Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast - Fighting a Teacher w/ Kippy & Foley
Episode Date: June 22, 2023Are You Garbage is back with Kippy and Foley for a family episode to answer your garbage questions from Patreon. Its a fun one! Thanks for watching AYG Comedy Podcast. Love youse guys. Come to a live ...show! NEW MERCH: https://areyougarbage.com/ Follow Kevin: https://www.instagram.com/kevinryancomedy/ Follow Foley: https://www.instagram.com/hfoleycomedy/ Live Shows: https://areyougarbage.com/ PATREON: https://www.patreon.com/AreYouGarbage Helix Sleep: https://www.helixsleep.com/Garbage Box of Awesome: https://www.BoxOfAwesome.com Promo Code: GARBAGE Mint Mobile: https://www.MintMobile.com/GARBAGE Comedians H. Foley and Kevin Ryan are self proclaimed GARBAGE. Each week a new stand up comedian gets put to the test. Steal shampoo from hotels? Own a George Foreman Grill? Ever worn JNCO Jeans?
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Stop the ice cream truck gang. We got a little bit of an announcement on the state trashy door.
Still a few ticks left for that second show over there in Redback, New Jersey scooped
up before they're gone and you can get everything where, Kippy.
At RUGarbys.com gang, we got a bunch of merch over there.
We got a lot of cool t-shirts. They're moving off the shelves.
We got zip-o style lighters. Get them said style, not actual zip-o style.
All contractual thing. At RUGarbys.com gang, check it out. Thanks for the support we love you.
Welcome to another exciting edition of Are You Gobbage? The show where you find
out if your favorite comedians are classy individuals or absolute trash. Now
here are your hosts Kevin Ryan and H Foley.
Hey everybody out there and welcome back
to everybody's new favorite podcast.
This is our You Garbage.
Hey, yeah.
So I will show you sit down with your favorite comedians
and we find out that you're up to be classy.
Yeah.
It is the big old piece of trash.
Trash, trash, trash.
I'm your host H Foley coming at you on a beautiful day.
We're out back here at Tuddy's in the new edition.
She's upstairs just watching a little TV.
Okay, she's just relaxing.
Taking it easy.
No trouble, no nothing. Just chilling, doing her things.
It's good.
Smoking a little doobie as she does.
Yeah, of course.
A couple of Ls, little people's forpey.
A couple of Ls, little smog.
She's smoking blunts.
Tuddy smokes blunts now.
In the living room.
Okay.
Yeah, man, a house he smokes blunts in the living room. Okay. Yeah, man a house that smokes blunts in
Mike Oho's is coming at you from across the table. He is the CEO of our you garbage international business man
He was feeding me shots last night head dough done all hungover. Yeah, I wanted to have a quiet night
Quiet dinner you showed up with a beer helmet on what are you talking about?
Fucking guy you're a booze bag. Don't blame it it on me out with that Chris O'Connor last night
Boozon sure yikes
Give it up for KJ Kevin James Ryan what up gang thanks for tuning in as always
Please make sure you rate review subscribe on iTunes full video available on YouTube as you know those numbers are true to roof over
150,000 subs shut up to the fucking army of garbage, baby. Love you. Come and correct. That's what I'm talking about. And obviously, the greatest guy's starting website of all time,
www.patrion.com.
Slash are you garbage?
You sign up over there, you can get up to two bonus episodes a week,
you can get all fucking plethora of videos we've dropped.
We dropped poor videos, the indie thing, the crib,
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Disney.
Everything's on there.
It's all in there.
Check it out, gang. Absolutely. Having a Everything's on there. It's all in there.
Check it out, gang.
Absolutely.
We have a nice quick shout out to our producer extraordinaire.
The magic man makes us all look good.
Works the ones, works the twos, the threes,
and the fours, crosses the tees, dots, the eyes.
Give it up for T-bone, McScruffins,
Toby McMollan, everybody.
Hey, what up boys?
What up T-bone?
Hey, pal.
Now the dude, talk about smoking blunts inside
is something that used to make me feel so comfortable
Oh, and now makes me so uncomfortable, dude
I feel like I'm in danger when there's blunts in the car a little bit of weed smells
nice
I like it a little bit
Floating around it just takes me back to all those memories I had of sitting on like a dirty couch and some fucking dirt bag. Sure. There's seeds and stems all over.
There's a razor blade on the coffee table.
Oh, yeah.
That caught dude, a fucking stoner.
Couple loose pistachios, shows.
Yeah.
A stoner's coffee table is something else.
There's rez all over something that like a pen.
You try to just write, take a number down with a pen.
There's rez all over and shit.
Somehow it was worse when you went to your dealer's house and you just cleaned up. It's still like look
Feels like a sting
Yeah, that ain't good man. Yeah, it just takes me back. You're sitting on a couch like four other people of
Own before that person sure it was you know, Gary. One large missing. This is Gary's grandma.
She got it from, you know, whoever.
Yeah, I hated it.
So now when I go, if I'm in a house like that, it just takes me back to like a, you know,
not a great time.
Sure.
I used to get so, so paranoid because I didn't, I didn't realize, I didn't realize until
much later in life that you just take one little hit.
You'd be all right.
He used to take it right to the head. Mm-hmm
I've ever sitting in the back of my buddy Charlie station wagon. We cut school. We were smoking doobies
And we were just parked in a neighborhood and I had a fucking mask like let's get the fuck out of here the cops
We're coming I dude the first time he did it first time his move to eat
Fucking there might be like the second or third time. I don't think I got high the first time
They say you don't yeah, I don't think I got high the first time. They say you don't. Yeah, I don't remember. I don't honestly, if we weren't fucking,
we didn't have any fucking kind, but I know that much.
Just fucking mostly seats, couple of shwiggins, you know what I mean?
But the first time I was at a kid's house and he's like,
yeah, we got like a $25 ath from this kid.
He had it.
That's good money right there.
We're sleeping over.
I'm sleeping over his house. He's like, yeah, I smoke weed all the time $25 ath from this kid. He had it. That's good money right there. We're sleeping over
I'm sleeping over his house. He's like, yeah, I smoke weed all the time. I'm like, okay, cool
Then we get something and it's gonna be like, you know, we get there and we're down the basement
I'm sleeping down the basement and his dad came in and turned the lights off. He's like lights out at 10
At 10 p.m. I'm fucking like dude. I'm like, I'm fucking he's supposed to sneak out and smoke weed
It's like a fucking it's like sholshank in here
Do you strip it over a can of paint? Yeah
Fucking rough hang no TV where if junior high no TV after 10. I was like dude call my mom
Get me the fuck out of here this sock. God damn news is coming on
Have get to knees before her third glass of wine. I got this in the Lennon's monologue, cause of you.
Uh-huh, fuck that.
I stayed at a buddy's place in Ridgewood, New Jersey.
Ooh, they had a bong on the coffee table in the living room
and the mom came in and was like,
you kids want snacks?
I was like, this is a set up.
Yeah, no, you guys are fed.
Hey, Toby, you smoke drugs, right?
Or what?
Hmm, yeah. We know what? Yeah.
We had one strict dad.
There was one dad that was really, really strict.
Sure.
It was like ex-military, like ex-air force.
You just sleep with his eyes open.
It was that guy.
Yeah, not as this creep me in.
Oh, dude.
Um, nuts.
Yeah, my dad didn't care.
I think my dad knew everything that was happening.
You know what I mean?
It would be like I
Was getting the no drinking and driving talk before I even had a car. You know what I mean?
It was like okay, if you just don't drive. I'm like all right
Me while he's got a fucking
He's got a rolling rock between his legs
Cut out jean shorts and a rock shore. There's family members you still let them bar your car if there's a show
Whatever and then like you're fucking you get the car back you take a hard turn you're clanking up to the seat
I'm like what the fuck?
