Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast - AYG Christmas Extravaganza!

Episode Date: December 21, 2023

Are You Garbage is back with Kippy and Foley for the AYG Christmas Extravaganza! We cannot thank the Homies & Bozo's enough for this year. We hope you enjoy the episode, its a fun one! Thanks for watc...hing AYG Comedy Podcast. Love youse guys. NYC TOWNHALL Live Show: https://areyougarbage.com/pages/live-shows NEW AYG Card Game: https://areyougarbage.com/products/are-you-garbage-card-game Follow Kevin: https://www.instagram.com/kevinryancomedy/ Follow Foley: https://www.instagram.com/hfoleycomedy/ Live Shows: https://areyougarbage.com/ PATREON: https://www.patreon.com/AreYouGarbage MERCH: https://areyougarbage.com/ Fum: https://www.tryfum.com/garbage Promo Code: garbage Adam & Eve: https://www.adamandeve.com/ Promo Code: Garbage Box of Awesome: https://www.BoxOfAwesome.com Promo Code: GARBAGE CoPilot: https://mycopilot.com/garbage Comedians H. Foley and Kevin Ryan are self proclaimed GARBAGE. Each week a new stand up comedian gets put to the test. Steal shampoo from hotels? Own a George Foreman Grill? Ever worn JNCO Jeans?

Transcript
Discussion (0)
Starting point is 00:00:00 Hey gang, the new AYG Car Game is available at rUgarbage.com right now. Do you want to get your love one, the perfect gift this year that might not arrive by Christmas? Because we can guarantee that these probably definitely won't show up on time. We got 50 new questions to prove whether your family or friends are absolute trash. Pick them up at rUgarbage.com. Woo! Do it! Welcome to another exciting edition of
Starting point is 00:00:25 Are You Gobbage? The show where you find out if your favorite comedians are classy individuals or absolute trash. Now here are your hosts, Kevin Ryan and H Foley. Hey everybody out there and welcome back to everybody's favorite new podcast. This is are you garbage Christmas spectacular I'm your host H. Foley coming at you on a beautiful cheery seasonal day out back here at Toddy's in the new edition
Starting point is 00:00:59 She went to bed early. Uh-huh if you know what I mean. I'm not sure I do. She's hammered drunk. Shout out to it. Somebody decided to put any in the eggnog. I don't know why you'll choice. Why you'll choice. We have eggnog here and someone made it with anisee. It's crazy. My co-host is coming at you from across the table. Merry Christmas, my friend. Merry Christmas, daddy. I say there's not a real Santa Claus, but I tell you what, I'm sitting next to them right now, baby. Give it up for KJ Kevin James Ryan. What up, gang. Thanks for tuning in. First off, happy holidays, baby. We love you. Shout out to the mother fucking army of garbage. I hope you're all somewhere half a six pack deep. You got your heaters. You're fighting
Starting point is 00:01:42 with your mom. Whatever it is, we fucking love you. Shout out to you. Make sure you rate, review, subscribe, and I tune in full video available. New two, imagine all those numbers are shroo-ro-ro-ro cooking. Okay. Then obviously the greatest website of all time, www.patrion.com. It's a goddamn Christmas miracle over there if you catch my drift. And also, we love you.
Starting point is 00:02:02 And also www.rugugarbys.com. You get your tickets to our gosh, darn biggest show of our career town hall. New York City is about 1500 people get them. Take it. Come out and see us and also you can pick up the second edition of the RU garbage card game. You ain't lying.
Starting point is 00:02:19 While supplies last. Yes. Pick them up, scoop them up. I just want to reiterate what Kippy said. Gang, we can't thank you enough for everything this year We love you so much. We're hoping you're having a fantastic holiday and also have a nice quick shout out to our producer Extraordinaire the magic band makes us all look good the elf on the shelf For T-bone McScruff and Toby McMullen everybody what up up boys what up T-bone. Oh, I'm having a great day
Starting point is 00:02:45 We're in here. It's Christmas time. I've been snooping doing a little peek at trying to figure out what's what oh I've got my razor blade out resealing the pre-sealing the presse is I'm up to my old tricks I'm gonna be back at the workshop there big guy Can't tell if you're rapping presents are making cookies I got that egg noggin me, but watch out. They're right now. This isn't gonna go off the real quick. Oh, big talk's got nog on the brain. I like an egg nog.
Starting point is 00:03:13 I'm not saying that. It's just egg beaters and honey. It's not even actually eggnog. I don't know if I've ever had it as he before. It's just got damn delicious. Okay. I mean, this is... Finally, Noah Nas was talking about.
Starting point is 00:03:28 Bucket fit. That's thick. Boy, he's Merry Christmas. It is. It's the fucking holiday season, baby. Holiday season. I don't wanna start this off on a negative note. Every time you say that, we end up getting in a fight with somebody.
Starting point is 00:03:44 Don't do what? Don't, okay, what is it? I'm, it, it was a real pain in the ass. What? Everything. Nothing works anymore. Uh-huh. The deliveries, the this, the that, fucking...
Starting point is 00:03:56 He's got two things. He was mad at the weather earlier. He's like, nothing works no more. He was like, I got ranch reigning. That's a hard feeling, say, you got the goddamn holiday. I know., I got rage raining. That's a hard feeling. Say, you got the goddamn holiday. I know. I know.
Starting point is 00:04:08 I know. Not you're fucking scruzzy. My crickets. Ebony's your screwed gripes over here. Hey, man, it's not the holidays without a fully ruined in the vibes. That's very true. I'm over here. We're talking joy and cheer and sharing, sharing love with people.
Starting point is 00:04:22 And you're upset about the rain. Man, if the Follies not how to do one thing, it's ruined every event you've ever gone to. It's ruined Christmas. You're, well, yeah, ruined Christmas. And then an hour later, where, you know, I love you, you make hugs and kisses. Sure.
Starting point is 00:04:36 Make with the presents, tuts, you know what I'm saying? You gotta play ball. You were shaking some hands and kissing some babies this holiday season. I was in the flesh with some holiday festivities. Sure was. I went to I have my family's Christmas party, uh, which we have to run a whole out a Polish hall. It's going to say how was the firehouse this time of year?
Starting point is 00:04:55 It's a Polish catering hall in Bridesburg, Philadelphia. Oh, I can smell that place underneath the paint factory. Smells like onions. I got the open bar package. You got the changing dishes a lot of the hundred of us. So Great awesome. What are you throwing down? What's in the chafing dishes? This one I wanted to bring up it was weird was good, but it was turt like turkey and gravy Which was a little strange I feel for Christmas. It was penny penny pasta Turkey I feel for Christmas. It was Pena. Pena pasta turkey.
Starting point is 00:05:25 Wait, hold on. Pena and Red Sauce. Pena and Red Sauce. Damn, man, the Irish are trash. It was Pena. They put fucking aside a pasta with anything. And, buddy, it's so good when those big catering halls make it. It's so good. It's so good. It was Pena. It was...
Starting point is 00:05:42 It's always burnt ones. It's never spaghetti. It's always penny or rig it Tony I'm spaghetti. I'm not an asshole. I make a couple of bucks. We're getting a penny You know what I mean? That's rich guys. That's rich guy pasta the Irish like a penny with a real hard in oh Yeah, slapped onto the side of a plate. There could be a piece of meatloaf on there. They don't give it shit Yeah, dude. I was eating penny and turkey and gravy and stuff. It's crazy. It was nuts.
