Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast - European Cowboy w/ Kippy & Foley

Episode Date: May 13, 2024

Are You Garbage is back with Kippy and Foley for a family episode to answer your garbage questions from Patreon. Its a fun one! Thanks for watching AYG Comedy Podcast. Love youse guys. Come to a live show! Through the Roof Tour Tickets: https://areyougarbage.com/ Follow Kevin: https://www.instagram.com/kevinryancomedy/ Follow Foley: https://www.instagram.com/hfoleycomedy/ Live Shows: https://areyougarbage.com/ PATREON: https://www.patreon.com/AreYouGarbage MERCH: https://areyougarbage.com/ Get 50% off your 1st box by going to https://factormeals.com/Garbage50 and use code GARBAGE50 Adam & Eve: https://www.adamandeve.com/ Promo Code: Garbage Ladder Life: https://www.LadderLife.com/GARBAGE Comedians H. Foley and Kevin Ryan are self proclaimed GARBAGE. Each week a new stand up comedian gets put to the test. Steal shampoo from hotels? Own a George Foreman Grill? Ever worn JNCO Jeans? Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Welcome to another exciting edition of R U Garbage, the show where you find out if your favorite comedians are classy individuals or absolute trash. Now here are your hosts, Kevin Ryan and H Foley. Hey everybody out there and welcome back to everybody's favorite podcast. This is R U Garbage. Isn't it? It's that little show we sit there with your favorite comedians and we find it out to be Hey everybody out there and welcome back to everybody's favorite podcast. This is R U garbage. Isn't it? It's that little show we sit there with your favorite comedians and we find it at the group to be classy.

Yeah. After just a big old piece of trash. Trash, trash, trash. I'm your host, H Foley, coming at you on a beautiful day. We're out back here with Tooties in a new edition. She just bought herself a race horse. Oh, baby. Gonna be staying in your room.

Start peeing sitting down. Don't walk behind that thing. My co-host is coming at you from across the table. This is a family episode. Just the boys, the bozos, and the homies. He's the CEO of RU Garbage. He is an international businessman and my best pal sometimes in the whole wide world. Give it up for KJ, Kevin James Ryan. Hey, what up gang? Sometimes I rub them the wrong way. Sometimes You're not my best friend in this in this room What's up, everybody? Thanks for tuning in as always please make sure you review subscribe on iTunes full video available on YouTube as you know Those numbers I turn around over 200,000 baby. What are we doing? Let's go and obviously my favorite website in the world www.patreon.com slash already garbage you go over there you get up to two three four five bajillion hours worth of content

Who can even keep track anymore? Ireland videos up and running Ireland videos up and running and are you garbage calm for all of your? Live show needs yes, sir And how about a nice shout out to our producer? Extraordinaire the magic man makes us all look good works the ones at Tuesday threes and the fours he crosses the T's and he dots The eyes he was born and bred in North Carolina but made his bones on the hard streets of Chicago. Now he lives out there. Beautiful Queens give it up for

T-bone McStuffins Toby McMullen everybody. What up boys? What's up pal? Give me some vinegar barbecue some tomatoes on my hot dog and I don't know late rent payment out here I guess. And a couple of bed bugs. It's all over the place. Remember T-boneone bedbugs? Sure. Let's not bring that up. Let's not even put that out in the universe.

All right, but that's neither here nor there. We got a goddamn family episode here with the boys. As you know, when you sign up for the old Patreon there, you get a question right on the air by Kevin James Ryan himself. Oh my god, that's me. Mr. Gene Jacket. Hey, this is a Gene Overcomb. Okay, is that what it's called?

I don't know. It's European if I'm being honest, I had a European K March. I had a run again. Shout out the Primark. Did you really? I said was that to get a discount you bought that in Germany. Yeah, huh? I feel about that. Why? You kind of can't once you know you can tell it's got European cowboy. Yeah Yeah, once you know you can tell and that's okay. I'm fine with that Wow, but uh Yeah buying clothes over there. I needed a I needed a I'm a bad packer. I think it's the American economy. I guess, huh? See how it is. I don't want the narrative you're spinning here. Okay, uh Yeah, I needed it.

If it was cold or nippy or something, I need a little over. I had to do the same thing last night. I had to go down to the Excel there because I had a couple of spots running around the city. I went out with just a T-shirt because it was a beautiful day. But that turns cold on you in the city quickly. It's that kind of it's that time of year where it's in and out, up and down. Nothing to look good.

Nothing look good that you were buying. Now I had to just get like a regular Columbia like I look like a football coach It's cozy it fits me perfect, but I tell you go over that clearance rack at DXL It's wonky a 2xL will fit but a 4x won't it's nuts. I feel like yeah I've I've never had a time when I've been in a further. I don't know what that is. It's for my movie Okay, I've never been a time when I've been in a further. I don't know what that is. It's from a movie, okay? I've never been a time where I've just been a size Now I can walk in and go oh, that's a large. Let me grab. I need a good large Sometimes I need a good XL. I can do that with giving but sneakers. I can do that it depends on the cuts though

Now I'm a 12 now, but I mean if for sure dip I mean now yeah, I guess on the ones you're buying for sure. Hocus, my brand. Here on out. I'll never wear another pair of sneakers again. There's no way that's the case. Oh yeah? Yeah, you're just, I know how you operate. You've never done one thing for more than six months.

What I don't understand- They blow for a long time. How many times you've been like, this is my new outfit, and then you wear it once and never replace it? That's all the time. How do you get the tops of the shoes? So dirt? I don't know. It's unbelievable It's unlike anything I've ever seen I go through them pretty I go through them like razors. It's wild Because I think I drag my feet when I walk so the top they would have to be upside down

No, you don't have that kind of you don't have that kind of ankle support upside down. You don't have that kind of you don't have that kind of ankle support. You're not baller right? Not black swan in this thing. My tips are always dirty and my tips are my side because I do that. I turn you you you Indian style you you know you do crisscross applesauce when you're sitting in a chair. I do. I let your knees get a little fucking little stretch on. Loosen up the ligaments. Yeah. Keep the MCL from snapping on me. Yeah. Yeah. All right. I'm gross. What? No, it's breaking news.

