Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast - Lizard Fights w/ Kippy & Foley

Episode Date: June 10, 2024

Are You Garbage is back with Kippy and Foley for a family episode to answer your garbage questions from Patreon. Its a fun one! Thanks for watching AYG Comedy Podcast. Love youse guys. Come to a live ...show! Through the Roof Tour Tickets: https://areyougarbage.com/ Follow Kevin: https://www.instagram.com/kevinryancomedy/ Follow Foley: https://www.instagram.com/hfoleycomedy/ Live Shows: https://areyougarbage.com/ PATREON: https://www.patreon.com/AreYouGarbage MERCH: https://areyougarbage.com/ Sheath: https://www.sheathunderwear.com/ Promo Code: Garbage Get 50% off your 1st box by going to https://factormeals.com/Garbage50 and use code GARBAGE50 True Classic: https://www.trueclassic.com/garbage Code: Garbage Pretty Litter: https://www.prettylitter.com/garbage Comedians H. Foley and Kevin Ryan are self proclaimed GARBAGE. Each week a new stand up comedian gets put to the test. Steal shampoo from hotels? Own a George Foreman Grill? Ever worn JNCO Jeans? Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Transcript
Discussion (0)
Starting point is 00:00:00 Josh's question, are you garb's if you hold your family gatherings at the local funeral home because your cousin works there? What was the last family gathering you had there? Jesus And the circle of life continues There's a family crying in the corner My condolences. That's f***ing insane. Yeah.
Starting point is 00:00:27 Why not hit like a bundle of wild wings or something? Well congratulations on the baby. And sorry for your loss. Get your tickets now at RUgarbage.com. We want to see you out there. Welcome to another exciting edition of Are You Garbage? The show where you find out if your favorite comedians are classy individuals or absolute trash.
Starting point is 00:00:55 Now here are your hosts, Kevin Ryan and H. Foley. Hey everybody out there and welcome back to everybody's favorite podcast. This is Are You garbage? Oh, yeah It's that little show we sit there with your favorite comedians that we find that have to good to be classy Yeah, but they're just a big old piece of trash trash trash I'm your host H fully coming at you on a beautiful day. We're out back here with toodies in the new edition She's in the backyard getting a little sun. Okay, stop us Oh letting the girls go quite the sight My co-host is coming at you
Starting point is 00:01:26 from across the table. It's what we call a family episode. Just the boys, the bozos, and the homies. He is the CEO of RU Garbage, an international businessman, and Mr. Neptune 2024. The king of the boards, baby. Give it up for KJ. Kevin James Ryan. What up, gang? Happy summer, everybody. Shout out to you. Please make sure you review, subscribe on iTunes. Full video available on YouTube. As you know, those numbers are Tritter up, cooking.
Starting point is 00:01:51 And obviously the greatest website of all time, www.patreon.com, slash RU garbage. Go over there, you get all the bonus content. Oh yeah. One of the best Patreons in the goddamn game. Numbers don't lie, you know what I mean? Big man lies, I lie, T-bone lies lies that numbers ain't a lie. Hey, don't have a nice shout out to our producer Extraordinaire the magic man makes us all look good works ones twos threes fours
Starting point is 00:02:14 Crosses T's Fucking there's been a terrorist attack or something. Oh ladies and gentlemen. Yeah, what the fuck someone's got the Irish flu brace yourselves Yeah, what the fuck someone's got the Irish flu brace yourself Run for your lives what up T bones how y'all doing? I'm alright woke up with the scarys Slept right through my alarm and T bones been crushing through alarms recently I don't know if there's an today. I woke up at my phone's blinking no sound Today I woke up and my phone's blinking no sound You're always and only happens to dirtbags like you like and I it's never been like Well what I what I was thinking was because I went to Google iPhone alarm no sound and then I was like there's gonna be Thousands of dirtbags backing that up even if it doesn't happen
Starting point is 00:03:03 Yeah, T-Bone's been missing big meetings. Who sleeps through their alarm? I don't know. Who makes it to the alarm? That's all kind of crazy. I wake up in a panic five minutes before my alarm goes off. Then I get in the shower. Throw a left to look at. Then I get in the shower. I know what you're about to say it's the worst feeling that motherfucker starts going off from the bedroom god damn and talk about ruining your shower I did wake up on my own at 730 promptly ate a whole slice of cake and went back to sleep Cake what those are your birthday? Cake? What the fuck? Is it your birthday? Happy birthday.
Starting point is 00:03:43 I ordered it last night as a treat. A slice of cake? Yeah, why is that so outrageous? That's why. I've never ordered a slice of cake. Cupcakes, cookies, ice cream, Snickers bars, but a slice of cake? It was vegan too. It was terrible. Jesus.
Starting point is 00:03:59 That's so sad. We gotta get somebody over there with you. Saddest birthday party in the world. Put you in Assistant living or something like that 55 and older. Well come visit you Put Toby in a home. They'll wake you up. You know what I wanted to ask you fellas. What's that chubs? I know this is a trashy move. I get yelled at for it a lot, but I love doing it for some reason You have a dishwasher I do Toby, you've seen one before,
Starting point is 00:04:26 correct? I heard about them. You've been to a Sears a time or two. You've cooked fish in one before. So you're loading the dishwasher as one does. Sure. Now you do the bottom rack. All right, you're getting ready to close it, but the racks out. Now, do you push the rack in or do you give it a little ride? You know what I'm talking about? Yeah, dude. Man, I get yelled at. You gotta push the rack in. Yeah, you gotta. Love giving it a little ride. Just a little touch of laziness. Just a little touch of laziness. Falls off the track, man. Yeah, smash the good China. Bad news.
Starting point is 00:05:05 Speaking of dishwashers, my mom was talking to my wife and a little thing I found out about Denise. What's that? She washes her hats in the dishwasher. What the hell? Yeah. What kind of hats does she have? Just like the hats she wears on the beach or whatever. Like a Phillies hat? Yeah, she's got a Phillies hat. She does? She likes to fight. She has hats?
Starting point is 00:05:29 She had a fling with the Fanatic one year. Yeah, your mother doesn't wear a hat. She goes out by the pool or something. I mean, she's not like. Oh, like a sun hat. She's not wearing a fitted. Like she's just got like a, you know. Straight rib.
Starting point is 00:05:41 Got the decals on it. Stickers still on it. She's grip walking. No, she, you know, she goes to the beach or down the shore, she goes on her walk, she puts a hat on. Really? That's not that crazy. No, no, that's not crazy, but the dishwasher.
Starting point is 00:05:53 That's insane. What's wrong with the washing machine? I don't know, I think the washing machine like breaks it like, I think if you- She likes when I shine. She said, have my- No streaks. She uses the cascade or whatever to clean. That's what she said.
Starting point is 00:06:07 Yeah, you put the normal detergent right in there. Her hair's going to fall out. That's no good, dude. That's crazy. Yeah, I was in the bathroom or I was in the other room doing something and I heard them talking to my wife. I was like, that's a good idea. I'm like, get the fuck out of here.
Starting point is 00:06:22 We're not doing it. What is it, an end? The socks or underwear? I do know somebody that cooked fish in a dishwasher when you said that to Toby. That's a move, isn't it? I mean, not in the circles I run, and we're strictly outerwear we put in there.
Starting point is 00:06:38 We're not animals. Yeah, I've heard of that. Yeah, it's a, yeah. Google, see if you can get a, you know. Fish and tin foil in the dishwasher Yeah, it's a lot like you pull like a piece of salmon. I gotta tell you the salmon I'll just have a piece of salmon. I gotta tell you the tin foil really changes it. Oh Jesus Christ, what's the your raw dog?
