Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast - Karate Kids w/ Kippy & Foley

Episode Date: May 3, 2021

Kippy and Foley are back answering your garbage questions! They talk doing karate, show and tell, and ruining the family computer with porn. Its a fun one! Live Shows: https://linktr.ee/AYGLiveShows...​ PATREON: https://www.patreon.com/AreYouGarbage​ http://betterhelp.com/GARBAGE​ https://www.hellofresh.com/garbage12​ https://www.BoxOfAwesome.com​ Promo Code: GARBAGE https://www.sheathunderwear.com/​ Promo Code: GARBAGE  Follow Kevin: https://www.instagram.com/kevinryancomedy/ Follow Foley: https://www.instagram.com/foleygrams/​ Comedians H. Foley and Kevin Ryan are self proclaimed GARBAGE. Each week a new stand up comedian gets put to the test. Steal shampoo from hotels? Own a George Foreman Grill? Ever worn JNCO Jeans?

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Starting point is 00:00:00 welcome to another exciting edition of are you garbage the show where you find out if your favorite comedians are classy individuals or absolute trash now here are your hosts Kevin Ryan and H Foley and one two three hey everybody out there and welcome back to everybody's favorite new podcast this is our you girby sure is motherfuckers little show we sit down with your favorite comedians and we find that after good to be classy or after just a big old piece of trash I'm your hostage fully coming at you on a beautiful day we're down here at Antutti's basement she's got wind of the
Starting point is 00:00:46 patreon she heard it's cooking she knows what's up it was I was climbing over Amazon package I was getting some emails about some fuckin some charges that went through on the card to the thing that concerned me is I usually do see a lot of Amazon packages upstairs at Tootsies but there's different people's names she steals she steals yeah so these poor chopping yeah these are all addressed to her which is nervous that's ain't good keep an eye on that fucking chase car yeah my co is coming at you from across the table which means it's a family episode sure is he's the CEO of are you garbage he's an international
Starting point is 00:01:21 business man if you had to be in a foxhole let me tell you something kids this is the guy you want next to you with the M60 feet in the ammo my guy Kevin James Ryan hey gang happy to be here thanks for tuning in as always please make sure you rate review subscribe on iTunes full video available on YouTube and as you know those numbers are true true to fucking roof also patreon.com and as we know totally found out those numbers doing good over there we're having a good time those numbers are true fucking from the basement up to the first floor second floor true to fucking roof oh yeah if you're not familiar
Starting point is 00:01:54 sign up for patreon you get get your garbage question read you'll also get bonus episodes of a yg you'll get episodes of hard feelings which is behind the curtains being fully shitting on each other little HR a little good old time a lot of fun and also every month we do a live stream with the top two tier members where you get to ask your questions we ask you know we answer your questions you ask it's all it's a whole fun time it's a good time you have a couple of pops we get about fucking we get a good number of people in there it's a good fucking hooting the thing that's really stinking in with me is
Starting point is 00:02:25 that the squad we're like-minded people yeah we're apples from the same tree there's also a couple of real fucking dirtbags in that I forget his name with that dude to collect toys yikes it's a good squad yeah real it smokes new ports in his house yes in the toy room yeah real quick bit of business as you notice that it's a it's a single shot today our good friend T-bone hemmed up it's hemmed up right now he'll be back next week we love him and we'll uh yeah yeah yeah I shout out to T-bone kids hemmed up but we you know moving forward no drama going on a lot of people a lot of people are asking if you kick the
Starting point is 00:03:08 bucket I posted in the page I said hey you know we got a family emergency on the team blah blah blah everybody goes this is fully okay I'm propped up like hearty sunglasses on just drops every couple of seconds no there's I don't want anybody to think because it people were saying a patreon because they were worried you know what I mean about you well no about hyenas split real quick yeah nothing like that just we were just we're just holding water here till T-bone gets back so we appreciate it we love you guys so if any of the audio or video is fucked up
Starting point is 00:03:41 I don't know what I'm doing baby how about how about that the kid came in he set the whole thing up so if this comes out and it looks and sounds good give kippy a little shout out and if it doesn't I mean blame Foley that's what I do I did my job I sat here and complained why you set it up that's what I do when I fuck up I blame Foley anyway but this is a family episode gang the best of the best the best of the best we love it we're circling the wagons we're sitting down we're gonna get some questions here I have a bit of business to start off what you got there big fellow I don't even know how to approach it or if it's uh if it's podcast worthy but um
Starting point is 00:04:17 two things don't sell it too much I don't know if this story is gonna suck or I don't think it has legs but you saw the tweet that I posted about my mom's tv in the thing yeah so I was you said that like a made CNN you saw the tweet that I posted right what the fuck you read the fact I tweets this just in do you read the times this morning it's not good um so I'm noticing some things here you know I mean by the way I don't know you go check the tweet out it's Foley's mom fucking posts she mounted her tv in the corner of the bedroom like it's like it's a like she's working the surveillance room at the bottom of the wild wings Foley goes my mom turned her bedroom into a sports bar which is a home we're out of a joke thank you um now that's trash we
Starting point is 00:05:05 know the Foley's are you know we were a little garbaggio I'll say yeah um that's yeah sure but I'm starting to see some things that even stunned me so that was that I see that I walk in the house I see that and the second thing is um I was down there for a couple of days and uh we had a nice dinner on Saturday we made some salmon salad all that kind of stuff and then she's like I just picture your family catching them as they're jumping out of the fucking jumping up to stream just biting them we're all the Foley's are at again you're in the scoogle me and my dad fighting over one um no so she goes at the end of the now one thing I'll say about the Foley's is the cooking's on point the cooking's on point the cutlet too shabby either guys come on this is what
Starting point is 00:05:56 this is the bread and butter of the pod the old but she does she'll throw a cutlet at you that'll blow your fucking hair back patting them throw down um and for the rest she's tiny she's a tiny broad she is she is which is I mean she's like little red riding hood she keeps it tight yeah she keeps but compared to the rest of your family your guys are big the boys you got a couple of big boys in that my brother's pretty thin I'm just saying but he's a bigger yes not he's no he's a he's in good shape but he's just a bigger the Foley's are a thick stock thick stock yeah and she's a tiny little tiny yeah but she can throw it out the marbles keep the fucking lb's on patty cranking the hundies out back it's like a super slim fast crushing those things patty how do you do it
Starting point is 00:06:39 just a little break out um here's the thing what shocked me stunned me uh we're eating dinner she's like oh my god I forgot the corn she got corn in the cob all right you know the produce down there starting to pop springtime fucking northeast Foley's like to get their fresh produce in she yeah everybody knows the produce is starting to pop that's I really keep up on the fucking farmers almond act you're like a good tomato in the spring I don't know what to tell you yeah but you're like the tweet and this you act they're like front page news you know the produce is starting to pop anyway she goes over to get the corn now the corn's usually in a huge pot boiling on the stove like a gentleman right yeah don't tell me she microwaved it or something she microwaved it
Starting point is 00:07:28 dude straight corn on the cob raw two of them in the microwave on the plate for like 15 minutes yeah that's always good you gotta do that with a potato too she walked over there and I saw her the mental microwave what are you doing she's like I'm getting the corner I'm making a microwave the corn uh is that that's unprecedented I wanted to get your opinion on it yeah I mean that's that's I mean I've made the joke that's a fireable offense yeah that's not a good look she microwaved the corn I and listen I was hung I only ate half of it oh that's good produce this time for you that's crazy not microwave I know microwave and anything that hasn't already been pre cooked it looks like eating rubber bullets yeah eating paintballs
