think I'm ugly. And I don't think you realize that that's, it's so bizarre, it's like,

it was such a bizarre feeling, because I'd never seen that many people at once think that I'm ugly. Yeah, here and there, it pops up, but it's usually interspersed with some nice comments as well, but no. Every comment on this TikTok was calling me ugly, and it was so upsetting. It affected me for a few days. Like, my self-esteem was down and I've struggled with body dysmorphia in the past and when things like that happen,

it can trigger that for me a little bit more, you know, where I look in the mirror and, you know, everything looks different or worse than it would normally. And it morphs. I morph into somebody I don't even know why I am. And then, you know, I don't, like, it's like so weird. Like, I can look at myself in the mirror. And then, you know, in an hour later,

I look in the mirror again, and I look completely different. Sometimes I look like I gained 10 pounds, lost 10, like, I have more acne than I have. It's so weird, but it's like, everything, it's almost like a filter comes on when I look in the mirror every time and I never know what I actually look like. So this was just so triggering for me

because at the time I actually thought, my skin looked good and I felt like I was in, I've been taking care of myself. And so it was like holy shit, nobody else sees that. Or cares about that. They are just, they just think I'm fucking ugly. I don't know I think that social media just it's so focused on looks and appearance. It's sad how it's not about personality when it comes to things like Instagram or even

TikTok. Like I feel like on Twitter and YouTube, it's more about personality, but on Instagram and TikTok and stuff like that, it's all about looks. And it's kind of fucking unfair because there's nothing I can do about it. I think that's like the part of where that's where the impending doom feeling comes in. It's the part where it's like, this is my face.

I can't really do anything about it. I was born with it, my nose is where my nose is, and my eyes are where my eyes are, and my hair is the color that it is, and my lips look the way that they look, and my face is shaped the way that my face is shaped, and my body is shaped the way that my body is shaped,

and there's nothing I can fucking do about it, and that's a really weird feeling. And there's two ways you can look at it. If you're in a bad mindset, you can look at it in a way of, well, I can't change this, I'm fucked. But then you can also look at it in a way where it's like, well, there's nothing I can do with it,

so I'm just gonna enjoy it for what it is. Sadly, it's a lot harder to do the latter. Obviously, that whole episode only really affected me for a little bit. It wasn't like a long term. It's not like it's affecting me now. Like it affected me for maybe a week and then I was over it,

but it definitely took a toll on me. I just wanted to tell that story to kind of maybe give you guys some perspective in a sense on like, you know, who knows, maybe you guys receive comments that are negative, whether it's in real life or on the internet or wherever. Maybe you guys have experienced this. I just want to let you know you're not alone.

I feel the same thing and it happens to me and it happens to everybody else you know. But maybe if you are somebody who leaves comments on people's photos or makes comments to people's faces. I mean, I can't imagine doing that But it happens because it it obviously happens Maybe you're somebody who's done that before or you do that Especially to somebody who maybe their job is to be on Social media, which is the grossest way to describe it and I hate saying that, but like, you know, some people, it is their job. And maybe you leave comments on people's stuff and assume that nobody's going to see it. I, you know, well, we do see it. And it sucks ass.

This episode is brought to you by Squarespace. Squarespace is more than a website builder. It's an all-in-one place to make an online space that's entirely your own. Their all-in-one platform allows you to customize everything from the fonts and color scheme to your domain name. All you have to do is choose from one of their beautifully designed templates as a starting off point. Then, at whatever you need to show off your ideas to get your side hustle on, you've got all the tools you need to show off your ideas to get your side hustle on, you've got all the tools you need to sell products, schedule appointments, and send email campaigns to your mailing list.

Plus, everything is optimized for mobile, so it looks just as good on a phone as it does on a desktop. Check out Squarespace.com for more features and inspiration, and when you're ready to build your site, use the offer code Emma for 10% off your first purchase of a website or a domain. This episode is brought to you by State Farm. There's no instruction manual when it comes to being an adult.

Sometimes I lay away get-night rehashing something I said earlier that day, or lay in bed at night thinking about what the future holds. I know I'm not the only one going through a lot of what-ifs. Like, what if I get into a fender bender? Or what if my home gets broken into? But State Farm can help you with some of those big what-ifs. They're available to answer your questions day or night. You can reach them 24-7 file a claim on the State Farm mobile app or simply call your agent to ask what's on your mind.

