Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast - Lizard Fights w/ Kippy & Foley
Episode Date: June 10, 2024Are You Garbage is back with Kippy and Foley for a family episode to answer your garbage questions from Patreon. Its a fun one! Thanks for watching AYG Comedy Podcast. Love youse guys. Come to a live ...show! Through the Roof Tour Tickets: https://areyougarbage.com/ Follow Kevin: https://www.instagram.com/kevinryancomedy/ Follow Foley: https://www.instagram.com/hfoleycomedy/ Live Shows: https://areyougarbage.com/ PATREON: https://www.patreon.com/AreYouGarbage MERCH: https://areyougarbage.com/ Sheath: https://www.sheathunderwear.com/ Promo Code: Garbage Get 50% off your 1st box by going to https://factormeals.com/Garbage50 and use code GARBAGE50 True Classic: https://www.trueclassic.com/garbage Code: Garbage Pretty Litter: https://www.prettylitter.com/garbage Comedians H. Foley and Kevin Ryan are self proclaimed GARBAGE. Each week a new stand up comedian gets put to the test. Steal shampoo from hotels? Own a George Foreman Grill? Ever worn JNCO Jeans? Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices
Transcript
Discussion (0)
Josh's question, are you garb's if you hold your family gatherings at the local funeral home because your cousin works there?
What was the last family gathering you had there?
Jesus
And the circle of life continues
There's a family crying in the corner
My condolences.
That's f***ing insane.
Yeah.
Why not hit like a bundle of wild wings or something?
Well congratulations on the baby.
And sorry for your loss.
Get your tickets now at RUgarbage.com.
We want to see you out there.
Welcome to another exciting edition of Are You Garbage?
The show where you find out if your favorite comedians are classy individuals or absolute
trash.
Now here are your hosts, Kevin Ryan and H. Foley.
Hey everybody out there and welcome back to everybody's favorite podcast.
This is Are You garbage? Oh, yeah
It's that little show we sit there with your favorite comedians that we find that have to good to be classy
Yeah, but they're just a big old piece of trash trash trash
I'm your host H fully coming at you on a beautiful day. We're out back here with toodies in the new edition
She's in the backyard getting a little sun. Okay, stop us
Oh letting the girls go quite the sight My co-host is coming at you
from across the table. It's what we call a family episode. Just the boys, the bozos,
and the homies. He is the CEO of RU Garbage, an international businessman, and Mr. Neptune
2024. The king of the boards, baby. Give it up for KJ. Kevin James Ryan. What up, gang?
Happy summer, everybody. Shout out to you.
Please make sure you review, subscribe on iTunes.
Full video available on YouTube.
As you know, those numbers are
Tritter up, cooking.
And obviously the greatest website of all time,
www.patreon.com, slash RU garbage.
Go over there, you get all the bonus content.
Oh yeah.
One of the best Patreons in the goddamn game.
Numbers don't lie, you know what I mean?
Big man lies, I lie, T-bone lies lies that numbers ain't a lie. Hey, don't have a nice shout out to our producer
Extraordinaire the magic man makes us all look good works ones twos threes fours
Crosses T's
Fucking there's been a terrorist attack or something. Oh ladies and gentlemen. Yeah, what the fuck someone's got the Irish flu brace yourselves
Yeah, what the fuck someone's got the Irish flu brace yourself
Run for your lives what up T bones how y'all doing? I'm alright woke up with the scarys
Slept right through my alarm and T bones been crushing through alarms recently I don't know if there's an today. I woke up at my phone's blinking no sound
Today I woke up and my phone's blinking no sound
You're always and only happens to dirtbags like you like and I it's never been like Well what I what I was thinking was because I went to Google iPhone alarm no sound and then I was like there's gonna be
Thousands of dirtbags backing that up even if it doesn't happen
Yeah, T-Bone's been missing big meetings. Who sleeps through their
alarm? I don't know. Who makes it to the alarm? That's all kind of crazy. I wake up in a panic
five minutes before my alarm goes off. Then I get in the shower. Throw a left to look at. Then I get in the shower.
I know what you're about to say it's the worst feeling that motherfucker starts going off from the bedroom god damn and talk about ruining your shower
I did wake up on my own at 730 promptly ate a whole slice of cake and went back to sleep
Cake what those are your birthday?
Cake? What the fuck? Is it your birthday?
Happy birthday.
I ordered it last night as a treat.
A slice of cake?
Yeah, why is that so outrageous?
That's why.
I've never ordered a slice of cake.
Cupcakes, cookies, ice cream, Snickers bars, but a slice of cake?
It was vegan too. It was terrible.
Jesus.
That's so sad.
We gotta get somebody over there with you.
Saddest birthday party in the world.
Put you in Assistant living or something like that
55 and older. Well come visit you
Put Toby in a home. They'll wake you up. You know what I wanted to ask you fellas. What's that chubs?
I know this is a trashy move. I get yelled at for it a lot, but I love doing it for some reason
You have a dishwasher I do Toby, you've seen one before,
correct? I heard about them. You've been to a Sears a time or two. You've cooked fish
in one before. So you're loading the dishwasher as one does. Sure. Now you do the bottom rack.
All right, you're getting ready to close it, but the racks out. Now, do you push the rack in or
do you give it a little ride? You know what I'm talking about?
Yeah, dude. Man, I get yelled at. You gotta push the rack in.
Yeah, you gotta. Love giving it a little ride. Just a little
touch of laziness. Just a little touch of laziness. Falls off
the track, man. Yeah, smash the good China. Bad news.
Speaking of dishwashers, my mom was talking to my wife and a little thing I
found out about Denise. What's that? She washes her hats in the dishwasher.
What the hell? Yeah. What kind of hats does she have? Just like the hats she wears on
the beach or whatever. Like a Phillies hat?
Yeah, she's got a Phillies hat.
She does?
She likes to fight.
She has hats?
She had a fling with the Fanatic one year.
Yeah, your mother doesn't wear a hat.
She goes out by the pool or something.
I mean, she's not like.
Oh, like a sun hat.
She's not wearing a fitted.
Like she's just got like a, you know.
Straight rib.
Got the decals on it.
Stickers still on it.
She's grip walking.
No, she, you know, she goes to the beach or down the shore, she goes on her walk, she
puts a hat on.
Really?
That's not that crazy.
No, no, that's not crazy, but the dishwasher.
That's insane.
What's wrong with the washing machine?
I don't know, I think the washing machine like breaks it like, I think if you-
She likes when I shine.
She said, have my-
No streaks.
She uses the cascade or whatever to clean.
That's what she said.
Yeah, you put the normal detergent right in there.
Her hair's going to fall out.
That's no good, dude.
That's crazy.
Yeah, I was in the bathroom or I was in the other room
doing something and I heard them talking to my wife.
I was like, that's a good idea.
I'm like, get the fuck out of here.
