Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast - Luis J. Gomez Answers Your Questions!

Episode Date: February 8, 2021

Kippy and Foley are back with old pal Luis J. Gomez. The boys talk jumping off bridges, the Boy Scouts, and going skiing. Its a fun one! Bonus Episodes: https://www.patreon.com/AreYouGarbage​​ ... https://stereo.com/kevinryan​​ https://kushydreams.com Promo Code: GARBAGE T-Shirts: https://www.PodcastMerch.com​​ Follow Kevin: https://www.instagram.com/kevinryancomedy/ Follow Foley: https://www.instagram.com/foleygrams/​​ Comedians H. Foley and Kevin Ryan are self proclaimed GARBAGE. Each week a new stand up comedian gets put to the test. Steal shampoo from hotels? Own a George Foreman Grill? Ever worn JNCO Jeans?

Transcript
Discussion (0)
Starting point is 00:00:00 Welcome to another exciting edition of are you garbage the show where you find out if your favorite comedians are classy individuals or absolute trash now here are your hosts Kevin Ryan and H Foley hey hey hey everybody out there and welcome back to everybody's favorite new podcast this is are you garbage it's a show we sit down with your favorite comedians and fun if they grow classy or if they're absolute trash I'm your host stage Foley coming at you on a beautiful day down here in Antote's basement she's a she's doing okay nothing to report today my co-host is coming at you from right next to me he is the CEO
Starting point is 00:00:43 of are you garbage he cooks the books keeps the feds off our back keeps the snow off our heads give me a favor give me a nice big round of applause for Kippy Kevin James Ryan hey gang thanks for tuning in as always please make sure you rate review subscribe on iTunes full video available on YouTube and then patreon.com slash are you garbage you get bonus content bonus episodes of AYG episodes of hard feelings and every month we'll do a live stream with the top tier members where we play AYG with you guys you ask us questions we ask you questions the good fucking time get involved baby yes sir and having a nice
Starting point is 00:01:14 big shout out to our producer extraordinaire the pride of the Chicago comedy scene our good pal we know him as T bone yeah but his mom named them what Toby Cornelius McMuller what's up if my mom named me Cornelius I'd fucking kill myself Toby McMuffin over there Toby McMuffin Toby McMuffins the T bone McMuffin that's the new one right there that's it right there I had brass knuckles out ready to fend the brand now I'm putting them away I'm on lose the side gang we could not be more excited to have our incredibly incredibly incredibly special guest back with us here today that's right gang we got a
Starting point is 00:01:53 little company it's a family episode and this guy is as thick as thieves as it possibly can get if you haven't seen his episode please go back you're acting like you fucked my sister laying it on thick just what he does I'm trying to tiptoe into it a little bit I'll be seeing it Thanksgiving the name of this one's Barry in the hatchet gang he is the co-host of Legion of Skanks he is the host of real-ass podcast the co-host of believe you me all right he is the co-founder of the gas digital network don't forget my fourth podcast yeah Gomez talking talking science watches I felt there we go very good and of course
Starting point is 00:02:38 he is the founder of skankfest and skankfest south do us a favor give us a nice big round of applause for the suburbanite Lewis J Gomez everybody thank you thank you very happy to shake your rattles everybody at home it's not a question if I'm garbage it's really just what level of garbage am I we know yeah I think you were one of the you were one of the earlier episodes that we did and I think you were like yeah I'm not garbage like there I think there was part of you that was like I'm not going well it was I mean I think that I've well it depends on are you currently garbage or or can you jump out of the
Starting point is 00:03:13 garbage class from garbage to being classy sure we yeah you you're on your way you're on your way but you're you can only get so far there's only so much money's gonna you've reached the height we're still gonna be the vengeance that is really hold you back a little bit the stink off that's exactly you're like James will do way better than you like James will be way classier guaranteed because yeah he's growing up a little bit of came college nice job in the suburbs which is pretty nice it's not a bad life we talked about that we loved that your episode was really really endeared me to you and it was I
Starting point is 00:03:47 saw it as not a victim of circumstance but like when you told that race car story maybe it made me so sad that like people were just shitty to you just for the fact of it remember when you oh yeah I was like which race car story I have no idea what either one of your dog when you drive a little stock cars where we got blamed for stealing them yeah kind of because I have another I thought there was another piece there was another piece of bluish agalmas trash history as well which involved you remember in Boy Scouts you had to make the car we just talked about these last episode derby cars or the yeah and it was just
Starting point is 00:04:24 essentially a hunk of wood derby or what I would derby it's a hunk of wood in the Boy Scouts I was in the Boy Scouts my boys my boy scout leaders was two moms was my mom who was a heroin addict and then dandority's mom who was like a religious nut job somebody stole the badges and melted them down they didn't like each other they like our Boy Scout leaders were two chicks they didn't like each other with this little weird fucking it was like out of a movie it was like all the kids in our Boy Scout trip were gummo every one of us we were just fucking different shapes and all weird we've been directed by Harmony Corrine
Starting point is 00:05:00 dude yeah dude and fucking that's like a bad movie from the 90s yeah you know that's like a religious zealot and a heroin addict get together to do the Boy Scouts what the fuck but that's the kind of shit that endears me to you it's like you would think that you were like this tough rough and tumble kid but you did like that stuff you wanted that you're a sweetheart you wanted a normal you like you're kind of a nerd well yeah a little bit of a what it is I always appreciated being different so whatever it was that like the kids of my neighborhood weren't doing or the kids in school weren't doing like I joined the
Starting point is 00:05:30 drama society in high school not because I like to sing and dance well you do though it was but I do you flex it any time I learned that I did but when I made the decision to do it it was just because it was weird for me to do it you know so the pine the pinewood derby what you know you'd have to be essentially carve this block of wood into a cool race car there was a regulation size and the wheels you could use you know but you know dads were helping these kids out make these pinewood derby cars so they were super cool I'm gonna tell you I don't even how these dads did it I have no idea how
Starting point is 00:06:13 they did some of the things they did with these cars but my mind was fucking blown get it one kid at an accurate and a hot meal it was crazy and mine we didn't even we didn't even carve it down we just took the piece out of the she was like paint a log it was a fucking block there was a hunk of wood we threw the wheels on it I painted it it was a Lincoln log I would love to get a fucking photo of what that car looked like I had it for years it was called skull crusher because my mom's hit me in the head with it she just made a shiv dude I painted it yellow and black and I painted a little skull on it I
Starting point is 00:06:52 painted a skull crusher on the side and this thing fucking sucked this was it was so bad every kid had a cool fucking looking car and right here came my piece of shit car and I remember they gave me a trophy it was so sad because even I'm like and I remember bigger than I know I know because it was the most imaginative trophy the poor bastard award the the imagine he had a father trophy and I remember being like oh this is a fucking pity trophy wow all my trophies that I've ever owned in my airman in my entire life have been pity trophies but if you would if you would have applied yourself you could
Starting point is 00:07:33 have been an athlete right I feel like you're I mean you're athletic very uncoordinated I thought athletic he's not athletic you're fighting what do you mean don't say that I I I've sort of figured out how to like throw a punch and not be punched sort of but not very well not compared to people that are confident you want going into a fight so he learned that's what he learned in the Boy Scouts well I just feel like people that really know how to fight it'd be ridiculous for because I know people that really not sure of course so it would be ridiculous for me to be like oh I'm good at that when I know exactly how bad