Starting point is 00:08:13 so I don't know what's going on down there that's Tots wonky these broads as they get a white see it too they get a little early they get a little fucking screw balls yeah these girls are boncos down there start doing goofy shit yeah I get they cut the corner because then that's these are tiny old broads all right they can't be lifting up a big pot of water and boiling it you do it just throw it in a microwave and look the other way I don't care what happens to the world could fall apart I need patty foley on point all right I need I can't be getting shaken she's got to be coming with the high heat yeah she's starting she's starting to make frittatas for breakfast which I'm fucking a little bit concerned about what you visit south of the border I don't
Starting point is 00:08:51 know she's been cranking frittatas out at us it's like yo bacon egg and cheese let's fucking keep it fucking moving if it ain't broke don't fix it honey yeah this is america toots let's go the same fucking cancun where you won't spring break or something let's fucking go make with a bc hey if I wanted to do a cs dog let him adrid okay do me a favor and get the scrapple working will get the front get the griddle out and let's be fucking gentlemen you shouldn't be you're yeah it was always what do you do that in the oven what the frittata if we finish she finishes in the oven yeah you want to know where I finish all right kids weird I also finish in the oven weird all right guys uh this is a family episode we're going to be answering your
Starting point is 00:09:37 fucking patreon questions so as you know when you join the pay I keep going to fucking camera keep going there we're just gonna look cross across the whole time and an invaluable part of the operation dude anytime since the ones come on and I've had to edit something or do something I literally sit there and I look at them because it'll be like me smashing my head against the computer for five hours trying to line up my mouth with the words or whatever and I literally look at my wife I go T bone is invaluable you keep the plate spinning a little bit though we'll get through this yeah we'll get through yeah because I mean well I mean we're not relying on you by the way I'm lucky you even showed up got my phone camera but guys as you know
Starting point is 00:10:16 when you join the patreon we will ask you we will answer your garbage question it's just kind of the best way to do it because we get so many requests and stuff like that so when you join the patreon we'll do it and I gotta fucking tell you tell me the fans are it's like Jurassic Park they're learning right they're learning the show they get they're figuring out an open door just the way they answer the girl questions yeah is fucking home they're funny they're whole they're they're fucking homeruns the best squad I mean it really is this one all right this I mean let's just get into it and even the way they emphasize the words in the question this is a trade ever drive yourself somewhere in a karate uniform if you're driving yourself to karate that is a tough fucking look
Starting point is 00:11:03 dude you don't change there they don't got locker rooms I think he's saying you shouldn't be an adult doing karate like that's the way I like you're a kid who's getting driven to sure you sure you shouldn't be you shouldn't be of age of driving age driving yourself to karate in a karate game I'll say this if I did do it I'd probably like Kramer if I did do it I'd probably wear that thing all the time yeah I don't think you're too far away from wearing it looks pretty comfy yeah it's like a robe with pants right I would have the opposite way I need you to go I'm getting loose with my fashion just getting more comfortable clothing the clothing made for people doesn't fit anymore um that's a fucking whole yeah I was thinking this too like anything
Starting point is 00:11:47 you all you have a big beef with tiger shulmans for some reason but I never also shulmans a Jewish guy right I don't know what do they know about the far east and tiger ain't his first name I know somebody came to our high school that's he adopted that that's cool that's cultural recreation no way a Jewish family named their first kid tiger he got that nickname at summer camp somewhere he tiger shulman really he was the only kid at camp to not have an asthma attack we're calling you tiger no he definitely pushed he definitely pushed the name you know what's up call me tiger when he showed up to summer camp he was like well everybody at school calls me tiger and then he came back to school because everybody came calls me tiger he really played both sides
Starting point is 00:12:29 against the middle that t shulman ha just like a really bad thing ah my hand um we had some fucking jerk off fucking come and do a demonstration in high school he was like this dude I'll fucking roll on you dude he was like this 50 year old guy belly and he had some lackey with them I don't can't remember why it was happening it was like English class too and it was like junior year just on a random Wednesday and there was no other presenters it's all sudden there's this fucking guy wearing a fucking karate suit in front of the class so he's like I need a volunteer so he like he was fucking this guy up for like 20 minutes in class sure like you know but the guy was a goal shit yeah the guy wasn't like fighting back he was just letting him do this stuff yeah
Starting point is 00:13:15 that's how I always do it yeah it's like you come over I'll fucking give you a stone cold stunner so he brings me up and this is the movie you get a three-point stance move what he does hot route hot route you want to dance old man do you dive across the desk you fucking do you spear him dude this guy he like he's like he made me get into the full dog at him he made me get into the position he like put me in a headlock and he's like now I'm going to show you a move and his puts his finger up your ass he might not want to show you my clothes this is called the knock and run
Starting point is 00:13:55 bang now this was the move he pinched me what my head hurts weak what he pinched me he goes down and pinches or no I put him in a headlock and to get out he pinched you he pinches my inner thigh like what kind of kinky mother fuck dude I had a bruise buddy let's keep it above board here all right dude I had a bruise we're playing gentlemen's rules no bite no no fish hooks that's another real trashy thing a fish hook I thought we said no nutsies oh god dude fish hooks my cousin my cousin Liam there should be a code of that got me with a fish hook one time when we were kids he plays dirt they're all fucking kenzos dude they're real dirt that's my biggest feat oh he got a fish hook in the new member we called him an iris toothache back here you would like there's
Starting point is 00:14:43 the pressure point behind your ear two days you get some kill some but somebody presses that you see stars baby you fucking you're down for the count what the fuck are you fucking mortal combat what the fuck are you guys doing man it's Thanksgiving have a drink and relax this is single family household and the peace was working third ship right see where it was lawless yeah fuck tiger show and then dude they gotta have a locker room there I get the question I understand but I'm just saying yeah there's no there's no reason if you if you're into karate and you're an adult there's no reason you should be wearing that shit on the way you stop and get a coffee what you're in there hey what the fuck that's the guy who really wants to show you he's into karate
Starting point is 00:15:28 yeah if I walked into a Dunkin Donuts and there was a guy sitting in a karate uniform in line I fucking walked right out I fucking tripped them uh yeah I mean and that's the same thing they can make in cheese and a half yeah I'd be like if you play football and you show that you're standing in line at Starbucks in a fucking helmet and shoulder pads and pleats like that's a buddy we get it show up to school full uniform in the morning oh fantastic fantastic question the next one too this is from Tyler P have you ever intentionally been one of the first five thousand at a stadium for the free merch giveaway like to get the bobblehead I think I have been inadvertently I know I've gotten a mini bat before yeah but that was like Trenton like those are you know