Starting point is 00:06:58 Just open up a can of tuna fish Like there's gotta be some sort of steam setting. Slight of flounder in there. Dishwasher salmon is cooking a technique that involves wrapping fish in aluminum foil and placing into the dishwasher for a full cycle. That dishwasher's not clean. I tried chicken wings one time and it was a mess. My sister-in-law has a good theory about the dishwasher. The washing, the sink is for washing the dishes and the dishwasher is for sanitizing. Yeah Sterilization that's why I do not adhere to that I'm not Denise around a tight ship as a kid you had a skank You had really had this had to be clean going in there
Starting point is 00:07:34 Oh, man, I remember we got a new dishwasher a time or two and man. I really tested the limits of that thing Put everything in there. Yeah, it's tough because because it jams up because then it comes out. It's baked, it's caked on there. You know what I mean? And if you rerun it, you know it's not going to come off because it just didn't come off. Now you got to re-wash that. Get to scrubbing. Get the SOS pads out. That's one of the things that I have gotten better at in my later years
Starting point is 00:07:59 is staying on top of the dishes as they go. In New York, you got to. It's tight, it's small. You know, you got to stay on top of it. Get they go. In New York, you got to, it's tight, it's small, you can't, you know, and you gotta stay on top of it. Get a little roachies. I got one for you. Anybody in your life, I remember my neighbor's dad used to answer the phone. Yellow.
Starting point is 00:08:21 Yellow. Yellow, just straight up, and we would just call because it was the funniest thing, the yellow. No one in my family does, but dude, it just dead set on yellow. Will you ever- The dad thing, your mom's doing yellow. Will you ever, Ryan residence or Sullivan residence?
Starting point is 00:08:38 No, it was always hello, yeah, hello. Never gave any info away? No. Never did that. I've said this before, we were a big I'm not here. Once the creditor started knocking on the door, it was I'm not here. Kippy was answering his phone going,
Starting point is 00:08:51 hi, Pumani's Pizza, please hold. Yeah, and if they ask for you, call the bar, ask for Mike, there is no Mike. That's how I know you're playing ball. I was at my buddy's house one time when I saw that. They were like very prim and proper. They did well. And like the mom answered the phone.
Starting point is 00:09:07 She's like, thank you for calling the Kramer residence. Like, what are you, an office Max? What's going on? Please hold. They're spending a large volume of calls right now. Get out of here. I don't want nobody knowing who it is. No, yeah, we were very anti, you know,
Starting point is 00:09:21 no information goes out to anybody about anything, about where we are, where we've been, who's where, you know, nothing. I'm not here. Terry there. Who's calling? Yeah. Oh, yeah.
Starting point is 00:09:32 Who's this? I work with him. No, you don't. He's unemployed right now. I hate what collection agencies do that. They say, you know, is Henry Foley there? He's not. What can I do for it?
Starting point is 00:09:43 It's a personal business matter. Listen, I'm a dirtbag unless you got blow on you. Tell me. I'll tell him. I'll let him know. I had a guy with they were like, is this is this a Toe McMullin or whatever? And I was like, who's this? And then he said, I was no, no, not me. It's not me, dude. It's always like financial solutions or something like that. This was Fandul. Fandul? I don't know why they're making house calls. Coming to collect.
Starting point is 00:10:13 Yeah, dude. Betty, if I can get your nose open at the parlay table. You're laying on the Rangers game. That's why, scumbag. Jesus Christ. Fandul's calling you. That ain't good. That reminds me of when you had to call Venmo one time. I'm like who calls Venmo. That's crazy
Starting point is 00:10:29 I even think they have a phone number, dude Yeah, where's my money? Yeah, that was cuz I had another Venmo and I couldn't get into it or something like that So I had to start a new one and I was trying to figure that out Never got a hold anybody sure yeah We've sometimes when we do like the meet and greets and stuff and we we sell the merch You know you can always see who doesn't have a Venmo and for whatever reason it's never great You know what I mean?
Starting point is 00:10:56 Ah my wife will then are like you'll ask somebody can I Venmo you I go you got to send it to my uncle He's got that motor when I said Third party Venmo charges? Yikes. Shipping and handling. How you doing? Yeah, but we got a gosh darn family episode, gang. Yes, we do.
Starting point is 00:11:13 Let's get into it. When you join a Patreon, we will answer your garbage question on the air. Oh yeah. The homies get the first crack at it. Also, guys, if you're not aware, we're on the gosh darn road right now. Yes, we are.
Starting point is 00:11:24 Come out, see a show, Route 66. we got everything up there, tickets are moving. A couple of them shows are moving. Yeah, out of the second show in St. Louis. How you doing? Chicago's going to go, LA's going to go, don't snooze, get them tickets. Love it, they hear it. We got to bust the whole cruise going. I feel like I must have told you this, but I got the best bar deal of my life in st. Louis
Starting point is 00:11:47 What was it? It was called the murder city special tall tall beer shot of whiskey Cigarette five bucks. No kid man and a bullet Yeah, it was awesome. They would stick the sig in the in the top of the tab of the beer I was like, is this legal the guy was like no Murder city. I don't know if I like that sticking it in the top of the can of the beer. I was like, is this legal? The guy was like, no. Yeah, it's called Murder City. I don't know if I like that, sticking it in the top of the can. I think it's wet.
Starting point is 00:12:09 No, it doesn't. They put it in the, they like tip the tab up so that, and they stick it in, it's fun. Huh. I don't hate that. There was something that was going viral recently of you get just a shot, the beer, and a scratcher. Ooh, that's nice.
Starting point is 00:12:20 Which is, man, I would never. You gotta split that with the bar, you think? I would assume a nice kickback would be, you know, appreciate, I mean, if you hit for, you know, a thousand bucks a week for life or whatever. Sure. You gotta, you know, you gotta do a little payment plan, that'd be awesome, that's all I need.
Starting point is 00:12:37 Just fuckin' sit in there. How much would you have to hit to pull next round's on me? Whole bar. Free ticket. I'm a nice guy. Also, that's how much of an alcoholic I am. I'm like, man, like, I can't just go play the lottery. Like, I have to sit there and do a shot in a beer.
Starting point is 00:12:57 I think a jihad would be round of drinks for everybody. Round of drinks is going to be that's going to be way more than a thousand bucks. Oh, no. St. Louis, they're five dollars. What are you talking about? How many people are at this bottle? These is not a nightclub. Yeah, I mean, there's probably six Bottle service there's probably six bar flies. Yeah crying in their beer if I hit five hunge. I'm buying around I mean, what's around good? We just say around five bucks There's 20 people in the bar? Some guy at the end of the bar with his face in a bowl of soup?
Starting point is 00:13:29 That's a hundred bucks? Do him a favor. Get him a Heineken, will ya? That's all these bums are good for. Uh, alright, let's get into it. Um, this one is, uh, this one's just funny. This is from Crawl Dad Man, a $10 homie. Is it garbage if your aunt's ringtone was the action news theme song That's things I I would fucking I would be a rough day for me a legendary tune though
Starting point is 00:13:54 I is that that's Phillies only right now. I think action news is a national thing really Yeah, they play that song in other place bump bump bump bump bump Really? They play that song in other place. Bum bum bum bum bum. Da da da da da da da da da da da. I would think that's Philly. I think only because you've only ever seen the news in Philly. Action News. I thought Jim Gardner wrote that. He's out there crooning.
Starting point is 00:14:17 Uh, Action News has to be a national thing. You think Philly has the word Action News? No, I know that they're affiliated but I think that's our song. When you search action news ABC Philadelphia comes up. Really? Whoa. Yeah. Telling you man. Philly. How they get, how did Philly get the name action news? Action news is a local television newscast format originated in the United States first conceived in Philadelphia, Pennsylvania. There you go.
