Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast - Bobby Lee!
Episode Date: October 24, 2022Kippy and Foley are joined by new friend Bobby Lee! Thanks for listening. Love youse guys. Come to a live show! FINAL RUN! Buy the Are You Garbage Card Game: https://areyougarbage.bigcartel.com/ Fol...low Kevin: https://www.instagram.com/kevinryancomedy/ Follow Foley: https://www.instagram.com/hfoleycomedy/ Live Shows: https://linktr.ee/AreYouGarbage PATREON: https://www.patreon.com/AreYouGarbage MERCH: https://www.bonfire.com/store/are-you-garbage/ Manscaped: https://www.manscaped.com Promo Code: Garbage Displate: https://www.displate.com Promo Code: Garbage Butcher Box: https://www.ButcherBox.com/AYG Promo Code: AYG Established Titles: https://www.establishedtitles.com/garbage Comedians H. Foley and Kevin Ryan are self proclaimed GARBAGE. Each week a new stand up comedian gets put to the test. Steal shampoo from hotels? Own a George Foreman Grill? Ever worn JNCO Jeans
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Got a news flash for you bozos the card game is back on sale. Oh my god
The original edition of the card game some of our favorite questions right here
Got about 50 or so of them sold a bunch of them
Put them on the shelf for a little while now
We're doing one final run of the original series one last job, baby
It's a good good time to get hammered with your friends and find that at the people that you know
That you love her garbage so do yourself a favor the link is in the description
Pick up a pack today because they're gonna go quick. Oh, yeah, and that ain't it tubby. We got road dates, baby
We got two shows in atlanta coming up in november
Then we're going to charlie north caroline if you're in the area get those tickets for that
We got two and filly that are sold out. We got one left in providence road island those tickets are moving
We got one left in boss and that is for sure going to sell out get those tickets
We want to party see you there see you there gang this episode is brought to you by established titles
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Go to established titles.com slash garbage to get your gifts now and help support the show. Thanks. Let's go
Welcome to another exciting edition of
Are you garbage the show where you find out if your favorite comedians are classy individuals?
Or absolute trash
Now here are your hosts kevin ryan and h foley
Hey everybody out there and welcome back to everybody's favorite new podcast. This is our you garbage. Oh, yeah
Little show we sit down with your favorite comedians and we find it after good to be classy
Uh, just a big old piece of trash
I'm your host h foley coming at you on a beautiful day. We're down here at entity's basement
She's upstairs just gotten to a fist fight with the neighbor's kid. Oh, no
Wait to see what happens with that. My co-host is coming at you from right next to me. He is the ceo of are you garbage?
He is an international businessman
He is not to be trifled with in the board room or the bedroom. Give it up for kj kevin james ryan
Hey gang, thanks for tuning in as always. Please make sure you're even if you subscribe on itin's full video available
And youtube as you know, those numbers are true to route cook and closing in 100,000
I mean, let's get it over to hump and then obviously the greatest website of all time patreon.com
Check it the fuck out
And have a nice quick shout out to our producer short in here the magic man makes us all look good works the ones and twos
He crosses the t's. He dots the i's give it up for t-bone mcmuffin
Toby mcmullin everybody. What's up everybody?
Yeah, we got a fun one in here. We got a hot this guy came in hot and I like it
Calling t-bone a dirty hippie. I like it
Taking shots early
Gang the long hair ain't lying because we could not be more excited to have our incredibly and I mean incredibly special guests
Here with this today for the first time
He is a legendary stand-up comedian actor and podcaster and you might have never I've never done. I've never done a special
It doesn't matter. I know legend. Yes, you are
As I was saying
You may have seen him in but not limited to gang sit tight because it's a long one
We got arless. We got howling kumar. We got curbing enthusiasm
American dad pineapple express paul family guy the dictator
Arrested development the league the comedians alone together 10 episodes of love on netflix
NC is inside job 10 episodes of that splitting up together 25 episodes of that
Nature cat do 11 episodes go fuck yourself. How about that?
I got 10 episodes of magnum p.i
Reservation dogs. I got the tonight show with j leno live at gotham your mom's house
Wtf the joe rogan experience killed. Tony
chelsea lately
60 episodes that out
Cut the check. Let's go
I got at midnight hot ones. This is not happening the comedy jam something's burning
Lights out with david spade the cabin and of course as he is an original cast member of mad tv
Then 166 episodes on that groundbreaking goddamn television show
And of course
He's the host of tiger belly and the co-host of bad friends
But the big question of what he's mind today is he garbage?
He's dressed like an a and r man or a homeless guy and he's got two vapes with them
Ladies and gentlemen, and he's dipping
Ladies and gentlemen the one the only
Hey, yeah, yeah, yeah
First of all, can I say this? Okay, this guy's wacky. Let me tell you something. Let me tell you something
Half that shit that you just fucking rattled off bro. Yeah, right? I'm japanese businessman number three. I have no lines. You're in it, baby
Yeah, I'm hanging out from a tree from some western or something
I got there. They don't have I don't have good roles. Listen. Yeah, we don't kiss ass. We give credit where credit is due
Yeah, you're a legendary comedian and actor, but I can I tell you why I'm here
Sure
At the reason I didn't know you had hippies here. I apologize for that. I should I should have warned you mr. Lee
I love platoon. I love I'm telling you right now. My favorite movie
Apocalypse now full metal jacket, right? I'm pro vietnam warranted. All right. It's the one where asians we won
Yeah, and you guys
You guys fucking lost that thing man. My dad was in nom you son of a bitch
We could hide in the tree for three weeks with one banana
And survive. Who do you think taught them that we did?
Shout out to the redcoats, you know, I'm not a dead head
Right. I don't believe in flowers and the inside the muzzle of a gun or nothing like that, bro
But you know, I'm gonna give you a shot. All right. It's good to meet you
Thank you. Thank you, dog. Hey, dude. Look at this
I love it. It's all love over here guys. The reason why I'm with you guys is because I was in LA one night and um
Yeah, very cool night for us. Who's the guy that you were with? Jeremiah Watkins Watkins
Get out of here
So I was yeah, and then I merge our friend. So Whitney called me and said you got to meet these guys to the best
Shout out to Whitney come and come and she uh, and then we then you guys went to the diner and I went with you guys
Yeah, which uh, you know, just hit us on the check
Did I really? No, no. You tried to pay. I tried to pay for every one. Yeah, but you had three ones in your wallet
We already went over this. Yeah. Yeah. That was an open gesture
But we ate, you know, I thought there was like camaraderie and there was of course. It was really, you know, it was awesome
Yeah, yeah, and then um, I thought you know what? I'm gonna fuck with these guys, man
I appreciate that and this is I've been in I'm in New York for one week
And you're the only podcast I'm doing this
I'm gonna cry, it's awesome. Scooped them, baby. I kept texting you. Is that fact fuck? Yeah, everybody was ugly
Said you're gonna be nice. I know I said that on the text. This is him being nice
But on the text, I was like is that fat fuck gonna be there? Yeah
Is that fat fuck friend of yours? Like, man, me and bobby lee really get along. We really get each other
And we're talking about his titty milk. Does he have titty milk in the fridge or this and that?
But you know when I came in here today like going I'm gonna do I'm gonna come in with love
I appreciate it and being authentic and ethnic
And here I am. Here I am. Thanks for having me on guys buddy. Come on. We fucking love you
I like how he clapped after his speech
It was a good speech dude. All right, hold on before I can't believe you do have three different nicotine
Yeah, it's going here. You got dip going you got your xbox vape and whatever this thing is
So this guy's got a lot going on. I know what's the question?
No, you asked because I quit smoking um seven months ago. Oh, congrats. Yeah, and it was like I was I was coughing up blood
Like kernel blood like chunks of it. I should quit. But you know, I um, you think?
Yeah, but so for four months, I didn't do anything
But then I'm back to like vaping and doing some dippity-doo. Okay. What was your brand? What cigarettes were you smoking?
I love the yellow american spirits
Aristocrat very classic. I am high level which I I mean when we were out, uh, we went to a diner
I don't know. What's the name of the norm's or it was norm norms. Um shout out to norm's diner
Uh, you were very you were like that you're like, I haven't been here in years. That was slumming it for you
Oh, that's bottom of the barrel. Yeah, you were gonna. Yeah, we'll get into extensive. I was shocked
I didn't know you were that a little bit of a foodie kind of guy kids hollywood. What are you talking about?
Okay, everything's fine. You have to I'm not you guys understand him. You might as well be the president of hollywood. You get that right?
Yeah, well, I mean, can I just ask you a question then? Yes, right?
You know, we're not going to reveal this to your fans and you're the people that listen to this
Okay, but you know, you generate some income sure doing this podcast, right?
Yeah, I've the only reason why I'm here is because I've looked at your numbers
Right, so I'm like a straight shooter right and I'm like, okay, they're fucking with the same kind of numbers that I'm
Fucking with okay. So then in my mind, I'm like, you know, oh, they're making a certain amount of money, right?
And what I'm saying is is that you're you can afford sure good food. Yeah, and we do and we do from right
But here's the thing that's in the last six months
Oh, all right. Yeah. Yeah. You've been eating a Spago since the nineties
Yeah, well the reason why is because in my 20s I was so poor
Right, right and I was like, um, I lived with nine people in a one bedroom apartment in Silver Lake
Okay, when I first moved to LA
And um, my my roommate Kalisto. He's a Mexican dude would be fucking girls next, you know
Next door to me, right? I was an incel by the way
Involuntary celibate. Yeah. Yeah. I could not I could not even prostitutes would turn me down. Really?
Yeah, here's 500. No, they don't 500. They don't get away. They won't even poke at it
They won't even flick it. They want to flick it. Yeah, I'll give you two to give it a peek
Yeah, you know, and in my early 20s, I want to get laid so badly, but I couldn't write and then I was just like
I it's either shoot up a school or do stand-up. Sure. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. I'm like
I'm glad you found the comedy sewer roads, right? I was like, I'll do stand-up, right? So, you know
But like, you know, and then once you start I started doing stand-up. I slowly started getting some
Sure, and now you become kind of cool. You get some coffee
I'm killing it. I'm killing it now. You know what I mean?
Watch your face. I have monkey punks, but anyway
They're LA monkey punks. Probably touched my face. I'm never washing my face. Yeah. Yeah. So, uh, what was it?
Oh, yeah, so I was very poor when I first moved to LA
and um
Once I got my first check
I was like because we were eating BRC burritos from El Pollo Loco and they're one dollar
What are what's BRC bean rice and cheese? Okay, right? And they were 99 cents and we would share one a day
Share 90s with three guys. Okay, right? My brother lived with me too and we split it three ways, right?
It got so bad where it's like if you had like two extra grain or rice you were fighting over you were fighting over that
Jesus, it was that bad and we would drink like, you know the faucet water and stuff and then as soon as I
Got my first check. I was just like, you know what? I'm going to go to like not Morton's, but it was like, um, Ruth
Chris, I mean that was like the first sure like this seems mid-range
German and then um, I started making money and I that's now I do that. Yeah, you eat nice. I love that
Why can't I do that? No, no, you can as an American citizen
Well, this is what that show this is what the show also sell we celebrate the guards
We also celebrate the wins the wins, baby. Like, you know, you you split a burrito with nine guys for for three years
You earned it. You're a lot of earned it. You're allowed to get a t-bone the first girl
I
point
Did you say point the one in trouble getting laid
This guy's striking out all over town. Hey, I want to plow you
The first guy if sexually intercourse without paying for it
Was I this is I was 23 years old. Okay. Okay. Think about that. Yeah
Think about that age
I did stand up one night
And this girl there was no cell phones at the time and there was this girl that was at the show
I used to MC this show at the comedy store in La Jolla. Love that room. Great room. Great room. Best
One of my favorite shows of all time. That's where I started. That's where I started. That's great. That's a great spot
This is 1995
Geez, that's when I started
Are you looking over the hip? Oh
It's the lsd flashbacks are getting good. I think you're having them. Jesus Christ
Get this kid a cup of decaf, will you? Yeah, I'm keeping an eye on the cameras. We have the king ollywood in here, dude
The door's locked. You're well protected. Don't worry. Anyway, um, there was no she called me like I two of them
I was white as mopping the club. She goes. Hey, can I talk to the asian guy that was she called the club?
There's no cell phone. That's thirsty. I like that and she gave me her number
Did you pretend like you were somebody else one second? I'll get mr. Lee. Hang on. No, no
No, the manager okay
I didn't do that
Toby got that
We got a heater going keep it in. Yeah, I like that and then I remember a week later. Um
I was in her mom's closet with her what in Oceanside and it was I was doing 69
You know I'd never done it before. Well, why are we in the closet? I don't know why
But I was in her mom's closet and I because her mom was home or something
But she was like downstairs. Anyway, sure and I were at 69 and I remember
Her ass is like this white pure white. I'm not out to it when you you're just winning. You're winning. Yeah
And I remember like here is coming down my face
Like it's not bubbles and I was like trembling
And I was like, thank you Jesus. You know what I mean? Like all from like dick jokes or whatever
Yeah, yeah, it's crazy. Yeah, it's crazy. So, you know, that was a long time ago. You know what I mean? But um
I've been doing okay since uh, probably it's great 2000. Yeah, it's been uphill since 2000 man. There you go. Um, well, take us back
Is there a closet in here?
