anything goes with emma chamberlain - the instagram illusion

Episode Date: April 9, 2021

This week Emma is talking all things Instagram. Social media can have a lot of pros, but it can also have a lot of cons. From the benefits and why we’re so drawn to it, to the negative effect it can have on our self-esteem and our perceptions of others. How we can manage our use of Instagram, get the most of it, and when is it time to take a break? Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Hey! What's up? Welcome back to anything goes. I'm Emma Chamberlain, your host and your bestie. I hope you guys are having an amazing week. I am having a kind of crazy week. For starters, I'm selling my house. Currently I live in the heart of Los Angeles. Right in the thick of Los Angeles, right in the thick of it, and I'm done. I'm selling this house, and I'm moving somewhere else. I'm not exactly sure where I'm going yet, but I know for certain that I can't live in the heart of LA anymore.

I live sandwiched in between two major streets in Los Angeles. And it's just too busy, it's too hectic. It's not relaxing. It's too much. And when I was actually in New York about a week ago, I had this realization that living in the heart of Los Angeles was not for me. Unfortunately, I'm not going to be moving out of state. I'm going to be staying in California, for sure. Staying in Southern California to be specific, but I'm done living in the heart of LA.

And Southern California, Los Angeles, has so many amazing areas that are relaxing and quiet and peaceful and I don't know why I didn't decide to move into those areas sooner but I think that part of me was like I don't want to miss out I want to be in the heart of everything so that I never miss a beat but I'm over it like I am over it the area that I live in is very busy there's a lot of traffic around me, a lot of people, a lot of tourists, and it's just too much. So I'm selling my house, I'm getting out of here and I'm moving to a more relaxing area of Southern California, slash Los Angeles.

I don't exactly know where I'm going yet, but we'll see. Time will tell. But that's the first order of business. And let me tell you, moving and selling a house and all of that is so overwhelming. I forced my mom to come to LA to help me because I don't understand any of this stuff. And so we've been hanging out, my mom and I, and it's been fun. But that's the first reason why I'm overwhelmed. But on top of that, this week, listen to what happened to me. So when I get really overwhelmed, I sometimes get creatively blocked. It's hard for me to film YouTube videos. It's hard for me to film YouTube videos, it's hard for me to record podcasts

because my mind is so all over the place with other things that I can't sit down, focus, and create these things. It just is hard for me sometimes if I'm overwhelmed. And from all this house stuff, I'm very overwhelmed. And so I spent two days trying to record a podcast that I felt good about. And for some reason, every time I had pressed record,

I just felt off and I didn't feel focused and I felt like my brain was scattered everywhere and I didn't feel like the things I was talking about made any sense. And so I kept starting over and starting over and starting over and starting over and finally, yesterday, I recorded an episode that was perfect. I was like, yes, we did it. You know, it took 72 hours to get an episode that felt right, but I did it and I was so

excited. When I tell you, I probably pressed start and stop 50 times over the course of that 72 hours. I'm not exaggerating. I just couldn't get it right. Finally, I got it right. I sent it to my podcast producer and he listens to the audio of it and he's like, am I, you must have bumped one of the settings on your recording device because the audio is really fucked up and this episode is not usable. And I was like, um, um, what? Oh my God, guys, I lost it. I lost it.

I actually didn't cry. That's normally something that would make me cry when I'm overwhelmed, Oh my god guys, I lost it. I lost it. I actually didn't cry. That's normally something that would make me cry when I'm overwhelmed, but I feel like the older I get, the less things phase me. I was really bummed out because I really loved the episode and I felt really good the whole time I was recording it and it just was flowing and I just loved it. But it wasn't meant to be for whatever reason. So after about five minutes of being really bummed out, I was like, you know what, it is what it is.

There's nothing I can do. I can't change it. I'm going to have to post an episode a little late, but you know what, life goes on. But it's just crazy how the universe will do that. The universe loves to just kind of kick you when you're down a little bit. But it's those moments that prove to you what you're capable of. You know what I mean?

It's like I was so bummed that the whole episode was gone. And my schedule is so busy right now because of all of this house stuff. I'm like, people are coming to see my house, to see if they wanna buy it. I'm going to see houses that I potentially wanna buy. And it's like, all of that's crazy. But then I also have to do all of my normal day-to-day stuff.

And so like an added thing to my schedule right now totally freaks me out, but I can do it. I'm capable of it and this isn't the end of the world and it is what it is, but I just I lost it. I was like holy shit that of course. I was like of course that would fucking happen to me. But hopefully this episode sounds beautiful and crispy and gorgeous and whatever, whatever.

Okay, the last update I need to give you before we get into our topic of today's episode is I got my eyebrows done now guys Listen, I don't take care of myself. Okay When it comes to Pretty much everything actually I'll give you a few examples I Have had a rash under my armpit for Almost a year now

that has not gone away because I'm so bad at putting ointment on it. It's just gotten larger and larger and larger. And I don't even know what it is. I thought it was ringworm, but I actually think it might be eczema. Having gone to the doctor for it, don't plan on it.

So there's one thing. Another thing, I never wear my retainers to bed. I wash my hair like twice a week. I get my hair cut and colored once every few months when I really should be doing it once a month because my hair is really unhealthy, so I need to keep it looking decent, but it's literally in the worst shape it's ever been,

and it's like three different shades of brown right now, because I have my natural roots that are like an ashy cool brown, but then the ends of my hair are like orangey brown and then because I have bleach blonde hair under my brown hair right now there's also like light streaks of like super super light almost blonde brown within it it's like my hair is like 10 different shades of brown right now. So you kind of get an idea of like, what I'm like. I just don't take care of myself very well.

I do my skincare, I brush my teeth. That's the most important. I shower, I shave my armpits, I put on deodorant. Like, that's the max for me. That's where I cap out. But I decided I needed to get my eyebrows done because they were out of control. And my eyebrows are very bushy.

