Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast - Luis J Gomez - Fighting Cab Drivers

Episode Date: April 6, 2020

We're joined by stand up comedian and podcaster Luis J Gomez. Luis talks about fights with cab drivers, buying weapons as a kid, and the coronavirus. You may know Luis J Gomez from Joe Rogan Podcast, Legion of Skanks, Believe You Me, Real Ass Podcast.

Welcome to another exciting edition of are you garbage the show where you find out if your favorite comedians are classy individuals or absolute trash now here are your hosts Kevin Ryan and H Foley hey everybody out there and welcome back to everybody's favorite new podcast this is are you garbage I am your host H Foley coming at you from the home studio here in beautiful Astoria Queens my co-host about a thousand miles away from me coming at you from an undisclosed location somewhere in southern New Jersey my good pal Kevin James Ryan everybody hey what's up down here in the bunker baby you know living

to fight another day gathering my fuck I'm planting a garden out back making my own turnips you know who knows how this thing's gonna go store and squirrel meat in the freezer I know man yeah what's up everybody happy to be here thanks for tuning in you know quick a little business make sure your rate review subscribe you know you can subscribe on YouTube all the videos full videos of the episodes on YouTube so you can subscribe and watch them there yeah happy to be here buddy yeah do us a fucking favor we were tanking over here help us out our incredibly awesome guest that we have today we're so happy to

have him here ladies and gentlemen let's go over this real quick all right legion of skanks podcast one of the biggest podcasts out there real-ass podcast the host of owner gas digital who network podcast fucking network killing it the creator of skankfest and the soon-to-be skankfest South ladies and gentlemen if there's a fucking self-made man out there we got him on the fucking line right now most of you bozos out there should take a page out this kid's book ladies and gentlemen the Puerto Rican rattlesnake Lewis J Gomez ladies and gentlemen thank you thank you guys I really appreciate the

very undeserved intro I feel like a fucking loser I'm sitting here in my shitty fucking bedroom with stains all over my bed I know I know I just saw I just saw your your unmade bed I was yeah as you were crawling to organize the pillows and I was like we we are seeing way too much of each other yeah I will say this I was expecting a little more out of the fucking boo draw that the that that Ikea set up you got behind it yeah dude I don't as a business owner I haven't I haven't gone into my bedroom yet made it nice I mean it's fine it's not bad but it's like it's I have a hard time getting like the only reason I have

anything nice at all is because I have a seven-year-old and I remember like up until the car I probably started having memories like we sort of having like our first memories when we're like four right yeah you think back to your earliest fucking memory you're probably four years old so right up until like his fourth birthday I was looking like a fucking heroin addict fast and loose baby ain't gonna fucking know who gives a shit he had no memories of anything before that date I mean I would fucking put cigarettes out on his mother fucking no refrigerator smoke crackin house nobody gave a fuck but then right before

I started getting my shit together a little bit so yeah yeah yeah who the fuck makes their bed as well what is wrong with you don't judge me for not having made bed what type of sociopath gets up and makes his bed every morning I've never made my bed ever I'm just saying I didn't think I'd ever see your bed that's all yeah I'm just watching you I was just expecting a little more out of the headboard I mean you got like the basic Ikea I thought you'd have like a fucking nice headboard actually I'm actually really impressed with my headboard I didn't own a headboard up I fucked a fat chick in my

bed maybe a month and a half ago crack bag and yeah and I broke my bed frame it was like you know it really it wasn't good it was it was if you look at it look like two Mexican wrestlers going at it fucking power bomber yeah dude and she was it was like yeah and then I had to get so I finally bought a headboard and I took a lot of time and the first thing you attack about my room is my headboard and now I'm very self-conscious well I was I was just I was just I was just picturing something more I thought your room was gonna look like Gene Simmons room or something like that that they would be like snake pillars going

up and like a canopy over the bed I want to do I want to invest more into the to my apartment I have a two bedroom one and a half bathroom in Harlem I have a really good deal right nice nice not leaving this place until I purchase something there you go but I'm also a spic so now that I got now that I got you know certain things going on and you know I can afford certain things like I really want to turn my half bathroom into a steam room and oh my god every person in my life that isn't a spic is like dude you're not doing a $5,000 renovation on a bathroom that you have to go and turn back once you like leave

and I'm like no dude that's all I want is a fucking steam room in that half bathroom I say go for it a hundred percent a nice steam in the middle of winter get a little schvitz going that's my right now my only literally and I will and I'm being very accurate and very true about this my only problem with coronavirus is that I can't steam right now I can't name another problem with it because you can't go to Equinox is that where you go Equinox yeah I'm a little bit of cash this guy and let me tell you something kippy points in his favor the half bath really moves you up a notch when you got that extra half a bath a

