Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast - Joe List: The Boston Garbage

Episode Date: April 16, 2020

Comedian Joe List joins us to talk about growing up outside of Boston, stand up comedy, and what makes a family trashy. You may know Joe List from Netflix, Joe Rogan Podcast, Tuesdays with Stories, Letterman and Comedy Central. Subscribe. Rate & Review. 

Welcome to another exciting edition of Are You Garbage? The show where you find out if your favorite comedians are classy individuals or absolute trash. Now, here are your hosts, Kevin Ryan and H. Foley. Hey everybody out there and welcome back to everybody's favorite new podcast. This is Are You Garbage? I am your host H. Foley. This is the show where you find out if your favorite comedians are classy individuals or if they're absolute garbage. I'm coming at you from beautiful Astoria Queens where the bodies are stacking high, my friends. My co-hosts coming at you from an undisclosed location somewhere in southern New Jersey.

Our good pal, Kippy, Kevin, James, Ryan, everybody. Hey gang, happy to be here another day down in the bunker and it's not, I'm not coming back for a long fucking time. Fuck going down with the ship buddy. I got a first life boat out of town. Thank you so much for listening everybody. Please make sure you rate, review, subscribe on iTunes, on YouTube, full video available on YouTube. We appreciate all the support so far guys. Absolutely. Very special guest today. We're so happy to have him here. Ladies and gentlemen, let me read you off this fucking rap sheet on this kid right here. We got the Joe Rogan experience. We got the late show with James Corden.

This week at the Comedy Cellar, the Tonight Show with Jimmy Fallon. Standups on Netflix, which he has an executive producer credit for, which I don't even know how you fucking get that. You got Conan. You got a Comedy Central half hour last comic standing. The late show with David Letterman and he's got a brand new podcast out right now called Mindful Metal Jacket and one of the co-hosts of Tuesdays with Stories, the fucking Pride of Massachusetts. Ladies and gentlemen, Jolton Joe List everybody. Thank you. That was like the best intro ever. My god. It's the only thing he's good at.

It really reminded me that I had a life at one point. I'm in Astoria too. I'm also here in Astoria. Are you really? You guys are holding down over there? Yeah. Yeah. Everyone keeps asking if we left. I'm like, we got a pretty nice play. I don't want to go be with my parents. I don't want to kill them or be with them. That's, that was the big thing too. I'd like to get out of this. So my parents live in the suburbs outside of Philly. And I wouldn't mind having a little bit of fucking breathing room is over here.

It's like everybody's on top of each other. But yeah, I don't want to go home and fucking kill my parents because I mean, we put gloves and masks on, but we're still in the grocery store. We're still, you know, we got to go to fucking CVS and get shit. Yeah, it's, it's nerve wracking. I put a mask. This is so embarrassing. Like I have such a weak jawline. If I talk, my mask comes off.

There's no chin to hold it in place. I want to kill myself. My glasses keep fogging up when I have it on. And I'm in a fucking store. I look like a psycho. I saw a couple of those. Yeah. That's a tough look when you're like wandering around a key foods and you're bumping into shit. Yeah.

And there's some people get it. And then some people you walk into a place and you're like, we wanted to get a bottle of wine and we took a walk over towards Dipmars. So we went to another wine store that we don't normally go to. There's literally 10 people in there, no mask on just hanging the fuck out, talking to each other. I'm like, what do you have your fucking mind here? No, I'm cooped up in a one bedroom in Queens. Let's go.

Follow the rules. I want to get this shit back up and running. I hate it. And I don't understand. I mean, I hate to be a bummer, but I'm like, I don't understand how it's going to like, if we went from 15 cases to 300,000 cases in two months, how are we going to go?

How would that not happen again? Yeah. I don't understand it. It's crazy. I was, I went to a fucking Walmart. And after being in there for seven minutes, I'm like, we, the human population does not stand a fucking chance against this thing. People are so close to me even for non quarantine rules.

I'm like, dude, what to get the fuck out of my personal space right now? No, in their mask off and digging in their mouth and then like going back to shopping. It's terrible. What are your projections, Joe? When do you think things will be back to normal?

I don't know. Like I read a thing yesterday. I'm like Debbie Downer here. Like I read a thing that said there's going to be no live events until September 2021. What the fuck? Yeah. Like I think,

and then Dr. Fauci said maybe in November-ish, but I feel like they're all just trying to, like I feel like behind the scenes are like, we're fucked. Yeah. I know China is not giving out the real numbers. I'll tell you that right now. They're fucking,

they're playing like the Astros. They got somebody cooking the books. Somebody is fucking those things are. No way. Those numbers are real. Yeah. So I don't know. I guess like,

I've heard a couple of things about like this finger prick business that takes four minutes and then they're like, okay, you're clear. So maybe we'll have to get our fingers prick before we go to a baseball game. I don't know. Yeah. It's fucking weird trying to,

trying to test 320 some million people is going to be impossible and no one's going to fucking trust it. No, I think, you know, I'm, I'm, this is what I'm doing. I'm just like, there's that old saying do business as though the person's trying to screw you because most likely they are.

That's how I feel. I'm like, all right, we'll be here until 2022 and I'll just be pleasantly surprised if not. Sure. That's not bad. Expect the, you know, expect the best, expect the worst.

That's old school garbage mentality. I fucking love that. That's like something your uncle told you one night when he had two fucking a couple of cutty Starks in them. Yeah. Yeah. I got all, all garbage, uh, life lessons. That's good.

That's the best. I want to get into that a little bit. Where exactly did you grow up in Massachusetts? I grew up in Whitman, Massachusetts, which is the birthplace of the chocolate chip cookie. Oh, a man after a man after Foley's heart right there. The home of the Ritz.

