Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast - Pajama Pants in Public w/ Kippy & Foley
Episode Date: September 29, 2022Are You Garbage is back with a Kippy and Foley for a family episode to answer your garbage questions from Patreon. Its a fun one! Follow Kevin: https://www.instagram.com/kevinryancomedy/ Follow Foley...: https://www.instagram.com/hfoleycomedy/ Live Shows: https://linktr.ee/AreYouGarbage PATREON: https://www.patreon.com/AreYouGarbage MERCH: https://www.bonfire.com/store/are-you-garbage/ True Classic: https://www.trueclassictees.com Code: Garbage Comedians H. Foley and Kevin Ryan are self proclaimed GARBAGE. Each week a new stand up comedian gets put to the test. Steal shampoo from hotels? Own a George Foreman Grill? Ever worn JNCO Jeans
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Hey, gang, let's talk about that middle class famous tour, baby.
Machi Machi.
Getting bigger and better, and it just keeps rolling on, gang.
Uh-huh.
It's a live stand-up comedy show.
Plus, we played a little L.A.Y.G with the crowd.
As I always say, great way to introduce new people to the show.
So grab the squad and come out and see us.
Yeah, guys, in October, we're going to be in Nashville,
and then we're headed up there to Indy.
Then November, we're hitting Atlanta.
Two shows added there.
Then we're headed to Charlotte.
We got Philly, two sold-out shows there.
I apologize, you snooze, you lose.
Then December, we're hitting Providence and Boston.
Those are currently sold-out, but we're adding new shows.
Stay tuned.
Welcome to another exciting edition of Are You Garbage?
The show where you find out if your favorite comedians
are classy individuals or absolute trash.
Now, here are your hosts, Kevin Ryan and H. Foley.
Hey, everybody out there, and welcome back
to everybody's favorite new podcast.
This is Are You Garbage.
Little show, we sit down with your favorite comedians,
and we find out that you're to be classy.
Those are just a big old piece of trash.
I'm your host, H. Foley, coming at you on a beautiful day.
We're down here at Aunt Tutty's basement.
She's got a big job interview tomorrow.
Russian oligarch.
She's going out for her.
She said they're dropping flies over there.
You got me.
My co-host is coming at you from across the table.
This is a family episode.
He is the CEO of Are You Garbage,
and he is my best pal in the whole wide world,
and I love him.
I don't care who knows it.
Give it up for KJ.
Kevin James Ryan.
Hey, there, gang.
Thanks for tuning in.
As always, please make sure you rate, review,
subscribe on iTunes.
All video available on YouTube, as you know those numbers are.
Truder of?
Feedbone from the Raptors.
There we go.
Closing in 100,000 over there.
Let's get those up.
Get the YouTubes up.
Get some fucking comments over there on iTunes.
What?
Yeah.
Show them how it's done.
All right.
And also, cook the charts a little bit.
www.patreon.com slash Are You Garbage.
You sign up over there.
You get bonus episodes.
Guys, if you sign up now, you get like two years.
You get like 85 episodes of AYG and 85 episodes of fucking
of what's the other thing we do?
Hard feelings.
Plus a lot of money, mate.
Plus a lot of fun videos.
Yeah, we got the crib videos.
We got the limo drive.
We got the camping.
We got the AC roulette.
We got the shore video.
We got all that kind of shit down there.
Check it out.
And more coming down the pike.
And how about a nice quick shout out to our producer,
extraordinaire, the Magic Man, makes us all look good.
Works the ones and twos, crosses the T's dots.
The eyes starting to run the show a little bit too on the road.
And I got to tell you, I like it.
Give it up for Tebow and McMuffin.
Toby McMullin, everybody.
What up, dudes?
What up, Tebow?
Yeah, I got my hard hat, my clipboard out there.
Straighten a lot of people out on the road.
I like it.
I like it.
Skulls out there, yeah.
Surveying the job site.
Yeah.
Keanville and Lund.
All you got to do is order the mozzarella sticks.
Tebow's got everything covered.
I like it.
Couple of things.
Two treat things.
I wanted to throw this at you.
You're not going to like it, so don't get caught up
in the fatness of it, OK?
I didn't indulge, but I tried them.
And I just want to say.
Deep-fried underwear.
Literally the definition of indulging.
I had a couple, two treat.
So hers, which might be a local brand tour.
I think it is a regional, or it's at least from our area.
It might be like a national thing, but it is.
So this silly brand called hers, H-E-R-R.
Make hers yours.
Yes, has a kettle cook chip.
Are you a fan of the kettle cook chip?
I like a nice kettle cook chip.
That's really what we should.
That should just be the regular chip.
Yeah.
It's ruined a regular chip, unless a ruffle.
I need some kind of texture over here.
Here's the thing.
Kettle-cooked ruffles.
No, kettle-cooked lattice cut.
They're like, they're like waffle fries, but they're real.
Woo!
Man, oh man.
He's everything you live to see today.
Dude!
Kettle-cooked lattice chips.
Dude, I tell you.
If we landed on Pluto tomorrow,
I'd be like, ah, yeah, it all makes sense.
You better bring a bag of chips, or you're going to eat.
It's a long ride out there, daddy.
Toby, it's the ultimate chip.
I'm sure other regional distributors and manufacturers
make this lattice cut kettle cook chips.
Do yourself a favor.
Do your country a favor.
I'm not trying to poke holes in your whole e-chip here.
But how is it as a dipper, dude?
It seems like it wouldn't have the strength to withstand
a French onion dip.
It's got holes in it.
Buddy, you could put a pool on this thing.
I'm telling you right now, it'll hold.
It'll hold.
You can do the earthquake test on it.
This thing's solid.
You like them because they're aerodynamics,
so you get them in your face faster.
I'm telling you, dude, they're no wind resistance.
That's what it's like a tennis racket.
That's really what it's like.
It's like a tight tennis, but kettle-cooked.
They should all be doing kettle-cooked.
It's crazy.
Kettle-cooked sports equipment, that's where you're at now.
That's the level of fatness you reached.
Let me get three softballs deep fried.
But why aren't Pringles kettle-cooked?
I don't know, but they don't need to be kettle-cooked.
But they could.
You don't need to go to graduate school,
but you're going to get a better job with better pay
if you do it.
Sure.
Speaking of trash, typically we start off with something
trashy.
You just came up with stuff you eat.
They're really good, dude.
I was down in Philly, and I was coming home,
and I wanted to get myself a nice sizzly while I was down
there, which is the Wawa breakfast sandwich before I
blew out of town.
They're not good.
They're not.
They're fine, but I just grew up with them.
It's like a little taste of home.
They're OK.
I would disagree on these.
I'm saying I like them, but they're not like.
If somebody from out of state tried to do it or like that's
never had one, they're like, this is a thing.
I don't think it's like.
I mean, it's a pre-made microwave sandwich
that's sitting under a heat lamp.
It's not going to be.
When you put it like that.
You know what I mean?
It's not like the fucking creme de la creme we're talking about.
I'm glad you're not working with a marketing department
or a Wawa man.
I mean, it's not even fresh made.