Starting point is 00:14:45 Oh, shit, I'm an idiot. That's how. I was well documented, but. But are they spread around now? You said first conceived. Give me one second. Also conceived is a weird word for that, I feel. Got knocked up in Philly.
Starting point is 00:14:58 How you doing? Oh, so it's called Move Closer to Your World. Move closer to the world, my friend, and you'll see. Bum, bum, move closer to the world, my friend, and you'll see. Bum, bum, move closer to the world, my friend, and you'll see. It started spreading around, New York, New Jersey. No kidding. Yeah.
Starting point is 00:15:12 Somebody got a nickel for that. I've seen Action News somewhere. Maybe. I've been in other cities. ABC. It's not Action. I'm not debating whether Action news is a singular thing. That theme song is that stations.
Starting point is 00:15:30 That theme song is not around anybody else. You don't think they share a hit like that? No. Why not? If it works, wouldn't other channels want to use it? I don't think so. Where else is action news? You said. Oh, wait. I have a thing about the theme. Where is Action? Where else is Action News? You said.
Starting point is 00:15:46 Oh, I have a thing about the theme. The Action News theme was written by Temple University. Really? By Temple University? Hello Al, baby. Temple University student Tom Sellers. He got ripped off. Oh, man. That guy's homeless somewhere. Oh, man. Hey, kid. I'm out of the college credit, huh? No kidding.
Starting point is 00:16:07 Yeah, so they do have... It's Philly, dude. They do have all different ones. So I would say, yes, it's trashy, but I love it. That's fantastic. I figured that was all national biz. Don't you remember a couple years ago, they DJ Reed Street? Remember DJ Reed Street?
Starting point is 00:16:24 Yeah, he was the DJ back when we used to run a show at the Ravenland. Sure. And I think he was doing something with the flyers over there. And he mixed that up. He like turned that into like a house song or something. Place went nuts. This is amazing. In 1996, the station replaced the original theme with a fuller orchestral version from the London Phil Harmonic Orchestra. Fewer out version from the London Philharmonic Orchestra. Fewer outcry caused the station to drop the new version within five days.
Starting point is 00:16:48 Yeah, this shit's wack, dude! I can't listen to this at the shore. I know they're British. I don't want to hear it. We got the goddamn Liberty Bell here. I like that. I like that. That's a real Philly dirtbag thing. They don't like change. Go back to the original Do you remember that I forget who it was it was like some like coalition sent that robot all around the world And it went to every country. Oh, yeah, what's every country every city like somehow?
Starting point is 00:17:20 It was like through the goodwill like people would like oh, I'm going to Chicago. I'll drive it to Chicago It was just this little like weird robot, like an R2D2 type thing. It got to Philly for like two hours and they fucking took all the copper out of it. They beat the shit out of it. Did they find it on the turnpike or something like that? Yeah, it ended in Philly after being in Philly for like 45 minutes. They just fucking. Kip, I like that true classics. Who don't love some of the truest classics out there? I'll tell you right now, I'll be honest with you. What's that? I didn tell you right now, be honest with you. What's that?
Starting point is 00:17:46 I didn't fit in them until a little bit ago. Yeah? Then I got one. I got a blue one, a white one, and a black one, and they are the best t-shirts ever. I've said this for a very long time. I order like, I order, they got the packs. I order packs at a time. Keep them fresh, keep them moving.
Starting point is 00:18:03 I sweat through a lot of stuff. I need to keep them fresh. Here's the thing, for you big boys out there, they're perfect in the arms, they're loose in the belly, they're soft, and they wash great. They get better as you wash them. A little softer. I've had ones that are like, I'm not even joking,
Starting point is 00:18:19 that are 40 years old, that I've washed 10,000 times, and are my sleep shirts because they're real nice and cozy. Best t-shirt you're ever going to wear at True Classics. Do yourself a favor. So if you're ready to upgrade your closet, shop now with our exclusive link at trueclassic.com slash garbage and save up to 25% off your first order, baby. Discover the perfect blend of summer vibes and timeless elegance with True Classic.
Starting point is 00:18:43 Shop now. Elevate your summer wardrobe with ease at trueclassic.com slash garbage, 25% off your first order, do it. Do it. K, let's talk about sheath. Shout out to OG Sheath, baby. Been here since day one.
Starting point is 00:18:55 The best pair of underwear you're ever gonna wear. Why's that? Because it separates your nuts from your squeener. Your wiener, your tiny little wiener. Sure, not in sheath, your tiny little wiener. Sure, not in Sheath, it looks huge. It looks like I'm packing heavy bike heat. That's true, because it pushes it out.
Starting point is 00:19:10 Gang, it was developed by an Iraqi war veteran. The technology is fantastic, keeps everybody cool, dry, and in their place. Yeah, whether you're crushing it at the gym, killing it at work, or just lounging around the house, which I'm doing a lot of. Sheath's moisture wicking fabric keeps you feeling fresh all day long. Sheath is particularly great for staying cool in the heat and for bigger guys, sizing goes
Starting point is 00:19:32 up to 3X. How you doing? Oh, wait. Don't take our word for it. Thousands of five star reviews speak for themselves and they are the official underwear partner of the UFC, which says a lot, baby. Look at that. There you go. Once you go, Sheath, you'll never go back
Starting point is 00:19:46 to regular boxers again. I'm telling you that. I have yet to go back. Elevate your comfort today. Go to sheath.com and get the most comfortable underwear you're ever gonna wear. If you use the promo code garbage, you'll also get 20% off your first order.
Starting point is 00:19:59 That's sheath.com, promo code garbage for 20% off your first order. Sheath, the underwear legends. Do it. Pussy. There was that, and remember Honest Tea? Honest Tea, of course. The Arizona type beverage.
Starting point is 00:20:14 Yeah, the iced tea beverage. Honest Tea. They set up a thing, it was like a, dude it was like a huge display at like 17th and Chestnut or whatever when I was working They set it up and the whole thing was like leave it like it's a drinks a dollar leave a dollar be honest I mean I saw him set it up. That's the wrong market for that. Don't do that in don't don't dude Clean that than a an hour. I mean people bring a wheelbarrow up They got ransacked probably talking shit. Well, they did
Starting point is 00:20:46 Honest he this shit's thing never never cared for an honesty like a Nantucket nectar though. That was big They got into the market heavy that was to Apple was up against it Nantucket not nectars are still bang. They're still popping. They did a little thing on the inside What's the thing on the inside? They do like a little quote or fact or something like that. Oh yeah, Apple does it too. They're banging strong. Yeah, I don't know if I've ever had one.
Starting point is 00:21:14 That was like... They're good. To me in my head, that was hooty-tooty because you hear Nantucket, I go, all right, there's no wild wood brew. You know what I mean? I'm a totally nut man at the end of the day. Let's go.
Starting point is 00:21:25 All right, let's see here. This is from Holden Holden his cock. I have to I was about to be like, oh, it's a great name. Is it garbage if I canceled my gym membership now that the warm weather is here? I only went for the sauna. So now I'm just sitting in my parked car for half an hour with the windows rolled up.
Starting point is 00:21:48 Hey, a Schmitz is a Schmitz, my guy. If you're saving, you know. Going into work all wrong. Showing up to an office job sweating was brutal. Brutal. That's also like, that can't, I mean, if you're just sweating in your car like that. That's not good for you. That's not good for a car. Your car's smell like a fucking rollerblade car sweats different, too
Starting point is 00:22:08 It's like a film You know that whole leaving kids in cars and stuff like that that was not around I remember being left in a hot car for Taurus man I remember why balls off counting the dead bees in the back window fucking schvitzin Just real brainiac. I had a realization. I wonder why there are so many bees.