Everyone, everyone Googles it. I get some people that go, Hey, you were right. And I'm like, well, yeah, I'm not going to get that up. I'm not an asshole. Yeah. You're going to pick up girls at bars with that. Um, but, uh, yeah, it's like sell, sell sure, man,

but 35 minutes south of, of, uh, Boston, it's right next to Brockton, Massachusetts, which was the home of Rocky Marciano and Marvin. Right. Marvin. And you grew up, uh, so it's kind of a suburban area. Yeah. Very suburban.

Yeah. Grew up with your pinch of your brothers and sisters growing up. I got one older sister. She's four years old. All right. So you guys intertwined a little bit. So like she was like 10 years old or anything like that. No, she, what she, I was in eighth grade when she was a senior.

So we were never in high school together, but we hung out in the neighborhood a lot together. Did you both go to the same school? All the same schools, but we were only in the same school. I think what she was in fifth grade and I was in elementary school. We were never in middle school or high school together. I always thought it was garbage though. And Kevin had this growing up is when one sibling goes to one high school

and then the other one goes to another one for some reason, but they don't go to the same school. I had a brother go to private school and I did not get the nod to go, to go to the expensive private school. Oh wow. Was he older than you at least? And they were like, Oh, we made a mistake. We can't afford that.

Yeah. Kind of was, but I mean, he wasn't that much older and we would have, it was the same thing. We would have overlapped like one year. I wasn't, but that's also the thing. I also have a brother. I have, there's a 21, there's a 21 year age gap between my youngest half brother and my oldest sibling.

Oh wow. Yeah, that's like, that's, that's bad. Well, that's my parents and I age gap. Exactly. Yeah. Yeah. That's garbage. That's a family tree.

That's garbage either way though. A 21 year old parent parental difference is garbage and a 21 year old sibling differences. Sure. Sure. The worst thing. So my dad, my parents had divorced. My dad got remarried and he had at one point he had a,

he had a son when my sister, who's the oldest was 16. So it was a 16 year age gap. And we're like, Jesus fucking Christ. This is embarrassing, but all right. You haven't explained this story as I can. It's like, let's keep our head down. Let's not, you know, let's not tell the neighbors and we'll, we can get through this.

And then five years later, they had another kid and we were like, what the fuck man. Joe, did you have anything like that? Your parents still together and all that? My parents are still together. I believe that my parents have only ever been with each other. They were like high school. Wow.

And then my, they had my sister, my dad was 18 and my mother was 17. I think. What? Oh no, no, I'm sorry. My mother was 19. My dad was 20. My mother was 19. Dude, back then that was the norm.

My high school girlfriend's parent, her mom had her when she was 16. So like growing up, we were almost like peers. I mean, like by the time we got in high school, she was only like fucking 15 years older than us. That's like a spring thing. Yeah. No shit. Yeah.

There's a few things like that in my family. Like my mother, I have an uncle that's four years older than me. My mother's youngest brother. That's always a dead giveaway for sure. Buddy. Well, that's what's interesting for years. I've been telling stories about my uncle Dale and I'll tell it cause we were drinking buddy.

So we'd be, I was like, oh, me and my uncle Dale, we were out blacked out. We threw up all the stuff. People were like your uncle. What? And I was like, Oh, he's my, like he's four years older than I am. Oh, that's great. But people thought I was like out, you know, hitting the streets with like a 60 year old guy, but.

Do your folks have a, cause your, your Boston accent isn't, isn't too thick. Do your folks have, have a thicker accent? Yeah. My mother and not some of my mother's like, uh, is very good at enunciating and stuff. I think my mother is very self-conscious about being sort of a lower middle class. So she worked on her penmanship and her enunciation.

Um, my dad has an accent. Yeah. I'm much thicker. And then especially when I used to drink, I would sound like a Kennedy a little bit. If I go home, it'll come out a little bit or when I start getting angry. But I tried to not have an accent cause it was like spazzy. It was like silly to have an accent.

And then goodwill hunting came out. I tell the story a lot. I used to say, I always said bathroom and my friends would make fun of me cause I had like a thick accent. I pronounced it bathroom. The earliest bit I remember having, I was like in sixth grade and I would say, isn't it weird? You take a bath in the bathroom and they were like, bathroom, what are you a

British? And I got shit. Somebody liked this kid. Yeah. And then goodwill hunting came out and all of a sudden everyone was like, dude, what the fuck? Yeah. That made it so cool, man.

Even like when we're from Philly, so like it was the same, we would hear that Boston accent. Like Philly's tough, but I'm like Boston, that's a cool fucking city. On the guys, it's not that bad. But on the girl, like that one girl in the bar that, hey, Chuckie, why don't you give it a little tuggy and that you're like, oh, what do you think is trashier, the Philly or the Boston accent? Um, I don't, I would, I think Boston, honestly, it, cause it just is like

harsher and it's harsher and it fucking just and Boston, it's more than just an accent. It's like this weird back of the throat thing. Like it's not just a way of saying a word, but it's like the voice inflection. It's fucking back here. And it's just upset. I never understood where accents came like, why the fuck do we all talk different?

I don't know. It's fascinating. And then like Western Massachusetts, I got a friend from Western mass. He sounds like he's from Chicago. He says Western mass. Okay. Yeah. Wow.

Yeah. Yeah. That too. A little bit. Central Pennsylvania. Your dad sounds like he was on that. Yeah. To bears.

