Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast - Amish Paradise w/ Kippy & Foley
Episode Date: March 14, 2024Are You Garbage is back with Kippy and Foley for a family episode to answer your garbage questions from Patreon. Its a fun one! Thanks for watching AYG Comedy Podcast. Love youse guys. Come to a live ...show! Through the Roof Tour Tickets: https://areyougarbage.com/ Follow Kevin: https://www.instagram.com/kevinryancomedy/ Follow Foley: https://www.instagram.com/hfoleycomedy/ Live Shows: https://areyougarbage.com/ PATREON: https://www.patreon.com/AreYouGarbage MERCH: https://areyougarbage.com/ Helix Sleep: https://www.helixsleep.com/Garbage Promo Code: Helixpartner20 Mint Mobile: https://www.MintMobile.com/GARBAGE Comedians H. Foley and Kevin Ryan are self proclaimed GARBAGE. Each week a new stand up comedian gets put to the test. Steal shampoo from hotels? Own a George Foreman Grill? Ever worn JNCO Jeans?
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Huge announcement, gang! My debut half-hour comedy special is available March 14th right here on the RU Garbage YouTube channel. Check it out, baby!
Gang, let's blow this puppy up! Like it, share it, tell the whole squad, blow it up for Kippy!
Do it!
Welcome to another exciting edition of RU Garbage, the show where you find out if your favorite comedians are classy individuals or absolute trash.
Now here are your hosts, Kevin Ryan and H. Foley.
Hey, everybody out there and welcome back to everybody's
favorite podcast.
This is R U Garbage.
Oh, yeah.
It's that little show.
We sit down with your favorite comedians and we find out
that you're going to be classy.
Yeah. Don't you just a big old piece of trash. Trash, trash, it's that little show we sit down with your favorite comedians, and we find that to be classy Yeah, they're just a big old piece of trash
I'm your host H fully coming at you on a beautiful day. We're out back here at Tootie's in a new edition
She just got a new shower curtain upstairs. Okay see through
Oh, I see much a little bit of a freak in her little peak when I'm brushing my teeth
My co-host is coming at you from across the table. He is the CEO of are you garbage?
He is an international businessman. He's got a brand new special out give it up for KJ Kevin James Ryan everybody
Hey, what up? Okay? Thanks for tuning in everybody
New special out tomorrow if you're listening to us today comes out March 14th 7 p.m
Right here on the a YG YouTube channel, baby, Live premiere, get in there, mix it up in the chat.
Down there at the Fillmore in Philly.
Down there at the Fillmore in the Philly, the boys went home,
Kippy shot a half-hour comedy special,
so check it out, all produced by the Magic Man.
Uh-oh, how about a nice shout-out to our producer,
Extraordinary Old Magic Man, as Q-Ball said.
He is also a director
extraordinaire T-bone mcmuffin's Toby mcbawlin everybody multi-hyphenate voice of a generation
And shout out to one new guy Luke mr. Luke Dempsey killed it on the
We got it we got a home run of a fucking squad over here squad tight squad like the squad Yeah
I'm sure you know most if not everybody if you haven't checked out the big man's go check out the big man's up there
Right now go check it out. Please do they think they smash that one. They smashed mine. It's fantastic
We're super excited and that's available at are you garbage comm YouTube page. Not are you garbage comm?
On YouTube full video and as know, those numbers are true.
I thought we fucking missed it there.
I got nervous. I didn't know what I was doing.
I was out. Big announcement.
You got a special special out. Go check it out.
I have our comedy special. I'm excited.
It's the same as the big man.
It's what we've been touring with.
So we're happy to put it on some wax and get it out there to the peoples.
Can't thank you guys enough. We love each and every one of you.
We're here for what we like to call a family episode. Some would say. Just the boys, the bozos, and the homies sitting
down together. Circle in the wagons. Circle in the wagons as we like to do.
Running with a skeleton crew. I always love that saying. Skeleton crew. Running
with a skeleton crew. Yeah. Just a couple of fucking guys who know how to operate.
You catch my drift? I got a wheel man, a fucking trigger guy, what else you need? Skeleton crew yeah, just a couple of fucking guys who know how to operate I got a wheel man a fucking trigger guy. What else you need skeleton crew knows how to keep their mouth shut and owns a ski
bass
And can get rid of gold coins if need be I'm talking about kind of question for you boys. I'm listening um
Your toilet brush first of all do you have one? Yeah. Toilet brush? Yes.
Did you grow up with one?
No.
I don't think we... I think there was one there solely for cleaning.
It wasn't to clean the skids, you know what I mean?
What's the skids?
Like if there was a skid mark that would just get left, like as a kid that would just get left.
Oh yeah, I didn't know that you could move those.
Other than try to pee on them, I didn't know you could do that.
Sure.
I'd say you knew my old man was in there
Okay, a couple of claw marks as he called them
Damn dragging a demon back to hell you knew already in the potty humor this early in we are I had a question for you
Do you use that
Hard-hitting journalistic questions from the big Chuck Chokerson
gang if you say for your back brush your teeth with that really get a molar
clean just use it in general use it on like okay so what when when I clean the
bathroom okay that's well document I make a little bit of a mess in there I
got to stay on top of it
I have my little little Swiffer Butler that I do after after I tanky keep everything nice, but when I clean the toilet
My usual thing is I pull everything away. Okay from that area. I
Flushed a toilet. I spray Clorox whatever in there. So it's it's clean water. It's disinfected
It's soapy water, and then I'll dunk it in there, and I'll do the outside and the floor around
No!
No?
No!
Interior only man!
I thought you were gonna say I dump it in the water then swish it around and clean the bowl
That's what you do. You're that can't that's that's for no what no kid I get what hold on I take it I know disinfect it take the Barbasol stuff at
the barbershop it's in the blue liquid listen I go heavy with the Clorox spray
the Red Cross couldn't clean up the mess you make yeah that's crazy so well I
understand that yes there is there is Clorox or some sort of disinfectant in the
water.
That makes sense.
But I don't think that...
Iced tea.
I don't think that brush is fully clean to be rubbing on...
Dude, Clorox kills everything.
Nah, dude, there's particles on that brush that Clorox ain't killing.
It's not gonna disintegrate them.
There's things in the wires.
It neutralizes them, no. Buddy, you're bringing it up because you know it's not on the up and up.
I don't advertise it in the home.
No kidding.
Yeah, I would not do that.
This isn't a squeegee on the quarter panel, dude.
Like, yeah, I get it in there real good.
Get it all the chloroxy and then I do the whole outside, the sides.
I make sure I get in there and then do a little bit of the floor to scrub that off. We get it all the chloroxy and then I do the whole outside the sides I make sure I get in there I'll and then do a little bit of the floor to scrub that we get it we get we I get your relative logic
But I think you're overestimating and the sink I do the sink a
Couple pots and pans that I can't get them burn stains out of it was goddamn chilly night everybody
No kidding.
Yeah, that's really...
I mean, I don't think...
