Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast - Nerdy Frat w/Kippy & Foley
Episode Date: December 6, 2021Kippy and Foley are back with a family episode! Its a fun one. Thanks for listening to AYG! Love youse guys. Go subscribe on Youtube! Live Shows: https://linktr.ee/AYGLiveShows PATREON: https://...www.patreon.com/AreYouGarbage https://www.Stamps.com PROMO CODE: GARBAGE https://www.Decked.com/GARBAGE https://www.Brooklinen.com Promo Code: GARBAGE https://www.Manscaped.com PROMO CODE: GARBAGE Follow Kevin: https://www.instagram.com/kevinryancomedy/ Follow Foley: https://www.instagram.com/foleygrams/ Comedians H. Foley and Kevin Ryan are self proclaimed GARBAGE. Each week a new stand up comedian gets put to the test. Steal shampoo from hotels? Own a George Foreman Grill? Ever worn JNCO Jeans?
Transcript
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Gang, you only got three more chances to see RU Garbage live.
Yeah, guys, December 14th, 15th, and 16th.
We're going to be in Hartford, Connecticut at the Funny Bone.
We're going to be in Albany, New York at the Funny Bone,
then we're going to be in Syracuse, New York at the Funny Bone as well.
Hey, Richmond.
Guys, this is a great way to introduce your friends to the show.
If you're coming, bring a couple of pals.
Bring the squad.
It's a good time. It's stand up.
We're hanging out.
We play AYG. You seen the clips.
What are you doing? Come out.
We'll see you there.
Let's go.
Welcome to another exciting edition of RU Garbage.
The show where you find out if your favorite comedians are classy individuals
or absolute trash.
Now, here are your hosts, Kevin Ryan and H Foley.
Hey, everybody out there.
And welcome back to everybody's favorite new podcast.
This is RU Garbage.
Your reds.
It's a little show we sit down with your favorite comedians
and we find that I think you're to be classy.
Yeah.
Or if you're just a big old piece of shit.
You don't say.
I'm your hostage Foley coming at you on a beautiful day.
We're down here at Antutti's basement.
She's upstairs trying to get some people together.
OK, for what?
She wants to do one of those smash and grab jobs
that everyone's doing all over the country now.
Like at the Louis Vuitton or something?
Yeah, she wants at the Louis Vuitton.
I told her we were in.
I don't know.
OK.
Got to do something on the holidays together.
It was a family.
Good thing I brought my mask with me.
Michael Oste is coming at you from across the table.
So you know it's a family app circling the wagons.
KJ is in the building, everybody.
Hey, gang.
Happy to be here.
Thanks for tuning in.
As always, please make sure you rate,
review, subscribe on iTunes.
Full video available on Youstube.
And as you know, those numbers are.
True to Roof.
True to fucking Roof.
We've been saying it for a year.
Those numbers are true to fucking.
They're cooking.
Close in on 30,000.
Get us over 30,000, even if you listen.
Hit the subscribe button.
Go subscribe because we may or may not
have a special project coming out pretty soon.
Yikes, leaking it.
Check it out.
Got a T. Got to leave some breadcrumbs.
Like Toby McGuire on the set of Spider-Man.
Like Toby McMuffin on the set of AYG.
And obviously, patreon.com, you can sign up.
You get a bunch of bonus content, episodes of AYG,
episodes of Hard Feelings, which is the breakout hit,
by the way.
Oh, everybody loves it, the Academy.
Khan's talking about it.
Khan, Scott Khan.
Obi-Kan.
Live streams, the whole nine yards.
Check it out.
That's cooking over there.
And how about a nice shout out to, you know,
our producer short in there, good kid wearing a Bernie's.
Starts with T-Bone.
That's right.
Wearing a nice Bernie's crew neck
that he got on the AYG pre-sale.
Ooh.
Yeah, that paid full price like an asset.
Hey, you got 20% on the back end.
Don't break that kid.
Hey, business is business, all right?
Blood sticker to water, other things.
Oh my god.
Tobe, T-Bone, it's good to see you, buddy.
We had a nice ride in.
I love both of you.
You have never been louder in a car ride
in our entire friendship.
Yeah, I'm moaning a lot.
I started with a trainer.
We got a butt plug in.
What's happening?
Hi.
Someone got the remote control at home.
What's happening, dude?
Let me know, huh?
Do you ever see those videos?
Me and my girlfriend are playing Hunger Games right now.
No, I never saw those videos.
Me either.
What were we talking about?
That's what you like, electronics?
Jesus.
No, not at all.
Fucking creep.
Not at all.
I don't know why you think when I say have you seen something,
you automatically think it's my thing.
That internet's a pretty big place.
I got a lot of videos on there.
Every now and then something comes across my screen
I wasn't ready for.
Or I'll peruse to see what the kids are doing.
Do a little window shopping.
Kick the tires on something.
See what's cooking.
I wanted to ask you this.
A little step back from your pornography talk.
I don't know.
I was talking about YouTube.
You like the car battery hooked up to the nipples?
You hear what Kip, he's doing?
He's stuck his dick in a VCR.
Those videos were private.
I was half.
That's deep fake right there.
Fucking shout out to Steve Jobs.
Come on, what are we doing?
I noticed this.
What did you notice there, big guy?
Thanksgiving, I noticed this.
I wanted to get your barometer on it,
whether you think it's.
I don't know, I'm sure.
OK, this is going to be a silly one I can already tell.
Like a turkey neck?
How do you feel about gizzards?
Gizzards can be all right.
Are you a chicken livers, man?
Listen, you know me a long time ago.
You won't do a little pate, a little chicken
liver on a nice christini.
I'll do a beef pate.
That's a joke from Rev Run.
It really is.
He had his old MTV show, no big deal.
Continue.
Multiple beverages is why someone's eaten.
Not at a restaurant.
I'm talking at dinner at home.
That's insane.
Like a glass of wine, but then like a soda, a thing of water.
It's very Jersey Shore.
Remember those dirt balls were always drinking
Gatorade at every meal?
Sure.
They always had a bottle of something.
I gotta say hi to you.
Those kids are in a gym.
You know what I mean?
That's true.
No, that's real trash.
I think like what we would do, we'd do like the big.
If we're doing like a dinden, like a Sunday night dinden,
I got the families coming together.
I got the leaf on the table, the whole nine years.
You set up that dining room table
that we recorded the intro for Are You Garbage Ad?
Yeah, we'll do that.
You do?
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
And then the kids will be out in the kitchen, you know?
Right.
We'll be there.
It'll seem to be like everybody will be having
a drink beforehand, right?
Like me and my brother are probably doing a beer.
Brother-in-law doing a beer.
Ladies are doing wines.
My stepdad's doing everything.
Uh, and then it'll be like, they'll probably, you know,
pour waters at the table.
Like, you know, everybody will have like a water for you.
No one ever touches that, though.
Nah, rarely, unless I run out of beer.
Yeah, it's always warm and shit.
We'll do a water at the table.
And then that's about it.
