Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast - Famous Birthdays w/ Kippy & Foley
Episode Date: June 24, 2024Are You Garbage is back with Kippy and Foley for a family episode to answer your garbage questions from Patreon. Its a fun one! Thanks for watching AYG Comedy Podcast. Love youse guys. Come to a live ...show! Are You Garbage Cruise Survey: https://www.surveymonkey.com/r/AYGCruise Follow Kevin: https://www.instagram.com/kevinryancomedy/ Follow Foley: https://www.instagram.com/hfoleycomedy/ Live Shows: https://punchup.live/areyougarbage/tickets PATREON: https://www.patreon.com/AreYouGarbage MERCH: https://areyougarbage.com/ Helix Sleep: https://www.helixsleep.com/Garbage Promo Code: Garbage Box of Awesome: https://www.BoxOfAwesome.com  Promo Code: GARBAGE Comedians H. Foley and Kevin Ryan are self proclaimed GARBAGE. Each week a new stand up comedian gets put to the test. Steal shampoo from hotels? Own a George Foreman Grill? Ever worn JNCO Jeans? Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices
Transcript
Discussion (0)
Gang, we're thinking about doing an RU Garbage cruise.
Oh baby.
Would you want to hit the high seas with the boys from AYG?
We're talking about mixing it up in international waters.
Uh yeah, Tootie might be able to get her hands on a cruise ship,
so we're sending out some feelers.
Who wants to party with the gang?
There's a link in the description of the episode.
Click that and let us know if you're down to cruise with the boys.
Uh uh.
Tug boats.
Let's go.
Welcome to another exciting edition of R.U.
Garbage, the show where you find out if your favorite comedians are classy individuals
or absolute trash.
Now here are your hosts, Kevin Ryan and H. Foley.
Hey, everybody out there and welcome back to everybody's favorite podcast. This is are you garbage?
Oh, yeah, it's that little show
We sit down with your favorite comedians and we find that out to good to be classy
Yeah, they're just a big old piece of trash trash trash. I'm your host a truly coming at you on a sweltering day
We're held back here with tooties and a new addition. She's outside. She got the fire hydrant open
Okay, cool and the kids down out there respect watch out if you're driving past the house, she'll squirt you We're held back here with tooties in the new edition. She's outside. She got the fire hydrant open. OK.
Cooling the kids down out there.
Respect.
Watch out if you're driving past the house, she'll squirt you.
My co-host is coming at you from across the table.
Got nothing this week.
CEO of RU Garbage International Businessman.
But during the summertime, it's Mr. Neptune 2024,
the king of the boards, baby.
Give it up for KJ, Kevin James Ryan.
And the Prince of the Pits. How you doing gang? Thanks for tuning in everybody.
As always, please make sure you rate, view, subscribe on iTunes. Full video available on YouTube.
As you know, those numbers are Truder up. Cookin'.
And obviously, the greatest website of all time, www.patreon.com slash RUGarbage.
You go over there, you get a bajillions of hours of worth of content, baby.
A lot of stuff going on over there.
You got the island videos.
You got Disney got bonus.
You got your first limo ride.
My first limo ride.
I just got reminded of that.
We did that like three years ago.
Man, that was a good thing.
We rented a limo.
It was alright.
We've never been in one.
Drove around, got dollar slices of pizza, couple of CLs.
I think I was wearing a blazer and sweatpants.
Yeah, sounds about right. Flifflops.
My fancy clothes.
How about a nice shout out to our producer extraordinaire, the ol' magic man.
Makes us all look good, works the ones, the twos, the threes, and the fours.
He crosses the T's and he dots the I's.
He's got that big ol' suss each lady.
He's giving up for T-Bone, McScruffin.
Toby McMullen everybody!
What up boys?
What's up pal? What up T-Bone? Summertime, let's go dude. Let the hair down, let the wieners out. How ya doing? Ain't talking
about dogs on the grill. Oh man, catch me in a hammock, banana or otherwise. A little hoagie
crusher as we used to call them on the New Jersey beach. I'll never forget that my cousin. A little
Astro pop hanging out. Talk about the fudgy wudgy man. How you doing?
Guys we got some big news
I know where this is going hoodie may or may not be able to get her hands on a cruise ship
No joke a proper cruise ship. So let's go. We're kicking around the idea of an a YG cruise
So there is a link in the description
and the comments, whatever.
Let us know if you'd be interested.
We're trying to, we're taking a temperature over here.
Come hit the high seas with the boys.
Fun stuff.
Yeah, we would do it.
We had so much fun on Burt's Cruise.
It was such a cool experience to see how all the homies
and fans get to interact and all the fucking-
Dunk tanks, wind tunnels.
We're doing it all, baby.
Face painting for the kids
Oh, I don't think you should bring your ass. It's probably 18 or 21 or there will pin the tail on T-bone
Finally get a look at that big old wee wee in the belly flop content reshoe up naked let your runner on this shit
You got to grab them
International water you got to get me by the pool because there's no running
Yeah, so if you're interested click the link we think it'd be a good time
It's a quick little survey whether you'd be interested or not and pod stand up bringing the boys
Yeah, we'd bring a whole crew of people all the chicken fingers you can
Dog you ain't lying man. They were all right never forget when this is you found a late-night tray of chicken fingers and withheld this
Information I didn't know we were making it back to land
I mean that might need to last me for a couple of weeks. We went to dinner
I'm like you're not hungry. He's like I already ate. I'm like what he's like
There was 500 chicken fingers and no one around what the fuck you know I like a thingy 350 now
Did a little damage on it
But yeah, let us know what you'd be thinking if you'd be interested
We think it would be a great time so they take the survey to see if they'd be interested take the survey
We're taking a temperature in the water little market research sure you know what I mean if not
We'll get the duck boat and Philly. Yeah, if not, I'll get a pontoon boat get all fucked up then a while when I don't need you
This is you hammered on one of those bikes that with eight people
This is you hammered on one of those bikes with eight people pedaling. No, you think you're better than me?
I'll go over to Dag's Marina and get a pontoon boat.
Go crabbing. Got Collie T doing 10 minutes up at the bow.
Shout out to Collie.
Shout out to the old Gollum Turrell.
Yes. Good shit.
Good shit. We're excited about it, you know.
That'd be fun. Yeah. That'd be fun.
You have some presentation for me, I I understand you want to pitch me something.
Ah, no, I hate when you do that.
Don't open up a pizza place or something like that.
No, is it always food with you?
You open up a pizza place. That's what moves. What pizza?
Hey, listen, if you open up a dollar slice place,
they say it's what you should do. I keep telling you.
Why should I do this?
I think you'd go over your free slices.
Hey, Henry's here
I got a fifty thousand dollar line of credit here. What am I my money's no good given ten get him out of there
No, I'm too pious. That's it. Do pies. No soda. Hey your buddies here again
It's got his nose wide open over at the Parmesan you get free pizzas, but you got to pay for the sodas
That's where they get you
Sodas not giving you free sodas. Uh, no, I saw a picture on I was over there on Facebook
I dabble in Facebook from time to time. Can I say this to what you know what else you dabble in?
I'm listening. You like your Instagram videos and your Instagram memes cuz you send them to me a lot
Yeah, but you shoot them you shoot them over to me very unkippy. I haven't gotten meme one. What I'm out of the me
I didn't know you liked me
My mother-in-law you send me cute little video. This is no there first of all there
I sent you I think three in our 15 year relationship and sending them a lot. I like it. I know your buddies
I I said we goof off from me. We trade back. This is how unsocial you are
I want T-bone I once sent him a song that he would I'm like yeah
You might like this and he got back to me four days later saying thank you. I was like dude
That's not hell. That's not how friends speak. Thank you very much
I will check out at a later date fucking cyborg friend you are was that Brian um shout out to ZB
fucking cyborg friend you are. Zach Brian.