So how do you clean the outside of the toilet?
So you don't do the top of...
Okay, I'm talking about the porcelain part, like where behind the seat where it gets a
little crusty.
That's a paper towel.
You don't take the brush and do back there?
I think that brush is for the inside of the toilet bowl.
That's why you put it back in that, like, kind of vacuum-ex chamber.
That thing's... what's going on in there.
Oh, man.
Man.
Yikes.
I've returned into the same guy.
Brutal.
Uh...
No kidding. Okay. All right. I'm wrong.
Yeah, I mean, I'm not saying, you know, I'm... I'll listen.
Really?
Yeah, dude.
The guy who lives in a trash can.
I mean, that's...
Dude, you're not wrong.
I'm way off on a couple of things.
I think you're better off just spraying that Clorox on the floor
than even using your foot with some paper towels.
I do that.
I wouldn't be putting that. That brush should live in the bowl
and then go back and that's like a relative airtight thing you put it in.
Back in the holster.
Take it easy with that thing, would you?
Yeah, that's nuts.
This is a very New York thing. do you have a garbage disposal now?
No, no one in New York has garbage disposals unless you're fucking a real hoity-toity. However that doesn't stop me from
Yeah, of course. I've gotten you know I get if I'm lazy. I'll get liberal from working in restaurants
I learned that if you take your finger and
You have some stuff in there and as the water's going you give it a little a little swirl a little mush it now a little just
a little spin it works it's a great a vortex yeah I create a world itself out
I mean I was trying to get some cherry seeds down there the other day trying to
get an old pair of shoes down there just picture you with a two by four. Raaarrr! Shoving, that's my shoving stick.
Yeah.
We, I use, this is very New York.
Do you have a garbage disposal?
No, no one in New York, unless like you're fucking,
I've been in apartments, it's so crazy how you figure out.
Seinfeld's got one.
That's how you learn, you live in New York,
you walk into someone's, they got a dishwasher,
they got this, they have everything that like a suburban home would have and you'd be like you're a millionaire
I got a dishwasher now a dishwasher full-size. That's them little John. I got the little John
Oh, man, I can halfway through a snack that things full and the way I use spoons and like a falafel place downtown
And the stand-up washer and dryer.
Yeah, I ain't got that either.
But when you go into someone's house that has all appliances
that a suburban home would have, you start looking like, whoo-wee!
This place is all right.
You ever been in somebody's apartment
and they have the 3 quarter size fridge?
Oh, yeah.
Yeah.
I was just in someone's apartment that had that.
And they're like, this is the fridge?
I was like, what?
Oh, wait.
That's a cooler, dude.
I mean, a dorm room?
Yeah, it's a Yeti.
That thing don't even run.
That thing ain't got a plug on it.
I never maximized my college boy fridge in college.
I never had any money to.
No.
It was like a half a bottle of water, some Gatorade
I stole from the cafeteria or something.
Yeah.
That was, it was always empty.
My boys were really good with that man.
They I would do this, but I never did it enough where I really took advantage of it.
But taking stuff from the cafeteria was obviously, you know, a big thing.
But they would they like I'd sneak in there.
It'd be like a it'd be like a 7-Eleven in there.
Like chicken sandwiches stacked up.
I never did it, though.
I drank a lot of my friend's beers out of those things. Yeah, I never had one go in there. Like chicken sandwiches stacked up. I never did it though. I drank a lot of
my friends beers out of those things. I never had one going myself. Never really got one
cooking. Mine was alright. I put my weed in there. Got weed in here cowboy. And that was
big for a while in the mid 90s. Kind Bud was popping. You kids don't know about Kind Bud.
It's all Kind Bud now. They used to move Kind Bud. It's all Kind Bud a move kind it's all like you right now, but that's the good stuff KB
you'd put a little a little orange peel and
Little orange peel in your bud to rehydrate it because it was not the good stuff
Smoking sticks and stems now and fluff it up, but you're right it would take a while to burn a
Lot of smoke a lot of crackling on that bad boy. I put a duralog in there get that big cooking. Oh
Every little weed trick like that
Never works. It's not that it didn't it was just you felt like because when you got a good when you got a good satchel
You wanted to really stretch it out. You get delivered on a horse satchel
Componey Express trying to skirt around the sensors
Like a 60s pop song Oh, can pony express trying to skirt around the sensors. You know what I mean?
Like a 60s pop song.
Can't tell what we're talking about.
You know what I mean?
Talking about doing the shoe balloon, everybody.
You know what the shoe balloon was?
But stuff you'd want to like, you know, you'd want to stretch that out a little bit.
You took a little more time with it because it was always great when it was fresh
and it was the cellophane was rolled nice
And eventually you're just ripping that thing open and stuff it in your eyeball. I think
You're all about late night in there. I think from the back back to the fridge
I never had the cash to be like oh, I'm gonna spend
$15 and just let it sit in my fridge for when I casually want a beer
You know what I mean? It was like a chocolate bar.
Never.
Guys had like chocolate bars in the freezer part for like
months.
No, I'm a very and still am a very big.
I buy and consume.
Buy and consume.
I'm not hoarding away.
You're an addict.
Hey, who are you talking to?
But yeah, it was very like, you know, even now, it's like
you come over I
don't have any beers at the house because like I drink them you know what
I mean it's not like if I came over to your house right now could you offer me
a proper drink what do you want like a scotch or something yeah I got I got some
liquor as like first friends would come over or whatever and you know they'd
bring me a bottle or I bought a bottle or a birthday or you do it in a nice
rocks glass with a nice rocks glass some ice you have ice in the house yeah we got the big cubes you got the she
stays on top of my dome big cubes got the big cubes maybe a little dog hair in
there if you like I can't stay out of the freezer knows where the totitos are
but what about the garbage disposal oh we the... Will you use the toilet as a garbage disposal?
Because we will.
You're busting my chops about the toilet brush.
What do you mean?
I'm putting fecal matter on the floor.
I'm disposing of...
Like what are you talking about?
Like if stuff's in a pot.
Like old rice-a-roni?
Not rice-a-roni, that you can scrape into a trash can.
But like let's say the slow cooker was running for a couple hours
Whatever is in there. I'll just that's just like a that's like a heavy Duke in there
Hey, dude, you got tomahawk bone in your in your turn. I think she flushed a full onion last night
If I'm being honest with you, I was like babe. I don't think that can go bloop. I just heard sound like you dropped a pool ball in there
Fucking cue ball now dude. I don't go in there. Yeah, that's even grosser to me
No, no, no my buddy York you have to do you have nowhere to dispose of this stuff?
You don't put it in the trash now sitting in the track. I got a tank it out
My buddy Derek put me on that I watched him take a thing of ramen that it was like half full and dump it in
The toilet was like what are you doing? He goes noodles go in the toilet, man
Yeah, I would feel right walking in there with the pot.
Feel I feel like the pot was contained.
No shit, because your whole your whole toilet is.
You've wiped poop on most surfaces.
