Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast - Loan Sharks w/ Kippy & Foley!

Episode Date: January 13, 2025

Are You Garbage is back with Kippy and Foley for a family episode to answer your garbage questions from Patreon. It's a fun one! Thanks for watching AYG Comedy Podcast. Love youse guys. Come to a live show! Live Shows: https://punchup.live/areyougarbage/tickets PATREON: https://www.patreon.com/AreYouGarbage MERCH: https://areyougarbage.com/ Better Help: https://betterhelp.com/GARBAGE Blue Chew: Make life easier by getting harder and discover your options at https://bluechew.com Factor: Eat smart with Factor. Get started at https://FACTORMEALS.com/garbage50off and use code garbage50off to get 50% off your first box plus free shipping. Draft Kings: Support the show by downloading the DraftKings Sportsbook App and using the code AYG. If you or someone you know has a gambling problem, crisis counseling and referral services can be accessed by calling 1-800-GAMBLER (1-800-426-2537) (IL/IN/LA/MI/NJ/PA/WV/WY), 1-800-NEXT STEP (AZ), 1-800-522-4700 (CO/NH), 888-789-7777/visit http://ccpg.org/chat (CT), 1-800-BETS OFF (IA), 877-8-HOPENY/text HOPENY (467369) (NY), visit OPGR.org (OR), call/text TN REDLINE 1-800-889-9789 (TN), or 1-888-532-3500 (VA).   21+ (18+ NH/WY). Physically present in AZ/CO/CT/IL/IN/IA/LA(select parishes)/MI/NH/NJ/ NY/OR/PA/TN/VA/WV/WY only. New customer offer void in NH/OR/ONT-CA. $200 in Free bets: New customers only. Valid 1 per new customer. Min. $5 deposit. Min $5 wager. $200 issued as eight (8) $25 free bets. Ends 9/19/22 @ 8pm. Early Win: 1 Early Win Token issued per eligible game. Opt in req. Token expires at start of eligible game. Min moneyline bet $1. Wagering limits apply. Wagers placed on both sides of moneyline will void bet. Ends 1/8/23 @ 8pm ET. See terms at sportsbook dot draftkings dot com slash football terms. Comedians H. Foley and Kevin Ryan are self proclaimed GARBAGE. Each week a new stand up comedian gets put to the test. Steal shampoo from hotels? Own a George Foreman Grill? Ever worn JNCO Jeans? Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Welcome to another exciting edition of R U Garbage, the show where you find out if your favorite comedians are classy individuals or absolute trash. Now here are your hosts, Kevin Ryan and H Foley. Hey everybody out there and welcome back to everybody's favorite podcast. This is R you garbage? You know it's a little show we sit down with your favorite comedians. We found out the group to be classy Just a big old piece of trash or I'm your host a truly coming at you on a beautiful day We're out back here at Tooties in the new edition. She's outside waxing up the lumina

Getting ready for the week. All right, I respect that a baby oil out there on that driveway call that the diddy special Not some last-parm hero over there on the old patreon my co is coming at you from across the table He is the CEO of are you garbage? He is an international businessman He's my best pal in the whole wide world give it up for KJ Kevin James Ryan everybody what up gang shout out to you. Thanks for tuning in. As always, please make sure you rate, you subscribe on iTunes, full video available on YouTube and also now on Spotify. Go over there. You can leave a full video available on Spotify.

You comment, you do your little rate review over there. Let's get those numbers juiced and let's get a bank. They do all that over there. They do rate reviews and comments and stuff. Yeah, no kidding. let's get a bag. They do all that over there. They do rate reviews and comments and stuff. Yeah. No kidding. Uh huh. These guys are pretty good. Uh huh. Uh huh. Then obviously the greatest website of all time, www.patreon.com slash rdgarbage. You go over there, you get all that bonus content, gang. I'm talking about four years of bonus episodes and hard feelings. All you get, you sign up right now, you get

all that backlog. That's a lot. Also for the listener listener, Foley just took out a Zin before we started and put it right in his pocket. That's it. They dry very quickly. That's insane behavior. I would have that's insane behavior. I'd rather have you throw it. Oh, you insane. I'd rather have you throw it on the ground, dude.

I forgot to tell you, my brother does. I don't know if there's Zins or whatever. Whatever one he does has a second pouch. He's off the heaters. Second pouch has a second pouch. He's off the heaters. Second pouch has a second area where you can put the used one. Oh, I thought you meant a double. Now, there's like a second little thing, like a camel crush. And his buddy was using them all night like they were drinking. So he's like, oh, yeah.

And then at one point he didn't. He thought he was. My brother just thought he was taking the fresh ones. And he comes up to my brother like at like midnight. He's like, hey, man, do you have any dry ones? These are all wet. My brother's like, you're eating the ones I've been eating. Oh. That is a tough look.

That is what we call in the biz Charles Garoti. Yikes. That's tough. I like to sip coffee when I have them, so that'd be real nasty. Yeah. I like to drink when I have them. Have them in. Just to freshen up the pal a little bit and juice them back up. Give it a squeeze. They don't hit like the

heaters. Sure. Well, from the newsflash. But I smell better. Me and the big man are off the heaters. We're off the heaters. Well, I am. I can't speak for other said parties about on or off or in heaters. Now I'm off the heaters. That's all I I resent that disparaging remark. You see me with the goddamn zins. I've seen you with a pack of heaters in your sleeve. Not like you were Travolta. Oh, those were candy.

Yeah, I haven't been with you in a long time. And you do have a proclivity to lie out your ass about stuff. Other lives, secret lives sure where I catch him where I may or may not get cheaters I'm going to a just for the heaters guys can't say nothing right? I'm anonymous Check out the pot, huh? It's on Spotify. Anybody need an autograph? Woo! Hold on, if I did do AA, I'd want to do that.

They got them Hollywood type ones out there. In the city. Where people in the industry go. I can move some scripts around. Movie scripts. Bank killers. You guys play ball, right? You guys like to party. You're off to a sauce, you know guys play ball, right?

Like the party you're off to sauce. You know what's good. Yeah, well perky doodle Get you feeling all right Sit through this meeting You're all over to put my tongue the other day whoa just hey guys everybody relax When's the last time you did that talk about garbage? I don't know I mean you do have a fat tongue. I do it's like a it's like the tongue of a DC shoe You're like a skate shoe out of hot topic or something Boys gonna be a case in a fat tongue looks like you Get stung by a wasp and ladies like and the boys

Looks like you get stung by a wasp. And the ladies like it. And the boys. What? When's the last time you beat your tongue? Like significantly. Like this was significant. And I felt like a real fat kid when I did it. I was in front of you guys when I did it. We were enjoying something. Egg bites had to be egg bites. We haven't got lunch in a couple of days.

I ain't going to lie. He dropped his egg bite on the ground. And I mean, full blown drop to push up position to pick them up. Luke was like, I've never seen you move that fast in my life. You fucking remember that, punk? I still got a couple of couple of seconds in me. You were you went down quick. I had to cover you in egg bites.

