Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast - Celebrity Impersonators w/ Kippy & Foley!

Episode Date: January 2, 2025

Are You Garbage is back with Kippy and Foley for a family episode to answer your garbage questions from Patreon. It's a fun one! Thanks for watching AYG Comedy Podcast. Love youse guys. Come to a live show! AYG & Friends: https://punchup.live/areyougarbage/tickets Live Shows: https://punchup.live/areyougarbage/tickets PATREON: https://www.patreon.com/AreYouGarbage MERCH: https://areyougarbage.com/ Comedians H. Foley and Kevin Ryan are self proclaimed GARBAGE. Each week a new stand up comedian gets put to the test. Steal shampoo from hotels? Own a George Foreman Grill? Ever worn JNCO Jeans? Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Welcome to another exciting edition of R U Garbage, the show where you find out if your favorite comedians are classy individuals or absolute trash. Now here are your hosts, Kevin Ryan and H Foley. Hey everybody out there and welcome back to everybody's favorite podcast. This is are you garbage? Hey, it's a little show We sit down with your favorite comedians and we find that the group to be classy. Yeah, just a big old piece of trash I'm your host a truly coming at you on a beautiful day. We're out back here at Tooties in the new edition She's in the garage powerlifting That's by a good pal Cody winter so the old paint you on and I got to give a shout out to Charles Terry

Who wrote the one during the being in and Jordan episode? Okay, which I got flustered because they're both lunatic. Shout out to you. You are not Are not lying. Yeah, she's powerlifting out there dude. What though some knee jerks 2025 clean the gun Yeah, she's after it hang jerks hang jerks I've done that squabbles if you get caught that will jam you up goblet squash like a goblet squat I don't know what that is they suck okay I don't like him at all my co-host is coming at you from across the table he is the CEO of are you garbage he is an international businessman just opened up his third Krispy Kreme franchise expanding It's expanding his empire. Kevin James Ryan. What up everybody? Shout out to you. Thanks

for tuning in. As always, we just make sure you rate, review, subscribe on iTunes. And now Spotify. Check that out over there, gang. Full video available on YouTube. And obviously, the greatest website of all time. www.patreon.com slash all your garbage go over there you get all your bonus content gang you sign up now you get four years of bonus content I'm talking videos I'm talking on the road stuff behind the scenes. Ireland, Disney, the Cribs episode, the Patty and Denise episode. Foley's first limo ride ever. Yeah.

That was a humdinger of a vid we did. Wouldn't fit now. Nice shirt, by the way. Thanks. I don't know why we're entering the year under these under these war, these war like It continues! circumstances of the Black You also gotta get a bubbly drink. You saw me having a diet.

You want just is your resolution for 2025 to be me? Because I think that's what's happening. I want to be bald with one eyebrow. Be better for you than whatever you got going on. That's a little mean, I apologize. I wanted to ask you this, too. Yeah, please. I need money. How do you play it?

Now, I know I think I know what the decorum is, but how do you play it? Okay, let's say you and the bird are going out to dinner. All right, you're walking into the restaurant, Luca, open this up to you as well. You're walking into the restaurant. Does she go first? Or do you go first? She goes first, right? I'll hope I'll hold the door typically. Hey, all right, go right on in there. She wants me to go first. She doesn't like going in first. Take out any of the option.

You know, big fullback making that hole for you, baby. Fourth and one. Couple of chop blocks coming in. Okay, she wants you to go first. I don't wanna have to punt it like a loser. She wants you to go first. She stopped, dude, it drives me crazy. She like stops.

And I'm like, I look like a dickhead if you don't go first, but she doesn't want to be the one to walk up to the hostess and be like hey blah blah blah and if she does she fucks it up. She's that because she'll give the wrong name and they're just like now we got the wrong name. She'll think it's under her name or my name. Yeah that's but this is all a five second in who the reservations under your name remind it or hey It's either under a or it's under B. I don't like any trouble at the hostess stand

I like to fucking slide in it sounds like you're causing trouble at the host. I'm not causing trouble I mean like there's there's event There's enough events for this to be an issue so it should be I open the door for her and she goes in also then She do you soup Nazi you step in and take a take a she goes in steps right to the right and waits for the bulldog to come in. She's started eating the mince already. These toothpicks for everyone. Two under Gorgon please. No she takes two steps in and freezes and stops and then like I got to give her like a little push in the back Man that shit drives me nuts tight the tight teeth

That's our whole relationship man my mom your favorite My mom finished that let me get a bite my mom stepdad, any time they were cooking at the house, oh my god. Yeah? The whisper fights at the stove. Because the way it is, they're backs to like the rest of the party when they're over there in the corner.

Put it over there. It was always my stepmom breaking my stepdad, or my mom breaking my stepdad's stone. Yeah, cocktail or two, you know? Goddamn gentlemen. It's a holiday. Yeah, it was two and I'm you know, goddamn gentlemen holidays Yeah, it was always very We're like, alright, they're whisper fighting over the rolls or something something don't matter And does the bird tell you what she wants?

Like I like what do you mean? like before the Before the server comes over. No, we sit there in silence. Yeah, you talk about that You know not talk about what you want to get but I'm gonna do this this. I'm going to do this. What do you think? She also she does that promo where she'll look beforehand. I like that. She googles the menu. She's like, I think I have to do the duck. I like that. I like I like because I like her. Sometimes if we're on our way somewhere, I'll be like, pull up the menu.

Let's see what we're let's see we're walking into and it's fun to hear her read off the you know the appetizers and stuff. Call that foreplay in your relationship. Start pressing the buttons and hitting the knobs. I'm rubbing drawn butter on my nipples. Yeah, say

it slower. Not that. Not how we should get this. We should get that. She tells me like I'm the way like I'm gonna get a Tito's martini or whatever you are she is she says that to me or I'm just really like like a donkey doughnuts or Starbucks or something like that I'm gonna get to whatever so tell my total fucking lady I'm not ordering for you yeah I'm not sure I understand where well I'm not understand man you are a lot to deal with I'm not sure I understand a handful I'm not understand Man, you are a lot to deal with. I'm not sure I understand a handful I'm not sure I understand why that bothers you that's just like in line or at table just tell the server what you want. I

Know what she's sitting there with you. What's she? I think I'm gonna do a Tito's martini. Okay. Yeah, it's great She doesn't say it like that. She says it like she's telling me for me to order it Does that make sense or she then orders it now? Wait, what she fucks that up? I don't know what you're saying drink. She gets all the time. She doesn't she like freezes up Then they started asking about olives and the whole thing Dude, I get it a lot. She'll be like, she'll know what she wants, but then the waiter comes over and what a lot. They freeze up.