It's been sitting there eight hours, which makes it even
better sometimes.
Yeah, it does.
Well, whatever.
But the Wawa's in the city are a little dicey.
There's a lot of like, I don't trust them.
I want a nice, clean, suburban Wawa.
Glad to have the burbs.
So I'm headed home and coming through Jersey.
I see a big super Wawa with the gas station
a whole nine yards I pull in there.
Dude, this thing looked like downtown Beirut.
It was fucking crazy in there, dude.
It just made me sad, dude.
There was a girl going through, standing in front
of the sizzlies, there was three left.
And she gets up there.
She's opening the boxes and inspecting the sandwiches
before she takes them.
That's crazy.
Then she took two.
And I was like, I'm fucking, I'm not touching those things.
That's crazy.
Crazy.
I want to report it.
So it was her and another girl.
And they got through their gather and fuck.
Are these dirt ball chicks?
Real dirt bag chicks.
OK.
Like dirty pajama pants on, all larger than life, very.
And they're.
Were they wearing big puffy DC shoes?
No, but very in that world.
Their knees were touching and the legs are going out.
You know that?
You know that look?
Real, real messy.
Yeah, it's kind of like the knees were backwards or something,
you know?
It's a bad look.
Because you're that a grasshopper?
What's going on?
Clean your act up, lady.
Legally can't kill her because she's a praying mantis.
You're lucky we're in Jersey right now.
And I respect the law.
The dirty.
What the hell do I get?
So in every corner, so I go there, now I'm mad.
I'm like hungover and I just want my sizzly.
Now I can't get sizzlies.
You fell in the basin.
Kippy's upset.
Well, also, we live in a society here.
This woman's fingering the goddamn bagels.
I mean, that's crazy, crazy, crazy.
The fabric of society is falling apart.
So then they're buying all that shit
that I've never bought that like, it's all like new age can
drinks that are like all different colors.
I thought you meant like those cow tails and stuff.
I had a buddy growing up.
Or chico sticks.
And I thought they were really like cows.
I didn't know what they were.
I was like, I'm not touching this thing.
Whatever that is, get out of here.
So they're buying all like, it's like that like fucking
like the Mountain Dew cans and the Monster can.
They each have like seven drinks
and they're blocking me from getting my Wawa iced tea,
which I don't know, which I, it's a local fanfare, you know?
And it's all like just like everywhere I turn,
they're just in my way.
And just so I'm like, these fucking broads.
So I get a, I get a shorty.
I get a sandwich over there.
And I go outside, I eat my sandwich in my car.
And I go, all right, by the bing, by the boom.
Dude, I'm driving out of, I'm leaving the fucking parking lot.
These two broads are eating under a tree next to the dumpster
with like $80 worth of Wawa food.
I'm like, where the fuck am I?
It was a tough look, dude.
The dirty pajama bottoms in public is-
That's a real bit.
I mean, I think that's a real dirt bag.
That's a very dirt bag, Philly thing too.
The dirty pajama is in pub stains on the shirt
before you leave out the house.
It pairs well with the nice pink slipper
that's now blackened on the bottom.
Well, you know when we really started to go downhill?
An old Navy really has a lot to do with this.
The fleece pullover really sank the ship.
Yeah.
You know what I mean?
Everybody, they talk about flooding the block.
And also those things-
They stunk.
But hoodies too, hoodies, when hoodies got popular,
I would say-
Wait, what do you mean when hoodies got popular?
What do you mean?
Like regular hoodies?
No, just hoodies in general.
I mean, they've been popular for hundreds of years.
Hundreds of years.
Well, you know what I mean?
Hundreds of years again.
Yeah.
They've always been-
A hoodie's always been popular.
I feel in the 90s, they got real big.
They've been kicking since 1930.
A hoodie?
Yeah.
I think you're looking at the wrong one.
You're on the wrong website, dude.
That's no bueno.
Not a hoodie like we know it today.
Yeah, the earliest clothing style was first introduced
by Champion in the 1930s.
In what?
Champion was banging back then?
Holy shit.
Yeah, that's to the champs.
They've been-
That's crazy.
Damn.
Why isn't that, like, why isn't that should be their motto?
Like, we're the first hoodie.
Yeah.
Everybody else is doing what we're doing.
Yeah.
Cool as shit since the 30s.
That's pretty sweet.
The hoodie, all the way back.
But I'm just saying, as a-
And you're talking about the zip up, too?
Either way, they-
Is that a hoodie?
Yeah.
Because remember that was the comedian's uniform
for a little while?
The zip up.
And we were right in line with that.
Well, it was also, they were like, nine bucks at H&M.
Yeah, well, I can't think I got mine at old, old, old Nieces.
Well, you're part of the problem, you know?
Not fleece, though, never.
I never wore fleece.
Then maybe this is just my perspective,
but as a kid, we didn't have hoodies.
You had dorky crew neck.
And then that's what I'm saying.
So hoodies got bigger later.
Okay.
Like more popular, more well,
because due to hoodies, they were more expensive.
And it was like you had a crew neck.
That's what you wore.
You wore a Russell crew neck.
Yeah.
The hoodies weren't-
They had the, it was a different kind of fabric
on the side.
I hated that.
Remember it was like stretch out?
God, tough look on a fat kid.
Yeah.
Talking about nowhere to run.
That's what I'm saying.
I think they got-
Talking about not being able to run.
They got more popular,
and then the second they got more popular,
people stopped,
realized you didn't have to wash them every time.
A crew neck you had to wash every day.
You couldn't, a crew neck didn't really have-
What's this got to do with the fleece epidemic?
That's, because now every fleece,
once people started getting those fleeces,
they never wash them.
Sure.
That's what, so you look,
one, it's fucking corny,
and two, it's dirty when you leave out the house already.
It's got the stains, it's got a little whatever,
and people are like, think it's a jacket.
It's not.
It's an article of clothing.
You got to wash these goddamn thing.
Yeah.
That's what I was getting.
Yeah.
Yeah, hoodies are the fleece.
Man, it really all went south.
When was the last time you got your winter coat cleaned?
What does that mean?
I don't even, I don't know how else
to phrase together words
that'll make you understand that.
What's your winter coat?
That blue one that you have?
Yeah.
I don't think I have a winter coat.
I know you don't have a winter coat.
Yeah, I don't have a winter coat.
Can we change that?
I had the Whistler, the J Whistler,
but that was like two X's ago.
Yeah.
But I never washed that.
I wish we could find the footage
of the old podcast we did.
He ordered a coat off Amazon called J Whistler.
See if you can pull it up a Whistler.
That good.
Dude, he looked like George Costanza in the Gore-Tex.
It was like half tire, it was something else.
It said Michelin on the back.
That was good, good coat.
Dude, it was huge.
That was when we had rough winters.
You loved it.
You thought you were the coolest,
and it fit for about a weekend.
Got tight quick.
Got tight quick.
I never left your dinner one time in Boston.
That was kind of it.
Yeah, I got it.
It looks like every other winter coat.
Yeah.
I think I'm not as durable though.
I need to take it out.
It was not.
The stitching's a little less to me.