You didn't pop up too fast. You did eat them under the table. Ha ha ha ha ha. We got mice in this dump too. Who knows what I caught from that? Uh, sure, sure. Uh, I got something for you. Talk to me.

Oh, my wife is away at the moment. She's in Germany. And I had to, uh, I had to trim my beard this morning. Your beard is weird. Your butthole you mean? I did do a little perusing down through. A little Merkin? Put the Merkin on? You know why it's called Merkin? Um do I know why it's called Merkin? Um Merlin's brother. Merlin and Merkin. They were two wizards back in the day. Sure. Oh yeah. Uh uh. So when you used to get. One specialized. You would get, I don't know,

would it whatever uh VD you would which by the way, calling it a VD is a real real grody. Uh whatever venereal disease you would get, they would hit, it was like syphilis or something, they'd hit you with a shot of mercury and that would make all your hair fall out down. Oh. So they'd shoot you in a wee wee with it and then all your all your all your all your pubes would fall out. And they'd give you a fake, they'd you in a wee-wee with it and then all your all your pew all your your pubes would fall out And they give you a fake

They give you a fake keep up here and keep up appearances. You don't get left out of the whorehouse For being some pre-pubescent weirdo. Hey check out cube all of it So they this is what I was told is that true Luke? Let me keep diving. I should be on my home page. So, yeah, they give you like a fake one, and it was called a mercantile because mercury, whatever. I don't know. That's pretty good. If not, let's make that up and run with.

So you were taping that up. So I was taping up my taping up my murky. You're trimming your beard. Trimming my beard. Is this recently? Yeah, today. OK. I just hit it with a five piece. Just clean it up a little bit. All right. My this recently? Yeah, today. Okay. I just hit it with a five piece. Just clean it up a little bit. Alright. My this is neither here nor there. You don't have to you don't have to go. I just see some stragglers. Yeah, okay. Do you father time over there? No, my shit's tight. No, it's not. Sure it is. Okay. Now we're just. I'm doing this by the way.

You're doing what? I'm getting. It's gross. It's up close. It is gross. Yeah, I'm getting I'm coloring. I thought you just said it was oh you're color. No, do not color it. I am. No. I don't care. Don't. I don't want's up close. It is gross. Yeah, I'm getting I'm color. I thought you just said it was oh you're cut No, do not. I am no, I don't care. Oh, I don't want to have this. I Feel like I feel like What's his name look like a billy goat grab you by the scruff I Feel like a silverback. I don't I don't like this. It's not Because it's not you got to keep it tighter. You gotta go tighter. Nah. See I go tighter. Alright. The chin starts showing. No. I mean

you can go tighter than that. I got these people fooled. I do you. I'm not fat. It's all those black t-shirts. Um I uh what's the cleanup process after you shave? Like on the sink. I'm assuming you're shaving above this at the sink I do it in the bedroom I wouldn't put that past in bed spread my a around okay I go into the bathroom okay I take everything off the sink smart move right cleaning up all the trinkets is a fucking that's the worst. She's like Sherlock Holmes She finds one thing she's like locked the doors

She freaks out and you've really been pushing that bit for a while these to do that 10 you lock the doors No one leave someone thought it shit lock homes Okay, good like that Someone trademarked that I don't eventually my idea boy. Also you've been god damn it. You've been writing it for 10 years you only have those two lines. Hey you don't mess with a classic. Take everything off. Alright. Take everything off.

Dry sink. Dry countertop. The second water gets introduced to this process. You might as well. It's like an ink back went's like an ink back went off. And you when you were robbing a bank, I do my shit. I go like that. Because I'm shirt off. I get I get I put that in the sink. I run out to the kitchen. I grabbed grab a sandwich. Okay, run out to the kitchen. What do you get pounds of ground chuck?

80-20 gotta be 80-20 none of that 90-10 bullshit. Who the fuck am I? Goddamn American? Yeah, I dished it Did they get fatter? Can you do like 60-40? Give me a hit That's a juicy burger right Talking about a juicy Lucy you ever have a juicy burger right talking about a juicy Lucy. You ever have a juicy Lucy by the way? What's that man? Add all that. You end up with a

mercantile. Are you nuts? Uh juicy Lucy is I believe in Minneapolis, Minnesota out there at the Twin Cities. Um they put cheese in the middle of the burger and and cook that up. Yeah, I didn't know and I'm sitting there at the bar burger. Um they put cheese in burgers on the grill. If we burgers if when you were making your burgers on the grill, if we weren't using Bubba Burgers, which we usually did use Bubba Burgers, shout out to them. Never Bubba Burgers? Yeah, I

mean we were we were a more of uh. I get your own patty family. Oh, no. Oh, American Pat. I got you. The shitty ones from ShopRite or whatever. America's Choice. We are a super fresh family at the time. Chopping those things apart when a **** man take butter knife. That'll cut you up. Man, talk about smashing your knuckles on a on four frozen hamburgers. They've been in there since the Carter. Sometimes they just fall apart easy. I know. I was like steak. They were hit or

miss trying to get those things apart. Anywho, for a minute, those things apart. Anywho, for a minute, there was a rumor going around where the dirtbag culinary world of my family that if you put an ice cube in the middle of the burger, I think that plays. Yeah, dude. She almost burned my dad's face off. Why? Because I'd said melted and it was like it was like a pool of water in there. She packed the burger too tight. My dad took a bite of it But fucking burns. He had like a visual burn on his face Could have been a hurt, but they're

Acting out a little bit of a little bit of a murkin flare up if you get Got bit by a juicy Lucy. So I go out to the kitchen. I grab. Yeah, I forgot about this. I grabbed a Dyson Okay, really grabbed a Dyson put the short thing on there. I go in there. Right up my butt. And vacuum all, everything. Really? Everything out of the bowl. Really? Of the sink, really. Sometimes in the bowl if it's dry.

And then I just take water and scoop it around on the inside, let it flush down. Which I've noticed and been taking some heat for. The drain has been running a little slow after doing that for a while. I gotta get some Drano in there. Yeah. But that's my process. Alright. That's pretty good. That's that's reds really good. I did mine today and since no one, I'm just I'm living by, I just ghosted. Really? I said, Hans, let's go. We gotta get the hell out of here.

What? Then it starts sticking with the toothpaste and this and that. I mean, I'm not spitting, I mean, I did it, I showered and I left. I didn't, I'm not gonna be living with that. So when you go home tonight, you're gonna clean it up. I gotta take care of that. But, I was in a rush.

But what I do, the water, water's a, really, it gets stuck to your fingers, looks like you were shearing a sheep. It's everywhere. It's dude, it's brutal. And the second it gets wet and sticks to you, it's like, I feel like it's all pubes, you know what I mean? It's bad. I'll wet a piece of toilet paper, a little bit.