I mean, not really. They're not super bushy, but they're definitely there. You know what I mean? And you can tell when I'm not getting unplugged. But I rarely ever pluck them or get them plucked. The only time that I ever get them plucked or shaped or anything like that is when I have a photo shoot and the makeup artist is like, hey, queen, we're gonna need to fix up this eyebrow because I can't fill it in properly with its current state.

Like it's just not gonna work. So they were kind of out of control. So I decided I'd go and get them done and I did. And it's always so funny because whenever I go in to get my hair done, whenever I go in to get my eyebrows done, even whenever I go in to get my hair done, whenever I go in to get my eyebrows done, even whenever I go in to get my nails done, like my fingernails, I always feel so embarrassed because the people that are going to do the service for me

always kind of treat me like I'm on the show Queer Eye and they're like really turning my life around. Does that make sense? If you guys haven't watched Queer Eye, it's where these guys, it's a show on Netflix, you should watch it, it's great. It's where these guys will, who are super fashionable and like, you know, have good taste in things

and all of that, they will take somebody who just doesn't have their life together. Terrible style, terrible home decor, et cetera, et cetera. And they'll kind of give them a full life makeover. That's how I feel when I go to get any of these services done, because I will let things get so bad to the point where the nail lady is like, oh, God, like what the, like, yeah, we need to get nails on you right now.

Or my hair person will be like, girl, you need to start coming in once a month. Or I go get my eyebrows done and they're like, wow, you really haven't ever touched these, huh? Like, that's the vibe every time. And it's so embarrassing, but I just don't have the energy to keep up with these kind of cosmetic appointments. And so it just gets a little bit embarrassing when

I show up for my like once every six month appointment. But I always feel very fresh and clean when I do it. So currently my eyebrows and fingernails are done, so now I just need to go get a hair appointment and then I'm gonna be seriously next level. Like I'm gonna be next level badass. No, that's not even true. Like that shit doesn't make you badass, but it's like I'm gonna feel like that bitch

if I just get my hair done. Then it's like everything will be perfectly put together. I really envy people that constantly have their nails done, constantly have their hair done, constantly have their eyelashes done. Do I already say that? I don't know. Constantly have their eyebrows done. Eyelashes done. Constantly are going and getting facials. Constantly are getting massages. Like, that's like the self-care and, you know, the beauty side of their life is just together.

I envy those people because I'm so the opposite. I never keep up with this stuff and I really wish I did, but I really just don't. And I think the reason why I don't is because I don't like sitting in a chair for a long period of time, and all of these procedures, nails, eyebrows, eyelashes, hair, all that, requires sitting in a chair

for like two hours and I just don't have it in me. So, I'll never be that girl, and that's okay, because I can just look at those girls I'll never be that girl and that's okay because I can just look at those girls and be like I envy your patients, you know like I I envy and admire your patients Okay, anyway, I hope you enjoyed that life update Let's get into today's episode

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Check out Squarespace.com for more features and inspiration and when you're ready to build your site, use the offer code Emma for 10% off your first purchase of a website or a domain. Today we're going to be talking about Instagram. Woo! I know. I talk about social media quite a bit on this podcast, mainly because it is a big part of my life, whether I like it or not, but I'm going to be touching on a few different thoughts that I've had about Instagram within the past week or so that I had some realizations,

I guess, and I just wanted to share. And vent. This all started when a few days ago, I was looking through my Instagram, kind of analyzing it as if I was a stranger. And I started to get kind of obsessed with the quality and the content of every photo. And I started archiving things that I didn't like or things that I didn't feel like looked cool.

And I scrolled all the way to the bottom of my Instagram and started there and just started archiving things that I didn't really like. Whether it was old photos of me posing in a way that I thought that was cringey or old photos that I thought were quote unquote artsy that I actually hated or even more recent photos that I just didn't like for whatever reason. You know when you just don't like a photo, like it's weird, it's like maybe it's your face, maybe it it's like, maybe it's your face, maybe it's your outfit,

maybe it's the background, maybe it's the lighting, whatever it may be, sometimes it's just like, eh, I actually don't like this photo. I know I posted it, and I know I liked it in the moment, but I actually hate it now, so I'm going to archive it or delete it, whatever. I was doing all of it, and I probably deleted 70 or 80 photos and I spent probably an hour

doing this and when I was done I looked at the clock and realized it had been an hour and I was like, why did you just spend an hour of your precious time going through your Instagram nitpicking it in deleting things? Like what did you gain from that? And that really got me thinking, why? Why do I care so much? And I realized it's because I kind of feel like my Instagram is a part of my identity. And I thought more about that.

And I was like, I kind of look at people's Instagrams as a part of their identity, whether it's my friends, whether it's a stranger, whether it's a acquaintance. For some reason, I look at people's Instagrams as an extension of their personality, and I use Instagram to help build people's identity in my mind. Does that make sense? I don't know, but maybe this example will help. Let's say I meet somebody at a party and I have a 10 minute conversation with them.

I might only learn a few things about them, but when I get home, the first thing I'm going to do is I'm going to look at their Instagram. And through looking at their Instagram, I'm going to fill in the gaps of their personality that I wasn't able to find out in person. And I'm going to build an idea of who they are in my brain based on a combination of our 10 minute conversation and their Instagram. And I'm going to take their Instagram at face value and fully just add that to my perception of who they are

with no second thought. And a lot of this is automatic and even subconscious, but in Los Angeles especially in the world in general subconscious. But in Los Angeles, especially in the world in general, but especially in Los Angeles, I feel like your Instagram is a huge part of your identity. And when I realized this, I was like, we really are living in the matrix, y'all. We are really living in the matrix

because your Instagram presence, or even just your social media presence in general, is kind of a part of your identity, whether you like it or not. But the crazy thing about Instagram specifically is that it's pretty much just photos. And it's virtually no personality. And you can really curate your Instagram to make you look or seem any way that you want. If you want to seem like some sort of fashionista gal, if you wanna seem like a sporty athlete,

if you wanna seem like a smart, well-read, intellectual, if you wanna seem like a rock star, you can do all of that. And you don't even have to necessarily be one of those things, but if you want to, you could make it seem like that's exactly who you are on your Instagram. Just based on what you post.