And also yours was like a big coat for a big guy.
It was a statement piece.
Mammoth.
You knew when that thing was on the block,
you didn't feel that.
I think I got like a 3 XL for,
it was like $40 or something.
I put it on.
It was like 32 pounds.
It was so heavy, dude.
It was like mostly plastic.
It was like, it was the heaviest thing
I've ever seen in my life.
It definitely wasn't goose down.
Probably pigeon or something like that.
I don't even think it was animal, dude.
Five pigeons in every coat.
They didn't even pluck up me on his throat in there.
Bad news.
You stink.
Bad news.
Bucket.
Oh, sorry.
I don't want to ask you one more.
No, please ask me one more.
I was going to transition into the fat.
I was going to ask you.
What are you going to ask?
Tell me now.
Tell me.
I can't really get into the details
of why I'm asking you this.
Oh, God.
But I was curious,
have you ever slept with a chair up against the door?
You strike me as a person that might've done that.
Like the chair propped against the door
so nobody can get in?
I've definitely said booby traps
in places I've slept to hear if someone,
I've definitely done the glass by the door recently.
What?
Yeah.
In your home now?
Uh-huh.
Didn't I tell you the door was open?
I told that story, I think only on old hard feelings
or something.
I don't know if I had been drinking or something and...
You woke up and the door was open.
The door was open.
Open or unlocked?
Not like wide open, but like not clicked, locked.
And I was like, fuck that.
But it was like three in the morning.
So I set up a system of bottles
in case anybody came in, it would wake me up.
Now I got Hansi.
Had a crush of six bags to get the bottle.
But yeah, I wouldn't...
Yeah, I'm crazy.
Okay, sure.
Toby?
Never the door.
I have a window I'll do as well.
What do you put on the window?
Bottles.
Okay.
I live in a recycling center.
I've definitely slept with a big knife next to me
a couple, two, three times.
Sure.
Oh, I just, yeah, I mean...
I do that now, yeah, what do you mean?
I just did that when we were in the mountain.
Come through my way.
With cat skills.
I'll stick ya.
Mm-hmm.
Yeah.
It'll cut your boy.
It'll be our little secret, too.
Yeah.
Shit, you lay him down.
I know right where the arteries are.
Yeah.
But...
I apologize.
Gang, this is a family episode.
For what?
Huh?
For that sidebar of crazy.
Okay, that was good.
Yeah.
Cause you can really wedge it up against the door.
Of course.
It works, works really good.
Yeah, I mean, it's based on working.
Yeah, I couldn't get in at all.
Pretty good.
What?
Jesus Christ.
Were you at my apartment on Tuesday night?
Gang, this is a family episode.
As you know, when you sign up for the old Patreon there,
could get a question right on the air.
It's the best way to do it.
We got a little bit of a backlog,
but we promised we're gonna get to him.
KJ doesn't lie, and you could take that to the bank.
KJ lies, by the way.
Not about this, but I do lie.
This one's, I wasn't even at a wah-wah today.
This one's from Mike, not to know that.
I really thought I caught you in a lie the other day.
But then I was like, you don't really lie.
I don't, cause the anxiety, I used to lie,
not lie, but like, I mean, you lie in a wild way
about things that don't matter.
I'm lying right now.
I'll lie to, you know, it's self-preservation.
You lie if when you're jammed up or whatever.
But the anxiety of lying and keeping track,
I'm 36 years old at this point.
I'm fucking, I am what I am.
You're getting me as is.
I don't need to lie to impress anybody.
I'll give you an example of my lying.
I had those chips today on the way up,
and I also had a sizzly.
Is this what we're shocking?
I know.
I don't know what the fuck.
I'm just letting you know.
Okay.
And I hate the whole bag.
Sure, was it like a party bag?
Like, was it for a picnic?
You mean the 40% more, one of those, John's?
No.
No, was that all?
This is fat core territory,
but was that all you had?
What else was purchased at the Wawa?
The weekend, there was a lot going on.
No, no, just today.
Just today?
Yeah, you're like, I stopped at Wawa.
You didn't just buy, also who buys potato chips
in a bacon egg and cheese sandwich?
It was new.
The sizzlies are like two for five.
It was noon.
It was afternoon.
Okay.
It was brunch, basically.
Dirtbag brunch, a $2 pre-made bacon egg and cheese sandwich,
and a pack of chips.
I got a Fiji bottle of water.
I got a bacon egg and cheese sizzly.
The chips.
The chips.
A sausage egg and cheese sizzly.
Cause they're two for four or something like that.
They're really moving the merchandise out.
You had two, I had two yesterday.
I can't watch.
It's gonna sound crazy.
No, it's not.
It is for sure not gonna sound crazy, dude.
But they have egg rolls at Wawa now.
And they're pretty awesome.
I'm telling you right now, they're pretty, pretty good.
And that was it.
I had some gum, too.
And?
That's it.
I brushed my teeth.
I had a cough.
Brush your teeth.
I don't know.
I was just telling you what I did.
All right, so that was the purchase.
The purchase?
At Wawa.
Yes.
I would just steal a couple of Caltas.
Ugh, those things stink.
Wait, when did you brush your teeth and where?
I brushed my teeth and my mom's kitchen sink,
if you have to know.
That's a bad luck, dude.
Tough luck, yeah.
There was a year, right?
I was getting screamed at at the time.
I would brush my teeth at the kitchen sink
when I was sleeping on my boy's floor.
Fuck it.
Dude, spitting over a fucking bottom spaghetti
is a bad luck, dude.
You gotta take everything out of this sink.
I mean, if you're doing it once,
but if that's how you're living,
you know what I mean?
You got bigger fish to fry than the dirty dishes, all right?
I'm fucking hemmed up nine different ways to do this.
If you're brushing your teeth in the kitchen sink,
you're late for work, for sure.
You're hemmed up tight.
I wish that was just honestly how I lived.
My clothes were in the breakfast nook
because they weren't using it.
Remember that little room I had off the kitchen?
Oh yeah.
Shout out to my fucking homies from day one, huh?
Started at the bottom, huh?
Thanks.
But I was gonna say, you don't really lie.
Yeah, lookie, it was fizzles for days.
I thought I was, I thought,
there's no way I can prove it.
I'll admit, I admit it.
I thought you had lied to Luke and I
that you had gone to the gym an hour earlier than we did.
No.
That day.
I went.
Okay.
I think I ran two miles.
Okay.
That was a lie, it was a mile and a half.
I'm good, baby.
Stop talking about it.
Welcome to the club, man.
Buy some more, go ahead.
I do all the time.
T-Bone, I love you, buddy.
Is that a lie?
That's it on that.
I was gonna do the same joke to you.
Damn it.
We're hacked.
What do you want?
Oh, we're well fed.
Gang support for today's episode
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True Classic.
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That's all I wear.
You're finally getting on my board here, baby.
Listen, I'll be honest with you.
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All right, I wasn't sure if they would fit me.
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They feel good.
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It makes you look like a retired linebacker.
Yeah.
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Listen.
Let's get to the turkey.
All right, guys, it's a fan map.