Um, shout out to ZB.
Woo!
Uh, no, and you love it.
You keep showing it to me.
The one I got your numbers that I know what you like.
The haircutting one?
Yeah, that's alright.
That's the best.
Um, so I'd say you like two or three.
But most people are in some sort of group text.
Really?
Yeah, Toby, how many group texts would you say you're in?
With friends?
Uh, I don't know, four or five?
Yeah.
With friends or family?
Oh, we are, you have no idea about group texts, do you?
I have one with my, I have two.
I have one with my family and one with the Bird's family.
Yeah, they're not group texts.
And then one with us.
None of those really qualify as group.
Ours is mostly business.
Some fun stuff in or around the world.
Yeah, and the occasional, where we're doing breakfast.
Hey, what time's Brecky?
I'm in the one with the boys.
Who are the boys?
You know, some of our friends.
Yeah, but that's-
They pop up sporadically.
That's mostly planning stuff.
You have constant-
Oh, all day for 15 years.
Really?
Yeah.
You guys talk about me?
No.
Can you add me?
No. All right. T you add me? No.
Keybone? I'm not an admin, man.
I don't have those kind of responsibilities.
That's all those those real real guys of whatever Hollywood or
Simi Valley. I can't remember. Oh, those those dudes were good. The guy who gets mad at the baby. Yeah, it's all right.
Your boy, Trevor or whatever.
I got like four friends. I know.
You guys are two of them.
Uh huh. The cat.
He don't text me back.
Motherfucker, I'm paying for your goddamn phone bill.
And I'm on the friends and family.
Uh, no. Are you?
I also have an Instagram one of the same group. Really?
Now we just send the funny stuff in Instagram
so you don't have to send it to...
No, those get individual sends.
Gotcha.
Yeah, those are...
I have a mirrored group.
Let's do a contest.
Get HFOLY your best friend.
I thought I was your best friend.
And then, this is being friends with you.
I'm your best friend, I act as a friend to you.
I'm not in a group with you, apparently.
Well, listen, I...
You and these other goons you're hanging out with.
I send you two or three Instagram things and then you publicly bash me for it
Who wants to fucking hang out with you? That's what I deal with you try to be it's like being friends with an alligator
You think you got it? Yeah, you gonna be a gator. I'll bite you
I'll bite you. That's what I'm saying fucking. Oh, yeah, let's be friends. I don't have any friends
I'm your best friend you say to the intro. I try do best friend stuff with you, and you don't reciprocate okay. That's not I'll send you a couple of memes
I did it. I did it all dark ones
We were hanging out after doing spots at Williamsburg comedy club there one night
You and I don't know how to operate and I was yeah, and I was me yeah
And I was like I'm going over to this place if you want to come bunch of my buds of my bros are over there
You're like like what's like? What are you guys gonna do over there like like hang out?
Yeah, you're like an alien figure out how to be social
Look at guy who just got out of jail guys got a couch and a TV over there
You guys just watching sopranos. All right cool. Just on edge looking looking like you're gonna fight shoot the fade in the shower
Yeah, yeah I was like, cool. Just on edge looking, looking like you're gonna have to fight, shoot the fade in the shower. Yeah.
Yeah.
But I was on Facebook and I was perusing a little bit.
Well, I'm on there because we have a very active
Facebook group.
We do.
So I'm one of the administrators on there.
Shout out to everybody in the group.
I'm in that.
Yeah.
They're my buddies.
Uh-huh, they're your buddies, yeah.
And I saw a picture,
I'm not gonna show the said picture
because it's a family friend or, you know,
an associate of mine, I should say.
Okay.
And I don't wanna air them out, but they had an outfit,
a pair of T-bone,
and they were a pair of old Navy plaid cargo shorts.
Remember them bad boys?
Dude, these thing, any one of those says go into a graduation party. Every
single one of them, dude. Your uncle's got them. The kid on
pills got them.
There's pills in those things, dude. Instead of an extra
button, they give you one Vicodin.
Sewed into the inside. Yeah. Just in case you get jammed up.
Cargo shorts full of someone else's belongings.
I've been rooting through the purses.
Man, I had a pair of those.
Dude, those things with a dirty pair of Jordans,
a pair of socks that was too high.
White socks, yeah.
Wow.
That is an uncle classic right there, them things.
Man, that's tough luck.
I remember getting them and being I had the one
Down bottom right corner all the way down the real busy those. Yeah those dude. I had those stain-hider
Jerk off and those things ten minutes for you walk out the door ain't no one gonna know
Yeah, man
That was looks like he got into the ambrosia that like a DC shirt with like a pair of Oakley's kippy
is going out on the town.
In Florida, those paired well with the reflip flops
that were also a flask.
Yes, yeah, also.
Also, you could do your taxes, also a calculator.
He went some buffalo chicken dip in those things.
Hoo-wee!
Couple of beer burps coming out. They were big. Oh, baby.
Onion rings in your cargo pocket. I brought my own sauce. I got the cargos. So Jackie
sauce in the pocket. Shout out to Jackie. Man, that guy got asked to leave the party
early. Uh huh. Yeah. My dad's that's the that's the guy before the end of the day trying to push people in
the pool. Come on. Watch. I mean, I mean, someone's holding
on to a railing. I swear to God. What we're playing. Yeah,
those were man. That was that was a decade in the summer
where people were rocking those dancing with somebody's
grandma. Well, bump and grind. How you doing? Yeah, I don't know what cool shorts are now.
I don't know. But I've gone with the above the knee, kind of like what Toby's got above the knee.
Cackies like khaki shorts.
It's kind of your only option these days. Yeah.
I have to I have to pair.
I have a salmon pair and a blue pair and I got to wear a belt with them.
And they feel real weird.
It's like they feel real weird. Why? Wearing a belt with them. they feel real weird like they feel real weird
What we're in a belt with them you weren't a belt right now. I am indeed Yeah, I feel like a like a driving instructor teacher or something like that. I
Should be soft. Oh coach chasing kids out of the hallway
Especially since you got your shorts up to your belly button in your shirt. They really got to go up to man
They really pop. I feel like Chris Christie
Former Jersey governor. Yeah, I know. I'm aware. Yeah, those are
trashy. Those are those are a tough. If you're out there,
upgrade the wardrobe a little bit, but I could see how
they're probably coming back in style for cool 21 year old. I
can't do basketball shorts really anymore. Why? Because
they get too sticky and hot. Brutal. That material don't
breathe. Plus people are always passing you the rock
I'm having lunch next to you know, I'm on a fast break. I
Only got so many sky hooks in me. You know what I mean these kids want to see the business You would be a sky hook guy. I'm sky hook all day
Get me in horse like you can't guard it
Metals
Shut up to the bread and butter.
I got a question for you, for you fellas.
I'm listening.
Please, Toby.
Our doors always open.
A little blast from the past here.
All right.
Now I can assume that the three of us were all in high school
and in school in general.
Can I borrow a pen type of people?
Now, well, that's just a given.
We'll just accept that.
But were you ever a can I borrow a piece of paper?
Piece of paper is jammed over.
My senior year of high school, I don't think I even brought any books. Nothing. Just rolling through.
