anything goes with emma chamberlain - we need to read books

Episode Date: April 15, 2021

Emma had a few life realizations this week that can hopefully help everyone else out. Why reading is really good for you, learning to find the positives where you live, and when is gossiping OK? Plus, questions on staying focused, how to feel independent, and what we should look for in a life partner. And the new SZA and Doja Cat is crazy fun.  Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Hello everybody, welcome back to anything goes. I'm Emma Chamberlain your host and your bestie. I hope you're having an amazing week. I just woke up. So if you're wondering why I have this extremely hot, sexy, dreamy morning voice, that's why. I know it's hard to say focus right now, but just stay focused. Thank you. I feel like I had a week of realizations this week and I just must share. I kind of broke my routine this week and I did a lot of things that I don't normally do and I feel like it was a really good thing for me and I just had a lot of realizations this week. So that's what today's episode is gonna be about,

just sharing the recent realizations I've had over the past week. They're very random, but I'm excited to share because I don't know, I wanna talk about these things to somebody. The first thing I realized is the power of reading books. Okay. Now, I have never been somebody who consistently read for pleasure.

I would read books at school if I had the time, like if I would get assigned a reading assignment at school, I would read the book cover to cover if I had the time. But if I had too much homework in other classes, I'd have to read Spark Notes in order to get it done and to get a decent night of sleep. Like, sometimes it wasn't possible to read the full book, but I would try because it would make the homework easier, it would make writing an essay about it easier. So I'd try my best to read the book and sometimes I would enjoy it too. So I would read here and there.

Actually, when I was in middle school, I found this series of books that I became obsessed with. And I literally can't even remember what they were called, but it doesn't really matter. I read a little bit back then too. So I've dabbled in reading throughout my life, but I've never been a consistent reader. And I think the reason why I always avoid reading books or even watching movies for that matter,

because I'm not a huge movie person, is because I'm afraid of the commitment of a book. I'm afraid of the commitment of a movie. I'm afraid of getting started with one of those things because I feel like I'm going to be disappointed. It's a very weird way to look at it, but for some reason that's the way my brain looks at books or movies. Specifically books though, because books are a big commitment. You know, you have to buy the book unless you go to the library, but Lord knows I'm not going to the library. I just don't even know if there is one in L.A.

Like I couldn't tell you if there's a fucking library in L.A. Whatever. But you know, you buy the book and there's a 50-50 chance that you're going to open it and start reading it and it's not going to capture you. You know? And in that case, it's really disappointing and discouraging and it's just not a great feeling. So I've pretty much avoided reading altogether for the past four years. I have not read one book, not one book. I would fear that I would start reading a book and then I'd hate it or I'd be bored or

it would just be a waste of money. I just didn't see a reason to pick up a book. Truly. But I've been talking to my dad about it a lot recently and just about like how good reading is for your mental health. And he really sold me. He was like, Emma, you need to start reading. Like, it's really great.

And so he gave me some classic book recommendations and I read some descriptions of a few and I ended up picking one out. And the book I picked out was East of Eden by, what is it, John Steinbeck? God, that's like a set, he's an iconic author, like literally one of the biggest authors and I can't remember his first name.

I know his last name is Steinbeck, but is this first name John? Yeah, oh my God, that's so embarrassing. Literally so embarrassing. So the first book I picked out was East of Eden. It's a classic book. And I remember the first day I got it. I put my phone down. I turned all my music off and I laid in bed and I started reading. And I read the whole first page and then flipped to the second page. And as I was flipping to the second page,

I realized that I had absorbed no information from the first page. So I turned back to the first page and read the first page again. Then I went to go to the second page, realized once again, I had only maybe absorbed one fourth of what was on the second page, realized once again, I had only maybe absorbed one fourth of what was on the first page.

Soon I realized that I forgot how to read. I cannot make this up. I literally forgot how to read. I don't think it was helpful that the book is maybe written in a way that's a little bit more poetic and complicated to read, which is something I've not read at all in years. I haven't read anything hard to read in four years plus.

This is not like an easy read necessarily. It's not hard, but you have to pay attention because there's little metaphors here and there and there's fancy words here and there that you might need to look up in order to understand what that sentence or paragraph meant. Like you have to pay attention. Like it's not an easy read.

It's not like reading a drama article on TMZ. Like, that's easy to read because it's like straight to the point and written in a way that's modern, you know what I'm saying? And so it's just easy. But reading this book is not easy. And so I tried to get through the first five pages and I couldn't do it, I couldn't focus.

And I felt terrible about myself, okay? Terrible, I was like, Emma, you're a smart person. You used to be able to read books pretty easily, like what the fuck happened? You've gotten dumber, you're dumb, you're stupid, you're literally an idiot, like that's all my brain could tell me and I was super discouraged. And so I put down the book for about a week

and I was like I'm just not gonna read it, like fuck it, I'll just give it to a friend or something. I'm not gonna read it. Well yesterday was Sunday and I spent the whole day by myself. I went on a walk, I went to the grocery store, I listened to music, I had a really great day and the weather was really warm out and so I decided that for sunset I was going to take myself on a date to the beach because I'm trying to be a little bit more adventurous in Los Angeles and in general, and I'll get into that later, but I'm trying to be more adventurous, not only in general, but mainly by myself.