powder room if you will that's fucking class and I don't even tell women that it's a half bath I just say it's full bathroom like that's all you wish bathroom do you want which one there was I just say which one fucking power move right there you want to fucking impress a check which bathroom which one there you go class but didn't I think Todd Lynn did that like didn't he do like the I think it's a famous story he died God rest his soul so he can't refute the story but he had a you know you got his first development deal I got for like 150k and he went and put like $80,000 in renovations into his apartment like

like coming to America like you put a hot tub in it and then that's fucking great they came to renew the lease and they were like no no no you can go they got the TV that comes up out of the dresser yeah yeah so the super sit and have a hot tub in the middle of the floor all I want is a fucking steam room in my home this is the only thing that I want in the world dude I've been getting into it more and more I go to the jeer I'm assuming you've gone at some point the Russian Turkish baths down of course that's fucking great man there's nothing better than that place that's how I justified my equinox membership

because I was going to the Russian Turkish bath houses like four times a month five times a month and I was like this is costing me almost as much as an equinox membership and you don't have the membership yeah exactly so now I get a fucking steam room and I get hot gay guys as well you only get fucking old Russian dudes at the Russian Turkish baths yeah I can't be good rush it well if that was open right now oh how nice would that be I would say we should all go states right after this podcast let's just go get naked have a little fucking what is it like it's a young boy that like massages you in the steam room

the one the one the one really hot sauna yeah yeah yeah if that thing was open right now there'd be like 400,000 people with the corona because that place is a fucking germ factory that really is a disgusting place they do not keep it clean but that's the place what the aides break out in the 80s right that was like that was like the epicenter no yeah dude that because it's all fucking gay dudes fucking each other that place was the epicenter of it I thought it was a Chuck E cheese and it has broke no it's fucking and also a comedian Sam Ruben off he had a membership there so he would go during the week when it's just

like it's dudes only and he said when you go there's the one I don't know what one it is like the one down on the left I don't know if it's like the sauna whatever it's one of them where they hang a towel they cover the light with a towel if you walk in and don't see the light I mean it's like those dudes you know blowing each other again that's the fucking party room right there that's for you imagine being gay he's cleaning up there imagine here in the world but I mean think of fully think about that you're just fucking nobody like I I've been hit on in steam rooms probably a dozen times like aggressively like a guy

will just fucking open up his towel and have a fucking boner at the gym oh yeah for sure on the article isn't there buddy I'm doing lunches here you want to fuck up but I thought equinox would be would be freaking out about that no dude they well they started freaking out about it a couple years ago because it was a big class action lawsuit because a bunch of fucking straight dudes who like you feel weird like I feel like it's this weird thing because I'm going like I'm not hateful against gay guys but they're coming at me these homos are fucking attacking you know and so I'm sitting here I'm like all right well

I'm cool with it just so you know it's not your lifestyle that ever problem it's you trying to rape me just want to point that out so you feel this weird shame and it's also like I'm not a woman so it's also not the same thing as like a woman having a guy expose me so like a chick like she knows at that moment like oh I wanted to just fucking drag me into the fucking yeah that's powerless yeah for me I'm gonna fucking you know I'll light up most of the guys that have tried to fuck maybe yeah but now you know how it feels a little bit you know I mean you get an idea what women go through and hey you got a tight little body on your

kid don't be prancing around in your short shorts and nobody been making a grab that short short you're asking for it we are naked we are gonna see there you go so but here's the thing it's it's sort of not like a woman because all I get out of it and we could admit it or we cannot admit it but all I get is the feeling of feeling somewhat flattered right yeah there's no real threat yeah yeah there's no threat there's a little scuzzy and a little like alright buddy put your fucking talk away right I'm not your fucking plaything bitch right but by the way nice piece solid piece so but women have the feeling of like oh shit

you know this guy if you want to can hurt me so there's a feeling of powerlessness that you don't have the only way I imagine this you could probably right imagine when you walk through a black neighbor oh yeah they can take you yeah I live in the Heights and I want it's like I'm I'm fucking checking my six every two seconds you know in my head's on a swivel I don't know yeah I'm a mark but exactly that's what you actually kind of feel you know much more what it's like to feel like a woman than I know what it's like to like a woman because I could fucking I will you could walk in both worlds