Starting point is 00:08:05 I am because I'm better than the average person if you haven't trained in martial arts I could probably do pretty well against most people right but anybody who's trained that's a little bit athletic I'm not very good man that is a fucking story and a half yeah that's so funny you did all that stuff to cut the Boy Scouts what else did you do that that we wouldn't know that people wouldn't think you'd if you would I mean Boy Scouts drama nobody I would have never first of all and you paint this picture of your mom that's pretty good that she was a Boy Scout leader for a little while she was hanging she was
Starting point is 00:08:42 trying she was trying it's more than my family did she was well but she I mean it was such a deficit my dad had been murdered a couple years before that it's all rainbows and my mom was a heroin addict and like so she was like when she tried she really tried yeah yeah she taught you how to tie an odd and cook a spoon sell some thin mints he'll be alright that's the girl Scouts but there was a few yeah there was a few years when my mom actually tried it's not like she didn't she tried to do some of the good mom things she was still extremely abusive and fucking crazy and violent you know threatening and all
Starting point is 00:09:15 that other stuff but how was she with the other kids in the Boy Scouts do you remember she was the cooler mom because Dan Dordes mom was like a fat Christian bitch so nobody dude you want to go to church you want to hang out a crack house yeah easy choice any day of the week well I remember you know there was a one thing where we had like put together like it could be whatever it was just whatever it was a big project we all had to be involved with and like one troop was putting together the biggest gingerbread house possible the next troop was making like this wood log cabin fucking thing and this bitch she
Starting point is 00:09:45 I mean she had like fucking corn husk leaves that she was like laying over sticks and we were making little miniature Indian huts and all we got to do was take a little piece of glue and put it there and she was like all right next move on and it was her project I remember just being like this fucking sucks this fucking blow yeah everybody's got sweet ass shit around you everyone's got cool shit going on we have this fucking Indian hut it's gonna be featured at Bear Mountain your mom's project was safe cracking doing a second floor job I need a wheel man my mom was teaching us how to pick pocket
Starting point is 00:10:18 people at the supermarket good stuff well buddy thank you for coming in and sitting with us we wanted to have you back we like to have our have the guest back little family episode have a little company as you folks know that when you sign up for patreon you will get one of your questions asked on the air and we're gonna do that absolutely right now yeah I don't know why I had weird words yeah you're really going like morning news segment people think that's what we're gonna get into right when we get back they think I know what I'm doing but it's really very thin line you really blackout yeah and just I get lost in it
Starting point is 00:10:52 yeah I gotta I said incredibly short road yeah yeah like today with the Antutti intro and totally she's doing all right well I thought I'd yeah less is more all right um being you know obviously all you know a lot of people know you just got a new car you just got your license and a new car yeah they got an Audi yeah within a couple days of each other you bought the Audi you didn't lease it right no I'm buying yeah you're buying yeah now what was the situation over in the burp that's yeah did you have to shovel it out or is the I tried to find somebody to do it for me like there's no there's no little kids
Starting point is 00:11:24 that go door-to-door like when I was a little kid I would hustle yeah did I fucking went out there I'd knock on every door in the neighborhood I'd get my crazy deal eight dollars your entire fucking right now let's go through the grass to it's crazy but nothing I could do I called places all over Jersey to see if there's only only do commercial song roll they talking about it but I was crazy really you got like a landscaper we got a stuff like I have my mom's yeah now I called my landscaper to see if he would do it he didn't get back to me geez probably busy out plowing yeah all right well this is from Chris do you
Starting point is 00:12:00 brush the snow off the roof of your car do you just let it blow off as you drive down the highway I brush it's not it's my new car new car yeah so you have equipment to do that oh yeah I got a big long fucking brushing my jigger but I deal with my hands at first I just wiped all that shit off with my hands and then I shuffled it out and you did the driveway yourself oh I do the driveway myself this is a tough I did not do I did not do a path from my house to my driveway that's the trashy thing over the course the trashy thing of the two-day period me and my son just kicked yeah the same footprint from the way out we
Starting point is 00:12:34 start to shuffle our way through so now there's like a path sort of but it's snow will be there to like March yeah and the only problem with that is when you when you when you make the the foot indentation if it freezes that night then that's a fucking ankle snapper right well that's why you don't want to just try to go through because it's too much too much what you got to do is the first time you go or you go through the next time you step in between the other two marks you're connecting them essentially you're connecting the dots the third one you clean everything up and then you got a full path all takes
Starting point is 00:13:07 three trips you have a full path you and a family of four three trips holy shit I mean that is true not doing the walk is trashy yeah I respect it I mean you did it in your own way yeah and where do you it's where you throw in the snow you put it right put it right on the street are you doing it on the sides like you're supposed to like throwing it on the driveway by the way how many cars you fit I got a two car garage you have a two car you park in the garage no you made it a gym which is garbage I got a new out here and I'm like looking at like every time it snows I'm like fuck yeah every time you've
Starting point is 00:13:40 done a home improvement to your house someone's tagged us in it and been like is this garbage and the answer is like yeah every time it's got a trampoline in the living room but the gym the gym is nice the gym inside is nice fantastic the sauna is that up running yet it's not you haven't yeah okay you're not gonna be able to do it all right well it's gonna just it's gonna cost me a few thousand dollars to do it and it's just almost not worth it there's a sauna on the corner like a big like European Polish fucking oh really you know with steam so nice it's like 40 bucks every time you enter but I looked at
Starting point is 00:14:10 but the amount of it by the time I'm I paid the $2,000 is gonna cost me to make my sauna working I could probably go to that place let's say I'm at a time yeah without all the work when you say down the street walking is there anything walking yeah there's walking distance places from your from your house yeah huh I got a supermarket walking distance got a sandwich spot Italian sandwich in Jersey the best the best sandwich spot I've ever had is called a family affair that's so Guido it's a family affair they're fucking sandwiches jerk off that's all it is do they name all of their sandwiches after like fucking
Starting point is 00:14:50 Italian movies Godfather guarantee it whenever the father no whatever the fathered whenever the father dies and those kids will be all fighting over the business all family nobody nobody else works there it's all family I kind of like that the sister the one girl they don't let her touch the sandwiches they put her on the register like sorry Colleen you're working the fucking register you're not touching the meat these bras they don't know the sandwiches it's the tiny brain there's a but they're great dude they close they close whenever they like run out of their shit for the day they're not they don't fuck
Starting point is 00:15:28 around on Sundays like we got 300 rolls first 300 that's the way that pizza in Coney Island doesn't he makes 100 pies today that's it no more and he walks up fully buys all knows everyone's name like the first time I went there I was like I'll let you name boom Lewis now every time I go in but I tell you we're a cop every time I go in I tell him I'm a cop but it's the best and I love it every time I have a gathering your friends over I just get those sandwiches cut them in thirds I try this is how much I love them like I don't want I said I trust you give me a variety really yeah man I love the fact
Starting point is 00:16:06 that you do that so I do you enjoy the fact when people come over that you're flexing on check out do you tell them about how they close when they run out of bread every day that's my go-to story with people that Bobby wait do you get close right down the street right open 24-7 that dude Bobby loves it Bob Bobby loves it but that place you know not to give him an advertisement on this fucking podcast but they're in Jersey man go to fucking a family affair that's gonna be your your Dom's Dom steak tips yeah like Bobby's hey gang just want to quick reminder about the stereo app it's a good time me and the big man are on it