So the big man said, when you sign up for the Patreon,
we'll answer your questions on here.
This one's Mike from South Philly, ever owned a Pogo stick.
I didn't have one.
There was one floating around.
I think my neighbors had it.
It was an old one.
It was like all metal.
It was fucking old as shit.
And I was too young to have any of that.
That might as well been learning fucking Mandarin to me.
And let me tell you something.
You could be looking at seriously bodily injury,
a pinch, a testicle, something.
Those things are dangerous.
Those things need constant WD-40 to run clean.
Didn't like them.
Hated the Pogo stick.
However, I'm older than you boys.
46 year old man.
Sure.
Child of the 80s.
Let me tell you what hit like a tidal wave
when I was banging third, fourth, fifth grade.
The scooter.
No, the Pogo ball.
The fuck is the Pogo ball?
There you go.
The Pogo ball.
Oh yeah, the basketball with the rim around it.
Yeah, it looks like Saturn.
Yes it does.
I never got that.
Because yeah.
They were all old and broken by the time I saw them too.
They were like leftover from my cousins or something.
Yeah, you were watching Degrassi or whatever
the fucking kids were doing.
How old was?
I don't know.
When was that on?
That was only fucking three years ago.
No, Drake was in it.
Yeah.
Three years ago?
No, I was in college, I think, when that came out.
Really?
I think so, yeah.
Huh, or high school maybe.
I don't know.
Pogo ball, you got it?
I do, this thing fucking stinks.
Now I'm telling you, man, you would have really dug it.
They were really cool.
And they had cool colors.
Dude, it was just one of those things
that everybody had to have.
And for some reason, we were allowed to bring them to school.
It was kids hopping around like fucking kangaroos
throughout their school.
Then they clamped down on it pretty hard.
Well, it was big.
Early 90s, my sister had one was the Skippet.
Yeah, Skippets.
I remember them.
I remember the kids having them.
I didn't have one back then.
High school at the time.
You're going down to all the Skippets.
Let's get anybody anywhere.
Yeah, there was something else that you guys had too
along these lines.
Bop it.
No, that's a game, right?
Yeah, which I would assume would give you
a horrible panic attack.
Bop it.
Bop it.
It's a countdown, twist it.
Dang it.
Banna, banna, banna.
Oh, get the fuck out of here with that thing.
That looks like a Klingon ray gun or something like that.
It's a baby toy.
I thought that thing sucked.
Shinging.
You know what we played?
Fucking Simon, whatever it was called.
Yeah.
That used to give me anxiety.
Everything gives you anxiety.
I smashed a couple of those in my day.
Yeah.
I thought it was talking to me one night.
You shut up, you fucking British bastard.
He wasn't British.
Yeah, Simon.
Did he talk?
I don't think that thing talked.
Was it called Simon Says?
Yeah, it was a Simon Says type game.
Was it the colors?
Yeah.
I thought that was alien technology.
My buddy had these two things that these two scooters
left over from the 80s that had the small bike, not the razor.
I do.
Yes, yes, yes.
The small bike tie.
And it was like a skateboard.
And they had BMX handlebars on it.
They were the original scooters.
He had two of them.
And they were fucking sweet.
Yeah, they were awesome.
Metal frames.
I completely forgot about them.
Dude, you could pop off curbs.
You could do fucking every.
I remember asking my mom, can I get one of these?
And all the fucking scooters we could find were like.
The razors with the walk with the whack.
That was a decade after.
But yeah, they were wacky shit.
But we're like toys.
This was like a vehicle.
This was like a mode of transportation.
They were fucking sweet.
Little mini mag wheels with the plug.
Yeah.
I'll get you one, but we can only lease it.
Yeah, you can only have it on every other weekend.
You don't have to go eight blocks a year.
If you go over, it's 25 cents a block.
I did tell you in my step.
By the way, I'm cooking on the miles on Big Boy.
I'm almost at 3,000.
I picked it up in July.
You only get 10 a year.
I got to park it.
They really bend you over.
It's 25 cents a mile if you go over.
Give us a shit.
Do that math.
I think I'm going to live for three more years.
Good luck suckers.
Good luck trying to pry me out of this goddamn car.
Joke's on you, dirtbag.
I told you my stepdad built me a bike with a side car on it.
Right, I had two of them.
I didn't tell you that?
I vaguely maybe remember something.
Yeah.
So there were these things.
Just always empty.
No, no.
Do we would fucking.
If you have a side car, you have nobody to send it
because you got no friends.
I'm sitting and waiting for someone to drive it.
Especially.
I got a helmet on with a little scarf.
Yeah, you can't do that on a bike.
It's got to be on a motorcycle.
Yeah, no.
And I think it's cool.
I mean, I'm 12 years old.
There's nothing cooler than fucking that.
I think you have to be a Nazi to drive those, too.
Nazis were always getting fucked up in those.
Indiana Jones took out about 20 of those things.
They'd flip over.
It was fucking sweet, dude.
I'm telling you.
Because my buddy came from California and he had one.
But he knows.
You rode it the whole way, huh?
If you Google, they're called Rob Dierdeck
tried to resell them.
They were big in California in the 80s.
It was called the guy.
There was teams of competitions.
I learned all of this after when I saw he did it in 2005
or something, a sidecar quarter.
Sidecar quarter.
When I went to the meetup.
You're looking at the article about long flags.
The guy in the thing was called a monkey.
This is crazy.
Did you find it?
Yeah, you can't really sit.
You kind of got to stand.
I guess on that one, yes.
But the one my buddy had, he got in like a bet.
Somebody owed him 200 bucks.
And the guy's like, here, you can have this.
So he showed up from California with this fucking
sidecar tank.
I was like, yo, that's fucking sweet.
And you hooked it up to your bicycle.
I'm not hooked.
It was welded.
It was proper connected.
So I went to.
What'd the bike look like?
His bike, it was all just, it was just kind of like a random BMX
bike.
OK.
It was like a fucking, coming off the side,
like too welded to the back.
So my stepdad's like a hardcore fucking mechanic,
race car builder fucking guy.
So he was like, I was like, Brian,
I was like, you got to fucking see this thing.
Like it's crazy.
And he's like, I can do that.
And I guess he saw it as like a challenge.
So he's like, yeah, I remember you telling me about this.
He fucking made it sweet.
It was?
Oh, yeah.
Who'd you zip around in it?
There was a group.
I mean, when you're like 12, everybody's riding out
on fucking bikes in the burbs.
You're in the woods.
You find all the old bike jumps from the 80s.
Were you jumping?
Not on that.
No.
That was that was like my Sunday cruising car, you know what I mean?
I only take that out for a drive.
Who would you take for a ride in it?
I mean, we would fucking, you know,
we would just like ride it into the fucking down like wild.
You just do wild shit with it.
It was like Jackass was fucking banging at the time.
You were just, yeah, Pat, Flip, everybody.
Vinny with the skinny.
I like it.
It was a good time.
Man.
I just imagined you with a little teddy bear in the side car.
Like, come on, Mr. Mittens.
It's time to get red.
I would like deep.
We're running away.
And that carpet in it?
We're running away to start a restaurant in Seattle.
