Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast - Matt Rife!

Episode Date: August 8, 2024

Are You Garbage presents stand up comedian Matt Rife! You know Matt from stand up comedy, the Joe Rogan Experience, Good For You w/ Whitney Cummings, Jordan Peterson, 2 Bears 1 Cave and comedy specials like "Matthew Steven Rife", "Walking Red Flag" & "Only Fans" & more! Thanks for watching the Are You Garbage Comedy Podcast! AYG Live Show Tickets: https://punchup.live/areyougarbage/tickets Live Shows: https://punchup.live/areyougarbage/tickets PATREON: https://www.patreon.com/AreYouGarbage MERCH: https://areyougarbage.com/ Fum: https://www.tryfum.com/garbage Promo Code: garbage Sheath: https://www.sheathunderwear.com/ Promo Code: Garbage Tushy: https://hellotushy.com/ Promo Code: Garbage Comedians H. Foley and Kevin Ryan are self proclaimed GARBAGE. Each week a new stand up comedian gets put to the test. Steal shampoo from hotels? Own a George Foreman Grill? Ever worn JNCO Jeans? Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Is it garbage to run out of gas and the parent pick up line in school? What did this happen? And they still made it to the show baby! Let's go! I got a feeling the car's still in the school. Gang, AYG Live, AYG Live, AYG Live. Grab the squad and come out and see the boys in Red Bank, New Jersey, Philadelphia, Pennsylvania, and all along that Route 66 tour.

All tickets available at RUgarbage.com. Welcome to another exciting edition of RUgarbage. Are you garbage the show where you find out if your favorite comedians are classy individuals or? absolute trash Now here are your hosts Kevin Ryan and H Foley Hey everybody out there and welcome back to everybody's favorite podcast. This is are you garbage? Oh, yeah, it's a little show We sit down with your favorite comedians and we find that after you're it to be classy Yeah, just a big old piece of trash trash trash. I'm your host a trolley coming at you on a beautiful day

We're out back here at Tooties in a new edition She's thrown out the first pitch for the girls softball team tonight. Okay, we'll see her in a little bit My co's is coming at you right next to me on amuse this week. He is the CEO of are you garbage? He is an international businessman and my best pal in the whole wide world. Give it up for KJ. Kevin James Ryan, everybody. What up gang? Thanks for tuning in. As always, please make sure you rate, you subscribe on iTunes. Full video available on YouTube. As you know, those numbers are cooking and

obviously the greatest website of all time, www.patreon.com slash RU Garbage. Gang, you go over there. It's a gosh darn party. Love that money. And how about a nice shout out to our producer extraordinaire, the old magic man makes us all look good works. The ones that two is the threes and the fours. He crosses the T's and he dots the eyes. Give it up for T-bone. McStruffen's Toby McMullen. Everybody. What up, boys? Beautiful day out here and beautiful

guy in the studio. This kid's a piece. Keep your hands to yourself over there, dirtbag. But gang, the long hair ain't lying because we couldn't be more excited. Ever. Incredibly. And I mean, incredibly special guest here with us today for the first time. He's a very funny, very successful stand up comedian, actor and Internet sensation. And you might have seen him in, but not limited to you got Brooklyn Nine Nine. You got fresh off the boat. You got Bird Patrol that 90 show wild and out access Hollywood the Tonight Show Kelly Clarkson that today's show

He has multiple stand-up specials over there on YouTube including only fans which has 13 million views You got walking red flag. That's got a 13 piece as well. Then you got Matthew Steven right 21 million He's got a Netflix special natural selection as we stand right now. That's got Matthew Steven Reif, 21 million. He's got a Netflix special, Natural Selection, as we stand right now. That's got over 20 million. God damn. He's on his problematic world tour right now, which is sold out to, I think, 21.55. Kid moves techies. But if you want to get tickets, go over to MattReifOfficial.com, and he's got a brand new special coming to Netflix August 13th called Lucid.

Give it up for the one the only Matt right there Dude that was fucking impressed Thrive on AM radio We've just turned into a morning zoo radio show He's been following you for years. Yeah, thank y'all. Appreciate you coming in, man. Appreciate it.

Thanks for having me, man. Congrats on everything, first of all. Thanks, dude. Meteoric rise, you're killing it, you're moving tickets, everybody loves you. It's been insane. Can't be happier for you, man. Thanks, bro.

Give us the backstory, give us the origin story. You're an Ohio kid, I believe. Yeah, man, up, Ohio garbage My name was almost Matthew I'm from middle of nowhere Ohio about an hour west of Columbus real small town called north north North Lewis Berg okay taught English over there. I think my population's like, I think it's like 1,100 people. No, that small. Graduating class, like 70 people, give or take, surrounded by corn fields in every direction.

Really? Oh, yeah, like the same small town, like the gas station is also the grocery store. Yeah, it's also the post office and the doctor and shit. They just recently, I think two or three years ago, got a dollar general on the outskirts of town. Pretty good for them. They're coming up.

Yeah, very blue collar parents. How did you land out there? Were they from there? Are they from around there? So my mom married my stepdad when I was about five, and he lived out there. And I assume he had good dick or something. Because why else would you leave Columbus

to go to the middle of nowhere? Oh, so you guys were in Columbus, and you moved out. OK. I got you. My mom was still living with her parents at the time. Okay. All right. That's just up to that child. Let me put that in the file real quick.

Green flag. So hold on. So you were still living with your grandparents at that time. You were five years old. Yes. Oh, I'm in easier days, man. I had the race car bet, all that good stuff. Oh, man. They probably took... The grandparents probably took care of you. What did your grandparents do?

My grandpa was a carpenterenter mainly tile was his expertise. Okay, and I know anybody that needs any He's super dead so I wouldn't I wouldn't call him. I wouldn't give him a call He was a tile man. Yeah, he's buried under somebody's Under somebody's linoleum right now, so I'm under somebody's linoleum right now. So he was carpenter, grandma, kind of complete opposites. My grandpa was very against all modern technology in entirety, and my grandma worked a government job with computers.

Oh really? So just polar opposites, yeah. What did you call them? What did you call your grandparents? Mammal and papal. Oh man, that's garbage. This is gonna be a home run. Is it?

Mammal, papal, yeah. What's garbage. Is it? What's the correct word? Grandmother? Grandpapa? Meemaw and Poopaw? What was that again? What did you call yours? Mamaw and Popop. Mamaw and Popop is typically

We're not saying we're Kennedys. What are you on for? No, but that's like year one or two shit. Mum, mum, hop, hop. Nah, that's just lazy. They always give you the story too, well you couldn't pronounce grandma, whatever, so it came out mumu, whatever it was. Yeah, but it's not busketi, you know what I mean? what people thought what they like what they call their grandparents Oh, it's always it's all it's a very regional thing to the south is a little different than the Midwest which is a little different than The Northeast so it's all very

Yeah, my one cousin is a me and we we or something like that Yeah, yeah get a new family all right, so you guys move out there, then did your stepdad did he have kids? Yeah, he had three daughters of his own, so I have three stepsisters. Okay. And then my mom and he had a daughter together, so I have a half-sister. Nice, so full house. Yes. When you were out.

Yes. And what did he do? He was a car mechanic. He was a car mechanic. Okay. And your mom was doing what? She's mainly just been a stay-at-home mom. She does some odds and ends stuff.