Yeah. My dad sounds like fucking Dan Ackroyd because I was born in, I was born in Wilkesbury, Pennsylvania. And then we moved down the Philly. So everybody up at Wilkesbury, Pennsylvania near Scranton, they all fucking sound like, you know, like, you know, hey, how are you doing there? Good to see you. They all have like that.

That's fucking garbage too, man. That's Chicago accent. Yeah. I mean, I think it's like, if she starts talking, you're like, what the fuck? Yeah. There's a huge, that's to me, like the most common accent because that goes from like Ohio, even to like Indiana and Michigan has that. Yeah.

That spreads. I feel like even down in like Nebraska, they almost have that. It's interesting. Yeah. Sometimes a Southern accent can sound pretty classy. Sometimes. Yeah. But it also, I feel, I feel a Southern accent depends on what they're wearing.

If they're in like a white suit with like the tie. Yeah. If they're dressed like a Southern lawyer, for sure. But if they're, it's like a hillbilly, you're like, all right, I'm not buying it. That's too funny. All right. Well, let's get into some questions here. Let's do it.

As you know, Joe, we're going to ask you a series of questions, just answer them honestly, find out if you're a classy guy or absolute garbage. Kippy, what's, what do you, what do you go with the over under here? Yeah. I think this is my opinion. I think you, I think you, like most of us have garbage roots, you know what I think a lot of most like white suburban people have garbage roots for sure. You know, blue collar working family.

So, but I don't think you're garbage now. I don't think so. I think you run a, you know, I think he, I think you probably keep a pretty tight ship. I appreciate that. I remember you told, I feel like he, he thinks he's on the witness stand right now. Well, I'm excited to find out myself here because I go back and forth myself on

how I feel. Yeah. All right. Well, let's get into it. Let's start off with a couple of the basics growing up. You had a front yard and all that stuff. You guys grew up in a house house, front yard, backyard. Yeah.

I thought about this yesterday when we went for our walk. What was your front lawn ornament situation? Your front lawn decoration. Like was that like a flower bed with like a lawn jockey and like a tire that's turned into a flower pot. No, we didn't have, again, a lot of these are because my mother grew up with all that. Like my grandmother collected shit.

She was, my grandmother had the wooden thing where it made a lady look like she was bending over and you could see her underwear. Oh my God. My grandmother had that. So my mother was like, throw everything out. Like there was nothing like Christmas. We had very subtle lights. The bushes would have Christmas lights.

And then there was like a little garden in the front flowers. My mother's very OCD and very like, we have to, now this, it sounds like it puts us in the, we're classy, but it's really just a huge effort to hide. To hide the trashiness. The deep garbage. So there was very few lawn anything. I would say actually zero lawn other than actual flowers. What about around Christmas time?

Did you put like the sled and like the plastic sled with the lights out there or anything like that? No, nothing like that. Just, just lights, just standard frame the house and some on the bushes. And the big one, the Christmas tree inside. Did you have colored lights, Joe? We had colored lights. Tough break, Joe.

Keep up appearances on the outside. But there's a little color. Not those big fat ones. Those big fat ones, man. I think they stopped making those in the seventies. Those things were wacky. Oh, how many houses are they fucking burned down? Those things were like neon.

Yeah. Did you have a garage? We, there you go. We had a garage. A garage that there was no, when we first got the house, there was just filled with shit and the garage door was so jammed. You couldn't open it. It was like so rusted shut.

But when I was around, I think early on when I first moved there, like three years into moving there, we got it everything and made it a big living room. Oh, that's so bad. No is the short answer. When we first moved there, it was an unopenable garage door. Wait a minute. Wait a minute.

You said you said you made it into a living room. Yeah. It's like a big, now it's like beautiful, but it became like a dining room thing. So it was attached to the house. It was a garage attached to the garage. My parent's garage is not attached to the house. I don't know if that's better or worse.

I don't think it's good. It's fucking trash. I don't have all my papers in front of me, but I don't think it's good. We were asking because the garage fridge is a big thing that we, if growing up, we each had garage fridges, but like, you know, that just kept beer sodas and weird meats stored in them.

Soda's ice pops and shit like that. No, we never had that. We just had the one, one fridge. Okay. I got another one. Were you like a blockbuster family or independent rental store? Oh, interesting. We, I think, I think became both. We ended up being blockbuster.

I was a blockbuster. Yeah. But there was like stones video for a little bit, but they always had the best name stones. That's great. Once blockbuster became a thing, we were, we were straight blockbuster. Yeah.

You kind of had to be, you had no choice. They had the monopoly on it. Blockbuster was much classier than like, did you guys have West coast video up there too or no? I don't think we had that. No. Cause West coast had the fucking back room. Blockbuster never had the back room.

No, I can picture our blockbuster now. I remember the new releases went all the way around the outside. Yeah. Yeah. If it didn't have that porn room, it was fucking, it was pretty classy. But we did occasionally. I remember there was a time when the liquor store had movies.

You can rent movies from the liquor store. Cause I do remember going to the liquor store and being like, all right, you pick out a movie. I just thought of it now. I'm like, And that was where they had the actual movie case inside the plastic. Like blockbuster had their own. Yeah.

Yeah. Blockbuster case. This was just the movie in a plastic thing. Wow. That's fine. I've never heard of that. But that does remind me a buddy of mine growing up, his dad owned like two or three like independent rental stores.

And when they closed down and blockbuster moved it down, he sold all the movies, but kept all of the porn from like the three locations and kept it all in his basement. And we found it when we were like 15. And it was the greatest day of my life. It was amazing. Oh, that's huge.

That would remain the best day of my life. He had like all of porn hub in his basement and we were like, what's in these boxes? He's like porn. And we were like, all of these boxes is like, yeah, it's fucking great. That's fun. All right. So you passed the test on the long decorations.