Starting point is 00:06:07 It's crazy. It was nuts. It was great though. The turkey, it ended up being great. It all works. Man, the rolls they had at the end of the day. The rolls they had at the end of the day. They're like a salad bowl. Yeah, they're unbelievable.
Starting point is 00:06:21 They have like a sheen on them, like a shine. It was great. It was great. Shout out great shot out to the you know The road mediocre fucking catering all food. Kippy was me deep in a salad with the with the cereal bowl full of ranch right there Yeah, let's go. So we black olives and croutons. We did that's it. That's a salad right there Black olives and croutons. That's what we did. That's a salad right there. Get you in a hologate,
Starting point is 00:06:46 getting a given mood right there. I don't like seeing a salad, like buffet off of salad bar with just hard boiled eggs and a mountain of cheese. Some real wet ham cubes. Oh, those cubes are the grossest thing I've ever seen. I like them. They look like gold food.
Starting point is 00:07:03 I can't do it. I can't do it. Like lucky charms of marshmallows. Love it. I can't do it. I was in like lucky charms of marshmallows. I love it. I can't. Just the sodium sweat that of it nitrates. Um, so I had, I had, uh, right, so that was early, er, that was like five denying the family Christmas party. Right.
Starting point is 00:07:18 Right. Right. And that used to be a big thing we'd all go out afterwards. Like all the, you know, all the cousins, everybody in their like 20s and 30s and stuff. Sure. Well, I'll go up and out's old there, everybody's got kids, so it's like that round, that round down. You don't want to do nothing?
Starting point is 00:07:29 I know, but then so I'm in the city. I'm with it, I'm about that. Yeah. I want to go to bed at nine. I get it, I'm right there with you, bud, but I had a couple in me. I had a hotel in Philadelphia for the night, and my buddy, one of my filly friends, was having a holiday party with like, you know, a nice
Starting point is 00:07:49 Classy Suarez in South Philadelphia at his at his house in South Philadelphia. Okay. We had a keg of Pilsner That pussy like shit. Yeah, I can't tell if you're if you're been in this or not. No, it was not In South Philadelphia, you usually don't walk on the same street. I, or a Italian. Okay. So it's, you know, it's, it's, it's polished a little bit. All right. I mean, they don't have fucking, you're still in a row home. Yeah, that doesn't mean they can't be classy. I'm not saying it can.
Starting point is 00:08:14 I was just trying to bring a picture. That's what you insinuated. You know, that was the only thing you said to the credit, to discredit the nice party. Does it have those narrow stairs that go straight up? You feel like you're an Edgar Allan Post house? I don't think so. It was a normal, uh, what was the valet situation?
Starting point is 00:08:31 Or they just stealing cars. They stole my car. It was a guy in a red t-shirt. He seemed like a straight shooter. Somebody brought a catalytic converter to the white elephant. No, I'm not classy, but it was like a ugly sweater.
Starting point is 00:08:44 It wasn't like, it wasn't a can. It was, you know, he has like a wine. Do I notice, gentlemen? Yeah. Okay. And big game. Oh, okay. Yeah, yeah.
Starting point is 00:08:54 So it's a redo. Nice house redo, ain't those things. Yeah, nice, the whole thing. I got that. It makes good cash throwing it around. Good cash. Maybe, you know, he's got about fucking, I don't know, 120 bottles of wine and a thing.
Starting point is 00:09:07 He's like, these are there. He's like, oh, you know, very, you know, trashy. I was trying to get a picture. It wasn't classy, but, you know, nicer. So I get there and I only know him, my boy, Pat's there, because it's like one removed. It's not my immediate crew. I'm boys with him and it's his crew, right? So I'm the outsider. I come a little later to everybody's already there any bozos any homies
Starting point is 00:09:30 One guy no one guy knew the show He's like you do that show with that fat ass You're probably walking it with a scarf and sunglasses Come in reek in a heaters. I'm a heavy bike heater. Seaters at Ben Penner, dude. Well, I hadn't eaten in a long time, right? I ate early, I ate about five. It's now about 10.30. I got, I don't know, 20 beers in me.
Starting point is 00:09:54 It's the holiday season, man. So I go to- Those Christmas burps must have been rocking. So, now I'm kinda hungry, right? And I get there, they have a decent spread, they're Italian, so they gotta like, you know, to pursue the proshoot and whatever but that's all been kind of mode over I saw I saw the remnants of a chik-fil-a nugget platter Man I have wanted my immediate future there was three left, not I'm saying. He's a bit ants-like.
Starting point is 00:10:26 You know, oh, this bottle of wine is whatever, and I'm just side-eye in that tray and nothing. And then there was a soft pretzel tray, like the pretzel nugget tray, the filly-salt pretzel nugget tray, which we've been well documented, how much I like them. That was at the other table, and this is dude. Obviously, I'm not trying to, I'm a married man. There was a gaggle
Starting point is 00:10:46 of hot broods at the at the place that were all they were they were all at the counter not eating but just like that with so they were blocking the food man and I was dude. I was trying to give you the freedom to just be like, hey, when they took skin out of my face. Now there was still some fat kid shame, dude. They were too hot and I there was no way into that pretzel trying Trying to run the pretzel golf I felt like a linebacker trying to break that line dude. You broads live here I was like making I was like bad like throwing cans of beer down the stairs that cause a distraction. To grab it your boys, you know, toast push me through these things.
Starting point is 00:11:27 Yeah. Quick, someone fall down the stairs and I'm gonna handful of pretzels. Paying guy 10 bucks a thing of heart attack. And I could, I would go over and get one and stuff like that. Like as I was going to get a beer or whatever, I was going to get one, but that's not. It's, I'm done. At that point, it's not a nut. That's not, you need, I need it, I want to sit there any 25 of them.
Starting point is 00:11:47 I'm done doing that in this year at the two holiday things that I get to go to and I'm lucky enough to go to with my family. I'm not fucking around. What do you mean? You didn't say not to what? I'm not picking. I'm getting a fucking play to them of the chicken. Yeah, that's different to your family.
Starting point is 00:12:04 You can do whatever the, obviously we can do whatever the fuck we want in our family. A dime piece. Not a, a couple of fucking South Philly sevens walking around. I got fucking notchio cheese on my, hell you. Yeah, he did. No, cool. He's moving here.
Starting point is 00:12:18 I'm like, hi, came in. They were like, I tried talking to one kid for a second. That is. I'm like, what dips did they have? Did he have the cinnamon one? I didn't see the cine. I did see the cheese couldn't get my hands on, dude. At one time I was, I did just grab a handful.
Starting point is 00:12:35 I called eyes with one bra. I was like, what do you do? We talked about this when we did Timmy D show, the Tim Dylan show. We can't stress this enough. If you have access to a Chick-fil-A nugget tray and a soft pretzel nugget tray, they have to be a part of your holiday experience.