Like a good neighbor, State Farm is there. Call or go to stateform.com for a quote today. Another thing that I've struggled with, or that's like kind of made me, it's kind of fucked with myself a steam, and it's in the same realm, is photos on, say, red carpets, or at events, like, getty images that are taken by,

like, I don't know what they're called, they're not paparazzi, but they're like, Getty Images that are taken by, like, I don't know what they're called, they're not paparazzi, but they're, like, kinda like paparazzi, they're, like, photographers, I don't know, at events, right? I have a few stories about that, and now that's affected me. First time I ever got my photo taken for press was at the Streamy Awards, I believe it was in 2018. And, you know, I was not very used to this whole thing yet. I had never been on any form of a red carpet

or any kind of, I don't know what they call it, it's like red carpet, but then there's also like the photo line. I don't know what you call it, but anyway, I'd never done that before. Then it was my first time. And I remember, well, it's my first time doing it like in a serious way. I'd done a few other like events, small events that had a similar thing, but like this was my first big event that had a red carpet where there was photos being taken of you, et cetera. And I remember I was so nervous. I was like, I really don't want to do this and I asked if I didn't have to do it and At first the answer was yeah, you don't have to do it

But then suddenly they're like, please please do it and I was like, okay So I ended up you know you stand on the red carpet and you pose and they take photos of you and you basically have no control over what photos They choose or whatever they just post them on the getty images website and that's that so It's very final, right? So you better do a good job. Well, I did the worst job possible. I had no idea how to pose and one of the Getty Images that they ended up choosing

was a photo of me in between poses. I was moving and it is the most traumatizing and ugly photo I've ever seen of myself. Press outlets have actually used this photo many times since during like articles or during like drama, like news videos. It's a photo that continues to be used by media outlets. Okay, I never get to live it down.

It's permanently there. When I saw this photo for the first time, I cried for literally two days. I was like, is there any way we can get this taken down? Like I hate this photo. It's the worst photo I've ever seen. I never want to see it again. Please, can we just delete it?

I will pay someone, like, I, like, just get this photo off of the internet. Please, no, no, no, just get this photo off of the internet, please. No, no, no, that was not an option. And I was mortified, okay. It killed me. And, you know, I got over it. Now I can laugh about it.

It's been long enough, but that wasn't the end of it. That wasn't the end of it. Ever since, getting images have just kind of been the death of me. Like, it just never makes me look good. Something about it, I just look so bad. And I feel like I'm the only one, because most people look amazing in these getting images. I don't know why it is, but I just look so fucking bad in that.

And it makes me feel, it's so exhausting, because you know, I go to these events and I'm so excited and I'm so excited about my outfit and about my makeup and then these photos get taken to me and I go and I look at them and every time I hate them, I think there's maybe even three of them that I actually like and the rest have made me really, really, really insecure and self-conscious. And it sucks because I just want to feel confident in these photos because they're, you know, cool and they're professionally taken and it sucks because I just want to feel confident in these photos because they're cool and they're professionally taken and it'd be nice to be able to use them and post them and sometimes I'm

able to but usually I hate them so then I can't even use them and I it's upsetting. Most recently I was at a fashion show and I was so excited about my makeup and my hair and all of that and I don't think I've ever I was so mortified by those photos, but different than the last few times, I didn't cry about it. I was just like, you know what? I know that that doesn't matter in the grand scheme of things that doesn't matter.

And so I got over it. I got over it in probably two hours, which was a record speed for me. But, you know, so I'm still getting better at that, kind of whole element of like it not being in my control. I'm still so I'm still getting better at that kind of whole element of like it not being in my control. I'm still getting better, but I'm getting there. So I just wanted to vent about that a little bit.