Uh, hold on before we get into that because he he did mention it
It was uh, I guess that mad tv check was probably your first check like your first like big check
No, it wasn't that good. It was like, um, at the time it was, you know
When you got a cut tv show back in the 2000s and stuff
If you were on a network sitcom, you would probably get maybe your first job
Maybe 30 000 dollars an episode. That's a check but not mad tv. You got 4500
And so everybody takes the right. So you're your manager your agent. So you're making like 1200 bucks. Yeah, something like that
Oh, yeah, yikes, but still that's great money
You know, you you got your stand-up money, which at back then it was 15 dollars a set
You know what I mean? So you would get sure four sets with that. You're like, it's crazy how little it's gone up over time
It's done. I was like 15 bucks. We're good
I weren't splitting bqgs or whatever it was. Oh, yeah. Yeah. No, no after that now
No, in fact, I moved out of that house and I got my own place
But um, was there any dumb purchase you made early on where you're like, I fuck I shouldn't have done that jet ski
Something like that. You're not gonna believe the story, but this is it's a it's a fact
I um, you're not gonna like it, but I'm sure we will I didn't have a car dude. Okay, right?
So my friend Aaron Cater some he's palestinian. It's fine. He's not from there. He's a good guy
I know I should I should have even said he was palestinian. That was weird. He's still a good person. Yeah
I don't hold that against
Just a regular comic. Let's just say that right my friend Aaron regular comic and um
So like I never had a car, right? I didn't know how to buy one. So I go, um
I went to Aaron
He seems like he seemed like a comic that had responsibilities because he always were like abercrombie and finch
He had khaki pants. He was a shirt tucker. You know this guy seems smart. That's smart, right? And I go, hey bud
I don't know how to buy a car. He goes. I know how and I go. What do we do?
He goes, well, you want to go to the lot with me?
So, um, he goes, I don't know why he said this, but he said pull out 20 grand
cash, yeah
Really? Yeah, so I did means you're buying. I like that. I'm gonna buy it. How many years into mad tv is this?
Two years, maybe two years. You got 20 g's but not no, but no because at the second year you negotiated
I was probably doing well. So yeah, and then also I had booked other things
You know like I had done herald and kumar. I had done other things in between there
So a little bit of cash. That's a little cash. So I go. I pulled out 20 grand
What did you carry the 20 grand to the all brown paper bag?
Brown paper bag. I remember that. I like how you got mad at the question to realize how relevant it was. It was a relevant one.
Yeah, yeah. Hey, dude, you know what? Let's start over, man.
You know, I love Crosby stills in there. I love, what else is it? I love Jerry Garsari
Jerry Garsari, what's his name? What's his name?
He died, right? He died, right? Jerry Garcia. Yeah, yeah, I love the ice cream. I love Ben and Jerry's.
This is my favorite bit. I fucking ate hippies too, man. Do you really? Of course, they stink.
I know it's like the grateful that they, I don't want to hear a jam in G major for 45 fucking minutes.
How about two minute songs?
Anyway, let's I got angry because my friend used to go to the follow them in the 80s. It was brutal. I like the hits though.
I like the grateful that I'm sure they got a couple of good tracks. But what are we doing? It should have been your personality. That's true.
So let's go back to my story. Yeah. So you got the 20 grand in a brown paper bag. You're out of key.
Right. So I, he goes, I think the car, I got a GTI Volkswagen. Nice. It's a good car because like 22 grand and I, um,
I gave them Aaron goes, we have 20 grand in cash. Can we just get it for that? And he goes, oh, yeah, sure.
And I just remember getting it. Damn. That's good. What color? Silver. Stick or automatic?
Do you remember? I don't know how to do automatic. I don't know how to do stick. I don't know how to do automatic.
But here's the story. Two weeks later,
I step out outside of my house and it's gone. So I didn't know that you could
call the police or go call like tow truck service. Okay. I just thought if it's gone, it's gone. It's gone.
So you just like walk to work? No, I bought another one.
Same car? Yeah. That's a fucking baller move right now. That is pretty cool. I'll give you that. Let him take it.
And then years later, I was talking to, I think Rogan or something like that.
But you're like, yeah, I'm like, I'm on the patio of the comedy store. I was like, hey, just disappeared. You know, that sucks.
They should have a, there should be an insurance program where they replaced it.
But you didn't call? I don't know. Yeah, you can get it. Oh my God. You didn't call your insurance company? No, I didn't.
No, I just, I was so embarrassed by it. Did you have insurance? I did. No, you have to have it. Okay. So anyway, that's my first car thing.
Wow. So I learned how to do, I don't know how to do, like I just learned how to do the time with the sticks.
Do you mean like non-digital collect an analog block? Yeah, yeah, I just literally learned. I've never heard referred to as time with the sticks.
Yeah, the sticks. And I did that. I learned that. I learned that seven months ago and Mark Merron taught me. Is that you serious? Yeah, yeah, I swear to God.
Like, I don't know how to do things. Bobby is a very unique man. No, that's not why, when you say all these things and all these things that I've done, it's like, I don't even know how any of it happened.
Yeah, I mean, couldn't read the sticks. I just kind of show up and just let things happen. You know what I mean? I don't know the lines. I don't know what I'm playing. I don't know how I got it.
I'll tell you how. You're extremely talented. You guys got moxie. Kip, how about that established titles? I'm a landowner, baby. Respect me as such.
Lord Cuball, ladies and gentlemen. Now entering Lord Cuball and Lord Fatso. That's right, baby. We're landowners in Scotland. When you're a landowner, you're called either a lord or a lady and we're in because we got an established titles and we got
ourselves just one square foot of land over there. That's all you need. You don't need rolling hills in a castle, one square foot of land to yield lord. Yeah, it's a good time. Do yourself a favor, gang. Get on it and help preserve the woodlands over there in Scotland.
Yeah, guys, with every order established titles, plants a tree and works with global charity support, global reforestation efforts to give them back. Look at that. They're making you feel fancy and give them back. What more do you need?
That's right. Guys, your certificate has a plot number so you can see the location of your land. It makes a great last minute gift for your loved ones. It's a fun, it's a gag, not gag gift, but it brings good energy to the gift giving thing. It does.
I wear a cape and a cloak and I got a crown and everything. Yeah, Tick Rock's buying a star. Get some real estate, baby. I know that's what we're talking about. Buy low, sell high. Officially change your name to Lord or Lady. You can use that name on your credit cards, your plane tickets. I know what I'm doing. And add some class that dated to that Tinder profile of yours.
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Straighten your mic a little bit. Sorry.
I apologize for the long hair.
We're good, man. I love you, man.
I don't know. My therapist says that I can't believe you're alive.
Sure. You had a bumpy ride in the beginning, right?
Right. Because when you grew up, like the way I did, you know, um, you, you, you turn out a certain way.
And I took all like my defense mechanisms and my survival tools and I use it to my advantage to make money and to have a career, right?
But if like I lived in Korea, I would just be like on opium, probably, like, you know, and I'll probably be a koi fish farmer or some weird shit like that, right? Or carrying rice.
Okay. Yeah. Like I would have no future. Sure.
But only in this country, I think you can turn your pain and harness it and do something good with it.
Right. So my dad was, um, where were you born?
San Diego. You're born in San Diego.
Okay. I just remember like, um, being born and then it just being really cold, like the feeling, like even temperature wise, I don't know why.
Because we lived in, we moved to Minnesota right when I was born.
Really? Yeah. So I, we lived in Minnesota. There were no other Asians.
I died in Minnesota and like, I was bullied, you know, the kids would throw ice at my face and go, Eskimo, you know what I mean?
Always like running from them. And then like, I'd come home and my dad would be like drunk and, um, he was very violent, you know what I mean?
And then like, um, like he would beat up my mom and stuff, you know, and, um, like she would come into my room with no teeth and bloody mouth.
And like, yeah, it was like pretty crazy.
Yeah, serious. And my brother and I would just fart on each other.
And like, yeah, it was a good bit back then.
And like, we would like show each other our penises and like do like puppet tricks with our little, little yellow penises.
They were like minions before minions, you know what I mean?
Like little yellow, like, you know what I mean?
Yeah. And it was like pretty cool, you know, pretty cool.
Pretty cool. And then.
Sounds like a good time.
It was pretty cool, right guys?
You know, you can't do that on live, but you know what I mean?
But we did it, you know, amongst ourselves.
And then, um, I guess there was this guy that had Down syndrome down the street when we lived in Minnesota and, um, he molested me.
He molested me. He molested me.
So that was cool.
Anyway.
Right? Good times.
We having good?
Did you get out of Minnesota?
Well, I'm going to talk about the molestation if I may.
May I talk about it?
Please.
Am I garbage yet?
We don't know yet?
No, but you are crazy.
Do you think I'm a crazy person?
No, I think you're awesome. You're fucking you're the best.
Cause I'm going to tell you something.
This is the first time I've been on this podcast and the next time I come on, if I ever do come on, it'll be different.
But yeah, because I'm just trying to like, um,
Buddy, this is what it is. We want to hear your story.
I know, but it's kind of like, you know, when I guest star on like a TV show, you want to be as good as you can be.
So you get invited back.
The next time I come back, it'll be 50%.
That's great.
You're really going to phone it in a second time.
But right now I'm nervous.
So it just comes out like this because I really want you guys to like me.
We love you.
And I want the hippie to like me and I want your fans to like me.
So it's coming out.
The most requested guest.
We're in this together.
And I have to say as a side note for white guys, you guys have my body, like my shape, my personality.
And it's not a good thing for you.
It's really not a good thing for you.
But when I looked at you, cause you look at Andrew Schultz and you look at Stefano, they're like human looking.
And they do, they look not mythological.
They look like they can stick their penises in anything.
You guys look like incels.
We do beat our penises.
When no one's in here.
My mother was a minotaur.
Like I don't know anyone in LA that even has your vibe.
Sure.
Maybe like there's some homeless.
If you go to open my plan at night.
I love how he sat there.
I'm just trying because I feel the same.
I think that you guys are white versions of me.
And that's why I'm blessed to be here.
It's a compliment.
Thank you so much for that wonderful, wonderful compliment.
Because you guys, I know you guys get, you have a girlfriend.
You have a wife, you have a girlfriend.
And that to me is like mind boggling.
It really is.
To me, it's like, oh my God.
To us too.
It works, it's working.
That means you have...
Those guys, Stefano and Schultz and these guys, right?
They have their looks to get them by.
Anybody can get brawls when you look good.
Do it looking like us.
But with us, dude, it's like we're like miracles.
We're like killing the game, right?
And we're also paving the way for other uglies.
Yeah, of course.
We're storming the beaches here.
And now let me say something, right?
If you lost weight, you could have like a Gary Gullman vibe, right?
But you, uh-uh.
You got no shot.
You have no shot.
That's fine.
Let's go back to the molestation, why not?
I never thought I would say that, but please let's.
Yeah, am I being rude?
No.
Oh my God.
You're so good and so funny that the fact of,
he's like, yeah, I'm gonna be playing the nice one.
Nah, well, we're making fun of each other.
I'm not gonna make fun of you guys.
And then he just like whipples and then we get 18 minutes
and he's like, good night.
Well, I'm not, I was just telling the truth.
Well, that's why I love you.
I'm not being mean.
We don't think that.
So anyway, I think you're being a little mean,
but that's just amazing.
So you're in Minnesota.
What did your mom and dad do for a living?
What was your dad doing?
My dad owned clothing stores called Fashion Gal.
He owned them.
Yeah, and we owned, well, my uncles and my dad owned
like 75 stores across the country.
So he did well.
Yeah, we did well.
But still with the booze and the abuse and stuff like that.
Well, he was like, he didn't obviously drink at work,
but you know, he would drive around at the stores
and this and that, but he would come home
and get drunk.
Like, you know, I would always like hide in my room
because you never knew what was going to happen.
You know, he turned into like, you know, incredible Hulk,
but he didn't grow.
And he's yellow.
He was a bad dude.
Yeah.
And he would pick up kitchen tables and throw it at people.
It was crazy.
And so anyway, and then I was most of a guy that guy
with Down syndrome down the street.
That's what my brother says.
My brother says that.
Yeah.
The imagery of the shack and then Zamboni.
You know what Zamboni is?
Yeah.
Yeah.
He took care of the Zamboni in this outside ice rink.
Ice rink down the street from it.
Yeah.
And I think he molested a bunch of kids,
but I went there every day.
You know what I mean?
In the summer because he had candy.
I love candy.
You know what I mean?
And so I don't think anything happened where like,
you know what I mean?
Uh-huh.
Never forget it.
The kid really likes the Snickers, huh?
Yeah.
And so, um, and then I,
then we moved to San Diego at the age of 11.
For business?
Like it was like, yeah, my dad goes, let's move.
Right.
Yeah.
And then we went to the family stayed together.
He went with you to San Diego.
Yeah.
He's always been there.
Sure.
Like my age with full blown muscles and stashes at age 11.
Right.
I had like skater kids and like, you know,
this is back in the days where like Bones Brigade
and all these things were happening, you know,
it's cool as shit.
Yeah.
And I just remember this kid like flipping over his
skateboard and like putting out a line of meth
across the street from me.
And I went, I didn't even ask what it was.
I was like, can I have some?
And he was like, yeah, dude, is that candy?
