Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast - Carly Aquilino: Trashy Christmas

Episode Date: April 9, 2020

Carly Aquilino joins us to talk trashy Christmas, growing up on Long Island, and crappy stores at the mall. You may know Carly Aquilino from MTV Girl Code, Guy Code, performing stand up comedy all over the country, and her podcast Secret Keepers Club. Subscribe. Rate. Review.   

Welcome to another exciting edition of are you garbage the show where you find out if your favorite comedians are classy individuals or absolute trash now here are your hosts Kevin Ryan and H Foley hey everybody out there and welcome back to everybody's favorite new podcast this is our you garbage I am your host H Foley coming at you from beautiful a story of Queens my co-host is coming at you from an undisclosed location somewhere in southern New Jersey we're not sure where down in the bunker baby very tight lid on it ladies and gentlemen Kevin Kippy James Ryan Kippy tell these bozos what they need to

know I like how you're doing like 90s game show host for this all all the sudden can't be hit a new car yeah relax guys just thanks for tuning in make sure you rate review subscribe on iTunes full video is available on YouTube you can subscribe there as well we appreciate it thank you yes sorry and ladies gentlemen let me kick it back to H Foley folks it's 503 traffic a little jammed up on the Van Wick gang I'm gonna tell you right now New York City all right we're in peak week here that's what they're calling it during this coronavirus and we went out and got one of the best we can possibly get we're treating it

like sweeps week all right because we got a rock star in the building today ladies and gentlemen I don't know what to say one of the funniest people I know absolutely brilliant stand-up comedian you've seen her on guy code you've seen her on girl code and this I just saw hot ones she's got a hot ones this kids an icon we're talking legit famous here you got Gaga and you got the kid right here ladies and gentlemen so happy to have her here she's also the host of amazing podcast secret keepers ladies and gentlemen Carly Aquilino everybody thank you thank you for having me you have fully I love when you intro me thank

you when we do shows together I always I I love it I love it I always want I always want people to feel good and there's never a time that I don't mean it you know to me because that's the way I intro everybody we don't have anybody on here that we don't generally love and like you know generally respect and even when I'm hosting you can always tell who I'm phoning in for who I'm not yeah you know what I mean please welcome to the stage whatever he's he's okay I've been I don't know but like he's he's he's he's he gives great he's forgotten my name recently like I've been best friends with them

for nine years we've been working together Kelvin Brian everybody Kelvin Brian he made eye contact with me and just completely blanked on my name like within the calendar year and you have the easiest easy at two first names he could have put them in any order you know what I mean he could have just went like Ryan Kevin just anything he just everybody gets the red carpet but me Kevin Kevin everybody Kevin Kevin I think that stuff's fun though I love I love when like fucked up shit happens as you just knock something over on your desk you still the drink for sure my girlfriend's little Chanel oh I hope you

yeah I think we bought it at like Central Park or something yes huh your apartment looks very luxurious thank you it's all it's all my lady she works in interior design I would be sleeping in a sleeping bag and a pizza place for wasn't her she does she does everything just ordered a couple new lamps off the old what is it West Elm or whatever it's called oh love West Elm yeah maybe Wayfair I'm thinking of Wayfair no way fair way fair is for sure trashed ever see there's like there's like Instagram accounts are like you know blogs or whatever dedicated to like reality like Wayfair verse reality like

they send the couch and the couch ends up only being like 25 inches long I like it's funny I get so many ads for Wayfair I thought it was like a luxury brand like pottery bar now I think they I think they do have some stuff that is you know nicer but the most the most of it's like you're like oh a couch for 120 bucks this is gonna be great and then you get it and it's literally for like dolls and children what is what is the level of classy to trashy as far as those are concerned West Elm would be the top between the two of them now like all of them isn't because there's like big box stores yeah I think it would be

West Elm pottery barn is really nice don't sleep on pottery barn really pottery barns nice yeah pottery barns like luxury and then I'm trying to think oh Creighton barrel I feel like it's nice C&B is nice C&B a bed CB2 yeah see yes yes yes yes yeah I'm well aware I'm well I furnished an apartment or two where does where does a rena center fall into that for Flanagan's bullies only got two more payments left on that left on his left on his couch they're gonna come take the mic from me in two seconds I gotta get a payment in I remember I remember when Bed Bath and Beyond was like really

classy oh yeah are you fully you're from Long Island now I'm from from outside of Philadelphia okay cuz I was gonna say Bed Bath and Beyond was like the shit and fortune off was the shit yeah fortune off was like sears I remember when sears was hot shit you had a couple of shirts from sears you were closing deals at happy hour yeah you were doing all right if you were at sears yeah sears was so cool and now it's like I think are I think are they all out of business or what I think they are my local mall and like it's that off the whole side of that malls just your sears look out the whole side of the mall it's sears JC

penny like I think pennies is still kicking pennies in my hometown still pennies ain't bad you find a couple of deals on some fucking betting over a pennies on a Saturday yeah I always like sears though cuz it's like you get it's a one-stop shop I love this is like probably trash I love being in a place where I'm like I can buy clothes but I can also buy a lawnmower lawnmower was perfect I gotta find a weed wacker to go with these jeans I'm gonna head down they were always all that stuff was always in the on the bottom floor to remember like below street level you go down there it was cooler in there like