Jim and me I get pulled over I'm 16. It's fucking open containers floating around the back seat.
The gun on any of the seats.
There's a body in the trunk.
I can't
don't touch that. Yeah, it was, yeah, those were those weren't great days. Just like
fucking no feet. You know, you're just thinking about getting weed. That's all you ever
thought. You know, I mean, like, who, how can we get a bag? Who's around? Yeah, well,
Follies got a full proof plan for throwing the cops off his scent now. What's that?
He just puts those glasses on.
I think they're one of him.
Oh, yeah, those are real cop glasses.
Or fucking, I called you Dr. Fieldgood earlier.
Those are, you're on either side of the wall
with those things.
He's in my fighter pilot.
You're either coming or going, yeah.
Right. Fucking Maverick. Key You're either coming or going, yeah. Right.
Fucking Maverick.
Key loads her 15.
Yeah, bro.
If you're the only pilot you're doing
is under the radar and those things.
When I wear these at baseball hat and Hawaiian shirt,
I was thinking I'm working for the company.
Not gonna over some government in Nicaragua.
Not gonna over a vending machine.
I got a little something I wanted to, last night. Last night, we, oh, also too, they've been talking about it,
the stuff Island boys that you brought them up,
we were out there last night with Chris O'Connor
having a two tree pops.
Oh, God damn.
And I forgot, we never made public, but they have,
I have a bet with him.
Yeah.
About going down the shore.
Where we're going down the shore.
Going down the shore.
We got a shore house with the stuff Island boys are gonna
go down hang out for a week, hold on.
Yes, we are.
And I bet him, I bet O'Connor says he can do,
he could do the Charles thing.
He can learn the Charles thing.
He can learn the dance the Charles thing.
It's never danced before, I don't know,
he dances a wedding or anything.
That kid's fucking psycho.
And I don't think he's got any rhythm in him.
I don't know, but it's $1,000 bet.
I thought it was five hundred.
I, we were really drunk.
We made this a couple of weeks ago.
We were.
It was five grand.
No, he doesn't owe me anything.
He just has to buy my beers for the week.
Okay.
Like when we're out, like he's got to cover my drinks.
But the bet is. If he does it, you got to give him a G-H like he's got to cover my drinks. But if the
bet is if he does it, you got to give him a G-Hod. I got to give him a G-Hod. I might even
be 1500 or two. I forgot. We were fucking Jesus. Asafied. And so here's the deal when he gets
to the house, he's not allowed in until he does the dance. We'll have a boom box play
in the song of his the Charles. Yeah and then yeah, and then everybody I even took myself out of his nice guy and I go
I won't be the one who decides if it's
Good not that the you guys will sure you guys decide if what he did qualifies as the Charles did
I don't know what the hell the Charleston right? Yeah, I don't think you need to because he ain't gonna do it.
It doesn't matter.
He's got two left feet.
She's got a dance teacher.
Why?
So I can lose money?
Why am I going to get him a dance teacher?
He's got to learn it.
He said the other day, he goes, I was practicing in the shower.
I'm like, he's going to show up in a cast, dude.
Oh my god.
Okay.
This is fucking easy money.
Speaking of which, I've gotten to the age
where that's on my mind now.
Slip it in the bathroom or slip it in the tub.
I just put the strips down,
cause I almost fucking,
my wife bought some honey soap or something, dude.
That's, it turns into a goddamn slip and slide that.
I feel like the broads in there washing with vegetable oil.
Yeah, fucking dude.
Man. For, fucking dude. Man.
We just put the strips down.
But so last night, what is the, what's the etiquette on eating in an Uber?
We talk about on a plane.
Obviously, draw, obviously I had about 18 drinks in me.
Last night.
Yeah.
Yeah. Also, I left you at the bar
Which was a rare what time did you leave there? Maybe like an hour after that. Whoa that was late
Because I went to be out of there by midnight and I looked at my I hit a fucking black hole at time because I looked at my
Phone it was like 15. I'm like I get the black out of here. I was hurting. Yeah, I was hurting
But what's can you eat in an Uber and should you ask?
Yeah, you should ask, but you shouldn't what what were you eating?
And you just had pizza there. I had a slice of pizza there and a couple in the car
No, really? I was gonna do pizza, but then I was like I can't get him with like a fucking penny vodka slice
I'm fucking stinking up this dude's fucking car. He's ramen in the bag.
He's got chopsticks up there.
It's a duck saw situation.
I couldn't bring myself to do it.
So I did pop by the fucking that 7-Eleven right there.
Sure.
Which is, I mean, that's crazy.
That's like a demilitarized zone in there.
That's nuts.
Dude, I opened up all of the refrigerator.
I try to get a fucking cold water to go to night night with.
Open up the refrigerator.
It's like 95 degrees in the whole, everything was hot.
I was drinking a hot gatorade on the wall.
On the ride of, dude, it's hot.
A warm gatorade.
I had that in some pretzels.
I ate pretzels. You can eat pretzels. I a pretzels
That's you can eat pretzels pretzels. All right pretzels is okay. I think but you should ask I didn't
I just I'm like, well, you're gonna you know, let me eat pretzels. I've popped a beer in the back one. Whoa
That was I've asked when I first moved to New York
And I was a uber black too. They like yeah, I mean, yeah. Yeah. Fucking jerk off of this thing.
Hey, buddy, you don't want to turn around.
You don't want to miss this.
No.
Back in the day, you would get those,
remember before Uber, you would get like the town cars,
like the hired cars.
And you would negotiate the price.
You would go and be like, hey, we're, you know what,
here, I got to go here, how much? And he'd go 40 bucks, you go 25,
he goes there, if I didn't meet in the middle.
They would, especially in the heights,
Dominican dude, they have, you get in a back seat
with a 12 pack, they don't give a fuck.
You get nine people in the back seat.
Cook meth back there.
Everybody's getting fucking turned up.
Get the lab going.
Yeah.
I don't think, can you Google to see if,
what are the, is there a role of eating it in Uber?
Yeah, it is not against Uber's terms of service to eat
I
Just Google it now I could say a few minutes ago. He's good
I knew all right
I thought you were speaking for an experience
You taking this up to the Supreme Court I knew all right. I thought you were speaking for an experience. Like I got on the back.
You taking this up to the Supreme Court?
Excuse me, sir.
It's not new terms and conditions.
And I've read them by the way.
They, I don't think they like it.
Yeah, I, I could imagine they're not fans.
Yeah, but I don't know.
You ever take the water in there if they offer you a water?
That's a setup.
That's you're gonna fucking wake up with your underwear on backwards with that shit no fucking way, dude
I ain't doing that. That's a fucking setup. I tell you my new Uber paranoia
What's that when they have the cable for the phone? I never use it. It's gonna jack your info. Yes. Yeah, I don't think I don't think that
Fuck
Sorry, dude. Yeah, I thought that off.
We're all nuts.
I've thought that too.
I do the same thing.
Sky.
Let's start filming you in there, too.
Yeah.
Get you, it's all set up.
They're gonna have your nudes installed.
We'll be playing in the billboards at Times Square.
Holy spread eagle.
You'll need it to see it.
It's happy that they put a blow that thing up.
Yeah. Okay. Well, now we know now you don't have to, you should ask, though.
I think that is proper etiquette pretzels, though.
It's not a big.
That's not bad.
I'm a dude smoking in cabs back in that day was great.
I caught Philly.
You could sketch heaters in the cab.
Yeah.
And they would have one.
Yeah.
Can I smoke in here?
I'll have one.
Tell you.
Sure. I just like do bugsers in the caps. Yeah, and they would have one. Yeah, Kai, smoking here, I'll have one. Tell you, by short, just like do buds,
cruising around the kitchen heaters.
Hey, turn us up, will you?
This is my jam.
The cop comes by, hold it down, you know, problem.