We're not doing it.
What is it, an end?
The socks or underwear?
I do know somebody that cooked fish in a dishwasher
when you said that to Toby.
That's a move, isn't it?
I mean, not in the circles I run,
and we're strictly outerwear we put in there.
We're not animals.
Yeah, I've heard of that.
Yeah, it's a, yeah.
Google, see if you can get a, you know.
Fish and tin foil in the dishwasher
Yeah, it's a lot like you pull like a piece of salmon. I gotta tell you the salmon
I'll just have a piece of salmon. I gotta tell you the tin foil really changes it. Oh
Jesus Christ, what's the your raw dog?
Just open up a can of tuna fish
Like there's gotta be some sort of steam setting. Slight of flounder in there. Dishwasher salmon is cooking a technique that involves
wrapping fish in aluminum foil and placing into the dishwasher for a full cycle.
That dishwasher's not clean. I tried chicken wings one time and it was a mess. My sister-in-law has a good theory about the dishwasher.
The washing, the sink is for washing the dishes and the dishwasher is for sanitizing. Yeah
Sterilization that's why I do not adhere to that
I'm not Denise around a tight ship as a kid you had a skank
You had really had this had to be clean going in there
Oh, man, I remember we got a new dishwasher a time or two and man. I really tested the limits of that thing
Put everything in there. Yeah, it's tough because because it jams up because then it comes out.
It's baked, it's caked on there.
You know what I mean? And if you rerun it, you know it's not going to come off
because it just didn't come off.
Now you got to re-wash that.
Get to scrubbing. Get the SOS pads out.
That's one of the things that I have gotten better at in my later years
is staying on top of the dishes as they go.
In New York, you got to. It's tight, it's small.
You know, you got to stay on top of it. Get they go. In New York, you got to, it's tight, it's small, you can't, you know, and you gotta stay on top of it.
Get a little roachies.
I got one for you.
Anybody in your life,
I remember my neighbor's dad used to answer the phone.
Yellow.
Yellow.
Yellow, just straight up, and we would just call
because it was the funniest thing, the yellow.
No one in my family does, but dude, it just dead set on
yellow.
Will you ever-
The dad thing, your mom's doing yellow.
Will you ever, Ryan residence or Sullivan residence?
No, it was always hello, yeah, hello.
Never gave any info away?
No.
Never did that.
I've said this before, we were a big I'm not here.
Once the creditor started knocking on the door,
it was I'm not here.
Kippy was answering his phone going,
hi, Pumani's Pizza, please hold.
Yeah, and if they ask for you,
call the bar, ask for Mike, there is no Mike.
That's how I know you're playing ball.
I was at my buddy's house one time when I saw that.
They were like very prim and proper.
They did well.
And like the mom answered the phone.
She's like, thank you for calling the Kramer residence.
Like, what are you, an office Max?
What's going on?
Please hold.
They're spending a large volume of calls right now.
Get out of here.
I don't want nobody knowing who it is.
No, yeah, we were very anti, you know,
no information goes out to anybody about anything,
about where we are, where we've been, who's
where, you know, nothing.
I'm not here.
Terry there.
Who's calling?
Yeah.
Oh, yeah.
Who's this?
I work with him.
No, you don't.
He's unemployed right now.
I hate what collection agencies do that.
They say, you know, is Henry Foley there?
He's not.
What can I do for it?
It's a personal business matter.
Listen, I'm a dirtbag unless you got blow on you. Tell me. I'll tell him. I'll let him know. I had a guy with they were like, is this is this
a Toe McMullin or whatever? And I was like, who's this? And then he
said, I was no, no, not me. It's not me, dude. It's always like financial solutions or something like that.
This was Fandul.
Fandul?
I don't know why they're making house calls.
Coming to collect.
Yeah, dude.
Betty, if I can get your nose open at the parlay table.
You're laying on the Rangers game.
That's why, scumbag.
Jesus Christ.
Fandul's calling you.
That ain't good.
That reminds me of when you had to call Venmo one time. I'm like who calls Venmo. That's crazy
I even think they have a phone number, dude
Yeah, where's my money?
Yeah, that was cuz I had another Venmo and I couldn't get into it or something like that
So I had to start a new one and I was trying to figure that out
Never got a hold anybody sure yeah
We've sometimes when we do like the meet and greets and stuff and we we sell the merch
You know you can always see who doesn't have a Venmo and for whatever reason it's never great
You know what I mean?
Ah my wife will then are like you'll ask somebody can I Venmo you I go you got to send it to my uncle
He's got that motor when I said
Third party Venmo charges?
Yikes.
Shipping and handling.
How you doing?
Yeah, but we got a gosh darn family episode, gang.
Yes, we do.
Let's get into it.
When you join a Patreon,
we will answer your garbage question on the air.
Oh yeah.
The homies get the first crack at it.
Also, guys, if you're not aware,
we're on the gosh darn road right now.
Yes, we are.
Come out, see a show, Route 66. we got everything up there, tickets are moving.
A couple of them shows are moving.
Yeah, out of the second show in St. Louis.
How you doing?
Chicago's going to go, LA's going to go, don't snooze, get them tickets.
Love it, they hear it.
We got to bust the whole cruise going.
I feel like I must have told you this, but I got the best bar deal of my life in st. Louis
What was it? It was called the murder city special tall tall beer shot of whiskey
Cigarette five bucks. No kid man and a bullet
Yeah, it was awesome. They would stick the sig in the in the top of the tab of the beer
I was like, is this legal the guy was like no
Murder city. I don't know if I like that sticking it in the top of the can of the beer. I was like, is this legal? The guy was like, no. Yeah, it's called Murder City.
I don't know if I like that,
sticking it in the top of the can.
I think it's wet.
No, it doesn't.
They put it in the, they like tip the tab up
so that, and they stick it in, it's fun.
Huh.
I don't hate that.
There was something that was going viral recently
of you get just a shot, the beer, and a scratcher.
Ooh, that's nice.
Which is, man, I would never.
You gotta split that with the bar, you think?
I would assume a nice kickback would be, you know,
appreciate, I mean, if you hit for, you know,
a thousand bucks a week for life or whatever.
Sure.
You gotta, you know, you gotta do a little
payment plan, that'd be awesome, that's all I need.
Just fuckin' sit in there.
How much would you have to hit to pull
next round's on me?
Whole bar.
Free ticket.
I'm a nice guy.
Also, that's how much of an alcoholic I am. I'm like, man, like, I can't just go play the lottery.
Like, I have to sit there and do a shot in a beer.
I think a jihad would be round of drinks for everybody.
Round of drinks is going to be that's going to be way more than a thousand bucks.
Oh, no. St. Louis, they're five dollars. What are you talking about?