No, no. Hers is more of like, English is the second language type thing. Cause they'll rattle out, they'll rattle off those specials real quick. And I'm just condition dirt bag. We don't do the species. You're, you know, you're, you don't even make eye contact. No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no. Let's sell you the undercoating.

That's how to get you, getting the specials. Yeah. I need a manager. I'm not doing this. Let me guess, it's more expensive than everything else on the menu? No, thank you. Okay.

A deposit? Ha ha ha ha ha ha. Run my card now? They, they'll go, that's a whatever into a whatever with a whatever with a demi glaze and a ba ba ba ba ba She'll look at me and be like what's up? I'm like, I don't know. I don't even listen to this guy What do you do get the chicken fingers? That's a demi. God Demi Gorgon can't kill. Uh, yeah that kind of stuff I was like so that and then she'd be like what's that and then he looks at me and I got to translate and I'm like

I don't know if it's not a chicken parm or chicken alfredo or something. I'm at I don't know. So you're saying this is me. I Think it's a combination of both of you. Yeah, I would assume I don't know. I don't understand Yeah, I think you're a you're a bit of a freakazoid I think is the clinical term for it. You get, you're not. How's that supposed to make me feel? You're not real chill. You're afraid to, you're gonna embarrass or you're gonna, and we come from it too.

It's like, you don't want the. I got yelled at a lot in restaurants when I was a kid. You're like apologizing to the waiter for taking your order cause you don't wanna make it seem like, I'm sorry, hey, honey, you know, it's like that kind of, you feel like you're imposing on them she's a dumb broad yeah my lovely wife don't bro but you know yeah you do that kind of stuff you don't care this is what it is you're more you you don't

want to come off as a bother or you want to impress you want to impress the waiter more than you care about getting in a fight with your wife. That's what it is. You don't care. You know, you can solve that. You'll never get a second chance with this waiter. If that starts off bad, you're done for it. You know what I mean? Come back. I'm sorry about her order again.

I think that's what it is. Okay, you know, hey, I Got a lot of growing to do this year. No slimming no slim. We got a lot of shrinking to do the word is shrinking Shrinking shrinking shrink it up. Oh, they're shrinking But all that's either here nor there gang we got a gosh darn 2025 family episode again a happy New Year to everybody out there little guy. Uh but all that's neither here nor there gang. We got a gosh darn 2025 family episode to get into Happy New Year to everybody out there.

Of course. All the uh well the homies have gotten a Happy New Year. All the bozos. Shout out to all the bozos. The army of garbage is strong. We got a lot of live show dates coming up. Uh. Yeah. How about that? Yeah. Back on the road. The boys are

back on the road. Back on the road. Back on the road, baby. Look at it runs. Selective cities. Select cities. Um also Route 66. A lot of people has Route 66 is in the works. That's going to be a bit of a bigger project coming out. Ooh. Not very soon. Coming out soon. Working on it. Been seeing the dailies on that. Whoo. That's that's going gonna be a fun piece of business But like I said all that all that aside sure let's get into a nice family episode Cleanest what is 2025 year of the what Luke look it up. I know you're the snake is it yeah

You're the snake whoa snake nose. Yeah snake would know that Is it? Yeah. Pssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssss The snake is linked to metamorphosis Wisdom and intuition you are gonna get bigger I Have been eating the mice once a month a my snow mouse whatever sure you can't fucking ice me on that Let's redo that I've been eating a mouse once a Fix that booze cut it print it all right this one's from trusty fiend Fix that booze cut it print it all right this one's from trusty fiend $10 Airbnb driveway cigarette deep cut is it garbage to pull up to a red light get out of the car go push the crosswalk Button trigger to change the light man goddamn heroes that you are that's I Mean, but that they work. Yeah, I think so I don't think they really work in New York. That's all time That's never seen one in New York. Yeah, I think so. I don't think they really work in New York. That's all time. I've never seen one in New York.

Yeah. No, they're not at the corners. Maybe not every corner. They're there. They they're they for sure exist. You don't think New York City has a crosswalk button fully. Are you drinking again? I've never seen it. Listen, you don't crawl. You don't walk a lot. All right.

What they have the beepers for the buying people sometimes. So what's that? That's the same thing. it's all set up ain't helping me there's there used to be one I used to work by like a blind Institute or something and it was I didn't realize first of all two for blind technology I don't know the BBI BBI Institute for blind technique you had You had one letter, right? I I BTI Institute for Blind Technology. Now you're still a student of America, the American Association of Americans. They do Institute twice.

Um, it's a big deal. But I used to I used to stand out front of my building and catch heaters where I used to work at the law firm. And. I was I was just like, there is a high density of blind people that live in this neighborhood. This is crazy. Every day you saw like four or five blind people. What the hell is going on? I've been living in New York for a decade. You see one a month or something like that. And then I found out it was by the Institute, but the crosswalk that is by the Institute.

Obviously. You're at the fat bald Institute There's a lot of guys that look like me not a pretty decent hair. I was wait I was late tremors probably like a ball buck 90 at that time look at you Sad it was a meatball man sad no saddest lunch breaks of my life sitting out there eating Duane Reed nuts a diet coke and cranking about seven or eight heaters in 25 minutes. You still talk to Dwayne? Gary! But they had a specialized crosswalk, a guy who would come over and be like,

it's now safe to cross the street because there were so many blind people. An actual guy? Yeah, but not like live like live was a recording. He was a New Yorker. So I was like, you are now allowed to cross the street. Cocksucker, whatever. Go Jets. It was very, very. I'm like, you couldn't have got just like a computer.