Rip in heaters.
Remember doing whippets in the back of the cab one time.
Okay.
Going up the FDR.
Out of what?
Ready what?
Well, you were doing the- Not even real ones?
Not even like the crackers?
Just on your way to a cookout?
I'm sorry the pie's all fucked up.
I'm gonna wait home at the end of the night.
Hurtin.
Hurtin.
Looking for anything.
Keep going, dude.
I swear I have a credit card.
Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa.
That's got Buffalo Bill in the back seat.
Man, you are a fucking fat person.
You are something else, dude.
Yeah.
Did you ask him at least, hey, buddy, is it cool if I do legal drugs in the back seat?
Wait, wait, did you pick up the whipped cream cream before or did you just have it on you?
No, it stopped at the.
Oh, Dagger, that was that was the nightcap.
Yes. Yeah.
You were like, Hey, I'm going to get a cab.
Let me pop in.
Get six cans already.
Yeah. Jesus Christ.
You gotta be ready.
I got a whole pound cake at home. What do you want from me?
Yeah, I'm no angel
I gotta pass that you are the devil. Oh
God damn. How do you feel about when the Uber driver's eating? Oh, hey, didn't hate it. Hey, didn't that didn't really feel like you're in their car
hate it, hate it, hate it. That didn't really feel like you're in their car.
You know what I mean?
I feel like this is just a guy I asked for a ride.
Like I'm not.
The guy that we, the guy that took us to the airport in Vermont.
You guys were in a pickup truck.
Yeah, he was eating chips.
That's not.
You think I'll bag a chips?
Two like seven in the morning.
That was crazy early.
Fuck guys eating funnions.
Ask him, I said, oh, are you from what the fuck that was crazy? Yeah, I got the Fritos dude. Yeah, that's not I remember
Well, I think I told it I
Got a cab I got an Uber a lift in the Lanark city and it was a pickup truck and I had it was a shared one like we were both going
We were sitting three across yes, we were. And F-150.
And the guys are like, I was talking to another guy.
Couple of farm hands.
I know, a guy coming home from, he was also from New York going to visit family.
Wait, hold on, this was an Uber.
Yeah.
A pickup truck.
Yeah.
This is like two guys, three dudes in the front seat.
Me and a guy were sharing it.
Cause I forget why we were sharing the Uber.
We were both going to Wildwood. Like I was getting out of North Wildwood. I was got we were both going to Wildwood.
Like I was getting out of North Wildwood.
He was going to Wildwood Crest or something.
Taking turns driving.
But I've been diving up all night.
Yeah, it was fucking wacky.
I think that was the last time I'm like,
I can't do this anymore.
We used to take that casino bus down there.
It was 30 bucks, round trip,
and when you got there, you got a $10 voucher to
like, seasors or something. Sure. And man. Get it going when you get in there.
I'll let it ride, baby. I remember, oh man, you're just down there with, you're, you
through that bus is like, it's people on the lamb. Any bus. Any bus. Is brutal. The
mega bus from New York, theilly with brutal yeah, I never
write that I wasn't a big mega guy there I was mega everywhere else for the most part
picked a train like a gentleman I didn't have them the money or the time though that's
it because if you don't have that amtrak money that could be like a fucking four and a
half hour journey the train and shit the Jersey transit train from Penn station to Trenton, which is like
an hour and a half, then you got to switch over to Septa. That takes you to 30th Street,
which is another hour plus you're waiting 40 minutes for it. Then to get out to the
burbs, you got to get on like the R5 or whatever and go out there. Yeah. Yeah, not anymore.
Take the bus down.
I would get off the Trenton and have someone,
I'd have my mother scoop me a train.
Me too.
Yeah, Patty picking me up a Trenton.
Mm-hmm.
Man.
The good old days.
Oh, by the way, this is my nine year anniversary
of living in New York speaking of this.
Congratulations.
Nine years today.
Look at you.
I remember when you stumbled into the city.
Yeah. Looking at me for advice, showing you thehuh. I remember when you stumbled into the city.
Yeah.
Looking at me for advice, showing you the ropes.
No, the first day we got lost.
You got us on the wrong train.
We went to a movie.
No, we didn't.
We didn't?
I was at a movie.
I went to a movie by myself and met you.
A real cool guy.
It was, uh, because we met in Chelsea.
I forget.
Yeah. I don't know. I just remember you being like yeah, let's go pop over the show
I know so and so's on the show. We're only three you're like this and we are on a training like this ain't the road
Training we got I'm like this guy's things dude me while you're smoking all my heaters
What I lived with I just can for 20 bucks what I'll be wind up in the Bronx. I'm gonna go talk to a guy in the corner of
See a man about a tie.
Why are we at the ready whip factory?
I got a big one.
Not even a case you have one giant.
What was I gonna say?
When I lived up here the first time, I never learned the subway system.
I never took the subway.
I would take the bus occasionally,
but I usually took cabs or didn't go anywhere.
I don't move her in shaker.
I mean, there was like-
They were out there doing it, how big, guys.
There was like two years where I didn't
leave the upper east side.
I worked in the upper east side.
My apartment was in the upper east side.
I didn't really do anything.
If I went anywhere, I was going somewhere with my brother
and I was taking a cab.
So I had to learn the subway when we, when we moved up here.
Yeah, it wasn't easy.
Mm-hmm.
Couple of tears shed on that subway.
Oh, I'll pay you that.
Yeah.
A lot of what am I doing?
The whole nine yards.
It ain't great.
Those first couple of months, six would be first to everybody says the first year, but
at like nine months you're like, oh, this is just never it's just only gonna get
Work like everything fucks everything. Yeah, damn. Jamie up. Jamie up. Now who we are look at us now. Thanks to aunt hoodie baby
Yeah, jump of the turn style no more. I never did that. Yeah, I was always afraid. I wouldn't give them the satisfaction
I only said that excited I assume that you had a story of you getting, clipping your feet and falling over.
No, that's why I didn't do it.
My school bag would get caught.
I'd fucking hang up upside down or something.
That's why I wouldn't do it.
I'm so injury prone.
You're hanging there like Jesus.
I'm so sorry.
I never fucking did it, dude.
I assumed that was your MO.
What, Jumphant Turnstiles?
Yeah.
Been known too.
Spray painting, cops and jumpin' turnstiles. Spray painting, God.? Yeah, been known to spray paint and cops and jump
and turn styles. Hey buddy, stay still for a second. Fucking law breaker.
Uh, roller skates. Yeah, I never fucked with that. Yeah, never, never, never.
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I just got a green pocket knife look at you and I feel so I live in an apartment
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do it gang
but that's neither here nor there gang because we got a gosh darn fan
episode on our hands.
Sweet dude.
When you sign up for patreon we will answer your garbage question
on the air it's just the best way to do it.
The homies get first crack at it, so sign up over there on that
Patreon, it's a good God darn time.
I have a fun over there.
Yeah, it's a fucking, though that's sauce cunt.
There's over 9,000 patrons.
It's good.
Shout out to you, man, aren't they garbage is strong?
I feel all fuzzy, was he?
Something else.
I love from them, baby.
Something else.
All right, let's see here, this one's from Josh.
Are you garbage if in middle school your principal got beat up by a kid?
That's fucking tough, dude.
You got a quit, you got a quit.
You got to get the motor to teacher or something.
Now we had Mr. Schneider.
He'd knock you the fuck out.
Really, he was huge.
Stand by me type, shit.
Yeah, he was huge.
Hang your ass, hang your ass,
your fet is hanging off the top of the building
And this is the 90s man all our teachers were like tough in some way there was none of that
Remember my ninth grade science teacher jacking somebody up for Stain is name wrong. He was really on the edge
Jesus, he was our athletic trainer up a D calf will you doc Doyle shout out to him RIP fucking great dude
He's taught me about the Gatorade
diluted two to one
Okay, that's all I learned about it. Hey, I'm like in real scholar over here
No, I think you learned a bad learned in high school was about food
But he was usually on the edge and some kid came and was like your doc
Doc Boyle Doc to an all-sunday just lost it and jacked him up. He's like, you fucking making fun of me.
