Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast - Kim Congdon - Florida Garbage

Episode Date: May 18, 2020

Kippy and Foley are joined by comedian and podcaster Kim Congdon. Kim talks growing up in Florida, her mom meeting Joe Rogan, and 7-11 food. You know Kim Congdon from HBO, podcasts, & stand up comedy. Submit you're own garbage questions [e-mail]

Welcome to another exciting edition of Are You Garbage? The show where you find out if your favorite comedians are classy individuals or absolute trash. Now, here are your hosts, Kevin Ryan and H. Foley. Hey everybody out there and welcome back to everybody's favorite new podcast. This is Are You Garbage, the show where we sit down with your favorite comedians and find out if they grew up classy or if they're trash, man, no two ways about it. I'm your host H. Foley coming at you on a beautiful day here in my mom's basement, riding

out the pandemic, moved to higher ground, feeling good, outside, sunshine, playing with the dog, fantastic. My co-host is coming at you from an undisclosed location somewhere in southern New Jersey. Ladies and gentlemen, Mr. Kevin James Ryan, everybody. Hey gang. Happy to be here down here in Casablanca Studios yet again, held up. Dude, I'm the king of the boardwalk down here, baby, and I'm loving every fucking minute of it.

I got a residency on the Gravitron, dude, I'm just fucking looping down here, dude. Guys, thanks for tuning in. As always, please make sure you rate, review, subscribe on iTunes and also full videos available on YouTube. Please subscribe there and shout out to everybody who already has subscribed and commenting their own questions and stuff. And also, you can submit your own questions via email to rugarbage at gmail.com. Thank you.

Yes, sir. Very nice. Thank you, Kippy. Very special guests on the podcast today. So excited to sit down and talk to her. You've seen her on HBO. She's been a writer for the hit show Teffy and the Juggernaut in Practical Jokers. She's a stand-up comedian from all over the country, one of my absolute favorites.

But the question of everybody's mind here today, is she garbage? Ladies and gentlemen, Kim Cogden, everybody. Oh, thank you. Oh, my gosh. Thank you, everyone. Wow. You have, like, a good camera and a setup. Yeah.

Really? What kind of Macbook are you working off of? Well, this is going to be the first answer to whether I'm garbage. I have a Macbook that I stole. Oh, that's it. Pull the plug. That's it. That's a wrap on this one.

Yikes. Who'd you steal it from? I mean, I don't know if I technically stole it, but the company I work for isn't a company anymore. So I took the loaner. Oh, that's fucking, that's a garbage, but classy move. I love that. What can I say?

Yeah. They fucked me. They fucked them. When their feds are rolling in, you grab everything you can. You start stealing staplers and monitors and run up the back. I took fucking dehydrated fruit. It was pathetic. Oh, yeah.

We all saw a boiler room. You fucking keep it moving. Dude, if you're not leaving without a full trunk, you're fucking up. You gotta steal from work. Everybody steals from work. Yeah. So I have that. And I got one of those little ring lights because I'm on TikTok now.

My parents are really want me to have a child or be married, but I'm here and doing TikTok, learning the savage. Very nice. I love it, man. We're so happy to have you in the show. Happy to talk with you. Thank you. I know a little bit about, I know you're from Florida, right?

Yeah. All right. Just tell me about your childhood. How you grew up? Where you grew up? Sure. Yeah. I grew up in Melbourne, Florida, Palm Bay, Florida.

It's a little bit south of Orlando, and I live with my mom and my stepdad and my birth father is, he lives like 30 minutes away from us and Sebastian. Trashy. I love it. That's awesome. I think you're going to say your birth dad also lives with you. I was like, wow. Oh, that's happened before too.

I don't think you guys understand, like this, I couldn't be more perfect for this podcast. My entire life is, I have nothing else but being trashy. Well, Kippy's parents are divorced too, and didn't your old man live like down the street from you for a little while? For a while. I mean, he's within a couple of minutes, like for sure. That's fucking garbage. You're carrying Christmas presents from his house to your room.

Dude, I'm pretty sure he did it out of spite for the longest time, for sure. Oh, I love it. Just to be like, we couldn't get out of town without any of it. He would just hang out out front the whole time to be sure. Make sure you would see my mom. Drive by smoking real slow. Now, Kim, settle this for me. I have this big thing.

It could just be the fact that I'm garbage from Pennsylvania, but the way I understand it, now your town in Florida is by the coast, right? It's near the water. It is. Yeah, about 20 minutes away. Aren't the people who lived in landlocked towns and cities in Florida more trashy and more garbage than people on the coast? Absolutely.

Okay. Yeah. Have you heard? We're not on the coast. I mean, we're a 20 minute drive from the coast. We're deep enough. We're like, we're on the edge of trashiness. That's fair enough.

20 minutes is fine. But like, and the reason it comes up, because when I was a kid, I used to hear about people going on vacation to a place called Kissimmee St. Cloud. Okay. Yeah. Do you know where that is? Yes, I know. The reason that landlocked there is out on the coast.

That's like Orlando. You're going to Orlando. Yeah. Okay. Because I always thought that is like, if you go to Florida on vacation and it's not near the water, if you just go to Florida, you're fucking garbage. It's horrible. Who would ever do that?