I'm trying to do more adventurous stuff by myself and have fun doing things by myself because while I was on a trip in New York recently I did a lot of that and so I'm trying to incorporate that into my day-to-day life while in L.A. as well. So I decided I would go to the beach for sunset, whatever. And while I was packing for the beach I put my, you know, towel in my bag and I put my air pods in my bag and I put my sunglasses in my bag and and I put my sunglasses in my bag, and I put my reading glasses in my bag, just in case I wanted to go on my phone

because I can't go on my phone without my reading glasses. And then I looked over at my nightstand, and I saw my book. And I was like, I'm not gonna bring my stupid book. I'm not gonna bring my stupid book. I'm not gonna bring my stupid book. I'm not gonna read it. It's just gonna get sand all in the pages in my bag.

It's not gonna like, you know what I'm saying? Like it's just gonna collect dust in my bag if I bring it to the beach. I'm not even gonna fucking take it out. And I know that. And I was like, Emma, what kind of fucking fake, thoughtful bitch are you to bring this book to the beach, right? I was almost like, Emma, it's embarrassing

that you even thought that you were the type of person that would bring a book to the beach and read it. Like, it's almost sad. Like, you're a phony for even thinking that you should bring a book to the beach and read it. Like it's almost sad. Like you're a phony for even thinking that you should bring your book to the beach. And you're even phony for thinking that you would even open that shit. You're not going to open that shit. But I was like, you know what?

Maybe something will come over me and I will read it while I'm at the beach. So I throw it in my bag. Knowing deep down that I'm not going to read it while I'm at the beach. So I throw it in my bag, knowing deep down that I'm not gonna read it. Like I knew as I was putting it in my bag, Emma, you're not gonna read the book. You're not gonna fucking open the stupid book. Okay. Well, I drive to the beach, fun fact,

on the way to the beach, I was listening to music and I started crying. And I haven't cried in about a month. So that was interesting. I think the reason why I started crying was because I realized I've been an autopilot for like a month, very numb to all feelings and emotions, very numb to the things going on in my life,

just on autopilot. And I think when I was driving to the things going on in my life, just on autopilot. And I think when I was driving to the beach by myself and listening to music that I really love, I was like, oh fuck, I started to like, my feet started to go back onto the ground in a sense. Like I started to ground myself in like process, what was going on in my life currently, and I just started crying.

Not even in a negative way, just in general. So that was good moment, okay. Well, whatever. So I got to the beach and I lay out my towel and I sit there for a second and I look around and I was like, okay, what am I supposed to do for the next hour until sunset? Because I'm not gonna go on my phone.

Like, I know better. That's just fucking sad. I'm at the beach, it's gorgeous out. Like, I can't go on my phone. So then I thought about it and I was like, maybe I'll put in my AirPods and I'll start listening to music. But then I was like, eh?

Then I'll end up going on my phone because I always do. So I was like, you know what? What if I just pulled out this book right now? Like what if, like what if I just gave it a try? So I pull out the book and I start reading the first page and immediately for some reason it was just flowing in my brain. And I was just reading it smoothly. And I was focused. And there was a breeze brushling through my hair. And I just felt so good. And

I was like, okay, I love this. I don't know why I love this. I didn't expect to love this. I don't know what's going on. I don't know who I am. I don't know who I'm becoming. This is so out of character. Me reading a fucking book on the beach bitch. This has never fucking happened I've always looked at people that did shit like this and been like out shut up Reading a book on the beach grow up shut the fuck up Like what are you trying to prove here? What you're trying to prove to everybody that you have such a relaxed and, you know, beautiful life reading your stupid book on the beach. I've always been almost hateful, people that did exactly what I was doing in that moment.

But then I realized, oh wait, this is actually fire. This is actually fire. Wait, this is actually super fire. I read about 30 pages of this book. I got fully sucked in and immediately I was like this moment just changed my life. And I know that that's stupid, but it isn't though because I realize something crazy and it's that and to some of you, okay, this might be like so beyond obvious. But for somebody who has not read a book in four years, this was a huge life-changing realization for me. I realize in this moment that life-changing realization for me. I realize in this moment that reading may be the only form of entertainment that we have left that comes with no negative repercussions. Okay? Reading can be very

entertaining. Now, it's not easy. You have to get yourself into it, but eating, eating, reading can be very entertaining. The problem is, in order to start reading, you have to turn off your phone, you have to turn off your music, and you have to focus. Whereas watching YouTube, scrolling through Instagram, watching a movie, you don't really have to be focused. You can kind of go on autopilot with all of that. You can't go on autopilot with a book. And that's why it's not everybody's first choice of entertainment.

But let me tell you, I was entertained for an hour on the beach reading this book. And afterwards, I felt calmer than I did going into it. And that was literally when I realized that reading is the only form of positive entertainment that we have probably in the world. Besides things like exercise or I don't know, I mean there's definitely other positive forms of entertainment that cooking, actually is another great one, but reading is a full different world because it transports you into a different time, into a different world, whatever.

