Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast - Bobby Lee!

Episode Date: October 24, 2022

Kippy and Foley are joined by new friend Bobby Lee! Thanks for listening. Love youse guys. Come to a live show! FINAL RUN! Buy the Are You Garbage Card Game: https://areyougarbage.bigcartel.com/ Fol...low Kevin: https://www.instagram.com/kevinryancomedy/ Follow Foley: https://www.instagram.com/hfoleycomedy/ Live Shows: https://linktr.ee/AreYouGarbage PATREON: https://www.patreon.com/AreYouGarbage MERCH: https://www.bonfire.com/store/are-you-garbage/ Manscaped: https://www.manscaped.com Promo Code: Garbage Displate: https://www.displate.com Promo Code: Garbage Butcher Box: https://www.ButcherBox.com/AYG Promo Code: AYG Established Titles: https://www.establishedtitles.com/garbage Comedians H. Foley and Kevin Ryan are self proclaimed GARBAGE. Each week a new stand up comedian gets put to the test. Steal shampoo from hotels? Own a George Foreman Grill? Ever worn JNCO Jeans

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Starting point is 00:00:00 Got a news flash for you bozos the card game is back on sale. Oh my god The original edition of the card game some of our favorite questions right here Got about 50 or so of them sold a bunch of them Put them on the shelf for a little while now We're doing one final run of the original series one last job, baby It's a good good time to get hammered with your friends and find that at the people that you know That you love her garbage so do yourself a favor the link is in the description Pick up a pack today because they're gonna go quick. Oh, yeah, and that ain't it tubby. We got road dates, baby
Starting point is 00:00:32 We got two shows in atlanta coming up in november Then we're going to charlie north caroline if you're in the area get those tickets for that We got two and filly that are sold out. We got one left in providence road island those tickets are moving We got one left in boss and that is for sure going to sell out get those tickets We want to party see you there see you there gang this episode is brought to you by established titles I don't know if you knew this or not But if you own land in scotland you become a lord or a lady And that's what we got in the business of baby by real estate
Starting point is 00:01:01 We bought just one square foot of land over there And now we're lords. Yeah guys class up your place a little big you become a landowner with every order Not only do you become a lord or a lady established titles planted tree and works with global charities to support global reforestation efforts Title packs give you at least one square foot of dedicated land on private estate in edelston scotland An official certificate with a crest there it is hit it Uh your certificate has a plot number so you can see the location of your land It makes a great last minute gift for loved ones and that's fun Don't give somebody a sweater or a tie or a pair of socks jazz it up a little bit make somebody a lord or a lady
Starting point is 00:01:37 By real estate, baby Uh, you can officially change your name to lord or lady if you want to you can put it on your credit card your plane tickets Whatever you want daddy. I love it established titles is uh Actually running an early black friday sale plus if you use the code garbage you get additional 10 off Go to established titles.com slash garbage to get your gifts now and help support the show. Thanks. Let's go Welcome to another exciting edition of Are you garbage the show where you find out if your favorite comedians are classy individuals? Or absolute trash
Starting point is 00:02:13 Now here are your hosts kevin ryan and h foley Hey everybody out there and welcome back to everybody's favorite new podcast. This is our you garbage. Oh, yeah Little show we sit down with your favorite comedians and we find it after good to be classy Uh, just a big old piece of trash I'm your host h foley coming at you on a beautiful day. We're down here at entity's basement She's upstairs just gotten to a fist fight with the neighbor's kid. Oh, no Wait to see what happens with that. My co-host is coming at you from right next to me. He is the ceo of are you garbage? He is an international businessman
Starting point is 00:02:46 He is not to be trifled with in the board room or the bedroom. Give it up for kj kevin james ryan Hey gang, thanks for tuning in as always. Please make sure you're even if you subscribe on itin's full video available And youtube as you know, those numbers are true to route cook and closing in 100,000 I mean, let's get it over to hump and then obviously the greatest website of all time patreon.com Check it the fuck out And have a nice quick shout out to our producer short in here the magic man makes us all look good works the ones and twos He crosses the t's. He dots the i's give it up for t-bone mcmuffin Toby mcmullin everybody. What's up everybody?
Starting point is 00:03:24 Yeah, we got a fun one in here. We got a hot this guy came in hot and I like it Calling t-bone a dirty hippie. I like it Taking shots early Gang the long hair ain't lying because we could not be more excited to have our incredibly and I mean incredibly special guests Here with this today for the first time He is a legendary stand-up comedian actor and podcaster and you might have never I've never done. I've never done a special It doesn't matter. I know legend. Yes, you are As I was saying
Starting point is 00:03:56 You may have seen him in but not limited to gang sit tight because it's a long one We got arless. We got howling kumar. We got curbing enthusiasm American dad pineapple express paul family guy the dictator Arrested development the league the comedians alone together 10 episodes of love on netflix NC is inside job 10 episodes of that splitting up together 25 episodes of that Nature cat do 11 episodes go fuck yourself. How about that? I got 10 episodes of magnum p.i Reservation dogs. I got the tonight show with j leno live at gotham your mom's house
Starting point is 00:04:33 Wtf the joe rogan experience killed. Tony chelsea lately 60 episodes that out Cut the check. Let's go I got at midnight hot ones. This is not happening the comedy jam something's burning Lights out with david spade the cabin and of course as he is an original cast member of mad tv Then 166 episodes on that groundbreaking goddamn television show And of course
Starting point is 00:05:01 He's the host of tiger belly and the co-host of bad friends But the big question of what he's mind today is he garbage? He's dressed like an a and r man or a homeless guy and he's got two vapes with them Ladies and gentlemen, and he's dipping Ladies and gentlemen the one the only Hey, yeah, yeah, yeah First of all, can I say this? Okay, this guy's wacky. Let me tell you something. Let me tell you something Half that shit that you just fucking rattled off bro. Yeah, right? I'm japanese businessman number three. I have no lines. You're in it, baby
Starting point is 00:05:34 Yeah, I'm hanging out from a tree from some western or something I got there. They don't have I don't have good roles. Listen. Yeah, we don't kiss ass. We give credit where credit is due Yeah, you're a legendary comedian and actor, but I can I tell you why I'm here Sure At the reason I didn't know you had hippies here. I apologize for that. I should I should have warned you mr. Lee I love platoon. I love I'm telling you right now. My favorite movie Apocalypse now full metal jacket, right? I'm pro vietnam warranted. All right. It's the one where asians we won Yeah, and you guys
Starting point is 00:06:06 You guys fucking lost that thing man. My dad was in nom you son of a bitch We could hide in the tree for three weeks with one banana And survive. Who do you think taught them that we did? Shout out to the redcoats, you know, I'm not a dead head Right. I don't believe in flowers and the inside the muzzle of a gun or nothing like that, bro But you know, I'm gonna give you a shot. All right. It's good to meet you Thank you. Thank you, dog. Hey, dude. Look at this I love it. It's all love over here guys. The reason why I'm with you guys is because I was in LA one night and um
Starting point is 00:06:37 Yeah, very cool night for us. Who's the guy that you were with? Jeremiah Watkins Watkins Get out of here So I was yeah, and then I merge our friend. So Whitney called me and said you got to meet these guys to the best Shout out to Whitney come and come and she uh, and then we then you guys went to the diner and I went with you guys Yeah, which uh, you know, just hit us on the check Did I really? No, no. You tried to pay. I tried to pay for every one. Yeah, but you had three ones in your wallet We already went over this. Yeah. Yeah. That was an open gesture But we ate, you know, I thought there was like camaraderie and there was of course. It was really, you know, it was awesome
Starting point is 00:07:16 Yeah, yeah, and then um, I thought you know what? I'm gonna fuck with these guys, man I appreciate that and this is I've been in I'm in New York for one week And you're the only podcast I'm doing this I'm gonna cry, it's awesome. Scooped them, baby. I kept texting you. Is that fact fuck? Yeah, everybody was ugly Said you're gonna be nice. I know I said that on the text. This is him being nice But on the text, I was like is that fat fuck gonna be there? Yeah Is that fat fuck friend of yours? Like, man, me and bobby lee really get along. We really get each other And we're talking about his titty milk. Does he have titty milk in the fridge or this and that?
Starting point is 00:07:48 But you know when I came in here today like going I'm gonna do I'm gonna come in with love I appreciate it and being authentic and ethnic And here I am. Here I am. Thanks for having me on guys buddy. Come on. We fucking love you I like how he clapped after his speech It was a good speech dude. All right, hold on before I can't believe you do have three different nicotine Yeah, it's going here. You got dip going you got your xbox vape and whatever this thing is So this guy's got a lot going on. I know what's the question? No, you asked because I quit smoking um seven months ago. Oh, congrats. Yeah, and it was like I was I was coughing up blood
Starting point is 00:08:25 Like kernel blood like chunks of it. I should quit. But you know, I um, you think? Yeah, but so for four months, I didn't do anything But then I'm back to like vaping and doing some dippity-doo. Okay. What was your brand? What cigarettes were you smoking? I love the yellow american spirits Aristocrat very classic. I am high level which I I mean when we were out, uh, we went to a diner I don't know. What's the name of the norm's or it was norm norms. Um shout out to norm's diner Uh, you were very you were like that you're like, I haven't been here in years. That was slumming it for you Oh, that's bottom of the barrel. Yeah, you were gonna. Yeah, we'll get into extensive. I was shocked
Starting point is 00:09:00 I didn't know you were that a little bit of a foodie kind of guy kids hollywood. What are you talking about? Okay, everything's fine. You have to I'm not you guys understand him. You might as well be the president of hollywood. You get that right? Yeah, well, I mean, can I just ask you a question then? Yes, right? You know, we're not going to reveal this to your fans and you're the people that listen to this Okay, but you know, you generate some income sure doing this podcast, right? Yeah, I've the only reason why I'm here is because I've looked at your numbers Right, so I'm like a straight shooter right and I'm like, okay, they're fucking with the same kind of numbers that I'm Fucking with okay. So then in my mind, I'm like, you know, oh, they're making a certain amount of money, right?
Starting point is 00:09:42 And what I'm saying is is that you're you can afford sure good food. Yeah, and we do and we do from right But here's the thing that's in the last six months Oh, all right. Yeah. Yeah. You've been eating a Spago since the nineties Yeah, well the reason why is because in my 20s I was so poor Right, right and I was like, um, I lived with nine people in a one bedroom apartment in Silver Lake Okay, when I first moved to LA And um, my my roommate Kalisto. He's a Mexican dude would be fucking girls next, you know Next door to me, right? I was an incel by the way
Starting point is 00:10:18 Involuntary celibate. Yeah. Yeah. I could not I could not even prostitutes would turn me down. Really? Yeah, here's 500. No, they don't 500. They don't get away. They won't even poke at it They won't even flick it. They want to flick it. Yeah, I'll give you two to give it a peek Yeah, you know, and in my early 20s, I want to get laid so badly, but I couldn't write and then I was just like I it's either shoot up a school or do stand-up. Sure. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. I'm like I'm glad you found the comedy sewer roads, right? I was like, I'll do stand-up, right? So, you know But like, you know, and then once you start I started doing stand-up. I slowly started getting some Sure, and now you become kind of cool. You get some coffee
Starting point is 00:10:56 I'm killing it. I'm killing it now. You know what I mean? Watch your face. I have monkey punks, but anyway They're LA monkey punks. Probably touched my face. I'm never washing my face. Yeah. Yeah. So, uh, what was it? Oh, yeah, so I was very poor when I first moved to LA and um Once I got my first check I was like because we were eating BRC burritos from El Pollo Loco and they're one dollar What are what's BRC bean rice and cheese? Okay, right? And they were 99 cents and we would share one a day
Starting point is 00:11:24 Share 90s with three guys. Okay, right? My brother lived with me too and we split it three ways, right? It got so bad where it's like if you had like two extra grain or rice you were fighting over you were fighting over that Jesus, it was that bad and we would drink like, you know the faucet water and stuff and then as soon as I Got my first check. I was just like, you know what? I'm going to go to like not Morton's, but it was like, um, Ruth Chris, I mean that was like the first sure like this seems mid-range German and then um, I started making money and I that's now I do that. Yeah, you eat nice. I love that Why can't I do that? No, no, you can as an American citizen Well, this is what that show this is what the show also sell we celebrate the guards
Starting point is 00:12:02 We also celebrate the wins the wins, baby. Like, you know, you you split a burrito with nine guys for for three years You earned it. You're a lot of earned it. You're allowed to get a t-bone the first girl I point Did you say point the one in trouble getting laid This guy's striking out all over town. Hey, I want to plow you The first guy if sexually intercourse without paying for it Was I this is I was 23 years old. Okay. Okay. Think about that. Yeah
Starting point is 00:12:33 Think about that age I did stand up one night And this girl there was no cell phones at the time and there was this girl that was at the show I used to MC this show at the comedy store in La Jolla. Love that room. Great room. Great room. Best One of my favorite shows of all time. That's where I started. That's where I started. That's great. That's a great spot This is 1995 Geez, that's when I started Are you looking over the hip? Oh
Starting point is 00:12:57 It's the lsd flashbacks are getting good. I think you're having them. Jesus Christ Get this kid a cup of decaf, will you? Yeah, I'm keeping an eye on the cameras. We have the king ollywood in here, dude The door's locked. You're well protected. Don't worry. Anyway, um, there was no she called me like I two of them I was white as mopping the club. She goes. Hey, can I talk to the asian guy that was she called the club? There's no cell phone. That's thirsty. I like that and she gave me her number Did you pretend like you were somebody else one second? I'll get mr. Lee. Hang on. No, no No, the manager okay I didn't do that
Starting point is 00:13:30 Toby got that We got a heater going keep it in. Yeah, I like that and then I remember a week later. Um I was in her mom's closet with her what in Oceanside and it was I was doing 69 You know I'd never done it before. Well, why are we in the closet? I don't know why But I was in her mom's closet and I because her mom was home or something But she was like downstairs. Anyway, sure and I were at 69 and I remember Her ass is like this white pure white. I'm not out to it when you you're just winning. You're winning. Yeah And I remember like here is coming down my face
Starting point is 00:14:06 Like it's not bubbles and I was like trembling And I was like, thank you Jesus. You know what I mean? Like all from like dick jokes or whatever Yeah, yeah, it's crazy. Yeah, it's crazy. So, you know, that was a long time ago. You know what I mean? But um I've been doing okay since uh, probably it's great 2000. Yeah, it's been uphill since 2000 man. There you go. Um, well, take us back Is there a closet in here? Uh, hold on before we get into that because he he did mention it It was uh, I guess that mad tv check was probably your first check like your first like big check No, it wasn't that good. It was like, um, at the time it was, you know
Starting point is 00:14:43 When you got a cut tv show back in the 2000s and stuff If you were on a network sitcom, you would probably get maybe your first job Maybe 30 000 dollars an episode. That's a check but not mad tv. You got 4500 And so everybody takes the right. So you're your manager your agent. So you're making like 1200 bucks. Yeah, something like that Oh, yeah, yikes, but still that's great money You know, you you got your stand-up money, which at back then it was 15 dollars a set You know what I mean? So you would get sure four sets with that. You're like, it's crazy how little it's gone up over time It's done. I was like 15 bucks. We're good
Starting point is 00:15:22 I weren't splitting bqgs or whatever it was. Oh, yeah. Yeah. No, no after that now No, in fact, I moved out of that house and I got my own place But um, was there any dumb purchase you made early on where you're like, I fuck I shouldn't have done that jet ski Something like that. You're not gonna believe the story, but this is it's a it's a fact I um, you're not gonna like it, but I'm sure we will I didn't have a car dude. Okay, right? So my friend Aaron Cater some he's palestinian. It's fine. He's not from there. He's a good guy I know I should I should have even said he was palestinian. That was weird. He's still a good person. Yeah I don't hold that against
Starting point is 00:16:00 Just a regular comic. Let's just say that right my friend Aaron regular comic and um So like I never had a car, right? I didn't know how to buy one. So I go, um I went to Aaron He seems like he seemed like a comic that had responsibilities because he always were like abercrombie and finch He had khaki pants. He was a shirt tucker. You know this guy seems smart. That's smart, right? And I go, hey bud I don't know how to buy a car. He goes. I know how and I go. What do we do? He goes, well, you want to go to the lot with me? So, um, he goes, I don't know why he said this, but he said pull out 20 grand
Starting point is 00:16:32 cash, yeah Really? Yeah, so I did means you're buying. I like that. I'm gonna buy it. How many years into mad tv is this? Two years, maybe two years. You got 20 g's but not no, but no because at the second year you negotiated I was probably doing well. So yeah, and then also I had booked other things You know like I had done herald and kumar. I had done other things in between there So a little bit of cash. That's a little cash. So I go. I pulled out 20 grand What did you carry the 20 grand to the all brown paper bag? Brown paper bag. I remember that. I like how you got mad at the question to realize how relevant it was. It was a relevant one.