Toilet paper? Yeah, just a little bit. I got good TP. I got good TP.'ve got a little bit of that right and you can just like a smidge and then that's enough and then I'll like like I'm busting a table I'll zip zap I gotcha and that'll get most of it but if I mean I'm a lazy guy so a lot of times I just kind of the top with the soap and the thing and that's you're done you lift that up that's like you could clone me down there it's bad news for a while I was taking a paper towel and folding it over like a like a tarp really that's pretty good not bad huh

I want I want to put a mirror in my bath in my bathtub like in the shower and so I can do it in there it's just why that it's everywhere the second you shave it in here in my in my bathtub like in the shower. Hey, though. And so, I can do it in there. It's just I that it's everywhere. The second you shaving in the shower. What? It makes me a 90s dad. I wouldn't have the water on. I would just

stand in there and clean it up. I hate that. I can't stand naked in the shower without it running. You said I'd be naked. Trying to move tickets, aren't you? Shaving over here. Wait, you would get what that's even I haven't done it, but I'm just saying I mean Maybe I'm in my boxers or something because you gotta you gotta say I've tried it and I've been jumping back and forth And I thought if you put the dog who got fucking surgery

I'm missing patches all over my shit. If you did it in the shower, just do it in the shower. What do you mean? over my **** If you did it in the shower, just do it in the shower. What do you mean? Do it when you get into the shower like when the shower is running. You can't stand in a shower and just your boxers and shave. That's weird. Isn't it cold in there? I mean, I wouldn't like that. I feel like **** Rambo. I mean, I'm not like posted up. I mean, it takes three, four minutes to shave. I just have your socks on in there. I maybe I got my shoes on. I got a jack. I got up. I mean, it takes three, four minutes to shave. I just zip, zip, zip, zip, zip, zip, zip, zip, zip, zip, zip, zip, zip, zip, zip, zip, zip, zip, zip, zip, zip, zip, zip, zip, zip, zip, zip, zip, zip, zip, zip, zip, zip, zip, zip, zip, zip, zip, zip, zip, zip, zip, zip, zip, zip, zip, zip, zip, zip, zip, zip, zip, zip, zip, zip, zip, zip, zip, zip, zip, zip, zip, zip, zip, zip, zip, zip, zip, zip,

zip, zip, zip, zip, zip, zip, zip, zip, zip, zip, zip, zip, zip, zip, zip, zip, zip, zip, zip, zip, zip, zip, zip, zip, zip, zip, zip, zip, zip, zip, zip, zip, zip, zip, zip, zip, zip, zip, zip, zip, zip, zip, zip, zip, zip, zip, zip, zip, zip, zip, zip, zip, zip, zip, zip, zip, zip, zip, zip, zip, zip, zip, zip, zip, zip, zip, zip, zip, zip, zip, zip, zip, zip, zip, zip, zip, zip, zip, zip, zip, zip, zip, zip, zip, zip, zip, zip, zip, zip, zip, zip, zip, zip, zip,

zip, zip, zip, zip, zip, zip, zip, zip, zip, zip, zip, zip, zip, zip, zip, zip, zip, zip, zip, zip, zip, zip, zip, zip, zip, zip, zip, zip, zip, zip, zip, zip, zip herbs. Man, I need pants. I've said that before. I need an upper. I need a pair of slacks to feel like to feel confident. Underwear socks and sneakers. It's strange. I had I put on shoes to like go check something and fucking check is sweeping that place scares the bejeebus out of me. I can't stay there alone. No way. Just fucking hell, Adam. What?

This thing was barking at fucking nothing. Yeah, it keeps showing your fucking toes, though. Good looking kid, though. Gang, this show is sponsored by BetterHelp. 2025 has begun. Do you want a new you? Do you want to get your shit together? I've been trying to get my shit together through talk therapy.

BetterHelp can help. It's a great way to get into talk therapy. You can do it in your place. You can text. You can call. You can do video. If you got to get something big off your's a great way to get into talk therapy. You can do it in your place. You can text, you can call, you can do video. If you got to get something big off your mind, you want to get something small off your mind. If you want to help map out your 2025, I'm telling you, talk therapy and better help can help you accomplish those goals. Yes. Big fan of talk therapy. I have used it multiple times throughout my life for hard patches, whatever. If you're just a little lost, a little fuzzy, you just need to get some stuff off your chest.

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Helped comm slash garbage better help comm slash garbage do it That's better help HELP comm slash garbage better help comm slash garbage do it Yeah, but so much raff kings baby. Shout out to the Kings of the dream the playoffs are as they say upon us My playoffs you can bet what you want over at draft Kings get on the action of draft King sportsbook an official sports betting partner The NFL we're talking about scoring touchdowns as a key to winning playoffs And you can score big by betting on them with draft King you bet on touchdowns is a key to winning playoffs and you can score big by betting on them with DraftKings. You bet on touchdowns. What are we doing here? Talk about streamlining it. Start betting on putties, dude. If you're ready to place your first bet, try betting on something simple like a player to score six. Go to DraftKings

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old Patreon, we will answer your question on the air and we got one two three hum Dingers hit me this one. This is from the are you rubbish from the UK? And that it's all right five dollar bozo never had one red Are you garbage if when you borrow money from someone you give them two separate days? You're gonna pay them back Example, I'll definitely get you by Thursday, if not, then on Sunday. Yeah, that's the way to go. I invented that. Hey listen, that's a dirt bag as a guy

who's struck with money for a very long time. You think next week is gonna be better. It's not. You think you're gonna learn, you think that check's gonna come in, it's gonna stay whole. I used to watch you go pick up your check at that restaurant. And I mean, by the time you got off the block,

you were fucking 80 bucks down. You'd pop in, hey, you wanna pay, you buy us each a pack of eaters, couple of high shoes. I'm sorry, I took care of you. Hey, listen. Kept us on our feet. Okay, care of you. I'm done. Hey, listen. You kept us on our feet. Okay. Hey, listen. I fucking, I kept you afloat many, many, many of times.

I never really borrowed off of you, did I? You were always tight with it. I never had it. What are you talking about? Tight with it. I can't. I never had it. I was living off of 180 bucks. You know what's crazy when I hear people move to New York and they're like, oh yeah, I moved to the Lower East Side. I'm like, you what?

Like you moved to the Lower East? That's, I don't even, that's insane to me. You came here to do, and you moved to like, dude, we have a, it's like you were living under a kitchen table in Bed-Stuy, Brooklyn. I was living on the floor in Washington Heights. Yeah, 51st and Park. Billionaires Row. It's crazy to me. Oh my god. You're in the fucking 157 tower. No way. How's that? There's always a little more to that story. Sure. Mommy and daddy straightening. Yeah, I Can't even hang out on the Lower East Side let alone fucking live down there But you would pot you spend quick and then quick I was the same way and then you go That hundred I had is you know now fucking sixty two. It's in your head

It's still a hundo cuz you just picked it up. They got back things you got your pocket full of cash You get you buy fancy candy like Ruffalo's or whatever He would he would spend it if you had it. Ruffellos? Rochelles? No, is there a Ruffellos in there? No. R-A-F-F-E-L-L, this is how little I know. I'm a high Jew, man. That's well done.

We're a gummy bear. Ruffellos? Yeah, Ruffello. Yeah. Really? What's that? What's that? They look fancy. It's a Ferrer Rocher brand, subsidiary. Huh. Can I see a picture of that? Sure sure I'll get you a Ruffalo a Rocher. How do you say it again?

