Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast - Mark Gagnon!

Episode Date: September 9, 2024

Are You Garbage presents stand up comedian and podcast host Mark Gagnon! You know Mark from Flagrant w/ Andrew Schulz, Camp Gagnon, Whoreible Decisions, Rough Week, stand up comedy and so much more! T...hanks for watching the Are You Garbage Comedy Podcast! AYG Live Show Tickets: https://punchup.live/areyougarbage/tickets Live Shows: https://punchup.live/areyougarbage/tickets PATREON: https://www.patreon.com/AreYouGarbage MERCH: https://areyougarbage.com/ PDS Debt: https://pdsdebt.com/GARBAGE Shopify: https://shopify.com/garbage Promo Code: Garbage Rocket Money: https://www.rocketmoney.com/garbage Support the show by downloading the DraftKings Sportsbook App and using the code AYG. If you or someone you know has a gambling problem, crisis counseling and referral services can be accessed by calling 1-800-GAMBLER (1-800-426-2537) (IL/IN/LA/MI/NJ/PA/WV/WY), 1-800-NEXT STEP (AZ), 1-800-522-4700 (CO/NH), 888-789-7777/visit http://ccpg.org/chat (CT), 1-800-BETS OFF (IA), 877-8-HOPENY/text HOPENY (467369) (NY), visit OPGR.org (OR), call/text TN REDLINE 1-800-889-9789 (TN), or 1-888-532-3500 (VA).   21+ (18+ NH/WY). Physically present in AZ/CO/CT/IL/IN/IA/LA(select parishes)/MI/NH/NJ/ NY/OR/PA/TN/VA/WV/WY only. New customer offer void in NH/OR/ONT-CA. $200 in Free bets: New customers only. Valid 1 per new customer. Min. $5 deposit. Min $5 wager. $200 issued as eight (8) $25 free bets. Ends 9/19/22 @ 8pm. Early Win: 1 Early Win Token issued per eligible game. Opt in req. Token expires at start of eligible game. Min moneyline bet $1. Wagering limits apply. Wagers placed on both sides of moneyline will void bet. Ends 1/8/23 @ 8pm ET. See terms at sportsbook dot draftkings dot com slash football terms. Comedians H. Foley and Kevin Ryan are self proclaimed GARBAGE. Each week a new stand up comedian gets put to the test. Steal shampoo from hotels? Own a George Foreman Grill? Ever worn JNCO Jeans? Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

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Starting point is 00:00:00 Calling the army of garbage the Route 66 tour is upon us. The bus is gassed up and ready to go We're heading straight down Route 66 Chicago to LA grab the squad come out and see us. We're filming the whole thing It's gonna be a good good time Yeah, it starts September 12th in Chicago at the Vic theater then September 13th st. Louis September 15th, Tulsa, Oklahoma September 16th, Oklahoma City September 18th Albuquerque, New Mexico September 16th, Oklahoma City, September 18th, Albuquerque, New Mexico, September 19th, Flagstaff, Arizona. Then we're going to Las Vegas, September 20th, ending September 21st, Los Angeles, California at the Palace Theatre. Get your tickets. Are you garbage dot com?
Starting point is 00:00:35 We'll see you there. See you in a rude. Welcome to another exciting edition of Are You Garbage? The show where you find out if your favorite comedians are classy individuals or absolute trash. Now here are your hosts, Kevin Ryan and H Foley. Hey everybody out there and welcome back to everybody's favorite podcast.
Starting point is 00:01:00 This is R U Garbage. Oh yeah. It's that little show we sit there with your favorite comedians and we find that they grow to be classy. Yeah. After just a big old piece of trash. Tr Oh, yeah, it's that little show We sit there with your favorite comedians, and we find it at the group to be classy Yeah, they're just a big old piece of trash trash trash. I'm your host a truly coming at y'all on a beautiful day We're out back here at Tooties in the new edition. She's upstairs making a little eggs Benedict My co-host is coming at you from right next to me. He is the CEO of are you garbage?
Starting point is 00:01:22 He is an international businessman and my best pal in the whole wide world give it up for KJ Kevin James Ryan everybody What up everybody? Thanks for tuning in as always please make sure you review subscribe on iTunes full video available on YouTube and obviously The greatest website of all time WWW.patreon.com slash are you garbage you go over there you get all that bonus content game Oh, yeah, shout out to the homies baby and gang gang. We couldn't be more excited to have our incredibly, and I mean incredibly special guest here with us today for the first time. He is a very funny, very successful standup comedian,
Starting point is 00:01:52 podcaster, writer and producer. You can hear him every week on his amazing podcast, Camp Gagnon, and of course he's one of the stars over there on Flagrant with Mr. Andrew Schultz. He's on tour, he's seen it all, he's done it all from the Hamptons to the Baja, baby. This kid's doing it. Give it up for Mark Gagnon, everybody.
Starting point is 00:02:10 There he is. Thank you so much. I'm so excited to be here. I really appreciate you guys having me on. No way he's garbage in that outfit. I'll tell you that right now. He's a cool dude. Where do you pick up something like that?
Starting point is 00:02:19 I try to dress up. Is that H&M? Where do you get that? I went to not Nordstrom Rstrom rack I went to Nordstrom whoa fancy that's new money right there you know where to get that stuff are you reading magazines or something else my wife I'll just be like does this cool she's like no don't wear that yeah yeah yeah I saw him pull up on his on like one of those motor size motorized bikes in Brooklyn my fucking pants fell down
Starting point is 00:02:42 hey what's up he's got a helmet under his arm. Hey good looking kid I'll tell you that right now. Thank you gentlemen. Give us the backstory Mark where you from? Family the whole nine yards. Florida boy. Florida boy. Are you? Oh yeah. That's all the time we have today folks. 407 yeah yeah. Man that dude Florida loves their area. Yeah that's what it is dude grew grew up in Orlando, Florida small You ever heard of a little place called Disney world My uncle's make it high school the Magic Kingdom. Yeah. Yeah No, we actually we would do a grad bash and we'd go out to we do like graduation things at Disney and Universal
Starting point is 00:03:19 It was the best so wait hold on so you're in Orlando proper like in the suburbs of Orlando suburbs We're in a little town called Longwood, Florida. What is that like being down there? Because every time we're down there, I go, who lives down here? This is like they just decided to make it in the swamps in like the 50s. No, literally. Walt Disney went down there, and he was like,
Starting point is 00:03:38 this is a swamp no one wants. There's a couple natives here. We can get rid of them, I think. Sure. And then, yeah, it was just the Orange Groves, and he built Disney World to drain out all the swamps. And then basically you got Disney which is like this giant
Starting point is 00:03:49 you know bustling corporation. Sure. The outskirts get a little sketchy. Even the in skirts get a little sketchy. I don't know if you've been around. Dude those like bootleg merchandise stores. Oh yeah. The fucking gun shops.
Starting point is 00:04:02 The gun shops. That's where I started my comedy career. No shit. Oh yeah, oh yeah. So you got Disney, then you got the outskirts that are a little sketch. That's where you've seen the Florida Project. Love that movie.
Starting point is 00:04:11 A fabulous film about my home state, my home city. And then you have- Wait, that's where you're from? Well, it gets a little, it's a little separate, okay? Then you get downtown Orlando, which is like kind of where you have like actual business. And then you have the suburbs outside of that, which is where I grew up.
Starting point is 00:04:24 Okay. So a little bit away from the riff raff.ff sure did a lot of people that you grew up with did their parents work at Disney World and shit like that yeah a handful a handful like it would be mixed because you'd either have like the friends whose parents Were like corporate executives. Uh-huh. They would live in Windermere They'd live in Winter Park and it was a very nice posh area. Okay, then you had friends that were like playing shaggy like universal very nice posh area. OK. And then you had friends that were playing Shaggy, like Universal. He would be ripping bogeys, and he would be like goofy. And he'd be like, gorsh. You kids better not be smoking weed up there.
Starting point is 00:04:53 Yeah. And they would both work for the theme parks. It was crazy. Wow. And then you'd meet a magical Midway guy. Magic Midway was like a carnival. Because for every theme park that happened, there was a note.
Starting point is 00:05:04 There was offshoots on it. There was the offshoots. There's the Magic Midway. There was the fun the RC Cola of it Exactly and those are like the bee clubs Those are like the mid-tier give it up for Marty Mouse My brother was actually Marty Mouse and my brother was a he would run the go-karts in Magic Midway Yeah, and how many brothers and sisters are we talking? So my parents had seven kids. What? Holy shit. Yeah, that's kind of trash.
Starting point is 00:05:28 That's a bit. That ain't classy, dude. Oh, they're real good looking. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, seven. They had sex seven times. And where do you? At least.
Starting point is 00:05:37 Where do you fall in there? So I have one younger sister. Oh, so you're at the back end of it. Basically, yeah, yeah, yeah. Kind of forgotten. What's the oldest? What's the separation? My parents, my mom had children of four decades? I think what so my my my oldest brother. I think was born 79. I think my mom was four years old
Starting point is 00:05:54 No, I was born in 79 then my sister was born 2,000 What whoa? Yeah, that's not good. You're young. How old are you 27? 27 the oldest I've ever been Good you're young. How old are you? 27? 27? The oldest I've ever been I feel I might be young to you I'm the oldest I've ever been 79 to 2000. Yeah, I'm pretty sure. How much younger is your younger sister? My older sister's like three years or four years younger than me. I was born 96. Whoa, holy shit Yeah, spanning the whole thing man and everybody's down there. What was the house like? What'd your parents do?
Starting point is 00:06:24 So this is where it's interesting. So I think my parents were kind of trash. You are a very interesting guy No, I'm serious like what I do know I obviously I've known you for years, but I'm just like, oh, what's this guy's deal? You're cool. You're not cool. I don't know what's happening Not cool. Not cool for sure faking it and more importantly trying to figure it out Sure, I'm trying to figure out what's going on. Cause like things that I thought were normal, apparently are not normal. Yeah, we'll get into it.
Starting point is 00:06:49 You know what I mean? So my parents, like they had an interesting upbringing. Like my dad was born in Quebec city and lived in French Canada. Yeah, so they're French Canadian. My mom was English Canadian, lived in a little town called Laval outside of Montreal. And they grew up there.
Starting point is 00:07:03 My dad was like super poor. His dad was kind of like a con man sort of guy. Nice. Like he was like doing his best, but like was kind of like- Getting by. He was doing hustles. Cutting corners.