Sometimes like my brother might change the wine,
so there might, but it's more, you know, traditional.
It's not like, you know, no one's got like a fucking milk,
you know, a glacier freeze and a fucking Diet Coke.
My one cousin, it looked like fucking the front
of a hot dog cart.
Like, it's wine-futuristic.
He's got those fucking ketchup bottles in the mud.
A little bit of relish.
That was on my mind.
Yeah.
And this has to annoy you.
How do you feel about people that-
Is it you?
By the way, it's thinking about my cool hat.
It's cool.
You've had, listen, you really went hat shopping in Hawaii.
I got four hats.
I got new pants.
I got a bunch of shirts because you were giving me shit
saying that I got to up up my appearance.
Now I'm looking cool.
I got some cologne going.
That'll make you look real cool.
I don't hide the Frito smell.
How do you feel?
I don't eat Fritos anymore.
How do you feel about-
I'm on Doritos light now.
Dude, die at Doritos.
I'm on baked lays.
Remember the scam?
They try to pull the wool over everybody's eyes.
Those things can kick rocks.
Oh, man.
I'll punch the guy who invented those right in the fucking face.
Baked lays.
My mom, oh, man.
I'd rather eat bait, dude.
Hey, give me a night crawler, will you?
Fucking get out of here, dude.
My mom rolled in with those.
Remember when they were doing the chips
in a different kind of oil?
Yeah, that was big.
Yeah.
They found out they ate your liver or something like that.
Fucking ugly.
It was like castor oil.
Not castor oil.
But it was something like that.
It was something weird.
Castor oil is for like ball bearings, isn't it?
No, castor oil is when you have to throw up or poop
or something like that.
It's like an old school remedy.
My mom poured something down my throat one time.
Sounds like one of my videos.
Guys, we're having fun over here.
Good time.
No, is either that or Ipacac.
One of them makes you throw up.
No, Ipacac does.
Yeah, she did that.
Castor oil is like an oil.
Oh, OK.
For your shoes.
I drank a whole bottle of castor oil.
For your shoes.
I don't know.
We got an update.
T-Bot, I'm trying to kill time.
What are you doing over there?
Yeah, it's for stain and dex.
Castor oil is a vegetable oil pressed from caster beans.
I don't even know what the fuck that is.
It's colorless and barely parallel,
yellow liquid with a distinct taste and odor.
And then it's just a bunch of dummies
eating this shit for whatever benefits.
This seems very crystals.
Yeah, it's got a little homoeopathic.
Well, Ipacac works because I puke everywhere.
Yeah, that's what that stuff does.
I drank a whole bottle of cough medicine when I was a kid.
Robo-tripping?
I like it.
Trying to take the edge off.
Mom, our class is killing me.
Got a real deep episode of Care Bears.
I'm going to cool off a little bit.
Yeah, she got on top of me like a wrestler
and fucking pinged me down and poured it down my throat.
She does that to me, too.
I tell you, this bro was screwy in the 80s.
Screwballs.
Dude, this shit is snake oil.
Caster oil?
Yeah, these are the top uses.
It's a powerful laxative that's really enough with.
That's crazy.
A natural moisturizer, so getting you liquid inside and out,
promotes wound healing.
Yeah, it's all real vexed off.
If you're pouring oil in wounds, that's no good.
That's not a bad idea.
Calling it wounds is bad.
I feel like you're dead anyway.
Reduces acne, fights fungus, and keeps your hair and scalp
healthy.
So fully on the toes, kippy on the donkey.
A bat in a cycle.
I like it.
No, please.
No, please.
Eating ice.
What about it?
How do you feel?
I love it.
We've gone over this.
You chomp ice?
Yeah, Chroma Crushed Man through and through.
Obviously, also, I forget where we heard it,
but it was real garbage of somebody saying a place has
good ice, which we both do.
Oh, yeah.
They have the good ice.
That's real trashy, but great.
One thing I wanted to run by, which was.
Lay it on me, slick.
Brought to my attention.
Calling something top of the line.
Top of the line.
Real trash.
Top of the line is trash.
I was looking at cabins to rent.
And just like holding the wall cabins.
And there was one with a hot tub and it said,
fully equipped with the top of the line hot tub.
Didn't even have a lid on this thing.
I feel like whoever wrote that had a toothpick in their mouth.
Real top of the line.
For three, for eight bodies in this hot tub.
For eight broods in here.
Top of the line.
Anything you call top of the line is not top of the line.
What's top of the line?
Give me a top of the line item.
Makita Drills?
Makita Drills.
Milwaukee.
Milwaukee.
Top of the line?
Yeah, but I think, listen, this,
okay, I'm gonna break it down for you.
Things that are top of the line.
Mercedes Benz, top of the line.
Yeah, but you wouldn't,
you know Mercedes is top of the line,
so you don't need to say top of the line.
Your call, when you say top of the line,
means it's not top of the line.
You're going Hyundai, top of the line automobile right there.
Osmobile, top of the line.
Yeah, it's not.
Mercedes is.
I've never known anybody that's on Osmobile.
You ever seen anybody that drove some?
Kia Forte, smoke gray, speaks for itself.
But that's a new giveaway, by the way.
You can take over, my lease.
Top of the line.
Top of the line would be.
It's something that's not top of the line.
You're trying to tell someone.
Sony's top of the line.
Yeah, but you just say it's Sony.
That's what I'm saying.
Sony speaks for itself.
Two me's top of the line.
Yeah, you wouldn't say it's top of the line.
Means it's middle of the road
and you're trying to pull the wool over.
It's like Kirkland Signature Brand's top of the line.
Yeah.
Make a good pair of jeans though.
What?
Yeah, you never go to, you ever buy clothes at Costco?
I've never been to Costco.
Maybe once or twice.
What?
Yeah, we were a Sam's Club household growing up.
Maybe.
Or like back to either.
Yeah, no, growing up.
They weren't even existence when I was growing up.
That was fucking truck driver shit.
If you went to Costco.
It's still in.
If you went to Costco in the 80s, you were a dirt ball.
Yeah.
You had to, yeah, yeah, yeah.
That didn't start hitting until the 90s.
Fuck that.
We went, my stepdad had one in the 80s
or had a Sam's Club card in the 80s or 90s.
I thought you had to own a restaurant
back then to fucking get in there.
That's what I thought.
I think he pulled the wool over, you know, he's,
that's like the first time.
Buy some hotel pants.
Yeah.
Fuck it.
Some bus bully cards or something.
Room service trays.
Get one of those little bars on wheels that moves around.
So I want to get for the house.
I want to get a top of the line bar go.
You do.
Yeah.
You strike me as a bar in the globe kind of guy.
No, that's one of those.
That's top of the line.
That's something you think's classy and is hard.
Brookstones, a lot of shit and there's top of the line.
Hardcore trash.
Top of the line drone.
Dude, if you're saying it's 2021,
if you got a globe in your house, it's a dead giveaway.
There's booze in it and it's all probably half empty.
You know what I mean?