Louis Louis G Gomez walks in both worlds any three guys that I'm trying to fuck me an equinox I could probably take none of them they're usually older feeble gay guys that that are I mean they're never like you know I mean how many fucking really tough gay guys are there anyway I mean I'm sure there are like some badass but I know there's a couple MMA fighters that like are gay are there MMA fighters in the UFC not in the UFC but there's definitely a couple that are out but I think you yeah I feel like Lewis is saying he never gets hit on by the guys he wants yeah there's no dudes that can just grab me and you know really

fuck me if you're gonna bang the dude you want to be banged by a fucking man right so I'm gonna see my son by the way my son is in earshot fucking ABCs you're like I want to fucking real big Puerto Rican guy but you want to beat the dude on top of you you don't want no fucking little pussy you know I'm saying so that's sort of the issue like maybe it's just that I haven't been presented with the right guy you guys are right there you go hmm you never know I never I always I always thought about how that must feel like what you're saying with like women when like you know there there's that fucking

threat of like well this fucking you know could be some huge animal and he could just fucking grab me I remember like the first time in New York that I realized how bad like cat calling was and like how fucked up it was you know like in the 40s and 50s you're like hey doll face how you doing I was right behind this fucking this woman she was walking shed her headphones on so she didn't hear the guy but this dude was walking towards us the other way and as he got by her this was his exact words he goes damn you got those dick-sucking lips I was like Jesus fucking Christ open up with a how you doing or something

first now you're gonna lead off with that like what the fuck yeah I mean it's that you know yes fine I just I don't know that cat calling it's hard for me to wrap my mind around how cat calling is a real big problem I was like my mother was something like that is my mother killed herself with heroin my dad was stabbed to death when I was four years old I can't wrap my mind around it's just there's I just have no empathy for a woman who's like oh my god my day was so horrible three guys said something to me on the street I'm like they didn't hit you they didn't fucking take your first it in what do you do I

don't think we need to I don't think we need to do the test I think he's garbage he's out the streets baby I'm just saying look this whole fucking coronavirus thing I'm going like I got real problems bitch I don't know what do it's all right it's and if you see that in less affluent neighborhoods if you go to really like you go to these fucking white neighborhoods or affluent neighborhoods freaking out people are losing their minds and then you go to the you know more shittier neighbors and this is why like you know they'll show you pictures of people in the subway it's like yeah when you go to the subway in

the Bronx people are just going to work they're like I don't know what you want to say I'm going to work they my landlord's not going to listen to the fact that there's a virus I that that's that I have an illegal fucking lease I'm not yeah there's 15 people in a two-bed room yeah it's like they got bigger problems and it just and I know that it's irresponsible to say it's like you know I just I can't you know I understand that side of it as well I do get it no it makes sense because they're going where you're coming from they're going I might get corona next week or in two weeks but like if I don't have the rent

on the first like or like I need to you know I need money to feed my kids and shit like that they got different problems yeah I mean I you know my son's mother is completely out of work right now that's that it's just half the fucking income come I mean you put on the same household but it's still like still goes to the same place yeah yeah I mean my son has half of the income coming into his life I should you know put it that way so you know it sucks but luckily you know some of us fuck I didn't have to splurge on a headboard so I got a little bit of a cushion is the kid putting the screws to you for the cashers you know

what's up shaking you down and he doesn't understand money he's you know he doesn't understand what the difference between the $500 or $5 is he's a fucking child all right well let's so we're gonna start getting into the game here we're gonna ask you a series of questions you know as a jumping off point answer them to the best of your ability and you hold on do you think your garbage you know you you had a bit of a different upbringing you know what I mean your dad was murdered and your your mom died of heroin like it's not you didn't have the traditional suburban upbringing you know who raised you Wolves my mom

raised me but she yeah she was really shitty and abusive and I think that it depends on how you define garbage I think that deep down in my core my foundation was built off of just a real big pile of shit garbage and I think that you'll never escape that but it's just I mean it depends on how you define garbage you might currently garbage I don't think so well yeah that's the way don't start to cut you up but that's the way we look at it it doesn't have to do with you know economics or like how you grew up it's it's some some people grew up surrounded by garbage and that made them realize that they don't ever want

to be garbage like I assume now that you have the place like your apartment's fucking tip-top you take care of your son to the tenth degree you make sure everything's under control I mean you can kind of see it in your work ethic you know I mean you couldn't be you know like a piece of shit and accomplish what you've accomplished you know building building a business and building a fucking you know a network you couldn't do that so you could have learned from growing a Weinstein did all right with it I think yeah you can definitely so here's the thing I think you know a characteristic and a trait of a piece of