No, it was sweet.
Slap two was nice.
A mini fridge.
Pretty good.
All right.
Well, please.
I was going to say Pogo balls.
That's where it was at.
Shit's corny.
It wasn't.
It was cool.
You would have dug it.
If you were my age, you would have dug it.
I'm telling you, I for sure not would have not.
I'm taking shit from a guy in a side car.
Hey, you just jumping on a basketball going.
And then in school, like, that's real fucking cool.
Yeah, it was cool.
We'd all hop around like.
A side car?
Are you insane?
I'm also not saying it was cool.
You said it was cool multiple times.
It is unique.
That thing is fucking stupid.
Dude, you're hopping around.
Well, who wants to hop around?
It is unique.
I'm cruising with the homies.
Smoking fun.
That's what you want to be in high school, unique.
I wasn't in high school, you idiot.
I was 11 or something.
You fucking dork.
I Pogo balled up until freshman year.
You're jumping to get your diploma.
Henry Foley by the skin of his balls.
Doing, doing.
Man, that'd be pretty good.
Did you ever do any of that shit?
You guys do any high jinks when you got your diplomas?
No, I hated that.
Yeah.
It was like class clowny stuff that, you know, I never was a.
I flexed on our principal when I took mine.
Oh, it's a pussy.
No, you didn't.
And that was three sizzlies.
Shout out to the Wawa egg rollin' out.
You're crazy.
Also, I never mind, we'll do a Wawa hour another time.
This one's from KJ, the ass man, having a lion head
or a full lion statue at the entrance of your driveway.
There is a couple in my area, not even nice houses, like just
like.
Nice.
Yeah, these were just like random,
there's like a random like split level house.
Does it have like the stonework at the end of the driveway?
No, like a little, maybe a little bit.
But it's like not, that looks nicer than the house.
It's tacky to me.
I don't know, it's real Russian mobster shit.
Yeah, a little bit, you know, that in the columns,
you have columns at your front door,
but the house ain't tight.
Anything like, to me, that shit is like, was all done late.
It's supposed to be done in like marble,
like that's what it was.
So it's like, this is just like a bad representation
of that to me.
Yeah, it's tough luck.
It's like wearing a fake Rolex or whatever.
No, I wouldn't mind.
But then somebody was like, it would suck
if you got fucking robbed or mugged for a fake Rolex.
I go, yeah, that kind of stinks too.
Why, that'd be great.
No, please don't take it, it's a $40,000 watch.
Yeah, give me a pussy.
And then they run off and like, it was eight bucks.
Yeah, but you have fucking pistol whip there or something.
Not necessarily, if you gotta cough it up.
But if you don't have a fit.
Just don't try to be a fucking hero,
don't be a tough guy. Hold on, hold on, hold on.
You're not getting the point.
The thing is, if I don't have any Rolex,
I'm not gonna get mugged.
If I'm walking around with a fake Rolex,
people go, oh, I'm gonna mug that guy for his Rolex.
So it's, I'm probably not gonna get mugged without,
I mean, you're probably not gonna get mugged with it,
but it was more of, it would suck to get mugged.
Fucking gun pulled on you.
Give me your Rolex. Yeah.
It's fake, man. It's what they all say.
Give me your side guard, too.
Yeah, you're out of the street with your side guard.
All right, okay, okay.
Yeah, lose the lions.
Yeah, unless it's like a tough look.
Yeah, I don't know.
It's so gaudy.
That's like so new money.
Like, unless it's like a fucking crazy mansion
or something, I get that.
Yeah. Or a villa or something.
You know what sweet is the lion
with the thing in its mouth as a knocker.
Ooh, I'll give you that. Yeah.
That's all right. That's tight.
We don't have no knockers.
They have doorbell.
Not too shabby.
That's pretty good.
Let's see here.
This one's from Drew.
First time, long time, $10 investor here,
which the homies are now calling themselves investor.
I like it. I like it.
Gotta have a board meeting pretty soon.
As a garbage, you rearrange the pepperoni
on a frozen pizza so it's more evenly spread out.
Not at all.
Pro move.
Pro move.
I do it to the point of autism.
I'm like, I make sure it's like fucking.
Got to.
My OCD gets involved.
Got to.
I'm like, I run the lines of art.
If I'm gonna cut here, I'm gonna cut,
especially on a Kali P.
If you do the pepperoni, you really gotta work.
And when you were a kid, you didn't think about that.
You're like, ah, fuck.
Never.
But now if I do it and there's like a bunch of cheese
in the bottom of the bag, spread it around a little bit.
I don't do that because I don't like the fine cheese.
That's like real.
That tends to like break down and come to like a powder.
Sure.
Nah.
Okay. I need the shred.
All right.
That's just how I roll.
That's okay.
But yeah, classy move right there.
Redistributing.
I'm also a fan of reorganizing the burger.
Like let's say you get something from McDonald's
and it comes in, it's like half slid off or whatever.
Take a minute, stack it up the way you like it.
Sure.
Something proper.
Pretty diggin' to it.
Yeah.
All right. This one's from Matt.
$10 long time shareholder.
Anybody in your family ever do Zumba?
What's Zumba?
Zumba would be like the modern Taibo or whatever.
Zumba was like, I remember the girls in high school or college.
We're all doing Zumba, doing Zumba at 10 o'clock.
It's like a dance, maybe like a hip hop dance.
T-Bone might be able to tighten this up for me.
Like a hip hop dance aerobics class.
Go do Zumba, go into a Zumba class.
It's a fitness program that involves cardio
and Latin-inspired dance.
Oh no.
I didn't let my girlfriend do that shit.
What are you talking about?
Definitely fuckin' that guy.
I think it's girls.
Some cool Cuban dude showing her how to show her moves.
Why my fat ass is sittin' at home
eatin' my fuckin' kettle cook chips.
Eatin' your speed chips.
Yeah.
Yeah, get out of here with that.
No bueno.
Zumba spin class was big.
I still don't understand what that is.
Zumba spin?
No, I said Zumba, but then I said-
He said Zumba spin class was big.
Back in my day, spin class was big.
Yeah, I mean, I think that's still quite very, very popular.
That's a dance.
No, spin is on a bike.
Yeah, that don't make no sense.
Why, bikes, wheels, spin.
That's fuckin' stupid.
That's why they call it spin.
I'm gonna never put my side card.
You're in the side card, some jack dude's fuckin' battle it.
Let's go, Timmy.
Do you know my friend who lived in California?
He moved here and had one of these.
We were best friends.
Okay.
That was always hit or miss when a new kid showed up
in the neighborhood.
Sure.
That could really work out.
I was never big on the new kid.
Really?
I wasn't mean or anything.
I just go like.
I was a new kid.
Okay.
Bastard.
What's that mean?
You're not coming over to my house.
That's what it means.
Yeah, please.
It's the whole reason I'm avoiding you.
Go over to your unpacked house.
No thanks.
Were you ever the kid that had to show the new kid
around the school?
No, I don't know if we had that.
He's my locker.
These are my snacks.
Don't touch them.
I don't think we ever had to do that.