Starting point is 00:12:55 They are lights out. Also, if you do it unannounced, if like everybody's at that house and you walk in with a Chick-fil-A nugget tray, like hiring a stripper. You're like fucking Santa Claus, dude. That's amazing man Because you don't think about it until it's there. Oh, you're like I'll do one dude. They're so fucking yourself a favorite game
Starting point is 00:13:11 It was great. It was a fucking it was good a lot of holiday cheer I hadn't done a friends one in a long time You know what I mean? It was a good hang got the not the family. It was great. They were all the same day I was just like Johnny holiday party. I got no holiday cheer. I don't know what it is. Because you're a cramudge. Yeah. Um, also felt good.
Starting point is 00:13:29 Yeah, you're right. Zero push, man. Yeah. Just a man accepting his fate. Well, so far, he's complained about stairs and the rain. So it's like there's not a lot to, he doesn't have a big defense. He can find my holiday cheer. I'm excited to go to think it's at the bottom of that
Starting point is 00:13:48 fucking egg now. Ryan Diesel straight me up. I'm excited to go to Midnight Mass on Christmas Eve. I feel like that's where I'm going to find my. Could be. Yeah. You get the smell of the fucking all the, you know, the mirror or whatever they're burning. I'm in a micro dose before I go. There you go. Yeah, so I can really get into it all boomers with you. I want to see Jesus Front row Metallica, you know what I you know Where in a tuxedo t-shirt Trippin balls. I'm in the community line and I'm trippin balls I'm tripping balls. I'm in the community line and I'm tripping balls.
Starting point is 00:14:25 Yeah, they do it nice at this church we go to. It's not our church either. We go to another church. Yeah, that was big on Christmas. We always went to another church. We go to the Italian church. We used to go to the German church down there, Port Richmond.
Starting point is 00:14:36 The Italian is a little tighter in the community over there. I just I just I buttoned my shirt a couple of things. I don't know. You know, idiots. You know what did get me in the holiday cheer a little bit that could help have you tipped Have you tipped the guys yet? I wanted to talk to you about that. I tipped my garage guys yesterday Man and I handed them also this I'll trash am I didn't do the card. I just did Nah, I didn't want to an envelope. They don't want the card put a C note in each one for the boys
Starting point is 00:15:03 I said I just wrote their envelope. They don't want the card. Put a C note in each one for the boys. I just wrote their last names on it. It's like, in man, I handed it to him ago. That's, you know, I go, that's for all of you. They all had one individually. He turned around. Thank you. He went in and opened it, which I respect. He popped it.
Starting point is 00:15:17 I loved that. I popped it a little hot, opened it. That's why I always like to hang out with the server. So what I was fucking, you know, I was throwing some heat around Came out. Thank you. I'm again in the compound. Thank you so much. Thank you I went. Oh, yeah, like that is that's the holiday season That's what I got to go I turned around looked at his boys and said I gave us ten bucks
Starting point is 00:15:37 I'm telling you it helps, it helps. So I do have just one soup, I don't have a team. Really good to us. What are you thinking? I don't know, you said you whack him off a little bit already. I whack him off all the time for that you do, scumbag. For anything he does, 20 here, 40 here, 50 here, Hundo here, whatever. Hondo here whatever
Starting point is 00:16:11 I'm thinking for four. That's the number. Yeah, four is the number. Yep. Yeah, four is the number I'm giving my super strong handshake and a look in the eye. Thank you. Don't do it, dude No, I'm gonna look up of course. Yeah, you got to even if they suck you got to cuz they can make it yeah Make it worse. Mm-hmm. Make it worse. I'm telling you it ain't great. Yeah, you have grease There you go. All right. I'm telling you it really helped I pulled out headed into headed into those fucking parties just fucking tip-tam I stopped to get you stopped to get your present as well and on the way out They were like they were like hey, do you want a tip? We're trying to you know get money whatever for this thing Who wasn't St. Jude's I always do St. Who was it? St. Jude's. I always do St. Jude's.
Starting point is 00:16:46 It was St. Jude's or something. It was child. Danny Thomas's outfit. It was for a child. And it was like, you can do one, five or ten. I said, I'll do ten. And she was like, oh my God, that is so kind to you. I said, I would have done five if I knew I got to go away with it. The broad time we're going to have no recession. I'm on a podcast. What are you time we're going to have no recession. I'm on a podcast.
Starting point is 00:17:06 What are you talking about? You flicker at time. Keep it sweet art. I take that back. I had a slight touch of the holiday cheer yesterday picking up your gift. How about that? Because I really think I nailed it this year.
Starting point is 00:17:21 Okay. I really, really do. Awesome. Well, the all the years that, you know, the last couple of years, couple of mid steps. Well, the Vegas odds are plus 2500 on your bowl. Really, they are. They are.
Starting point is 00:17:34 Kept it talking about fumes. Shout out to fume, OG fume. Gang coping with life by using a habit is great as long as the habit is a good one. Obviously, fume gives that nasty hand to mouth, the habit is serious upgrade by taking away the stinky, the bad and the dangerous parts. You know, there's a lot of, but it lets you keep
Starting point is 00:17:55 the habit itself. That's right. Yeah. Let you keep the habit itself. Fume is an innovative, a warm winning device. Instead of vapor, fume uses flavored air. Instead of electronics, fume is completely natural instead of harmful chemicals.
Starting point is 00:18:07 Fume uses delicious flavors. Yeah, you get the point. It's an all around way better choice for dealing with the stresses of life. They've sent them to us. They're fantastic. It takes the edge off and clears your head a little bit. It's easy peasy.
Starting point is 00:18:18 They even have a brand new device for you to try. The fume Solano. It takes the original and levels it up with a premium walnut barrel and a smooth coating on the Onyx Black mouthpiece. Start the holidays off right with good habit by going to try fume.com slash garbage and getting the journey pack today. Fume is giving listeners of RU garbage 10% off when you use the code garbage to help make starting the good habit that much easier one more time Fumes giving a YG listeners 10% off when they use the code garbage to help make starting the good habit that much easier
Starting point is 00:18:53 Do it can't be I got two words for you Adam and Eve I got two more botplug. Let's go Talking stocking stuffers Let's go. Talkin' stocking stuffers like gentlemen. Gang, you know we love Adam and you were over here. You know we love gettin' weird. What a better time to do it in the holiday season. To drop some hints, to spice it up a little bit. Whether you're with your significant other or shit,
Starting point is 00:19:17 whether you're by yourself, even more of a reason to reach out. Yeah. Have a goddamn happy holiday. Listen, it gets dark early and cold. Well, you're not outside. You're inside. Spice it up a notch. Uh, if you're looking to keep under them, cubbies, if you're looking to keep that naughty status just between you and Santa Claus. Don't pad, don't paddock. Adam and Eve has totally discreet shopping. They got it all.
Starting point is 00:19:38 The whips, the chains, the butt plugs, the fleshlight to deal those. Man, gotta love some Adam and Eve copy. That's got Adam and Eve has been making people feel good. Oh, feel a real freaky naughty. For over 50 years, so you know you can trust them. Don't wait, better sex is just to click away. Take 50% off one item and free shipping with free rush processing. So if you got that hard on, it's gonna get there soon.