Starting point is 00:16:46 and we're taking your are you garbage questions oh oh we're having a good time over there on the stereo app every Thursday night at 9 o'clock mean keep Eastern time that is we're on there we're mixing it up with you guys it really is the best way for us to interact with you guys yeah right yeah get on there you drop a message we're goofing around back and forth absolutely fun absolutely great quality on the app we're having a fun time there come on in yeah check us out every Thursday night at 9 Eastern standard hey gang quick announcement from our sponsor cushy dreams 2020 was crazy let's start 2021 off a little bit
Starting point is 00:17:23 better the world is a crazy place and our friends at cushy dreams can help baby we're talking about high quality smokable CBD CBD has been shown to help with anxiety depression pain relief fighting inflammation and more I am a big CBD guy they sent us some and it's awesome absolutely absolutely fantastic I started taking CBD in the beginning of the pandemic for my anxiety it was okay it was okay it was okay they send us some cushy dreams yesterday I was all stressed out yesterday big man like that getting down Tony right now I get in the car I drive home parked the car as I'm walking up the street to my apartment I
Starting point is 00:18:02 light up one of the relax pre-rolls mm-hmm taste great comes nice to looks good taste great fantastic and I'm like you know what is this is this is this gonna work is this gonna you know is this gonna do the trick by the time I got to my front door mm-hmm I was just I not hide way to the world gone not over dude I'm telling you right now unbelievable all right set me up for the whole night just chill relax put the basketball game on okay had a slice of pizza watch the game relaxed woke up this morning had to go to a doctor's appointment get out of doctor's appointment I'm on my way in to record the pod light up the hustle
Starting point is 00:18:37 pre-rolled good night it's unbelievable guys you got to try it it's the small I didn't know smoking is the fastest and most effective way to get CBD in your system so I'm on board you know what I mean I need a quick rip it grip it and rip it baby so go to cushydreams.com that's k u s h y .com and at the checkout use promo code garbage baby g a r b a g e for 20% off I ain't talking five talking 10 ain't talking 15 I'm talking 20% off your next order free shipping on orders over $20 what's there not to do sign it's great so smoke your CBD with promo code garbage for 20% off today now back to the show yeah he's
Starting point is 00:19:16 always with the new whip are you smoking any yet no no you're not doing you're not you're clean right I'm well you know what I shouldn't sound completely I'm not drinking but I've been smoking at night lately you know let your hair down a little yeah why were you why were you off everything just training cuz I can't I mean I need to fucking clear my mind I need to not be walking around in a haze all day okay so six months from now every cup holder is gonna be full of blunt guts when I when I was smoking weed every day I was I never even smoked weed in my new house okay yeah smoking weed in the smoking weed in
Starting point is 00:19:51 your gym that's classy nobody's fucking smoking weed in my goddamn brand new car smoking James's bedroom before that happened leather leather interior I'm sorry leather interior serious package oh oh yeah of course what about the easy pass I still haven't got the easy pass because I haven't got my plates yet I don't got my place it's a little piece of paper plate wait what you got the car like over a month ago now a couple weeks ago probably I got the car on no it was maybe the 11th of January of January yeah so yeah going on yeah that's fine they got a mail at the plates it's a pandemic dude in Jersey they do it all
Starting point is 00:20:25 for you they register it right there I got the plates from the dealership okay no easy pass though that sucks I didn't I mean I'm embarrassed to admit this but all through the pandemic I didn't have easy pass and they were just there's a melody right I know but they were mail it to my car's register to my mom's house so they were mailing it there and then I just didn't pay I'm like oh it's 90 cents I'll get around to it and I'll just pay all of them and I just didn't do it I owed like and they just dude they would turn a fucking 90 cent toll into a hundred dollar no 90 you don't pay it you don't pay it they hate with 35 and then two
Starting point is 00:20:57 months later it's a hundred dude I had to pay like 20 I haven't paid a single toll yet get on it get on it I go I drive into New York City $16 dude that's what the bridge dude the bridge will push it the bridge will end up costing you like $125 blow them through the UPS guy cheese you feel I finally got I had to clean it all up and then I got it yeah that's crazy I feel rich with it that's how trashy I am I drive through I still feel like I'm getting away I throw the change in anyway this is from Wei Zhang Jarrod I believe is history he is I have you ever lit a sig in the parking lot of a gym because I have and that is a
Starting point is 00:21:38 garbage move yeah for sure you feel kind of rejuvenated when you walk out and it's like finishing a meal you're like oh I need a Bernie you know what I mean yeah I definitely have I would I've been in shape before and been smoking cigarettes smoked a cigarette right before a jog before a run when I used to work at equinox we would take cigarette breaks and smoke right in front of the equinox really come on in I gave you a good deal holy have you ever been to a gym I've seen the commercials on television Jim steaks all right this is from Katie have you ever bridge hopped jumping off the bridges yeah into the into the water
Starting point is 00:22:15 I would take you as a guy that does that yeah yeah those are the challenge on a point New York and the penny bridge and they always have shitting at the penny bridge the story was that they had like they always have a myth to giant planks of wood that were sharp you gotta not jump right there three feet area had to otherwise you'll fucking have your bend your knees when you hit the water that way your knees don't go through your asshole or whatever yeah every town had that we had the trussell and then like for that was the bridge and then there was like another level that people called like air and crazy or pussy whatever
Starting point is 00:22:48 and it was just like literally somebody broke their pelvis every year and they had to get like drug out of the woods there's a place called the deep hole in mom's house and it was just a giant I've been to that bar ice cold spring it was like so cold on like a hot summer day it was fucking crazy but too cold like you just like it was so like icy like upstate New York mountain water and it was like just cliffs you could jump off and you could just see a giant boulder and once I like if you hit that boulder you're fucking dead but you could jump off from like one ledge which is pretty safe then the next one up it's pretty
Starting point is 00:23:24 fucking scary I'm afraid of heights and then it got crazy like kids were jumping like the Puerto Rican kids would just fucking backflips like slow backflips off where you're like what the fuck was that that's crazy the summer salt they have nothing to live for okay I would go off the smallest one and me my friends were there one day just jumping off the small one and then these fucking cute chicks showed up these pretty cute chicks anytime chicks show up and there's like young teenage dude that's how people get killed it gets very dangerous dude some they're wearing like they're wearing jean shorts and a bikini top I'm fucking
Starting point is 00:23:54 diving in it's over that's exactly what it was it was some fucking chicks holding your arms back like that face I recognize that we're pussies like I was like our dude we have been we jump it up this little tiny short one the whole time I was like let's just fucking go yeah let's leave first of all we're not gonna get these hot chicks we're fucking dorks we're not getting them okay but let's just go because we're gonna look like faggots and we're gonna derby cars just jumping off the short one the whole time it's sad so let's leave so we start to leave and then the girls these fucking pigs they were like you guys
Starting point is 00:24:34 aren't gonna jump off the high one they knew what they knew and then me I was like we've been jumping off at the whole time that's not even fun anymore why would I want to do that we're gonna go train dodging actually we're gonna go rob a bank real quick so then they're like yeah sure and I was like what I'll jump off but who cares I don't know I'll do it right now I mean just such a crying on the walk up dork and the bakes an injury ah dude I start climbing up the rocks and right before I get to the jump off I lose my footing and I tumble down the mountain rocks I mean