I don't think we had very many new, new kids,
to be honest with you.
I don't remember.
That's a tough thing for a kid to do.
I'll tell you that.
I couldn't imagine.
Show up in the middle of the year.
That was, I went from a Catholic school
to a public school, fourth grade, brutal.
Everybody knew each other since they were fucking babies.
We thought I was a cop, but can I come rollin' in?
But I had to show a kid around in, I think,
sixth or seventh grade became one of my best friends.
Shout out to Chuck Stewart, boy, Charlie.
There you go, Charlie.
Showin' around the whole place.
Get you out of class, get to walk around a little bit.
I could imagine you really giving like the, you know,
this is, I kind of run shit around.
I got laid over there.
I got laid over there.
Givin' the fucking H. Foley Lyon tour.
It's just.
It's just.
It's just.
It's just.
It's just.
It's just.
It's just.
See that teacher, Miss Shyblot, banged there a couple weeks
ago?
In reality, you're goin' through other kids' lunches.
I was prom king last year, but they were decked at it.
It's all political.
It's all political.
Everybody knew it was really me, though.
You ever see Transformers?
Yeah, I wrote that.
Yeah, I date the cheerleaders.
A little dirt ball.
Yeah, I don't know.
Maybe I don't know yet.
I don't recall any of that.
Honestly, I don't feel like we had that many new kids.
There was a big school, though.
There was always big schools, but I don't remember.
Your school was too big.
What'd you graduate with?
They split it up.
15 Hyundai or something?
No, they were all like a thing.
It was originally like they were all like 1,000 or 1,100,
and then they split.
Too many kids.
They split, and I think I graduated with like five something.
Something like D. A little something like D.
All right, this one's from Ja'Fool.
Is it garbage to grub hub a burrito to a wedding
because you don't like the spread?
Come on.
He said, I saw it this weekend.
What?
That's fucking.
I would ask them to leave.
Get the fuck out of here.
Yeah.
If you got burritos for everybody, all right.
Yeah, like an after party.
Like, I ordered fucking 200 hours worth of Mexican food.
It's coming.
Yeah.
That's one thing, but you can't.
What kind of wedding is that?
I doubt it's like a.
That was definitely outside.
There was a lot of khakis at that wedding.
Sure, yeah, I don't think it would be.
I just got a burrito.
I don't think it was the classiest affairs,
if I had to guess.
There was probably some denim.
Not our guy.
The guy who did it.
That guy's a fucking loser.
Oh, yeah.
I kind of want to punch that guy in the fucking face.
OK.
Get a fucking burrito to a wedding.
Then the bride's got to deal with that.
Dave brought a burrito.
They have, like, typically weddings.
I mean, they have, like, the most generic spread.
It's like, if you're ordering a potato.
If you're ordering a fucking burrito at a wedding,
whatever that wedding has is better than what you're
reading on a regular basis.
So act like a fucking adult and go get a fucking piece
of chicken and shut the fuck up.
Hanger stakers.
Or eat something before.
You made the choice.
You got the card.
You got the card.
What did you pick?
I'll be bringing my own.
Nothing for me, thanks.
Nothing for me, please.
But it's also like this is coming from a very picky eater,
like who like, and I'll go like, I'll just go,
yeah, I'm not gonna, I'm fine.
I'm good.
I'll just wait.
I'll leave the wedding.
If I'm that hungry, I'll leave the wedding an hour early
and hit a Chipotle or something.
If you like a burrito, you like,
you can eat what's something that they're serving there.
Yeah, of course.
Yeah, I'm just saying, but like, I get being somewhere
or whatever and not liking what's offered.
I would never be like, I'm gonna order my own thing.
I just go, no, I'm fine.
You know, you go home and eat and cry in your bedroom
by yourself, you know?
Like a gentleman.
100%.
This one, same vein, this one's from Tyler.
Haven't had one read yet.
Not much of a question, but when I'm in a pinch,
cash wise, he says, which is often,
the McDonald's and Taco Bell app comes in clutch.
Sometimes you can catch a free 10 piece nugget
with an order of $1 or more.
So you order the fries for like two bucks
and then you get a free 10 piece nuggy.
So you get lunch or dinner.
How you pulling that?
What do you gotta know for that?
I guess it's a net, but if you purchase,
I named T-Bone shaking his head.
I don't have any of the apps.
What do you mean?
I doubt you do either.
It's the McDonald's app and the Taco Bell app.
The McDonald's app kept me alive.
Wait, really?
Did you not hear the question?
I thought he meant like Uber Eats or seamless.
I didn't know they had their own platforms.
Oh yeah, with their own special deals in there.
Really?
Oh yeah.
Who delivers that?
You pick it up yourself.
I'm out.
I don't care how cheap, how free the nuggies are.
Toby, I'm not walking anywhere.
And for that reason, I'm out.
Really?
Oh dude, the day that I realized that you could get
the three or four nuggets, if you ordered four of them,
it was like three bucks cheaper than a 10 piece.
Wait, three nuggets?
Yeah, three or four.
It was four nuggets for like two bucks.
Wait, you mean four orders of nuggets?
I would get four orders of four nuggets
and it would be like $4, I mean you get 12 nuggets
for like $4 cheaper than a regular 10.
I thought you were ordering three nuggets,
three actual nuggets.
Which I think we were gonna let you go at that point.
That's all you're eating.
I thought you were that much of a dirt ball.
Hey, let me get two nuggets and like a handful of rice.
That's a tough look.
What's the bare minimum of nuggets that you eat?
12.
No, they come in 10 piece, don't they?
Unless you finesse the app.
Unless you got a guy on the inside.
Fucking Snowden over here.
Out of in real dirt ball, just three nuggets, dude.
Yeah, you gotta, whatever's the order is.
I didn't know about all that.
Yeah.
And I think they want to keep you,
they want you to order in there
so they fucking throw, they throw fucking high heat at you.
They want you to order in the app.
Yeah, they get your information,
they can send you a fucking push notifications,
they got the email, they got all your information
seamless and grub out.
Last people you gotta talk to in there,
last time in the store, get your food and get out, Fatty.
Yeah.
Sure.
Everybody wants the information.
Yeah, information.
Crazy.
When you control the mail, control information.
Also, by the way, this is a bit of a pivot.
But did you see that guy in the McDonald's
in New York with the ax?
What?
Oh.
Man, there's this dude, he gets in a fight
with like four guys.
And is this recent?
Yeah, he was like from like two nights last night
or something.
And these four dudes start punching this guy in the head.
And at one point, literally,
while he's getting punched in the head by four dudes,
he acts like this isn't bothering me.
And he puts it, he goes, ah, I don't know.
And they're all just punching him in the head.
He's like, ah.
And he goes, all right, you done?
Yeah.
And they're all like, yeah, all right, man.
Like you're fucked up or something.
Like you're crazy.
He just like takes his,
he's got like the messenger bag on,
takes it off and pulls out a fucking hatchet,
ax type fucking thing
and starts going to town on this McDonald's dude.
He smashes the table into pieces with one fuck.
And that's whatever he goes, oh fuck.