It's that simple. So you can create an illusion that you're the coolest fucking person on this planet, based on your Instagram, but be a total asshole douchebag in person and Based on your Instagram nobody would know you know what I'm saying It's crazy how powerful it is and The even crazier part about it is Through thinking about this more I started to realize that I

will put people on a pedestal if I think that they have a cool Instagram. I'll give you an example. In Los Angeles, there aren't a lot of people. There are a fuck ton of people, but there aren't a lot of people that you're going to run into that you know. And like in the kind of social media influencer world, there's only a handful of people and pretty much all of them live in LA. And so chances are you're going to stumble upon their Instagram at some point and see them.

Now if you see one of their Instagrams and you think that they're cool and Maybe even a little bit intimidating when you see them in person you're immediately gonna think that they're cool. I've done this okay And in reality you meet them and you're like okay, they're cool I guess but they're not as cool as I would have thought based on their Instagram. They're just a normal fucking person. But I will fully become intimidated by people if I see their Instagram and they have a cool Instagram. It's the most bizarre thing.

It fully affects how I perceive people. Whether I see their Instagram before I meet them or I see their Instagram after I meet them, their Instagram fully changes my opinion of them. And it's not good. Like this is not something that I like, unconsciously doing. It's all subconscious. It's all in the back of my head. Like, I don't realize that I'm doing this.

And I never realize that I was doing this until I caught myself carefully curating my Instagram and spending hours on it so that people would perceive me in a certain way. And being somebody who's actually pretty confident socially, I mean, listen, I have my issues. And especially after COVID, I'm kind of a mess. Like I lost a lot of my social skills and I have a lot more social anxiety and I am insecure in many ways as we all are. I still would consider myself to be pretty confident in myself socially. I'm not so concerned

about people thinking that I'm cool. I'm not so concerned about people thinking that I'm cool. I'm never too concerned about people's first impression of me. I'm pretty confident in my ability to be charming in a conversation or, you know, for people to like me. I'm confident that the way that I treat others is kind and warm. I'm confident in that. And obviously I'm not perfect. Like sometimes I have days where I'm like kind of a bitch,

but I, you know, like in general though, I'm pretty confident in my social skills and my abilities. And I'm confident that if a person met me in person and gave me 10 minutes of their time, that we could have a great conversation if they were down to do so. I'm very confident in that. So it's so weird that I'm so self-conscious and so hyper-focused on my identity on Instagram because it's like, does that really matter?

No, because I know that if I were to have a conversation with somebody in person, that it would be a good one. I know that I I were to have a conversation with somebody in person that it would be a good one Like I know that I'm capable of that and I know I'm capable of good first impressions and So it's just so bizarre that this is such a weak point for me and that I'm so vulnerable on Instagram and I'm so concerned about what my identity is on there almost as if it's separate from who I am as an actual human being. But this has been like this for me since high school. I remember in high school going on vacation and making my mom take thousands of photos

of me so that I could post pictures on social media so that people from other schools would go on my Instagram and think I was cool. Or, you know, even people from my own high school would think I was cool. Like, I totally remember doing that even before I maybe had a slightly larger audience or well very much larger audience I guess but you know what I'm saying like this is not something that I'm dealing with now because I have a following like I've been doing this since I was probably 14, 15. And I think we're all doing it without even realizing it. We're all trying to create the perfect version of ourselves on Instagram through photos

because that's an extension of our identity that we can control. But the difference between controlling your identity with face-to-face conversation and stuff like that and controlling your identity on Instagram is that on Instagram it's a lot easier to fake it. You can really fake it. Whereas in person it's a lot easier to fake it. You can really fake it. Whereas in person, it's a lot harder.

Because if, let's say you want to come off as a well-read, articulate, smart person, intellectual, you could totally make it look like that on Instagram by posting photos of, you know, fuck, I don't know, books. You know what I'm saying? People would just take that at face value and be like, oh, that person's probably an intellectual and they're probably really smart.

And they're probably, you know, really into books, whatever. But in person, if you try to fake being an intellectual, people are gonna see right through that real quick because you're not gonna be able to hold up in a conversation, you know? But you don't have to hold up a conversation on Instagram. You just post a photo, people take it at face value, and then that's now a part of your identity. And so that's why it's almost so dangerous.

Because people can create any story that they want. People can create any illusion they want, and because you consume Instagram so quickly, you only look at a photo on your feed for probably a second before you scroll to the next one, and you just take it at face value and you move forward. It's dangerous because you're taking these exaggerations of people's lives lives or even these lies that people are putting out there and you're taking it as fact because it's all happening so fast

when you're scrolling. For example, let's say somebody posted a photo with their Bay and they they're, you know, on a cruise ship in Alaska and they look so cute together. They're kissing and they just look like the happiest couple ever. Chances are he's cheating on her probably, you know what I'm saying? But you're going to see that photo and be like, damn, like I wish my relationship was like that. When in reality, it's like you're gonna see that photo and be like, damn, like I wish my relationship was like that. When in reality, it's like, you're just seeing one moment, you don't fucking know. You don't know what is going on behind the camera.

Or let's say you see somebody, you know, on vacation in Bora Bora, and they look like they're having the best time. They're with all their friends. It looks like an amazing time. You don't know what's going on on that trip. That person and all their friends could be fighting. And that could be like the one happy moment of the whole trip is that one photo,

but the rest of the trip was a nightmare. You'd never know. You know what I'm saying? Because people only share the best moments. It's the highlight reel. Everybody knows this. That's stale topic of conversation. Everybody knows the Instagram is the highlight reel. But I think what people aren't talking about is how it is truly an extension of your personality. And that's what's so fucking weird and scary about it. And so powerful. And I don't really know the solution. You know what I'm saying? I don't really know how we like stop this or control this or what we do about this.