Yeah.
And it was snort that.
And then like, you know, I'm talking about 11, 12,
you know, like young.
Damn.
Is this just skating fast?
Yeah.
Is this a nice neighborhood you guys moved into?
Yeah.
Family had a little bit of money.
You moved into a nice neighborhood.
Down in San Diego, you get a little bit more of a wider
cultural experience, a little bit more familiar.
Yeah.
Yeah.
And then I'm sure Minnesota is different now,
but in the in the 70s, I don't know.
Yeah.
For sure.
That makes total sense.
And then my dad had this refrigerator where he'd
stock alcohol, you know what I mean?
And because he was an alcoholic and I could sneak
in there and drink as many beers.
No one would know.
So it was just I just started my alcoholism
and drug addiction that early, early, you know.
And then, um, yeah, I just got all F's.
Okay.
There you go.
You know what I mean?
Yeah, I'm pretty athletic, you know what I mean?
But other than that, like I was just a failure.
You know what I mean?
I just, you know, and then every time you would bring
home like an F to your violent Korean dad and your mom,
they would get violent and crazy.
And it was just like your brother good in school.
He was up until his senior year and then he kind of drifted.
But, um, yeah, he was like the Christian.
You know, he did, he went to church and he also,
you know, got straight A's.
And then I don't know what happened.
I was in Paris because my brother was really good in school
and I was terrible at school.
And that just makes you look even worse.
You look even worse.
It's terrible.
Did you hate your brother?
No, I loved him.
Yeah, I love my brother too.
Yeah, I love 100%.
And then I went to rehabs.
I just remember in, um, in high school,
I did went to three, two or three,
like one detox, two regular rehabs.
And then I, um, yeah.
Nice ones though.
Um, I, what's so funny?
I don't know you, I just, I love you.
Yeah, I believe that nothing happens.
Everything happens for a reason.
And I believe in sort of like this cosmic thing where like,
it just, if you do make the right choices,
that there's a path and things just fall in line
the way it's supposed to.
And I don't fight it.
You know what I mean?
Plus when you're growing up in an immigrant home,
there's no life skills that you learn because
I don't know the Korean language.
My parents never taught me anything about anything.
Like everything that I learned was through like
Scorsese movies or whatever, you know what I mean?
Like main streets, you know what I mean?
Like I would rent movies and watch them.
So it's like I had no life skills.
So like when I went to that rehab,
when my junior year in high school,
McDonald's center,
that's where I kind of learned how to live,
you know what I mean?
And learned things.
And then I'm supposed to be at that rehab.
And I just kind of bought into all that, right?
So it's like, so I went to rehab in La Jolla.
I got sober in La Jolla.
I grew up in a town called Poway,
which is like 45 minutes away, right?
So every A meeting I went to was in La Jolla.
Now what's in La Jolla?
The comedy store.
So after high school, I moved to La Jolla
because that's where all my sober friends were.
And I started working in there
and I happened to have a job
at a coffee shop that was attached to the comedy store,
the one that you went to.
It used to be a place called Disc Cafe.
It was owned by 91X radio,
which was like the alternative station.
And I had orange hair.
Like I bleached my hair.
I was really into like early Sonic youth
and the Fugazi.
Yeah, Sub Pop, all that stuff.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
And I just remember getting changed
because we would need to get changed
from the comedy store, you know,
for the coffee shop.
And so I met Fred Burns at the time
was the manager of the La Jolla comedy store.
And then the girl that I was working with
at Disc Cafe,
her boyfriend was a guy named Mike Carano,
who was the manager of the Pacific Beach improv,
who still works for the improv now.
Damn.
So you have to imagine I'm in La Jolla
and I'm surrounded by comedy indirectly, right?
Because Mike would go,
A, after shift,
we're going to go see Brian Regan
at PB improv.
And I would go at C-Pop Cat Goldwaith.
And I was really like,
I would like to stand up when I would watch it.
Yeah, but it wasn't like speaking to you.
It wasn't like pulling you.
Right.
It's until I saw like an open mic where I was like,
I can do that.
Yeah, yeah.
You see, you see someone do it bad.
I'm fucking better than this idiot.
Yeah, yeah.
So I just remember like,
Disc Cafe closing.
I'm still sober.
I'm still sober at 17.
And then I'm 23 years old now,
living La Jolla,
working like restaurant jobs and shit.
My coffee shop job closed.
And I was walking by the La Jolla Comedy Center
and they happened to have a help wanted sign him.
And I knocked on the door because I knew Fred.
And I go, hey dude,
I'm the guy next door.
He's like, oh yeah.
Can I get a job?
He's like, well, I only hire stand-ups.
And I was just like, well,
I'm thinking about doing it,
which I don't know if I was or not.
And I got a job.
There's a bar back.
And then two weeks later, I was on stage.
That's fucking awesome.
Yeah.
So that's how it, and it happened quick for me.
Like I did it three months later.
Carlos Mencia.
You know him?
Yes.
You like him?
He's a good friend.
Yeah.
No, I don't know him, but yeah,
I know who he is.
Who is he?
He's a guy he used to work with.
You really got me in the hot seat here, Bobby.
No, no, no.
From the vibes you're giving,
but it's a guy you don't like.
I love him.
Yeah.
He's like a bro, he's, dude,
I wouldn't be here without him and Paulie Shore.
Sure.
So I'm just asking you.
No.
He's my friend.
How do you feel about him?
He's the guy who does the compilations of jokes, right?
That was rude.
Son of a bitch.
You turdy hippie son of a bitch.
True, but fuck you.
No, so,
but do you like what's your,
what's your feeling toward him?
I knew of him before I got into comedy,
so I didn't understand all of the underage rules
and all of that kind of stuff.
Before my time.
Yeah.
I don't have any real understanding
or any skin in the game
or really know what happened.
Right.
I have some.
I have to say one thing about him.
One of the best performers I've ever seen.
He's a murderer.
He was a murderer machine.
Of course.
And that's all I have to say.
Kimmy, how about that display, baby?
You mean the coolest in the biz?
Yeah.
It was something cool to cover up your walls
and use a paper poster.
That's not going to hold up.
What is this, the 1990s?
Get yourself displayed, baby.
They got cool designs.
They got movies.
They got anime.
They got cartoons.
And they got licensing deals with Marvel,
Star Wars, the whole nine yards,
and Netflix and more.
Yeah, baby.
I'm talking heavy by none of that shit
that rips or bends or crinkles.
You could eat off this thing.
I'm turning mine into a goddamn coffee table.
It only takes 20 seconds to hang a display.
No power tools are needed.
No damages.
No frustrations.
I'm a Seinfeld man myself.
That's what I dabble in.
With everyone that you buy display,
plants a tree as well,
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Really?
That's companies these days.
That's what displays do.
They're putting it back in Mother Earth, baby.
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Think about that.
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Do it.
Cable, let's talk about Manscape, baby.
Manscape.
Come on.
You know what we're talking about, gang.
Just because summer's over.
Don't mean you don't stop cutting the grass.
You know what I'm saying?
Keep things trimmed.
Keep things tight.
Maybe a little bit of that holiday candy
gets sweet on you.
You know what I'm saying?
This is when people let it go.
You got to be better than competition.
Keep it tight.
And with the platinum package,
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and you can take care of the attic, too.
Because there's nothing worse than seeing a good looking dude
running around with nose hair sticking out everywhere.
Take a couple of seconds, get the platinum package
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Yeah, guys.
It's got the Lawn Mower 4.0 Body Trimmer
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Manscaped, clear out the leaves.
It's your tree trunk's time to shine, yeah.
But anyway, so when I was there,
Fred would have me host the Saturday Night Show,
one show.
If you were a doorman there,
there was a rule that you get to do five minutes.
So you have to imagine, like,
I was just chomping at the pits
because you would have Hollywood guys
come down there and headline.
So as soon as Mencia went up,
his manager was there,
signed me.
Really?
Five minutes.
And then Paulie was there.
Five minutes he got signed?
Well, he's just like,
you know, I'll, like,
pop it.
It was a term back then.
Like, I'm not going to give you a contract.
I'll bring it into my wing a little bit.
But I'll, like, think about you,
you know what I mean?
And if something comes my way,
I'll help you.
And then Paulie saw me
and he was just, like, open for me.
So, like, I think within a year
of doing stand-ups,
I was 23.
I was, I did,
I went up and opened for Paulie in Vegas.
Geez.
In front of, like, 5,000 seats.
I only had, like, five minutes.
Right?
And I went up there and his mom was there.
And his mom made me a regular
at all her clubs.
Wow.
Right?
So it's like, yeah,
it happened kind of fast.
So it's like, I was like,
oh, I went from the street
to knocking on that door.
But that's the thing I was saying
that I believe
All of those things
happened.
We have to,
all those things were just,
I'm just kind of waking up
and just showing up to things.
You know, you have to show up to things
and you have to try.
Right?
But those are the only two rules
that I've really gone by.
It's like, I try
and I wake up
and I show up
and I just see what happens.
Right?
So it's like, I've only,
so I have no real skill set
or people go,
you're talented.
I don't know.
I guess, but I'm just doing it.
Sure.
Right?
And so that's my kind of, like,
philosophy of life.
That's your view on it, yeah.
So I just kind of, like,
and then all of a sudden I'm, like, here.
Like, that's why I'm right here.
Because I just kind of,
I'm following this path.
Yeah, kind of going with the flow.
But I've, like,
gone in and out of, you know,
sobriety since, you know,
so I, you know,
I had 12 years,
17 years of sobriety.
And then now I only have seven months.
Okay.
Well, hey, baby, back on the horse.
Going with the flow.
I love it.
Oh, in high school I sucked it.
I forgot to tell you that.
To go back.
There was no Zamboni's either.
Yeah, it's a Pulp Fiction,
like a Pulp Fiction podcast where
we're just doing a Pulp Fiction,
you kind of have a thing.
So you go through the flow of the universe.
You blew a couple of guys
and you can't tell time.
Yay, yay, yay, yay, yay.
That's what we're at, ladies and gentlemen.
Yeah, I'm not gay, I'm not gay,
I'm not gay, I'm not gay,
but I just did it.
Yeah.
Because I'm like,
People suck dick that aren't gay.
Yeah, I'm like open to like,
like, you know, let's try it.
You know what I mean?
Figure it out.
And then you're like,
I don't like it, you know what I mean?
But then you try a couple of times.
Anyway.
Flow of the universe.
But the reason why.
Talk about showing up.
Let's go.
Can I touch, please?
Yeah.
The reason why I love New York so bad.
I love it so much, I mean.
And bad is that, you know,
when I started doing comedy,
I was kind of like,
I was doing like dad jokes and like,
you know, like positive,
more positive, you know what I mean?
And I remember coming to New York
and I had to play a club hauling
for Caroline.
Caroline.
Caroline.
Yeah, yeah.
What are you looking at?
Nothing.
There's a sound.
He's looking at the cameras.
No, there's a sound.
It's the elevator.
Yeah.
You've never heard a sound before?
Bobby, check in.
It's a podcast.
Broadcast.
Yeah.
Because I'm trying to give
New York its props.
Okay.
Right.
Many, many years ago,
I did Caroline's and I could only do
like 20 minutes after mad TV.
And they're like,
you could headline,
but I could,
I only can do 20 minutes.
Sure.
And I remember like,
it was hard to sell tickets,
you know?
And so they made me go on
Anthony.
Yeah.
And I was like,
first time I went on that was
terrible, but I remember
learning how to do this kind of
new brand of being more honest.
Open.
And be open and all that kind
of stuff.
So I learned that through,
you know, seeing Gerardo and
Patrice and Norton and all those
Voss and open Anthony.
And those guys kind of taught
me how to like defend myself.
The reason why I'm mean,
I was saying that you guys look
ugly in this and that wasn't,
that's not my nature.
I don't remember you saying that.
Yeah.
Thanks for bringing it back up.
Yeah.
No, I think, you know,
New York company kind of brought
that out of me.
That's great.
Yeah.
It fits more my
personality.
But it's like,
and I feel way more comfortable
being evil,
but it's like, you know,
but I learned that through
being here in this town.
I love this town, man.
It's a great city.
Yeah.
It's a dump,
but it's a great city.
More questions.
I think I talked too much.
Why don't you guys talk more?
I'll be back.
We'll get you smoke.
So is there other questions?
Let's go.
Yeah.
Of course.
We haven't even scratched the
surface.
That was, that was a great back
story.
It was good.
It was good origin school
story.
Fantastic.
Pretty good.
Yeah.
Yeah.
And it makes me love you even
more to be honest with you, man,
and you deserve everything.
I'm still on the fence a little
bit, but that's just me, Bobby.
I don't think so.
No.
I'm in the Bobby pool.
Yeah.
We're together.
Yeah.
All right.
What's the name of that?
Dover drive.
That's not bad.
Nice house.
Nice house.
Yeah.
Dover drive.
Very nice.
Yeah.
Adyna, you know, upper middle
class.
Do they still own the stores or
is that all?
Oh, they went bankrupt.
It's gone.
It's all gone.
Well, they're dead.
Both your parents passed away.
No, my mom's still alive.
Your mom's still alive.
But my dad died.
Okay.
Score one for the good guys.
I miss him.
I miss him again.
Are you close to your mom?
What?
Are you close to your mom?