I was the shore at the tram car lady or something. There's a little character that you trust a voice like. Sure. Yeah. But I don't trust the guy's voice on the subway now. Back in the old days when the fucking conductor would be saying it, you know, some guy from Bensonhurst or something. Yeah, I don't trust the guy's voice on the subway now back in the old days when the fucking conductor would be saying it You know some guy from Bensonhurst or something. Yeah Next stop 48 Street This is where you can get a great gyro seat with you He gives you like the great dollar slice. Just go to Mel's

That's how Danny Aiello started famed actor Danny. Aiello. He was a subway conductor and some director it might have been Francis Ford Capela, but I could be wrong heard him and said that guy's got a great voice and put him in a movie Could have been the Godfather one If I believe one of the risotto brothers didn't have any lines Just straight. Hey, I know you had one line Michael Corleone says hello I believe one of the Rosato brothers didn't have any lines It's just straight Hey, I know you had one line Michael Corleone says hello Then he tries to choke out Frankie Pantangeli. Mm-hmm chicken wire piano wire chicken

Chicken wings Godfather part two. That's right. There you go. Godfather part two. I apologize. Was that his first movie? Uh That was like yeah his first movie. Do you know you don't know who Danny? I lo is the no idea no his first film role came from bang the drum slowly Okay, I think I saw that Man he was great. I love Danny. I love you know Danny. I don't think I do yeah, you do He played Sal and do the right thing I've never seen it. No kidding you want to see a real guy? I told you before how do you spell I LO a I E L L O

and L O I L O a I E L O. Yeah, see Thanks Screwballs. I don't know that guy. You don't know Danny. I hello moon I know when he used to be the train conductor. I know from that pretty good Now rude Getting out of your car Actually, I was in this situation not too long ago. So they redid the highway out by my out by patties

Back in the day when you were coming off one of the side streets They had the wire and it was in the middle of the night you could trip it. We've talked about that, yeah, you pull up, you pull back. Yeah, it's also as I did that, it's scary by yourself. What? Just when you're on like an empty road by yourself and you're stuck in a red light, that's how they get you. You know what's really scary, sorry to cut you off, you know what's really scary? You know what's really scary? When it's late at night, you're driving by yourself

and there's only one car right behind you and you're clocking him. And you go, when I get up to the intersection, I'm making a right. And then he gets behind you and you go, all right. I start going, where can I bust the UE? Like, what can I do? Do I try to burn them off the light?

Do I blow the red light? Because if you blow a red light and he follows you, you're jamed up. Oh, yeah guys got your number. Or it's a cop. Boop boop. Light them up. There was always a rumor or a wives tale or an urban legend back when I was a kid that if you were driving down the street and somebody had their high beams on coming this way and you flashed your lights at them They would turn around and follow you and murder you and it was some type of gang initiation.

Yeah, that's how we heard that too. See, that's gotta be, look up the flashing lights gang member initiation. I think we might have looked this up at some point. It was like one time or maybe I had something happen in like, I don't know, California. What would you say if you saw somebody with one headlight coming down? What would you do? What do you mean? You wouldn't do or say anything in the car?

You wouldn't touch the roof and say, pediddle before anybody else? What? No. Touch the roof and say, pediddle? That's what a priest does to you. A little pediddle action. Touch the roof and say, pediddle. You never heard of pediddle?

Pediddle. If you see a car with one headlight, you go, pediddle. Or what? It's who can get there first. It's like Jinx saying Jinx. It's like Punch Buggy Yellow? Yeah, Punch Buggy Yellow is pretty good. I mean, that caused a lot of fistfights in the back of my dad's Jeep.

I hated those cars. Me versus my dad. Flash. Sorry. Flashing your headlights on. Coming car is not a gang initiation ritual to hoax. OK, maybe not in the streets of Connecticut. But back when I come to Bucks County, I try that shit. Yeah. That MGM authorized But back when, come to Bucks County and try that shit. Yeah. your team, your favorite player, or your style. There's something every NBA fan will love about BetMGM. Download the app today and discover why BetMGM

is your basketball home for the season. Raise your game to the next level this year with BetMGM, a sports book worth a slam dunk, an authorized gaming partner of the NBA. BetMGM.com for terms and conditions. Must be 19 years of age or older to wager. Ontario only. Please play responsibly.

If you have any questions or concerns about your gambling or someone close to you, please contact Connex Ontario at 1-866-531-2600 to speak to an advisor free of charge. Bet MGM operates pursuant to an operating agreement with iGaming Ontario. Get groceries delivered across the GTA the uh... okay uh... there you go yeah that was an old wives tale

so what i was gonna say is that we got stuck at, uh, at a light and there was a thing, but I was too scared to get out and touch it. Yeah, I would never my laziness is I respect the move though. I get it, but I'm just going my laziness of going. All right, this will turn in like, I don't know a minute. That's not worth me getting out of the car for getting to put it in park have to chase it down a road and you know, go the next thing, you know, your ghost riding ghost riding the whip have you ever done that what got out of the car when it's still in drive? Uh

No, I don't think so patty did it once on A snowy day on a hill at our old house We were playing out in the snow and she was going to work She backed the car out parked it in front of the house and like had to run in to get something fucking car rolled all The way down the street, and we just to run in to get something fucking car rolled all the way down The street and we just watched her run down the street like a maniac She's doing the gritty next to it do when he goes riding the whip got big that was all right then all those She was ahead of her time, what do you you know baddie? Do you think we had a dougie? Um, I, uh.

I got to I forgot I got to I got a loom update for you now that we're talking about shitty cars, so we did the episode in the Lumina before the park show. After that, went back, parked it, blah, blah, blah. And then over the holidays, I went to take her for a spin uh-oh couldn't get it out of park oh and i'm i'm yanking it i'm but i'm like doing the thing where i'm like you know like trying maybe maybe the gear like the wheels got to click into gears like something there's a guy in cleveland listening to this countless money on it it was fort wayne indiana sucker yeah i

don't know what to do now. I still it's still just stuck in part. Get it out. It's not registered. I can't find the title. Whoa. Things are bad over here. Jesus. Uh huh. It's got to be you got you're doing it wrong. What do you mean? I'm doing it wrong.

That was clear. I mean, I got the touch. I'll come down there and get it. What do you mean? I got the touch. Break most things. You you know I have a touch with that kind of stuff I can always get it get it open get it off get it out. I buddy I've been there with you every day for 12 years You've never been the guy I know anyone's turned to to fix anything. I know where the sweet spot is Okay, and the G spot

It's in your belly button. Mine is. Yeah, of course. I'll find a fruit loop in there or something. But yeah, with the getting out of press, I get it. That's a derp for sure. Dirtbag move, but I don't the I would never do it. The getting out of the car. Yeah, somebody making a left. Yeah, it's just not worth it to me. The the the the the squeeze isn't worth the worth the juice to me on that the feeling but I've ever started I mean, that's pure dirt bag the feeling of getting out of your car

on a street is so strange You know what I mean? Like yeah, I have to get out Do you ever get was ever so much traffic on the turnpike the way that he got out and everyone's looking down like a dirtbag No, we've definitely been in park before but never sure I remember one time we Chinese we tried that we did the Chinese fire drill at a that's when you get out of the car and run around it it was that a The train was college in the six train a train was coming what?

Yeah, like a train was a freight train was crossing the tracks, and we got out and did it then. I think Vinny's shoe fell off or something, and we were like, what? And then we started going, and his shoe was under the car. I remember it not ending well. Somebody was shoeless. Shoeless Joe Jackson.