Starting point is 00:20:00 There you go. Just go to AdamandEave.com select any one item. Use the code garbage. I check out this is an exclusive offer for our listeners. Be sure to use code garbage to get your discount 100% free shipping and rush processing. That's Adam and Eve.com promo code garbage. Adam and Eve.com code garbage. Do it. Do it. Let's do some fucking Presses. Let's get into one. We'll be around the boys. It's fucking Christmas morning. Luke's over there and and his goddamn pajamas. Yeah, so let's dig in through digging through the French toast sticks Let's start with the youngest let's go
Starting point is 00:20:27 There he is, but you can grab the chair come on to the middle skippy magoo your phone there big fellow This is my cot. Yes, sir. Why you had that ready, huh? You got a production team over here sit your skinny ass down Get in there. All right. Gang, if you don't know, most of you do. New guy Luke. New guy Luke. Luke, he put the key. I ain't got a look.
Starting point is 00:20:51 Luke, he put the key. He's on air talent around here. Should be sitting on my lap. I don't hate that. It over here, you little squeezing it. I got that heavy in me. Do you have, do you have his present? I was supposed to bring it.
Starting point is 00:21:09 Of course I got his present. So you got a present from, uh, from me and Uncle Kippy. All right. We got one deposit in your bank account for me and honest. I do it. The boys were taking care of. A little jelly in a month's long. We're getting to my drip.
Starting point is 00:21:24 I'm talking about butter in a month jelly a month long to catch my dream. Talk about butter in a month. A little bit of ghee. What do we got here? Wow. Slightly ripped. It looks like it was in the mud, dude. It was fucking raining outside.
Starting point is 00:21:40 How did you do with those presents, man? The broad wrapped that up. That looks like a good wrap job. That's been you stepped on it. Yeah, nice wrap job. Yeah, here. It looks like roller blades. Gotta go that way. I would go that way.
Starting point is 00:21:54 Actually, I would go that way. Yeah, this is, uh, this is from Uncle Kippie and me. Wow. All right. Okay, thank you guys. I think you're going to enjoy it. Do you guys. I think you're gonna enjoy it. You have any idea? No Hit on it. How you doing?
Starting point is 00:22:15 PS5 for the Big GIF right off the jump. That's how we do it at the foldy I ain't waiting and looking behind no goddamn couch Are you go get joy something? Yeah, and I got a little something for you, too Thank you guys you're welcome, buddy I know you said you wanted to get back into your video games Thank you, and it has the dischanger so you can use the You can use the, the, the, the, shit.
Starting point is 00:22:43 Right. That's right. So you can use the, your old game. You can watch your movies on there too, I hear. Yeah, the blue race. Yeah, you can spank it. Watch your videos. Thank you very much guys.
Starting point is 00:22:54 You're welcome. I do rat my presence for me, so that might be for Kippie. I'm for your team. Mingers crossed the Kippie one. Yeah. Oh, shit. Halt on my accessory. Yeah, the boys are buzzing now. Yeah Shit accessory. Yeah, the boys are buzzing now. Thank you
Starting point is 00:23:09 Tell me that paddles on the back so you can really school these my god Toby you had no idea how much restraint it took me not to screw you over By the PS5 because he's like he's like you're definitely getting the PS5 right? I'm like we're definitely getting he's like I'm gonna get him a remote control and man I Went back to real that's you should have done that Dude why did you not run that by me? I would have I wouldn't fucking go sign that All right, you guys Christmas kid you guys want your gifts now? Yeah, you give us Merry Merry Christmas. All right. I'll do a to be first All right sick. Yeah, I'm down. All right
Starting point is 00:23:51 This is great. This is the holiday cheer new this guy's not only our talent. He's a bunch of electronics from Japan That's that's American Christmas, baby. So what's the What's a batteries not included? That's the amazing thing. All right. How many are in here, Toby? What one? It's one, but it's bad ass. It's like out remap of people with buttons. You can really, I'm not gonna expose myself
Starting point is 00:24:11 to how big an herd I am, but if you play Call of Duty, that's what you want. So he's got one good, he's got one remote and then, and then one in the box. Yeah. You might wanna do this one over there, but I know, you know, Toby's restarting his life, getting things together, getting the home in order. Oops. life, get things together, get in the home in order.
Starting point is 00:24:25 Who said? Oh, man. It's a, it's a month in rehab, it sounds like. Who said he was re-stored? He's still like. Get in his life in order. We got you two tickets to Sloan Kettering Live. It's either that or Tupperware.
Starting point is 00:24:40 Oh, shit. I need Shakur, Rapon, and Ben. Ben, Ben, Ben. There you go. There you go. I tell you what, they're good. Oh shit, I You should curry pots and bass I tell you what they're good. We use yours every every day at the house. That's all right. Yeah, I can't be loves the one I got for him too. It's the full kit damn. This is everything. Thank you, bro. This is sick. Thank you All the crack you want Chef chef boy Artobi out there. Oh man. I'm really gonna look at these pots while I'm open a new breed What do you got kiddo all right? We'll do you uncle hang first, okay buddy. Oh, man. This is really bringing me joy I love you guys love you guys though
Starting point is 00:25:18 Here we go Oh Shit that's all right gives you something to do. It's me something to do. I can do it with my nephew So for the folks out there to don't know I'm a pretty big Star Wars nerd and this is my favorite ship. It's the L A A T True Transversion Virgin a Lantern, and you know I like my Legos. Thank you buddy. That's very sweet love you man Did you know that was his favorite? Yeah, I had run it by him kind of yeah, that's awesome Got the guys to play with got every got some moving doors and stuff. Yeah, that's pretty sweet look at that right there Legos nice. Thanks buddy. I love it now the holidays would not be the holidays well a little bit of a
Starting point is 00:26:08 Curfuffle, okay, so for Kippie's present I am Drawing my line in the sand of the war. I don't know what does that mean. I will fight you Luke Drawing your line in the sand of the war Drawing your line in the sand of the war This makes me real nervous dude and I've been working way too hard and I'm way too tired for this You wrap the bag wrap the bag make it look a little bigger all right all right I'll give it to you black teeth black for the guy black teeth for the what the For the one and only heir of the Black team. What kingdom?
Starting point is 00:26:51 Man happy that you're up. Buddy, thank you very much. Very powerful. And we need a troops along the border. Thank you very much. Those winners are tough in Black TV. Buddy, thank you so much. Love you guys.
Starting point is 00:27:03 Good shit, love you, buddy. Thank you very much. Happy holidays. Love you guys. Go up to your room and play your PlayStation. If you want to have a couple of your buddies come over you can, but they got to be out of here by eight. The rest of the family is going to be here. And if you're drinking no drive, and don't wake up your aunt, Tudy up there, all right? And pick up these, the wrapping paper before you go up there, all right?
Starting point is 00:27:22 Make sure you salt the walk away. So T-bones next. So you got to have just give T-bone, what one's T-bones? That little, the little one on top. Luke, you grab that little one on top. Give it to T-bone, that's from me and the big dog. That's from me and, that's from me.