That's like going to New York and going to fucking Albany, like who would ever fucking do that? Right. Staying in Queens. Hi. I'm doing a podcast if you remember earlier when I was like, I'm going to do a podcast so nobody come in the room or sit on right next to me on my bed and peek over. Who is it?

That's my mom. Oh, hi mom. I guess you have. Hi. Oh, God. I've had to, hey, there she is. All right, ladies. What's going on here?

I like it. Oh my God. See the dead stare in my eyes? Oh, there's my sister. We got this show wrapped up. I can't work. I don't know what to tell you. I can't work here anymore.

I have no career. I can't even pretend that something's happening. It's so funny the way your mom just slowly came into frame. I thought she was going to start plugging something. Come down to read his nails or something. Check out Sherry's berries, everybody. Oh, the worst thing I ever did during this quarantine is show my mom chat roulette. What?

Wait, that's still up? Dude, now I walk into her and she's like this. Look, she's like this. What? I thought it was all peepies on there. What's your name? Oh my God. That's so funny.

Or she'll come in my room with a stranger on the phone and she'll go, this is my daughter. She was on Comedy Central and she'll put me on the phone with a stranger who knows like my work, who's watching me in my childhood bedroom with like the blinds like un-matching. And I'm like, I don't want to talk to someone who knows me through comedy right now in this state. I don't want you to FaceTime me with people who know my comedy. Fucking great. Dude, your mom's trying to traffic you or something like that.

I know. This is like a reverse taken. She's so small, so you might as well cut it off just like Bobby. She say? She's bombing on Zoom. She's trying to be funny. She does this every time. I'm going to tell them the Rogan story if you don't get out.

Then get out. Okay. And get out. Get out. Okay. Get out. Get out. You just pulled the fucking A bomb on your mom.

I'll tell the Rogan story. She immediately. Bye. Bye. Nice to meet you. Nice to meet you. The mom drop in on Are You Garbage? A fucking, a first.

My mind, my mind is blown right now. This is fucking awesome. I had to, I had to make, I came down, me and my girl were in, we wrote it out in the story for like, you know, the first two months. But then after that, we're like, we got to get the fuck out of here. So we came down here Sunday. There is some adjustment when you're back in here and doing stuff. Because they don't understand what we're doing.

They don't think any of this is work. Yeah, this is, this is going to be just as equally trashy, but I don't know what time is anymore. But I know that I've been in Florida for two menstrual periods. And that is just entirely too many. Taking it back before there was calendar. You're like, well, six periods. I arrived six periods ago.

How long were you gone? Two boxes of tampons. Okay, fair enough. All right. Yeah, I'm leaving my pussy out in the sun and seeing which direction it goes. We're going to leave here at high noon. Let me just get my pants back on and we'll be on our way. Is that the house that you were raised in the one you're in now?

No. Can you hear them fighting? So what was the story you were going to tell? I'm sorry, you were ready to tell something. What? Was it the Rogan story? My mom came to a show when I was opening for Rogan in Orlando. She would hate that I'm even telling you this anyways.

But she came to a show and afterwards we were all like hanging out. And she asked Rogan if she could tell him a joke. Oh, dude, I would have quit. I would have been able to fucking got in my car. Oh, no. I was like this next to her. I was like watching. I was like, what are you going to say?

Because he knows, you know, and he went, no, I'm good. Oh, I would have freaked the fuck out. My mom's face. My mom's face. I was like, I literally looked at her and I was like, how'd that feel? I was like, I told you not to do something stupid and she hates that story. I don't even think she can like listen or look at Rogan anymore. That's fucking funny.

But we all have to learn that lesson, you know, and that was hers. Where's your mom from? My mom is Puerto Rican, but she's been living in Florida since I was born. Okay. For about 17 and a half years. And did you go to school down there? Did I go to school in Florida? Yeah.

Yeah. I went to school. I went to the University of Florida for three and a half years. I dropped out my last semester after I went up at the comedy store one summer during an internship. Fucking jackpot. That's what I was looking for. My top three answers are either Florida Miami or Florida State. That's what I was looking for.

Yeah. I'm a University of Florida dropout. Miami is the most trashy. Now that's trashy to me because again, I'm older from Pennsylvania. When I think of like trashy football, I think the Miami Hurricanes in the 90s. The town I'm from is so trashy that Miami is classy. Geez. Like these rich guys over in Miami.

Yeah. I remember one time like the news said this thing and they were like looking up the top U.S. cities that drink the most alcohol and ours was like third. Oh, that's garbage. Dude, they're from doing the road so much. There's so many. Every time you go to like some shitty town, they always have like their claim to fame that's always embarrassing. You know what I mean? Yeah.

We got more fucking whores per square money for whatever. You're like once is alcoholism. Yeah. All right. Let's get into some questions here. We're going to ask you a series of questions to determine whether you're garbage or not. Got to be honest, as your representative doesn't look good. As your legal counsel.

Take a plea deal right now and get this over with. I can't even believe I can afford a representative. Well, this state appointed one to you. All right. Kip, if you want to start off, you're going to start it off. We can start off. Let's start off with some of the basics that we kind of normally hit. I'd be interested.