How many people are at this bottle? These is not a nightclub. Yeah, I mean, there's probably six
Bottle service there's probably six bar flies. Yeah crying in their beer if I hit five hunge. I'm buying around
I mean, what's around good? We just say around five bucks
There's 20 people in the bar?
Some guy at the end of the bar with his face in a bowl of soup?
That's a hundred bucks? Do him a favor.
Get him a Heineken, will ya?
That's all these bums are good for.
Uh, alright, let's get into it.
Um, this one is, uh, this one's just funny.
This is from Crawl Dad Man, a $10 homie.
Is it garbage if your aunt's ringtone was the action news theme song
That's things I I would fucking I would be a rough day for me a legendary tune though
I is that that's Phillies only right now. I think action news is a national thing really
Yeah, they play that song in other place bump bump bump bump bump
Really? They play that song in other place. Bum bum bum bum bum.
Da da da da da da da da da da da.
I would think that's Philly.
I think only because you've only ever seen the news in Philly.
Action News. I thought Jim Gardner wrote that.
He's out there crooning.
Uh, Action News has to be a national thing.
You think Philly has the word Action News?
No, I know that they're
affiliated but I think that's our song. When you search action news ABC
Philadelphia comes up. Really? Whoa. Yeah. Telling you man. Philly. How they get, how
did Philly get the name action news? Action news is a local television newscast
format originated in the United States first conceived in Philadelphia,
Pennsylvania. There you go.
Oh, shit, I'm an idiot.
That's how.
I was well documented, but.
But are they spread around now?
You said first conceived.
Give me one second.
Also conceived is a weird word for that, I feel.
Got knocked up in Philly.
How you doing?
Oh, so it's called Move Closer to Your World.
Move closer to the world, my friend, and you'll see.
Bum, bum, move closer to the world, my friend, and you'll see. Bum, bum, move closer to the world, my friend,
and you'll see.
It started spreading around, New York, New Jersey.
No kidding.
Yeah.
Somebody got a nickel for that.
I've seen Action News somewhere.
Maybe.
I've been in other cities.
ABC.
It's not Action.
I'm not debating whether Action news is a singular thing.
That theme song is that stations.
That theme song is not around anybody else.
You don't think they share a hit like that?
No. Why not?
If it works, wouldn't other channels want to use it?
I don't think so.
Where else is action news?
You said.
Oh, wait. I have a thing about the theme. Where is Action? Where else is Action News? You said.
Oh, I have a thing about the theme.
The Action News theme was written by Temple University.
Really? By Temple University? Hello Al, baby. Temple University student Tom Sellers.
He got ripped off. Oh, man.
That guy's homeless somewhere.
Oh, man. Hey, kid.
I'm out of the college credit, huh?
No kidding.
Yeah, so they do have...
It's Philly, dude.
They do have all different ones.
So I would say, yes, it's trashy, but I love it.
That's fantastic.
I figured that was all national biz.
Don't you remember a couple years ago, they DJ Reed Street?
Remember DJ Reed Street?
Yeah, he was the DJ back when we used to run a show at the Ravenland. Sure.
And I think he was doing something with the flyers over
there. And he mixed that up. He like turned that into like a
house song or something. Place went nuts.
This is amazing. In 1996, the station replaced the original
theme with a fuller orchestral version from the London Phil
Harmonic Orchestra. Fewer out version from the London Philharmonic Orchestra.
Fewer outcry caused the station to drop the new version within five days.
Yeah, this shit's wack, dude! I can't listen to this at the shore.
I know they're British. I don't want to hear it.
We got the goddamn Liberty Bell here.
I like that. I like that. That's a real Philly dirtbag thing.
They don't like change.
Go back to the original
Do you remember that I forget who it was it was like some like coalition sent that robot all around the world
And it went to every country. Oh, yeah, what's every country every city like somehow?
It was like through the goodwill like people would like oh, I'm going to Chicago. I'll drive it to Chicago
It was just this little like weird robot, like an R2D2 type thing. It got to
Philly for like two hours and they fucking took all the copper out of it. They beat the
shit out of it. Did they find it on the turnpike or something like that? Yeah, it ended in
Philly after being in Philly for like 45 minutes. They just fucking. Kip, I like that true classics.
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There was that, and remember Honest Tea?
Honest Tea, of course.
The Arizona type beverage.
Yeah, the iced tea beverage.
Honest Tea.
They set up a thing, it was like a,
dude it was like a huge display
at like 17th and Chestnut or whatever when I was working They set it up and the whole thing was like leave it like it's a drinks a dollar leave a dollar be honest
I mean I saw him set it up. That's the wrong market for that. Don't do that in don't don't dude
Clean that than a an hour. I mean people bring a wheelbarrow up
They got ransacked probably talking shit. Well, they did
Honest he this shit's thing never never cared for an honesty like a Nantucket nectar though. That was big
They got into the market heavy that was to Apple was up against it
Nantucket not nectars are still bang. They're still popping. They did a little thing on the inside
What's the thing on the inside?
They do like a little quote or fact or something like that.
Oh yeah, Apple does it too.
They're banging strong.
Yeah, I don't know if I've ever had one.
That was like...
They're good.
To me in my head, that was hooty-tooty
because you hear Nantucket, I go,
all right, there's no wild wood brew.
You know what I mean?
I'm a totally nut man at the end of the day.
Let's go.
All right, let's see here.
This is from Holden Holden his cock.
I have to I was about to be like, oh, it's a great name.
Is it garbage if I canceled my gym membership
now that the warm weather is here?
I only went for the sauna.
So now I'm just sitting in my parked car for half an hour
with the windows rolled up.
Hey, a Schmitz is a Schmitz, my guy.
If you're saving, you know.
Going into work all wrong.
Showing up to an office job sweating was brutal.
Brutal.
That's also like, that can't, I mean, if you're just sweating in your car like that.
That's not good for you.
That's not good for a car. Your car's smell like a fucking rollerblade car sweats different, too
It's like a film
You know that whole leaving kids in cars and stuff like that that was not around
I remember being left in a hot car for Taurus man
I remember why balls off counting the dead bees in the back window
fucking schvitzin
Just real brainiac.
I had a realization.
I wonder why there are so many bees.
I had a realization about cars. I'm lacking
a universal experience.
I've never been in a car alone.
Ever in your life?
I don't drive. You never had a license?
No.
What the fuck? This guy stinks.
Weirdo. Eating cake. You's never driven a car by yourself.
No, but you have driven a car.
Oh, yeah. Man, by yourself.
Good song. Sigs are the best thing you will ever have.
I know. Whatever happened to that.
You were supposed to get your license not that long ago.
I had things come up.
Yeah, he slept through his alarm.
He missed him. He missed the goddamn appointment.
Don't you have your learner's permit?
What's up?
He doesn't have anything.
You never drove in a car by yourself.
I got an Illinois ID.
Never hit the open road.
Never ripped a heater in a car with the AC on and the windows down and the radio playing?