What's in your school bag? Three lunches.
I had my wrestling bag. I had my clothes in there that would change into after wrestling practice That was pretty much it my high school sports career lives on
Thanks for shoving that into the fucking conversation. I meant I used to wrestle 48 years ago had all my trophies and stuff in there
Metal set him up on the desk
Yeah, no never had paper never had a pen first day of school
I was that was like an office max but by the first bite of that week was over. I lost it all
I was always making I still am big on like I was always my dad
You know would that was like if you got a pen on you right now
No, but I mean a fucking I'm in toadies. I got pens and toadies piece of paper
Yeah, I got all that stuff. Calculator. Sure.
Pretty good. Got on my phone.
But also shout out to members.
I was talking to last episode.
I think it was last episode.
Two episodes ago, we were talking about Denise going to three monkeys.
They hit me up.
Dinner on them. Next time we're in town.
No kidding. Shout out to the monks.
Now, where's this joint down in northeast off the boulevard?
Oh, yeah. You told me about they got everything there. Yeah, they got the pretzels. They got everything. Okay up They're like they posted it. They they clipped it up them so I got a t-bone working for him
T-bone a new guy Luke got subbed out clipped it. I'll put it on their Instagram. I'm in shout out to the monks nice
I had nice. He's gonna shit or so. I bring you see that little I can't even take me see out the dinner How you doing? Um Nice. Nice. Nice. Nice. Nice. Nice.
Nice.
Nice.
Nice.
Nice.
Nice.
Nice.
Nice.
Nice.
Nice.
Nice.
Nice.
Nice.
Nice.
Nice.
Nice.
Nice.
Nice.
Nice.
Nice.
Nice. Nice. Nice. Nice. Nice. Sucked that guy was lunatic Lunatic city if I sat down and didn't have a pencil if I like I get a pen dude
It was fuck you must have thought I carpenters been slapped his wife or something dude. He would get
Easy does it psycho bet my dad used to lift all that stuff from from work from the Navy
I had a bunch of Navy pens. Sitting there night vision.
You got the periscope coming up.
I had all that stuff.
I don't got a pen, but I got one of the nuclear keys.
Guys, we'll fuck around.
Yeah. And keep testing me.
Turn this whole place into a parking lot.
That's a right step that used to say that. That's all those old schoolers used to say.
Anytime somebody would get, anytime someone would get lippy on a, on a, on a, on a geopolitical standpoint.
Turn that place into a goddamn parking lot.
Turn that whole place into glass.
Dude, it could have been France, it could have been England, anybody.
Yeah, turn that whole place into a goddamn parking lot. Delaware. Yeah, it could have been France. It could have been England. Anybody. Yeah. Turn that whole place into a goddamn
parking lot. Delaware. Yeah. Jersey with their taxes. Man.
If you're a Republican for Pennsylvania, you hated going
to Jersey. Dude, the 90s were quick to nuke. They were ready.
Yeah, goddamn nuke them. Make it easy, man, will you? They want
to have the Olympics.
They're made to play for the World Cup, relax, will ya?
Hey, I don't show em.
Tell you that right now.
Gang, we're thinking about putting the crews together for the Bozos and the Homies.
We're talking about loading up the army of garbage on our new Navy vessel
and hitting international waters.
Yeah, we got stand-up podcasting, buffets, gambling,
heaters, the whole nine yards.
And a lot of trashy events.
Let's go, gang.
There's a link in the description.
Click it and let us know
if this is something you'd be down for.
So I would buy a lot of pens or pencils,
and then I would, I'd get too frivolous with them.
I'm the same now with lighters.
Like in here, I remember we bought like 50 lighters
we ordered, and then you get two, oh, I know I got them there lighters we ordered and then you get to yeah
Oh, I know I got them there. You're giving away your lose them
You're leaving them and I would get that way with pencils and then come fucking two weeks after having 50 pens or pencils
They're gone. I almost stole a lighter by accident from one of the homies in
Houston or Dallas. Yeah, I don't have a lighter. Just put it right in my pocket as a hit. Can I get that lighter back?
Never later. Just put it right in my pocket as I hit can I get that later back shit?
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Let's go. There's a 99% chance that security if we're on the road
and I can't find my lighter, I for sure could have been blackout drunk
the night before. No, I didn't lose it.
I'll meet him out front of the hotel.
Go. You got my lighter goes, nope.
And he starts looking at you. Here it is right away. I'm bad with it right in his right in his pocket. I'm bad with it
This just reminded me of something when you mentioned pens and pencils
Were you ever a note to a girl kind of guy ever?
Now that was like move that again. That was like 80 shit. We did that that 80 shit. That's what I'm saying
I guess it was the 80s shit. We did that. That 80s shit. That's what I'm saying. I guess it was the 80s.
Yeah, like seventh, eighth grade passing notes back.
I think we got you probably were getting busy out of make out point and such.
Uh, we're trying to cop a feel at the drive in movies.
Dead man's curve.
They send me off to Vietnam.
What was it like banging in black and white?
Now we had the woods behind 309 Cinema.
That's where the action went down.
And you'd run over across the highway and grab a slice.
Sounds romantic.
I'll be right back.
My pepperoni's up.
Just smooching and stuff.
We were kids.
Sure.
No, well, we had, I guess for that, we would communicate.
Toby was probably the same with AOL was out at that point.
Oh yeah.
So you get the screen name.
So like everybody would run home from school and hop on.
Did you have a cell phone in like eighth grade?
I think I got it in ninth,
because my brother got his taken away from him
for doing nefarious activities,
either underage or that were explicitly illegal
in the state of Pennsylvania at the time.
God damn commonwealth.
So he got his phone taken away.
And this is when...
Did you get his?
Yeah.
Had all his contacts?
He was not happy.
You're calling up his boys?
Yeah, he was not happy.
I got his new key, a 3100 or whatever.
I would have killed you.
Dude, he was so bad.
What?
My mom took it from him.
And then I think my...
Did he have numbers saved in there?
Like things going on?
Yeah, probably cleared out
I would have assumed his identity
Also, I was just thinking of this the other day
I was...
You're meeting up with like 17 year old chicks?
You're 12
What's up? I'm Danny!
Hey, you're much fatter in person
What's with all the chicken fingers?
We were
Paranoid so text messages was very early at this point. This was this phone
I would get this phone
I was a lot of habit on like the week you weren't allowed to take it to school cell phone in school at that point
Was pre 9-eleven. This is very full of a pre 9-eleven. You weren't allowed cell phones in school
Mm-hmm, and then once 9-eleven happened they were like, alright, you can have them
But they can't be on.
K-shit goes down. K-shit goes down. You got to get old.
But so we weren't allowed to, I wasn't allowed to have it.
I was only going in the weekends if I was going out or like the summer.
I was like, hey, I'm leaving for... Where was this kept?
Just keep it at the house. With your hands on it?
Could you go to bed with it at night? No.
I mean, there was like nothing to do on it.
Oh, really? You can play snake, but like,
oh, you weren't addicted to your phone like.
Oh, there was. It wasn't the Internet.
No, no, this is like screen like this big. Gotcha.
No color. No, nothing. Oh, and Nokia.
Yeah. Yeah. The little John.
Yeah, this was like a little bigger.
I know what you're talking about. I like those.
I love them. The ones that would look like a singular wireless was really bumping them back
in the day. They kind of like the face plate you could take on and put off.
Trashy. But I remember getting nervous because me and my boys started texting.