Yeah. Do you grow up in like a single family home or an apartment? What was it as in childhood? Which house? Either one. Next question. Oh, either one. I mean, out of the 14.

How many times did you move? A lot. I don't even remember all our houses. I mean, even from, well, that time I was in high school, we had at least six or seven. Holy shit. Who are you running from? Yeah. I move a lot.

My parents, I've been gone in New York and this is the third house I visited them in. Wow. Holy shit. My mom and myself had liked to break up a lot and then buy individual houses and then get back together and then move into one of them. We got to have them two on. Oh, yeah, for sure. Is your stepdad Puerto Rican?

My stepdad's white. My dad is white, too. They're both white. Wow. They're both surfers. Both surfers. Yeah, and they're really good friends and they both don't like my mom. Ooh.

The plot thickens. This is like a fucking daytime soap opera. I know, this is great. This is like a telenovela. I love it. If you don't think I have this whole thing already in a pitch packet, you're insane. Yeah, I'm sure. Are you left-handed?

I am. Ooh. Gotta buy jail. Is that a garbage person thing? Left-handed? Oh, get out of here, man. It's not good. Kippa, you're not left-handed, are you?

No. You look like a left-handed family. I'm a man of honor and I come from a good family. But I was just talking to my mom. My mom's left-handed, but she said she grew up in the 50s in Philly in the Catholic school and the nuns would beat it out of you and just make you right with your right hand. Jesus Christ.

Like God intended. Just like God intended, yeah. Just fucking hit you with a ruler. The one thing God really cares about. Yeah, exactly. The worst thing going on in that church was my mom already left-handed, apparently. Yeah, medieval times. You're left-handed.

You're getting burned at the stake in two seconds. You can fuck a kid, but you can't smudge your elves. I'm trying to run a respectable business here. Okay. All right. I got one for you. Growing up, if you guys use disposable plates, were they paper or styrofoam? I could literally go grab all the styrofoam cups and plates in my kitchen right now.

Styrofoam is fucking trash. When I tell you the look on my family's face when I tried to describe to them that they should stop buying styrofoam and they were like, all right, who's going to pay $3 more for paper plates every time? Oh my God. Dude, you know how many mornings we're ruined going over like an aunt's house and she'd give you a styrofoam plate and try to cut it and like syrup would be leaking through onto the table trying to have my fucking waffles.

That always happened to me with the big breakfast at McDonald's. I always ripped right through it. The real garbage move is when you put the two plates, like, and you make a sandwich out of them to keep it like covered. When you have two, that's real garbage. Yeah. All right, I got a follow-up to that as well. At any point, this was rich kid shit, I feel.

Did you ever have like the little disposable cups in the bathroom so you could like rinse your mouth out and throw the cup out? Look on her face. No, yeah. Right now, we have well water today. What do you think? Is it Dennis' office, buddy? Every time I shower, it smells like I showered in egg yolk. I come out and I smell like eggs.

I don't know what to tell you. It's my new scent. Now it's in my skin. Oh, shit. Right now, we have well water and only, the water is only coming out of half of the shower head because it's so rusted. Jesus Christ, this is crazy. Let me give you a little peek of this curtain behind me. If it's a bed sheet.

No. But it is like, you'll understand. Oh, man. Let's see the chair. Oh, that's an outdoor chair inside. That is an outdoor patio chair inside. Oh, look at the rip in the blind. That's where you peek out for the cops. The broken blind.

That's the lookout right there. Can you see that there are no lights? Because we got the hurricane shutters up all year round. Like, you know how people do that with Christmas lights? They just leave. Oh, my God. Keep it up to the hurricane. Someone wants to rob this house.

That's fucking great. All right. All right. Now, that doesn't matter. I'm not going to count that as garbage. I mean, I like your blinds behind you. Yours look nice, dude. But my parents dropped the drop ceiling. Foley's currently underground, by the way.

That window sill starts at five feet high right now. Yeah, that's garbage. Foley's living like a king over there. He's in his mom's man cave. I don't know. That's the most embarrassing thing about it. She got a pool table down here. Right next to him was smoking Marlboro 100.

Growing up, would you keep syrup in the refrigerator? You keep it in the cabinet. What about ketchup? Would you keep ketchup in the cabinet or keep it in the refrigerator? Ketchup in the fridge, syrup in the cabinet. All right, classy. I like it. There are some families that have it twisted.

Yeah, they keep ketchup in the cabinet. Like, what the fuck? You're sick as fuck. Who wants nice warm pancakes with melted butter and then put cold syrup on top of them? Garbage. That's who wants it. Absolute garbage. I'm actually shocked we don't do that. Growing up, I had a friend who kept his butter in the cupboard.

So they could spread it on toast easily, dude. I was like, fuck that. Hold on. I'm getting my shit and fucking leaving, dude. No, no, no. You can keep butter in a container on the counter. You can. No. We don't, but you can. Yeah.

That's garbage. That's not garbage. The container's covered. It looks nice and it is easy to put on toast. You don't have to fucking fight the butter every time you eat it. Yeah, I loved it. It's dairy, dude. Dairy's got to be kept cold. Let's get out of here. I don't count butter as dairy. It don't look like milk.