We ran it in one of the most popular ones you've ever seen, and it was really cool. It was like, we had a nice, a nice little play game set up given any flag set up the American flag is obviously okay. But did you have like a Red Sox flag or like a Patriots flag? Or the big one is, did you have a pirate flag? No, we had none of the no flags.

All right. My dad still has a pirate flag flying in our backyard. Like he's fucking jelly Rogers. Have you ever, have you ever used the ATM just to check your balance? Interesting. No, I'm like the opposite. I've never checked my back. I take money out and I say no to the receipt because I don't want to look.

Okay. I have that same anxiety. I'm like, I don't want to, I'll push that off until tomorrow or something. Yeah. To this day, like I've done okay. I have some money. I still don't look at the back because it still fucks me up.

I've had moments where I've gone to the ATM and like the person before me, their receipt still in there. You know, and I take a peek just a little fucking see what, see what the competition is dealing with. And some guys got like fucking 25 grand just sitting as checking account. I'm like, what the fuck? I've thought about that now. Cause I have like a savings account.

I've thought about doing checking the savings and then just leaving the receipt just to be like, just to make me feel bad about myself. If I'm behind you like, how do you like that? Leave a 20 on the machine. Go ahead. Take care of yourself. Oh man. All right.

Growing up. Did your mom buy gushers? No, no, no gushers. I feel like that was a rich kid snack. I didn't have gush. We were a fruit, fruit rollup family. No, we're an off brand fruit rollup family. No, no gushers for us.

What about lunchables? Did you get lunchables? I don't think so. I was also like a crazy picky eater. I do remember the little plastic thing with the stick and the cheese. Oh, those things were fucking classy. Yeah. There you go.

All right. We never did lunchables. I think. But here's the thing. Again, I have my mother's OCD. So like I had the same lunch every day. I had like peanut butter and jelly and one of those cheese stick things. All right.

That's not bad for a fourth grader. That's clean living. You get a BB and J sandwich and a handy snack. It was pretty good. Dude, you pulled out those handy snacks. It was like you were spreading caviar on those crackers. Dude, you get a six plate lunch room. That whole place will stop fucking check this guy out.

They were fucking nice, man. All right. To stay on that peanut butter and jelly tip. I got one for you. Did your mom ever get you the peanut butter and jelly in the same jar? No. Again, I mean, I got to keep coming back to this OCD. That was psychotic.

The same way, man. That's insane to me. Yeah. I spread the peanut butter and then like fully wiped down the knife before going into the jelly. I thought it would shit her pants. If there was peanut butter in the jelly or jelly in the peanut butter. Oh, you got you.

You can see the fucking jelly in my fridge right now. It's got peanut butter, butter. It's got a set of keys in it. I'm fucking reckless when it comes to that shit. Oh man. The thought of your jelly jar fucking makes my skin crawl, dude. Oh, he sucks. What you do guys refrigerate your jelly.

You're supposed to refrigerate after you open it. Yeah. I keep it under the bed. What do you do? I keep it in the cabinet. Once you put it in the fridge. That's it. I'm done with it.

That's how I feel about ketchup. I've been having this debate my whole life. We're always ketchup in the, in the cabinet. People keep to catch up nice and warm. All right. I'll give you that. I like that. Yeah.

I do the same thing with the milk. I keep the milk in the oven. Nice simmer going. And since that came up, I've, I've talked to your wife, Sarah about this before she's a big milk drinker. Have you grown up? Did you ever have milk with dinner? We always ask this question.

I think I did. I think I like, at one point thinking about this now, I could just have diarrhea right in the bed that I'm sitting here. But I can remember as a kid liking milk with macaroni and cheese. I would make like craft mac and cheese and then a glass of milk. Such a dairy overload that I can wrap my head around it. So you just answered another question.

A common, a common one here. You were a craft macaroni and cheese family. Yeah. The blue box. Yeah. I love that. Up until recently, I would eat the full box. Like in my adulthood,

I'd make an entire box and then eat it. Yeah. I mean, if you're making the box, you're, you know, I'm not putting it in the fridge. Yeah. Yeah. But once I hit like 35, I would do that and be like suicidal the next day.

Take me through taste to recover. You can taste the box a little bit in it. That's what I love about craft macaroni. You can taste like the cardboard in the box, like in, like in the aftertaste of it. It's killer. As I'm talking about it. I'm like, I should do, I should go do that just for old time's sake.

Cause I miss it. I think you're just eating the box to be honest with you. What about, what about your chocolate milk growing up? Were you a chocolate syrup family or were you a powdered family? No, we were a syrup family. Good. You had Netsquik. You were fucking trash.

I did something a little weird that everyone thinks I'm crazy. And now I'm starting, I'm finally coming around with some work and therapy to recognize that I was wrong, but I would put the chocolate in first cause I wanted to see how much chocolate I judged by like almost like pouring a whiskey. I was like, I want two fingers of a person for the milk on top of it.

And I always did like that. Yeah. I thought that was the right way to do it. No. You do the milk first. Yes. Oh, that's fucking garbage. No, I want to know what I'm getting.

I want that spoon standing straight up. That's how I always felt. That's how I always felt. Mine would look like black. It looked like a black Russian. Yeah. And you got to go Hershey's. That was my second thing.

If you go, it has to be Hershey's. Yeah. For sure. I feel like Netsquik was new money shit. You could smell Netsquik on somebody a mile away. Yeah. And I cracked out fucking rabbit jumping around. No fucking thank you.