It's like, you got a bottle, you got like a bottle of Makers
or something, a couple of white balls in there.
Something top of the line, yeah?
Makers just top of the line.
Ah, it's a middle, I don't know.
I don't know enough about.
Are you still boozing?
No, I had two beers last night at the show,
but I had last Saturday.
I mean, what's two beers?
Alcohol.
Yeah, that's not boozing.
You would have said, when was the last time you had beers?
I would have told you.
Two beers is not boozing.
I'm trying to figure out what to get you for Christmas.
You're tough to shop for.
Yeah.
You know?
Uh-huh.
What are you smiling at?
Nothing.
That makes you think you're getting me something real good.
I don't know what you're talking about.
Really?
Do you know how to pronounce anything that rhymes with schmolex?
Schmolex?
Oh, really?
That'd be nice.
Oh, yeah.
Called Navy Ben Robby keeping you pretty nice
for the past six months, all right?
Navy Federal appreciates it.
You got Kippy taking some of the load here.
If you gave him a Rolex, his response
would be, this is going to look real nice in the window
of the pawn shop around the corner.
You got to stay liquid around the holidays.
I don't know what to tell you.
Resale value of those things are noice.
I was going to reach out to our friend Paul Verzi
and find out what kind of watch to get.
And I was thinking about maybe picking up a watch over there
in Parli-vous-Français.
Yeah.
Get something cool French top of the line over there.
You buy it from a guy in a trench coat under the Eiffel Tower.
And you know where I buy watches?
Hello.
No, like a French.
I'm going to do a little research.
What's a cool French watch company?
Something none of these bums over here
will have when I see them on the scene.
Because as you know, I'm tightening everything up.
New pants, everything.
Oh, shit, the next stop, Hollywood.
Hey, I got new pants that I'm going to wear every day
for the next six months.
I thought you'd be more impressed by the hat.
That's a nice hat, yeah.
It's cool hats, R-V-C-C-N.
It's R-U.
Whatever.
Yeah.
Something cool.
Surf company.
Yeah, Rooka, I believe it is.
Rooka.
Yeah, R-U-C-A.
R-U-C-A, really?
Yeah, it's a U. I believe, yeah.
I got some Rooka.
Rooka, come on.
What are you doing?
You know I'm a Rooka man.
Pick up a couple sponsors would be nice.
Chalk full of sponsors.
I got Ladder, I got Spoke, I got Express VP.
What do you need?
Get me on the Maui Invitational.
Ride the Helix on the sideways.
Someone's riding.
You're on a California King, hanging 10.
Where's Foley?
You're out there sleeping.
That's how we do it.
Got to shake them down, by the way.
Who?
Helix.
Why?
I need a mattress.
I just bought one yesterday.
You bought one?
I bought a king size mattress.
What are you doing with your old one?
Why, do you want it?
Off air, we'll talk.
It's a gift for somebody.
Would that be fucked up if I gave him a used mattress?
If you gave him a free used mattress from me?
Yeah.
Who?
I'm sorry, can I help you?
Who is it for?
If it's not for the homeless guy down the block.
I'd rather not say it.
Who, no, say it.
Toby, no, I will not say it.
No.
You were going to give your parents my old mattress.
No, mom.
Shut up.
She don't know what's going to be the first time she was on it.
I can't even pat him, really.
Mom, you can just go fuck him.
Patty, it's the holidays.
I'm all hopped up on Nutty Irishman.
You can take that shit down from this bald fuck.
Come up here and skull you.
He'd rib you.
Real queen, tune you up.
God damn veteran.
Fucking dirt ball running in your mouth.
Kip, he's trying so hard not to smell on his computer.
Who cares?
You got the new one coming in anyway.
By the way, who could?
Holy shit, bald fuck was the meanest thing you've ever said
to me.
Give it a couple of days.
Couple more of these workouts.
You bald person, etchy in tongue.
You bald fuck.
Wow.
That's up there with that tub of shit.
That tub of shit's great.
Hey, lard ass, keep it moving.
Lard ass will sting you too.
I don't put you on your heels.
Look out.
Oh my god, bald fuck.
Come here, lard ass.
Just rattled me, dude.
Lard ass is what?
You weren't trying to be funny.
Bald fuck is just that.
You fat fuck.
Talking about fornicating with my mother on a used mattress.
Anywho, back to business.
We can put the screws in them to get one.
No, we can't.
Why not?
What?
No?
No.
I thought we could put this.
I thought they just re-upped.
I thought you'd get a new one every campaign.
No.
Make a little fort in here.
All mattresses.
Stamps.com, Stamps.com, Stamps.com.
I love Stamps.com.
Stamps.com?
Dang, you don't want to be wasting time in the post office.
Use Stamps.com, especially around the holidays, right?
There's a jam packed in there.
Oh my god, it forgets like 100 degrees in there.
You got some bad sweater on.
Do it all from the privacy and the comfort of your own home.
Yeah, guys, whether you're selling online, running an office,
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You ain't got to look for parking.
You ain't got to wait in line.
We use it.
I'm a big Stamps.com guy.
Love it.
Got the printer.
I send out all the cards.
The merch that way.
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Yeah, you'll save time and money.
You'll be wondering why you didn't do it sooner.
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Do it.
Yeah.
Kip, let's talk about decked.
Decked?
I'm talking about decked drawer system for your pickup truck,
for your work truck, weatherproof, organized.
I remember when I was a lonely laborer working for a contractor.
Always had to have the truck spotlessly clean.
If tools went flying around, believe me,
I would hear it from this guy.
He was a real decked.
You know what I mean?
This guy belonged on deck.com.
And if he would have had decked, he
wouldn't have been busting my chops,
because the van in the truck would have been organized.
Yeah, it's weatherproof.
Keeps your stuff safe from the rain.
Ice, snow, makes organizing and accessing everything
you need much easier.
They have two full-length bed drawers.
You can carry up to 200 pounds of whatever you got.
So it's built tough, baby.
You got to do it.
They were nice enough.
Obviously, we don't have pickup trucks.
We live in a city.
You can't have a pickup truck in a city.
Tell me a sweet tea, though.
Did they?
Oh, that's right.
They did.
And a koozie.
They got koozies.
That's all kind of company.
Yeah, they were nice enough to send us one of these systems.
I gave it to my stepdad.
He thinks he's like king shit at the job site.
He's like, oh, let me check my deck.com drawers.
He's pulling out.
It looks cool.
Yeah, he's just like, oh, let me think.
I think the keys are over here the whole nine yards.
Getting deck was the best thing that happened to his truck,
especially at this time of year.
You know what I mean?
You've got to be flexing on people.
That's right.
Protect your stuff.
You know what, cold hammer.
Get deck drawer system at deck.com slash garbage
and get free shipping.
That's deck.com slash garbage for free shipping
on your deck drawer system, deck.com slash garbage.
Do it now.
All right, let's get into it.
This is a fucking family episode, guys.
So as you know, when you sign up for Patreon,
we will answer your questions on here.
