Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast - Identical Twins w/ Kippy & Foley
Episode Date: April 15, 2024Are You Garbage is back with Kippy and Foley for a family episode to answer your garbage questions from Patreon. Its a fun one! Thanks for watching AYG Comedy Podcast. Love youse guys. Come to a live ...show! Through the Roof Tour Tickets: https://areyougarbage.com/ Follow Kevin: https://www.instagram.com/kevinryancomedy/ Follow Foley: https://www.instagram.com/hfoleycomedy/ Live Shows: https://areyougarbage.com/ PATREON: https://www.patreon.com/AreYouGarbage MERCH: https://areyougarbage.com/ Blue Chew: https://bluechew.com/ Promo Code: Garbage Ladder Life: https://www.LadderLife.com/GARBAGE Rocket Money: https://www.rocketmoney.com/garbage Comedians H. Foley and Kevin Ryan are self proclaimed GARBAGE. Each week a new stand up comedian gets put to the test. Steal shampoo from hotels? Own a George Foreman Grill? Ever worn JNCO Jeans?
Transcript
Discussion (0)
The Dirty South, put down your boiled peanuts and stop kissing your sister
because the boys are heading your way this week, baby!
Yeah, we're gonna be in Tampa on April 19th at the Tampa Theater,
then April 20th we're gonna be at the Center Stage Theater in Atlanta, Georgia.
Get your tickets at areyougarbage.com.
It's stand up, me and the Big Man Co. headline, then we play AYG with the crowd.
You ask your questions, you see in the clips.
We'll see you there.
Later.
Welcome to another exciting edition of Are You Garbage? The show where you find out if
your favorite comedians are classy individuals or absolute trash. Now here are your hosts,
Kevin Ryan and H. Foley.
Hey everybody out there and welcome back to everybody's favorite podcast.
This is R U garbage.
Oh, yeah.
It's that little show we sit down to your favorite comedians and we find it
at the Grit to Be Classy.
Yeah.
Because they're just a big old piece of trash.
Trash, trash, trash.
I'm your host H Foley coming at you on a rainy day.
We're out back here with Tootie's in a new edition.
She's down at the court running a little ball.
Okay.
Doing her thing. Nice. Hits him. Sky on. Call Tootie the running hooker. You catch
my drift. My co-host is coming at you from across the tables. What we call a family episode
here at RU Garbage. It's the boys, the bozos and the homies. He is the CEO of RU Garbage.
He is an international businessman. Sure. And on the hook for most tax liability. Give
it up for KJ, Kevin James Ryan. The kid is under it right now. It's tax season, dude.
Mothafuckers start getting nervous. They're going to bring the whole building down on
me. God damn. I'll be selling the furniture next week. I just got this money. Pulling
myself out from the rubble. We are bad with cash. Wait, you wanted half or what? I don't even know you dude. You gotta
make this a religion real quick. Start doing weddings or
something. I don't know what. It's the point of making money.
They just take it from you. God damn it. What's up everybody?
Thanks for tuning in. As always, please make sure you rate,
you subscribe on iTunes. Full video available on YouTube as
you know those numbers are cooking, baby.
Closing in on 200,000 subs on over there on the used tube.
Let's go.
Started from the bottom.
Now we're here, baby.
And then obviously, the greatest website of all time,
you go over there, www.patreon.com slash rugarbage.
You get up to a bajillion, maybe two bajillion hours
worth of content over there.
We've got the Ireland videos getting cooked up right now
They're gonna be dropping pretty soon a lot
of good stuff over there gang
How about a nice shout out to our producer extraordinary the magic man?
Makes us all look good works the ones the twos the threes and the fours
He's our long-haired pot-smoking fucking boy over there
Fucking Chiba man himself give it up for the plug
The plugs pretty good
The vibes are at an all-time high I'm feeling great. Do you know that's funny cuz I'm pretty depressed. Yeah
Blow my brains out. What are you talking about? It's Christ. I'm getting it all fucking fronts
I know I was gonna say the Sun finally came out for the first time in eight months.
It feels like I'm feeling pretty good there.
Yeah, when I wait two seconds later.
I'm good at lying.
Everything's great!
This shit sucks!
I am excited.
What?
Next week, back on the road.
This week, yeah, coming up.
Let's go. We're out there, baby. We got a fucking beaster of a run coming up.
We got a beaster of a run.
We got Charlotte sold out.
We got Nashville sold out.
Atlanta seems to be going.
Tampa seems to be moving along.
We're gonna be on the bus though, together.
We got a fucking tour bus.
Which we talked about a little bit, but man.
Which will be fun, man.
We're gonna have to do it.
We gotta figure out what kind of snacks we want on the bus.
That's what I wanted to bring up.
I'm thinking Cheez-Its.
We gotta stock that thing. Not snacks, I'm just saying we gotta have waters. We gotta
have club soda's. We gotta have Red Bulls for T-Bone. Can that thing pull up? That's
corny shit. I want combos, Pringies of every denomination. Whoa, whoa, whoa. We will not
take any sugar-free Red Bull slander on this here show. No, sugar-free. I mean, that's
the ackee. That's the gas that keeps the show show going baby. What are you talking about? What's deadly are those the pistachios with no shell?
Sure, which are no work which aren't as good as the ones that come in the shell. Yeah, really shovel them in it's crazy
You're popping them in left and right that's the only thing from keeping me eating the whole bag is the shells sure but that's all behind us now
Can we pull that thing up to Walmart and load up? I think so. Yeah. Pulling the fire. I don't really running.
I don't really know a whole bunch of toothless mouth breathers
going y'all in the band.
I got a guitar.
Yeah, they got skinnered out front.
Get out of here.
Don't you people have homes?
Shout out to Gaddy Jack.
Yeah, it'll be it'll be a it'll be a fun one.
I'm excited to get back on the road.
It's been a fucking minute.
It's been since the end of last year we were on the road dibs.
Bottom bunk, obviously.
Yeah, I got it. I got to do a bottom two. Yeah.
You say there are they coffins?
Are they three stacks or two stacks?
Fucking Johnny industry over here.
That's tour bus talk.
Jesus. I don't have to hard.
Well, I don't need a bunk. I'm going to skitch the whole way.
What, skateboard behind the bus?
That was a great game, by the way.
Skitchin'?
What do you mean?
You would do that?
No, it was a Sega game.
Oh, what?
Called Skitchin'?
Yeah, you were just...
Did you play that?
No.
Really?
I like panhandling.
A little tinkers.
Chasing the paper boy down the street.
How was that a video game?
I don't know. It was the 90s, man.
It was wide open.
It was very much like paperboy.
And I forget the things, but you would hold on to it.
In fact, you would hold on to the back of a car on rollerblades.
That's why I never played it.
It was a rollerblade game.
I don't like skitching. I don't like that name.
So that's what Michael J. Fox was doing in...
He's twitching. Sorry's sorry. Sorry. Sorry
Damn it out there you what my father had Parkinson's
Parkinson's uh-huh kids hanging in there. Yeah, I got the MJ legend
I wanted to be him so bad when I was he never did it for me. Oh, it was just an age thing
I missed it when family ties dropped I used to try to Ah. It was just an age thing. I missed it. When family
ties dropped, I used to try to
dress like him and that's that
thing that we talked about. I
couldn't figure out why I look
different than him. Like why?