You platinum evil.
Yeah, that's nuts.
We didn't have a, I don't think any, my, I did have a extended family member who
would, I don't know if it was a charter school pride was like, you know, some not a public school and
He would go if you you know, he had taught like teenagers or whatever and he was like, hey, you know
You would get like arguments like you know, and he was like if you want to fucking have it out
I'll square you know not square. Oh, I think they would go to the gym and he would just like beat this shit out of these kids
He's like you're getting a line. Well fucking, you know, not square out with you. I think they would go to the gym and he would just like beat the shit out of these kids. He's like, you're getting a line.
Well, fucking, you know,
well, fucking shoot the fade or whatever.
And then we'll be more air out our differences
and we'll go back to class.
Yeah, I was like, that's fucking,
I don't think he's, I don't think he's teaching anymore.
By one teacher, would do that if students got into a fight.
Again, this is, this is the early 90s.
Take a shirt off and jump in. Are you pussy?
Start to jump the kid. Run his pockets after it.
That's the only three measly bucks I did to shit.
That's the worst thing I go through your pockets.
Oh man. I know.
Yeah.
Now, two kids got into a beef, made everybody pull all the desks back into a square and put
them in the metal as I go ahead, but they were too scared to fight.
Yeah.
Oh, yeah.
At that point.
Oh, no.
Is you're getting in trouble?
Oh, yeah.
Anyway.
Yeah. Yeah. get in trouble. Oh, yeah. Anyway, yeah, yeah, yeah. No, uh, yeah, we never I think another I think I think we had
a wrestling coach who would, you know, it was the gym teacher and if you got fucking,
if you got into it with him, he was like, I'll fuck, you know, let's take it to the
mats. I'll fucking, you know, I'll fucking give you the button hook or whatever.
Whatever it's called. with a folding chair.
And it's Mr. Jenkins from the top, bro.
But you hit him with a leg drop.
He runs in and puts the face pain on.
It comes out.
The lights go out.
Oh,
so dumb, Stephanie McMahon running around back.
Stephanie.
That's a name, right?
Maybe I think so. He could, uh, I don't think back to him. Stephanie. That's a name, right? Uh, maybe. I think so.
He good.
Uh, I don't think it's definitely doesn't.
It kind of does sound right, but it's also, I don't think it is.
Stephanie, you're stacey.
Stephanie.
Stephanie, look at you.
Hmm.
You still watching?
No, I just saw a clip of her and uh, Triple H.
Vince McMahon.
Well, a couple of days ago.
Okay, gotcha, gotcha, gotcha.
Uh, uh, fucking home run of a couple of days ago. Okay, gotcha, gotcha, gotcha.
Fucking home run of a question.
Home run.
All right, this one's from Marty, $10 homie never had one red.
Is it garbage to ask your friend,
where are you staying instead of where you living?
Because that's go, that's real, real temporary vibes there.
That means you're on your way out.
That's not permanent.
Where are you staying? A couch. Yeah, I'm staying over at my mom. I'm staying over at Tuddy's. That's somebody
getting their shit together. I thought that. Staying somewhere. Yeah, where you staying.
I was back at Paddy's when I flunked out of school before I left for theater school. I was staying
there for a little while. That's what you tell me I was staying in my mom. Yeah, I'm helping out. Yeah, you know, I paid a rent, paid a mortgage,
all that stuff. I'm waiting. Patty, I'm gonna have to break your legs and the stories they
solid. It's like misery. I could see you with the town bar trying to land some fucking
Bluebell for. Yeah, I'm staying with my, you know.
Did you ever bring a girl back to your mom's house?
Like after college and stuff like that?
Yeah.
No.
Like to try to close a deal?
No, we always went out and filly.
So like we would go, like we had apartments.
Sure.
Like that's like where we would go out.
No, never to, I never had like sneak someone in.
Yeah, I mean either.
I can try and run to set the alarm up
before the alarm goes off.
My dad was a light sleeper. You know, I must have made you do them, boy. Yeah, not me either. I'm fucking trying to run to set the alarm up before the alarm goes off.
My dad was a light sleeper.
He was like, what's the, what's you doing, boy?
Cut that in his BVDs.
Shout out to BVDs by the way, they were something else.
Of course they're on.
That was the gentleman's underwear.
Yeah.
That was like fancy and classy.
I know, because I remember I went,
we went swimming, I was like a young kid.
I don't know, fucking.
You were a tidy whiteies man, right?
Like, I think everybody starts out as a tidy whiteies guy.
Yeah, yeah, right.
You can't be two.
You can't be a three year old in Boxers dude.
That's what, big heart zone.
That's fucking me.
Get the socks with the straps.
I mean, I told you, I was like eight or nine.
I used to wear a pair of silk boxers.
I did that, but I was over my buddy's house.
We went swimming.
I think like impromptu swimming.
So like I didn't have clothes.
We're probably, I don't, seven, six, something like that.
And so she was like, oh, just, you know, his mom was like,
oh, just use, you know, like a pair of his underwear
and shorts or whatever.
And I remember she hand, she's like, okay, here you go. Like open, shower, like a pair of his underwear and shorts or whatever. And I remember she hands, she's like, okay,
here you go, like open shower, what a change.
She handed me a pair of BVBs,
and I never heard of them things.
I thought they were Euro-cuddered or something.
I was like, what a real six-strap.
They did, I was like, what, what are we professional wrestlers?
He got me, I'd there looking like Valvenus.
He's stealing superman.
I remember being like, I ain't never heard of that brand.
I was like, we were a Haines fan.
Haines threw to the loom, sure.
Yeah, yeah, BVD was.
BVD's.
Yeah.
Class man, didn't fill those things out.
I'll tell you that much.
Yeah, it was like a van Husson.
You know those shirts to van Hussons?
Yeah, they're Macy's, right? Yeah, they were at nights. Couple of van H, it was like a van using. You know those shirts, the van using? Yeah, they're macy's, right?
Yeah, they were nice.
Couple of van using's like a real jar.
Dude, the summer between my senior year of high school
and going to college, my girlfriend at the time came down
and say with me and my folks, and we hooked up,
and I went out, we went out to the pool or whatever,
and my mom's dog, little maltease.
You want a pool?
In the apartment complex, yeah.
Okay, well that's a caveat.
Yeah, okay.
You had a pool?
Guy's three doors down then.
They were on VK, they were in Spain for the month.
The, her maltese went through the trash
and came out into the living room
with the used condom in its mouth,
throwing it around the living room.
Jesus, dude. Like something about Mary or some shit dude.
Like a subway rapper. It's like a big dog. But the old man know.
Hey, see that thing? Put a little perv of a dog. And no, dude.
All the stuff in there. that's what you go for.
Fucking little heathen.
Little freak.
You would knock boots in the house like that?
Not after that.
Jesus.
I got this nark-ass dog running around blowing my spot up.
I only did that once and fucking my dad heard.
He was fucking.
Yeah, as you don't have a house, can you even have a house, can do so
to the whale and on yourself, let alone fucking,
have an apartment doing the dosie dough up there.
It was a Gestapo regime in there.
I mean, all the doors are all connected.
It's like a hotel, they're all the joining rooms kind of.
Come on, open it up to the outside.
Yeah.
Yeah.
That ain't an easy sneak in and sneak out. When you allowed to, so, okay, yeah, that ain't an easy sneak in and sneak out.
Would you allowed to, so okay, so you said between high school and college,
what state is this in?
Florida.
Oh, you're in Florida.
Same Pete.