Sure, but I was sitting shotgun.
Yeah, man, that's crazy.
Never went to a drive-ththrough by yourself and just sat in the
parking lot and housed it.
Put a gun in your mouth.
Really thought about tomorrow.
Man, nothing worse than pulling out of the drive-through and pulling
into a spot and someone's next to you.
That's my go-to move is true.
Pull up, scrunch, scrunch, scrunch, scrunch, scrunch.
But when somebody else is next to you eating, it kind of takes a lot of places
at the at the McDonald's I grew up going to.
They were staggered. They were on an angle.
So you were pretty sure.
Yeah. So you got your own little privacy, your own cubicle.
That's not business.
That's not. Yeah.
It's like those shady iPhone covers where you can't you can't see from the other.
Hater blockers hate those things.
I can't get my snooping on.
Trying to do a little peeking.
Got a creeper pilling on it.
Well, he has some sort of spyware on that thing.
I mean, what are you doing if you got a bit?
Seeing what's up.
Uh-huh.
Hmm.
Uh, this one's just not just, I mean, this is a very good name, if you can remember. This is from Platespinner42x29.
I like it.
That was your pants size.
Uh-huh.
Uh, $10 Wawa, never had one, they're just making stuff up now, $10 Wawa.
Uh, is it garbage to make meatloaf in a ring-shaped pan?
Mmm. Yeah, you can't have a meat cake. That's a meat cake. or wa wa. Is it garbage to make meatloaf in a ring shaped pan?
Yeah, you can't have a you can't have a munt cake. That's a meat cake. That's not good.
Your meat's got to be all together.
What other meat has a hole in it like that?
I think some French dishes, they do that.
They make them in circular. This is America.
I mean, I believe a LaFontaine.
He's not. Yeah, that's the design of it. This guy's just doing it cuz I should leap up you're making
Dua Lipa
Margot Robbie
Margot Robbie medium-rare, please
That's insane to me. That's I wouldn't like my meatloaf like that
If you came over to and if you get a nice slice would be alright though if you think of if it's ringed like that
I say but I If you came over to... If you came over... A nice slice would be alright though if you think of it. If it's ringed like that, nice little...
But...
I don't think...
Probably get dry.
Maybe.
I don't know.
Are you a meatloaf guy?
Yeah, when it's there.
It's just dense.
Huh.
Did your mom make it growing up?
I don't really remember.
I'm sure.
And you would eat it?
No.
I was a nuggies man.
What are you talking about?
I was, you know...
There was a period where I was a nugget man talking about you know
There was a period where I was real young where the ketchup on top freaked me out because it cut so
Like a burn victim that stuff was whack
fuck
That no, that's I didn't like ketchup as a wee man anyway let alone. Would you leave this in the Sun?
Yeah, you're giving me a ketchup cake?
Nine, Duncan, buddy.
When people put bacon on top, the bacon was always real rubbery.
You can see your body.
Yeah, it's got to go back in there.
That's no good.
I love a meatloaf, though.
Meatloaf is prospector food, dude.
Oh, I'm big fan.
That's what you eat after you go panning fan? Painted for gold some good in my belly
Used to give me the worst heartburn ever I just crushed right through it
It's good
I feel like my wife made a pretty solid one a few years ago like she really she would like throw it yeah
They got me loaf in Germany. I
Think so I would presume huh beatin opening. I mean I mean fly should open
Uh, I don't know if it's specifically meatloaf, but it's a meatloaf her dad actually throws down a heavy bike on a meatloaf
No kid I recall yeah Germans making meatloaf traditional German meatloaf. No kidding. How about that? Oh?
they this one has like a it's like a
Toad in a hole. You know, you cut a hole in the bread
and then you have the, it's like egg
all the way through the meatloaf.
What'd you say, toad in a hole?
Yeah, where they take a piece of bread,
cut a circle in it and you cook the egg in the middle.
I know, yeah, no, I mean, yeah.
Hey, you're screw balls, dude.
You've never heard that?
I've never heard it called a toad in a hole.
What do you call it?
I don't know.
Midnight snack.
That's what it's called, or frog in a hole, toad in a hole. What do you call it? I don't know That's what it's called to our frog in a hole or something in a hole
I've only ever seen that in a moon struck
I've never lived in a do cock it. Louis do caucus makes it for share
They have a little little roast of pepper and like nice Italian bread that looks good. They didn't call it a toad in a hole though
Whatever the hell you sounds like a sex it does
So there I am giving a old toad in a hole though. Whatever the hell you're doing. Sounds like a sex one. It does. So there I am giving the old toad in a hole.
Oh that bumped an ugly.
Who let the frogs out?
What?
I don't know.
They were having a good time man.
They were riffing.
Ummm alright let's see here.
This one's from Camel Crush Maddie.
Long time never have one.
Red, is it garbage if on the day of closing on your new home, the seller has a load of
laundry going in the dryer and doesn't have any furniture moved out yet?
That's crazy, dude.
A load of laundry?
That's illegal, isn't it?
I think so.
I think when we closed on our house- Give mean a second. I got the whites in there
You need to throw some in I'm doing a load real. I was doing tap
I'd fucked the kid buddy get your shit. Yeah, how do you get away with that?
I thought you had to be out by a certain date
And then you come in and you paint the joint clean the place and all yeah, you don't want to get your money's worth
It's my house till noon pussy
About to cut the grass to dickhead to get your money's worth. It's my house till noon, pussy.
About to cut the grass, too, dickhead.
No, I what I was told and again, I know nothing about nothing
about nothing when I went.
To my closing,
they had to be out by let's call it.
I'm making this up 10 a.m.
That day, that day, and they do have it, I'm making this up, 10 a.m. That day. That day. So they do have until that day.
But then I had to walk,
like I had to walk through at say 11
to make sure the house was being turned over
in like a proper, I.e. no, you know,
not a load of laundry in there.
Meatloaf in the oven.
A hat in the dishwasher.
Yeah, that was, so I would assume
that's
relatively standard operating. You go and make sure it is left in a condition where they didn't just like start fucking kicking
holes in a wall on the way out.
Man, that is a scumbag thing.
Talk about jamming you up to moving is brutal.
You got the truck, the truck pulls up, they can unload it.
You know, that guy's leaving the shit he does.
Oh, these shelves will be good for you.
These old paint cans, you're gonna love them.
You keep that half a box of cereal.
Uh-huh, I was watching a Forensic Files recently,
and uh, moved, they, you know,
the house had gone through several owners,
and there was a 55 gallon drum in the house,
like in the basement or whatever.
And then finally, like after eight years, it had like chemical, like, you know, whatever,
like it was a chemical.
Somebody was in there.
Someone was in there and they moved it out onto this.
They moved it out to the street and then the town came like the trash guys like we can't
fucking take this.
This is like 600 pounds.
Hey, plutonium pickups on Tuesday.