But in a way that's also kind of working out your brain, you know, whereas watching a movie, it does transport you to a different place, it does do that whole thing, even scrolling through your Instagram feed does the same thing, but it doesn't challenge your brain at all. Sometimes a movie can challenge your brain, for sure,

but not always, reading really does it all. And I decided in that moment that like reading was going to become a part of my daily life, moving forward. Because reading for somebody who has anxiety like me can be kind of hit or miss. Because I had a few moments while I was reading where like a random anxious thought would just come into my head.

For example, what if your cats died right now? Both of them just dropped dead. How would you feel? Like that's how my anxiety works. It's just thoughts like that coming into my brain all day long. Okay. How would you feel if somebody you love and care about deeply just gotten to a car accident

right now? That's what my anxiety does. It's just those thoughts coming into my head constantly. And when you do something like reading, those thoughts can start shooting in easily, right? But as I was reading, I was pushing through those thoughts and by the end of the 30 pages that I had read, I was not anxious anymore.

I literally felt no anxiety, I felt so calm, I felt so grounded to earth, and so conscious of like everything that was going on around me. I didn't feel like I was in autopilot anymore, like I felt really grounded by it. And I realized how truly powerful reading is, and it's such a powerful tool. And that moment, that little beach trip by myself completely changed my life because I decided I'm going to start reading. I, period.

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Use the offer code Emma for 10% off your first purchase of a website or a domain. This episode is brought to you by State Farm. There's no instruction manual when it comes to being an adult. Sometimes I lay away at night rehashing something I said earlier that day or lay in bed at night rehashing something I said earlier that day or I lay in bed at night thinking about what the future holds. I know I'm not the only one going through a lot of what ifs Like what if I get into a fender bender or what if my home gets broken into but state farm can help you with some of those big What ifs they're available to answer your questions day or night?

You can reach them 24-7 file a a claim on the State Farm mobile app, or simply call your agent to ask what's on your mind. Like you good neighbor, State Farm is there. Call or go to statefarm.com for a quote today. The thing I love about reading too is that once you finish reading, right? Like once you read a few chapters of a book and you finish reading, right? Like, once you read a few chapters of a book and you're done, the last thing you wanna do is go on your phone, because this level of chill

and zen that you get from reading could so easily be disrupted by going on your phone. And that's clear, you know what I'm saying? So the last thing you wanna do after you finish reading a few chapters of a book is go on your phone and just start scrolling on Instagram. I'm sorry, that's the last thing you're gonna wanna do. And because of that, it like keeps you off your phone

even after you're done reading. I really think that reading is gonna change my life. And I know my dad has been telling me for years that reading changed his. And as somebody who didn't go to college, I feel like it's my duty to myself, not to anybody else, but to myself, to continue learning as an adult, whether

I need to or not, right? Because I didn't go to college. That was my path. That was my journey. And at that point, I stopped learning, in a sense, only in some ways though. Like I didn't stop learning completely. I've learned a lot about life since I since I you know stopped going to school. I've learned Trosilions of things right but

There's more I could learn you know what I'm saying. I stopped learning in the sense of I didn't have assignments To complete I didn't have books assigned to me to read I didn't have assignments to complete. I didn't have books assigned to me to read. I didn't have textbooks assigned for me to look at. You know what I'm saying? I started learning stuff about the real world, fucking taxes, how to be a good friend. What a healthy relationship is. Why humans do certain things that they do? Like I started learning stuff like that,

but I stopped learning things about history, things about science maybe. Actually, no, you know what? I listen to a lot of science podcasts, so I still learn about science a little bit here and there. But like, there's so much room for me to continue learning about other things that are maybe less necessary to know, but still very valuable, right?

So to kind of clarify everything I just said, the last few years since I left school, I've been learning about almost strictly real life stuff, social stuff, psychology, things, like just because based on people that I've met and stuff like that, and then doing research, like about things like that, because that fascinates me, like, why does this person behave like this?

You know, like I'll do research, like if somebody acts weird around me, like I like to look into the psychology of why people do certain things. So like I've definitely learned about that, and I've learned about things about finances that I would have never learned otherwise. I've been learning, yes, but reading a book,

even a fictional book about the 1800s is gonna teach me something about history that I just wouldn't have learned about otherwise. And so I wanna continue my learning in that way. And it is my duty to myself to do that and to broaden my knowledge on just fucking everything. Why not? You know? But it's also such a great privilege to be out of school because I can now choose what I want to learn about. I don't have certain assignments from a teacher. I can pick up a book about physics.

If I want, I can go pick up a book about psychology. If I want, I can go pick up a book about history. If I wanted, I could go pick up a book just about somebody's life. And in all of those things, I'll probably learn something. You know what I'm saying? But that's all up to me, it's all in my hands. And that's actually so exciting. And that's when learning about things actually becomes fun, is when it's in your hands, and you can choose what you wanna learn about,

or what you wanna escape into if you're reading a book. So, reading, this is the new thing for me. And for people who have been reading for years, you guys are probably like, I'm a you are late bitch. I may be late, but better late than never. And for anybody who's listening to this who feels like picking up a book is the last thing that they're ever going to do. I really, really, really urge you to just do it. And I know that there's an ego in all

of us that says, you know, you haven't read a book in five years. What the fuck makes you think that you're gonna be able to read a book now, you stupid idiot? That's what my brain was telling me. Ignore that. Humans now more than ever need books. And I never thought that I would say that, because books have been around for a bazillions of years.