Starting point is 00:25:15 just do you know what it feels like to just have your whole body and just a bathing suit roll down rocks and I'm screaming and scratching it's holding onto a tiny play like a cat trying to climb I tear my fingernails off my fingers my fingernails are just bleeding I fall into the water the girls are cackling cackling at me as I just float away down this little fucking weird stream pussy has never been drier oh my god later no oh please so I'm gonna get your number what's the deal I mean second base I just think about the story that those girls have laughing on a podcast right now you remember that
Starting point is 00:25:56 fucking loser never that pudgy Puerto Rican do you remember how he almost died screw the way he screamed I'll never forget the tone of the screen I think I saw his tiny balls there was a swim trunk it was a goddamn nightmare that's fucking man I never got that I was always petrified that stuff we used to go to a quarry there was always a thing that the fear of the quarry the legend was you would jump in and your legs will get stuck in the mud that was like that we had a quarry as well it was like you jump in you'll go too far down your feet that was always my fear in the bay at low tide that by your feet we
Starting point is 00:26:33 get stuck in the mud so I don't fuck with the back I'll go on the beach maybe a little bit that's it I'm going the back but we used to we used to do it at this place called Slatington and there was one same thing they were all these it was actually looking back and it was beautiful it's crystal clear water because they were digging and they hit an underground river and it was all slate so it was all clean and it was awesome but there was like a 40 foot one no big deal we'd all jump off that then there was like this 80 foot one and it had like a thing that went out and man one of our buddies went off it and fucking it was
Starting point is 00:27:02 like a body hitting the fucking thing just smashed on its side eyeball fucking popped out of his head I was I ball popped out of his head ruptured his blood vessels in his eye whoa fucking can you pass out yeah passed out fucking woke up and you're back there too there's nobody coming that I don't think kids do that now I mean I told the story I think on here on my podcast about my knee yeah it's skiing yeah no not skiing you were jumping off yeah it was your podcast yeah yeah yeah yeah and I almost lost my leg from the knee down and we were stuck in the woods like a mile back yeah and my leg was just hanging off of
Starting point is 00:27:40 my my knee was just hanging off from the it was only connected by the skin in the back it looked like a shark but it was fucking vicious dude good times good shout out to the 90s fuck out fuck with uh quicksand now that that wasn't real what are we Indiana Jones Super Mario you're relaxed hey pitfall take it easy yeah anybody throw a turtle at you ever have you ever had a hippopotamus attack you I mean have you ever tried to cross a swamp and hippos start charging you I hear they're the most dangerous ones I don't know why I just did Lewis was we played in quicksand as a
Starting point is 00:28:12 kid I played in where where would you have quicksand Africa yeah the amazon where the fuck you grew up and fucking I didn't know you were Johnny quest what the fuck he's like what you've never stolen a diamond from a pyramid ancient stone look over Toby's got a weighted bag and a fucking tries to switch it real quick what museum were you working for at the time what dig where you are he's like what so I said an ancient spell backwards all the dinosaur bones came to life you guys never fought that's what was the name of your guys genie when you were never had a weekend
Starting point is 00:28:50 with Bernie wait why I don't know they it was a voodoo they brought him back to life no they didn't they just thank you Lois jake don't get at bernie's too they they apparently Jamaicans do voodoo so they use like they I think they use like chicken breast instead of a live chicken or something they use kfc and they fucking and the hate every time they play reggae music Bernie would just fuck it it was a dance and they're like in like 2011 they were doing it in the club they would go do the Bernie I don't think you were in the clubs when you guys were on my podcast I just I was going skiing that week yeah which I wanted to update you looked you look the part I gotta give you that impressive but I also know that I crushed it I crushed it I
Starting point is 00:29:36 also am aware there was some video that was not that was not aired on network that you you might have stepped over the line a couple of times you know you went on some hills you maybe shouldn't have yeah I was funny as I talk about it on stage now but I got bullied by a fucking white guy I told you you're not going to mesh well with white skiers no they were you don't have you don't have the hey my bad fucking bye those dudes are upset you're there and you're party bro well no I got I went on the wrong slope like I was going down the green ones all day and I was like alright I got this I told you stay on the greens I went down a blue one and I crushed it but here's what happens okay did you have poles by the way I feel like you didn't have poles no I had poles
Starting point is 00:30:15 you had poles oh but I was just doing some fucking sell I was doing shit you're not supposed to do like selfie stopping taking pictures in the middle of the trail up next the flying Puerto Rican you're not supposed to do any of that and he's on FaceTime making calls just hanging out on the ski lift going around while you're meeting that there once two o'clock hits the entire mountain turns to ice okay it's just fucking a whole sheet of ice so it becomes a lot more difficult to get down so I go down the one blue hill I was like that was fucking exhilarating that was incredible but I'm gonna go down that one again let's go and I took the ski lift back up I took the wrong ski lift because I see that one and I was like well that's gone now and I'm just going fucking up
Starting point is 00:30:54 up up up and you know where you're supposed to get off the whole time I was getting off the ski lift you get to the top it's flat and you just fucking go oh you lean forward you go to the right you're like I look at that I just got off the ski lift it's a nice feeling this one when I got to the top it was a drop it was like this like you had a drop off the ski lift and start just skating down this fucking hill Jesus and I just had never experienced that so I looked at it I was like that's not where I gotta get off I'll get on the next one so I just stayed on the ski lift and then they stopped it yeah of course they're like you gotta go off the trigger you're not allowed to go back down you're not allowed to go down you can't it's not a fucking carnival right yeah no you're
Starting point is 00:31:34 not supposed to so I mean you could if you would I guess I could have argued yeah that like no I'm going back down but I I mean I haven't skied in a while but I used to I grew up skiing in snowboarding and when you go around it there's like a tripwire that automatically stops the oh maybe there was a tripwire yeah you hit like one of those poles that like falls so all I know is they stopped it he was like oh you gotta get off so I had to jump down now the whole everybody on the ski lift you just hear them doing that oh come on let's go buddy come on there's girls and Daisy Duke's laughing hey it's the fat kid from the cliff so fully I don't know how's your fingernails loser I don't you you said you had been skiing before you had I mean minimally all right so you're probably like
Starting point is 00:32:16 me where you know I'm robust to a certain degree so I can't get up with the skis on so I have to take my ski off it's very hot if you've never fallen in skis it's very fucking hard yeah I have to take one ski off each time real real amateur move by everyone's tutting and heing and hauling the whole time so I could so then I get up and I'm like oh fuck dude look at this hill and it's crazy I mean it's so steep by the way I'm just right in the path so they haven't moved this ski lift I'm just standing there everyone is just get on this hill doggy they fucking do they hate me so much so I was like oh sorry so I move out of the way and then these three guys get off and then one guy's like hey buddy get out of the way and I'm like I was like I was like
Starting point is 00:32:58 relax I don't know what I'm doing yeah we know then he goes yeah obviously what a fucking no fuck that's a great joke dude that's a great response it made me furious dude that's so that is a fucking home run response obviously as he zips away in his yellow coat or something I was like yeah motherfucker I was like yeah how about come say that to my face meanwhile you probably fell again no he goes ski on or get peed on that's when he said that line he goes ski on or get peed on oh that's a douchey like so he stopped it obviously and then I go I was like yeah you want to pee on me bro you want to pee on me and then I fell again and then they laughed again and zipped down the hill did a little ollie over here and then what's fucked up