We don't do goo, buddy. You plutonium pickups on Tuesday. Yeah, we don't do goo buddy
Was the guy okay in the drum she was not uh
Yeah, she got got
But they traced it back to it was like the head of a chemical company lady in a barrel you got sugo
Yikes.
Yeah.
But that just goes to show the shit people leave.
Crazy.
It'd be a fucking goddamn toad in a hole in your basement.
You got no god darn clue.
And the house had turned over a couple of times.
Couple two, three times.
No, people just left it there.
A drum?
Yeah, they were like it was in the back of the crawl space.
I figured it was, it said dangerous.
What sensible person wouldn't get rid of that immediately
when they moved in?
I don't know.
A chemical drum in the house.
I mean, I'm not like, if you had a chemical drum.
I mean, it wasn't in the kitchen.
It was in a dank dark basement.
If you moved into your house and there was a chemical drum
in the basement.
There's some stuff in the basement that I'm probably never
going to touch.
Really?
Yeah.
From them?
From them? God damn it. From the people that I'm probably never gonna touch. Really? Yeah. From them? From them?
Goddamn it'll do it. From the people that live there? Yeah. Oh, that's weird. Yeah, no, I know.
They jammed me up a little bit. That makes it not your house or feel like your house. Other people's
shit. Well, it's technically the bank's house. You gotta get rid of that. That's bad juju.
That's fine. It's like an old sewing kit or like a sewing machine? No, there's like a part of a bed or something.
You gotta get that out of there. That shit's haunted.
The bed's haunted?
Sure.
Why?
I don't know.
I don't think that's how it works there, chief.
Uh, yeah, there's just shit.
It's like all the way back in the crawl space.
I mean, it could be a frog in a hole now that I think about it.
It could have a couple of bodies on me.
It's back in the crawl space.
And I'd have to, then I'd have to do, someone Then I'd have to get a lawyer to defend myself in court.
How much of that crawlspace is uncharted?
No, fully charted.
Really? You've been all in there.
Oh, me? Someone has been.
Probably the murderer.
No, I don't mess with it. I'm not a crawlspace guy.
Really? I used to like our crawl space.
Nah, my brother.
We put some carpet in there.
It was all right.
Yeah, my brother used to go venturing in ours growing up.
Yeah, it was all lit up.
They had lights and stuff like that.
We didn't have lights.
You get scared in there.
That's a real good way to learn a lesson about spiders.
Oh, yeah.
They get you.
I'd go in there and look at old photos and cry.
Of what?
My family.
Is that where they were kept?
Yeah, we kept our old photos and boxes and the trains and stuff in there and look at old photos and cry. Of what? Of my family. Is that where they were kept?
Yeah, we kept our old photos and boxes and the trains and stuff in there.
And Christmas decorations.
Was it dirt?
No, it was concrete, but we had rug down.
Oh.
It's all hooked up now.
Mine was dirty.
It wasn't dirt, but it was...
Any lights?
Maybe one in the front.
It wasn't reaching the corners.
I never went in there. I would have to help my brother up
in there, I don't know what the hell he was doing.
Man, no light in the back.
I told you I got a call one time,
it was me and Vinny with the skinny,
my sister called me and said it was night time
in the summer, the door back, she's like,
I just got home, the back door was open,
everybody else was down the shore,
Kippy's gotta come save the day,
so I tell Vinny with the skinny, we gotta go we gotta you know gotta go save
the day here I scanned that whole house everything but the crawlspace me and
Vinnie were standing at the door I go you check back there he goes fuck he's like you
check back there I go we're good let's just you know we gave some threatening
hey if you're back there quit playing around come out of here I got I got the
goddamn army.
It's all spiders in there.
They're going to get you.
So Brown recluse back there.
Man, I remember one time I was underneath the stage of the Hedgerow Theatre.
Clean it. We had to clean it out.
And it was an old like grist mill and it was all stone.
And I looked up and I swear to God, there was a spider
like the size of a catcher's mitt just sitting on the wall looking at me. Hairy, the whole nine yards.
So you wanted to be a thespian, do you? How all occasions do inform against me? Crazy
thing you said was a squirrel, he was just a good actor. He was playing a spider. Top
of the morning to you gentlemen.. Can't walk the boards.
Do a little scene study.
Some of stock.
No, just sitting there like when something's too close to you like that.
It's so frightening.
You're like paralyzed with fear.
I also had that one time in a creek.
I was walking across the creek and I tripped and like my like I caught myself
and I was like in a push up position and I looked down at the rock and it was a snake on the rock. Oh serpents lurk
Dude I do not like snake country. There's a little gardener steak. Oh, they're there quick
You know at least the big ones will fucking I never like snakes at all
Yeah, we used to get all boozed up and go tubing on our own down and man
We watch out for water moccasins and stuff.
Where?
We'd go down to the Shamny Creek.
We have water moccasins in Pennsylvania?
I don't know what it was, but to me, that was the only snake I knew that had water in
the name.
No, thank you.
I would get eyes on that.
I don't think so.
That's something like the Amazon.
A water moccasin?
I don't know.
No way.
I was wearing moccasins.
Fuck that.
There was something.
Don't tell me that.
I don't like snakes.
No, you're good, you're good.
Also, water moccasins, also known as cotton mouth snakes.
Fuck that.
Cotton mouth kings.
Dude, I don't like that.
Venomous semi-aquatic snakes native of North America,
they are found in the southeastern United States, the southeastern from Virginia to southern Florida
and west to central Texas, Oklahoma, Arkansas, Missouri,
and southeastern Kansas.
Tell me one never made it up from Virginia,
hopped the Amtrak or something, got off.
I don't like that.
I don't like snakes that can swim.
I don't like lizards that can swim either.
Oh!
You ever see that thing?
Fuck that.
Little baby godzillas?
Oh my god.
You're hanging out at like, you know an all-inclusive in the dr and then fucking kimono dragon starts coming
They swim with their arms back. It's so creepy. I was in when I went to swimming like cab Calloway
When I went to Puerto Rico there was one in there whoop
Yeah in the pool in the what? Yeah.
That's what they don't know.
I mean, these guys. Puerto Rico. He was drunk.
There was one in the pool.
Like a proper one of the things we're talking about.
Big enough to get me out of the pool.
Those things have razor claws to.
You ever see that video, that kimono dragon in the deli or something?
What? Yeah, dude, it's like a sandwich. I don't.
How's the pursuit today?
Salt pepper ketchup.
No, it's in like, you know, wherever.
But Komodo dragons live, Komodo dragons live in.
Don't tell me you're an encyclopedia of everything that scares you.
Where did where did what's his name go? The Galapagos. Charlton Heston. in, don't tell me. You're an encyclopedia of everything that scares you.
Where did, where did what's his name go?
The Galapagos.
Charlton Heston, yeah, Galapagos.