Starting point is 00:16:13 they give them to everybody when you walk in oh yeah that's the incentive dollar dog night count because I've been fucking first in line five thousand dogs oh man um no but like to go get the bobblehead or whatever we never fucked with that that was always like that's my dad would always be like yeah you keep I don't I don't want to be carrying it we got their second inning fucking walked down to the fucking or walked up to the seats or whatever nose you're not walking down anywhere now fucking huge tray a fucking nachos hot dogs drinks fucking slurped them down for a couple innings and then get the fuck out of there yeah yeah that's a tough look if you're waiting in line in a fucking stadium in a karate uniform this is from Wesley shout out to Wesley
Starting point is 00:16:58 have you ever owned an exercise bike that wasn't one of those pelotons which I feel is a direct shot at me because I had we were just making fun of me yesterday I have the cheapo deep I got the cheapo one you got one that does laundry way that's that's how my internet works it's like fucking Gilligan's Island I got ginger working the fucking ones in two uh yeah I have like I bought like a cheap one during quarantine uh no is there buttons on it yeah but it's not this is not the does it have a screen no does it have a computer screen yeah yeah it's not that's not too it's not too shabby but it seems it's a schwin schwin yeah so it's just a bike no schwin makes fucking they do I think so yeah you couldn't ride it on the street if you wanted to there's no wheels there's no
Starting point is 00:17:46 wheels at all I don't know because if you got one that has the back wheel you're fucking trash I don't think no there's no wheels there's no wheels it's just like a fucking yeah it's small it was like 180 bucks or something like that it seems to be the name of the game these days the peloton that's class you gotta get a peloton I brought I got found my brothers got one those things are like a fucking jihad out the gate yeah they are they also have that big-ass track or that big uh what's it called uh steric treadmill they got that big-ass treadmill now too I don't even know what you're talking about yeah they got something it's nuts so you don't have it no you should get one we gotta get you in shape a little bit I can walk outside but you don't but I wouldn't walk inside
Starting point is 00:18:31 either well maybe you would we have a treadmill I can't use it though why 220 weight limit you can't you'll never be able to use it no it can't be 220 that means I could it's a little guy yeah it's a little one wait back this up this you have a fucking my girl ordered it for her she uses it how how big is it it's tiny but what's just give me dimensions here I mean I'm not sleeping on it if that's an indication I tried wait two that's gotta be tiny it's tiny yes American is average American male there's like 200 it's an epidemic stuff how much was it not not much a couple hundred bucks 60 bucks we're thinking about getting a peloton I think in the whole room a workout room sauna everything whirlpool ice bath tiger shoulders tiger foley they're franchising
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Starting point is 00:21:04 up and you can skip a month or cancel at any time each box is only 45 bucks but it has over 70 dollars worth of gear in it you'll be losing money not to do this what are we talking about get on this so get 20% off your first monthly box when you sign up at boxofawesome.com and enter the code garbage baby you know the code it's always garbage enter the code garbage to check out that's boxofawesome.com promo code garbage for 20% off your first box. Folks this podcast is brought to you by better help okay is there something in your life interfering with your happiness or preventing you from achieving your goals then get on better help better help will assess your needs and match you with their own licensed professional therapist yeah they're not just dishing out pills all right
Starting point is 00:21:51 they're taking the extra step you can start communicating within 48 hours it's not a crisis line it's not a self-help line it's professional counseling done securely online yeah guys uh therapy for me was a game changer as you know me and folio are both kind of mental emotional messes and when I started going to therapy a few years ago it was a game changer really you find out what what's going on they have answers for you find out you're not the only schmuck dealing with these things you know what I mean everybody's got something going on and better help wants you to start living a happier life today so visit their website and read the testimonials that are posted daily by all the people it's betterhelp.com slash reviews you can find out from real people
Starting point is 00:22:33 who it helps uh it's available in all 50 states our special offer for RU garbage listeners you get 10% off your first month at betterhelp.com slash garbage one more time guys special offer for our listeners if you're thinking about starting therapy if you're kicking the tires if you need a little help this is the place to do it go to betterhelp.com slash garbage gang real quick want to talk to you about hello fresh what is it a little bit of cash the big leagues baby these are big players hello fresh big sponsors big company fantastic company but what is hello fresh so hello fresh you get fresh pre-measured ingredients mouthwatering seasonal recipes delivered right to your door skip the trips to the grocery store and count on hello fresh to make home cooking easy fun and
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Starting point is 00:25:01 family computer a virus from downloading porn i didn't but a family member did patty now this was early this would listen well i mean we've already named all of the family members in your i didn't say it was an immediate family member risqué it was a it was a one of the patriarchs possibly okay bottom line is most dads in the early 2000s were snooping ruined a computer and would take it to the grave as to why oh of course oh to the grave yeah and probably not even looking at anything that bad yeah it's just member back then it was fucking they they were coming through the computer at you i know it was the wild as soon as you made a wrong move yeah that was before pop-up blockers oh man everything would just start playing oh you're like oh shit you got everything
Starting point is 00:25:56 i'll play the speakers real ready to go the fucking candles are lit all of a sudden the garage door open you gotta fucking you gotta fucking blow out the candles put your pants back on close the laptop slide it under the computer just slide another desk um i got caught one time not caught but i you know that was a specific reason i got the iphone that there was no way that i was gonna get an android why because they because they said that iphones couldn't get viruses and androids can i think so i don't think that was the sales that was that's what i thought it was told yes the jobs but that was the selling point for me i don't know if i was gonna really get viruses like that i knew i would be perusing certain video solutions but i think if you stay
Starting point is 00:26:41 on like the porn hubs oh now at days yeah it's whatever it's like going to google yeah um but mainstream there was a desktop in the basement whereas you know from time to time i would uh i would indulge in you know the it was the family computer the sins of the flesh i would dance with the devil somebody hold my peanut butter roll it's naughty time go right back up grab something to eat um not even miss a beat on the car so i think if i don't know i was older like maybe i don't want to say high school i don't know old like high school it was like you know whatever and nobody really used the computer my parents didn't use the computer for anything like you know they weren't there was no like online banking and like the emails and
Starting point is 00:27:29 shit they weren't communicating via um so you know i would get a little loose with the downloads sometimes whatever and i got kind of hemmed up i'm 10 years older than you but so you were in your adolescence are we talking lime wire or was there no this was like web the big one was free ones was the website free ones and it was shout out to free ones it was just like it was just like a like a porn hub like you could watch videos for free yeah and you but it was all like there was i think that was like the first time that they were like all centered in a place where it was like every yeah because i remember and we searched by name but then like you would just street you didn't have to download anything you would just straight you would just play the video
