Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast - Paul Virzi - Italian Garbage

Episode Date: April 20, 2020

Hot episode! Stand up comedian and podcaster Paul Virzi. Paul talks about growing up Italian in New York, first cars, and drinking good wine. You know Paul Virzi from touring with Bill Burr, Comedy Central, and his podcast.

welcome to another exciting edition of are you garbage the show where you find out if your favorite comedians are classy individuals or absolute trash now here are your hosts Kevin Ryan and H Foley hey everybody out there welcome back to everybody's favorite new podcast this is are you garbage I am your host stage foley coming at you from beautiful Astoria Queens in New York where the bodies are stacking high my friends it's getting a little dicey in the neighborhood my co-host bugged out of town at the first sign of trouble he's coming at you from an undisclosed location somewhere in southern New Jersey 222

Wildwood Crest Boulevard you keep your fucking mouth shut jerk off down there on course like party ball way Kevin James Ryan everybody hey happy to be here guys thanks for tuning in thanks for you know all the all the new listeners and stuff like that we appreciate all the new subscribers please make sure you rate reviews subscribe on iTunes you can subscribe on YouTube for the full video as well and we appreciate all the support guys very nice and of course our very special guest today we are so happy to have him here our good pal an incredibly funny stand-up comedian kippy check out this fucking rap sheet on

this fucking guy you got Gotham comedy live going back you got comedy knockout this week at the comedy cellar he's got his own special on comedy central called all say this which broke every single digital download record that those fucking bozos had over there and fucking smashed it open good night tours all over the world tours with mr. Bill Burr has his own podcast called the Versey effect on all things comedy and is gonna be in the brand new jet Apatow Pete Davidson movie that was supposed to be coming out at South by Southwest but the corona fucking had something to say about that but it's

gonna be in theaters very soon we are so happy to have him here ladies and gentlemen the kid mr. Paul Versey everybody wow thank you for that that was I wish my wife heard that a little fucking respect over here there's cursing me while she's working from home dealing with the kids and you're up here you know yelling at some of my accolades great to be here with you guys man it's all true my friend you know how much we love you all those accomplishments Paul it's unbelievable we have to find out are you garbage I don't think so man I've yeah I've traveled with mr. Versey you know we've

done a lot of shows together the guy is all class through and through yeah but you know what Kev that's now I was that's that's what I think I think he might have been you might have had some garbage tendencies growing up you know I mean you're from you're from Jersey right you know from I'm from New York I'm from actually born in Yonkers I'm a Westchester guy got a lot of people think I'm from Jersey because I always shit on it so since I always shit on it Bill Burr that's yeah called me the pride of Trenton so now everywhere I go people like Jersey and I'm like no dude it's because I hate it there yeah I'm a

New Yorker man which we found out a lot especially like the white suburbs outside of a city there's a lot of trashy characteristics in those families like we're both from outside Philly and there's a lot of trashy tendencies that you know when somebody in the family me gets a couple of bucks and they move out to like Westchester or somewhere or Long Island or something they don't shake the trashiness I'm saying this you are what you are yeah dude it's there it's there you can I think Versey can try to hide it with the Lexuses and the big house out in Westchester and the cats and the dogs but I think he's got a

little stank on him I think I disagree I Paul has always come across to me he looks like a guy to me that irons is underwear like everything's tight the sneakers are always fresh nice t-shirt nice watch on that's fucking classy nice pair of jeans and I know his situation now his wife and his kids that's a that's a tightly runned organization out there yeah and and for as much as you know what that's actually a really good that's really a good like way to look at it but my wife is totally the general yeah I understand that trickles down a little bit like yes I do like a clean pair of kicks yes I do like

but my wife you want to talk about a tight ship and you guys will you guys will meet her I want you guys to come up here whenever this madness is over but like matter not fuck around yeah you met her you met her at dog I met her a couple times yeah yeah yeah but when you see her in her element like when you watch her like discipline the kids but also like like host a party it's like Jordan in 96 like Jordan 96 like just killing that the jazz like that's her yeah see but I think that counts I think I think that elevates you 100% elevate you in a certain way and it takes you out of the garbage that is and also the vibe I get

from you and talking to you is your mom ran a tight ship didn't you you grew up living with your mom and your parents are divorced correct yeah parents got divorced when I was five my brother was 10 my mother remarried you know and my stepfather's been in my life basically since I'm whatever like five six years old and yeah I mean my mom and I always had a cool always had a cool relationship my mom but I got the vibe that you learned a lot from her and that you you're the way you are because of her and that she wrote she ran a tight ship growing up I don't you know what I don't just be in my head this could be

the storyline I made in my head about you I also paint her as an amazing cook is that true well here's the thing yes shoot no she was definitely a good cook tight ship here's the thing my mom kind of felt bad about the divorce mm-hmm when I acted up you know when I got arrested or when I was doing the stupid shit that I was doing with the drinking and the and the partying yeah she like disciplined me but she more came at me hurt like I'm why is this happening and like she kind of was like like I didn't get hit like my mom like the only time she hit me she just lost it and she broke a vacuum over my back Jesus right and it