Starting point is 00:22:30 I had a realization about cars. I'm lacking a universal experience. I've never been in a car alone. Ever in your life? I don't drive. You never had a license? No. What the fuck? This guy stinks. Weirdo. Eating cake. You's never driven a car by yourself.
Starting point is 00:22:47 No, but you have driven a car. Oh, yeah. Man, by yourself. Good song. Sigs are the best thing you will ever have. I know. Whatever happened to that. You were supposed to get your license not that long ago. I had things come up. Yeah, he slept through his alarm. He missed him. He missed the goddamn appointment.
Starting point is 00:23:04 Don't you have your learner's permit? What's up? He doesn't have anything. You never drove in a car by yourself. I got an Illinois ID. Never hit the open road. Never ripped a heater in a car with the AC on and the windows down and the radio playing? Sure, but I was sitting shotgun.
Starting point is 00:23:20 Yeah, man, that's crazy. Never went to a drive-ththrough by yourself and just sat in the parking lot and housed it. Put a gun in your mouth. Really thought about tomorrow. Man, nothing worse than pulling out of the drive-through and pulling into a spot and someone's next to you. That's my go-to move is true.
Starting point is 00:23:40 Pull up, scrunch, scrunch, scrunch, scrunch, scrunch. But when somebody else is next to you eating, it kind of takes a lot of places at the at the McDonald's I grew up going to. They were staggered. They were on an angle. So you were pretty sure. Yeah. So you got your own little privacy, your own cubicle. That's not business. That's not. Yeah.
Starting point is 00:23:57 It's like those shady iPhone covers where you can't you can't see from the other. Hater blockers hate those things. I can't get my snooping on. Trying to do a little peeking. Got a creeper pilling on it. Well, he has some sort of spyware on that thing. I mean, what are you doing if you got a bit? Seeing what's up.
Starting point is 00:24:23 Uh-huh. Hmm. Uh, this one's just not just, I mean, this is a very good name, if you can remember. This is from Platespinner42x29. I like it. That was your pants size. Uh-huh. Uh, $10 Wawa, never had one, they're just making stuff up now, $10 Wawa. Uh, is it garbage to make meatloaf in a ring-shaped pan?
Starting point is 00:24:44 Mmm. Yeah, you can't have a meat cake. That's a meat cake. or wa wa. Is it garbage to make meatloaf in a ring shaped pan? Yeah, you can't have a you can't have a munt cake. That's a meat cake. That's not good. Your meat's got to be all together. What other meat has a hole in it like that? I think some French dishes, they do that. They make them in circular. This is America. I mean, I believe a LaFontaine. He's not. Yeah, that's the design of it. This guy's just doing it cuz I should leap up you're making
Starting point is 00:25:09 Dua Lipa Margot Robbie Margot Robbie medium-rare, please That's insane to me. That's I wouldn't like my meatloaf like that If you came over to and if you get a nice slice would be alright though if you think of if it's ringed like that I say but I If you came over to... If you came over... A nice slice would be alright though if you think of it. If it's ringed like that, nice little... But... I don't think...
Starting point is 00:25:29 Probably get dry. Maybe. I don't know. Are you a meatloaf guy? Yeah, when it's there. It's just dense. Huh. Did your mom make it growing up?
Starting point is 00:25:37 I don't really remember. I'm sure. And you would eat it? No. I was a nuggies man. What are you talking about? I was, you know... There was a period where I was a nugget man talking about you know
Starting point is 00:25:46 There was a period where I was real young where the ketchup on top freaked me out because it cut so Like a burn victim that stuff was whack fuck That no, that's I didn't like ketchup as a wee man anyway let alone. Would you leave this in the Sun? Yeah, you're giving me a ketchup cake? Nine, Duncan, buddy. When people put bacon on top, the bacon was always real rubbery. You can see your body.
Starting point is 00:26:15 Yeah, it's got to go back in there. That's no good. I love a meatloaf, though. Meatloaf is prospector food, dude. Oh, I'm big fan. That's what you eat after you go panning fan? Painted for gold some good in my belly Used to give me the worst heartburn ever I just crushed right through it It's good
Starting point is 00:26:33 I feel like my wife made a pretty solid one a few years ago like she really she would like throw it yeah They got me loaf in Germany. I Think so I would presume huh beatin opening. I mean I mean fly should open Uh, I don't know if it's specifically meatloaf, but it's a meatloaf her dad actually throws down a heavy bike on a meatloaf No kid I recall yeah Germans making meatloaf traditional German meatloaf. No kidding. How about that? Oh? they this one has like a it's like a Toad in a hole. You know, you cut a hole in the bread and then you have the, it's like egg
Starting point is 00:27:08 all the way through the meatloaf. What'd you say, toad in a hole? Yeah, where they take a piece of bread, cut a circle in it and you cook the egg in the middle. I know, yeah, no, I mean, yeah. Hey, you're screw balls, dude. You've never heard that? I've never heard it called a toad in a hole.
Starting point is 00:27:21 What do you call it? I don't know. Midnight snack. That's what it's called, or frog in a hole, toad in a hole. What do you call it? I don't know That's what it's called to our frog in a hole or something in a hole I've only ever seen that in a moon struck I've never lived in a do cock it. Louis do caucus makes it for share They have a little little roast of pepper and like nice Italian bread that looks good. They didn't call it a toad in a hole though Whatever the hell you sounds like a sex it does
Starting point is 00:27:45 So there I am giving a old toad in a hole though. Whatever the hell you're doing. Sounds like a sex one. It does. So there I am giving the old toad in a hole. Oh that bumped an ugly. Who let the frogs out? What? I don't know. They were having a good time man. They were riffing. Ummm alright let's see here.
Starting point is 00:28:02 This one's from Camel Crush Maddie. Long time never have one. Red, is it garbage if on the day of closing on your new home, the seller has a load of laundry going in the dryer and doesn't have any furniture moved out yet? That's crazy, dude. A load of laundry? That's illegal, isn't it? I think so.
Starting point is 00:28:22 I think when we closed on our house- Give mean a second. I got the whites in there You need to throw some in I'm doing a load real. I was doing tap I'd fucked the kid buddy get your shit. Yeah, how do you get away with that? I thought you had to be out by a certain date And then you come in and you paint the joint clean the place and all yeah, you don't want to get your money's worth It's my house till noon pussy About to cut the grass to dickhead to get your money's worth. It's my house till noon, pussy. About to cut the grass, too, dickhead.
Starting point is 00:28:48 No, I what I was told and again, I know nothing about nothing about nothing when I went. To my closing, they had to be out by let's call it. I'm making this up 10 a.m. That day, that day, and they do have it, I'm making this up, 10 a.m. That day. That day. So they do have until that day. But then I had to walk, like I had to walk through at say 11
Starting point is 00:29:10 to make sure the house was being turned over in like a proper, I.e. no, you know, not a load of laundry in there. Meatloaf in the oven. A hat in the dishwasher. Yeah, that was, so I would assume that's relatively standard operating. You go and make sure it is left in a condition where they didn't just like start fucking kicking
Starting point is 00:29:30 holes in a wall on the way out. Man, that is a scumbag thing. Talk about jamming you up to moving is brutal. You got the truck, the truck pulls up, they can unload it. You know, that guy's leaving the shit he does. Oh, these shelves will be good for you. These old paint cans, you're gonna love them. You keep that half a box of cereal.
Starting point is 00:29:48 Uh-huh, I was watching a Forensic Files recently, and uh, moved, they, you know, the house had gone through several owners, and there was a 55 gallon drum in the house, like in the basement or whatever. And then finally, like after eight years, it had like chemical, like, you know, whatever, like it was a chemical. Somebody was in there.