But no, humans need books now more than ever, in my opinion, because we're so connected to the internet and to the matrix of social media that we need books now. This is what we need a tangible fucking paper book to read more than ever, because we need to be grounded by books. Like books are like the only form of entertainment that will actually ground you

and make you feel connected to the present moment. And we need that. And if you would have said that to me a year ago, I would have been like, shut the fuck up. Like books are dated, you know, it's all about documentaries now, and like listening to like educational podcasts. That's where it's at now.

No, I would have been wrong back then. Books are timeless and they're an extremely useful tool for people that struggle. Like me with things like depression and anxiety, I think that reading is extremely beneficial for people who struggle with things like this, at least in my experience and me, because it made me see the world in a different perspective. You know what I'm saying? It brought me back down to earth.

It disconnected me from the internet for a period of time so that I was able to cleanse my mind and like re-engage in the real world. I don't know why it has that power and maybe it doesn't have that power for everybody but it definitely did for me. It's just a very powerful tool and so I recommend all of you pick up a fucking book this week. I don't care what it is. You can read East of Eden. I heard it got banned in some countries or some states or something because I think it's slightly controversial, but it is a classic book. And you know, I'm enjoying it so far. It's been very interesting. And let me know if you guys have any book recommendations for me. I want to read the classic books first. So if you have any like classic books that like really speak to you,

let me know, send them away. The Twitter is at AG podcast. You can DM them. You can tweet them at me. Please send me books. Okay, so now let's talk about realization number two of this week. So if you guys know me, or if you guys have listened to this podcast for a while or if you guys watched my YouTube videos, whatever it may be, if you know me in some way,

you know that I don't like Los Angeles and funny enough, I live in Los Angeles. And I kind of talk about this a lot. So I know, you know, I sound like a broken record. So I'll try to keep it relatively short. But recently I went on a trip to New York that was also very eye-opening, because I really had a moment to reflect on my life in Los Angeles. And I decided that there were a few things that I needed to start doing more in LA

to make LA more in LA to make LA more enjoyable. And one of them was to take walks. I never took walks in LA, okay, ever, because LA is simply not a walking city. It's a driving city. And taking walks is just not a part of like the culture here, you know what I'm saying? Like people just don't take a lot of walks. I mean yeah, it happens, but it's not like New York where New York is a walking city.

Everybody walks everywhere. It's very like common. It's not as common here, but walking is so great for clearing your mind. So this week I've been taking a lot of walks. For example, I'll walk to get coffee in the morning. I'll walk to the store to grab something. Instead of taking my car there, I will just go on a walk and listen to a podcast

and have no destination, just like walk, whatever. And I've been trying to do this every day. And not only has this made me appreciate LA a lot more, and I've been trying to do this every day. And not only has this made me appreciate LA a lot more, but it's also just been a good thing for my mind. So that was interesting. I was like, okay, getting out of the house and actually being on the sidewalk of LA actually makes me appreciate it more.

So that's a beautiful thing, love that. But also, I realized that if I'm going to live in LA for the next God knows how many years, I'm going to need to figure out a way to like it, you know. And it's what you make of it. So I decided that I needed to start enjoying nature more. And LA has some nature. There's some great hiking trails. The beach is pretty close by.

I need to start enjoying those things about it because that's what makes LA so special. The fact that you can be in a city one minute and then go and be at the beach in 30 minutes. That's a beautiful thing. You can't really do that in New York. You can't do that, you know, in many other places. It's actually very special.

And so I've been trying to go to the beach more, even if it's just by myself, just going to the beach, even if I don't get in the ocean just going and sitting there and enjoying what LA has to offer. I started to realize that the reason why I hated LA was not actually LA's fault. It was my fault. And it was my fault because I was not utilizing the great things about LA. I was not exploring those things.

I was looking at LA at face value. There's shitty bitchy people here. There's, you know, all this garbage all over the street. And, you know, there's not a lot of fun places to walk to, like whatever it may be, like, was just looking at L.A. through a negative lens and I was stubborn and I wasn't trying to see the greatness that it has and the potential that it has.

I wasn't trying to even see that. I had decided that I hated it and I didn't even want to try to change my perspective. But I realized that it's in my best interest to learn to love it. And so I'm figuring out ways to do that. And I think that like exploring it a lot more and really getting my hands dirty and like going out and like exploring shit, that's the key me to enjoying LA for what it really is and like the weather here is so amazing You know, so even just sitting in my backyard more often it's small things like that

That are helping me like LA a little bit more But also it's interesting because my friend was visiting LA from New York this past week. And I was talking to him and he was like, LA is just so pretty. Like there's so many pretty things in LA. And I was like, are you fucking kidding me? I was like, you live in New York. He lives in New York.