Shoeless Vinny with the skinning. OK. Yeah, I never did a Chinese fire drill. OK. Okay, yeah, I never did a Chinese fire drill Okay It sounds like a good time sure you should do one now Switch seats real quick somebody at the crosswalk button All right, let's see here. This is your question. This is from smashing Blumkins great name. Oh wow this kid He's had a couple of them. I think

When I was a kid I got my forehead autographed by a Blues brother impersonator at a Reddies Redding Redding Phillies game Dude, that's a Blues brother Impersonated. Uh-huh. That's uh, I mean. Was it Jake or Elroy? That's the question. Who? Jake and Elroy Blues Jake was Jake and Elroy. I don't know who that is. Blues. Jake was John Belushi and Elroy was. Oh, was it Jake or Elroy?

Jake or Elroy. I thought you said, I see what you're saying. What one? I thought you were naming famed Blues brother impersonators. I was like, what? Tony Ragione? Yeah, I'm like, holy. I'm like, how deep do you go?

Man, that is trash. That's bad. I've never. Your forehead? Yeah, I mean, where were's bad. I've never. Your forehead. Yeah, I mean, where were your parents? You sucked a guy's dick too. Jesus Christ. Yeah, it was a family program.

I, that's, I mean, that's no, at no point at any event, at any age, at any level of my dirtbagginess, would my parents be like, get your forehead signed, or I knew I could come home with my forehead sign? It would be an issue. Get the whole team on there. Yeah, that's like, sign the paper sign, sign my arm maybe

look like the wall at the comedy story. Because my head's big, I didn't get it. It takes a minute. The brainwaves got far. Got to cover a lot of ground up there for me to get the job. That's a man. That's dirt. I mean, that's insane. That's craziness.

And I would assume he waited a couple of days to take a shower because he didn't want to waste it. Yeah, wait till he gets back to school. Show off the goods. You know what I mean? Did you ever do a Redding Phillies game? No, never did a Redding Phillies. Never been to a minor league baseball game.

Oh, Trenton Thunder was great. Never been. That was a good time. I know the Yankees. I do remember the first time I went, my buddy Matt's family took me. You want to go to the Trenton Thunder? I never heard of it. Mm hmm. And I was like, they're like, yeah, it's a baseball. And we went and it's like very small and fun. But I thought we were going to like a Phillies game that I see on television not this like who are these bums? Yeah, I'm like this looks like this looks like where we play baseball. I works at Foot Locker

At first I was like what the hell is this and they give me a cool little back make your own hot dog And I got an ice cream. I was like alright. I'm in dude. This is all everybody gets a bat Let's go get 2% on this team in dude this is all everybody gets a bat let's go. He had 2% on his team. No I've never been to a minor league baseball game. I know the the Brooklyn Cyclones is a fun time. They did have a minor league team in Wilkes-Barre. The Steel Pigs. No that was later that was Bethlehem. Yeah. Iron Pigs. Iron Pigs. Yeah. Steel Pigs. What? I was that was a doubt. I mean I had to you know, right? We're all materials sure. Um Copper pigs it was either the Yankees or the Phillies Redding Phillies Maybe maybe it was the is the Yankees in Wilkes-Barre, but I never went Let's set it up. I would love to do one Also, you know, you know, it's a lot of fun is spring training is a great time You go down to clear water for water to go to spring training my entire fucking life

We can make that happen. My uncle Mike used to do it. We got 500 bucks They'd go down there for a couple of weeks him and my aunt. Yeah, maybe like a week. They go down there for a week They do dinner. They'd relax Nice get a little color for the summer. We went like 60 of us deep. It was right before my grandfather, my grandfather, big Phil's guy, would listen to the game, would listen to all the games,

and he was getting to the age where he couldn't fly. Like it was, you know, I mean, he lived to like 96, I think, but this is probably. Really? Yeah, this is probably 15 years ago. Yeah, so he's probably 80, and they're like, you ain't got that many flights left. You know what I mean? So we loaded them up strapped them to No, we uh we got it. We all went down the whole family every like active family member went down

Okay, yes, right about 12 years ago went down and man. Can we go? Let's go the Sullivan's invaded Clearwater, Florida probably it's something a month or so I think it was about 12 years ago. Went down and uh man. Can we go? Let's go. The Sullivans invaded Clearwater, Florida. Probably it's something like a month or so. Starts up. Training. Yeah. Yeah. I probably March, right? It starts. I think

February. They get that. What do you got on spring? Traders and catchers at least. March sit. Yeah. Like March 4th. We could watch him play the Yankees. Really? I always wanted to do spring training as well. If I could go with the the team I feel like that would like really help me well. No you mean it just seems awesome It does it's not like football camp or like I know this probably isn't how it is

But it just seems like they're just warming up for like a month. You know they're just having to catch Yeah, I don't think that's probably pretty strenuous riding the bike. They're doing some drills They probably go again. You can do all that stuff in your apartment. Yeah, but not with Harper. Yeah, you just want to hang out with hot guys. Sure. Okay. Castellanos hang out with the boys, couple massages, go have a couple of steaks down there. You know what I mean? It's probably really nice. Have people come in and out a couple of days. They probably set you up with a condo down there little per diem It seems nice. What's the broads probably too bad?

All hanging around here trying to get their hands on one of them for the season starts sure you know what I mean You know you know get your sink your hooks into a new rookie or something. Maybe he's got a good year Get pregnant real quick. I know it works. You're just down there flirting with all the guys We do we go down for a game in March. You're just like you're in the outfield. Hey Harper I'll suck your dick. Hey Married man. What? He's a married man. So are you? That would be fun to do it

What about a fantasy camp? Can I do a fantasy baseball camp? Do they have that? Hey Chubbs your whole life is a fantasy camp. You eat nine sandwiches a day. You have three dinners What do you thought your whole life's a fantasy? I want to throw some smoke off the mound Hit somebody with a little chin music. It does seem nice though. That's a good thing. What? To be? I don't know. I'm not understand. To be a player at spring training. It's probably pretty fun. To be a guy worth $25 million. Forget about the money. I'm not. If I'm not trying. I'm on the team. I'm not like a guy trying to stay out of the minors.

I got a contract. I'm chilling. It's probably nice. I think it's- Sure, I don't know, yeah. I think they just ride the bike and throw the ball around a little bit. They're just, and swing two bats and do that shit. Okay. Do this shit with the bat.