it felt temperature cooler it was like the vague scent of fertilizer you walk down there with your parents you're like what the fuck's going on down here like go in the basement and get a lawnmower who was the purchaser at sears that was like listen we got it well you know yeah I'm sure we sell underwear but what do you say we get into the mower business so many appliances so crazy what a crazies think about think about that now if you go if you tell people like yeah see it like try to tell us somebody was born in like 98 what Sears was they were like what the fuck get back back to school stuff in a leaf blower you know

you're ready ready for the whole fall but I remember I remember I remember like when like Woolworth's was like was like a thing but you guys are too young to remember worse yeah you're way too young there was one left they they went under they didn't make it out of the 80s I don't think they like a macy's no it was more like a shitty target like it was like imagine if target was owned by like one guy managed all the targets like they were all all of them like had just weird thing it was not not done well you said that so sweetly you were like was it like a macy's is that what it was like a William and Sonoma because

hearing like Woolworth's yeah you've yeah that sounds like an old like a name that's like an America little JG Woolworth or whatever you used to have a counter in there where you can like eat like a lunch counter that's what we're talking about that's how you know it's bad if you can get lunch in the store next to the mowers oh that's added to the list if you if you could eat while shopping for trousers you're right so that's like Costco there's always like a Pizza Hut in Target yeah I know but honestly I've eaten there a lot oh yeah that's like inception of trashy you're eating in a Pizza Hut inside a target

that's that's like multiple level of fucking garbage that's a Russian nesting doll of garbage right there but I'll tell you what man you're a little kid you're walking through those department stores you grab a fucking super pretzel soft pretzel and maybe an icy that's fucking clean living right there that's a treat that's a treat that would be like if me and my mom were gonna have like a special day like Sears and walk around that shit was awesome you know what I always loved and I know this is a really garbage thing of me this is that this shows how poor I am but I used to love even as a little kid when we'd walk

into like Bloomingdale's or Macy's or one of those department stores and we'd walk through the perfume department yeah I always loved coming through there all the classy ladies still in perfume and stuff like that it smells real good they always look nice what do you know I just picture of I picture a fat eight-year-old Foley walking through like hey look at these classy broads over here hey mug get look at Doris on the new estate law my how do I score with a classy broad like Elaine over here yeah what women weren't like they weren't like young ladies no that's what I'm saying they yeah they were they were like they were like you

know middle-aged older ladies they always like dress nice they smelled good they didn't take any shit either right oh yeah if you didn't want to fucking spray you were getting a spray yeah that was back when that was like a career that was like oh she's a frag you know she's the she's the perfume lady down at pennies and that was like a that was a thing you could just yeah that wasn't for like people in community college or anything I feel like they always date at mobsters those ladies I always felt like they're always dating a bookie or something like that yeah maybe rich husbands or something hmm we do it to

get out of the house or something mm-hmm yeah I used to love that trashies trashy times as a kid and it was the best thing ever ladies and gentlemen as you know our very special guest today is Carly Aquilino Carly Kevin and I are gonna ask you a few questions here and we're gonna find out okay are you garbage fully what are you saying no what dude I'm looking at fucking exposed brick wall with cool lighting no and she's drinking kombucha what are you talking about this is she's a trend center literally that I wasn't I'm from Long Island oh that's what I thought see that yes that's what I thought you were

from Long Island no with no it's any change you can change it's in you you can get a little bit of cash you can buy some nice things but like you can you can anybody can buy brick right that doesn't that doesn't clear that doesn't clean slate of your past yes right here's the here's the thing and I mean this honestly I'm gonna kiss your ass a little bit here I mean this honestly you you have something that's just cool about you okay so it doesn't matter even if you do something trashy it's always gonna be classy like let me give you an example okay I love the way you dress I think you dress so cool okay and I

think the last time we worked together this is what she was wearing Kippy she had on a pair of cool jeans but just regular jeans like kind of like faded jeans a black turtleneck and a Dale Earnhardt t-shirt yeah that's cool listen if you put that on me you look like a pit crew guy you look like a guy who changes the tires on Dale Earnhardt's car if you put that on me I'm selling oil paintings at a fucking gas station all right and dude she looked so fucking cool wearing it thank you so I'm saying classy and I mean that 100% I'm saying classy all the way but I know we're gonna find a little garbage under them

fingernails I guarantee that I'm down for that Kippy you want to lead off you I'm gonna hit it with some of the some of the basics I hit it with some of the basics yeah what did you what town did you go up in Long Island I grew up in Comac in Suffolk County okay I learned there's two count suffix the trash you want or not trash you want well it's all kind of dispersed so NASA is closer to the city pretty much Queens okay and then Suffolk you have like the Hamptons okay yeah like some really nice areas but the rest of it's just like whatever it's just suburban where I'm from like there was no like oh we got to go to Comac to

visit we had a target a TJ Maxx of Marshalls don't even get me started I love Marshalls I love my wife is from German she just moved she's from Germany and there's a Marshalls in our neighborhood and it's like she's she's there four times a day she's talking to the people stacking the shelves she's like when do you get your good deliveries they're like Tuesdays come in on Tuesday it's fucking Kippy told her it was Barney's yeah you don't know look around whatever you want love a TJ Maxx love a Marshalls oh love a good TJ Maxx man you find some nice stuff in there some fines oh yeah oh yeah they got the