He starts smashing like the big glass panes they have
and every, it's, it gets fucking dicey.
But.
Wild.
That's what he reminds me.
If you're in New York and you're going to a McDonald's
at that, in the middle of the night.
Never.
You're fucking crazy now.
I'm sure the Barrows are a little different
cause it's a little more residential and stuff like that.
But if you're going to like,
dude, the one at West 4th Street,
there would be fist fights down there.
Every single night,
the bars let out and then everybody's in there.
It's a lot of street people, a lot of drug out.
It's just fucking wacky.
I would hit that Mickey D's in the morning
when I was waiting tables over at the Bear Burger.
I'd get off at the train there at West 4th Street,
roll in there.
They had to move.
A salad or something.
No.
No, I'd probably go with McMuffin.
A couple McMuffins, a couple hash browns.
They had this one girl that was working there.
That was literally, she was at 10.
She was at an absolute 10.
And I never had the courage,
but I was going to be like,
what the fuck are you doing working here?
Good kid, I guess, I don't know.
I mean, what were her other options?
I don't, I always find that,
I don't know how this is going to sound.
I always find it crazy when like super, super attractive
people are doing that kind of stuff.
I'm like, I'd sleep with somebody, do something.
You gotta have a sugar mom and sugar daddy something.
It's also like, you ever see like a really hot
dude construction worker?
I'm like, he couldn't have done a little bit of print work
or like a fucking Colesad and fucking got some money
together, you know what I mean?
That's what I'm talking about.
Yeah, of course.
Yeah, Colesad's perfect.
That's what I'm saying.
I know, just something, you feel like it's like
these jacked hot guys, I'm like, how?
There's just more opportunity provided to hot people.
I do it, I wanna be around hot people.
People wanna be around attractive people.
So it's like, yeah, if I'm sitting there.
If I'm doing it, of course, that makes sense.
That was like in the town, I never really believed
that Ben Affleck worked at the fucking quarry.
I'm like, you're too good looking to be fucking.
He was real tight in that too.
Chiseled, we were talking about that.
What?
We were talking about that the other day
in the car, I think, is that-
Me and you?
Yeah, some like, just cause somebody's like super,
super attractive and has like really good genes,
doesn't mean that they have that, you know,
that they're like dirt balls like that.
You know what I mean?
Not that they don't realize how attractive they are.
They don't use it to their advantage
cause they have good souls, they're good people.
Does that make sense?
Does that make sense?
Yeah.
I guess.
Yeah.
They don't look, they're so good looking,
they've been good looking for so long
that they don't look at, if it was you,
you'd be using that, you know what I mean?
If I just turned good looking all of a sudden,
you'd just turn good looking.
Do I have ugly guy, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
I have ugly guy perspective.
I get it.
I get it.
Yeah.
You don't know what you got, you know, yeah, yeah, yeah.
You'd become a who-it real quick.
I'd be sleeping with every guy.
Everybody.
Guys, girls, you.
Let's go, the whole of the works.
Um, I don't even know how we got there.
I have Angelina Jolie in the sidecar.
You're a lucky girl.
I'm going to see if I can get my hands on that, dude.
We gave it to my stepdad's nephew, I think.
What are you going to go take a bath from him?
Well, I mean, he's like 30 now.
He's still riding it in circles around the cul-de-sac.
Hello, Kevin.
I knew you'd be back.
Yeah.
Very good.
Um, OK, let's see here.
This one's a little wacky.
This is from Chad.
Did you ever find sex photos of your hot aunt
and uncle pre-internet, then went to Kinkos to copy them?
What?
That's, what's that called?
That's not beastie aunt.
Yeah, might have been beastie aunt.
I didn't get a look at these brats.
Dad was, his uncle was a cocker spaniel.
Yeah.
That's tough.
But listen, this is going to have to say.
This feels like we're violating attorney client privilege.
Yeah.
That was from Kevin, right?
You find, so photos of them, who was taking the pictures?
That's that's the other weird thing.
Sure.
There's timers on that kind of stuff, I think, on cameras.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
I never got that was always a thing to you would see in movies
that my family would never do.
All right, set it up.
One, two, then the dad runs.
Who had the tripod?
There's not a picture of my dad ever.
There ain't one, there's one, there's one of like me,
him and my mom, and he don't look happy to be there.
He's sketching a heater in his suit.
I think it was like my brother.
I think it was like Danny or Sarah's communion.
You always ask somebody in the other family
to take that picture of everybody.
We never had a tripod.
In the movies, they always had a tripod.
They put it on a tripod and they, what?
Never.
A tripod?
Never.
No video cameras, nothing.
Yeah, nothing.
My Aunt Patty was always big on the pics,
so everybody used to fucking break her stones for it.
Patty with the pill, here comes Patty.
Meanwhile, she was just trying to get like one picture of every,
like it wasn't like we were doing a photo.
She was like, oh, let's get a picture of Christmas.
And everybody was like, get out, I'm not in it, you go.
Yeah, kids go, I'm not.
Never, though.
Yeah.
Never, ever, ever.
So.
But I guess back in the day, if you're a young buck
and you don't, there's no internet,
you don't have access, I don't know, I guess.
Are you doing this guy's story?
Is that what you're just trying to figure this out?
Yeah, I mean, I guess it, but then who was,
what's the guy King goes saying?
Well, hold on, I wonder how old this guy is,
how long ago we talked.
He said pre-internet.
Pre, oh, pre-internet.
Yeah, so it's like.
In the 90s.
Yeah.
Late 80s, early 90s.
Those guys back then,
did it say Kinkos?
He said, and then you run to Kinkos.
Yeah, but those guys back then,
Sex Picks, working at a photo place.
Sex Picks, that was like a Christmas bonus.
I told you, I worked at one hour photo and I waited,
that's all I wanted to see.
Yeah.
That or a murder.
Did you ever.
Did you ever.
Did you ever.
Did you ever.
Did you ever.
Did you ever.
Did you ever.
Did you ever.
Did you ever.
Did you ever.
Did you ever.
Did you ever.
I got, I found pictures and I was like,
what the fuck is this?
Man, it really freaked me out.
Yeah, it was like a crime scene.
But then as they started developing more,
as it was a film set,
like it was like a student teacher,
but like, dude, I, or like a independent school film
or something.
Hot dude, I had nine, I had nine.
Give me the FBI.
Dude, I was about to crack the case, dude.
I had the name.
I fucking, I'm like, they'll be back in 15 minutes.
I was ready to call them the fucking SWAT team.
I had nine one dial just ready to fucking go.
Did you ever find any sexy pics?
No, I mean, I don't know.
Was this in the grocery store?
Yeah.
They transferred, what would you do
that you got transferred over there?
No, it was a Prima.
I was behind the counter.
That was like, that was one step up for being a CSR.
What's a CSR?
Customer service.
Representative?
CSM, customer service manager or something like that.
Okay.
This is really beating the girls away.
One hour photo and a sidecar.
Lady.
Yeah, it's a custom job.
You girls want to see a picture of my aunt Toplish.
If you wait right over there for 15 minutes,
I'll sleep into my dark room and be right with you.
No, it wasn't done in a dark room.