Well, cheese doesn't look like milk either, but that's dairy. Not in this house. Not in this house. Not in this house. This is not milk. This is an appropriate question. Two part question one, growing up, did you have milk with dinner? Yes. Of course.

And my second question. Probably had it on New Year's Eve. Have you as an, have you as an adult ever bought less than a half a gallon of milk? You ever buy a court? Yes. That's trashy man. I had for breakfast every day during high school.

Corn pops. That was my quote. I want to know what your favorite cereal is. Well, my favorite cereal. Oh man, that's hard. I like, I mean, I'm a lot. I like a lucky charms. Right now I'm a Kellogg's bitch, but that's cause I'm getting old. Logs what? Like a Kellogg's, you know,

those like the ones with the dried strawberries in them. Special. That's the breath. That's the breakfast of kings right there. You know, I don't know. Like I've grown up a little. It's mature. It's sweet. No special case up a lot over the years.

When I was a kid, they were terrible. Now they're awesome. The fact that my family thinks they're diet foods. For sure. That was a diet cereal. My mom was like, you could do a whole thing where you just eat the cereal and lose weight. And I was like, no, you can't do it.

She's like, it says it on the box. I'm like, it's their box. It's the special K challenge. It's the special K diet. Dude, I was on that for most of high school. My mom's like, it'll work. I'm like, fucking 325 pounds. I'm like, it ain't working.

That's up there. Did your parents ever do slim fast? My mom did. Oh my God. To show you how trashy and fat kid I was, I would get home from school. Nobody would be home. I would drink slim fast and eat fucking Snyder's pretzels as a snack.

I thought it was like a milkshake. I realized it was a meal and a can. Well, yeah, we did weight watchers over here. That's still pretty big though. Weight watchers is huge. Yeah. Oprah does it. Oprah. Yeah.

Did you ever do like a, one of those like neutral systems where they send you the food to your front door? No. I never understood that. You'd have to go to, you'd have to go like fucking Walmart and go in the frozen food section with this little pamphlet that told you all the points everything had.

Yeah. Yeah. It was bad. Oh my God. God kiffy. Well, I guess why we're on food. I got a couple more. Oh yeah.

I didn't wait. I didn't tell you what I ate every morning. Oh yeah. Yeah. Every day before school, this is freshman year to senior year every day. I would stop. No, probably started sophomore year.

I would stop at seven 11 in the morning. I would get two chicken and Monterey jack cheese, tukitos off the rolly thing, a bag of the Ruffles, the fuck I forget which Ruffles they were, this sour cream and cheddar. Yes. Those Ruffles and a coke slurpee,

and that was my breakfast, going to school every day. And some scratch off, and scratch off. Holy shit, you should be the governor of Florida. That's fucking insane. I know that's my state.

Oh my God. First of all, I loved every single one of those items you need for breakfast. I would go, if I could get my hands on this minute, I would do it. But holy shit, that's insane.

Because it's breakfast, it's garbage. But we tell it, you something, both of you something, and anybody listening to this, the gentleman's move, the classy move,

is always the Coca-Cola slurpee. That's the fucking gentleman's move. Yeah. You mix in flavors and shit, like an asshole. Coke or cherry, and you keep it fucking moving. Yeah.

That is incredible. I actually, because I had a Coke slurpee every day in school, and I was in TV production, so we would do the thing in the morning where you watch the students on TV, be like anchors, and like talk about what's going on in the school. Our teacher,

for the end of the year, she did like a surprise thing where she did bloopers for everyone, like the whole year, and it played for the whole school. And at the end of everyone's individual bloopers, it was like their name, and then the nickname she gave them, she like surprised us with nicknames.

And then she made mine that came up on a screen for the whole school, Miss Slurpee. Oh my God. This is garbage. So then everybody was like, so what's Miss Slurpee? Slurpees, yeah.

What's Miss Slurpee's deal? Yeah. Yeah. Holy shit. Anyways, yeah. And also the tequito gets a lot of shit. I don't know why. It's fucking gross.

Dude, maybe it's the name or the fact that it's just like rolling next to the cash register. I don't know what it is, but dude, they're fucking good. They're so good. If you're listening to this right now,

don't shut it off. Listen to the rest of the podcast, but then go to your nearest 7-Eleven and get the Monterey chicken and cheese tequito. Get a little side packet of ranch. Baby boys. Yeah. I was a buffalo chicken guy.

Two of the, I would just, because I'd go two of the buffalo chicken Jones. I didn't even, I couldn't remember the name tequito and then Philly. Everything's a John. So I would just go, yo, let me get two of them buffalo chicken Jones. They throw them in that little sleeve, dude.

You get two for 129. I know. Their pizza's not too bad either. Why we're on the, why we're on the fucking subject. Their pizza dollar slice ain't too shabby. They're chicken nuggets aren't bad. 7-Eleven.