Another thing that's kind of in the same vein of all of this is I remember one time I did a shoot with a company and it was a bathing suit shoot. And at the time when we did this bathing suit shoot, it was the winter time. And I was not, I wasn't in as good of shape as I, you know, would like to be necessarily. And I hadn't been exercising as much. And I was fine with it. It didn't bother me. And I did this bathing suit shoot with this company. And I remember some, there was some behind the scenes photos that were put out by the company, where I didn't know that I was getting my picture taken,

so they were not, I didn't know about it. So I wasn't like posing properly, as one would say. I wasn't posing, like I was relaxing. So I didn't look as flattering as I would have if I was aware that a photo was being taken of me and I was standing with good posture and all of that. And this photo gets released and some people get a hold of it and they start reposting it

and they were talking about how I had gained weight. I remember I was on a trip with one of my friends at the time and I'm in the car with them and I just start breaking down, bawling, crying because I had never had anybody comment on my wait before and that was my biggest insecurity is like I've always been really I've struggled with eating disorders in the past struggled with body dysmorphia and so having someone comment on my weight gain

that I hadn't even really noticed at the time, or maybe just didn't really want to, I mean, it just wasn't really important to me, which was a huge, huge step for me, because I mean, I've had issues with eating since I was younger. And so having somebody comment on that and having a bunch of people comment on that

and now I'd gained weight, it took me back like 15 steps, you know what I mean? I was in a pretty good place with my body. It wasn't great, but it was better than where it had been before, and so having people comment on it, sent me down a spiral. It still kind of makes me sick to my stomach. It's so upsetting for me. And I think the moral of all these depressing ass stories,

sorry, these are like really upsetting. God dammit. I'm so sorry. I didn't know I was gonna go here today, but I just kind of wanted, like, I don't know, now I started to talk about it, and I feel like I want to show this vulnerability, and I want to tell these stories,

because this is stuff that happens to all of us and I don't want, like I've always wanted to tell these stories and it just never felt like the right time because it was too recent or it was too real. But now I feel like it's time, it just feels right. So here we are and we're telling the story. Anyway, those were all things that have happened a while ago. I've definitely improved since then. I feel like I'm a lot less hard on myself about what the internet says. When I know

there's a potential that some comments might be negative about my appearance. I just avoid reading the comments. And you know, I feel like my recovery time is getting quicker. It's like, okay, something might kind of hurt me for a few minutes, but I can get over it quicker than I used to. It used to cripple me for like days, and now it only really upsets me for maybe a few hours. So, I think it's just kind of taking that pain that you feel when those things happen and turning it into,

just turning it into strength. You know what I mean? Turning it into, once you get through that a few times, it's like, once you know that you can get through it, then when it happens again, you know that you can get through it again. You know what I mean? It's just training yourself to be resilient

towards stuff like that. And it's an ongoing journey and I'm still learning, you know, but if you're going through that shit, just know that I'm here, I'm right here, and I'm right here next to you, and I'm right here, and I'm right here next to you, and I'm right here, and I'm right here next to you. No, I'm right here, I'm with you, dude,

and I feel you, and it happens to everybody. This episode is brought to you by BetterHelp. You know when you get so caught up in what everyone else needs that you totally forget to take care of yourself? I mean, it happens to me all the time. And there's nothing wrong with taking care of other people, but it only becomes an issue when you neglect yourself in the process. Spending all of our time giving can make us feel burnt out and resentful, which is why

it's so important to have a space where you can talk through problems, reframe thoughts, and prioritize your well-being, like therapy. Therapy can give you the tools to create more balance in your life so you can keep supporting others without abandoning yourself. Therapy can help you when you're struggling with a specific problem. Therapists can help you develop tools that make getting through challenges easier, but also therapists are there to just generally help your well-being and help you develop tools that help you get through day-to-day life in general. It's not just for people who are going through a major trauma. It's

something that can be useful for anyone. If you're thinking about starting therapy, give better help a try. It's entirely online, designed to be convenient, flexible, and suited to your schedule. Just fill out a brief questionnaire to get matched with a license therapist and switch therapists any time for no additional charge. To get started, visit betterhelp.com slash anything today to get 10% off your first month. That's better HLP.com slash anything. This episode is brought to you by Doritos Dips.

That's right. Doritos now has Doritos Dips. It's the perfect addition to, well, everything. Honestly, pizza, wings, sandwiches, soft pretzels, go ahead, get weird. It can take your favorite foods to the next level, and they went with two classic flavors for inspiration, cool ranch, jalapeno, and spicy nacho. I'm a big sauce person. Like, I always order an extra side of sauce when I'm at a restaurant.

When I'm at home, I'm dumping different sauces on every meal I eat. You can add Doritos dips to anything, and it will make it even better. Dip your pizza in it. Dip some veggies in it. Dip some veggies in it. Dip your Doritos in the Doritos dip. Like there's no limits, okay?