Same Pete.
Well, you, was your high school girlfriend allowed to sleep in your room?
Sleepover?
Yes.
Really?
We were adults basically kind of. You're not an adult now. What do you talk? were adults, basically, kind of.
You're not an adult now.
What do you talk? You weren't an adult back then.
Legally.
My mom...
He was a big, that was proud.
Legally, you can't tell me what to do.
Now, I'll take my cereal in my room, please.
We had cousins in their 20s,
and if they weren't married,
they weren't allowed to sleep in the same room
with their, with their fiances.
And Catholic household like I love Lucy that severed beds one foot of the floor. No, he put one downstairs and one upstairs. Yeah, my, there was a,
there was a moment where my girl sleeping your room. Hey, shout out to
atheism.
Yeah, I guess there is benefits. Your parents are atheists. Yeah.
Okay.
Thought you were Scottish.
Yeah, 23 million this guy. I think my brother-in-law lived it. What does that have to do with anything? God was household, man. No rules, baby. Yeah, all the
stuff we have is all. Yeah. Fucking disgracey. Oh, my brother-in-law needed a place to stay. Tell you, knock a broad up.
That's, I think that's why Patty didn't want it happening.
He wanted me fucking dropping live rounds in somebody.
She's gotta raise the kid, because I had no-
We stopped talking about your rounds, please.
This is a fucking goddamn family.
Putty's upstairs watching TV.
Uh, it's no more round talk from you.
All right, and if you're on the Patreon, you know why I bring that up because I've seen
them.
I've seen a couple of sped clips.
Big man's in their dumping clips and his undies.
It wasn't that.
It was ready with.
Oh, man, I love it.
All right, let's see.
This one's from E Breezy from Vacate, back of the bill, $10 home, you never have one
red.
This is a shot at me in a picture I post.
Are you garbage?
I mean, I didn't realize.
Are you garbage if you get no sideburns when getting your haircut, especially if you're
a child with no sideburns that picture
I posted with the bowl cut. I didn't realize I they took me the fucking high in tights. I had the flat liner going dude. That's a bad look
It was worse when a dad had it. Oh man a grown man with it
It's you see the sunglasses go all the way back. Yeah
Um, I saw a dude on a train with it
Dude, he went so high up in the back. You know what I mean? Like they they fucking took them all the way up
And he had no and no fucking sideburns. I was like body open a book or something read a magazine
It's not a good look. It's not a good look
But I get if at the time I don't think things were we've talked about this things weren't cool back then
Because we didn't know anything.
No, it was cool back then.
I don't think it was cool.
I just think it was baseball players that had it.
I didn't have the baseball, I didn't have the cool hot Dominican baseball guy.
No, no, I'm talking about the white guys.
They would have like regular, regular hairline like on the side.
And they would just be gone.
There's a couple guys on the ex-boes or reds that had it I don't know that's a
tough looked all anything yeah that's real that's real jammed up another tough
look is the bald guy with the sideburns that go too high sure what do you mean you
know how like if they have a beard and then you clip it by the ears then it does
it fades into the shape head but sometimes
you'll see it go up a little too high like the way action broncin rocks it a little bit yeah he
pulls it off well like past their ears yeah so it's just like you just got like two fucking
johns here oh yeah what the fuck yeah it's like mad mag shit yeah yeah it's like reverse mutton chops. I know. It's inverted chops.
Yeah, that's a tough look.
All right, let's see here. This one's from Frank. Another $10 homie. I already know how
I feel about this, but is it garbage to put your shirt on before boxers? My dad did this
growing up and definitely saw him dangling as a child. You're sure before your boxers crazy. Yeah
Chrissy D does it real. Oh, that's right. Yeah, that's right. We need the pooza
I feel like I need to be protected right away. Sure. I mean yeah, like having your fill you know undies go on first
Yeah, I can fucking get my wits about me. Yeah, yeah, I'm he's going first. That's that's crazy. Yeah, that's that ain't that ain't great
about me. Yeah. Yeah. Undy's going first. That's crazy. Yeah. That's that ain't that ain't great. Uh, that's did real weird shit back then. They had real weird routines and all that. Yeah.
There was, it was no man's land. They weren't talking. They were just figuring it out themselves.
Yeah. High white socks, bad deodorant, shitty underwear, big time. Uh huh.
Tucker T was all tidy way. Did you get like the shaving convert?
Did your dad show you how to shave?
Uh, I think maybe once, but I couldn't shave the way he could.
He had like a real like man stubble.
My, my, even now it's not really thick.
Does that make sense?
Yeah, I think it was because they didn't moisturize or something that skin was different
I was like a catcher's been shaved every day
It's like it made it would like make noise
Oh dude
Yeah, I didn't have that you were ripping a piece of loose leaf. Yeah, I think my dad shaved every day nuts
It's nuts. That's so crazy to me.
I hated shaving. I hate the way it made my face feel.
I just stopped one time. Like, not to like right before I was getting married.
I was just like, I'm fucking, because I wouldn't get be so lazy that I would let it get too long.
And I didn't have a beard trimmer. I just would have to like, it'd be too long, be ripping out.
It's like old mock three.
And it would, oh yeah, I would feel it here for days.
Just like fucking.
It'd be weird when it was growing back in.
Oh, no, I could feel it being already like ripped
at just fucking sucked.
And I was like, I'm done.
I'm just getting, I thought beer trimmers were like.
Kitchen lip.
Ooh.
I thought beer trimmers were like a million dollars.
They're awesome.
And then I remember I bought one
Did you know anybody that rocked the electric razor?
The ones with the circle. I stepped that had one, but I don't think I think he just bought it because it was like
It was never used. I don't know how those things work. I used it one time. It was fucking brutal
I thought they were exclusively for guys at red lights
In commercials or movies late for a meeting.
That's funny.
Kip, you know about this mint mobile?
Uh, yeah, mint mobile.
My wife's been using it for years.
So you know about $15 a month.
I keep your number, pass the savings right onto the consumer.
All done online, no brick and water, no push these salespeople,
no nothing like that.
Oh, by the way, you know who owned it?
Ryan Reynolds.
Yeah, we're gonna peek at that guy.
Height body.
Woo, wee!
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Is a trash here to say data or data?
Data is trash here. Yeah, it would be data. I'm a data man
I'm a data man. I don't know how what I do actually now. I'm in my head about it
Switching couldn't be easier. Keep your same phone phone number and all your contacts the only thing that changes is your bill
And it goes down a bunch of money, okay?
15 beans. What are we doing? I know 15 bucks a month. I don't even save in 15 bucks and all your contacts, the only thing that changes is your bill, and it goes down a bunch of monies, okay?
15 beans, what are we doing?
I know, 15 bucks a month, not even seven, 15 bucks.
It's 15 bucks a month.
Crazy.
It's uncanny.
To get your new wireless plan for just 15 bucks a month
and get that plan shipped to your door for free,
go to minmoble.com slash garbage at minmoble.com slash garbage.
Call your wireless bill to 15 bucks a month
and minmoble.com slash garbage. I'm back there that 15 bucks a month and mint mobile.com slash garbage.
I'm back to that guy.
I just don't show gang back to the show.
Shave it in the car.
Did either of your dads wear the socks, suspenders?
No, I don't understand.
No, with the straps.
I was just saying no.
That's for like business people.
Right?
You mean in the 20s, nobody, why did yours?
No.
Was he a traveling salesman?
Sellin' snake oil. But that's for suits, right? That's to keep that's to keep the suit.
No, I think that was I don't know what you do with whiteies.
I think that was when they didn't have elastic and socks.
Yeah, but I feel like people did it way, even with dress, like, you know,
at least you see it in movies and shit where like, or maybe that's just like a,
a trope, I don't know. I don't know.