No, no, no, no, no, no. I was saying you're impressive. I got dirty shoes. Yeah, but you always go for white shoes, which I never understand like for being that's what the kids wear. Yeah, but then yours look real bad real quick. I like the dirty ones. I think they're coming back.

They kind of are you. I mean, you're not wrong. This is the one time when you're lying to just because it's a thing you do what I like mustard stains on my shirt I think it's cool. Everything's coming up, but I will get dirty underwear to I hear all the kids are doing Real dirty underwear. I can't reuse dirty underwear because the yours probably are bad Yours probably look like paper towel after barbecue night. They do. They're not like I don't get like streaks or anything like that, but they they like fold over and they get like Stuck. It looks like they were starched. It looks like modern art to be honest with you

I've only got box of reefs left and I feel like Hannibal Lecter tied up to that chair, man Oh, you just do boxers. Oh, yeah, that's crazy. chair was he tied up to when he was on that rollie thing? Yeah, you don't like him No, you got that big old thing in there trying to bust out Caught a peek at that thing on a tour bus almost threw up They're gonna have to put that thing under hell out of here. That's things got to go down below under. The hell out of here. That thing's got to go down below. Start straight taping you down at night. If you join the Patreon we will answer your garbage question on the air. That being said, we got a couple of two tree humdingers this week. Nice. This one's from H.E. Pennypacker, Deep Cut. Love it. I might start a roller coaster. Sure. A diamond mine. Uh-huh. A $10 homey never had one red. You've ever seen anyone put beef jerky on a hoagie?

That's That's got to be a tough chew man. How that can't work that can't work. I don't like a tough chew anymore Sure, I really love beef jerky. I was never a big jerky man. Jack links has the like they're like Yeah, they're all right. That'll give you Right. Yeah, they're all right. That'll give you that's all right. Yeah, just doesn't any time it if you know what it feels like, it feels like it's tenderized through chemicals. Yeah. You can feel the artificialness of you're like, oh, this they didn't just do this and then chop off the ends or they soak this in battery.

Some type of acid. Yeah. Tenderize it. Yeah, that's I mean, that's crazy. I don't even like the flavor of that. You don't like a smokey hoagie. Me get smokey hoagie. That's crazy. Smokey hoagie. Six foot hoagie in a loose Newport. Well, you got to figure if you buy you got to have you got to

have good incisors to crack that in it. Yeah, that's that's a snap on that now Can I throw something out there? That's probably gonna be an unpopular opinion. I have I drink my I drink my hoagies through a Twizzler Sometimes I have seen and wouldn't mind trying is You get some toast some type of white bread You get some American cheese and then you take what I like to call a slim Jim and you cut them up and you Put them in a pane a little bit a slim Jim sandwich. Have you heard it? I'm sorry start this over again Yeah, I got confused. What is a picture of grilled cheese with slim Jim's in it

Are you doing that or you wouldn't be opposed to that? I was a slim Jim That's a fat fully Fat fuck I've seen it I've never done it but that I could see over the beef jerky because the Slim Jim has a nice Bite to it, but it's perfect. It's almost like I can also get through it. It's meant to bite and get through I've seen that dude vulgar chef use Slim Jim's almost like chives on top of stuff, which is fun. That's all right That would be all right on a dusting type thing. I'm like a baked potato. Oh, yeah. Yeah, yeah, basically panchetta Right, I would get the horse face. Yeah get the ingredients of a horse face

I mean basically panchetta is a jump. I'm sure but I understand what you're saying It's a good cucumber. It's in the same the same world yeah see if you can pull up the ingredients of a slim oh no no no don't do that don't do that do it don't do that if you want to get a recipe for a slim Jim sandwich but there's no new come on you're digging a bullshit here and growing up it was always said that it was cow lips yeah get in on that let's see Let's see. Beef, pork, mechanically separated chicken, water, textured soy flour. Everything's mechanically separated now.

They don't even need to say that. Corn syrup, salt, 2% of natural flavors, less than 2% of natural flavors. That's the good stuff. Dextrose, paprika, no shit. There you go, that's a natural flavor. I love dextrose. And extractives of paprika.

That sounds like they use a lot of that and not a lot of the actual paprika. Hydrolyzed soy protein, which is what Foley's shoes are made out of. Why do they have to put all this shit in there? Because you should know what you're eating. Lactic acid starter culture. No, I'm saying why do they have to put all these ingredients in there? There's got to be a way to make it without all that shit Why do they put all those chemicals in stuff? Preservatives, I think you make it but it can't sit at a gas station for nine months

Fucking get carted around the country. Hey, my cousin said it again Yeah, I mean I think it's a lot of it's the process of it of like I think about how long it would take how long it Takes to actually make like dehydrated beef jerky Weeks, I don't know but then That's also like off like slabs of meat I assume you know what I mean This is just like get the fucking this is like ground beef with pet Paprika extract apparently and startup culture. What's that all about? Well, a bunch of dudes at standing desks and a WeWorks. WeWorks.

All right. I'm extending the beef jerky on a, on a hokey. But in that same sense of in the if you have a crumble, if you're able to like crumble it and you can get bites and tastes, I'd be OK. I mean, I'd live in a world with it. I have something I'm listening a beef jerky LT a B J LT that I could say it's got to be a specific I'll give you that it's got to be a specific kind of a Jerky that whole hunk of jerky slide. It's got to be a thin That whole hunk of jerky slide. It's gotta be a thin You're like chipped jerky, but I bet you if you if you take beef jerky and do it in a pan It probably rehydrates a little bit. You can probably get through it that might not be that bad with a little bit of mayo

I could hey. Hey, I like what you're putting down a big fella. We weren't talking about the BLT on the air We were just talking about that in the casual situations. Weren't we I believe so when. On air isn't much different than on air, folks. Ha ha ha. Just mostly sandwich talk. But how the BLT is the perfect sandwich. It's the greatest. It's refreshing, nice. Yeah.