I love having people over to my house and I always love putting out a spread of food. And you know what people always are most excited about? A fun dip, okay? You could make a whole charcuterie board with a Doritos dip in the center. And it would be iconic, honestly. You'll have to experience it for yourself.

Tap the banner or visit this episodes page to learn more. Another thing I wanna talk about social media and how it affects myself, as seen personally, is, I mean, this has been discussed a lot, but I think that I want to put my little two cents in. Just kind of the whole fake element of social media and all of that.

Just the ability to edit photos and the ability to, I mean, even get surgeries to change your body, stuff like that. All of that being fine. I don't judge. If you want to face a photo, if you surgeries to change your body, stuff like that. All of that being fine, I don't judge. If you want to face a photo, if you want to get whatever, if you want to change elements of your body,

I totally don't judge, but personally I haven't, because I don't want to, but it's so hard sometimes not to, because I know that I would feel better about my lips if I got lip injections. I know that for a fact, and sometimes I wish I could. And I can, actually, I could if I wanted to. I wish that it would solve the problem.

Like I wish that that would solve the problem. I know it won't. I still kind of want it sometimes, but I know it won't solve the problem. And I've never, a lot of you will think that I've got lip injections because my lips get swollen when they get chapped. And right now I'm on Acutane, which is an acne medication.

As everybody knows, I talk about it every five minutes. But that makes my lips really dry. It makes everything dry for that matter. And so my lips get really dry and they get puffy. And then it looks like I have big lips, but really it's just they're inflamed. So, I mean, it's not bad, I don't even hate it. I don't hate when they get inflamed and puffy.

Kind of is like, it's a great selfie opportunity, but to be honest, but I do not have live injections. I've never gotten injections of any kind, but it is tempting and it's hard because it's hard not to want to do that when you see some other people do it and you're like, oh my god, they look so good. And I wish I could do it.

If that's something you want to do, go for it. If you think that that's something that's true to you and you know, whenever, go for it. But if you don't feel like it's true to you, try to like me, you know, I don't feel like that's something that's true to me. And doing that would kind of be going against who I am in a sense. And I don't want to do that. So just know that like it's, that's not what it's all about, you know? And I'm still trying to teach myself that, but you don't need to change things about yourself

to fit in. If it's not something that feels right to you, don't feel like you need to do something like that to fit in. Like that's kind of how I felt. Not fit in, but like fit in with like what's good looking in the fucking public. I whatever the fuck that means. And it's all subjective. It's like beauty is so subjective and you know there might be some stereotype for what's beautiful I guess right now, but that will change again.

And basically what I'm trying to say is like there's this I feel this pressure sometimes to like be as good looking as I can and if that means changing something about my face, sometimes I get tempted to do that, which is not something that's true to me and it is upsetting. So I'm learning to not feel that feeling anymore. I think also LA doesn't help because LA is very normalized here. So it's tough. It's tough not to do that, but I can promise you that when I'm in my 60s, I will probably have Botox, but I'll save that for when I'm 60. All right, moving on.

I think it would be kind of cool. I don't think we can do voicemails this episode because I am recording from home, and usually I have my producer provide those for me, so can't really do that today, sorry about that, but we're gonna do some Twitter questions. The Twitter is at AG Podcast, if you wanna go follow it or tweet us questions, check that out, you know, do your thing.

Okay, so the first question is, do you care about Instagram likes? Surprisingly no, like I care about Instagram likes? Surprisingly no. Like, I care about a lot of things. I'm self-conscious about a lot of things, but randomly enough, I'm not too concerned about Instagram likes. And I don't know why that is. I don't know if it's just because for me, Instagram is fun.

I just like to post my outfits and post cool photos that I think are cool and like connect with you guys in a sense and whatever. I don't really, and see what other people are doing as well. I don't really care about the likes. I just never have, to be honest, numbers for me have never mattered as much as like, I'm more concerned about forming a positive

and happy community. I don't really care about the numbers, as long as the actual community itself is positive and uplifting and everybody's being kind and shit. I don't really care about how many people are there, as long as the majority of the people who are there are good people, kind people, and supportive people. So that's what I'm more concerned with.