Ruffalo it's like white no no no Rochelle Rochello What free Friero Rocher Rocher Rocher? There's a little hazelnut choice these things a little bangers I'm not sure. I'm not sure. Hazelnut choice. These things. The little bangers. Oh, they're called Ruffalo's? Maybe. I don't know. I didn't know. I just pulled it. It was I had I

was picturing for for for Ferrero Rocher. I can't even say that. That is a gentleman's candy. Those things are delicious. I, you have to drive a, that sounds like a sports car to me. That's like something. That's something you

get when you buy a Lamborghini. They give you a pack of Ferreroo Rochers. Sounds like an Indy driver. Kevin Roche In the number one Red Bull car Coming around that too. But yeah, anytime I ever did borrow, I mean I borrowed money off a lot of people a lot of times Still on a sheet once or two, one or two people. Are you still?

I owe my my ex roommate pride once or two people. Are you still? I owe my my ex roommate. Proud. I we've talked to you just I got to I just whenever I'm around, I buy stuff for him to get off the sheet. I'm sure he he waived a few hundred a couple of times. What do you think you're at? What to him under a thousand? Yeah, yeah, yeah. OK.

He would never. Hey, my line of credit was not a thousand a thousand to him. Yeah, I'd get, I'd be like, let me borrow a hundred till payday. That would come. I'd be like, I'll give you 50. I still don't know, walking around money, you know what I mean? But then something would happen, you know. I remember, yeah, I remember one time I ordered a Buffalo Chicken Panini from the corner store

and my card got declined and I had to, they were making it. I went back and had to borrow money off him at the apartment. the corner store and my card got declined and I had a they were making it. I went back and had a borrow money off him at the apartment. We'll walk back to I'm going to lose this deal here. They got it on the god

damn grill. I know. Yeah. And my fries too. I can't I can't walk away from the table. Never leave the table on a heater. You know what I mean? So we gotta give you money to go back and get it? Yeah. Oh man. Which is like you're borrowing, you're borrowing money that's already spent, which sucks. You know what I mean? Let me tell you what's wrong. Like now I'm borrowing forty bucks? Well, it's also, that was shocking because I thought I was in a better financial. I thought I had at least, I... Forty bucks on a panini.

Slow it down a little bit. Well, I thought I probably at least... 40 bucks on a panini. What? Slow it down a little bit. Well, I thought I probably had a couple hundred bucks or like 150 bucks to last till payday. Something hit the account I wasn't expecting. Student loan. That's how they get you. And then, so I went from like, oh, I got 150, I can spend, you know, 15 on dinner.

That got denied. Get a panini. Get a panini. So I'm I took like a $200 swing. I thought I had 150 now. I'm in the hole 40 and I and I got to spend 15 on a panini That's what happened and Ron I'm selling shares watered down stocks Anybody want to go hands on fries with me? I want to dive in this a little bit

But let me start by saying, because that made me think of the fact, when you borrow off of somebody enough, especially when it's small bills, small petty stuff, I can imagine that that was a situation when you have to stand there and you know they're sick of fucking giving you money. They're sick of hearing. They have to they have this my brother so many times where he was like he was sitting in his shorts or his boxers watching tv shaving and I'm and he's got to go and when they when they have to go and get their wallet my wallet's in my jeans go get it. They tell you to go get it. Oh man. You got to they walk back to get it and they put I only got 20 on me and say all right I just take

that scratchin the fries are already in they dropped the fries they're probably tossing them in his salt right now it's not really about me small business I gotta keep afloat yeah is that's just that in the way you stand you think you're a man No, you don't I've never thought no I'm saying it in general You think you're a man sure but then you stand there when a grown man has to open his wallet for you And you stand there and wait like it's okay. You're doing this You like you like you don't know what to do with your hands. You're like, you're like, you don't know what to do with your hands. You're like, yeah, tired, man. Get a good night's sleep tonight. I got to the stretch

it and stuff. Doing a golf swing. Trying to feel the nervous energy about playing Sunday. You want to go? I got you. I'll cover you. I was the king of that. As I'm borrow as I'm down in the hole, I'm going next week. I got, next week, we're all going to Antiqua or whatever. Antiqua? Antiqua? I don't know. La Tortuga. Here's the thing. That's your new nickname. La Tortuga. That's from Priors of the Caribbean.

The Turtle. I'd never seen a film. Really? No. I have some Priors of the Caribbean. The Turtle. I'd never seen a film. Really? No. The crazy thing is is that when you borrow that 40, you spend it immediately. That's cool. Dude, I borrowed 40 and 15 was already due.

I was paying the fucking deli. Yeah, it's fucking crazy. That sucks. I would be the king. I would never miss, I would never make a date either. I'll give it back to you next week Never gonna happen. I would you always have you always have to say until I get my thing cuz I always had cash Come on, you had to chase me. I want it when I get paid when I get paid

When I get paid to get told to my check gets I would always Make the effort to make the payment when I felt like the charm of it was wearing off with the person. What do you mean? Have you ever paid and then asked for more money? Like two days later, like knowingly you're gonna need that hundred back. Hey man, here's the hundred I owe ya.

And then in like 48 hours later, you're like, let me borrow 250. No, but I was such a dirtbag, I would test the waters a little bit to see if somebody was, I don't wanna say Mark. I would test the waters a little bit to see if somebody was I don't want to say mark mark It's just too Negative of a term in your head. That's a cat's a cat's a cat's a guy's a walking dollar sign to you

You're not you're not slightly, but they're not you know listen you you're a you're a master manipulator and master mater You're a master manipulator and master baiter. You know. Listen, there's people you call for cash and people you don't call for cash. It's just, yeah. That's what it is.

It's just more so. That's what we're talking about. More so if I knew they would play ball. So I would maybe take out a small loan, okay? This is when I was working on the Upper East Side. I was friends with a couple of the bartenders. These guys made a lot of cash. to maybe take out a small loan, okay? This is when I was working on the Upper East Side. I was friends with a couple of

bartenders. These guys made a lot of cash and that was kind of the society a little bit. People were borrowing off each other. Let me get it. But they were all paying each other back and they were usually pretty big sums. They usually had a

lot of do it gambling. Sure. Okay. But if I do. You're asking for nine bucks. Let me get nine bucks in a light book of matches. Put this on the Jets. Sure. I would sometimes try a couple hundred. Hey, can I borrow a couple hundred? Not really needing it but with the intent of making sure that I gave that back to them right away so then I could come in and get a big, you know, I need a grand I was good for the 250 my credit's good with your goods my credit with you. Uh-huh. Yeah, I Never and then if I didn't pay that back and they I would sense that they would start being like, you know This isn't funny anymore