Starting point is 00:17:07 Yeah, yeah. Hey, dude, you know what? Let's start over, man. You know, I love Crosby stills in there. I love, what else is it? I love Jerry Garsari Jerry Garsari, what's his name? What's his name? He died, right? He died, right? Jerry Garcia. Yeah, yeah, I love the ice cream. I love Ben and Jerry's. This is my favorite bit. I fucking ate hippies too, man. Do you really? Of course, they stink. I know it's like the grateful that they, I don't want to hear a jam in G major for 45 fucking minutes. How about two minute songs? Anyway, let's I got angry because my friend used to go to the follow them in the 80s. It was brutal. I like the hits though.
Starting point is 00:17:40 I like the grateful that I'm sure they got a couple of good tracks. But what are we doing? It should have been your personality. That's true. So let's go back to my story. Yeah. So you got the 20 grand in a brown paper bag. You're out of key. Right. So I, he goes, I think the car, I got a GTI Volkswagen. Nice. It's a good car because like 22 grand and I, um, I gave them Aaron goes, we have 20 grand in cash. Can we just get it for that? And he goes, oh, yeah, sure. And I just remember getting it. Damn. That's good. What color? Silver. Stick or automatic? Do you remember? I don't know how to do automatic. I don't know how to do stick. I don't know how to do automatic. But here's the story. Two weeks later, I step out outside of my house and it's gone. So I didn't know that you could
Starting point is 00:18:26 call the police or go call like tow truck service. Okay. I just thought if it's gone, it's gone. It's gone. So you just like walk to work? No, I bought another one. Same car? Yeah. That's a fucking baller move right now. That is pretty cool. I'll give you that. Let him take it. And then years later, I was talking to, I think Rogan or something like that. But you're like, yeah, I'm like, I'm on the patio of the comedy store. I was like, hey, just disappeared. You know, that sucks. They should have a, there should be an insurance program where they replaced it. But you didn't call? I don't know. Yeah, you can get it. Oh my God. You didn't call your insurance company? No, I didn't. No, I just, I was so embarrassed by it. Did you have insurance? I did. No, you have to have it. Okay. So anyway, that's my first car thing.
Starting point is 00:19:10 Wow. So I learned how to do, I don't know how to do, like I just learned how to do the time with the sticks. Do you mean like non-digital collect an analog block? Yeah, yeah, I just literally learned. I've never heard referred to as time with the sticks. Yeah, the sticks. And I did that. I learned that. I learned that seven months ago and Mark Merron taught me. Is that you serious? Yeah, yeah, I swear to God. Like, I don't know how to do things. Bobby is a very unique man. No, that's not why, when you say all these things and all these things that I've done, it's like, I don't even know how any of it happened. Yeah, I mean, couldn't read the sticks. I just kind of show up and just let things happen. You know what I mean? I don't know the lines. I don't know what I'm playing. I don't know how I got it. I'll tell you how. You're extremely talented. You guys got moxie. Kip, how about that established titles? I'm a landowner, baby. Respect me as such. Lord Cuball, ladies and gentlemen. Now entering Lord Cuball and Lord Fatso. That's right, baby. We're landowners in Scotland. When you're a landowner, you're called either a lord or a lady and we're in because we got an established titles and we got ourselves just one square foot of land over there. That's all you need. You don't need rolling hills in a castle, one square foot of land to yield lord. Yeah, it's a good time. Do yourself a favor, gang. Get on it and help preserve the woodlands over there in Scotland.
Starting point is 00:20:26 Yeah, guys, with every order established titles, plants a tree and works with global charity support, global reforestation efforts to give them back. Look at that. They're making you feel fancy and give them back. What more do you need? That's right. Guys, your certificate has a plot number so you can see the location of your land. It makes a great last minute gift for your loved ones. It's a fun, it's a gag, not gag gift, but it brings good energy to the gift giving thing. It does. I wear a cape and a cloak and I got a crown and everything. Yeah, Tick Rock's buying a star. Get some real estate, baby. I know that's what we're talking about. Buy low, sell high. Officially change your name to Lord or Lady. You can use that name on your credit cards, your plane tickets. I know what I'm doing. And add some class that dated to that Tinder profile of yours. Guys, it makes an amazing last minute gift. Established titles is actually running in early Black Friday sale. Plus, if you use the code Garbage, you get an additional 10% off. Go to EstablishedTitles.com slash Garbage. You get your gifts now and help support the channel. Do it. Yeah. Kim, let's talk about that butcher box, baby. Love that butcher box, baby. Yeah, we do. Best in the biz. And Thanksgiving coming up, you want to have the best turkey possible. Where are you going to get that? The pet boys? The grocery store? No, you get it from Bush Your Box. Free range turkeys, baby. The most delicious turkey you'll ever had. You don't want to be showing up to Thanksgiving like a bozo. Then you got your aunt crying. Everyone's eating the stuffing. Mashed potatoes are getting thrown around. Do yourself a favor. This year, this Thanksgiving, get your turkey from ButcherBox. All right, guys. They got free range turkey, no antibiotics, no addoramones, none of that HGH, baby. We're talking all natural. You don't want to be a bozo. And also, like we've said every single time, you can get what you want delivered right to your doorstep. They have free shipping in the continental US, no surprise fees. Choose from a variety of box option plans from curated to customized. Change your plan whenever you want. Enjoy high quality cuts that are hard to come by at the grocery store at an amazing value. Exclusive member deals. Save big on your favorite cuts. The whole nine yards. You got recipes, guides, tips, hacks, whatever you want.
Starting point is 00:22:24 The main course for Thanksgiving dinner can sometimes be the main source of stress, but not anymore, baby. ButcherBox is offering RU Garbage listeners a free turkey with their first order. So get in today. I just talked them up. They're giving it away. Sign up today at ButcherBox.com slash AYG. Use code AYG to get one 10 to 14 pound turkey free in your first box at ButcherBox.com slash AYG. Use code AYG to claim a steal. Do it. Yeah. Let's take a step back. Let's go back in the childhood. Yeah. Childhood a little bit. Where'd you grow up? Had you grow up, mom, dad, brother, sisters laying on us? Straighten your mic a little bit. Sorry. I apologize for the long hair. We're good, man. I love you, man. I don't know. My therapist says that I can't believe you're alive. Sure. You had a bumpy ride in the beginning, right? Right. Because when you grew up, like the way I did, you know, um, you, you, you turn out a certain way.
Starting point is 00:23:24 And I took all like my defense mechanisms and my survival tools and I use it to my advantage to make money and to have a career, right? But if like I lived in Korea, I would just be like on opium, probably, like, you know, and I'll probably be a koi fish farmer or some weird shit like that, right? Or carrying rice. Okay. Yeah. Like I would have no future. Sure. But only in this country, I think you can turn your pain and harness it and do something good with it. Right. So my dad was, um, where were you born? San Diego. You're born in San Diego. Okay. I just remember like, um, being born and then it just being really cold, like the feeling, like even temperature wise, I don't know why. Because we lived in, we moved to Minnesota right when I was born.
Starting point is 00:24:09 Really? Yeah. So I, we lived in Minnesota. There were no other Asians. I died in Minnesota and like, I was bullied, you know, the kids would throw ice at my face and go, Eskimo, you know what I mean? Always like running from them. And then like, I'd come home and my dad would be like drunk and, um, he was very violent, you know what I mean? And then like, um, like he would beat up my mom and stuff, you know, and, um, like she would come into my room with no teeth and bloody mouth. And like, yeah, it was like pretty crazy. Yeah, serious. And my brother and I would just fart on each other. And like, yeah, it was a good bit back then. And like, we would like show each other our penises and like do like puppet tricks with our little, little yellow penises.
Starting point is 00:24:53 They were like minions before minions, you know what I mean? Like little yellow, like, you know what I mean? Yeah. And it was like pretty cool, you know, pretty cool. Pretty cool. And then. Sounds like a good time. It was pretty cool, right guys? You know, you can't do that on live, but you know what I mean? But we did it, you know, amongst ourselves.
Starting point is 00:25:15 And then, um, I guess there was this guy that had Down syndrome down the street when we lived in Minnesota and, um, he molested me. He molested me. He molested me. So that was cool. Anyway. Right? Good times. We having good? Did you get out of Minnesota? Well, I'm going to talk about the molestation if I may.
Starting point is 00:25:42 May I talk about it? Please. Am I garbage yet? We don't know yet? No, but you are crazy. Do you think I'm a crazy person? No, I think you're awesome. You're fucking you're the best. Cause I'm going to tell you something.
Starting point is 00:25:58 This is the first time I've been on this podcast and the next time I come on, if I ever do come on, it'll be different. But yeah, because I'm just trying to like, um, Buddy, this is what it is. We want to hear your story. I know, but it's kind of like, you know, when I guest star on like a TV show, you want to be as good as you can be. So you get invited back. The next time I come back, it'll be 50%. That's great. You're really going to phone it in a second time.
Starting point is 00:26:21 But right now I'm nervous. So it just comes out like this because I really want you guys to like me. We love you. And I want the hippie to like me and I want your fans to like me. So it's coming out. The most requested guest. We're in this together. And I have to say as a side note for white guys, you guys have my body, like my shape, my personality.
Starting point is 00:26:42 And it's not a good thing for you. It's really not a good thing for you. But when I looked at you, cause you look at Andrew Schultz and you look at Stefano, they're like human looking. And they do, they look not mythological. They look like they can stick their penises in anything. You guys look like incels. We do beat our penises. When no one's in here.
Starting point is 00:27:04 My mother was a minotaur. Like I don't know anyone in LA that even has your vibe. Sure. Maybe like there's some homeless. If you go to open my plan at night. I love how he sat there. I'm just trying because I feel the same. I think that you guys are white versions of me.
Starting point is 00:27:24 And that's why I'm blessed to be here. It's a compliment. Thank you so much for that wonderful, wonderful compliment. Because you guys, I know you guys get, you have a girlfriend. You have a wife, you have a girlfriend. And that to me is like mind boggling. It really is. To me, it's like, oh my God.
Starting point is 00:27:42 To us too. It works, it's working. That means you have... Those guys, Stefano and Schultz and these guys, right? They have their looks to get them by. Anybody can get brawls when you look good. Do it looking like us. But with us, dude, it's like we're like miracles.
Starting point is 00:27:59 We're like killing the game, right? And we're also paving the way for other uglies. Yeah, of course. We're storming the beaches here. And now let me say something, right? If you lost weight, you could have like a Gary Gullman vibe, right? But you, uh-uh. You got no shot.
Starting point is 00:28:18 You have no shot. That's fine. Let's go back to the molestation, why not? I never thought I would say that, but please let's. Yeah, am I being rude? No. Oh my God. You're so good and so funny that the fact of,
Starting point is 00:28:34 he's like, yeah, I'm gonna be playing the nice one. Nah, well, we're making fun of each other. I'm not gonna make fun of you guys. And then he just like whipples and then we get 18 minutes and he's like, good night. Well, I'm not, I was just telling the truth. Well, that's why I love you. I'm not being mean.
Starting point is 00:28:49 We don't think that. So anyway, I think you're being a little mean, but that's just amazing. So you're in Minnesota. What did your mom and dad do for a living? What was your dad doing? My dad owned clothing stores called Fashion Gal. He owned them.
Starting point is 00:29:05 Yeah, and we owned, well, my uncles and my dad owned like 75 stores across the country. So he did well. Yeah, we did well. But still with the booze and the abuse and stuff like that. Well, he was like, he didn't obviously drink at work, but you know, he would drive around at the stores and this and that, but he would come home
Starting point is 00:29:22 and get drunk. Like, you know, I would always like hide in my room because you never knew what was going to happen. You know, he turned into like, you know, incredible Hulk, but he didn't grow. And he's yellow. He was a bad dude. Yeah.