You choose.
It's time to play.
Who wants to be?
A piece of trash.
I love that guy.
Yeah, he's a good guy.
That movie's fucking rocks.
I don't know how they got those little kids to do that.
Talking about Slumdog Millionaire.
If you haven't seen the film, do yourself a favor.
It's a hot, hot piece of film.
Guys, so as you know, like I said before,
I was rudely interrupted by this fat fuck.
These fat pieces.
Yeah.
I remember my wrestling coach.
I was getting fucking just we were
like doing something like really long, like endurance drills.
And I was like a sophomore fucking.
Still had my fucking baby fat.
100 meter jog?
Ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha.
Did you want to, the 200 meter nap?
Ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha.
It's a 400 meter cramp.
What are we doing?
I did really good in the five step relay race.
This is like some senior.
Some kid that ended up going to the Naval Academy.
I was wrestling.
And he was fucking twisting me up like a pretzel.
And my shirt was like up.
Like my tits were out.
And like my gut.
And like he had me like stretched out like that.
And my assistant wrestling coach walked by.
He's like, yeah, get his fat ass.
Oh.
Hi, Shory.
I didn't shut up for days.
Ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha.
I thought we'd wear makeup and hit each other with chairs.
Where's the butt plug?
Guys, so when you sign up for Patreon,
we'll answer your question on the air.
We got some fucking heaters.
Worked through most of the backlog, by the way.
They're only a handful of people.
It's, you know, it's tough.
Some people ask questions.
Backlog's trashy, too.
When you say you got a backlog.
Hey, we got a backlog.
When I say it, or in general.
No, no, when you say, well, a lot of things you say
sounds trashy because you're garbage.
Vodka.
Oh, that one hit me.
Vodka without a D. Vodka.
Vodka.
Who vodka sodas?
Some drunk vodka.
Absolute and tonic.
That's a nicey special right there.
Vodka Red Bull.
That's the fucking, that's what they drink
in the Hall of Fame of Trash.
I used to love that, yeah.
Vodka Sodi and a little, nice.
Okay.
Talking about the holidays.
But I digress.
Yeah.
So, first one coming in front, speaking of sleeping.
This is a pretty good one.
Nice.
Never thought of this.
This is from Jesse.
When you would sleep over at someone's house,
would you shower there or wait till you get back
to your room now?
It's weird.
I remember having a shower at a couple kids' houses
because of something and you're just being like,
it's like being in another dimension.
You're like, what kind of soap are you using?
I feel like you're in a bad hotel.
Oh, yeah.
No.
I've had rich friends that I wanted to get in there.
Like fucking real nice.
Mom had the real expensive towels, nice, macy towels, body wash.
The first time I used body wash was not in my home.
No.
Patty Foley did not buy body wash
until her back was up against the wall.
Well, that got real commercialized in the late 90s
and stuff.
Before, it was tough to get your hands on.
Had to go to a specialty shop or something.
It wasn't just at the super fresh.
That herbal essence, when I hit the streets.
Man, I mean, I use that as everything.
I brush my teeth with that shit.
Man, fucking hot chicks and flowers, come on.
Man, yeah, those topless broads.
They got real, dude.
That framing was, those commercials, real seductive.
Give Kip a little stinger.
Yeah, girl with the curly red hair.
That and some of the Irish spring commercials
with those broads.
Hey, we're out there in the dewy meadows.
Sweaters, sweaters really turning on, huh?
Sweaters and Jeffcaps?
Happy yes.
Give me a sheep and a cane, you know what I mean?
Rock on.
By the way, real quick, Ian called me the other day.
He called me non-stop.
Our good friend Ian Finance.
Hey, guys, you're back through.
And he's like, I'm off the cane.
I'm off the cane.
Shout out to Ian Finance.
Shout out to Mr. Finance.
So to answer your question, great, brilliant question,
by the way.
When it was a nice house, I was all about.
I would stay there.
I want to stay there for the weekend.
You know what I mean?
Trouble at home.
Just letting things cool off.
My mom used to get real pissed about that, too.
She wasn't a fan of me sleeping out.
Why don't you want to be here?
Don't you want to be here?
Usually take a lot of heat these days.
I apologize.
I love you, Patty.
Sounds like you're working through some stuff.
This is Diane Broad's opening up some doors.
I'll tell you that right now.
That have been closed for a very long time.
We always had the one or two houses.
It was like, you would only shower if you were,
I guess, if you were like here.
There's usually no need for a shower.
You shouldn't be there that long.
That's what I'm saying.
Yeah, just a regular run-of-the-mill sleepover?
If you're going to pick up at like 11 o'clock
and the more like after breakfast,
if that was the norm for this kid,
there's something with something else going on.
There was a VHS camera somewhere high up on an angle.
Nobody's showering.
Yeah, no, that's too.
I've definitely done it.
I remember I can like picture beating at that.
When you're that young and you're in someone else's shower,
that's an away game.
You don't know what's happening.
If you're talking childhood sleepovers, that's one thing.
No, you shouldn't be showering.
They drop you off at 6.
You have your pizza.
Throw fucking gremlins in, fucking play-to-video games.
Lay down, goof around, bup, bup, bup, bup, bup.
You get up.
There's breakfast and you're at the fucking door.
Yeah.
What'd you say?
Oh, yeah, little touchy touchy, huh?
Little grabby grabby.
I know how you just did it.
But if it's a high school sleepover,
unless you got to go to workers, like if you don't like,
say like your parents are in a town and like Pat and everybody
ended up crashing at your place after the party.
Oh, out of town.
If they got to go to work, like say he got to go to a shift
at the grocery store.
Hey, care if I grab a shower before I got to work?
Yeah, of course.
Yeah, of course.
That's normal.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
But you shouldn't be, what?
If I came home from a fucking sleepover.
Shattered with your hair done.
New set of drawers.
My underwear on backwards.
Oh, man.
They would have been in the car fucking killing people.
You crazy?
Yeah, I know.
Can't do that.
Nuts.
Yeah, it's wild.
You ever have friends growing up?
You ever do anything like that?
I think that's the second time you made that joke.
About a year ago.
It just is hard, too.
Did you do anything like that?
I don't remember.
I vaguely remember showering at friends' places.
And then getting out and getting dressed as quickly
as possible.
Like feeling that.
You still got suds rolling down your feet.
Yeah, it's like I want to be naked for as little time
as humanly possible.
That's another thing, too.
Now I can never do it.
I can't get, I can't shower and get dressed in the bathroom.
That's psychotic.
I got to walk out.
Let the cold there hit me.
I need my, I walk around my apartment naked
while I'm getting ready.
You got to let the air get you.
I need space.
The thought of fucking showering and getting
dressed in a bathroom.
I mean, that's like prison.
Yeah, I've done it.
Boncos.
Yeah, I can do it.
But then, yeah, you're only when you're real fucking hemmed up.
If you walk out of the bathroom with your shoes on,
that's a bad look.
Shoes and socks on.
Me and KB were talking about this at dinner.