I don't know. Never a fan. Never a fan of suspenders either. I tried to pull them off. I think I'm like eighth grade. Whoa. Yeah. Grunge.
Now,
just want to the where suspender. I think it was because of, uh, uh, it was because of somebody did it cool, right? Robin Williams,
war suspenders on Morgan Mindy.
And I wanted to,
Morgan Mindy.
They were rainbow, though.
Trying to pull it off.
Nah, man,
no good.
Take the wedgie out from the bully.
Three.
The day gave you a wedgie.
Oh, sure. Just fucking jacked you up. I remember, I also. They gave you a wedgie. Oh, sure.
This fucking jacked you up.
I remember.
I also tried overalls for a little bit.
They were, I think I had it.
My sister would wear them in the url.
I guess, you're my sister's, I guess my sister's younger than you.
But there was, I remember her being in like junior high and like they were rocking overall.
Like the Calvin Klein or Tommy Hill figure.
I think they had like the branded sure
Yeah, now these were years were like country overall. Yeah, it was bad
Like you're running the general store
That and when Carpenter jeans hit
Man, you couldn't tell me shit nice at a Carpenter jeans. I looked horrible in those
Carbohen everything. What are we talking about?
They were huge.
Nice set of carpenter jeans though.
You couldn't go back to regular jeans.
You felt like a nerd, you know what I mean?
At least when I back when I was banging.
Yeah, I was too old for them to be walking around with them.
I just looked like a carpenter.
Sure.
Yeah, I had them.
Yeah, I don't work carpenter.
They were great for the one, one because they started Yeah, I don't work. Arbitrate. They were great for
The one one because they started making the pockets a little bigger
It would have like the loop on the one side like the hammer. Yeah, that was it
Damn the pockets and they would be like too powerful like a utility knife and a pencil or whatever
Sure, but it would I had a pair that was put your weed in there perfect for a pack of heaters
Fucking sneak it right down in there. I mean operating school. No one knew none the difference because they used to be able to like search your bags and
Shoot the heaters on you in school. Sure did
Why not I needed one
Yeah for after school. That's crazy. What do you mean?
I was an athlete. What's fucking smoking heaters like a bowzo. Most kids that were smoking heaters,
had heaters on them.
Mike for Rendeepe with heaters.
Really?
Yeah.
And heist pat flip.
And then once you were driving,
you had them in your car.
Sure.
Fucking light up as you're pulling out.
Come get me copper.
I can spark up.
Yeah, of course.
You got to have your heaters on you know,
Jim dump.
Oh, heaters.
When somebody would when somebody in class would sneak out and go rip a heater.
That's crazy in the stairwell. My buddy my buddy used to do it all the time.
He'd go and fucking pull one in the bathroom and dude, he would
uh-huh dude fucking suck it down and come rolling in,
casually.
But at back then, everybody smelled like smoke too.
No, you could everybody know.
Of course, but I'm just saying there was still
smoking sections in shit.
Like everybody was smoking.
Yeah.
I was trying to think of why I spoke.
I teach her that smoked.
We had a teacher that's smoked.
So did we, Mr. Moore. You could see the nicotine stain on his fucking on his must
That his mustache was like tied I do to his fucking dude those guys seem like they didn't leave school
Like they were just there all the time. They wore the same thing. They always had chalk on them. Yeah sky was all
Mr. I think it was mr. Ryan Miller. He was always chewing gum. He smelled like cigarettes and mint
Get down real close
We had one guy with the same page. I remember I might have said this. He got a pair of cargo cargo pants pair green cacky cargo pants
Fat pieces shit such a every I fucking hated this dude fucking real loud mouth
He was always seeing him around fucking chirping and shit
It's like buddy fucking zip it right some new material will you?
Can't real fucking attitude problem real show off
He was a fucking loud mouth. And he will do that. We he will. He got them. He came back first day from Christmas break with this freshly fucking
fresh set of fucking green cargo shorts and then wore them every single day for the
rest of the year to the point where shorts, no cargo pants.
Oh, yeah, sure.
That's it.
Fucking flashy goes in the scene.
The teacher wearing shorts, get the fuck out of you.
We saw a teacher got his wife, his fiance broke off
with him or something like midday.
First of all, dick move.
Guys, guys trying to mold the minds of the future
and you're fucking out there cheating on them or whatever.
Play it with his heart.
Yeah, a little Philly breaking heart.
Walk that on you, have a guy.
She was a dime store, you don't need her.
Try to comfort him.
Yeah, so he, dude, he just started bawling.
Shut the fuck up.
I swear to God.
I wasn't my, he was right next to me.
We started crying in class.
It's a teacher teacher.
Wait, where did it was a student?
He's getting married.
Teacher, he starts bawling, right?
And then...
You're in the middle of class.
I'm not in the class.
I'm in the class right next door.
Okay.
So like they all-
Are doors?
It was like a pod.
No, there's doors, but like,
there was windows into like right pot, whatever, whatever.
We see them leave it.
Like you can hear that you can feel it's very close to us.
Okay.
We feel there's something of the foot.
Sure.
There's a hoop law. These kids are fucking, you know what I mean?
I can probably run in his pockets at this point. Poor bastard.
It's got nothing to look for. Take it as a ludge.
Um, they fucking, so he runs out. And I think he, you can't leave until,
you can't leave a class unattended, like state law or something.
So he had to like call. There was like a phone in the back of the, until you can't leave a class unattended like state law or something. Sure.
So he had to like call, there was like a phone in the back of the...
Oh, there's a phone in the hallway, that's what it was.
So he had to go out on this is when we saw him
because the phone was right next to our door, he's crying on the phone going,
can you send someone to room 502?
I'm having a big day.
Or whatever.
And then to now everybody's like,
I'm busy, everybody's fucking leaning into the guy.
And then until we like, ah, he's busy. Everybody's fucking leaning into the guy.
And then until we graduated high school,
that was like, remember when Mr. So-and-so fucking
out, shh, had his heart broken.
We had a...
Open your books to chapter four.
Oh, on the board.
It starts breaking up the acoustic, you know, fuck.
There we go.
Did you have any teachers that were married
or in a relationship in your school?
Together?
Yeah.
No.
My junior year, there was two teachers that were married.
Dude had an affair with another teacher in the school.
Caliente.
Yeah, French teacher.
Home record.
Oh, I lied.
Miss Home record.
There was a hot teacher.
I believe her language, something from the romance.
You know, a romantic language.
And shit.
Oh, that's Slavic bullshit. You know Romantic language and she's she hooked up with
Single but like a you know a guy and they got together. I remember it was the talk of the town sure
Everybody had a thing for her
Doggie, mr. Lane this grabter. I guess I'm fucking I was waiting till I was waiting till I turned 18 to make my room
But somebody yeah, and then I remember everybody was like Mr. Lane this grab there. I had some fucking I was waiting until I was waiting until I turned 18 to make my run with somebody.
Yeah.
And I remember everybody was like, man, the one that got away, you know what I mean?
I was just close.
Um, all right.
Let's see here.
This one's from William.
Is it garbage if your grandpa took a shot of fireball during church services because
he had a cough and that's what he calls his cough medicine.
Oh.
Yeah.
Grandfathers drinking fireball trash makes no sense because when they were banging there
was no fireball.
Yeah, that's newly adopted.
Yikes.
But it does have a smoothing, uh, showing effect.
So I do get that.
It is like a lozenge.
There's a reason that cough medicine has alcohol in it.
Yeah, I don't know what it is, but
sure it's something doesn't have alcohol in it. Yeah, usually. I mean now they have a little different stuff
but back in the day, it had alcohol in it. Wait, for sure. I got a year-round cough. You know what I mean?
Big guy. I know that because my uncle is an alcoholic and he couldn't have cough medicine.