Listen, am I proud when I'm doing it?
Bleached poop.
Is it my best moment when I'm standing over the
standing over the toilet with a fucking slow cooker.
No, but you got nothing else to do.
I've had some mishaps where I'm cleaning the apartment
and I throw some stuff in there and then I go
and I forget about it and I go look back
and I'm like, what did I do?
Call 911 real quick.
I don't know what I got, but it's something.
I shit out a short rib, what the fuck?
And a fork.
An old boot floating in there.
Yeah, no. It's not proud, but it's like, sometimes when you're like, oh I'm in a rush or something, and you know, you just got nowhere to fucking put it.
I can't believe in all your New York City living, you never did that. Not once. I guess you weren't a real big cook most of the time.
I dumped a stash or two down there when the fucking heat was closing in.
When somebody was banging on the door.
Karen, no!
That's all we had, Karen!
Just Mrs. Rossatini from next door.
Yeah, it's gonna bar a cup of sugar.
Hey, answer the door, I got a gun.
Oh, hey, Mrs. Rossatini, good to see you.
You need help opening a jar of pickles?
Meanwhile, she was about to get clapped.
It's costing me my weekend, you dumb broad.
What are you doing?
It's all we have.
I'm a big soaker, I'll tell you that.
I mean, listen, I'm as lazy as they come.
I soaked a coffee cup with yogurt in it.
Then it sat for about 12 seconds.
What?
I ate yogurt out of a coffee cup.
Oh, you soaked.
That can go right in the dishwasher.
I soaked that a couple out, a couple days.
Let it loosen up a little bit
loosen
Yeah, I at one point I had lived in a apartment where I was washing my I was washing my dishes
That's great in the bathtub in the bath. That's crazy. Why that you can't you can't you why dude?
It was the sink was gross. It was the wall. I just wrote II
Destroyed it. I the mirror on top of it got smashed it all got all full of glass and collapsed
There was no kitchen no heat Chicago was awful
Got squatters right you're taking easy. He's doing his dishes with Pantene Pro V
I've done that. I've done you shampoo. No dishes. Yeah, and I've also you I did this not that long ago for some reason
Maybe when I wasn't feeling good or something like that your posses coming up curly
So supposed to be lasagna
Look at the sheen on that thing shiny volume on that angel. Um, I washed my body in
a lot of volume on that angel air.
I washed my body in dawn the other day. I've had, I've.
I told you, I used to do it,
I loved doing it when I was landscaping
at the last house.
You get the hose out because of the poison ivy
and you completely wash yourself off with that
in your cutoff jeans.
Man, talk about feeling like summer, baby.
Woo!
But I did that the other couple weekends ago
for some reason.
I just felt like really getting a good scrubbing
So I use my my loofah and I use dawn then the bird saw that was like what the hell?
Yeah, I mean, that's that's animalistic. It's fully if you're out
I'll give you that like if you're like out of something but still I would argue
I don't know what kind of life you're living if you're you run out of soap and you
Water or shampoo ain't gonna
just do the job to get the day done, you know what I mean?
It's not like you're out fucking, you know, you're not like a mud farmer or something
like that.
Like you're fucking-
Working on a dairy.
You know what I mean?
You come in here, you podcast for two, three hours, you go, oh.
I like a good scrubbing every once in a while.
I like a good exfoliation.
The money I would pay to see a prime H Foley on the side of a house scrubbing down.
Ooh, tight little body back there.
Oh yeah, buddy.
Talking about a buck 75, buck 80.
He was six years old, but still.
What are you looking at, mister?
Yeah, it was all right.
No undies on, probably no socks.
How you doing?
How you doing? Letting the little guy hang out.
Just picture the top of the jeans unbuttoned.
You're just like...
PORSO SUGAROBE!
I'm washing the car.
Rubbing my boobs on the window.
Fucking Foley Katain over here.
Kip, this is Helix.
Shut up, the Helix. You know him, you know him you love them you sleep on every night hell
We both do I have hanky panky time in mind a different ones
Same model, but what are you gonna?
Gang helix best mattress ever invented you don't got to go to the mattress store
Are you gonna do is hop online you take their quiz they want to know how you sleep?
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Now back to the show back to the show. All right enough of this
Laundry habits whatnot
Let's get into the meat and potatoes the meat potatoes is a big man says this is a family episode So as you know when you join a patreon, we will answer your garbage questions on the air
It's the best way to do it the homies get the first crack at it
I gotta be honest with you at the greatest website of all time check it out
I listen the not men lie women lie the numbers don't lie go over there
peruse around see what you know you're gonna like what you see
15,000 strong in that army of garbage on patreon
Yeah, 15,000 people have seen him been like this is what I'm in for it's listen
It's the best bang for your buck
It's it's better than a value than some of your major streams once you get that hard feelings where we let it all hang out
Yeah, so my best work in hard feelings
But let's see how we really feel
This one's from Pierce $10 Canadian investor shout out to you
Never had one read. This is nuts
Is it garbage if your parents getting a fight and your mom ends up on the couch instead of your dad?
Man
What is going on and who wears the pants in that household?
I might have seen that once or twice at the Foley's. She'd have to be real pissed.
I've never seen my parents in the same room, but that's nuts.
Or the guy is so soft that she's like, no cuddles tonight, and he's like, baby, no,
don't go.
Yeah, that's what I'm saying. She's probably like, fuck you, I don't know who's in the
... Dude, if your mom's ending up in a dog house, what'd she do?
That's fucking
Having sex with another lady
I know you're out there running around on me. I'm home cooking
man, I I don't think I've ever was that a
Normal thing I didn't have that in the necessary thing my dad on the couch. That's a very big trope of like
You know you're sleeping. You know now, they would usually go to bed just angry.
Screaming at each other.
Yeah, they'd go to bed angry at each other.
They'd just wake up and keep fighting.
Sure.
Not talk. They would not talk.
There'd be a silence in the house.
You could feel it.
Oh, like heavy water.
They're in that bed like those Russian boxers who fight in the phone booths.
Uh-huh.
You know what I mean?
They just wake up ready to go.
That was a wild video, by the way.
Be quiet.
My dad would get up, you wouldn't hear,
he wouldn't talk to anybody, it wouldn't be a word.
Just out the door.
I didn't know if you were ever gonna see him again.
I'd show back up.
I guess they talked during the day or something.
No, they didn't talk, they didn't address it
and they just kept living.
Yeah, fair enough.
You're like a bug dude
Watch him leave like is he ever coming back? Oh a bunch of times on that you're peeing on the floor. Yeah
He does it when he's nervous
Henry stop it. There was a few times where I was on his side
If he didn't come back, I wouldn't blame him be honest with you. You keep pulling this stupid shit
screaming at her. He's going to leave for good one time.
I remember hearing, it's actually just normal, I come from a very yelly household family.
Sure, I'm aware.
I remember I would be in my dad's, I'd be at my dad's house upstairs in my room watching
TV, like wrestling or something.