Have you ever, for sure, changed in a public bathroom?
Dude, buddy, we were fucking changing.
I was shaving in between auditions at Chipotle's.
Fucking brutal.
So this was our question.
So anytime we've done that, me and KB will take our shoes off
and then stand on our shoes.
Fuck yeah.
Was that your move or would you go socks on the floor
in the bathroom?
Well, I mean, at a certain point.
When you're living in there.
Yeah.
When you become so desperate, you know, you abandon.
Humility.
Yeah.
I'm shaving in a Chipotle bathroom.
I can put my socks on the floor.
Get a little more guac.
So I like to use this as an aftershave.
I know it's more expensive.
I know it's an additional $0.50.
Just give me the guac.
Shaving with a tortilla chip.
They used to do this from my old day job
that I used to have there before the great folks over there
at patreon.com.
Take a shower in the morning.
No, people would brush their teeth in the bathroom,
which I get after lunch or whatever.
But I'm talking to this bathroom.
So it was a high rise on Central Park South.
It was a high rise.
So it's not a lot of fucking space.
These bathrooms are tiny.
There was one urinal.
And your shoulders could touch the wall
and the guard for the stall.
There was two stalls that were real fucking tight.
Not a good place for the deuce, I would say.
Bad spot for the deuce.
Then sometimes you're in there.
Both people are deuce and someone's pain.
There'd be a guy brushing his teeth.
And I'm like, bro, my asshole is open six feet away from you.
This is just.
I'm like, it would fucking blow my mind.
Get one of those wisps things.
Those wisps are some fucking mouthwash.
Yeah, it would blow.
This one guy was just in there all the time.
It was insane.
Yeah, I did not.
I can't do that.
That's crazy.
Can't stand other men's poops.
Women's will knock you on your socks
too every once in a while.
But in other man's, something about it.
Yes, you feel like, yeah, it's way too intimate.
I feel like I have to poop so my smell dominates.
Maybe that's what bears do, I don't know.
I don't know much about the grizzly,
the North American fat ass.
The North American fat ass.
Guys, we're having a good time today.
The fat is to maximus.
Say, let's stay in a bitch room while we're here.
This is from Joe.
I like it.
This is from Joseph, first time, long time.
I like that they're doing that.
First time, long time.
When taking a shower, where do you put the towel?
Do you put it on top of the toilet
with the toilet seat down like a bozo?
Or the towel rack like a gentleman?
What's your standard operating procedure?
Standard operating procedure is I
tend to get water everywhere.
And I get yelled at for it.
I can imagine.
Yeah, it's like a self-serve car wash.
So I have a little hook that she put next to the,
like all I have to do is open the curtain, grab the towel,
and I dry off a little bit in the tub.
I don't just step out like an asshole.
I used to.
I did that up until I didn't know.
I guess I had bad parents.
No one told me that you're supposed to dry off,
kind of in the shower or on.
I would literally walk.
No idea, because we always had carpet in the bathroom
when I was a kid, so I just got right on it.
Roll around.
Uses that as a towel.
That's a good exfoliator, too.
I didn't know until my grandparents.
I mean, we were, I was probably like junior high.
And my grandparents were staying with us,
and we had to share the bathroom and the hallway they
would use as well.
That's always a rough time.
Yeah, the dentures and the fucking sitting there.
Smell grandpa's dumps.
Yikes.
Man.
Talking about the holidays.
Holy.
Yikes.
So he, my grandma goes.
That was World War II vets.
They did shit different.
I don't know why.
They got the old spice.
They don't even make anymore.
Yeah.
Mixed that in with a little fucking stroganoff
or whatever he had last night for dinner.
Yikes.
Those are very corny.
No, my grandma finally said to me one time,
she's like, what are you doing in the bathroom?
And I'm like, what?
I just combed my hair.
I was shaving.
I was jerking off, all right, Jesus Christ.
Fucking grill me over here.
I was slamping it.
That's so funny.
Just go to your grandma.
I was jerking off.
I was wailing away on myself.
I was hammering in the nails.
I got to spell it out for you.
What the fuck do you think I was doing in your dumb broad?
I was re-cocking the tub.
I'm hoping you were just naming like actual home improvement
thing.
I was putting in a skylight.
We're going to get two fucking two questions.
Get in the bathroom read done when you were in there.
They'd come far and wide to look at your new fucking shower
curtain.
Family, come over.
The upstairs bathroom for us was all, you don't go upstairs.
Who doesn't?
Like when we would have guests over.
What do you mean guests?
Like when we were entertaining.
You never went upstairs at someone's house.
Movie stars and stuff.
Who the fucking are you talking about?
Your other dirtbag family members?
Is those your guests?
You hear that guy?
He's calling you dirtbags.
They know what they are.
Come on.
Yes, yes, they do.
That's why I love them.
Meet me at Sam's.
We're going to slice.
Guests, who's a guest?
You just didn't go upstairs.
Do you guys, the kids weren't playing in the rooms?
It'd be a little.
That's where the coats went.
Yeah.
The coats went on a bed upstairs.
Yeah, but you don't want to go from room to room peeking.
That's private areas.
Really?
Yeah.
Bunch of weirdos.
Now, so say I'm a cousin.
Yeah.
I got to take a dump.
How old are you?
I'm 45.
You're my 45-year-old cousin over my house now.
Oh, I think you remember.
And you got to take a dump?
No.
I'm in college.
And you got to drop a heater at dinner.
Do I have to ask Nisi if I can go upstairs and fucking
squat one out?
No, I feel that you shouldn't be dumping at a family dinner.
What?
Have you got a poop?
What are you going to do?
I'm not saying sure.
What?
I don't know if I've ever pooped at a cousin's house
like that.
Pooped?
Anywhere and everywhere, bro.
I understand.
And I'm not one to, like, by all means.
I'll pull the trigger.
OK, so let me ask you this.
The airport.
So I'm your cousin.
Shout out to fucking Newark.
Internationale.
Say I'm your cousin.
I'm over for Thanksgiving.
Yeah, I assume you would go upstairs to that bathroom.
OK, so what if I just went upstairs and peed?
I got to pee real quick.
You OK with that?
Yeah, of course.
OK, so it's not off limits.
What are you talking about?
Yeah.
I'm not rooting through the panty drawer.
Yeah, I'm not.
Yes, I'm saying if you're not going out there to use the bathroom,
there's no other reason to be up there is what I'm saying.
I'm not saying it's off limits.
But like, you're not going to be like, hey, what's going on upstairs?
Yeah, you're not just fucking hanging out upstairs.
A party is downstairs.
Yeah, you're looking for some root canal medicine.
That's what you're looking for.
But back to, I, what?
The kid knows what I'm talking about.
Yeah, she's called drug seeking behavior.
Then why do you break an ankle recently?
I used to always keep that in the back of my mind.
Who's getting their wisdom teeth out, am I right?
I had that schedule lined up.
Is that knee still hurt from college or what's going on?
Man, at the beginning of that whole thing,
they didn't know what was going on.