That's old school, Janice.
Yeah, that's pretty, I get it, your aunt.
I don't get it.
No, I don't get it.
I'm trying to put it together why you would do that.
You're hot aunt and uncle.
It could be not his blood aunt,
or maybe she came in like a little later.
You know what I mean?
All right, which is more gross.
If the aunt is related to you
or the uncle's related to you.
I think the aunt, because you're lusting after the aunt.
Your uncle's just in there with,
I'm assuming the uncle's got a hug
if you're taking pics back in the day.
No shit.
No, it's a bit teeny weenie, you got to do that.
Not me.
You get your sketchbook out if you want,
but that's about it.
I need some artistic.
Some artistic.
Interpretation.
License, yes.
Yes, I do.
Yes, I do.
Do me a favor.
Do my cock like one of those dolly clocks, will you?
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Here's 10, keep it clean, huh?
Call it fair, will you?
I don't want one of them courtroom guys either.
They make everybody look like an asshole.
Fuck out of here with that.
Whoever does Garfield, get that guy doing it.
Give me Clifford.
Yeah, give me Clifford.
That's bad.
This one's from Terry to Turd.
Know anyone that can make Kraft Mac and Cheese
without straining?
It took me a minute to get this.
I had a roommate in college who could eyeball
the exact amount of water needed
till you never had to strain it.
That's pretty good.
So it would just boil,
but any amount of water would do that
once it just boiled away.
Sure.
I figured that out by accident one time
because a strainer, when you're in college
or in your early 20s and it's like a couple guys
in an apartment, a clean strainer does not exist.
You might have one, but there's somebody,
you know, there's shit all in it.
You typically, I'll still do this.
You go with the spoon or something
or the lid even, the fucking strainer.
You're losing some Mac with that.
Dude, in my OCD, it killed the second I lose one.
My heart breaks.
Yeah.
If I lose a new, I get so mad.
It's just like a thing of my, if we fucking...
I think that's your fatness over your OCD.
Could be.
Macaroni.
My carbs.
But that makes it cheesier.
Just if it goes in the sink, do you take it out
and put it back in?
I've been known to do that.
I've been known to do that, sure.
No, the flu.
Not with spaghetti, but with macaroni, yeah.
Or fusilli or rigatone.
Did you hit the lotto or hit the daily number?
You guys are banging fusilli.
We had some fusilli running around.
We were big tortellini people too.
My mom still is.
She likes, but in a soup,
she makes tortellini soup,
which is like chicken broth and little tortellinis.
But they're all right.
Pretty banging.
A little bit of parm cheese on top.
Where does she get the torts?
The pre-made johns?
Yeah, the pre-made johns, either the frozen ones,
or, you know, they have like that fresh pasta
at the front of the thing.
Yeah, that, like...
That's all smoke and mirrors.
That stuff's awesome, and it ain't that expensive.
Sure.
Because nobody fucks with it.
And back in the day, it wasn't at the end.
It was like with the cheese.
Still is sometimes, yeah.
Nobody goes near it.
We would, that's, we're ingrained to be like,
you don't even look at that.
You don't, I still to this day.
Nah, it's good.
Nadine was looking one time,
and I was like...
A little bit of chicken broth.
Whoa, whoa, hey, what's going on here?
Yeah, but yeah, it's like $3.99 or whatever.
Yeah, it's all right.
You a tortellini man?
Love a tort.
Love a tort.
There you go.
Love a tort.
All right, let's do one or two more here,
then we're gonna ramp her up.
This is from Mike Nish.
Is it garbage to go to the Mall of America on vacation?
Aye, that's all I wanted to do as a kid.
And Mighty Ducks, they were,
they went fucking rollerblading through it.
And was that Mighty Ducks too, I guess?
To Minnesota.
Yeah, there's a comedy club in there.
Yes.
Were we there?
No.
Okay.
But I was in Minnesota.
Oh, we were flying to Hawaii.
And then we asked the guy like,
hey, is there anything, we have a couple of hours.
Everything to do is like, you can go to the Mall of America.
Rich, how big is it?
There's a roller coaster in there.
I don't know.
I remember hearing that as like an eight year old,
you're like, what the fuck?
Yeah.
Can we go?
I remember as a kid being like,
I wonder what that food court's like.
Probably like.
Probably Ford.
Yeah.
Probably all right.
Guess how many square feet?
700.
What's a re...
What?
Your apartment's bigger than that, I would hope.
What's, what's a regular mall?
That's too much.
That's too big for me.
Eight million square feet.
Yeah.
It's gotta be like square miles.
4.8 million square feet.
Yeah.
96.4 acres.
I don't understand what square feet are anyway.
I don't get it.
I did, doesn't make sense to me.
Is it like how many squares you could fit in it?
Or is it, if you added up everything,
that's how big it is.
That's all we have time for today, folks.
What?
Yeah.
A square foot is one foot by one foot.
One foot by one foot.
Each side of the square is one foot.
Okay.
So all four sides are one foot.
So that's how many of those you could fit in there.
So let's just say this room is 10 feet by 10 feet.
Mm-hmm.
That would be a hundred square feet.
Okay.
Oh.
Oh, that's how you do it.
You could take 10.
You could take a hundred, one foot.
So you measure that wall and that wall.
Yeah.
All right.
It's not every wall around and then add it up.
Essentially, that's what you're doing, though.
What do you mean?
Oh, is it?
Yeah, just multiplying it.
Okay.
Wait, what did you mean?
Like you would measure from there to there
and then there to there and then there to there
and then there to there and then there to there
and there to there and then you would add that up.
All right, that was four feet there.
That was two feet.
That was six feet.
And eventually that would get you to whatever it is.
No?
Like if you took this room and opened it up
and it was in one straight line
and it was a hundred feet long,
it would be a hundred square feet.
Yeah, but that would be the perimeter.
You're talking about like the perimeter of it?
Because this also accounts for the inside,
this space that we're in here.
See what I'm saying?
So I add up from there to there and there to there
and I add that together and that's the square footage.
As long as that wall is and as long as that wall is,
two sides of the square.
Multiply them, not add them.
Multiply them.
Oh, so if that's 10 feet and that's five feet,
this place would be 50 square feet.
Okay, look at that, a learning program.
Pretty good.
You've like learned it, unlearned it and then relearned it.
And then I go, I don't know what I'm talking about.
You made me forget it.
That's how dumb you are.
You fucking, you're like the ooze.
You just permeate.
You learned it then unlearned it.
That was pretty good.
That T-Bow McMuffin right there,
kids throwing rocks.
But let's wrap her up, gang.
Gang, let me tell you this.
We love yous.
We love you, do us a favor.
Subscribe to the YouTube there.
Okay, get on iTunes there, leave a nice review.
Sure.
Live shows.
Come see a live show.
Rhode Island, we added a second show
and Boston, we added a late show.
Get those tickets, those tickets are live now.
Get them before they're gone,
cause they're gonna go, I hope.
Yeah, let's go, let's sell all those shows out.
Let's do this, man.
Let's do it, baby.
We love you and we'll see you next week.
Peace. Peace.