Starting point is 00:07:12 Doing hustles here and there. He like was selling like an exercise machine. Oh man, that's always been a French exercise machine. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Just a pack of cigarettes. Yeah, exactly. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And a grape.
Starting point is 00:07:21 Yeah, literally. And he was doing like, it was like an at home exercise machine. So this was like when exercising was started to become like a real thing like I guess it's a 60s Yeah, people found out about exercise Yes, I don't know and then he was like an at-home like band stretcher and he got raised all this money for it He got like 15 grand to like, you know make this and sell it and then just spent it in Miami That's my kind of business guy so you ended up going to jail for a little bit.
Starting point is 00:07:45 He tried to run for political office. Holy shit. He ran like an illegal lottery, I think, in Quebec City. This guy's awesome. Yeah, he's the man. He's a stud. Is he still around or did he pass? No, he passed before any of us were born.
Starting point is 00:07:57 He faked his death a couple years ago. He's in Panama City somewhere. Yeah, he's living it big in Guatemala. But yeah, no, he passed before any of us met him, okay? Um it but my dad grew up kind of in that environment Uh-huh grew up like really poor my dad nothing Okay, and would like spend trips with his dad going to South Florida and the second he was turned 18 He was like I'm going to South what was what was your grandfather actually going down there for?
Starting point is 00:08:24 Cocaine what do you know idea? I could really begin? Yeah, I have no clue And then my mom side was weird they meet in Florida. They met in they met in Florida What they had a mutual friend that was like what your French Canadian? You're also kind of French Canadian You guys should meet what was your mom doing that air? So she literally was in Montreal and was like I'm either going to California or Florida She's like I want to get out of the claim. Like 18, 19, whatever. 18, 19 years old.
Starting point is 00:08:48 And then immediately goes down to South Florida, meets my dad and have a kid basically off rip. No kidding. And my oldest brother. Did they go to college? No, neither of them went to college. And what does your dad do? Now he works in real estate.
Starting point is 00:08:58 Okay. Yeah, so he like, so he started doing like these real estate seminars. So he would like be in South Florida being like, hey, you want to sell a house? He was going or holding them? Both. Okay. So he started doing like these real estate seminars, so he would like be in South Florida being like hey you want to sell a house He was going or holding them both That's on the fence Going to Nordstrom and telling everybody the real deal here
Starting point is 00:09:16 Yeah, you shop in there he was he was like for the first four of my siblings He was just a like it basically like managing a condo Okay, first side, Florida like he was like a super got it And so like my older like they had nothing like my mom was pregnant with like my one of my sisters They didn't have AC in the house in Florida. Why in the summer? How kind of condo was this? My dad was doing a good job preparing his ACs. I guess he was he was stripping coppers. I don't know But yeah He was just figuring it out and then found out about this real estate thing was doing that good job preparing his AECs, I guess. He was stripping copper or something. I don't know what was going on. But yeah, he was just figuring it out. And then found out about this real estate thing,
Starting point is 00:09:48 was doing that, and then saw his dad kind of like hustling. Was like, I'm not going to hustle. He was like even tempted at one point. He told me, he was like, I was thinking about selling drugs. But I was just too risky. I was here on a green. I didn't want to risk it. Didn't do it.
Starting point is 00:10:00 So he hustled. Yeah. That was the 80s and the 90s. That's a good time to get in the 80s. Everybody was selling blow at that point. My mom was do it. So he hustled. Yeah. That was the 80s and the 90s. That's a good time to get in the 80s. Everybody was selling blow at that point. My mom was doing it. Crazy enough, at that apartment complex, there was a guy, a mobster.
Starting point is 00:10:12 I believe his name was Pat Manila. OK. We're going to bleep that. We can bleep that out. This is a South Florida mobster. He was living in the condo. My dad was like super collecting rent from everybody. He comes into the condo one day.
Starting point is 00:10:23 My dad's just sitting there. I think my mom is at work. She was a nurse at the time. She's like RN Okay, she said she's doing hospital work shit the kids are gone who even knows and then he basically comes in and says hey How much is the rent my dad was like thousand bucks a month? He's okay takes out a trash bag drops it on the table and goes here's the rent for the next two years I don't just don't bug just don't ever talk to me. Don't ever talk to me. My dad was like, yeah, say less. I would have called.
Starting point is 00:10:48 You need the exercise equipment. That's, yeah. That's South Florida at that time, though. Yeah, literally. And then my mom's hide was weird, too. She grew up with like, her mom survived World War II, like English woman, and they had like orphans in the house that they were living with. Like they would have like- The sky's all over the place. They would bring people over
Starting point is 00:11:07 Yeah, foster kids or like they would have foster kids in Canada And so like my mom was raised around like all these foster kids like lived in like this thing The like priest would come over and like do like, you know little Sunday schools at the house Wild right and then they both basically like this is pretty turbulent They bounced went to Florida Florida then raised a beautiful That's what I love about Florida It's like whatever bullshit you got going on the people that end up in Florida like hey, that's Pennsylvania problems, baby Yeah, I mean, I'm in the Sunshine State. That's a redo
Starting point is 00:11:35 Yeah, literally take a mulligan down in Florida every dirt bag from my hometown that was trying to get clean or whatever I think I'm gonna want to get my stuff together. I'm looking at Florida. It's like, all right, pal. Yeah, yeah, yeah. It's just, you're trying to retire. Yeah, you're trying to retire at any time. Exactly. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Get out of the hustle and bustle. I'll take my 20 coconuts.
Starting point is 00:11:52 I'm going to Florida. Uh-huh, packing it in. So when you came on the scene, when you were born, what was the- Came on the scene. He's a cool kid. Got that, red carpet. That's how it popped out.
Starting point is 00:12:02 Yeah, finger guns. Where were they living and how established were they? I guess even weirder. So I was born. I was born in Paris. What what this is where it's like so Paris Texas, I know Yeah, go hold on both your parents speak French or just your dad. My mom's French is great But my dad was fluent. That was his first language. Did you speak? My mom's French is great, but my dad was fluent. That was his first language. Did you speak? You could get us through we were in Paris you could order and stuff Yeah, yeah, yeah that kind of thing but like we spoke English at the house because my mom's first language is English
Starting point is 00:12:33 You learn your mother's tongue type five, but my dad was doing real estate seminars meets this guy He's like hey I need someone in this French real estate company that can like help us out You know kind of get stuff going over there you speak French You know real estate and you have an American work ethic. Mm-hmm French people take off August She got a good blow connect It's like you got everything got the plug. Yeah, so basically my dad's like alright cool He picked up the whole family moved six five kids to France for how long?
Starting point is 00:13:02 Five years so your first five year my I was born 96 we moved back in 2,000-99 something like that. No shit. Do you remember I guess it for you have a French passport I don't I have a Canadian city. I've seen a citizenship. I don't trust this guy But I should get a French passport. I don't know what the rule on that aren't you technically a Canadian or a French citizen if you're born There I don't think they do birthright citizenship most countries don't do that That's something we should look into by the way because I think America's one of like eight countries that do it the other ones are Like Papua New Guinea Yeah, but uh yeah, basically I was born there and then that my parents missed America they're sure who doesn't
Starting point is 00:13:41 USA, Florida, that's what I'm saying French French fries They're literally pure bloated Americans at this point And they're like yeah, we want to go back so they went back to Orlando which had a better airport, and that's where I was raised Where did you live in France so it's like we lived in Eiffel Tower even better we lived in condo Versailles Close to the palace so it was like a couple miles. Second bedroom. Yeah. Marie Antoinette, they cut her head off right there. No way see, but it's OK. Yeah, there's a little chateau in Versailles.
Starting point is 00:14:14 Really? No, it was like, so Versailles has the chateau, the palace, which is beautiful. But then the outskirts, especially in that time in the 90s, was kind of shitty. No kidding. So my parents had like a sort of a regular kind of humble abode in Paris.
Starting point is 00:14:26 Yeah, we took the train out there when we were over there. It was a little rough once you got off the campus grounds. Yeah, it's a little like Disney. Yeah. I think that's why they went back. They're like, this whole chateau, where's another castle we can move to? Yeah, no kidding.
Starting point is 00:14:38 What was the Disney situation as a kid? Would you guys go all the time? Did he get free passes? Is there a discount? You always everyone knew a guy so you always know a guy. It's like oh, yeah like that goofy the goofy That does you know he's like doing blow and like ripping darts. Uh-huh like he's making a back door Yeah, he would have a thing we'd be like yeah I can get you guys in so you'd go but it wasn't like that frequent got as we got older like the other parts
Starting point is 00:15:02 We're on fire right likeWorld, hugely underrated. Sure, is there animal cruelty? Absolutely. Right. Do they have sick roller coasters? That's so true. It's like the good with the bad. You know what I mean?
Starting point is 00:15:13 It's the good with the bad. Take a little whale piss for a good roller coaster. Yeah, exactly. And what was the primary residence as you get back there, you get settled in, most of the kids are born, maybe your younger sister isn't born yet, but you said she's only four years younger than you So yes, so she's on the scene. Where are you living now? We're in Longwood and we got a nice little spot
Starting point is 00:15:32 You got a house single family home. Yeah, we got a nice little situation. Things are much better My parents got a little bread from France. Okay. Okay. Yeah, and yeah, that's where so I was raised a pool a Pool. Oh, yeah, but that's that's everyone a lot of everyone has a pool Everyone's got a pool with the with the monkey cage around it though, right? Yeah Yeah, whether a gate was there a swamp or anything behind you so we lived up to up against the woods So we wouldn't get swamp we'd get bears what oh we had oh my god the Florida black bears were crazy I that is to this day one of my only fears. Really? Florida black bears? I would run into- I figured they'd be hot. I- you would think, right?
Starting point is 00:16:07 I would run into bears frequently. Like they would just be in the trash, and I would walk out my house, and I would bump into a bear, and then panic. My mom would be like, Mark, you got to get your soccer bag out of the car. And I was like, I'm not going outside. Fuck that.