So it was like a, you know, it was a as a commotional show I'm going at it this week. I was like that doesn't sound like
Hulk and I would hit mute and you would just hear him it'd be coming
through the vents of like wherever they were screaming at each other yeah you
know what was going on I'm like oh god this ain't gonna be great man used to always creep
down on the steps and hear it out i didn't it scared it
scared was like uh i just wanted the end i was just like man because it's also if you got i've
been caught on the stairs and that don't make it any better you want some of this too because you
think you know where they are in the house like thermal mapping you think you think that you know
where they are all right they're in the kitchen then she walked to the living room, he went to the family room.
It's like you're playing Call of Duty.
Uh-huh, and then he's throwing his voice.
Then you don't hear anything for a couple seconds,
and he turns the corner to the hallway in the stairs.
What are you doing?
You're, ah, I was just getting milk.
I got a glass up to the wall.
Yeah.
Dysfunctional, what are you gonna do?
What are you gonna do?
Mom on the couch though.
I might have seen that once or twice maybe.
Maybe.
I can't recall.
Only because my dad was snoring.
I think my dad would get up, he would get elbowed enough times or whatever to be like,
I'm just gonna fucking couch it.
Sure.
Just to get through the night.
Pre-CPAP.
Yeah.
By the time I came on the scene now
granted my dad's parents were much older what scene is this and the earth scene
okay you're referring to your birth as becoming on the scene I'm here baby
I just I've just you've been in a lot of scenes until I rolled in how about that okay? So I popped up came on this he became online
Where I showed up the party started you know what I'm saying
Dump up a little bit showing up to a scene means implies to me that you were doing something somewhere else before
I was and I got on the scene. You know what I mean. I was I just can't remember who I was in a past life mm-hmm I don't think
anybody you know yeah I think I might have done some bad things probably a
portly bread thief yes Tony the stealer or something like that from Britain. What? Tony the Stealer? I was trying to find out.
Tony the Stealer?
Maybe Jack the Bomber.
What are you talking about?
I was thinking Jack the Ripper.
Tony the Stealer.
Which he always scared me, Jack the Ripper.
He still does.
I don't know what he did.
They never caught him.
I always thought it was a barber, no?
No, it's Sweeney Todd.
That's a Broadway musical.
I thought he was giving nice spades.
I didn't know.
Slit in your throat.
Singing the whole time.
Are they not to say Sweeney Todd's a vampire?
No, I think, I think, listen, I'm not.
I thought he was a pro skateboarder.
Jack the Ripper?
I thought you meant Sweeney Todd.
Sweeney Todd's a pretty good skater name too.
Oh, that's nice.
Sweeney Todd, I don't know if that's based on a historical figure,
but it's a Broadway show about a barber that kills people.
I don't know why. All right.
So I'm not that far off. He invented the rodeo 720.
So when he first got to do a 900 Jack the Ripper, I think was a real dude,
was a real serial killer, I think. Yeah. In London.
I watched. I think they had speculation of who he was,
but I don't know if he was ever caught.
If you ever want to watch a good movie on it from hell with Johnny Depp and Heather Graham, I think he was, but I don't know if he was ever caught. If you ever want to watch a good movie on it, From Hell with Johnny Depp and Heather Graham.
He was never caught, took out Women of the Night.
New stuff came out, they think he came to New York,
because there's a bunch of overlap between London,
like there's a bunch of, I just saw something on,
they watched the beginning of a documentary
on Netflix or something.
There's overlap between Serial Killer there and here,
around the same time of Chaseripa.
Yeah, From Hell's really good though.
Really good movie.
Ian something, not McShane, the guy who was the Hobbit.
Ian.
He was Bill Bo Baggins in Lord of the Rings.
He plays the guy who they think it was.
He was a doctor, he was a medical research doctor,
like a rich guy that was doing it for, I don't know, for whatever reason. Something with the queen, they think it was. It was that he was a doctor. He was a medical research doctor, like a rich guy
that was doing it for, I don't know, for whatever reason.
Something with the queen, I can't remember.
Still scared the shit out of me, tell you that.
Yeah.
I don't mind the couch every once in a while,
they'll be honest with you.
I'm a big couch guy.
Oh, I know what I was gonna say.
I'm sorry to cut you off.
By the time I was born,
and my dad's parents were a little bit older
when they had my dad. They were already
in, they had separate rooms in their house. I didn't know any different.
Why? I heard that it was because my grandfather
snored but then later you find out that that scene was a bloodbath as well.
Sure. I don't know. They could have hated each other as
far as I know. Yeah.
They're sweet to me and I love them to death. I don't, I feel like you hear more and more about that now
of like, not of just like.
Some ant with too many glasses of wine in it
just tell you the real deal on everything
before you were born.
Sure, I always get the, you always know
when you're ready for some real nice tea
when one of your ants goes well
He ain't a saint
Sign me up whatever you've been waiting to get this out of you Patty
Yeah, sitting around with a couple of drunk ants when you were a kid. They're still like doing it
What are you talking about now? They're letting it all fly. Yeah telling you how it really was as they're getting older
They're really they're coming at like listen. I ain't gonna be here much longer
Yeah, he's a fucking piece. he's a no good piece of shit my
aunt Colleen god rest her soul was like that she was awesome in every way shape
or form but the best was like when she would just come over to dinner at my
mom's and it would just be like me my mom this is when I was older it was like
me my mom my dad her and maybe the bird or like my brother or something like that
And you had her all to yourself to tell you good stories sit there
I have a nice cocktail some of my some of my best memories were
with my aunt were with one of my aunts was my aunt Karen my and Karen and my mom were real tight when we were
growing up and
We would go my aunt Karen would take us down the shore
We'd say it like a motel in North Wildwood somewhere the seashell motel the
Buccaneer the whatever like all those like real motel
And I'd get up at the ass crack at dawn and she'd take me out we'd go
To reach we would go get doughnuts at this place frog hollow off route 9 out there and like you know mainland or whatever
Man, I remember one time we stopped at a cow door and she's like you can get anything you want man
You couldn't tell me shit.
I got a Harley, I have a Harley Davidson bandana that I fucking proper put.
I was like seven years old, dude.
I proper put on it, had like a skull on fire and everything.
And I walked back to the, I walked back to the motel.
My mom was like, what the fuck are you doing?
I was ripping.
A montage of just get your motor run and you're seeing doughnuts
Talk about the ripper daddy. Oh, I was that's what I came on the scene talk about scenes
The Buccaneer Motel was never the same
What am I doing I'm breaking the rules. That's what I'm doing, baby.
How you doing, Toots?
Can I have some more apple juice, please?
Yeah, that's what my favorite memories are down the shore, also, too.
My Uncle Mike and my mom always got up early.
For some reason, they were both up having a heater.
And I was a nervous kid, so I always woke up at like six.
And they would be like, come on, we're gonna go to the diner.
Me and my uncle, Mike and my mom go to the diner,
go to the chatter box.
Woo wee!