I don't know, dude. The wings, the wings are good. The wings are all right. And this, I mean, this might solidify me as trash. Hey,

I'm leaving my flag, my 7-Eleven flag. I, dude, the way you said that, why we're on the subject. Fucking trash, man. You know,

it's whatever, man. Dude, I love it. So you did, you did film and TV in high school. Did you ever work for a local production company? Not a local production company. That's what I did when I went to LA for the summer.

LA doesn't count. That's respectable. Yeah. You weren't like doing weddings or anything like that. No. Some videographer standing behind some fucking doofus with a camcorder. I feel like to football games for the high school and film those and do like local news for the football games and stuff like that.

That's pretty garbage. I don't know. That's pretty garbage. That's pretty garbage. It is. Why did I get embarrassed just now? I know that's, of all the shit that you've said,

that was the thing you've like cringed at. This will make you feel better. We had Joe Liston and Joe list after he graduated high school would go to his high school football games and try to charge the field after victories. No. Yeah. That's like, that's insane.

After he graduated high school. Yeah. What did you do in high school? You gotta, that's what we said. I'm like, dude, just 32 to yelling at teenagers. He's like, you got to take the field.

You got to take the field. They were like, what dude? All right. All right. I got one. What are we still on food? Have you ever microwaved bacon? I have,

but it's not our thing. Okay. It's fair enough. Everybody's been in a pinch. I get it. Yeah. Sorry to interrupt that. It's my thing.

I had microwave bacon this morning. Perfect. What are you talking about? To be honest, someone told me about it recently and I tried it and it did come out really good. No, man. No,

it comes out really crispy. It comes out really crispy. What are you doing on the grill? Why is that? What are you doing? That's not why, see, this is my problem with Foley. Foley's not doing it because he thinks it tastes better.

Foley's doing it so he can eat it faster. It's a time thing with Foley. Bacon on the pan. You get like three slices and it takes 10 minutes. Oh yeah. What? That was an assembly line. I know it takes too long.

Breakfast here. I hate that shit. There's always a couple left over, but the best part about putting it on the pan is then you have a lot of cheese left over gravy. The grease you get going. Yeah. I mean the grease. Yeah. You can make gravy and like you can,

the possibilities are endless. Don't you have bacon grease? Yeah. You can put your eggs in the grease and now you have eggs that taste slightly like bacon. For sure. For sure. For sure.

I would, I would just like to note that at 2 27 p.m. Kim referred to grease. I would like that stricken from the record. It's less a record show. Oh, which makes me think that you're drizzling the gravy on other things when it's done.

Uh-oh. Oh, that's a little in her hair after a long day. All right. Tim, have you any member of your family ever been involved in or seen a monster truck show? Yes. Yeah.

They're fun. Yeah. Yeah. Those as kids. Yeah. That's, that's the hardest part. One day in college.

Because it was like Sunday, Sunday Sunday on TV and we were like, yo, it's fucking Sunday. Like let's fucking go. Dude, it was filled with hot chicks, which was Blue our minds. And it was so much fun. It's really fun. It's dude. They know how to work a crowd.

Like people, they get out of their cars or scream. It's a, it's a whole thing. We're trying to figure out the line here. Would you like to apologize again at a long John Silvers? Yes, but again, not our thing.

Okay. All right. Right. Once again, you're getting, you're getting more like, um, we're like, um, woods trash. You're getting more hood trash. Okay. Okay. All right. Trying to figure the figure out the line here. I would like to apologize again.

That is unfortunately. My brother was obsessed with their hush puppies, but we were both obsessed with is, you know, like when you fry fish or chicken and that beer batter, little pieces of batter will break off. So long John Silvers and all the stuff was in a tray. You guys are out next to the grease trap and waiting for it to come out. Oh,

there'd be a whole bunch of them mixed in and we used to refer to them as crunchies. Can we get a bag of crunchies and we'd get like a little French fry thing of just beer batter. Yeah. I wonder what happened. Yeah. And you wonder why your weight problem is where it is today. You're eating major own meal at long John sir.

You're ordering off menu at LJS, dude. What are you doing? You had a secret menu at long John Silvers. He's like, I know the managers Tony back there. Tell Tony the fat kids are here and they're looking for their crumbles. Okay. Oh my God, dude. We didn't fuck with long long John Silvers. Yeah. We caught our own fish. Yeah, that's true.

That's, that's, that's, that's, it depends. That can either be like good, not good wholesome fun or like, if you're fishing because you need dinner, it can be a little different. Right. Right. Right. Right. Well, let's do levels here. Now that you guys brought up long John Silvers, I would like you and there is a difference. Okay. It gets okay to trashy. What is your number one fast food establishment? Okay. So I have two number ones and one's classy. One's trashy.

Okay. There is only really one acceptable answer, but go ahead. Okay. Fine. If there's one acceptable answer, I'm going to Taco Bell. Well, that's not the acceptable answer. I don't think I'll give you a talk. I forgot about the only, the only correct answer is Wendy's. Everything else is trash. No, Chick-fil-A's got him by a mile. Chick-fil-A's got him by a mile, dude. The service, the food, it's clean. You don't feel like complete garbage when you're done.