It's like a warm hug. And it was the one sandwich that your mom would make right when she got back from the grocery. She would make a lot, but that was the one that really hit. I remember like the first time we started having BLTs. It would always be on the Saturday. She went to the grocery store. She would come home.

Fresh lettuce, fresh tomatoes, fresh, a fresh thing. Easy to do. Just throw the bacon on fresh thing. A Hellman's. My mom would get back from the grocery store and make a Manhattan right away. Hit me twice. But you didn't get the BLTs until you were about 10 11 12 That's when they started showing up. You weren't giving a little kid a BLT

I was offered one as a very little kid at my friend Matt's house I was at the time and still I was I was very anti tomato and lettuce So she gave me just bacon in between two pieces of white bread that were buttered. Dude, I remember the I remember the first bite and I went, why have I never had this ever again? Like why? I was somebody called the news. Dude, I was fucking I'm sure standing in their kitchen. She's like, oh, here's yours.

I know you don't like lettuce or tomato. I was probably seven. And maybe give a little pat on the ass. I did a baby Oh, it's just a pocket a buttery pocket of a door And that's my face in that dragon ever since that's my biggest gripe with the bacon egg and cheese You got a butter the bread or the toast or the bagel a lot of times they don't do that and it's dry That's why I always go mayo hot sauce.

You're not you're not doing mayo hot sauce on a bacon, egg and cheese. Nice tang, little bit of heat. That's very the way to go. The guys I used to work in the kitchens with used to love that. They would do breakfast sandwiches and they would always put mayo on them. Yeah, because mustard overpowers ketchup. No good mustard on a breakfast same

That's what I'm saying. It's no good that Not your reasoning no one's ever doing mustard on a brain. I've never heard that well Toby's been cloned you've done that It's called experimenting with drugs I'll give you that that's not eggs. Yeah, but mustard on eggs does work because you put a little diesel in your egg salad That's I don't think mustard should be out at breakfast. I think will you give me that I agree. I agree. Thank you That's it's honey mustard. No to get chicken tenders Alright now now you're making sense. Well if you get those hash browns that Burger King makes which are phenomenal Well, if you get those hash browns that Burger King makes which are phenomenal

You can get there's the sauce they have for the stuff and dip it in that's a lunch sauce though everybody that I mean That's a lunch sauce I'll agree Thanks Burger King also does burgers at breakfast till you get a Whopper jr. So I've read Certain publications sure can't but say about factor certain publications sure okay let's talk about factor shout out to factor dang it's time to get out of the kitchen and into the sunshine baby spring is here do yourself a favor we're talking about America's number one ready to eat meal kit

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Benny five dollar bozo never had one ready buddy is it trashy to buy a case of sodas at the store where it's cheaper and leave them in your car, then every day when you get to work, you take a warm soda from your car and switch it with a cold one in the cafeteria. That's brilliant. There's no, there is no, that's a victimless crime. That's just temperature swaps. That's temp, you can't charge me for temperature. Hey, my temperature is free bro. But what they say, what about the soda? You say, oh, it's mine. Hey, my temperature is free, bro. What they say what about the soda you say? Oh, it's mine. It's probably like yeah, I go I brought it in or this one's warm

That's all I would say now. They have the cold one in their hand I'm assuming whatever the however the checkout practice works This is not an issue unless this guy unless every day He knows he brings a diet root beer and then he just unless they got an eagle I work in that cash register and he's in there like Indiana Jones And then he just unless they got an eagle eye work in that cash register, and he's in there like Indiana Jones Fat lunch lady comes rolling out. I want to try to find a hole in this it's a victimless crime, but I can't You got to put it in the back. Don't be a dick and then somebody else gets that warm trunks Well, no cuz somebody would grab it and then go oh, let me see and then there that that's the victim The guy who comes in behind he goes. Ah, this one's warm. Never mind. All good

That's the only you got to put in the back. But sometimes you if it's a small you can't get in the back You got to put it in there. That's all yeah, you're all you're just responsible for not stealing That's a it's pretty good. Everybody should if you have the opportunity that is a good scan What's the SOTY caution these days probably in a cafeteria two bucks a can yeah, maybe even 350 you think I bought one from a fucking When we did the fucking bonfire or whatever two weeks ago or whatever that was I bought a DC off the hot dog vendor Uh-huh four bucks really four bucks hair or a bottle bottle okay four bucks for a DC That's what they're banging you out for in fucking Midtown Manhattan. That's crazy. All right, so I'll give you let's say 250 Sure at a cafeteria if you have a soda day 250 times five days a week

What can you get out what a 12 pack of soda cost you're probably getting a soda for well probably five bucks Let's do a what what what region of the country would you think would be the most because it's gonna be more pricey in New York than say the middle of the Midwest. All right, Illinois. Okay. Probably 499 699. It's gotta be in there somewhere. What a single soda?

No for a 12 pack. $5? No, it's more than that 899 nine dollars Not in Chicago. Not in the Midwest With a soda trees out there 999. Thank you. So it's almost a buck a beer It's almost a buck a well All right, I know it's almost a buck a soda. Hopefully smell that cup. Yeah, you're gonna be you're gonna be doing that with Jameson flavored tea You're gonna be doing that with PBRs in a place. Something gonna be half open. Hey, this one was more and oh, that's pretty good

Somebody already drank this Okay, so probably two bucks so you're saving 12 bucks a week or more than 12 bucks a week that adds up But you afford it could be up to that's called 15 bucks a week, or more than 12 bucks a week. That adds up. But it could be up to, let's call it 15 bucks a week. That ain't bad. Pretty good. I respect that. That's us.

You can start doing that with anything, really. I remember eating my lunch during, going and getting lunch at a day job and being like, I'm spending an hour and a half of my life on this sandwich right now. Oh, dude, I would spend three hours of time, of pay at a pizza place. Oh, I never looked at it like that. That's all I would spend three hours of time of pay at a pizza place. Oh I never looked at it like that. That's all I would think about Wow I never thought about that how many hours you'd have to work to pay for that one

Yeah, that sucks So I would go to Jimmy John's get a day old bread bag of chips mayo Mustard make a sandwich for two dollars and fifty cents or three dollars They would sell you the turn it back to Return it back to Jimmy John's, say, I found the hair in this. Well, after about a month, the guy told me I couldn't do it anymore. The bread? Yeah.