Charles Darwin.
That's where, that's their home turf.
I always told myself if I ever see...
I feel like they're in like the Asia somewhere.
Well then how the hell did this one get in the deli?
There's no god damn delis in the Galapagos Island.
What was it doing? I don't think they're on the, I don't think they're on the belly. There's no goddamn delis in the Galapagos Island. What was it doing? I don't think they're on the I
don't think they're on the glob. They're not. They're not
they're in like Asia or something. They're in
Indonesia. That's Asia, right? Indonesia. But by continental
plates, tectonic plates like Thailand, the Philippines.
Don't tell me that. Why you're one of to the Philippines? Couple of years, I might.
Yes. Indonesia is a country in Asia.
Yeah. OK. Oh, Indonesia is a country.
Yeah. What do you think it was?
I thought it was a deli.
It's a big deli. Indonesia is a country.
I thought it was an area.
Myanmar.
You know, I only know Myanmar from Ari and Seinfeld.
I know it from first blood from Rambo. Oh, yeah, one that he did. He used to be called something else. He ought know
well, he Burma Burma. I'll always know it is Burma. So
Peterman said he's in Myanmar. He's quite mad. I hear I always
told myself if I ever see a Komodo dragon
I'm killing it on sight. No, they spit and they're venom get what are you gonna?
I mean that this are we even going down if I had a sword or
They're incredibly they're incredibly fast and powerful I'm just saying I wouldn't I wouldn't take it on mono-e-mono
Val I heard you looked at my girl. Put your tongue back in your mouth. No facies.
Well they don't spit their mouth is so full of bacteria that it's poisonous when
they bite. So Foley has the same technique that he can use. Yeah if I if I
was ever around when I had a gun I think I would shoot it. You're a
completely different guy. First of an in. First of all, you're an Indonesian.
You got peace on you.
What world are we living in?
You don't even like going to Brooklyn.
What the fuck are we talking about?
I just feel like they're so mean and so evil.
They bite you and then you get sick.
Fuck that. That's most things that bite you.
Not like that, though.
What? Not like that. Venom every year, things that bite you not like that though what not like that venom every
Yeah, but that kills you quick. It takes a couple days, and they follow you until you fall down
Get a fever or something. I don't like it. There's no country for old man
tracking you
See if you can find the Komodo dragon in the deli is that a thing the video
There's not that but you know, he falls through the roof.
And what it's like a convenience.
Trying to rob the joint.
Unless I'm nuts, which is very possible.
You know, it's crazy when you see the videos from.
Excuse me, allergies are taking over
when you see the videos from like like a village in India
and like a puma just gets loose.
There's like a puma or like like a like a not a puma.
What else would there be a cheetah?
Sure. It's a smaller cat.
Jaguar main coon cat.
Because one of them gets loose in the village and freaks out.
They're all trying to kill it.
Now, what really scares me is
when those big pythons are like living in the ceiling tiles
and they don't know, it was like a family of eight was like sleeping.
And then, you know, they like open up the ceiling tile and like
either like a Mondo snake falls out or it's like a bunch of them.
Now I'm out.
It wasn't a Komodo dragon. It was a giant monitor lizard.
Oh, it's big. It's Komodo dragon esque
It's a heavy bike monitor. See look
Those I don't mind
Sorry, I mean, is that the one do you want that's like a guana ask? Yeah on the land
I don't mind them when they start swimming. Yeah, I'm out the geckos. I don't like either. I love them
They're cute a little salamander see a couple down in Florida
That's good luck when you see them
Cuties eyes, uh
It's good luck when you see a little lizard
What they don't bite little baby one or two guys just picture. I'm running up my neck. That's how I've that's that's what really
whispered in your ear
You got a tiny pecker she don't love you
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Yeah, I don't know. I don't like little things. I don't like birds or squirrels and you hate your penis. Yeah
Don't Speaking of whispering in people's ear
the the mean that's going around of
Planet of the Apes Speaking of whispering in people's ear, the the the meme that's going around of
Planet of the Apes. Sure. The guy whispering in his ear and it's like,
let me borrow some money or something like that.
You know, first day on the Internet.
You know, fuck you guys.
I'm killing a dragon fully just found the bombs world. I'm killing a Komodo dragon. Foley just found E-bombs world.
I'm killing a Komodo dragon.
OK, yeah, sure.
If I'm ever in this situation,
how come they just don't kill them anyway?
They just don't go around and kill them.
You can't wipe off this species just because you think they're mean.
And there's only like five islands they're on.
OK, and they serve a purpose.
They're pretty uncharted, those islands.
Yeah.
They serve a purpose, I guess.
Population control or whatever.
Not people, but...
Yeah, humans.
Fucking taking out the weaklings.
As good as Johnny.
Yeah, I don't like him.
Uh, yeah, no, I don't think...
That's fighting dirty.
It's the jungle, baby.
Bacteria.
It's not poison, it's bacteria. That might what it will be poison if it acts as a poison
I'm not sitting there go. Oh, it's actually bacteria. They catch a bad rat
I saw one eat a whole goat one time craziest shit. I ever seen
I've done that
Unimpressed
Hey, you gotta finish the fries
Hey, you gotta finish the fries, too Hey, get them sides
All right, let's see here
This one is from Toby McStolen Valor $10 sergeant here
Know anyone that watches obscure sports ie battle, American Ninja Warrior, Professional Cornhole, et cetera.
Slam Ball.
I love dudes, when Slam Ball dropped,
I remember seeing the preview for Slam Ball,
and my boys, we were like, that's gonna be nuts.
That's the trampoline, right?
Yeah, and then they tried to bring it back, I think.
It just doesn't take.
Yeah.
But it should, because on paper, it's a fantastic idea.
BattleBots is pretty sweet.
Man, that first job was all right for a little while.
On a Saturday afternoon on like Fox, like after like the good shows were done.
Yeah. Catch that at like four or five o'clock before the news came on.
I'd be all right. Yeah, that was I loved that.
Loved BattleBots.
Also, this is a deep cut that I haven't thought about in years.
Do you remember Junkyard Wars?
Yes!
Love that show!
Great show!
British, right?
Yeah, they would have, it was like a makers competition.
You build something.
Yeah, so it would be like two teams have access to a junkyard,
you got to build hovercrafts to race or whatever.
Yeah, whatever, like it was a competition, oh you have to build robots to fight,
or you got to build a car that turned that you can drive into a lake
And they would go and they would scour the junkyard. It was a time thing they each had like I don't know eight hours or whatever
That's pretty good. It was great. Do they were right around remember those members six wheelers
What?
Six wheelers. Yeah, they were they were this old ATV
Something from like the war kind of yeah, they were this old ATV. Something from like the war?
Kind of, yeah, they were these things.
They were like replaced by the John Deere Johns.
The John Deere, like the golf carts?