That's not really why I came on here to talk about it. I just wanted to put it on everybody's radar. You know what I'm saying? Because once I had this realization, I realized how truly stupid it is. And even if people do judge me off my Instagram, and even if people do fill in the gaps of my identity and personality based on my Instagram,

who cares? I don't want this to control me. You know what I'm saying? Like, and it doesn't necessarily control me, but I don't want to be so concerned about it, and I'm done being so concerned about it, but the first step for me was realizing How my brain was processing Instagram. You know what I'm saying

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Buy a stick of liquid IV at a store near you or head to liquidiv.com and use the code anything for 20% off your order. That's liquidiv.com with the code anything. Tap the banner or visit this episode's page to learn more. Now that I've shit on Instagram for 15, 20 minutes, I want to talk about the positive, positive, I want to talk about the positive side to it because I don't think it's all bad, right? I think there's a lot of creativity

in creating this illusion on Instagram and I think that's a beautiful thing and I've talked about this before on this podcast. there isn't art in creating an illusion. There is creativity in that. You know, whether that's posting photos of, you know, fashion or posting photos of art or posting photos of books that you like to read, posting photos of a pretty flower that you saw, posting photos of a pretty flower that you saw, posting photos of a pretty building that you saw,

whatever it may be, like curating your Instagram to match your vibe and your aesthetic of life is a creative thing and it's fun. Like I enjoy taking photos and I enjoy posting photos on Instagram. I have fun with it. It's creative for me, like putting together outfits that I'm excited about. That's all really fun. Even just seeing a building or something that I think is pretty and taking

a photo of it and posting it, that's exciting to me. Posting a photo of a really delicious meal I ate, whatever it may be, I enjoy that stuff. And I think that it is very creative where I think it gets taken too far is when you're obsessed with your Instagram as a whole and the story that you've created here and the identity that you've created here and the identity that you've created. That's when it gets toxic is when you become obsessed with how your Instagram would look as if you were a stranger looking at it. That's when it's bad. So I'm going to try to find a balance between enjoying posting and, you know, enjoying being creative with clothes or photos or whatever, it may be like continuing to enjoy that and participate in it,

but also not be so concerned with how my Instagram is perceived by whoever decides to look at it, especially strangers. It's crazy, it's crazy how much Instagram specifically has affected how we be social and how we perceive people and how we choose who we want to hang out with and how we choose who's worth talking to. It's so interesting. So interesting. But I think another thing that I'm going to try to do is to not envy people based on

their Instagram because we got to remember the truth of the matter here, which is that it's all fake. And I think subconsciously I will compare myself to other people's style, to other people's life, relationships, vacations that they go on, work that they have an accomplish. Like you know what I'm saying?

I subconsciously compare myself, but I don't wanna do that anymore and I'm going to really try to look at Instagram at a surface level and just kind of enjoy the content and take inspiration from it and then move on and not compare myself to it because I know how surface level this shit is. Like, I post a photo of a bagel, right? And little does everybody know that I spent five minutes posing the bagel so that the bagel looked appetizing. And then another five minutes getting the perfect angle so that this bagel looks perfect

to post it on my Instagram. Everybody probably just thinks that I just snapped a photo of it and then move it on. No. You know, or if I post a cute photo in an outfit, okay. Wait, did I just call myself cute? Ew. No.

Let's say I post a picture of myself in an outfit in like a kind of cool location. Little does everybody know that I took a thousand photos to get that one photo. I had to yell at my mom for 20 minutes because she wasn't getting the angle right. Like nobody knows that that's what happened, okay? But if people knew that, they wouldn't compare themselves as much. I really don't think.

And so I need to start realizing that if that's my reality, that's everybody else's reality too. Okay, no matter how casual and effortless and cool somebody's Instagram may seem, that's not the truth of it. And I'm also going to stop putting people on pedestals just because they have a cool Instagram. Like when I tell you, oh my god, like I've been so intimidated by people because they had a cool Instagram. Like when I tell you, oh my God, like I've been so intimidated by people because they had a cool Instagram

and that's so embarrassing. Like what are you kidding me? Emma, really? Come on. You're better than that. Anyway, I asked you guys to ask some questions about Instagram related things, the pros and cons to it.

Just so we can have a little conversation, you and me, a little back and forth. If you want to participate in the Q&A segment of these episodes, the Twitter is at AG podcast. Follow if you want. Do what you want with that information. Anyway, let's get into the questions. Okay, first question, somebody said, every time I try to post something, I get really nervous so I just don't because I feel judged. Do you have some advice for me? Yes, I do have some advice for you because I totally get this.

I sometimes get anxiety before I post a photo because I'm just like, ah, do I look like I'm trying too hard? Do I look ugly? Does my outfit look weird? Is the background weird? I'm always questioning myself, right? As we all do as human beings. But then I remember that when people are scrolling through

Instagram, they look at each photo on their feed for probably half a second, and then they like it and then they scroll past. Like, people aren't just sitting there staring at your photo for an hour, nitpicking it. People literally look at each photo on their feed for probably a half a second to a second max. Like, I can't tell you a time where I've sat there and like zoomed into people's photos

and was like looking at stuff like, no, I look at it for a second, I like it, and then I move on. It's not that deep, you know what I mean? And when you look at it like that, it becomes so much more chill, you know? And a lot less scary. Because nobody's paying attention to the stuff that you're paying attention to.