garbage is maybe being narcissistic or a sociopath and I think that you can be very very successful while yeah that's that's actually you would argue it's a key to beans parts of elements of that are key to being successful yeah you could hurt people you know you could have no empathy for people that you're supposed to love and take care of and you could you know so you could get to a very very high level and still make garbage decisions do garbage things I when I look at like if a person is garbage it's it's almost like it's not about where they're at economically no you know it's in spite of that right in

fact it would even accentuate it more if somebody would act a certain way like if somebody is that is more affluent and I would give them less leeway to be garbage so I would consider them even more garbagey than a person that reacted the same way that was less affluent because it's a bigger of a jump yeah there's no better yeah yeah so it just sort of depends on what so I think it's about who you are how you react to what you do to certain situations that would define whether or not your garbage and I think it would be I think I'm somewhat polarizing in this category I think you have people that listen to our

shows there's people going right now like yeah dude this Lewis is one is this fucking yeah yeah for sure and then there's other people being like no Lewis is a good dude you know he's you know such defense yeah it's a little more I mean especially the game it's like it's more lighthearted it's like growing up did you you know have this or that it's not you know it's definitely you were turned into a fucking episode SVU I'm gonna ask if you like skim milk or not that's what you're talking about fucking Lex Luthor's shit over here I mean did you ever want to take over the world do you give your kid name brand juice

boxes that's as far as we're going let's start off with Sigmund Freud yeah I got let's let's get started you follow do you want to do some of the easier ones up front well I'm not gonna ask him about his child look now what the fuck it's just that's man I got one I was book and plus the thing is with the basics are certain they don't really apply to city kids stuff like something that we always start off with people Lewis is what grocery store did you go to go I'm a suburban kid I grew up in county New York all right what was the name of the grocery store growing up that you went to shop right oh classy place went to

shop right it was yeah my mom worked at said shop right oh I used to work at a grocery store too I mean that that's right but I worked at that shop right to actually I worked in the the fucking deli meat section did the deli meat section when I was there it was always the kids that had weed or that would buy you beer when you were under to the deli if you were in the deli section as like a 19 or 20 year old you were fucking you had made some bad turns don't buy meat from a fucking supermarket deli section I don't think I ever washed my hands in high school like once I don't remember a single time where I sat down to wash my

hands now I showered and I've cleaned myself and I swam in pools and lakes and things for sure but dragon for sure my hands were my hands are clean I went swimming in a lake my hands are clean well let me ask you this since you brought that up and you work there and I'm not innocent of this either entirely or my associates weren't innocent of it did you ever do anything to anything you ever pee in anything and either put like piss in the potato salad or dip your nuts in the fucking corned beef or anything like that not a chop right no no we over at me don't fucking go there well we know I worked at a Mexican restaurant called

fiesta can I kill it I've worked every day since I was 11 years old and I was the kid before that since I was like since that was my son's age my son's seven dude at seven I was knocking on people's doors asking if I could rake their lawns you know you know do our jobs you know same thing here same thing would get me through yeah yeah I just you know I was so poor growing up and you know just having I was also very aware you're talking about my kid didn't know doesn't understand money like I was so aware that we were poor at that young of an age and making money was something that was sort of on my mind so I had I

always had a job but when I was 15 years old I worked the fiesta can come which was a Mexican restaurant and there was like a fucking just an asshole of a guy like a fucking old Jewish guy that was just being shitty to every Mexican that were and I was a Mexican I was a big Puerto Rican kid I was like twice size of everybody yeah and I was a busboy but the whole team I mean I think the manager the owner everybody was involved everybody knew what was going on they filled up their water pitcher from the toilet I didn't do that's fucking garbage but that is fucking awesome I love that baby the whole dude literally I

ice went into it cool all right motherfucker and put it on the table and I was like they are fucking dude that is some fucking diabolical shit that's some cartel shit right there every time Trump talks about the wall I'm like you know what you don't know these people are you know capable of yeah fiesta can Cooner can't come fiesta well that's why dude you never fuck with fucking the waiter you never fuck with people in the kitchen you never act like a fucking asshole with that stuff because they will fucking poison you I you know I know this and I wish I could control myself but in the moment when I'm spending money

in a place I bring myself back to being this little poor kid and you know and it goes and I'm like I was like you know fucking hard I've worked for what I fucking at this waiter it's gonna forget my fucking breadsticks it's not like that that's garbage not right that's garbage you're justifying if you're justifying the money you've spent on breadsticks you're fucking trash you're like Ricky Bobby's dad just causing a fight for no reason I think back to shop right my mom working at the fucking register just bleep bleep bleep and I was like dude I fucking I worked way too hard and then I know they go back and