coach next to next to the luggage I love that yeah what about you know what you know what was was like was like premium when we were a kid but I know was garbage now is a Burlington Coat Factory Burlington at the start of December get a couple of winter coat seas on us Burlington had news I always got winter coats at Burlington and you know what else I would like eat the snacks from Burlington code like the snacks that they have this is what I don't get how many coats at the end of the winter did they throw away because that place was literally it was like fucking it just it was like where they

keep the Ark of the Covenant just went on forever of just fucking coats so many fucking coats I feel like they got rid of the old coats though they like yeah they probably kept them yeah yeah they kept I remember one time I don't know why this was so my was so out of character from my mom this the coat factor just reminded me she took us to a sock factory one time she's like we're gonna get a deal I legit I legit remember being in the parking lot I was like seven I go I'm like mom I'm not going into a fucking sock factory there is no way in hell no way I don't care and we were we worried poor we had money

like we grew up upper middle class and she's like we're going to a sock factor I'm like no we're not yeah she's like we'll get a good deal I'm like what are you talking about good wait does they make the socks there let's go to pennies like a fucking gentleman and get a get a pair of Haynes where did you where did you grow up on China where the fuck where there's just a sock factory get them fresh that way so hot when they come out right off to press my mom like them keep your feet warm put them right on they were steaming made this week there's no way they made the socks there they did it was a proper factory dude

it was a hold on this fuck Kali this fucking guy walks around acting like he's a fucking Kennedy to me all right because of the county you grew up in Pennsylvania you're telling me you grew up near a sock factory I don't know if we were really what the fuck is that I don't know if it was I was seven I don't have a sense of good sense of direction but I I don't know if it was close I've never seen it again it wasn't like I drove by it on the way to school I think I refused to go in I think I remember I think I legit refused to go in and I think my mom might have went in but I was like I'll keep me in the station wagon

lady no fucking chance she was probably working there didn't want to tell you you fucking loser it was I'm gonna ask her about that I'm gonna add that you saying me realizing Burlington Co factory coach factory we're just jogged that memory I gotta talk to her about that fucking that's too funny a sock factory folks do you like fresh socks right off the press sure we all do come on down the Lenny's sock factory we'll keep them warm for you what was the colleague what was the name of the grocery store you went to growing up that's a big one wall bounds I've never been I've heard I've never been was it

nice cut the connection we're getting out of here wall bounds I've heard of it only from New Yorkers though yeah wall bounds and then King Cullen because wall bounds went out of business and then we went to King Cullen King Cullen's classy I've seen a couple of those out there on the island not too shabby it's nice it's like King Cullen's kind of like if you were to go to like a key food I feel like okay maybe depending on the key food though some of them are that's what we found out key foods are into but that's what we found out through this game key foods are individually owned so you go you can go to a key foods and it'll be a

fucking hole in the wall dumb or you go to a nice one I've been to some really nice ones and then I went to one that was like the the floor was like they didn't lock it off but it was a hundred percent like under construction stepping in wet concrete yeah got a hard hat on concrete and just broken tiles everywhere oh my god on the key food well you know the biggest shock to me was when I got to this coming into the city and you guys being from the burbs you get it too is that every grocery store in New York City always has like four or five cats that patrol the place right that's true and what the descent of cat

litter when you walk into a grocery my grocery store on the corner that's the first thing that that hits you when you walk in disgusting there's nothing better no it's a bodega smell for sure yeah it's so tough cat at my bodega yeah why bodega cats are different I like the bodega cat I like the cats of the grocery store too but when you walk in and you get a you get a wave of fresh step slapped in your face there is nothing better I'm in the suburbs right now there's honestly from being in the city for so long there's nothing better than a suburban grocery store the aisles are big they're clean there's only like

10 people in the whole store everything it's so nice it's so refreshing yeah I recently went to I'm wagamans oh wagamans is fucking a plus it's sick it's sick yeah it's so good there's a couple of those in it like where I'm from and it's like we that would be like a field trip we're like we're going to wagamans I'm like I'm in let's go yeah oh they're on Christmas I had rented a car and he was like what do you want to do with the car and I was like I want to go to wagamans that's awesome that's garbage right there I love it fuck fuck expose brick the cool lights the cool tattoos anything trashy if you get access to a vehicle and you

go you could go anywhere on the eastern seaboard what do you want to do babe take me to wagamans that's it that's funny that reminds me of our buddy brendan stagalow yes right love him to death somebody one night at the club was asking him if you if all of a sudden tomorrow you got a hundred million dollars what's the first thing you would do you know brendan's answer was go to disneyland I love him to death that's the equivalent of when you got a car where you want to go I want to go to wagamans right right that's great I want to go to disneyland that's too fun all right yeah he's yeah he's he's long island

yes and he's he's not even he's not even close to getting out of it he has leaned into it and he is really fucking embrace on the trash he's the best man it's so funny we went to we just we were doing shows outside of the city at levity live a couple of them right before this all happened we were there and I drove them back but I every night every night we would get to the toll and he wouldn't he'd be like oh that's an expensive toll and like wouldn't even reach for change or money or anything like 16 bucks for the toll Jesus Christ that's a lot and I'm sitting there like yeah I know jerk off what the fuck you're the feature he was hosting yeah whatever um all right I got one did you have