And then it was five cents a text to send and receive one.
And we weren't sure we started texting like a frenzy of like, you know, so
this is we weren't we were not PC at the time. It was like so and so is this or that or whatever?
I want to do this. I want to get in and whatever real explicit kind of material
I heard if you put it in here and
Then we were all like shit
We don't know if the bill comes if the text message is on the bill. Because if that happens, we are fucked.
So I remember we all talking about an international scandal here.
Political careers ruined.
So we all I mean, if my mom would have seen what I was texting as a knife.
Yes, a vanilla folder hits the table, dude.
Say you like big tits, do kits. They huh you little pervert
That way you like that's it. Do you ever see that grandmother that finds the kids a rapper?
He's like 12. She's like yeah, like it was she was screaming when she was on my dick
So he goes oh you like that when she was on you dude she
Lays into him. It's grease crying crying and she's reading his rap notebook
Dude he's like nine years. Oh, you like it when she slaps on your knob getting hit with the transcripts
I was killing before that you got no beats on there
Jesus the delivery and timing is gone
But grandma got a flow
But so I remember
trying to get that fucking
and that was the first time it came not in an envelope and like a
Folder because I had sent so many text messages and they they weren't written. Mailman knows your business. Oh, you was a freak little boy.
And what's the freak up to this summer?
Yeah.
Go get your mom a little freak out.
He's sweating.
God damn, kid.
Sure is a freak.
Little horn dog, ain't you?
Yeah.
Yeah, it was. I'd love to take a look at those, see't you? Yeah. Woo! Yeah, it was a...
I'd love to take a look at those, see what you were talking about.
I remember we would talk, because there wasn't a group...
I think I could get her.
No, it wasn't even that.
It was mostly just like you and your seven boys hanging out or whatever, and like skating,
and being like so-and-so's or whatever, and he was standing right there.
It was group text before group. There's no group text existed
Make seven copies of it. I remember one time some kid that has to borrow my phone to it was real late It was this kid was bad news. No way he's alive. There was no way he's alive
We're at the shopping centers madly was like midnight and he came out this kid would he lived around there around the shopping center
So he just come out of the treeline. You're like, what what the fuck are you coming never saw him go home never saw nothing really yeah?
He was just around the parking lot. I always felt bad for those kids. You knew they were going home to nothing
Nobody mm-hmm. Oh, I mean maybe he was maybe he was a good family
He was just fucking he was just a piece of shit kid now
You know you see you see
Somebody's parents a brother wasn't great every
Man a bad older brother said they'd give a bad younger brother
We were friends with the with the older brother was our age
I think he might have been held back here, but was in our grade and
He definitely didn't have a piece of paper and pencil the right way
And he definitely didn't have a piece. They weren't in the projects.
It was a nice, you know, nice shopping center.
And Coles.
They were living in the car carousel.
And he has to borrow my cell phone.
It was something I never and I had never.
I get this is like very early on cell phones.
So I guess he didn't have a lot of usage with one,
nor did I, and he was like.
Your parents, they would freak out.
What?
Like I was all, I'm like 10 years older than you,
and I remember like they would like freak out with like,
or I would end up getting crushed with like a $400 bill.
The minutes.
Jam you up.
The minutes would kill you, The minutes. Jam you up! The minutes would kill you.
Kill you.
Jam you up.
Mom, I mean these hot singles, they were in my area.
I know you don't believe me.
The hot singles are in your area.
Wait till they show up.
And you'll be sorry then.
When I get kidnapped, Dallas loves talking to me for $15 a minute
But he asked he was like yo do cell phones have a dial tone, and I was like damn That's something I've never fucking thought of and they don't say it again
He asked me he was like getting ready to dial and he was like yo do cell phones have dial tones
And I was like what I don't fucking magical buttons and let's go
You're getting your sweat on my phone here. They're gonna collect call
Yeah, did any of you have my first cell phone had the extending antenna mine did it?
I mine was right after that that makes you feel like you're doing business
Yeah, it's all been up and fucked up those things got busted
My mom had the Zack Morris one and she would she thought if you pulled that out
Every criminal within a 50 mile radius was gonna come mug you put that down put that down
She'd only use it in the privacy of her own
Where it was like a calculator was the front sure mom is adorable
No, only using the cell phone in the
That was I tried to write a bit about it, but it never worked
I bought her a brand new iPhone fucking two Christmases ago or whatever she'd only use it if it was plugged into the charger
I'm like bitch. You got yourself a landline
Just been a G hot
We're out on the landlines foley house
Completely cut off in your mom mom's? Oh, yeah.
Really?
Nope.
That's not good.
Can't get a hold of her.
Good luck.
No, Nishi still got a, Nishi still has a landline.
Does she have the thing where the phone number,
if someone calls, it pops up on your TV?
My mom had that.
I think they got rid of that.
She had that.
You want to talk about.
People were looking for them.
Yeah.
Not that long ago either
She'd say though their customer calls
I don't think so dude Sally may would call and ruin my stepdad watching fucking forensic files and
He would flip the fuck got pay a fucking bill
Jesus could do really ruin a really ruin a fucking Saturday hang at the crib
Because it would pop up Sally Mae financial services. They were calling probably for me and my brother at the same time man
Talk about ruining the fucking my mom's birthday to their balls with one stone
He's here. Why does he bad wasn't even living in the house for like in 10 years. I know they do it like that. Yeah
Yeah, I'm all paid up on him by the way good stuff
But we got a gosh darn family episode gang as you do as you know when you sign up for the patreon
We will answer your garbage question on air
The homies get the first crack at it. We got a couple of two tree humdingers to hit me
This one's this one's from T bone McGriddle $10 homie never had one red. Shout out to you. Thank you. Uh
Did your parents did you ever see your parents exercise?
Which I've never thought about never once dude
My mom did aerobics or I know she did she would do the step at sometimes when she couldn't get to the gym
Or I know she did she would do the step at sometimes when she couldn't get to the gym
She would they had to step at the house her or my sister with we had the old old old school exercise bike
With the arms the big fan in the front on the belt
No, it was it was like old and shitty. They know I never saw them use it We probably took it with us like two moves, and then eventually just got left out in the front yard
for somebody to take it.
But my dad played a lot of racquetball.
That was big in the 80s.
I played with him a few times.
Yeah, my dad used a martini shaker like a shake weight.
Yeah, my dad would just stand there
and just smash the ball at 100 miles an hour and not move.
Sure.
And smoke you.
I'd be running around my head
and checkin' where my head cut off.
Hey, shit, like I'm playing the zone. Oh, and he would leave it. I'm running he would
Got your fat ass running
He would do it like once or twice a week with some other guys at the at the Y
I think the Y in Ambler if I'm not mistaken the Ambler YMCA
And he played with my old football coach and he played with one of my cousin's dad's
They would like they all knew each other and would play
together. But dude, he would leave that like say the last
time he played was on like a Thursday. He'd leave the bag in
his car. Come Sunday, man. You don't know what it is. Sure. Ah,
he was making cheese and
He was making cheese and
Turned into the town of Rokeford jam you up
Nasty the car get hit with something sharp. Oh, dude that Cooper
bad news Yeah, never saw my mom excise. She swims now. She does all that chill broad swim now
Yeah, my mom was my mom
Exercised a lot every Saturday and Sunday. She go to the gym
Most part Patty hit a period I would say
when I was right out of college or
In college, I think when they got everybody out of the house. They had the kitchen read done
She tightened it up real real hard. She was going to like aerobics all the time tightened it up real, real hard. She was going to like aerobics all the time, tightened it up. I don't know what was going on. I
fucking like it.