You opened up anybody's medicine cabinet.
It was like, open up a closet.
Did you see a walking boot?
Who's crutches are those?
Are those crutches fresh or what's going on?
Checking the bottoms of it to see how dirty they are.
Checking the tennis balls on a walker.
See what the story is.
These things are brand new.
Fucking party's about to get turned up.
Can you hear that, Patty?
You're proud of your past?
No, but I'm working through it.
It's OK.
Who said that?
Not me.
I know.
Tell you that.
It's not how you feel about it.
You put on a good face for public.
What the fuck were we talking about?
I got lost there for a second.
You're talking about no one can go upstairs in your house
for some reason.
No, not even before that.
No, it wasn't for some reason.
It's just like my thing.
You don't let guests upstairs.
Do you put like a little rope on the bottom of the staircase?
No, you're completely taking this out of.
Clothes for maintenance?
You're taking this out of context.
What is what other reason other than going to bathroom?
And why would you stay upstairs?
That's where the video game console is
and the kids are up there playing.
I don't know.
They're playing hide and go seek.
They're playing free.
That's what I'm saying.
Kids are different.
Obviously, if the kids are running around playing.
Unless you're going up there to shit,
there's no other reason to go upstairs at someone's house.
That's what I'm saying.
You should be taking a nap in a family party.
You got to lay off the sauce if that's OK.
Hey, can I go lay down?
I got the spins.
That Boone's farm is really kicking in.
The fuck's in that?
Martinelli's, god damn.
Brooklynin.
Brooklynin.
Brooklynin.
Hey, I'm talking about.
I feel like I shouldn't be saying that word.
It's so classy.
Classy stuff.
Brooklynin is all right.
Gang, do yourself a favor.
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I got the towels.
Dude, I feel like I'm in the rits in these things.
Those candles fill the entire room.
I'm going to tell you that right now.
The towels are like a weighted blanket.
Yeah, it's nice.
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Gang, let's talk about the good people that manscaped.
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We were talking about them last time.
You were talking about office romances.
I'm just saying it's a time of year.
People are drinking, you're hanging happy hours,
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Next thing you know, underwear is on backwards.
You want to become a correct down there.
That's all I'm saying.
Talking like we live in an 80s movie or something.
That's where you're putting yourself.
Hey, man, reality is whatever you make it.
Wish you would have had that in the 80s,
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Yeah.
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Now back to the show.
All right, let's see.
What was the original question on that?
That's what I'm trying to get back to.
I kind of couldn't remember.
Oh, where do you put the towel?
That's what it was.
The towel.
Oh, then the grandparents.
My grandma finally said, I used to get out,
I used to leave, we had a towel rack on the back of the door
at my mom's upstairs.
And you had to get out to reach it.
No, but it was like, you couldn't reach it from like,
I mean, it was like-
That's what I'm saying, you would have to get out
of the tub to reach it.
To walk, and like, it was like a five paces or whatever.
And I would just stand there.
Soaked.
Soaking the whole fucking,
and then finally my grandma was like, what do you do?
You don't dry off over the bath mat or what?
And I'm like, I never even crossed my mind.
So now I do, I do up to the legs.
And then I get out and do the legs.
You know-
I don't want my towel touching the bath tub.
Really?
You know, you're in a really nice shower,
or a really nice hotel,
when there's a towel rack in the shower.
Yeah, that's good.
Where like the water, the thing is so big.
That's so big that the shower can't reach.
Some of the trashy ones put it in there,
even though it's like a regular size.
It's so big wet.
Yeah, it's just fucking soaked.
The towel over the shower curtain's trash, too.
That's what I do.
Really?
Well, ours-
What are you, in the Navy?
What the fuck?
We have a towel rack that I just don't use for some reason.
The one half of mine's kind of open.
Like the towel.
You're not gonna wrap your head around this.
You have one of those,
you have your faucets in the middle of the tub, right?
In the middle.
Yeah.
Yikes.
But it is like a waterfall, John,
and it comes straight down and it's nice.
Okay.
That part's good.
I'm not trying to say it's,
but the one side by the shower is open, kind of.
I know exactly what you're talking about.
Yeah, it doesn't go all the way around.
Like you have a basin tub, a lion's foot tub,
wherever it's called. Lion's foot.
Lion's claw.
No.
You know?
You can't be talking to,
you have had a fucking lion's tooth tub.
My brother's got one.
Lion's foot.
Fantastic. Really?
You have the old school deep tubs?
Yeah.
Never fucking used it.
They don't use it.
I'm like, if you're taking a bath in there yet,
and like, I'd be in there all the,
I'd be getting calls in there.
That's where I would run the operation from.
Well, what operation?
Get some things fucking.
Domino's?
You still doing the 555?
What's the deal?
Yeah.
So I hang over that.
Just because it's like.
So you have a round shower curtain.
It goes from the wall and around.
No. All right.
So, I knew this was.
You're like a three stooge.
No.
No, no, no.
The wall and then it's like.
Yeah, curves.
But the whole thing is in curve.
It curves at the turn.
Does that make sense?
It's like an L.
I don't know.
I know you don't know.
That sounds like lower east side shit to me.
Tenement.
Listen, you live in Astoria, which stinks, by the way.
No, I'm talking about it.
That place is gonna be,
rodeo drive in a couple of years.
Place is classy.
It's fucking stinks.
I was just back over there.
Everybody's honking.
There's fucking traffic.
You're under the subway.
There's an elevated subway.
It stinks.
Crazy.
You can hear the train in every apartment.
You can hear the train rattling.
It stinks.
You where else have you lived, by the way?
I was thinking this yesterday.
You've never lived anywhere else.
That's not true.
Recently.
I'll tell you.
Recently, you haven't.
I've lived, I grew up.
I lived in Wilkesbury.
I lived in Bluebell.
No, I'm saying in New York.
I lived in Philly.
I lived in South Philly.
I lived in North Carolina.
Yeah, no.
All right.
No.
Inside Murray Hill, Brooklyn, Bushwick,
Sunset Park, Reggie and Cotton.
I'm saying.
At least I'll go with the chicken Harlem.
I was like, okay.
I went up there a couple of times.
Oh, man, I remember her.
Cut that.
But I'm saying as an,
I mean, you were an adult through 97% of those houses,
but I'm saying as a financially,
relatively independent adult.
Relatively.
When the first time you were on a lease
in the past decade has only been in Astoria.
There was, yeah.
The apartment that, the building you're in now.
That's what I'm saying.
Yeah.
That's all you know.
Yeah.
As a rent paying utility holding adult is a story.
You don't know anything else.
Yeah, what's your point?
Astoria stinks.
No, you're stupid.
I've lived in both.
It stinks.
It proper stinks.
Let's move on.
Let's agree to disagree.
No, that's what losers say.
We were in the car and he started this exact wrap.
And I was like, just wait.
In my head, I was like, wait 30 seconds.
30 seconds later, he goes, it's a great place.
Coming up.
You know, I could really see myself raising a kid here.