they just you know fucking shove each breadstick into their asshole pull it out play so but really you're that guy so I'm waiting on you you order a cheeseburger okay I bring it out my cheese buddy don't eat it please you already on the walk out and this make it to my plates holy shit dude I was saying Lewis you might be able to see I just noticed before you got it he's so fat he doesn't have ears anymore did you notice that he's so fat it's it's gone past his ears yeah dude the problem is fully you would be handsome I'm noticing from this angle that you need to lose weight because you'd be a handsome

the vampirey looking fucking gorgeous you could be goth dude put some fucking eyeliner on foley a fucking rockin out to all you need to so lose some fucking weight give you a hot got the vampire dude he's got the good head of hair already you got a good frame on you you're you know you are athletic fucking 20 decades ago but you can pull it you could pull it together in the late in the nice dude you're you're in your 40s you could get it together and have he probably has one in him dude ever I think every fatty has one one run where they're like you know what dude I fucking they're on keto they got their

post in their hashtag and they're in the gym foley's gonna have one of those in the next couple years I hope if he makes it dude he's also he's also living in Queens that's like the height of fucking Corona he's got at least two or three of the pre-existing conditions I'm sure of it I think I thought if the road if I get the Rona and I survive it that might take me down at least 20 pounds kick starts kick start the fucking program there let me tell you something if foley loses a sense of taste he's gonna put a bullet in his mouth in the first first day he wouldn't make it to lunch

I said I can't do it no more he'd be eating eggs like and then just fucking off himself he just fucking shoved the fork into his fucking not even wait for the diagnosis I can't go on as long as I could I can't go on like this that's too much it's been two hours

I've eaten four bowls of crunch berries and I still taste nothing Doc I can't do it no more pull the plug dude you're so fat it's crazy you are so fat oh I love it all right let's stick to the topic here that's a problem when we get guests that are really good at like fun to riff with but then we get off track on the game it's okay well I'm assuming there's a theme the people that are more garbage

you're probably more fun to riff with absolutely yes for sure have you ever I got a question for you have you ever almost or gotten into a fight with another kid's dad so like meaning meaning my kid like because of your kid yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah not not I got into a fight with a guy who happened to be a father

right you're saying like yeah yeah because of the kid you're on the playground with the kid some kid pushes your kid the dad doesn't do anything about it you got to go over and fucking straighten him out no but I mean I you know there's been moments where there's been like you know the you know the kids being a dick on the playground you kind of look and I've never had to really deal with that for the most part you know you're not dealing I also you know we go to playgrounds in the upper west side there's schools in the upper west side it's like you know it's a different class of person you're not really dealing with as garbage you have people up there

throw down and on you know they're petrified at you yeah they're like I do please we don't know any problem the Lewis walks in they get their kids like alright time to go and start packing up their toys and shit it's just recent already so my son goes to like an after-school program two days a week and I was going to pick him up one day it was like five o'clock and I this is a very lewis thing okay and fine okay whatever I will admit that I'm fucking crazy but I have my my cell phone

I have like Apple Pay so I pay for I could pay for a cab with Apple Pay okay and so sorry here my fucking thing came up so I go to get out of the cab and I go to pay for it with Apple Pay and the thing says it didn't say the decline it just says like error code and I'm like yeah I was like I don't know what's going on dude I keep on doing it I did like four or five times I was like it's an error code it was like it's being declined and I was like stop being declined I'm telling you like I checked the balance

and now by the way now I'm late picking up my son I'm like three four minutes late at this point I'm kind of like you know and I'm on the corner and his school's like halfway down the block so this guy starts arguing me I'm like buddy I don't know what you want me to tell you I didn't have my wallet on me I just had brought my cell phone with me I was like I can't do anything I was like there's no ATM to go to there's no nothing I was like either it accepts this or you got to get your shit fixed so he's arguing with me so I was like all right cool see you later I get up I get out of the cab so he gets out of the cab and starts following me

and he gets on the phone he's calling 911 he's like this guy's trying to and I'm on the my my son's block block of his school and parents are walking by and I'm going like fuck this shit so I start walking you're gonna end up on the hood of a hood of a cop car like I still love you I still love you this is bullshit call your mother so the cab driver's following me and I'm like buddy stop following me