It's a liability. You go, can I have some day-old? They sell those. Oh, they sell day-olds? Yeah, it's part of the Jimmy John's brand. Wait, mayo, mustard. And then chips, salt and vinegar chips. Why wouldn't they do it anymore?

Because I was paying with a credit card. So with the, like, the fee the like- That wasn't mine? The fee that they were paying was like they were losing money on it. Sure. Wow. I've had a chip sandwich before, it's not bad. It's not great. Just condiments.

Sure. Makes you real sleepy. Yeah, it does. Yeah, you want to go night night. But a hoagie roll, a hero roll, that's a meal in itself. You put anything in there. Uh huh. Except for beef jerky. Unless it's just beef jerky then I'll allow it. You got a beef jerky sandwich

I got no I think you got to rehydrate it though So you don't you don't yank it out in one bite. I think if you hold if you got the hoagie and you hold it Get a good grip on the hoagie. All right, you can fucking Snap that off of the mouth if you want me All right, now you know you're making a hoagie Salami bacon and mayo is one of the most underrated food It's just so good. It's just too much Alright

All right, let's see here All right, let's see here The ten dollar homies is from mark sub is a garbage if the fake turf on your lawn still has the markings from a high school football field so I assumed the high school football field was selling it or getting rid of it and you bought it and Then you got like the eight yard line in your fucking front yard That's crazy. Just says bull on it for the Bulldogs. That's uh that seems nuts. You got a spray you gotta then I Don't know You roll with it

That's a little char better not be in the front yard the backyard. I'll give backyards. He's got Astro turf in their front yard They have a who's got a high school football team Astro turf that I could see what? Haven't that's probably on his patio or something. No that sounds like yardage, dude He said you gotta have a lot of if you're getting the writing from a football field. That's not a patio man. I Wouldn't want to have a turf backyard. I Have dirt I think in certain climates it makes it dirt. You don't want there. That's dirty Can't be you can't step outside turf sir. I'm gonna vacuum it I understand, but you can't vacuum dirt Toby you're just just more dirt under that

Like if you have a dirt backyard, you're just tracking mud is give me hell back with the shop back Oh, I told you it never ends part of me thinks I would get it though I put my mind to it. Hit the molten core of the earth. Starts sucking up lava. Huh. Yeah, that's trashy, man. That's crazy.

I do respect that. You know, you see them a lot on Airbnbs, the backyards that have the, you know, I think it's like a low maintenance thing, especially in like the Southwest. We stayed at a place that was like, it makes sense. It never looks as good in person. It gets way worse, you see the seams, the rain, everything. You gotta stay on top of that. Plus you can start getting a flag football game going,

you start tearing ACLs left and right. True, how hemmed up is the school district that they're selling off the old field? I think that's like a market. That's a that's a that's like a market. That's like a sense, because that's just expensive. Where was it that? I think it was in that Rexam documentary with Ryan Reynolds and what's his name, Rob McElhaney. It might have been that or another another one.

We are Sunderland. Do they play soccer on AstroTurf? Yeah, I guess it was like the practice field or something and somebody bought the turt like they I was watching something where somebody Was like it was like a like hey, this is 50 grand. I was like oh, we'll buy it I think that shit's like hmm. There's in there's a secondary market for people, but soccer is like FIFA They don't play on now. I might spend a practice feel or something. You know it's got to be grass I don't know if it's guy would assume. It's grass. I don't know if it's got AstroTurf I feel like you just rip yours. Yeah, I don't know if it's God would assume it's grass. I don't know if it's got a sureter. I feel like you'd rip your.

Yeah, I don't know. You'd burn the shit out of your legs, slide on it. So isn't a lot of it like if you're a school, you need to raise money to replace the turf. It seems like a reasonable way to do it. Sell the turf. Yeah. Like, hey, this or like college is doing like, hey, this practice feels like till high school.

We used to do the trashiest fundraiser of all time in Lincoln, North Carolina They would do a thing called cow patty bingo where they would grid off the football field You would buy squares like a 50-50 or a chicken chip chicken shit bingo. This is a larger scale Oh, yeah, no way. Oh, yeah, and wait for the cow patty They put the cow would shit that would be the box. That's the winner. That's the winner. You'd for the cow patty. Wherever the cow would shit, that would be the box. That's the winner. That's the winner. You'd put a cow out there. Yeah. And you would do this with chickens?

No, I just know they do that. Like in the Midwest or the South, it's called chicken shit bingo. The same thing, they put a chicken on a pen like this big, it's all marked off and wherever he shits, that's the, you know, hey, I got a B4 or whatever. And you've seen this. Yes. Where would they get the cows date in the cow what we were in Lincoln to North Carolina? It was all cows just bring a cow Yeah, what if it what if the cow? We didn't wasn't would they probably feed the cow like are you worried about cows not shitting yeah Buddy we ever been worried about you not shitting these cows are gonna

Talk about a guy who's how you I love how you hear this story. You're like, what if the cow ain't gotta go to the bathroom? I don't know. It's gonna take a while. I don't think so. I also think you can just feed it. Hey, city slicker, welcome to the country life. Man, that's fucking garbage. Yeah, bro. Did you know they used to...