Starting point is 00:29:40 And he would pick up kitchen tables and throw it at people. It was crazy. And so anyway, and then I was most of a guy that guy with Down syndrome down the street. That's what my brother says. My brother says that. Yeah. The imagery of the shack and then Zamboni.
Starting point is 00:29:55 You know what Zamboni is? Yeah. Yeah. He took care of the Zamboni in this outside ice rink. Ice rink down the street from it. Yeah. And I think he molested a bunch of kids, but I went there every day.
Starting point is 00:30:11 You know what I mean? In the summer because he had candy. I love candy. You know what I mean? And so I don't think anything happened where like, you know what I mean? Uh-huh. Never forget it.
Starting point is 00:30:27 The kid really likes the Snickers, huh? Yeah. And so, um, and then I, then we moved to San Diego at the age of 11. For business? Like it was like, yeah, my dad goes, let's move. Right. Yeah.
Starting point is 00:30:43 And then we went to the family stayed together. He went with you to San Diego. Yeah. He's always been there. Sure. Like my age with full blown muscles and stashes at age 11. Right. I had like skater kids and like, you know,
Starting point is 00:31:01 this is back in the days where like Bones Brigade and all these things were happening, you know, it's cool as shit. Yeah. And I just remember this kid like flipping over his skateboard and like putting out a line of meth across the street from me. And I went, I didn't even ask what it was.
Starting point is 00:31:18 I was like, can I have some? And he was like, yeah, dude, is that candy? Yeah. And it was snort that. And then like, you know, I'm talking about 11, 12, you know, like young. Damn. Is this just skating fast?
Starting point is 00:31:33 Yeah. Is this a nice neighborhood you guys moved into? Yeah. Family had a little bit of money. You moved into a nice neighborhood. Down in San Diego, you get a little bit more of a wider cultural experience, a little bit more familiar. Yeah.
Starting point is 00:31:49 Yeah. And then I'm sure Minnesota is different now, but in the in the 70s, I don't know. Yeah. For sure. That makes total sense. And then my dad had this refrigerator where he'd stock alcohol, you know what I mean?
Starting point is 00:32:05 And because he was an alcoholic and I could sneak in there and drink as many beers. No one would know. So it was just I just started my alcoholism and drug addiction that early, early, you know. And then, um, yeah, I just got all F's. Okay. There you go.
Starting point is 00:32:21 You know what I mean? Yeah, I'm pretty athletic, you know what I mean? But other than that, like I was just a failure. You know what I mean? I just, you know, and then every time you would bring home like an F to your violent Korean dad and your mom, they would get violent and crazy. And it was just like your brother good in school.
Starting point is 00:32:37 He was up until his senior year and then he kind of drifted. But, um, yeah, he was like the Christian. You know, he did, he went to church and he also, you know, got straight A's. And then I don't know what happened. I was in Paris because my brother was really good in school and I was terrible at school. And that just makes you look even worse.
Starting point is 00:32:55 You look even worse. It's terrible. Did you hate your brother? No, I loved him. Yeah, I love my brother too. Yeah, I love 100%. And then I went to rehabs. I just remember in, um, in high school,
Starting point is 00:33:11 I did went to three, two or three, like one detox, two regular rehabs. And then I, um, yeah. Nice ones though. Um, I, what's so funny? I don't know you, I just, I love you. Yeah, I believe that nothing happens. Everything happens for a reason.
Starting point is 00:33:30 And I believe in sort of like this cosmic thing where like, it just, if you do make the right choices, that there's a path and things just fall in line the way it's supposed to. And I don't fight it. You know what I mean? Plus when you're growing up in an immigrant home, there's no life skills that you learn because
Starting point is 00:33:50 I don't know the Korean language. My parents never taught me anything about anything. Like everything that I learned was through like Scorsese movies or whatever, you know what I mean? Like main streets, you know what I mean? Like I would rent movies and watch them. So it's like I had no life skills. So like when I went to that rehab,
Starting point is 00:34:07 when my junior year in high school, McDonald's center, that's where I kind of learned how to live, you know what I mean? And learned things. And then I'm supposed to be at that rehab. And I just kind of bought into all that, right? So it's like, so I went to rehab in La Jolla.
Starting point is 00:34:25 I got sober in La Jolla. I grew up in a town called Poway, which is like 45 minutes away, right? So every A meeting I went to was in La Jolla. Now what's in La Jolla? The comedy store. So after high school, I moved to La Jolla because that's where all my sober friends were.
Starting point is 00:34:42 And I started working in there and I happened to have a job at a coffee shop that was attached to the comedy store, the one that you went to. It used to be a place called Disc Cafe. It was owned by 91X radio, which was like the alternative station. And I had orange hair.
Starting point is 00:35:00 Like I bleached my hair. I was really into like early Sonic youth and the Fugazi. Yeah, Sub Pop, all that stuff. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And I just remember getting changed because we would need to get changed from the comedy store, you know,
Starting point is 00:35:17 for the coffee shop. And so I met Fred Burns at the time was the manager of the La Jolla comedy store. And then the girl that I was working with at Disc Cafe, her boyfriend was a guy named Mike Carano, who was the manager of the Pacific Beach improv, who still works for the improv now.
Starting point is 00:35:34 Damn. So you have to imagine I'm in La Jolla and I'm surrounded by comedy indirectly, right? Because Mike would go, A, after shift, we're going to go see Brian Regan at PB improv. And I would go at C-Pop Cat Goldwaith.
Starting point is 00:35:49 And I was really like, I would like to stand up when I would watch it. Yeah, but it wasn't like speaking to you. It wasn't like pulling you. Right. It's until I saw like an open mic where I was like, I can do that. Yeah, yeah.
Starting point is 00:36:01 You see, you see someone do it bad. I'm fucking better than this idiot. Yeah, yeah. So I just remember like, Disc Cafe closing. I'm still sober. I'm still sober at 17. And then I'm 23 years old now,
Starting point is 00:36:14 living La Jolla, working like restaurant jobs and shit. My coffee shop job closed. And I was walking by the La Jolla Comedy Center and they happened to have a help wanted sign him. And I knocked on the door because I knew Fred. And I go, hey dude, I'm the guy next door.
Starting point is 00:36:30 He's like, oh yeah. Can I get a job? He's like, well, I only hire stand-ups. And I was just like, well, I'm thinking about doing it, which I don't know if I was or not. And I got a job. There's a bar back.
Starting point is 00:36:41 And then two weeks later, I was on stage. That's fucking awesome. Yeah. So that's how it, and it happened quick for me. Like I did it three months later. Carlos Mencia. You know him? Yes.
Starting point is 00:36:54 You like him? He's a good friend. Yeah. No, I don't know him, but yeah, I know who he is. Who is he? He's a guy he used to work with. You really got me in the hot seat here, Bobby.
Starting point is 00:37:06 No, no, no. From the vibes you're giving, but it's a guy you don't like. I love him. Yeah. He's like a bro, he's, dude, I wouldn't be here without him and Paulie Shore. Sure.
Starting point is 00:37:15 So I'm just asking you. No. He's my friend. How do you feel about him? He's the guy who does the compilations of jokes, right? That was rude. Son of a bitch. You turdy hippie son of a bitch.
Starting point is 00:37:31 True, but fuck you. No, so, but do you like what's your, what's your feeling toward him? I knew of him before I got into comedy, so I didn't understand all of the underage rules and all of that kind of stuff. Before my time.
Starting point is 00:37:45 Yeah. I don't have any real understanding or any skin in the game or really know what happened. Right. I have some. I have to say one thing about him. One of the best performers I've ever seen.
Starting point is 00:37:57 He's a murderer. He was a murderer machine. Of course. And that's all I have to say. Kimmy, how about that display, baby? You mean the coolest in the biz? Yeah. It was something cool to cover up your walls
Starting point is 00:38:08 and use a paper poster. That's not going to hold up. What is this, the 1990s? Get yourself displayed, baby. They got cool designs. They got movies. They got anime. They got cartoons.
Starting point is 00:38:17 And they got licensing deals with Marvel, Star Wars, the whole nine yards, and Netflix and more. Yeah, baby. I'm talking heavy by none of that shit that rips or bends or crinkles. You could eat off this thing. I'm turning mine into a goddamn coffee table.
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Starting point is 00:39:15 Code Garbage or click the link in the show notes. Do it. Cable, let's talk about Manscape, baby. Manscape. Come on. You know what we're talking about, gang. Just because summer's over. Don't mean you don't stop cutting the grass.
Starting point is 00:39:25 You know what I'm saying? Keep things trimmed. Keep things tight. Maybe a little bit of that holiday candy gets sweet on you. You know what I'm saying? This is when people let it go. You got to be better than competition.
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Starting point is 00:39:50 Yeah, guys. It's got the Lawn Mower 4.0 Body Trimmer and a weed whacker, nose and ear hair trimmer that I use on my butthole. Both are waterproof so you can shave in the shower or to pool, whatever you want to do. With the Ultra Premium Body Wash and Ultra Premium 201 Shampoo and Conditioner,
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Starting point is 00:40:30 at Manscaped.com. That's 20% off plus free shipping with the Code Garbage at Manscaped.com. Manscaped, clear out the leaves. It's your tree trunk's time to shine, yeah. But anyway, so when I was there, Fred would have me host the Saturday Night Show, one show.
Starting point is 00:40:47 If you were a doorman there, there was a rule that you get to do five minutes. So you have to imagine, like, I was just chomping at the pits because you would have Hollywood guys come down there and headline. So as soon as Mencia went up, his manager was there,
Starting point is 00:41:01 signed me. Really? Five minutes. And then Paulie was there. Five minutes he got signed? Well, he's just like, you know, I'll, like, pop it.
Starting point is 00:41:09 It was a term back then. Like, I'm not going to give you a contract. I'll bring it into my wing a little bit. But I'll, like, think about you, you know what I mean? And if something comes my way, I'll help you. And then Paulie saw me
Starting point is 00:41:19 and he was just, like, open for me. So, like, I think within a year of doing stand-ups, I was 23. I was, I did, I went up and opened for Paulie in Vegas. Geez. In front of, like, 5,000 seats.
Starting point is 00:41:31 I only had, like, five minutes. Right? And I went up there and his mom was there. And his mom made me a regular at all her clubs. Wow. Right? So it's like, yeah,
Starting point is 00:41:42 it happened kind of fast. So it's like, I was like, oh, I went from the street to knocking on that door. But that's the thing I was saying that I believe All of those things happened.
Starting point is 00:41:51 We have to, all those things were just, I'm just kind of waking up and just showing up to things. You know, you have to show up to things and you have to try. Right? But those are the only two rules
Starting point is 00:42:03 that I've really gone by. It's like, I try and I wake up and I show up and I just see what happens. Right? So it's like, I've only, so I have no real skill set
Starting point is 00:42:11 or people go, you're talented. I don't know. I guess, but I'm just doing it. Sure. Right? And so that's my kind of, like, philosophy of life.
Starting point is 00:42:20 That's your view on it, yeah. So I just kind of, like, and then all of a sudden I'm, like, here. Like, that's why I'm right here. Because I just kind of, I'm following this path. Yeah, kind of going with the flow. But I've, like,
Starting point is 00:42:31 gone in and out of, you know, sobriety since, you know, so I, you know, I had 12 years, 17 years of sobriety. And then now I only have seven months. Okay. Well, hey, baby, back on the horse.
Starting point is 00:42:43 Going with the flow. I love it. Oh, in high school I sucked it. I forgot to tell you that. To go back. There was no Zamboni's either. Yeah, it's a Pulp Fiction, like a Pulp Fiction podcast where
Starting point is 00:42:52 we're just doing a Pulp Fiction, you kind of have a thing. So you go through the flow of the universe. You blew a couple of guys and you can't tell time. Yay, yay, yay, yay, yay. That's what we're at, ladies and gentlemen. Yeah, I'm not gay, I'm not gay,
Starting point is 00:43:03 I'm not gay, I'm not gay, but I just did it. Yeah. Because I'm like, People suck dick that aren't gay. Yeah, I'm like open to like, like, you know, let's try it. You know what I mean?
Starting point is 00:43:11 Figure it out. And then you're like, I don't like it, you know what I mean? But then you try a couple of times. Anyway. Flow of the universe. But the reason why. Talk about showing up.
Starting point is 00:43:19 Let's go. Can I touch, please? Yeah. The reason why I love New York so bad. I love it so much, I mean. And bad is that, you know, when I started doing comedy, I was kind of like,
Starting point is 00:43:31 I was doing like dad jokes and like, you know, like positive, more positive, you know what I mean? And I remember coming to New York and I had to play a club hauling for Caroline. Caroline. Caroline.
Starting point is 00:43:45 Yeah, yeah. What are you looking at? Nothing. There's a sound. He's looking at the cameras. No, there's a sound. It's the elevator. Yeah.
Starting point is 00:43:53 You've never heard a sound before? Bobby, check in. It's a podcast. Broadcast. Yeah. Because I'm trying to give New York its props. Okay.
Starting point is 00:44:01 Right. Many, many years ago, I did Caroline's and I could only do like 20 minutes after mad TV. And they're like, you could headline, but I could, I only can do 20 minutes.
Starting point is 00:44:09 Sure. And I remember like, it was hard to sell tickets, you know? And so they made me go on Anthony. Yeah. And I was like,
Starting point is 00:44:18 first time I went on that was terrible, but I remember learning how to do this kind of new brand of being more honest. Open. And be open and all that kind of stuff. So I learned that through,
Starting point is 00:44:29 you know, seeing Gerardo and Patrice and Norton and all those Voss and open Anthony. And those guys kind of taught me how to like defend myself. The reason why I'm mean, I was saying that you guys look ugly in this and that wasn't,
Starting point is 00:44:43 that's not my nature. I don't remember you saying that. Yeah. Thanks for bringing it back up. Yeah. No, I think, you know, New York company kind of brought that out of me.
Starting point is 00:44:51 That's great. Yeah. It fits more my personality. But it's like, and I feel way more comfortable being evil, but it's like, you know,
Starting point is 00:45:01 but I learned that through being here in this town. I love this town, man. It's a great city. Yeah. It's a dump, but it's a great city. More questions.