a fake christmas tree growing up okay yes we had a lot of italian a lot of italians have fake christmas trees for some reason right you you answered that like we were asking you about a murder you were like well listen it's a long it's not what you think well it isn't because I have we have two trees we have fake one in a real one fake one in like a different like a different living room or something in a different room yeah class that's classy that is I gotta give you that yeah one in the like dining room and then one in the um tv room yeah which one did you put the presence under the real one of the fake one the presence went under the real one all right okay fake one was like for display but they had it up every year that pass you pass that's all right

okay okay two christmas trees is fucking classy though that's a good look I gotta do that follow up question of that do you remember what the latest date was that the christmas tree and the christmas decorations would come down um usually my mom would do it the first week of january after the new year it's good it's good it all checks out pretty classy it's pretty clean one final question on the christmas tree were there any colored lights on your christmas tree yes always always all white you go all white no I love colored lights okay no they're trying compared classic white lights is classy classy yeah but it's not christmasy do you guys remember the ceramic lamps they were they look like christmas trees and they had the color little things on them yeah

that's nice garbage but they're fucking awesome they were fine you can put the little like sticks in it yeah my mom still puts it out to this day it still sits on like yeah still sits on the windowsill of sorry or something my mom's got new christmas decorations since 1994 that's the best legit same she she she makes like a she makes like a window display with like a band and it's the same stuffing from since literally 1982 she's like for like fake snow i'm like come on what are we we haven't had company in six years what are you doing lady get a glove get in the game will you when i was a kid my dad used to put trains up like lionel trains we put them up around the christmas tree that was always weird to me i'm sorry you got trains in christ get out of here

it's presents it's rain i love it i love it it's garbage i love trains my train a train set too yeah they're great but one year we didn't have any fake snow so we used we used artificial mashed potatoes what no wait what what mashed potatoes from where artificial the the the flakes that are in like a box oh my god that doesn't mean any better the dog got into it it was a whole you decorated your house with depression food oh my god fully that's sadder than the fucking sock factory depression food powdered eggs in the tree yeah what are you you got fucking government cheese on the windowsills what are you doing powdered eggs roasting at your door the saddest gingerbread house ever oh my god it's just crackers you know you know what else was

trashy on on christmas this turned into a christmas edition i love it my dad my dad did he would go get a fucking third because my parents got divorced so my mom kept kept ran a tight ship around christmas she's a very traditional whatever my dad he would buy like a 19 foot tree and then we'd literally have to cut it in half so it was it didn't even have a point it was just like we cut the whole top off why that's you cut from the bottom idiot i i have no we use every year every year we had a flat top tree my favorite so he looked like he was in fucking run dmc or so he had the fucking the box caught at the top it was like a bush you had a christmas bush get me with the presence under the christmas bush and shut up that's such a divorced dad thing i know he was

trying he was i gotta give him that but he would also do tinsel on the tree which you would be picking up off the grounds through august right it got everywhere yeah my mom used my mom loved tinsel that we never got that i never even as a little kid i was like what the fuck is this i know it looks like shit it was like me it would always shock my fingers every time i fucking things bite me you go out you buy a tree you spend hours decorating it letting it fall whatever and then you throw that shit i i never got it it ruins it i don't like it either i have a question about something trashy that has to do with christmas kind of if it is trashy or not lay it on us is canned cranberry sauce trashy dude i cannot believe we've talked about this has come

up listen yes is it trashy like a week ago like a week ago i had some a week ago wow is it trashy to us to people like us no it's not okay i mean if you go to the you know you're not going to the Rockefellers and for Thanksgiving and you're not going to get canned cranberry sauce you know i always liked it it's good but then i'm like literally it's in the shape of a can the lines are in it you can you can see the expiration date on it you're like what is this yeah yeah i i don't know but it is i don't know we say what serves it questionable like Thanksgiving christmas food being like is this nice or is this not nice but i got it probably not nice you got to chop it up and you got to mix it up a little bit it is garbage but it is fucking delicious i had some literally

a week ago with chicken cutlets i can't believe you what did you buy it at the store recently did they sell it all year round i thought it was like seasonal i don't even fuck with it on the on the holidays i don't know i had to order it on the dark web so he's got a canned cranberry connect he's got a plug i gotta go through four chain to get and get my hands on it it's a passable it is garbage but it's acceptable it's a passable passable offense it's a traditional garbage yeah traditional garbage why we're on food i got a couple uh yeah let's keep moving through the house i like this this is fun for food when was the last time you had bagel bites oh bagel bites i haven't had bagel bites in a very long time okay i'm good like

three four years and i'm only saying that because i don't know how long how long that's good that's acceptable very acceptable but i got another they're good i got another when was the last time you had a hot pocket oh i had a hot pocket like six months ago okay what what kind was it it was okay not my fault i was on the road and i was staying in a lake you know how they have like holiday in expresses they have like the corner of the hotel that like has snacks and like that thing stinks stinks it stinks but it's like most of the time when you come home late after a show and you're on the road you're like what am i gonna fucking do it's either this or seven eleven so whatever so the only hot thing they had was a hot pocket which i always like the pepperoni pizza