I was like, where's the crazy going to come?
There it is.
There it is.
Why is that crazy?
It's like whack-a-mole.
You're like, I know, no, Amy, no, Amy, no, Amy.
Here's what I'm saying.
Why is that crazy?
Because you were reminiscing about a situation
we were currently in.
Ha, ha, ha, ha.
I remember eating hot dogs there last week.
Ha, ha, ha, ha.
I could have a kid out here.
Ha, ha, ha.
Ha, ha, ha.
Ha, ha, ha.
Fair enough.
Back to the Q's there, bozo.
This one's great.
This is from Tom.
Level 10 homie, never had one read.
You ever been to a store that changed
what it sold during the year,
a place in my town sells ski gear in the winter
and patio furniture in the summer?
That is a tough look.
Those Halloween pop-ups are weird too.
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
I feel like they just live in the back of a tractor
trailer the rest of the year.
They probably do, yeah.
No, the people.
We have, oh yeah.
People that work there.
We have an empty, which I think it used to be
called gas station, so it's like an empty lot
and there's selling different things in there
throughout the year.
Wow.
And I don't know if it's the same,
it's like Christmas tree, flowers.
When you can recognize.
Whatever, you know, just like random shit
depending on this year.
Probably patio furniture.
When you can recognize what it used to be
is a tough look.
Like when you know that insurance office
used to be a Pizza Hut.
Pizza Hut's a bad one.
Wendy's is a bad one too.
Because they had to some room.
Yeah.
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
Wawa's too.
Oh, and that's when it's not a wawa.
So you're going to a dentist that's a wawa?
You're like, what the fuck?
Ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha.
Yeah.
Still has that smell.
That's trash.
Got a mageo.
Fuck, what was I just going to say?
Jesus, fucking Alzheimer's Andy over here.
Get folk, you need a Previgin or something, an Adderall.
God damn, you got any?
Scam likely, stop calling me.
Uh-oh.
All over the place.
I'm the one scamming around here.
I really pissed off a scammer two days ago.
Because I take the call.
You're wasting their time.
Oh, yeah, I fucking do.
Trying to burn and turn over here.
This guy, they call me up and they say,
they leave a message, very, very authoritative.
They're like, this is for Mr. Michael Foley.
You need to call us back right away,
a matter of TD Bank, blah, blah, blah.
Touchdown Bank?
Touchdown, yeah, they're fucking dragging them
into the fucking scam.
So I called a guy back, just to fuck with them.
And I'm like, what's going on there?
They're like, you wrote a check for $369 and a bounce
and our clients trying us to recoup it.
Bup, bup, bup, bup, bup.
They're like, would you like to make that payment today?
What am I, fucking sucker?
So I just, first of all, I'm doing an old man's voice.
I'm doing what, what happened?
And then right when he's like,
can I get the credit card information?
I'm like, you fucking piece of shit, dirt bag.
You're fucking this.
Guy calls me back.
Yeah.
Fucking pissed.
Well, he can probably track you down.
He did, he knew my name and everything.
Yeah, hey, listen here, you fat fuck.
I don't even like your podcast.
It's just me.
That's real scummy though, man.
What?
You calling and fucking trying to scam old people
out of their fucking money, because they do it.
Does that warranty thing work on anybody?
Does that work?
I don't know.
Like how dumb are we?
I'm sure some people, yeah.
Dude, who even has a warranty on their car like that?
People, old people don't know.
Do I have a warranty?
I thought it said three, I haven't talked to the dealership.
Okay, I told you I got my boy big gay aunt's mom
or grand mom.
They were like, hey, this is the Las Vegas PD.
We got your grandson.
What?
It's gonna be like, you know,
two grand to get him out or something.
And I'm pretty sure she paid it.
Jesus.
Yeah, something like that.
Or she called him, like, are you okay?
I just got a whatever.
Yeah.
That's real fucked up, man.
Mm-hmm.
Scammers.
Yeah.
Bup, bup, bup, bup, bup, bup, bup.
All right, let's see.
Haven't had one read yet.
This is from Missouri Broad.
Does anyone in your family own a strobe light?
Ha, ha, ha, ha, ha.
I used to.
I used to have a strobe light.
And like, in like eighth grade, maybe,
when Spencer's gifts was like in full stride.
Give yourself a seizure.
Ha, ha, ha, ha, ha.
We did have one friend who was epileptic
that we couldn't have, you know.
We had an unplug when he was around.
Buzz killer.
Ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha.
Catch it here.
Hey, Mark, go out in the garage for a little while.
Ha, ha, ha, ha.
Trying to get weird.
Trying to get my rave on.
Ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha.
A disco ball.
Oh.
How weak are you that you can get taken out
by a flashlight?
Yeah.
Well, I don't know, man.
The first time they put that on.
Oh yeah, your screwballs.
It's like, it's like blade.
I don't know what's happened.
Gravitron, the Gravitron almost killed me one time.
I swear to God, I felt.
It starts revolving around you.
Ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha.
A black hole force.
The DJ's.
Ha, ha, ha, ha, ha.
Dr. Who steps out?
Yeah.
Um.
That was my favorite ride.
Hands down ever.
Wildwood Boardwalk, Gravitron, Mori's Pier.
Go down there, up on the left,
right before you get to the Northeaster.
Love the fucking Gravitron.
Yeah, huh?
I loved it.
I could do everything.
I could lean out and touch the balls.
There were tricks in there.
Really?
Yeah.
I'm pretty good.
That dude in the center was a pedophile.
Ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha.
No doubt.
That was pre-rec.
Yeah.
That was a good time.
Dirt ball.
Crank and journey.
Ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha.
Yeah.
Strobe lights are trashy.
They're the trashiest.
You walk in in somebody's basement,
they have a fucking disco ball.
Yeah, it's fucking dirt bag city.
That's a big thing people try to do
is like the bar that never gets used, right?
Talking about the basement bar?
Yeah.
My dad had a hot one in the 80s.
Unless you're really entertaining.
But you're not, I don't think people are doing that
that much.
Glasses are dusty.
Yeah, you get down there like, no one's been down.
I can feel the energy.
No one's been down here in six months.
You know what I mean?
And then they're like, let's hang at the bar.
That's when you got the wife and kids breaking his balls.
They're like, let's hang at the ball.
You're just like sitting down there.
You're like, this is so set up.
We're all just acting like we're not, you know.
We all know what's going on here.
This stinks.
What are we doing?
There's a bedroom right next to me for crying out loud.
Bedroom in the basement?
Yeah.
Thanks.
This one's for what?
No way to know.
I never liked a bedroom in the bed like that.
I just slept in one last weekend.
Put in.
My brother's guest bedroom is in the basement.
Is downstairs?
Yeah.
Well, there's all guest bedroom downstairs.
And it's on the far end on the far side away from the stairs.
And I need about 37 beers for me to go night and night in there
because it gets scary.
The spiders have spiders.
Man, it's real fucking sketchy.
I ain't doing that.
All right.
This one's from RJ.