She was the male lady for a little bit. Really? And I assume that a small town like you, that was an unmarked mail delivery. That was a minivan she was in. Oh no, no, no, it was her own car that she would drive. I'm not even kidding. I didn't know the difference until years later.

I thought this was what all mail delivery trucks were like. Not realizing that was actually a thing. It was an old Honda, I want to say a 99 Honda that she would drive, because you know the mailboxes are on the right side of the road, right? So she would drive from the passenger side. She had to learn to drive like this,

using her left foot for the pedals and like steering with her left arm. Wait, the wheel wasn't on the, on the, on the car? No, it's a regular car. Holy shit. So she was, There's no way that's legal, dude. We had a guy who did regular car. Oh So she was that's legal. We had a guy That's not good. No. Yeah, you're not alone. I had a drinking problem. You know you're riding side saddle. That's crazy, man

That's why I'm up the mailing But had to be like the bench seating So the console couldn't get in the way and everything it's mine over. It was a piece of work, man This was also the kind of small town where like nobody locked their doors at night You would leave the car keys in the car so you knew where they were the next day I mean who's gonna steal your shit, you know where everybody's Goddamn mail truck you're driving in. I got mail to deliver. Okay, and single family home? Like you guys lived in a house? That was an apartment, a townhouse, or like a...

It was an apartment the first couple of years. No kidding. And then we moved. With five years in there? No, at the time it was just me for those first couple of years. His daughters didn't come live with us till we got a house two or three years later. How many bedrooms was that house? Did everybody have a room? No, three. I have my own because I was the boy and then the four girls shared bunk beds in the other room. No kidding. Yeah, my parents had their own room. Four girls in a bedroom, damn. And they're younger than you or older than you? The stepsisters. The stepsisters are all older. Oh, and then younger sister is, oh yeah, she's 24 now. Gotcha.

Okay. A little younger. Public school, I assume? Oh yeah, there's no private school. Home school was private school and that kid would just bite people, you know what I mean? You are. Okay.

Toby's a homeschooler. Whoa, I just didn't go to middle school. A little bit. You skipped all of middle school? Yeah, it was pretty sick. Any bites. This is a homeschooler. Whoa! I just didn't go to middle school. It's different. A little bit, yeah. You skipped all of middle school? Yeah, it was pretty sick. Any bites. This is developmental years, dog. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I got a lot of high scores in Tony Hawk's Pro Skater 3.

It's pretty sick. What was the... If the graduating class was so small, what was the sports situation? We were Division 5 in football. And, like, everybody had to play both ways. Like, there was no offense or defense. Your mom's playing. But it was 11 on 11? It was full? It was 11 on 11 yeah but there was only like

maybe eight kids, sorry eight teams in the region that we would even play so sometimes you double up. Yeah division five nobody ever went on to play more than like a division three college. Gotcha. But it was still fun. You know what I mean? Like Ohio is a big sports state. For sure. Huge. Huge.

Football, wrestling, huge. Yeah. And how did you get to school? Was it boss? Did you get driven? No, we had a bus, but it was other than the first house we lived in. We lived in like three different houses in this town. That was also a Honda Accord?

We slept in the trunk. Yeah, this one. Yeah, this was the only one house that we got picked up like at our driveway. That's a really nice. The other ones was like you had the you had to walk like a quarter mile down the road, which we thought was bad until you hear every grandparent talk about, you know, the bill for school and fucking Maine. Yeah. And what was the pet situation growing up? Anything weird?

We're looking for lizards, frogs. I had two lizards. I had two lizards that I caught by hand in Maryland on a family trip one time. And took them home? Yeah. Yeah. For some reason, my mom let me bring them home. That's how you ruin an ecosystem. I think they were the last two. This guy's responsible for the lantern flies. God damn, dude. Are you kidding me? Even more fucked up. That's gotta be to. This guy's responsible for family in Maryland. Okay. And what kind of lizards were they? Outside kind. I don't know, dude. The Salmonella kind. Who's he gonna talk to? The park ranger? So I got two baby ones and I got a big one, right? So the whole time everybody was like, that's the mom, those are the kids, right? For sure they didn't know each other. So one of them just died one day, one of the small ones.

So then it just came down to one small one and the big one and you feed them crickets like PetSmart or whatever and one day there a cricket came between a small one and a big one and the bit and they both went for at the same time and the big one got a hold of the baby lizard yeah and just fucking ate it yeah ate the small lizard they were both on like a fish tank yeah yeah yeah in your room terrarium terrarium. They go in yeah, I think it's a first at the plant Yeah, then I had a snake after that at a ball python python Yeah, well the cool kid that lived in the trailer park next to us had one so I Had to get looked up to him. I get it. Oh, yeah, man any dogs three dogs three three dogs

Yeah, well our house dogs were like ston kind of dogs were they? That lizard tank alone, yikes. We had a yellow lab, a beagle lab mix, and like a beagle lab chow mix that we got from. Okay. We got two of them from the pound. Their names were? Pixie, Max, and Sarah. Sarah, I like Sarah's a little odd. Sarah was the oldest one in my favorite and she died the morning of my first TV appearance ever Jesus gotta call it like 430 in the morning like hey, we gotta take her in

Crazy I was doing BET's comic-view Funny that day that's brutal Yeah, not the earthquake. Speaking of vacations, what did a family vacation look like? Never went on one. You guys never went on a vacation? Never once. Other than to go see the family in Maryland?

And that was for the weekend I suppose? Yeah, we drove to Maryland about five and a half hours. No, the thing to do in Ohio was Myrtle Beach. Everybody would drive down to Myrtle Beach in the summertime. So that's what the rich couple of kids in my school would go to. But yeah, no, we never went.

I had no idea the ocean was for real a thing until I moved to LA at 17. Damn, that's the first time you saw the ocean. Yeah, I thought Indian Lake in the middle of Ohio was the biggest body of water out there for sure. Talk about humble beginnings. And you had mentioned you lived next to the trailer park. Mm-hmm.

Huh. Yeah, I know. This close to being guaranteed white trash. I mean, you're pretty guaranteed at this point. Was your house in a neighborhood, or was it like a house with nothing else kind of around? Al was kind of a cul-de-sac. Was a cul-de-sac.

OK. One of them was a cul-de-sac. One of them was kind of a neighborhood. And then one was a lot of kind of shit going on. So when you say cul-de-sac, one of them was kind of a neighborhood, and then one was... A lot of kind of shit going on. So when you say cul-de-sac, that was the whole development, was that little... But it was like a square cul-de-sac. It was very strange. Like you would go in...