That's where I learned about Scrapple.
I remember for a good couple weeks,
we sat out on the second floor of that,
you know, the motel.
So the second floor of the motel,
we had a handful of, I think we had two rooms,
we had a handful of chairs,
like, you know, we made the space in the middle like ours.
Posted up up there.
Posted up, and my aunt's aunt's friend is like a family friend on the Chiba I
didn't know what the time but I do be I would just sit there with her sure smoke
weird cigarettes lady he's ripping a binger what was that kid the sweet
bandana I feel funny. You hungry?
In a contact man and she would do the crossword puzzle in the
newspaper and I would sit there. I thought I was participant.
That was like the I thought we were going to work. I was like
we gotta get up early. We got me and me and Nancy got to hit
the crossword. I got enough of these. Enough of the boardwalk.
I got shit to do. Things are real bare too. I tell you. He's just a boardwalk. I got shit that things are real bare too. I tell you he's just writing down nonsense
Man for a little word for a fat kid won't leave you alone
Dork
Stings you real quick. I'm sitting there. I'm not sure man. I
Played bingo with my aunt Mary Katherine all the time her and the girls. Oh man. That was intense
I don't think we ever played. I don't think I've ever been to a bingo. I don't ever partake partake in any buddy
When everybody's 70 and you're a chubby little kid man all the hard candy you can ask for
Smells like cigarettes and perfume, rooting through all their purses. Some crooked priests running the whole thing.
He's on the take.
It was great, dude.
It was great.
I can imagine a little you chatting it up with the girls.
That's where I did my best work.
They loved me.
I could hold a conversation in anything that they were talking about
You know what I mean pot roast prices at that Encelaka or something like that
It's crazy it is
The shop rights bring her back to can can special soon
Ten ten for ten I was just talking to one of the nuns about this the other day. It's funny
Yeah, oh, I thought you were really telling me. I thought you fell into like a now store
Like I was just talking to one of the nuns
Man, so I'd worked a room with the ladies also speaking of one of the headed down the shore
Sixth grade maybe maybe younger whatever what year did?
Amish paradise come out T bone anyone? Any ballpark on that?
What the weirdo?
Yeah.
I think 98 is my guess.
Talk about being on the scene.
Did you get a year on that?
I did, yeah.
Mr. Weirdo Yankee Mc dropped the all-time classic,
Amish Paradise, in 1996.
1996, so I was 10.
He didn't miss.
No, dude.
So I was in fourth grade and we were driving down on my mom's tan
Ford Taurus no AC
Shvetson and I'm in the front. It's my sister. So if I'm 10
she
16 okay, maybe and three of her friends. There's four of them in the back seat of the Taurus crammed in there
Hey ladies, you heard the new jam man, I couldn't wait to put that on and sing it I
could not wait I
Remember being like
You know and she's like alright, we'll get because they were listening to their music or whatever cassette player upfront
You got the perfume spritzer like an opera guy
Do your own intro I
Couldn't wait to show off to these at I'm 10 there 16 started belting this out not Belton show I did repry I
Should you turn around I mean, I'm you know I'm playing the crowd
I'm a showman at the end of the day. You're all nervous. You're wiping your sweat your palms your basketball shorts
And I've embarrassed myself
And I've embarrassed myself
I've broke a couple of hearts that afternoon. I remember the one was like what is this? I was like oh fuck I
Remember my sister being like can we change my mom's like give them one give them one
Come on ride the train
I said a boom boom boom let me he say way oh the top songs in 1996 god the 90s had the worst music I loved it crazy now that pop get out
of here ten-year-old in the 90s that pop on the radio was great yeah you're nuts
what do you got the Macarenaarena, dominating the charts, dominating.
I should have showed them that.
Let them fuck everyone.
They would have been slipping out of the seat.
Now that's a dance you can do sitting.
I felt like, I heard that song
and I listened to it and all that stuff.
I could never do those dance moves.
I could probably nail it right now.
I could, that, the electric slide is is the one put your foot to the right
Catch one a patreon. That's a new special tomorrow everybody. What's wrong with your brother?
It was one of the huh cuz they're like you gotta figure they're 16 year old girls. The last thing they want is a fat 10 year old
rapping to them.
Hector, he just farted in the car.
I'm eating a hoagie.
That was for everybody.
You got extra onions on this?
Dude, I imagine a hot car.
I was probably eating a hot car.
I probably had like a hot chicken parm to a hot car a hot meal
Me rap and weird Al Yankovic to these three four girls
One of them was my sister. Why is your brother eating a bowl of chili in here?
And you stink that's all right, that's not nice. That's all right. I was a big in the scene some would say
All right, that's all from sleeping on the couch. I think so I forget I think that was a question um
This one's from Bill bacon $10. Homie are you garbage if you brush your teeth in a restaurant bathroom? No?
You don't think no
Gotta be single occupancy. Oh
Yeah, yeah, I was
Can't have a dude fucking dropping a deuce and you're got your mouth open talking about particles
Yeah, you do that you you do that sometimes what you like to brush your teeth after a meal. Not after a meal, which I would
you do it sometimes here at Tooties that I asked if I've
had 15 cups of coffee and 100 heaters and I'm going out to
you know, they say just to freshen up. They say it's it's
good to train your body to to do that after you eat. Yeah, I
let you know you're done eating and
blah blah blah I saw an Instagram video about it so I get all my medical advice
it is uh I got me too unfortunately eat to your 80% full and then brush your
teeth right after that way you don't want to eat uh I could get through that
though what I could muscle through oh I've definitely been going for a second
Oreo gone this is terrible after you brush your teeth yeah that don't I mean oh Jake
shatter your tongue yeah to me I don't brush my teeth right when I wake up I
brush my teeth when I leave that like when I'm like my day is ready where you
keeping it though that's the question what the toothbrush people wrote dude I
used to when I worked at an all like an office at that law firm in Midtown there
would be a guy every day after after, and I would be in there,
fuck, dropping heat in the stall.
And I'd walk out and he'd be in there brushing his teeth.
I wouldn't be like, dude, my butthole was just exposed
no more than three feet away from you.
Hey, hey, you gotta do it.
I'm like, booo.
Meemaw, I don't wash my hands, grabbed his ear.
I don't wash my hands grab this year. Hey
Yeah, I mean I get it if you stay on top of it, but it's like I
Guess if you're at one, I mean we were jammed up you were you I wish I would shave in there
Like in between auditions and shit like that
Yeah, I mean I would do that too. I would be changing, not showering, but you know cleaning up, getting ready after my day job before sets. Yeah. For sure. But I mean. Have you ever cut yourself shaving in a public restroom? I don't, I've never
shaved like that in a public restroom. I freak out. At a restaurant job, upstairs at four
o'clock and just sticking shit on your neck like a, really? Scumbag. I'd let that ride. You got to catch me tomorrow on that bullshit.
I'll take the warning.
I'm not shaving.
Nuts.
I was the warden.
My clothes were always dirty.
I was always hungover.