Starting point is 00:45:11 I think I talked too much. Why don't you guys talk more? I'll be back. We'll get you smoke. So is there other questions? Let's go. Yeah. Of course.
Starting point is 00:45:19 We haven't even scratched the surface. That was, that was a great back story. It was good. It was good origin school story. Fantastic.
Starting point is 00:45:27 Pretty good. Yeah. Yeah. And it makes me love you even more to be honest with you, man, and you deserve everything. I'm still on the fence a little bit, but that's just me, Bobby.
Starting point is 00:45:35 I don't think so. No. I'm in the Bobby pool. Yeah. We're together. Yeah. All right. What's the name of that?
Starting point is 00:45:43 Dover drive. That's not bad. Nice house. Nice house. Yeah. Dover drive. Very nice. Yeah.
Starting point is 00:45:51 Adyna, you know, upper middle class. Do they still own the stores or is that all? Oh, they went bankrupt. It's gone. It's all gone. Well, they're dead.
Starting point is 00:45:59 Both your parents passed away. No, my mom's still alive. Your mom's still alive. But my dad died. Okay. Score one for the good guys. I miss him. I miss him again.
Starting point is 00:46:07 Are you close to your mom? What? Are you close to your mom? Yeah. She's in Phoenix. She's in Phoenix, Arizona. Yeah. It's weird because May I may
Starting point is 00:46:15 interject her? Yeah, please. Please. Just real quick. My dad died. You know, my dad died, you know, and two years ago. And that's when my I relapsed
Starting point is 00:46:24 after 17 years of sobriety. Yeah. Yeah. And and then after he died, all this Asian hate started happening. You know, stop Asian hate, right? And like people were getting
Starting point is 00:46:36 targeted Asians, right? Elderly. That's why I wish my dad was still alive. Imagine that. Someone just run up and hit him. I would like, I would like to drop him off at our Trump rally. China virus.
Starting point is 00:46:50 China virus started it. Right. Right. And then they would all, you know, American flags would be great. All they see is a silver GTI streak. You know why? Two of them in unison.
Starting point is 00:46:58 Two of them in unison. It's a stand. I just threw in a stand up joke. That's a good streak. Thank you. Thank you. I can't do it tonight, but thank you. Great.
Starting point is 00:47:06 But so my, so my mom, so imagine my dad died two years ago and she, my mom, you know, was beaten by this man for forever. And he dies and now she's the freest person. Well, that's,
Starting point is 00:47:21 that's a great. I've ever seen like she's just like doing her thing. That's awesome. Right. And just like all that bag because, you know, he was sick for like 15 years. So she had to like dig the shit out of
Starting point is 00:47:31 his ass. He was had strokes and he was paralyzed and so he became his nurse. Yeah. You hear me for all these years and we would go back there and like help this guy. I love him, but
Starting point is 00:47:42 because he had changed, you know, as we got older, but so it's just really interesting to see my mom so free. That's really cool. That's awesome. Yeah. Anyway, that's fantastic.
Starting point is 00:47:52 All right. Talk about the flow of the universe right now. That's fantastic. Staying in the childhood a bit and he pets growing up. Don't get there. That's what that's the button that
Starting point is 00:48:01 pushes. He got molested on a Zamboni. Yeah. Don't go there. Can't talk about a fish tank. What are we doing here? Well, I'm in the truth. This is this.
Starting point is 00:48:09 You know, do you know how many animals I have now? No. That's also a follow up question. I have four dogs. Nice. And three cats. Nice.
Starting point is 00:48:17 They're in my freezer. I'm going to have a barbecue. I love it. Delicious. Delicious. No, no. And no, I have four ducks. I have four dogs and three cats.
Starting point is 00:48:27 Another stand up joke. I just throw them in there. Oh, it's great. It's killing. Yeah. But I have, yeah. And I, the reason why I have so many cats is because of my parents.
Starting point is 00:48:37 I, um, this is a sad story. But, um, why are you laughing? I'm preparing for it. Yeah. If there's no like harshness to it, they didn't kill it. But, um, I remember asking my, um, parents when I was young, I go, I
Starting point is 00:48:51 was like eight or nine. I go, can we get a pet? And so my parents go, we'll get a cat. So I had this cat Tommy. We got, got Tommy as a kitten. Okay. And he was never allowed in the
Starting point is 00:49:02 house. Like this pen, you know what I mean? And every day for like a summer, that's all I did was I was in this pen and I would play with Tommy. And I love this cat so fucking much, man. So much, man.
Starting point is 00:49:17 Like it was like, that's all I could think about. You know, I bonded with this thing. And then one day like I go out there and he's gone. I freak the fuck out. I go outside. You know what I mean?
Starting point is 00:49:30 I'm running around the neighborhood. So finally I'm like crying to my parent. I go, Tommy, I can't find him. Right. And my dad go, we gave him away. You know what I mean? You know what I mean? I go, but what about he's like, there
Starting point is 00:49:44 was like no compromise. There was no discussion. Mommy allergic. Right. And then like they both went in the house and we're just being in the garage. Like not only was I sad, but I was
Starting point is 00:49:55 just like full of rage. Fuck yeah. Right. Like rage. Like, you know, not only were they like ethnic and from immigrants and stuff, there was like no discussion about anything.
Starting point is 00:50:07 No, no sharing of feelings. Like how do you feel? What can we do? Very old school. Very old school. Right. It's just like my way, the highway. And that, I mean, with all the shit
Starting point is 00:50:18 that I went through, like all those little events kind of made me like, you know, very angry and rageful. And like, I think rightly so. Yeah. I think that's a lot of displaced emotion sitting somewhere. I think that helps with standup.
Starting point is 00:50:32 I think that feeling of like, I'll show you. Yeah. You know, that's always like when a girl rejects you, like I will show you when a guy bullies you, you'll see what I'm going to do. And like you just kind of do things
Starting point is 00:50:45 like you go crazy and do things that are scary because you're just trying to express yourself and get, you know, get all that out. You know what I mean? And like I said before, like all the stuff I used as a tool to like, you know, rise.
Starting point is 00:51:00 Yeah. I mean, a lot of kids like will, you know, not get sober. I think that also comes into play for me. Like I was always kind of like, you know, if I continue to do drugs and become a thief and go down this
Starting point is 00:51:14 path, I'll end up more like my dad or end up like a criminal. So I'm just kind of like, you know, I got to get sober and do the right thing. And like I was, it was a good kid. My brother and I are good kids. You know, we were like, we were always
Starting point is 00:51:29 empathetic. And so, you know, I just kind of used that anger and that rage to benefit myself. But anyway, you know, because my dad, parents did that, I, they did that. And then when I was 15, we got a dog
Starting point is 00:51:44 and then they gave that dog to a pool, our pool guy. They got that cleaned up swimming pool. Geez. Gave your fucking dog away. So the same. But at that point, I did, I knew something was going to happen.
Starting point is 00:51:55 So I didn't bond with that guy. You didn't really connect to it. Connect with as much. Smart, smart. Defend yourself a little bit. And then 10 years ago, I met Kalyla, my ex-girlfriend. And she was really into animals.
Starting point is 00:52:06 And I remember going to her apartment. I met her on Tinder and she lived in Long Beach. And I remember the first night I spent the night at her house, there was a kitten that she found on the street, Ming. I still have Ming.
Starting point is 00:52:19 And Ming was underneath the couch because he was kind of feral. And then one day, she was going out of town. She goes, can Ming stay at your condo in Hollywood? So I go, yeah, yeah. And I remember coming home from a
Starting point is 00:52:33 spot and I opened the door and Ming was just kind of waiting for me, you know, at my doorway. That'll melt your heart. Yeah. And Ming goes, hi. Like, that's what it sounded like. Like, where were you?
Starting point is 00:52:45 Right? And I just remember like Ming sleeping on my shoulder. Yeah. And I just remember going, thinking to myself, I go, this is who I am. Like, this is, I love animals. It's great.
Starting point is 00:52:58 I forgot. Right. And then I just became hurt. Yeah. And I just became an animal hoarder. Either way. Like my house is like, you know, because we also, we constantly foster
Starting point is 00:53:08 too. So we always have like, there's a rot wild downstairs. There's a fucking pit bull downstairs. Right. So I'm constantly like, you know, open to all animals. Right.
Starting point is 00:53:18 Yeah. There's that thing. I adopted it all about six months ago. And there's that thing of like, I didn't have one for like 20 years. And I'm like, I forgot you forget what you were, the unconditional love that you were missing out on.
Starting point is 00:53:29 You're like, this is all right. You know what I mean? Yeah. I'm allowed to smile and have a good time over here. I just gave it away. Why? Would you have an animal?
Starting point is 00:53:37 We have a cat. Yeah. You love? Come on. What are you nuts? Lay down in traffic for this. Me too. Me too.
Starting point is 00:53:45 What? It just makes life like fuller. Yeah. Right. It really does. Cats, dogs, the whole million yards. I've never gone through as an adult, the deaths.
Starting point is 00:53:56 I think about it. I think about it daily. I'm like, this is going to fucking suck. I have seven deaths. It sucks. I have seven. This guy's got bodies on him. Seven deaths I got to go through.
Starting point is 00:54:06 Because I'm connected to all of them. Sure. Right. So I'm like, I have written down at home like how old they are. I also Google always how long they live. You know what I mean? Like, I have it all fucking planned.
Starting point is 00:54:19 I'm going to be fucked, bro. Yeah. Yeah. As a kid, you know, not that the pain of having them. The pain of the unknowing of, oh my God, what happened to Tommy is fucking brutal. Then it's brutal when your parents say, we gave it away.
Starting point is 00:54:34 That's so definitive. But as a kid, a lot of people don't think about this. People get married. They get a dog or they get a cat. Then they have kids. When those kids are about 10, 11 years old, that dog's going to die. That's what happened to us.
Starting point is 00:54:47 We had a German shepherd and he got real sick. So you were born with a German shepherd in your life. Yeah. And so he's your life. Yeah. And we went to football practice one day and my mom picked us up. She was bawling, crying.
Starting point is 00:55:00 She's like, she's like, Mike's gone. And dude, we were fucked up. Brutal. It's brutal. It's absolutely brutal. So good luck with that. Let me ask you something. Yeah, I had.
Starting point is 00:55:15 Did you immediately cry? Hmm. Yeah. 100%. Yeah. I was a little kid. Yeah. Fucking freaked out for how long?
Starting point is 00:55:25 I mean, I mean, theoretically, probably a therapist would say, I'm still not over it. Yeah. Yeah. That's why I stopped going. Yeah. No.
Starting point is 00:55:36 For days, for weeks, months, years. 100%. Just kind of lingers with you. 100%. But I mean, I'm sure that gives you a better understanding about death. No.
Starting point is 00:55:45 No. Made me even more scared. Yeah. Well, you didn't hate it. Well, you didn't process any of the you should have talked to somebody. Somebody should have processed. Somebody should have guided you through that.
Starting point is 00:55:53 I want my goddamn dog back. And somebody find Tommy too. Will you? Jesus Christ. Tommy and Mike are out there fucking knocking over a bank probably. Did you guys immediately get another dog or was that it?
Starting point is 00:56:03 Didn't get a dog probably for five years after that. I feel like he gotta fill it back in quick to like, Okay, good. Use it over, I feel. Yeah, yeah. Just like, Oh, hey, I'm gonna
Starting point is 00:56:13 pull my attention here. And I'll tell you this just as a different road traveled. So when we got when we moved, we were like, all right. They were ready to get another dog. We got a dog. He was a maniac.
Starting point is 00:56:22 Tyler, he was a beastly hand. And my parents kind of got fed up with them and they took him back to the SPCA. But my dad literally went to he's like, I'm not doing this and went the next day and got him back.
Starting point is 00:56:35 We're not, we're not, we're not, we're not, we're not, we're not, we're not doing that. Wow. Yeah, yeah. So you had a good childhood then. Yeah, I had a good childhood. Wow.
Starting point is 00:56:44 Yeah, it was all right. Yeah. You? Yeah, pretty good. It was good. I would also say his probably wasn't great either. But just give me a second.
Starting point is 00:56:53 Just give me a second. I'm just trying to get the resentment in there. My was a little dysfunctional. And if it makes you feel any better, there was a an activity center that I used to go to when I was a kid where I'm pretty sure they
Starting point is 00:57:07 fondled. Somebody got him. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. That's scary. Yeah. Like I have nightmares of like
Starting point is 00:57:16 this guy with Down syndrome on a Zamboni. Yeah. I'm just running on ice. Mine wasn't candy. It was hot dogs. What? You got me with hot dogs.
Starting point is 00:57:28 Yeah. Is that, is that code for like his dick or? Okay. Yeah. It's pretty hot dogs a day. Wow. Yeah.
Starting point is 00:57:37 So you had, did you? What? Get fondled? Did we get their hands on you, Kippy? No. Not that I remember unless I completely repressed it.
Starting point is 00:57:45 Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. I repressed it pretty hard and I'm not a hundred percent sure what but I remember seeing an adult penis at that place.
Starting point is 00:57:54 Yeah. When I don't think I should have. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Unless it was a weird class that I didn't know I was in.
Starting point is 00:58:02 It's the history of time. One hundred percent. Yeah. Of course. Yeah. Yeah. I mean, I'm cavemen probably did it. Yeah.
Starting point is 00:58:10 There's a percentage of people that just get God. Man, that's what it is. I probably smell. Just imagine a cave. Right. Right. And he's just like jerking the
Starting point is 00:58:18 kid. I mean, yeah. No candy either. No candy. Yeah. Couple of rocks. Right. Some lion meat or something.
Starting point is 00:58:26 Couple of rocks in the dark room. Some lion meat. That's how you got them in the vans. Lion meat. That's hilarious. Have you ever seen one before? Yeah.
Starting point is 00:58:34 OK. Wild. Go ahead. Yeah. I'm a garbageette. No, not yet. Nothing real definitive. OK.
Starting point is 00:58:42 Definitely broken. I can tell you that. We all are. Definitely in shambles. Welcome to the party. Let's talk a little bit about now. What's your favorite flavor Gatorade? I don't.
Starting point is 00:58:55 You don't drink Gatorade. No. What do you drink during throughout the day? Just water. Yeah. No Diet Coke. You would say you're a refined
Starting point is 00:59:03 individual now. I know you like to eat good food. Well, I mean, I drink like Diet Coke. OK. Nice Diet Coke. Here are the drinks I drink. Here we go. You want to get into it.