Nobody's nitpicking the photo like you are. It's not that deep, you know, take it easy, go easy on yourself, and just have fun with it because at the end of the day, Instagram again, it means nothing. And as much as I just talked about how it, you know, changes people's perception of your personality, it's still not that deep. It really isn't. It's just not that deep. And even though people may take your Instagram posts and

add that to their perception of who you are, that still doesn't make it that important. Does that make sense? Like, yes, that is a part of it. But at the same time, like, who you really are in person is what shines through everything. You know what I'm saying? So, fuck all of it. Just post what you want, have fun with it,

and don't put too much pressure on yourself to make everything so perfect. Nobody's judging you as much as you think they are. Trust me. Somebody said, has your relationship with Instagram and your views on it changed from being an influencer and gaining a platform on there? Yes and no, I've always been kind of weirdly obsessive

about my Instagram like since before everything. I already talked about that a little bit, but it really hasn't changed much because I've always been obsessed with what my Instagram looks like to a stranger. And although it may be on a slightly different scale now, I'm still equally as obsessed with it as I was before, which is very bizarre. I've just always been somebody that's been into curating my personality on the internet. And it's interesting

how I ended up here. Somebody said, I had to delete Instagram because of the internet. And it's interesting how I ended up here. Somebody said, I had to delete Instagram because of the toxicity. I just don't like seeing the life I could be having. I love this. I think this is so healthy. If you're somebody that cannot separate Instagram from reality and you take everything at phase value

and your brain cannot distinguish. Accurated, more perfect version of people's lives and it is ruining your mental health. Delete that shit. I deleted my Twitter because that was not a place or a platform that felt positive to me. And it was the best decision I ever made. You don't need to have a social media at all. You don't need to have any social media platforms

downloaded on your phone if you don't want to. You don't need to have an account. You don't need to be a part of it. It's optional. I think people think that they need to be present on social media because it's such a prominent part of our society these days. People feel this responsibility to be present on these platforms, but you don't need to. And if anything, it's healthier and better not to be.

I enjoy it, but even I sometimes wish that I could just delete everything. Because it's so hard to find a balance and it takes so much discipline and it's almost impossible to have the perfect balance between real life and social media that deleting it is not a bad idea and I love that you did that for yourself and I encourage anybody who is negatively affected

by social media to just delete that shit. You'll realize immediately how much you don't need it. But for some reason, I think we as humans feel like we need it because it's just so big in our lives. But the second that you delete it, it's gone and you move on and trust me. I think that you'll be better for it. But also if you still enjoy it,

just work on trying to make a better balance. And also remember that everything's fucking fake, you know? It's not easy to have a healthy relationship with social media. It's all about finding your perfect strategy so that you have the perfect relationship with social media, whether that's deleting it completely or finding balance. Everybody's different. Really prioritize finding that balance.

Somebody said, does your mood change depending on whether a post gets more or less likes? Thank God it doesn't. I've been really lucky that my brain for some reason doesn't really care about likes and I never really have. I mean obviously I'll have videos that I post on YouTube or you know photos on Instagram that get less likes. And it's like, sometimes I'm curious. I'm like, I wonder where that photo didn't perform as well. Or my wonder where that video didn't perform as well. But I never let it affect my mood.

Like it never affects my mood. I may notice it and I may be curious about it. Or I may be like, oh, that kind of sucks, but it never affects my mood at all. It's very service level for me, I don't care. And I'm really lucky because I know some people really get bummed out when their photos don't perform well or their videos on YouTube don't perform well

or even their TikTok doesn't perform well, whatever it may be. I just don't care. And that's not really like the purpose of social media for me. I just more want to share fun stuff for whoever wants to look at it and like you know try to be as creative and have as much fun as I possibly can without getting too obsessed with it. But that's my purpose. I'm not trying to be you know the most fucking famous person on Instagram, okay? That's my nightmare personally. So I really don't mind if my posts don't perform that well. It just doesn't bother me.

Somebody said, you've been posting your outfits for years, but what do you think you'll post when you're 30 or so? In an ideal world, I will be posting photos of me An ideal world, I will be posting photos of me and my husband in France drinking wine on a cruise ship or maybe still be posting fit pics, fuck it. No, I don't know. I mean, I don't know. I don't know. I have no idea. I do know for sure though, that I will never post photos

of my children. I do wanna have kids. I know that's kind of a crazy thing to say. Like so many people don't wanna have kids these days, which I totally get. I mean, whatever, follow your dreams. But I do wanna have kids. But I'm not posting them on social media.

That's for sure. And I'm also not gonna let them have social media until they're begging me for it. And I I'm not posting them on social media. That's for sure. And I'm also not going to let them have social media until they're begging me for it. So anyway, but we'll see. I have no idea. Maybe I won't even post on Instagram anymore when I'm 30. I have no idea. I take things day by day, baby.

I don't know. Somebody said, how can I get into casual posting? So for people who maybe don't know, casual posting on Instagram is kind of posting photos that are more effortless, not posed, not necessarily taken on a super nice camera, just like very casual photos, maybe like a photo of food or like a funny photo of you and your friends or a photo of like dog shit on the ground, just like casual stuff, not like super polished photos of you in a cute outfit,

sitting on a cute cafe, like something a little bit more casual. That's what casual posting is. It's very trendy right now. I get it. I'm kind of, I like it. I have fun with it sometimes. I mean, I think casual posting is like just taking the pressure off Instagram for yourself, you know, realize, okay, wait, this actually doesn't matter that much. It's really not that deep and I'm just gonna post whatever I want and just like being spontaneous about it, like don't overthink shit anymore

because I think the problem with like wanting to be casual on Instagram or wanting to switch up your types of posts on Instagram, people are like, oh my god, this is scary because how are people going to react? Nobody cares, dude. Nobody cares except for you, really. So just have fun with it. Post whatever you want.