That's a dead end, dude. Take a left, and then... That's a dead end, man. I picture... I know what you're talking about. So it wasn't a full development. Not a full development, no. And then one of the houses was like this 100-year-old farmhouse, like 20 minutes outside the town

that we lived in For like a year and a half. Yeah, so you guys moved a little bit. Yeah Okay, he's coming down on him and what was the other than your mom's car? What did your what did your stepdad drive? Oh, we had a couple of different when you guys would drive to Maryland. What are you guys all going in there? So I like grandpa's SUV at that time because he was he was the one to go down there to visit one of his old Navy buddies That was grandfather was with you, too. Yes. Yeah, how many people were in this car, man? I think it was just me my grandpa my mom I don't think my little sister stepdad came with us. Okay, maybe my aunt and uncle

Okay, thank you. Your grandpa was driving. He drove. Yeah. All right. He was that kind of guy He was gonna ride a bitch in his own car I'm with you huh, and how are the grades in school really good? I? Started school year early I started kindergarten when I was for preschool and I was three had the opportunity to skip a grade fourth I had opportunity to skip fourth grade go from third to fifth But I was already a year younger than the rest of my class. Why do they give the teacher sick or something like that? Third grades cancelled

Shit man, I was in like the know this is gonna deduct some points I was in like the talented and gifted classes in school Okay, even those just kind of like weren't keeping me occupied enough in class like I would get bored because I was like I Get this yeah, it's just feels repetitive Okay, then I would act up in class like that's what I get in trouble for being silly and stuff So I had the option to do it mom didn't let me but yeah school school was always good grades I think I my final GPA ended up being like I think it's like 3.7 or something that's pretty good something like that although. I did not technically graduate high school, so I get those points back

What happened yeah, so in California? I'm sorry let's start with this in Ohio It's it's it's due by credits right like that's how you can graduate school X amount of credits from X amount of classes throughout High school in California is this thing called the Chespi is basically's basically a test that says you test out of school. A lot of people take it their senior year. Basically it says you learned everything you needed to learn throughout high school. So when I had already been doing comedy since I was 15,

I was already like two years into comedy, like a year and a half in, I knew I wanted to move to LA. I'd been out there for a trip already. Comedy seemed like the thing I wanted to pursue. So if I went out to California, which I did, stayed on my friend's couch and at what age test I was They had just turned 17 so you're still enrolled you're a senior in high school in Ohio Yeah, and then you go out there take the test you take the holy shit take the test come back

You have to wait a couple weeks obviously from the process the results everything I knew I passed it And then I but it's an earner This was the worst though because I knew I wasn't gonna graduate high school Right and I knew I was gonna pass this test so I had to keep going to school because obviously you can be what's the word? for true and true it yes So I I was such a little dickhead like I would just go to go to go to school and just try to nap all day I wouldn't do any of the work during class. I wouldn't take any tests I wouldn't do any homework like my grades started to plummet't take any tests. I wouldn't do any homework. Like my grades started to plummet,

but I was like, I'm not gonna be here in four weeks. So it doesn't really matter. So it did pass it. And then I moved out to LA like a month later after that. Kepp, what's talking about Sheath? Shut up to Sheath, dog. We really don't gotta tell you about Sheath cause Sheath is the OG podcast sponsor.

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Butthole and where did you start doing stand-up in Columbus Columbus funny bone? Yeah No, you're going back and forth from the small town the Columbus to do stand-up So Dylan high school when I started doing stand-up I had moved Maybe this will gain some points as well. I lived with my grandma for a little bit And I lived with my grandpa for a little bit, and I lived with my grandpa for a little bit. They divorced. Okay. And I was living with my grandpa

the time that I started doing comedy. So he's the one that would take me. Your grandparents divorced later in life. Mm-hmm. That's why. That's why. Some shit really gotta go wrong. I know.

Hey, it all worked out, baby. You don't have a high school diploma. That's insane. Trauma, baby, we're still out here winning. The love of skins a millionaire. It's insane. Trauma, baby, we're still out here winning. The love of it gets a millionaire. It's fucking awesome. Yeah, damn. I can't buy a family.

Wait. Or a high school diploma. You can on some islands, but not this one. Holy shit. You move out to LA at 17. By yourself. Man. Yeah, I stayed on.

That's like shit from the 80s. Yeah, I know. Kind of write a passage for Hollywood, I feel like. I lived on Eric Griffin's couch for the first three or four months that I was out there. Great comic, great actor, friend of mine. Still one of my best friends. Directed my last two Netflix specials.

Yeah, stayed on his couch when I was out there for the first four months. And then I had a manager at the time who lived in Atlanta and his son was about to graduate film school And move out to LA okay, then when he moved out to LA I lived on his couch for the first for that next like Two years I want to say all right. Yes This kids fucking earned issues god damn tell the rest of the internet, but no respect dude. That's crazy What you were kind of manager was that that was like a kid you're gonna bunk up with my son the

same kind of manager who's running do it out of the joint all right so you'll love this that so the summer between my junior senior year of high school dead somewhere dude this manager definitely believe I'm alive this manager definitely has Colonel or something before his first name what the fuck? Colonel Pete Willey. Holy shit man. Oh my god. He owned a comedy club in Atlanta, right? So the summer between my junior year, senior year of high school, I took a Southwest flight down there and I was supposed to stay at his house for the summertime, right? And just work the club? And just work the club. Because he owned the club so I get up I was doing like nine to

eleven shows a week it was great okay just building the chops you know figuring out how to be on stage and then he was like why don't you stay with this other young comedian who's up and by the way the guy was like 32 it's one of us oh you're good-looking boy huh This young comic, who was fucking awesome, by the way, he was such a good guy for letting me do this, he was like, yeah, you can crash on the couch for the summer. He was like, as me and my girlfriend live here,

you can just live on the couch, right? He gets arrested maybe five days into this summer. And is in jail the entire summer. So his girlfriend just let me stay on the couch still which was so fucking awesome She did not have to do that obviously okay I just had obviously pitch in for my own groceries which my manager would give me a little bit of money that Technically I guess should have been mine from performing at the club So yeah, I didn't see him until I think my last week in Atlanta. He got out of prison.

And what age are you? 16. Damn, dude. I know. But also, throughout that summer, I would take the Greyhound or Megabus up to like Nashville or Birmingham or Carolina. Yeah, go do like all weekend somewhere. Do their clubs.

Yeah. At that time, I could like host. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I could do 10 minutes. This is all off of your intuition. You're in high school. So you're pushing all the that you're saying to your mom Hey, I want to go out to LA and try this. I want to go down to Atlanta and do LA

I get but hey, let's go to Atlanta and live with a convict for the summer. That's Yeah the time yeah, that's That's the first wall he broke and got caught. Well, it's like my mom didn't know any better You know, nobody in in my family. Dude, you have 15. I was scared to go to the movies by myself. You have like your story is like should have happened in the sixties. Yeah. That's what like that's the time. I'm fucking 85. I really feel that way too. I moved in with Woody Guthrie or something like that. What was the actual? So was there ever like a first regular job? Did you work at the grocery store or anything?

So I got, you know, Ralph's the grocery store. So I technically got hired at Ralph's. I was in, I was, I was tested out of it. They moved me right to produce. Move me to Macy's bitch. I'm out here. I was in line with my manager actually, who was out there visiting me and his son, and we were in line paying for groceries,

and the older lady working the bags, I guess, was like the manager there, was like overheard us talking about how I needed to get a job. And she was like, I'll give you a job, that easy. No way. I was like, for real? She was like, you want bad groceries? And I was like, not really, but I'll do it.

I'll do a little crowd work up front. Yeah, a lot of where you're bad groceries? I was like, not really, but I'll do it for a check. I'll do a little crowd work up front. Yeah, a lot of where you're from, what are you eating, are you allergic to anything, that kind of stuff. Pineapples, yeah. OK. Wow. But I actually, over the next span of two or three weeks

of trying to figure out when my day to go in for training was supposed to start, I booked Wild'n Out three days before I was supposed to go in for training. So you've never really had a job? a proper like I gotta go clock in no work No, I would do like typical like it's an entertainer from jumpstreet I would like mow lawns and like shovel driveway just sideward to make a couple $20 to mow a fucking lawn yeah, of course good money man three of those you had a video game Great dude. That's crazy. That's pretty wild.