was all my whole investigation here yeah keep a lid on it will you I'm trying to get out of this but you know what me and my mom you know really did have to save your theory me and my mom really did have a have like this kind of special relationship and bond where whenever I would go through things and here's a thing about me dude and we'll get into it with your game I did some really fucked up shit and I did some things that I'm not proud of and I did some things that if my children did I would be like oh my god but during all of that getting arrested doing juvenile delinquents shit when I was younger they were like yeah

but he's respectful which is like teachers teachers would be like he's like the nicest we love him but like he like robbed the cafeteria he's taking us he's skimming the cafeteria registers but he is shaking everybody's hand on the way out he's a good fucking guy that mercy versus fucking Jimmy the jet over here I like yeah like dude I remember one time there was this dude and I don't want to say names because they listen to this shit but there was this kid he was bigger bigger than me Italian kid and he made fun of this girl that I went to school with she had really bad eyesight

she was almost like legally blind and when you're in middle school and the book is this close people would make fun of you and I remember one time she was like crying she's like he made fun of me he said this and I called the fucking kid over and I was like you're not talking for a second I talked to you for say hey I believe the bully I made him get on all fours and he had to bark like a dog in front of all the seven craters he doesn't even that is some fucking guinea shit right there I love it all puts them as espresso but then it was like so then like what do you say to my parents you're like well wait a minute

he stopped the bullying yeah one hand washes the other what do you want from me very bronx tail so you're so like when you were younger and you would hijack like a truck of cigarettes make sure you slip the driver 50 bucks yeah so I know who I am and then he goes into a diner and blames it on a black guy I didn't do not even know any of this we try to believe this juvenile delinquency I'm hearing these words I gotta try to defend this case over here oh man yeah if you were my if you were my attorney we would be going down full yeah dude well if only your attorney you're in bad shape for even if it's a

parking ticket version you're fuck you have a cocktail now you drink now right or no I will have yes I will have a cocktail now and then can I tell you how classy this guy is we you know we were that's what I'm saying I'm hearing all this fucking we were in Houston ladies we were in we were in Houston and you know you go on the road a lot of people like oh let's go to a dive bar a titty bar something he's got you told me this you wouldn't get the nice dinner would you guys go Capitol Grill or something like that true locks true yeah true locks but even before that that was just like that just happened kind of you know

sporadically after the first night he's like let's go he's like he's like looking up nice wine bars we go to this place we ordered like a $70 cheese and meat board you know what I mean we got these these tasting red wines and cabernets and shit I'm like what the fuck is going on here I'm like I can get used to this shit oh dude we were loving that night he's gonna taste this meat tell us me right here with that cheese forget about it yeah meanwhile he's just fucking casing the joint trying to have an alibi for something for all we know you know what it you know what it is though man like I came up and I stayed

in those shitty condos and I I would like you know make that feature money which was like and sometimes when you're a new feature they're like yeah we'll give you a 400 for the weekend but you got to get here so you're eating so bad and shitty and I always said to myself when I get to a certain point of my career you know all those beatings I'm gonna try to mend those by doing this yeah now it's like and listen I got a wife and kids so me and you going with cigar lounge even though it happened to be an all-black which was the dude which was the most insane us realizing we were in an all-black club we're like oh okay

it was one of the scariest turned amazing times ever because we decide because we were at the club we do that we have time for this or yeah so I'm like dude let's go to a cigar lounge I was like we're in Houston let's go to a cigar lounge and and Kev is like which I love why why I love working with Kev is not only is he fucking hilarious but he's kind of like is my speed so I'm like dude let's go to a cigar lounge we'll get a couple drinks smoke a cigar and he was yeah so we get in this uber and all of a sudden the guy turns down the block and he's like yeah it's right there it's not a good block I gotta look like it

looked like it was a little like do you sure we're in the right it looked like one of the streets from Friday you know I mean I was waiting for a fucking I was waiting for a big worm to come down the street in the ice cream van I like Paul he's trying to dance around a little bit it was like it was like in vacation when they wrote honky lips on it yeah so um we get there and they're like people outside smoking and you know me and Kevin are the only white people there which was totally fine but then we go in and we realized not only is this because a lot of cigar lounges especially in New York City too are definitely like urban

crowd or you know what I mean let's be honest dude black dudes know how to relax good recliner when they see one daddy okay those leather chairs were perfect yeah dude they got the game on there they're like let's you know let's bring our friends we'll have a good time so we go in there but not only is it like a club it's a member club and then it was like the United Negro Chamber of Commerce and they had like a wall of fame yeah and there's just all these headshots and the guy like me and Kevin were like you guys like minded for here yeah it would do it was like we it was like we broke into the NAACP and we're

like having some awesome who was on that wall who was some throwback the cast of what's happening up there it was it was so and then they were so nice to us they were like listen anything you want just go in there like and then like there were like local politicians coming in and like shaking hands yeah it was wild like man I'm running for so and so but one of the funniest things ever was and I don't know if Kevin if you remember this we're sitting in a private room which was in the humidor remember yeah yeah this guy walks in he goes hey man what's going on man nice to meet you when he's shaking everybody's hand and he shakes