Yeah.
She's in Phoenix.
She's in Phoenix, Arizona.
Yeah.
It's weird because May I may
interject her?
Yeah, please.
Please.
Just real quick.
My dad died.
You know, my dad died, you know,
and two years ago.
And that's when my I relapsed
after 17 years of sobriety.
Yeah.
Yeah.
And and then after he died,
all this Asian hate started
happening.
You know, stop Asian hate, right?
And like people were getting
targeted Asians, right?
Elderly.
That's why I wish my dad was still alive.
Imagine that.
Someone just run up and hit him.
I would like, I would like to drop him off
at our Trump rally.
China virus.
China virus started it.
Right.
Right.
And then they would all, you know,
American flags would be great.
All they see is a silver GTI streak.
You know why?
Two of them in unison.
Two of them in unison.
It's a stand.
I just threw in a stand up joke.
That's a good streak.
Thank you.
Thank you.
I can't do it tonight, but thank you.
Great.
But so my, so my mom,
so imagine my dad died two years ago
and she, my mom, you know,
was beaten by this man
for forever.
And he dies
and now she's the freest person.
Well, that's,
that's a great.
I've ever seen like she's just like doing
her thing.
That's awesome.
Right.
And just like all that bag because,
you know, he was sick for like 15 years.
So she had to like dig the shit out of
his ass.
He was had strokes and he was paralyzed
and so he became his nurse.
Yeah.
You hear me for all these years and
we would go back there and like help
this guy.
I love him, but
because he had changed, you know,
as we got older, but
so it's just really interesting to
see my mom so free.
That's really cool.
That's awesome.
Yeah.
Anyway, that's fantastic.
All right.
Talk about the flow of the universe
right now.
That's fantastic.
Staying in the childhood a bit
and he pets growing up.
Don't get there.
That's what that's the button that
pushes.
He got molested on a Zamboni.
Yeah.
Don't go there.
Can't talk about a fish tank.
What are we doing here?
Well, I'm in the truth.
This is this.
You know, do you know how many
animals I have now?
No.
That's also a follow up question.
I have four dogs.
Nice.
And three cats.
Nice.
They're in my freezer.
I'm going to have a barbecue.
I love it.
Delicious.
Delicious.
No, no.
And no, I have four ducks.
I have four dogs and three cats.
Another stand up joke.
I just throw them in there.
Oh, it's great.
It's killing.
Yeah.
But I have, yeah.
And I, the reason why I have so
many cats is because of my parents.
I, um, this is a sad story.
But, um, why are you laughing?
I'm preparing for it.
Yeah.
If there's no like harshness to it,
they didn't kill it.
But, um, I remember asking my, um,
parents when I was young, I go, I
was like eight or nine.
I go, can we get a pet?
And so my parents go, we'll get a
cat.
So I had this cat Tommy.
We got, got Tommy as a kitten.
Okay.
And he was never allowed in the
house.
Like this pen, you know what I mean?
And every day for like a summer,
that's all I did was I was in this
pen and I would play with Tommy.
And I love this cat so fucking much,
man.
So much, man.
Like it was like, that's all I could
think about.
You know, I bonded with this thing.
And then one day like I go out there
and he's gone.
I freak the fuck out.
I go outside.
You know what I mean?
I'm running around the neighborhood.
So finally I'm like crying to my parent.
I go, Tommy, I can't find him.
Right.
And my dad go, we gave him away.
You know what I mean?
You know what I mean?
I go, but what about he's like, there
was like no compromise.
There was no discussion.
Mommy allergic.
Right.
And then like they both went in the
house and we're just being in the
garage.
Like not only was I sad, but I was
just like full of rage.
Fuck yeah.
Right.
Like rage.
Like, you know, not only were they
like ethnic and from immigrants and
stuff, there was like no discussion
about anything.
No, no sharing of feelings.
Like how do you feel?
What can we do?
Very old school.
Very old school.
Right.
It's just like my way, the highway.
And that, I mean, with all the shit
that I went through, like all those
little events kind of made me like,
you know, very angry and rageful.
And like, I think rightly so.
Yeah.
I think that's a lot of displaced
emotion sitting somewhere.
I think that helps with standup.
I think that feeling of like, I'll
show you.
Yeah.
You know, that's always like when a
girl rejects you, like I will show
you when a guy bullies you, you'll
see what I'm going to do.
And like you just kind of do things
like you go crazy and do things that
are scary because you're just trying
to express yourself and get, you know,
get all that out.
You know what I mean?
And like I said before, like all
the stuff I used as a tool to like,
you know, rise.
Yeah.
I mean, a lot of kids like will,
you know, not get sober.
I think that also comes into play
for me.
Like I was always kind of like, you
know, if I continue to do drugs
and become a thief and go down this
path, I'll end up more like my dad
or end up like a criminal.
So I'm just kind of like, you know,
I got to get sober and do the right
thing.
And like I was, it was a good kid.
My brother and I are good kids.
You know, we were like, we were always
empathetic.
And so, you know, I just kind of used
that anger and that rage to benefit
myself.
But anyway, you know, because my
dad, parents did that, I, they did
that.
And then when I was 15, we got a dog
and then they gave that dog to a pool,
our pool guy.
They got that cleaned up swimming pool.
Geez.
Gave your fucking dog away.
So the same.
But at that point, I did, I knew
something was going to happen.
So I didn't bond with that guy.
You didn't really connect to it.
Connect with as much.
Smart, smart.
Defend yourself a little bit.
And then 10 years ago, I met
Kalyla, my ex-girlfriend.
And she was really into animals.
And I remember going to her apartment.
I met her on Tinder and she lived in
Long Beach.
And I remember the first night I spent
the night at her house, there was a
kitten that she found on the street,
Ming.
I still have Ming.
And Ming was underneath the couch
because he was kind of feral.
And then one day, she was going out
of town.
She goes, can Ming stay at your condo
in Hollywood?
So I go, yeah, yeah.
And I remember coming home from a
spot and I opened the door and Ming
was just kind of waiting for me,
you know, at my doorway.
That'll melt your heart.
Yeah.
And Ming goes, hi.
Like, that's what it sounded like.
Like, where were you?
Right?
And I just remember like Ming sleeping
on my shoulder.
Yeah.
And I just remember going, thinking
to myself, I go, this is who I am.
Like, this is, I love animals.
It's great.
I forgot.
Right.
And then I just became hurt.
Yeah.
And I just became an animal hoarder.
Either way.
Like my house is like, you know,
because we also, we constantly foster
too.
So we always have like, there's a
rot wild downstairs.
There's a fucking pit bull downstairs.
Right.
So I'm constantly like, you know,
open to all animals.
Right.
Yeah.
There's that thing.
I adopted it all about six months ago.
And there's that thing of like, I didn't
have one for like 20 years.
And I'm like, I forgot you forget what
you were, the unconditional love that
you were missing out on.
You're like, this is all right.
You know what I mean?
Yeah.
I'm allowed to smile and have a good
time over here.
I just gave it away.
Why?
Would you have an animal?
We have a cat.
Yeah.
You love?
Come on.
What are you nuts?
Lay down in traffic for this.
Me too.
Me too.
What?
It just makes life like fuller.
Yeah.
Right.
It really does.
Cats, dogs, the whole million yards.
I've never gone through as an adult,
the deaths.
I think about it.
I think about it daily.
I'm like, this is going to fucking suck.
I have seven deaths.
It sucks.
I have seven.
This guy's got bodies on him.
Seven deaths I got to go through.
Because I'm connected to all of them.
Sure.
Right.
So I'm like, I have written down at home
like how old they are.
I also Google always how long they live.
You know what I mean?
Like, I have it all fucking planned.
I'm going to be fucked, bro.
Yeah.
Yeah.
As a kid, you know, not that the pain of having them.
The pain of the unknowing of, oh my God,
what happened to Tommy is fucking brutal.
Then it's brutal when your parents say,
we gave it away.
That's so definitive.
But as a kid, a lot of people don't think about this.
People get married.
They get a dog or they get a cat.
Then they have kids.
When those kids are about 10, 11 years old,
that dog's going to die.
That's what happened to us.
We had a German shepherd and he got real sick.
So you were born with a German shepherd in your life.
Yeah.
And so he's your life.
Yeah.
And we went to football practice one day
and my mom picked us up.
She was bawling, crying.
She's like, she's like, Mike's gone.
And dude, we were fucked up.
Brutal.
It's brutal.
It's absolutely brutal.
So good luck with that.
Let me ask you something.
Yeah, I had.
Did you immediately cry?
Hmm.
Yeah.
100%.
Yeah.
I was a little kid.
Yeah.
Fucking freaked out for how long?
I mean, I mean, theoretically,
probably a therapist would say,
I'm still not over it.
Yeah.
Yeah.
That's why I stopped going.
Yeah.
No.
For days, for weeks, months,
years.
100%.
Just kind of lingers with you.
100%.
But I mean, I'm sure that gives you
a better understanding about death.
No.
No.
Made me even more scared.
Yeah.
Well, you didn't hate it.
Well, you didn't process any of the
you should have talked to somebody.
Somebody should have processed.
Somebody should have guided you through that.
I want my goddamn dog back.
And somebody find Tommy too.
Will you?
Jesus Christ.
Tommy and Mike are out there fucking
knocking over a bank probably.
Did you guys immediately get another
dog or was that it?
Didn't get a dog probably for five years
after that.
I feel like he gotta fill it back
in quick to like,
Okay, good.
Use it over, I feel.
Yeah, yeah.
Just like, Oh, hey, I'm gonna
pull my attention here.
And I'll tell you this just as a
different road traveled.
So when we got when we moved,
we were like, all right.
They were ready to get another dog.
We got a dog.
He was a maniac.
Tyler, he was a beastly hand.
And my parents kind of got fed
up with them and they took him back
to the SPCA.
But my dad literally went to
he's like, I'm not doing this
and went the next day and got him
back.
We're not, we're not, we're not,
we're not, we're not, we're not,
we're not doing that.
Wow.
Yeah, yeah.
So you had a good childhood then.
Yeah, I had a good childhood.
Wow.
Yeah, it was all right.
Yeah.
You?
Yeah, pretty good.
It was good.
I would also say his probably
wasn't great either.
But just give me a second.
Just give me a second.
I'm just trying to get the
resentment in there.
My was a little dysfunctional.
And if it makes you feel any better,
there was a an activity center
that I used to go to when I was a
kid where I'm pretty sure they
fondled.
Somebody got him.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Yeah.
That's scary.
Yeah.
Like I have nightmares of like
this guy with Down syndrome on a
Zamboni.
Yeah.
I'm just running on ice.
Mine wasn't candy.
It was hot dogs.
What?
You got me with hot dogs.
Yeah.
Is that, is that code for like his
dick or?
Okay.
Yeah.
It's pretty hot dogs a day.
Wow.
Yeah.
So you had, did you?
What?
Get fondled?
Did we get their hands on you,
Kippy?
No.
Not that I remember unless I
completely repressed it.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Yeah.
I repressed it pretty hard and
I'm not a hundred percent sure what
but I remember seeing an adult
penis at that place.
Yeah.
When I don't think I should have.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Unless it was a weird class that I
didn't know I was in.
It's the history of time.
One hundred percent.
Yeah.
Of course.
Yeah.
Yeah.
I mean, I'm cavemen probably did it.
Yeah.
There's a percentage of people that
just get God.
Man, that's what it is.
I probably smell.
Just imagine a cave.
Right.
Right.
And he's just like jerking the
kid.
I mean, yeah.
No candy either.
No candy.
Yeah.
Couple of rocks.
Right.
Some lion meat or something.
Couple of rocks in the dark room.
Some lion meat.
That's how you got them in the
vans.
Lion meat.
That's hilarious.
Have you ever seen one before?
Yeah.
OK.
Wild.
Go ahead.
Yeah.
I'm a garbageette.
No, not yet.
Nothing real definitive.
OK.
Definitely broken.
I can tell you that.
We all are.
Definitely in shambles.
Welcome to the party.
Let's talk a little bit about now.
What's your favorite flavor Gatorade?
I don't.
You don't drink Gatorade.
No.
What do you drink during throughout
the day?
Just water.
Yeah.
No Diet Coke.
You would say you're a refined
individual now.
I know you like to eat good food.
Well, I mean, I drink like Diet Coke.
OK.
Nice Diet Coke.
Here are the drinks I drink.
Here we go.
You want to get into it.
This is exactly what the show is.
All right.
Water.
OK.
Right.
Diet Coke.
DC's.
Some sort of cold brew or four
shots of espresso over ice.
I like that.
You also pronounce it Expresso.
Just let you know.
What is that?
Espresso.
There's no X.
Espresso.
Four shots is a lot too.
But I like it.
Is there any milk in there?
Oat milk.
Do oat milk.
Don't do that again.
What?
Don't correct me.
I didn't correct you.
I just pointed out that you pronounced it wrong.
Yeah.
It makes me angry.
I want you to make it two shots the next time.
Anyway, I drink those and then that's it.
Sometimes I'll go to like a fancy restaurant
and go make me a mocktail.
Mocktails are nice.
Why is big mocktail good?
Yeah.
Yeah.
And they'll do something fancy with ginger
on it.
Sure.
So you do go out to a nice restaurant.
As you know, you go out to a nice restaurant.
Will you order the sparkling water or do you get still?