Starting point is 00:27:38 That's from mom and dad. Yeah. Ooh, okay. All right, a little joint present, huh? We did joint presents this year. Smart. Yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah, I'm gonna, all right a little joint present. We did join presence here smart. Yeah We're also increases the money spent which opened up to better, you know what I mean? Of course you just open it up. It's not a pair of loafers. Okay, Jesus Lord. All right. Here we go. Oh
Starting point is 00:27:59 Shit be our headset. Yeah, that's the three, dude. That's the new one. Oh, just drop just all commercial for that yesterday actually I'm gonna put it on my cat freaking out I'm gonna jump off a bridge. Oh man the boobs. I'm gonna look at it this the Do a lot with it. Yeah, this is sick. Thank you guys so much. You're welcome, buddy Okay, oh Merry Christmas. This is what I need to be more of a dork. Okay. Can I fill my eggnog? Sure, bud. I figured, I know it's not, it's definitely not your soup,
Starting point is 00:28:31 but it's like you are a tech guy. Oh, yes. It's, you know, this whole show could be VR in two years. Who knows? I thought about it. We gotta get you figured it out. You can't get off my, just me then. I know.
Starting point is 00:28:43 I was just real, I went to make it. These guys over back at the floor I mean uncle Hank is really be it he's really in his element you've had for it happen you've had four dozen eggs so far it's true we suck down a whole carton it's Christmas protein heavy diet this guy all right
Starting point is 00:28:59 let me I'm gonna grab my stuff okay that was nice good job yeah he getting after it, huh? Oh, nip. I'm not wrong enough sure cheers to you and yours folks Thank you, buddy. That's okay. Yeah, that's for us for Uncle Hank there It's a pull kill. Oh that any Got me a bottle of this this guy really gets gif blindness when the booze is out Open the gif what in your store still in the 20 right take it easy Do you have any clue what it is no this is from you Toby it is and I think Ryan D
Starting point is 00:29:35 Ryan D wrapped on my presents for me. I think it's a box within a box. That's my bad. It's okay, buddy. Thank you, and this is mine That's mine as well double double box he gets to yours is bigger. This is a combo. This is heavy too God dammit God damn it At the read of your address Please don't oh yeah Luke please be very mindful of that. We'll be right back after this helix ad ladies gentlemen. Yeah I don't need it now I think there should have had it 10 minutes ago. I blame diesel. Oh great, another box. How do you get this Russia?
Starting point is 00:30:28 What is it a sniper rifle? Holy shit, you got me a fucking lightsaber. Let's fucking go. Come on! Come on! Come on, the thing is... Hey, easy with that. Come on, dog thing is easy with that
Starting point is 00:30:53 Come on dog damn dude, it's thing sick yeah, bro, and you can up shows over get everybody and you can change the color on it So it's blue when you're in a good mood and then it's red when you go sit mode I'm clipping this thing on my fucking bell Yeah Pibo Yeah Come on People yeah, I'm a star wars stop. Thanks boys. That looks official Man my cat does have very dark side tendencies. It needs to be total That's fucking sick. Yeah, it makes all the sound of the stuff it's tight. Oh, I'm rolling around with this Yeah, fuck yeah, I might take the thing off and just keep it attached to my belt to whatever you want
Starting point is 00:31:28 Bro, shit pops off. You know what I mean? Sure just my honey and my lights say that's what you need drinking Great job. Great job. All right. Great job, T-bone. I love you. Thank you. Well, what do I open first this one? Yes, it's a combo All right, all right Com combos. All right, so huh All right Box was already open I had to make sure it was the right thing gotcha so first up This is it this is all stuff inspired by your your new foray into any town USA. Okay. All right. So up first. Up first we got. Okay. For the for the booze bag in your life. Sure. I respect it. For the booze bag.
Starting point is 00:32:21 This is the one drinking any and eggs right now. I think it slides out maybe. Any and eggs is all right. I don't think it does. Do you have that knife, will we? Where's the throat slitter, Luke? He's putting my weapon together. Oh, wait. I got it.
Starting point is 00:32:38 She could pop off at any time. Yeah, thank you, Lukey. So a couple of nice, very nice. Crystal's are nice. Very nice. A little holiday booze for you, huh? That's nice. Love that. Gonna Chris and these.
Starting point is 00:32:58 Christmas Eve. We have a, I always drink whiskey with the boys. I know you said that in the car and I was like, nailed it. Oh, that was pre You already had it. Yeah, yeah, yeah, okay, and this go this goes with those glasses Now you might be thinking to yourself. What's that an expensive bottle of whiskey? You'd be wrong Thank you, Jai's
Starting point is 00:33:20 Tessa, honey Oh, that's sick Kasehani. Oh, that's sick. Love that, dude. So it's the thing that shoots the ball for the doll. It's an automatic ball tosser, so you can sit on your back porch while Hansi plays with himself. And I can get it.
Starting point is 00:33:37 Yep. That's a good gift. Come on. He got it for you to throw the ball to me. He's got to get his steps in in that's awesome. That's nice. So much 40 feet. Now by the way, I saw a video of that backyard. Not too shabby.
Starting point is 00:33:52 My backyard. Yeah. I'm just seeing a video of that. The bird showed me. I guess they stay with you. They're talking real nice. You got real nice spot. Real nice piece of property.
Starting point is 00:34:04 Very much. T-bone. That's fucking awesome. Great job, T-bone real nice piece of property. Very much. T-bone. That's fucking awesome. Great job, T-bone. Home run, baby. Thank you. All right, I'll go. I'll give Foley's next, right? We're clear of... I'm all... I'm so just mean you. Me and you.
Starting point is 00:34:14 I mean, we are on the precipice of the very first legitimate exchange. Sure. No one's blown it so far. There's a handful of things, exchange. Sure. No one's blowing it so far. Yeah. There's a handful of things in here. Okay. I would class you with the painter's date. I eat that. So there's a few practical things and one,
Starting point is 00:34:39 you know, whatever thing. One thing I think you know, with an idea behind it. Is that cloak to go with my lightsaber. It's not now. I feel like it. That's the only one that didn't get you fucking That's nice. All right, so what yeah, you said what I Know what I said. I'm a good liar a nice. I got him a polo hoodie the XL went in areas today They sell forxL perfect. You know why? She walked in and she goes, who you shop before? Thank God, I still got a couple pounds to play with.
Starting point is 00:35:12 She's, I said, whoo, whoo, whoo. You were over at my store? At the XL. That one, I went to the one in Cherry Hill. Oh, I go. Is Regina's store? She still got that tight little ease on it. I go.
Starting point is 00:35:26 She goes, who you shop before? Said a buddy of mine. She goes, you know what size he is? I go, I think of 4x. She goes, does he shop with us? I go, he does. She goes, give me his phone number. Pulled up everything you've ever bought there.
Starting point is 00:35:37 She goes, yeah, he's a 56, 60 or whatever. He's a 40,000 by 50,000. Okay, those ex-hell dildos weren't mine. So I got you the black p-coat. Wow. He's a 40,000 by 50,000. Okay, those next sell bill, those weren't mine. So I got you the black peak coat. Wow, that's not an everyday thing, but you know a dinner or whatever. Something a little, you need a little more versatility in your wardrobe now that you're slim and down.
Starting point is 00:35:54 For the homies there, I had mentioned that I was gonna get somebody a coat and I'm talking about I want a peak coat. Give me, like, don't get somebody a coat. It's not a good idea. You sneaky little bastard. Thank you. Of course. And then that is a
Starting point is 00:36:10 Who was it a watch it is it is Oh, that's nice. It is a replica like a remake of Every of the watch that every soldier to Vietnam had no shit shit. Yeah. I was I was going to spring for the original. But they were on real bad shape. So then they they they they did a reissue this year. Man, I'm a fucking army uniform away from walking around the wall. Absolutely. That's beautiful. Kippy. Thank you. Of course.