that's if you're gonna slum it slum it with a pepperoni right they're so good but this one was ham and cheese which it it doesn't float my boat but i did enjoy it i ate it it's respectable when hot pockets tried to do the light versions like the lean lean pockets i'm buying them get the fuck out of here with that bullshit we're not coming to you for that i'm not buying a frozen you know burrito essentially for it to be yeah exactly of course how do you feel about frozen foods in general you can you do a lean cuisine or a hungry man or um i don't mind them i really don't i don't eat them that much but i i don't mind frozen food and i don't mind like dried like ramen and stuff like that i still eat that stuff yeah me too i love it it's garbage but i love it

you uh you had mentioned seven eleven i i i do forget to a lot of times on the road we are you know when comics go on the road we're obviously forced to only we can only eat what's afforded available at certain times right right um but you saying seven eleven reminded me have you ever had a tequito endure a chicken roller from seven eleven from seven yes i have tequitos from seven eleven several times tequitos aren't too shabby i mean they'll hit the spot i know they're pretty good they're pretty good they are and you know i i'm not gonna lie to you guys but i i've also had hot dogs from seven eleven what am i a big boy there's no shame in that you're among friends here come on wow i thought that that i thought that um a hot dog from seven eleven is more shameful than

a tequito i well i think i see i think i think the thing with hot dogs from anywhere quickly like that it's pretty shameful it's like if you're eating but they're delicious they're good i mean i don't know what they do to that roller man that's slow cooking baby come on it's just old hot dog juice everything old hot dog juice and it's i couldn't be happier oh it's great nothing kicks off the summer like a fucking slurpee in a big bite i'll say that right now love love the slurpees too dude in high school one time i went to over my buddy's house on like a fourth of july party or whatever and his parents were in high they rolled out a hot they had they own a hot dog roller for like we was like a big fourth of july birthday or party or

whatever so you're there all day eating drinking you just walk up to that hot dog roller dude there were just hundreds of them spending all day long it was like the game with him it was fucking i didn't even know you i didn't even know like a household could buy one of those things i think you had to have a license or something right like a virtual driver's license i don't know if they still do this now but on that same tip a big thing at parties for us when i was a kid is when because they always got kegs of beer kegs of beer was like what was always at a party when i was a little kid but for the kids they would sometimes get a kegger root beer is that something that you guys did oh i've never heard of a kegger root

we've we've had that we've had that yeah we've never have seen that and as a kid he has like a seven-year-old was the coolest fucking thing if you rolled up to a party like a graduation party for like your cousin's friend or and you roll up and they're like there's a keg of root beer over there you're the oh my god that's that in a hot dog roller good night you start handing out solo cups taking money from the kids let's go i said to my boyfriend actually i think it was yesterday the day before i was like do you remember being a kid and you would go out to like i don't know apple bees or something with your parents one of those restaurants and you would order a root beer and how fucking cool it felt to drink it out of their beer bottle like oh yeah would think oh the six-year-old

is hammered but i was like it made me feel cool i did oh the same thing i would be like maybe if i hide the label they'll think i'm drinking a beer like like like like the table next to me was just gonna be like ah that family's letting the six-year-old drink a beer you know what i mean you're hitting on the waitress how long you work there huh a couple more pops right boys huh that's too funny what was the um what was the the orange juice situation growing up what did you what did you guys do was it tropical canna was it sunny delight was it tang was it five alive where we at my mom never ever bought sunny delight or any anything like that she wouldn't let us have it but i wanted it so bad but she wouldn't let us have it um but she would buy tropical canna orange juice or

tropical canna banana strawberry orange juice oh that's classy i've had them all i love them that's classy that's i feel like i'm the only guy that was allowed to drink sunny delight when i was you know how you know you know how you know sunny the lights bad and how trashy it is you can find it not refrigerated at a grocery store oh yeah sometimes they just have it out right there's like a box of it on the floor in a bodega yeah still yeah yeah we don't even put it on a shelf no it doesn't get any it doesn't get any shelf space yeah it doesn't there's no way it needs to be refrigerated there's no way it ever expires like you could that's like you know how twinkies never expires yeah sunny d no fucking way oh the apocalypse i can't leave your mom let you

drink it foley buy cyan i mean i'm not a doctor but i'm sure you've eaten enough twinkies and drank enough sunny d that you should have enough of those particles in you that you should be able essentially live forever you're immune yes you should fully you should your body should never deteriorate actually they can they can send me to mars with no space suit yeah i was not allowed sunny d and i wasn't allowed lunchables and those two things broke my heart not oh yeah i was no lunchables no lunchables what no way i was getting those in high school because i was too old yeah they didn't have those when i was a kid i was i was getting them in high school and college yeah my mom would never ever let me no way yeah did you

pack a lunch or did you buy lunch at school um i my mom would pack me a lunch but i most of the time didn't like the lunch at my mom would make its first of all so embarrassing the lunch that she made me she would put like i love it fresh what's fresh mozzarella cheese and um roasted red peppers on like italian bread and like and like um like macaroni salad i'm like mom i'm fucking 11 that was like you were like the weird foreign exchange student yeah if you put a little shot of zambuca in there for after an espresso i'm like mom i'm not a 65 year old man shot a lemon cello in there a couple biscotties you're sitting there at the table i'm like she would send me to like my lunch bag would be like 14 fucking tupperwares i'm like what is this