I was like stop because I don't pick up my kid I can't have him following me in front of me my kid's not gonna understand the nuance of the Apple pay not work and my kid's only gonna take it like my dad didn't want to pay for this fucking cab again yeah again he didn't want to do it I can't let my kids see this fucking cab driver okay there's no way my kids see this fuck so my buddy get the fuck away from me dude if you don't get away from me I'm gonna break your fucking jaw I'm threatening this guy now now I'm robbing him and I'm threatening him

multiple crimes are being committed on my son's school's block this is weeks ago this is right before the coronavirus outbreak this isn't years ago this is so my buddy get the fuck away from me he's like he's like oh so you started chasing now people are starting to line up with cell phones and tape oh my god are you still trying to be polite to the other parents like hey Mrs. Fleming good to see you it's a fucking way for me man hey patty looking good

I fucking kill you I swear to god just want to see my kid so I ended up literally running after him and chasing him because every time I'd come near him he'd back up because he was a pussy so I started running after him and chasing him so he starts running away from me so I was like alright I think I can get him to run enough away from that direction so I could run back this direction I'm gonna take off my hat and jacket really quick so he just sees me from behind and I don't think he's gonna notice the back of my head it's gonna remain I was like let's just fucking do this

so I ran after him he runs I run some ladies like what are you doing sir I'm like fuck you lady I gotta get my boy then I run to my son's school and I'm sweating and fucking nervous I'm like 10 minutes late and he's like hey dad I'm like hey so we walk up the block and we go down the other block I'm like I'm not gonna go that way I'm going down the other way right to get on the next cab and I'll hop another cab sure enough as soon as I get to the corner I see the fucking guy pull up right to the light and he looks at me makes eye contact and I'm like fuck me leave me alone son Jesus

so I call another cab that's coming in the opposite intersection I get in it he jumps out of his cab and starts running like terminate or two toward my cab okay I'm looking at him I'm like sir go go go my son's like dad who is that guy holy no I'm in the cab with my kids I'm like he wanted to steal our cab go sir go and we have a high speed no high speed chase but we have a chase a pursuit a pursuit where my cab is just going he jumps back in his cab and I see him get fucking cut off

I mean the look on this guy's face as I drive away it was fucking priceless but it was yeah it was it was one of my low points as a father you're fucking garbage that was fucking awesome that's like a fucking that's like a trashy version of a Jim Carrey movie at the end of Liar Liar I gotta get back to your mother's house I have a lot of Larry David moments so it's like I'm sort of justified in the initial annoyance or whatever it is yes you meant well at the moment

you're like hey man I'm trying I'm not yeah his thing didn't work you're not wrong you're not in the wrong I'm not even slightly wrong at that point you know I could I've waited for the car it just became this whole big thing I just didn't think this guy was going to chase me God bless this guy I was like a fucking huge dollar there did you have cash on you no no but if I did he still wouldn't have gotten it from you yeah Lois had a 20 in his pocket the whole time he gets in the cab he starts peeling off 20s

fuck that dude fuck that that's crazy that's a shit he could have had the fucking Apple thing disabled because he just wants cash because in the beginning when they started doing credit cards like that none of the drivers wanted to take credit cards maybe he did something like that but he was a piece of shit so I feel like we're involved in the easiest confession that I've ever we didn't even ask questions you walked in here telling us everything just spilling your guts one time I picked up my kid after I had stolen a cab and beat up a cab driver I threatened a nurse

I killed a nun we got in the cab I used to I never watched my hands at the shop right oh that's great all right I got one have you ever used a coin store machine for less than $20 oh for sure absolutely for sure dude I used to do that to try to just get a pack of smokes you know what I mean to be like I got eight I got eight bucks let's go I used to put them down as my financial institution applying for loans and shit back in the day dude I used to my coin store was a regular thing I would do when I was

younger like college years of course dude you just fucking but I remember there's a place in Harlem right now I don't even know if check cash and places are still open they must be but if you go to 127 there's a check cash in place and it's like a knock off coin store company I don't know what it's called but it's like it's not coin store it's a knock off company because coin store machines are pretty fucking high class this shit's like the fucking he's got levels of coin counting machines you think coin stores high click they're serving champagne dude let me tell you something all right

coin stores like a nice machine made in the past like this company still uses the first coin counting machine that came out in like 83 okay this is the monkey in there rolling them up and putting them in those little rolls so this machine what it does is this is fucking psychonic you do the coin store machine and then it just prints out a slip with the amount of money on it right there's no barcode there's nothing to scan it is like I mean you can literally just go and take this

and then go recreate it whatever number you want on it you can recreate it with ease you can probably do it on your phone look at the phone right now look at his face he's like this is a fucking brilliant idea his eyes are going like slot machines it's like cherry cherry cherry doggie I'm telling you right now it was fucking I've never done it because I just I only noticed that I don't need money that badly but you can definitely do this there's no question because I went to coin store with my kid to fucking do like a piggy banks worth a fucking thing and that's how I noticed this and I was like this I was like this is just as the number