I can get you the ultimate Phillies experience, January 22nd in Clearwater, Florida. What is it? Is it one day? I think it's like a week. Who am I rooming with? Join a lineup of Phillies legends like John Crook, Mickey Moriandee, Larry Boa.

Mickey Moriandee. Larry Boa. Chase Utley. Chase Utley? Chase Utley? Yeah. Who else? The team I listed.

Let me find some more. What's that include you? You gotta contact them. We have to contact them? What? Yeah. Philly Fantasy Camp, PH. I'm not. Let couple grand to not get a shower with one of these with Larry both. No Ricky Battalacca. No, the Phillies legends are on hand to coach you. Okay, take you through a little BP everything the glory days.

They'll share some stories. You love the glory days. I do. Oh, you get a scout you get to play general manager. That's pretty sweet Can I throw yeah, obviously? Can we fill whatever you film that that'd be all right Utley's gonna crank a homer off you right? You'd be down there turn telling everybody how it's done. Let me show you what you're talking to fucking talking to all-star

Why you let me hey you need a car story Call me. I'm the guy turn it turn it Look as stanza you are I want to be out on the field starting at 2600 2600 yeah, huh for night. I do owe you a wedding present. Ooh, I want you guys to come too, though You'd be insufferable down there. Why oh you're insufferable everywhere else. I've taken it rude down there. Why? Oh, you're insufferable everywhere else I've taken it. That's rude. That'd be fun. Yeah. I don't want to be a bunch of fucking losers though. What do you mean? It's not gonna be cool dudes paying to hang out with Larry Boa and Jay Sutley. It's gonna be a bunch of guys, you know, maybe they're my crew. Make-a-wish dudes. It's about to be a bunch of

guys who never haven't been out of the house in a while. It's gonna be a bunch of autistic guys wanting to be baseball players. No, it's probably older business guys that like, you know, that's how they blow off steam. What? No, older business guys are going out and going to washy washy's and stuff. No cool dude is going to Philly's fantasy camp, man. I hate to break it to you. It's gonna be a bunch of like Disney adults.

They're crazy to think cool dudes are doing that. That means I'll definitely start. Who's gonna go back, yeah, so is me, Mickey Morandini. No one wants to tell that. You're saying anything bad about Mickey Morandini. Shout out to the double M. But I'm just saying, nobody, I mean, I'm not saying there's not gonna be any cool dudes,

but it's not gonna be loaded with cool dudes. 2,600 bucks? That's not really pricing yourself out for a week of accommodations. Try to get Kruk on the pod. Get Kruk on the pod. See if he can hook it up. Oh, so you wanna get him on the pod

then ask for a free. I got one ball too, John. All right. Enough of that. You get your own authentic Phillies uniform. That's good, they're gonna charge you more. Whoa. Luke, get my checkbook. You're gonna come in in cleats,

you're gonna be sitting, you're gonna do every episode in cleats, bad batting helmet gloves That's not bad. Get me down there I'll get ready for it, too So I'm in spring training shape get just show up Why you just said it's just them on the bike with do it. You gotta be ready for that shit Off to drink every day before then to and hot dogs boys like to put away My tolerance of can't be down there bubblegum in it

You gotta come I gotta come in half cock. Yeah, sure throw some smoke probably sign me Fills to be what I'm sorry for what I think starting pitcher sounds about right Hey Suarez beat it. Uh huh. I would do a spring training if we can make it work with the schedule. Sure. It's a good time. You're down air, you're drinking big beers, it's sunny. Close to the game. It's a small game too, yeah.

Small, small, whatever they're called, stadiums or whatever. Small ballpark. a good time. I like it. We used it for like a Christmas card. There's a famous picture, Denise, my Aunt Kate and my Aunt Patty all drinking, you know. Like Schmidt. All drinking like a Mai Tai out of a Phillies helmet cup

or something like that and they're, they are in, it's three Kensington girls in their in their prime dude, just like you Take a picture Get the camera use my phone Jim for go see Jim for go see and Terry Mulholland. I got both their autograph That's who signed that ball. Oh, is that Terry Mulholland? That's not for go see yes, Jim. I believe it's Jim for go see Oh, really? Yeah, that's pretty sweet. He always told me with some's not Fregosi. Yeah, it's Jim. I believe it's Jim Fregosi. Oh, really? Yeah. Oh, that's pretty sweet. He always told me it was

some bozo. Fregosi was great. Okay. I mean, I don't think anybody's clamoring to get you. Put that in my safe. Yes, that's the ball you're throwing at. Guys, I brought my own. I mean, I would do it. I would do it just to watch you from afar. I wouldn't want to. Oh, you mean like do me the fantasy camp?

Yeah, I don't want to be down there with you because you're going to be talking about how like you're on the team. Like you because you would go in and this is how your brain works. You would genuinely think you're better than every other guy in the camp. I don't feel that way. I'm not sport. I'm not like that in sports. You're going to think they like me. Not they're going to like you better. I'm going to hustle. OK, I'm going to hustle. It's stuck in the shower. What are you talking about?

I'm going to hustle and I'm going to show a lot of determination. I talk on the field. I don't talk shit. I never say that about anybody. I always come in. I don't understand what you're talking about. I don't go down. Oh, I'm good. I'm better. I never I've never been like that in sports. I It's not always no, no, it's not sports It's more like you'll be like dude the way they looked at me

I could tell if I was 50 pounds lighter They might sign me it'd be a bunch of that's the case be a bunch of pipe dreams that you think I'm I'm they were They were talking about maybe I'll fly back with them and like all this stuff You really you really let your imagine. I'm gonna grab a ride with Crocky. Yeah, we're gonna take turns driving. He's driving back You're just in like a car. Oh there's something is Yeah, I'm afraid of planes. I Love John Crockett, it's the best Yeah, maybe you know we'll see how I produce see what the batting average is

Mm-hmm. They sign me they sign me. Well, what do you gotta? I mean, what you got a hustle off the first to be there to see you know, I think you play it first I'll DH you'll DH. Yeah, I'll DH and pitch little shortstop. You can turn a double real quick. Yuck! Your back goes. Man, I remember that summer we played

American Legion baseball. It's the first curve ball. I was like, mm-mm. Give me somebody to give me a bag of sunflower seeds. I'll be on the bench. I'm going to be a vibes guy. Hey, nobody, nobody, nobody. My dad always wanted me to be a baseball player.