Starting point is 00:30:11 Someone was in there and they moved it out onto this. They moved it out to the street and then the town came like the trash guys like we can't fucking take this. This is like 600 pounds. Hey, plutonium pickups on Tuesday. We don't do goo, buddy. You plutonium pickups on Tuesday. Yeah, we don't do goo buddy Was the guy okay in the drum she was not uh Yeah, she got got
Starting point is 00:30:34 But they traced it back to it was like the head of a chemical company lady in a barrel you got sugo Yikes. Yeah. But that just goes to show the shit people leave. Crazy. It'd be a fucking goddamn toad in a hole in your basement. You got no god darn clue. And the house had turned over a couple of times.
Starting point is 00:30:54 Couple two, three times. No, people just left it there. A drum? Yeah, they were like it was in the back of the crawl space. I figured it was, it said dangerous. What sensible person wouldn't get rid of that immediately when they moved in? I don't know.
Starting point is 00:31:09 A chemical drum in the house. I mean, I'm not like, if you had a chemical drum. I mean, it wasn't in the kitchen. It was in a dank dark basement. If you moved into your house and there was a chemical drum in the basement. There's some stuff in the basement that I'm probably never going to touch.
Starting point is 00:31:23 Really? Yeah. From them? From them? God damn it. From the people that I'm probably never gonna touch. Really? Yeah. From them? From them? Goddamn it'll do it. From the people that live there? Yeah. Oh, that's weird. Yeah, no, I know. They jammed me up a little bit. That makes it not your house or feel like your house. Other people's shit. Well, it's technically the bank's house. You gotta get rid of that. That's bad juju. That's fine. It's like an old sewing kit or like a sewing machine? No, there's like a part of a bed or something.
Starting point is 00:31:47 You gotta get that out of there. That shit's haunted. The bed's haunted? Sure. Why? I don't know. I don't think that's how it works there, chief. Uh, yeah, there's just shit. It's like all the way back in the crawl space.
Starting point is 00:31:58 I mean, it could be a frog in a hole now that I think about it. It could have a couple of bodies on me. It's back in the crawl space. And I'd have to, then I'd have to do, someone Then I'd have to get a lawyer to defend myself in court. How much of that crawlspace is uncharted? No, fully charted. Really? You've been all in there. Oh, me? Someone has been.
Starting point is 00:32:16 Probably the murderer. No, I don't mess with it. I'm not a crawlspace guy. Really? I used to like our crawl space. Nah, my brother. We put some carpet in there. It was all right. Yeah, my brother used to go venturing in ours growing up. Yeah, it was all lit up.
Starting point is 00:32:32 They had lights and stuff like that. We didn't have lights. You get scared in there. That's a real good way to learn a lesson about spiders. Oh, yeah. They get you. I'd go in there and look at old photos and cry. Of what?
Starting point is 00:32:43 My family. Is that where they were kept? Yeah, we kept our old photos and boxes and the trains and stuff in there and look at old photos and cry. Of what? Of my family. Is that where they were kept? Yeah, we kept our old photos and boxes and the trains and stuff in there. And Christmas decorations. Was it dirt? No, it was concrete, but we had rug down. Oh.
Starting point is 00:32:54 It's all hooked up now. Mine was dirty. It wasn't dirt, but it was... Any lights? Maybe one in the front. It wasn't reaching the corners. I never went in there. I would have to help my brother up in there, I don't know what the hell he was doing.
Starting point is 00:33:09 Man, no light in the back. I told you I got a call one time, it was me and Vinny with the skinny, my sister called me and said it was night time in the summer, the door back, she's like, I just got home, the back door was open, everybody else was down the shore, Kippy's gotta come save the day,
Starting point is 00:33:23 so I tell Vinny with the skinny, we gotta go we gotta you know gotta go save the day here I scanned that whole house everything but the crawlspace me and Vinnie were standing at the door I go you check back there he goes fuck he's like you check back there I go we're good let's just you know we gave some threatening hey if you're back there quit playing around come out of here I got I got the goddamn army. It's all spiders in there. They're going to get you.
Starting point is 00:33:48 So Brown recluse back there. Man, I remember one time I was underneath the stage of the Hedgerow Theatre. Clean it. We had to clean it out. And it was an old like grist mill and it was all stone. And I looked up and I swear to God, there was a spider like the size of a catcher's mitt just sitting on the wall looking at me. Hairy, the whole nine yards. So you wanted to be a thespian, do you? How all occasions do inform against me? Crazy thing you said was a squirrel, he was just a good actor. He was playing a spider. Top
Starting point is 00:34:20 of the morning to you gentlemen.. Can't walk the boards. Do a little scene study. Some of stock. No, just sitting there like when something's too close to you like that. It's so frightening. You're like paralyzed with fear. I also had that one time in a creek. I was walking across the creek and I tripped and like my like I caught myself
Starting point is 00:34:42 and I was like in a push up position and I looked down at the rock and it was a snake on the rock. Oh serpents lurk Dude I do not like snake country. There's a little gardener steak. Oh, they're there quick You know at least the big ones will fucking I never like snakes at all Yeah, we used to get all boozed up and go tubing on our own down and man We watch out for water moccasins and stuff. Where? We'd go down to the Shamny Creek. We have water moccasins in Pennsylvania?
Starting point is 00:35:10 I don't know what it was, but to me, that was the only snake I knew that had water in the name. No, thank you. I would get eyes on that. I don't think so. That's something like the Amazon. A water moccasin? I don't know.
Starting point is 00:35:22 No way. I was wearing moccasins. Fuck that. There was something. Don't tell me that. I don't like snakes. No, you're good, you're good. Also, water moccasins, also known as cotton mouth snakes.
Starting point is 00:35:34 Fuck that. Cotton mouth kings. Dude, I don't like that. Venomous semi-aquatic snakes native of North America, they are found in the southeastern United States, the southeastern from Virginia to southern Florida and west to central Texas, Oklahoma, Arkansas, Missouri, and southeastern Kansas. Tell me one never made it up from Virginia,
Starting point is 00:35:54 hopped the Amtrak or something, got off. I don't like that. I don't like snakes that can swim. I don't like lizards that can swim either. Oh! You ever see that thing? Fuck that. Little baby godzillas?
Starting point is 00:36:03 Oh my god. You're hanging out at like, you know an all-inclusive in the dr and then fucking kimono dragon starts coming They swim with their arms back. It's so creepy. I was in when I went to swimming like cab Calloway When I went to Puerto Rico there was one in there whoop Yeah in the pool in the what? Yeah. That's what they don't know. I mean, these guys. Puerto Rico. He was drunk. There was one in the pool.
Starting point is 00:36:31 Like a proper one of the things we're talking about. Big enough to get me out of the pool. Those things have razor claws to. You ever see that video, that kimono dragon in the deli or something? What? Yeah, dude, it's like a sandwich. I don't. How's the pursuit today? Salt pepper ketchup. No, it's in like, you know, wherever.
Starting point is 00:36:56 But Komodo dragons live, Komodo dragons live in. Don't tell me you're an encyclopedia of everything that scares you. Where did where did what's his name go? The Galapagos. Charlton Heston. in, don't tell me. You're an encyclopedia of everything that scares you. Where did, where did what's his name go? The Galapagos. Charlton Heston, yeah, Galapagos. Charles Darwin. That's where, that's their home turf.
Starting point is 00:37:15 I always told myself if I ever see... I feel like they're in like the Asia somewhere. Well then how the hell did this one get in the deli? There's no god damn delis in the Galapagos Island. What was it doing? I don't think they're on the, I don't think they're on the belly. There's no goddamn delis in the Galapagos Island. What was it doing? I don't think they're on the I don't think they're on the glob. They're not. They're not they're in like Asia or something. They're in Indonesia. That's Asia, right? Indonesia. But by continental
Starting point is 00:37:38 plates, tectonic plates like Thailand, the Philippines. Don't tell me that. Why you're one of to the Philippines? Couple of years, I might. Yes. Indonesia is a country in Asia. Yeah. OK. Oh, Indonesia is a country. Yeah. What do you think it was? I thought it was a deli. It's a big deli. Indonesia is a country. I thought it was an area.