And don't put so much pressure on yourself. Take the pressure off, eliminate it completely. And then casual posting will come so naturally, you know. But the thing about casual posting is that there's two types of it. There's actual casual posting, where it's like literally just snapping a random photo and then posting it immediately and it just being like very candid. And then there's fake casual posting where people will, that's kind of more like what I do. Like I casually post, but like I really will still put effort into getting

the perfect casual photo. You know what I mean? For example, like I posted a photo of a bagel probably two weeks ago and I spent probably 10 minutes getting the perfect photo of this bagel and that would probably be considered a more casual post, right? Because it's not a picture of me and it's Just casual whatever but I still spent 10 minutes on the photo like that to me is fake casual posting, you know what I'm saying?

I Think both can be fun, but I think it's so funny like how I think both can be fun, but I think it's so funny like how people will really try to seem so effortless on their Instagram, but actually a lot of effort goes into looking effortless on Instagram and seeming effortless on Instagram. It's funny and so ironic, but anyway, just take the pressure off and have fun with it. Somebody said you have quite a few followers on Instagram, does it ever get super intimidating to post? Normally no, it doesn't,

because I forget that a lot of people follow me and then every once in a while I'll remember like, oh my God, like a lot of people are about to see this photo. It totally freaks me out, it spikes me out. Makes me want to delete all social media platforms and go and live in Alaska somewhere with no Wi-Fi. But then I just force myself to forget about it and move on. But it definitely does freak me out if I think about it too deeply. So I do everything in my power not to think about it too hard. Somebody said, have you ever had an Instagram crush?

Yes. And I mean, of course, I've had a TikTok crush, I've had a YouTube crush, I've had an Instagram crush, like all of it. I mean, come on. Da. But it's so funny because I feel like having a crush on somebody

just based on their social media can really go both ways. Um, you know, you can think somebody is so cool based on their Instagram and then you meet them and you're like, I'm very disappointed and that's usually what's going to happen because if you have a crush on somebody based on their social media, that means you have a crush on somebody based on their social media, that means you have a crush on the perfect version of themselves, the perfect version of their lives,

not really who they are. And so you're probably gonna get your hopes up a little bit too much, you know? Because you're really just basing your crush on their appearance and they're overall like aesthetic if they even have one. You know what I'm saying? Or even if they are like an athlete, you're going to be like, oh, this is going to be like,

you know, they're going to be so sporty and like hot. Well, probably not. Okay. It's like, who knows. You're probably going to be disappointed. I know I've been disappointed. Like I've had crushes on guys like secretly Nobody's ever known about these crushes and they've never gone anywhere

But I've had crushes on guys on Instagram and then I've like met them out and about like just you know Socially just meet a bunch of people in LA's how it works and then I'll be like I don't actually like them in real life But on the other hand, there's been people on Instagram where I've been like oh god like I don't actually like them in real life. But on the other hand, there's been people on Instagram where I've been like, oh God, I don't, like they're just intimidating. Like I don't think I would ever be able to get along with this person because they're just too cool for me, whatever.

And then I've met them and been like, oh my God. We actually liked them more than I even thought it would. Like I thought that they would be like a douchebag or I thought that they would be too cool douchebag or I thought that they would be um Too cool in a sense, you know what I'm saying? I don't know how to explain that but it's like Sometimes you'll see someone's Instagram and you're like they're just too cool, dude Like I just don't even want to like go there like I can't even Whatever and then you meet them and you're like wait, they're actually really cool and sweet and nice like you never know what you're getting yourself into with Instagram

It's so misleading. I mean, I bet many people have seen someone's Instagram and been like, eh, no, I would never date this person. And then like fast forward six months, they're dating that person. Like you really just can't judge based on someone's Instagram. You just can't. But I also think having a crush on people just through social media is fun and innocent. Like it's not gonna hurt anyone, you know what I'm saying?

Like, it's not hurting anybody. But just don't get your hopes up. You know what else is funny, going off on another tangent is I have met guys in person for the first time, like that was my first impression of these people, not knowing who they were on social media or whatever. I'm been like, oh my God, this guy's actually cute

and cool, whatever. And then I've gone on their social media, I'm been like, I don't know anymore. I don't know anymore. Which is fucked up. I mean, that's not nice of me, but that's definitely happened, where I've been like, you know what?

I don't know if our vibes really match as much as I thought they'd heard. So, you know, you just never know. Somebody said, do you think people create a personality especially for Instagram? 1,000%. And I think for some people, it's like, okay, I'm just gonna elevate my already existing personality and make it perfect.

And then for other people, it's like, I'm just creating a whole new identity. And I think there's creativity and fun to be had in both, but it still can be damaging with both. You know what I'm saying? And so, and that's why I love YouTube so much because you can't really fake a personality on there. You definitely can and people do it all the time.

But it's a lot harder, in my opinion, to have a fake persona. Actually, that's not necessarily true. Because I remember when I first started my YouTube channel, I didn't know how to not have a persona. I didn't know how to talk to the camera normally. My brain immediately made me talk a different way than I did in real life and made me behave in a different way than I did in real life.

And eventually I figured out how to just be me. And now that's like automatic. You know, I can't even turn that off now. But I know, you know, people do have facades on every platform. But at least on YouTube, there's more room to show who you really are because it's long form video content, right?

So you have this space to include your personality if you really want to. Whereas on Instagram, it's just a lot more surface level. It's just photos. So if you want to create a facade, it's so much easier. You know what I mean? Because you don't have to talk if you don't want to. You can just post a photo and a photo will speak

1,000 words, you know what I'm saying? You post one photo of you at a concert and now everybody thinks that you're the life of the party. You see what I'm saying? And so, you know, you post one photo of a book, everybody thinks that you went to Harvard. It's like that easy. You know, you don't even have to be smart in real life. You could literally just post a photo of a book

and be like, oh my God, she's so smart. You know, somebody said, my mom has never let me use Instagram. Do you think this rule is justified? I do, I mean, listen, I'm not gonna give Instagram to my kids until it needs to happen. If that makes sense. Like, I'm not gonna be the one to introduce my kids to social media. I'm not gonna be the one to introduce my kids to social media.