Uh huh. I remember the first time they made me pitch as a catcher. I was a catcher. And I just remember being like, I just pictured you with the guy wearing a dress. I don't know why Showing my tits hey boys Recreation rule states everyone has to pitch at least once no with somebody was out tells and get up to somebody it was hurt And I was Not bad. I was fine to throw I was I was the catcher. Okay, I could catch a ball man

I pull it right into the strike zone. Why do we always put the fat kids back there cuz we're not fast But you look at modern-day Catchers, they're all in shape that real mooto. Yeah, they're professional ballplayers. They're not fat eight-year-olds sure A little squat down your ass sticking out your knees are killing you my one coach was bud He also he also coached my brother in soccer sold some sticky Shut up real name was Clark. Yeah, I have family friend neighborhood guy. We're out of you know around the neighborhood He was a ref to at the coach he is big into sports You know, it's funny I don't know if I told you my one cousin who knows me no

Yeah, he knows you he's at the park show. Oh, yes about me. Yeah, he likes you Fuck I told you the park. You know, this is what you do to me by the way He talked about me. They did to mention you He was earth was this topic of the conversation. He's been he's been down there for a while Obviously raising a family down there and as the he's been a coach for like The Recreation League when the kids were young. Now a lot of these kids are in high school get ready to go to college don't know. And some of

them have turned into like actual athletes. So he's like coach, you know. It's pretty cool. He's got a good name for himself down there. Yeah. respected in the community. Sure. I'm like you. Heathen what what you're busting up car you take a look at that for me I get it going I'm good with getting it out of okay all right I'm just saying I got the touch you could view it you listen you you could barely get in the passenger seat you're not gonna be able to get in with the steering I have to get in the car. You know what I'm

big on? You gotta press the brake. You don't hand. Say, no, that's what I do. That's what I do to start my car. No, you don't. Yeah, if I'm doing stuff around the car and I wanna get it warmed up, I go in, I push the brake, and I push the button. Let it get fired up. Start the engines. Get the heat going. And you wanna be in my fantasy camp? I'll get ready. OK. I'll hustle.

You're in a golf cart going to take in third. I'm paying for this. They're waving you in. You and the Philly Fanatic on a quad. Oh, fuck. I forgot about that. He's down there. He's got to be down there.

That might sell it for me. You know, I got a real soft spot for the fanatic a real soft spot Jump to my mom's car I probably told you a thousand. Yeah showed him 50 bucks To meet the fanatic was only 2,600 to do the player experience Six grand whoa that's 1,600 and meet the fanatic. I mean, I should go to a fucking car dealership opening. I thought I was signing my forehead. We were going to, I looked into getting them for the park show,

to like, either bring us up or something. That'd be fun, or get Swoop up there. You got goddamn Homecoming, you know what I mean? We gotta, you gotta... do some dirtbag stuff. We can't follow the Fnatic. Nah, he'd close out doing an arm material be up there bombing Bring back the fanatic

Everybody's booing us throwing hot dogs and shit Shit I love it say you say Chi it's Chi it's relatively is it the real guy or is it some bozo they sub it out There's a couple of them. There's like three. It's the real uniform He's not gonna be like no, there's like three or so now there's like three official shows up in a Barney costume with a Philly shirt What? 2600 to meet the fanatic swoop I can get you for 400. Yeah. Yeah Birds really can ESPN commercials. I'm hanging around I'm not gonna say any words. Be like an ESPN commercials. I'm hanging around. I'll say nothing. Uh alright. Yeah. Let's see. We're doing a god damn show. I know. You're the

one living in your fantasy world over here. It's also that would just say that was January 26. You got two weeks to get in shape here, big guy. I'll be ready. Waiting for the call. Okay.. Get some ice for my knees. That's all I need. Oh, that ice too. Plus, after practice. That's the good stuff.

They go sit in the ice bath. They do the jacuzzi. They probably get massages by the trainer. They get the Bengay rubbed on them. It's probably pretty sweet. Yeah, being a professional athlete, yeah, it's probably awesome. Plus, the Gatorade and the gum and all that stuff. You do get your own personalized locker.

Wow. Come on. Come on, what? I'm not paying for it. Why are you asking me? Why can't we all go? Why do you do this? Why can't we all go? You'm not going to Philly's fantasy camp because you can't cut it I can't cut it and I forgot I'm sitting next to the only 400 pound MLB star. I forgot guys. I Just need a fanatic to tie my shoe and I'll be right out there. I forgot about that. Let's slip on cleats Orthopedic cleats would you go with me? me of course it doesn't say anything about recovery though so I think we have to pay for that out of pocket what do you mean ice baths I don't have access to the training room I don't know that's that they can't be players only now I what the fuck what am I you never played baseball here in a hot tub with Larry by your plate grade wash and shit like that until kids threw curveballs Yeah, same as you later Fuck a moneymaker. Oh, I forgot to tell you so I got called up to pitch. Oh

man, I sailed the first one 15 feet like over the batter like hit the. Check out a pigeon. Hit the backstop like the top of the backstop rolled down. I was like, well, this is harder than it looks. I had just never I never even tried to like actually pitch in a press like in a game like you like play wiffle ball or whatever, you know what? That's frightening.

Oh, dude. It's just you and him and he had done the work. I had not. We were in you and him and he had done the work I had not We were in a staredown and he had me shook especially back then I'll never forget it We'd play like bad neighborhood kids like, you know, like if like, you know North end versus East end or whatever or whatever or like I remember being a bluebell playing the kids from Norristown They'd be fucking hanging on the fucking on the cages screaming at you and then beat you up after a boy fat Yeah, and then the coaches and ref didn't do they encouraged that shit back there. Yeah Goddamn Thunderdome fucking put the heat on you. I think I threw one or I think I maybe did one inning or like two or three

Batter they were like we got a yeah, you gotta pull this guy Get the kid in the wheelchair to come in. Start throwing some smoke. Yeah, I was bad at it. I was bad at it. It's just like, and I still have that thing with certain things where if I have to concentrate on doing the thing, I then just think about how I can mess it up. Does that make sense?

You know, it's like, all right, just right down there, right right down there right down, and then in my head I'm like oh, you don't have it. You don't have it Nice, but I roll it There's I got that I get the yips my first time up. I can check my block can't go to can't throw it at first All right, let's see this one's from Tommy two spoons Listen we're two I think clinical term is fat asses. You've ever put the chip crumbs at the bottom of the bag and pour them into dip and use that as a sandwich spread?