Starting point is 00:59:13 This is exactly what the show is. All right. Water. OK. Right. Diet Coke. DC's. Some sort of cold brew or four
Starting point is 00:59:21 shots of espresso over ice. I like that. You also pronounce it Expresso. Just let you know. What is that? Espresso. There's no X. Espresso.
Starting point is 00:59:29 Four shots is a lot too. But I like it. Is there any milk in there? Oat milk. Do oat milk. Don't do that again. What? Don't correct me.
Starting point is 00:59:37 I didn't correct you. I just pointed out that you pronounced it wrong. Yeah. It makes me angry. I want you to make it two shots the next time. Anyway, I drink those and then that's it. Sometimes I'll go to like a fancy restaurant and go make me a mocktail.
Starting point is 00:59:53 Mocktails are nice. Why is big mocktail good? Yeah. Yeah. And they'll do something fancy with ginger on it. Sure. So you do go out to a nice restaurant.
Starting point is 01:00:01 As you know, you go out to a nice restaurant. Will you order the sparkling water or do you get still? Do you do like the Pellegrino? Sparkling. I like sparkling. Give me a bottle of Pellegrino. Yeah. I never get the tap.
Starting point is 01:00:10 Yeah. I always get bottled. Always. Always get bottled. Although I heard New York water is great. I like New York tap. But yeah. I'll do tap water pretty much anywhere.
Starting point is 01:00:19 Yeah. For the most part. But in some places you can't. And then like in the Philippines you can't. I was just in the Philippines three weeks ago. Nice. Right. You can't drink that water.
Starting point is 01:00:27 I got my hands full. How was the food? Good. White bluit. You did? You know what it is now? Your you did?
Starting point is 01:00:49 You know what it is. Now you know what Bluetooth. Look it up. I don't even know how to spell it. BALUT. I don't think it's pizza. It's not street food. Right?
Starting point is 01:00:57 Maybe two days before. It hatches. It hatches. That's a hatchable egg. Right. And so it's, it's, you eat that. So I had one. How was that?
Starting point is 01:01:05 Well, when you, when you, so when you crunch down on the skull, the brain squirts in your mouth and then you get the feathers stuck between your teeth, but other than that, it's delicious. Little soy sauce. You're all right. It literally is. I can't believe it. So like, yeah, that's what you ate. Is that your first time having it?
Starting point is 01:01:23 Yeah. Yeah. It wasn't good. Well, honestly, if I closed my eyes and I just ate it, I'd just be like, Oh, is this egg? But like, you know what I mean? With more dryness. You know what I mean?
Starting point is 01:01:36 To it, you know, but when you, when you have eyeball, right? Like this thing did. Yeah. And you look at it. It's just like, it's weird because the eyes are there and it looks at you like, two days buddy. What about like two days? I was looking at you.
Starting point is 01:01:50 Yeah. All right. What about lupier? Tarot? Yeah. I had that too. But are you an adventurous eater? Like, will you do the wacky kind of stuff?
Starting point is 01:01:59 What are you talking about? Maybe that was just, maybe you lost a bet. I don't know. You see this over here. No. I think I'll try something once. Like I won't eat monkey brain or anything like that. That's weird.
Starting point is 01:02:10 But I'm going to eat the eggs that you eat. Just once. Okay. Well, I did it on camera on my podcast. So it's like, okay. Like if it wasn't taped, maybe I would have maybe passed. Gotcha. Okay.
Starting point is 01:02:21 Fair enough. But I'll go to a country and I'll eat something. Yeah. The delicacy that they have. But like, I would never eat like, like, you know, like I wouldn't never go to the Euland dog eating festival. Okay. Would you go there?
Starting point is 01:02:31 No, I would. Yeah. Would you get angry? Yes. Yeah. Fucking freak out. I would freak the fuck out. Probably end up getting killed.
Starting point is 01:02:39 Yeah. And in Peru, this is going to boggle your mind. They used to have a cat eating festival. Oh. And but they would have a arena. I'm not kidding you. And you would, they would let these cats, you know, out and they'd be running and I think you chase them and stuff.
Starting point is 01:02:51 It's like a game. Yeah. Fucked up. But I wouldn't eat that shit. But I would. In fact, I think when I make, if I have like $30 million in the bank, I'm going to quit comedy and I'm going to, I'm telling God this, I'm going to manifest this. I'm going to go to every like dog eating, eating a cat eating anything.
Starting point is 01:03:13 And I'm going to put all my resources into shutting it down. It's good. There you go. It makes me crazy. Very humane. Yeah. It's going to happen. Never say never.
Starting point is 01:03:23 You can manifest. Yeah. Manifest it. But yeah. All right. So we did the animals. What else? The eating.
Starting point is 01:03:31 What do you got? Let's get into it. Let's get into why I would be garbage. Like the things that I do because like when you say garbage, right? That means that like I do garbage behavior. So I've done many garbage behaviors. Sure. But we're starting to creep there a little bit.
Starting point is 01:03:44 I fucked so many people over. I'm a liar. All that stuff. I'm a liar. I mean, is that what garbage means? No. What does garbage mean? It doesn't mean criminal.
Starting point is 01:03:54 Yeah. Oh, yeah, yeah. No, I mean, I'm not a murderer anybody, but I'm just like I've lied. That's how he's drawn. I never. I never killed anyone. I've deceived. I've deceived.
Starting point is 01:04:03 What do you do insurance for? Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. Oh, OK. We're getting there. OK, good. We're getting there. Have you ever been to a gender reveal party? What is that?
Starting point is 01:04:11 Where they reveal the gender of the baby. Of the baby. With like blue smoke or red smoke, pink smoke. No, I've only been invited to. You don't get invited to a lot of parties. I've only been invited to. One. Two weddings.
Starting point is 01:04:25 Really? In my whole lifetime. What? I've never been. And then also any of my good friends that get kids. I never meet the kids and I never meet that. I don't see them. You've only been to two weddings.
Starting point is 01:04:35 Yeah. That's trash. Is that good? That's bad. What do you mean? You don't get invited to a wedding? No, I think because people don't think I'm going to go. OK.
Starting point is 01:04:45 Like I built this reputation for myself. You can ask people. I don't call people back. I don't text people back. I'm kind of hard to get a hold of. Real Hollywood. I like that. No, it's not Hollywood.
Starting point is 01:04:55 It's just my way. I think you feel better because you called me. Pretty cool. No, I know. Well, no, because you've caught me in a transition. Yeah. OK. You've caught me in a transition where I'm.
Starting point is 01:05:06 So get those wedding invitations out, folks. Yeah. I'm trying to do things. He's saying yes. Bobby's got 30 million in the back. Different. You know, I'm trying to do everything. That's very good.
Starting point is 01:05:15 Yeah, yeah. Everyone back. I show up to things that have, you know, because usually, you know, I used to be like. I'm not doing it. Whatever. If it's a stand up gig or if it's like a job or, you know, an audition, I'll show up to those.
Starting point is 01:05:28 But if it's like a personal thing and if, you know, I'm just like, who gives a social thing. Yeah. And it's out of fear and it's out of because I don't want to be intimate with people and this and that. But I'm like, last year or two, I've been kind of like going against, you know what I mean? And it's been working.
Starting point is 01:05:44 It's working. That's great. Well, we appreciate you coming. We appreciate it. Thanks, man. You like sloppy joes? I do. I like barbecue.
Starting point is 01:05:52 I like sloppy joes. The buns have to be toasted. Okay. That's classy. Yeah. I like it when there's not a lot, like a pickle. You like a pickle? Yeah.
Starting point is 01:06:03 Like a little bit of coleslaw, a little bit of pickle in there. Coleslaw, man. Warm. You know what I mean? I like it sliced. I like it in the silver wrapping. Okay. But I'm sloppy joe all the day.
Starting point is 01:06:12 Yeah. That's a guts. Very good. I like that. Ever played racquetball? Tennis player? Not racquetball. No.
Starting point is 01:06:20 Tennis? Very classy. Yeah. Ever been on a softball team? No, but I just did a softball movie where I did, just literally two months we rapped. Okay. And I played softball for the first time for a whole month. That's pretty cool.
Starting point is 01:06:33 Because I was doing a softball movie. Softball comedy coming out? Yeah. It's nice. I don't know if it's good or not, but it's got a good cast. It's got, oh, can I tell? What do you mean? Why?
Starting point is 01:06:42 Yes, of course you can. The fat guy. What's his name? Mo Ammer. Nice. You're fat, right? Good guy, though. Very fun.
Starting point is 01:06:50 He's a Black Adam. It's coming out. I can't wait to see it. And I'm so happy for his success. I love him. Great guy. I love Mo Ammer. Very talented.
Starting point is 01:06:59 Johnny Knoxville. Nice. I'm familiar. Yeah. It's got other people. Oh, Theo Vaughn. There you go. Cool.
Starting point is 01:07:07 You know him? Yeah. He's good. It's got the Brian Van Holt. He's an old actor. He's very talented. Sounds like a winner. It's got some rappers.
Starting point is 01:07:17 Gaeta. A guy named Shakewell. Oh, another rapper. Dumbfounded. Have you ever been in a focus group? No, no, no, no. But I've been like the subject of focus groups. Sure.
Starting point is 01:07:31 Why? On the shows and stuff. Oh, yeah, of course. Yeah, you have to do, you have to test. They test it. Of course, of course. And they do focus groups. And you know what I love about being like, like the way I look.
Starting point is 01:07:42 And I have a round, flat face, you know what I mean? And I kind of look like, if you don't know my history, like, you know, like, you know what I mean? Like, you know, like, oh my God, you know what I mean? He's adorable. He's adorable. He looks like an emoji, right? Yeah.
Starting point is 01:07:55 And so I love getting on a sitcom because I know I'm going to test high. Right. So it's like, I always get like, I did this one show where they were like, yeah, you tested higher than babies and monkeys. Are you a baby monkey? And I'm like, I'm like, that's good, right? Like, like, it's unbelievable. Like, they don't have like a meter to even like go there.
Starting point is 01:08:14 That's awesome. It's awesome. So it's like, and then they're always like, you know, um, they pick it up because like we got like, you know, a baby monkey on the show. We have the cutest man alive. Yeah. Yeah. And that's why I like Ken Jung probably does baby monkey numbers.
Starting point is 01:08:29 Yeah. Yeah. Baby monkey numbers. Yeah. Do you fly first class? I won't get on a plane if it's not. Do you? Yeah.
Starting point is 01:08:40 We just started. Yeah. Business wise. Yeah. Personally though. I do business. Really? Personal wise.
Starting point is 01:08:48 I listen. We can't, we can't swing it personally. I know your numbers. You can. No, I can't listen. This is what I say. I can make the purchase. I can't afford it.
Starting point is 01:08:56 Does that make sense? I shouldn't be, but I am. Oh, can I say, let me say something to you. Sure. Positive wise. Right. This is not a joke. Like I, my, I've been gone, I haven't been home in a month and a half.
Starting point is 01:09:11 I went from the Philippines to Hawaii to Canada to here in New York. Right. My agency, my manager was like, don't pod, you're going to lose your voice. Just do your jobs. Come home and take a rest. And I said, I have to do. Are you garbage? Oh, thank you.
Starting point is 01:09:32 And I'll tell you the reason why, okay, is because it's, you guys are legitimately on the rise. You know, you guys have a great reputation in LA. Every comic that I know knows you, you guys. And so, so when you guys say like, I don't know, you know, if I can afford this and that, it's bullshit. It's bullshit. And I'm not buying into it.
Starting point is 01:09:57 I'll show you my bank account. Well, you're probably spending it on like fentanyl or whatever. I don't know what you do on the side, but I'm just saying, we're going to ask to borrow money. Yeah, you can afford it. You can afford it. What's going on? Yeah.
Starting point is 01:10:10 So I do like, if you can't fly like went to the Philippines, you have to do business class. Yeah. Well, like, right? I mean, I just did the layflats onto Europe and back. And that was deferred. That was a game changer. It's a game changer.
Starting point is 01:10:21 Right. So you can go into your bag, sleep. Yeah. Right. Right. So I did four flights that week before that and then when I was coming back, we were going to Vega. It was just like, you got to rest when you're traveling that much.
Starting point is 01:10:33 Right. Right. Right. So welcome, guys. Thank you. You guys are doing well. And it's like, let me say something. There's no shame in saying that we, you know, because I wasn't able to do it.
Starting point is 01:10:44 I've been in this business since 95, I think the first 20 years of my career, I didn't do it. 100%. Yeah. I did middle seat Southwest. Yeah. Even when I was doing the road. I think that guy from MedTV.
Starting point is 01:10:56 Yeah. And I would still do it, you know what I mean? Because I think in the last five or six years, you know, I'm 51. Right. You look great. Thanks, man. And so, you know, I think I'm like, you know what? I can do this and I'm going to allow myself to have this.
Starting point is 01:11:12 I worked hard. Of course. So don't feel bad about it. Yeah. Yeah, I don't. Not at all. I just, I just, this is new to us. I just got my passport last year, late last year.
Starting point is 01:11:21 And you just traveled for the first time to Europe? Yeah. It was unbelievable. What the Paris. Wow. For work? No. You went on your own.
Starting point is 01:11:31 With your girl? Yeah. Oh my God. And then, isn't it weird? Yeah, it's crazy. But it's great, right? Yeah, it's crazy. It's so crazy.
Starting point is 01:11:39 It's so like, it's so cool. And let me ask you something. Do you think that America is the best country in the world? She leans back. Toby, get this commie out of my studio. Hell yeah. You're goddamn right it is. Yeah.
Starting point is 01:11:54 But the McDonald's are better over there. I'll tell you that. No, I understand what you're saying. I have to put my Cowboy boots on. What's this guy talking about? The quality control from what I experienced in Paris is superior to what we're doing here. America is a great country. The best.
Starting point is 01:12:09 And I'm an American through and through. I shit red blood. Red. What's the name? Blood. White and blood. Red, white and blue. That's what I want to say.
Starting point is 01:12:18 Let me say that line again. I'm an American citizen. I'm proud to be an American. Yes, sir. I shit red, white and blue. Mm-hmm. Good, right? The director wouldn't cut that out.