I got a few. I got a few ideas.
Why he could wear. Your vest
was nine sizes bigger. I know.
Yeah. But that we were we've
talked about this. That didn't
hit you. That oh I'm a fat piece
of **** and he's he's a tight
you know, tight little body on
that. No, it hit me. That's why things didn't look right.
I was aware quite early.
Dude, I would try to do like he would wear like the button
down under a sweatshirt.
I just looked like a fucking health teacher.
Brutal.
Brutal.
Anywho, that's dangerous at Skitchin.
Oh, yeah.
Yes, but to go back, we do have the bunks two cool and there's a there's one or two spares nice
There's nothing in the back, right? There's a lounge. Oh, what's in the force the lounges in in the front?
There's like on the front double lounge. There's two atriums. Nice. Yeah prickly Pete for the big fight on the road
Oh, yeah, go to the bow of the bus, T-Bone.
I'm finished with you.
We're gonna do some leg wrestling in the back
if I can really get after it.
We're also gonna need to pull the Jay-Z move.
Second tour bus with the recording studio.
Sure.
How hard are you working?
We can't afford that.
We can't afford the first one.
Are we doing pods on there?
Yeah, we're gonna pod up.
Woo!
Yeah, yeah, yeah, Patreon pods on the bus.
There you go, the ultimate pod on the road.
I'll finally get away from that dashboard cam that you have man that is unforgivable
I ever get a part. I can't film in the car not to put the camera fucking three car lengths away. I think we're okay
Stop talking about your wiener like that I
Wanted to ask you guys this what's that? I think this is something that is unforgivable you're talking about. You're talking about your wiener like
that. I wanted to ask you guys
this. What's that? I think this
is something that is
unforgivable and I say this
with a staunch record. We agree
I'm a dirt bag, right? I'm
dirty. I pee on the floor. I do
this. I do that. Which no paint
on the floor in the tour bus. I
was real good with that on
Bert's bus. I mean, you were dripping but you were cleaning it up I clean it all up
He would be would bust out of that telephone booth
It is a bathroom on his hands and knees with paper towels. Look out Louis
Yeah, it was I'd have to like suck at it dude the aim man it was like holding the fucking
If you're moving it's fucking yeah, it's like trying to that, that in-air refuel, you know what I mean?
Oh, I don't know how I would freak out doing that.
I don't have the steady hand for that.
It's more like a Marine assembling a gun blindfolded.
He's going pure on feel.
It was crazy.
It's not even in his hand.
He's just doing, your wiener's so small,
you don't know if it's in there, that's what I'm saying.
You're doing this.
I was-
That was the joke, Fully. I was real conscious about that on the
On his bus. I didn't want to be the guy they fucking peeing on the floor fucking whatever also
No fart on the bus unless you're in your bunk sure
That's where yeah, I was guessing them out. There was any bed bugs in here. They weren't making it. I
Was giving the old kippy one to got a whole family of fleas. He shouldn't have had that brisket.
Anywho something that get tickets to the Tampa and Atlanta show that's what we're trying to grab tickets to the Tampa and Atlanta
Drives me crazy
Okay, and again, I know I know I have a lot of demerits.
I do a lot of things that are considered garbage, obviously.
There's someone in my home that doesn't fill the ice.
I'm a big ice guy, so I got that Yeti.
I've been drinking more water than I've ever drank in my life, and it's because of this
Yeti.
Two to three sips a day.
Yeah, yeah. Amazing. He's really good at like, more water than I've ever drank in my life and it's because of the two to three sips a day
He's really good at like more water than I've ever drank in my life I see it out you've been living off fucking Fanta for six years. All right
I'm aware and I love it and I'm starting to become I'm starting to crave it
But they just came out of the thing that said cold water is not good for you anymore
Some guy had a heart attack because of cold water that really cold water
Was ether dude Some guy had a heart attack because of cold water. That's really cold water. What are we doing? Jesus crap. That was ether, dude.
Yeah.
Okay.
Which suck because I love bad for you.
Come on.
That's what you give it a Google.
Stop buying into this gold water is cold water bad for you.
I'm not.
It's not bad.
I mean, what are we talking about?
Don't talk evidence that cold water drinking cold water is
bad for your health.
That guy was on fentanyl.
I'm trying to wash it down.
Yeah.
Anywho, I love my cold water
and it takes a lot of ice to get it,
once it gets cold in that Yeti, it's nuts.
I've mentioned this, that is state of the art technology
as far as I'm concerned, those Yetis.
I wish I was on them years ago.
But we keep the Brita out of the fridge out of the refrigerator now because
the bird likes room temperature water. Sure. All right. Um, but
the ice tray situation, not refilling it, refilling it
sloppily. Half of them are half done. That's some of them are
overdone. It drives me up a fucking wall. I think if you're doing it, you gotta do it. I'd
rather you not do. I don't know. I mean, it's just like
that's the OCD in me of like if I'm doing the job, I'm
fucking I'm in there with like lasers to make sure it's all
flat. I want to get a bucket in there and start cracking them
and keeping it stocked up. You know what I mean? I mean, I
know it's trashy, but why don't you just do the bag of ice?
Now you get bag of ice?
Now you get bag of ice in there.
All that freezer burn in there.
Now you can bag ice very quickly turns into one big hunk of ice.
Now, if you can't do bags of ice in that house, I'm telling you.
What do I got? People coming over.
I'm telling you, there's are you doing bagged ice?
No. But I tell you, your credibility is really going down the tubes.
This guy. What are you talking about?
Listen, you say you want ice, there's a solution.
And if there's this ice, I don't know if it's got a little bit
of salt in it or something, but they stay in balls.
Really?
The grocery store near me sells them.
They're fan.
Are they balls?
They're like rounder.
They're like cylinder ones with the hole through it.
Yeah.
The greatest size of all time. The minus crushed ice obviously or the pellets sure
I love a pellet man. I also don't mind working at a bait store. I also don't mind the little
They're like little half moon bangers
They have a little bit of a curve on one side and flat on the bottom melt quick. They do they don't hold
That's like what you get at a hospital or something. Yes. Yeah
Screaming cold DC you're in a styrofoam cup with those you're you're chewing on those you're in trouble
You're either on your way out or having a baby
You're jammed up the way she want to be is nibbling on some ice chips. I'll tell you that
He's held down so much though. They're whispering in the corner
He's holding the ice down guys looking up. That's got that's got low-grade fever written all over it
Oh God watching the prices right over the beeps
Christ
Toby just made it too real
Your aunt's crying in the corner
your aunt's crying in the corner. What the **** man. See
the priest pop it in ****
Anywho, there was uh that
reminds me of my my my
grandma. This is uh you know,
god a while ago, a decade ago
at least but my when my
grandmother was on hospice, it
was down the shore where they
they they lived down the shore
and um she was in the beach. It's on the boardwalk.
Fudgy.
Let me get to it was my family.
So big. Her last meal was a Tully Nutter and a slice pizza.
Is there any way to go?
Speaking of good guys, he split that funnel cake with his grandma.
Gummy funnel cake fries.
Shout out to him.
Uh, it was my family's huge, obviously.
So, like, she's down there, and, you know, she's in hospice,
so she's getting ready to move on,
so our whole family comes down.
Where? Move on where?
What do you think?
Oh, oh, I thought you meant...
Hey, guys...