Holy shit. I know. When you got when you were at the house with your stepdad and your mom, would you guys all eat together? Would you guys all have dinner like family dinner every week, every night? Those kids would usually eat in the kitchen and my parents would usually go eat in the living room most of the time watching TV. But even but I mean, when I say dinner, I mean pizza rolls, fucking the taquitos, hot dogs, the occasional pork chop Watching TV, but even but I mean when I say dinner. I mean pizza rolls

The taquitos hot dogs the occasional pork chop with no seasoning whatsoever to mom didn't cook No mom didn't cook dad thought he could cook would they grill out would you would you grill no? No, that was it was mostly like you know de journo pizza like that kind of stuff But you know but as a kid you're like that's all Again, yeah, this will make me grow. A lot of good protein. Now what uh what if you guys did go out to dinner for like a birthday what did that look like? Where you going? Are you going to like the pizza? What's a birthday? No no no no no. Would they do your birthday? Would you have a cake and stuff? Yeah yeah my mom used to make this it's actually so cute she hadn't made this for me since I was probably like 13 or 14

But when I did red rocks like a month ago She made this cake again, it's like it's like a white cake and she she calls it jello cake But it's not it's not made of like fully jello I'm with you you and you take like a toothpick and you poke a bunch of holes in the top of the cake so it Can breathe and then you you you pour like a toothpick and you poke a bunch of holes in the top of the cake so it can breathe and Then you you you pour like jello mix the liquid yeah over top of the cake I know exactly flavor seeps into the cake right and then it's like a chocolate pudding icing Yeah, she made that from like a month ago. I haven't had it in like 15 years So nice man. That's a third bag shit, but nice. I don't remember. I don't really remember ever going out for a birthday

I think we went to a bowling alley one time. I went to a movie one time no like you went to a movie one time Yeah, I saw snakes on a plane for one of my for one of them So no like TGI Fridays or anything like that Applebee's daddy Those were all like 30 minutes away. Yeah, it's true the availability of it. There was only like one restaurant in town called Cardinals Pizza. And what were you doing during the day like when you were down in Atlanta at 15, 16? Most of my day, I mean I would sleep in obviously and then I would have to go like pass out free tickets at like Lennox Mall and stuff. Any type of social life?

Uh-uh. No, I mean my only people I knew there were the comics at the club so I mean I'd see them at night, but during the daytime. They're all older anyway. They're all yeah They're all 30 to 40. Yeah, uh did you go to prom no proms? I was no dances no I was doing shows for both of them fuck out of here. Yeah, yeah, he's open up for the temptation This is the craziest dude you were like it's like you were built in the lab to do comedy I know it's I mean, I'm not qualified to do fucking anything You started doing comedy at 15. That's insane. Did you like Homelander? Did you guys have any kind? Did you have a backup plan at all? Uh? Once we move I mean at the first he's 50 so he's very 50

I started comedy when I was 32 and yeah what after I had lived up here, he's 50. So he's starting 50? I started comedy when I was 32. What? After I had lived up here. What's 32? Oh, you're 10 times younger than you are now. That's crazy. Yeah, I didn't start until I was- Should've got to get you to Atlanta, Fatso.

Let's go. Start handing out some tickets at the mall. Get the Colonel on the phone. I got a hot young prospect for you. Yeah, I didn't start until I was 32. I lived up here for 10 years before that telling everybody I was an actor, but I was just doing blow and working in a bar and that was it I mean, that's half that that's half

And then I bottomed out and moved to Philly and started comedy and I met him and a bunch all the Philly guys and we All were down there for five years and it moved up together. Yeah, so once we got up here It was kind of it was like This was it. This was the backup plan. Oh shit, sorry. Sorry it's going so well. That's awesome. It's sick, it's awesome. But once we were up here, you can't move home until...

Uh-uh. Oh, of course. You gotta leave in a body bag. Yeah, of course. Huh, wow, dude. Dude, I'm blown away. Thanks, man. Yeah, it's a weird story, dude.

And the crazy thing is like what's left? The whole future is headed in my direction. I know, but what does that fucking look like? You should fight. Life is so hard. Thanks man. Yeah, it's a weird story dude. And the crazy thing is like what's left? You know? The whole future is ahead of you my friend. I know but like what does that fucking look like? Dude if I was you I'd retire after this tour and just fucking chill. I mean I'm kind of doing that in a way. I just moved to Rhode Island.

So like I'm as far from like this lifestyle as possible. Yeah let's switch that up. Okay. Let's talk a little, hold on, let's phase into it a little bit. My childhood grade A dirt bag. Welcome to the show. Thanks. a little, let's talk, hold on, let's phase into it a little bit, my childhood grade-A dirt bag. Welcome to the show. Thanks. What was that first, not even huge check, but the first check for like, you know, a while,

and it was just something where you're like, oh, I have it, like, did you ever make a dumb purchase where you're like, I didn't need these shoes, or this weight runner? And when did you start, when did you book The Wild'n Out, how old were you when that happened? I was, I was still 17. You were 17? I I just turned 18 by the time we started filming. Yeah, really You're what 28 now?

Yes, okay, and this wave of this fucking love this kid This hold on this wave of the success started what four years ago two years ago, dude two years ago Yeah, I'd say like exactly two years ago. I would say. All right, so you get to Wild'n Out. Yeah, that check was not impressive. Yeah, so I've heard. Everybody gets a thousand dollars an episode. OK. And you only get paid for the episodes you're on. You don't get chosen for every episode.

I was on like four episodes my first season. So I mean, four grand before taxes, before agent, before manager. So you're out in L.A. You're out in L.A. You get that. You're obviously auditioning. You're out in LA, you get that. You're obviously auditioning. You're doing the LA Comics thing. Doing all of it, yeah.

I mean, I booked like a... It was like a pilot for Disney that didn't go through. But then I got booked off of... I booked like a reoccurring guest star on another show they had because of how well I did on that. Gotcha. I feel a sneeze coming off. Yeah.

Oh, god damn it. Sneeze into the shirt. Class act. Love it. Class act. I do that and he's yelling at me. Where else are you supposed to do it? No, he doesn't. He's never done that.

He sneezes on people. Are you one of these into the elbow? No, he doesn't even do that. Oh, we wish. I would kill for an elbow sneeze. I go catch his mitt right into the hand. No, but with open fingers so it escapes and then anybody can still touch. I'm not on trial here, all right? I into the hand. But with open fingers, so it escapes and then anybody can

still touch. I'm not on trial here, alright? I shook the hand. This guy didn't graduate high school. He can buy and sell you, fatty. So hold on. So basically, so basically, you're a struggling comic actor getting by until two years ago. Yes. Is that right?

Yes. And then I do remember what that first check was. Okay. Because you know, for most of the time, if you're doing like one-nighters or a papered week, it's like what, a $1,200 flat, right? You're getting the minimum, yeah. The first big check comes from a stand-up show. Yes.

Correct. First big check. Well, no, hold on. I did the reboot of TRL on MTV here in the city. That's what I lived here, I was mentioned earlier before we were on air. I lived here for four months to do. That was the first time I was making real money.

But I was miserable doing the show. The show was not good, it got canceled after four months. That was more money in a month than my parents would make in a year combined Yeah, but the show only went four months, and I spent that money on I got a Mustang convertible. Yeah, you did Ohio's Gray In New York like 20 grand now. This is what this was in LA. It was I was still living

Okay, I was still technically living in LA at the time. Got the convertible. I went on a couple vacations with my friends. You took the boys out? Yeah, absolutely. No regrets. Get the squad on, yeah. That's like a lottery winner shit.