That blew my mind. Oh, a sandwich spread? See, you jumped the gun. Obviously, everybody's done that and you scooped that out. And eat it like cereal with a spoon. No No as a sandwich spread is the gentleman's move. That's pretty sweet little bit of cron sheet That's that blew my mind. Yeah, that's not bad. That's amazing I was big on putting tortilla chips in my peanut butter and jellies to Back in the day. I would do I would do pretzels get the crunch and the saltiness

Yeah, yeah, you know what else was good to putting a pickle in there. Thanks. Yeah, I would do tortilla chips and a pickle You know in a one take one piece of bread peanut butter jelly chips in a pickle throw it up crush it great with a glass of milk Screaming cold glass of milk. It's so good. Try it at home. You just got so fat and trashed screaming. Hey, go to my kid Show me your lips did something. I've never seen let me hit it. I'll give you the cake get a piece of bread crunchy peanut butter strawberry or grape jelly some crushed up tortilla chips or potato chips kettle cooked obviously and then a one You weren't banging kettle cooked back then a quarter of a dillill pickle. Fold that up and eat it like a hot dog. It's fantastic. You get everything with a screaming cold glass of milk.

Pickles and milk don't go. Sure they do. I knew you were gonna say that. I'm saying for the average person isn't doing pickles and milk. You have to give me that. I don't know why we're at odds this episode. But pickles and milk is not a combination

people do together. I disagree. Maybe the circles you roll in. While not a common pairing, eating pickles and drinking milk together is generally considered safe. Yes, safe! See what I'm saying?

See? You wrote that piece of shit. Genuinely considered move of an obese man Playing God over here All right, let's see here this one is This one patches a hula and $10 financier never have one read Are you garbage to always take a screenshot of the confirmation?

Even though they'll send me an email just in case they try to play me I know I'm not alone here, buddy. You are not not at all, baby I got a thousand pictures of that stuff. That's a dirtbag thing because you go. All right, I'm gonna pay this But you're gonna screw me somehow So I don't want you to screw me and I'm I need my case airtight if I have to go toe-to-toe Every time I screenshot that shit. I'm like yeah come get me motherfucker. Fuck you what I'll do is I got the screenshot right here, huh? Where is it even I cuz I don't I don't do much on my phone

But like I'll be on my desktop like it was always my health insurance. I got I got Pass like two or three years I not pay my health insurance and they buck me out of it and I have to re rethink and that's a month So there'd be months at a time. Mm-hmm I wasn't in have health insurance and I would always take I would have to do it online I would take the picture with my phone of the screen and be like I got you motherfuckers. Let me back in here Yeah, make me call my boy come see you on sixth Ave All right, that'll be no

the guy who shot the United Healthcare guy. Jesus. Which I do have to say the day that happened I got an email to pay my bill and I was like buddy you guys got to figure this out. It's last year's material. It's still in the news. Um, yeah, that's a real, that's like, that's like dirtbaggingness. Don't trust it. That's instilled in you of like, I don't trust computers, I don't trust, get a receipt! I don't trust whatever company or institu- it's usually with like bigger institutions. Like, I don't want, I could get lost in the mix here. Yeah. I don't want this, you know.

Some computer glitch. Yeah, well we don't have it. Well you should have it it because I got it. And boom, right up your ass. Your honor. I think it's kind of good. I know. Well, when I'm taking that picture, I go, I got you locked stock. You're standing at Congress just holding it up. I present flashes are all going on.

I present you a picture of my laptop screen. This is like my feet in the background. Home run of a question. Great question. Yeah. All right, let's see here. Tootie's ex-boyfriend, $10 dude. That's awesome. You've ever owned a War No. 1 big foam finger?

No. I had a... Oh, sorry. I had a Flyer's one. Wow. Loved it. No, I was a Phantom a oh sorry to cut. I've got a flyers one. Wow. Loved it. Oh, I Paul. I was a phantoms one. The minor league. They still banging. They were hot. They were fun.

They were fun games. The Philadelphia Phantom, because you could get tickets. They were like nine bucks, 10 bucks. We were big hockey kids growing up. And we yeah, we would go down to Phantoms game. Hmm. No. End ended in 2009 rest in peace always wanted one always wanted to foam finger that was something if if we I mean I could count on my one hand maybe get down on my one big foam finger

how many times we went to like live sporting events I'd never been to a football game until Tommy Pope took me a couple years ago to an Eagles Giants game. It was coming out of pandemic. Before that I had been to one preseason game and we stayed for like, I felt like a quarter and got out of there. Traffic! Gotta get out of here to beat traffic! I was with my boys. I don't really remember it too much. I might have been on acid. I'm not 100% sure. Maybe once or twice to the vet or two or three times at the vet. Mm-hmm. I remember one time.

For a Phillies game? Yeah, one time we went in the summer because my cousin had won, my cousin had won something for her softball league or something like that and she got to go on the field on the low I remember we had we were down the shore and we drove up from down the shore that it was eight million degrees and Like you know bacon my dad and my uncle they said and two uncles uncle John uncle Mike They sat in the bullpen and pretend like they had chew in the back And we walked it was that astroturf. They do got a bad case of turf toe burn your fucking face off It was so hot down there, but other than that we

Were really big on that stuff and never we'd get the Sunday with the helmet. That's it Yeah, we're getting a jersey. You weren't getting a glove. You weren't getting a hat You weren't getting a fucking foam finger No ours were free they would give them out to like the first you know whatever two thousand people to a phantoms game But nobody's really going to fit like sure it's not get a weight in line It was like the phantoms would draw maybe five thousand people and not everybody got one also if you went to an entrance and not Everybody was going through you're like yeah here take one. Maybe I'm wrong about this too. Maybe I'm trashing them Because I do remember getting like little bats,

the little bats. So we probably went to a few more. We were never big on getting this stuff. Like if there was a free something, like I remember that, but that's all over. I'll get you out of Sports Authority or Models. Half the price. I'm not paying stadium prices.

Which you didn't mind buying it for us, but if you're, and then that's how much of dirtbags we were. We'd run over to the, like the authentic memorabilia, like sport and go. One distract them, one steal the stuff. No, we would complain about the prices. I'd run over and be like, dad, they won 110 for an Eric Lindroth jersey, you believe that? They had only 69.99 at Modell's in the Chamonix Mall. Chamonix Mall and I remember we would go over and look at the

just to complain about we were a big price you believe that's what they're charging like that's what we were as a little kid. That's what I was screaming. Are you reading the newspaper too? God damn it. No, but it was like that was insulting. That's what you don't buy stuff there. They're screwing you. You know what I mean? It's always weird see supply and demand It's always weird seeing a little kid take on his parents mannerisms You know like my nephew does that I'll hear him say something. I'm like, that's your father. Yeah, you know what I mean?