if you had tupperware if you if you pulled out a thing at tupperware at the lunch table i was making him change seats you weren't sitting next to me with the fucking embarrassing so embarrassing can you give me chicken cutlets to take to school i'm like what the i can't even eat these i can't even eat these you're in the kitchen you're back in the kitchen like hey astell can you can you look can you heat up my mom's cutlets please oh my god the only kid at school within any pasta course i love it that's right and this is going to take my my um garbage meter to a whole another level so my mom worked in the school in the cafeteria that in she was a lunch lady in my cafeteria in my school in middle school that's awesome and she worked there for 20 years

and people would like go up to her like other teachers because i wouldn't want to sit in the same cafeteria so there were two and the teachers that had duty in my cafeteria they would go to my mom be like what are you sending her to school she's got a hot bar over here she's setting up fucking the chafing dishes like catering yeah yeah got sternos going oh that's funny veal francés for lunch i love it that's awesome so little muscles you got some muscles and a red sauce going all right let's stay in the house because like this is so this is so much fun let's go into the bathroom okay growing up was it first of all did you have any carpet in your bathroom was your bathroom carpeted no um other than like a bath mat very nice what about

like the soaps and stuff like that what were you guys working with did you use bars dial did you have bottles for the most part it was uh like a soap out of a soap dispenser like hand soap hand soap yeah and then in the shower i thought that was in the shower i was gonna be like yikes yes just purel on the sink on the sink and then in the shower bar soap yeah i don't think we ever my mom sold avon so we sometimes had like avon products in the shower like did did she did she so did she sell skin so soft was that an avon product dude was that just right that the cleaner bottle with the green top yeah very distinct smells skin so soft we used they used to the key bugs away bugs away that's what they told us that's we did the same thing to us that was like off skin so soft

was like yeah yeah i could still smell it now if i think about it's like powder like like musky powder i love it it takes me right back to the sock factory the good the good old days americana you know what i mean yeah must be cooking the ankle socks today it smells delicious i got one that i've never fully mean you have never discussed um well the impetus of this game just came from me and fully just could go into each other's houses and be like this is a fucking trash but uh i never fully never talked to you about had you ever know anybody or in your family ever have like a cushioned uh toilet seat oh yeah dude i i remember cutting my ass on those things because the fucking ring who yeah the where the plastic met was like a fucking switchblade right

what was with the what's what's that all about i had um a friend or someone in my life when i was young that had a mushy toilet and like um i remember telling my mom like it's so comfortable we should get one my mom's like that's disgusting it's so gross looking back it was the toilet seat cover that was like a carpet oh yeah that's fucking trash too man we had a few of those i had a couple of i remember when a new one of those came in you're like ah nice in here it was like room service just came in dad must have hit the number nice let's go nice and fresh we were so trashy too did you guys have the toilet paper cozy there was one roll of toilet paper on top of the toilet that had like a crocheted thing on top of it my mom had a special box for it on top of it for for the one

backup yeah that's real for the backup toilet paper i want to stay in the bathroom here i want to hit you with a multiple choice question okay okay um i take this from a past experience that's happened at a friend of mine's house all right so adult life you're staying over at a friend's house okay get it up in the morning to brush your teeth all right when you brush your teeth you knock their toothbrush on the floor now it doesn't go in the toilet obviously but it goes close to the toilet multiple choice do you a tell the friend immediately all right and admit admit what happened b just wash it off with scalding hot water and put it back and don't say anything to anybody or c none of the above just put it back and keep it moving like it never happened can i ask a question go ahead how close to

the toilet was it it was it's close enough like you know if the toilet was right next to the sink it fell near the toilet it could be in the circle in the p in the in the p perimeter if that's what you're asking yeah because i was gonna say but okay yeah then i would tell the friend a really yeah i would tell the friend i would be like i dropped your i dropped your toothbrush on the floor just fyi yeah that's a full this question seems like it's you've done this first of all i did it to you like five years ago yeah he's like so imagine if your friend that's what i'm saying this happened at your house at five years ago that's why i'm delicate uh this is how you break the news to me yeah you tell them what are they gonna yell at you like i do toothbrush is a

dollar ninety nine yeah exactly what about just rinsing it off and scalding hot water and putting it back that's not i think i would do that if it was just on the floor floor but not if it was near the toilet hmm so i'm garbage right or yeah she was right yeah you are yeah yep no way i got i have one from uh from a listener uh wants to know this from guttersloth a fan of the podcast did you ever own a tire swing was there a tire swing in your backyard no i wish oh man how cool is that that was sick that was but they were always hillbillies those oh yeah and the tires yeah it was anybody that actually had a tire swing yeah yeah because i don't think people in new york had tire swings i think people like in the south have tire swings maybe and you got to be a

pretty reckless parent to have one of those things because right i remember them being like not not like where it's flat but where the tires like standing straight up and it's literally just a rope yeah i do a tree where you would sit on it like a motorcycle and swing back and forth and it's like how much weight can this even yeah there's no they weren't tested by anybody yeah yeah you know yeah i always wanted a tire swing and i always wanted a trampoline i never had either of those i had a trampolines or garbage trampolines or big time garbage i had one growing up baby it was fucking great you'd run off the school bus like three or four you just dive one of that thing for hours yeah i think it's so dangerous so dangerous insanely dangerous toy no we i mean my neighbor