I'd get it to them real quick. I'd figure it out. Sure. Usually go to Peter. I uh I had uh I had one kid I would borrow. A friend of mine. Well, you're jammed. We're jammed up. You know, we're teenagers, whatever, 1820, whatever. Jammed up. Get a job. And uh I just spend it. It's just like the set. It just comes out of my fingers. But it's like trying to hold water to me. I can't do it. I can't just slips away. I know kids now. It just

slips away. I know kids now my you know, some some some family younger generation that have 1000s of dollars in their savings account or whatever. I remember my one boy, his grandparents died and he got ten grand. No, not even I'm just saying we threw that in his face You got ten grand jerk Fucking I mean, we're like, I'm in a poor line over here. You're sitting there with ten grand I don't feel like the fuck am I buying your beers for your I mean it was Kareem we still throw it in his face You know you are. Our one buddy whose dad had passed away years before he moved to

our town because his dad had passed away. Dad had this crazy job and I remember bragging to my mom that he had ten grand. I go he's got ten grand. Don't write him him after him next time he's here Goddamn respect. Yeah, what's the extra slice of meat? Love you gave it to him? He could buy and sell you you dumb bro. We're all gonna be working for this guy one day Get the good China He told us we were tight friends He told us that when his dad had set up some type

of thing that when they were like 35. Imagine that. When they were 35, each of him is something's got something. I don't know, 75 grand, something like that. And man, we thought we were all rich. I know, I know the thing, dude. My buddy got hit by a car skateboarding.

He got like 264 grand that I was you couldn't tell me **** if I was hanging out with him. He got half of it at 18 and the other half. I mean, he turned to a life of believe drugs and crime but sure but I don't think these kids are like that

these days. These kids are savers. I'm not I'm not saying they got I'm saying it's different. They didn't get it in one fell swoop. They did it like like they saved the money that like my birthday money. No, they saved the money that they made working last summer at some pizza place. It's crazy. I remember one year. But the parents did a lot of that. Sure. Cuz my I like my like that would be the thing like I

was working and my parents are like, well, then you're like, you're recreational is then you're relatively independent. Like we're not giving you money anymore. You're working. Like, yeah, but did you go buy shoes? You can go spend all your money playing cards or buying the eaters. When you were 13, 14, 15 and you had your summer job or whatever, when you came home with your paycheck at the end of the week, say it was a hundred bucks.

Did your parents say, all right, you give me 50. I'll put it in your savings account. That's what the parents are doing now. That's what I'm saying. You're going to have to pry that from, hey, Denise. That's what the parents are doing now. Yeah, no. Nobody taught me anything like that. There was no financial literacy at all.

At all. But now they do that. I'm sure your fucking parents did that shit. Yeah, but like your brother's doing well now. He understands. What do you mean? He was doing it in 2004. I'm not sure if he understood that **** Yeah, but like your brother's doing well now. He know he understands. What do you mean? He was doing it in 2004. They weren't doing that

**** in the 80s. Give me 50%. I'll put it in the **** I know my brother. We knew the kid was smart enough to do it on his own. Yeah, some people are. I didn't. No one in my room was that pig in the straw house. What? You know the three pigs

right? Yeah, you didn't have the patient for the bricks. Or the money. Let's build this place and get some hookers over here. I just came across 200 cash. I remember we were so like the wolf was a drug dealer. It can blow this house down dog. Buddy, we're blowing all night long. Come on. And the bathroom's to the left. Yeah, I just never had that mentality.

I remember one summer. We still don't. We were down the shore a bunch. Pat was working at a garage at a parking lot. Like he was like selling like, yeah, you pull in, you pay him the 15 bucks or whatever. And he would get cash every day. He get paid in cash. You couldn't tell a shit. That's just an influx of cash into the crew.

Organization. With a guy who's bad with money. You know what I mean? So it's like, he's like heaters. If I'm stretched out till Friday, you know what I mean? If I only got like fucking 25 bucks for two days down the shore, this kid's like, I'll just go to work.

I'll come back with fucking 60 bucks. That's beers, heaters, and hot dogs. And your 26 bucks minus your chicken parms and fucking yeah, that's 87 cents I'm back. I'm back. I'm back at them trying to get my panini. You know what I mean, man Yeah, but great question fantastic question. I've never thought of if not Thursday definitely Sunday if not Sunday Call my mom call my mother cuz I'm out of town. Worst case scenario. Next Saturday. You have a good lawyer by any chance. I remember when my my tenure of borrowing money ran out at the restaurant. I finally got up to

the owner of the restaurant. That's bad and he was the majority. He was the richest owner. Sure. And I was hitting him up. And he like, I think he loaned it to me or somebody was like, you just fucking loaned Henry the waiter money, you're out of your fucking mind. I forget, that's so funny to me. To other people, you're Henry the waiter.

Oh God, here comes Henry the fucking waiter. He's gonna be talking about comic books and asking to borrow cash off me while he's fucking stealing my heaters. I think behind my back I was Henry the Cokehead. Sure, well, Henry, a lot of things, I'm sure. I don't think they stopped there, you know what I mean? Man, that's great.

This one's just a good time. This is from Prince of Trash 1995, shout out to ya. Hey, fellas, is it garbage if your dad and his buddies meet up at the Starbucks to sit on the patio drink coffee Repeaters and chill geez what are the old Greek guys? That's a good time I mean those retirees they got to get out of the house. They got a hang you know what I mean I get that that's a good time. It sucks. They have to do it at a Starbucks nothing against Starbucks But I always feel bad when like that's the spot. Like your town should have a local like we got a local spot where at the at the restaurant gems, a lot of the old guys during the week,

they go in and sit at the counter and they read their newspaper. That's standard, but I'm saying outdoor. That's great. Those like those Starbucks is like in the strip malls like in those like that's next to like a T mobile and a fucking Cold Stone Creamery. Yeah, they got the patio out front patio. You're not bothering anybody. You're posted up nice landscaping. Everybody everybody spends fucking four bucks, three, four bucks on a coffee. You post up for five hours. Hey, old ladies breaking my balls. My kids an

idiot. You know, let me borrow 50. Fat one with these paninis. The hell's a panini? Man, I used to order panini. That's all I ever got there. I think that's kind of all you still eat. You eat a lot of panini. You eat more paninis than I would say certain sections of Europe. You had Northern Europe. You were the first guy I ever saw eat a panini. That's crazy. You worked at a restaurant. You worked at a restaurant. I never had Northern Europe. You were the first guy I ever saw eat a panini. I remember it's crazy. You were in a restaurant.

You weren't the restaurant. Never had paninis. You sound like dumps. You think I know you have no international fare. No, I don't think we ever had any. And I don't think I ever worked anywhere that had paninis. That's just fucking sandwich on a Chabata. This was in Philly.

I think. No, I my love affair for the pinini. I didn't know what it New York. So then it was at the deli across from the lantern, the bleaker street. No, no, you're all wrong. I remember the first time I had a pinini. Well, yeah, but the first time I saw you as a flatbread sandwich, if we're being honest.