Yeah, but like the John Deere Gators, the Gators replaced them.
Let me see it.
But these things.
Let me take a peek.
Ooh, yeah, there were these little like golf carts.
That's like something in the back of Optimus Prime. There are these little golf carts with six wheels and man, the guy and someone who's good at putting the plans together. It's fun. That's pretty good. I love that show. I was I was British, right?
Oh, yeah. And we had a couple of engineers in our in our fraternity.
And some of those guys could like make the craziest shit out of nothing.
It was wild to say.
I mean, bongs out of snorkels.
Haven't seen stuff. They make tons of bongs.
Um, they were a potato gun.
We had a potato gun shot right in my mouth. Hey, you think you get you're an engineer, right? You're good with physics
You can get these taters in me quicker
My hands don't move quick enough. Hey Carter. Oh, you hit me with a twice baked. Will you?
I'm gonna go deep
I'm gonna run a button hook when I turn get me
I'm gonna run a button on when I turn get me
That uh that show was fucking I loved that show me that was such good
Dirtbag TV man. They don't really have that anymore. No, there's no blue collar shows anymore. They have the glass blowing show They have shows like that on Netflix strap in. Yeah
That's that seems like the
word they're into it real into it uh oh I'm sure how you don't inhale that
probably hurt oh it kills you kills you mean the molten lava yeah dude get you
quicker than a good one I got a kimono dragon
fuck you know what else I've been watching clips of? They're popping
up on the Instagram. Hit me. Uh, Orange County choppers. Loved it. Man. You know what I've
been getting Paul Tuttle. Everybody loved that show. Every dad loved to me and my dad
would Paul senior. Oh man. Yeah. Well, I love that. You know, Sleeper, low key hero of that show
was the friend Vinny.
I don't remember him.
He was the third, he ironically looked exactly
like Vinny with the skinny.
He was the other guy, there was three guys.
And then they brought in that brother
who had a problem with drugs.
I don't remember.
He's always one of them.
Paul Senior.
I've been getting videos of people
tracking down the motorcycles that were sold on the show to
review trash and they're all horrible to ride. Yeah. Oh no.
Um like notoriously unrideable. It's very they just fabricated.
I don't think they made them. What do you mean? They just
they like hooked them up. No, they made them. They made them
from scratch. Not the engines but like like, yeah, the frames and everything.
Huh? Yeah, yeah, yeah. That was the whole idea. It was like Shaq needs a Spider-Man or oh, yeah, that's right.
They think it was Superman one. Yeah. Yeah, but the no suspension on any of them. So it's it's like riding on a no kid on a sack of rock.
I like the car count guy. Who? The count?
I like the car count guy. Who? The count. The guy that wears the bandana like Stevie Vansant. I don't know that. The
car count. Does custom cars out in Vegas? You'd know if you saw
him. I don't know. Maybe. Looks like Ralph Sutton a little bit.
Tall guy. I don't think so. Really? You don't know what I'm
talking about? Alright, whatever. Alright, fuck me then.
Couple of commies um
there was a
There was a there was a man. We're heavy into trashy TV here
But there was a I was a big American Pickers guy, too. I hated those guys. Yeah, they're kind of dorks
But I love the I love the I don't know something got a family. The hell are you doing?
You're riding around with your boy. That's what we do. What are you talking looking for?
Peds dispensers literally what we do we're not rummaging through some guys garage. I would if they let us
They're telling high quality material
Yeah, um all right, let's see here they were ripped old guys off left and right now give you three dollars for it
Well, it's sitting in there. That's three dollars that guy ain't have
Sure, I don't know the idea of it fascinates me really yeah that pawn stars
Sure, I love just watching people work now that I think about it sure you put a little barter in some cash in there
What they would they have a storefront or something like that when I sold that shit what American pickers?
Not like a storefront, but she they that a girl in the office little goth girl. Yeah
Freak in the Tomcat
She she would sell it would sell like all it like, you know
Online or whatever, you know, I mean like ah, there's I'm sure there's a destination where if you want an old Texaco sign, you go, you know.
These people are in the industry.
Sure.
Um...
Do you remember Hardcore Pwn?
Oh, with the guy with the earring? With the gray hair slicked back?
Yeah, it was in Detroit. It was a pawn, dude.
It was him and his daughter.
Him and his, I think it was...
Daughter and the son.
And the son, yeah.
Yeah, he was alright that guy took no shit
Yeah, I have to get my vibrator guy to come evaluate this
Well, it was it was it was not born stars people would roll with like old nintendos
Yeah, it was in Detroit like in the and they had like 15 security guards
Someone come in there and be like, you know these or when he would tell somebody they had a fake watch or something
They freak out you're fucking crazy
Had to all be scripted
I saw a Shannon sharp clip where he was talking about his watch and he was like you wear a watch to tell time
I wear watch to show you how much my time is worth which is
Clearly made by some ad executive
Sure, yeah, that's in print. That's a Don Draper right there
And also why you gotta show people what your time's worth
Got cash. Yeah, you're shining sharp. We know you got cash sure you know what I mean?
Big dude, I don't wear a watch really
Huh, I got one or two bozo. I go to a wedding or a nice dinner with my bra and I'll throw one on to
Class it up a little bit comedians sure a nice watch what a comedian should wear a nice watch
I'm watching a pair clean pair of sneakers who said that yeah and rainbow suspenders and a rubber duck
We talk about get out of here with a sledge. Oh, Maddox put a shoot you with the potato guns
If it's a Louis I always wore a nice watch. That's why I wear one
Always look good on Louie's arm.
Sure.
I hate to roll like so.
This is not.
All right, let's see here.
We got time for a couple of more there.
This one's from Yo Mama, $10.
Is it garbage to bring a metal spoon to work because plastic cutlery sucks?
I keep it in plastic bags so there's no cross contaminations and I wash it on the weekends.
I don't hate that.
That washing on the weekends though, you gotta wash that every day.
I'm sure he does in the sink in the snack room, right?
I listen.
You do this all the time.
I gotta base it on the information he's giving me.
I wash it on the weekends.
That's crazy.
That's gross.
Yeah.
How do you feel about brushing your teeth in a public?
At work? When I used to work in an office, people used to do it. I understand it. I don't know. That's gross. Yeah. How do you feel about brushing your teeth in a public?
At work?
When I used to work in an office, people used to do it.
I understand it.
I don't know.
It was a little too intimate.
It's better than kicking.
Having kicking breath.
Yeah, you mentioned that.
You came out of the shitter and there was some guy...
Yeah, my butthole's exposed and this guy's there.
You floss every day?
It's like, buddy, I'm holding my breath in here.
Goddamn.
I respect it.
You brush your teeth here.
Yeah, this is my God damn office.
Sure.
I'm on the gosh darn leash here.
He walks around with it too, you notice that?
He walks around and brushes his teeth.
There's two different people, I have a theory on this.