We've mentioned it before, but when
you get a waiter that comes up to your table
with five-day-old waiter pants on, you're like, dude,
I know I've been that've been that guy but come on a bad dirty aprons the best oh yeah I
mean at Macy's I used to have to wear a suit and that's who I had won and it
would just end up in a ball and I'd have to wake up early super hungover slash
still drunk throw that thing I look at man look like I just lost my house on the subway look like I just get everything getting railroaded in the
divorce man it's a rough rough hang I was alright this one's from Robert Lee
longtime ten dollar homie never had one read I asked my wife what her first
concert was and she confidently said it was a Tommy Lee concert that her dad
made her go to on a school night when she was eight.
Man, Tommy Lee, that had to be, let me guess, that was probably 2000.
I didn't know he had a solo career. Not to disparage the legend.
It was big for Methods of Mayhem, I believe it was.
Was he drummin'?
He was drummin' and singin'.
Really? From the drum kit?
I don't know. That's tough to do.
I didn't see him live, so I'm not sure.
He would rock the Britney Spears mic, too.
Woody?
Oh, yeah.
Few people can pull that off.
Don Henley pulled it off.
Phil Collins pulled it off.
And I guess Tommy Lee.
It's got to be a slow concert.
Man, look at the brain on Kippy.
Tommy Lee, Never a Dull Moment, 2002.
What was the hit song off that?
I'll give me one second here.
It's got to be Methods of Mayhem.
And I remember on the on the CD, we bought it.
We went to the, you know, is that the 2002 is the years
I'm going to the mall like you get dropped off in.
Be a Sam Goody guy. Where'd you go?
No, the wall was big. Yeah.
Remember our records? No, it was the wall.
And then I think FYE popped in, but it was mainly the wall.
OK. All the big every mall we but it was mainly the wall. Okay.
Every mall we would go to had the wall.
I remember that guarantee they had.
I don't know.
The wall had a blue sticker on it.
It was like, if you buy this at the wall, you can bring it back for any reason.
But then they stopped, so we would save them somehow.
You always had to keep that on there.
So then if a CD did break, you could take it off a good one and put it on that one and
be like, oh, I'm I'm returning it or exchange it or
I didn't know the wall I knew Tower Records Sam Goody yeah I don't know the
tower records was you walked in there man it was like the way that place
smelled that carpet was alright I remember we went to one my sister
really wanted the Fuji CD okay and we couldn't find it anywhere and went to
like five different places and we found it out the tower at the Tower Records on the Boulevard and a northeast you guys see that viral clip of 50 cent
Where some guy walked up to him and gave him 20 bucks was like I stole your record in night. He died
5050 hit me up come on. I had a dream last night. He was doing the show no kid
Uh-huh, or I was hanging out with him, and I was trying to position myself to ask to do the show
I was like I'm a big weird elf
Yeah
But what was I saying? Oh?
Would you get the hit off that the single off that track the mean, you're a real dirt bag if you've ever owned
the Tommy Lee single.
The single wasn't called Methods of Madness.
The band was called Methods of Madness.
The hit, the Madness, or mayhem, mayhem?
Method of mayhem.
Mayhem, all right.
So it was Tommy Lee and the Method of Mayhem.
I wonder who was up front.
No lead singer, what are you looking at?
Him behind the drum kit?
That's what I'm saying, it's gotta be, well that's why.
You got the bass player, the guitar player, and then him?
Oh, it's an all-star lineup, man. They got Marty O'Brien.
Marty!
That guy's a barback.
Probably a millionaire.
They got John Allen III.
He's probably all studio guys, cleaned up.
Morgan Rose?
Sounds cool.
Marty O'Brien is the best uh
uh he's a drummer for seven dust that's like a big J band
yeah they were they were a J band big J like big J
our friend big Jason Okerson of course yeah
oh that's a big J band big J likes them I can see him like that
kind of you've made it sound like that.
Yeah, it was a style of music.
Like J was a style of music. It's a big J band.
Oh yeah.
It's a big punk band.
Oh yeah, like they're here in Japanese pop-in.
I thought I was out of the loop.
I'm like, what the hell is J band?
Were you a ska guy?
I thought you were on the scene.
Were you a ska guy?
Those records are sealed, sir, and they won't be opened up again.
Statue of Limitations expired on that shit. I love the mighty Boston. Hey shadow catch me, too
Yeah, a lot of ska, but uh oh yeah, would you dance?
Would you dance ska buddy skank in it catch me with my little all-white Sony Discman?
swapping between the
Original cast recordings and musicals and ska bands in middle school, dude
What about a dork really listening to scores from music?
Which one like wicked and shit that was around back then as a wicked no kid. Yeah huge fucking loser
I thought that was a newer production
Trying to kick a little bit of a door. I'm sure it's a movie coming out looks pretty good of wicked
What uh what Discman were you bumping?
The CD disc man.
Listen, we didn't get that shit.
We got, my mom worked for The Gap.
This is probably in 82 or 83.
I know, but I'm saying that's not when CD,
like a disc man came out in like 99,
so you weren't in like college.
I'm trying to build it up to it.
The first head unit. It was Homecomingcoming night the first. What is it called personal?
Personal it wasn't it was just radio
Yeah, it was it was it was a radio that had a head that had headphones a walkman
Yeah, trying to get reception on that. Oh, yeah
And then so you would have been... What year was it?
I mean, I think 99.
I had the yellow one that had the clamp on it, but it was secondhand.
Oh, those were...
That was the nice one, the Sony.
Vio, Sony Vio or something, I think it was, or Sony Discman.
There was a version of...
I think it was a Discman.
There was a version of Sony's.
I think that the name was all Disc...
Everybody called it a Discman, whether it be by brand or not.
Sony was the Discman.
Sony was the Discman, and remember they had,
they were like different colors,
you get a blue one, a red one.
Sounds like a frisbee golfer.
Yeah. The Discman.
I'm the Discman.
And man, those were the cool ones.
I didn't have that.
I had, dude, I had a green see-through one
that I won at a raffle on like a fundraiser for school, and this thing skipped.
Before you put the CD in, this thing was...
Give you epilepsy.
Oh man, this thing was skipping.
Yeah.
And my friends could run with her or whatever,
and it was just fucking, I'd be sitting on,
you couldn't ride to school,
it would shake on the school bus and would skip,
so I'd have to ride like I'm holding a pizza or something.
Oh yeah, that 10 second skip protection runs out quick I didn't have
any I hated those ear things that went in the ones that went around but then
they went oh that's that's American Psycho somebody come up behind you and hit you
with that yeah those and I never had the cool ones the cool ones probably hit
when I was in junior high they were the regular headphones but went behind and clipped over the ear I think they came with those Sony yes with
those Sony stylized disc men and I never had them dude I had to fucking I had the
real shitty ones they're like they had the metal you know what I mean
you're in the traffic chopper huh and only one of them ever worked you know
what I mean you'd have to do...
This was real big.
So you could hear what was happening.