Starting point is 00:16:18 They're fucking- this is a setup. Fuck that. Damn, they got ba- Florida, yeah, most of Florida, southern parts, portions of Georgia, Alabama and Mississippi Yeah, what's up you guys down in Florida? You don't really get a backyard No, no, we had a way back You're really that you would feel free to run around in with the Bears and the Gators and the fucking fireworks guys running around Yeah, oh dude the fire and candles flying everywhere. There's a fireworks guy 434. He was the best
Starting point is 00:16:44 I'm always sketched out when I'm down there because when we were down there filming at Disney We had we had a place and we had the backyard with the with the pool and the and the gate around it The cage around it But the back backyard went to like a canal and I was petrified to go out. Yes a little sketch We would get gators sometimes I had other friends in the neighborhood that we get gators all time And is it one of those are we talking about one of those like newer like cookie cutter kind of neighborhoods? No, it was an older kind of neighbor. I think it's building like the like 50 So it wasn't like like a one of those little like the McMansion. Yeah, it wasn't one of those
Starting point is 00:17:18 Those are everywhere down there. Oh, it's crazy. They're all Airbnb down like we stayed Yeah, it's like mostly Airbnbsbs Yeah, who the hell was coming in? Kip this is Shopify shout out to Shopify gang change the online business game Haven't they we're a Shopify customer shot. We're a Shopify family There you go is what we are gang if you're moving merch online do yourself a favor get over to Shopify Talk about upgrading and making you look legit right across the board. Shopify is your answer. Yeah, they got a bunch of stuff. Nobody does selling better than Shopify. They're the home of the number one checkout on the planet. And that's not so secret secret. You pay with Shopify the post conversions up to 50% meaning way less carts going and getting abandoned. That's
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Starting point is 00:20:10 and former NFL plus subscribers, additional NFL plus premium terms at nfl.com slash terms. Do it. Yeah. But you would get gators all the time. Like we would, my buddy Isaac, this is an awesome family. This is the great part about Florida that no one talks about is that like,
Starting point is 00:20:24 you get every type of person. Sure. Sure. So even in our little subdivision. You're all in the run. The land of second chances. Literally. So like my closest friend I was growing up with, I had two friends.
Starting point is 00:20:34 One was a guy named Sale. That was his name, Sale. I've never heard that name. I've never met another Sale. It was a fucking alias. They were awesome. They were from Tennessee. They were on some cowboy shit.
Starting point is 00:20:43 They were the best. And then my buddy Isaac, they were Israeli and they were just doing their Tennessee. They were they were on some cowboy shit. They were the best and then my buddy Isaac They were Israeli and they were just doing their thing. They had a big petting zoo They had emus and like in their apartment in their apartment at their property on their property And they also had a big pond that would get gators all the time Would they like charge people was it just for their personal hang just for the vibes just for the these are the goats They're pretty cool in your neighborhood Yes, one of your friends couple houses down. Mm-hmm. They had a petting zoo
Starting point is 00:21:09 Yes, literally behind my behind my neighborhood. There was walking distance. We walked down there. We go hang out with the emus We'd chase them around they would chase those things scared of shit out of you. They're terrifying. It's an ostrich Yeah, dude, the ostriches are the scariest things in the ostrich with a gun. Yeah, literally. It's a Florida ostrich Call them a meth problem. Yeah, and no they go for Florida ostrich That's what we call them and a meth problem Yeah, and no they go for but they would get gators so we'd have to call Mark Nelson and mark Is that the guy who comes in that asses them? Yeah, but he was just another guy in the neighborhood Yeah, yeah, it doesn't have a license. No, this was not a you know, there's no board. Yeah Yeah, exactly. Would he shoot them or would he trapped them?
Starting point is 00:21:41 He would catch him and tape him up and then he would go bring them somewhere, eat them. I don't know what he'd do. That taping up seems so cool when you get on top and he'd do the electrical tape around their mouth. Oh, it's awesome. It's because they can't, the power's closing, not opening, right? So like once it's closed, it can stay closed.
Starting point is 00:21:56 We would be there, and we'd be like, all right, call Mark Nels, we've got a gator in the pond. And so he'd come by, and he'd be like, Shit, I'm on my way right now. It'd be crazy. He would come over, and he'd be like, Ah, it's too light out. He'd be like, what?
Starting point is 00:22:06 Ha ha ha. I want a fair fight. Yeah, he's like, you gotta. I'm sleeping, man. Mark Nelson don't work during the day. He was a general. He's like, we gotta catch him in the heat of the night. You gotta pounce on him when they least expect it.
Starting point is 00:22:18 I'll be over there to calm him. He comes up out of the pool. But that was his thing. He was like, you can get gated better or not, because you can see their eyes better. Fuck that. So you go out in a little whaler or a little dingy his Florida accent is creeping out Yeah, this gets trash It's also very Florida trash for you to say the people's whole name call Mark Nelson
Starting point is 00:22:36 That's more than the third he come over his papa. Don't do it no more. Well. Yeah, no his pop it for tired It's got his hand ripped off fucking by his ex wife Yeah, no she went to you pop it for tiredness after he got his hand ripped off by his ex-wife. By his ex-wife. Who was a gay, who was part gay. Yeah, yeah, yeah, no, she went to UF. It's quick. She played half-back. We're down there and Mark Nelson comes back and he's like, alright. Man, you do have the drag.
Starting point is 00:22:56 Yeah, it's coming out, man. I want you to shine the light on his ass. To you? So you hit him with the light? So I hit him with the light. I'm terrified. Mark Nelson rips his shirt off. I just gotta chill out my spine, dude. Fuck that. Why are are you involved in this because I'm helping out my buddy Isaac all right? I'm an ally
Starting point is 00:23:09 I'm not how old are you I'm probably eight years old This is the craziest he's raising the emus in my mind mark nelson is like 30 I talked to my sister today She was like yeah, he was 15. Yeah I talked to my sister today, she was like, yeah, he was 15. Yeah. I was like, what? He ain't got no car. No. So I'm shining the flashlights.
Starting point is 00:23:28 Pulling up, dude, pulling up on kids of his own, pulling up on a BMX bike to wrestle a game. Everybody chill the fuck out. He knew he was coming. You hear the car and his spokes. He was just like, please get up. The danger's all run. Yeah, exactly.
Starting point is 00:23:40 They knew that sound. It was terrifying. It was like the bats that go. It was the wire, dude. And so he would come through, and we shine the light. He'd jump in. They knew that sound. It was terrifying. It was like the wire dude. And so he would come through and we shine the light he'd jump in. He would take off. This is like the canal or the pond or whatever. Yeah, it's a pond.
Starting point is 00:23:52 Wait, he would get in the water? How else are you gonna get the gators, Folk? A gator ain't gonna come in that house. Put some chicken wings on the shore. Who's got a small dog? Maybe we can get him out. It's a goddamn street fight. He would go on top of them and you'd kind of just get the lights. Oh, dude.
Starting point is 00:24:08 And you'd get the boat out, and he would take a shirt off, which is a wife beater, which is basically already off. Take the wife beater off. You didn't have to take it off. Here, fold this. Yeah, yeah, yeah. This is my nicest Hanes. We're not going to ruin this one.
Starting point is 00:24:18 And he jumps in the water and just grabs it. And in my mind, again, this is like a 20 foot, this is probably like a little. Yeah, it's a little guy. This is like a little three foot gator but it takes it grabs a mouth tapes it up throws it on the boat and then takes it somewhere there is no amount of money and I mean this I mean this like a guy who's bad with money yes there is no amount of money that I would ever get into a retaining pond, a canal, a lake, a river, Florida, some hot tubs in the state of Florida. Not just the Gators, but whatever the fuck else is in there.
Starting point is 00:24:52 The water moccasins. I don't even like the I don't like the little geckos. Those things creep me out. Cute as a bag. The iguanas are what I like. That's the South for it. It's well documented to see one of them swimming at you in a pool? With the ones at the Mohawk?
Starting point is 00:25:06 Oh, yeah. Oh, fuck that. Yeah, they look like the Warriors. Yeah. What the fuck? No way, man. No way. Holy come out.
Starting point is 00:25:14 And how many bedrooms is your house? It was probably like five bedrooms at the end. So who's bunking up with them? Nice piece of property. I lived with my parents. I slept in my mom's room. In a separate bed? I don't know what's worse
Starting point is 00:25:25 Yeah, not on the floor. We had like a little floor mat and I would stand that for a while wait What do you mean for a while when probably like a year or two when we moved down there? So I was probably like six or seven and I'm sleeping on a yoga mat on the floor Yeah, cuz everyone else in the house bedroom. Yeah, and then everyone else is bunked up and then every year Yeah, yeah, well now we know why the kids stopped. You're in there cockblocking the old man. Well, they had one more that popped out, so I got some questions. But yeah, it was kind of like a little hermit crab situation,
Starting point is 00:25:54 because one kid would graduate and go to school or something. And then that- It's bad to refer to your family as a hermit crab situation. Yeah, are you kidding? Yeah. Take your brother's shell. Yeah. Still warm.
Starting point is 00:26:04 Well, the craziest thing is they would leave their clothes, and then you would just get their clothes also. That was, yeah, I love shell. Yeah Still warm. Well the craziest thing is they would leave their clothes and then you would just get their clothes also that was yeah I love that nice. So like everything I wore just hand me down. That's probably where this came from That's like my uncle Joe's but we would just get a room and I would live I lived with my sister in a bunk bed Probably until I was like 12 and how old is she? She's like she was like three years older than me and then she's 15 sleep like and then puberty comes online I'm a little fuzzy with the dates here, but he comes online. It's like we got a kind of yeah Holy yeah, and so we'd all kind of moved around. It was awesome I would my job around that so we get paid to give people back scratches
Starting point is 00:26:36 That was a nice little fucking playboy My brothers wanted that working as a pool boy Got a big palm leaf exactly yeah My brother's wanted that working as a pool boy Exactly yeah, but yeah, so it was a weird little town because like our little neighborhood our little cul-de-sac was nice And we had it was like an older older kind of neighborhood But then you go on the outskirts you go to the barn hills place, and it was just cowboy It was just cowboy yeah, Wild West yeah, and like there were drag racers They would go on the back strip behind our house. It was crazy
Starting point is 00:27:03 We had like a fuck like we would go into the woods and we'd find like homeless dudes all the time. It's like a neighborhood in space. Wait, you find homeless dudes. Yeah, they would just be out there. You'd find like old porn magazine. Yeah, you know, you call Mark Nelson. Yeah, exactly.
Starting point is 00:27:17 Keep them up. Tape up this hobo. You can wrangle take him to the next next round over. Jesus. All right. Eventually, let's say you're in high school. Yeah. You got your own room. You can wrangle take him to the next next town over All right, eventually Let's say you're in high school. Yeah, you got your own room. Yes. Everybody is kind of moved on Yeah, everyone's moved out. I got they stay in local or they going away. What are they going to pedigree of the They all still live in Florida to this day what they all do
Starting point is 00:27:40 I'm the only one that's out my one sister sister went to Ray County, Tennessee, and she lived with Bragg. Big city. Yeah, she moved on to the big city. She went to Ray County. She lived there for a couple years and then moved home. So yeah, Can't hack it in the big city. Yeah, now it's stuff sledding up there. Who was the first one out of the house? Phil. Phil was the oldest brother.