Sure. It's a flatbread with a lid on it. Which by the way shot out? Yeah, you were the first one you're that you were the first guy I ever saw it or an opinion And I thought it was crazy. Well, no, I would have I got myself involved You read one of the sandwiches that's already made I didn't't understand that at all I forgot they were just for show I get peninis here. I know you forgot about that Yeah, if I go to the deli I get a penin you throw away your pickle and coleslaw I tell them not to give it to me. I say just just icky stuff. I

Didn't order a pickle penina that shit bleeds, okay? I Don't want the salad I got just the sandwich. I don't need all the others Give me fucking cabbage and shit. I'm trying to eat a goddamn panini of No the panini first panini I ever had Remember and remember it was a yesterday was at the West 4th Street Diner. They used to do that Monster Panini.

That's a focaccia. Wasn't that a focaccia? No, it was a panini on focaccia. It was a panini. Was there such a thing? That was the first time you had one? He had one? Yeah.

Maybe you got a taste for it and started ordering on the street. Sure. Well, they make them fresh every day. They turn quick. A lot of turnover on them panini. OK, you know that. But it was eight ninety five for a monster panini.

And I and fries and I'd split it with a I think Dr. Rubenoff was the first person because these panini's are pretty good deals. I said, let's go. Chicken, porn, panini out the door. Come is be the size of your head. Sometimes you take if you get it yourself you take a foaming dinner at night pinneys are good though I think why what are we talking about here it's meat and cheese and bread rest there are the only things I that's the only three things I

need meat cheese and bread. You can save all the other stuff. Get your carrots, kick rocks, okay? Cucumbers, icky. You don't like coleslaw, I'll take it at. It's like newspaper shavings. You shred documents? Feds will never think of looking here. I used to get a grilled cheese out when I was a kid.

You go to a nice restaurant. Not a nice restaurant. You go to a restaurant. Throw an orange slice on there, you freak out. Man, they come out with the... Dude, you should... I would clock the tray coming out of the kitchen to see what kind of accoutrements was on my on my grilled cheese and if they had you know Coleslaw or something I gave my mom the side eye to say fucking play defense on this get it up get it out like a trial

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never had one read you've ever had your dad cork your bat so you could win a little league home run derby and the grand prize was a new propane grill? Jesus Christ! I mean, come on. Who knows how to do that? What, cork a bat? Yeah!

I think it's pretty easy, no? Drill a hole? In a bat? That's nuts! I thought you were just drilling a hole and then you're fucking corking or whatever. I thought you had to buy that. I thought you bought cork bats. I don't need to do it yourself.

How do you cover up the hole in the bottom? I think you're like, no, it's at the top. You cork the top of bats. I don't need to do it yourself. How do you cover up the hole in the bottom? Think you're like, no, it's at the top. You cork the top of the bat, don't you? No, you cork the base where the thick part is. Yeah, it's the top of the bat. The bottom of the bat you hold. Yeah, that's what you think the top is?

What? The top of the bat to me is what you hold. That's the top of the bat in my head. No, the top of the bat. And the what you hold. That's the top of the bat in my head. No, the bottom is is what hits the ball. No. Huh. What are you living on the moon? I mean, that's just if because if I put a bat, if I

stand the bat up, I'm standing it up upside down. No, not to me. That's right side up. Like, what's the top of that guitar? The the the uh. But you're so you're classifying as the top of it because that's what it stands on. Because that's the top part of it when it wears. What's the top of that chair? The fucking headrest. Well, why? It's sitting on the base there. That would with that logic. You're saying it's the top because it stands up. Yeah. Yeah, that chair is standing up. You're saying it's the top because it stands up. Yeah.

Yeah, that chair is standing up. Yeah, and the top is fucking up there. Up the top, the back of it. Am I nuts? Well, how are you supposed to hold the bat? Hold it like that. Exactly. So what's the bottom when you're holding it?

He's up there. The thing you hit with. That's the top of the bat is the top. What are we talking about here? That's insane to me. Okay, then how do you cover that hole at the top of the bat? I don't know with a cork and sawdust yeah You like patch it like you would like if you got like a hole in your fucking table anyway

This that's a fucking scumbag sure, but that's a nice new propane grill though. Yeah fuck all that I'm with it. That's pretty good the kid was also like you're not gonna get jammed up Yeah, I mean it's not like they're gonna like how also like you're not going to get jammed up. Yeah, I mean, it's not like they're going to like bring charges on you. You're not going to. They're not going to ban you from the Hall of Fame or anything. I think if you if you got caught doing that in a little league, they you would the kid would get kicked out. That would be a problem. Move to the next town. They don't know run this game again. Start corking them bats. Man. Kid must have been pretty good

though if that was the only difference. Yeah. Start corking in like the wave. You ever see the wave one where there's water in it? Yeah. Yeah. I remember using wooden ones when I was a kid. Never had that. I don't think there were aluminum bats like in our little league. Hey, Hansi. Hey, buddy. Go to your bed. Go to your bed. You gotta take a dump. Pete probably does. Alright, this one's from Nick. bed. Go to your bed. Go to your bed. Go to your bed. Go to your bed. Go to your bed. Go to your bed. Go to your bed. Go to your bed. Go to your bed. Go to your bed.

Go to your bed. Go to your bed. Go to your bed. Go to your bed. Go to your bed. Go to your bed. Go to your bed. Go to your bed. Go to your bed. Go to your bed. Go to your bed. Go to your bed. Go to your bed. Go to your bed. Go to your bed. Go to your bed.

Go to your bed. Go to your bed. Go to your bed. Go to your bed. Go to your bed. Go to your bed. Go to your bed. Go to your bed. Go to your bed. Go to your bed. Go to your bed. Go to your bed. Go to your bed. Go to your bed. Go to your bed. Go to your bed.

Go to your bed. Go to your bed. Go to your bed. Go to your bed. Go to your bed. Go to your bed. Go to your bed. Go to your bed. Go to your bed. Go to your bed. Go to your bed. Go to your bed. Go to your bed. Go to your bed. Go to your bed. Go to your bed.

Go to your bed. Go to your bed. Go to your bed. Go to your bed. Go to your bed. Go to your bed. Go to your bed. Go to your bed. Go to your bed. Go to your bed. Go to your bed. Go to your bed. Go I feel that's still a place where that plays ball. Cash really plays ball with Dennis. It's like Dennis in Contractor's the only one still doing it. I feel like that's like getting your oil changed.

They're like mechanics. I mean like while they did go to Dennis Medical School, what I don't wanna, I'm not throwing shade. No. But. Oral surgeon, that's a doctor. I mean, you pull one too. Yeah, that's a doctor.

You pull them all. You gotta be an MD for that, I think. You gotta go to medical school to be an oral surgeon Okay, I'm not I'm not saying that I'm just saying you know, I mean they're mechanics at the end of the day I agree I just think I don't know. That's a little skeevy. It listen. Why do I appreciate it? Do I get it? Yes, is it garbage? Yes, that's all I'm saying and To it, you know why he's doing that. Keeping off the books. Oh, thanks. Fucking IRS, Jimmy. Yeah, no shit.