Starting point is 00:33:44 was like I was like fuck dude I don't know how to get down this hill so I start going down and when you go skiing you gotta go side to side right so you go side to side and sort of that's how you mitigate your speed so my plan was I was like I'm just gonna go to one side stop one side stop one until I get smarter down is it you go you go pretty fast right along my path is the other blue hill that I had gone down so essentially it's just further up and steeper you get to that one and I knew I hit that at some point once I got to that one I knew I could at least handle that but this was really really steep so I start going down and I wanted to stop but I just was going too fast and I'm not good at turning to my left so I just hit the and I started going straight down I'm talking
Starting point is 00:34:23 about like barreling um so then you're thinking I'm going too fast to make a turn and then you're just fucked so then I was like well I obviously have to throw myself on the ground to stop myself so then I said kind of ski on my side and the skis they have a it's sort of like made so they come off your foot so they don't snap your ankles off your body so it flew off my foot but it flew in front of me so my body just fucking went boom right over the ski and it broke the ski break so the ski break was in position where it wouldn't go up so now if I try to ski my foot was skidding right so when I put it back on so I broke the ski break back at the other position so now it couldn't be on so when I went to go put it on it slipped out from under me and shot down the hill
Starting point is 00:35:04 so I just watched the ski I mean dude it was just going so I'm on one fucking ski I'm just trying to get people to help me I'm like doing this people like get the fuck out of the way I saw the other guys that gave me shit right down to the slope but I saw the ski under get peed on guys they'd come down another time they were laughing they're getting laughed on the hill and luckily I just I could I found the one the track for the one ski that went into the woods let me borrow your ski dude and I tracked my fucking ski into the woods and I finally got it and was able to were you scared at any point at one point when I was up there I was like fuck I'm actually going to be in trouble here yeah I was like because if there's nobody to help you of course I can't get
Starting point is 00:35:45 back up they can't get down it's not like you can get on somebody's shoulders and ride down yeah they send the they send the snowmobile for you yeah and then they pull you on the walk down right it was too steep to just walk down I had ski boots on so technically I could have like you know you're all like fucking walking like a deer they push you forward so I could have technically sort of made my way down and you know slowly and painfully I just want to slid down did you challenge the ski on a get peed on guy to a race for the ownership of the mountain no I didn't but I showed up and did you see them again when you got down to the lot no I didn't but had I seen him you would have would you have definitely said something I had no more confidence left in my
Starting point is 00:36:18 what was your girl doing doing all this she was taking she was taking a ski lesson so she was just fucking it was with this old guy though I didn't have to worry about it couple of ski bunnies on the hill yeah a couple fucking yeah she no she I was better than her I was pretty good I'm I'm actually pretty decent at skiing that would take her as a skier I would peg her I'll take you let's go um good times shit all right this is uh this is from Joshua do you consider craft singles cheese are you a craft singles guy you probably grew up craft singles no because we were too poor we were shop right American yellow American so we just buy the pound yeah we go buy a pound of America give me a pound of yellow American um I don't really consider
Starting point is 00:37:00 American cheese cheese much less craft singles it's not real cheese well why don't you take that commie shit yeah it sounds like some European bullshit if you ask me I'm a big craft single guy what do you do what do you do with Jane what would be a typical lunch James is home daddy I want lunch what so we were snowed in for a couple days we went right I went to the supermarket yeah it's the fucking best I did get lunch meat nice I got some turkey I got some ham I got some you fuck with uh the blaze and buffalo chicken the buffalo chicken he doesn't know about that yet salsa lido salsa same shit it's just a better version it's the I think it's the boar's head version of the blaze and buffalo is salsa lido no the boar's head is blaze and buffalo okay so
Starting point is 00:37:39 whatever it's a little bit different look up a little bit caliente maybe look up salsa lido yeah so that's we know the no it's not lido's turkey the blaze and buffalo chicken yeah oh you do a salsa lido turkey I'll give you that that's in the same wheelhouse very nice classy delightful so I didn't do that no I just got regular turkey out regular ham you got uh cheddar cheese what I did was I did uh a slice of ham slice of uh turkey two slices of cheese put it in the fryer make it like a grilled cheese hot meat grilled cheese salmon's european style and the fryer you know frying pan oh okay yeah you did a grilled cheese with some meat on it you're underselling the salsa lido because it's blaze and buffalo but it's bold salsa lido turkey
Starting point is 00:38:20 damn he just won up me what the fuck and what's the what's the bread situation what are you using over there usually 15 grain okay not good you do it not you really fucking and you put them on the cheddar no american so you're not getting I don't want to you won't let him have craft singles I mean if we if we're I'm telling him like no you can't eat that I just would never buy it it what about the cereal what do you got fancy tastes so for him I just he does like oatmeal and shit he'll do like you know cream farina cream of wheat shit like that farina that's this dude that's it sucks because like growing up I would look at those kids make that fucking stinks but that's the right play otherwise we're fucking cereal guys he's gonna grow up to be better I was lucky
Starting point is 00:38:58 charm lucky charm myself but if I try to get my kid lucky charms he's like dad what are we doing here like he's a little really you think I'll get my oatmeal he looks at that as like a treat like dessert you know but he's just you know he's just got way better way better habits than we had that's good like I didn't even have lucky as a kid like lucky charms is by far the best if you even try to say something different we got problems so big fan big fan not a fan I gotta say not a lucky charm love never never how is that even possible well we're irish and we thought it was racist the whole time so we weren't no we just as a Puerto Rican I thought cookie crisp was offensive the thieves my father on a cereal box is there an elephant one fully can get mad at
Starting point is 00:39:40 the hamburgers last name was Vasquez real rude we were a cocoa pebbles house for sure cocoa pebbles big honey not Cheerios baby honey not cheerio there was nothing wrong with the classic that's because he was trying to pretend he was healthy my mom was still my mom knew that we were too my brother we're only two years apart we were both animals if a box of lucky charms came into the house at two o'clock on a Sunday when she got back from the grocery store it would be gone before dinner yeah that's why she never much has changed apparently but it's like five fucking bowls of cereal I mean I can eat five bowls of cereal in one sitting right now yeah at this point honestly where I'm at weight wise so if I have like an edible or something in me I can easily eat a box of
Starting point is 00:40:22 cereal in one sitting yeah I mean that's not shocking to anybody I wasn't trying to shock anybody just the ABCs of me baby have you ever put honey on Honey Nut Cheerios yeah I put syrup on it too what what not recently last summer pre-pandemic at least I mean that's kind of crazy Honey Nut Cheerios putting extra sweeteners on it well that's why we've come to the conclusion on the podcast that's why I'm fat is because it's never it's never enough for me it's always got to be something else I have to add something to it you know like I'll have to dip my chips in like honey mustard or something like cream or something rather than just have the chips it's also portion control let's not be like ah it's the toppings are getting me it's portion control it's the condiments yeah it's