Starting point is 00:36:47 Nice code. I gotta try this on. Yeah, go for it. Hang on, you boys scamp a little bit. The thought behind the watch too was it might have been one your dad had at the time. Which will probably just make you start crying. I don't know why I brought that up. Two years he had that hunk of metal up his ass. up two years he had that hunk of metal up his ass. This is your sit there crying. Um, I hope it fits. It should fit. That's a little big, huh?
Starting point is 00:37:19 I got my Star Wars cloak. You guys, it's a Christmas miracle. We found clothes that are too big for They said it couldn't be done and I put my mind to take it over to the lady get a tailor Yeah, you can return it just go get a new size as well. No, I like it Yeah, you can get the same one just a new size It's beautiful. Thank you, but of course buddy, and I went shorter they had like the long ones But I don't know if you can pull that off. I think I'm caught in the middle Maybe looking like town hall walking around that's a lot of curtain stuck in the middle with food
Starting point is 00:37:54 Great job, pal. Thank you, buddy. Happy holidays. I love you. Can't just talk about bespoke post. Shout out to bespoke post Let's talk about the box. Awesome. Mm-hmm. Let's talk about when you give a gift in the holiday season It's a one and done. Yep. Now with bespoke post, sign somebody up for the box awesome to get cool stuff every single month. Gifted keeps giving. Grilling stuff, outdoor stuff, stuff for the home bar,
Starting point is 00:38:16 grooming things, high quality, all done with nice partners. Sure. Small businesses, a lot of the made in America. Yeah. It's been great. I've been getting them like, a lot of the made in America. Yeah. Are you gonna do it? It's been great. I've been getting them like, honestly, probably for two years now. It's fantastic every month that shows up. I got my cool little thing, my cocktail thing, camping stuff, clothes, outdoor stuff, indoor stuff, bar, knives and John Wick.
Starting point is 00:38:37 Oh, to get started, all you do is take the quick quiz at boxofawesome.com. Their experts will match you with a box you'd love the most. Take the quiz for yourself or take it with your family and friends in mind for personal gift advice. It's free to sign up and you can skip a month at any time or cancel. Each box is valued at around 70 bucks but you pay only a fraction at that price, baby. Plus each box of awesome, you're supporting small businesses. 90% of everything that comes from your box of awesome is from a small up and coming brand.
Starting point is 00:39:05 Get 20% off your first monthly box. When you sign up at boxofawesome.com, enter the code garbage at checkout. That's boxofawesome.com, code garbage for 20% off your first box, boxofawesome.com, code garbage. Go ahead. Let's go. Cam, let's talk about co-pilot. Shout out to co-pilot, baby.
Starting point is 00:39:21 Can keeping yourself motivated is as tough as everybody knows, especially when it comes to fitness. That's why you need co-pilot. Co-pilot is baby. Can't keep in your self-motivated as tough as everybody knows, especially when it comes to fitness. That's why you need co-pilot. Co-pilot is your personalized fitness solution, combining the accountability of a human expert with the flexibility of technology. Your virtual coach customizes guide at workouts to fit your goals, your schedule, your injuries,
Starting point is 00:39:38 and your time. Yeah, it's fantastic. I've been using it on the road, trying to just, trying to stave off the holiday thing that's gonna get you, you know, positive reinforcement. Trying to keep a pound or two off, trying to stay at fightin' weight
Starting point is 00:39:50 and not go full on big guy, you know. Not you, just myself personally. This isn't some AI telling you to do more curls. There's an actual trainer in your phone giving you expert advice telling a workout routine to you. If something doesn't feel right, or you're ready for the next step, just tell them and they'll change it up for you.
Starting point is 00:40:08 No access to weights or only have 10 minutes before you need to catch a bunch, work out anytime, anywhere, make fitness, the seamless part of your life. I was doing it in a hotel room, no big deal. We'd love for you to follow our lead and get fit and feel fabulous, go to Co-Pilot, give Co-Pilot a try, find out why it was listed as Forbes
Starting point is 00:40:26 Top rated personal trainer app of 2023 head to my co pilot dot com slash garbage You get a 14 day free trial and 20% off your first month of personalized fitness with your own personal trainer If you sign up before February 1st, 2024, that's my co pilot dot com slash garbage to get a free 14 day trial and 20% off your first month sign up for the new year gang step in there right Since I'm already up I'm gonna get yours sure and I gotta be honest with I see one thing That gives me you should have hit that part. I think Okay, I don't believe that My sis
Starting point is 00:41:11 Jesus Christ how the hell is this getting home? I Think I know what this is in a it's a home run So you're gonna open this and Then I'm gonna tell you gentlemen a tale of anger vengeance deceit yes it's fucking awesome thank you it's a what do you get the guy that hold on a second before you open that I swung in a miss swinging a miss with the with the bass guitar which is sitting over there. Sure.
Starting point is 00:41:45 Slight swinging a miss with the cruise. Slight. So what do you get the guy who has everything? Remember last year when you were like, you know, you know me, what I'm, you know, think about what I'm doing, what, you know, what all that stuff. And the bird came up with this.
Starting point is 00:42:03 No, I've been talking about this too. Have you? I was talking about it last night with my friends. Yeah. No, like also like, I thought I said it in the call. Me and Luke were talking about it. You're a homeowner now. Uh huh.
Starting point is 00:42:13 So pop it open. For the flat bread freak. Or you get the flat bread freak. That's the question you ask. What do you get? The fucking flat bread freak. It's his own god. Oh, Jesus. The unimultifule pizza oven.
Starting point is 00:42:28 Hachi machi. With pizza tray. Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha the house for you too. Okay. Well, they're pellets. I don't know if you want to use that. Sure. Dude, buddy. Fucking amazing job. Thank you so much. That's fucking fantastic. That's your spatula. I got you the 12 inch.
Starting point is 00:42:51 It's ready in 15 minutes, and it takes about 90 seconds to do a pizza. Sounds like you already cracked it open. That's it. That's Parmesan. That's Parmesan. That's the party on there. I got it as is.
Starting point is 00:43:03 It was the floor model. This is sick, dude. So you can make, so if you're having people over the family over, you can make multiple different pies with different things on. That's great. I literally just said to Luke, we just had this conversation.
Starting point is 00:43:15 I was like, dude, I wanna get one so bad. I think the idea of like having your boys over and people over just, you know, constantly throwing in pies. Let's do a sausage. Let's do it as. Let's do what is. It's fucking fantastic, buddy. Thank you so much. You're welcome, pal.
Starting point is 00:43:30 It's multi-fuel. You can use collar, you can use wood, and you can kill the world's biggest fly. You use this in a bedroom. That's fucking fantastic, buddy. Thank you so much. There you go. Finally. What?