Starting point is 00:27:58 And did he go? Was he going to college? He went to college, went to UCF. Go Knights. Okay. And then tell me where they all went to college. That was it. He went to college, went to UCF, go Knights. Okay, and then tell me where they all went to college. Not many. That was it. Not many, not many. Really?
Starting point is 00:28:08 So I think my oldest brother went to college, my other brother, he went to college, but he took some time. He ended up going to law school. Whoa! Yeah, but he went to fan. Straight to law school. Straight to law school.
Starting point is 00:28:19 He self-taught, penitentiary. Yeah, exactly. He just had to sit through a timeshare. He had to do his own criminal offense. He was like a real Atticus Finch with it You know what I mean you to figure it out, but no he went to FAMU and Hb and what's FAMU is a historically black college in Florida and no kidding so he was a rattler Yeah, yeah, yeah, so he went to FAMU and it was HBC you and he was one of the few white guys in his class at his
Starting point is 00:28:40 Graduation we all went to it Reverend Jesse Jackson spoke no shit my whole family were in there it was us and just all like is literally only black people and then Reverend Jesse Jackson was like lazy some if you can believe if you can believe it let these crackers I just want to say what the fuck yeah he starts doing crowd work and literally he turned a deal Hughley's like who the fuck he was Steve Harvey's I won what made your brother want to go to an HP you He starts doing crowd work. He literally turned into D.L. Hughley. He's like who the fuck? He was Steve Harvey's like what made your brother want to go to an HBU? Why not baby? I get that I'm just saying that's an odd choice I think you want to stay in the state and I don't know if I don't get in many other places I'm not sure exactly what the situation was
Starting point is 00:29:21 Yeah, he went to HBC. He became a rattler. Yeah, and then uh, I don't think anyone else really went to Call what are the professions of what are they doing? So all the girls are basically moms, okay? Okay, all the girls are raising awesome kids. I got like 15 nieces and nephews. What? Yeah crazy And then my oldest brother works in like tech and does like software development Then my other brother's a lawyer and then my youngest sister actually did go to college also Where'd she go? She went to a little school called Rollins, which is the same school I went to.
Starting point is 00:29:49 This is a- Howard University. Shout out to Howard. This is a hilarious school, Rollins College. It's a little liberal arts school in Winter Park, Florida. It's like, if you saw the school, you'd be like, this is the most gorgeous, like ritzy campus ever. And all the, not all, a lot of the kids that went there were like their parents went to ivies and parents went to Harvard and
Starting point is 00:30:09 like their high-powered lawyers for like politicians and then their kids got pill addictions and then went to shout out to it by the way that opioid crisis with nothing there's nothing to shake his dick at yeah exactly and then they all went to real went to Rollins okay so I was an RA there one of the kids you're an RA yeah that was the only way I could live on campus. My parents were like, we're not paying for you to live on campus. How far away from your... You got a perfect yoga mat upstairs. Exactly. How far away from your house was it? It was probably like 25, 30 minutes. You lived 25, I guess I did the same thing.
Starting point is 00:30:37 So you got the back and forth. Go home, do the laundry. I did that for one year, but then I was an RA and I was like, I'm going to live on campus, do the whole campus thing. Smart kid. What, what do I have to do to be on campus and get the AA or shark kid? Was it a big school? They have a football team? No, no football team. Nothing like that.
Starting point is 00:30:51 They have a liberal arts college. They have a lacrosse team. There you go. And a rowing team. There you go. Yeah. And a hell of a lot of zanies. Oh my goodness.
Starting point is 00:30:58 As an RA, the amount of zanies I would see. And I'd be like, yeah, I'm not gonna report you, but you have to let me take them. No. You gotta give me at least one. Dude, there was one time. And one of them Mountain Dews to walk them down. I would see and I'd be like yeah, I'm not gonna report you, but you have to let me take But I give me at least one dude there was one time I wanted a Mountain Dews to watch A kid like four kids banging on my door, and they were like hey one of our buddies is not doing so good I was like what happened like flunking so yeah worse. They were like get him with the narcan he drank something He took some I don't know what happened. I bust in the room. He's just in there incapacitated I gave him CPR what what I never learned how to do CP Elbow dropping them. Yeah, I gave him the people's elbow from the top rope. Yeah. Yeah, can you smell what I'm cooking?
Starting point is 00:31:36 We're all gonna get caught dude. Yeah You started giving him CPR. Did it work? It worked. He's dead Made it worse. Yeah. No. He came back and then he came back and then became gay also. Unrelated. Yeah, right. If I kissed you, if I did a little mouth to mouth, I'd go the other way. If you gave it a mouth to mouth. It's one of the most crazy coincidences of my life. He wasn't gay the whole time I knew him in college. I gave him CPR and then six months later, he was like... Saw the light, man. I guess. So so you're welcome if you're out there listening so you saved somebody's life
Starting point is 00:32:08 I made him gay I made him save his life I made out with a dude yeah I made out with a guy did you check his pulse and stuff like that? was he not heart? again I'm not a medical expert I'm a fucking Floridian
Starting point is 00:32:21 wait what? he was just sleeping he went in and kissed some guy who was sleeping dude They made a Disney movie about that I was too inspired by my growing up in Florida can sleep in beauty over there So I had to shake him out of Yeah, it's just a crazy turn of events that was the those ones the only guys I kiss one of the only people I kiss To be honest what at that point in my wife because I've met my wife You met your wife 17 16 where'd you meet her? I met her at a Bible study. No shit. We're religious family
Starting point is 00:32:51 My mom is oh my family's very cat who the fuck are you? Crazy dad was a drug dealer Added up. That's how I feel all right. This is therapy. Yeah, I That's how I feel. All right. This is therapy. Yeah, I Feel like if someone had to make a backstory real quick, you know French Canadian in there. Yeah, what Kaiser so sad reading shit off the walls I'm aunt tody. Wait a minute. Hold on Did you guys go to church on Sunday every it just the whole lot of you? Here comes the guy a couple days a week
Starting point is 00:33:31 Yeah, my mom would go multiple times a week and we were there every Sunday without doubt what denomination Catholic Roman Catholic But so shit sometimes these run-of-the-mill Roman Catholic my mom would not go for she didn't like that. She was heavy She was again, so we would do the the Latin Mass What? Yeah, we would do the Latin Mass where the priest is facing away. Did she understand it could she understand Latin no one understands Cuz my dad my dad he lost it, but when my dad was a kid There he was an altar boy and all the masses were in Latin big Latin X-nay on the over Yeah, so they she might have under. You pick up a little like Donna.
Starting point is 00:34:05 What is it? Donnie Snobb's Pacham. Like you kind of hear that over and over. You're like, oh, bring peace on earth. You're like, all right, I got I got that. I would have never got that. Yeah, but then the homilies would all be in English. Sure. Like all the chanting and incantations would be in Latin and then you were talking.
Starting point is 00:34:18 So you guys are hardcore Catholic hardcore dress up on Sunday to go to go to mass. Keep on college shirt. Sure. We don't have to fucking gentlemen Yeah, family breakfast afterwards sometimes we do a little thing, but it's like you got seven kids Who was cooking at the house your mom my mom my good cook yeah, and my dad would make crepes Oh my god. He would make the best crepes ever is awesome And when he would make him he would just lay him on he would be like hundreds of them just coming out of those
Starting point is 00:34:40 Europeans love a really thin pancake. Oh my goodness. They do it's crazy Creep yeah Or you With their chocolate chips in them that's a goddamn fucking I'll go to a great Ricky Bobby. It's a really thin pancake. We put in the tell on it So no chocolate chips. So we probably had. That's a big question. When you're first time in Nutella, I assume you had it young, young, very young. Yeah. It was on every every crate. Yeah. It was the best. Man. Oh, it was awesome. Was there family dinner every night? Virtually every night. Yeah. Virtually. What are we talking about? Let's say Tuesday night. Yeah. You're in middle school. So we have a
Starting point is 00:35:24 little bit of almost everybody still in the house. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah. My mom would just make something. I don't even know like spaghetti. She'd make whatever. She was a great cook. My mom would make food. So she would make it. We'd all sit down and then whatever you could eat was what you ate. So it was kind of just like it was basically a pot.
Starting point is 00:35:38 It was like 10 people around. My dad's the funniest dude in the world. So he was just like stirring the pot, just like riffing. And especially if he came back from a trip. Holding court, as we like to say. Yeah, yeah, yeah. He would come back from Europe and have all these stories. He'd be like, let me tell you about the Danes.
Starting point is 00:35:52 And be like, what? These dirty Swedish. Yeah, he'd be like, oh, Finnish people. Tried to rip me off in a land deal. Oh my, he would just have the funniest stories and we would just like all sit around the table and just do a podcast and then try to eat it. Whatever food was left.
Starting point is 00:36:04 Available, yeah. Yeah, and you would just kind of just like. This guy's been a podcast and try to eat it Whatever food was left available Yeah, and you just kind of like this guy's been potting for years, bro It was and it was it was cutthroat. Yeah, like you get jokes off if your joke bombs who will be like that Yeah, thank you played away. Yeah. Yeah. What was the family car growing up? Oh family car was a It was a van. It was a van was a mark three. It was a mark three the conversion van. I believe so Yeah, like the it had the captain's chairs in it was like the big like the 18 van It was a like a minivan. It was not a minivan. This is a full on mark 3 or the big conversion Yeah, it might have been mark 2 mark 3. I can't remember the marks. They were serious. Yeah, I don't know
Starting point is 00:36:40 Yeah, I might have been mark Nelson Gator gator days. He was like a gators in the back the vans, but yeah And then my mom graduated to a minivan which then became my first car your first car was in one of these Yeah, well that was like a mark means like that version. Yeah. Yeah, I know but I don't know what yeah But that's what you had growing up That was it and my little sister would have chocolate milk in the back that she would spill everywhere not tell anyone So we get in the car for a hot floor today, and it was just fun It was oh my and we had to go so we just rolled the windows down and just tough it out
Starting point is 00:37:08 with the with the fumes. Yeah. Yeah, it was wild. Gotta get to church dude. Driving a Mark 2. Yeah it was awesome but then I got the minivan when I got to high school. What kind of minivan we talking Ford Winstar? There's a Honda. Odyssey? Honda Odyssey. That Odyssey they they made it, wait, so what year are we talking? Fit the whole squad in that. 2010? 2012 I went to high school. That's a good product, 2012, that Honda Odyssey. Oh my god, it ran until like two years ago. My sister ended up taking it up to Tennessee. No shit. Yeah, but I took all the seats out.