Yeah, my dad golfed the butt. I mean, not a bunch enough. I
think it was mostly like business. So that was like the
most active thing I would see him do.
But never like doing push ups in the garage.
No, he was in as I've said before, he played semi pro
football. So he was he was a he was an athlete as a kid, and I think very much you,
in the sense of like he always revered it a lot and was like,
I could get back.
You know what I mean?
He was a bit of a fighter, too, a bit of a loose cannon.
So I think he was always good enough to fucking...
You think I can get back into playing shape?
Playing what?
Hmm, let's say...
Division 3 football.
No.
No.
No, no, no. I mean...
What?
Toby cut that.
Why do you make me look like the bad guy?
Yeah, I think you can do it!
You're supposed to believe in me!
We've only been trying for four fucking years!
Well, you put a contract on the table.
What will it take?
To what?
What? To get in football shape? I'll even give
you offensive lineman shape. I still don't think that can happen. What's the
juice situation? A couple rounds of winch drill. Just to get things started.
Oh get the ball rolling. They're all juicing. Yeah I don't think, I remember I ran with my dad once as an early teen.
I was like trying to lose weight.
He was trying to lose weight.
I bet you that was real casual.
I mean, he was probably three packs, I mean, at least two packs of heaters a day.
And I mean, we made it like two blocks.
Like, that's good for now.
That's good.
And like, I didn't register.
He's like, you don't want to push it too much on the first time which I don't you were
probably already walking back to the house walking back to get my cheeky
cheeky bar bar my dad would always go for walks that was the only sort of
issues I now that I'm married to a European my family my mom would walk
again for exercise but like to walk and live it in the suburb we never walked
fucking we're going where are you going where are you going it in the suburb. We never walked fucking where you going? Where you going? Where you going?
Get in the car go for a walk what Germans they go for a walk and they have a word for it after football shape, huh, buddy?
Breathing
What Shubin Shubin something like that no, it's a downspur kick in or something like that
It's like it means digest down sprecking on the couch
Hit me with that dessert on a couch
Yeah, it was very I never got my way. Let's go for a walk. Yeah, I'm like no. That's what you take a nap
See what are you talking about? So you shut it down for a little you got to digest you know what I mean?
Yeah, we do we used to bitch about walking the dog
Sure, we never walk. I never about walking the dog sure we never walk
I never walk soon as they pooped or whatever right back to the house
Yeah, we never had a walk the dog because we had him we had a big like run like get the side
But we had the pool that was all that was a that was an old rickety fence and just the worst lawn
You ever saw in your life, and it was
littered with with dog poop yeah
Sure, that's how to get you tell me get you that's elegant
Yeah, I this one's from schlinke. Are you garbage if the only birthdays you can remember are your mom's and Eminem's I?
Don't know why but that's fantastic whose birthday do you know uh
My wife my siblings my siblings, my mom, maybe my
dads, Pats. Okay. Delis. You know mine. I know yours. I
know Toby's just because we've forgotten it so many times and
it's on a weird day. Yup. I'm close on everybody's ours. I'd have to confirm yours. I'd have to confirm
I am terrible. I don't know ones. I only know my guys from booking flights
I have to be reminded every single. I know my mom's my dad's my brother's
My
little cousins and nephews I know my aunt Mary's February 18th God rest her soul
I know my Aunt Mary's, February 18th, God rest her soul.
The broads. I think I share one with Magic Johnson.
OK, you look up Magic Johnson's birthday.
Your August 4th.
Nope. Swinging a miss. August 14th.
There you go. There you go.
Toby's is December 29th. August 14th. Yeah. Biggity bam.
Sniped it. I remember there was a poster on a Wildwood boardwalk
that had the birthday of all the famous people
Don't you have the same birthday as Tommy C or Reggie now close to Tommy C Tommy C's in August who famous who else?
Well, it was famous as mine or yours. This is fun. Yeah, I got I got mine. I got John Voight and Ted Danson
Mary Tyler Moore
Brie, okay, well Jude Law
Mary Tyler Moore, Alison Bray, okay, Jude Law. Huh? Wow.
Jude Law?
Yeah, I messed it up.
Okay.
That's pretty good.
I thought you were British or something.
John Voight and Ted Danson.
Yeah.
That's good company.
Wait, go back to who else is on mine.
I gotcha, get it, one second, one second.
Yeah.
That's not bad.
Probably Ronald McDonald Grimace.
I'm really hoping he strikes out.
Rude.
Famous.
Unless it's gonna be somebody fit,
you're gonna think, oh, it's fit, we share the stars, we're alive. I already know Famous. Unless it's gonna be like somebody fake, you're gonna think, oh it's
fake, we share the stars or lie. I already know a couple. Who? No, no, don't tell them,
name them. You're lying. I'm lying. Okay, there you go. I know H Foley, because you
wouldn't have sat back with this. You would have shoved everybody out of the way. Oh,
Kip, I hate to bring it to you, but Magic Johnson, okay okay you got Halle Berry nice we both have
nice canes there you go uh Antonio Fargas I love his work Connie Smith hey
what does Connie Smith David Crosby there you go as we still as a niche uh
yep okay that's I bet Christopher Gorman I don't know that is he's good
sounds like he died in high school he's's an actor. Damn. Oh Steve Martin, that's a win. There you go.
It's fit. Ah Tim Tebow. There you go.
Me the Gunas. Alright now we're getting some star power.
Alright what about me? What about me? Alright.
He doesn't know your birthday. I don't.
February 24th. 1776.
Okay. A bicentennial. Alright. Hit me.
Billy Zane. Cool. I tell you bicentennial. Alright. Hit me.
Billy Zane?
Cool.
I tell you what about Billy Zane, he's about to do a biopic of Marlon Brando.
Looks fantastic in it.
Eddie Murray, not Eddie Murphy.
Eddie Murray.
The sock salesman?
No, he's a baseball player.
Oh, I know Eddie Murray.
Okay.
From way back in the day.
Sure.
Floyd Mayweather?
Okay. Con artist. No, he's not. Who can't read. Alright, I'm going to read. I know any Murray okay way back in the door Floyd Mayweather okay con artists
Can't read all right. I'm picking up
He's got cash on our hair. He does that's the end of people that I'm familiar with what Bonnie Somerville
Alexander Koch
What that's it? That's all I got? That stinks. No Travolta? Leo?
Emilio Rivera?
What the shit?
That's Geraldo's sister.
Oh, no, this is a good one.
Paula Zahn?
Paula Zahn.
She was on ABC News for a while.
Yeah, I know.
Yes, I do. Paula Zahn.
She was an award-winning reporter.
Journalist. I know Paula Zahn. Who else? Yes, I do. Paul is on. She was an award winning reporter, journalist.
Uh huh. I know Paul is on. Who else?
You got a guy who was on the Young and the Restless for like two seasons.
That's bullshit.
You're on the old and the smelly.
The fat and the dumb.
Really? Yeah. I got Billy Zane.
Sure. Aunch of losers.
You got nobody either. Magic Johnson, the guy's the goddamn pillar of the community.
Pretty good. And who else did I have? John Voight? He's mine. I'm taking him.
No, John Voight's me. And because I got John Voight, I also get Angelina Jolie. I had Mililla Kunis. I was doing all right. Yeah, you got Milla Kunis and Mack Jones
That's about it. Pretty good and Steve Martin Steve Martin
Goddamn godfather. I'm four days away from Cobain's birthday. He was February 20th. Ah tough break kid
Paint that wall will you hear that quarter pounder fans?