Starting point is 00:37:59 Myanmar. You know, I only know Myanmar from Ari and Seinfeld. I know it from first blood from Rambo. Oh, yeah, one that he did. He used to be called something else. He ought know well, he Burma Burma. I'll always know it is Burma. So Peterman said he's in Myanmar. He's quite mad. I hear I always told myself if I ever see a Komodo dragon I'm killing it on sight. No, they spit and they're venom get what are you gonna? I mean that this are we even going down if I had a sword or
Starting point is 00:38:37 They're incredibly they're incredibly fast and powerful I'm just saying I wouldn't I wouldn't take it on mono-e-mono Val I heard you looked at my girl. Put your tongue back in your mouth. No facies. Well they don't spit their mouth is so full of bacteria that it's poisonous when they bite. So Foley has the same technique that he can use. Yeah if I if I was ever around when I had a gun I think I would shoot it. You're a completely different guy. First of an in. First of all, you're an Indonesian. You got peace on you. What world are we living in?
Starting point is 00:39:10 You don't even like going to Brooklyn. What the fuck are we talking about? I just feel like they're so mean and so evil. They bite you and then you get sick. Fuck that. That's most things that bite you. Not like that, though. What? Not like that. Venom every year, things that bite you not like that though what not like that venom every Yeah, but that kills you quick. It takes a couple days, and they follow you until you fall down
Starting point is 00:39:31 Get a fever or something. I don't like it. There's no country for old man tracking you See if you can find the Komodo dragon in the deli is that a thing the video There's not that but you know, he falls through the roof. And what it's like a convenience. Trying to rob the joint. Unless I'm nuts, which is very possible. You know, it's crazy when you see the videos from.
Starting point is 00:39:58 Excuse me, allergies are taking over when you see the videos from like like a village in India and like a puma just gets loose. There's like a puma or like like a like a not a puma. What else would there be a cheetah? Sure. It's a smaller cat. Jaguar main coon cat. Because one of them gets loose in the village and freaks out.
Starting point is 00:40:22 They're all trying to kill it. Now, what really scares me is when those big pythons are like living in the ceiling tiles and they don't know, it was like a family of eight was like sleeping. And then, you know, they like open up the ceiling tile and like either like a Mondo snake falls out or it's like a bunch of them. Now I'm out. It wasn't a Komodo dragon. It was a giant monitor lizard.
Starting point is 00:40:44 Oh, it's big. It's Komodo dragon esque It's a heavy bike monitor. See look Those I don't mind Sorry, I mean, is that the one do you want that's like a guana ask? Yeah on the land I don't mind them when they start swimming. Yeah, I'm out the geckos. I don't like either. I love them They're cute a little salamander see a couple down in Florida That's good luck when you see them Cuties eyes, uh
Starting point is 00:41:11 It's good luck when you see a little lizard What they don't bite little baby one or two guys just picture. I'm running up my neck. That's how I've that's that's what really whispered in your ear You got a tiny pecker she don't love you Get let me tell you about factor fact that fact that you know factor I was an og factor user before they were even a gosh darn sponsor you hear it had an og Factor user before they were even a sponsor gang summer is here Uh-huh you want to spend less time in the kitchen and more time out there shaking your ass or whatever you're doing out there.
Starting point is 00:41:49 Pumping and grinding. Yeah, of course. Factory meals, absolutely fantastic. America's number one ready to eat meal every week You'll always have new flavors to explore if you want to do that great I do the shredded chicken taco bowl about 15 times a week ain't no make your day delicious from breakfast to dessert stay fueled easy Nutritious with easy nutritious options treat yourself to restaurant quality meals that feature a premium ingredients like filet big naan shrimp and blackened salmon. Enjoy effortless support for your lifestyle. Choose from six menu preferences to help you manage calories, maximize protein intake, avoid meat, simply eat well balanced. Here's the turkey. Head to FactorMeals.com slash garbage 50 and use code garbage 50 to get fifty percent off your first box plus
Starting point is 00:42:47 twenty percent off your next month. How you doing? That's code garbage fifty at factor meals dot com slash garbage fifty to get fifty percent off your first box plus twenty percent off your next month while your subscription is active. Do it. Kimmy, this is pretty litter. Oh, pretty litter and I know you don't got a kitty cat. You got a nice doggy, but I got a kitty cat and I'll tell you something You know one of her favorite things is pretty litter. It's the best kitty litter You're gonna ever have in your life
Starting point is 00:43:13 It also tells you if they got a little urinary tract infection or something like that It's the crystals that keeps you coming back. It smells good for up to a month. I cannot recommend it enough. Yeah Then if that's not enough, huh? We're tracking a health Pretty Litter Ship free right to your door so you never run out, you don't have huge kitty litter bags taking up space and even better, you don't have to lug huge tubs from the store, from the car up the stairs,
Starting point is 00:43:40 bada bing, bada boom, none of that's gotta happen. Pretty Litter is amazing. You have to try it. Go to prettylitter.com slash garbage to save 20% off your first order and you get a free cat toy. Ooh. Or if you wanna play with it, you can play with it.
Starting point is 00:43:55 Put a little cat nip in your lips. That's prettylitter.com slash garbage to save 20% off your first order plus you get the free cat toy like I mentioned before at a previous time Pretty littered comm slash garbage terms and conditions apply see the site for details do it Yeah, I don't know. I don't like little things. I don't like birds or squirrels and you hate your penis. Yeah Don't Speaking of whispering in people's ear
Starting point is 00:44:22 the the mean that's going around of Planet of the Apes Speaking of whispering in people's ear, the the the meme that's going around of Planet of the Apes. Sure. The guy whispering in his ear and it's like, let me borrow some money or something like that. You know, first day on the Internet. You know, fuck you guys. I'm killing a dragon fully just found the bombs world. I'm killing a Komodo dragon. Foley just found E-bombs world. I'm killing a Komodo dragon.
Starting point is 00:44:48 OK, yeah, sure. If I'm ever in this situation, how come they just don't kill them anyway? They just don't go around and kill them. You can't wipe off this species just because you think they're mean. And there's only like five islands they're on. OK, and they serve a purpose. They're pretty uncharted, those islands.
Starting point is 00:45:06 Yeah. They serve a purpose, I guess. Population control or whatever. Not people, but... Yeah, humans. Fucking taking out the weaklings. As good as Johnny. Yeah, I don't like him.
Starting point is 00:45:16 Uh, yeah, no, I don't think... That's fighting dirty. It's the jungle, baby. Bacteria. It's not poison, it's bacteria. That might what it will be poison if it acts as a poison I'm not sitting there go. Oh, it's actually bacteria. They catch a bad rat I saw one eat a whole goat one time craziest shit. I ever seen I've done that
Starting point is 00:45:37 Unimpressed Hey, you gotta finish the fries Hey, you gotta finish the fries, too Hey, get them sides All right, let's see here This one is from Toby McStolen Valor $10 sergeant here Know anyone that watches obscure sports ie battle, American Ninja Warrior, Professional Cornhole, et cetera. Slam Ball. I love dudes, when Slam Ball dropped,
Starting point is 00:46:09 I remember seeing the preview for Slam Ball, and my boys, we were like, that's gonna be nuts. That's the trampoline, right? Yeah, and then they tried to bring it back, I think. It just doesn't take. Yeah. But it should, because on paper, it's a fantastic idea. BattleBots is pretty sweet.