Starting point is 00:37:36 I took all the seats out and then put a couch in the back. Really? That was the best. And, cause I didn't drink. Who are you? I didn't drink growing up, so I would be like, boys, guys on the baseball team to be like, yo, there's a party out in Claremont. Let's go to the party. Mark's driving. I'm like, yeah. Yeah. And you met your girl in high school. Yeah, exactly. Right. So that that that's yeah, he's a good guy. Are you still religious?
Starting point is 00:37:57 I would say I mean, probably more than me. I would say I would say like I'm starting to go back to church. You know what I mean? But, you know, I pray. Yeah. But yeah, I mean, how religious is that? I pray for my enemy. Yeah, exactly. Yeah, I pray on their downfall. About to baptize these fools. Yeah, on the ops.
Starting point is 00:38:13 I pray on the ops. What was high school like? Were you a good student? You didn't drink, you stayed out of trouble? You're a sharp kid. Yeah, I mean, high school was hilarious. It was very funny. I can't go deep into the story
Starting point is 00:38:24 because there's litigation involved, but I will share part of it. So all of my older siblings went to a Catholic school in the area, obviously, were Catholic people, send your kids to a Catholic school. There was a lawsuit that happened. Oh God, we'll fill in the rest. It was a lawsuit that happened against one of my siblings.
Starting point is 00:38:41 And it was like an incident that happened that ended up going into litigation against the diocese, the Catholic diocese of Orlando. My mother, the most Catholic woman in the world, is now part of a lawsuit. Co-defender. In the diocese. So then the whole family gets moved to a very small Presbyterian school. My graduating class was like 50 kids. What? And this school is hilarious because half the kids were like ultra religious their parents were like involved in the church They were like preachers kids And then the other half were just degenerate delinquents like that got sent there because they got kicked out of five other public school
Starting point is 00:39:13 And so it'd be like half the kids would be like okay. We're selling drugs We got like perks like we were like I'd be hanging with those guys. Yeah doing it like giving hand jobs behind the bleachers Yeah, that's what I'm talking about. Yeah president here. You're gonna watch out for it Yeah, they're slippery fucking fucking even and then the other half were just like rolly backpacks run into class with their hands behind their back just like like animate Their hands behind their that was the school. I know that I can't see it Yeah, that was the school is that where you met your wife or was she at the Catholic school? She went to a different school a public school down the block and in a county over and then
Starting point is 00:39:45 Yeah, I met her at our church in Bible study. No kidding Bible study. Yeah pretty wild father Ben teed it up Shout out to father men. How are the grades? Schools pretty easy. What did you what did you get in the SATs? You take them down there? I did and I actually had a friend a year older than me that got like an SAT tutor And so he so I ended up doing good on the SAT just because I like figured out how to game it. To take the test. I had a tutor.
Starting point is 00:40:08 They teach you how to take the test. Literally, I had a tutor that like every year he takes the SAT, gets a perfect score, and then uses that as marketing to do the thing. And he's like, the SAT is not hard. Here's what you're gonna see. It's gonna be these types of questions. I went to him like once a week for a month,
Starting point is 00:40:20 and then ended up scoring pretty good. What'd you get? Hit the number. Hit me. I don't remember exactly. This is when it was out at 2,400,'m pretty sure okay, so there's like 20 22 It's like 22 or something I can't remember exactly but this was a super score This is a super score also, so I was able to like combine up like seven different. I took it like five times Oh, yeah, yeah, so you take a bunch of times put all the super scores together
Starting point is 00:40:39 And then you get more money to go to college and yeah, okay Let's talk about PDS debt. Shout out to PDS debt. Gang, getting into credit card debt is real easy. I know because I have done it. Jammed up. Jammed up on a Boscox card. Listen, are you jammed up out there on a Macy's card per se? Well, let's talk about it. Let's give them the turkey jammed up out there, gang. Talk to us getting in the debt is easy getting out of that Not so much do yourself a favor get out of PDS debt They have solutions for you provides a service to match you with whatever you need They tailor it to you if you're making payments every month and your debt balances aren't going down PDS has a solution for you everyone with ten thousand dollars or more in eligible
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Starting point is 00:42:00 Mm-hmm. Kid, what's talking about rocket money? Shout out to rocket money. I've been getting my updates about what's going on. Man, they really keep an eye on things for you. I gotta tell you, I didn't know I was spending like that. I know. They hit you up every week.
Starting point is 00:42:14 Hey, this is higher than last week. Hey, this is lower than last week. I go, whoop, what am I doing? What's your fat ass doing over there? And your subscriptions. Yeah. Modern use subscriptions, if you got something, and they pull it up, and you're like, shit, I haven't used this in forever, they'm out of your subscriptions if you got something and they pull it up and like shit
Starting point is 00:42:25 I haven't used this in forever. They get rid of it for you Yeah You can see all your subscriptions one place know exactly where your money is going and like the big man said anything you don't want Bada-bing bada-boom You press one button and they take care of it. I did it. I was signed I told you for some like fighting Subscription that I watched a boxing match one time and I must have been drunk and subscribed. Signed up for bum fights?
Starting point is 00:42:46 They've been knocking me over the head for like two and a half years. Bada bing bada boom, they come in. Nah, give me, that's my money and I want it back. That's your last bada bing bada boom by the way. Bada bing bada boom zipping. Go to Rock of Money has over five million users and has saved a total of $500 million in canceled subscriptions. What? Saving members up to seven hundred and forty dollars a year
Starting point is 00:43:06 When you're aircraft carrier when using all of the apps features Stop wasting money on things you don't use cancel your unwanted subscriptions by going to rocket money comm slash garbage plus They have way more tools than that. I think suggestion check out That's rocket money comm slash garbage rocket money comm slash garbage do it hey go so sports What was the sports it? Soccer all day. Soccer. Yeah, since I was like a little kid, I was like obsessed. Okay.
Starting point is 00:43:29 And that's the only thing I ever played. But when I got to high school, I became the manager of my high school baseball team. And that was the best. What? That was the best. We have different perspectives of the best. No it wasn't.
Starting point is 00:43:38 It was the best. Because all my friends were on the baseball team. Like those are the guys I was cool with. And I like baseball players have a great propensity just to hang. They learned how to hang. It's a good hang. You those are the guys I was cool with. And I like, baseball players have a great propensity just to hang. They learn how to hang. You're in the dugout, long games. 90% of the game is talking shit.
Starting point is 00:43:50 Hanging. And then you sometimes have to hit a ball and then you just go back to like fucking with the coach. And so I just became boys with all those guys and I would hang with them all the time. They'd be like, dude, why don't you just become the manager? So I would like do announcements for the game and I'd be like, next up to the plate.
Starting point is 00:44:02 That's fun. And then I would just like fuck with my friends. Number six in your program number one in your heart you didn't want to play I'd live I like soccer I like to play okay I was just doing that but I would go to the games and I'd announce all my friends names and fuck their names up on purpose and then play like Barbie girl is their walkout song like in like the district final like our our best batter like number one coming out of the dugout and I would play like
Starting point is 00:44:22 vamos a la playa just like a silly like and this is The Presbyterian school yeah exactly okay a good baseball team like a baseball team for those kids went went Went pro. I think yeah color were still playing in the league Yeah, there's a wild. There's a wild time dude. There's a wild time. What was the pet situation? Oh? Not normal. I know that whatever it is so my monkeys did have? My family had a propensity for raising squirrels. Which sounds not like a real thing. What are we doing here? So we'd have hurricanes in Florida.
Starting point is 00:44:50 And what is the propensity for raising squirrels? Come on, you guys wanna get out of here? I mean, this is crazy. I was born in France, ah, gay party. You're a hillbilly from Florida. That's what I can figure out. You can walk in both worlds. You cannot use the word propensity
Starting point is 00:45:04 when referring to raising squirrels. It was a propensity because we didn't plan on it. We'd have these hurricanes No one plans on it, buddy You just wake up one day and you got squirrel. Oh, yeah, what was your hurricane experience? Oh my god We'd have hurricanes every year and it was the best hurricane Charlie fucked up the whole neighborhood and it was the greatest time It was so awesome I'd like because it's like freeing a little bit every hurricane that happened Florians are not scared of hurricanes even the bad ones hurricane. Andrew like kills hundreds of people. Yeah, it's fine I was a bad woman. It was terrible people die and Floridians are still like yeah, whatever
Starting point is 00:45:33 So no one leaves the hurricane happens power goes out for I think Charlie was like seven days And you basically just hang with your family and play cards. That's I get that so I was like 10 years old You'd like candles you're basically camping in your house The whole neighborhood comes out people start to clean it up the streets Everyone's like having a good time. You know friends like tragedy brings people together. It's it was the best. It was awesome You're playing in the pool. Everyone was home like that like a point like my older siblings that like went to college You're a dirtbag dude. It was He's got lost in his eyes I
Starting point is 00:46:05 Used to love it when you didn't have power. Yeah Losing the powers of best remind me the trailer park days down in South Florida. That's when the Gators move in on yeah They see that you're weak. Wait, why are we in a trailer park? Now? We want to try party. Sorry, but yeah But not a squirrels it was great And so every time these these hurricanes happen, you'd walk around the neighborhood and you'd just hear these little chirps. Chirp chirp. And you'd look around and you'd be like, what is that?
Starting point is 00:46:29 And we'd go over and we'd find a little baby squirrel, literally like a tiny little nugget of a squirrel. And then, of course, all my siblings, my sisters, they'd be like, we're going to raise this now. I get that. And then you'd raise one. And then one, you have one. This is the thing.