And I was like, you live in New York and you're trying to tell me that you think LA is pretty when you live in New York, which're trying to tell me that you think LA is pretty when you live in New York, which in my opinion is a very gorgeous place, you know what I'm saying? He was like, I am blind to the beauty of New York at this point. I just am numb to it in a sense, you know?

Like I just don't see it the way that maybe you see it because you're coming from LA, so you see it in a full different light. Like I just don't see it like that anymore. Like I'm so used to it. And then I realize, wow, I feel the same way about LA. And that may neutrally realize like, wow, the grass is always greener because my dream for the past few years has been like, God, I wish I could move to New York. It's kind of like my fantasy, but I can't really do it just because everybody that I know lives here and I love

everybody who lives here, like my front, not everybody, fuck, definitely not everybody. But I love the people that I've met in LA and I don't want to leave them, you know, that's the biggest thing for me. But then also, you know, my whole team here, and I love my team so much. And so I just don't wanna leave. I can't leave. It's just not, it would make my life really difficult. But my fantasy has been to move to New York for years.

And so, talking to my friend who lives in New York about how he's become blind to it, really made me realize how the grass is just always greener and maybe having New York as this escape is like the perfect recipe because When I get sick of LA and I start to hate it I can go to New York and it'll always be so magical to me Whereas if I move there it won't really so magical to me. Whereas if I move there, it won't really be magical to me anymore. And to be honest, if I moved to New York, I'd probably come to LA and think it was magical. So, moral of this story is, I'm trying to find

the magic in LA and I'm trying to appreciate it. But I just need to break out of my normal routine and explore new areas in order to truly appreciate it. So that's where I'm at with that. This episode is brought to you by LiquidIV. LiquidIV believes everybody needs hydration every day. It's not just for athletes or that one time you try to hot yoga class, staying hydrated is essential whether you're just taking a stroll through your neighborhood,

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Okay, the last realization that I had this week was very interesting, very interesting. Very interesting. Very interesting. Okay. The last realization I had this week was that gossiping fuels my anxiety more than anything else on this planet. Now I'll explain. I've always been somebody that was not opposed to gossip. I feel like there's a was not opposed to gossip. I feel like there's a few different kinds of gossip. There's cady, harmful gossip, and then there's gossip in a sense of talking about somebody else, but more with the goal of analyzing why they behave the way that they do. And I feel like I've always leaned towards the latter and been somebody that just is fascinated

by what other people do and fascinated by why they do the things that they do. Like I've always been interested in that. I've always been somebody who is very curious about other people's relationships, romantic relationships, even friendships, stuff like that, just because I like analyzing it. Not because I even necessarily want to say anything mean or even criticize them behind their back, but more because I find it's interesting.

So I may call my mom and be like, God, my friend, you know, it just started dating the most interesting guy. Like I don't understand how they have chemistry. They do not seem like they would have chemistry, but they totally do. It's like, that's what gossiping is to me. You know, and I tend to gossip most to my mom and dad,

randomly, and sometimes like, maybe my best friend, and, you know, maybe, whoever else, I'm very, very, very close to in my life. But I don't gossip in general. Although I actually used to. I used to gossip a lot more. And it was not because I was trying to be caddy or bitchy or weird. It was just that I didn't know any better

and I didn't realize that that doesn't end well. And so I used to gossip to just about anybody and talk about other people and analyze other people with anybody. But I realized probably a year or two years ago that that just is not a good idea. I'd even fucking gossip about myself. I would talk about my life to just about anybody.

I would go into it with just about anybody I'd meet. I had no reservations. But within the past year or two, I've realized, okay, number one, gossiping about myself and others to people that I barely know is not good. And even if it's not necessarily harmful to myself or to others, it's just not necessary. And I definitely had that realization over the past few years, but I don't know if with my older age, I'm fucking 19, but I don't know if as I'm getting older I'm becoming more

sensitive or if this is something that I just now realized, but the other day I was talking to somebody I was very, very close to about somebody else's life. And it wasn't really, it wasn't negative at all, but it was more just like analyzing their life, in a sense. And we were just kind of analyzing like, maybe even decisions that they've made or people that they choose to surround themselves with,

stuff like that. And me and this person were talking about it, okay? And then we started talking about other people and other decisions that those people have made. And listen, this person is very close to me. Like I know that this information would never get back to the people I was talking about or they would never know that I was talking about them.

And I wasn't even actually saying really anything negative or anything strikingly negative, right? But it didn't matter because after that conversation, I was anxious for probably 24 hours, like bad, like very anxious. And I realized that that conversation sent me down an anxiety spiral for whatever reason, just for whatever reason,

talking about other people behind their back, positive or negative, sent me down an anxiety spiral. And I think the reason why I noticed this, whereas in the past I didn't, is because I have been spending so much time alone, that I haven't really had time to have any kind of conversation that resembled gossip, because I've just been by myself so much. time alone that I haven't really had time to have any kind of conversation that resembled gossip because I've just been by myself so much. And so all of a sudden

for the first time in a little while, I have a conversation that resembled gossip in a sense. And I realized, oh shit, this makes me feel bad. And I was the pioneer of this conversation. I was the one that brought up this said gossip, right, to this person that was very close to me. And I was the one that was pioneering this conversation. It was my conversation. I started it, okay, but yet it caused me all of this anxiety. And I don't want to do that anymore.