Starting point is 00:28:09 right like there was no downloading you go like who you like i fucked up a laptop with lime wire so my you know i had done this and maybe you know left some cookies or whatever you know there was like fucking it got handy got jammed up a bit it was a little slow got clogged up i clogged the pipes this cookies will get you know this thing and uh so my mom what a nice turn for a little bastard yeah really get you um should be called demon hawks or something like demon coins um i go away for the week the weekend something i don't like while i'm gone because i used to run security on the computer a little bit you know what i mean if my mom's like this something's acting up i'm like i'll take a look at it don't be calling no third parties in here okay i don't
Starting point is 00:28:56 need anybody snooping around my files so i got a port tax tax documents on there i got confidential shit on here what are we doing you can look at it but you gotta sign an nda so she she calls my brother-in-law who's kind of a techie guy right like he knows compute like you know better how old are you i'm a teenager where it's like known that i'm fucking you know i'm weasel it off from time to time it's it's not like it's not shocking you know what i mean i'm a grown man still so he i don't know i come back and it's just kind of like a thing where i think it's all settled like my mom's like there was an issue with the computer we had to reboot the main friend and i'm like well i'm sure i got caught like let's not talk and let's be fucking let's
Starting point is 00:29:50 be gentlemen here and accept that i got caught and let's move forward without acknowledging that issue just past the green beans i'll take my coffee so we're like at dinner at my mom's house and like you know we have that big counter and like we're like it's like appetizers that night no like a week or something who's doing apps what was it a party no like when like my brother like everybody was out of the house like my sister but they were come over for like sunday dinner or whatever and they would just be like you know bread and fucking or dipping oils and some shrimp or whatever on the fucking not bad and like spread yeah they do it all right so uh my brother i was like dipping something and he's like yeah i can't have the fucking something something watching
Starting point is 00:30:35 the dirty videos on the computer i'm like you know what the fuck dude i'm like i got the fucking the gray kids around what are you doing yeah crab cakes here what are you doing call him me out in front of i want to go fucking tackle him i'm like dude what the fuck yeah man we all know what we were doing it was the 90s don't like Kevin put his hands in the dip fucking really call me out so they were able to pinpoint that see well i think they i mean like my mom was only going to aol to check her mail and like you know tdbank.net all the other websites were like facebook fucking you know xxn.x yeah there was never any convictions in our family there was there was the burden of proof was too high yeah there was there was suspect yeah but i i got
Starting point is 00:31:23 hemmed up i got this individually he stayed strong kept his mouth shut yeah take that to the grave oh yeah i have no idea i don't know you know i don't know i'm saying who was i don't know who jenna jamison is if i gotta hear never even met that broad that's trash um all right this is from max first time ask her lazy susan as a centerpiece of the dining room table and then also compared to the cupboard the cupboard's trash no the cupboard's trash no there dude that's mouse city back there they were great when you were a kid remember when you were a kid i used to get in there and spin around yeah take it for a take it for it was like a merry-go-round dude that might have been the rosetta stone when i was a kid that thing fascinated me yeah i thought there
Starting point is 00:32:08 was like a whole village or something back there yeah it's also scary too um yeah yeah you really had to have the perfect amount of stuff in it if you had too little it looked real creepy when you spun that around sure you know the fucking garlic salts rolling around wait well where was yours yours was up here we didn't have a fucking lazy susan counter top what we don't have one now you don't have lazy susan cat that no that was rich people we had one that was we just got the fucking kitchen read done let's take the fucking lazy sues for a spin let's take her out for it's a sunday let's let her hair down now my cousin's had that we didn't have that she had one we had the down the bottom one it's yeah yeah well some people have them up in the corner yeah but
Starting point is 00:32:55 some people have them up here that's trash we didn't keep food in ours though no you kept salt you kept no we didn't even keep that we kept like uh Tupperware the strainers that kind of stuff so yeah okay and that we could we had a big mammot jam it should be for seasonings is what it should this I mean no like this one's like this but you could you'd have to have 10,000 things a seasoning this was more of like a utility one rather than like uh how big was it I just told you it was like that fucking but it stopped at the counter top wasn't like it wasn't like a fucking money grab booth was it no I'll never forget when my mom did that I was like you fucking this is the most I was sitting there at like some fucking sea bring dealership me and my brother
Starting point is 00:33:36 with my head in my hand being like this is embarrassing she got in there huh yeah I'm just like looking at her arm and stuff no I'm kidding I'm kidding I'm kidding who talked her into it the sales guy I think I forget it was hairy I just remember being really embarrassed um what you walk away with I don't even know I can't really remember if she even got in I'm drawing a blank but it was uh it was a tough it was a it was a it was a it was touch and go for a minute it's poor broad trying to get it was get a couple of bucks that would work the car I would have freaked out meanwhile I think we got away I would have done we got it was like fucking 96 and we were buying like an 88 Taurus or something we were like trying to save nine bucks on it
Starting point is 00:34:13 some salesman had a bullseye on her I'll tell you that take this brought out for a drink drop these two I just saw older pics of her she was a good looking gal the piece the piece good looking gal now all right tough guy let me get my karate game fucking start pinching the inside of your gooch um lazy susan on the table love it we have one all the time it's old school it's marble from is it built into the table or is that a third party establishment it's not a fucking Korean barbecue restaurant what the fuck is it built into this guy's got a hibachi got a hot body walking get in there with a shrimp Paco oh man you stink it's built into the table well I think some of them like on these old
Starting point is 00:35:05 school tables they would have it like I feel it'd be built in no you idiot it just fits we were not a lazy susan on that to me is trashy on the table you put it you put the you put you know the mashed potatoes the peas of this and that and spin it around you know gotta reach over it's nice everything about your family's just making it easier more convenient to eat the microwave and corn fucking lazy susan so you can get your hands on potatoes quicker I'm putting the hey easy on the starches foldies all right I'm putting the kibosh on that fucking corn thing that's fucking nuts um fool me once patty fool me once all right this is from mark a new patron member uh ever been the guy who wiped a booger on the wall while standing at the urinal
Starting point is 00:35:49 oh yeah why do you get the need to pick your nose at a urinal because you're freshening up you want to clear out yeah you gotta clean the pipe you know what I started doing in the morning is I don't want I really don't want to know I just blow into the sink to clean everything out your nose yeah then I clean the sink dude I would never I'm never going to go to your apartment ever hey listen whacker all right whack you're over there pulling it not shaking your hand um no yeah I would do it I would do I would pick and then flick I wouldn't wipe because I wouldn't want to touch the wall because I know other boogers were there are there other dudes standing next to you at the urinal I'm not a fucking animal you know where I go you know where I go do it on my old job when I worked
Starting point is 00:36:31 in center city you know where I'm suspect is in the car you get me in the car alone don't check the bottom of the brand new Kia that's like a fucking stalactites down there good they're a clean house on the turnpike no one's gonna know my time fingers got fingers in the easy pass lane it was always a shocking thing when you saw when you saw like a dried booger on like the bus yeah it's a tough on the backseat of a I mean wet is worse yeah wet's I don't know why you would wipe it on the wall that's weird that's almost like there's nowhere else to put it you roll it up and flick it I don't know I'm just saying wall I would go like you're only looking at a wall but you're at least this animal I don't know but I like them did that one did that one I mean this if you're doing this