Do you do like the Pellegrino?
Sparkling.
I like sparkling.
Give me a bottle of Pellegrino.
Yeah.
I never get the tap.
Yeah.
I always get bottled.
Always.
Always get bottled.
Although I heard New York water is great.
I like New York tap.
But yeah.
I'll do tap water pretty much anywhere.
Yeah.
For the most part.
But in some places you can't.
And then like in the Philippines you can't.
I was just in the Philippines three weeks ago.
Nice.
Right.
You can't drink that water.
I got my hands full.
How was the food?
Good.
White bluit.
You did?
You know what it is now?
Your
you did?
You know what it is.
Now you know what Bluetooth.
Look it up.
I don't even know how to spell it.
BALUT.
I don't think it's pizza.
It's not street food.
Right?
Maybe two days before.
It hatches.
It hatches.
That's a hatchable egg.
Right.
And so it's, it's, you eat that.
So I had one.
How was that?
Well, when you, when you, so when you crunch down on the skull, the brain squirts in your
mouth and then you get the feathers stuck between your teeth, but other than that, it's delicious.
Little soy sauce.
You're all right.
It literally is.
I can't believe it.
So like, yeah, that's what you ate.
Is that your first time having it?
Yeah.
Yeah.
It wasn't good.
Well, honestly, if I closed my eyes and I just ate it, I'd just be like, Oh, is this
egg?
But like, you know what I mean?
With more dryness.
You know what I mean?
To it, you know, but when you, when you have eyeball, right?
Like this thing did.
Yeah.
And you look at it.
It's just like, it's weird because the eyes are there and it looks at you like, two days
buddy.
What about like two days?
I was looking at you.
Yeah.
All right.
What about lupier?
Tarot?
Yeah.
I had that too.
But are you an adventurous eater?
Like, will you do the wacky kind of stuff?
What are you talking about?
Maybe that was just, maybe you lost a bet.
I don't know.
You see this over here.
No.
I think I'll try something once.
Like I won't eat monkey brain or anything like that.
That's weird.
But I'm going to eat the eggs that you eat.
Just once.
Okay.
Well, I did it on camera on my podcast.
So it's like, okay.
Like if it wasn't taped, maybe I would have maybe passed.
Gotcha.
Okay.
Fair enough.
But I'll go to a country and I'll eat something.
Yeah.
The delicacy that they have.
But like, I would never eat like, like, you know, like I wouldn't never go to the Euland
dog eating festival.
Okay.
Would you go there?
No, I would.
Yeah.
Would you get angry?
Yes.
Yeah.
Fucking freak out.
I would freak the fuck out.
Probably end up getting killed.
Yeah.
And in Peru, this is going to boggle your mind.
They used to have a cat eating festival.
Oh.
And but they would have a arena.
I'm not kidding you.
And you would, they would let these cats, you know, out and they'd be running and I think
you chase them and stuff.
It's like a game.
Yeah.
Fucked up.
But I wouldn't eat that shit.
But I would.
In fact, I think when I make, if I have like $30 million in the bank, I'm going to quit
comedy and I'm going to, I'm telling God this, I'm going to manifest this.
I'm going to go to every like dog eating, eating a cat eating anything.
And I'm going to put all my resources into shutting it down.
It's good.
There you go.
It makes me crazy.
Very humane.
Yeah.
It's going to happen.
Never say never.
You can manifest.
Yeah.
Manifest it.
But yeah.
All right.
So we did the animals.
What else?
The eating.
What do you got?
Let's get into it.
Let's get into why I would be garbage.
Like the things that I do because like when you say garbage, right?
That means that like I do garbage behavior.
So I've done many garbage behaviors.
Sure.
But we're starting to creep there a little bit.
I fucked so many people over.
I'm a liar.
All that stuff.
I'm a liar.
I mean, is that what garbage means?
No.
What does garbage mean?
It doesn't mean criminal.
Yeah.
Oh, yeah, yeah.
No, I mean, I'm not a murderer anybody, but I'm just like I've lied.
That's how he's drawn.
I never.
I never killed anyone.
I've deceived.
I've deceived.
What do you do insurance for?
Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah.
Oh, OK.
We're getting there.
OK, good.
We're getting there.
Have you ever been to a gender reveal party?
What is that?
Where they reveal the gender of the baby.
Of the baby.
With like blue smoke or red smoke, pink smoke.
No, I've only been invited to.
You don't get invited to a lot of parties.
I've only been invited to.
One.
Two weddings.
Really?
In my whole lifetime.
What?
I've never been.
And then also any of my good friends that get kids.
I never meet the kids and I never meet that.
I don't see them.
You've only been to two weddings.
Yeah.
That's trash.
Is that good?
That's bad.
What do you mean?
You don't get invited to a wedding?
No, I think because people don't think I'm going to go.
OK.
Like I built this reputation for myself.
You can ask people.
I don't call people back.
I don't text people back.
I'm kind of hard to get a hold of.
Real Hollywood.
I like that.
No, it's not Hollywood.
It's just my way.
I think you feel better because you called me.
Pretty cool.
No, I know.
Well, no, because you've caught me in a transition.
Yeah.
OK.
You've caught me in a transition where I'm.
So get those wedding invitations out, folks.
Yeah.
I'm trying to do things.
He's saying yes.
Bobby's got 30 million in the back.
Different.
You know, I'm trying to do everything.
That's very good.
Yeah, yeah.
Everyone back.
I show up to things that have, you know, because usually,
you know, I used to be like.
I'm not doing it.
Whatever.
If it's a stand up gig or if it's like a job or, you know,
an audition, I'll show up to those.
But if it's like a personal thing and if, you know,
I'm just like, who gives a social thing.
Yeah.
And it's out of fear and it's out of because I don't want to be
intimate with people and this and that.
But I'm like, last year or two, I've been kind of like going
against, you know what I mean?
And it's been working.
It's working.
That's great.
Well, we appreciate you coming.
We appreciate it.
Thanks, man.
You like sloppy joes?
I do.
I like barbecue.
I like sloppy joes.
The buns have to be toasted.
Okay.
That's classy.
Yeah.
I like it when there's not a lot, like a pickle.
You like a pickle?
Yeah.
Like a little bit of coleslaw, a little bit of pickle in there.
Coleslaw, man.
Warm.
You know what I mean?
I like it sliced.
I like it in the silver wrapping.
Okay.
But I'm sloppy joe all the day.
Yeah.
That's a guts.
Very good.
I like that.
Ever played racquetball?
Tennis player?
Not racquetball.
No.
Tennis?
Very classy.
Yeah.
Ever been on a softball team?
No, but I just did a softball movie where I did, just literally two months we rapped.
Okay.
And I played softball for the first time for a whole month.
That's pretty cool.
Because I was doing a softball movie.
Softball comedy coming out?
Yeah.
It's nice.
I don't know if it's good or not, but it's got a good cast.
It's got, oh, can I tell?
What do you mean?
Why?
Yes, of course you can.
The fat guy.
What's his name?
Mo Ammer.
Nice.
You're fat, right?
Good guy, though.
Very fun.
He's a Black Adam.
It's coming out.
I can't wait to see it.
And I'm so happy for his success.
I love him.
Great guy.
I love Mo Ammer.
Very talented.
Johnny Knoxville.
Nice.
I'm familiar.
Yeah.
It's got other people.
Oh, Theo Vaughn.
There you go.
Cool.
You know him?
Yeah.
He's good.
It's got the Brian Van Holt.
He's an old actor.
He's very talented.
Sounds like a winner.
It's got some rappers.
Gaeta.
A guy named Shakewell.
Oh, another rapper.
Dumbfounded.
Have you ever been in a focus group?
No, no, no, no.
But I've been like the subject of focus groups.
Sure.
Why?
On the shows and stuff.
Oh, yeah, of course.
Yeah, you have to do, you have to test.
They test it.
Of course, of course.
And they do focus groups.
And you know what I love about being like, like the way I look.
And I have a round, flat face, you know what I mean?
And I kind of look like, if you don't know my history, like, you know,
like, you know what I mean?
Like, you know, like, oh my God, you know what I mean?
He's adorable.
He's adorable.
He looks like an emoji, right?
Yeah.
And so I love getting on a sitcom because I know I'm going to test high.
Right.
So it's like, I always get like, I did this one show where they were like, yeah,
you tested higher than babies and monkeys.
Are you a baby monkey?
And I'm like, I'm like, that's good, right?
Like, like, it's unbelievable.
Like, they don't have like a meter to even like go there.
That's awesome.
It's awesome.
So it's like, and then they're always like, you know, um, they pick it up
because like we got like, you know, a baby monkey on the show.
We have the cutest man alive.
Yeah.
Yeah.
And that's why I like Ken Jung probably does baby monkey numbers.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Baby monkey numbers.
Yeah.
Do you fly first class?
I won't get on a plane if it's not.
Do you?
Yeah.
We just started.
Yeah.
Business wise.
Yeah.
Personally though.
I do business.
Really?
Personal wise.
I listen.
We can't, we can't swing it personally.
I know your numbers.
You can.
No, I can't listen.
This is what I say.
I can make the purchase.
I can't afford it.
Does that make sense?
I shouldn't be, but I am.
Oh, can I say, let me say something to you.
Sure.
Positive wise.
Right.
This is not a joke.
Like I, my, I've been gone, I haven't been home in a month and a half.
I went from the Philippines to Hawaii to Canada to here in New York.
Right.
My agency, my manager was like, don't pod, you're going to lose your voice.
Just do your jobs.
Come home and take a rest.
And I said, I have to do.
Are you garbage?
Oh, thank you.
And I'll tell you the reason why, okay, is because it's, you guys are legitimately on
the rise.
You know, you guys have a great reputation in LA.
Every comic that I know knows you, you guys.
And so, so when you guys say like, I don't know, you know, if I can afford this and that,
it's bullshit.
It's bullshit.
And I'm not buying into it.
I'll show you my bank account.
Well, you're probably spending it on like fentanyl or whatever.
I don't know what you do on the side, but I'm just saying, we're going to ask to borrow
money.
Yeah, you can afford it.
You can afford it.
What's going on?
Yeah.
So I do like, if you can't fly like went to the Philippines, you have to do business
class.
Yeah.
Well, like, right?
I mean, I just did the layflats onto Europe and back.
And that was deferred.
That was a game changer.
It's a game changer.
Right.
So you can go into your bag, sleep.
Yeah.
Right.
Right.
So I did four flights that week before that and then when I was coming back, we were going
to Vega.
It was just like, you got to rest when you're traveling that much.
Right.
Right.
Right.
So welcome, guys.
Thank you.
You guys are doing well.
And it's like, let me say something.
There's no shame in saying that we, you know, because I wasn't able to do it.
I've been in this business since 95, I think the first 20 years of my career, I didn't
do it.
100%.
Yeah.
I did middle seat Southwest.
Yeah.
Even when I was doing the road.
I think that guy from MedTV.
Yeah.
And I would still do it, you know what I mean?
Because I think in the last five or six years, you know, I'm 51.
Right.
You look great.
Thanks, man.
And so, you know, I think I'm like, you know what?
I can do this and I'm going to allow myself to have this.
I worked hard.
Of course.
So don't feel bad about it.
Yeah.
Yeah, I don't.
Not at all.
I just, I just, this is new to us.
I just got my passport last year, late last year.
And you just traveled for the first time to Europe?
Yeah.
It was unbelievable.
What the Paris.
Wow.
For work?
No.
You went on your own.
With your girl?
Yeah.
Oh my God.
And then, isn't it weird?
Yeah, it's crazy.
But it's great, right?
Yeah, it's crazy.
It's so crazy.
It's so like, it's so cool.
And let me ask you something.
Do you think that America is the best country in the world?
She leans back.
Toby, get this commie out of my studio.
Hell yeah.
You're goddamn right it is.
Yeah.
But the McDonald's are better over there.
I'll tell you that.
No, I understand what you're saying.
I have to put my Cowboy boots on.
What's this guy talking about?
The quality control from what I experienced in Paris is superior to what we're doing here.
America is a great country.
The best.
And I'm an American through and through.
I shit red blood.
Red.
What's the name?
Blood.
White and blood.
Red, white and blue.
That's what I want to say.
Let me say that line again.
I'm an American citizen.
I'm proud to be an American.
Yes, sir.
I shit red, white and blue.
Mm-hmm.
Good, right?
The director wouldn't cut that out.
Got it.
And I really believe that America is probably one of the best countries in the world.
Sure.
But you're not allowed to say, if you're an American, to say America is the best country
in the world unless you've been to another country.
I agree.
You've got all these fucking people that live in the woods and I'm not blaming anybody.
Sure.
And I'm not, you know, talking down to anybody, right?
But there are aspects to other countries, right?
Food.
You know what I mean?
The educational system.
And this is that there are strong, you know, their medical system, you know what I mean?
And so it's all right to give props to other countries.
Are doing well.
Are doing well, right?
So I'm saying it's like, we're great, right?
You know, we can argue if it is the greatest or whatever, but I'm saying.
It's up there, baby.
Yeah.
If you've never been to another country, it's like, shut the fuck up.
Yeah.
Shout out to the French, man.
They know the way you're on a fucking steak frites.
I can tell you that.
Yeah.
Let's say travel a bit.
Do you have name brand luggage?
Like is to me?