That's still of course that's to see that kind of behavior from a guy sticking his fingers in your mouth. That's the kind of guy I want sticking his fingers in my mouth. If I'm being honest with you, somebody who's been around a block, he knows. Because you one of these look, I got you tonight. He's just been around a block, he knows. Gives you one of these. Look, I got you didn't I? He's just fucking with you. Just testing the waters. Yeah, I mean, that would, the dentistry realm is the only medical world where that's okay. I don't know why it is, it just feels okay to me. You going in for surgery? You can. You can be cake. Well like a lot of times They do it in her house and shit. It's like

That's yeah I mean you got a you got an office in your house. That's off the books five percent less I've noticed that should be ten percent if we're talking can be five percent all right, but I've noticed that a lot more It's gonna be this if you're paying cash. I want more people to say it to me. I Got some work done in the burbs. I was chopping at the bit for them to say cash I've offered cash to one guy so hey, oh Said you are not the guy okay? When you get someone who's got your fingers out of my mouth

Sorry I'm a plumber This one's just funny this isn't Travis how many band-Aids on a wound before you hit the ER? That's pretty good. Yeah, I never didn't have a wound that didn't close. I had a chunk taken out of my leg. I got hit by a bike. My buddy James hit me on his bike. It would take a lot for Patty to take you to the ER for a cut.

Oh, cut, yeah. Yeah. Head, something like that. What is that? The quickest I had a pool basketball net to hit in the wind, fall down and hit me in the head busted me open right here no big deal. Those are bleeders too. Oh yeah I went underwater and I came up and the water dilutes the student. I would have freaked. That's not a shark's gate gate. It was bad. I gotta give them to my family I think I was in the hot they sued the shit It was their house. I was at the hospital within 15 minutes like I came up and that some I think my stepmom was like oh my god. I hopped in the car

We were tits. We were good We were ghosted First time I told the told the hospital organization. I catch heaters. Really? Why is it you smoke? I'm like, hey, I wanted to be a tough guy. What am I a fucking loser? Yeah. You got to do with anything. Yes. I don't know. It's pumping you for information. What do you need one? What's the cash deal?

Here? You do 10? The head bleeds. But Patty was big, which I think I've told you before, big on what they call the butterfly. The butterfly stitch. We had packs of butterflies in the house. It's just like a souped up bandaid. Pulls it tight. Yeah. Yeah, so she was all about that.

I'll butterfly it! Took a lot for her to fucking drop cash for a stitch. Some shit she could do with the house or a little superglue. Butterfly it took a lot for her to fucking drop cash for a stitch Some shit she could do at the house a little super We all broke a lot of bones and it would be like if you couldn't make it through the night If you woke up at 3 in the morning go I my arms fucking definitely broken she got it was always will take you in the morning Going to pay in a copay get x-rays. It's like 80 bucks. That's something you do with the dog He's not shitting in the morning. We'll take them. Uh-huh. That's what they would do if he couldn't make it through the night That's a rough night

Those nights where you had to go to bed with something like that sucked I went to bed a lot of nights with warts It was just stuff on there, and it burned so bad You couldn't sleep this patty would take the top layer skin off easy easy oral surgeon over here It's fucked up. I give you five percent not to tell those stories She said they're smoking a heater with tweezers peeling it off And dropped it. She did that at the wedding she had like tweezers or so. She's like I gotta go Pull something out of someone's foot or something at the wedding not at the wedding but at the in Hawaii

We were by the pool. She's like I gotta go. I was catching a heater with her. I gotta go She sends someone up to get her tools. I guess she rolls with like, uh, you know Like the butchers have like the chefs have that thing wrapped up. She puts all like fucking medieval tools. She's got It comes. It's all just different heaters. She lights them up. Yeah, I gotta get a splinter out of Megan's foot. Oh, she loves pulling splinters. And we got that deck. Bad deck. Bad. That deck's been there 30 years like that. And every year they get it sanded down a little bit and throw a fresh coat of paint on it But by fuck how that thing's been painted five hunts. It's like a pre-war building by late July that thing's splintering and I remember my nephew or niece had a fucking splinter in there

Like it look like a toothpick and man Like McConaughey ripping the butt She's in there digging that thing Like McConaughey ripping the butt. Dude, she's in there digging that thing out. She loved it. Stop! Hold him! Kid's screaming.

Bro, it's twisted, dude. I think she liked it when you were in pain. She liked to hear you yell. Alright, this one's from Exfoliator. Is it garbage if you thought a family member being twice removed meant they got kicked out gains everyone's trust back then got kicked out again I swear to God I thought that I for sure thought that of like he's been banished You know what I mean like that's what I thought once removed twice removed. What's the what's the word when you get kicked out of the family? ban it

This own yeah twice disowned mm-hmm just like all like alright, we'll let them back Gary did it again out of here Gary That's the second time you're out of here I always felt bad when that happened to people when their family would disown them because I feel like I got a couple of Be I mean disown sounds like a dog being true trash, you know, even you might hate them. You still let them come over and shit like that. Like, my parents, I don't think ever would have kicked me out of the house. They should have.

Maybe I'd be a little more responsible. Where was I going to go? What? Join the army or something. A guy like you? Be up there riffing? He's 12 years old. I mean, no one's disowning a 12-year-old. You know what I mean? I'm a guy like you be up there

riffing. 12 years old. I mean, well, no one's disowning a 12 year old. You know what I mean? I haven't seen it. I know a kid, a kid in our neighborhood got sent to military school or something. but this was also like before you you never saw

him. It's right after 9 11. playing for keeps in my eyes. It was before 9 11. You never saw him? What do you mean? No, I know him now, but I'm just saying like he came. I feel like you just come back a better killer. When you do that shit. A more educated psychopath.

Like going to jail. You can't learn how to cell blow. Yeah, no, but like he was just this Oh, that's fucking so and so. He goes to his parents, shift them, Yeah, no, he put like he was just this this oh, that's fucking so and so he He goes to his parents shipped him. I wonder like god damn this loveless out like that's insane shipping a kid off I know we had a couple of times where friends of my brother stayed with us for like a couple of months Yeah, his parents kicked him out. It's like I knew the parents Like what the fuck?

He dumped him on us. I just sleep with this psychopath in the next room wake up. He's standing over you He was the coolest kid in school, so I didn't mind Keith Cody shout out to him RIP good-looking look like Brad Pitt like proper look like Brad Pitt Two years older than me you had the coolest t-shirts coolest kid ever look like Brad Pitt. Uh huh. Two years old of them. You had the coolest t shirts, coolest kid ever. Parents kicked him out. He stayed with us for a couple of weeks. Could have been that cool. It's very cool. Pulled into school with him. Hey, don't any parents don't even like him. What are you talking about?

Troubled kid. Sure. All right, let's see here. This is from Harrison. Is it garbage if your parents are technically step siblings? My dad's dad married my mom's mom 10 years ago, so now I get screwed with only one side of the family gets for Christmas gifts. What? So his mom's mom.