Oh, bro, I did my 23rd birthday at Myrtle's Plantation in Louisiana. Damn, man. Yeah. That's awesome. But I wanted to share this experience. I love it. I think all of life is about learning and experiences like that's all the purpose of life I can possibly imagine there being yeah, I I treated my boys to stuff

I treated myself to experiences and that money ran out pretty pretty good yours Yeah, but like zero even back then no regrets. You're renting an apartment young guy. a young guy. Yeah, I'm still in an apartment. I'm doing that shit now. What are you talking about? Don't worry about it. That's sad. I agree. So that was my first big chunk of money. But then after that, when that show was done,

my phone stopped ringing. Yeah. You're only hot for a second. And you're renting? You have an apartment, your own apartment in LA at the time? No, I still had a roommate the entire time. Gotcha.

I still have roommates. The house that is by Rhode Island, I live with two of my boys. That's a little different They're not roommates housemates. Yeah, yeah boy. You got you hooking up the boys Yeah, they're your boys from high school from the comic one of them's Kyle. Oh, yeah No, I didn't know that two and a half years probably I love it And then our other one is a comic buddy of mine who again is kind of a still a newer friend I'm about three years something like that. Yeah, very why man? Yeah, bro I'm just trying to find my circle and keep it close, you know, yeah Okay, but the first stand-up check I got cuz like I said You're used to getting like $1,200 for the whole fucking weekend and that was usually pretty good

Yeah, hey make it maybe it may be an extra grand on merch if you really fucking push some merch, right? I was at Naples, off the hook comedy club. Sure. And the guy brings me my check for the end of the weekend. And I also thought I was still getting the bare minimum. People had shown up, but it wasn't sold out or anything. So I didn't think I hit bonuses or anything like that. So I was expecting the same thing, 12.

You're asking them what you own for the check and fingers? Yeah, yeah. I mean, is this going to come out? Can I I just have these and the check was 12 grand damn? And I stopped I looked up and he's like you have to sign for this and I looked I was like I Probably didn't say this but I think it's just be 1200 and he was like no dude like you sold tickets I was like those weren't like papered fucking tickets He was like no man like you get a after a certain amount of sales you get a percentage of the door I was like for real. I could not fucking believe like 12 grand was the most

Just by the rims It was awesome man that was at that time that was the most money I'd ever made from stand-up at period That's fantastic. That's awesome. That was like a third of my like yearly salary at that time that was the most money I'd ever made for from stand-up at period That's fantastic. That's awesome. That was like a third of my like yearly salary at that time. Of course and now It is what it is. Yeah, I wouldn't go to Florida for 12 Damn I love that so now we're doing what we're doing and buddy. Let me tell you something you earned every goddamn penny That is a wild bail brother. I appreciate so you're so you bought a place in Rhode Island Okay, all right and Anything we want to know about that. Let's say how many bedrooms is that?

He's thinking no, it's technically four bedrooms, okay, but there's also two houses on the property Technically it's an eight bedrooms. Okay, but there's also two houses on the property and there you go Technically it's an eight-bedroom. Okay How big of a property 80 acres what? Yeah, man, that's what it lands most of Rhode Island. That's what I'm saying. I wanted equity in the state Oh shit. What made you choose Rhode Island? It wasn't even the top 10 states that I looked at, trust me. But I had three... My three main boxes that I wanted to check were...

Convenient for travel, um... I needed some kind of a comedy scene, The Providence has the comedy connection, Great club, love the club, great club. Also, Boston's a phenomenal comedy club. So if I wanted more spots, I can drive up that way, so that's two boxes. And I wanted land, I wanted to actually get what I was fucking paying for. So I mean, I got all that for probably the price

of a two bedroom with no yard in LA, you know? So I wanted to be able to capitalize off of it. What's in those acres? Woods and shit? I really wanted the land because I'm going to build a small sound stage out there so I can like film a lot of my own stuff out there. Sure.

Yeah. That's the main goal. Because I mean, so much of what I have now, all of what I have right now is self-sufficient Anyways, so it's like why not like when I create my own shit until somebody else comes for the next big thing man Buddy, I love it. I just want to create things for how insane is that you went from fucking? Taking a bus to at layer going to Atlanta for this is your five To do open mics. I know and that can grab your fucking nations. Thanks, man

You know it wasn't it wasn't obvious for sure which was really hard cuz like you know growing up in the comedy clubs at such A young age and like doing well all you'd have all I'd ever hear was oh, man If you're not a millionaire by 25 like you fucked up, and I'm like Yeah, and then 25 came and I was like we are not even Comedians because they're all they all see a young white Baby well I almost I almost quit like a lot I've talked about on a couple of podcasts, but like I I was about to move out of LA I've got an apartment in Austin for the big my lease started January of last year

Mm-hmm, and then we went on like my own little tour before the live nation tour and I ended up only being in Austin like 12 days out of the entire year tops, but I was moving out of LA. I was giving comedy one more year before like to get some kind of Productivity to come out of it that one and I was I don get some kind of productivity to come out of it then what I was I don't know school go back to high school yeah maybe get a degree work local back to the lady at Ralph's hey you remember me it's just like you too old to work I don't know but it did occur to me that I was like I'm still young enough I can pick something else sharp guy man but I mean

I don't I thought about I thought about the military Which okay off a lot of people I'm sure yeah just for the structure dude because I in this industry that there's no Whatever there's no stability. There's no regulation So and the military I mean for lack of better words It's fucking you wake up you do xy fucking Z go back to bed you wake up do the same shit Yeah, it's pretty cut and dry very structured. Yeah, I've just never had that so that was kind of appealing So you set yourself up nice up there? King size bed In Rhode Island yeah, yeah, come on now. You got it all hooked up. No not yet, dude

I barely I think I've been there six days in the three months that I've owned it sure so I'm still getting moved in There's a lot of work to get done still okay, huh, but I fucking love it. I know every time I drive up the driveway Every time I'm going from the airport to the house You're excited I go I go man that I bought a fucking house like is this not the one and then? I dry I start up the driveway, and I'm instantly so fucking happy I'm like now and I like I've never been a morning person ever. It is so goddamn beautiful on this property. I look forward to mornings. I look forward to waking up seeing the sun coming through my window and like the view that I get on a sunny day. It's just stunning.

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mmm so happy there love to hear that thank you thank you love to are you going to the grocery store up there when you're up there have a big yet to have I plan to eventually not for me I'll make Kyle or Alex try. I don't want to cook for someone. I'll send Turtle for some snacks and buns. I hate cooking. I hate cooking so, so, so much. Really? It feels like the biggest chore in the world to me. I'd rather scrub toilets.

I'm not even kidding. So what are you doing? Uber Eats and shit like that? Yeah, my Postmates budget is astronomical. It's not okay. You keep it pretty tight I assume on the diet? I try. You do any fast food? All the time. What are you liking? My Wendy's are like a Carl's Jr. kind of guy usually if I have preference. Are your top two? Well what else is in there? Like is Chick-fil-A in there? Yeah. Okay then Chick-fil-A is probably number one. What's your

Wendy's move? What's the order? I'd like a spicy Osceago chicken sandwich. Gentlemen. Some spicy nuggets. God damn aristocrat. Okay. I'll go a double cheeseburger on there. Gotta go frosty for sure.