Yeah.
Yeah.
That's up there.
I don't have that.
You don't?
Yeah.
I have some to me.
Yeah.
To me is good.
Do you do the hard shell?
Oh, yeah, I do.
Hard shell.
How are you getting around the city?
Taking the subway?
You're taking Ubers.
I've never been on a subway.
No.
Are you taking Uber?
Blacks.
Uber Blacks.
Or just regular.
Black drivers.
No, black cars.
I do the one that's like, yeah, five stars.
I do the one that's like the most, whatever the closest thing is.
Okay.
Sometimes it's like luxury.
I'll do that if it's closer.
Yeah, it's closer.
Yeah.
For me, it's been real wonky the past few months.
It's horrible.
Yeah.
For me, it's more time than quality.
I got you.
That makes sense.
Okay.
I'll just go in a really raggedy taxi.
I don't give a fuck.
Yeah.
You do first class flights.
What about the hotel?
You like to stay in a nice hotel?
Yeah.
I mean, come on, baby.
I mean, like for me, it's like I need room service.
Uh-huh.
Will you go heavy on room service?
Like just to have a taste of whatever, a little taste of this?
Well, I get what I want.
Okay.
Is that what you mean?
Yeah.
Like if I go...
I like this side of it.
If I look at the appetizer menu, I go, I want this.
I can't just...
I get all three.
Yeah.
That's what I love.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Yeah.
And then if like...
If it's like, hey, we got a A5 Wagyu steak from Japan.
Mm-hmm.
Like at Boat, there's...
In LA, there's this Wagyu snow.
I don't forget what it's called.
But snow...
Or something like that.
But it's Wagyu A5.
And for...
I'm not kidding you.
A strip of steak this big is $200.
Jesus.
I've had it.
Get it.
Let's go.
You've earned it, baby.
You've earned it.
Now, are there any hotel robes or slippers?
Or in your homes?
I'm not a thief, man.
I don't.
I'm not a thief.
You're allowed to take them.
No, you're not.
If you pay for them.
The hotel towels and all that stuff is the hotels.
Yeah, but they'll charge you for them.
Yeah, they'll charge you for them.
You're essentially paying them on the back end.
Oh, you do.
Yeah.
If you leave with the...
Do you use...
I'm still in pillows.
They charge me?
Wait.
You're still in pillows from a hotel?
Like two of them.
Why?
Nine hair dryers at his house?
No, no, no.
I'm not a thief, though.
No, because sometimes I like...
But I do have a plethora of ironing boards.
And I'm going to take a plan, so I'll just bring the pillows on or whatever.
Or I'll stuck them in my big backpack.
Wait a minute.
Okay, hold on.
Hold on a second there.
That might be the trashiest answer we've ever heard.
Back this up.
Are you telling me that you're walking onto a plane holding a regular bed pillow?
Hotel pillow.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Oh, that's bad, Bobby.
I don't care how much wine you beefy eat.
That's trash.
Okay.
Okay.
Holy shit.
If you go to a restaurant.
Can I make an announcement?
Please.
So I was in a relationship for 10 years.
Mm-hmm.
And, you know, I'm single.
And, you know, DMs and stuff.
Like, I like the nude photos.
Mm-hmm.
Right?
You hear that, guys?
But guys.
No, no, no.
But guys.
Any Zamboni drivers out there.
I go...
Every other one is a dick pic.
Mm-hmm.
And I'm tired of them.
Guys, lay off the dick pics for Mr. Bobby Lee.
Please.
Because it's like, they're bigger.
I get it.
They're bigger.
And I know what you guys are going like.
Hey, you know what I mean?
I'm poor, but I have a bigger dick.
Uh-huh.
Right?
Sure.
But I get it.
It's enough, right?
Okay.
For you ladies out there, right?
If you want to send them, I'm not against it, right?
Mm-hmm.
And now I know that when I make this announcement, there's going to be a plethora of dick pics
now.
Sure.
Because they're going to go against, you know what I mean?
Okay.
But I beg...
I can't get on my knees, but I'll do it like this.
Yeah.
Please.
No more.
I beg of you.
You want the ladies to know that Bobby's open for business?
Yeah.
I mean, I'm not like, you know, a whore, right?
Uh-huh.
You know, I'm dabbling around, you know what I mean?
That's good.
Good for you, Bobby.
I'm dabbling around.
I'm a little picky.
Okay.
As you should be.
I think I should be.
Sure.
100%.
But, you know, I like personalities as well, you know what I mean?
But, you know, I like beautiful faces, you know?
I like New Yorker.
Like some New Yorkers, I like...
The girls have beautiful faces, but their hands are like coal miner.
Yeah.
Right?
And they have a voice like, hey, how you doing?
You know what I mean?
I don't know how to do it in New York, but you know what I mean?
But, you know what I mean?
But, you know, I don't know.
Yeah.
But I like their gruff, gorgeous, pre-sexy.
Yeah.
There's an edge to it.
I like it.
Yeah.
Okay.
What do you mean?
Duly noted.
Well, I'm just saying.
You wouldn't have said any of that if you'd seen our analytics.
Yeah.
I'm sorry, about 7% of the audience are talented.
Okay.
I like it.
How many suits do you own and do you know how to tie a tie?
I know how to tie a tie and I just got my first suit.
What?
I got my first suit four months ago.
The reason why is because I went to Eric Griffin's wedding.
Mm-hmm.
And I borrowed my friend Jean Hong's suit and I had the tape.
So, there was electrical tape in the sleeves.
Why didn't you go get a nice suit for your friend's wedding?
I didn't know how.
I didn't know how.
Just listen to me, man.
It's crazy.
Right?
So, and then I was at the wedding and they had electrical tape, right?
Uh-huh.
And then I went to another friend's wedding.
So, I've been to a couple.
I would lie.
Okay.
Lately, I've been going to wedding and I had electrical tape and people were starting
to make fun of me and stuff.
So, I was invited to my first real Hollywood premiere.
A premiere that I wasn't in the movie.
Mm-hmm.
I just know the director.
And it's like a high elevated thing.
And so, I just kept calling comments like, where do I go?
And I just went to a mall and went to a Hugo Boss.
Sure.
And I got altered.
And so, I had my first like real legit.
I looked good in it.
Love that.
Right?
And I went to the fucking premiere and I looked good.
Nice.
And it was like...
I went home and returned it.
No.
Okay.
I haven't hung.
Yeah.
I can't wait to use it again.
Yeah.
Looks good.
It's got like a bluish, dark bluish vibe to it.
Yeah.
That's in right now.
I like it.
Very good.
That's pretty good.
Huh.
That's pretty good.
But the movie I went to was Nope.
I do that.
I didn't want to say anything.
We talked about that at Norm's.
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
We talked about that at Norm's.
Now, I know Eric might be a little bit different because he's a peer.
But what did you give as a gift at that wedding?
What'd you drop?
Nothing.
You didn't give a gift?
You didn't give a gift?
What if you went to like a non-entertainment...
Say you came to our wedding.
No gift.
No gift?
Why?
I'm not in the mafia.
What the fuck?
No, it's like a envelope put in this bag.
Yeah, with some cash in it.
Listen, if you're poor, like if I knew a guy that worked at Subway.
Okay.
Which I would love to meet somebody from there.
Sure.
You know what I mean?
I might have not against it.
Get in the DMs, gang.
Slide in the DMs.
Subway, yeah.
And I knew like, you know, they're struggling, you know what I mean?
But like, I went to Sebastian Manoskalko's wedding.
Sure, that's what I'm saying.
I didn't bring shit.
Really?
He's a fucking millionaire.
Mm-hmm.
I'm not gonna go and give him a vase.
Or use a vase.
Or like, no.
I showed up.
That's the nice shit.
That's the gesture.
Yeah.
You know what I mean?
I go, congratulations.
You know what I mean?
I say all that, whatever you need to say.
I mean, I'm so happy for your future.
Yeah.
Or whatever you say.
Okay.
And I sat there the whole time and I clapped and I cried.
I dealt that shit.
Okay.
Right?
Eric, no, he's a comic.
He's fine.
He's doing fine.
Okay.
Fine.
He's fine.
Okay.
Go back there.
Are you leaving?
Is he leaving?
We're in the middle of work.
What are you talking about?
Where are you going?
He's just checking.
Oh, sorry.
When's the garbage meter?
You're tipping that way now for sure.
I mean, go on.
Just got your first suit.
You don't give gifts at a wedding.
Yeah, yeah.
Steal on the pillows from the hotel.
You do have a to me, though.
That's pretty nice.
Anything else about the restaurants?
Yeah.
Say you go out to a restaurant with friends, right?
Say you and Santino or so going out to a nice dinden.
I have a thing.
Who's picking up that check?
Well, Santino.
And I'm going to say that I don't want to start a war and he's going to be so mad.
But he, I'm beginning to think, let's say, he disappeared.
I want to say that the last meals, he disappears.
Really?
So right before the check appears, he goes, I got a golf thing.
Or, you know what I mean?
Oh, shit.
I got to go to Dave.
It's like, you didn't say you were going to shoot today, right?
There's something.
And then he leaves and then the check comes and it's happened for the last eight times.
And I have never said it out loud before.
I don't know if that's going to start something with him.
He's paid before I remember a call.
I'm sure.
I'm sure.
But the last guy is a nice guy.
I love a very talented guy, but the last couple has been a little suspect.
But, you know, I'm going to wait for the next meal, see what happens.
You know?
And let me say, the last one was Maestro's.
Have you ever heard of Maestro's?
It's a very expensive restaurant chain.
I think I spent, I'll just tell you what I spent, because it was with the producer, Andrew,
and a girl named Jetski, who's like a sidekick on Bad Friends.
Very talented girl.
She had never been to a fancy restaurant, so we took her Maestro's.
And I think I dropped $750.
And he left.
Really?
Right.
And it kind of, you know, it kind of irked me a bit.
You know what I mean?
I'm now expressing that.
And don't edit that out.
I want to see what that happens for a relationship.
Edit that out.
It's a clip.
What are you talking about?
Yeah.
Yeah.
I want to see what that happens for.
But he's not cheap.
He's been, he's saved my life a bunch of times.
And I love him.
Keep this in the clip too.
Keep this in the clip too.
He's a great guy, right?
But I'm just saying.
Love him.
Last couple of times.
That's all.
I got to say this.
I got to call, I love you.
I got to call Brawls and Strikes There.
Yeah.
$750.
We dropped that.
Yeah.
You got to be dropping for the dinner.
Are you kidding me?
An expensive meal.
I know your numbers.
I know a nice restaurant.
You think I should be paying for it?
Yeah.
That's a haircut to you guys.
Who gives a shit?
That's getting coffee.
You come in here all that.
That's what you hit me with.
$750.
I got Tom Segura back here with a $50, $2,000 check.
Not including the debt.
Wait, wait, wait.
That's his check?
Yeah.
That's what he spent on his birthday dinner.
$750.
I got that on the ear.
Bro, bro.
I'll pay for Santino.
No, no, no.
Andy, I got you.
So here's the deal about Tom Segura, right?
Can I say something about Tom Segura?
Have you had him out here?
We have.
That's him.
He wrote that.
Love him.
Love him.
Greatest guy in the world.
But you know, it's like, I've never seen him do stand-up, ever.
I've never seen him at the club or nothing, right?
And I don't watch anybody.
You know what I mean?
I don't know what anyone's doing.
He murders.
He's one of the best I've ever seen.
He kills.
He's one of the best.
And that's what I'm saying.
Let me follow this logic.
Follow this logic, right?
So he's just like, he's like, yeah, you wanted to do shows in Canada.
This is last week.
I saw you were here.
Yeah, this is right.
I was like, oh, shit, that's right.
And I show up, and it's like stadiums.
Yeah.
He ain't doing the fucking yuck yuck.
I was like, you did this?
Yeah.
He's huge.
He's great.
I still play like fucking, you know what I mean?
Lies, guys.
Sure.
Got out.
We were just there.
Great club, right?
I'll do the Denver Comedy Works.
Great club?
Great clubs.
But he's like a, like, he's you, too.
Yeah.
Whole play.
It's crazy.
You're right.
Principally, 750.
I should just eat that.
750.
You're right, you're right.
I fucked up, right?
But here's a little thing.
You're talking about flying first class.
You're stealing pillows and complaining about 750 at a dinner for a team.
But here's the deal, trash.
He spends out of McDonald's.
And I will again.
Yeah, yeah.
But here's my rule, and people know this about me.
If I pay for it, you don't get to take nothing home.
Bobby gets the leftovers.
I don't take it home either.
What do you do with it?
We leave it.
On the table.
Yeah.
I get that.
For who?
Just we leave it.
You're not a leftovers guy.
I'm not a leftovers guy.
And I hate when people start packing it up like, I'm going to take this home.
Are you paying for it?
I know you're not going to.
The logic is this.
I agree with you.
Here's the logic.
Here's the logic.
It's like.
I'm anti-leftovers.
Yeah, I'm anti-leftovers.
You know, I've gone to dinner with, you know, struggling comedians.
I pay for the dinner, right?
And they just make this assumption that they can just.
We'll get this wrapped up, and it's just like, I don't know what it is about me.
It's just like, no, you have to leave it.
I respect this.
Where you come, you're like, this is what I'm paying for.
I'm not paying for your lunch tomorrow.