To the farm, man! Jesus Christ. I think it's for the form man
You meant they were a guy who has death on his mind all the time I don't know how you didn't pick up I thought you meant move on like another facility
Oh, what I also what I meant to say we were in an uber the other day and we were sitting there
And it's like quiet. I got my headphones in he's got his in and like hey
It's quiet. We were on the plane. No, we were in an uber. I or whatever we were sitting next to each other quiet. Just you know coming off the road. We got their headphones in
He taps me and like I didn't talk to him in like I don't know an hour
Probably just cuz like you know we had spent all week, and it were just like just in our own fucking thoughts
Hey taps me, and I'm like yeah, what's up? He's like he's like take your headphones out
I'm like all right, and he goes like, yeah, what's up? He's like, take your headphones out. I'm like, all right. And he goes, were you at my dad's funeral?
I'm like, is that what's on your mind right now?
You're running through the guest list at the funeral?
I'm like, it's a beautiful day.
You're fucking the darkest man I know.
Dude, one time we were in an Uber
and we're like having a regular conversation,
whatever normal.
I look over, two minutes I'm on my phone.
I look back over, he's got tears running down his face
and third eye blind on his phone.
Me?
Or something like that.
He goes quick.
Oh yeah.
It wasn't third eye blind, but it was something like that.
She broke my heart.
I wish you would step back from that land.
It was some 1996 middle of the road band
that you were having a moment.
Third eye blind is not a middle of the road blind,
they were a goddamn reenact for a little while.
Good looking kid too.
Yeah, I don't know why I'm with my dad.
And I went,
now man, I think I think I was in Germany and he's like was
Toby there.
I'm like, I don't know man.
I don't have to get any of you guys are the only one that was
there was Cassidy.
Correct.
But everybody had reasons correct personal reasons Etc.
Etc.
Luke Luke was I was golfing.
I don't know what you're talking about.
I had a tea timetime i couldn't shake
It's a break for the old man i watch this drive
That's like george bush we're gonna get
That, was this right now watch his drive anyway what the ice situation has been really bothering me uh-huh i'm telling you
There's if you can get your hands on a good bag of ice, it doesn't, and you gotta stay on top of it.
If you leave it in there for fucking three weeks,
yeah, it's gonna clump up.
But if you stay on top of it, it's a great solution.
I'm telling you.
Fucking cooling down my water with frozen butcher box. Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha Stainless you buy like a bag of them. They're like stainless steel. They're like artificial ice. Oh, I'm not fucking doing that
I'm out of here that shit was popular for a minute fuck. That's like playing with a gerbil toy
I'm not fucking dealing with that fake ice how about plastic and shit in there think it's stainless steel
You know I do like the technology. Well then listen. I don't know what to tell you. I'm giving you fucking nine solutions here
I want you to run straight in his broad out. I don't rather what to tell you. I'm giving you fucking nine solutions here I want you to go and straighten this brawn out. I'd show her how to fill a fucking ice tray. Sounds like a huge job
Kev, let's talk about blue chew. I'm hard right now gang. Shout out to all you limp noodles out there
I'm not only a spokesman. Oh, you got me. The player president. How you doing?
How you doing? Player coach. Let's go gang
If it ain't working like it used to juice up a little bit get yourself some blue chew
But it ain't working like it used to. Juice up a little bit. Get yourself some Bluechew. Bluechew is an online service
that sends ED meds right to your door with the same active
ingredients as Viagra, Cialis, and Levitra, but in a chewable
tablet at a fraction of the cost.
It's a total win all around.
Yeah, your Johnson Rattle be hanging heavy, baby.
And I know from experience.
Getting started is easy everything is done
online just sign up at BlueChew.com you can sell it with one of their licensed medical providers
and once you're approved your prescription will show up with your show up to your doorstep within
days. BlueChew wants to help you have better sex discover your options at BlueChew.com chew it and
do it baby. We got a special deal at all special deal for a YG listeners
Try blue chew free when you use our promo code garbage at checkout just pay five bucks for shipping
That's it five beans for shipping you get this stuff for free
That's blue chew comm promo code garbage to receive your first month free visit blue chew comm for more details important safety information
We thank blue chew for sponsoring a show. Yes, we do kit. This is ladder
Shut out the ladder gang ladder term life, baby
Mm-hmm me ask you this what if you died tomorrow? Uh-huh, which I pray to God you don't
Middle of tax season if you died tomorrow, would you be screwing over your family? Probably? Yeah, I know I would and I apologize
in
Ahead of time ahead of time. I apologize, but we could straighten that out
You got to make sure that your loved ones are we're taking care of all right
You got to get insurance through ladder life ladder is a totally digital
No doctors no needles no paperwork when you apply for 3 million in coverage or less
All you got to do is answer a few quick questions about your health and an application takes only minutes to do
You'd be set for life. Yeah guys., it's definitely something that you put off.
It's easy peasy.
You go over to Ladder, you sign up, bada bing, bada boom.
You find out if you're instantly approved.
The older you get, the more life insurance is going to cost.
So you might as well take care of it now
and never worry about it again.
Set it and forget it, baby.
Yeah.
Ladder has 4.8 out of 5 stars on TrustPilot
and has been rated A and A plus by AM's best.
So you know they're the real deal holy field. Go to ladder life dot com slash garbage today to see if you're
instantly approved. That's ladder LADD.
All LADD are life dot com slash garbage.
Ladder life dot com slash garbage. Do it. Do it.
All right. That's neither here nor there.
Forget about my ice situation.
Mm hmm. And we'll see in Atlanta and Tampa and Charlotte and Nashville.
And Charlotte and Nashville. Let's do some cues family episode
As we said as you know when you sign up for the old patreon you can have a question right on the air by Kevin Ryan
How you doing gang? Thanks for tuning in or outdoor shirt
Hey, what was that cat hair?
She likes to snuggle
Uh... She likes to snuggle.
Alright, let's see. This one's from
Taco Tycoon. Shout out to you.
$10 homie. This one
comes from my girl.
Are you garbage if you get in the bathtub
dry and fill it or do you wait
until it's full? She's a
dry tubber, he said.
That's crazy!
Listen, it's well documented. I'm a big
tub man. Kippy likes a tubby time.
Dude, that's I did one yesterday.
That's fish tank shit.
Getting in.
It's just a bunch of rocks at the bottom.
Man, a cold tub.
Uh, I used to I used to dry socket it.
Yeah, I used to just get in there and raw dog it.
Now as I'm an older man.
Wait, how would you you would you would negotiate navigate the temperature first?
Yeah, you turn it on the temp.
I think I would turn it on.
This is what I this is what I used to do when I was a younger, more naive kind of guy.
OK, I would turn the water on, get it to where I like it.
OK, is the stopper stop?
It's just no, it's just draining now.
OK, and then I'd get in and draw or maybe drop it
Then get in so I'm getting into a very dry
I mean, I'm not I think it's crazy to get in there completely dry
And then you're fucking trying to see you're trying to defuse that time you run a bath you draw a bad
Yeah, you run you draw a bad. Yes now as I get older you fill it up like a gentleman
I don't fill it all the way up. I feel it halfway
Talk about ice cubes.
Woo!
Man, there's like, there's that much vodka in there too.
So do you start the shop vac when you get in or do you wait for after?
Do you tell the neighbors to cover their bed in plastic?
That one time that we went to the coal plunge place, it's a gym that they had a coal.