It's funny My brother-in-law's a big price guy everything. He'll tell you. That's a cool hat. Where'd you get this? This hat? price guy. Everything will tell you, oh, that's a cool hat. Where'd you get this? This hat? 1799. You're like, is that a lot? Is that a little? I don't know what we're doing here. Originally marked down for 24.99. Like, all right, cool. I don't know what I'm supposed to do with this information.

It's really just making small talk. You know what I really always want it? One of the big foam cowboy hats. Shout out to Pat. Pat had one. I think he got it in New Orleans and flew home with it I'm not taking it off This is my headwear. I'm sorry. This is what I choose to wear as my head. Yeah always want it hat hat I'll get all fucked up. I'll put it on yeah home run. Yeah

That's good, okay, let's see here This is from Scotty B is a garbage to rent a zip car to take a nap during work hours. Whoa, that's Expensive I don't think so. I think outside of New York But then I guess you would have a car. So it's got to be like a major city find one Are they just all around the streets? I think it depends on the city But yeah, they're like part, you know There might be one like yeah across the street in a parking lot or whatever and like a dirt bag the streets. Are they just all around the streets? I think it depends on the city but yeah, they're like park, you know,

there might be one like, yeah, across the street in a parking lot or whatever like a dirt bag. I respect that. You need a little bit of shut eye. In Japan, they have little places where you can go and take a little pods. Well, it's rental

membership. So, it's $9 a month I think. And then, it's probably like a couple dollars an hour or whatever. So, it's not good. Yeah. Yeah. 15 bucks or whatever. Put the radio on, turn the heat on, get good sleep. Smooth it out. Yeah. Sleeping like this. Uh huh. I remember one time, me and my brother were waiting, we were working construction, we

were waiting on an inspector to come and we had worked overnight and he was coming in the morning, I suppose, and we slept in a supermarket parking lot on the boulevard and I mean it was so hot and we had the AC Cranberry in the Montego I was in my driver's side. He was in there. We had the seats all the way back and We had passed out and overslept. Do we we went to bed? We thought we were gonna sleep for like 15 minutes at like it was like 915 in the morning after working overnight Do we slept till like 2 15 in the afternoon? We woke up. What the hell? We slept till like 2 15 in the afternoon. We woke up what the

People looking at us and so we were out like proper out cold. Oh, you know the popo. I know yeah Yeah, sleeping in a car when you That's I mean, that's respect the move really rats That's class. It's trashy, but I've you know, that's you're doing chess not checking people in the off. Are you going? Yeah, you got you got to do it off premises You can't like you can't be doing it and your big client your big three three p.m. Meetings walking by you Hey, what's going on man? Give me a couple more. Give a chance on that paperwork Yeah, people shouldn't know that you're doing that Yeah, people shouldn't know that you're doing that. All right, this one's from all the toast.

$10 gum chewer. Is it garbage that I burned my mouth as a kid because I chewed a whole pack of Big Red at one time? I mean, that's made up. But there's no way. See if there's anything on that. Yeah, I did. Burned my whole lap. Yeah. Big Red. Couldn't eat for a week.

That's a very... that's's like dogs have wolf type thing Doesn't get hotter by the piece. I know you also know that probably spread around like Dylan burn his mouth out of school for you better be careful. I love big red Yes, a big red candy can burn your mouth particularly if you eat too many Why is concentration of cinnamon? What holy shit my bad I retract my statement you're a goddamn survivor. Oh No kidding But cinnamon isn't that spicy?

It creates a strong burning sensation on your tongue and mouth lining due to its cap acian content similar to a sign chili peppers It creates a strong burning sensation on your tongue and mouth lining due to its capsaicin content similar to chili peppers That kind of makes sense now I kind of cuz I've done two peas and it does nothing about it It's intensified and if I get just like numbs your mouth, you know what I mean? It's crazy Whoa toughest kid in the school right? My apology, sir. Let me carry your books to your next class That's crazy girls want to see my canker sore

I know one time I got one of those big jaw breakers and get a lick that for like, you know You get it for like a week or two and keep it in a plane like the ones that look like a tennis ball Yeah, they were big fourth fourth fifth grade they hit Yeah, they were big fourth fourth fifth grade they hit Joe pine around what you palm it? Yeah Still remember the outside of it to my fight. Do I had cuts on my tongue? Look, I was chewing razor blades. Everyone did a whole fifth grade. Oh, would you put it when you weren't eating a plastic bag? Not a ziplock a fold over to that thing had a bit of an odor to it.

That's so fucking disgusting. Yeah. Why didn't you break it up with a hammer? With a hammer? I mean. They used to have jaw breaker lollipops. It was cool to, it was whatever they got called, what are they, mega jaw breaker, there was a word for them. They were huge. Giant clover used to sell them at like where the clover sold snacks.

And they would be in like those clear candy jars and they would go big, big, big, small. This came in a box. Really? Mega bruiser. That was my girlfriend's name. Sweet girl. Took down a couple of mega bruisers a Couple of linebackers Keystone light'll do that. Yeah, not the Brian Erlacher and the rest of the girls Steel cage match one time. Uh-huh. Um Mega bruiser. No, I don't know. I don't think the way they would play. Yeah, I was big Oh, you had though. I can't believe your mom let you get away with that. This was prime

She's working a lot. Um, you know stand there licking a ball And my tongue was cracking I look at I look at you smoke meth like that my your lips would get all white and stuff from the sugar. Meanwhile, my eyes are bouncing around. That's a lot of sugar. And it would be the layers and you go all yours has this, mine has this. I go in blue, red, blue, you try to you licked it to get the cross section. See what's in there. Man. Rubber bands. This what's in there. Man, rubber bands.

This is really I started. I started looking at old pictures. My mom found a photo book. I started looking at old pictures and I'm porking up. I wasn't as fat as I remember as a kid kid, like as a young boy. Sure. It really, really turned on in seventh, eighth grade, like sixth. Mega bruiser. Transform.

But I remember being like, oh, whoa. Like there was like, I looked at all my school pictures and I got a little pudgy, baby fat, you know what I mean? Kind of a little baby fat. And then cut to, like my shoulders got big in seventh grade. Around the same time when the McChicken hit That and as I started bleaching my hair and I had this plaid shirt. I mean, I'll bring it in Is is that?

But before I was a cute little bugger running around Something I wish somebody would have grabbed me like, you know The rest of your life is gonna be significantly harder if you don't lock it up right now. Just lock it up. Yeah, whatever, dickhead. Go back to licking my tennis ball. You got any warheads? Your fly's down, buddy. Oh, man. But we gotta wrap it up, gang.

What a fun one. Yes. Uh, gang? We... Happy freakin' New Year! Happy New Year. We love you. We'll see you next week. Peace!