Ever do the baked potato? You know I've never done the baked potato. Do yourself a favor. They know the way around a bowl of chili over there. Is it better than the fries though? I think so. Because Wendy's fries are fucking phenomenal. I think so and when fries are fucking phenomenal You think they're top their top three fries for sure, okay?

Absolutely, how do you feel about the pretzel bun? I don't like it Not a prep. I'm real picky with with buns. I don't like a toasted bun either of any kind really I don't like crunch on my fucking bun It's bread when you when you and the boys take I know when you and the boys whether you're on the road after a show Or you're at the house or whatever you go out to dinner. Do you like a nice dinner? Do you like? Your foodie at all not at all, dude. I don't even think about food. I'm like oh shit. I need it right now You're not like we're gonna go to this restaurant in where you know you sell out a thousand shows You're not like, we're gonna go to this restaurant and you sell out a thousand shows in Chicago.

Submission star restaurant. No, I mean, we'll like, sometimes we'll get steak and stuff ordered like backstage. But like, I'd rather have a fucking burger, to be honest. This kid's a soldier, dude. I don't care, you know? Do you like seafood? Will you do oysters, anything like that?

No, god, oysters are just what I imagine. Oysters are cum, dude. Yeah, you're not wrong. You cannot convince me that's not what come tastes and looks and This gets through it can't I won't even do shrimp unless it's like literally a cocktail Yeah, uh have you ever microwaved bacon you can do that You just cost me so much money right now. I'm about to go through so many microwaves If you go out if you do go out to eat with your friends, and it's someone's birthday so much money right now. I'm about to go through so many microwaves. Are you kidding me?

If you do go out to eat with your friends and it's someone's birthday will you tell them, the waiter, that it's their birthday? Like if it's one of my friend's birthday? Yeah. Absolutely. I'll tell them it's their birthday if it's not their birthday. That's the best part. Or if you're on a first date tell the waiter it's your anniversary or something. That's always really funny. Get the free cake or something. They'll fucking spice it up. They'll bring some sparklers or something like that. It's awkward for them. It's funny really fun. It's a free cake or something. No, they'll fucking spice it up. You know, they'll bring some sparklers or something like that. It's awkward for them. It's funny for you. It's great. When's the last time

you were at the dinner where you didn't pick up to check? A while. Gotta be your agent. Who would you have to be rolling with? Dinner specifically? Yeah. Or anything. Probably a couple weeks ago in Hawaii. We were out there and my buddy Jackson picked it up. But also Kyle got me some pizza right before we got in here. There were out there and my buddy Jackson picked it up. But also Kyle got me some pizza right before we got in here. There you go. That's a dollar slice. Well, I paid Jackson more. So it checked out.

Sounds like you guys are even on that one. Yeah, I think so. Pretty good. Where were you in Hawaii? We were in Oahu, Honolulu. Very nice. We did the arena they had out there. It was fucking awesome. Like 6,000 people. But it's a circular arena, so like, the furthest people back, I mean,

we do theaters that are further back than there's an arena. It was such an intimate environment. Energy was fucking awesome. That is one of my favorite places to perform. The culture out there is just so thick. Imagine calling an arena intimate. Yeah. It's amazing!

It can have energy! Cuelo 10,000 cedar. It can have energy! I'm not saying it can't, but it ain't 10,000 Seater! It can have energy! I'm not saying it can't, but it ain't intimate, bro! Hockey teams play there! He's doing his warm-up shows there! A whole Hawaiian hockey team!

I love it! Damn! That's a guy who moves tickets! Yeah, dude, sorry! No, dude, buddy! Oh no, it's sick! We love it! I fucking love it! I love you! I love the come-up! I love it all man. Are you flossing every day? What what a transition? No, you got good teeth to be honest. I probably don't floss every single day

Okay, electric toothbrush regular tooth. I like a manual personally You should fit into automatic what the fuck's your what's your electric bill? What's the deodorant you're rocking with Some kind of degree degree okay something with some agility to it any cologne I Bounce around with colognes. I like different ones for certain times You know the guy I'll go through one the sampler will run out and I gotta go using the sampler I travel so much I don't wanna get it That's true. I guess with the travel that makes sense

No, I'm not like married to one specific cologne Will you pee in the shower? I have, I don't though Really? So you don't brush your teeth in there? No man A lot of people are doing it That's fucking gross, don't do that And again, try it.

Are you a- No. Don't keep the toothbrush in there, but try. It's a nice, you walk out completely clean. It's very nice. You could beat your meat in the shower? Yeah. What?

Of course. I take phone calls in there. Your shoulder doesn't burn out? What do you think? Yeah, you gotta- Something about your shoulder in the shower never lasts. I had to have Tommy John surgery in high school. You mean Jimmy John surgery?

I can't take credit. I can't take credit. That's one of Kyle's favorite jokes. He says it all the fucking time. That's great. I enjoy Jimmy John. We know. Ooh.

That's the meanest I'll be. No, I love it. That's the clip. What are you talking about? How many suits do you own and do you know how to tie a tie? I do not know how to tie a tie. I think I own two suits Oh shit, I've worn them both once because I had to yeah one was like to host an event and then one was Where they like the other one was literally for an audition. No shit. Okay. Are they like designer suits or something else? Something nice? No.

Probably Zara and a Calvin Klein. Yeah. Probably like nothing like super designer really. Both from Macy's probably. What do you like to spend cash on? Do you like nice clothes? Shoes. Sneakers? They're like shoes. So many fucking shoes dude. How many are we talking? Like 80 pair probably. 80 pair?

You got a guy? No. You don't have a guy? you got a guy no not a guy got a couple guys in a couple different cities that like Phoenix we know if we go there's a good place called DVA percent I got a guy for you in Philly I got it also have a guy of Philly what's your guys name Mike Mike what there's not so many fucking Mike

yeah I don't know sneaker suplex yeah that's a guy get the fuck out of here he's got the the M&Ms in there that I want so bad, but they're like Mike Like 30 grand Mike work Yeah, that's so expensive. That's wild. That's a shoe that I've told Kyle this I said I'll buy those shoes if I know I'm going to meet M&M and get him to sign them That's the only thing that's the only reason I could convince myself to spend that kind of money. I mean, then it triples in value.

How often are you scrolling through StockX and stuff looking at? I really don't. I mean, they come up with my Instagram feed and stuff sometimes, but I really don't. What gets me is like walking through a mall or something and I see a sneaker store and I'm like, I'll pop in and see what they got.

I always fucking leave with something every fucking time. You like hitting the mall when you're in town taking no no, but sometimes something I'll have to run an errand and it'll be in the mall. We go see movies a lot on the road Yeah, that's like our favorite thing to do on a night off Like we just went to the the Wolverine Deadpool premiere here Monday. That was fucking awesome. That's such a good movie So good Have some respect What's the plan in the new crib for the sneaker display slash storage walk-in closet?

So we had there was there was two closets in the master bedroom There was like a his-and-h hers closet and right now just a his sure so I knocked down the middle wall for that now It's one big closet And I've got like I have a bunch more like the the the display case is like the hard plastic ones to like you can See what fucks in there. Yeah, but they're all just lining the entire bottom of the Closet so they're working on a joint right now. You're getting some things done. Yeah, that's construction going on there right now There's also a lot of security as well tons and tons of security What uh what's the day-to-day car you're whipping around in?