You also say coal plunge. Cold plunge. Yeah, you drop your D's a lot. Co coal plunge place. It's a gym that they had a... You also say coal plunge.
Cold plunge.
Yeah, you drop your D's a lot.
Coal plunge.
Coalsore.
Coalslaw.
Coalslaw.
Yeah, it's not coldslaw.
It's supposed to be though.
I think that's the...
No.
Give it a go.
Coldslaw.
Coldslaw.
Like, cause slaw is a thing, so it would be coldslaw.
Sure.
Yeah.
Coalslaw.
Coalslaw. Coal Street, where my dad played baseball as a slaw. Cold slaw. Cold Street.
My dad played baseball as a little kid up there in the W. B.
Its origin is Dutch. It started as oh no.
Here we go. Cool slaw.
Yes. Cool slaw. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.
I do cool slaw.
Sounds like butt stuff. I would say I was it cool means cabbage. Ah, so it's not cold slaw cabbage slaw. Yeah
Which is very cool
Yeah, who sums up?
I was for the fought. Yeah, I was in Germany and we were listening to the radio and remember Lord when Lord was hot
That band the girl Lord the singer
Rd. I'm in Jesus
Randy Marsh and
They played this like the her hit song the hit song whatever it was and then at the end of the radio
Personality came on I went yeah, that was cool Lord I
Looked at Nadine. I was like this place stinks. Ja, that was cool Lord.
Compare that to the Geter with the heater.
Rattling off the time and temperature hitting the post.
Let's go.
Okay.
Why we're on the topic of pronunciations, which is very big on this because, you know,
we all have our own dirt bag dialect going and smaller brains.
So we don't really know how things are said.
This is from... Hold on. dialect and smaller brains so we don't really know how things are said this is
from this is good to go not just to jump back sure sorry yes that's trash to get
sorry like that and two to answer your shop fact question I went to this place
to do a cold plunge and I was with the owner and I got in and it went it
covered the entire floor of the room and all he could do was be like, oh, it's okay. Don't worry about it
Yeah, meanwhile, he's calling Geico
The outlets are sparking
There's that company that goes in and cleans up after service service, bro
It's like you never know man. Those commercials are crazy. What the hell happened in here? I think that had like flood damage and shit. I had a buddy who worked in construction,
but for insurance thing.
So it was like fires and floods.
And they'd go in, it would be like, you know,
devastates all the time.
It looks like a cool job.
They wouldn't clean everything up.
I like the transformation of it,
of like, Dan, this place is down and out.
Let me see if I can get it back to, you know.
They wear like fire suits or like space suits
and they're vacuuming the.
They got the booties on the feet.
Yeah.
It happened to my parents' apartment.
Their ceiling collapsed and they woke up to a waterfall in their living room.
That's crazy.
What happened upstairs?
Pipe burst or something.
Ah.
Flooded the upstairs apartment and then they got got.
Yeah, that happens all the time in New York.
They just send in the wolf.
Get all that mold.
You got nine minutes.
What?
For the insurance adjuster shows up.
You put a neck brace on.
You, I'm going to have to break your leg.
You guys want this money? You want to go to jail?
You want to go home? What do you want to do?
Okay, I apologize.
I digress.
This one's from Blood Farts.
Jesus Christ. It's actually captain blood farts
Thank you for your service
How do I don't know if we've ever really talked about this how do you say
Marlboro, is it moral burrow Marlboro Marlboro? No Marlboro Marlboro. Hold on
Let me finish or Marlboro. I say Marlboro. No let me finish. Or Mar-bro. I say Mar-bro.
No.
Mar-bro.
No, I do.
I say Mar-bro.
Say?
Is there an L in there?
The worst cigarette ever made is the Mar-bro light.
Well, that's, I mean, we're gonna have to cut that.
That's crazy.
I've got a meeting with them next week.
What are you, nuts?
Every hairdresser I know smokes Mar-bro 27s.
Let's switch it over to something a little classier. Marlboro County.
I believe in Oregon where they make Pinot Noir.
Okay. And a nice Sauvignon Blanc.
If you're at a bodega and you're going, let me get a hit it.
Can I have a pack of Marlboro lights?
Marlboro. It's Marlboro.
I understand.
I understand, yeah.
Marl is the place.
Burro is what it is.
So it's the burro of Marl?
Yes.
Yeah.
Which I give that a Google, see where that name comes from.
It could be the name of the guy.
I don't know.
I'm a Marlboro.
No L, no W.
That sounds like an MTV VJ from the 90s.
Yeah, you say it quick enough.
They know what you're saying.
Of course they do.
Yeah, let me get a pack of Marlboro Lights.
They can still never figure it out.
Over here, over here, over here.
Well, you know what I heard?
Not I heard, I was talking to one of our younger constituents of the Army of Garbage, and I
guess he started smoking after they made the change to the lights and the mediums, because
you know now they're all colors.
Yes. The government stepped in and said you can't call them lights. the mediums. Because you know now they're all colors. Yes.
The government stepped in and said you can't call them lights.
Rightfully so.
So he goes, yeah.
A horrible habit.
He goes, I smoke Marlboro Golds.
And I went, what?
I'm like, I don't smoke them.
And I'm like, oh, there they are.
That's exactly what I smoke.
But he just probably knows them as Golds.
Sure.
Which is kooky.
Yeah.
All right.
Just to make sure I'm getting the right thing here.
So the Marlboro cigarette is named after the great Marlboro Street in London,
where Philip Morris, actually his widow and brother, Philip, had died from cancer,
opened their first cigarette factory.
Jesus.
Man, they opened a cigarette factory in a residential neighborhood?
That's pretty cool.
I know, I thought they were southern.
They're British?
Isn't it?
I know!
You guys are smoking Commie 6.
God damn it.
Damn, I gotta switch to something. Give me a pack of USAs.
Well, that makes sense because who was the guy that discovered that brought tobacco back
to the Queen?
Joe Camel.
No. Hey, baby.
No. The Duke of somebody. He's in Elizabeth.
The Duke of Heaters.
Sir Walter Raleigh. Yeah, Walter Raleigh. Yeah. the Duke of somebody he's in
the Duke of Heaters Sir Walter
Raleigh. Yeah, Walter Raleigh.
Yeah. Oh, I think that's what
North Carolina's made. That
would make sense because that's
a big tobacco joint. You ain't
lying. He came over here and
brought it back. They got an
affair with the queen too.
That's what that's according to
the Cape Planchette movie. Okay.
I was wondering where you were
getting all this heater
information. It was her and the Clive Owen saw a Jet movie. Okay. I was wondering where you were getting all this
heater information. It was her
and the Clive Owen. Two great
movies. Elizabeth and the
second one. Whoo. They're
alright. That can't play jet
breakdown. Mm hmm. Anywho. Um
This one's from uh let's see
this one's from Clinton. Ten
dollar home. He never had one
red. Is it garbage if you want a
wheelchair? Not because of an injury, but for popping wheelies.
Which, as a kid.
You find a wheelchair in the garage, let's go.
That's, that was the coolest, that was like,
that was one step below a golf cart,
which was one step below a car.
Yeah.
If you could drive, you know, that was a good time.
If there was a wheelchair wheelie league,
I could have gone pro back in the day.
I was never good.
I think they're you ever see that murder ball stuff?
That's nuts.