Starting point is 00:46:42 Once you have one squirrel, you become squirrel people yeah, that's what I'm sure yet And so now there's a litany a myriad of squirrels being discovered in the neighborhood And they have to bring them somewhere and they go oh the gag gnos they have squirrels. They know what to do That is man. That's bad if you find someone finds a sick squirrel They're like take them down the marks boy. Yeah, and so we've raised at one point I think the most I was like four squirrels That's too many dude, and they'd be in the room and they'd run and we raised them until they were full grown squirrels. What's the life expectancy of a squirrel? I've never looked into
Starting point is 00:47:12 that to be honest. We released them. They're all doing well. Yeah. Where'd they go to cop? FAMU. They ended up getting law degrees. When you say that they were in the room, what room were they in? Does it matter? Yeah, because he didn't have a bedroom. We had like a side TV room kind of situation that was like closed off. Okay. So we get the cages and we put all the squirrels in there. So they were in a cage. Exactly. And then sometimes you let them out and they go wild. It was fun. Would they bite? Would they be cool? Sometimes they would bite. Sometimes they would bite and certain people they would bite more often than others. But for the most part if you I know they're not domesticated animals, but if you get them very young and feed them They're a little bit more gentle. They're not crazy. You know they're more
Starting point is 00:47:50 Best I have so many pictures these squirrels jumping around crawling on me. I'll show you guys later It was awesome. If it was my boy a little baby squirrel. They are adorable. It's amazing. It's the great They're so I talked to you for a minute What the fuck is wrong with you? They are rats with cute tails. Yeah. No, the tails freak me out more. Really? They like float.
Starting point is 00:48:09 How bad? Yeah. Fucking. Kick rocks, dude. If you invited me over your house for a sleepover, the power was out, a bunch of squirrels came up. I'd fucking kill me. I'm the whole family. Fuck that. Go jump in the lake. I'm pretty sure now the biggest transmitter of monkeypox, I'm pretty sure, in the current day,
Starting point is 00:48:24 Is you. Is me. Is me right now. Is squirrels? I'm pretty sure now the biggest transmitter of monkeypox, I'm pretty sure, in the current day, is you. Is me. Is me right now. Is squirrels? I'm pretty sure squirrels are like a big transmitter. So at the time, I don't know what they were carrying. West Nile or something? I don't know.
Starting point is 00:48:33 But yeah, we had them, and then we'd release them. Dude, these are Florida squirrels. This isn't like nature reserve squirrels. These things are beating gators. It's like they're surviving. Yeah. Yeah, we'd let the squirrels out. They'd run around.
Starting point is 00:48:44 Swamp squirrels, these guys. And then after we release them, they'd come back and kick it they're surviving. Yeah, yeah. We'd let the squirrels out. They'd run around. Swap squirrels, these guys. And then after we released them, they'd come back and kick with us sometimes. Oh, fuck. No, really? They'd come back? You'd go out on the porch.
Starting point is 00:48:52 Come back and steal your wallet. Write down your credit card numbers. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Just give me the money, Mark. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Doesn't have to be this way. It's not for drugs, man. No kidding.
Starting point is 00:49:00 Yeah, so they would come back and they'd kick with you on the porch and then they'd run back out. Did you name them? Oh, absolutely. I'm trying to think of their names. We typically named the first one after the hurricane So we'd have Charlie we had Ivan I'm trying to the other ones Irene. I think was another one or something monkeypox. Yeah
Starting point is 00:49:14 Yeah, well, yeah, we had old and M pox was another one. Oh, yeah, so we had some squirrels No dogs. No cat. Oh, we had dogs wait you had dogs with the squirrels standard poodles only standard poodles This is the craziest thing that happened to standard poodles, so we had one poodle named blue He was a full-blown standard like bougie and a dirt bag. This is what I can't figure out dude. I'm telling you I did leans more dirt bag, but we had I mean you got snow I don't think anyone's ever had squirrels in the history of the show Multiple at that no squirrels yeah, and well the squirrel thing happened every year also. That was the greatest part.
Starting point is 00:49:47 So you'd have him for four months, release him, and then the next hurricane would come around and people would be like, oh you guys had squirrels last year. Squirrel season. Yeah, literally squirrel season. And we never ate him, we just released him, it was great. But no, we had these standard poodles.
Starting point is 00:49:56 Blue, one time was out in the yard, and he just dropped dead. He just died one day. He was just running around, having a great time, and he just like, yelps, dies. I hold him in my arms while he dies. I'm probably like 12 years old, and this is my childhood dog, dead.
Starting point is 00:50:08 Four days later. Comes back to life. I thought, I come home, and there's another standard poodle in our house. No shit. I go, mom, what is this? She goes, oh, I got another dog. I go, full grown?
Starting point is 00:50:20 Damn near. Those French are heartless. And I go, what do you mean? She goes, yeah, I think we name him blue I was like what then name the dog our old. What are you talking about? I tell you grow cereal killers. That's crazy. She just wanted to like repress. I don't know what happened sure Let's just keep it moving. I was like no we're not naming them. We're not naming a blue So we named him Kobe alright
Starting point is 00:50:38 This is our dog and he was a great dog and then we get a call so my parents bought him from a breeder Okay, which became a big Contention point in neighborhood politics. Because other people in the neighborhood. You rescue. They were like, you should rescue. There was other pit bulls in the neighborhood
Starting point is 00:50:50 that would bite people and they were like, they're rescues at least. So we had these standard poodles that were not rescues. They got them from a breeder and the breeder basically bred like seven poodles, sold a bunch of them and kept one poodle to be a show poodle. This was like her champion poodle. This was like the greatest one.
Starting point is 00:51:03 We get a call like a month later after we get the new poodle. And the person on the phone says, hey, did you recently buy a poodle from this woman? And my mom's like, yes. And they go, well, she died. And we need to put this new poodle somewhere. This show poodle, will you guys take it?
Starting point is 00:51:20 And we're like, yeah, fuck it. All right, sure. You got another. Another poodle. And this one's like a champion show poodle for free just on the house They just laced us up with another poodle. Did you show it at all? Do you ever do any shows? No, we just as soon as that dog walked in the house. He was like what? He was at a squirrel take my dinner in my room
Starting point is 00:51:38 The poodle breeder was like an alcoholic and died in her sleep I don't say yeah, and then they gave us the poodles, and then we just had double poodle action and Yeah, it was awesome, but yeah tons of dogs dogs everywhere were the dogs in there with the squirrels, too No, they weren't in there was not the same one time We had a kitten and one of the poodles did murder the kitten so we kind of learned hey We got to keep these animals are vicious. Oh, they never liked them. They get a little crazy They're nice to scare me, but they got a little they get a little Pray drive. No, I don't like but yeah, and that's a kitten. Yeah kill the kid and I was fucked up
Starting point is 00:52:09 That was sad, but yeah kill the kitten and then we like stray cats We would feed and stuff it was kind of it was kind of fun my Some people my family and I won't say who because I think this is a felony would feed the Bears Which you can't do you cannot do that dude. I would call the cops and have your whole family This was like a far off uncle that did this. OK? Feeding the bears. Yeah, fed a bear.
Starting point is 00:52:29 And yeah, they would sometimes get dog food and just put it out and see if you could feed them. I got some pictures. I'll show you something. This is like an uncle that passed away. Would just go on vacation? First of all, it's for sure one of your brothers who's still alive.
Starting point is 00:52:42 I would also be like, this is an uncle who died. He did. What are you talking about? This is for sure somebody that's still alive. I would also be like this is an uncle who died. He did. What are you talking about? Yes, this is for sure somebody that's still alive and listening to the show. For the record, don't do that. Don't feed bears. Also, I'm not suicidal if the Florida Wildlife Association wants to come after me. What the fuck? Don't do it.
Starting point is 00:52:57 Those are trumped up charges again. Yeah. The Cayman Wildlife Federation is on my ass. Would you go on vacation? We would, yes. Where would you go? Probably somewhere nice., where would you go probably somewhere nice? This is the other weird part where it swings back Okay, we're like my dad because he was working in Europe often he had all these points
Starting point is 00:53:11 So yeah, all these things and he would do these conventions and all over Europe, so I'm a kid and he'd be like hey We're gonna take a family trip. We're gonna go to Venice and be like alright, so we go to Paris We went to Japan one time. It's this is not we went to Tunisia How many countries have you been to ballpark? Damn somebody pretty good. I'm not sure exactly and why I have it plus now touring you're all over the place Yeah, maybe maybe more than 20 Who is the most famous person you've met when you were a kid mark Nelson? No, no at some point it couldn't even local like a radio DJ anything I'm like before common one of our claims to fame. I ran into Joey Fatone. That's pretty good
Starting point is 00:53:53 Ran a joy for tone out of Ruth's Chris. I think yeah, the whole family was like shut down We were like, holy shit. Joey Fatone is at this Ruth's Chris. Why were you guys all at the Ruth Chris for dinner? It's probably a communion or something probably a catechism Yeah, someone got someone got anointed a Ruth Chris. Yeah, and then like another claim to fame like Like I had a brother that was like dude, Mandy Moore was in my class Or it's like maybe my brother's friend or some shit, but they were like Mandy Moore went to school And that was like the crowd I used to have a lot thing for her Did you know any kids down there that were because this is after like the whole in sync all that kind of stuff
Starting point is 00:54:28 But were there any kids down there that you were friends with that were trying to make it like entertainers a handful But they would always go like the theater like out Disney route So I had a couple friends are trying to be in boy bands. Yeah, that was big Yeah, that was like a thing so they would try to be a little girl man get jammed up with that Yeah, but that whole era died, obviously, so no one ever made it. But no, no one I grew up with was doing anything remotely interesting in that capacity.
Starting point is 00:54:51 Everyone was like, get a good job, become a lawyer, become a whatever, become a doctor, sell medical supplies if you want to make money. And then other people would just be like landscapers and have a little landscaping business. But everyone had a pretty regular situation. No one wanted to be like a comedian or whatever Nothing what you said so far has been regular Tunisia I don't know where the fuck that is. It's crazy. I don't know longer to me
Starting point is 00:55:16 Yeah, they would take the whole family. It would be like whatever kids were in high school at the time So like the kids in college, so there would be like a three kid window where it'd be like okay we're gonna go on this trip and then one of the kids would age out and then like the youngest kid would get moved in and then though they would go on a thing your own boy band yeah traveling the world it was beautiful we got I gotta see some gotta go through the German circuit yeah I mean I got really lucky with that that's really really you're eclectically culture does that make sense yeah and, but that's the thing. I think that inspired my taste for comedy a little bit
Starting point is 00:55:48 because my dad would come home and tell me funny stories about different people. He'd be like, oh, I was doing this thing, and Cypriots. Let me tell you about Cypriots. And he would just tell me funny stories about different countries and their stereotypes. It's why you connect with so many different types of people. I just find it hilarious.