you can put whatever it is and it was the busy check cash in place there was nobody else they would never know I mean you're not going to get away with taking thousands of dollars but you could probably get away with getting a couple hundred dollars in one city if you're in a fucking pickle I would step over and I'd go thirty thousand dollars please please learn a top hat in a monocle just keep my thirty grand please small bills if you don't mind sir I already ordered an Uber XL it'll be outside in a minute so we need to pick this up

oh that's great are you gentlemen paying bitcoin by any chance yes thank you you don't have anything like you can't do anything with your toes or anything like that can you like play piano or you double join it or anything like that no because that's real garbage remember the kid that could like put his arm all the way back there his family was never prominent in the community his dad was never running for mayor I had a friend who could take his shoulder blades and like essentially he didn't dislocate them what he could do is just his

shoulder blades would like imagine his back is here they would come out of his back and they would fuck it was like almost the amount of dexterity we had in the shoulder blades we take can't we I was in a band salty black flower in high school and drummer garbage drummer and bassist are always fucking I like how we drop the name of the band like it's salty black flower we're gonna push the website real quick please so his shoulder blades if you could imagine they would come out of his back

and then they would come back in it was like he was like it was crazy dude it was like a stegosaurus yeah dude it was crazy so what's that guy doing now he's not like the head of pediatrics at Mount Sinai or anything like that right no that guy and I believe this what he sold us his dad used to own his name was Chicky Bruntfield and his trashy name trashy name white trash they make them Chicky and his dad Chicky Sr.

he's the third owned the like shitty used car lot not not a not a it wasn't certified pre-owned or anything it was like a one car sale put him in a lot and had people buy shit cars from him it was probably just like a trailer the office was just like a trailer with a set of stairs yeah but my first two cars were bought from Chicky's Chicky's got a good deal on a Honda

1987 Chevy Cavalier like a big cop car and then Nissan 300ZX 1986 forest green shit cars he was friends with the other like auto body I don't know this for a fact so I shouldn't say this he's still operating I'm making the joke but this is the type of business that it is like he knew the guys that would do inspections like in Rockland County yeah there was a place in Rockland County

I think the name of it I'm like I'm literally just fucking naming names now I'm a fucking rat but this place you would go and you'd pay the inspection fee but then you would just pay the guy an extra 50 bucks and he would just pass you on inspection Jesus Christ because he goes by shit cars my family always had shit cars they would never pass the inspections and this is the way it was the most dangerous irresponsible thing ever yeah my buddy was a mechanic and he used to be able to roll back to dial his older cars but he'd be able to roll back the

to me there's nothing wrong with that that's just you figured out a you know that's like a federal crime to fuck around with if your engine could blow up or something like that I mean you're not gonna buy a 1991 fucking Honda Civic with six miles on it like you're not gonna roll it back that much it's still gonna have like 70k they sit on your highway huh right off the lot 1984 fucking Caprice classic never took you know driveway cap that's too good just a couple more questions

for you here Lewis Kippy you got one yeah have you ever this has to be yes have you ever owned a butterfly knife oh yeah of course this finally I found the perfect person to ask these questions have you ever owned a collection of any of the following Mr. Gomez dumb chucks yeah Chinese stars yeah dude he's been asking everybody what the fuck finally you're the only other person I ever met that owned Chinese stars when I was a kid

if you had a Chinese star that was like pulling out a fucking 12 inch cock it was fucking everybody back the fuck up yeah dude there was a little martial arts store that just sold children weapons you could get dude in the early 80s in the 80s and 90s you could get your hands on weapons as a youth you could get your hands on weapons I can go by sharpen size when I was 8 that's that I could go by a straight up blow gun like a blow dart gun I dude I used to have one

we would go to like the flea market at the racetrack at the Philadelphia racetrack go to the flea market and they were like darts they were like this they were you know and it was like the black tube and you go and dude you could hurt a kid with that for sure yeah you could take somebody's eye out maybe kill them if you had the perfect aim to their throat the most lethal thing that we used to fuck with was the pellet gun remember the pellet gun the step up of the BB gun I think it's trans fat was the pellet gun with the sharpened pellets

yeah it was like almost shaped like an hourglass yeah it was like a flat wall instead of like a circle it was like a slug that'll fuck a squirrel up we used to have BB gun wars like in just we used to have 10 pump BB guns and the rule was you had 10 pump BB gun well you pump it a few times and then we'd shoot each other and it would sting a little it would hurt a little bit but then you know you pump three times they were like just fucking nine pumps each like no I didn't do 10 just just pierce each other's bodies

faces like it was psychotic dude the 80s and 90s were a fucking were a different time for sure alright I got one have you ever gone to a bar and asked the bartender what's the cheapest beer not a long time now I always had the self-awareness to just find out what the cheapest beer was yeah like you can eyeball sometimes I think Foley was telling me one time you were at like it was like it was some like industry party or something and Foley was like how much of the