Wow, I don't know. This... They used to make a cow swallow a magnet. Do you know that? Oh? Because they would eat my man. This was my biggest claim to fame as like a seven-year-old I had one of those magnets my stepdad carried it with them. It was a That this point now. I'm thinking back. It looks like a butt plug. It was like a little cylinder I imagine like a lipstick type that you know like a lipstick and it was metal See if you can find it a cow magnet

And they make them swallow it unless this was all this is all lied to me they come swallow cuz they'll just be in the thing we like a piece of the fence or like a Screw or something mm-hmm, and then it collects all it's supposed to collect all the metal That's what I was doing. They would poop it out. I don't know are they no way. I killed them. They got it I Don't know it's real dude. I told you why would they go through all the trouble to do that because it ruins the meat I think like if it's trying to protect to protect cows from harmful ferrous materials that may inadvertently ingest while grazing yeah No, we should say they're helping we should get one for you get all those pennies out of you those license plates No, it saves their lot because if they like eat a piece of fence

or something, then they poop it out. They poop it out, would cut their fucking intestines and they would bleed out. Probably. So this just sits in their stomach and collects all the metal. Oh, OK, so they don't. It's it's put in to not ever be taken out. Yeah, I think I got it. And they get the fucking no country for old men dark to the head that's when they take Anton Shigur yeah yeah I had one of that man and has a fucking seven-year-old I thought I was the

coolest kid in the world I ruined the I was gonna say I bet you destroyed some tapes some CDs a TV something come on ours are live library, our elementary school library's only computer. You did? I put it on the screen. I didn't know. I was like, let's see if this sticks. And it went like the colors twisted. I'ves for you guys. Mrs. Williams, who did, and that was the first real big lie where this other kid, Timmy, something, he was a bad kid. I made eye contact with him. I was like, fuck it, we take this to our fucking deathbed. And he did. We're like, I don't know.

At that point, you could just say, who knows what computers, technology. Bed, you versus technology from day one, huh? Never been good. Never been good. That's crazy. I remember the magnets with the with the metal shavings, and you would do that.

Put the mustache on a guy. You know, put a little on top for me. All right. But my stepdad would carry one till the day he died. It was he had a lot of stuff in his pockets. He was like a real fixer tinker. So like he would pull it out and there would just be like screws and a power and what just all of this stuff he carried. And so it was a pretty genius.

You pull it out and you're like, oh, here's my whatever. And it was that strong. Oh, it's I mean, you got to think it's going to do with it. He's got to live in a cow's gulp fucking stomach. Would you get it? I guess he knew a butcher Don't know get a good look at a fucking cow magnet by sticking on my my head on my stepdad's ass, but it's crazy Take Toby's word for it. Yeah

He was ahead of his time. He was one of those everyday carry dudes What's that you know those guys who are like they do videos like my everyday carry? I got my my my knife my phone my keys. Yeah leathermen were big for a while except He's over there with fucking camel buttons or whatever It's all like washers and screws and you know It was all just shit, but he was the kind of guy if you ever needed to go oh He's got that you know I need this or I need to fix this He had it on him to do hmm Then he also I don't know if you guys ever saw because it wasn't a lot of stuff at this well stuff at the house

In the garage guess he kept it all to shop or his pockets. Yeah On his back pocket no he would come home and empty out his pockets. It was a scene. Yeah Yeah, I mean it was like it was a lot of stuff. Oh easy with that. That's my good chart of glass. Yeah We were someone that He also then get see if you can find it. They were advertising it on Fox News a bunch It was that jacket they could fit like everything in yeah Tactical dude he would carry his his knockoff iPad like in his like you like in the sleeve It's like I was like a fishing vest almost.

Oh, yeah. It was like a but it was like it looked like a fleece. And he had every trinket on him, you every tablet, everything you can imagine. Like a best buy. Yeah, he was in it like charged it was had to be horrible for you. It's like there's like Bluetooth in the clothes. I was like, dude, this has been a food heavy one. This is from Dylan. Have you ever teeth raked the cheese off a fast food wrapper?

I can't say teeth wise. Oh, yes. I've definitely peeled. That McDonald's cheese sticks there. I know. Yeah, you got to get that. But I'm a tender man or a nugget man while I'm there, so I'm not really getting the burger.

I don't like a McDonald's burger. I've certainly done it to the ups to Tasty cake cupcakes. Oh, that's you have to yeah crumpets Crip bits man, but sometimes you would take them though all the whole icing would be on the fucking wrapper You mean the worst thing that could ever happen anybody who's fucking freak out city that happened to me for a while that's why Patty started freezing them because for some reason for the folks that don't know tasty cake is a Bakery company in Philly they make something called the crimp its what it's not like a big I could it's not a bakery is like you go to it. It's like they're in a second. Yeah

It's like an end. It's like imagine like a regional Entenmann's but the crimp its are big and they're just like little sponge cakes with Yeah, but if they were warm and you took them out of the package the icing would just all come off And then you're just you're eating fucking bread. I use that the other way I Would take if it the icing did come off. I would just eat the icing and go well I need a fair shake at this and then get a new one So I doubled up on the end. I was real careful about that. Oh man It was like the fuse in a bomb. Fucking gun to your head.

But if that can't do it, if that came off and you were in lunch and you had no money or nothing like that. Oh, I never took him to lunch. Oh, they were always. They would get smashed and like the my line. I don't know what I was doing with my bag, but I guess I was going to school like Jim Carrey in the beginning of Ace Ventura with the box

and he's like fucking throwing And get through by the time I I could have for period first lunch I pulled that bag out the sandwich was wrapped around a coke the fucking Crimpets were looks like I jumped on it everything was smashed the crackers were everything was ruined I feel like almost everything in my bag was frozen that she would let thought there in the jury you a brown bag guy or no brown bag Yeah, what did I have like a lunch bag? Yeah, I mean when I was a kid Yeah, I like I mean I was still back in the day when you were banging the lunchboxes But like the 18 one in the thermos that basically had glass in it if that thing shattered

Thermoses used to have this thin it was like it was like It was like remember like mirror and I remember that they shattered one time and a kid fucking got glass in his mouth and was a whole big thing Everybody freaked out. I continued with my lunch I'll be okay. He's not finishing that crimp and let me yeah, they used to be they to be like, glass is the only thing I can say what it was like. It would shatter. That was the old...

We were never, thermoses by that time were fucking old news. To go back to the question, I don't know what dish it would require, but a cheese rake sounds like an implement I would like to be using. Sure. Got my cheese rake? Yeah, raked up some of that cheese. You got one, you came built with one. There's a pretty good commercial. I don't know what it is, but it's the guy with the cheese grater

and he says, tell me when. Oh, yeah, it's great. I feel that same pressure where I feel like I'm stealing their cheese. You know, like I feel like it's his cheese personally. They should just give it to you. I think it's because he's doing a service for me and I'm uncomfortable with that where I'm like, hey, all right, that's good, you know, whatever. But just give me, I went to a, there's a, there's an Italian joint in my neighborhood.