Yeah. Chick-fil-A is my number two, but that only happened after I could pronounce orders. Oh my God. What about like Sonic? That's what I was looking for. That's real garbage. That's a gimmick. I mean, that was a gimmick. Like they showed up and we went like once or twice and it's like not good. And it's not worth it. We would eat at checkers a lot.

Oh, checkers is all right. Checkers is okay. That's fine. The fries, bro. You can't find a good one in New York, but you get down on the south a little bit. You drive by a checkers, do yourself a favor, stop the family off there for a little picnic, not too bad. Ignore the rats and hepatitis, but eat the fries.

Yeah. All right. I got another one, actually another food one growing up. If it was your, if it was your birthday and you were having a party or whatever, would you have a cookie cake for your birthday? I have had a cookie cake. Not every time, but I have. Yes. Yeah. You always got to get them at the mall or something. They were never in like a standalone building. You had to like go, it was,

if you were going to the mall to buy your fucking cakes, you got something twisted. Hell yeah. All right. Let's move on a little bit here. Do you currently own or in your house right now, does anybody have any fireworks right now in your house? I'm sure in the garage. Yes. Okay. That brings me. Oh, sorry. Please. You said, uh, do you have a second refrigerator in that garage?

Yes. There you go. She ain't down yet. That's clean fucking living right there. Kim, we ask everybody two questions. We asked them about the milk for dinner and it's very big for Kevin and I. The garage fridge is huge. It's a big, are you garbage thing? It is the meat and the beer. Yes. Thank you. People get it second to fridge. People just get it.

You try to talk to people that didn't grow up with one, especially like I, if you grew up in an apartment, I get it or a townhouse or so. But if you've had a garage and didn't have a refrigerator in there, they, their minds don't can't comprehend it. It's so weird. It's necessary. Yes. Love it. She's crawling back baby. I like it. She ain't down yet.

People always say it's trash. People always think it's like, oh, that's rich people. But it's like, nobody ever buys two refrigerators. It's like given to you or you find it or something. It just comes with the house somehow. Yeah. Exactly. Exactly. One of the refrigerators wasn't working. So you're like, you know what,

this will be for our vegetables. And then the one that's stronger is for the meat. Yes, exactly. And it's like poor people never can never bring themselves to throw something out as expensive or as big as a refrigerator. You know what I mean? Even if it's not working, they're like, it's a jacuzzi now. Of course.

Of course. Of course. Yeah. Okay. It's always given to a brother-in-law or something like that. And they come get it. That's when you know you're real trash. When somebody comes to get something. Oh, so and so is coming to take the washer. Oh, I'm going to pick up the couch. You're like, what? Yeah.

Have you ever rented? Have you ever sold jet skis? Sold it now. Have you ever ridden a jet ski? Yes. Fair. I'm going to give you another one. And jet skis, you, they're not, they're trashy, you know, and they're the motorcycles of the water for sure. But, you know,

they're not, I think you think if you've ever been on one, you're trashy, which isn't the case. We have a pontoon boat in the yard. That's fucking trash. That's come up before. That's just for alcoholics that want to get off land. That's all you say in the yard. Did I just say you say it was in the front yard right now? Yeah.

Yeah. It's right next to the bow and arrow archery board. Oh my God. And in front of the yard where there is a Tiki bar and an above ground pool in the back. Yeah. That's game set and match right there. Holy shit. We have an above ground pool. Wait a minute.

Wait a minute. Then my parents built a deck around. I got one a hundred feet away from me. The above ground in ground. That's what that's called. We have a deck built around. It's trash. It's a loophole. We're just like the rich.

I don't know. Technically you do jump into it. I'll give you that. You do jump down into the pool. Three feet into it. And that's it. We have an above ground pool. Wait a minute. Wait a minute. Then my parents built a deck around.

I got one a hundred feet away from me. Three feet into it. And that's it. Oh my God. That's too funny. Do you own a pocket knife? Not anymore. I used to. Fair enough.

Have you ever bought a gun at Walmart? No. Were you guys a gun family growing up? Cause we have a gun. Yeah. Yeah. We have a shotgun. That's the admirable I feel.

Shotguns legit. Yeah. Yeah. Shotguns legit. Yeah. We're like, you know what? You can kill someone, but it's not insane. No, it's not. It's not.

Does the gun have a gun? No. It's not a gun. Yeah. It's not. Sawed off. Is it? Does the handle saw it off with like some kind of weird wrapping around it?

Is it a snub nose? Is he going to snub nose on it? No. Alright. How do you feel about coleslaw? Love it. Devil's eggs. Love him.

Garbage. I love. I love it. Kevin's face. I love devil. Have you ever taken ketchup. And mayonnaise and made Russian dressing. She didn't even finish that.

You put a little relish in it. It's 1000 Island. Just so everybody knows. A little more relish in you. You're a thousand pounds. Have you ever owned or ordered a snuggie? Yes. I got one for Christmas from my mom one year.

Yeah, me too. I got an Eagles one, which is like the ultimate trash. Growing up with brand of bicycle. Did you ride? Do you remember the name brand of it? No. We did a lot of beach bikes and I had a scooter that was called

the she devil. A razor. Okay. A razor scooter. Was it name brand razor? No. Name brand razor is all right. Or was it?