I'm gonna let their peers at school introduce them to social media. And then once they come to me and they're like, hey, my friend doesn't Instagram, I kinda want one. Then I have a long and lengthy conversation about how Instagram isn't real, how can affect your mental health, how to have a healthy balance with it, and then I'll let them have it, but I'm definitely gonna avoid it first long as possible.

I think that your mom is actually doing you a favor because you're trust me, you're not missing anything, like you're really not. But it's also hard because you're you're going to be excluded from some things because social media is such a big part of how we communicate and what we communicate about these days. And so you know you might feel excluded because you don't have an Instagram. Well you may not be missing anything I can totally understand why that could be frustrating and that's why I'm going to let my kid have social media,

but I'm just gonna really nail it into their brains that they need to be careful, you know. Somebody said, do you stalk people on Instagram all the time? I stalk people on Instagram all the time. It's like one of my favorite hobbies. Random people, like friends of friends of friends, like mutual friends, then have mutual friends. Like I just stalk people all the time.

Random people, like I love it. Because sometimes it's inspiring, cause it's like, oh, I like this girl's style. Like I wanna check this out. Or sometimes it's like, oh, this person is in such a cute relationship. Like I love seeing all these couple phone hours. Like, whatever it may be, like, I do enjoy

stalking people on Instagram. Somebody said, do you spend a lot of time choosing what photos you'll post? Do you consider a lot of stuff before posting? Yeah, I mean, I spend a pretty long time picking what photo I'm gonna post. Sometimes, I mean, sometimes it's like, just like, oh wait, this one's perfect. I'm just gonna post this one,

but rarely it's like that. Usually I'll take like a thousand photos, pick my top three post them, call it a day, whatever. When it comes to like Instagram stories and stuff like that, that's very mindless. I don't put really any effort into that. I'll just post random shit. But when it comes to like feed posts,

I will definitely spend a solid 30 minutes picking out the perfect photo. I've started to get crazy to a point where I will even edit. Like, okay, there was like a thermostat in the back of my photo that I posted a few weeks ago. And I edited out the thermostat because it was bothering me because I just felt like it was getting in the way of the photo.

Like it just didn't look cute in the photo. Like I'll spend time doing shit like that too, which is just so stupid. Like literally editing a thermostat out of a photo. Like what is this? How have we gotten to this point? But, somebody said, how can I have enough confidence to actually post something?

I always end up deleting it because it doesn't match the perfect expectation. I think before you even start to be concerned about having the confidence to post on Instagram. Work on yourself first. You know what I mean? Let's take Instagram out of this equation and work on growing confidence within yourself without social media being a part of the picture.

You know what I mean? Confidence comes from much deeper, okay? So try to find confidence in other areas of your life, whether that's becoming more confident socially and learning how to enjoy conversation and be confident in conversation or it's gaining more hobbies. So you feel like you have more to offer as a person when it comes to conversation or, you know, whatever. Like, find confidence within yourself and then Instagram will just become easy because you're like, well, I'm confident in myself through and through now. So Instagram is like, fuck it, I don't care.

Like, I'm confident enough for this shit because I'm confident in my real life socially and in your abilities and all of that. That will make the Instagram thing seem like cake, you know what I mean? Somebody said, do you have a Finsta? I don't have a Finsta anymore, but I used to in high school and literally it was so fun. If you don't know what a Finsta is,

a Finsta is basically like a more private Instagram where you just post whatever the fuck you want. Like you just post random shit. And there's no like, you know, it's not like you're trying to post cute outfits, like stuff like that. It'll be like you'll post an ugly picture of your face and be like, oh my God, like,

and you'll tell a funny story in the caption. And the only people that follow it are like your close friends and maybe your family, I know my close friends and all my family followed mine. And it's just like a fun place where you can post like random shit. And it's fun. I loved having a Finstown High School because I like really got creative on there.

Like I would post funny shit. And sometimes I'd like post like, you know, at the time when I had a fan stay, I was a cheerleader, so I'd post like photos and videos of me doing cheerleading stuff. If I like learned a new skill or something, I'd share it on there. But I also like had fun making funny posts on there.

And at one point, my friends in high school actually started making these dance routines during lunch at school. And I would record them on my laptop. And then during my next period after lunch, I would edit our dance routine in a similar style to actually how I edit my videos now, which is very fast paced and funny and sound effects and meme text all over the screen. And I would edit them all crazy like that and try to make them funny.

And then I would post them on my Finstead at the end of school every day. And then all of the people that followed my Finstead could enjoy them. And we had so much fun with that. Like, it was genuinely so fun. And it was like kind of my intro to editing, actually. Like, it was when I first started to get creative with editing

and it was actually for my FINSTA. So I can credit my FINSTA for giving me my editing style. But see, it was like, I wouldn't have posted those videos on my normal Instagram, of course not, because I was trying to be a cool baddie on my Instagram. But on my Finsd I was like, I'm just gonna post fun stuff. So my friends and I would have a lot of fun with our Finsd as, and I know a lot of people

have bad experiences with the whole Finsd stuff phenomenon, you know, because there can be a lot of drama on there, and people can post mean fucked up shit on there, you know, because like there can be a lot of drama on there and people can post like mean fucked up shit on there about other people because they feel like they can say whatever they want because it's their private Instagram. Their secret Instagram, if that's how they're looking at it, and that's fucked up.

But like if you go about it in a fun, funny, creative way, I think finstas are great. Somebody said is Instagram a casual thing to you? What are your thoughts on being casual on Instagram? So I already touched on this. I don't think I'm casual on Instagram. I think I act like I am and I want to create that vibe, but in reality, I don't think I'm very casual.