Paint that wall, will you? Try the new creamy parmesan and bacon quarter pounder today and discover how words are so unnecessary for a limited time only a participating McDonald's restaurants in Canada.
Man I stink.
Yes you do.
It's in the stars that you stink.
The universe has deemed you so.
Okay but out of the three of us you are the most likely to get added to the list of famous birthdays
There's no competition. That's pretty good. Oh, that's true
Chum also I want to see around losers
What about the month of February you know what I really?
This guy you're the kid who goes no no, no, no, I have invincible shields on, you can't shoot me. No give-backs.
I want to make notable alumni for my high school, but I can't.
Who's your competition?
Greg Cochran, retired professional soccer player.
Wait, is this coming up?
What do you mean? Like the thing on Wikipedia.
Oh, what high school do you go to fully?
Wissahickin. How do you spell that?
W.I.S.S.
Wiss A.A.
H.I.C.K.
O.N.
That's a good, are you garbage question? You have to close your eyes to spell something.
Right now out of the air.
Oh, I had one that I remember the other day.
Are do you do you regularly use your computer charger to charge your phone?
That's good. I had one.
I had a good one the other day that it actually happened to you
when we were a couple of weeks ago in Like Portland or whatever what uh?
Have you ever taken a picture with an iPad remember that family cake that family came out of the restaurant
It's like can you take a picture I look back follies like this alright back up step in
That used to happen a lot more. I was big back in the day taking pictures with the iPad.
I don't know.
It is trash.
Ola, dude.
Why do you have that on you?
Dude, you are jammed up.
What pocket are you keeping that in?
It's a big ass cargo.
What do you got?
One second.
I just got to...
I got a professional football player, YouTube personality, and a soccer
player. I should be on this. For what? I'm an entertainer.
Eating the most Texas Tommies at lunch. I was never a Texan.
I was a popcorn chicken man. Everybody. What's the Hickins
Senior High School? Yeah, you got some stiff competition.
Really? Oh yeah. You're joking. Somebody put me on Foley's. I'm not. You're going to.
You're up against the defensive end
for the New Orleans Saints and Super Bowl champion.
Wait, recent?
That doesn't matter. It's the history of the school, man.
What year? What year?
I don't know. It doesn't say. It just says notable alumni.
It doesn't say the year they graduated.
You got a Pennsylvania House of Representative member.
Pretty good.
You got a musician, a YouTuber.
You got every member.
You got three of the members of one of the best bands out,
the Wonder Years, which is sick.
Good for you.
Wait, is that new?
I don't know.
Do you not know the, well, how do you know the Wonder Years?
They're a band from recent.
OK.
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
That's pretty good.
Yeah, yeah, they're good.
Hit me up yeah uh uh
that's about it oh no commissioner of food and drugs that sounds that is you he's the head of
the fda commissioner of drugs oh you're never making this list bro hey oh and then a serial
killer we have a serial killer oh big one what's! What's his name? He killed 22 people! What?! And he confessed to 41!
Whoa! Who is it?
It's a go-getter.
Uh, Gerald Stano.
Does he have a name? Like the night stalker?
That must have been years ago.
Yeah, click on him. Is he alive?
I hope not.
Uh, no.
Come get ya.
No, 1998. He got iced.
Execute it?
I hope so.
Ouch. What year was he born? Does it say?
Now somebody just put a smirnoff ice in his...
1951.
Nothing on that?
1951.
So you might have crossed paths with him at the Wawa or something.
Nah, I don't know that guy.
You don't know that?
My buddy Steve Pyle on there?
Nah, Steve didn't make it, bro.
What was he? What's he accomplished?
All-state wrestler. Took second in states. In college? No, but that't make it, bro. What was he? What's what's he accomplished? All state wrestler took second in states in college.
No, but that would be notable. Notable alumni.
He's in the Sports Hall of Fame there.
Well, yeah, that's exactly that's exactly.
That's not you did it at school.
He didn't do anything after school.
Not that shitting on him.
But that's what typically you graduate and go on to.
The House of Representatives got a nice place,
Long Island, YouTube personality, playing a kick-ass band sure
Nothing about the kid in there, huh?
Bullshit I know it's screwed left fucking whack dude. I'm a magic Johnson's on his
Fucking assholes. I'm gonna start killing people. You wanna do it dirty?
Speaking of high school.
I'm making that list.
I'm from around the way. I'm leading with something.
The pantry bandit?
With the stealing snacks?
This one's about high school. This is from Bernie's and briskets.
$10 all you can eat buffet here.
Hold on. I'm never washing my hair again, man.
Okay?
It's brute. It's like straw.
I can't keep it back.
It drives me nuts. I feel like the scarecrow. Alright, I'm not on mine straw. I can't keep it back. Driving me nuts.
I feel like the scarecrow.
All right, I'm not on mine, but I didn't think I would be.
I just wanted to make sure Miles wasn't.
Who is? Anybody?
Justin Theroux.
He wrote Iron Man 2, Zoolander and stuff.
Okay. Zoolander 2.
He's a good looking guy.
Yeah. Oh yeah. He's good.
He went to weird school?
He did. Wow.
He did a lot of stuff.
He wrote Tropic Thunder as well. I believe so. Yeah. Yeah.
All right. This one's from Bernie's and briskets.
Ten dollar all you can eat buffet here.
Is it garbage to boo at a high school graduation?
P.S. They were selling beers in the stands.
Do they? I see. I respect it.
I see videos of those these days where all kinds of shit goes on.
The one guy like pushes the superintendent out of the way.
Somebody makes a big speech because of something.
This and that.
People are icing each other.
They're yelling at each other.
Yeah, it's crazy times.
I was tripping my balls off.
Getting ready to leave for the shore.
I don't remember.
Sheet acid and an old Subaru.
That's unbelievable that you did that, by the way way mad respect. I didn't get on the list so fuck them
Hey, maybe you showed up on drugs
And they had us lined up they didn't do it alphabetical either when they walked us into the graduation they did it
Where you ranked in class? Oh, no really? Yeah, when we walked in that's how they did it where you're ranked in class. Oh, no. Really?
Yeah. When we walked in. That's how they did it.
I forget mine.
But that doesn't make sense because I could have swore they called us up alphabetically.
What are you talking about? You thought your diploma got given to you by a wizard.
No, I remember that.
I could have swore because that's when it really rang home to me how bad I had done in high school.
Because I was towards the end. I was like I think I would there was 348 kids in my class and I was like
340 something that's pretty good talk about a bad trip
That's a good way to ruin some good acid bad
I didn't give a shit at that point. I was out. I remember I was friends with 505 this girl
Wow, she was number 505 out of 505
ended up stripping
At that body on her so did I sure that would have got me in there
All right, this one's from add a $10 homie never have one read
Is it garbage if your neighbor uses a saws all to
edge his driveway. That's just
resourceful. I think that's
pro. That's precision. Yeah,
you can use a weed whacker
though. I think it's probably a
little tighter. You think
probably on your hands and
knees. That's the type of guy
who who who likes to tell you
what kind of grass it is. Uh
huh. If you hit that concrete,
it'll be spraying up in the face. That seems dangerous. the the
the
the
the
the
the
the the That's what I thought he meant. All right. I guess so. I'm going to do this out of here.
Should I go in the garage?
Right there.
Right there.
I used to love that man.