Now, let me ask this.
Yeah, and it feels weird saying it now for stuff for the first time.
I get it, though.
You're right.
I have a lot of weird rules in my head as well.
Yeah, rule.
That's a rule.
The assumption.
I remember out with a couple of struggling comics.
Bobby, you can't if I take this home.
No.
You would say no.
No, absolutely not.
But you appreciate asking.
I appreciate you asked.
Okay.
But you're not.
And let's, did you pay for it?
It's mine.
Wait, it's fucking mine.
I'm sorry, I'm gonna yell.
Toby, careful of dinner reservations.
This guy's crazy, and I love it.
It's fucking mine.
I pay for it.
I'm letting you eat it at the table.
Sure.
Yeah, okay.
That's it.
I'm with it.
Right, that's my thing.
Okay.
You know what I mean?
What's the reasoning that you like to leave it?
Is it a, is it a, not a power play, but is it?
Well, for me, it's like, I don't take it home because I've taken it home before.
I just don't eat it.
Sure.
Okay.
Right?
It just stays in my refrigerator for like a year.
Mm-hmm.
Right?
And they're like, Spagos, why is this, it's been a year ago.
And like, I don't like, it's just gross, right?
And so, I don't know if she's, I did it with a couple of dates recently.
Mm-hmm.
Where you let them take it?
Well, yeah, yeah, because you don't want to look weird.
You don't want to look weird.
Yeah.
It was hard to do.
They're like, can I take this?
I was like, yeah, you can take it.
I, listen.
For $13.95, he gets all yours.
I know it's wrong, but there is not a power.
A power plays not the right word, but there is a good feeling of, you know, well, we didn't
finish it.
Don't worry about it.
Just leave it here.
It's fine.
We ate what we wanted.
You know, that's it.
We had the experience of the dinner.
To me, the dinner together with the people is the experience.
Yeah.
When I saw that first once, I was fucking, when I first started comedy, I was waiting
tables in Philly.
Jamie Foxx was filming a movie and he came in and they ordered like four different things
and he only ate a little bit at each one.
Yeah.
Damn, that's fucking classic.
And he didn't take it home.
No.
Yeah.
I finished it in the back.
Yeah.
You're not kidding.
No, are you being kidding?
That was so cool.
Oh, no, what's Jamie Foxx?
Yeah.
Jamie Foxx is seafood burrito.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Yeah.
And here's another deal is that I worked at a restaurant as well for years called
the Brockton Villa.
It's in La Jolla.
And I remember, you know, we would take, you know, the bus boys and other people take
people's steaks and meat and bring it to their dogs and stuff, right?
That's not going to waste.
Yeah.
That makes sense.
Yeah.
Yeah.
For sure.
I would just crush it in the kitchen.
I need to get more dip out of my back.
Sure.
Go right ahead.
Take your time.
I will talk amongst ourselves.
This guy's crazy, right?
All right.
Where were we before we hop back in?
I think we're done whatever we were.
Well, here's a deal.
I want to talk about, if you have any more questions, number one, number two, I want
to talk about, um, have I reached the threshold?
I got in terms of like, if this is the line, how close to the line I am to pass to get
to garbage, you're, you're, you're a trash, you're, yeah, you're, you're into garbage
for sure.
I wouldn't say that a hundred percent just yet.
You're starting to reveal some things that's leading me to believe that.
However, the 750 thing would be one, but not taking the leftovers.
We've, we've reached the conclusion here on the podcast from doing it for the, for the
last couple of years that not taking leftovers is a classy move.
Okay.
It's wasteful.
We get it.
It's wasteful.
I got that, but I also come from the thing of, I order something, I eat it, whether all
of it or I don't like it, then I'm not going to take it home.
But yes, I'm anti-leftover.
I'm, I'm going to tell you one story and I'm going to prove that I'm a garbage person.
Okay.
Okay.
Well, let me just, before you tell the story, just, just to stay in the restaurant, when
you get appetizers, do you share them with the table or?
Oh yeah.
No, no, no, I'm like, you can eat off my plate.
Okay.
Yeah.
Like you get everything.
Number one, ladies out there, you'll, ladies out there, check it out, dude.
You, you, you will, we're a wingman in this guy.
You will never pay for a meal again.
Nice.
Ever.
Like that.
Right.
You want to Uber to my house?
I pay for that.
Right?
It's an Uber pool, but still.
Right.
That's good.
That's a trick.
Yeah.
You're right.
I do do that.
Cool.
I'm kidding.
Save me eight bucks.
I don't even know what that is, but my point is that I just went along.
I knew he looked at me the other night.
Yeah.
Yeah.
You gotta make a quick stop and recede it real quick.
Yeah.
So you'll never do that, right?
Um, you, if you need even a little bit of help, I help.
Mm-hmm.
Yeah.
I mean, so I'm like the best.
You're a great guy.
Great.
You're right.
A big heart.
But here's, I don't like needy.
Okay.
I don't like needy.
Like, I don't like, you know, you got to check in with me every day.
Well, there you're out.
I mean, like.
No, I feel like we're like, if I look at you, your little eyes and I, well, that little,
I like big eyes too, but like what are your eyes?
And I go, listen, I'm not going to cheat on you when monogamous, but like you're not
a parole officer.
I'm not going to check in.
You know what I mean?
Yeah.
You know what I mean?
I'm busy.
A little bit of trust here.
Yeah.
Trust.
Let's trust each other.
Just don't cheat on me.
I don't cheat on you.
Yeah.
Right.
When I'm in town, we'll hang out, we'll cuddle, whatever.
Right.
But I don't need like, you know, I'm not, when it comes to a life partner, I don't want
it to be 24 seven.
It just drives me fucking crazy.
Also, I refuse to give up video games.
I will play as long as I want to.
When a Hogwarts legacy comes out and when Starfield comes out, I'm going to play that
shit 16 hours a day.
There's nothing you can do about it.
You're a big video game guy.
I love it.
I love it.
How many systems do you have?
I have several of them.
I have all the systems.
I've switched.
I've all of them.
And I will play as long as I want.
I'll give a fuck.
You have a gaming chair?
Yeah.
Full with the speakers and the whole thing.
You know what I mean?
I have a whole gaming situation.
I play Destiny.
I play Call of Duty Warzone.
I play Stardew Valley farming simulators.
I like RPGs.
I like all of them.
The farming simulators are very classy.
Yeah.
You have no idea what you're fucking tired about.
And in fact, you know what, dude, you're a fucking piece of shit for you to say that.
Because I will play something right now.
Stardew Valley is the great one of the greatest games ever fucking made.
In fact, a lot of fucking critics and stuff will say it's probably one of the top 10
games in the last decade ever made.
And it's an independent game made by Eric Baroni.
He did it right.
He did it on his own.
And it's a fucking masterpiece.
So go fuck yourself.
How are you with the tip?
You a good tipper?
I go 30% dog.
You go 30%.
Yeah, yeah.
I go 30%.
Dude, I'm a classy guy.
Dude, I don't fuck around.
He's coming back.
He's going back and forth here.
Have you ever had a subscription to Max on Magazine?
No, I have the internet.
Why would I?
Okay.
That's pre-internet though.
Before.
Do you ever buy girls going wild?
What?
Do you have girls?
I did.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Well, I mean, dude, I mean, come on.
I'm complex when it comes to that kind of stuff, man.
Okay.
You know what I mean?
My shit goes deep, you know?
Mm-hmm.
I'm not going to name what I watch.
Yeah, you don't need to.
You don't need to.
On the internet.
But like, you know, nothing illegal, but like, you know what I mean?
You know what I mean?
I've gone wild.
Uh-huh.
Do you work?
Just asking.
Do you work alone, Bobby?
You do work alone.
Yeah, I'm fancy with that shit.
Really?
I like it.
I don't have cash on.
I don't know.
That's it.
You know what I mean?
See, he's like, he's got that.
Yeah.
He's got that classy vibe, too.
In fact, I got like, this is not an exaggeration.
You can ask Kalyla.
I have probably 300 bottles because during the pandemic, you couldn't go to a store,
right?
So I would just kind of like Google the best, you know what I mean, relevant clones for
men in like France or different countries, and I would just buy them just without even
smelling them.
There you go.
You know what I mean?
Cutting edge euro.
Right, right.
So I would just get them shipped, and I would spray it, smell it, go, I don't like that.
That sucked, and I put it outside.
What deodorant do you use?
You're my kind of guy, Bobby.
Well, you know, Koreans don't need deodorant, and that's a fact in Google it.
You don't use deodorant?
Koreans don't have BO.
It's something that's like about our genealogy or whatever.
We don't have the glands and stuff.
We don't.
I've never even seen what, I mean, I've seen them at the store, but I've never opened
one up and smelled it, or I don't even know how to put it on.
No deodorant doesn't need deodorant.
I got to say that's pretty classy.
Did you Google it?
Yeah, this is crazy.
There's like a, you have a gene that doesn't, you don't smell it.
You know, Korean dude.
Saving money on deodorant your whole life?
That's pretty fucking sweet.
Like I could like run a thousand miles, right?
I could shower for a month and my pits would smell just like nothing.
Huh.
Would you eat a hard boiled egg in public?
Yeah, why?
I just ate a fucking half a burger.
How do you feel about the rotisserie chicken from a supermarket?
I've done it.
Yeah.
I'll get the whole chicken.
I'll pick it and I'll put it in a tortilla.
Ooh, that's pretty good.
Yeah, I'll warm up a tortilla.
I'll put it in there.
You'll warm up the tortilla.
Oh, well, in a microwave.
Yeah, but still, that's, that's.
I like deep dish pizza too.
You like deep dish pizza?
Oh, yeah, yeah.
Okay.
If you had a choice between oyster crackers or saltines, what are you going with?
Oyster.
You're going oyster.
Yeah, I like oyster.
What's your favorite deep dish pizza?
Well, here's the deal.
In LA, you know, obviously we're in LA, right?
So there's not like, we don't have Chicago or, you know what I mean, right?
So like, you know, I'll get a place called Blackbird.
There's a most masa in Echo Park has one.
There's one called Hollywood Pizza on Pico.
That's pretty good.
But so, but then I'll, um, when I go to Chicago, I'll do all the loomaladi, right?
And I'll do all the other one, you know, the fancy ones.
He knows his shit.
Yeah, yeah.
I'll eat those, you know.
Okay.
Yeah.
Will you fart in an Uber?
Oh, dude.
I've, I almost got fired from a TV show because I farted.
I farted.
Did I tell you this?
I had to get a lawyer.
I was on a TV show.
Shut up.
It's a fact.
Kevin Costner did not appreciate it.
So I one day, I was, so it was at Matt TV, I had to get a lawyer.
One day I showed up there and, um, we went to the rehearsal room and there was a girl
I'd never seen her before.
I know her now, but trust me, but, um, I'd never seen her before and she was sitting there
eating yogurt.
It's a young girl and I don't know why I was so tired like six in the morning.
We had to rehearse so early.
I just had a fart.
I thought, I grabbed the back of her head and I farted in her face and she shed her
mouth open.
And then when I did it, she started crying.
And then so this guy, Ron Peterson, who's a Canadian actor, he runs across this rehearsal
hall to physically assault me because she's crying, I'll go, what did I do?
You know what I did?
I just farted in her face.
You're right.
And, um, and then I remember, um, Mike McDonald, who played Stuart on the show, put him in
a rear neck at chokehold.
It was dragging about.
It was chaos.
Right.
And then they were like, and then they were like, go home to me and I go, well, who is
she anyway?
She's a new actress.
We hired as a regular on Matt TV.
I didn't know.
He farted in her face.
Her name was Christoph Lannigan.
We're best friends now, but, um, it took a while for her to find me.
For the lawsuit to settle.
So would I fart in an Uber?
I'll fart anywhere.
Yeah.
I'll fart in your face.
I don't give a fuck, Ron.
Uh, okay.
Huh.
When was the last time you wore pajama pants or slippers in public?
I've never wore pajama pants before.
Okay.
And I sleep naked and then, um, slippers all the time.
Like, you mean like, you mean like sliders?
No.
Slippers.
Slippers are intended just to stay in the house.
Oh, ones that made a cotton and stuff, right?
Yeah.
Never.
Never.
But I wear sliders and I even wear like, um, um, girly things, you know what I mean?
Like, if my girl is like, and she has some slides that are pink and fluorescent, I'll
wear them.
I'll give a fuck.
Yeah.
Fluid, baby.
Can I tell you the story now?
Oh, please go ahead.
I'm sorry.
Go right ahead.
You know Eleanor Kerrigan?
Yes.
Yes.
You like her?
Yeah.
I don't like how you tell stories this way.
Yeah.
You make me choose sides of a person.
We do like her.
As a matter of fact, we love her.
Because life is a war.
Yeah.
When you fart in her face, I'll choke you out, Bobby.
Comedy is a war.
You don't even know where you're fucking?
No.
We love her.
We can't wait to have her on the show.
You've never had her?
No.
She's the best.
She's the best.
But Eleanor and I are friends now, but we hated each other for 20 years.
It got to the point where, like, I wouldn't even show up at a club if she was there.
Really?
Yeah.
Like, she was, we just, our smells annoyed each other.
You know what I mean?
Like, if I, she had a nine o'clock spot at a 10 o'clock spot and she had left, if I could
smell her, it would make me want to vomit.