Those guys are out there getting after it.
They would tune you up.
Talk about nothing to lose.
Those guys are going after fucking and they got those those high performance wheelchairs
with the Mad Max joints.
Yeah, but the way they go in like the wheels are on a slant.
So they have better man.
Those guys would fuck
They run you down like a dog in the street. They call that camber is camber. I like it really
That's what they do with race cars
You can really smash it guys for smashing purposes going into the paint you think they talk shit
You think they like ram guys and say stuff like walk it off ahead
Yeah, that was like that was a league or a movie or a show that at one
point. Murderball was like it was a they were hot documentary
that in slam ball. Man, I wanted to get my trampoline.
Yeah, it's back. I know is it we should get a team together.
Yeah, right. Snap that thing like a rubber band right in the
basement. I was just gonna say if always in the basement
again, somebody get his wheelchair. That thing turned like a rubber band right in the basement. I was just going to say, if I was in the basement again.
Somebody get his wheelchair. That thing turned into the pit of Sarlacc real quick.
It's for all you Star Wars fans out there.
Um, all right, let's see here.
This one's from Kevin.
Are you garbage if you found a $1 check in an Easter egg as a kid?
God damn talk about being jammed up.
Ain't got a nickel or a post laying around? Post-dated for July
4th. Yeah, you're gonna wanna hold on to that for a couple of months unless you're gonna
embarrass both of us. Making ass out of both of us at federal savings. Anytime I gotta
check in that Christmas card or birthday card from somebody, I'd be like, God, you couldn't
stop TAT Mac on your way
over to the house that was the bit I mean in the mail you would get it cuz you weren't
mail in cash so like my grandfather or my cup my girl my grandparents were always a
ten five to twenty on the age on a check on a check get out of here checks fifty and up
no they had fucking twenty eight grandkids it can't be hey be fucking hey, we're on a very fixed income
Hey, do you think about that? That's?
That's two birthdays a month minimum, okay?
That's 50 a month. Yeah, 100 a month. That's a hundred a month. That's 1200 a year. Yeah, that's a lot
That's a lot of money guys retired cop had nine kids. I don't think he's sitting on a fucking huge nest egg
Retired Philly cop fucking had him move down to fucking eat nothing sandwich
Keep your fat ass skittles
I hate it to check though because I remember it but as a little kid. I was like what the hell is this?
And then I would have to endorse I would sign it over to my mom
I was just like hey listen toots
I ain't got a bank account you and the other adults figure this out with the banking institutions.
Give me my 10 bucks. I'm going to Aldo's. Hey baby, what's your business hours? Coming
in to make a withdrawal. Yeah, that was always very, um, and also there was times where I
played it, I really schemed where like I, she would give me the ten bucks or 20 bucks but then she wouldn't like sat behind the phone or what I like she
like put it somewhere and then I'd be like I never I got that check from
fucking pop-pop or whatever like two months later get the cross and she'd be
like oh yeah yeah yeah I'm like give me the cash. Oh she would forget. Yeah she didn't know what was going on.
Working four jobs. Working four jobs, you got three shit ass kids.
It's exhausting.
It's exhausting, yeah, it's 10 bucks, shut the fuck up.
Getting paid off the same ticket stub
for nine, four, five times.
Yeah, that's how you had to do it back then.
What a dirt ball.
That and I was running the pockets
and the coats and the closets.
My scam was I'd offer to go do the grocery shopping,
get a little cash back from you in grocery shopping
Yeah, he's told us as a kid. Yeah, and like in like high school get a little point our cash back
Never what let me go grocery shopping. Uh-huh, right? Let's come back with ten bags of sugar
No way that's a loose household
Yeah, that's why. Not that whole grocery.
Picking up, you're not a full order.
Not a full order, but I'm like, hey, I'm going to go down to the grocery store
like a block away. I'm like, I'm going to go grab some stuff.
Get the card, do some embezzling.
And you'd put 20 bucks back on the card?
I'd get like cash back.
Yeah, chips also, whatever you're in for the house.
You lose that receipt real quick to a receipt
I respect it yikes. I said I tried that once and I got caught immediately
She let me go tap Mac to take 20 bucks out bought a car and I took 40 and by the time she had just been
On her bank or whatever like online is early days online banking
And she goes how much money did you take out the second? I walked in I fuck
He's got I don't know how but this bro. Good
I said
20 she goes you 40 you fucking steal him. I'm like fuck the only time never you have to cough it up I
Say I made some excuse well like I think I owed someone 20 bucks. I never learned to read
120 bucks I never learned to read
I got I got a pretzel addiction. I got to take care of
Fucking brutes um
Let's see this one's from Cosmo Kessler deep cut
Cosmo Kessler uh-huh Cosmo Kessler was Kramer's original name was Kessler in the first one or two episodes. No kidding. Yeah it was Kessler. Wow. He goes hi, he
like introduced, he's like hi I'm Kessler I live next door. No kidding. Man he was so
not Kramer. I know he was. He was more serial killer. Yeah even when they went to, when
they had the party out in Long Island and he had to go pick them up He still wasn't quite Kramer fully formed. Yeah, it was still a little kooky
Excuse me
Is it garbage if your parents have a copy of the Constitution on the living room coffee table?
What are they treasure hunters? I'm gonna steal the Constitution. I'm gonna steal the Declaration of Independence
They have Washington crossing the Delaware commemorative plates. Well, that's big by where because I'm from steal the Declaration of Independence. They have Washington crossing the Delaware commemorative plates
Well, that's big by where because I'm from Washington's cross. I forges right there where right somewhat near us
Yeah, Ali forges very close to me when I camped out. I think yeah, I'm saying Washington's crossing is like
It's up by New Hope, right? That's right by me. It's where I grew up. Yeah, it's like fuck
It's between Newtown and New Hope. I think my point has been made. Yeah, we so Washington's crossing is like a big. I mean there's ivory. There's neighborhoods. There's you know it's all there's like
You know that's a big fucking it was a school even if my history serves me correct
And I think I just saw this on a YouTube short or something like that
Him and his boys crossed but another like platoon crossed or squad crossed and they didn't make it
Oh, yeah, well you don't talk about failures. You talk about the wins, baby.
It's not even that far across.
No, it's. No, it's not.
The Delaware in the 1700s had boats, man.
Dude, Polynesians were crossing the Pacific Ocean before they even kept time.
It was it was fucking all icy.
And I'm telling you, that gets fucking I cross it all the time.
It gets fucking wonky. Cross it.
I got a wakeboard
I'm telling you man. What do you see?
Less than 300 yards
Okay, the site where George Washington's Army Cross was rather narrow
Okay, and we're not gonna go against the big part. That'd be stupid
Yeah, obviously look for the shorter, but you got nothing to prove. The greatest taxation of all time.
I fight a battle on the other side.
Did another squad not make it though?
I'll check it out.
Regiment or something like that.
It wasn't like a platoon.
I'm telling you, I've driven across that thing in the winter and it's grabbed me where I'm
like, that's fucking nuts.
Like if it's ripping and roaring and fucking that rain or snow.
Yeah, it gets fucking.