Devil as a name brand. So it wasn't a razor scooter. It was a brand called. She devil. That looked like a razor scooter is what you're trying to say. North Korean razor. Yeah. Ever worked with a local band.

My stepdad isn't a local band. What's he play? Oh my God. He's a lead singer. Does he have long hair? What? Does he have long hair and also what is the name of the band? He has long hair has highlights in it.

And the name of the band and he might not play it anymore, but it was pretty recent. The last few months it was called. Payback. I fuck. Did they play covers or originals? Covers. Dude, if payback isn't a stepdad cover band,

I don't know what the fuck is. That's great. Oh, this is too funny. I love it. Have you ever gotten any henna art, any henna tattoos? Yep. So did I. I got my initials on me.

Dude, that's all I ever wanted. Shut up. No, you didn't. I'm starting to get offensive. I'm not going to lie. I didn't know I'd be this good at the game. Yeah. Check your broken blinds.

We're outside. I love it. Have you ever pond anything? Yes. What was it and why? For money. Uh, gold jewelry, laptop, skateboard, surfboard.

Pond it in the way. If you got it back or pond it as a new soldier. Cause that's the thing on not pond stars. They always say you want to point it or sell it. Nobody ever wants to pawn it. No, nobody's ever coming back to pick it up. Yeah. It was gone.

Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. The guitar in North Carolina one time.

Did you ever go back to get it? That's still, still sitting there waiting for you. Still working off the payments. What do you mean? Still got Cheeto dust on it. How do you feel about, uh, peanut butter? Um, It's okay.

Chunky or smooth. Uh, either way. Did you guys have to telegrown up? No. Yeah. That was fucking, that was Ritzy shit. I didn't even know about it until like a year ago.

I swear to God. I'm on the same. Well, my mom used to just buy those Ferrero Rocher's and we used to dig the middles after the, out of those. You know, those things are pretty classy too. Yeah.

But they're the trashiest of the classy. It's like, if you want to feel classy and you have an extra $2, you know what I mean? That's true. Yeah. It's like new money stuff. You know what I mean?

Yeah. Yeah. I mean, I don't know what those are buying those. No. The most trashy though is at the counter. I don't know if they have them in Florida, but we have these things up here.

They're, they're little cherries in chocolate. They're little chocolate covered cherries. Those things are garbage. My dad, every time he walks into a 7-Eleven. Now let me get to what I'm real quick. Yep. Those are so good.

They're in that liquid. Yeah. It's so good. It's so good. They just do it secretly. Right. But you can definitely own a hard copy of the Kelly blue book. Yes.

My stuff. Definitely owned to Kelly blue book them. A lot of times I've heard him say those words. Yeah. Is there also any auto. Is there any. Is there any auto traders in your house right now? Probably.

Yeah. I would guess that if I, if you offered a million dollars to find one. I dig one up. Yeah. We had. We had a, We had a,

We had a pop-up camper in the backyard. Oh, the pop-up camper is the trashiest. We had a pop-up camper in the backyard for about a year. And then my dad was sleeping in a tent and in December, it got cold because he didn't have a house, my birth father. And then my stepdad felt bad for him. So he gave him the pop-up camper. And then my dad destroyed it somehow.

And then my stepdad felt like, Oh, my God. Holy shit. All sounds legit to me. Fair enough. Keep it moving. There was one of those pop-up campers sitting at my cousin's house for like two years and it was like half down and half open. It was like, obviously busted.

And my uncle, for some reason thought that we were going to think it was the greatest thing ever. One day he went out there and cleaned it out and like raised it up. He's like, you guys want to go inside. It was a fucking horn. That's nest in there that could have killed the entire neighborhood.

He made it. He made it rhyme with corn nuts. Yeah. What? You're so fat. You know, even do you think insects are food? Hornets. Hornets.

Hornets. I thought it was hornets. I say hornets. Hornets. I mean, when you know, it's, I think, all right, this is the problem. You're saying it fast. It sounds like you're saying it correctly.

But when you slow it down and put the pause in the middle that you're not, that's not even a thing. Hornets. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. I do that sometimes.

I want to bag a fucking ranch coordinates now. There's a trip to seven 11 in my future. All right. Just a few more questions here. You got one. Yeah. Sorry. I got lost for a second.

Have you ever jumped off a trampoline into a pool? Yes. Yeah. That's good clean fun as a teenager. Yeah. I got hit for that. There you go. Yeah.

Yeah. Have you ever gone on vacation to a tropical island that came back with a braided hair or cornrows in your hair? Yep. But I'll veto this. That's, that's only trashy of white girls do it. She's technically, you know, from, she's technically has island blood in her. So it's, it's. She's getting in touch with her roots a little bit.

You can argue. Fair enough. Overruled. I appreciate it. I like it. Okay. And any of your houses that you've lived in, was there ever a garage that was too full of stuff to pull the car right now?

Actually, the car can fit in, but it's like, it's like. Kim's the fucking best man. There's a car that fits in the garage, but it's like, it looks like, like the stuff has a shape of a car. Like the car fits in like an inch on each side. My stepdad makes us get out in the driveway because we can't open the doors and we get in the garage.