I fucking hated her.
But it was my fault, the reason why.
And I'll tell you why.
And this is the story.
If this doesn't make you, you know what I mean?
Make me a garbage person.
I don't know what it is.
So many years ago, we had a manager at the comedy store in Hollywood and he was named
it was Kirk and he was Thai.
From Thailand.
Like he was like Thai general or something.
And he was like, you know, if you show up to, you know, one minute, let you buy it.
You do 10 seconds over your time on day, you'll buy, I'll kill you.
You know, like he was the fucking, everyone hated this guy.
Right?
Everyone.
Like he made life there miserable, right?
But here's the deal.
Because he was Thai and because I wasn't getting spots, right?
He was my ally.
Right?
Okay.
So every time I would be working there as a doorman, because before I, I think he's
bought there for like a year.
As soon as he came in, he's like, Hey, you want to go up?
Like he was that guy with me.
Yeah.
I could show up 20 minutes late.
Hey, good to see you.
Yeah.
We had the Asian thing.
Sure.
Right.
It's the best.
Right.
And so they made, they made, he made life.
They're so horrible.
The waitress were quitting.
People weren't even calling for a spot.
So about 300 people signed a fucking secret document.
With signatures to get this guy fired.
Jesus.
And they were going to fucking, it's a Pauly loved him because this guy Kirk raised Pauly.
Right.
So Pauly had no, and the shores had no idea about this thing, but I found out, right?
About it.
And I went to the top and I read it 300 people out.
Whoa.
Right?
I go, Yeah.
No, they're doing this fucking, they're doing this thing, man.
Right.
To the top.
Everyone got ripped.
You know what I mean?
Like I fucked this whole thing up.
Everyone hated me.
I was the most biggest weasel.
I could have.
Yeah.
You just, yeah.
You just made 300 enemies.
Yeah.
And I don't know.
Everyone hated me.
Welcome back.
Are you a rat?
So am I garbage now?
Uh, I mean, you were garbage before that.
I feel, if we're being honest, you're not to be trusted.
I can tell you that.
No.
The electrical tape and the sleeves of the suit was a real bad look for me to be honest
with you.
Um, I'll tell you why I did that and you guys, I understand why I don't think you do.
It's not because I'm a rat.
No.
Why then?
Why did, why did I do it?
Because you wanted to succeed.
What?
You wanted to succeed in comedy.
Yeah.
And I'm going to tell everyone in there, like I was right.
He did.
He screams at me.
I was then right.
And it goes down the barrel of the camera.
My wife friend, you're absolutely right.
But I have to say something to your fans.
Okay.
Right now.
That I would never do that if I worked for the government.
I would never do that.
No, I'm being real.
I'm being real.
I'm never going to work for the government.
Okay.
But if, let's suppose they gave me, they gave me a position, right?
Right?
What would you like?
Secretary of State?
Secretary of State?
What are you thinking?
What are you thinking?
What are you thinking?
Fucking a senator.
That could, that could be a possibility.
It's true.
You might be able to run as a, yeah.
Right, right.
As like a state rep or something.
Right.
So, you know, I would never do that in any other circumstances.
In fact, I'm a good guy when it comes to rats and all that stuff, right?
I completely understand that.
If you fuck with stage time, I draw no, I mean, I go all the way.
All bets are off.
All bets are off because it's like, it's my only lifeline for a life.
It's my only lifeline to make money.
It's my only, it's my dream, right?
And I feel like when it comes to my dream, right, I would, I mean, I would never kill
anybody or, you know what I mean, or get somebody killed or anything like that.
You know what I mean?
Like human trafficking and all that kind of stuff.
Like I would never do stuff like that, but when I'm, I mean, what kind of stage time
is this?
But, but I will like, I'll lie, I'll lie.
Sure.
Right.
You know what I mean?
I'll call people out.
I'll start some wars.
Right.
To get some stage time.
Yeah.
I heard Marin Bumptian.
You put him in a shipping container.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Yeah.
I do that.
Woke up in Bangkok.
Giving handjobs out.
I get that, especially as at a younger, you know, this was a while ago, I presume, right?
That was, that happened 20 years ago.
Yeah.
Yeah.
So at that point, which I, which I, this last summer, I needed spots in the belly room.
For the listener who doesn't understand, when you're, when you're starting out in comedy,
it's brutal.
It's scary.
You think every single part, we were just talking about this.
You think every single person is your enemy and if one person gets, is your competition.
If one person gets something, that means you don't get something.
It's a very narrow, scared, petrified worldview of life.
Yeah.
I also want to say this.
Uh-huh.
Okay.
And this just came to my mind.
Sure.
And I need to say it.
Okay?
And I'm not saying this in a negative way, but I just want to look in the camera and
Joe Coy will know.
Shout out to Joe Coy.
We just had him.
Joe Coy.
Joe Coy will know.
I love Joe Coy.
But I'm talking about like the Ronnie Changs, right?
The Ally Wongs.
Hear me out.
It's not negative.
This is getting good.
It's not going to get it.
I love you Ronnie.
I love those guys.
I love them.
I love them.
Right?
The younger generations of Asians, right?
They came and they know this, right?
They came in was not the 90s when I started.
Sure.
Of course.
It was infinitely more racist.
I was the only one that my type doing it.
Sure.
You could count in one hand across the country that were Asian doing it.
A amount of successful Asian community.
I would have fucking like at open mics in the 90s, people go, no, I'm not putting you
up because Asians aren't funny.
Legitimately, that would be the same, right?
It would be so brutal.
So you have to understand in that environment, right?
What does one do?
Sure.
Right?
I have to survive, baby.
100% off.
What?
All beds are off, man.
I'm going to win.
Right?
And all the, you know, Ally and all these young comics have come to me and go, you
know, thank you for paving the way.
They've said that.
I mean, Ally put me, did a paragraph on me in one of her books about what, you know,
how nice.
So this and that, right?
I'm not a bad guy.
I'm not saying that, like, dude, I had to fucking, you know what I mean?
Me and Joe Coy had to survive playing the win.
Not that Joe, I don't know what Joe did to survive, but I just remember in 97 when I
met him, he was like the only one doing it, right?
And him and I, that's why we bonded.
Steve Byrne I knew back then because when I did the Tonight Show, he called me out of
the, he searched my number down, he goes, fuck another Korean dude doing it.
I mean, it was like, we were desperate to like find each other.
Sure.
Kind of you versus everybody mentality.
Yeah, I had to do it and I, you know, I don't feel, you know, bad about some of the things
I've done.
You know, I mean, you know, you took them all down.
I like it.
You went in now, Bobby.
Yeah, I will.
I, you know, everybody loves you.
I'll lie to win.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Oh, I lie all the time.
Yeah.
Love it.
My name's not even Kevin.
Yeah.
What else?
I gotta be garbage.
Yeah.
So I've already, I already did it, right?
Yeah.
Yeah.
Yeah.
I didn't, I didn't help your case.
What's the last time you had a massage, Bobby?
I don't like it.
You don't like it?
I don't like when people touch my body.
What about the nails?
The manic, I have here to have you ever had a manicure.
They look good.
They man-eat?
Yeah.
It's nice.
That's good.
No, it's class.
That's good.
You need that.
That's in your favor here.
Do you have a shoe?
I'll tell you why.
Why?
Let me explain, man.
You buggy-eyed fucking creature.
You want to talk about eyes, Bobby?
Yeah.
Yeah.
Me fucking.
Anyway, my buggy-eyed friend.
Uh-huh.
Yeah, yeah.
They can get bigger.
I'll scare you.
I want to work together with Bobby and take you down.
Yeah.
Do you want to?
Are you trying to, are you trying to edge me out here, Bobby?
No.
Is that what you're doing?
You know, being single at 51, you just want to be able to like, you know, present yourself
in a certain way.
Of course.
So doing things that are different.
That's all.
There you go.
I love it.
Okay.
Fair enough.
We love it.
Do you have a shoes off household?
Shoes off or shoes on?
No.
So they're different levels of my house.
Like, most people, when they come to my house, only stay at the bottom level, knowing as
to go up the second level.
So, I'll be,
Really?
I like that.
Yeah, like when you guys do my podcast, you will do it.
Uh-huh.
As long as you're, you come to LA, I will wipe the fucking calendar clean for you guys.
Thank you.
Thank you, buddy.
But when are you coming?
Uh, I think, uh, like the second week of January.
You swear to God?
Yeah.
Yeah.
You do mine?
Of course.
I'm going to book it after, I'm going, I'm going to call my guy and we're going to
book it now.
For sure.
Love it.
Oh, so like in the first level, when you come to my house, um, that's where the podcast
is for Tiger Belly.
That's communal a little bit.
It's a communal area.
People come and go.
People come and go, people are down there, setting things up, this and that.
And then upstairs, no one's been up there.
Like that.
Yeah, it's my, it's my private residence.
So no shoes.
So you, so downstairs, you can wear your shoes upstairs.
Don't wear your shoes.
Do you take your shoes off upstairs as well?
Or you're okay?
No, I don't give a fuck.
It's my shoes.
Yeah, yeah.
I like that.
I'll do whatever I want.
I like that.
I'll go three or four times a week.
Nice.
Or what?
Steam and.
Yeah.
I'll go to the Wii spa where I'll go to Hyundai.
My dad's the spa that my dad used to go to back in the eighties, you know, I'll go
there.
So I'll go three or four times a week and I go religiously at one, two in the morning
and I take a steam and I shower and I go to the hot sauna and all that stuff.
I go cold plunge.
It's Korean.
It's very Korean.
Yeah.
Take your shoes right when you go, right?
I love you guys to come.
I want to get in this fucking sauna, cold plunge, fucking rhythm.
Everybody's doing it.
I go to one, not, right over the bridge in Jersey.
It's called Sojo or Soju.
It's Korean, right?
I heard about it.
Yeah.
It's nice.
It's got a beautiful view of the city, big outside.
24 hours, right?
I believe so.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
And you walk in right away.
The first thing you do before you pay, they go, give me your shoes.
I think you're walking around in fucking nice slippers the whole time.
Yeah, yeah.
It's fantastic.
Isn't it right?
How much does it cost to get in there?
It's cheap.
It's like 70 bucks for the day or something.
Wow.
Yeah.
Like at one in the morning you pay 40 bucks.
You use it at the facilities.
It's like there's a communal area, so I bring girls there.
They have a curl department and a boys' department where you get naked and you see big black
dicks.
There's always these black guys with big dicks and it drives me crazy.
Anyway, it just drives me crazy.
I think it's just so long.
They're long.
I know.
But anyway, but then I'll go.
It's driving me crazy right now.
Yeah.
I'll tell the girl, I'll go meet me up there 20 minutes and then you go up there and
there's like things that you can do with them.
Yeah.
It's so fun.
You've got lounge, you can do this room, that room type thing.
I love it.
And I think that, I don't know.
That's classy.
It's real classy.
I honestly think that when you go to a hot asana and then you go to a comb plunge and
you repeat that, I think it generates blood flowing through your body.
I think, I don't know medically what it's doing, but I feel better when I do it.
Sure.
It invigorates you.
It invigorates you.
Yeah.
Yeah.
And for fat guys, they should do it.
Yeah.
If I knew any, I would have suggested that.
I'll let you know.
If you know anything.
Listen, I got to be honest, I know we're getting down on the wire here.
I'm kind of a coin flip.
I think I'm on the fence here.
He's walking in both worlds.
I mean, okay, here's a try to hem his own suit with electrical tape.
Oh, here's the deal.
Here's the deal.
I'll just make it very easy for you guys to make a decision.
If I'm not garbage, I'll never do this again.
This guy's trying.
Have you ever been on a cruise?
No.
Hmm.
How many times a week do you floss?
I've never flossed in my life.
Okay.
You go to the dentist?
Check this out.
You're not going to believe this, and I'll show you after the fucking podcast.
But from here, back, upper, there's not a single teeth, but here, back, not a single
tooth.
There's chunks of teeth.
I probably have 18 teeth missing.
Okay, you win, buddy.
This guy's trash and we'd love you.
You're missing 18 teeth.
I really am.
You're not going to believe this.
I'll show you enough.
The cameras don't pick it up.
Yeah.
Ready?
Yeah.
Look down here.
Yeah.
Yeah, there's nothing.
Nothing.
He's just got, he's got like four in the front.
Let me say something to you people, right?
You can still choose steak with no teeth.
It hurts.
It hurts bad.
I don't care how old that wagyu is, it hurts.
Yeah.
It hurts bad.
Ladies and gentlemen, Mr. Bobby Lee.
Thank you.
Thank you.
100%.
Oh, sorry.
I'm going to plug.
So, Bobby Lee live Instagram.
Please follow me.
Yes.
Follow me on Twitter.
I have two podcasts, Tiger Valley and Bad Friends.
And also, I want to say this that honestly, I really do love you guys.
Like I said before.
Thank you, man.
And let's just keep in touch.
Of course.
And I believe you're better than Schultz and I think you're brilliant.
We love you, Schultz.
I love those guys too.
I love those guys too.
I love those guys too.
Kimmy, what do you got?
Guys, we'll be all over the road, get the tickets, check out, you know, the live shows
is everything, patreon, whatever you want.
Bobby's fucking crazy.
I love you, peace.
Goodbye.