I still got, I got a couple more food ones, I guess. Did you guys do Nilla wafers growing up? No. No wafers. We had no, no wafers. All right. That was, we would get them every now and then.

Also, this is a big one. We've talked about it before. Have you ever had the dessert known as dirt? No. Do you know what it is? No, I don't know. It's like, it's the trashiest thing in the world. It's ice cream pudding and they put it.

And then they crumble like Oreos and stuff in it. It's made to look like dirt and they put like gummy worms in it. And a lot of times you eat it out of like a, like a planter, like a pop that you would put a plan in. No. To look on your face right now. Again. Well, my mother, my, all this stuff, my mother would be like, what?

No, are you kidding? No way. What, what about ambrosia? Ever have ambrosia? No, I don't know what that is. Yeah. Sierra clear. That's, that's, that's like mayonnaise and I don't even know what mayonnaise

and marshmallows. It's a weird combination. What was your mayo growing up in the, in the house? Was it Hellman's or was it Miracle Whip? You know, I don't, I was never a mayonnaise guy, but Miracle Whip, we definitely had that in the house. Is that, is that a strike? I remember hearing about Miracle Whip,

but it wasn't something I was interested in. Miracle Whip is not even male. It's referred to as salad spread. We might've had both. I don't, so don't quote me on that. I'm afraid my mother's going to hear this and be like, but I definitely remember hearing about Miracle Whip and being not interested in it.

You go on there. You're fucking embarrassed. It's like we're a Miracle Whip family. Joey's on a radio talking bed. What about a toaster oven? Do you now, or did you own growing up a toaster oven? No, my grandmother had a toaster oven.

So I was familiar, but we did not at my house. No, we had a toaster. We don't, we don't know. We're a toaster family. That's why we had growing up. We were a toaster. This blows my mind here. People have toaster ovens.

Those things are trash. No way. Either a regular toaster or you fucking throw it in the oven. A toaster oven. No, that's, you're crazy. What are you, in prison? Those things always had fucking gunk all over them.

No. I'm standing by it. It's not trashy. All right. Did you have, did you ever have bigly chew bubblegum? I was not into big glue. That was, that was in my neighborhood,

but I never got into it. I was not a big league chew guy. Oh man. You felt like a fucking million bucks. If you were on deck in little, in little league and pulling out some big league too, man, that was clean fucking living. You were hitting the dinger.

I couldn't do gum. I think at some point I was a very nervous kid. At some point someone's got it in my head. If you swallow gum, you could die or you would never be able to shit again. So the idea of having gum while playing baseball was insane to me. Psychotic.

I remember swallowing gum a couple of times and thinking I was going to die instantly. It's such a frightening thing. Once it gets in the back of your throat, you're like, oh, it's going to stick. I'm dead. Just the idea. Cause when you're a kid as an adult too,

you just get some information and you lose the rest of the information around it. So all I knew is you can't swallow gum. And that was enough for me to fill in the rest of like, you die. I think you die. Yeah. Yeah. For sure.

I only heard the first part, but I didn't know what I was going to say. I was going to swallow gum. You know what else was big? Bubble tape was big back in the day. That was rich kid shit. Really? Yeah.

Never got bubble. What? The dollar 29 a clip. That was rich kid shit. That was never happening. You could, you couldn't afford that aisle of the, of the CVS. I remember always chewing fucking sugar free gum.

Cause that's what my mom got. Like, you know, winter fresh or something like that. We were two, we were eating like, like old lady gum. We tried it. Try that in big red.

Those were hard. Yeah. Try it in big red. Big red's not bad. Man. I had a piece of big red recently. Oh, talk about feeling like a million bucks walking into the set.

But big red is good for like legitimately under 60 seconds. Yeah. Those, they lose flavor so quick. And dries your mouth out. Like, like, like a shot of rubbing alcohol. Do you remember when you could, this is,

I guess in the nineties when it was like came out that you could eat the paper. The paper on the piece of trident and chewed the trident. Do you remember that guys make it to you? That wasn't saying that, but I never did it. Yeah. That wasn't a thing.

We did it. I mean, you were just eating paper. That's all you were doing was eating. They didn't specially engineer the paper to eat it. I know that. I'm just saying it was edible. It wasn't going to kill you, you know,

and I was a board fat 10 year old. What else are you going to do? Eat some fucking paper. Foley. Your shit comes out all wrapped up. What about ever have a hot dog on a hamburger bun? I don't think so, but I had,

I have had a hot dog on between two pieces of wonder bread. And that's pretty. I've done that. I've done that for sure. What about it? Being a kid, eating that and being like, I think this is garbage.

This is taking a long, long, long look in the mirror on that one. Yeah. We all had those moments where even when you're a little kid, you're like, I don't want to be doing this one. I'm fucking my parents.

Age. This is fucking cool. Yeah. Yeah. I don't want to be doing this one. I'm fucking my parents. Age. This is fucking trash.

Yeah. That's bad news. What about a hamburger on a hot dog bun? No, I never did that. No. That, that sounds like something you made up in the moment. Yeah.

That's, that's like does that all the time. Um, I had a peanut butter and jelly on a hot dog bun last night. That was pretty garbage. Ooh. Go to the store. Jesus Christ.

I don't want to waste them. Oh, dude. Give me your Venmo. I'll send you some hot dogs. What are you doing? Come on. Fully. You're embarrassing us.

Um, you know what was, what I've appreciated more as I got older, which I wouldn't touch as a kid is the end of the, like the end of the white bread. Oh yeah. I hated them as a kid. I was like, throw them out, get them out of here. But now they got some, you know, they make it,

they make a dense sandwich. I'll give you that. Yeah. I was the same way. I wouldn't eat that. That was not food to me. Yeah. Your dad, your dad always got stuck with that.