I mean, I don't need every photo to be perfect. I don't wear makeup in a lot of my photos. I'm not like a perfectionist in that sense, but I definitely like my photos to be good quality, like I like them to look pretty to a certain extent. Like the lighting needs to be good and stuff like that. And I don't wanna look ugly. I mean, sometimes I'll post a photo that maybe isn't the cutest,

but I'll do that on purpose. I like to have control over the whole thing. I'd say my Instagram is like 50% casual. Like it's not as casual as some people, but I don't take it that seriously. But I'm not like, I still be taking a thousand photos and finding my three favorites, so like whatever. Somebody said, how do you stop focusing on the number of likes and comments and just let it be? My friends are always comparing their likes and comments. I don't get as much as them and it always makes me feel insecure when it shouldn't.

Think about it like this. At the end of your life, when you're on your deathbed, I know this is kind of morbid, but just bear with me here. At the end of your life, and when you're on your deathbed, are you going to remember how many likes you got on your prom photo? Are you gonna remember how many likes you got on that selfie? I really don't fucking think so.

This shit is meaningless. It's meaningless. It's like worthless. It's, it's it likes are worthless virtually and They mean nothing it has nothing to do with how good of a friend you are how good of a person you are How kind you are it has nothing to do with? Who you really are in your core and at the end of the day I can guarantee The amount of likes you got on your Instagram

post is going to be the last thing that you care about at the end of the day. You know what I'm saying? Like, it just means nothing. You just have to remind yourself how meaningless all of it is. Really look at that from a bird's eye view. Okay. Really look at that from a bird's eye view, okay? Step back and look at the concept of likes and realize how dumb it is. The key to not taking all of this so seriously

is to step back for a second and look at it from above and be like, okay wait, what are we dealing with here? This is not that deep. It really isn't. Like, you have to step back and you have to look at it with a new perspective. You know what I mean? You can't, when you're all immersed in it and you're scrolling on your feed, good luck trying to distinguish reality from your Instagram. It's going to be difficult. But if you step back for a second and really think about it, none of this shit matters.

Somebody said, what do you think about young kids being on social media and seeing all the Photoshop pictures and fake bodies thinking it's the real world? I think it's extremely fucking harmful and I know that it harmed me as a young person and caused me a lot of issues. And to this day, it continues to cause me issues as a 19 year old and I'm trying to figure out every day how to stop but it's so subconscious that I don't have an answer, but that is exactly why I am going to avoid letting my kids I'm going to avoid letting my kids have an Instagram

for as long as possible. Trust me because this shit fucked me up and I know it's fucked all of us up. And so I'm gonna do everything I can to avoid putting my kids through that. Somebody said, do you think Instagram is a healthy social media source compared to the others? I'm actually gonna tell you my rank of social media platforms from most negative to least negative.

Here's my hot take. I think the most toxic is Twitter, for sure, second most toxic, I might say Snapchat. Because Snapchat is not positive to me. Number one, the whole Snapchat streak thing causes so much drama. Whoever your best friend is on Snapchat causes a lot of drama. On the homepage of Snapchat, there's all those

like news articles, if you know what I'm talking about, all of those headlines are so incredibly toxic clickbait. Seeing other people's stories can be really toxic because people are just like bragging about what they're doing all the time. Snapchat's just toxic to me. Third most toxic, TikTok. I think TikTok can actually be really great, but I think it's really toxic because you can, number one, you can scroll on it for so long and like time just disappears, but also because a lot of people hate on there. It can be a really hateful place. It can also be a very positive place, so it really depends on the day and like, really hateful place. It can also be a very positive place. So it really depends on the day and like whatever, but things can get blown up on there and like people will just go crazy hating on people on there and I've seen it happen. So I'd say TikTok is number four. Number five

is Instagram. I don't think Instagram is the most toxic. And I think it is in fact the fourth because although you're, you know're comparing yourself to other people, subconsciously all day long when you're on Instagram, you're also doing that on TikTok and you're also doing that on Snapchat. I feel like that happens everywhere. So I feel like Instagram at least is more creative and I feel like it's a lot less of a hateful platform. I may be wrong about that but that's just my experience. And then last but not least, I would say YouTube. YouTube to me, I think, is so positive.

Of course, hate and negativity exists on every platform, but I feel like on YouTube, things are primarily positive. And for me personally, I feel like I have the most loving community on YouTube ever. And I mean, seriously, I just feel like I have set a great connection with the people that watch my videos on YouTube. And so I just feel like it's such a safe place for me. And it hasn't always been that way,

but I think recently it's been the most positive and the most kind platform. So that's my ranking. Let me know what you guys think. Tweet at me at AG Podcasts and let me know what your rank is. Anyway, I'm done y'all. I really love talking to you guys this week, hang out with you guys this week. I really hope that I don't have a technical difficulty again.

Let's just manifest that that never happens again. But if you enjoyed this episode, let me know. You can tweet at me at AG Podcast, follow the Twitter too, if you want, to participate in future episodes. You can also give anything goes a little rating on Apple Podcasts. I went through and read some of the ratings

that you guys left for me the other day. I'm not kidding. I got choked up and I really have not cried in a long time. Like I don't cry anymore. Like I swear to God, I haven't cried in probably two or three weeks. And which is crazy for me. And I genuinely got choked up because you guys are so sweet.

And I'm so grateful that you guys enjoy listening to this podcast and enjoy coming back every week and hanging out with me. It really means the world to me because I love doing it. And I feel like I'm just talking on the phone with you guys and the fact that you feel that too is just like, it's all I could ever want. And so seeing your guys' reviews seriously made me like choked up for the first time in weeks and I I just appreciate you guys more than you could ever know and Subscribe to anything goes on any platform that you stream podcasts if you want to see when new episodes come out and I'll see you guys next week. I'm manifesting a happy positive beautiful week for you and I

Encourage you to put your phone down. Stop looking at Instagram, stop obsessing over your social media presence and enjoy the real world because that's all we got at the end of the day. All right, I love you guys. Bye! guys bye