Dude, the level on that will change about like fucking 40 not 40 feet
But like there's islands sometimes, and then there's not islands, and it gets fucking wacky. I
Would have hung back
I'm gonna cook up these hot dogs
You guys are gonna be hungry when you get back
I'll watch after the broads
Hey, don't Susan be ain't me I'll watch after the broads Hey doing Susan B Antony
She was there
What didn't she do the flag or yeah, she's at the flag all right, I'm sorry hey fucking
Hey Mel Gibson from the Patriot relax will ya which I just watched that that is a gory
I was one of my all-time fave movies
Gory is a mo. I just watched it straight through. I'd never seen the whole thing really yeah my dad's cheesy, but good
Yeah, that dude. I love that the bad guy. He's great a British. He will he yeah
He was also in a couple episodes on Tauras you played a producer, but he's great. Yeah cruel
Burn the village. I got nothing everyone. I got nothing on dudes not making it. Okay, how many dudes did you roll across with?
I don't know man. What is this?
Him like he's Google
Hey pop pop relax, huh? We want
Hey, pop pop. Relax, huh? We won, huh? That's all you gotta know. Was it raining that day? I mean, this guy's known everything about
heater history, nothing about American history. I know a lot about American history.
Heater history is American history. So we thought.
I don't know what you're talking about. That's a great picture. Wonder if they got
that as he was doing it. Was that guy on the other side?
You think the guy was painting that thing?
How did they get him in the action? That's a recreation.
Yeah.
Whoa. That's not a Polaroid.
What the heck? Probably took a picture, didn't it?
I mean, he's up front. He's leaning into it.
He would have fell off.
He was probably sleeping in the back.
That's what I would have been doing.
You need your rest. You got a fight coming up.
I've been hanging out for dear life. All that icy Delaware. Yeah. Yikes. Nine
Danka. Ended up in Maryland. Jammed up. Ended up down by the vet. Jesus Christ. By the Eagle
Stadium. They got a game going. Kit, let me tell you about Rocket Money. Rocket Money!
Did you know that about 75% of people are paying monthly for subscriptions they completely
have forgotten about? Ding, ding, ding, right forgotten about ding ding ding right here disposal. Did you know that pain head?
I did know it trying to save money
Start by checking out rocket money rocket money is a personal finance app that finds and cancels your unwanted subscriptions
Monitors your spending and helps lower your bills so that you can grow your savings. We all got to have a little cash
Yeah, it's easy. You can see all your subscriptions in one place. They organize it, bada bing,
bada boom. Everything's right in line. And if there's something, I had it. If there's
something I didn't know, I was like, what the hell? I'm still paying for that. It was
some sort of like fight subscription or something I signed up for. I was trying to watch a sporting
event and see if they got me. And if there's something you don't want, you just boom, bada
bing, you click it, a few taps, Rocket Money cancels it for you.
Rocket Money's dashboard even shows you
the current month's spending as compared to last month,
and how they'll even try to negotiate
to lower your bills by up to 20%.
Rocket Money has saved over five million users,
and has saved over a total of $500 million in cancels.
That's a lot of scratch.
That's a lot of coin.
Look at all the gummy bears you can buy with that.
Saving members up to $740 a year when using all of scratch that's a lot of gummy bears you can buy with uh Saving members up to seven hundred and forty dollars a year when using all of the apps features stop wasting money on things
You don't use cancel your animal your unwanted subscriptions by going to rocket money comm slash garbage
That's rocket money comm slash garbage one more time rocket money comm slash garbage do it do it
This one's just funny. This is my boy. Tonello in Boston. There you go. See you soon, buddy
Anyone in your family still a travel agent?
Which they're making a comeback now.
They truly are because everything's gotten so convoluted
and there's so many, you know, certain things are available
on some sites and not others and there's different prices.
Like if you go to Expedia, if you go to Delta, if you go to...
They got the ins.
They do.
They're like human trip advisors or...
I think Trip Advisor was based off a digital version of them.
So, yeah. Okay.
They are the original.
Yeah, they get...
They're like a human Expedia.
Yeah, what they wear in the 90s.
They get deals. For sure. Yeah.
I mean, that Michael Jordan's like Lebron James.
I would have loved to to
operate in that time. It's
called a travel agent. Have them
just set everything up and go
into that office with like the
pictures at Tahiti and Fiji on
the wall. Set across. Yeah,
there's still. Tickets. I as a
portion of my neighborhood is
still very much Dominican and
that is I mean there's travel.
I mean all through New York, all
through the barrows of New York,
Manhattan, less I would presume but I've assumed Queen still has them Brooklyn still has them cash transactions. Yeah, it's a good they're just it's all it's on the corner There's like four guys behind a desk in there and you go in and it's like I want to go to fuck
They're all going to the Dominican Republic for them. They're still selling those long-distance phone cards
Oh, yeah, ever use one of those no no I don't even know how I've never used I thought one hundred collect back in the day
Oh, yeah, mom pick me up, and then you hang up. Yeah
suckers ten ten two twenty
Ten ten three two one. Oh you call along like an international
Phone card yeah, I had to use them when we were in Scotland though my parents in Mexico
I think I had to use them to that makes it Scotland, then my parents in Mexico, I think I had to use them too. Oh, that makes sense. You had to dial like 17 numbers, man.
I still don't get country codes.
I remember Nadine asked me what our country code was,
and I went...
One.
Yeah, I literally guessed.
I literally guessed.
I went...
Number one.
I went, if I had to guess, it's one.
And she's like, it is.
I was like, well, I had no fucking clue.
Germany's like pound 23 or something. Like, buddy. You're at the back of the line
That's what you get you cross the line numero uno
I always forget that your parents were hiding out in Mexico for a little while. Oh, yeah having a nice time
It's a kooky family. Dude. I can't I can't get a read on any of them
My dad wouldn't take me to out back
My dad loves Outback.
G'day mate!
You guys are hiding out there.
They used to do a happy hour.
Buy one, get one cocktails and then they're like sirloin or something.
My dad was like ten bucks and my dad would not stop talking about it.
Man, the old schoolers loved a bad cut of meat, didn't they?
London broil, sirloin, hanger steak.
Push, yikes.
I think it goes back to that, like, the price point.
They weren't making enough.
I don't know what it is, but it's like,
it's so available now.
A decent cut of steak is like everywhere.
You know what I mean?
Before, that was like, you couldn't find, you know.
It was like such a huge treat.
When Patty rang that dinner bell,
and the name London broil came out of her mouth,
hoo, it had come running through the neighborhood.
And it, you got a little newsie hat on.
It was like leather, brutal, well done.
You know what,
you know what I used to, it reminded me yesterday,
we went out to eat with my dame and with my frow line and
we got a
Like a schnitzel like a cutlet type thing okay came with a thing of like cut up wait
Were you in a German restaurant? No, why are you calling it schnitzel? You got a cutlet?
Yeah, I they called it a schnitzel
They gave a side of apples, like chopped up,
you know, like cubed apples.
I like it.
A little bit of a, not mash, but like they weren't dry.
They weren't dry, they were like, you know.
I'm with you.
And then that made me realize,
I used to do that heavy as a kid.
A lot of places, whether it be like a Friday's,
or like an independent kind of pub bar restaurant
pub. You would get the chicken finger basket and come with a
side of applesauce. Oh baby. Big fan. Would you dip? Yeah.