He's the one that, he would have a sandwich with two of them, both ends. Fucking crushing a tuna. Yeah. Here you go. Fuck. Nice. Hope you had a good day at work.

Yeah. That you bought your fucking sucker. Oh, that was terrible. What about sloppy joes growing up? Were you a sloppy joe family, little man, which around the house? No, none of that. We had no sloppy joes.

Dude. Hamburger helper. No, we never did hamburger helper either. This guy is a fucking Kennedy. What the fuck? What the fuck do you think you are? No hamburger helper. What about TV trays?

Do you eat off TV trays? Yeah. That was big. We definitely did that. We still do that. That's tough. What do you mean you still do that? I mean, I still,

that's like just the tray you set up so you can eat while you're watching. Yeah. Yeah. That's still all we, that's how I live my life. Do you have one in your apartment here in Queens? Currently. Yes.

It was Sarah's. I just took it. Oh man. I gotta watch my family. I grew up. My family's to this day. We have to be watching. I can't start eating until there's something on the table.

Oh, absolutely. Yeah. I'm not talking to you. What are you nuts? Um, but yeah, no, we were, the whole family would have them lined right up. Oh, that's so,

that's too funny. When you guys would eat, when you guys would normally eat, where would you eat? Like where would you have most of your family dinners grown up in the kitchen, dining room, or in front of the TV? Always in front of the TV.

But very early on, we ate as a family. I remember like when I was really young, but the last like age, 12 through currently, it's always in front of the TV. Really? Holiday would be at the table,

but that was it. Yeah. You guys aren't animals. You know what I mean? Yeah. We used to put the TV in, we had, we had a TV in the kitchen

that we would sit there and watch TV while we ate at the table. Yikes. You should fully turn the TV off and talk to somebody in your fucking family. Jesus Christ. All right. What about,

did your mom ever cut your hair? No. Did you ever cut your mom's hair? Just her pubes. I shaved her pubes once, but I was, I was young. I was like eight. It's all forgiven after 12.

You're good. Yeah. No, no, no family haircuts. Ever have to call 911 on a family member? On a family member? No. I've called 911, but not on a family member.

No. And did you have a family member living in your house when you were growing up? Like some, not in the nuclear family. Yeah. Until they got back on their feet or something. No, never had that.

No, nobody living in the attic or the basement or anything for a little while crashing downstairs. No. I mean, we didn't have either of those things. We didn't have anyone. I feel like there was no room to house anybody. What about a friend from high school or anything like that? Do you ever have a friend stay with you for a little while

while his parents work things out? Yeah. Yes. We did have that once. And I think it might have been my senior year. Chris Gay was his name and he stayed. And I remember the first day he was there, he was boiling pasta or mac and cheese,

and he was taking spring water out of the fridge to use it to boil. And I was like, you got to do it. My mother is going to beat the shit out of you. We got rules here, buddy. Store bought water to boil. Oh my God. Man,

you think a guy down on his luck would appreciate a little tap. Talk about overstepping the line. Yeah. Yeah. So we did have one friend stay with us for like six months at one point. Yeah. We had that too.

One of my brother's friends, his parents were going through something and just one day his mom pulled up with him and like him and my mom, you know, when the parents like go aside and they're talking to each other like whispering. You're like, this ain't good. Yeah. He was there for the rest of the school year.

It was fucking great. It was like having a new brother for a little while. Yeah. No, it was fun. I volunteered it without telling my parents and then he showed up and I was like, Oh, here's the thing. I forgot this. They're like, what?

I got to talk up on the spring water, Mike. Yeah. I got one. Do any male members in your family have a ponytail? No, no, definitely not. That would be a tough look. Also, do any males in your family wear Stetson or brute cologne?

Not that I know of. I don't think we're big. I know Dracar noir was like huge. Oh, yeah. Yeah. That was big. But no, I don't think so. Oh man.

I got my step dad. I just found a bottle of Stetson, man. That stuff smells like cowboys and Winston cigarettes. Dude, that shit is no joke. Little English leather. That shit's classy. Yeah. No, not a, not a cologne family.

What about shaving? Do you have an electric razor or do you use a regular? All electric. First of all, I never shave clean because I got a weak jawline teeth and a small dick. So I got to have a five o'clock shadow at all times, but no one ever taught me how to shave. I've never shaved my face with a razor ever.

Ever? What's your dad shave with? Did he have, because the trashy thing is those narocos that have the three little circles. Yeah, those are no good. Yeah. No, I use that when I was a teenager, but he used, he always had a handheld razor.

Old school. Like a Gillette thing. Yeah. I'm stuck. I'm just like you. I hate shaving my face all the way down unless I have to, because one, like when it grows back at like fucking hurts, like breaking through the skin and like I always like break out and stuff like

that. But our dads, those guys were getting up and shaving like that every fucking day to go to work. Dude, that must have, my dad always had like fucking little pieces of toilet paper all over his face when he came downstairs. Back when men were men, you know what I mean? Huh? I can still hear that sound of like that.

Like cleaning up in the water. That was a sound of tapping it on the sink too. Yeah, exactly. Yeah. But no, I've never literally never done that one single time in my life. I love it. I got a few more here.

Have you ever run out onto the field during any type of sporting event? Yes. High school football. I did it. And then the year after I was obsessed with high school football and the year after my senior year, I was still going to the high school football games.