The next question is, how does social media affect your daily mood? I think social media can affect my mood if I'm on it too much, as it does for everybody. It's really easy for me to become disconnected from like my soul. If I'm like on TikTok too much, on YouTube too much, on Instagram too much, and I'm not going outside, I'm not living in the moment, I'm not doing things that are creative. It can easily make me super anxious. It does this to my family as well. I know my dad and my mom have said the same thing,

mainly my dad, but it can make me anxious. I've had panic attacks before from just being on social media too much. It creates this false sense of reality. Like, you start to feel like all of the things that you're looking at actually matter. But none of it fucking matters. None of it matters.

What fucking Cynthia posted on her Instagram, the fact that she's in the Bahamas and she's swimming with dolphins, you start to think that that matters. It starts taking up space in your brain. And then, you know, next thing you know, you're seeing how Joshua and Jamie are now on their seventh month of their relationship and they're doing better than ever and they're so in

love, then, you know, you take that into account and you're like, wow, like that sucks. Like, hmm, single as fuck, whatever. And it's just like all of that stuff starts taking up space in your brain and you can't really think about anything else clearly until you have some time to separate yourself from your phone. It's like it starts to fill your brain with shit that's not important, but you start to think that it's important and it's taking up this unnecessary mental real estate

that could be used for something creative that would make you feel calm, happy, fulfilled. That's when social media affects me in a negative way. When I'm going on social media and little bursts here and there to connect with you guys, to connect with my friends, to see what everybody's up to, and then I put my phone down and I spend time with people or do things that are creative or do things that are healthy for my body, whatever.

That's when social media hit me healthy because I have this balance. And the only effect it has on me is that I'm seeing what my homies are doing or what you guys are up to. And that stuff that is actually makes me feel good and it's like enjoyable, right? And it doesn't have a negative effect. So it's about managing that. And once you can manage it, it's actually kind of a beautiful thing.

But during times like this, especially when we're all kind of staying home and we can't really be around as many people and it's like harder to find things to do, it's like really easy to fall into those unhealthy social media habits. So I'm praying for all of you guys that you guys aren't going on your phone too much and you're not getting too anxious. Somebody asked me how long did it take you to finally stop taking mean comments to heart. Sadly, I still occasionally will take mean comments to heart. I definitely have a way thicker skin

and I'm just in such a better place with all that. Like it takes so much more to upset me. It's, but it's an ongoing journey. I will never ever be there. I'll always, it's always gonna, I'll never reach the point where none of it matters to me. Like, I think being a human means that what other people think of you

or if they think something negative about you, that's always gonna be upsetting, I'm sorry. But it's a matter of like, how quickly you can recover what you do with the comment, you know how you react, right? Like now, if I get a mean comment, it might upset me for a little bit, but I know now, okay, Emma, this is time to put your phone down

and do something creative, right? Or talk to somebody that you love and get yourself out of that headspace. So I know how to get myself out of it quicker. But I also think that less comments bother me. Like, it has to be something pretty fucking mean to bother me at this point. Next question, somebody asked,

which social media platform is the worst for bullying and portraying hate? Weirdly, I think YouTube right now is a little bit negative. I've noticed a lot of negative comments on YouTube, whereas on TikTok and Instagram and Twitter, I feel like things are pretty good, at least from what I've said, I mean, at least with me.

Obviously, there's negativity on all platforms. I've seen TikTok be a really toxic platform. I'm more referring to comments on my stuff. I know that earlier I said that there was negative comments about me on somebody else's TikTok, but I'm not really referring to that. I'm more referring to my comment section personally. I feel like YouTube has been kind of the toughest critics

recently. And that's all right. Keeps me, keeps a fire under my ass to keep going. The next question is, do you ever regret having your whole life online? I have moments of like impulsiveness, if that's a word, impulsiveness, that's a bit, I don't know, that might be stretching, stretching the vocabulary here, but I have moments where I break down and I stay things or feel things that are kind of impulsive. And sometimes I do have moments where I break down and I stay things or feel things

that are kind of impulsive. And sometimes I do have moments where like, I'm really weak and I'm like, I wish I never even started this. I just wish I could have a normal life. I wish I never, whatever. But it never lasts more than an hour. And usually I end up coming out the other side

of my breakdown feeling weirdly gratefulness. Like, you know, I'm able to be like, you know what? Okay, there are some tough parts, but I wouldn't want my life anything. Like I wouldn't want it any other way, right? So 99% of the time, I am just kind of grateful and kind of rolling with it, but sometimes I get to a breaking point as humans do, and I kind of wish that it never happened, but it also happened for a reason, and I have to trust that. Do you get validation from followers and subscribers?