I have a Toyota Highlander what excellent just you know that's my base a car I like it, and then I've got a 1950s Pontiac like Silver Streak I think it's called and I got for a really cheap price though I wouldn't have dropped money on it like that And then I'm getting one of those What's it called? The classic Broncos, the custom ones Yeah yeah yeah

I'm getting one of those in November, I'm so fucking excited about that And that's it for me, I'll never buy another car for the rest of my life When did you get your passport? When I was I saw the ocean at 17 I got my passport before the ocean. I got my passport at 16 because my manager was like we're gonna get you into New Faces at JFL. Okay. And then we never did. Never did. Look at us now. Yeah. He was trying to get New Faces at 44. They never gave it to me. I got two standing ovations auditioning for New Faces and they never gave it to me. I got two standing ovations auditioning for new faces, and they never gave it to me

Yeah, could have changed if you got it that could have changed your whole career, and you could not be where you are now 100% Yeah Yeah, no bittersweet sure that's why you can't question that so cliche And I used to hate when people would say this like you can't question the journey just enjoy being on the journey And you're not where it's supposed to end up, but when you're so poor you're like fuck this journey. This is the worst journey I remember Schultz he's saying that to me one night outside New York Comedy Club I wanted to fucking strangle him as he hopped in like a hover like a fucking I'll see you later. I was like oh yeah cool. I'll be on the date. He told you to enjoy the journey. Yeah

There's so much truth into that though. No, you're not wrong I like even now I like I'll pop in like the laugh Factory the improv or something when I go back to LA And I'll be sitting there waiting for my time my turn to go up and I'll just be like man. I used to sit here Night after night for weeks on months on years just being like boy I hope I get up tonight just so I was like just Thirsty yeah for for stage time right to try out a new bit to just have a good show to get in front of anybody In front of somebody that could make a decision to keep you there And I kind of miss that a little yeah you you you long for those days in a very nostalgic way

Mm-hmm and not wrong and obviously when you're in that position, that never crosses your mind. Yeah, not once. That's one of my favorite quotes. You don't realize how important a moment is until it's a memory. Sure. Whoa. I like it.

Kids, man. You got a good head on it, John. She's hot, dude. Can't read, but this is the audible quotes. When you're sleeping, how many pillows do you use? I gotta have three. Three? I gotta have three.

I gotta have one to cuddle with under the arm. Love that. One under my head, and then the other one also just parallel to the other head pillow just in case I'm fucked. I toss and turn a lot. OK. You got them long ways. Wait.

I got the one behind my head, one behind nobody's head, and then one cuddle one. Are you sleeping on your back or are you on your side? I'm like a 90 degree sleeper stomach to side got it That's what the pillow goes under the arm and when you fall asleep with the TV on or when you go to bed you go To bed now. I'm a TV on kind of guy Do you have something that you put on ritualist like for me on the same way it's Seinfeld like throw on side Do you have something you're like I just play or is it anything anything usually has to be something super boring or something

I've seen a million times though, okay? Yeah, have you ever gone ghost hunting yeah, really you guys didn't know that before you asked it No, no you're fucking lying. No. That's one of that's like one of the your ghost everybody standard question You asked that to everybody a lot of people all the time. It's probably my biggest hobby No, I swear to God you take the boys I'll just keep not are you fucking serious. Yeah, I swear to God you take the boys Um you go solo. They have not been I have another friend group who does it? Yes, I can't believe you guys really didn't know this about me no no idea my boy Elton Castee He's a very successful youtuber

He runs a YouTube channel called the overnight channel, I've been going like around the world with him for the No, like three or four years. Really fucking awesome. We've been not like staying at like old penitentiaries and stuff Oh, yeah, all that kind of shit. Yeah, we did uh, we did the The Cecil Hotel like the week after the documentary came out in LA. Yeah, we've been all over the place I lived like 20 minutes from the the Conjuring house in Connecticut. Oh, yeah, we've been there They sent me in there by my fucking self Really? No, we've been all over that movie shit out of me. Oh, it's a great movie. My favorite scary movie franchise Yeah, it's a home run and then I just cities good. So it's it is great. Yeah, they're great

Patrick Wilson Patrick Wilson's great, but I have the biggest crush on Vera Farmiga. Of course. I just did Bobby Althoff's podcast. Okay. This isn't out yet or anything, so I think they've come out around the same time. It doesn't really matter. I take her to Zach Baggins' haunted museum in Vegas, because I went there a couple of months ago with my grandma.

She loves that kind of stuff. What the hell? I met Zach at the museum. These ghosts thought, no ago with my grandma. She loves that kind of stuff. What the fuck? And I met Zach at the museum. And just. These ghosts thought, no it is grandma. That's a whole new level of garbage. She loves that shit too. Well she's preparing for the future

and I wanna stay in touch, you know. I wanna stay in touch. Grandma over here hit the ramp on. So I go to Zach Baggins museum and I go to like throw away my bottle of water in the next room. I come back in, my grandma's talking to Zach Baggins I'm like what the fuck you doing here

He was like always dropping off some shit here my office is next door And I saw your name was on the list and I wanted to come and say hey I say I'm a fan I was like no fucking way exchange info And I had shows that night, and he was like hit me up after your shows I'll see if I see what I'm up to I was like trying to fuck So I hit him up after the show my you up, and he's like yeah And I'm thinking about going back to the museum for a little bit you would you want to come by? So I was like you want the I was like ghost time at the museum

He was like yeah, so I brought my buddy Alex who is my one that lives with me and goes on assemble It was why you're scared of the door dude. Yeah, dude. I'm terrified Yeah, but it's such an adrenaline rush Dude crazy my buddy And I got to investigate with Zack at the museum after hours from like I think we're there from like one To four in the morning. It was fucking catch anything see anything We got some really creepy EVP shit at the Charles Manson exhibit. Oh fuck you Holy water really fucking cool sage in this place out when you would Bobby reached out to be like do you can I interview you?

All of her guests do like a very specific thing to them and I didn't want to do something like in a comedy club like you know they have a chef yeah to cook something or whatever and I had to go to Vegas for a meeting the day after the night we end up filming anyways so I was like can I take you to this place is she she's so fucking scared it was so funny it's a great time if you haven't been to the museum, check it out. I already jumped out the window. Ah man, I can't.

I got too anxious for that. Aw, pussies, dude. It's so good. Yeah, I am a pussy, dude. Oh, don't get me wrong. I'm terrified of that shit. But it's also so cool. Okay.

Huh. When you find yourself having some kind of interaction that like is just so unexplainable and undeniable. That would freak me out. It's amazing. But here's the thing, so many of the experiences when you do have them, there's like, I don't know how to say this one,

it's not fucking crazy or. I was gonna say dude, you're right there. At least he's self-aware. Toss that ER on was the right read. When you can ask a question and get a very specific and drastically timed response For like a half an hour non-stop you stop being scared because you go you're going all that's all the time we have today

Your father Callahan I'm telling you man. It's fucking awesome. That's what you're into. I respect it. You know what I mean? Okay. Any of your family members ever represent themselves in court? I think my mom's been to court before. I don't know what for though.