Flip the weed whacker upside down and it made it look so good.
I was always bad with the string with the...
Oh, that stuff was a nightmare.
It would come out too much, not too much.
It was a whack it on the ground.
It was going to spring too and that spring never worked. I'd be interested to see what the technology is done with all that
I remember the there was a infant not to get you off, but there was an infomercial
I know the plastic like orange blades. They were like plastic blades
It looked they sold a couple of those things on TV remember like the tiller that would like it would look like the old lady
Doing it. Yeah, I remember seeing that those blades and be like, Dad, let's just fuck.
It's 19 bucks. You got it. Let's get. They didn't work.
They broke. I don't know.
You ever get hit with a weed whacker?
Oh, yeah. That shit.
I can I can I visually remember the flesh opening up.
Oh, I saw one guy get like it was like a proper laceration.
Yeah. Full blast. had it. Not good.
Summertime. Oh, this is this is right here. We're these are
just randomly fallen. The homies are in the fucking zeitgeist
of the time that we're talking about Foley Village idiot.
Uh, it says $100 homie. It's got to be by the aggregate
Never had one read hold on by the way. I told you but Patty was up here She she looted a couple of teas yeah, you brought Patty to the studio
Yeah, she showed up to my nephew's graduation wearing a Foleyville t-shirt, which I don't mind
My graduation
That's on the fence a little bit, but she's repping the name
My mom wears the shirt wears the shirts that it's goddamn adorable my brother freaked out. He called me immediately
Yeah, I don't know she took and she cleaned me out I don't think my mom whatever we're but that's her name
That's cute, and it's not like you don't look at it and go, what is that?
She didn't realize it said the land the crazy on it.
I'll give you that. I forgot about that.
The land of dumbasses. It's me.
I love those. Um, all right.
Let's see here.
This is like I said, it's from Foleyville.
The legit it never had one read.
Growing up, did you have the gun on the hose
or were you thumb people?
Woo!
That's a home run of a question.
Yep.
Now, there's a lot to unpack there.
There's guns and then there's guns
because when they started messing around
with those things, we had the metal grip.
That was good.
That was good,
but then they started doing the multi-heads. I don't even think
Denise has that now. What you want is you want the one like
that where the amount of wideness of spray and how much
spread is going is controlled by how hard you squeeze. No, no,
no. It's not controlled by that. There's a thing in the back,
that little. If you want to really dial it in. Yeah. No, no, no. It's not controlled by that. The dial thing in the back, that little if you want to really dial it in. Yeah. Oh, yes. I understand. Yeah, you could.
But who's switching? No one's switching. I don't have that.
You might as well been a fucking Rockefeller if you had
one of those. We had one in the early day. I'm sure we the
one I remember was a plastic yellow one that was like, it looked like it was.
I know what you're talking about.
Even then I was like, this is,
it looked like it was 3D printed.
It was so cheap.
I remember the yellow one.
That was the one, it was so cheap and so plastic.
The threading didn't really,
I don't think there was any metal even in the thread.
It was just plant and it didn't.
And that we would take that to whatever,
there was a hose in the front and a hose in the back.
And that would, whatever. we didn't have two handles.
The handle made the trip around the house.
If we were watering the plants in the front
or we were having a water fight in the back or whatever,
or filling up a kiddie pool.
That's what it was.
Oh, that's thanks.
Oh, it sucked.
So what was amazing?
You got more pressure from the thumb.
When you saw a dad who knew what he was doing use the thumb,
man, that was like, are you a superhero?
He'd get you across the street.
Yeah.
They like angle it up a little bit.
Really play the orc.
Thumb was all right.
I mean, if you let that run for a while on a hot summer day,
ooh, man, that was refreshing.
Did you have tape on your toes?
Like for the holes? Oh, yeah, I don't think so. Our dude back
in back in the 80s and early 90s, those they were like fire
hoses. They were so thick. And I remember so young trying to
like, like, dude, to pull it like if I was trying to get to
like the back of the yard or something plus that was like Vegas for spiders
They were all in there having sex or a drinking dude
They were all over the place and now you'd find some critters in there which speaking of spiders
I don't know you guys seen the news lately
You know where I'm paratroopers the sparrow such spiders that are coming in now sporo spiders
They're parachuting in they're coming up to jet stream. It's not a bit
They're in the air they make a parachute out of their web and fly. It's horrifying like kite surfers
Are they coming in like a bunch? No, they're coming with GoPros and Red Bulls
Yeah, they're scared they're huge yeah, but apparently they pose no threat to humans. Yeah, I'm good. I
Mean remember those lanternflies. It's gonna be worse than that. If you saw this spider me during the day
I would say pull up the spider
I would say you'll freak out seeing one of those and acting like a big old bitch in front of my buddies is quite a threat
Cuz I'm gonna freak out. I'd freak out. I'd freak out. Yeah, I don't like spiders.
Juro spiders.
Juro J O R O S P I D E R.
Yeah, I know how to spell spider.
Me too.
I mean, don't act like a tough guy.
I'm not.
I guarantee you.
Let me see it.
I never see one of these things.
I put that thing's huge.
I'm not saying it's the size of a tennis ball. I'm not saying it's not. I'll never see one of these.. I put. That thing's huge, dude. I'm not saying it's not. The size of a tennis ball.
I'm not saying it's not.
I'll never see one of these.
I will put money on it.
I will never cross paths with one of these things.
You think they're lying?
When's the center supposed to hit?
I think they're listening.
I'm keeping to the target.
Unless they hang out at Patty's on Second Avenue,
I think I'm all right.
There's one sitting in a van across the street.
Get him.
They're strapping up.
Throwing flashbangs in here here see when they're supposed to come
Thought it was right about now into June. They're edging but
Yeah, I don't I mean I get that that's a thing I think it's probably hyped up more than it's a problem
I don't they said that about the lantern flies those goddamn things were everywhere
I mean like they you weren't and you weren't inconvenienced by them a little bit. They were scary
Okay, and they'd land on you getting your ice cream and shit. I did I lost the whole thing
I would read his water ice cuz one of those goddamn things was doing you a favor. I ain't around it
Like those never liked them.
Straight water ice guy. You're nuts.
What are they called? Blizzards.
No. No. Frosty. No. No.
Oh, they've been spinning this yarn since 2022.
Have they? Yeah.
What kind of bullshit is that? We got enough to deal with.
They scared us with the goddamn spiders.
They're all over Georgia, I guess.
Oh, yikes. Hold on.
Let me see. I got to get, I gotta get this, uh...
A misto.
That's what it's called, a misto.
You might be right.
Yep.
Misto.
Was that the original one, though?
That's the one that you drink.
Sounds like a bad Spider-Man villain.
Misto?
Misto!
Spits on ya?
I'll get you wet, but not too wet.
You'll be very uncomfortable in an hour.
I don't even think they have those. They do. They're
cranking up the custard over there at Rita's. It's delicious.
I like the vanilla.
No, they're calling them gelatis. Oh yeah, gelatis.
That's what it is. Man, it took me a second to say that out
loud in a Philly accent. I'm a dude of strawberry gelatis.
I'm gonna get a root beer gelati.
Uh-huh.
If you're not familiar with Rita's Water Ice,
Rita's Water Ice was-
Home run.
Based in, I believe, Ben Salem, Pennsylvania.
Is that what it crawled out of?
Uh-huh, because a buddy of mine's dad
had an option to get in on like 10 of them.
Really?
Didn't do it.
I think I went to college with the kid's son.