like cracked her head open on it like it was like yeah like i mean we got hurt yeah i went on a friend's trampoline when i was little and i and i cut it but one of the springs went all the way up into my foot and i kicked my leg to think that it would come out but it sliced my whole foot Jesus yeah and that was like the first and only time i was ever on a fucking trampoline yeah yeah it's crazy looking back that's insane it's so dangerous you see what they do now they dig holes and then put the trampoline in a hole so it's flat with the ground level right so you're not falling off of the trampoline right that's so scary yeah oh that's pretty good they also have the nets now too yeah pussies yeah the nets are weak that fear of danger was was the was the best

it was like jumping off roofs did you guys ever jump off roofs when you were a kid like jump off the garage roof or something no i was scared of everything yeah that's also not like really a girly thing you know not like girly but like that's usually a lot of young boys are like let me see if i can jump off the roof you know how do you jump off a roof like how do you land that he would jump into a pool or something like that oh into a pool yeah you jump off like the jump off the roof of the house and into the pool in the backyard that's so scary yeah that's crazy i mean who'd you who'd you who'd you grew up with fucking evil can evil what are you talking about hey for this next one have you ever

like you ever have a jetpack and what are you talking about did you have a part did you have a pool growing up car i had an above ground pool oh you and me both kid game over garbanz you had an in-ground yeah trash no carly let me ask you a question settle something for me okay tell me that the feeling of jumping into an above ground pool in the summer isn't better than jumping into an an above ground pool because it's so much cooler and refreshing isn't it they're not heated yeah so it's a lot more work to get into so it's like feels better when you get like i climbed for this there's a payoff yeah not just i'm gonna walk in my backyard and then jump in you got to climb up a ladder it's usually made of

aluminum and is not sturdy right well my parents my parents people i've heard say an above ground pool is better than an in-ground pool are people with above ground pool people i mean yeah to be fair i've never had an in-ground pool yeah it's fantastic no i've been in that she's like don't get me wrong i've been in a pool before i think she's never been in a below ground listen you keep working hard one of these days you spend all the money on the exposed brick get yourself an in-ground pool one of these days you're gonna know somebody with it with an underground pool in long island yeah this is how trashy my parents are all right now we had a legit above ground pool when i was real when i was young that had like the aluminum deck built onto it and that thing was like working on

the empire state building in the 20s it was fucking dangerous when they we got one when i was like just out of high school so what they did is they buried the pool like three feet in the ground and then built a deck around it so now we're rocking the above ground in ground baby yeah trampoline did is what you did yeah concept of the trampoline my dad did the same thing he dug he dug it in so it's like probably three feet above the ground that's awesome you know yeah yeah same thing yes i'm so glad you had the above ground pool he always makes fun of you because of that yeah no i don't make i yeah they're trash it's the trash it's the second trashiest pool you could have the other one is like the blow-up one that you put you know the one that can be those

things ain't bad in the summer right there it's not bad of sure of course but if we're ranking pools that's definitely the last pool right right you know and then up and then above ground then in ground like a gentleman um i like a good sprinkler sprinklers are all right man love a sprinkler love a sprinkler which sprinkler did you have did you have this sprinkler oh yeah if you had the sprinkler no i had the the old the wavy the big fly yeah i had this one the guys that had the what are you a golf course what are you my dad had one of those in the front yard but the one in the backyard was the one that we like would run through was sure the other one so it's like a fire hose you know take you take your calf off yeah oh that's too good i think i only got one

or two more maybe we haven't even got out of the house yet this is i know but we've we've been going for more 53 minutes in here guys okay i have literally nothing to do so i got when you're ready go for it uh carly do you own a cactus or any cacti oh god oh boy okay first of all is why is that a trashy thing oh wow that's huge i have so many plants plants are good cactuses are garbage why are cactuses garbage cactuses are the best you think i also i also don't think foley has a reasoning for why they're garbage this is the second time he's asked this question and he really doesn't have an excuse for it he just goes oh trash they're the easiest to take care of kind of i feel like you only get cacti i feel like you only get cactuses that like

like renaissance fairs or like state fairs or like no dude that is the stupidest thing that is such above ground pool mentality that i i don't even know what to say to that all right renaissance have to do with cactuses it you know it's car come on you know the renaissance to the renaissance took place in arizona everybody knows that they're amarillo yeah oh my god all right here's here's the real reason why okay this is like uh this is like a boogie man's story for garbage people when i was a kid we were always told to be wary of cactuses because one of my mom's friends of a friend you know some lady that cut her hair or whatever would tell a story about her sister one time brought a cactus home from somewhere bought a cactus brought it home right and she noticed

over a couple of days that the cactus was like pulsating a little bit all right and then one day she went to work and she came home and the cactus had exploded and there was thousands of baby scorpions everywhere in the house what that's an old wives tale that happened that happened to my like my aunt's friend too dude that is such an old wife i know it's like a garbage it's a garbage folklore yeah yeah that's never happened that's not like old irish catholic women say to scare you like because that's that's so not even a thing well that's why i think they're garbage wow i mean yeah so yeah that's scary that's so crazy um kippy what do you got research on that by the way i i think i that's totally debunked um all right did you have a sweet 16 growing up

no no okay good i didn't have a sweet 16 um but we went to florida for my 16th birthday on the coaster like inland um we went to universal studios at at the hard rock hotel okay that's legit that's legit that was what my parents had said do you want to have a sweet 16 or do you want to go away and i was like i literally have no friends so why would i have a sweet 16 so then we went to florida instead that's awesome because they're big out on long island right sweet 16s oh yeah sweet 16s bar mitzvahs all of that the all we we love a party yeah have you guys ever heard of a kisemi st cloud in florida do you guys know what i'm talking about i don't say i don't even know what those words were kisemi kisemi st cloud it's a it's a destination of florida that isn't like