Stop the show. I mean, I still go to the Thanksgiving game every year, but I went, I started. Oh my God. We were playing Marshfield High who was like undefeated, like three years in a row there with this juggernaut. We're going to beat them. So I started going around and telling all the kids that I knew

still because they didn't know. When I was a senior, I was like, you've got to take the field. I knew that I couldn't participate. But I started going around the fourth quarter. I was like, ever, you have to take the field. We were at their high school. And Joe, you were that guy. Holy.

Oh dude. I was that guy. He's painted the whole night. I was a face painter for sure. Oh man. Fucking David Putty over here. Buddy. You got to support the team.

No, I loved it. I was, I was one of them. No, I loved it. I was, I was way into it. That's tough. Wow. That's hardcore. Have you ever yelled Bubba Bowie in public?

No, I was never a stern guy. Okay. No, no, I hate that. I don't hate stern. I hate Bubba Bowie. Gotcha. Do you remember the last time your credit card was declined somewhere?

I mean, it's been a while, but. Oh yeah. Yeah. It happened all the time. And there was a lot of moments where I would always call my mother and be like, Hey, my credit card. She's like, okay. Yeah.

Must not have plenty. Yeah. What's going on with the fucking debit card? Yeah. I was that, that was that guy, but it's been a while, but that's definitely having me a lot. Oh man. I had one.

My most embarrassing one. I don't think I ever told you I was in a McDonald's drive through. So I had. And then got to the window to pay. Got to go. But then I was too close up on the guy in front of me. So I couldn't even pull out of line.

I had to wait in line until I got up to the next window. And I'm like, no, I'm just going to keep going. Oh my God. We're off a bridge. What are you doing buying fucking McDonald's with a credit card? That's fucking garbage. That's fucking garbage. That's fucking garbage.

That's fucking garbage. That's fucking garbage. That's fucking garbage. That's fucking garbage. That's fucking garbage. That's fucking garbage. That's fucking garbage. That's fucking garbage.

That's fucking garbage. Jesus Christ. You don't got anything liquid for a fucking quarter pounder. It was all tied up in Bitcoin. Yeah. Joe, are you a fast food guy? I haven't been much the last year since I've been dealing with a reflux issue, but I was a huge fast food off.

We were, we were all fast food. Yeah. What was your favorite one? Well, we had a Burger King in my town. So growing up, it was all Burger King and McDonald's would be a good place. It was like four miles away or whatever. But that Burger King is now my least favorite.

Wendy's is probably number one. Yeah. McDonald's when it's good is the best food ever. Nothing tastes like it. Yeah. Like the burgers, salty, like good, good McDonald's is as good as it gets, but Wendy, Wendy's to me is the most consistent. Wendy's is like right behind Shake Shack as far as I'm concerned.

Yeah. It's, it's a, it's delicious. Shake Shack to me is my favorite cheeseburger I've ever had, including like, I've been to like high end fucking, you know, the, the Ritz-Coutain cheese. Sure. Shake Shack is number one for me, the salt, the grease. I love it.

Yeah. Do you have a specific one in the city you go to? Um, the Madison Square Park or is that, is that what it's called? Yeah. Yeah. That's great. You sit down, you got the city around you. That's clean living.

That's attractive people over there. Fucking enjoying themselves. This might be garbage, but I got married in at city hall and walked to that Shake Shack and ate. I got married in City Hall too. That is. Oh yeah.

And then we went to Shake Shack. This is the best. Sarah, my wife went back to work and finished her shift. She didn't come to Shake Shack. We ended up having like a wedding. What is she a nurse or something? What's going on? We ended up having a wet, like we had a big wedding with all our friends.

Yeah. But the day we actually got married in the courthouse, she went back to work like later in the afternoon. Oh, that is shit. That's like World War II shit. Yeah. It's got to get back on the assembly line. That one's going to make these B 52s on their own.

Let's fucking go. I got how it's her shells to make here. Oh man. What do you got? I just got one more. I think I just got, yeah, I just got one more to have. I know you're a pretty anxious guy as, as am I. And I think fully as well.

When was the last time or would you ever send anything back? Why would you ever send anything back at a restaurant? Well, I have, I'm not that kind of guy. I don't have that in me. I recently, yesterday I do a thing. I get a, a bagel at lots of bagels in a story, a best bagel I've ever had. I go every morning and I like it soft.

And if they give you one that's like dark brown and kind of burnt, I'll go, you know what? I'm going to get two bagels today. I won't say, can I get that one instead? Yeah, I can't. I'll order two. I'll, I'll just order a second meal. A lot of times.

Oh, you know what? I changed my mind. I'll take this, but I also also want that. Watch out what I really want. Wow. Just think of how great the world would be if everybody had that mentality. Like I'm right there with you.

Like I'm not a perfect guy, but if something like comes out like slightly wrong at a restaurant, like not like completely the opposite of what I ordered, I'm just fucking eating it. I'm not saying anything. Yeah. Dude, you could give me the wrong dish. I could order a chicken parm. You could send me out, you know, a fucking steak.

And I'm like, well, this is what I'm having now. And just keep my head down and shut the fuck up. Yeah. I'm the same way. I feel bad when other people fuck up. Yeah. When you, when you see people treating people like that fucking, like garbage, you're like, you're a fucking piece of shit.

When that whole Popeyes chicken sandwich craze was going around, I'll admit, I got caught up in it. You were in the middle eye of the store. I wanted to check it out. And like this, the Popeyes on 21st street in Queens was packed. This fucking lady walks up to the front and goes, and then this is exactly how she had it. She goes, are those fries fresh?

I want fresh fries. Let me, she wanted to taste the fries to see if they were fresh. A fucking sample and a Popeyes. No, that's, that's, that's garbage to me. But those people are probably an absolute garbage. They probably are. Yeah. They're, they're living their best life. Yeah.