That could make sense.
That was always the rumor that this one rich kid was the guy that started at Sun.
I don't think he was that rich at the time.
No, I think they became quite rich.
This would have been 95, 96.
Here, let me, I got it.
I mean, they blew up in the 2000s.
Founded May 4th, 1984.
Whoa.
Headquarters, Trevo's, Pennsylvania.
That's my stomping grounds.
There you go.
I don't.
By Bob Tumlo.
Shout out to him.
Tomolo to Bob Tomolo.
Former Philadelphia firefighter, Bob Tomolo, with a recipe that his mother had made
that he then adjusted to enhance the flavors and include real fruit.
Tomolo named the restaurant after his wife, Rita Tomolo.
Rita's originally advertised as product of water ice, using the Philadelphia
regional term, which sometimes called Italian ice.
Sure. In other places, the country.
By the summer of 1984, Bob had opened his second store on the opposite side
of Pennsylvania in Lake Erie.
This guy spread across the whole fucking state.
Yeah, but out there they call them Guinea cups.
And we don't trust them.
Mm hmm. That's right.
They do have little pieces of cherry in there in their cherry water ice,
which is a pop shell flavor.
Yeah, they had the little I didn't like that as a kid.
So I would order the ones without the fruit in them.
Can I tell you this? Vanilla.
I like the I like the I like the water ice down in Philly a billion times
better than up in. Oh, it's not even close. It's a texture
thing. Yeah, it's not even close. There is a Polish water
ice that they sell on a boardwalk down there. TLC is
Polish water ice. It's man. It's f**k. I remember my cousin
Liam shout out to you. Introduced it to I think he worked
there one summer. He worked at a Polish water ice. I would
have been a rap. It sounded racist to me.
He's like, you want to go get some Polish water?
I'm like, God damn, they're right there.
But it's called TLC's Polish water ice.
They can hear you.
Guys, essentially, you order it, it takes them two days
to make, you can give me the cup upside down,
it keeps falling out.
Man, but TLC's Polish water ice is-
Hey, I got a fork.
It's like a creamier, softer-
Yeah, it's got a little something in it. It's like a soft slurpee, kind of. It's like a creamier softer. Yeah, it's got a little something in it
It's like a soft slurpee kind of it's good
I can't speak to the Polish ice, but I can't speak to a Polish sausage out there in Chicago
Hi, you know not too bad not too shabby, but Rita's is man. That is that Rita's gelati
Damn area served
31 US states mainly in the mid-atlantic number of
locations a thousand uh 750 540 thousand crazy yeah um no we got one right by us
damn got a little deck out there too they smell a certain way the fridge the
dude man that was so I meant you got you were you're there
I mean got nothing going on. I always got nice kids working there
Yeah, it was always if they always had they always had as a young teen myself. They always had a couple of hotties
I'm ordering nine pretzels and a fucking cord of chocolate
Trying to impress this broad. Oh
What I got 20 bucks. Hey, don't see you chocolate water. I see you are
That's crazy. Oh
I'm the asshole. It's on a menu. Okay chocolate
cherry lemon
Rainbow root beer I did root beer. I would use fish root. They got the Swedish fish flavor and it tastes exactly
fucking crazy home run
They got the Swedish fish flavor. And it tastes exactly like Swedish fish.
It's fucking crazy.
Home run.
$51 million in 2019 they did.
That's it?
That's so much money.
That's so much money.
It's an unfathomable.
They deserve more.
Billions they should have.
Sure, okay.
Shout out to Rita's.
Shout out to it.
If you're in the, if you're in the,
or if there's one, they're in 31 states,
if there's one around you make the trip go get it
Tell him kippy sent you patty
Godlover was always big on getting the ones from the grocery store the Luigi's Luigi's in the cups that had the
Extra extra sweet part on the bottom that was standard that was in the freezer
Obviously most summers it until you finished or whatever, but that was a staple Yeah, I had to work at him a little bit or let him sit out for a little while
But very refresh and as you could turn them and just get to the bottom that might as well have been salad to me as a kid
You didn't have I did but I thought it was like health food mom shit
What you ever had the bottom of one of those things?
crystallized wet sugar
I'm not even joking. It was like blue magic.
It's so good. Frank Lucas was pedaling next. It would be like, I'm not like a quarter inch of the
syrup all just stuck at the bottom and froze. I wanted the high heat. I wanted that Ben and Jer.
That's great. As a kid? Yeah. You didn't have twin pops. I'm gonna quote the great Chris DeStefano,
let me see your divorce papers kid. Because that's crazy. Ben and Jerry's? I had, dude, I didn't have twin pops or ice. I'm going to quote the great Chris DeStefano, let me see your divorce papers, kid, because that's crazy.
Ben and Jerry's?
I had, dude, I didn't have Ben and Jerry's
until I was living in New York, and that's not even a joke.
Wait, hold on a second.
Well, I started getting into it when they dropped the chocolate
chip cookie dough, but that was a global phenomenon.
Everybody was all over that when they dropped that.
Sure.
But as a kid, you didn't have do you have ice pops or
Any of that in the house? Oh, yeah, yeah, but Cindy is classy taste be hogging dos
Ben and Jerry Ben and Jerry's
classy taste
We got time smoking weed
We got time for one more year. This is just funny. I don't even know if it makes sense
This is from sex drugs and sloppy Joe's.
Oh, running.
That's a band name right there.
First time long time ever been drunk in a field?
Question mark.
Oh yeah, baby.
Which I'm not sure, but it is trashy.
I've been drunk in an empty,
in an empty proper empty field, nothing going on one time.
Oh, we used to have that in the woods all the time.
But that was, to me, that's I guess I'm reading the question different.
The woods is the opposite of a field.
And yes, no, we haven't.
The woods is an opposite of a field.
A field is no trees. Huh?
And also you're there.
To me, the question is, have you ever gotten drunk and ended up in a field?
That's how like you're going to party there because that's what the party somebody has a keg. That's the party
You're going to a party doesn't matter
Drunk in a field just means like I don't know what happened when you're drunk in a field
It's only been one time for me. I can't think of it. Yeah, I don't think so
Yeah, I have for sure I walked from my buddy's place to my mom's place for this outfit. This is fat shit
We were in college Thanksgiving leftovers
That just hit me. It was the day after Thanksgiving and me and Vinny with the skinny one block bag of turkey
Yeah, I wanted we were so fucked up at my buddy's house and we didn't want to drive that we walked to my mom
It was like two hours just to get a fucking Jesus
Just to get fucking Thanksgiving leftovers and we stopped at it like by our school
There's a big field and we sat out there on the bleachers with drinking a fucking brown
Paper bag full of beers the Truman show. Yeah, that's what I felt like I'm like we should do this every year man
Never did it again
Haven't seen many with the skinny city. You're walking two hours. What are you nuts?
We got to wrap it up gang what a fun one gang, uh-huh. Hope the summers going well for everybody
Yes, we stole the couple of the card games left.
They're going to be out. They're going to be done.
They're going to be donezo. Also more importantly,
the cruise. If you're interested in the cruise,
click the link. Let us know. If not,
obviously no harm, no fail. We just think it would be a great idea.
Let us know what you're thinking.
Yeah, and as you know, we're gearing up for that Route 66
tour, which is coming
early fall.
Tickets are going
quick. We're going to we're
shooting the whole thing. It's
going to be a good time. Get the
tickets. Come out. Party with
the boys. Lot going on gang. We
love you. See you next week.
Peace.