You're around coffee, no, I didn't mean big guy. I know that because my uncle is an alcoholic and he couldn't have coffee medicine
Really, yeah, I think cuz is there alcohol in there just something in it that alters your state
T-bone I saw big eyes from T-bone CVS health nighttime cough syrup contains 10% alcohol damn Let's get a six sir
Fucking white cloth. Yeah
No Wait white white claws like six
Yeah, if you drink it you'd have to drink the bottle 10% alcohol by volume which is different than the bottle
You know you're not a fucking pussy. I mean I have some fucking weekend warrior. I'm gonna throw in a bait
5% a white claw has
Yeah, it's double a white claw
5% of white claw has double a white claw
Shout out to cough medicine
Kids no don't do that out there. That's bad of course, um, but adults
Still don't do it. No, no stop. Don't say it. It's a funny joke, but don't say it
Just drink beer, okay? Everybody. Oh, that's better.
Ha ha ha ha.
Hey, yeah, it's legal.
Cough medicine's legal.
Not like that. It's not.
They wouldn't sell it to you if they knew what you were doing with it.
Yeah, Roba Tussin and Soda.
Oh yeah, Tussin on a rocks.
Splash it, grandma and yay.
Oh, man.
Okay, let's see here.
This one's from Tatted Steve.
Is it garbage to carry two phones because one has a crack screen and use it, wait, hold
on, I'm sorry.
Is it garbage to use two phones because one has a crack screen and using it as a hotspot for the other phone
Which doesn't have service on top?
I don't even get that that's still not even a full working phone anywhere. No
So the hotspot so the hotspot he's got a cracked he's got a broken phone that has service
Right, he then uses the hotspot on that
to connect a phone that a dead phone
that doesn't have service.
Right.
Why not just switch the phone somehow?
Can't you just go and be like, I want this phone?
He's obviously a dirt phone.
He's like, this is the epitome of jammed up by the way.
I've been jammed up like that for a while.
Before I got an iPhone, which was maybe,
I think it an iPhone until like that for a while. Before I got an iPhone, which was maybe, I didn't get an iPhone till probably, though, 2017.
Okay.
I had some fucking real, real bad phones.
You remember any of those phones that I had?
I had like old fucking Android's and fucking shit like that.
Are you a blackberry guy?
Yeah.
I mean, the blackberries were cooking.
I had the worst blackberry ever.
It was all fucked up.
The top was gone.
The top of the top plastic part was gone.
I think I remember that.
Yeah.
When did you get an iPhone?
Like 2017, that was my first iPhone.
Whoa.
Yeah.
That long ago?
I mean, that recent?
Yeah.
All right, what'd you guys get one?
2014 2015 they dropped win 2006 something like that something because I was in kind of Remember I remember the kid that had one at a party 2007 that sounds a six or seven. I've ever seen one at the restaurant that I worked that
It was like look at the future. I talked so much I was like, look, it was like the future.
I talked so much.
Sit in there with your overalls on.
What's that, sir?
I talked so much shit about it.
There was a drug dealer who lived above me.
I was like, why do I need that?
And he goes, I'm trying to watch YouTube
while I'm taking a shit.
And I was like, I'm sold.
I get it.
Huh.
2017 got my first iPhone.
Which it was like, immediately stolen. Sure. Like six months later. I had the blouse a blackberry guy because bbm was big
Do you remember bbm? You were probably too much of a dirt bag that was like I message but for blackberry
You had like a code. Yeah, and you like I just got my brother's old one from work
He was a big blackberry guy. Oh, yeah, I mean work like the business
that had to be blackberry. Yeah, yeah, yeah, ping in all that. I remember them talking about it
on a entourage. Really? Blackberries. Yeah, I got one. And then I moved to the sidekick
slide. There we go. The middle of the sidekick. Lil Wayne calling when you want, calling
me on my sidekick. That was fallout boy shit
I didn't fuck with any of that stuff fallout boy. I just lumped that in there with the with the early 2000
He's not wrong big with the my space kids. Yeah, really. Oh, yeah, I thought it was sidekick. I thought it was like a
It was a hip-hop thing now
They were rapping about something called me when you want bitch call me on my sidekick now
There was even an emo band who had a song that was called can I check my my space when we get there it was about like
getting a psychic really you were one of those hats that all the girls wore to what the Von
Dutch hats wait what do you mean the one that um Jen Apatow's wife wears in we were just watching that the bucket hats, but dude that was my phone that the middle part
It up exposed a whole keyboard
Tickity tickity had the tracking ball on it. I thought could you watch videos on it?
Yeah, but like through the browser this wasn't there wasn't like YouTube apps on it at this point
This was like through the brows. I thought I was jazzy with this thing, dude.
I thought I was the coolest fucking kid in the world.
Slide that thing open goldfish fallout.
Fucking barbecue's also over it. I remember when the razor's hit.
Yeah. Speaking of that, my brother got one for Christmas and he's like, oh, shit, this year?
my brother got one for Christmas and he's like, oh shit. This year?
No.
No fucking 15 years ago, whatever.
And he's like, oh, I think it's girlfriend or whoever it was or somebody got him, and
he's got him like the, you know, Motorola razor when they were like the shit, the colored
ones or whatever.
And he's like, oh cool, the new razor.
Baddie had like that and purple
Yeah, you know good and tell her nothing every tramp had a color
Daddy I love you, but I had to make the joke he opens the door I
Love you, Patty
This is glad to have a second ride right here PT cruiser
You're fucking tattoos
Who are you talking about your mom?
I know but she's got to go home and clean herself up. I'll tell you that I picture with the vacuum with the purple razor in those leather pants. That's a leather pants.
I'm sick.
I've told you that, right?
Man, that's so...
Have you ever talked to her about it now?
She doesn't remember.
Yeah, I talked to her about it.
That's how long ago.
She's like, that never happened.
Real selective memory has brought you.
Yeah, so do you, by the way.
Yeah, we were talking. He way? I don't know.
We just talking.
He forget and you had lunch already.
Speaking of which something he's you know,
it's like.
Oh God, a little bit peckish.
Oh, fuck that's fucking funny.
The razor.
Looking back to early 2000s, man.
Some of those styles were pretty whack.
Pretty whack.
Yeah, I remember I spent all of my,
whatever credit limit Macy's gave me to get my credit card.
I got like a, I did, I remember trying to buy,
I tried to be cool in college.
That's when like cool clothes started,
like very not cool clothes,
but we're against like the affliction t-shirts like those graphic t's, a blazer.
I was wearing that shit. What? Five years after it was cool.
You remember my graphic t's down in Philly?
Yeah. I mean, you're still off the mark a lot, but yeah, I don't know what I thought about you when I first met I didn't love you. I know that much it wasn't a
you were
You had to grow on me a little bit. I stink all around
Running around in that fucking suit jacket like you were fucking Bob Barker
What the fuck were you thinking?
I like that I sued Chad, I like that I was blazer.
I got all my uncle Mike's old clothes and I would just,
I just wore them.
He would roll through stuff.
Everything starts to the eyebrows.
Yeah.
Cut your neck.
Hey, what's up guys?
Dude, I got all of his old suits,
I got all of his old golf shirts, all that shit.
That's what I wore.
I remember you were a very eclectic guy,
a lot of weird haircuts floating around.
You even did that on this show.
I thought like some of the like tagging,
some of your like shaved head, you got a pony tail,
there's a lot going on, yeah.
I could see you being a real bald guy
with a ponytail late in life.
Sure, comic book.
You can make that work.
The comic book store guy.
I'd never do a ponytail.
And I ain't going bald.
Stay out.
Me on the other hand.
Toby hit me.
You should grow it all out.
Uh-uh.
That'd be cool.
What, grow it out? Yeah.
Mm.
No, I'm just gonna, like I always said,
I wanna do the what's the gourd then.
Just as it gets, just keep it shorter and shorter.
As it gets, it's doing prime, I get nice compliments.