Starting point is 00:41:08 the honey I put so much I put so many chopped onions on my hot dogs too much mustard I put so much muscle to my 15th hamburger it's got these wrinkles I'm telling you they're gonna be a death of me these crude times are destroying my life all right all right uh this is from Chad have you ever walked through a drive-thru yeah really oh yeah well you learned the hard way that it's like weight sensor jumping up and down on it maybe like yelling at it and you're gonna run up to a window they're like you need a car it's like come on what do you fucking care for why do you care I don't know why I hate when the guys care why would they often are you in it that they're caring I hate multiple stories see back there again doggy we used to drive to go to the because the drive
Starting point is 00:41:50 there's open late so that's that's it you know and when I didn't have a car at certain times in my life simple as that you gotta go get some fast food gotta get some McDonald's yeah I'm taking back in the day before uber's like I was in college in Philly we would oh that's the best take a taxi oh and it'd be like dude don't turn the meter on I'll buy you know what I mean like I'll buy whatever you want I'll get you a hamburger yeah but when I live I can just do the loop and I'll break the fuck out when I first moved when we first moved up here I was living on 35th street in Astoria Boulevard there's a Burger King right there I would get off the Astoria Boulevard exit I like fucking 11 o'clock at night fucking zero money getting our dick kicked in fucking starving
Starting point is 00:42:27 and I would walk up to the Burger King and I'd walk up there with like three dollars and at the time they had like you know like you know bacon cheeseburgers for like a dollar so I try to get like two of them there was just one kid that would play ball and so I would have to fucking like stand there and watch the cars go by and look in the window to see if he's in the bushes is it clear is it clear he's yelling at his manager look he set the sensor off put a license plate on my forehead let's give me the fries dickhead but sometimes they wouldn't do it and that you think that the the level of humiliation in that is fucking astounding when there's cars behind you and you're getting shot down at the drive-thru yeah oh you're doing it when
Starting point is 00:43:10 there's other cars there yeah I'll thumb in line have you ever like have you ever gotten like a nine-piece chicken McNuggets and they give you eight and you're like I gotta go back now and ask them for the other single chicken McNugget you take your loss and you'll go back I'll go fucking back still to this day I want I went to a diner the other day yeah I went to a diner the other day with my son and my chick and we ordered breakfast and my uh I ordered uh this isn't three eggs the I know they gave me um what is it uh where you fucking get the eggs and the hollandaise sauce over the eggs Benedict eggs Ben I got a Ben I got a Benny right you look at you dude I would have had you for someone not like oh just knowing what the public knows about you
Starting point is 00:43:52 like first glance I would be like he doesn't even know what eggs but let's do this by the numbers it's crazy fucking house in the burp Audi Audi fucking good you got a good kid on the sand trampoline in the front yard trampolines side yard side yard hey fucking eating eggs Benedict so they I don't have the confidence to order eggs and the war the eggs were too watery so I went into it and it's like exploded with like just clear liquid everywhere it was it was sickening so I sent it back and I was like that's the way they're supposed to be poached eggs no they're not supposed to eat now they're supposed to be clear like to clear jizz you don't want the way you want the you want the yolk to be fucking hey I've had a McMuffin before this is not right so I was like
Starting point is 00:44:33 hey I was like you do them um you know medium this time or whatever so they gave it back to me now there was two pieces of fucking ham on each piece the first time this time it came back one at two piece of ham the other one had one piece of ham oh my god I was like excuse me mess oh my god oh you're the worst dude I was like I'm missing one of my piece of ham on this piece of eggs Benedict she's chewing it fuck that dude I pay for that shit I want every single bit of it then how did you tip are you a good tipper a great tip yeah I could peg you as a great tipper but I fucking I I start to they start off at 25% and then it goes down from there it can go up from there too if it's incredible service now is she losing points for that she didn't make the eggs it's how they handle
Starting point is 00:45:18 the situation how did she handle it she handled it fine she was fine she was cool she was like I'll be right back we had other food on the table it wasn't really a problem did she get to 25 she might have gotten more stuff like 30 yeah I gave her $100 bill it was $75 bill that crazy breakfast is 75 bucks $75 for eggs Benedict though we're not talking french toast dude a fresh squeezed orange juice do you get do you guys get something to share like some pancakes to share so yeah I usually get some yeah some things some silver dollar pancakes to share corn beef hash to share maybe some uh grits then we all order our own entrees and we pick off each other's plates I love it I love it I gotta get a lot I like flavors I like I like I like fucking flavors
Starting point is 00:46:00 okay I like that bothers me that's too many flavors no to everybody I just want my thing do my girlfriend fuck you you did not want to share she straight up was a shed her she ordered like avocado for toast and my son was like hey can we like share me with your son and she was like you gotta kick this bitch to the curb she said no she said no it's broad's gotta go it was bonkers yeah honestly that would that would be a deal break it was bonkers that bothers me yeah I just don't like sharing food and he was just like no you're kidding right like yeah who invited this broad he couldn't believe it he could not fucking believe that she would not share our food she was like I'll save you I don't fucking especially to a little kid yeah he was like I
Starting point is 00:46:44 really like her but you know the fact that she doesn't share it was it was it was borderline sociopath behavior yeah that's not good man seriously that's not the red flag yeah major red flag at least blame it on the pandemic or something like hey we're not doing that during the pandemic that's what I've been doing okay okay first of all he's a fucking little kid he doesn't need it he's got the corn be passed in the silver dollar bank he's gotta have everything on a menu it's important it's important for you okay you see there's a line here now Kevin Ryan gets it which I mean some people are like that they just don't want to they got their thing they don't want some of your thing they don't want to share yeah that's no that's I'm a share I'm like we're
Starting point is 00:47:29 like family style like everything it's like I get a little piece of yours you get a little piece of mine yeah try everything that's my every time I order that's why I love eating with my girlfriend every time well I think I think you're getting the better into that deal every time and then well I'll be like I was like yeah I'm gonna get the steak with it she was like I'm gonna also get the steak I'll punch her right in her fucking cheekbone because it's like no we are sharing you're gonna get a different on my wife does that all the fucking time we're gonna share that's fucking love that's that's love that's a community that my wife can order whatever the fuck she's paying for by the way she can order whatever she wants because she's picking up the bill I'm gonna order whatever
Starting point is 00:48:02 she'd like do you want to do this this and we'll share that it's like no I want a whole thing of like even the way you're saying it right now like your eyes are rolling to the back of your head I'm picturing us crazy dude I'm picturing us I'm picturing us one night we went to this place called Twisted Oak in uh uh Terry Towns very nice it's like a fucking five-star restaurant very expensive and I legit ruined dinner because I wouldn't share with her wow it was yeah you guys both ordered the same thing because you didn't want to share with her something like it was something and like I legit ruined this like $400 dinner I legit ruined it what the fuck's wrong with you shut up if she tries to get two cherries in my if she tries to get the same thing
Starting point is 00:48:40 as me I legitimately have a problem with it I'm like what are you doing like we're not getting all of the flavors that we can get every time more flavors in my body trashy to me no it's not no it's not then come back the next week you jerk off that's why that's why you're in a relationship all right so shit like that to share the food no I could have some of yours all right it's it's a fat person mentality the fat guy the fat guys at the table have a different attitude I do it with the other tables too what do you guys get I'll get you done with the whole system have you when's the lack because I know the answer is yes when's the last time you ate food off of a stranger's table when they weren't either weren't looking they left a diner we were kids we would