There's people who stay stationary,
and it's gotta be something in your brain,
there's people that walk around.
I walk around like a pigeon.
I have to look at myself in the mirror when I do it.
I'm a in the mirror person,
but I walk around when I get dressed.
What do you mean?
Yeah.
I mean, I'll like, sometimes I'll like grab like my pants.
I'll like walk into a different room and put them on.
Every article of clothing goes on at a different time
in a different room for me.
Yeah. Really?
I'll be on the elevator tying my shoes.
I don't care.
Yeah.
Psycho. Why do I walk around and brush my teeth?
And I can't be I know other people that is it weird that when I brush I feel I need to walk around
All right, I gotta be over the sink cuz I gag myself. Oh
Freak you do too. Yeah, my accidental yours is on purpose now. I hear you doing it all the time
I don't feel like my night my teeth and my tongue are clean until I gag myself I gag bad
Yeah, I do do it on purpose. I need to feel it so I know I know that my tongue's clean
Yeah back there. There's no there's no it's got to be something in your brain
It's got to be anxiety or something, but I'm fucking you think you're a big shot
That's big shot shit.
Walking around brushing your teeth, cutting deals,
shouting out orders.
Is that what you say?
Shaving at red lights. What are you talking about?
Does that intimidate you when I walk around?
Intimidate me? No.
Well, I don't know. You're you're saying I'm acting a big shot.
That's a flex.
Walking around, brushing your teeth.
I mean, that's not a big man. Don't need a sink. That's a flex. Walking around brushing your teeth. I mean, that's not a big man.
Don't need a sink. I got a toothbrush.
Yeah, let everybody know.
See how it is. It's mainly so my wife
don't yell at me for catching too many heaters in a day.
You don't floss, do you?
I not super enough. Yeah.
I remember a guy said, you fly. I had a dentist. Last dentist I seen was a super enough. Yeah Remember a guy said you fly my head a dentist last dentist. They seen was a minute
I gotta go clean. I remember when you went to that dentist. We got it on Groupon
Yeah, you had cavities under your gums or something like that. They wanted to scrape them out
No, they said my gums it was a periodontist
So they were trying to upsell me to get new go receiving gums. No, they weren't receding
They weren't encroaching either they were growing in
But uh
Yeah, whatever um
Forgot what I was saying. I lost my train. If you could not hear master broadcaster right there
My bad Walter Cronkite.
Thank you, Kevin.
Just starts brushing his teeth to assert dominance.
That's a flex, dog.
It's not a flex.
Yeah, it is.
You walk around, you look at the TV,
see what's going on.
Only a guy missing teeth would think that's a flex.
I know, yeah.
Oh, look at you with your dental hygiene.
Also, like, I can't talk.
I got a mouth full of you.
You always talk when you brush your teeth.
I never do.
You walk around mid conversation.
I don't know, probably go around nine o'clock.
You're nuts.
You do that all the time here.
Toby, no?
I couldn't say either way, honestly.
Maybe Luke could check this.
No, we're not bringing more people into your.
This is you're going to believe a guy who just said he's
when he sees a kimono dragon, you're going to shoot him.
I stand by that.
If I was in a gun, if I did.
All I'm saying is we should be taking them out
and at least he's brushing their teeth, getting rid of some of that
goddamn bacteria in there.
So when they bite you, it don't also, you know, you don't get gangrene.
Sure. That's all I'm saying. Sure.
This is pretty funny.
This is something that's come up before, you know, the version of this.
This is from Will Churchill.
Is it garbage for local barber is also a notary service? That's crazy, but makes
sense.
It does. That's a slippery bunch.
No barbers?
No notaries.
Sure.
Anybody can kind of do that.
Yeah, you just have to go verify. You have to like maybe
take an oath or something.
They usually should make lukin.
License.
Become a notary.
Or just buy a 3D printer.
What's that? Just make your own stamp?
Now you got it's like metal. That's like the state seal on it You can't just print that I have the state seal on it, and if you do all report you
It's a goddamn class D felony doesn't make any sense you get notarized the fuck does that mean you put a little dead in it?
No, you are saying you are who you are. You go before a representative of the state,
and they confirm you are who you are.
Is that what they are? Representatives of the state?
Yeah, they're knighted or whatever you want to call it.
I don't think knight is the word,
but you get what I'm saying.
They're appointed.
They definitely walk around brushing their teeth.
Mm-hmm.
Get the stamp.
Big shot.
Let me see your shirt.
Yeah. That's, we also, Mm-hmm Get the stamp big shot
That's uh we also I know this is also a trashy thing that we did growing up and still do I know my brother Still does I just don't have any business there
Would you go to the DMV or go to the auto tags?
There was a big one decal decal pike there's a a bad always went to that's where you get shit notarized. Yeah, I
Turn the tags in I've said growing up my stepmom was a notary so she handed all of my affairs
These chicken fingers
Yeah, always auto tag dog, yeah there was was one there was one off street is on Boston and
they had they were online with the state so they could act as an agent
of the state a little bit like take a bail bonds off.
It was it was very like you go in, sit down.
You guys have guns.
They knew my whole I remember I bumped into my uncle in there one time.
How you doing? I was like, man I remember I bumped into my uncle in there one time. He's like, how you doing?
And I was like, man, we are dirt bags.
They're all in there.
Ass, man.
We're all getting new tags.
You can renew your license there too and didn't have to go wait in line, but they hit you
with a premium of 16 bucks.
Sure.
They were online.
I'm online.
You go there and they would approve it, so then you just had to go to the photo center.
You have to go stand in line at the DMV like a jerk off.
You went further down.
Bostleton, there was just a driver's license photo center.
Sure. Across from the Leo Mall.
You can also do that.
Have you ever gotten your photo taken at a CVS or a pharmacy?
My passport was done at the CVS on Bleecker Street.
Oh, there's how they let them.
It's not even all white.
There's something else behind. There's like a there's like a Marlboro banner behind me or something
Yeah, some nicotine. It's just a picture in front of a white thing. That's all it is. Yeah
We went to another one. I went to one in the Heights when we were doing my wife's visa thing
I had to submit like eight pictures of me and she had to submit eight pictures of hers.
Tasteful nudes.
Bumpy, ID and loose cigarettes?
Oh man, it was, we went to like a place where you take your baby to get pictures taken, you know what I mean?
It was, it was a scene.
Cash business!
Keppi's on his ID, hugging his wife from behind.
Bluetooth in his ear. He's holding his ID hugging his wife from behind. Bluetooth in his ear.
He's holding the yard.
He got laze on.
Those big sunglasses.
I got to get the picture.
We're going to wrap it up.
Gang, what are you going to say?
No, I was just saying I was exhaling in excitement.
That's all.
We're all over the goddamn road, buy some fucking dick.
There you go. Gang, we love you, we'll see you next week.
Peace.