our hand he goes yeah you know I'm running for town mayor or whatever and me and Kevin like joking I was like yeah dude we'll we'll tell people man try to get shows us he's nah I'm gonna win that shit yeah like hey good luck he's like don't matter I'm gonna win that shit anyway we're like oh yeah he's got a big cigar it's not that I don't fucking matter dude it was great such a good time and then we had what do we have quesadilla they had there yeah there was like an event they're like there's some quesadillas in the corner so like we're eating old quesadillas and like we're making an eating old quesadillas in the

corner of this and like ever all these blackies are just looking at these two random white guys in their club eating fucking that was so fucking that was so fun man I was a night that was a night to remember how nice they treated us and how great that place was it was they were like I don't know I guess it was like southern hospitality too we're like you would like go order a drink and we're so like New York like yeah let me get two beers and you like walk away they were like oh do you want this do you want that how's your night you would like you'd have a five minute conversation five minute conversation get a drink I

walked I walked out of the humidor to the bathroom and the bartender yelled over to me like no man you guys need something you good I was like oh my god dude yeah it was great I love that southern hospitality they thought we were on the job yeah yeah I'm not seeing any garbage there that that's very good I'm surprised about these antics of mr. versus you but let's get into the game here let's ask a couple of questions we're gonna find out what's what okay all right all right kippy do you want to kick it off if you want me to pal you can you can go buddy I want to work backwards a little bit because like I

said I know the household you're in now is run very tight yes that's the image I get of you and I know you said your wife is is a large component of that but you know don't say yourself short you you know you you would have to be too otherwise she's got just one extra kid I just want to work backward because okay you know you had said something that I don't think is garbage but people might think is garbage I remember you saying you remember when you said that they left the pizza out for you on the counter yes yes I'm a bit listen any leftovers it's like dinner's being made and I'm coming home a couple of hours later I don't want

it put in the fridge I want it left out on the counter that's just because you're gonna eat it faster you fat fucking idiot well once you want like once you put pizza in the fridge it's a whole that's you can still capture that freshness of when the pie was ordered like what do you think I'm gonna open a door yeah you won't open a door and then a box and then put it in the oven what are your nuts it's not that it's that it's a it's the process of refrigeration with things like that made me in deer okay but like I said I want to work back I'm dragging on here yeah what are you talking about let's get into it with something

Jesus we're talking about pizza let's go ever hired a local clown to perform at your kid's birthday party let's cut the serious question yeah serious question I have not dude growing up there the kid on a kid on my in my neighborhood his mom was the local clown giggles this is gone over dude and that she would come to the school and that poor kid got fucking roasted all day I felt bad for him but Jesus Christ your mom's the clown that's a tough look I just picture him screaming at her saying can you stop this at all she's juggling and shit

she said they're just pulling the long thing out of her mouth that's gotta be rude dude that's up there like that's just a shade under prostitute like if you found out your mother was turning tricks or she's the local clown there's something about the turning tricks that you respect a little more there's a little more secrecy to it at least at least not everybody knows you know what I mean little more authority yeah it was brutal all right what was your first car my first car was a Ford Festiva the tiny it was a tiny two door there was a there was an it had no a lady in Florida had to get rid of it

because of air conditioner so it's a tiny two-door mint condition we got it for 800 bucks when I was 16 oh man that's how the fuck do you you live in Westchester New York how do you get a car from Florida this lady I guess it's garbage whatever the answer is it's if you're buying a car fucking 12 states away some things aren't going that well so no here's what happened my stepfather drove a UBS he met this lady and he was like wow that Ford is like brand new conditions she goes yeah I'm going to Florida I can't take it doesn't have an air conditioner okay then he goes oh well my stepfather and she was like

what's pretty much brand new 800 bucks and the thing was mint that's a good deal right there my friend my friends you know beat the shit out of me and broke my balls because it was tiny and small I remember they called it the pimple they what color was it it was it was like a it was like a maroonish burgundy it's always tough when you can't pinpoint the exact color of your car they're like what color you're like well it's kind of like a deal with the book when you can't just say it's red or tan or blue it's fucking yeah inside that car Paul did you have a did you have any fuzzy dice hanging or did you have the Italian

horn I was never the only thing I ever hung up in any car would be one of those like little tree air fresheners okay trashy I say very respectable yeah I say with all the choices you have at the car wash it's still the fucking best the best idea to go with the tree I love the tree yeah I was more of the scent in the car smelling don't get me wrong some of them I would go like the cologne scent yeah I've done that too like no fuzzy dice balls no disco ball no no nothing like that would make lights you know the way people do that no lights no dice nothing like that and no Italian horns nothing like that did you put a did you

put a sound system or speakers or a head unit in that car I had a full fledged I had a kicker I had a I had a system in my car that was more than my car yeah oh man that is pure trash right there but see listen I got one for you now I don't know how you guys on your show by the way your podcast is dope thanks it's just fun it's just fun riffing about you know because I feel like I'm being interrogated to find out from a piece of shit I got your fingerprints all over a hefty bag right now the house at this point society he goes you know you fucked up right you know but um I got one for you and I want to ask you guys