All right. My final question to you, Mr. Joe list here on are you garbage is, have you ever been involved or any member of your family ever been involved with any type of parade? Oh yeah. He's charging high school football games. He's probably the fucking head. Well, my uncle is, is like what my uncles are firemen.

So they're always the fire truck guy. I've been on a fire truck for a parade. Throwing candy out. Yes. I've been that guy with the high school football jacket on that. Yeah. This is probably pretty high school for me, but yeah, my uncle, it was a big deal when my uncle drove the fire truck in the parade.

That was like a, we got to get there early, get our spot. Uncle Doug is driving the fire truck. Yeah. It was monumental. Something I always thought was trashy. Even when I was a little kid with those Shriners guys that drove around in those little cars during parades. Oh yeah.

Oh, what the fuck are these guys deal with? Did they always have wacky hats on too? They did. They had like the, they had like the Casablanca hats on. And I always wondered like, do they drive these home? You never see them on the highway. Mark them in a tiny garage. But wouldn't that be fun now?

Like, wouldn't if someone offered you that, I'd be like, hell yeah. Oh yeah. I'd make a day out of it. Of course. Yeah. Yeah. Joe list. Garbage.

100% garbage. The football thing. Man. At the football games, I would paint my face and I would run along the sideline with the line of scrimmage. Like every time they moved, I would run to the line of scrimmage. So if we had a big run, I would go bombing down the sideway. And that went from age eight all the way up through senior year.

After you graduated high school, you would, you were going to these games. You were doing this. Oh yeah. Big time. I didn't go to college. I mean, after high school, I was doing like one open mic a week, two open mics a week.

That was like my life. So Friday night, I was at that game, baby. I could. Sorry, go. I'm sorry. Go ahead, Kippy. I would just say I could picture the seniors. Like, ah, she had Joe's here.

Yeah. He's going to make us run. Ah, fuck. Joe, I can't. I sprayed my ankle last week. Why didn't you get involved in the team start coaching or something like that? I was, uh, I was busy running cross country.

I had a lot of school spirit and I looked, but to me as a lover of sports, it was like a $5 game live right there. It's true. Yeah. I got you. High school football game is a good time. It is a good time. Hell yeah.

I got football on Friday and then Saturday I'd watch college all day. Then Sunday I'd watch the fucking Pat's kid. There you go. Yeah. How do you feel about your buddy Tom Brady going down to Florida? You know, it's weird. Is that like because of the pandemic, all the shit I'm like, I hasn't even like sucked in, I guess, but I've been saying for a while.

I'm excited to have a new, new guy. Let's see what the new guy can do. I mean, it was 20 years. So do you think there's a chance that, uh, they will try to finagle, uh, Trevor Lawrence or, uh, uh, Joe Burroughs. I don't think, I, from what I've heard, I got a couple insider information. They're really high on, uh, Stadell or Stadell. I don't know how you say his name. Yeah.

I know you're talking about. Yeah. It's weird. Jarrett Stidwell or Stadell. I don't know how to say his name. Both of those kids are going to be really good though. Jim Burroughs or a Trevor Lawrence are going to be awesome NFL quarterbacks. I think.

Oh yeah. Burrough is the real, he's like unbelievable. Yeah. I also, I was a Ryan leaf over Peyton Manning guy. So really? Wow. Yeah. My two great sports things were I was on record saying Keith Van Horn was

going to be a Hall of Famer and Ryan leave is better than Peyton Manning. Those are my two great sport predictions of all time. He's in from the nets. You're talking about Van Horn. Yeah. Not during his career, but like before when he was drafted and coming out, I was like, this guy's a Hall of Famer. That's it.

Dude, when the nets had that run and fucking Jersey fans were like, Oh, and that's, these guys fucking stink. That was my, that wasn't my question. I forgot. Were you a frequent sports radio caller? I wouldn't say frequent, but I called in a few times. I love sports radio. Yeah.

I loved it. That's fucking, that's a tough one. I mean, also too, if you're charging the field at a high school football game, you're definitely calling the radio station. That's not the craziest thing. No. Yeah. I'm, I love, one of my favorite scenes in a movie is the documentary

comedian where Seinfeld's talking about going to Long Island. And he goes, it's everything you, you've tried not to be, but you know, deep down still are. That's me with boss. Everything you hate looking back at. Yeah. Yeah. Every time I go back to Philly, it's the same thing.

I'm like, you guys are fucking, you're all animals. And I don't want to be anything like you. Yeah. I feel that way. And then I watched the pets and Brady throws a pic. And I'm like, you're fucking. Oh my gosh. Of course.

Have you ever uttered the phrase first time long time? No, I've never done that. No. That's real garbage. Well, Joe, thank you so much, man. Thanks, man. This was great. We appreciate you sitting one of this.

You got a new podcast out called mindful metal jacket with Joe list. Yeah. Anything else you want the gang to know that I'm sure they probably already know, but. Yeah. Tuesdays with stories on Tuesday, Michael metal jacket on Thursday. And that is our only source of income or artistic freedom. Man.

Tough times. Yeah. It's going to be a while. So yeah, check those out. And thanks for having me guys. It was really fun, buddy. Thank you so much. We really appreciate you coming on Kippy.

You got anything? Just, you know, rate, rate, review, subscribe on iTunes full video available on YouTube. You can subscribe and comment there as well. We appreciate it guys at Kevin Ryan comedy on all social media. Thanks. Yep. Guys, thank you very much for tuning in.

This has been are you garbage? And we'll see you guys next time. Thank you.