Starting point is 00:37:19 you're in bed this is from Adam did your parents ever have roommates that weren't relatives that's a tough that was a question do you ever did your family ever have roommates who god love you that's a man talk about being a hemmed up that's the definition of hemmed up put a pause on the sleepovers for a while Troy's staying with us some drifter my one buddy had that they didn't need to do it they had a they had a big house but there was this dude that lived like in the attic all through high school I never see him like once every three months and the entrance was through the house he would like just walk into the house and you go upstairs and that there was like an apartment up there it blew my fucking mind how much money could you be making
Starting point is 00:38:08 it on a probably a couple hun though we probably need that's a you know maybe a handful of geods a year maybe a couple hun I never understood it they had daughters too hot ones oh oh yeah there's no way I don't that's like textbook it's like the green mile that's how it starts what that's how the same rock sam rockwell was was working for the guy in the farm with the two daughters yeah explain the plot of green mild tea let's go I just thought it was about eating bees again fantastic movie that's a tough look man that's a hard look another family or something like that maybe but if it's like one dude one dude it's like a weird no uh what are you doing where are you going how long you staying in town why don't you get references yeah I don't know what's happening and what why
Starting point is 00:39:02 do you want to live with a family exactly what's going on with this guy exactly that's why let's ask him some questions exactly happy days I'll give you because the fawns lived out back but you got a guest that was big on that was big on sitcoms and then especially in the night yeah there was always the bozo in the back Corey was that his name on what was family member who was the guy who ended up beating his wife he lived in the van Cody right I don't know what you're talking about what that seems like a dark family matter step by step thanks to our on the show he hit his wife no I'd be a dark episode I'm trying to loosen it up on a Friday night yeah Jesus Christ remember that episode where Urkel was addicted to opiates guys Wilson's beating the shit out of his
Starting point is 00:39:50 get over here you just hear like the plates smashing against the walls and shit that's tough yeah no good Garbagio yeah I the two of these we've touched on before this is from tony two splints yeah tony tony two splints um long time trash bag first time question asker ever lied about someone dying to get out of going to work yeah we've you did that masterfully where you've like you made five different calls some were fake acted like you were calling your boss calling your dad yeah yeah sure I don't know if I've ever gone that far because of the catholic guilt a little bit but I've definitely you know I've I've said family emergency a bunch always keep it big yeah because they can't dude in college they can't double they can't come back when a family emergency you know
Starting point is 00:40:40 I would I would be too superstitious to say like so and so died oh unless they're unless they've already passed yeah then you're playing with house money yeah you know what I mean yeah yeah I always thought uh funerals and stuff like that can be checked out you always go sick I'm sick yeah you do something to throw them off to make them think that you're not lying yeah which was my move when I called my boss and told him that I couldn't make it in because I was really sick then I called him back pretending that I thought it was my dad yeah like dad I'm real sick man you gotta help me he's like oh it's me you're okay go to bed you're having fever dreams sucker uh me while you're forget a my tie in your hand um yeah I would always say I'm on my way in and I I always thought
Starting point is 00:41:32 I would lie about the time I would wait until like 20 minutes till I was kind of supposed to be there class started or whatever and be like hey I'm on my way in I just don't have it in like I always felt that was more believable oh yeah a few hours out like hey I'm not really making the effort yeah listen I woke up this morning I was trying to muscle through it I just don't have I really don't have it in me I don't want to get anybody else sick yeah it's like yeah I don't want to get busy on the train yeah I don't want to make it worse and then be out for more days I'm really sorry you know at one time I was uh my my cousin was in town you know nowadays I find that like people that have like real jobs don't need to do that they just take literally
Starting point is 00:42:17 it's an email hey listen I'm not feeling well I'm not coming in today or hey I'm taking a personal day yeah what do you think it is without having to explain anything yeah dude see I think that's my I always think someone is watching me and I have to explain myself I always feel like that because you're crazy you're an absolute insane person but I never had a job where I could do that I I always had you always worked you always waited tables you can't send an email to fucking John Applebee's or whatever where I was like the only waiter working like that lunch shift and I was all banged up the night before just couldn't do it could do it um I one night I remember I was so much guilt and pressure and like what the fuck yeah when you're
Starting point is 00:42:57 working at a bigger company there's less like ours there's fucking nine other bozos doing the same job or whatever you know um some of my boys that have real jobs like I just took a personal day it is to this I'm like what you're not sweating it you know where you're gonna get fired the next time we're supposed to record I'm gonna get a text listen I can't make it here I'm taking a personal day buddy as for HR you have no personal days no okay no sick time no paid off no vacation what about maternity leave because you look like you're about to pop hi you got twins coming uh yeah you get no personal days universal pre-k pre-k yeah pre-natal no pre-k universal pre-k as in uh nursing school or sorry nursing school nursery school
Starting point is 00:43:49 is that what it's called nursery school it's kindergarten no let's give us what do you ask I don't know what you're asking me are you asking me if we provide that yes hoodie ink yes if we provide preschool for your kids that you don't have yes in the future if I wanted to start a family yeah you can bring them to the couch and Toby can watch them while we record yeah I'm sure t-bones great with kids oh man that good uh all right um I remember one time I was working my my cousin came up he was like I'm in New York it was like nine o'clock oh my god it's me for a drink and we don't we don't have governors on us nine o'clock turned into fucking 4 a.m closing down some fucking Irish pub in midtown and just like and I got dude I got to get up for work this is
Starting point is 00:44:34 when I was working at the law firm outside in New Rochelle so I had to take you out of this kid tell you something gang this kid had a tough ride by air by land by sea I would get you I used to have to take the subway to a bus take the bus cross town to the Bronx and then get on the metro north and take the metro north to New Rochelle and then walk like 10 minutes bro you're taking the bus to work it's tough I would take every four every I took everything but a ferry that New York City had to step in front of it next time oh man so that's a tough look I was like dude I had to be up at like six especially in a small market you're not even in New York I know in the hustle and bust I know you used to you're going to New Rochelle I was fine dude I was thinking I was
Starting point is 00:45:14 making like 12 bucks an hour or something who lives in Manhattan and works me I was trying to do it I was trying listen I was in a bad place trying to make it right okay it was in a bad place with even worse people but I remember my friend she worked HR for it was a huge company oh yeah she worked HR you used to get to play the fiddle a little bit a little bit somebody on the inside I had someone playing the ones in two she not eventually turn on you and in in sandbag here are my miss you miss yeah you're miss remembering um uh but you I thought there was one time where she was like here's 2,500 bucks now I have to turn my back on you what for something I thought you like you were trying to get it to play ball and she wouldn't play ball on one thing