I sadly don't really get, not sadly, that's actually a good thing. I don't know get, not sadly, that's actually a good thing. I don't know why I said sadly. I don't get validation from followers or subscribers. I think in the beginning, when I very first started, I, you know, for me, subscribers kind of were telling me that I should keep going with YouTube and keep going with social media and all of that. And that was kind of validation that like what I was doing

was useful for people or enjoyable for people to watch and that was really useful. And now it definitely still does that as well. It reminds me that, you know, I have you guys and we have you have me and we have each other and it's like a community and it's amazing. And so it's like validation that what I'm doing is kind of worth it, because I have that.

But it's not like validation in an ego-tistical way. It doesn't boost my ego at all. It just validates my decision to begin and continue to work on what I do. So when it comes to validation, I more need that from the people in my very close life because those are people that know me and I know them and I trust them.

Somebody said, what hey comments hurt the most when you see them? I would say the comments that hurt me the most are probably the ones that just say that I've lost my spark to them, in a sense. Like saying like, oh, I used to love you and now you annoy me or like, I used to love you and now like, you've changed and shit like that

because, you know, I mean, I think a lot of people who do similar things to me or on YouTube or whatever or on any social media platform. It's like, for me, I've been so proud of my growth and how I've evolved. And so people not agreeing with that, it stings, because they don't agree with me. They don't agree that my growth was great,

or like a good thing. They think that it's negative. And that sucks because I disagree. But it also makes me question myself and where I'm going with my life. Are they right? You know, am I not as good of a person? Am I like more annoying now? Whatever, like, are the videos I make less genuine?

Like, whatever, and that's when I go to my friends and family, especially my parents. And just say, like, I feel like I'm being more myself than ever. I feel like I'm more connected with everybody that watches my videos than ever. What do you think? Do you think I've changed in a negative way? Am I losing it?

Am I losing my mind? Am I losing touch? And you know, my parents will be like, they'll help me through it. They'll be like, no, I don't think you are, or maybe yes you are, which usually, usually I feel like I've done pretty well so far with that, but those comments affect me the most

because I feel like they're aware of something that I'm not. But I think what it really is is that they're just misreading me and my growth. Somebody asked me, what's your real opinion about the whole showering joke? Oh God, why does this never end? It's like fucking, oh my God. So basically a long time ago I made a joke

on my Snapchat story, basically saying, like my mom was in the car with me and I was making a joke about how, like, my mom was telling me to shower and how I didn't want to and that hygiene was up to me and I didn't need to shower if I didn't want to, whatever. Totally a joke. But everybody, basically, the haters got a hold of this

and they were basically like, started this whole rumor that I don't shower and that I have bad hygiene and all of that. And at first it was funny to me because I was like, are you guys really not getting this joke? I was like, it's so fucking obvious by my tone that I'm kidding, but like, everybody

apparently took me seriously. When in fact I shower every single day and most of my friends say, it smells pretty good. So it was kind of upsetting because it was just like, I was getting all this negative attention about something that's just not even true. And also, even if it was true, who fucking cares? None of you guys are smelling me. So who gives a fuck? I was like, it was so dumb.

That's what pissed me off about it. I was like, it's just so unnecessary. That is what pissed me off about it. But obviously, I'm over it now, like whatever. I'll probably, I should make like no shower merch. That'd be kind of funny. Oh my God, that's genius. See, every, something good comes out of everything. Somebody ask me, how do you cope with all the negativity

you get thrown at you? I know I've kind of touched on this earlier, but I want to talk about it in a broader sense. More of like just negativity on all ends. Like from any point, like whether it's drama or rumors or hate comments, like whatever, all of it in general, how do I deal with all of it as a whole? Because you know, every single day I see shit about me that's not good. I also see a lot of shit about me that's super nice and really nice and super sweet.