Starting point is 00:46:25 Man, that first job was all right for a little while. On a Saturday afternoon on like Fox, like after like the good shows were done. Yeah. Catch that at like four or five o'clock before the news came on. I'd be all right. Yeah, that was I loved that. Loved BattleBots. Also, this is a deep cut that I haven't thought about in years. Do you remember Junkyard Wars? Yes!
Starting point is 00:46:47 Love that show! Great show! British, right? Yeah, they would have, it was like a makers competition. You build something. Yeah, so it would be like two teams have access to a junkyard, you got to build hovercrafts to race or whatever. Yeah, whatever, like it was a competition, oh you have to build robots to fight,
Starting point is 00:47:03 or you got to build a car that turned that you can drive into a lake And they would go and they would scour the junkyard. It was a time thing they each had like I don't know eight hours or whatever That's pretty good. It was great. Do they were right around remember those members six wheelers What? Six wheelers. Yeah, they were they were this old ATV Something from like the war kind of yeah, they were this old ATV. Something from like the war? Kind of, yeah, they were these things. They were like replaced by the John Deere Johns.
Starting point is 00:47:32 The John Deere, like the golf carts? Yeah, but like the John Deere Gators, the Gators replaced them. Let me see it. But these things. Let me take a peek. Ooh, yeah, there were these little like golf carts. That's like something in the back of Optimus Prime. There are these little golf carts with six wheels and man, the guy and someone who's good at putting the plans together. It's fun. That's pretty good. I love that show. I was I was British, right? Oh, yeah. And we had a couple of engineers in our in our fraternity.
Starting point is 00:48:09 And some of those guys could like make the craziest shit out of nothing. It was wild to say. I mean, bongs out of snorkels. Haven't seen stuff. They make tons of bongs. Um, they were a potato gun. We had a potato gun shot right in my mouth. Hey, you think you get you're an engineer, right? You're good with physics You can get these taters in me quicker My hands don't move quick enough. Hey Carter. Oh, you hit me with a twice baked. Will you?
Starting point is 00:48:38 I'm gonna go deep I'm gonna run a button hook when I turn get me I'm gonna run a button on when I turn get me That uh that show was fucking I loved that show me that was such good Dirtbag TV man. They don't really have that anymore. No, there's no blue collar shows anymore. They have the glass blowing show They have shows like that on Netflix strap in. Yeah That's that seems like the word they're into it real into it uh oh I'm sure how you don't inhale that probably hurt oh it kills you kills you mean the molten lava yeah dude get you
Starting point is 00:49:18 quicker than a good one I got a kimono dragon fuck you know what else I've been watching clips of? They're popping up on the Instagram. Hit me. Uh, Orange County choppers. Loved it. Man. You know what I've been getting Paul Tuttle. Everybody loved that show. Every dad loved to me and my dad would Paul senior. Oh man. Yeah. Well, I love that. You know, Sleeper, low key hero of that show was the friend Vinny. I don't remember him. He was the third, he ironically looked exactly
Starting point is 00:49:54 like Vinny with the skinny. He was the other guy, there was three guys. And then they brought in that brother who had a problem with drugs. I don't remember. He's always one of them. Paul Senior. I've been getting videos of people
Starting point is 00:50:06 tracking down the motorcycles that were sold on the show to review trash and they're all horrible to ride. Yeah. Oh no. Um like notoriously unrideable. It's very they just fabricated. I don't think they made them. What do you mean? They just they like hooked them up. No, they made them. They made them from scratch. Not the engines but like like, yeah, the frames and everything. Huh? Yeah, yeah, yeah. That was the whole idea. It was like Shaq needs a Spider-Man or oh, yeah, that's right. They think it was Superman one. Yeah. Yeah, but the no suspension on any of them. So it's it's like riding on a no kid on a sack of rock.
Starting point is 00:50:40 I like the car count guy. Who? The count? I like the car count guy. Who? The count. The guy that wears the bandana like Stevie Vansant. I don't know that. The car count. Does custom cars out in Vegas? You'd know if you saw him. I don't know. Maybe. Looks like Ralph Sutton a little bit. Tall guy. I don't think so. Really? You don't know what I'm talking about? Alright, whatever. Alright, fuck me then. Couple of commies um there was a
Starting point is 00:51:07 There was a there was a man. We're heavy into trashy TV here But there was a I was a big American Pickers guy, too. I hated those guys. Yeah, they're kind of dorks But I love the I love the I don't know something got a family. The hell are you doing? You're riding around with your boy. That's what we do. What are you talking looking for? Peds dispensers literally what we do we're not rummaging through some guys garage. I would if they let us They're telling high quality material Yeah, um all right, let's see here they were ripped old guys off left and right now give you three dollars for it Well, it's sitting in there. That's three dollars that guy ain't have
Starting point is 00:51:47 Sure, I don't know the idea of it fascinates me really yeah that pawn stars Sure, I love just watching people work now that I think about it sure you put a little barter in some cash in there What they would they have a storefront or something like that when I sold that shit what American pickers? Not like a storefront, but she they that a girl in the office little goth girl. Yeah Freak in the Tomcat She she would sell it would sell like all it like, you know Online or whatever, you know, I mean like ah, there's I'm sure there's a destination where if you want an old Texaco sign, you go, you know. These people are in the industry.
Starting point is 00:52:28 Sure. Um... Do you remember Hardcore Pwn? Oh, with the guy with the earring? With the gray hair slicked back? Yeah, it was in Detroit. It was a pawn, dude. It was him and his daughter. Him and his, I think it was... Daughter and the son.
Starting point is 00:52:43 And the son, yeah. Yeah, he was alright that guy took no shit Yeah, I have to get my vibrator guy to come evaluate this Well, it was it was it was not born stars people would roll with like old nintendos Yeah, it was in Detroit like in the and they had like 15 security guards Someone come in there and be like, you know these or when he would tell somebody they had a fake watch or something They freak out you're fucking crazy Had to all be scripted
Starting point is 00:53:09 I saw a Shannon sharp clip where he was talking about his watch and he was like you wear a watch to tell time I wear watch to show you how much my time is worth which is Clearly made by some ad executive Sure, yeah, that's in print. That's a Don Draper right there And also why you gotta show people what your time's worth Got cash. Yeah, you're shining sharp. We know you got cash sure you know what I mean? Big dude, I don't wear a watch really Huh, I got one or two bozo. I go to a wedding or a nice dinner with my bra and I'll throw one on to
Starting point is 00:53:46 Class it up a little bit comedians sure a nice watch what a comedian should wear a nice watch I'm watching a pair clean pair of sneakers who said that yeah and rainbow suspenders and a rubber duck We talk about get out of here with a sledge. Oh, Maddox put a shoot you with the potato guns If it's a Louis I always wore a nice watch. That's why I wear one Always look good on Louie's arm. Sure. I hate to roll like so. This is not.
Starting point is 00:54:09 All right, let's see here. We got time for a couple of more there. This one's from Yo Mama, $10. Is it garbage to bring a metal spoon to work because plastic cutlery sucks? I keep it in plastic bags so there's no cross contaminations and I wash it on the weekends. I don't hate that. That washing on the weekends though, you gotta wash that every day. I'm sure he does in the sink in the snack room, right?
Starting point is 00:54:33 I listen. You do this all the time. I gotta base it on the information he's giving me. I wash it on the weekends. That's crazy. That's gross. Yeah. How do you feel about brushing your teeth in a public?
Starting point is 00:54:44 At work? When I used to work in an office, people used to do it. I understand it. I don't know. That's gross. Yeah. How do you feel about brushing your teeth in a public? At work? When I used to work in an office, people used to do it. I understand it. I don't know. It was a little too intimate. It's better than kicking. Having kicking breath.