His mom's mom. Was single. His grandmother, his maternal grandmother was single. His maternal grandfather was single And they got together That's got to be small-town shit. I don't know though those old people don't get out that much So like they they see each other at the oh well Dad's a lot my dad's by himself my mom's by herself bring them over for Christmas

And then they meet and then they go get coffee and they don't have my head wrapped around a real juicy Lucy well, okay, so okay, so you have a couple A mom and a dad mm-hmm the dad has a dad who's single the mom has a mom who's single after the fact after they've had Families and stuff like that. Yes, like the mom died the grandmother died the whatever Then they start getting together That's kind of OK. I mean, like, at that point, it depends how old they are. If they're like in there, those presidents probably start to suck at a certain point anyway.

There's always a certain point where grandparents present start to suck. And that reminded me of, do you see when they, does that thing going around where they just took stuff from the grandmother's house and gave it as the gifts? Which also reminds me, Do you ever see this? This guy there's like a YouTube prank. There's two guys owned a pawn shop And oh great the one guy gave the other guy access to you get this stuff. I got a t-shirt just like this

Yeah, I don't know man. Holy shit. I got That's great, yeah Yeah, I'm alright with that. I guess I mean like it's not think they're boning It's not incestual at any point all the bloodline has already been built out. Yeah Yeah, I would assume they're boning. I mean those old be I mean as well documented those old people get after it. Yeah bone zone You know they don't it's not like they have like social circles So it's like somebody to go to Applebee's with her in a day. Yeah, they're picking her up from the hairdresser spending time together

It's more social. It's more like you know unless they're like freaks. They got sex wings and stuff. Yeah I don't see that in the cards for Patty what you know having a friend I You never know what she does, and I don't know. I mean, listen, the way he was all over me at that wedding, there's no way she's not even pulling splinters out of her. Yeah, I would say I mean, I don't know. I wouldn't say, you know, I think if I went home and the guy was in my house,

you'd have sex with him, too. I'd have a problem with it But if I saw another guy rooting through going through my dad's refrigerator, I Would have a problem with it Making them so comfortable here. Oh, I mean what I can't make if we can't grab a cold drink He's busy been boning your mom good luck in it. Good luck in that house Like getting a cold drink got nothing in there two ice cubes fucking brutal He's busy been boning your mom good luck in it. Good luck in that house Getting a cold drink got nothing in there two ice cubes fucking brutal. Uh Yeah, I don't think my mom would either I don't you never know though young

She's ten years ten years younger than my mom really I think so no looks like Jesus my sister and your brother are like the same age. I don't think they are. How old is your brother? 50. How old is 50? I keep forgetting you're 48. Yeah, you're my, I guess, yeah. I'm your sister. What year was your mom born?

51. Yeah, she's four mom your sister. What year was your mom born? 51 yeah, she's four years older than my mom world difference You hear that mom It's got hooked up here what I just got married so I can't be dating your mom No one mentioned anything I wouldn't like that I'm not going to lie. First of would be better for her if she started cooking for herself instead of eating out. You know, and then maybe, you know, a couple cutlets fall your way.

She does cutlets, maybe a panini. She does cutlets for the kids. But that's in like a mass production. One Sunday, she'll knock out like 300 cutlets. So bring them to this family, that family, that family. But on a on a regular cooking sure those are all my dad's recipes those and I don't want her sharing that with some fucking asshole some fucking plumber what's wrong with plumbers my family's plumbers fine for your crew house a learned a doc this one's just funny this House of Learned Doctors. Yeah, fair enough. Uhhhhhhhhh This one's just funny. This is from Larry Vaynerchuk.

Do you have any ex-best friends? That's a dirtbag thing. You used to be my best friend! Real dirtbag shit. This one's funny. Choo-choo Chang. You ever hit the clean button on the oven? That seems so dangerous to me. Even my knowledge of

what I know now. I didn't like putting the broiler on scared burn my house down my wife tries to do it I go knock it off. I go stop. This is why we don't use the broiler Nobody cleans the oven like that anymore today I thought that stopped years ago because I remember my mom like on a Sunday night would go in with the easy offer Oven spray when you turn it on right crank it up to like 9 million Yeah, and those cat that color would not have been good for you at all. Chemicals at high temperatures could not have been good for the family. I've never cleaned a stove. I'll like wet a paper towel and like do that. I'll do scrubbing on top with the Palm Oliver or the fantastic

cut the grease. I don't like using chemicals and I don't feel like I don't get them out and then I'm like cooking with chemies. You got all that grease and shit in there? There's not that much. I mean, what do you... Frying burgers? Frying? I'm not cooking burgers.

Juicy Lucy's in the goddamn oven. Oh, and I thought you meant on top of the stove. No, yeah, of course. No, the oven. Okay, that's different. Yeah, I've never cleaned an oven. No, that, no, the oven. Okay, that's different. Yeah, I've never I've never cleaned an oven. No, that's I'm saying the only thing I'll do it is if if say I was making like a dijon or something and the cheese falls on the bottom,

you know, because I go I go to go trailer or panless the cheese falls from the rack down on the thing and that'll burn I'll get that stuff off because I'll just keep setting the smoke alarm off. Everybody knows that. Speaking of the journal, I think it was about a week ago. I saw you with a Stouffer's French bread. It is not. Yes. Yes. Yes, you did.

Ladies out of town cooking for yourself, huh? Man, I real patty move. Yeah, I got home. This I had that din din. This is what you want extra cheese, which is the super That's all they had the supermarket was closing I had there. All right get in there real quick There was blood in the water for a frozen za and I like a dijon oh, but that I eat the whole thing And that's a lot. That's a heavy I

Don't want to I was trying to be you know so I went and I was you eat the whole thing oh 100% Cross I do I do too Like no like I cut it into quarters. Oh, I do two slices so half I go back and get one half I lie to myself and then after that settles I go back and that now that fourth one's cold like an hour and a half Later I can take that that frozen that that cooked frozen pie sitting on the fucking Cutting board in the kitchen nothing better, dude I was all dude that was all of the pandemic when I was down and why would I buy the?

The sig I think was like to signature whatever acne's brand is like signature class or say a man. It was a knockoff de journo Was better because it wasn't a thick, it was a little thinner. Man, and I would crush. That was, get it perfectly golden brown. Put it on a big cutting board. Woo, get my, get my. Sit there for the neighborhood to see. I got it posted up, it's on an angle,

like it's a slight shot. You put it on the window sill like an old pie. Woo, nothing to see here, just a signature deep dish. Couple of escape convicts trying to steal it out of the window He's doing that they're always stealing pies out of the window. I don't think that really ever I mean that was probably three things that you know go fuck myself I mean like this like the oldest try have you ever put a pie out to cool down. I have a refrigerator I don't need to back then in their refrigeration. They put on the windows also also I've said before well documented that is my move I cut the tooth. I cut the pizza. It's hot as shit take that put on a plate

Throwing this in the frizz throw it in the freezer And I take my drinks and I put them out I put them out by the on the by the couch where I'm gonna sit and this whole time I'm cool, and I come back I pet the dog a you done, and then I go pull it out about 35 seconds. Whoo doggy. Then by the time I eat those the other ones are room Not room temp, but edible. This is why he's running the company gang Brains behind the upper Lopadini, man We gotta wrap it up gang. We love you to death. Uh-huh. See you next week. Peace