Like, I realized I just need to mine my own business, and I've been really good about it. I've been really good about mining my own business for the past probably six months. Like, I don't care what other people are doing. If people make dumb decisions around me, I don't care if people fuck up and make mistakes, if people even treat me badly,

like I feel like I've just been mining my own business. Like I just don't care. And it's a great feeling. But I kind of backpedaled a little bit having this gossipy kind of conversation. And it made me realize how, oh shit, no. I need to go back to minding my own business because Gossiping makes me feel fucking awful and

I understand that Gossiping is kind of necessary to a certain extent. I think gossiping is actually totally fine as long as you're talking to somebody that you are very close with, and that is kind of slightly removed from the situation, right? Like I think in that case, gossiping isn't really that bad. And I think it's necessary because I think that as humans, we need to vent, and we need to share our thoughts and feelings and opinions on things. But I think there needs to be a balance. And you know, pointless, just gossipy gossip is just unnecessary. So I'm done with it.

And I'm going back to how I was before I had that conversation to just minding my own business, not caring about what everybody else is doing, not caring about what other people think of me and just enjoying the serenity that comes with that. But I never knew that gossip was such a root of anxiety for me, and so that was really interesting, and I bet a lot of you can relate if you really think about it to what I'm saying here. Anyway, those are my realizations for this week. I hope you enjoyed them.

Maybe you gained something from them. Who knows? Hopefully you did. If not, I hope you just enjoyed hanging out. But before I end this episode, I'm gonna do some questions and answers. I asked you guys on the Twitter at AG podcast to just ask questions about whatever because this episode literally doesn't have a theme so there's no reason to ask

for themed questions. And you guys sent some amazing questions that are kind of random but that's what I asked for. So let's get into it. Somebody said how to focus better when you're studying or doing anything. I don't know swag. Swag. Okay, yeah, for sure. So let's actually take this back to my experience with reading this week. So as I talked about earlier, the first day that I tried to read, I could not focus and I could not read. And in retrospect, I think the reason why I could not focus was because I just spent three hours on TikTok.

And so my brain was completely shattered and all over the place. And my, you know, thoughts were like going a million miles an hour. So settling down and reading something and focusing was just not going to happen. And when I read on the beach and actually had success and could focus, the only thing I had done for the past hour before I started reading was listening to music and driving, which is a lot more relaxing.

So, I think if you're struggling with focusing, do something that will settle your brain down, whether that's going on a walk and listening to music, or that's cooking something, or that's writing in a journal, or that's maybe going on a drive, like whatever it may be, do something relaxing, get yourself off of your phone and disconnect for maybe a half an hour, and that will totally change your focus, maybe even an hour. But you have to kind of calm your brain down before you can focus, or else you just won't be able to. And that's my experience. So like,

I'm never going to pick up a book directly after I was just on TikTok for two hours. I'm going to have to do something in between in order to break that up. You know what I mean? Because you have to kind of bring yourself down a peg. You know what I'm saying? Because being on social media makes your brain fire off. Thoughts and feelings and opinions and emotions very quickly. And then trying to focus on anything after that is like impossible. Somebody said, what's a fictional character that you feel like best reflects your personality? Coraline? And that's also one of my favorite movies. personality. Coraline.

And that's also one of my favorite movies. So anyway, if you guys haven't watched Coraline, please go watch it. And if you guys have never, or if you guys have watched it, go watch it again. I need to watch it again soon. Somebody said, when do you feel like you're fully independent? I don't truly feel like I'm fully independent unless I'm enjoying time by myself. That's the only time I truly feel independent

because even if I'm by myself, if I'm not enjoying myself truly when I'm by myself, I don't feel independent because I'm not independent. Like I am not independent. Like I am not happy doing things on my own. I would rather be doing them with somebody else. But when I'm by myself and I'm enjoying myself truly, that's when I feel independent. And I don't feel it truly independent very often, but it's a great feeling.

Somebody said, how to start talking to guys? I'm 18 and I've never really texted guys or had any kind of guy experience because I'm too shy to text them first and they never text me because I think they might be scared of me or something, LOL. Okay, my dad always said this to me when I was in middle school and high school, but he was like,

you need to be friends with guys first, or at least try. Always try to be friends with guys first, because that makes it so much easier. It takes the pressure off, but it also forms a better better bond in connection and then that can you know Blossom into whatever it may, but if you start with a friendship That's gonna be pretty solid because Number one, you're gonna be comfortable with them if you grow friendship you'll gain Comterability with them but also

You'll kind of know who they really are. And so that can help you decide whether or not this is somebody you want to date or be with romantically. You know, because I think if you just start by just, you don't even build a friendship with somebody, you just start dating them immediately. You're kind of going into a blind and you don't really know what you're getting yourself into.

Where's your friends with them first? You know what you're getting yourself into, and it's just so much easier. Now listen, there's going to be times in your life where you may just start dating somebody right when you meet them. And I've done that, and it's ended terribly, and it's ended great. It can go either way. But if you're struggling with talking to guys romantically, make some friendships.