And that's majority of what I see. But at the same time, I don't think a day goes by where I don't see at least one thing about me that's negative, as does anybody who's on the internet. I do this thing recently. Most of the time I do this, sometimes I crack and I end up reading, I end up digging in and reading shit about me. But usually if I see

like, let's say I'm on my explore page on YouTube, right? And on my homepage, this happens to me all the time. I'll be on my YouTube homepage and there'll be a video about me on the home page that is negative. Like something like, Emma Chamberlain doesn't shower question mark, uh-oh stinky, that's a great title example. Okay, let's say that's my explore page. I will literally refresh the page immediately to not even allow myself to click, not even allow myself to think of it,

not even allow, I won't even let myself think about it. I just refresh and act like it never happened. If I refresh again and there's another hate video about me, I refresh again and I continue to act like I did not see it. And if you act like you didn't see something, it's actually pretty easy to forget about it. I ended up forgetting about it probably five minutes later and I don't even remember that I saw that video

on my homepage. If I click in it on it and if I let it consume me, then yeah, it's gonna bother me, it's gonna upset me. But I just try to not let it, I just try not to lean into it. If you don't lean into it, it's so much less significant in your mind. So that's what I usually do there.

But sometimes late at night, I'll end up clicking and then I cry and then I have to call my dad or my mom and then the whole thing's a mess, but usually we do, okay. Okay, I think I'm gonna be done with questions for the day and I'm actually gonna talk about something that I've been doing on my Instagram recently. So recently on my Instagram, I have decided to no longer edit my photos. I never really, I never used FaceTune or anything to edit my photos.

I never like changed anything about myself in my photos, right? I would only use like filters from Visco or whatever and I I tweak the color of my photos. I've decided I am stopping that altogether. I refuse to touch my photos now. I don't want to edit them. I don't want to put a filter on them. I'm not going to do anything to my photo. I'm literally going to take it straight down to my camera roll and post it. And that's what I've been doing recently. And I feel like it's been... I just want to be completely honest.

Like, I don't want to just want to be completely honest. Like, I don't want to change anything about my photos anymore. And I feel like it's been really fun. Actually, I'm gonna go on my Instagram real quick. I actually posted a photo the other day. I'm wearing a navy blue jacket, navy blue crew neck with a turtleneck under it, and a brown jacket and white jeans, and I'm standing next to a bunch of green stuff, like plants. And if you zoom in on my forehead,

you can see that I have acne on my forehead and kind of around my nose area, and a little bit on my cheeks, and you can see it. And I'm not gonna lie, it was kind of tempting, not to edit that out, by like, you know, putting some grain on the photo or adding a filter that kind of smoothed everything out, like whatever was hard for me not to do that. But I've just decided that I'm fucking sick and tired of it and I don't care. I don't care anymore.

It doesn't matter, you know? The point of that photo is not about whether or not my skin looks perfect. It's about, I just wanted to share my outfit. To be honest, that's kind of what Instagram is for me. Is that weird? If you really think about it, Instagram for me is about sharing an outfit, usually. It's kind of funny. Like whenever I wear, I'm wearing an outfit that I like, I'm like, I have to put it on my Instagram. I don't know why I do that. I think it's because I like to document it. It's my diary of good outfits that I appreciate from myself, which is weird. It's a weird concept, but anyways.

So that's what I've been doing on Instagram. It makes me feel good. I feel good about just putting everything out there. Anyway, before I end this episode, I wanted to tell you about my fucking day-to-day. I've filmed two videos, and I'm now recording a podcast. I've never been this productive in one day. I can't believe it.

I'm thrilled. So sorry that today's topic was so depressing, but I still had a good day though. I mean, I got a lot of shit done, it feels good for me to get shit done sometimes. I needed, need to do that, but anyway, this was weird talking to myself for 48 minutes. It was odd, it's odd, it's odd because I'm not used to that.

I normally have somebody else in the room when I record these, so it's so weird, but anyway, on that note, again, I hope you guys are all staying safe and healthy and staying inside and taking care of your loved ones and just staying tough. I also hope that this maybe made you feel a little bit less alone when it comes to your insecurities. We all have them, okay?

And next week, maybe I'll come back with a more happy topic because I feel guilty about being this depressing, but that's what this podcast is about, anything goes. So it's fine. Yeah, I love you all. Enjoy your day and that's that. Okay, I love you all. Sweet dreams. He he.