Starting point is 01:12:26 Got it. And I really believe that America is probably one of the best countries in the world. Sure. But you're not allowed to say, if you're an American, to say America is the best country in the world unless you've been to another country. I agree. You've got all these fucking people that live in the woods and I'm not blaming anybody. Sure.
Starting point is 01:12:47 And I'm not, you know, talking down to anybody, right? But there are aspects to other countries, right? Food. You know what I mean? The educational system. And this is that there are strong, you know, their medical system, you know what I mean? And so it's all right to give props to other countries. Are doing well.
Starting point is 01:13:05 Are doing well, right? So I'm saying it's like, we're great, right? You know, we can argue if it is the greatest or whatever, but I'm saying. It's up there, baby. Yeah. If you've never been to another country, it's like, shut the fuck up. Yeah. Shout out to the French, man.
Starting point is 01:13:20 They know the way you're on a fucking steak frites. I can tell you that. Yeah. Let's say travel a bit. Do you have name brand luggage? Like is to me? Yeah. Yeah.
Starting point is 01:13:33 That's up there. I don't have that. You don't? Yeah. I have some to me. Yeah. To me is good. Do you do the hard shell?
Starting point is 01:13:41 Oh, yeah, I do. Hard shell. How are you getting around the city? Taking the subway? You're taking Ubers. I've never been on a subway. No. Are you taking Uber?
Starting point is 01:13:49 Blacks. Uber Blacks. Or just regular. Black drivers. No, black cars. I do the one that's like, yeah, five stars. I do the one that's like the most, whatever the closest thing is. Okay.
Starting point is 01:14:04 Sometimes it's like luxury. I'll do that if it's closer. Yeah, it's closer. Yeah. For me, it's been real wonky the past few months. It's horrible. Yeah. For me, it's more time than quality.
Starting point is 01:14:13 I got you. That makes sense. Okay. I'll just go in a really raggedy taxi. I don't give a fuck. Yeah. You do first class flights. What about the hotel?
Starting point is 01:14:22 You like to stay in a nice hotel? Yeah. I mean, come on, baby. I mean, like for me, it's like I need room service. Uh-huh. Will you go heavy on room service? Like just to have a taste of whatever, a little taste of this? Well, I get what I want.
Starting point is 01:14:37 Okay. Is that what you mean? Yeah. Like if I go... I like this side of it. If I look at the appetizer menu, I go, I want this. I can't just... I get all three.
Starting point is 01:14:46 Yeah. That's what I love. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. And then if like... If it's like, hey, we got a A5 Wagyu steak from Japan. Mm-hmm.
Starting point is 01:14:55 Like at Boat, there's... In LA, there's this Wagyu snow. I don't forget what it's called. But snow... Or something like that. But it's Wagyu A5. And for... I'm not kidding you.
Starting point is 01:15:05 A strip of steak this big is $200. Jesus. I've had it. Get it. Let's go. You've earned it, baby. You've earned it. Now, are there any hotel robes or slippers?
Starting point is 01:15:18 Or in your homes? I'm not a thief, man. I don't. I'm not a thief. You're allowed to take them. No, you're not. If you pay for them. The hotel towels and all that stuff is the hotels.
Starting point is 01:15:28 Yeah, but they'll charge you for them. Yeah, they'll charge you for them. You're essentially paying them on the back end. Oh, you do. Yeah. If you leave with the... Do you use... I'm still in pillows.
Starting point is 01:15:37 They charge me? Wait. You're still in pillows from a hotel? Like two of them. Why? Nine hair dryers at his house? No, no, no. I'm not a thief, though.
Starting point is 01:15:46 No, because sometimes I like... But I do have a plethora of ironing boards. And I'm going to take a plan, so I'll just bring the pillows on or whatever. Or I'll stuck them in my big backpack. Wait a minute. Okay, hold on. Hold on a second there. That might be the trashiest answer we've ever heard.
Starting point is 01:15:58 Back this up. Are you telling me that you're walking onto a plane holding a regular bed pillow? Hotel pillow. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Oh, that's bad, Bobby. I don't care how much wine you beefy eat. That's trash. Okay.
Starting point is 01:16:10 Okay. Holy shit. If you go to a restaurant. Can I make an announcement? Please. So I was in a relationship for 10 years. Mm-hmm. And, you know, I'm single.
Starting point is 01:16:24 And, you know, DMs and stuff. Like, I like the nude photos. Mm-hmm. Right? You hear that, guys? But guys. No, no, no. But guys.
Starting point is 01:16:35 Any Zamboni drivers out there. I go... Every other one is a dick pic. Mm-hmm. And I'm tired of them. Guys, lay off the dick pics for Mr. Bobby Lee. Please. Because it's like, they're bigger.
Starting point is 01:16:46 I get it. They're bigger. And I know what you guys are going like. Hey, you know what I mean? I'm poor, but I have a bigger dick. Uh-huh. Right? Sure.
Starting point is 01:16:55 But I get it. It's enough, right? Okay. For you ladies out there, right? If you want to send them, I'm not against it, right? Mm-hmm. And now I know that when I make this announcement, there's going to be a plethora of dick pics now.
Starting point is 01:17:07 Sure. Because they're going to go against, you know what I mean? Okay. But I beg... I can't get on my knees, but I'll do it like this. Yeah. Please. No more.
Starting point is 01:17:17 I beg of you. You want the ladies to know that Bobby's open for business? Yeah. I mean, I'm not like, you know, a whore, right? Uh-huh. You know, I'm dabbling around, you know what I mean? That's good. Good for you, Bobby.
Starting point is 01:17:28 I'm dabbling around. I'm a little picky. Okay. As you should be. I think I should be. Sure. 100%. But, you know, I like personalities as well, you know what I mean?
Starting point is 01:17:38 But, you know, I like beautiful faces, you know? I like New Yorker. Like some New Yorkers, I like... The girls have beautiful faces, but their hands are like coal miner. Yeah. Right? And they have a voice like, hey, how you doing? You know what I mean?
Starting point is 01:17:52 I don't know how to do it in New York, but you know what I mean? But, you know what I mean? But, you know, I don't know. Yeah. But I like their gruff, gorgeous, pre-sexy. Yeah. There's an edge to it. I like it.
Starting point is 01:18:00 Yeah. Okay. What do you mean? Duly noted. Well, I'm just saying. You wouldn't have said any of that if you'd seen our analytics. Yeah. I'm sorry, about 7% of the audience are talented.
Starting point is 01:18:08 Okay. I like it. How many suits do you own and do you know how to tie a tie? I know how to tie a tie and I just got my first suit. What? I got my first suit four months ago. The reason why is because I went to Eric Griffin's wedding. Mm-hmm.
Starting point is 01:18:29 And I borrowed my friend Jean Hong's suit and I had the tape. So, there was electrical tape in the sleeves. Why didn't you go get a nice suit for your friend's wedding? I didn't know how. I didn't know how. Just listen to me, man. It's crazy. Right?
Starting point is 01:18:43 So, and then I was at the wedding and they had electrical tape, right? Uh-huh. And then I went to another friend's wedding. So, I've been to a couple. I would lie. Okay. Lately, I've been going to wedding and I had electrical tape and people were starting to make fun of me and stuff.
Starting point is 01:18:56 So, I was invited to my first real Hollywood premiere. A premiere that I wasn't in the movie. Mm-hmm. I just know the director. And it's like a high elevated thing. And so, I just kept calling comments like, where do I go? And I just went to a mall and went to a Hugo Boss. Sure.
Starting point is 01:19:13 And I got altered. And so, I had my first like real legit. I looked good in it. Love that. Right? And I went to the fucking premiere and I looked good. Nice. And it was like...
Starting point is 01:19:24 I went home and returned it. No. Okay. I haven't hung. Yeah. I can't wait to use it again. Yeah. Looks good.
Starting point is 01:19:32 It's got like a bluish, dark bluish vibe to it. Yeah. That's in right now. I like it. Very good. That's pretty good. Huh. That's pretty good.
Starting point is 01:19:41 But the movie I went to was Nope. I do that. I didn't want to say anything. We talked about that at Norm's. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. We talked about that at Norm's. Now, I know Eric might be a little bit different because he's a peer. But what did you give as a gift at that wedding?
Starting point is 01:19:59 What'd you drop? Nothing. You didn't give a gift? You didn't give a gift? What if you went to like a non-entertainment... Say you came to our wedding. No gift. No gift?
Starting point is 01:20:12 Why? I'm not in the mafia. What the fuck? No, it's like a envelope put in this bag. Yeah, with some cash in it. Listen, if you're poor, like if I knew a guy that worked at Subway. Okay. Which I would love to meet somebody from there.
Starting point is 01:20:31 Sure. You know what I mean? I might have not against it. Get in the DMs, gang. Slide in the DMs. Subway, yeah. And I knew like, you know, they're struggling, you know what I mean? But like, I went to Sebastian Manoskalko's wedding.
Starting point is 01:20:42 Sure, that's what I'm saying. I didn't bring shit. Really? He's a fucking millionaire. Mm-hmm. I'm not gonna go and give him a vase. Or use a vase. Or like, no.
Starting point is 01:20:58 I showed up. That's the nice shit. That's the gesture. Yeah. You know what I mean? I go, congratulations. You know what I mean? I say all that, whatever you need to say.
Starting point is 01:21:07 I mean, I'm so happy for your future. Yeah. Or whatever you say. Okay. And I sat there the whole time and I clapped and I cried. I dealt that shit. Okay. Right?
Starting point is 01:21:16 Eric, no, he's a comic. He's fine. He's doing fine. Okay. Fine. He's fine. Okay. Go back there.
Starting point is 01:21:24 Are you leaving? Is he leaving? We're in the middle of work. What are you talking about? Where are you going? He's just checking. Oh, sorry. When's the garbage meter?
Starting point is 01:21:34 You're tipping that way now for sure. I mean, go on. Just got your first suit. You don't give gifts at a wedding. Yeah, yeah. Steal on the pillows from the hotel. You do have a to me, though. That's pretty nice.
Starting point is 01:21:47 Anything else about the restaurants? Yeah. Say you go out to a restaurant with friends, right? Say you and Santino or so going out to a nice dinden. I have a thing. Who's picking up that check? Well, Santino. And I'm going to say that I don't want to start a war and he's going to be so mad.
Starting point is 01:22:04 But he, I'm beginning to think, let's say, he disappeared. I want to say that the last meals, he disappears. Really? So right before the check appears, he goes, I got a golf thing. Or, you know what I mean? Oh, shit. I got to go to Dave. It's like, you didn't say you were going to shoot today, right?
Starting point is 01:22:22 There's something. And then he leaves and then the check comes and it's happened for the last eight times. And I have never said it out loud before. I don't know if that's going to start something with him. He's paid before I remember a call. I'm sure. I'm sure. But the last guy is a nice guy.
Starting point is 01:22:40 I love a very talented guy, but the last couple has been a little suspect. But, you know, I'm going to wait for the next meal, see what happens. You know? And let me say, the last one was Maestro's. Have you ever heard of Maestro's? It's a very expensive restaurant chain. I think I spent, I'll just tell you what I spent, because it was with the producer, Andrew, and a girl named Jetski, who's like a sidekick on Bad Friends.
Starting point is 01:23:10 Very talented girl. She had never been to a fancy restaurant, so we took her Maestro's. And I think I dropped $750. And he left. Really? Right. And it kind of, you know, it kind of irked me a bit. You know what I mean?
Starting point is 01:23:24 I'm now expressing that. And don't edit that out. I want to see what that happens for a relationship. Edit that out. It's a clip. What are you talking about? Yeah. Yeah.
Starting point is 01:23:34 I want to see what that happens for. But he's not cheap. He's been, he's saved my life a bunch of times. And I love him. Keep this in the clip too. Keep this in the clip too. He's a great guy, right? But I'm just saying.
Starting point is 01:23:44 Love him. Last couple of times. That's all. I got to say this. I got to call, I love you. I got to call Brawls and Strikes There. Yeah. $750.
Starting point is 01:23:53 We dropped that. Yeah. You got to be dropping for the dinner. Are you kidding me? An expensive meal. I know your numbers. I know a nice restaurant. You think I should be paying for it?
Starting point is 01:24:02 Yeah. That's a haircut to you guys. Who gives a shit? That's getting coffee. You come in here all that. That's what you hit me with. $750. I got Tom Segura back here with a $50, $2,000 check.
Starting point is 01:24:17 Not including the debt. Wait, wait, wait. That's his check? Yeah. That's what he spent on his birthday dinner. $750. I got that on the ear. Bro, bro.
Starting point is 01:24:28 I'll pay for Santino. No, no, no. Andy, I got you. So here's the deal about Tom Segura, right? Can I say something about Tom Segura? Have you had him out here? We have. That's him.
Starting point is 01:24:40 He wrote that. Love him. Love him. Greatest guy in the world. But you know, it's like, I've never seen him do stand-up, ever. I've never seen him at the club or nothing, right? And I don't watch anybody. You know what I mean?
Starting point is 01:24:54 I don't know what anyone's doing. He murders. He's one of the best I've ever seen. He kills. He's one of the best. And that's what I'm saying. Let me follow this logic. Follow this logic, right?
Starting point is 01:25:03 So he's just like, he's like, yeah, you wanted to do shows in Canada. This is last week. I saw you were here. Yeah, this is right. I was like, oh, shit, that's right. And I show up, and it's like stadiums. Yeah. He ain't doing the fucking yuck yuck.
Starting point is 01:25:19 I was like, you did this? Yeah. He's huge. He's great. I still play like fucking, you know what I mean? Lies, guys. Sure. Got out.
Starting point is 01:25:30 We were just there. Great club, right? I'll do the Denver Comedy Works. Great club? Great clubs. But he's like a, like, he's you, too. Yeah. Whole play.
Starting point is 01:25:40 It's crazy. You're right. Principally, 750. I should just eat that. 750. You're right, you're right. I fucked up, right? But here's a little thing.
Starting point is 01:25:49 You're talking about flying first class. You're stealing pillows and complaining about 750 at a dinner for a team. But here's the deal, trash. He spends out of McDonald's. And I will again. Yeah, yeah. But here's my rule, and people know this about me. If I pay for it, you don't get to take nothing home.
Starting point is 01:26:08 Bobby gets the leftovers. I don't take it home either. What do you do with it? We leave it. On the table. Yeah. I get that. For who?