And I can almost guarantee that one of them will blossom into something. But starting off with a friendship is the most promising and most comfortable way to do it. So just talk to them like they're your friend. Like you don't need to be flirty, you don't need to be whatever, just talk to them like they're their friend.

And not only is that the most fun in a way, but it's also the least pressure. You know what I'm saying? It takes all the pressure off. Somebody said, what does wife slash husband and material mean to you? I would say to me, there's a few like,

I would say to me, there's a few key elements to somebody that you would want to have as a life partner. Number one, somebody who you know is going to be loyal to you, somebody that you know is not going to lie to you about big, important shit, somebody that you know is in it 100% because somebody who's willing to be honest in loyal has to be in it 100% because being honest and being loyal is not easy to do. It actually is hard. And so somebody who's willing to be those things has to be all in, you know? And that is huge for a life partner.

Another thing is I think sharing interests, sharing humor, having something that you guys share like that. Because physical connection is important and like physical chemistry is really important and stuff like that. Don't get me wrong. That's very important. But I would argue that a shared sense of humor or a shared interest or even just like a shared way of looking at life, whatever it may be, that's almost equally as important

to me, in my opinion, because you need to be able to have a conversation with the person that you're dating. And even if you guys have fully different passions in life or fully different senses of humor, if you guys can show each other those things, that's great too. You guys just need to be able to have a conversation. It needs to be somebody that you would be friends with even if you guys weren't romantic. You know what I'm saying? Like ask yourself when you're dating somebody. Would I be friends with this person if we weren't dating?

If the answer's no, then things maybe aren't looking so good and you may just be Attracted to them physically and not mentally Another thing is somebody who Shares equal motivation to you for life. I think that's very important Somebody who is a life partner to you should have a similar level of motivation as you and similar morals as well. Like similar priorities, I think that's really important. But I mean above all of that, I think that somebody who's like wife or husband material is somebody that you just click with in a way that is almost unexplainable.

I think that that's one of the biggest parts of it. And that's why it's really hard to pin point what makes a good relationship so good. Sometimes it's like unspoken and it's just like there. And it's just like this unspoken bond and understanding that is almost kind of spooky in spiritual. Someone said, why do people hate the fact that some people don't have the same style as them?

Like, why are you hating on someone for something that doesn't apply to them as long as they're happy? Okay, so I think what you're saying here is, like why do people care about what other people are doing when it doesn't affect them? Well, obviously I don't know for sure, but my experience tells me that people who do that

are very unhappy with their own lives and their own identity and who they are and they're projecting their insecurities, their discomfort in their own skin onto others. And that makes them feel better. It's as simple as that, you know? People who maybe don't feel happy are very prone to just being hyper-focused on what everybody else is doing. Simply as a distraction to distract themselves from how uncomfortable they truly are in their own skin and body and life and all of that.

It's a distraction and it's a comfort mechanism. You know what I'm saying? When someone's judging somebody else or criticizing somebody else, that means that they don't have to criticize themselves in that moment. They don't have to judge themselves in that moment and that may be a relief for them. And that's actually really sad. Somebody said, any tips to make life really exciting and fun. I feel like it's a bit more difficult with Corona, but do you have any ideas?

I totally get this, but everything that I mentioned early on the podcast, going to the beach, going on a hike, going on a walk, listening to good music, going on a drive, reading a fucking book, cooking. You can find joy in these small things, you know what I'm saying? If Corona virus taught me one thing, if this whole COVID thing taught me one thing, it's that you need to learn to find joy in simpler things. And actually, that will make your life better in general. Because I was living before coronavirus, I was living from one big event to the next. It was like, okay, next week is Coachella.

And then after Coachella ended, it was like, oh, it's my birthday. I'm gonna have a birthday party, not really, because I never really had birthday parties, but, you know, small birthday party. And then, you know, after my birthday, it would be like, oh, now it's summer. Like we're gonna go to the beach every single day. And then after that, it was like, oh, the holidays are coming up. And it was like, I was living from one big event

to the next. And that was like enough adrenaline to keep me going to a point where I didn't really need to enjoy the simple things in life if I didn't want to because I had so much going on. And I think a lot of us can relate to that. But the moment that you can enjoy simpler things in life, it's like freedom because there's infinite amounts of little tiny things to enjoy.

Whether that's going on a walk and listening to good music or going to the beach by yourself or with friends, even whatever, like finding little joys in every day, even if that's going on a walk and listening to good music or going to the beach by yourself or with friends Even whatever like finding little joys in every day even if that's cooking something Even if that's just a moment of you with your cat or your dog in your bed And you guys are just cuddling up together whatever that moment may be It's just finding joy in those small moments and that makes life feel more exciting If you can change your perspective and start to look at everything in those small moments, and that makes life feel more exciting. If you can change your perspective and start to look at everything as nothing's too small

to enjoy and find joy in. The second you can change your perspective and see life like that, it's very freeing. And I'm still working on it, but already it's really making me feel happier and more excited about everyday life. Somebody said favorite song at the moment. Doja Cat and Siza came out with a song and I love it. So that's up there with one of my favorite songs right now. It's funny because I opened my Spotify, and my Spotify was like,