Starting point is 00:49:18 fucking do that all the time he got fired for it not too long ago no when I was waiting tables that was a all the time all the time all the time even on his days all come in see what's good what's the special tomorrow I'll see you at noon let me put it this way I put the food down a minute later I'm coming back you guys all done with this he used to have he used to have a pretty good view where he would recommend it for the kids kids were the best to eat off of and he would recommend you that he should try the calamari but in reality the kids kids kids and adult men if they weren't attractive I wouldn't eat off their plate but it was an attractive guy
Starting point is 00:49:58 an attractive girl I would but kids I know those chicken fingers they got boogers on them oh yeah they're picking them up sucking on the end putting it back yeah they're doing fucking weird shit no and it's also depends on what it is you're not gonna eat like a half eaten burger for some we'll be right back after these words from the stereo app I will eat it if if an attractive businesswoman comes in and cuts her burger and part of this is sexual because it's always based on their appearance she's got if she's got something slutty on yeah I'll have a bite of her hot dog she's in a tree with a uniform a turkey club and they got one you know a fucking triangle with one untouched or whatever yeah like yeah I'll eat
Starting point is 00:50:41 that and I'll be right now eat that some chicken fingers some french fries I completely get it that's not hang on I want to get back to this real real quick I just want to touch on this um I don't know how how sensitive of a kid James is but if he's a little sense like you know if he picks things up I bet you that fucking really bothered him and probably made him feel he is a sensitive it probably made him feel weird man like that that that's not a clue because you know and just like as a girlfriend you want to like not impressed but you want to like you know be a part of the family or whatever that's a real fucking right you know what it is I had to separate myself from it just because I'm just not that way but then you talk to somebody like Kevin who's like they
Starting point is 00:51:21 get it and some people they don't want to switch they don't want to put you don't put your fingers in my food don't touch my food they have their own I won't share a drink yeah I mean dude if he I can't even eat in front of him anymore I'm just saying from a child's perspective I feel bad for James and he's very he's very smart he's not he's not like a super sensitive he's carrying around because that would bother me they've hung out since he fucking loves her all right that would bother me for a while she's fucking as well look she jumps on the trampoline with him it's all right okay all right I got more upset about you really did yeah um I know you have a history with um cab drivers have you ever falsely reported an uber driver for texting while driving to get a full
Starting point is 00:52:01 refund on your trip or anything of that nature no but I have if they forget a ketchup packet in my uber eats I will pretend that five things are missing and that the driver threatened me and he wouldn't share with my kid well oh so you'll do that to like cash in on like a free chicken sandwich or something yeah because you'll just like say all right like you know the condiments are important okay so let's say they forget the hot and sour sauce or whatever it is right you're like okay now I'm just supposed to not enjoy this as much and if you complain about it okay sorry but it's not the uber it's guy fault it's not coming out of his it's not coming out of his end you sure yeah yeah I don't come out of the store yeah the store will go like oh we'll give you
Starting point is 00:52:39 a free burger or whatever yeah it's not he's not he's not in the kitchen preparing the food he just picked up I know it's what I'm saying a staple bag I don't think I've ever used uber eats I've used seamless yeah seamless is only a new like a new york thing though and not not everywhere has seamless so in the so in the server is when you call to get something delivered yeah it's not the pizza places delivery guy it's an uber driver I don't think they have delivery guys at these places yeah most of them are just so they just subcontracted out to reach out I don't like that man I don't like it I don't want I don't like to think of an uber driver bringing my food to me it's a delivery guy I don't know it's it's weird he doesn't have any accountability because once he's gone he's gone
Starting point is 00:53:17 you know look if I'm an uber driver I'm eating one third of every piece of food that comes and they've caught people doing the one guy was drinking a milkshake and put the little strop thing back on did you see there was pictures of the guy with like the seamless bag or the uber eats bags in a public restroom he's taken a shit and he had the bags in there with so you just see his pants down at his ankles and then like two two mcdonald's bags or whatever see that's what I'm talking about whatever at least the guy who works at the place he knows he's accountable yeah he can get yelled at by the boss yeah for doing whatever I was a delivery driver for a hot minute when I was home I was a pizzeria driver pretty food was actually not a
Starting point is 00:53:53 big gig yeah got the windows down a couple of seats yeah a couple of burnies yes I'm running some skinner on the radio talk about good fucking clean living right there um all right only a few more this is from Simon in the facebook group have you ever taken a picture in front of someone else's car no that's so fucking garbage that's sickening it's bro I saw someone do it like grown-ups did we were in wildwood a few weeks ago and there was like you know a Lamborghini or something parked and this like grown men pulled over got out of their car and took a picture in front of somebody like this is how we're living one of the yeah just like yeah check it out I'm like you could just google that picture as well and also have it there's no need for it to be I think
Starting point is 00:54:30 those things I think those cars are loser anyway I I'm being on not because I can't afford them but I think there's a certain level that you stop at I wouldn't want to be driving around in a Lamborghini like a fucking loser like an orange Lamborghini like these doors drive around money wasn't an object you stop I'm telling you I swear to God it's not the money you stop at an Audi you stop at a Benz you stop at a beamer something like that no that's what you drive in every day but you just I mean dude I'm thinking about buying a nice convertible like an old classic convertible this summer just to drive around it what are you doing I like it this guy's got cash and he knows how to spend it I'm just saying I want to fucking have a nice convertible drive around
Starting point is 00:55:06 this summer go to the beach like a seabring or something I don't even know so what my mom had that's what I learned how to drive in shout out to a fucking red seabring convertible Lewis and if money wasn't an object I would get a fucking Porsche Lamborghini just a fucking who gives a shit it's just a toy it's like I have a fucking Oculus that I never use always just made it can't fit in it yeah I would do it I would I would get the Magnum Ferrari that's as far as I would go I don't even know what that is Magnum PI oh okay this guy I'm like I'm out of car I don't know shit about cars I literally don't know my car just stopped working right now like I don't know what I would do take it to a mechanic I don't even know how to get it
Starting point is 00:55:46 there how do I it's not work on the Uber Eats guy yeah I'm majorly fucked it like you have AAA get AAA I think I have AAA I don't know it's like a hundred bucks a year you gotta order and you pull over even if you if you get if you fucking your car dies you just fucking call it up and they send someone to come get you sure and most insurance plans might have I couldn't even find my registration card or insurance card in my I gotta I don't know what either one of those are like if they were like license and registration I wouldn't they would think that I'm like doing crazy shit I was like sir can you help me if I don't know there's some papers here that I'm pretty sure it's in one of the envelopes sometimes it makes me how successful you are and the things
Starting point is 00:56:24 that you don't know I don't know I don't know like me and my sister were talking about this the other day um I don't like if I got a flat tire I still don't know if I have a spare you have a donut or don't I have no idea yeah out he might have a full spare but it's also this is this is why where is it it's under the it's in the trunk I open the trunk there's nothing in that you fucking it's not in the glove compartment maybe no I know I'm not a hundred percent positive that there is yeah there's it's underneath the trunk yeah there's like a little be a little knob you unscrew the knob and it's like a false bottom it will be a weed and how could you not know that that's why he's successful because he just doesn't bother him like he doesn't it's not