Starting point is 00:56:04 I think it's great. I don't know. I really enjoy it But yeah, it was a crazy gang of people like my uncle got a my uncle went to prison for a while I didn't see him when I was growing up because he ended up selling stolen goods on eBay allegedly allegedly on eBay Yeah, allegedly. No, it was a You got convicted He passed away. Unfortunately, all right be uncle. But yeah, it was a- Do you remember what it was, what the merchandise was? I don't know what it was,
Starting point is 00:56:28 and there's also some contention within the family that- Of course. Probably you don't wanna be talking about it publicly either. Yeah, I mean, he passed away, it's fine. But there was some contention in the family that like, oh, he didn't know they were stolen. They were his rollerblades! Yeah, like a guy came up to him and was like,
Starting point is 00:56:42 hey, you're good at eBay, how would you sell these things? Gotcha, that's the story he spit in exactly gotcha. Yeah, so it's a mixture of just trash and Class I don't know. I don't know what to make of it. Do you guys have a diagnosis for me? No, I mean very I mean you're fucking alone away trash. I think Asia well, what about rats? I don't even know what that is. What about now? Well, what about now? I don't even know what that is. What about now? Let's talk now. You dress well, take care of yourself.
Starting point is 00:57:08 My wife does a lot of this. Being married for a long time gives you borders. That's classy too. What age did you get married? I was 23. High school sweethearts. High school sweetheart. Where was the wedding? Married?
Starting point is 00:57:18 You had already earned some cash. You were already relatively... The show was, I mean, this was what, three years ago? Yeah, it was four years ago. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Where was the wedding? It was in Florida. It was in Florida, yeah, yeah, yeah, and the height of COVID.
Starting point is 00:57:30 Okay. We didn't mean for the- There was never a height of COVID in Florida, by the way. We were supposed to get married in March, and then COVID happened. And so we were like, let's just make it like six months from now when this thing's blown over. Like we were like, should we do it two months from now? Or like, I might be close to kick it.
Starting point is 00:57:44 Let's just do six months from now. So it was blowing over. Like we were like, should we do it two months from now? Or like, ah, it might be close. Let's just do six months from now. So it was September, the cases were coming down, everything was great. And then- Super spreader of this. And then super spreader of it. No, no one got COVID.
Starting point is 00:57:54 Yeah. No one got COVID. That's great. We social distanced, we did everything safe. And actually funny enough, our anniversary is today. Hey! Happy anniversary. Yeah, what a wild thing Luke get the squirrels The dances they all start fucking jumping around um huh you're sharp guy
Starting point is 00:58:12 I appreciate that keep the house the house now you guys keep it tight you keep it clean all that kind of wife is So on top of it. She's so on it. She keeps everything pristine. I am a mess. I don't know how to do it I'm not good at it. I don't care for it, but she keeps it is military in there. She keeps it clean Do you have a car right now? My wife has a car what she got. She's got a little Nissan Rogue Okay, I mean nothing nothing crazy, but takes her takes her around. She got a she got to work So she's she's got what she what does she do? She's a midwife really yeah, so she delivers babies But not just this is the crazy Yeah, so she delivers babies. No kidding.
Starting point is 00:58:43 But not just, this is the craziest thing. This gets crazier and crazier. I feel like I've talked to 15 different people in the past 52 minutes. Not just regular babies though, this is where it gets... Squirrel babies. Gator babies. My cousin's a midwife. Oh really? Yeah, it's a serious thing, man.
Starting point is 00:58:58 At home? Or at like a birth center? I think she was doing, she might be, she might have moved on into a managerial position now But she was doing this baby on my desk She's a corporate executive. I think she did both. I know she did home births Yeah, and I know I think she did work at a center. Yeah, but she's she's brilliant No, it's amazing and she's extremely educated and all the stuff that she learned for it. It's wild I mean, she's super sharp not to be political, but I trust midwives a little more. I trust the care of a midwife a little bit more, to be honest.
Starting point is 00:59:31 I'm not even sure what they do. So basically, a midwife will just pump your baby out for you. They'll get your baby out. And so you don't have to go to an OBGYN, you don't have to go to a doctor that's going to be on shift, that has to go golfing in three hours. So they've committed to delivering your baby. It's who you go to. So they're going to they're they've committed to. It's more of a more of a natural birthing. Exactly. So you typically.
Starting point is 00:59:51 Fucking weirdos. No thanks. Yeah. Give me a give me a hospital or some guy just died in a bed. You don't have to do the epidural also. You know that, right? Just the woman has to do it now. Everybody gets it. But yes, she does. She does home births,
Starting point is 01:00:05 specifically in New York City in apartments. That's wow. And then not only just for just the regular public, but specifically for Hasidic Jews in Williamsburg. She does. No kidding. Yeah, so she goes over there and just delivers Jew babies. Who are you?
Starting point is 01:00:20 They got Catholic delivering babies? Exactly, Sabbath Goy. She's able to call Ubers and flick on the lights on Friday. It's great Yeah, why did they specifically? How come she does that for for them? She just met him. She just met him She was like doing like her free like clinical rotations. I want you got in the community all yeah Okay, and and so she just lined up with them and really likes them. She's like hey, we're religious you guys religious We believe in God we got similar vibes, and they're just like super easy to chill. You killed my savior.
Starting point is 01:00:46 Yeah, exactly, yeah, you know. The good with the bad, you know what I mean? But she was like, it's interesting, because again, you get another look at culture through birth that's so fascinating. Sure. She's like, Hasidic women are the greatest birth givers ever.
Starting point is 01:00:58 Like, they don't yell, they don't, like, obviously. Tough cookies. Yeah, 100%, but there's also like, she says. It's probably the best day of their week, I don't think they don't have the cookies. Yeah, 100% but there's also like she says the best day of their Their week. I don't think they don't have the best run of things. Yeah, but they get to be like, hey, we're having a baby This is a mitzvah. This is what God wants for us. So like at least you asked one girl one time She's like 10 centimeters dilated about to have a baby. She goes is it painful and she goes yes, it's extremely painful But it's the good pain and we just like Jesus trooper. Yeah, it's crazy Try a cup of decaf. Yeah, yeah, it's just like rubbed like fucking and then out it flew it on her face like Rambo
Starting point is 01:01:32 It was crazy. So the wife's a good person. Oh, she's the best. She's awesome. Okay. Yeah, are you peeing in the shower? Oh, I love peeing in the shower In the shower always yeah, I love leave the toothbrush in there. No, I don't it's a little weird gotcha It's a little weird. We have a little under under the sink thing How often are you guys changing the sheets how often you washing the sheets over there? I could not tell you first problem Hopefully yeah My wife does it probably every every week Okay, she runs it like military. I if it was up to me. I would never change my sheets when I lived in college
Starting point is 01:02:01 I never changed my sheets, so you're out of the loop she's running the household oh yeah you're just showing up looking good doing my best and yeah she's the president of my life and makes it all work it's awesome that's awesome I mean I don't you know it's weird do you wash your fruit yeah I mean my wife does a lot of that you're one of the I don't know I'm making dinner every night. Oh, yeah She loves cooking. She's the best. I cannot cook save my life. I can't do that at all So you guys are like a 50s couple literally? Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. This is my thing This is my stance women don't hit her when yeah. Yeah women don't have to be in the kitchen
Starting point is 01:02:37 They can do whatever they want women can do any job as well as a man can do but my wife Has to be to God given down Making fucking danishes every day. Okay. She no she just make amazing food. She'll make Mike muffins and shit and just have them out Yeah, she just like she does this thing with me. That is amazing where she'll be like we used to get these arguments She'd be like, what do you want for dinner? I'd be like, I don't make something and she's like, well, what do you want to eat? I'm like, I don't know. She's like well pick something. I what do you I don't even know which I can't think of anything So she just sends me a menu now. Of like 50 things that she knows how to cook.
Starting point is 01:03:09 And she's like, hey, pick three of these things for the week. And I'm like, all right. And she's got a full-time gig. Yeah, she's got babies on the side. She's a wonderful woman. She's amazing. Kid's a goddamn freeloader over here.
Starting point is 01:03:21 Yeah, for real. Which I respect. As a dirt bag. I told you, I'm a dirt bag. Picking out a menu Yeah, what's on that? What do you have in the night? Oh, she made stuffed peppers last night And then tonight for anniversary we're going to a nice little restaurant nice and then uh, yeah She just she throws down you're doing very well. I'm trying my best. No, you're doing very well cash wise. I got I'm trying my best. No, you're doing very well cash wise I got
Starting point is 01:03:52 Going somewhere with this. What do you like to spend the money on? This is dude? This is did you make any have you've made a dumb purchase? Early on I would make dumb thing like I would like I thought like shoes sure so I was like oh Maybe shoes are cool. You're gonna buy a race car We were gonna buy a race car car shoes We were gonna buy your race car We were thinking about it. We were gonna take out a load to sponsor a race car in like a series Be right you're a sharp guy. I can't imagine you make dumb purchase No, I have a lot of financial anxiety to be honest with you I have a lot of anxiety in general, but specifically financials when I was like eight years old
Starting point is 01:04:20 I was constantly tell my parents. I was like there's gonna be an economic downturn you have to be This kid I was like old man. Yeah, I was like I have no idea where I got it from to this day My parents always talk about I'm like there's gonna be an economic downturn be careful And then you probably saw it on the news one night and it got into your subconscious and scared the shit out maybe yeah Maybe I watched my dad's car get repoed out of my window. I went I will be alright This guy's just gonna be a hat. The bubble's going to burst. Buy gold. It didn't freak you out at all?
Starting point is 01:04:49 I mean. So wait, are you good with the money? You put the money away. You invest it. You have a budget and all that kind of stuff? 100%. Yeah. He's a sharp guy, man.
Starting point is 01:04:57 My wife is the same way. She has a lot of financial anxiety also. She grew up in very humble means, just regular middle class, solid life in Florida. So much so that they never do birthdays like she never went out to eat Like we'd have like these arguments were like we'd go to a restaurant and they'd be like I can't choose between this appetizer and this Appetizer I'm gonna get both and then she would get like all in a huff. She'd be like you're gonna just get both What if you don't eat it?
Starting point is 01:05:21 It's fine, but she like has that like one time for her birthday she got Fiji water. That was what she got as a present. What do you mean? A bottle? Her family gave it to her as a birthday present. One bottle? Like a case, a six pack. Six pack?