Me and a bird went to not too long ago. They give it to you. It's not the, I gotta assume it's fresh or what a fresher, but it's in the bowl with a little fucking spoon. You go, this is great. Let me, let me do this. So then I can eat it because it's all on the top and I eat it and I get to the bottom of the puzzle.

I want to hit it again. When I was a kid kid my mom got the rotating cheese grater for the house And that was the pasta night Mountain of cheese crush your weed up in there, too. You know what I learned too very recently that You're not supposed to hold the cheese grater What like the actual like cowbell looking cheese grater you set it down? Yeah, I didn't know that. Piles up in the middle. Oh yeah, dumbass. Piles up inside. Yeah, I know that now. You're supposed to put it on a plate. When the fuck have I ever used one? I was eating fucking Kraft macaroni and cheese my whole life. Wow. So I would, I was like holding it over, and yeah, I don't care, that's how you scrape a knuckle in my book. That'll get you. Oh, yeah. You're the peroxide.

I saw my wife do it. I don't read like a recent hit. The show was happening when this happened and I was like, what the? I was like, he's got a mound of cheese in the middle. God damn. Kip, I tell you about ladder. Shout out the ladder. Hey, listen, kicking the bucket is easy to do,

but making sure that your family's taken care of. That's not so easy. No. But now it is what ladder ladder get yourself some term life insurance no doctors no needles when you sign up and when you pre-qualify they'll straighten you out and make sure don't leave the fam holding the bag dude they're doing no paperwork for up to three million a lot of scratch fantastic you answer a few questions about your health it only takes two three minutes you'll be all set that's something you gotta do.

I know everybody who's listening to this is screwed over a family member at some point. Sure. A dad, an uncle, a sister, a cousin. Maybe you screwed your cousin, I don't know. Either way, have them straightened out right now. The older you get- Cut off the hell with a peace of mind.

Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha. Burn for eternity. But no, your parents are okay. The older you get, the more life insurance is going to cost you. You might as well take care of it now and never have to worry about it again. So go to ladder life dot com slash garbage today to see if you're instantly approved. That's ladder LADD er life dot com slash garbage ladder life dot com slash garbage. Do it. Do it. Do you remember the first time at a restaurant they hit you with fresh cracked pepper?

My wife is a big that was FCP. That's gone downhill in popularity a lot in the 2000s. That was huge. And everybody. Yes, I'll have some pepper. I know. I had your pepper. Man, those things. I worked in a lot of restaurants. Those things went quick.

They would break. Well, now they're just in like the little Even the tops have them sure, you know, yeah, but that long wooden one fresh cracked pepper You really felt like you were dining. Oh, you felt you felt like a king Oh, they were bringing over the Eiffel Tower to spice up your dish I like you look around to see you like and I contacted the table next to you a big shot Got the fresh cracked pepper fresh cracked pepper, please yeah I'm here's people do that everything soup salad soups is nice though

I also wife introduced that to me a nice soup And then you fucking you season the top never knew that we weren't I was never a fresh soup guy I was a box. I was a Lipton box chicken noodle. You know what I mean? I'm also new to the fact of hitting the soup with a little bit of olive oil. Oh on top. Yeah God, I'm hungry That's that's why that's a food heavy episode Alright, let's see here This one this is this is basically this is from skid mark Clark great name

Are you garbage if you plug your nose when you're jumping into water I mean, you're not garbage. I just you're not a hero. I don't like those guys. I don't like those guys So it seems like you're with it seems Like you're super nervous for a thing that's super normal Which makes me not have any faith in you that makes me feel like if shit goes down. I cannot go Yeah, I mean even if the end, the littlest thing you can't deal jumping into a pool. You grow out of that though. I don't think I ever did it. I was a

water. No, no, I never did it either. But nobody does that as an adult. How about the guys who rock the nose clip? It's like, oh, you want me to give you a wedgie in public? What, guys, what do you what do you want for me, pal? I haven't seen one of those. Hey, buddy, where's the rest of your spectacles? What the fuck? Man, those kids. Oh, fuck that.

That one ain't my sandwich. I can't. Hey, my cribets are gone. That's got to be like a deviated septum thing or something like that, because I can't My crib it's a god um That's gotta be like a deviated septum thing or something like that cuz I can go underwater roll around and nothing ever gets in there No, no, I've been pretty severely deviated septum, and it's I would think keeps water out You got a narrower passage get water in my I get water in my nose Alright good hanging out. Yeah fuck out of here. He's up a town down. I'm out of here, dude That and I never had a bad water in the ear pray just fucking

Shake it out. I never used to get that bad me, too bad What when you can't get that shit out it drives you insane? Were you an ear infection kid big time? I bet you have the tubes in your ears what I never understood that my robot Do you know that you never heard that I that was big in the early 90s somebody my go underwater I got tubes in my and I never They grow out of tubes. Yeah, they grow out of them get eyes on that I never I never understood what it was like plastic tubes, what to keep it open. They're little tubes for babies. And they have little things. No, but not babies like

kids would have like we make 10. 10 I don't know they had two kids had tubes in their ears. ear tubes also called Meringatomy tubes or temp. This is entrapment are very small tubes that are surgically placed in your child's eardrum by a pediatric ear, nose and throat doctor To help treat ear infections. The purpose of the tube is to provide ventilation to the middle ear and prevent fluid buildup Okay. Yeah, eventually you grow out of that though Yeah, I'm a little guy if you were 33 and couldn't go on their water

You're you ain't getting laid, but I got bad bad ear infections. I would get styes all the time. I Always told us I had to get my adenoids taken out because I was snoring as a kid What you're like in here somewhere? I have my tonsils a mad noise thinking I never had anything taken out Hey, I came into this earth with my adnoids. I'm leaving with them. Okay, what the fuck is it ad? Did you get them taken out though? Oh, yeah, did you get ice cream? Your sinuses are you serious? First question was you get ice cream? That's what I heard you eat your ad noise. Did they give them to you? Can you have them as a snack?