disney world universal it's kiss me and it's yeah kiss me yeah kiss me yeah i don't want to pronounce it it's not on the coast it's like it's like i remember people say we're people tell me they're going there for vacation i was like what the fuck what are you gonna you're gonna go to mainland florida not even on the coast it's so much hotter yeah we're not on the water i've only been there i've only ever been to disney and miami that's it okay yeah both good um all right i got i got one more uh did anybody in your family play scratch off lottery tickets no oh no lottery winners in your family no we used to get we used to get scratchers we still do for like in our stocking at christmas every birthday card it yeah i stepped out to put a couple in there the gas station by my

parents house i remember there was for my whole life every single day there was a guy there doing scratch off tickets at the counter all day every day and it was like he had like one in like the 80s or the 90s or something he won like ten thousand dollars and they keep some coming back i used to work every single day i used to work at a supermarket outside of philly when i was in high school and they had implemented they used to have to come to you to buy them and then they put the machine in at one point and the machine they had they had figured out to when the machine would be restocked with the new wheels of tickets and the people thought that the beginning tickets on the wheel were the lucky ones they were the winners oh god but they found out like the the the change the

schedule of deliveries that they would go up and they would wait in line and fight with each other like i want the winners i want i was just sitting there like you're all losers did no they would win like ten bucks five i mean they'd spend a hundred and win a free ticket you know right you win five dollars yeah every once in a while we'll get like during christmas or whatever oh here's a scratch off but other than that no nobody played it i always want to know too i think that's a garbage thing because like you know it's like the hope that you're gonna win like five million dollars or whatever i don't think like really rich people are doing that on christ no no that's why i asked if she had any lottery winners in your family

because no matter how much money you get lottery winners are always fucking garbage there's a documentary about lottery winners yes how the lottery changed my life or ruined my life or something and they all do trashy things with the money it's not like it goes right into like some like investment portfolio they buy houses for all their other family members like in the same cul-de-sac yeah and then they and then they're broke yeah they all go broke they end up shooting each other i think like two million dollars is like 200 million dollars yeah yeah they spend it like they're gonna keep making two million dollars every right man if i won the lottery i would be fucking dude i'd be on sonny d what do you mean in cases of it cases sonny d in case of sonny d

and head to disney world yeah i'd buy up all the cactuses in the world and throw them out to see and cut them in half and see if there's scorpions inside that's right carly i can't thank you enough man this was so much fun all right normally normally we get out of the house we're going around the different things that was so much fun that would that would that we just it was all childhood it was all in the house i fucking loved it man that was so much thank you thank you guys for having me i had a lot of fun too thanks anything that you anything that you want to tell the folks about i know you got to the secret keepers podcast anything coming up i know we're in a little bit of a standstill right now um coming up i'm going to my living room for the next two months yeah

i hope two months i hope it's not longer i'm praying at first i'm like oh it's gonna be a couple weeks and then i'm like no the novelty is wearing off the novel the same thing really weren't off yeah yeah another another month i'd be happy if it was over if we're like peaks if we're like peak summer yeah that's gonna fucking suck yeah it's gonna get to the point where people are just gonna start fucking going out again that's just saying fucking because nobody's listening in the first place it should have just been like everybody in the whole country had has to stay inside but now started it off yeah i mean people in florida are still going out you know what i'm saying until like a few days ago they finally put them on lockdown so it's just like it's it's

gonna get worse poor gets better but it'll be fine we were laughing the other day about the the governor of of georgia's at who it was it was the mayor of atlanta did you see this carly i think it was the governor of georgia like literally like two days ago was like i didn't know that you could you could pass it if you weren't showing symptoms i'm like motherfucker i knew that two two weeks ago i knew that yeah we knew that a month ago i know what he's like i'm sorry stupid man yeah that's garbage just play dumb for the cameras jesus christ even if he didn't know that why would you say it it's crazy crazy never say it it's legit crazy yeah i don't know that live there must feel so happy right now oh my god it's not so much fun kippy anything uh

we got to tell him yeah guys thank you so much for listening please rate review subscribe on itunes you can follow us on spotify wherever you listen to podcast also the videos will be up on youtube the same day it comes out on audio so please you know subscribe comment give us a thumbs up there we appreciate all the support yeah absolutely we appreciate you guys very much thank you so much for listening make sure you check us out on youtube watch the podcast you got nothing else to do check it out carlie acolino buddy thank you so much for coming and talking to us it was so much fun i like so much we'll see you guys soon okay all right i see you guys this is what i want this is what i keep wanting to tell you you know what's awkward about this is the the second before

you hit the leave because like when you do these like FaceTime things you always say goodbye and like okay bye and then it takes you a second to like fumble to the leaf thing and i always feel like i look like an idiot like you always make like that weird awkward eye contact right before you yeah everybody leans in all right so yeah so you're like all right i love you i love you guys have a good one happy quarantine all right let's all do it together you ready all right we're all hold on i just want to let you know we'll still i have to hit stop where there's gonna be another second where we're still in here but all right all right go all right everyone on three one two three