Haven't had a question read yet.
Ever steal a street sign?
Which I'm sure we've mentioned before.
100%.
I don't know if I've ever had a proper street sign.
The big one that was in Seattle City
that would get stolen all the time because there was Pleasure Avenue
and 69th Street.
Really?
69th Street and Pleasure would get stolen like weekly.
So the point where I think they just stop putting it up
because they're like so many drunk people would be walking
off in the barn.
Yeah, it is.
My fraternity was mostly engineers.
And some.
Sounds like a real fucking party house.
Hey, E equals MC squared.
Shut up, nerd.
We made the world's fastest beer bomb.
Yeah.
Wow, what a group of.
We've improved the shipping site.
Let's go.
I'm sure you guys were fattin' all the way with the stick.
That come with your own pocket protectors?
Or what did you guys have to do?
Hey, for pledge, everybody studies 37 hours.
Go.
Everybody's got tape on their glass.
Real fucking nerd shit.
The party last night was crazy.
Hank put together an erector seven.
He was blindfolded.
I was up till nine.
No.
That's the fraternity you've been bragging about engineers
this whole time.
Train engineers.
They were a wild bunch.
They all got the hat on in the overalls.
It was a party house, man.
We had a good time.
Anyway, they could.
Everybody's drinking out of beakers and stuff.
Fully just did 37 milliliters.
Don't do it, mean.
You stay.
Dude, that's how much we did the clip of when
you were talking about the glory days in college football.
And I said, you were a dragon who played D3.
Fully's glory days.
I want to see how you view them in your head.
What soundtracks playing and stuff like that.
Pearl Jam, probably.
Anyway.
Anywho.
These guys were pretty good.
And they could take shit and put shit apart.
Put shit apart?
They could take things apart and put it back together.
They stole a light, a traffic light,
like a proper traffic light.
Brought it in, fucking hooked it up.
It's fucking cool.
About 10 minutes.
Still, pretty sweet.
Sounds it.
I mean, I don't know why you try to go back.
I mean, we just made fun of you and these guys for like 12
minutes.
You thought a cool traffic light story
was going to button it up.
Fully, get in here.
We're building each other girlfriends.
You all got bras on their heads, like in weird signs.
Just waiting for a thunderstorm, and we'll be OK.
Wait for a thunderstorm.
We just need some purple lightning, and she'll be alive.
Man, you stink.
Dude, that movie.
Talk about fucking spank bank.
I was too, I was too, I was way too young.
Dude, weird signs.
Anthony Michael Hall was so fucking funny.
Yeah.
I saw him one time.
Really?
Yeah, he was a real dick.
What?
Yeah.
You know my friend, keep this vague,
our friend that works in hotels in Boston.
Yes.
They were working a very nice hotel,
and he came in as like real VIP, or like thought he was.
This is in like 2017.
Yeah, I don't know.
And he was had all these demands,
and he's had a hot piece, hot little number one.
I remember this story.
Yeah, he was like had all these demands,
and he was like a real fucking jerk off.
It's like, dude, your last movie was 35 years ago.
Loved him as a kid.
Fucking weird signs, 16 candles.
Fucking kid did it for me.
Loved him.
That's sad to see.
Ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha.
All right, let's do a couple of more here.
You said that you're a more successful guy.
Yeah, hate to see it happen.
He was a good kid.
I wish him well.
Now any you.
Can someone tie my shoes?
Ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha.
Michael, if you're watching, reach out to me.
See if we can help you out.
Hate to see it happen.
Yeah.
Good kid.
Give me a call.
Man, this is a fun one.
Let's go, bozo, making fun of my fraternity friends.
It was a fucking cool house.
We used to have parties where we handed out joints.
Only a couple of guys there.
We did it.
We did have a sorority.
What time a girl showed up?
We all panicked.
It was Johnson's sister, but still.
We were playing cool.
Mahoney's mom came one time.
Everybody passes out.
We all feigned it.
Here's a couple of wine coolers in the fridge if you want them.
Oh, man, he's insane.
We did have a sorority cancel on a mixer one time.
Man, that fat one's not going to be there, is he?
I wasn't fat back then, dickhead.
They knew.
They had a crystal ball.
No way I'm getting tied down with this elephant.
Oh, guys, bad news.
The girls found out we're fucking dorks.
Who told them?
I told you to keep your mouth shut until they got here.
Who let Feachman out of his room?
We did have a kid named.
What did they say?
His nickname was Fishman.
He used to just fucking huff nitrogen
and just fucking pass out like a mummy.
Just fall back and hit his head.
Man, he's fucking beating them off, huh?
Why did the girls say they canceled?
Because we stunk.
I know, but what reason?
We all have a midterm in the morning.
We got finals.
It's the beginning of the semester.
It's a third week.
I haven't even started.
Hey, being the girls talk, we're all going to stay virgin.
No, they didn't say anything.
We all decided to save ourselves for not losers.
I remember three of the worst ones showed up
and gave us the bad news.
Hey, the rest of the girls aren't coming.
They all went to a party.
But we're still down at a party.
Oh, man.
They just came by to see if we had any ice.
Oh, man.
Holy shit.
I didn't know you guys were all engineers.
I wasn't a fucking engineer.
Yeah.
Maybe that's where you were rolled in.
You didn't also didn't graduate.
I said some of the older guys were engineers.
Not like the whole house was.
I was a fucking living in the ghostbusters.
Who said I was in a fraternity full of engineers?
Yeah, full of engineers.
Everybody was an engineer.
I was a hotel restaurant manager.
Turn into a waiter slash pillhead.
This is like an M night Shyamalan level twist.
I pledged fucking my sophomore year
before I got to know the guys on the lacrosse team.
If I would have known the guys on the lacrosse team,
I would have pledged five second would have been OK.
Yeah, it said over there were the dorks on the chest team.
Yeah.
Check and mate.
And that's how you play Kinect 4, ladies.
And that's how I touched a boo, which I.
All right, let's just fucking wrap up.
We built the fucking potato gun.
He has a class project as for the science fair.
All right, let's wrap it up.
God, man, I'll never look at you the same.
What are you talking about, dickhead?
You were a do it.
It's all coming out.
You can't live for so long.
What do you mean?
We were the drug party.
We were the drug party house.
There was just a lot of engineers that were there.
They were dorks anyway.
We hated them.
The younger guys were all cool.
I get myself a wedgie.
Toby, cut this.
I got a rep to protect.
See you next week.
You are a dork, dude.
Guys, thank you so much.
Come out.
I don't know exactly when it's come out,
but for this week, we're going to be an upstate New York
and Connecticut.
Come out to those live shows.
14th, 15th, and 16th.
Hartford, Albany, Syracuse.
Yeah, also, guys, go subscribe to the YouTube page.
We have something dropping.
Yes.
Go subscribe right now.
It's going to be really cool.
We don't want to look like bozos.
Appreciate all hands on deck when this thing dropped.
Appreciate the support.
Love you guys.
Love yous.
Hey, peace.