Coors lights they're like it's an open bar you idiot he's like alright I'll take two fucking Jack Daniels or whatever yeah I used to go to a place called the Village Idiot in New York City when I first moved here and it was underage drinking 19 years old nobody gave a fuck you just go in and yeah that place had $5.50 pictures of Jesus but ice I don't fuck you oh my god a bar that serves but ice Jesus Christ $5.50 pictures we would sell comedy club tickets on the street

and then we would go to this bar and get obliterated just fucking I mean some of my 21st birthday there I fell asleep in the garbage outside woke up at 6 in the morning the garbage men shook me awake you are literally garbage literally garbage this is this is too easy man yeah have you ever gone to a medieval times or a renaissance fair renaissance fair yeah have you ever have you ever hooked up with a girl that worked at the renaissance fair no most of the people that I grew up near were racist all the all the white chicks that were willing to work at a renaissance fair

it was a it was a weird cross section of nerdy people but gosh so the people that would work at the renaissance fair like they were kind of weird and kind of nerdy and a little bit like it's almost like juggalos that's the best way like juggalos I bet you there's a lot of juggalos that have worked at renaissance fairs yeah I can see that for sure for sure juggalos scare me a little bit a little bit of that

and a little bit it looks like those fucking things are just like mayhem like people fighting I can see Foley bouncing around with like one of those big three leaders of fago or whatever well that's the thing those that's where I would get laid the most those fat guys fucking close hot chicks at those things those guys are disgusting you put a little fucking that clown makeup on all of a sudden you're fucking Brad Pitt alright I got one more for you do you currently like if you were to get a phone call that you have to go you know to a wedding tomorrow do you have a suit right now that fits you

yes but only because I just went to a wedding I buy a new suit every time we go to a wedding because I get invited to a wedding I fluctuate and wait so much and I get invited to a wedding once every year too right and almost every time I got to go buy a new fucking suit and I go to these trashy like Harlem suit stores you're like Patrice O'Neill Topaz looking like a 2001 draft pick NBA draft pick going to a black prom it's obnoxious

it's obnoxious yeah dude so that's what that's every time I buy a suit that's where I buy it from I feel like every adult every adult male should be able to like jump into a suit like you should like you're doing you know if you can't if you don't have a suit on hand you gotta you gotta get something together you know it is though I you know I work for myself I don't I don't know I think I don't you know I wear sweatpants to fucking work every day and I didn't get into this business to have to fucking wear a suit you know you know I don't I have friends who fucking are Emmy winners that when

they show up to these award shows they show up with a fucking you know and sweatpants and fucking sneakers nobody gives a shit and in my opinion that's way more fucking of a boss move than yeah just to show up in whatever the fuck yeah but I'm fucking better than this I'm not living my life by this standard I've created my own fucking standard and that's the way people should be I like that Louis Louis J Gomez dropping gems here dropping fucking knowledge in everybody Louis I want to thank you so much for sitting down and for talking with this is there anything

that you want to let everybody know not that they don't already know I mean nobody listens to this so I mean I listen to it it'll be me and Kippy later on anything you want to tell us in the future I'll let you guys know you're really cool I really like hanging out with you guys today no thank you guys for listening I got a couple pods go to my website it's a great network that has 22 podcasts including Legion of Skanks real-est podcast believe you me and Michael Bisping that's the other one

that I host as well and we're doing a 30 day free trial if you use the promo code home so you can get 8000 hours of the funniest podcast on the planet Andrew Dice Clay's show is up there he's not doing it anymore he's still up there a lot of incredible shows so go check that out and yeah I don't know keep on fucking supporting great shows like this it's a lot of fun it's a great show thank you appreciate you doing it really appreciate it buddy Kippy you got anything yeah all my live dates Kevin Ryan comedy you know no I guys just rate review subscribe share with

a friend we appreciate the support as we get this off the ground absolutely thank you guys so much we will see you guys next week Louis thank you again brother everybody make sure they check out if they don't already which I'm sure most people listen to this already know who you are gas digital network thank you guys so much Louis thank you buddy thanks guys you're the best fun show