Starting point is 01:05:36 Every time she goes to the gas station she's like, Nine bucks? Yeah, she's like, Mom, I want that water. And they're like, we're not buying water. This is retarded. And she was like, come on, I want the water. So for her birthday, here's the water. She was like, yes,'re not buying water. This is retarded and she was like come on. I want the water so for a birthday Like here's the water. She's like yes. I got the water Great, so we both have some financial anxiety a little bit meaning like you keep it tight
Starting point is 01:05:51 Yeah, I don't the only thing you spend it on the shoes So I'm 100 bucks my fake shoes on top. This gets fucking trash I mean I'm buying I would be like nice shoes that I'd find like a rep dealer by fake ones I'd be like all right. Let's do this for a little and I got off it as we're saying we're talking jet skis stuff Yeah, dude. I'm trying like he is trash, but he's got his shit. He walks in both worlds I know a nice vacation would be the only thing like experience is the only thing I'd really ever spend like Give me an example. So we went to Greece went to Crete to my wife and I okay Yeah
Starting point is 01:06:27 Yeah, so you went to Crete to my wife and I okay that was a one-time yeah yeah yeah so you went to Crete yeah it was beautiful it was so how long ago was this is like a year and a half two years maybe a year okay yeah everything else you're just stacking away but like I have this philosophy where I'm like okay dinner I'm willing to spend whatever on like that's like a thing where I'm like I just don't want to think about how many nights a week would you go can you will you guys go out probably once twice what you want once twice a week yeah alright a situation I I just don't want to think about how many nights a week would you get can you will you Guys go out probably once twice. What you want once twice a week Yeah, like a nice update situation. I'll just whatever it is 300 bucks on dinner I will deal with that you sure and then books is other thing where I'm like if there's any book that I'm Any book?
Starting point is 01:06:56 So like I'll steal numbers up I'll go on my Kindle and I'll be like this is books seems interesting and it'll be like 40 bucks It's like a random sometimes like a book book. Yeah kindle will like fucking gouge on the prints the worst. I have a whole beef with this But anyway, sometimes you'll see talking you live different. You'll see an expensive book and you're like, I want to read What's an expensive book like 40 bucks for a kindle why is that e-reader it doesn't cause anything It's a digital copy of it. They gouge it. It's like it's greed. It's just all great Yeah, I love reading yeah, they have read yeah helps me go to sleep Yeah, do you have a TV in the room? No, I never can do TV or movies king-size bed. We have a queen
Starting point is 01:07:38 I wanted to get a king. Yeah, but so like we have the old queen from the last pod. We're like, let's just keep it Yeah, it's one of these things like you're gonna buy a whole new bed and imagine it's like what are we doing? What's the point of you rich? He's gotta save for the books for a there's gonna be a downturn There's gonna be a downturn when you guys go to bed you go to bed, right? Like the lights are off all that kind of stuff I'm like weird on that shit, too Where I'm like I try not to do like too much blue light and shit like I'm like on like some health vibes I'm like I try to care like I try to go to bed the same time do like hubram's protocols
Starting point is 01:08:12 I like wake up staring the Sun for six hours burn my eyes out like Gary Brekker. How you doing? Yeah, exactly. I try I try to I'm not good at it, but I try my best sure so we go to bed I try to put my phone away the less time I spend on my phone the less anxious I am it's really it was really an anxiety. What's the skincare routine you do you and any exfoliating nothing? This is all natural Yeah, yeah, I mean my wife whatever she has in the shower basically did you have braces growing up? Yeah, I did I had braces you floss every day. I love flossing it. I have flosser sticks, but I have to I have a little food traps Well, sometimes you leave beef jerky and it sticks in there and expands because the moisture and it hurts your feet. It hurts your teeth.
Starting point is 01:08:47 And you gotta get the flossers. I was trying to get jerky out of his teeth. Yeah. I'm talking about books. What are you reading now? Right now. How many books are you reading at the moment? This is my big problem.
Starting point is 01:08:58 I do too many all at one time. Yeah, that's a problem. Yeah, yeah, it's a whole issue. But right now one of them is- I did cocaine for 20 years. That's a problem. Reading too many books is a good thing. That's a problem. Yeah. Yeah, it's a whole issue, but right now one of them is cocaine for 20 years Read too many books is a good thing That's my problem. I just care too much Well, I had siblings that did that also this is the thing I got all the benefit of seeing my older siblings fuck up and then being like I'm not gonna do that
Starting point is 01:09:16 You know what I mean? So like I had siblings that would like be in a frat house I watched my brother fuck up and I like damn I want to do that Dude, I think it was anxiety. I got parties, dude. You guys going out tomorrow night? I just didn't have, I got so scared, dude. Like my one, I had one sibling that got into drugs and then joined a gang. Me too! So I was like I'm not going to do that.
Starting point is 01:09:37 There's an episode of Gangland that features a close family member of mine in like kind of the background. But I was like part of the Warlocks in central Florida no shit I used to love gang wait really one of your relatives was in the war yeah yeah well it was associated with the guy in the war he was it was a patch over yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah listen so I see the stuff and I'm like I don't want to do that let me just live a good life you're one of the we've had people that walk in both worlds like that's glad but like yours is I mean walking but he's Jesus But it's outliers in both worlds like oh one of my my cousin was in the warlocks
Starting point is 01:10:12 I was born in Paris. Yeah, my problem is that I read too much, but never these kind That's what I'm saying. It's never been that it's never been such outliers on side this It's usually like in the meaty part of the fucking bell curve It's never been such outliers on side this it's usually like in the meaty part of the fucking bell curve See this is it's like night and day on a comet screaming across the solar system Yeah, it's not good 400 degrees in a day and freezing cold at night. It's insane. Yeah, it's it's very very polar very polar Very yeah interesting, but it's a good time though. You know if you ever kick with my family be like oh, this is fun I'm telling you my dad's the funniest dude ever my mom locks and squirrels and great I just don't like a good I can't get past the squirrels dude. There's you there's no cut
Starting point is 01:10:50 I'll show you pictures if you want to insert photos into the show even if it was like though You were the fucking king of England Orals I can't get paid. Oh, yeah, my mom's a big conspiracy theorist my dad No, it's true this is this far sure tell us that an hour my dad's like my dad's a big conspiracy theorist. My dad's like, I need to stop getting dragged. No, it's true. This part is true. Tell us an hour in. My dad's like an entertainer, that's in his core. We do family dinners, he's doing a toast, he's singing, he's on the table.
Starting point is 01:11:15 Carrot top. Yeah, literally, he's playing Gypsy Kicks nonstop. He's like, Volody. That's him. And then my mom's a conspiracy theorist. All day researching, reading everything. What's the big one she's into at the moment? Oh, you don't wanna know.
Starting point is 01:11:27 Oh, we do. I mean, everything, like vaccine stuff. I don't know if you're even allowed to say that. You might get demonetized. But you know, things with injectables, you could say. She knows everything that there is to know about. She's read every book. You could debate her.
Starting point is 01:11:37 She'd be like, well, technically this one has this methyl salt. So actually the mercury, technically it's not live mercury, but it does have an antigen that then will disrupt herself. She's a nurse. Yes, exactly. That's even classy. It's like a classy version of a conspiracy theorist. The mercury technically is not live mercury, but it does have an antigen that then will use up yourself. Yes exactly That's even classy so like a version of a conspiracy theory So like she knows everything she like the basically like, you know, she knows every politician their affiliation with different groups She knows how the money were like she's like locked in this goes to the top. Oh my goodness
Starting point is 01:11:58 I mean, they're not I can't get she told me I'm like we would talk about Freemasons when I was like eight years old You wonder why you have money anxiety. What do you I thought about Freemasons when I was like eight years old. Oh my God, you wonder why you have money anxiety. What are you talking about? I thought the Freemasons were bricklayers when I was 18. No, me and my mom, we were figuring it out. We were gonna get to the bottom of the Freemasons. We were gonna figure out the whole thing.
Starting point is 01:12:13 What about UFOs? Where's the- I've been on one. Where's the fan? Yeah, that'd be crazy. So this actually connects to the book that I'm reading. This guy Jacques Vallee is like a French, he basically was like an entrepreneur that like built some of the early internet
Starting point is 01:12:24 and became like interested in UFO studies and my mom and him kind of have a similar idea, I think. Basically, she thinks UFOs and aliens are phenomena of basically like Satan in some capacity. They're basically like angels, demons, all these things are kind of the same phenomena and they're dark forces and we shouldn't interact with them. This guy's nuts.
Starting point is 01:12:43 But they might not come to us in some type of physical plane, but they might us in some type of physical plane, but they might come in some type of metaphysical, interdimensional expression on consciousness. It's kind of like her thing in some way. She's like, aliens and demons are kind of the same thing. OK. Pretty wild.
Starting point is 01:12:56 I just scared the shit out of me. Pretty wild. It goes deep. It goes deep. I remember she was telling me she's like, Osama bin Laden didn't die. He's an alien. She's like Osama bin Laden didn't die. He's an alien! She was like no, they didn't kill him back in, Obama didn't get him. He died of renal failure in 2002 in the mountains of Pakistan. I was like alright.
Starting point is 01:13:14 Folks, that's our show. Guess who's sleeping with the lights on? This guy. Ladies and gentlemen, I mean, 100, 200, 300% garbage. Yeah, crazy. But a Sharp Kidd! Yeah, he's got it together. Sharp Kidd, he's got it together! I love it. But holy shit, ladies and gentlemen,
Starting point is 01:13:31 Mr. Mark Gagnon, hear him every week on Camp Gagnon, over on Flagrant. Anything else you want the folks out there to know? That's all. Come check out Are You Garbage, guys, come on now. Listen, every week, the greatest pot on the internet. Thank you guys so much for having me, I really appreciate it.
Starting point is 01:13:44 Buddy, we love you so much. You know, you've always been so cool and we're just so happy for you and we can't thank you enough for being on, man. That was a wild ride. Thank you guys. I appreciate you letting me share some details from my story. Go check out Camp Gag Now. By the way, one of the coolest sets.
Starting point is 01:13:58 Yeah, great set. You have, if you're not as familiar with it, you have people from all different walks of life. Yeah, it's very, it's very, it's have you have people from all different walks of life. Yeah, it's it's very it's very From you guys now it all makes a little more sense. Yeah Get over there that camp gag night, so it's a wild time check it out. Can't be what do you got for? Guys this week we are on the route 66 tour starts. We start in Chicago on September 12th and end in LA we got a tour bus we're going all the way through we're stopping everywhere gang we'll see you there be a part of it
Starting point is 01:14:28 come out and see us gang we love you Mark we love you buddy appreciate you guys I really appreciate y'all we'll see you next week Peace!

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