on your show how would you categorize this are you ready mm-hmm I go to a casino with two of my buddies okay I'm probably just I'm under 20 at the time no no I'm sorry yeah I'm 17 at the time go to a casino with my buddies Mohegan son it was right when three-card poker first came out you guys know you can play three-card poker right yeah I go with my buddy I end up winning $2,000 on a hand because I kept getting a flush and my buddy who next to me who was kind of a gambling degenerate the time goes dude fuck this I'm going 50 on the next one we keep getting flushes I go I'm with you I put down 50 a straight flush

pays 40 to one so I have so two grand I hid I'll never forget the cards it was Queen King ace diamonds I'm going to do when he flips it over I think I fucking want flips it over the whole table goes nuts two grand here's what I do I take 100 of the two grand I give it to my friend for just being next to me during that moment class act right there I take another one go to my other friend who was gambling and I say here man you came this is a hundred for you then I take a hundred and I play roulette and lose it now I have 17 I cashed out and I bought myself a Toyota Tracelle which lasted me for three years after that so is that

so it's half garbage but then it's half kind of like oh what is that that's I mean it's pretty trashy to be honest with you I'm the only people that I've known the truth Toyota Tracelles were not upstanding citizens they used to buy me beer back in the day that's true I'm gonna give it to you on the Tracelle I think everything that you said in that story was a hundred percent classy except for the fact that you knew the cards that what that's maybe the flush that one year under $10,000 you know about 15 or so years ago well I had an ace king Jack I put it on a fucking river and look the fuck out I got $600 in

my pocket do you remember the first girl you made out with or the first time you had sex remember the first time you went to grand at 17 years old that's true I'll give you that I'll give you that I'll give you I was a big gambler to I get it I get it when you're 17 and you get 15 bucks you're like you're like we're going to the movies and McDonald's like I know but there's nothing good about that story there's no luck and then we went to the Ritz Carlton it was we went to Mohegan Sun underage you're playing three-card poker you know when your jerk off buddies went to grand and you buy a used

car like there's no there's no like premier thing about that what you do with the Fiesta the only thing that would have been worse is if I was like and then we went to an OTB and we gambled on the ponies for the last four hours yeah then we went to a cockfight you know really that's so funny dude all right I got another one have you ever eaten at a strip club I think they asked me to and I refused it I was I was I was super super young and they had like a deli deli you could do a steak chicken finger something you can't do sliced meats out of fucking I walk into a strip club and see a boar's head

counter I'm fucking out dude I was I was I saw a guy at strip club when I was young eating a salad dude it was the fucking grossest thing I'm not even joking I actually got nauseous and said to my friend you have to leave no I mean like they had like I think they had like a dressing stage it was gross that's the grossest thing I've ever heard dude that's terrible all right fully what do you got that's fucking that's fucking trash all right I want to go back a little bit you grew up in an apartment house would you grow up in Paul when they when they got divorced it went from a really nice house to me and

my brother live with my mom in an apartment okay and then when she got remarried um an apartment for a little bit and then moved upstate to a house okay at any time in that journey was there ever any did you have a porch anywhere like a little back stoop or something like that um when they first got divorced when I was younger like elementary school we had a thing where you walked out and it was kind of like a patio on the second floor okay now let me ask you something on that patio Paul was it covered in an astroturf oh that's a tough look oh my god it was oh wait a minute dude I'm not even joking around

dude I got it you just freaked me out man the SVU songs are just gonna play it right there wow man like first of all and the way you creepily looked into the zoom and pointed with the pen and goes now let me ask you Paul like like I'm getting interrogated it did it did because um but here's the thing it was like a nice neighborhood so but maybe it was like I don't know like if it was there was a green there was like a green like astroturf up there so when we went out there to play yeah we had that shit on my grandparents I used to fucking rip my knees up fucking yeah wow dude that freaked me out oh man oh kippy does

anyone in your family own a pontoon boat come on the pontoon boat is that you can't fish on it you can't water ski that's just for drinking dude a pontoon boat is like alcoholics like I get a couple of bucks together go on the water my cousins have one or had one for from from upstate PA that they used to take out on Harvey's Lake yeah we have friends over here on a lake that some of them do and it literally is just for like they'll be like all the kids go tubing it's like yeah you drinking all day yeah you're drinking all day and trust me they're a good time I'm not shitting on them my uncle's got one we

go out fucking boo course lights all day don't forget I'm gonna twist it into the west it's already credible on that same tip pole what about um have you ever owned a jet ski no no but I do like when I go to um I'm not all the time but sometimes I get a little hankering to go on the jet ski when I am down at the because every year we get a house down at the shore sometimes like right near the ocean usually like last week of August and we'll either pick like you want to golf do you want to do this is sometimes occasionally I'm like yeah let's just go and whip around on the jet skis but no I've never owned one okay alright fair