Starting point is 00:54:52 Yeah, you mentioned that. You came out of the shitter and there was some guy... Yeah, my butthole's exposed and this guy's there. You floss every day? It's like, buddy, I'm holding my breath in here. Goddamn. I respect it. You brush your teeth here.
Starting point is 00:55:06 Yeah, this is my God damn office. Sure. I'm on the gosh darn leash here. He walks around with it too, you notice that? He walks around and brushes his teeth. There's two different people, I have a theory on this. There's people who stay stationary, and it's gotta be something in your brain,
Starting point is 00:55:20 there's people that walk around. I walk around like a pigeon. I have to look at myself in the mirror when I do it. I'm a in the mirror person, but I walk around when I get dressed. What do you mean? Yeah. I mean, I'll like, sometimes I'll like grab like my pants.
Starting point is 00:55:35 I'll like walk into a different room and put them on. Every article of clothing goes on at a different time in a different room for me. Yeah. Really? I'll be on the elevator tying my shoes. I don't care. Yeah. Psycho. Why do I walk around and brush my teeth?
Starting point is 00:55:50 And I can't be I know other people that is it weird that when I brush I feel I need to walk around All right, I gotta be over the sink cuz I gag myself. Oh Freak you do too. Yeah, my accidental yours is on purpose now. I hear you doing it all the time I don't feel like my night my teeth and my tongue are clean until I gag myself I gag bad Yeah, I do do it on purpose. I need to feel it so I know I know that my tongue's clean Yeah back there. There's no there's no it's got to be something in your brain It's got to be anxiety or something, but I'm fucking you think you're a big shot That's big shot shit.
Starting point is 00:56:26 Walking around brushing your teeth, cutting deals, shouting out orders. Is that what you say? Shaving at red lights. What are you talking about? Does that intimidate you when I walk around? Intimidate me? No. Well, I don't know. You're you're saying I'm acting a big shot. That's a flex.
Starting point is 00:56:42 Walking around, brushing your teeth. I mean, that's not a big man. Don't need a sink. That's a flex. Walking around brushing your teeth. I mean, that's not a big man. Don't need a sink. I got a toothbrush. Yeah, let everybody know. See how it is. It's mainly so my wife don't yell at me for catching too many heaters in a day. You don't floss, do you? I not super enough. Yeah.
Starting point is 00:57:04 I remember a guy said, you fly. I had a dentist. Last dentist I seen was a super enough. Yeah Remember a guy said you fly my head a dentist last dentist. They seen was a minute I gotta go clean. I remember when you went to that dentist. We got it on Groupon Yeah, you had cavities under your gums or something like that. They wanted to scrape them out No, they said my gums it was a periodontist So they were trying to upsell me to get new go receiving gums. No, they weren't receding They weren't encroaching either they were growing in But uh Yeah, whatever um
Starting point is 00:57:37 Forgot what I was saying. I lost my train. If you could not hear master broadcaster right there My bad Walter Cronkite. Thank you, Kevin. Just starts brushing his teeth to assert dominance. That's a flex, dog. It's not a flex. Yeah, it is. You walk around, you look at the TV,
Starting point is 00:57:56 see what's going on. Only a guy missing teeth would think that's a flex. I know, yeah. Oh, look at you with your dental hygiene. Also, like, I can't talk. I got a mouth full of you. You always talk when you brush your teeth. I never do.
Starting point is 00:58:12 You walk around mid conversation. I don't know, probably go around nine o'clock. You're nuts. You do that all the time here. Toby, no? I couldn't say either way, honestly. Maybe Luke could check this. No, we're not bringing more people into your.
Starting point is 00:58:27 This is you're going to believe a guy who just said he's when he sees a kimono dragon, you're going to shoot him. I stand by that. If I was in a gun, if I did. All I'm saying is we should be taking them out and at least he's brushing their teeth, getting rid of some of that goddamn bacteria in there. So when they bite you, it don't also, you know, you don't get gangrene.
Starting point is 00:58:51 Sure. That's all I'm saying. Sure. This is pretty funny. This is something that's come up before, you know, the version of this. This is from Will Churchill. Is it garbage for local barber is also a notary service? That's crazy, but makes sense. It does. That's a slippery bunch. No barbers?
Starting point is 00:59:13 No notaries. Sure. Anybody can kind of do that. Yeah, you just have to go verify. You have to like maybe take an oath or something. They usually should make lukin. License. Become a notary.
Starting point is 00:59:23 Or just buy a 3D printer. What's that? Just make your own stamp? Now you got it's like metal. That's like the state seal on it You can't just print that I have the state seal on it, and if you do all report you It's a goddamn class D felony doesn't make any sense you get notarized the fuck does that mean you put a little dead in it? No, you are saying you are who you are. You go before a representative of the state, and they confirm you are who you are. Is that what they are? Representatives of the state? Yeah, they're knighted or whatever you want to call it.
Starting point is 00:59:55 I don't think knight is the word, but you get what I'm saying. They're appointed. They definitely walk around brushing their teeth. Mm-hmm. Get the stamp. Big shot. Let me see your shirt.
Starting point is 01:00:04 Yeah. That's, we also, Mm-hmm Get the stamp big shot That's uh we also I know this is also a trashy thing that we did growing up and still do I know my brother Still does I just don't have any business there Would you go to the DMV or go to the auto tags? There was a big one decal decal pike there's a a bad always went to that's where you get shit notarized. Yeah, I Turn the tags in I've said growing up my stepmom was a notary so she handed all of my affairs These chicken fingers Yeah, always auto tag dog, yeah there was was one there was one off street is on Boston and they had they were online with the state so they could act as an agent
Starting point is 01:00:54 of the state a little bit like take a bail bonds off. It was it was very like you go in, sit down. You guys have guns. They knew my whole I remember I bumped into my uncle in there one time. How you doing? I was like, man I remember I bumped into my uncle in there one time. He's like, how you doing? And I was like, man, we are dirt bags. They're all in there. Ass, man.
Starting point is 01:01:10 We're all getting new tags. You can renew your license there too and didn't have to go wait in line, but they hit you with a premium of 16 bucks. Sure. They were online. I'm online. You go there and they would approve it, so then you just had to go to the photo center. You have to go stand in line at the DMV like a jerk off.
Starting point is 01:01:28 You went further down. Bostleton, there was just a driver's license photo center. Sure. Across from the Leo Mall. You can also do that. Have you ever gotten your photo taken at a CVS or a pharmacy? My passport was done at the CVS on Bleecker Street. Oh, there's how they let them. It's not even all white.
Starting point is 01:01:44 There's something else behind. There's like a there's like a Marlboro banner behind me or something Yeah, some nicotine. It's just a picture in front of a white thing. That's all it is. Yeah We went to another one. I went to one in the Heights when we were doing my wife's visa thing I had to submit like eight pictures of me and she had to submit eight pictures of hers. Tasteful nudes. Bumpy, ID and loose cigarettes? Oh man, it was, we went to like a place where you take your baby to get pictures taken, you know what I mean? It was, it was a scene.
Starting point is 01:02:18 Cash business! Keppi's on his ID, hugging his wife from behind. Bluetooth in his ear. He's holding his ID hugging his wife from behind. Bluetooth in his ear. He's holding the yard. He got laze on. Those big sunglasses. I got to get the picture. We're going to wrap it up.
Starting point is 01:02:39 Gang, what are you going to say? No, I was just saying I was exhaling in excitement. That's all. We're all over the goddamn road, buy some fucking dick. There you go. Gang, we love you, we'll see you next week. Peace.

There aren't comments yet for this episode. Click on any sentence in the transcript to leave a comment.