Oh, that was the best. Patty did. That was the best. We did
Seneca. The SIGS? Seneca cinnamon applesauce was in our
home. Oh, you did sinny applesauce off the jump? Yeah. I'm going to get a little
cinnamon applesauce was in our
home. You did sine applesauce
off the jump. Yeah, we also we
also did cinnamon. Our graham
crackers were cinnamon. They
were the ones with the with the
glitter on that was the
standard. You were just banging
cinnys. Yeah, I didn't realize
there was regular plain graham
crackers. I think until my 30s
really. Yeah. Wow. That's they were like they came around it when we had them we always had the
OG ones and then like it was like oh, and I got these they were too much
Now we love to do it a little bit of a little bit of soft butter on them cool I just saw a crazy thing about cinnamon the cinnamon in the squeezable Apple
Apple sauce like the squeezable apple sauce, almost like gogurt.
They have that?
They weren't using cinnamon.
They were using lead.
Jesus.
What?
No, they weren't.
Yes, they were.
And there's lead.
Try, it can't get hard.
And there's lead in Lunchables.
Oh, Lunchables just came out.
Yeah, they're high amounts of...
That ain't cheese.
How does that get in there?
Are they putting it in there on purpose?
That's crazy. Yeah, I don't know. Is it from the pipes?
It's all pipes. How is a food company? Can you be like, yeah, just throw in a little plastic.
I don't think they're like standing over a vat with like a bucket of lead.
Yeah, we gotta make sure we gotta cut this a little bit.
You know what I mean?
You gotta make sure this still weighs out on the fucking on the scales stepped on applesauce
Yeah, this is from March 6 2024 at least 90 confirmed cases of high blood levels
Have been reported the highlight high lead levels. Thank you
I've been reported mostly in babies and young children who ate the recalled applesauce and applesauce puree pouches my god
You gotta watch those pouches can't see anything in them same thing with that coconut water You don't know what's going on. It's pure a pouches. My god. You gotta watch those pouches. Can't see anything in them.
Same thing with that coconut
water. You don't know what's
going on. Uh this apple sauce
tastes like walls. Yeah. It
tastes like nickels. Yeah,
dude. Kids worth more. Nothing
on that? Um that's crazy.
Putting bullets in the apples.
That's crazy. I hate that
**** What? Just a. Oh, I was
always an anti-launchables guy. I think that's well...
We never fucked with them. I never liked them. They don't make sense to me.
So, I was right this whole time.
Band-Aid just got busted too with Forever Chemicals in them.
And the same thing with Baby Powder. I used to smack that on.
Yeah, I don't think they knew it. Like I was making a pizza.
I don't think they knew at the time.
Damn, what do you mean they knew?
They didn't know what Forever Chemicals was when they made Baby Powder. They knew they were putting something in, what do you mean? They knew they didn't know what forever chemicals was when they made baby powder
They knew they were putting something in there that shouldn't be in there
They had to I don't think they knew the extent of it. The science wasn't there
They didn't have the history of like oh shit. This stuff changes your DNA
All right, I would I mean I would argue does I think it gets in it stays in you the forever chemicals
It's like what kind of superpowers can I expect? I'm half nerf ball right now
in you the forever chemicals it's like what kind of superpowers can I expect I'm half nerf ball right now yeah all right let's see here I like that
applesauce talk though forgot man apple juice too we were I doesn't get enough
credit I'm gonna I'm gonna we were a Mott's Apple juice fam and then the
applesauce was Mott's maybe sometimes but I feel like I don't know that I'm gonna
You were doing cups right? The individual cups ours was in a huge jar
Yeah, not I think it was a plastic jar
But if you had it forgot, I think it was muscleman's or whatever muscleman's is that how it's pronounced like a muscleman's
Yeah, not bad. Yeah, if you left one if those one of those things
Fell off the ship and went undetected in the fridge,
like a half-eaten apple jar, applesauce jar.
They turn quick. They get that mold in there.
Oh, grody.
I had my cousin, oh my cousin Sean came over one time, and I might have mentioned this before. I guess I probably like there was an opened.
Apple juice, big app, like a, you know, whatever
gallon of apple juice or whatever the fuck it was cracked
and then close like someone must have took a sip or a little bit,
closed it and put it back on the floor, like in the cabinet.
Like it wasn't open.
You know how you refrigerate after? Gotcha.
Dude, my cousin came over and had to be sitting there for fucking
Two months, and he was like I'll have this open it dude
And he poured it into a cup and I remember them
I remember the mold falling out of the container into the cup
And I don't think I thought he clocked it and I guess I don't what he took his sip
And I was just like dude. I called the cops. I was like, this guy, this guy's got two, three
hours left.
Your sleeve slurping mold?
Oh, it was rough. It was rough. He didn't see it. It got under
the ice cubes or whatever.
My boy's mom had a thing of red wine vinegar in her cabinet.
And at a certain point that like, I think it's like kind of
the same thing that they make kombucha with like
Like an amoeba or whatever the hell it is grows in there. Yeah, let me out
There's a shit in here, dude. Yeah, we had just seen alien do we didn't trust that join now
place to the ground
Yikes man, they're called something
Not care. I wouldn't be able to think cultures, something like that, something scientific.
We don't know what we're talking about.
A scoby.
I think they call them because a comedian friend of ours makes
his own kombucha and he has the same one that he's had.
You just keep transferring it into like whatever they make
it and I'd see or whatever and it ferments it great for the
gut health.
What they say.
Sure.
This one's from Barmelo's Anthony.
That's pretty good. That's funny.
$10 homie for the longest time. Never have one read.
Is a garbage get-off work at 8 p.m.
and being a race against the sunset to get home before it
gets too dark to drive around with two broken headlights?
Yeah, I mean, I've been in those positions before.
Hit the junkyard, dog.
For the bulbs, though?
Yeah, Patty did that all the time.
But I think the bulbs are relatively cheap.
Go to an auto zone?
Yeah, I think they're like $10, $20, you know, something.
My thing is, I think with that, to me, that was always laziness
on my part of like, fuck, I'm going to break light out.
Fuck my head.
Like, one of the times where you got to ride around with the fucking high beams on
because you're fucking your low level.
Johns are all fucked up.
Everybody hates you.
Yeah, brutal.
Just flapping at you.
Uh huh.
And I had killed somebody with that.
I had we had one of my Chevy Luminas I had was was better.
Uh, was a real was a good winter car because you had to have the heat
cranked all the way up or
overheated okay, that was like
Man come springtime you're cranking the heat and you're you had to have the heat cranking or it would overheat just to get the hot
Air out of there to get no so the when you turn the fan on I think we've talked about this with you off air
I think about something you turn the fan on it the intake sucks the air
about something you turn the fan on it the intake sucks the air over the is that where the heat's coming from yeah and cools the engine and heats the
air and then blows the exhaust but you know I didn't know the byproduct on you
that's why there's a problem with Tesla's with like the heat I think it
takes a long time for the heat to get up because there's no there's no
combustion engine yes no pistons yeahons. Pew, pew, pew.
Yeah, so that we had that.
So it was like, you were cranking heavy heat
in that lumina for a minute.
But then the springtime comes.
OK.
People are like, can you turn the heat down?
You're like, no, I can't.
I've always wanted to have the experience.
I'm a big commercial guy.
I've always wanted to have the experience that they do that they show in like an Autozone commercial
Like the guy goes in for his part and it's right there
I've never seen that I've been in an Autozone once or twice and it's chaos
I've kind of had it real genuinely you go in and they go
You tell the guys like what kind of car you got and I'm like a 90 whatever Chevy Lumina and he goes, what do you need?