enough they're a good time all checks out um I got one yeah anyone in your family ever collect Marlboro miles um remember then they were big in the fucking 90s I think I tried it when I was in high school to be cool with friends like when I was like 16 when I smoked Marlboro mediums but no I can't say like it was ever like there was nobody in my family doing it if you think I didn't have a fucking Marlboro a red Marlboro sleeping bag I for sure did and I was saving up for the canoe and the Wrangler that's what I wanted the canoe and the Jeep the Marlboro Jeep Wrangler baby that thing they just lured people in to get

a beautiful truck oh dude like you had a smoke you had a smoke nine boat fulls of fucking cigarettes got to the fucking truck you'd have emphysema so ridiculous that's hilarious so no I never did that oh that's great for a minute though I remember people wearing a Marlboro leather jacket they were big yeah yeah I mean like they like I was back when they could still like advertise and do she can't do that anymore but how criminal that is if you think about dude I was a 12 year old kid like collecting cigarette memorabilia like yeah I want the fucking you know I want this the Marlboro school bag and the camel yeah

that's he had a guest spot on fucking that gummy bears one time I remember he rolled in his agent calls him dude we're moving up in the world I care bears care bears want you to jump in the fucking it's not it's not definite yet but they call they asked about you you play your cards right we're moving up the smurfs never see that a lady smurf I'm not a bad son of raccoon I'm Paul who who cuts the grass now at your place you have a lot of land up there how many yeah we have we have like a group of guys like come every like Thursday when like not yet but like pretty soon they come every Thursday and they knock it

out because it's just it's a lot of land like I couldn't do it so you got a landscaper that's pretty good we have yeah we have a landscaper they're awesome they've been our guys for here since we moved here like seven years ago well before that fully get up on the mic a little bit sorry you got low for some reason before that growing up did you ever have an electric lawnmower but the one you sit on the tractor no plug it into a wall to cut the grass outside no never never an electric no no electric lawnmower it's got a little time landscaper kippy not too shabby I'm gonna do this right now he's class now he's

fucking through and through class you ever see what he does his Instagram videos we'll do an Instagram video like yeah just at the house and he's got like a perfect crease in his t-shirt I'm like did this fucking guy go through wardrobe already what the fuck's going on deer and shit run around in the backyard you know we have to ask him we have to know and I'm sure it's I think it's gonna be yes mr. Versey in your garage oh now yeah do you have a refrigerator in that garage right now no we don't you have a garage fridge no we're actually since like I told you our garage was really the least class so you want to talk about

are you garbage that was the one thing we needed to do and then once this pandemic happened we got a dumpster here we got like we gutted it but my wife and I are currently discussing if it's worth it to have like one of those freezers where they're nice but when you put the stakes and so like you could just have and especially something like that would work now during a pandemic when you just load it up on that so we but as of now we never we've never had anything like that in the refrigerator I mean in the garage refrigerator wise all right let me throw something at you when you grew up you didn't have a

garage fridge correct never all right well you're talking to two kids that did all right now let me sell you you love your kids don't you Paul you love your kids what is it gonna take to get you in a two-door Kenmore right now Paul telling you they're still young enough all right get you get the freezer if you want it go to Sarah have a freezer throw some meat in there some venison steaks whenever you want to cook up on a Sunday but get a fridge find the cousin or somebody that's getting rid of the fridge well no we have another we have another fridge downstairs that's not in the garage as long as you're two fridge

people that's all that matters oh yeah no no we stock up on the drinks on this downstairs one all right you had me scared there for a moment I was I was canceling all my opening dates for a verzi I'm like this guy he lives in the suburbs they even got two fucking fridges what I thought I fucking knew the guy Jesus my text when I asked you to go on the road yeah can you open for me at the garden I'm like who the fuck is this guy throw my phone cooler all right I have kids drinks down there right you got that we like to throw little like parties here whether sometimes it's our neighbors or just a few people so what

we'll do is the downstairs fridge which is off of our family room we'll just stock it up with with sodas waters and beers and that's kind of like the stash of like you know yeah there's nothing better than a fully stocked second fridge there's no butter in the way there's no cheese and no no you're just fucking get a beer get a soda get a nice pop and that refrigerator is all business and everybody knows I love it I love a good second fridge line at the door for that fridge you got a bouncer in the front how are you on the on the snacks for the kids as a former fat kid I'd like to know as a Karen fat man what

are you talking about what do you entertain the kids with you get him Capri sons high seas what do they get my kids are big on my kids are big on like chips pretzels they like a door they like don't get me wrong they like a good Dorito every now and then Doritos then they got these fruit bars that they eat Oreos my kids are really bad with candy though man candy really bad like bad my son will eat like airheads all day my son have like you know cavities when we went yeah I remember when they hit probably in like 96 or something do those things were fucking great never steal candy ever steal candy not really I

don't think so I think you have because you said it twice that's why you look guilty you ever steal candy ever steal candy I know a guy's still candy oh this is trash I'm gonna admit it to you dude I'm such a fuck I was such a delinquent guinea put the warheads in the bag let's go don't look at me no so we go to the supermarket and I stole I was with my mother and she's shopping and we this is try to do this when I first started doing stand-up and we get in the car and she she goes where did you get that it's not on the it's not on the receipt I just had a hunk a big chunk of sharp