I mean, I get a lot of mean compliments.
A lot of mean comments as well.
It's holding its ground.
Yeah, it's holding its ground.
Some people say it looks more fortified than ever.
You're off the road game or on the road game. I'm on the Rogan. I'm off the Propeach gotcha
It's just dug in like World War One. Yeah, trench warfare baby
Roganer I used to consider Rogan my boost mustard gas floating around up there
Rogan was my bunch of dead horses
I'm not sure if you're gonna be
there. Rogaine was my bunch of dead
horses.
Flies. It was just flies around it.
As I was fucked up with those
World War One photos, I was like
four dead horses laying there.
Oh, man, that has a swell.
Oh, my God.
What a war.
No man's land.
War with horses.
Yeah.
Yikes.
Poor bastards.
Um, fuck, what was I saying?
Wanderers fields.
Um, all right, let's see here.
Uh, this one's from Benjamin.
Oh, shout out, Benny Boy.
Uh, subcontractor of Kippy's Heaters in Kooling here.
Shout out to you.
Very nice.
Welcome to the company.
Uh, are you garbage?
No, Benny's with that job.
Now, subcontractor. Sub sub-contra you're 1099
Independent don't forget about that. You know, yeah, I'm not I'm not carrying fucking when I've taken that taxes for you
You need to write off keep your receipts
um
Are you garbage if you're the same age as your brother without being twins?
Are you garbage if you're the same age as your brother without being twins?
Brother was born late January and I was born in December of the same year. So for that month were both the same age.
I didn't even think that was a possibility. How long do you have to wait until?
I mean they waited a month. No, two months, maybe she was pregnant within two months.
It has to be, right?
Because what's nine months from, wait, hold on.
September.
No, why September?
September is nine months from January.
My late January.
No, it's, yeah, no, in the other end.
So what's, wait.
The brother was born in late January.
Yeah, so, okay, yeah. So he was born in late January. Yeah, so okay, yes.
He was born in early December.
So February, March, April, May, June, July, August, September, October, November.
They're 11 months apart.
I think that's not crazy.
I've never heard of anybody, no, that is crazy.
The same age as your brother.
Call him Irish twins.
No, that's 18 months.
Yeah, I'm Irish twins.
18 months is Irish twins.
Me and my brother are 18 months.
Which means they be fucking.
That's the same age as, same mom.
That's nuts.
Probably a piece.
So wait, what are they?
Once I junior, let me in there.
Elman couldn't give his hands over.
She for sure has a purple razor.
Uh.
Yeah, no, that's.
That hurts my head.
That shouldn't be legal.
What do you think?
It's gonna be sore down there.
How long is it after after you give birth?
Three weeks.
Three weeks?
Three weeks you can get pregnant?
Yeah. Jeez. after you give birth three weeks three weeks three weeks you can get pregnant yeah
there you buried that one hello three weeks you're back on the board also what kind of freak is he it's like throwing a hot dog down a hallway probably I think Jesus Christ that's
That's 18 I mean my brother and sister 18 months that's Irish Google it see if they give you a time for Irish twins 18 to 20 months and that that's
what I'm saying and that's fast so much so that it has a name sure you know
what I mean two children space 12 or fewer months apart.
Fewer.
12 or fewer.
So you guys aren't Irish twins.
No, not Irish cousins.
Kissing cousins.
So they're Irish twins.
Yeah, well, I always thought Irish twins was 18 months.
Right, we too.
Well, you learn something new every day.
The Irish.
All right, let's see.
This is from the Prince on the Fat Horse.
And that is your pin homie, shout out to you.
Nice.
He's a 13-year-old homie.
And that.
That would be the pound, shit.
Yeah.
Damn, maybe Scalant.
No, Scotland's got to use the pound too.
Scalant uses the pound.
Oh.
And I go in my face. Yeah. Damn. No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, on that too. On the euro? Yeah. I mean, probably a lot of people. There's a lot of different
bills. Only it's the same person. I know what ain't the queen. I'll tell you that much.
Hey, lady, get rocks, huh? Yeah, it's probably just like all, you know, different political
figures from the past or whatever. What do you got? Who's on a 20? I'm checking right
now. I'm not getting great answers. Huh.
It's gotta be, yeah, like old, you know, somebody,
somebody that's, I feel like one of you.
You gotta think it's a new currency.
When I was in France, I feel like Winston Churchill
was on one of them.
That would make sense, though, right?
I don't think so.
Huh.
Hey, Steve Martin.
That John Gandy. Ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha Steve Martin John candy Couple of John candy's
It's a building
I'm not even a guy what
Get out of here with that that makes sense though what building just a CVS
Check it. It's not gonna be great answers
Johnny on the spot the whole episode. I mean, this is stumping you.
I mean, I don't think it's him.
It's this goddamn European internet man.
Jamming you.
He's translating it on the fly.
Then I want to call off the info.
Are you garbage if you reenact the Jackass stunts
and or home alone traps?
That's always, I mean, Jackass, yeah, that hit
when we were, what I was, I mean, San with T-bone, young teenager.
That was, you know, free-gate your hands on a shopping cart.
You're sure.
You're pushing a buddy in that.
Yeah.
What do you got T-bone?
It's a fake building.
A fake building?
Yeah.
It's the 20-year-old banknotes to pick bridges and arches,
slashed-orways, in a gothic architecture.
What the fuck?
That's kooky.
I ain't going back there.
Tell you that much.
If I do, I'm spending green bags.
USA bucks, Daddy.
Yo, a couple of tea bills, Treasury bonds, um, S&P.
I'll take it.
Hey, hey, better if you want my business.
Uh, but home alone traps.
That's what you want it as a kid.
You wanted to fucking booby trap the house and fuck some dudes up. Sure.
What age were you in that drop? Do you were there aged out of that?
Where did home alone come out? Probably 89? No. 92? 92. I was a sophomore in high school. Yeah, be weird if you were fucking at a BB gun on your back fucking.
1990. 1990. So I was in high school. Yeah, be weird if you were fucking had a BB gun on your back fucking.
1990.
1990.
So I was in eighth grade.
That's right around there.
Yeah, that's alright.
I'll give you that.
You were four.
Yeah.
You were watching that when you were four?
I mean, I don't, I don't know if I was at the premiere, but I fucking, I did, I was
an integral part of my childhood. Probably giving them.
One hair kid named Kevin, what are we doing here?
That was me, baby.
Sure, yeah.
I don't, I mean, okay, so it came out when 90?
Yeah.
So I would have been 14.
The old guy still scared me.
Oh, he scares me now.
All I, I understand him a little bit more as I get older.
Great actor.
Yeah.
Great performance, man.
He's so good in the end.
Those boots.
Bop, bop.
I'll see you later.
Well, we got to wrap it up, gang.
He's that little bastard.
He beats it.
Oh, dude, fucking no way, dude.
That pizza looked all right.
I'll tell you that.
Shout out to little nearest. Who wants a little nearest of course. Yeah, that and I would always try to find like the
Something in the movie where you can scare somebody the talk boy who got became huge in the recording
That fucking thing didn't work like that as a dude as a fucking six year old
I might as well have been working for the fucking CIA. We are nuts. Jason Timkery. Yeah, I was fucking bugging the house.
Just fucking, you know, I was doing everything and I find out what I was getting for Christmas
at the tap on the phone line. Hey, Jerry Lewis, you leave a running
taper corner in the room. Metallic clink. We gotta go gang. I'm gonna tell you this
right now. We love you to death. Oh, yeah. Come see us on the road. We're going to go gang. I'm going to tell you this right now. We love you to death. Oh, yeah, come see us on the road
We're about to drop a couple of the second link of the tour sure. Should be dropping soon
Check out our you garbage dot com pick yourself up a D lighter whatever you want. We love you very much
And we'll see you next week. Please