That was big. That was real big or to get out too. Like to get in my mom would be, my mom would be like, let me pull out and then you can hop in. Yeah. You couldn't open the doors. Sometimes when we drive my mom's car, we can only drive it for a little bit before we have to stop.

Cause that's to cool down before we can keep driving. Yeah. A garbage tip for that. I had that for a long time. Keep a gallon of water, gallon of water and turn the heat on, turn the heat on. But I guess you're in Florida, so it's tough. Do you know how many times I've been cruising down the highway with the heat on 85 degree weather with the windows open,

just sweat my balls off. Back in the game we used to play in high school. It was called hell in Florida. We'd turn. We, me and my cousins would play in this car. We'd get in the car after school that would be sitting in the parking lot all day. We'd get in the car like 3 30 in the afternoon after the hottest

day of the year and we'd pack ourselves in the car. We'd roll the windows up, put the heat on blast and whoever asked to roll the window down first lost. Jesus Christ. That's a crime now in most days. It was called hell. And by the time we got home, we'd open the doors and the car would be steaming.

Holy shit. So that's how we got our saunas in Florida. Holy shit. We are at another level of garbage, ladies and gentlemen. Okay. I got one. Have you ever been drunk at a TGI Fridays or Appleby's? Yep. Yeah.

Did you have ever lived in a house where there was a dehumidifier in the basement? No, there's no basements in Florida. No basements. I don't think there's a dehumidifier in the house. No. Okay. Do your parents drink. Yeah.

So what do they drink? I think we got something. My seven drinks, Michael of ultra. Okay. And my mom will drink vanilla crown. Oh man. That's pretty trashy.

Any boxed wine in your house right now? No, they're not big wine drinkers here. Okay. Does she keep the bag to the crown? Yeah. There's the purple crown royal bag in your house right now. There's a purple crown royal bag with like safety pins and shit in it. Of course.

That's so, that's, for some reason, trashy people see that and they go, I got to hold on to this. It's the same thing as the garage fridge. I got to hold on to this for something. My mom was like, Oh my God, he's velvet. Yeah.

Also, are there any empty cigar boxes in your house? That's always a dead giveaway. Yeah. With like a little flashlight and a pocket knife in it. Yep. I don't know. I don't know if I ask you this. Have you ever owned anything that was reversible?

Reversible jacket, reversible belt, reversible. Yep. I had a few reversible like it's a windbreaker on one side and a other side. And I was like, Oh my God, this is awesome. Yeah. Through the fall in the winter. Right now that my mom got for me.

Two for the price of one baby. Oh yeah. Hippy, what do you got? I just got one more. Okay. I got, I got one. I'm assuming is a yes at this point. I would be shocked if no. Has anyone in your family ever taken a couch or piece of furniture

from the garbage? Yeah. Yeah, of course. Yeah. I don't know. Have any of your garages ever had a couch in them or you hung out on the couch in the garage? No, but I think we've had a few like patios that have had couches.

Oh, an outdoor couch. Yikes. Yikes. You got the outside furniture inside. You got the inside. They're all bad. They're all fucking backwards down there. Kim, this has been awesome.

My final question to you is. Have you ever operated a T-shirt gun? No. Sorry to disappoint. No, I can see you with a T-shirt gun in your hand. Yeah, me too. That's hilarious. Oh my God.

Kippy, what else you got? That's it guys. Yeah. Thanks so much for listening. We appreciate it. Please make sure you rate, review, subscribe on iTunes. Also on YouTube as well. You can rate, you can subscribe there as well. We appreciate it.

Buddy, this was the best man. You were so open and honest. I loved it. Definitely garbage. Yeah. But the best kind of garbage. Good, good, good. I think you might have dethroned Greg stone.

Greg stone. Yeah. You're the most garbage so far. I think so, right? Here's the thing that I'm taking away from it. You might be the most garbage, but the way you answered the questions with such like. Relentlessness.

It was like, you were like the guy that we bring in for questioning that won't break. You know what I mean? Like when the cops show up, it's almost like, what took you so long? Yeah. You were giving us nothing. I'm surprised you weren't smoking a cigarette.

Like, yeah, so. I almost rolled a joint for it. Yeah. That's what I loved about it. You were like, yeah. Yeah. Yeah, we did that. Yeah, we did that.

Yeah. I've been there. You're gonna have to waterboard it or get any good info out of it. Oh, you mean Michael down the block? Yeah. Yeah. I know. It was like, it was like interviewing Joe Pesci's character from

fucking good fellows. What do you mean? I got my shitty blinds. Is there anything you want the, the folks out there to know anything you have coming up or anything you want on the follow, et cetera, et cetera. Um, comedy is dead, but you can follow me on Twitter at Kim really Congden on Instagram and TikTok at Kim Congden.

And anything I got coming up on there. Check out my podcast, broad topics. Sorry about that. No, no, sorry. Broad topics. Make sure you check that out. Ladies and gentlemen, the amazing Kim Cognon. Kim, thank you so much for joining us. We appreciate it buddy.

Thank you. Thanks. Awesome. We will see you guys next week on another exciting edition of our, you garbage. Thanks so much and goodbye. Yeah.