Starting point is 01:26:17 Just we leave it. You're not a leftovers guy. I'm not a leftovers guy. And I hate when people start packing it up like, I'm going to take this home. Are you paying for it? I know you're not going to. The logic is this. I agree with you.
Starting point is 01:26:30 Here's the logic. Here's the logic. It's like. I'm anti-leftovers. Yeah, I'm anti-leftovers. You know, I've gone to dinner with, you know, struggling comedians. I pay for the dinner, right? And they just make this assumption that they can just.
Starting point is 01:26:45 We'll get this wrapped up, and it's just like, I don't know what it is about me. It's just like, no, you have to leave it. I respect this. Where you come, you're like, this is what I'm paying for. I'm not paying for your lunch tomorrow. Now, let me ask this. Yeah, and it feels weird saying it now for stuff for the first time. I get it, though.
Starting point is 01:26:59 You're right. I have a lot of weird rules in my head as well. Yeah, rule. That's a rule. The assumption. I remember out with a couple of struggling comics. Bobby, you can't if I take this home. No.
Starting point is 01:27:09 You would say no. No, absolutely not. But you appreciate asking. I appreciate you asked. Okay. But you're not. And let's, did you pay for it? It's mine.
Starting point is 01:27:17 Wait, it's fucking mine. I'm sorry, I'm gonna yell. Toby, careful of dinner reservations. This guy's crazy, and I love it. It's fucking mine. I pay for it. I'm letting you eat it at the table. Sure.
Starting point is 01:27:33 Yeah, okay. That's it. I'm with it. Right, that's my thing. Okay. You know what I mean? What's the reasoning that you like to leave it? Is it a, is it a, not a power play, but is it?
Starting point is 01:27:45 Well, for me, it's like, I don't take it home because I've taken it home before. I just don't eat it. Sure. Okay. Right? It just stays in my refrigerator for like a year. Mm-hmm. Right?
Starting point is 01:27:55 And they're like, Spagos, why is this, it's been a year ago. And like, I don't like, it's just gross, right? And so, I don't know if she's, I did it with a couple of dates recently. Mm-hmm. Where you let them take it? Well, yeah, yeah, because you don't want to look weird. You don't want to look weird. Yeah.
Starting point is 01:28:13 It was hard to do. They're like, can I take this? I was like, yeah, you can take it. I, listen. For $13.95, he gets all yours. I know it's wrong, but there is not a power. A power plays not the right word, but there is a good feeling of, you know, well, we didn't finish it.
Starting point is 01:28:32 Don't worry about it. Just leave it here. It's fine. We ate what we wanted. You know, that's it. We had the experience of the dinner. To me, the dinner together with the people is the experience. Yeah.
Starting point is 01:28:41 When I saw that first once, I was fucking, when I first started comedy, I was waiting tables in Philly. Jamie Foxx was filming a movie and he came in and they ordered like four different things and he only ate a little bit at each one. Yeah. Damn, that's fucking classic. And he didn't take it home. No.
Starting point is 01:28:56 Yeah. I finished it in the back. Yeah. You're not kidding. No, are you being kidding? That was so cool. Oh, no, what's Jamie Foxx? Yeah.
Starting point is 01:29:04 Jamie Foxx is seafood burrito. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. And here's another deal is that I worked at a restaurant as well for years called the Brockton Villa. It's in La Jolla.
Starting point is 01:29:14 And I remember, you know, we would take, you know, the bus boys and other people take people's steaks and meat and bring it to their dogs and stuff, right? That's not going to waste. Yeah. That makes sense. Yeah. Yeah. For sure.
Starting point is 01:29:29 I would just crush it in the kitchen. I need to get more dip out of my back. Sure. Go right ahead. Take your time. I will talk amongst ourselves. This guy's crazy, right? All right.
Starting point is 01:29:37 Where were we before we hop back in? I think we're done whatever we were. Well, here's a deal. I want to talk about, if you have any more questions, number one, number two, I want to talk about, um, have I reached the threshold? I got in terms of like, if this is the line, how close to the line I am to pass to get to garbage, you're, you're, you're a trash, you're, yeah, you're, you're into garbage for sure.
Starting point is 01:30:03 I wouldn't say that a hundred percent just yet. You're starting to reveal some things that's leading me to believe that. However, the 750 thing would be one, but not taking the leftovers. We've, we've reached the conclusion here on the podcast from doing it for the, for the last couple of years that not taking leftovers is a classy move. Okay. It's wasteful. We get it.
Starting point is 01:30:25 It's wasteful. I got that, but I also come from the thing of, I order something, I eat it, whether all of it or I don't like it, then I'm not going to take it home. But yes, I'm anti-leftover. I'm, I'm going to tell you one story and I'm going to prove that I'm a garbage person. Okay. Okay. Well, let me just, before you tell the story, just, just to stay in the restaurant, when
Starting point is 01:30:41 you get appetizers, do you share them with the table or? Oh yeah. No, no, no, I'm like, you can eat off my plate. Okay. Yeah. Like you get everything. Number one, ladies out there, you'll, ladies out there, check it out, dude. You, you, you will, we're a wingman in this guy.
Starting point is 01:30:58 You will never pay for a meal again. Nice. Ever. Like that. Right. You want to Uber to my house? I pay for that. Right?
Starting point is 01:31:09 It's an Uber pool, but still. Right. That's good. That's a trick. Yeah. You're right. I do do that. Cool.
Starting point is 01:31:17 I'm kidding. Save me eight bucks. I don't even know what that is, but my point is that I just went along. I knew he looked at me the other night. Yeah. Yeah. You gotta make a quick stop and recede it real quick. Yeah.
Starting point is 01:31:26 So you'll never do that, right? Um, you, if you need even a little bit of help, I help. Mm-hmm. Yeah. I mean, so I'm like the best. You're a great guy. Great. You're right.
Starting point is 01:31:36 A big heart. But here's, I don't like needy. Okay. I don't like needy. Like, I don't like, you know, you got to check in with me every day. Well, there you're out. I mean, like. No, I feel like we're like, if I look at you, your little eyes and I, well, that little,
Starting point is 01:31:48 I like big eyes too, but like what are your eyes? And I go, listen, I'm not going to cheat on you when monogamous, but like you're not a parole officer. I'm not going to check in. You know what I mean? Yeah. You know what I mean? I'm busy.
Starting point is 01:32:00 A little bit of trust here. Yeah. Trust. Let's trust each other. Just don't cheat on me. I don't cheat on you. Yeah. Right.
Starting point is 01:32:08 When I'm in town, we'll hang out, we'll cuddle, whatever. Right. But I don't need like, you know, I'm not, when it comes to a life partner, I don't want it to be 24 seven. It just drives me fucking crazy. Also, I refuse to give up video games. I will play as long as I want to. When a Hogwarts legacy comes out and when Starfield comes out, I'm going to play that
Starting point is 01:32:22 shit 16 hours a day. There's nothing you can do about it. You're a big video game guy. I love it. I love it. How many systems do you have? I have several of them. I have all the systems.
Starting point is 01:32:30 I've switched. I've all of them. And I will play as long as I want. I'll give a fuck. You have a gaming chair? Yeah. Full with the speakers and the whole thing. You know what I mean?
Starting point is 01:32:38 I have a whole gaming situation. I play Destiny. I play Call of Duty Warzone. I play Stardew Valley farming simulators. I like RPGs. I like all of them. The farming simulators are very classy. Yeah.
Starting point is 01:32:50 You have no idea what you're fucking tired about. And in fact, you know what, dude, you're a fucking piece of shit for you to say that. Because I will play something right now. Stardew Valley is the great one of the greatest games ever fucking made. In fact, a lot of fucking critics and stuff will say it's probably one of the top 10 games in the last decade ever made. And it's an independent game made by Eric Baroni. He did it right.
Starting point is 01:33:12 He did it on his own. And it's a fucking masterpiece. So go fuck yourself. How are you with the tip? You a good tipper? I go 30% dog. You go 30%. Yeah, yeah.
Starting point is 01:33:24 I go 30%. Dude, I'm a classy guy. Dude, I don't fuck around. He's coming back. He's going back and forth here. Have you ever had a subscription to Max on Magazine? No, I have the internet. Why would I?
Starting point is 01:33:35 Okay. That's pre-internet though. Before. Do you ever buy girls going wild? What? Do you have girls? I did. Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Starting point is 01:33:43 Well, I mean, dude, I mean, come on. I'm complex when it comes to that kind of stuff, man. Okay. You know what I mean? My shit goes deep, you know? Mm-hmm. I'm not going to name what I watch. Yeah, you don't need to.
Starting point is 01:33:52 You don't need to. On the internet. But like, you know, nothing illegal, but like, you know what I mean? You know what I mean? I've gone wild. Uh-huh. Do you work? Just asking.
Starting point is 01:34:00 Do you work alone, Bobby? You do work alone. Yeah, I'm fancy with that shit. Really? I like it. I don't have cash on. I don't know. That's it.
Starting point is 01:34:10 You know what I mean? See, he's like, he's got that. Yeah. He's got that classy vibe, too. In fact, I got like, this is not an exaggeration. You can ask Kalyla. I have probably 300 bottles because during the pandemic, you couldn't go to a store, right?
Starting point is 01:34:24 So I would just kind of like Google the best, you know what I mean, relevant clones for men in like France or different countries, and I would just buy them just without even smelling them. There you go. You know what I mean? Cutting edge euro. Right, right. So I would just get them shipped, and I would spray it, smell it, go, I don't like that.
Starting point is 01:34:47 That sucked, and I put it outside. What deodorant do you use? You're my kind of guy, Bobby. Well, you know, Koreans don't need deodorant, and that's a fact in Google it. You don't use deodorant? Koreans don't have BO. It's something that's like about our genealogy or whatever. We don't have the glands and stuff.
Starting point is 01:35:03 We don't. I've never even seen what, I mean, I've seen them at the store, but I've never opened one up and smelled it, or I don't even know how to put it on. No deodorant doesn't need deodorant. I got to say that's pretty classy. Did you Google it? Yeah, this is crazy. There's like a, you have a gene that doesn't, you don't smell it.
Starting point is 01:35:23 You know, Korean dude. Saving money on deodorant your whole life? That's pretty fucking sweet. Like I could like run a thousand miles, right? I could shower for a month and my pits would smell just like nothing. Huh. Would you eat a hard boiled egg in public? Yeah, why?
Starting point is 01:35:39 I just ate a fucking half a burger. How do you feel about the rotisserie chicken from a supermarket? I've done it. Yeah. I'll get the whole chicken. I'll pick it and I'll put it in a tortilla. Ooh, that's pretty good. Yeah, I'll warm up a tortilla.
Starting point is 01:35:52 I'll put it in there. You'll warm up the tortilla. Oh, well, in a microwave. Yeah, but still, that's, that's. I like deep dish pizza too. You like deep dish pizza? Oh, yeah, yeah. Okay.
Starting point is 01:36:03 If you had a choice between oyster crackers or saltines, what are you going with? Oyster. You're going oyster. Yeah, I like oyster. What's your favorite deep dish pizza? Well, here's the deal. In LA, you know, obviously we're in LA, right? So there's not like, we don't have Chicago or, you know what I mean, right?
Starting point is 01:36:18 So like, you know, I'll get a place called Blackbird. There's a most masa in Echo Park has one. There's one called Hollywood Pizza on Pico. That's pretty good. But so, but then I'll, um, when I go to Chicago, I'll do all the loomaladi, right? And I'll do all the other one, you know, the fancy ones. He knows his shit. Yeah, yeah.
Starting point is 01:36:38 I'll eat those, you know. Okay. Yeah. Will you fart in an Uber? Oh, dude. I've, I almost got fired from a TV show because I farted. I farted. Did I tell you this?
Starting point is 01:36:50 I had to get a lawyer. I was on a TV show. Shut up. It's a fact. Kevin Costner did not appreciate it. So I one day, I was, so it was at Matt TV, I had to get a lawyer. One day I showed up there and, um, we went to the rehearsal room and there was a girl I'd never seen her before.
Starting point is 01:37:06 I know her now, but trust me, but, um, I'd never seen her before and she was sitting there eating yogurt. It's a young girl and I don't know why I was so tired like six in the morning. We had to rehearse so early. I just had a fart. I thought, I grabbed the back of her head and I farted in her face and she shed her mouth open. And then when I did it, she started crying.
Starting point is 01:37:29 And then so this guy, Ron Peterson, who's a Canadian actor, he runs across this rehearsal hall to physically assault me because she's crying, I'll go, what did I do? You know what I did? I just farted in her face. You're right. And, um, and then I remember, um, Mike McDonald, who played Stuart on the show, put him in a rear neck at chokehold. It was dragging about.
Starting point is 01:37:48 It was chaos. Right. And then they were like, and then they were like, go home to me and I go, well, who is she anyway? She's a new actress. We hired as a regular on Matt TV. I didn't know. He farted in her face.
Starting point is 01:38:01 Her name was Christoph Lannigan. We're best friends now, but, um, it took a while for her to find me. For the lawsuit to settle. So would I fart in an Uber? I'll fart anywhere. Yeah. I'll fart in your face. I don't give a fuck, Ron.
Starting point is 01:38:13 Uh, okay. Huh. When was the last time you wore pajama pants or slippers in public? I've never wore pajama pants before. Okay. And I sleep naked and then, um, slippers all the time. Like, you mean like, you mean like sliders? No.
Starting point is 01:38:33 Slippers. Slippers are intended just to stay in the house. Oh, ones that made a cotton and stuff, right? Yeah. Never. Never. But I wear sliders and I even wear like, um, um, girly things, you know what I mean? Like, if my girl is like, and she has some slides that are pink and fluorescent, I'll
Starting point is 01:38:50 wear them. I'll give a fuck. Yeah. Fluid, baby. Can I tell you the story now? Oh, please go ahead. I'm sorry. Go right ahead.
Starting point is 01:38:58 You know Eleanor Kerrigan? Yes. Yes. You like her? Yeah. I don't like how you tell stories this way. Yeah. You make me choose sides of a person.
Starting point is 01:39:07 We do like her. As a matter of fact, we love her. Because life is a war. Yeah. When you fart in her face, I'll choke you out, Bobby. Comedy is a war. You don't even know where you're fucking? No.
Starting point is 01:39:16 We love her. We can't wait to have her on the show. You've never had her? No. She's the best. She's the best. But Eleanor and I are friends now, but we hated each other for 20 years. It got to the point where, like, I wouldn't even show up at a club if she was there.