This part.
He goes, okay, beep beep beep beep beep.
Looks at it.
Brings you the box out.
Brings you the box.
I think at one of those national chains, there's probably a handful of them.
They'll give you a hand with like minor things.
Putting it in.
Like hey, I'll help you out.
You know, I'll help you out put the whatever in the field.
So they always do it out there.
Yeah. I remember I had a guy come out in the parking lot and be like I'll give you a hand huh mm-hmm
Okay, but I was never a fix my own car guy myself of course radiates sure
Let's see this one's from James. Are you garbage if you date your buddy's identical twin sister your buddy's identical twin sister
So it'd be like if you had an identical twin sister. Your
little strange that connect I mean obviously if it's your best friend or your buddy sister anyway was a tough one identical twins have to be the same sex
no they know they don't because they share 100% of the DNA identical twins
will always be the same sex no kidding huh yeah we make us look like assholes
there Timo I think this broad needs to tell this guy something's going on
His buddies got a secret fraternal twins
Okay, so that makes I thought fraternal twins make you just didn't look that much alike correct
Huh, there's not like a different egg or something
Only eggs I know are an omelet, bro. They're scrambled for sure, quail.
Yeah.
Wait, hold on.
Can you have boy and girl identical twins?
You had a good typing flow there, Kippy.
I wish you could have seen what I got
because it was nowhere close.
I genuinely wish sometimes
that genital twins can be assigned the sex
of male and female birth.
These twins start off as identical males
with an XY set of chromosomes,
but shortly after the egg divides,
a genetic mutation called Turner syndrome occurs,
leaving one of the twins with XO chromosomes.
Take that Jeeves,
whatever you're working with over there.
Oh, the rarest thing in me out
on Turner's syndrome then you got a date this broad cuz she's lucky she's one in a
billion you know what I mean whatever it is she's got it that chicks of lottery
tickets either way play the numbers dude she keeps getting struck by lightning Yeah, I mean yeah, I got depending on the relationship and all that stuff dating your buddy sisters
I mean your buddy sister, whatever that's that I'm talking about growing up as adults whatever yeah
But the identical twin thing is no it's awesome. You got a guy to pal around with play your Xbox
No, it's awesome. You got a guy to pal around with play your Xbox And you get to fuck them
That's too weird if they look that much alike that's a little too- I couldn't get that out of my head
Nah, I don't know about that. I'm
Yeah, that's I'm telling you me I couldn't do it
It's a bit the closest you can get to being gay while still being straight because you know their mannerisms are all the same
Their personalities are probably pretty similar your fucking hair. He feels it you know
the same their personalities are probably pretty similar you're a fucking her he feels it you know. Oh Gary. Kevin knock it off over there. Get your finger out of my ass. Trying
to do my theme paper. But if like you go over to you say you're in high school and you go
over to your buddy's house for a sleepover, you know, if you're dating the sister
You're sneaking out
As I make him feel sure I'm going there for some applesauce. He got any muscle men's in there in the fridge
Probably back in 20 15 minutes
Yeah, we had it a good friend ours, dated a good friend of ours sister for all through high school.
We're like a chunk of it. And it worked out. It was never weird.
Was I the same age?
She was one year younger than us. Yeah.
Okay.
So yeah, same, you know.
And it was, that was my only real time of having that. And it was that was my only real time of having that and it was super normal.
I think we were friends with him.
Yeah, we were friends with him and then they started.
So kind of, you know, kind of an easy peasy type thing.
Did you have any boys that had any hot sisters?
Yeah, this one I'm talking about.
Oh, yeah.
She was man.
Pretty cool.
Crazy. Yeah.
Uh-huh.
And it was tough because like it was an older sister and like they were real sweet to you. Yeah, she was man pretty cool crazy. Yeah, uh-huh
And it was tough cuz like it was an older sister and like they were real sweet to you
You know what I mean? Because I don't think I had a cuz you're my little brother's I mean your sister had hot friends
Yeah, yeah. Yeah
I'm aware. I am
See you go to a regular high school you get to enjoy some of that stuff, all right Yeah, you get to strike out like the rest of us not your freak school
Look at it professor Xavier's dome doing your finals on an Etch-a-Sketch
Weirdo
But that buddy so they so that buddy
She would have her friends. Oh, like you know what yeah, I know what you mean dog
So she was a year younger than us oh, okay, and her hot friends would all like they were the hot they were
attractive crew you know what I mean and
There's a creep meter going on
How's it texture you talking about my sister?
No.
So that as a fat, you know, eighth, ninth grader, and they had a pool too.
So that was it.
That was break out the good T shirt for those swim sessions that made for a lot of like, I think I got to go home for dinner.
Like my I got my uncle's dinner, like I got my uncles in
town, I gotta, cause we'd all be hanging out and be pretty good and we'd say, let's go
in the pool, and I'm like, I actually just got stitches in the, you can't see them.
I ate like 20 minutes ago.
Salad, of course, I'm watching that.
I just remembered I have a huge pussy, I gotta.
I just remembered I got tits, I'm gonna get out of here.
Would you actually, cause I feel would doubt that would keep you from
I'm down to go swimming of one of you ladies can lend me a top
Hey, I borrow one of your mom's I borrow one of your mom's bikinis
Hey, your mom got a one-piece in there
something from the swim team
Would that actually keep you from social situation a lot of compression. I mean I wouldn't like I
Wasn't running off to diving board yelling cannonball
At a certain point you just I mean yeah, I mean you feel that anxiety inside
I would I would never let listen if it came to me
Looking at broads and bikinis and hurt Dempsey and me with my shirt off
I'm taking the shirt off
You know what I mean sure um
Yeah, that's charming kid though doing the fucking truffle or whatever
No, I hated the kid not hated, but I did yeah, I didn't love the the kid that leaned into it
the heavy kid there would be like
Right a bit or something you can't go home because you're too nervous swim now. I'm over exaggerating not saying I wouldn't go home
But yeah, I mean I wasn't like this is awesome. That's fucking you know you got it quick. Yeah, you were a deep end guy Oh, yeah
Hello, let's do a treading water contest. It's like a frog been coming up everybody everybody
Let's only keep your heads out of the water for a while Marco Polo only
Hey knock it off with that stop snorkeling I was always more
I'm always more conscious about getting out of a pool
Hey, this is now getting out of a pool. You should be conscious within a hundred yards of a pool
Getting out of the pool the top it is what it is
But when that bathing suit sucks into you and you see the outline of everything everyone's everyone I got a little pee-pee
Yeah, I think you're in a great position where that's not what they're looking at you
have you have you have more attractions draws the eye
everybody's learned that flat but you got my trucks are oh man I like but I
like to wear my trucks high but they're only high in the back you go you're on a 45 degree angle my friend
Are they custom made?
Alright, we gotta wrap it up gang. What a fun one. Yes, sir
Again come see a show come see a show we got a like we said this week is Tampa and Atlanta
And then coming up we have the second show with the Wilbur. There's still tickets available
Town hall some tickets available in New York City
That's about 75% of the way sold out get though that's gonna fucking go down ain't gonna be closed New York City
Then all the all dates are available at are you garbage calm? It will be added more dates
Obviously as the year goes on we're coming everywhere. We love you guys, and we will see you next week. Peace