cheese like you know what the block like the fucking block and I just started cutting it eat it cuz my dad used to eat the shit when we were little that is the most I've ever heard in my life I used to get I used to steal he's like Jadis Rossi sneaking she's got the fucking meats and shit she's coming out of her trench you guys do you guys remember do you guys remember the Aaron Boone homerun of course yeah the Aaron Boone homerun against that was actually the year before the Red Sox wanted but in 03 he hits that I was hammered at a bar in New York running up to guys that were cheering from Boston

before when they thought they were gonna win talking shit in almost a blackout I went into a bodega in Manhattan and I literally just started shoving hunks of sharp provolone and bags of gummy bears down my pants and I just fucking dude I used to steal cheese and gummy bears that was like my I was like a cereal sharp provolone and gummy bears thief cops catch it yeah it's him again such yeah the guy's and sharp provolone the constipated bandit he left the cash went right for the provolone he hasn't shit the sticks of salami and cheese is gone dude that is the most fucking Guido

shit in the world you ask us the average steel candy and then you say you go in and you stole the fucking a wheel of provolone oh my god that is true buddy that's a little Italian kid is stocking stuff with provolone he's puffing on a piece of salami holy shit the fat cop understood yeah he's like listen I get it you know what I mean oh dude I'm gonna cut you a break okay tell me where the rest of the provolone is and I'll let you go this is fun I think I got a good one what what kind of cause I know your dad is like I mean I don't know your dad but I know

from your you're you know hanging out with him my dad's from my act I know your dad from your act who is like the most Italian guy it seems you know the Bronx fucking what kind of cologne does he wear you know what my dad my dad is not really a cologne guy my dad is a shoes and watch guy if my dad my dad my dad judges a man on what's on his feet and what's on his wrist that's it like funny one of the funniest things my dad ever said me and my brother still laugh about it today he's driving a Mercedes me and my brother in the car and this grown man this guy just drives by in like a beat-up rusty shitty

Hyundai and my dad just starts shaking his head and he goes you see that voice he goes a grown man it's disgraceful so we did as as much as my dad is that guy on stage and sometimes he's a little brash and sometimes he says things that really upset people he did in some weird way in still like that you got to kind of be a fucking gentleman in a way sure sure sure yeah you know which is a good thing man that's fucking great clean sneaks and a nice watch listen we may steal but you're gonna choose on we may steal yeah we may steal you know from purveyors of meats and stuff but we will look good while we do it yeah the

cops saw your footprints but those are gonna be some good footprints those could shoot this is something I always thought was classy some people would consider a trashy but a lot of my a lot of my Italian friends growing up they always did this when you were growing up what time did you have dinner on Sunday it's like doing like two o'clock Sunday was always a little earlier yeah so it's Sunday you know Sunday would be and growing up Sunday was a visitation day for my dad so me and my brother would go to my grandmother's and he would have like a Sunday posse and it would almost be like a late afternoon type thing

right yeah so so Sunday's for me were a little different just because of the visitation days you know by the court and stuff but we would go to my grandmother's and have an amazed 100% Sicilian came here from Sicily when she was 10 years old so the sauce and the meatballs and everything was nuts but it was usually earlier during the day and then after that stop when it was all of us at home it would still be probably like five ish would be Sundays yeah and then I would say weekdays would be somewhere between like now like 6 30 and 7 like the latest yeah I think that's classy an early Sunday dinner supper is

what we used to call it yes that's garb we call it supper yeah I think I think the later you have dinner that the shittier of you grew up yeah for sure there was I definitely had some late dinners for sure that's family store like 945 I did I had a couple I definitely had a couple of 915ers in there for sure that was an eight-year-old kid heating up a lean cuisine 1130 yeah my nights jerk off this just came up to I doubt did your did you guys leave the TV on while you ate dinner maybe definitely not on Sunday but at all now we just now they didn't like you know that's a thing and one thing I'm

trying to instill in my kids is because they'll have the phones out and I'm like I'm really big on like this is the time where we talk and we're kind of talk about our day and you know and be together instead of that shit so yeah that's good for me we just learned fully watched every every meal they had they would watch TV they had a TV in the kitchen too oh wow yeah that's okay wow yeah that talk about animal huh these fucking so fully I'm like wait a minute you're fucking into you know you're just gonna sit in here interrogate me making your balls over two we're garbage very steak fucking

the South very big dinner to the South very state we were just talking about that yesterday with the cranberry dessert or the fucking brownie that was like chewy on the end of brownie was all right corn would always get to the brownie yeah I didn't mind it I didn't mind it I said how what kind of steak and dessert can be all cooked at the same temperature and still come out good they did never my mom put everything once in the oven it all came out all right yeah how do you think we know what to ask Paul we're fucking trash these are all all the questions come from our life at some point you know I go on a lot of