I heard you got ice cream when you get your tonsils taken. Okay, you're gonna find a knife in here and try and get them out Chubby hubby. It's got pretzels in it. You're like Tom Hanks in Castaway. You got a fucking ice gate in your mouth. Do you have your tonsils? Yeah, nothing's ever been taken out of me. Hmm.

All right. It's silly. Yeah, no. I had to move some bone around in my hand, but that's about it. Oh, bone graft. Um, yeah, one of my adenoids taken out for a while. I was very anti-that. Snoring as a kid? What the fuck? I would have thought you were possessed.

Your doctor says I'm full of choc, full of day anacroids. That's crazy. Uh, but then we went to an ear, nose, and throat guy. A kid snoring? What the fuck? I think I snored. Cute little guy, huh? It's crazy, but then we went to an ear nose and throat guys Think I snored a cute little guy, huh? What was that? Yeah, no, it's I went to an ear nose and throat doctor. I think they vetoed it maybe or something I don't know it just never happened rubber never hit the road. I guess I don't know maybe we didn't have good insurance Rubber never hit the road, I guess. I don't know. Maybe we didn't have good insurance. Shit. Hems up on a copay.

No, I remember we always had very good insurance through my dad's company. That was one thing I do remember. We did too. We had Navy insurance. Champus it was called. That sounds like a disease. I got Champus! He's a riddle with champus. I remember Patty calling, we gotta call champus We were a blue cross blue shield Not to shabby yeah, which I got I mean we put them through though they lost money on me, dude I mean all the surgeries and shit all the fucking specialists the adnoids guy

T's I still don't get how insurance companies make so much money I know that people pay a lot of money for insurance every month. I've been to the doctors once in the past ten years I know and but that's how they're making it. Is it but Everything's so expensive like anytime you go to the doctor It's like you don't have to pay for but it's like ten grand and they negotiate with hey, I'll give you three grand That's all I know they're doing all right back door deals sure handshake 30 politicians mm-hmm get my tactical jacket

But I'm at no get my cow magnet It does adnoids does sound like a bad candy from the 80s. Oh, yeah fresh back adnoids Oh, yeah, or like you might take your adnoids I was like buddy buddy. I'm an iPhone man. Please please Texts are green. It's got an ad noids Not a lot in the group chat ad noids flip phone Okay, big man's on Got ad noids on a brain

All right this one. This is from Jimmy's kickstand ever make a sign for someone at the airport That's cute though. That's kitschy. It's nice That's fun. I definitely thought about it when I was in a long distance relationship I never did I never had the balls to pull that off though We'll show for outfit. Yeah I don't bag nobody that I was picking her up don't bet what you're leaving I would get a I run it down the runway they have a good JFK they have a good selection everything an international terminal of

like do they got a florist they got teddy bears they got canned all right there's it's literally like the I haven't seen my wife or husband stand Wait, so you don't to go through the security checkpoint No, oh, that's pretty good Yeah, it's like right where you get the taxis, but all the internationals get all get funneled out in one place Oh, that's nice. And then um Yeah, they got everything right there. They have like flowers and a vending machine. So I've done I think I did the flowers one time. I was usually double parked or something like that.

Come on! Keeping an eye on her. Screaming at her? Yeah, heavy up! Jesus Christ! Did you have water in your bag? Fucking losing it. It was always real tense. That, I knew I was going to have to fucking...

Every time she came, I knew the next 10 days were were gonna be a fucking tightrope financially for me I'm splurging 50 on the uber ride back there's the flowers that's dinner I hope you enjoyed tulips that's all right yeah it was uh that was uh I've never done this time but that's fun that's kitschy that's cute I do kind of like the If the limo guys II you still see I would love there just the iPhone now It just says like mr. Smith or what I would love to do that once what have somebody with my name am mr Foley I did it one time why I? Was it was my 18th birthday. I went to California My aunt had won a trip to the X Games and an auction.

Nice. And she sent me out for my birthday. Go by yourself. Me, my brother and my cousin. OK, and we were coming down the escalator. And I guess that was part of it. Like it was like, like, you know, it was one of those things of like ESPN put it on like there was a bunch of people like radio station winners.

And, you know, they were giving out these packages and she won it in some sort of giveaway or contest. I'm with it And they were at the bottom it said you know we're coming to it was like out of a movie coming down the escalator at Lax I was 18 years old and there's a guy that said mr.. Ryan Wow Danny stole my thunder the mr.. Ryan I'm right here These two idiots yeah, it was great though. Yeah, he stole my thunder. That was the only time I had it But we could organize that Sure, maybe I've said Luke wait Run down and we'll give him a big poster board. I miss you. I love you

All right, let's this one's just a good idea This is from meatloaf and milk real question is when it when isYG going to drop the Army of Garbage membership cards a la Kiss Army back in the day? I like it. Which do they actually have physical? Oh, yeah. Yeah fan clubs used to have all that shit. But like the cards I didn't yeah, I mean it makes sense, but Kiss Army card. Card, card carrying. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Date of birth, member sense. A card carrying member of the Army of Garbage. That's pretty good. I think the FBI would come out Can't be given up I can you know have it meetings there is Blowsky, it's how ICP got jammed up official membership card 1979 kiss army Ron this one signed by Ronnie do blousky age 5 Wow

D Ronnie his parents were not in the picture. That was that was a single parent household. That would be fun. That would be pretty cool. We can figure that out somehow. Mm hmm. Kiss has Kiss had the best. The Kiss belt buckle was so awesome to me. They were pretty sharp with the merch. I think they were like over the top, right?