Starting point is 00:57:06 occupying his mind he's focused on big if I got a flat tire he's only got so much fucking ramp space in that head I would freak the fuck out on the on the side of a road somewhere and start screaming you be the tire irons aren't for beeps with Uber drivers so I have this weapon that came in the back they're not as good as they used to be anymore because it's like a part that connects to the to the jack it's all one it's one piece I just had to change it my tire a couple months ago yeah I don't know how to do any of that stuff but I'm gonna figure it out maybe have it figured that's pretty easy yeah smart guy yeah all right a couple more here this is from Brian uh do you now that you're a big drive do you draft behind a truck on a highway to save gas
Starting point is 00:57:48 what is draft what is this fucking Talladega who the fuck is doing that to save your money I don't know stop doing that our listeners are dirty so there's less drag on my car yeah yeah how much money could that really say no over the course of your life yeah the dangerous act just go underneath them like yeah you're talking to a guy who's pinewood derby car was a block he doesn't know that sounds like it's extremely dangerous and not worth the pennies per year that you would save yeah it is funny some of the things people do that they think they're really saving so much money it's crazy I don't do anything to save money I literally I none of my time during the day is thought about terrible money I buy the more expensive the premium gas I don't know why you
Starting point is 00:58:35 should probably for now do you probably should I don't know why I have no idea why I just do it sometimes on like a holiday I'll fill mine up with the 93 just to like treat her a little bit she's had a rough life she only doesn't have that much longer I think I gotta make her enjoy her last I think that's actually not good for whatever I don't know I have no idea the difference I have no idea what one is versus the can you check your oil no he doesn't know if he has a fucking tire what do you mean for three weeks so I need to check my oil already well but do you have a sticker of when you're supposed to change the oil every 10,000 miles 10,000 didn't they say every 10,000 no it should be every 5,000 it's they say 3,000 but that's big
Starting point is 00:59:12 oil that's big jib here's the thing it depends they now have synthetic oil which gets you a little bit longer which is 5,000 regular oils 3,000 I got the synthetic just because that's how the car's made I would assume either way I'm 5,000 miles over my dude my current due date I gotta be honest whether they're poor and lucky I paid I paid for them you know they was it a new car certified pre-owned it was uh pre-owned yeah it uh but it only he should have just said no it had 4,000 miles on it yeah it's like a demo car it was the loner it was the loner cars and nobody owned it so that's so people treated it it looked brand new it was a $10,000 difference between yeah no growing up my buddy's family on a car dealership and from 16 on he would just get a new car every like three
Starting point is 00:59:56 months yeah and he then they would he would get a new car he put like 3,000 miles on it and then they would sell that as the deal the dealer demo yeah so he would just have a new car every fucking three months pretty sweet um all right let's see when was the last time you wore no socks with sneakers do you do that are you are you a pure sock guy I mean I'm a pure sock guy like in life but like I have thrown them on to run outside or yeah that's yeah are you do slippers you a slippers guy at the house now I know my I have a robe and I had slippers I don't know where my slippers went after the move but isn't crazy my robe is too hot my robe is fucking like thick yeah it's hot I want one of those like gay show role you know what I mean like like real like silk
Starting point is 01:00:37 you know like a hotel row feels fucking slutty like a Japanese hooker yeah I was a fucking servant of business I got my wife in a suit just walk in the room and drop it yeah um have you ever worn flip flops with jeans yeah yeah that was that was big slides hundred percent oh you'll do like the adidas I would do thongs I would do no socks for a while but then I dated a Puerto Rican girl she's like no you gotta put socks on there was like isn't that garbage and I think what on the flip flaps that's real garbage socks with slides or how cool black people do it yeah it depends on what race you are in the urban community if you're a brown person and you do not have socks on and your toes are out they're like yo nigga you nasty put your toes away yeah but white people if you
Starting point is 01:01:18 wear socks with slides then your white trash fucking like you know dad get in the newspaper off the front lawn so yeah it just depends on the the race hmm I always thought that was a prison thing that people in prison they wore slides and socks mean you're gay or not I don't know I thought that's what I always saw like when I watched like locked up or whatever yeah I think that's I mean I don't I don't think it's a fashion choice in jail no yeah hmm I think it's pretty trashy all right let's think of a go let's get a good one here to end on this is from Nick Parker was your first time getting drunk on wine coolers if not what was it good great question it was well yeah mine mine too how'd you get them just wine coolers it was wine coolers and like
Starting point is 01:02:01 malt liquor but it started off like six or seven wine coolers yeah it was a new year's eve party next door my uh in the 90s probably late 90s yeah I was in the seventh or eighth grade holy yeah same as me if you look up what year California love by Tupac came out like the world premiere of the video was a new year's day this is the the day after I got really drunk that was something else that song that video was bananas it would make me nauseous for years goddamn sea grims wild cherry dude literally I would hear California like it would fuck me up dude because I got so drunk my friend Gano's party Gano was a supporter we can kid Gano Miguel Gano are you saying Gano Gano I don't think you know what
Starting point is 01:02:49 I think it's Gano Miguel but it was pronounced Gano Amiga do you speak Spanish fluently no I don't know but they were barely speaks English what are you talking about they they were Gano Amiga that's how you have to say his name you can say Miguel that was fucking crazy dude my Dominican buddy is he's his his first name is the the Vietnamese last name win like the NGYN I don't know why this his mom name on that but and they're like proper to like from the DR so they just call him Gujian so his name is his name is spelled win but it's Gujian hey Gujian so he's a gooch it's so funny I'm like I've met him I was like Gujo his name and I'm like what's that and like I saw his name I'm like dude your name I don't know if anybody's broken
Starting point is 01:03:36 it to you in 20 years but that's not your name dude all right good stuff Lewis thank you thanks for having the folks out there to know that you got coming up um yeah just check out the pods I host a bunch of podcasts the newest one is Gomez watching science I'll do with my sister who grew up real trash we gotta get we gotta get her on an episode of this yeah for sure confirm everything I've said for sure for sure um but yeah that's uh you guys can subscribe to all the stuff that I do on iTunes and everywhere else but guess digitalnetwork.com is a place where we can grab everything ad-free and uncensored all in one place of course buddy thank you so much Kip you what do you got for him as always please make sure you rate review subscribe on iTunes full video
Starting point is 01:04:15 available on YouTube and patreon.com and I'm at Kevin Ryan comedy on all social media excellent t-bone thank you so much Lewis thank you so much for coming in what a family episode thank you we love you guys we'll see you next week hey gang just another quick reminder about the stereo app tell him Kevin Thursday night straight in the mouth god damn it straight in the mouth every Thursday 9 p.m me and the big man are on there and we're taking your garbage questions it's fun people are calling in you leave voicemails we chop it up with you it's a good time we did well over an hour last time we're doing it live baby yeah we're doing it live you join in with us you can join at the beginning at the end whatever it's a good time I think you can go back and listen to
Starting point is 01:04:53 him so it doesn't matter yes you can yeah it's awesome so get involved go to stereo.com slash Kevin Ryan or slash H Foley you sign up we get to let our beaks a little bit it's free to sign up it's free to sign up so just download the app get involved baby do it it's a great time check us out on stereo we'll see you there Thursday night peace peace

There aren't comments yet for this episode. Click on any sentence in the transcript to leave a comment.