podcasts sometimes and I'm just like it's the same shit it's it's let's talk about this let's talk about that but when you have like a specific show like this not only does the time go by you're it's like a nostalgia you guys are bringing me back to some shit I needed this during this pandemic great man happy to do it that's what like the listeners are like it's so funny they all comment and shit like oh I did this I did it really resonates with people it's cool to say I think the show is gonna be a fucking hit it's already I love it so thank you buddy we appreciate that just a couple more questions and

we're gonna get you out of here whatever you want man I'm not going anywhere yeah he's got nowhere to go we got him by the balls right now oh my wife wants me to help the kids with the homework so fire away what was your what were your your favorite cartoons or characters growing up when you were a little kid Saturday morning cartoons you got a fucking bowl of cereal in front of you what are you watching I mean let's be honest for me like you know Bugs Bunny is Jordan you know okay yeah I mean I did I did really enjoy the coyote getting fucked up all the time great cuz you just knew it was coming I

also liked it the fucking the weird was the weirdo the rooster yeah yeah fuck one leg less he's a fucking weirdo dude like if fog one leg one was a person in real life and that was like your neighbor you'd fucking not chill like he's a weirdo yeah he was he was a bit odd yeah he repeated himself he had a stutter he was fucking you know but I Bugs Bunny to me was Jordan and I liked them all dude I liked them all I'm a big was a big what's it called pepula pew fan love love pep pep was good shit yeah just smooth just smooth I'm glad I'm glad they answered that that way because it is it leads into my the real

question I wanted to ask you do you or any member of your family have any Looney Tunes tattoos on your body or absolutely not jackets okay absolute absolutely not that's a hard no for everybody thank you ever have you ever seen anybody that has one of those I have look that's no good you're not you're not running for Congress with one of those for sure I knew I knew a guy I think I'm pretty sure he had the Tasmanian devil dude the Taz was big in the 90s big because people's thought for some reason because he was like the rebel mm-hmm and he was like the one who was wild that like that wouldn't be as

weird as having like you know Sylvester yeah but it's still fucking still weird yeah dude the cat my neighbor you had a wrangler and he loved like growing up he loved his wrangler I was a kid I was like probably seven or eight and he had on the back tire yes they had to cover and he had a brush that was like when air brush just got invented or whatever like airbrush became cool he had Taz on the fucking on the wheel cover and I thought it was cool looking back I'm like that dude needed some fucking help for sure yeah my wife loves Marvin the Martian though she has like ornaments for the that's another big one yeah yeah okay

I got to mention the tree so I go to mention oh yeah here we go mention the tree since you brought up the Christmas tree Paul do you have any colored lights in your Christmas tree no oh white lights oh the all white lights no they're not ah they're not all white there oh shit I'm trying to think I think they're the I think they're now my wife got weird ones like the teal and purple shit's like that's okay like like it's like clad like I'm not gonna say classy but they're not like the typical but we have two trees we have an upside down tree upstairs sorry two trees is we just that's gotta be an Italian thing are they so the ones

the upside down ones fake the upside down one is so we have this room upstairs you'll see it it's like a tealish green it's got like it's like the sit down room that nobody goes in love Christmas Italian Italian take out like Italians fucking love them some fucking Christmas boy love Italians also love a room that they decorate to the skies and don't let anybody fucking sit in yeah I had a Fred growing up again like a white re had to like we used to say you have to dip your feet holy water to walk in there dude a white were all Italians always had a white room to all yeah white room with black trim and shit I I love that my

wife is like German and Scandinavian and it was her idea for the upside down tree just because it's like this it's almost like a decorative piece but it's it's sick dude like the presents are on the top because it's upside down and it looks like I see it I don't think I've seen it yeah I'll send you guys a picture of it but then downstairs we have the typical either cut it down or have one that was freshly cut and we do all the ornaments the kids put them on and then and then the lights are I want to say the lights are different color but not typical I'll find that out for you too you know we're talking about right

remember yes I know exactly what you're talking about another question trees were garbage yeah do you well like you can do whatever the fuck you want with another tree as long as you have the proper real American tree right this is American Christmas baby we're doing it right you can do that so anything out if you have another tree that's great but do you put tinsel on the tree no oh did tinsel is fucking what about popcorn you put popcorn on the tree Paul my wife won't allow any of that good state she runs a tight ship yeah yeah she'll no popcorn nothing it's just ornaments ornaments and lights we don't do that spray snow

shit oh shit what are you doing to get the fuck out of here yeah let's put chemicals inside just so it looks like it's snowed in here when everybody knows it didn't you fucking dummy yeah never if I walked into one of those houses like holy shit you guys have a blizzard in here you fucking jerk you guys got a hole in the ceiling yeah since you brought that up just to put your mind to these about who is actually asking you these questions yeah my dad used to put up trains around our Christmas tree Lionel trains and the one year we didn't have any fake snow to sprinkle on it so we used instant mashed potatoes no he did

he did so that's so that that's who you got asking these questions that's how I know there was astroturf on your porch dude Foley is from like a long generation of Central Pennsylvania hillbillies okay Foley to go on like a first date and be like sweetheart I got a few questions listen before we order this shrimp okay let's talk about where you grew up before we get to the appetizer the sampler do you or do you not drink skim milk say that again no I was kidding but but do you drink skim milk um I'll put skim milk