There you go. I think that's it. I forget what she went for Nothing nothing crazy. Nothing crazy. I want to court one time for deep-hunting a kid in high school. Jesus Christ Yeah, small town. I know he was a friend of mine too. So like he was writing at the whiteboard and like you know how Dudes do yeah, he was wearing gym shorts. So if I could walk up I pull his gym shorts down He's wearing boxers still I didn't get like dick out or anything I Laughed he laughed whole class laughed. It was a win

It's a bit good I go home and later that day the fucking cops pull up to my house and we're like You do this to so-and-so like yeah, and they're like yeah his parents are pressing charges for assault Why are you fucking serious slow news day? I know well his parents were like big military family they were like super super strict So when they found out this happens like they they were more upset than he was yeah So like I mean even like you know about is part of your uniform Dude you're putting your life in your hands as a teenager wearing gym shorts to school Come on. That's a trap. Yeah, you're saluting somebody

But yeah, he his parents press charges to try to charge me with assault so I had to go to court He had to go to court and the lawyer no they just know I Remember what the situation was exactly, but I do remember in court the judge being like this is nuts He was like are you fucking serious? I know it's a small town, but it was like this is boys being boys obviously don't fucking do it again Like don't get in trouble. He put me on like probation without it being probation He was like if I see you in here within a year I'll throw you in juvie like that kind of shit just to scare me of course

That was that was it all right you flying up front. I assume oh first class. Yeah Most the time most of the time not all the time really it's like drastically priced And I'm not going that far like I'm not gonna spend an extra thousand dollars for a three-hour flight. That's ridiculous He's got a good head on his shoulders. Yeah, that would be crazy. Yeah, I Do have to go window though have to do well, okay,-negotiable will you bring anything on the plane with you will you bring food on the plane with you? Yeah, I usually get like a bottle of water and some snacks. Okay, never like a tuna sandwich or salmon I'm not a piece of shit No, I'll hit the Hudson stand yeah, some chocolate covered almonds or something okay?

You take your shoes off on a plane no no I'll untie my shoes if they're tied too tight though because my feet I've noticed a couple of times my feet will get like fucking A little bit so I'll untie them. I'll never take them off. That's that's so fucking rude That's right up there with like watching something or listening to something with no headphones sure you're not wrong So even if you're on like an overnight flight you won't take your shoes off like for like the lay flat Oh, I'm like a lay flat, yeah I'll do that. But that's also, that's my pot. They give you the slippers too.

Will you take anything from the hotel? Like will you take like the moisturizer or the soap if you like it or anything like that? No, nothing? No, I guess if they give you like extra mouthwash, like sometimes they'll give you like a bunch of those little ones. You'll grab that? I'll take some of those. Will you use the pool or the jacuzzi at a hotel?

A regular hotel, not like a resort. But like the indoor pool or the jacuzzi at a hotel a regular hotel not like a resort But like the indoor pool of the jacuzzi we never really do we have the breakfast at the hotel the free breakfast I'm never up for that really that's like done it like nine you sleep in Past nine yeah, when do you normally sleep into unless you got work or whatever? Recently like between 10 and 12. All right. 12 of the absolute latest, 10 of the earliest. That's not crazy. Will you take leftovers from a restaurant?

Yeah. Take leftovers. If it's like a leftover food, yeah, for sure. You wear shoes in the house? Like if we- What's the rule with the house? It's such a clusterfuck right now, I really don't care. But I have some house slippers that I plan on implementing, I I think because the house is so fucking

big this is this feels so gross to say I'm gonna have to get a housekeeper to come like once a week or at least every other week because it's so big that I just it's gonna get dusty it's gonna get dirty inevitable somebody's got to keep it a little clean I'm not gonna buddy we said it before you earned it. Yeah, you 100% earned it brother. Enjoy it That is you guys want to do it what? Buddy I love you. You're fucking all-around trash, and it's my kind of guy Yeah, appreciate it man. Will you dance at a wedding if you go to a wedding? Will you mix it up a little bit out there? Do you know I'm going to my first wedding ever

in like a week and a half? Okay. Here we go. Here we go. What are you wearing? What are you wearing? I'm a groomsman, sorry to brag, actually. So it's like a navy blue suit or something like that that he picked out. Through that, like he picked out. Who is it, like a close friend?

It's Elton Castee, the ghost guy. Oh, wow, okay. Yeah, pretty excited about it. Huh. If your name is Elton Castee, the ghost guy. Oh, wow. Okay. Yeah, pretty excited about it. Huh. If your name is Elton Castee, you gotta be in the ghost house. Yeah, that's a good ghost house name. Yeah, that's the first wedding I'm ever really going to. I went to one, Eric Griffin did a wedding, but it was more just like, it was just the ceremony.

Uh-huh. Nothing else really. Gotcha. And it was probably maybe 30 people there with both sides of the family. So I mean, I don't know if I really consider that like a Big wedding so this is the first one really now we ask everybody this Okay

What do you think in gift wise you think in cash something off the registry? Gotta get a gift fuck. I think you gotta come heavy already got Is he is he six I'm not familiar with lawyer, maybe Is his is he successful ghost hunter that's a crazy sentence he's a youtuber in general, okay But like one of the billions of views okay, so like he doesn't need a couple hundred bucks No, he's doing he's doing very well, okay I was gonna say if it was like a comic friend that could use the cash you always go envelope with cash Yeah, let's say it was a cousin or something like that and you're gone. He doesn't know he's never been true

This is gonna be fucking tough. Yeah, I would check the registry There might be something you can do well They do do read this was to send out a registry we can help we can help you out with this moving forward You got a cousin one of the sisters whatever depending on whatever you want to do Moving forward cousin one of the sisters whatever depending on whatever you want to do But usually the standard five energy five hundred bucks in an emblem want to be dropping We're not that close. I barely know that don't go to the wedding. I barely know that guys Okay, uh fuck glad to get him. I get No Her a gift or them a gift? Them a gift Yeah them a gift

Jesus this is your first wedding Let me make a fucking note This guy's from another planet dude How small was that town? Yeah, 1100 baby Yeah I mean Yeah I would do

You know he doesn't need the cash if he's You know if he's successful I check the registry What about like an animal? Should I get him like a pair of lizards? Is that too much? Like a goldfish from the fucking fair? I got you a liger. Yeah.

I mean, I think I know I got all I need to get out of them. It was pretty dead set from the beginning. 100% trash. Yeah, real dirt bag. I love it. But super sharp. Hell of a come up, man. Fucking worker.

Appreciate you, man. Yeah. Yeah, it's crazy's crazy to see you, man It's it's it's super cool to get to meet and hear that story I like the fact too that even now the taste other than the sneaks You know, you got yourself a nice place stuff like that. You're good with the money. So like I got damn Highlanders Uber driver about keeping it real, dude Ladies and gentlemen, mr. Matt Reif, everybody. Thank you so much, man.

Holy shit. We appreciate it. Special's out August 13th on Netflix. Lucid is a crowd work special that you're doing. Yeah, it's Netflix's first. Congratulations, love that. You're on tour. There are tickets available,

mattreifofficial.com, check them out. Buddy, two super fans right now. We love you, man. Yeah, awesome. Congratulations on everything. Like I said, you earned every penny. Enjoy it. Couldn't be happier for you. out buddy two super fans right now we love you man yeah congratulations everything like I said you earned every penny enjoy it couldn't be happier for you home run of an episode yeah man what do you got for them guys we're all over the road the route 66 tour Philly New Jersey get you get your tickets red bank August 17th come see us out of count Basie theater yep yeah we love you gang

we'll see you next week peace