Starting point is 01:39:30 Really? Yeah. Like, she was, we just, our smells annoyed each other. You know what I mean? Like, if I, she had a nine o'clock spot at a 10 o'clock spot and she had left, if I could smell her, it would make me want to vomit. I fucking hated her. But it was my fault, the reason why.
Starting point is 01:39:48 And I'll tell you why. And this is the story. If this doesn't make you, you know what I mean? Make me a garbage person. I don't know what it is. So many years ago, we had a manager at the comedy store in Hollywood and he was named it was Kirk and he was Thai. From Thailand.
Starting point is 01:40:04 Like he was like Thai general or something. And he was like, you know, if you show up to, you know, one minute, let you buy it. You do 10 seconds over your time on day, you'll buy, I'll kill you. You know, like he was the fucking, everyone hated this guy. Right? Everyone. Like he made life there miserable, right? But here's the deal.
Starting point is 01:40:26 Because he was Thai and because I wasn't getting spots, right? He was my ally. Right? Okay. So every time I would be working there as a doorman, because before I, I think he's bought there for like a year. As soon as he came in, he's like, Hey, you want to go up? Like he was that guy with me.
Starting point is 01:40:42 Yeah. I could show up 20 minutes late. Hey, good to see you. Yeah. We had the Asian thing. Sure. Right. It's the best.
Starting point is 01:40:50 Right. And so they made, they made, he made life. They're so horrible. The waitress were quitting. People weren't even calling for a spot. So about 300 people signed a fucking secret document. With signatures to get this guy fired. Jesus.
Starting point is 01:41:09 And they were going to fucking, it's a Pauly loved him because this guy Kirk raised Pauly. Right. So Pauly had no, and the shores had no idea about this thing, but I found out, right? About it. And I went to the top and I read it 300 people out. Whoa. Right? I go, Yeah.
Starting point is 01:41:32 No, they're doing this fucking, they're doing this thing, man. Right. To the top. Everyone got ripped. You know what I mean? Like I fucked this whole thing up. Everyone hated me. I was the most biggest weasel.
Starting point is 01:41:43 I could have. Yeah. You just, yeah. You just made 300 enemies. Yeah. And I don't know. Everyone hated me. Welcome back.
Starting point is 01:41:51 Are you a rat? So am I garbage now? Uh, I mean, you were garbage before that. I feel, if we're being honest, you're not to be trusted. I can tell you that. No. The electrical tape and the sleeves of the suit was a real bad look for me to be honest with you.
Starting point is 01:42:05 Um, I'll tell you why I did that and you guys, I understand why I don't think you do. It's not because I'm a rat. No. Why then? Why did, why did I do it? Because you wanted to succeed. What? You wanted to succeed in comedy.
Starting point is 01:42:19 Yeah. And I'm going to tell everyone in there, like I was right. He did. He screams at me. I was then right. And it goes down the barrel of the camera. My wife friend, you're absolutely right. But I have to say something to your fans.
Starting point is 01:42:32 Okay. Right now. That I would never do that if I worked for the government. I would never do that. No, I'm being real. I'm being real. I'm never going to work for the government. Okay.
Starting point is 01:42:42 But if, let's suppose they gave me, they gave me a position, right? Right? What would you like? Secretary of State? Secretary of State? What are you thinking? What are you thinking? What are you thinking?
Starting point is 01:42:52 Fucking a senator. That could, that could be a possibility. It's true. You might be able to run as a, yeah. Right, right. As like a state rep or something. Right. So, you know, I would never do that in any other circumstances.
Starting point is 01:43:00 In fact, I'm a good guy when it comes to rats and all that stuff, right? I completely understand that. If you fuck with stage time, I draw no, I mean, I go all the way. All bets are off. All bets are off because it's like, it's my only lifeline for a life. It's my only lifeline to make money. It's my only, it's my dream, right? And I feel like when it comes to my dream, right, I would, I mean, I would never kill
Starting point is 01:43:25 anybody or, you know what I mean, or get somebody killed or anything like that. You know what I mean? Like human trafficking and all that kind of stuff. Like I would never do stuff like that, but when I'm, I mean, what kind of stage time is this? But, but I will like, I'll lie, I'll lie. Sure. Right.
Starting point is 01:43:42 You know what I mean? I'll call people out. I'll start some wars. Right. To get some stage time. Yeah. I heard Marin Bumptian. You put him in a shipping container.
Starting point is 01:43:50 Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. I do that. Woke up in Bangkok. Giving handjobs out. I get that, especially as at a younger, you know, this was a while ago, I presume, right? That was, that happened 20 years ago.
Starting point is 01:44:03 Yeah. Yeah. So at that point, which I, which I, this last summer, I needed spots in the belly room. For the listener who doesn't understand, when you're, when you're starting out in comedy, it's brutal. It's scary. You think every single part, we were just talking about this. You think every single person is your enemy and if one person gets, is your competition.
Starting point is 01:44:23 If one person gets something, that means you don't get something. It's a very narrow, scared, petrified worldview of life. Yeah. I also want to say this. Uh-huh. Okay. And this just came to my mind. Sure.
Starting point is 01:44:35 And I need to say it. Okay? And I'm not saying this in a negative way, but I just want to look in the camera and Joe Coy will know. Shout out to Joe Coy. We just had him. Joe Coy. Joe Coy will know.
Starting point is 01:44:45 I love Joe Coy. But I'm talking about like the Ronnie Changs, right? The Ally Wongs. Hear me out. It's not negative. This is getting good. It's not going to get it. I love you Ronnie.
Starting point is 01:44:55 I love those guys. I love them. I love them. Right? The younger generations of Asians, right? They came and they know this, right? They came in was not the 90s when I started. Sure.
Starting point is 01:45:08 Of course. It was infinitely more racist. I was the only one that my type doing it. Sure. You could count in one hand across the country that were Asian doing it. A amount of successful Asian community. I would have fucking like at open mics in the 90s, people go, no, I'm not putting you up because Asians aren't funny.
Starting point is 01:45:28 Legitimately, that would be the same, right? It would be so brutal. So you have to understand in that environment, right? What does one do? Sure. Right? I have to survive, baby. 100% off.
Starting point is 01:45:40 What? All beds are off, man. I'm going to win. Right? And all the, you know, Ally and all these young comics have come to me and go, you know, thank you for paving the way. They've said that. I mean, Ally put me, did a paragraph on me in one of her books about what, you know,
Starting point is 01:45:55 how nice. So this and that, right? I'm not a bad guy. I'm not saying that, like, dude, I had to fucking, you know what I mean? Me and Joe Coy had to survive playing the win. Not that Joe, I don't know what Joe did to survive, but I just remember in 97 when I met him, he was like the only one doing it, right? And him and I, that's why we bonded.
Starting point is 01:46:15 Steve Byrne I knew back then because when I did the Tonight Show, he called me out of the, he searched my number down, he goes, fuck another Korean dude doing it. I mean, it was like, we were desperate to like find each other. Sure. Kind of you versus everybody mentality. Yeah, I had to do it and I, you know, I don't feel, you know, bad about some of the things I've done. You know, I mean, you know, you took them all down.
Starting point is 01:46:39 I like it. You went in now, Bobby. Yeah, I will. I, you know, everybody loves you. I'll lie to win. Yeah. Yeah. Oh, I lie all the time.
Starting point is 01:46:47 Yeah. Love it. My name's not even Kevin. Yeah. What else? I gotta be garbage. Yeah. So I've already, I already did it, right?
Starting point is 01:46:55 Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. I didn't, I didn't help your case. What's the last time you had a massage, Bobby? I don't like it. You don't like it? I don't like when people touch my body.
Starting point is 01:47:04 What about the nails? The manic, I have here to have you ever had a manicure. They look good. They man-eat? Yeah. It's nice. That's good. No, it's class.
Starting point is 01:47:14 That's good. You need that. That's in your favor here. Do you have a shoe? I'll tell you why. Why? Let me explain, man. You buggy-eyed fucking creature.
Starting point is 01:47:22 You want to talk about eyes, Bobby? Yeah. Yeah. Me fucking. Anyway, my buggy-eyed friend. Uh-huh. Yeah, yeah. They can get bigger.
Starting point is 01:47:31 I'll scare you. I want to work together with Bobby and take you down. Yeah. Do you want to? Are you trying to, are you trying to edge me out here, Bobby? No. Is that what you're doing? You know, being single at 51, you just want to be able to like, you know, present yourself
Starting point is 01:47:42 in a certain way. Of course. So doing things that are different. That's all. There you go. I love it. Okay. Fair enough.
Starting point is 01:47:50 We love it. Do you have a shoes off household? Shoes off or shoes on? No. So they're different levels of my house. Like, most people, when they come to my house, only stay at the bottom level, knowing as to go up the second level. So, I'll be,
Starting point is 01:48:00 Really? I like that. Yeah, like when you guys do my podcast, you will do it. Uh-huh. As long as you're, you come to LA, I will wipe the fucking calendar clean for you guys. Thank you. Thank you, buddy. But when are you coming?
Starting point is 01:48:10 Uh, I think, uh, like the second week of January. You swear to God? Yeah. Yeah. You do mine? Of course. I'm going to book it after, I'm going, I'm going to call my guy and we're going to book it now.
Starting point is 01:48:20 For sure. Love it. Oh, so like in the first level, when you come to my house, um, that's where the podcast is for Tiger Belly. That's communal a little bit. It's a communal area. People come and go. People come and go, people are down there, setting things up, this and that.
Starting point is 01:48:34 And then upstairs, no one's been up there. Like that. Yeah, it's my, it's my private residence. So no shoes. So you, so downstairs, you can wear your shoes upstairs. Don't wear your shoes. Do you take your shoes off upstairs as well? Or you're okay?
Starting point is 01:48:45 No, I don't give a fuck. It's my shoes. Yeah, yeah. I like that. I'll do whatever I want. I like that. I'll go three or four times a week. Nice.
Starting point is 01:48:53 Or what? Steam and. Yeah. I'll go to the Wii spa where I'll go to Hyundai. My dad's the spa that my dad used to go to back in the eighties, you know, I'll go there. So I'll go three or four times a week and I go religiously at one, two in the morning and I take a steam and I shower and I go to the hot sauna and all that stuff.
Starting point is 01:49:09 I go cold plunge. It's Korean. It's very Korean. Yeah. Take your shoes right when you go, right? I love you guys to come. I want to get in this fucking sauna, cold plunge, fucking rhythm. Everybody's doing it.
Starting point is 01:49:19 I go to one, not, right over the bridge in Jersey. It's called Sojo or Soju. It's Korean, right? I heard about it. Yeah. It's nice. It's got a beautiful view of the city, big outside. 24 hours, right?
Starting point is 01:49:27 I believe so. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And you walk in right away. The first thing you do before you pay, they go, give me your shoes. I think you're walking around in fucking nice slippers the whole time. Yeah, yeah. It's fantastic. Isn't it right?
Starting point is 01:49:36 How much does it cost to get in there? It's cheap. It's like 70 bucks for the day or something. Wow. Yeah. Like at one in the morning you pay 40 bucks. You use it at the facilities. It's like there's a communal area, so I bring girls there.
Starting point is 01:49:47 They have a curl department and a boys' department where you get naked and you see big black dicks. There's always these black guys with big dicks and it drives me crazy. Anyway, it just drives me crazy. I think it's just so long. They're long. I know. But anyway, but then I'll go.
Starting point is 01:50:01 It's driving me crazy right now. Yeah. I'll tell the girl, I'll go meet me up there 20 minutes and then you go up there and there's like things that you can do with them. Yeah. It's so fun. You've got lounge, you can do this room, that room type thing. I love it.
Starting point is 01:50:13 And I think that, I don't know. That's classy. It's real classy. I honestly think that when you go to a hot asana and then you go to a comb plunge and you repeat that, I think it generates blood flowing through your body. I think, I don't know medically what it's doing, but I feel better when I do it. Sure. It invigorates you.
Starting point is 01:50:32 It invigorates you. Yeah. Yeah. And for fat guys, they should do it. Yeah. If I knew any, I would have suggested that. I'll let you know. If you know anything.
Starting point is 01:50:40 Listen, I got to be honest, I know we're getting down on the wire here. I'm kind of a coin flip. I think I'm on the fence here. He's walking in both worlds. I mean, okay, here's a try to hem his own suit with electrical tape. Oh, here's the deal. Here's the deal. I'll just make it very easy for you guys to make a decision.
Starting point is 01:50:59 If I'm not garbage, I'll never do this again. This guy's trying. Have you ever been on a cruise? No. Hmm. How many times a week do you floss? I've never flossed in my life. Okay.
Starting point is 01:51:13 You go to the dentist? Check this out. You're not going to believe this, and I'll show you after the fucking podcast. But from here, back, upper, there's not a single teeth, but here, back, not a single tooth. There's chunks of teeth. I probably have 18 teeth missing. Okay, you win, buddy.
Starting point is 01:51:36 This guy's trash and we'd love you. You're missing 18 teeth. I really am. You're not going to believe this. I'll show you enough. The cameras don't pick it up. Yeah. Ready?
Starting point is 01:51:48 Yeah. Look down here. Yeah. Yeah, there's nothing. Nothing. He's just got, he's got like four in the front. Let me say something to you people, right? You can still choose steak with no teeth.
Starting point is 01:51:57 It hurts. It hurts bad. I don't care how old that wagyu is, it hurts. Yeah. It hurts bad. Ladies and gentlemen, Mr. Bobby Lee. Thank you. Thank you.
Starting point is 01:52:06 100%. Oh, sorry. I'm going to plug. So, Bobby Lee live Instagram. Please follow me. Yes. Follow me on Twitter. I have two podcasts, Tiger Valley and Bad Friends.
Starting point is 01:52:16 And also, I want to say this that honestly, I really do love you guys. Like I said before. Thank you, man. And let's just keep in touch. Of course. And I believe you're better than Schultz and I think you're brilliant. We love you, Schultz. I love those guys too.
Starting point is 01:52:31 I love those guys too. I love those guys too. Kimmy, what do you got? Guys, we'll be all over the road, get the tickets, check out, you know, the live shows is everything, patreon, whatever you want. Bobby's fucking crazy. I love you, peace. Goodbye.

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