in coffee sometimes and cereal sometimes but now I'm lactose intolerance so I have to use the lactate milk not bad not bad I'll give you that it's a premium spending a couple of bucks on it I'm growing up did you guys ever have cheese whiz in your house um no my wife used cheese whiz for a certain dip sometimes but only for a special dip that she made we're not a regular cheese whiz no if you're there was a there was a there's a decade in my life where there was just like cheese whiz all the time in the house and it was fucking a okay by me but when I am in Philadelphia you know I go whiz with whiz with yeah come on

well you're not a fucking jerk off Paul you're a good guy I know you stand the fellow over here come on I just got one more me too I think go ahead um does anyone in your family drink Sutter home wine no okay no no you know you know you don't fucking if that shit is not if you're drinking wine for $12.99 or less I can't fuck with you if you're wine you got to go $20 has got to be minimum Paul he's spending big bucks over here on the line you can find a nice bottle of $12 $13 one don't take it to the versey household I'll tell you how much because Paul's gonna be googling it when you show up he might just fucking cocks like

only paid $14.99 for this shit let me scan the bar I got the app I got that app I got that Google app I scan it and goes this path he's in talking shit this path like this fucking this is from Syracuse not the Napa Valley some fat fucking hillbilly stepped on these grapes probably had their shoes on when they did it fucking scumbag got a shoelace in my wine these people I think got a pebble in this one no I mean I listen I know you can find an $11 bottle but it's like I'm not gonna become a fucking you know discover I'm gonna you know it's just like you pony up a little more cash and you get better

fucking great if that's not if that's not the motto of Paul Versey I don't know what it's meant a couple extra bucks you get a better product baby I will never understand for the life of me and this is a thing and I know you guys got to go but let me just get this out no no you're fine take your time the funny thing is when you say to people right hey man just spend the extra five bucks well just spend the extra six bucks and get the better one I know oh well easy for people to say when they have money and it's like no I see you with the pack of cigarettes dickhead sure you can save five bucks elsewhere with the fucking

candy wrappers I see you with all the shit that you're buying that if you would take away that garbage then you can fucking splurge a little bit to see that's the way to do it it's always an excuse for that you know it's like I'm gonna save to be a fucking alcoholic fuck you yeah I'll give you that I'll give you that Paulie I don't know man I'm pretty classy guy it's still holding up with me kippy I don't know about you I just got one last question and I hope this doesn't sink the ship do you collect any sports memorabilia no I don't I don't collect sports memorabilia um when I was little I had baseball cards I've

given them to my son my I did have like NFL people that are cool with have given me stuff and one I sold for a hundred bucks on a gambling debt and yeah tell me that it was a buddy of mine was I was like I think he's like you owe me a hundred for the thing I was like dude I got this Eli Manning ball but no I don't have I don't have like I'm not a collector of things like that so you weren't like on a Saturday fucking not hanging out with your kids but like waiting in line at some convention center for Mookie Wilson's autograph or some shit like that never never the only way I would do that is if my son or

daughter was like a big fan of a guy and he was like at a shop near our house and I'd be like yeah but no nothing like that thank God fucking I rest my case ladies and gentlemen Paul Versey all fucking class in my but I did get arrested young that's okay okay that gets expunged when you're 18 okay yeah from 18 on it's like as you're an adult if you're making bad decisions doesn't it from 18 on you're all class as far as you know you don't know what the fuck there's all day stirring the sauce if anybody has any questions yeah I know I wouldn't like having ever interrogation at a station be done and we go no no get

back here for a second maybe I was inside let's talk yeah you guys want to know who shot Kennedy get back here get back here oh my god Paul Versey thank you man thanks so much man it was a fucking awesome time oh dude I had the best time with you guys man I love you guys any time I'll do it and awesome I love to plug it for you guys as much as I could because I think it's a dope show great yeah yeah is there anything you want to do what the gang out there to know that they might not know well right now a brand new I'm launching it on Monday but it's available now I got a brand new YouTube channel of my stand up

from my special it's got new stand up it has the new Versey effect which is a lot of video and stuff like that so that's on there but you can see me in the peak Davidson movie which is coming out I guess we don't know if that's coming out during this now or if it's gonna come out in the fall but obviously make that announcement and yeah man I got some stand-up stuff that is now being rescheduled for the fall hoping that that could happen and my first theater date is June 27th at the Wilbur and we just don't know yet so that's a big one you know that's that's a big one and it would be a it would be a sin if it gets

postponed but if it gets postponed we'll have a new date but I'll obviously post that too but you could go to paulversey.com and go to my YouTube channel see everything awesome thank you so much ma'am Kip you got anything for the gang? Yeah just as again make sure you rate, review, subscribe as we get this thing off the fucking ground you know tell a friend you comment you tweet us your DM us we you know we interact all that shit so we appreciate it at Cameron comedy on all social media awesome guys at H Foley on Ice on Twitter and at Foley Grahams on

Instagram Paul thank you again so much we really appreciate you coming on the show buddy yeah thanks buddy appreciate it I'll talk to you soon see you boys