Did you have a method of trying to repair a scratched disc?
Ooh, I think they said peanut butter was big.
The oils in peanut butter, I think, would work.
But I think that more came for PS2 games.
Yeah, toothpaste.
Toothpaste, yeah. Really?
Did it work? It did. Crazy.
It would just, like, fill in the... That's what they said. Yeah. I would work? It did crazy. It was just like fill in the that's what they said
I would just clean them off. I was that I didn't put too much effort into it
Yeah, but they're scratch you can't use them or certain songs wouldn't play and yours already had peanut butter on them
and jelly I
Remember I had a I had a CD player like a listen a walking around CD player when the iPhone was out in
Like 2006 I still have that really separated like a walking around CD player when the iPhone was out.
In like 2006 I still had a- Well that really separated your class, like-
An iPod?
I don't know when I got an iPod.
Iver Pad had the first one in,
not the first one I ever saw was 2004, 2005,
we were juniors, seniors in high school.
And we used to, I mean to me that was that might as well been NASA
Authorized we would he would I'd be like let me listen to a song on it and I would like for like two minutes
I'd listen to a song and be like I'm cool
Just listen to my iPod over here, you know, I think in
2007 I asked my I wanted an iPod for Christmas and my brother got me an mp3 player
It was brutal it first of all it was about 40 pounds
You could kill somebody with it, and I think it held like four songs or something like it was brutal
Yeah, I famously said I bought the zoom the one time which was Microsoft's answer answer to the iPhone
Trash the iPod but the price point was so much different
Yeah, I had an iPad nano iPod nano that I got. No kidding that I got as a gift from somebody
It said at some point. They were just they were it's like they were giving them away
well, that's what have they started giving away and all these promotional things and I think my aunt got it in like
Some sort of gift bath something like my aunt got it for free
Some sort of gift bath something like my aunt got it for free
Through work or a contest or something and she gave it to me and I you couldn't but I was already behind It's just the one where it didn't have a screen. No, that's the iPod run or something. It's a Citibank on the back
Free t-shirt. That's what oh, yeah, I was very of that ill State Farm
Yeah, my first iPhone wasn't until
2015 or 14 I think I
Would just get secondhand phone once after the flip I would buy secondhand phones off somebody at the restaurant
Trying to think which I still have a bunch of them
Like in a bag somewhere
Saving them for when the fucking when then when the nukes get dropped, be able to
fucking be able to go analog style.
If you hear this, I am at Aunt Doody's.
I will be here every day from sun up to sun down smoking heaters.
If you turned any of those on and just start blowing up with texts of people you
owed money to 10 years ago, that the service would be out, but that would be
cool.
See who is still still banging out. I didn't know that. Your number's still good?
I always memorize those. Sure. Yeah. The nefarious numbers. And addict will. Yeah, oh, those are memorized. 100%. I don't know. I think, I don't know. The last phone
number I memorized was probably one of my buddies from high school cell phone
That's it like do you know yeah?
I can still rattle off pat delis flips
But that would be sometimes when you're calling from the house like you'd actually have to dial it from the house of the gone
What a call flip cell phone or yeah, if you got into my phone don't call good pizza unless you got cash
And the pizza's not great. Not gonna lie.
This is from your boy Charlie. Have you or someone you've known ever taken the bedsheets and blankets home from a hospital stay?
Oh man, that's...
I took the socks home with me from when I was supposed to get my endoscopy.
That's normal, you take the socks. Everybody growing up there was a pair of hospital socks.
They got a grip on'm on yeah, of course
He's ever gonna fucking if you're taking souvenirs from the saddest moment of your life
Well, I hear a lot of times like I've heard it of
Specifically my family I guess like cousins or whatever of when you go to like have a baby
They charge you for all that stuff in the room so like they would take not the bed sheets
But like oh, there's these type like you know the IV drip got the good stuff doc well like they'll put like
there might be like I'm making this up I don't even know if it is this but in
this world of like there's ten diapers in the room mm-hmm they're like we're
taking them with us cuz they're charging you 15 bucks for the diaper sure for
each diaper or whatever at the fucking markup don't get me started on the
healthcare system yeah so I know people would do that but like they're charging for the diaper sure for each diaper or whatever at the fucking markup don't get me started on the health care system
Yeah
So I know people would do that but like they're charging you for it
That was always the you're paying for it might as well take it
What do you think the rule is on you know they give you the blanket on the airplane if it's a long flight
Uh-huh you take that I never do but you could should you I don't think you should you can
Are they reusing them they're washing them and reseal on them. I don't think you should you can are they reusing them? They're washing them and reseal on them
I don't know. I have a you know, I have a United one at my house. That's pretty cozy
Yeah, I think I think this is what I think I think the ones that are left there they take
Sanitize and then wrap back up in those plastic bags cuz they're putting plastic bags a lot of times when you open them
They're like, oh, this is clean. This is brand
I hate I never know what to do with that place that's's that's already jamming up the works in the pocket.
Jamming up your layout.
You're like, yeah.
Because you ever keep it in there.
It's a slides everywhere.
I hate when you get there and you got to like I like clean running a tight.
You have it's a longer flight.
Five hours or four hours in.
I'm like, whatever. There's trash.
There's a empty water bottle.
You start like empty gummy bears.
But I like start if I have to stay, especially in the takeoff.
Yeah. You got to you got to run a clean. You know you know in case you gotta get out of there. Yeah, I mean
US Marshal style jam you up
All right, let's see here. This one's from Blake $10 home
You never have one read is it garbage to tell your barber to cut your bangs to line up with the mole on your forehead
So he's trying I respect that he's got a mole somewhere in his forehead that he's trying to cover up so he that's smart I don't know what
else to tell you if you got something that's rocking bangs like that though I
don't necessarily know bangs but I mean I don't think he's got the Caesar going
you know what I mean but I know that his arch nemesis is the wind yeah hey buddy
me too yeah I think like you know or like if you got a cloth or if you go like you could you know hide it a little
Bit I'm sure never gonna mold removed. You ever mold taken off
No, I never had any real skin issues and I ward or that I ripped off and then never came back for cosmetic reasons
I mean no no I got this I got like a freckle under my eye
It's a freckle moly type thing, but that's just you rock that
Yeah, a couple of skin tags taking off never had anything
Some self taking off. Yeah, it's fucking gross. Yeah, don't bring that up. I don't know why you continue to
Shove that in a daily conversation with me
I've never once been like oh more about your skin tag sir and you first for the past decade have been trying to cram it into
conversation.
Toe nail clippers.
Ah, god damn.
This one's a relatively pro move in the days of technology here.
This is from JB.
Is it garbage to order an Uber to your buddy's house not to pick up your buddy to but to
pick up his set of darts because you and your other friend were too drunk to drive home and all your darts are broken
I've risked that's smart if you want to play darts in your somewhere and your boys got darts
It's gonna cost you 15 bucks like uber package you ever they do that in New York
I don't they do that in the burbs or another but in New York if you forget your keys I
Can send an uber to my house?