Starting point is 00:43:43 I think we, we, we, we batted the cycle, cycle right I think everybody killed it. That's not fair. We did But you fired that thing up got a couple of fucking zod's going in All right, it was fucking awesome. Great job, everybody. Lucky, great job. Luke is my lightsaber ready. Okay. So here's the deal. I'm going to tell you, this worked out perfectly. As of yesterday, I had nothing. Uh-huh. And I'm like, fuck, what am I gonna do? She hits me with the pizza. That's crazy. It was how we've yeah, it's great. I'm like, you're a fucking goddamn genius. Brilliant. Perfect. Brilliant. So now, over the last three weeks, what the fuck was that? It was your lightsaber. Oh, I thought I felt something I feel a
Starting point is 00:44:47 weight in somewhere somewhere on the premise. So here's the deal. I'm gonna tell you a quick story. Um, the reason why I'm so like frazzled about the holidays and to this and to that and these are these are micro problems. I realized that but, I have been dealing with a logistical nightmare with fucking Best Buy. All right, your original gift, which I, yeah, this is better. You have been upset at Best Buy for weeks at this point. Yeah.
Starting point is 00:45:22 I thought it was for Toby's gift. All right, I thought it was for Luke's gift. I'm a good liar as well. Uh huh. Well thought it was for Toby's gift. Or I thought it was for Luke's gift. I'm a good liar as well. Uh huh. Well, it was about Luke's gift. Okay. All right. So your original gift, I was going to get you a massage chair for here.
Starting point is 00:45:35 That's all right. Take the pizza oven back. I can buy pizza, dude. I got Uber Eats in the dominoes that. Wow. All right. They're expensive. Well, what do you think?
Starting point is 00:45:49 That thing wasn't cheap either. That's no massage. I don't know, but that's no massage chair. Sure. Such a, here's like four grand. My credit card's jammed up right now because the fucking best by policy dude, I'm even more,
Starting point is 00:46:01 nah brutal. So let me take you back a couple of weeks. So are they taking it back? Because if not, it would look nice in here. It's already, it was already canceled, but we can get one for you. We can get one for you. But then also I was like, you know,
Starting point is 00:46:16 he's talking about that, but he's talking about getting one of his house and stuff like that. So when she said pizza of it, I'm like, that's fucking it. Brilliant. That's something that he loves, something that he likes to do. He's got the new house.
Starting point is 00:46:27 She showed me the video of the backyard. I'm like, you can put that right there. You're out there fucking doing pizzas. You have fucking denis. The lecture. Oh my God. She'll think it's delivery. She won't know.
Starting point is 00:46:38 So, add a hand, he's catching up to me. Jesus Christ. Woo. All right. So about three weeks ago, I order the massage chair and I order Luke's PlayStation 5, both from Best Buy.
Starting point is 00:46:55 All right. The reason that I purchased them was because it said the delivery date would be this. Delivery date would be this. Okay, cool. Plenty of time. No worries. Gonna have fucking Ryan D here. He's gonna fucking, This delivery date would be this okay cool plenty of time no worries Then I have fucking Ryan D here. He's gonna fucking they're gonna get it upstairs
Starting point is 00:47:09 He's gonna set it up. We're gonna put a big box around at a big bow whatever by the boom by the big Couple days later the PlayStation 5 is looks like it's getting jammed up All of a sudden it's not in stock, it's not gonna be here on time. I call, I'm getting the runaround, like legitimately getting the fucking runaround. Like nobody knows anything. So they're waiting for a verification of something, I'm like, Lady, you charged my credit card already.
Starting point is 00:47:38 What? And you don't like that. You don't like verification on your card. You don't like verification on your card, right? But up until Friday I was extremely civil all right so I don't believe that for one second I'm being
Starting point is 00:47:58 serious so because I was because the bird was right next to me and she doesn't like that shit she yells at me if I if I get testy with customer service people. So a few days whatever this happens, you know, they're stringing me along and all this stuff and nobody knows what's going on. So I cancel that. Okay, I cancel the PlayStation 5. She buys or now this is what happened. I can't ask you one question? Yeah. I imagine that your being civil was you doing stuff like, okay, okay.
Starting point is 00:48:29 So you're telling me there's nothing you just speaking through your dreams. That doesn't make any sense. Just squeezing your phone. There's a little bit of that. I've seen you. But if you played back the recordings, you wouldn't be able to tell this guy's a psychopath.
Starting point is 00:48:43 So long as it was transcribed. Yeah. All right. So here's what happened. So I say to the bird. Now I'm a fucking dirt bag. All right. This one's not going to be here until the 20th. I've been asking a couple of questions about PlayStation 5s.
Starting point is 00:48:59 So I tell the bird, I say, listen, get one somewhere else and we'll just let this show up. And then, I think it's gonna play station five. Sure. So she does that. She orders it from Target, okay? But against my wishes, cancels the one at Best Buy, all right?
Starting point is 00:49:22 Which Best Buy, instead of freeing the charge, they charge me twice for the chair. That's the best way I can describe it. Let's say it was $2,000 for both items on the first purchase. Instead of taking the $2,000 away and then charging me a thousand, they just bang me out for another 1500 for the chair. Double dip ya. Yeah, and just leaves it on there. All right, and like it'll go away in 10 days or whatever. The card is jammed up.
Starting point is 00:49:56 Like, and I don't want to pay anything on it because I don't trust that. Oh, he's something with you. Because I don't trust that, you know, if I pay over what my limit is, if it's gonna all go back on there, I'm starting to spiral now. you because I don't trust that what you know if I pay over what my limit is if it's gonna all go back on there I'm starting to spiral now the chair says everything is cool okay chair is gonna be here Friday all right I get Ryan
Starting point is 00:50:18 diesel be there at seven o'clock seven to seven is the window the bars moving on the follow the thing whatever you know, the order details. But in the email, there's another bar that says view most recent status. And that says scheduling has not been made. appointment has not been made. So I'm on the phone with them. Okay, and this is this is like Wednesday, I'm on the phone with them, she's on the phone with them. We're going back and forth. We're fucking getting into it.
Starting point is 00:50:47 She's exhausted, it's fucking dealing with this. Going back and forth, back and forth, back and forth. All of us so much stress, all over an item. This is not direct you. Crazy. So, I mean. I touch base with her on Friday with with her. I say you where we at.
Starting point is 00:51:06 She's like, I just spoke to somebody over there. It's going to be there between 12 and four. I'm like fantastic. He's got some dinner. He's got to go to perfect. Four o'clock comes and goes. Nothing. I jump on the phone.
Starting point is 00:51:21 All right. I call fucking this. We don't know. Yeah, it's just, they just keep, they don't, they're just, it's just a script. They're just, well, they were waiting on the verification and unfortunately, and we don't know, and I know they don't know. It's not them.
Starting point is 00:51:37 I understand they're hardworking people. They're not, they're not, they're not responsible. Then around six o'clock What's this Friday? Okay, I get a text from the bird She's like I have this guy on the phone who seems like a little bit more legit than the you know the bottom of the run customer service people I'm gonna merge the call so you can talk to him and figure it out. Jesus. So they merged the call and at the time you merge the call it's never good. So I'm fucking live it at this point. I'm fucking so pissed. My cards jammed up. I got nothing for him.