new song by SZA and Doja Cat. And I was like, okay, this is gonna be fucking crazy fun. And I listened to it and I was like, yes, this is crazy fun. And I rarely do that. Like I rarely listen to like when new songs get released. I'm somebody who like listens to stuff I've been listening to for years

on repeat over and over again for years. Like I'll just listen to the same shit for years. But this was like the first new song I've listened to in a long time and it was very fun. Somebody said, I'm 18 today, Bestie, give me some advice. Well, I think when you turn 18, there's this new pressure on you because you're technically an adult to have your life figured out. My first piece of advice is, you are still a child. Okay, so if you don't have everything figured out when you're 18, that is completely okay

and you shouldn't. So that's my first piece of advice. But my second piece of advice would be to enjoy your newfound freedom. You know, there's this freedom in being 18. You can sign for yourself. You can go stay in a hotel by yourself. There's so many things that you can do once you turn 18.

And don't take that for granted. Like enjoy that. You know what I'm saying? Enjoy that newfound freedom and use it to enhance your life, whether that's going on a trip with your friends, without your parents or something like whatever it may be. Enjoy the fact that you have this new freedom. Somebody said, how do I lower my expectations for myself?

I think the key to that is to eliminate expectations altogether. And it's not an easy thing to do because as humans, I think our brain immediately goes to creating expectations about everything on a daily basis. I think the key to lowering your expectations is to just remove them completely. Why have expectations about anything? There's no point to having expectations. I think the only time that expectations are maybe healthy or good are with how you wanna be treated by others. I think that's the only time expectations are necessary. You should have expectations about how you should be treated.

To a certain extent, you know what I'm saying? Like, let's say you are going to start dating, right? You should absolutely have a set of expectations that you have for whoever your significant other may be. They need to be loyal. They need to be honest, they need to, you know, be a good communicator, whatever it may be for you. Those are healthy and good expectations, but expecting them to sweep you off your feet and, you know, text you every day, 10 million times a day, like certain expectations are unrealistic. So it's about finding, you know, healthy expectations in that scenario that are realistic and are kind of in a sense the bare minimum. You know what I'm saying? But besides that, I think you can remove all expectations. You know what

I'm saying? Like, let's say you are struggling with having way too high expectations for yourself. The second that you remove the expectations, you're going to feel this like freedom to do whatever you want. You know what I'm saying? Like, it gives you freedom when you don't have expectations for yourself. So go easy on yourself and just take your life moment by moment, you know what I mean? If you have a moment where you're feeling super productive

and you wanna clean the whole house and do all your homework, do it and be proud of yourself after. But if there's a day when you just need to lay in bed and you just can't get yourself out of bed, don't set some crazy expectation for yourself to get all that same stuff done. Remove that expectation. And once you remove that expectation, your likelihood of actually going and getting the things done that you need to get done, I think goes up because sometimes expectation can scare you

out of doing something because it's this mind game where you're like, well, if I don't do it and I don't exceed my expectation for myself, then I'm gonna feel like shit about myself and I'm gonna feel like a loser. And then it's like this downward spiral in your brain where you just start beating yourself up. But if you remove the expectation and you're like,

you know what, I'm just gonna lay in bed today if that's what I want. And if I wanna go be productive and clean the house and do all my homework, then I'll do it. But if I don't have the energy, I just won't do it right now. Taking the pressure off will make you wanna get out of bed a lot more than all of this pressure. You know, I don't know if that made sense, but anyway.

Somebody said, how do you know when you need a break from social media, how do you know you need to distance yourself? I would say when I start going on my Instagram and stocking my own page for like Longer than five minutes. I know it's time when I start like analyzing how My Instagram is perceived by others. That's when I know it's time for a break Like when I start to overthink what everybody thinks of me and my online persona That's when it's time for a break. When I start to obsess about getting the perfect photo for my Instagram story, that's when I know I need a break. It's when I become too invested.

It's also when I start to get really depressed and sad and I can't get out of bed because as much as anxiety and depression is something that we can't avoid, it's like not something you can just like turn off, right? It can be exacerbated by things. It can get 10 times worse because of something that you're doing. And so when I start to get in a really bad spot, that's another time I know.

Like, it's time to turn this off. We need to figure something else out. Because life's too short. And on that note, I really appreciate you guys listening to today's episode. I loved hanging out with you guys. I love you all more than you could ever know and comprehend. And if you enjoyed this episode, feel free to subscribe to anything goes on any of the platforms you listen to podcasts. Leave a little rating on Apple podcasts. I literally get choked up every time I read the reviews that you guys leave.

Makes me literally get choked up and I kid you not. If you want to follow the Twitter at AG podcast, you can kind of interact with the episodes. You can ask questions, be a part of the advice session series that I have on this podcast, and it's a really great time over there. I think that's all I got. Thank you guys for hanging out with me for another week. Tweet at me some book recommendations. I'd really appreciate it. I love you all. Treat yourself with love and kindness this week and do something for yourself, such as going for a walk or reading a book. Love you all. Peace and love.

Bye.