My wife will put the keys in the uber and drive them to me type thing hmm
I mean that is it garbage. I mean to play darts is nuts just to play you got to be really good game
Go really jones in for a dart game
That was that started because someone was talking some shit. Yeah
All my darts are broken, so I don't know what to do. All right, send the uber over to Jimmy's house
darts was big for us for a long time college and after college when I mean it would be a it'd be a
The pregame was a 30 pack of Coors light typically or whatever we get our hands on and
Just probably like five or six games of darts crush those beers between like, you know
Four or five of us and then scary out into the
night and get shot down
Don't pull sighs after that
All right, let's see here. This one's just classic. This is from David. Have you ever said? This is a nice paper plate oh
Yeah for sure
Oh Yeah for sure for a little while. I don't love the nice ones because I don't I
It's too much the nice ones now are too much plate not as much paper plate you feel but then you get that happy medium
It's waxy, but stiff. I I kind of like that but the plastic ones that are disposable now throw them away
If you have to ask you my saving this it's too nice. Are you saving now you throw them away?
If you have to ask am I saving this? It's too nice. Are you saving now? You throw them away
Let's save that. A paper plate should be like you should be standing laughing talking. That's too formal Those went right in the dishwasher. Yeah, that's nuts to me. Yeah, they were there
They were out melted. Couple of parties were happening for that. Put it on cold water. Yeah, right?
Yeah, for a little while we thought we were real fancy. We were banging with the
Yeah, for a little while we thought we were real fancy. We were banging with the
The paper plate holder it was usually wicker. Oh, yeah, we might Denise still has you know I'm talking about you put your paper plate in there wait in there. Yeah, it was it's it was it's like a wicker paper plate
Holder yeah, like each individual paper plate would get put in there. Oh my god. We had that at one point
Yeah, wait, I'm confused so like you would eat out of this wicker thing imagine a perfectly paper plate sized wicker almost like cookie tin
It's like circular with a little wall. So the the paper play just pops right into it
Snap into place and you would each have one of these. Yeah
Then when you were done, you would take your paper plate and you throw it out and you put your wicker basket back
I don't think I ever use these. We have a we have one of those, we have a wicker basket that they all sit in.
No, I'm to these. Yeah, no. Yeah. Yeah, I understand. I'm explaining.
This is a sleeve. I guess this would be the best term for this. It would be a paper plate sleeve.
Yeah, no, they're called wicker. Paper plate holders, 10 inch wicker paper plate holders. Yeah. Yeah, no, I've never used them.
Real classy. No, no, I've never used them. Real classy.
No, no, they are not.
No, you don't think?
No.
Classy.
That is sitting there with an ice thing, a potato salad.
That is what trash people think is a classy maneuver.
Listen, I'm not saying it's not a pro move or whatever.
It ain't classy.
Huh?
Classy?
They were hot back in the day.
You're trying to church up a paper plate.
You couldn't do a lot of people
because you didn't have that many.
You are what you are. You are what you are. You can't.
You're drinking franzie out of a wine glass. You're still drinking franzie.
Yeah. No, I mean, just, just accept who you are. You're eating off a paper plate.
It is what it, which I love. Some of my best meals have been off paper plates.
Oh man. I want to switch to them. And I tried recently.
In the house. And she don't, she don't, the, you're the,
the European, bro bro don't go
you can't be doing that why it's so much better I always use and doing it for
about a year bro I mean you're living on your own that makes sense I what's the
problem I do multiple I think you have four or five together get a nice sturdy
plate but if I'm cut steak on that thing if I'm just making like you know say a
frozen pizza or something ain't gotta be got to be just throw a slice in the thing, go watch TV.
Sure. How do you handle a frozen?
Sorry. One second.
Mute is Marty. How do you how do you handle a frozen pizza
that doesn't come with the cardboard underneath to use to pull it out?
Sucks. I hate it. If pull it out where?
So it doesn't come with the cardboard circle the for the bait for the tray
Just the box. It's just the box pizza in a bag what I will use the cardboard circle after it's cooked
Oh, yeah, yeah put it on and cut it on you do 100%
I believe because you guys raw dog them you don't put them on a cookie sheet, right?
No, that would be insane to do their bottoms not gonna be crispy. Yeah, I put it no I have to I'm
Told I have to put it no you put
it on the tin foil you put it on the you put it right on the tray you take it
off the cardboard thing you put it in there and then you when you slide it out
onto the cardboard circle you put it down and that's what you cut on oh really
I will use the box if I have to use the box now here's the million dollar
question with the box do you disassemble the box so you can flip it inside out
and make a little tray or are you raw dogging it
right on the outside?
It was in the freezer.
That stuff's all killed.
I'm raw dogging it on the box.
I knew it, I knew it.
Yeah, I mean.
That stuff's all inside out.
No, but it's also like.
You see enough paper plates.
From a standpoint of like the heat onto that paint,
like in the ink in that box,
like that's probably not the best.
Ah, get out of here. I'm, like that's probably not the best.
Get out of here.
I'm just saying it's probably not the best.
That's the flavor.
So I'll do that though.
Talking about.
Or if there is a, we do have a cooking sheet that,
cause the Kali powers, who I wanted,
which I was a big fan of for a long time,
still am if the money's right, I need them.
I will, they used to come with the cardboard then stopped
So I had to I will use a cookie sheet
But I don't like that cuz I don't like doing a cookie sheet cuz then the fucking cookie sheet don't fit in there
I gotta watch a cookie sheet. Yeah cook all washing a cookie sheet sucks. Thanks never gets dry
Suds on the bottom and she end up those things get so gross so quick. I know can't stand the cookie sheet. Mm-hmm
All right, let's see here. We got time for one more
This one's from Hansi scheme pretty good $10 Chicago homie
Everywhere tear away pants with no intention of doing anything athletic. I think most people that are wearing them aren't doing anything athletic. I
Don't think I've ever wore. Oh, I will My brother had a pair that I adopted for a little bit,
but I didn't have breakaway pants.
We had them for wrestling.
That makes sense.
Our wrestling, like our uniform was part of it was that.
Of course.
We danced on the weekends.
Sitting on a couch like you're checking into a game,
you just rip them off and sit down immediately.
Just to furiously masturbate. We gotta wrap it up gang. Gang what a fun episode boys. What a fun one. Cib
congratulations on the special. Thank you. Check it out. Tomorrow night if you're listening
to this the night it comes out Tuesday or I'm sorry Thursday March 14th my half-hour
comedy special will be will be on the RU you garbage page check it out share with a friend be in the we're gonna
Do the live from here be in the chat the whole nine yards. We appreciate it the support you showed Foley was great
Looking forward to this one as well. So thank you very much. We love you grab a ticket to the live show gang
Yeah live show. I'm see ya first run is Charlotte Nashville, Atlanta and Tampa get those tickets. We appreciate all the support
You're the fucking best. Thank you. See you next week. Peace