Like that was they were. He was like notoriously like whatever you can put our name on Cell did you know anybody that was a kiss? Fan that was carny shit to me like what the people I knew in my family My dad was the stones you know that kind of shit the Eagles the door like The kid people in kid I guess it was obviously later than him like for him, but like that was like real cutoff t-shirt Jean short vibes. Do you know anybody that was that was that was a huge kiss fan? Not a huge kiss fan

I went through a phase for sure Detroit Rock City really sent me down the kiss or that rerun Yeah, that movie rules that movie fucking rules. Yeah, dude I also got that movie also got me into flannel shirts nice Look at you Your adnose back here for you, right? Yeah, no never I never none of my family no one in my family was ever like a die-hard I don't we weren't like joining a group. We're not joining group kind of people. We're not sending away for stuff. We're not Mailing in a check. We I was never

Nobody likes to be a kiss thing. You really had to be in it. I Respect yeah kind of like parrot head type shit. They scared me a little bit who the parrot heads No, those the guys and kiss going back to a few weeks ago. Oh, yeah, I mean they that tongue made makeup on yeah No, I Gary. yeah now I look at it It's silly. I'm like you look you know they still do genius marketing Yeah, now for sure, but even like they scared me at the time when I was a young kid I would see it, but uh Then you look the ones like a cat the other one is gonna star

I'm like I'm gonna say it has to this has to be a hack bit But it's like what are you gonna be it's like I'm gonna be an intergalactic spaceman. I'm gonna be a demon I'm gonna be a kitty cat. Yeah Alright get behind those drums weirdo Yeah rock star I mean fucking goddamn international rock sensations plus they covered their fucking bad skin with that paint probably made it worse Almost joke All right, let's see that paint probably made it worse. I almost joked. All right, let's see. Yeah, a couple more. This one, there can only be one.

Longtime listener, first time, $5 Bozo. Haven't had one read yet. Is it garbage to dry off after the shower with the clothes you just took off because you forgot your towels in the washing machine? Been there. I mean, that's well documented. I did that. That was most of college for me. I'm clean and now I'm dirty again.

Yeah, yeah, for sure. But I was cleaner than I was. I know what I mean. I've taken more showers and put dirty put the other clothes back on. It kind of works. I can't do that. Really? I can't do it. I mean, I did it. I tried to do it even, I did it, I actually did it two days ago. I got home, I put on a pair of undies for some reason, and then showered, and then like got out and put them back on to like to go to something,

which was out of my wheel. I'm typically fresh socks, fresh, like I don't, cause we've talked about, we wear the shit out of clothes. I'm a bigger guy, I'm moving around, I'm typically fresh socks fresh like I don't because we've talked about we wear the shit out of clothes. I'm a bigger guy I'm moving around I'm sweat. It's like I wear a t-shirt for an hour that t-shirts done Like I can't put that back on and look fresh. Yeah I'll give you that I've definitely dried off with an old t-shirt. Oh, yeah, and then put that t-shirt on the tree Unfortunately had or like had to like lay that out to dry in the summer a couple of an hour you'd be dry You're fresh. Yeah, so got a little shampoo scent on there. You're good. Mm-hmm

It's yeah, I understand that you're cleaning yourself with dirty clothes, but at the same time it's better than what I will You know, you're getting the stench off. Yeah, you know, it's the feeling you're only a quarter dirty rather than being a hundred percent Showers based on feeling for me Get that film on you. It's not the stink. I kind of like it to be okay I don't like that you say that that much as much as you do Alright this one's from Luke 288 $10 homie never have one read This is a t-bone one is it garbage if your dad always changes the stereo system to match whatever he's watching i.e. Sports mode when he's watching basketball

Does that make sense I guess like surround sound or whatever or there'll be a audio setting where you're like he's watching a movie I'm watching this put in on movie is it's going to it's for the movies It's all bullshit. It is all bullshit that stuff was all such a scam that surround sound crap All you need to know is that you got to turn off anything that says motion smoothing. Just turn that shit off That's his big thing with we show up to like an Airbnb Fucking Jimmy program shitings. You're wrong for 32-bit float rate we're talking audio We remember you put the speaker behind the couch so it sounded like they were behind you?

I mean that was pretty innovative technology at the time. I guess it was. We were never so around. It never worked though. My dad could never hook them up. Or if it did it was Cable City. Oh man. Everywhere. That little thin speaker cable.

That thin stereo cable. The black and the red hookup or whatever. It never sat right on the carpet either. No it didn't. We never even attempt, I'm learning now as I get older with my wife how we cohabitate and things we do and things we focus on and things that I'm just like, we're not, let's not do this

because we're not these kind of people. You know what I mean? And I feel like my family very early on, my mom's house and my dad's house, they both knew what kind of people they were, like what kind of families we were and what we weren't. You know what I mean? They're like, we're not even gonna,

we're not technology people. We're not even gonna entertain setting this thing up or even getting this, cause we're not that. We are unbalanced ceiling fan people. Yes's who we are and we're good people we're hard-working blue collar people now my dad tried when he would get a new like the one time we got a new like entertainment center I like a five this CD changer had that stereo mode this mode that mode he tried to you know he put it up he set up the cabinet

It was a nightmare thing with this crooked Put the speakers behind the couch and try to set could never get it working Never yeah brutal like one speaker would work and one wouldn't you couldn't hear what one guy was saying on TV But you can hear the other guy. It was brutal everything's coming on the left side of the room what? That is a tough look Uh alright this one. I mean this is the last one. It's our dad known as shed note here But this is from Slim Shady $10 dumb broad here All right never have one read is it garbage if my uncle died on a motorcycle on the freeway the day after he bought it for my

stepdad Do you talk about a bad? Next holiday after that happens How does that not? Ruin a family that has to separate a family Also good thing was this she's got my stepdad at the time, so he probably, he probably left the picture quite quickly. He was asked to leave, I'm sure. More to money back at least. That hell fucking, that haunted bike you sent

Jim. He bought it how we saw it! Yeah, it said as is! The sign said as is! Do you make that funeral? Do you show up? Do you show your face? Oh, you got to. You got, I heard it rode like a dream though. It was burning like a kitty. You got a first sale sign on it out front? Oh man. Alright, we gotta wrap it up. Dang, we love you to death! Yes sir! See you next week. Peace. Peace.