Starting point is 00:45:55 I don't think so no no no no maybe I'm getting confused with goodfellas yeah I got caught selling dope in Pittsburgh I thought I told you no dope treat me like a jerk um but I sent the email because I'm like there's no way I'm going to wake up at it's not four I'm not going to be home till five I'm like there's no way I'm going to wake or whatever like I'm no way I'm going to wake up at seven and be like hey I can't make it in okay I sent the email like four a.m. so you're just probably spelling errors whether it's a yes or no you're just saying hey I'm taking a sick day okay I'm taking a sick day okay but that comes in at 4 a.m. two minutes after last call you look
Starting point is 00:46:39 like a fucking jerk no you woke up in the middle of the night with a fever sure that's what it was and that's what I was trying to say but she then sent me the emails that they were like they got it and they were because like I had to send it to my first boss and like cchr or whatever and like that went up the corporate chain so she sees it all and she sent it to me she's like they all just know you were out drinking till 4 a.m. like 100% and they were like the one thing was like does anybody believe Kevin whatever dude let's fucking party yeah dude the booze gets me man I like the sauce it's in my bones you like the sauce you think we'd learn by now though I went out last night with a buddy from home it was oddly enough sitting
Starting point is 00:47:21 two feet away that we're ignoring shout out the flip up and we just the boo I like Joe I just can't stop boozing and I wake up I feel like shit today I can't do that anymore it's like the thing you said like sleeping on the couch and stuff like that I can't do it I can't do it anymore it's tough I need a complete day off yeah it needs to be I'm hurt I'm dragging there needs to be Tylenol pms there needs to be some eddies some great some Gatorade too we'll fucking gotta be Gatorade you can't get up and fucking push it at 730 brutal brutal all right to kill yourself um this is from Arianne haven't heard it asked yet do you have a favorite glass or cup to drink out of I for sure at my mom's house and even now oh yeah but at your mom's house you have one that's
Starting point is 00:48:10 like 25 years old oh I got a fucking I have a notar name pint glass but it's a Guinness glass stack that thing with a handle or no like that kind of pint glass or like a like a like a no it's not a flu hammer it's a fucking pint I handle yeah some pint glasses have fucking handles oh like a mug yeah well I mean you act like that's crazy I'm not like I asked if it had a fucking face like a head on it I'm not in cheers where everybody knows you're fat about this pint glass like the yeah with a little the little yeah fucking crushed that with ice dude mine was good night mine was a fucking growing up and I like I don't know I doubt I had growing up it was something plastic dude ours was from a flyers playoff game like 92 or whatever
Starting point is 00:48:58 just always smelled like Hawaiian punches oh man as a fucking paint was and this thing was it must have been 78 ounces and this thing was huge you got a big boy and it was always on the top shelf like it was like it didn't fit on the regular shelves it had to go on the fucking yeah she didn't want your fat ass fucking drink it 72 ounces of soda coke for breakfast yeah um that's fan which I do I don't mind a coke zero with breakfast well I'm off to coke zero let me tell you something I'm off diet coke I don't know what a diet coke with an omelet is really nice with a little lemon big fan big fan big fan it's trashy and it's psychopath shit to sit there and have fucking scramby eggs and a coke zero you look like a lunatic I don't know anybody that drinks
Starting point is 00:49:44 diet coke religiously that isn't a psycho like it's just a shot of me no well it's I'm off the diet coke by the way that's good but it's still in you you're that kind of guy I'm a DC guy yeah so and you're a psycho oh I mean yeah for sure dude yeah like Tom Cruise Harvey Weinstein like those are like diet coke guys why you limp if I can lump me in with Harvey Weinstein dude who does that you're the king of that shit fucking slowly I blatantly shit on you but you really fucking you play the I think I said you play the long game I think I said a little lot of fucking Easter eggs for people to pick up on and then all of a sudden I'm like oh kippy Harvey Weinstein start putting two next time they hear diet coke they're gonna think of me and a rapist
Starting point is 00:50:29 the btk killer yeah no I think I was thinking of Tom Cruise portraying somebody similar to Harvey Weinstein in Tropic Thunder who drank a lot of diet coke yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah um whoo all right this one's a little bit uh all right let's see here um this is from Johnny uh have you have have you and your significant other ever ordered a double drink at the bar and split it I don't even like splitting fucking appetizers I definitely ain't splitting a fucking rum and coke you and your significant other go to the bar it's because it's ordering a this is my my take on it ordering a double rum and coke is probably cheaper than two single rum and cokes by how much I mean I'm sure it's the I'm sure Johnny has done the math and it's probably by two bucks maybe I don't
Starting point is 00:51:20 know anybody that does that bullshit at a restaurant it drives me fucking crazy I'm just sneaking a flask at that point like if you're gonna be a dirtball do it right yeah no that's that's no good yeah sitting there splitting a double come on man asked for two strolls can we get a double rum and coke and an empty glass with ice for her please that's a fucking tough look people do it now if you're just banging something down on your way out of the restaurant after dinner hey let me get a double you take a big pull she takes a big pull that's trashy though too on your way out that's like if you had a double and you're like hey I can't finish this and you both are like yeah yeah sit and enjoy it like a fucking gentleman don't be you can't be an adult like kind of half
Starting point is 00:52:00 standing up slugging your fucking drink on your way out the door why not I do that all the time because my girlfriend usually never finishes her drink or her beer so I fucking knocked that back on the way out always yeah so I'm saying that's different not leaving cards in the table that was yeah no fucking way fucking animal let's go this is from L Peters first timer even the way he says it yo anyone grow up with one pair of scissors whole family would share them for any test from prepping dinner school assignments to cutting dogs ass there yeah man we had one set yeah and then they were orange handled like most most of America I'm sure ours were lethal yeah ours would slice you bad slice you they were no
Starting point is 00:52:49 joke they were not a toy yeah um we we never used I never even heard of using scissors for cooking until like I started working a restaurant yeah I never fucking cut anything let's use the fucking knife yeah but yeah of course but like you would use it for like some to like maybe open a food pouch or at the same time what was always I mean scissors cutting off the top of an ice pop that was fucking maybe I'd have like two of them oh yeah good night like a fucking gentleman raise them up like a flute these fucking snakes are coming up charming snake all this is all the fucking snakes in the neighborhood come to your house yeah that was the village flutterer like rumple still to who know who played the flute um the piper that was that yeah that was a red a green and a blue razz
Starting point is 00:53:47 good night the fucking trifecta that was after three years of fucking chewing it off like an animal and it never was a good bite it was never and it would cut your fucking I would get you here yeah with fucking you look like the Joker here's my here's my question nothing on that I thought that was gonna kill come on I was thinking that I was thinking about the next play um do you take the do you always eat the little nugget buddy how long have you known me jerk off how long have you know how long I love that I'd rather I'd rather they should just make those I would cut it in half to have a bigger top oh yeah you know what I mean I take a couple inches off the top those do need a couple of minutes though you get a freeze pop you gotta you