Starting point is 00:52:19 I'm fucking pissed. And the PlayStation 2 still hasn't arrived. I don't know. From Target. So I don't even know if that's gonna fucking show up. So they merged the call. This guy real, you know, real professional, real cool. Hey, what's going on? I'm like, listen, man, I've been dealing with this for fucking two weeks. It just wears the chair. Tell me what's going on. He's like, I have to call this other company that is the middle man between Best Buy and whoever
Starting point is 00:52:48 delivers it for them. They call it the bridge department or something like that. Man. I'm like, I gotta call them and I'll call you back. I'm like, no. No. Dude, I took it. Oh, you hang up on me.
Starting point is 00:53:01 I took it to the stage of pussy. I'm like, no, I'm not doing that. You're never gonna fucking call me back. I never do. I'll stay on the phone. I'll stay on the phone. And he's like, okay, all right, calls the person. Deleting answers to phone and the guys like,
Starting point is 00:53:17 hey, how are you? This is so-and-so. We have a situation here. And I just want to let you know this is a warm transfer, warm transfer meeting that you're on the line. I'm on the line. And she's like, um, wait a minute, is the customer on the line? And he's like, yeah, he's like, you cannot do that. We're not a, we're not a, we're not a customer facing forward facing forward
Starting point is 00:53:41 facing entity. We cannot have this conversation with, with, with them on the phone. Yeah, we cannot have this conversation with with with them on the phone Oh, we're having this conversation. That's exactly what I said You can't run anymore you cockroach so I I'm like, why is that because you're not gonna You tell me where tell me where the piece of furniture. I just want to know where it is What's going on you charge my cart twice? She's stonewalling me. She's like, sir, we cannot have this conversation.
Starting point is 00:54:09 So I go over with the guy, I'm like, what's my number? I make him repeat my number back. I'm like, you're gonna call me back, right? He's like, sir, I'm gonna call you back. I'm like, yeah, sure, you're gonna call me back and I hang up and I'm sitting there, fucking. Would you call you back? No.
Starting point is 00:54:21 Exactly. Oh, you're gonna call me back. I wouldn't have lost a chair. Yes, you're going to call me back. I wouldn't have lost the chair. Yes, you would. What are we talking about? You shit. So it turns out the chair was at a warehouse in Piscata one, but they wouldn't let, they wouldn't let Ryan D. Go pick it up. I'm like, I'll hire somebody to go pick it up. I wasn't going to pay him, but sure. There's not you can't do that. But it's crazy because I found one of Bob's discount furniture in the same goddamn warehouse and they said that you could pick it up But it's long so I didn't get it for you
Starting point is 00:54:50 Anyway, so I'm fucking furious. He's been waiting here all day. I'm waiting fucking here Just that and everything and I understand it's the holidays all that kind of stuff I know I'm being a little over the top, but this is three weeks of fucking just getting the run around from them all right over to top, but this is three weeks of fucking just getting the run around from them. All right. So I hang up and I'm sitting there and about 30 seconds later, I get a text from my better half saying, Hey, the phone never disconnected. I have them both on the line right now because she merged the call with me. She was still on it. She was still on with them. She's like, do you want to hear what they're saying? And I'm like, baby, that's why I love you. Man, let's do it.
Starting point is 00:55:35 What they say. You're trashin' your fat, toothless face. Your girl's outside of a Bob Discounts warehouse and a flower crayon. She's got Seth Green on a computer. And I do, I never loved her more. I was like, oh shit. And it was me and Diesel sitting there. And we were both just like, that's fucking no.
Starting point is 00:55:56 So I put my, so she transferred me, I put my phone on mute. And they're going back and forth real professional. What happened this time? So what happened was is that the verification, which I still don't know what the fuck that means, didn't come through, it was on hold. Now let's not on hold, but the problem is,
Starting point is 00:56:14 is that the delivery guys have already gone home. Now that doesn't make any sense because they're supposed to be delivering up until like seven or eight o'clock, all right? They should still be able to get it out to me. This that and the other thing. And I go to Ryan, I'm starting to get matter and matter with this. So just what they're saying, but they're not, they're not trashing me.
Starting point is 00:56:35 They're not whatever. They're, they're, they're, they're, they're, they're, they're just doing their thing. So I say to Ryan, the, I'm like, should I unmute this and blow up this spot? Jesus. And he's like, do not unmute this and blow up this spot? Jesus. And he's like, do not do that. Do not fucking do that. You're never gonna get the chair. It's true.
Starting point is 00:56:52 Don't do that. I would just, if I was them and you did, you're not wrong for doing it, but they still hold the power. They could just fucking, they could charge your card for one more time. Yeah. Three buttons, they're delete your whole order, whatever.
Starting point is 00:57:01 So he's like, do not fucking do that. And then they start taking shots at me. What they say. I heard you say there. It's not a true yet. He did. He said the guy was like, oh, this guy's going to be really upset
Starting point is 00:57:17 or something like that or blah, blah, blah. And you know the scene at the end of Django where Kristoff Walls shoots Leonardo DiCaprio and he turns around to Jamie Foxx and he's like, I couldn't resist or whatever he says. Brian D's like, don't do it, man, don't do it. And I'm like, big dogs gotta eat. Fuckin' hit me and I'm like,
Starting point is 00:57:39 I heard everything you fucking said. This is fucking bullshit. Where's my fucking chair? Fucking down, fucking son of a bitch motherfucker, blah blah blah! And they just both go disconnect the call. Boom! And they're just fucking gone. In the wind.
Starting point is 00:57:54 In the wind. He never called me back. So where does the status? Have you got your money back or no? Have not got my money back canceled the chair a couple like 20 minutes later Sooners that hang up Ryan these was like what the fuck is wrong with you? You fucking did they could have helped you out or something? Didn't realize the bird was still on the line This is the slowest news day for your whole crew you guys are all just sitting around eaves dropping on other people
Starting point is 00:58:25 I get a call from her in 12 seconds, I ain't like, what the fuck is wrong with that? Are you ever gonna get the fucking kid? No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, You're drunk That's automatic Oh, let me make a call to the other department. You know they're fucking blowing smoke up your ass and I we got to see it We we got them. Uh-huh Held it like a true Jedi Hank To me because they were my late chief force me with you All right, we got to wrap it up. Gang has been a holiday fucking spectacular.
Starting point is 00:59:05 Love my watch. Love my coat. Love my lightsaber. Love my Legos. Thank you boys. Yeah, buddy. You got all you got new toys. You got some fresh fits.
Starting point is 00:59:13 I got new toys. I got new clothes and a new found love. Oh, God. For Hennessy. Spice up the holidays with a little Hennessy. Fight your in-laws, but Hennessy. And happy holidays to whatever you're celebrating out there, enjoy yourself, get some pigs in a blanket in you.
Starting point is 00:59:28 Yeah, be safe, fight with your mom, whatever you do it, whatever is tradition for you, yeah, in it, baby. Someone here on this, listen to this show, has a Christmas tradition or a holiday tradition where they go out and they just really shoot a gun in the air. Sure, just into the whatever. Just into the void. I like that. That's what she's gonna tell the next year, guns. Okay. I mean, we're gonna have to move, but sure.
Starting point is 00:59:50 I'm not gonna be able to be walking around riding dirty. Merry Christmas gang, we love you and we'll see you next week. Peace!

There aren't comments yet for this episode. Click on any sentence in the transcript to leave a comment.