Starting point is 00:54:31 gotta you gotta you gotta you gotta yeah ten minutes yeah not ten I mean ten minutes you're letting it sit for ten minutes it's not a red wine what are we doing let's go fucking a couple of seconds in the hand the second one was always better because it had that's what I'm saying time to sit like it's like a steak let it sit it still cooks oh man um ice pops this summer it's almost about that time I was talking to my boy about that yeah club fully is gonna be open and up soon end of this month maybe we throw a big patreon party there I love it also by the way that I was there's a we we should do it either on the patreon or at something there's that we had talked about it at some point before there's that mcdonald's in the old mansion on long island
Starting point is 00:55:17 you ever see that no here I pull it up there's a mcdonald's on long island okay that is in a huge old mansion okay and it look and it's like fans I don't we we gotta go to it okay I'm interested um is there a table service I don't know but you gotta here look at this thing there you have to put you're gonna have to do a graphic now no I'm not yes you are you guys can google it both first of all most of the people are listening to this so you pick your pin in a settle look at that thing all right that is clear see right it's in a fucking proper huge mansion let's go you also house you also owe me a limo ride oh shout out we just hit yo fuck I forgot uh we just hit 1300 and that was foley's first limo ride you never fucking go guys never been in a limo
Starting point is 00:56:05 not for proud I want a full day funeral I want suits I want to go in somewhere maybe a couple of hookas if our wives are out of town I think it would be so funny if we got a couple of old fucking hookers let's do it and not have sex with them no maybe a little call it'll hand stuff no I'm kidding um dinner we need some arm candy escorts right like gentlemen we need it we need some fucking arm candy maybe we go out to this McDonald's we got the limo for the day let's go out to long island that's it a nice meal oh dude I'm so fucking high couple of broids yeah couple I'll get the couple of ladies of the night yeah you'll get the broids we're gonna get you a suit that fits yeah mean t-bone we're gonna come pick you up in a limo yeah we're gonna head out to
Starting point is 00:56:53 fucking long island there'll be photography yeah t-bones gonna be doing it all when I come down yeah t-bones yeah yeah yeah maybe a red carpet I'll get a corsage um well you have a suit though you have a suit you're gonna break my balls about McDonald's no I think I'll allow uh one meal no extra burgers what wait I don't even know what that means dude what do you mean no extra burgers yeah you always get like a burger or two with the meal no we I don't so you everybody does that what to go what do you mean if I if I go to McDonald's and I get a number three I'm getting a McDouble and a McChicken on the side too right no dude right am I crazy that's nuts but holy shit that's the plan okay we'll hit a drive-thru two in the limo gotta do that maybe you know
Starting point is 00:57:45 after we have our nice meal at McDonald's he'll wait outside we'll get him a burger oh is there a drive-thru with this thing I don't know I'm not driving through we're dining in table for table for three please table for four uh yeah you're broad you gotta have your lady of the night go down to the docks pick up some real skeezers yeah um yeah that's it so that's what we'll do so we just hit 1300 on patreon the goal was for Foley's first uh ride first limo ride yeah I want a proper limo I don't want to fucking hummer I'll be the I get to choose I want something something I listen all right these are the ones I'm picking either something really fucking gaudy and flashy like a yellow hummer or something I don't like to dance shit what do you mean like
Starting point is 00:58:32 where they have like a pole and like the lights are going off in there I like an old school limo you how do you know you've never been in any of them I know what a fucking old this is this is the crux of art this is the crux of art I want to limousine from crocodile dundee that's if I can get you an old one with a boomerang that's for sure what I'm getting I feel like Gordon I hope this driver plays ball if you know what I mean a couple of nosebears on the road he better be fucking I want him dressed up I'm if he doesn't have a hat we're gonna stop and get him a hat for sure don't do anything stupid get pulled over you know what I mean anybody poke around back here yeah hey Charles eyes on the road and hands at ten and two you know what I mean
Starting point is 00:59:19 the boys are getting a little freaky you've now entered the fully circle of trust I hope you're aware of that good time thank you guys yeah thank you so much and also to while we're at it we have to do the fucking honeymoon getaway yes we were doing we're doing I think in a week or so yes we do um yeah man that patrons cooking shout out the fucking patreon we fucking love you guys we love you once Teebo gets back we'll be back on track and cooking and cooking and cooking and booking cooking and booking uh all right this one's from Jay we have touched on it before and then this is a we can tie this in with another question is it trashed to wait for and we've talked about is it trashed for the wait for the cashier hold on is it trashed to wait until the cashier is looking
Starting point is 00:59:57 at you to put the tip in the in the cup or wave the money at him when you put it in you gotta make eye contact you gotta strategically do it I did it this morning and you gotta fucking what I do is I'll say thank you as I'm putting it in right like okay thank you otherwise why do it for them I ain't doing it for them I'm doing it for me and the people behind me that see me doing go this guy's probably got a couple of bucks on right you don't want to feel like a piece of shit sure I want to look like I got money and from being on the other end of that if you don't see a tip your attitudes a little bit different well I did it this morning uh me and my buddy went in to get some fresh baggles not too shabby is it the thing because when you have the the iPad they don't really see it which
Starting point is 01:00:44 is for okay beep beep it's backing up that iPad those those coffee shops are getting real fucking dicey with what they starts with 20 20 I'm like it's a fucking what are we doing here a dollar give you a dollar a dollar maybe a dollar but it's summer like and they don't even see five seven dollar tips I'm like it's a cup of Colby fucking cup of Joe's costing me nine bucks all this to my cardiologist that you're getting fucking bullshit I'm telling you kidding me um you gotta see no it's not trash it's not trashy you know you want to be rewarded hey man thank you very much yeah also it's more for me to feel better and for me it's I want the other people to see me tip it I want to make it look like I'm fucking what's trashy is when someone makes change out of the
Starting point is 01:01:31 I've seen you ask hey can you give me back someone you know like if you let them do it but I've seen people go in there and dig oh no fucking dirt yeah yeah yeah also the one that the way we went this morning I fucking I hit him and she stopped saying thank you the last two times I've been in there and today she didn't say thank you again I don't know when you hit her even when I hit her she knows she saw you hit her saw me I go thank you very much and she doesn't say nothing fuck her right yeah that's the same place what a guy doesn't fucking give me that I think we talked about a hard feelings mom's the word when I go in there with the one fucking guy but with eye contact the whole time yeah it's no good it's no good they make a hell of a fucking bacon I can cheese
Starting point is 01:02:09 those beggies are hey I'm toasted by the way look the other way um all right here let's say that goes back and also this same place this is from our quick question is a business that only accepts cash in 2021 classy or trashy no it's usually fucking a knockout fucking fantastic fucking restaurant and they do it so good that they can only they can they can yeah because you'll keep fucking coming yeah shout out to de Verna cake like us that's the fucking the bagel place I was talking about this morning cash only and I you know I fucking it's that good yeah I'll go dude I'll Peter Luger's wait it's cash only yeah where I just said the bagel place that good at a bagel place yeah we got it which are we're taking a limo what flip is good right yeah bagel place
Starting point is 01:02:55 cash only wow they keep they keep you coming back dog damn that steakhouse is fucking shit like that holy shit yeah what's the name of this joint like Fort Washington bakery and deli or something it'll lie to me it's called pizanas we have a nice riff going um Luger's gets away with that you see there's just a shooting at Luger's crazy nuts two guys shot Luger's I can't see how there could be a shot with a Ruger I can't see how they were there can be a fight in there because there's a lot of people that go in there that I don't know what happened at all I'm talking out of my ass there was a fight within the same party it was a party of 11 we're there for like a birthday two people in the party together that's garbage gotten of the dude if you're showing up
Starting point is 01:03:42 to dinner to a family dinner with a fucking piece on any any fight at a family party is trash stay away from the stay away from the Sullivan family Christmas will you there's always a couple of fucking Donnie Brooks oh you never love me yeah all right let's uh we gotta one or two more here and then we gotta go uh we have like one this is one of more of advice a little bit a little bit of really yeah I mean you know he goes me and my fiance were reminiscing about being nothing on that dear kippy come on I didn't hear sorry say it again dear kippy oh this is great I love that thanks buddy um me my me and my fiance were reminiscing about being bored in church as kids and she tells me about how her mom would clip her fingernails during the morning sermon as I picked myself up
Starting point is 01:04:27 the floor she lays another whopper on me who thought what are you in the 50s lays another whopper on me by telling me that she didn't catch the nails in a napkin or anything just brush them off onto the floor like a complete psycho that DNA is in my future wife should I call it off or what it ain't good you gotta keep her on a short leash when it comes to cutting your nails in church the mom was doing it yeah this broads mom she the mom wasn't doing it to the kid no the mom was doing it to herself I don't think I've ever seen my mother clip her fingernails yeah don't broad to get them done yeah was she a farm hand or something the fuck's going on you go to the nail place to get them done I don't know that's weird man clipping your nails in public is
Starting point is 01:05:11 atrocious especially house of god yeah you can't come back from it and then putting them maybe if you're bored and you're doing it by anxious you appeal at all and yeah I'll put it in a pocket or something till I'm like I can't let somebody watch me throw a fingernail on the floor of fucking god's house you know what I mean I do it pretty regularly in public though I'll bite him and yeah it depends where I mean clipping who leaves the house you hear when you're getting your keys your wallet you get a fucking nail clipper oh you ever see somebody that has one on their keychain trash no if I wouldn't I would not associate with somebody that rolls around with a fucking nail clipper on their keychain that's a tough look not happening all right
Starting point is 01:05:53 let's do one more and then we got to get out of here guys home runs fucking question so far fantastic we did skizzers let's see let's see I was jumping around too much I'd like to know what your system is over there well you know we field a lot of the questions and then I have to kind of as it's going on I got to go oh this one will lead into that one I kind of pick and choose a little bit you know what I mean I'm developing I'm hosting the show I'm doing there's a lot of it's like a duck who's cruising there's a lot of work going on your quarterback I'm quarterbacking the thing yeah you I you think you're hosting meanwhile Kippy's calling the shots okay I didn't know that's what you were doing yeah um this one's just nuts and we'll get out of here
Starting point is 01:06:36 on this um are you garbage if your father brings in a live turkey to your elementary class show and tell with the turkey legs tied together in an old pair of your mom's nylon so the turkey couldn't run away why the fuck are you bringing a turkey because they're hillbillies what do you mean these aren't I mean is that even illegal turkeys don't fuck around that's why he's their fucking feeder wrapped up in the nylon dude I'm calling sick that yeah I what that's nuts dude that's his name's Patrick Patrick I want to know where you're from that bringing any animal into school is trash what'd you ever do with show and tell uh I've been to show and tell shout out to it shout out to show and tell down there on Columbus Boulevard in Philadelphia
Starting point is 01:07:26 18 to enter BYOB clean living um yeah I've done show and tell I brought my dad in a couple of times to tell like here's a fatter version of me tell navy stories back in the day talk about nom and shit what was the lights lights a sick I had an uncle do that shout out to my uncle our jacked up to Korean kid yeah he went in and told some stories that my brother's like hoity toity fucking hoity toity private school I don't know if he was I don't know if he was his back then actually he was fucking cranking marb reds fucking these these mainline bozos didn't know what hit him you could smell the blood a mile away yeah um of course I've done fucking show and tell all right man we're not a turkey nobody's bringing these are my these are my she shows fucking hit the
Starting point is 01:08:15 bricks fatty this is megatron he's a bad guy yeah shit like that yeah yeah yeah yeah fucking real smooths best you were here's real here's something that really fucking threw me for a loop when I was probably in third or fourth grade we had this kid that that was in our class that for show and tell he brought his dad in and his dad had a hobby of making this was the hobby he made clay figurines of civil war of civil war battles that's what they were they were like soldiers fighting soldiers and they came the one guy had his head like the head was gone it was like real gory it's a catholic school too and to double down on the weirdness they did like like a little like a little bit where like they both spoke in like a like a southern accent and
Starting point is 01:09:09 this and that oh dude no way yeah that kid ain't getting invited at a birthday party he ain't coming he ain't coming to the skating party fucking bad shit did fucking do an apple that's how I was allowed over to robertsons house yeah I always looked at dads with hobbies like my one buddy's dad used to fly those uh like the mini version of airplanes no like the rc airplanes no like go out on a saturday and do that like what just wearing a fighter to live that's fucking cutting the grass having a beer no man it's either you're working you're working at that you're working at work you're working around the house or you're fucking having some nickel oaks that's what you're doing that's all the dad was allowed to do in the night yeah I don't like hobbies yeah I did that I remember
Starting point is 01:09:51 I did I remember one kid we played hot we were hot on a hockey team and the dad would play hockey with us and I remember being like how did who respects this man he had a fucking this guy's on rollers this guy's on rollerblades wait what are you zipping around with us no he was the coach but like at practice when you were an actual team yeah of roller hockey roller hockey and I said we played roller hockey in the summer or like you know winter would be roller hockey or regular hockey I respect a roller hockey team come on you're basically a cheerleader at that point what are you doing and why would he play with you he would like for practice or whatever like he would strap up his skates and zip around with us and I remember being like dude why don't you learn how to
Starting point is 01:10:39 fucking work with your hands creepo fucking why don't you go to CHI Institute become so you know learn become an ac tech or something go get a laptop and fucking do something man what are you doing you're embarrassing us no no way no way would I ever be able to fucking have that no all right we got to wrap it up gang we love you thank you for tuning in kippy what do you got for him I'm at kevin ryan comedy on all social media as you know patreon subscribe you can subscribe to patreon itunes drop us a review that helps with the algorithm and shit like that subscribe on youtube a full video available on youtube every every episode and also guys our live shows coming up we got to move some tickets we got to move some tickets in indy that's coming
Starting point is 01:11:20 up in june ac is probably gonna fuck it but maybe sold out 18th atlantic city or it's going to sell tickets now it's gonna sell not many left chicago we added a second show i'm pretty sure that's probably already sold out if not very close to get those tickets but uh guys will be in indy so if you live near indy i think datans close to whatever indianapolis indiana get some fucking ticks come hang the live shows have been a fucking hoot we'll see you there yeah we love you we'll see you next week thank you for your patience we love you bye thanks

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