Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast - Picking up the Check w/ Kippy & Foley

Episode Date: April 26, 2021

Kippy and Foley are back with a HOT one! Its a family episode where they talk having "alone" time in the pool, ordering the specials at dinner and much more. Thanks for listening! Live Shows: https:...//linktr.ee/AYGLiveShows\ PATREON: https://www.patreon.com/AreYouGarbage https://lucy.co Promo Code: GARBAGE https://SheathUnderwear.com Promo Code: GARBAGE https://KushyDreams.com Promo Code: GARBAGE  Subscribe on iTunes: https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/are-you-garbage-comedy-podcast/id1499140700 Follow Kevin: https://www.instagram.com/kevinryancomedy/ Follow Foley: https://www.instagram.com/foleygrams/   Comedians H. Foley and Kevin Ryan are self proclaimed GARBAGE. Each week a new stand up comedian gets put to the test. Steal shampoo from hotels? Own a George Foreman Grill? Ever worn JNCO Jeans?  

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Starting point is 00:00:00 Hey gang, welcome to the RU Garbage Comedy Padcast. Please make sure you subscribe that way you get the episodes as they come out. Welcome to another exciting edition of RU Garbage. The show where you find out if your favorite comedians are classy individuals or absolute trash. Now here are your hosts Kevin Ryan and H. Foley. Hey everybody out there and welcome back to everybody's favorite new podcast. This is RU Garbage. Sure is baby. Little show we sit down with your favorite comedians and we find that if they're going to be classy or if there's the big old piece of trash. Take five. I'm your host H. Foley coming at you on a glorious day down here at Antutti's Basement.
Starting point is 00:00:46 We're back here in New York City after a week of running around the south. We couldn't be happier. We're going to talk about it a little bit but my co-host is coming at you from across the table at me. He's got the Chase corporate card so I call him Mr. Ryan. Sure. You folks know him as Kippy but his mom had named him Kevin James. Hey gang what's up. Happy to be here. Thanks for fucking tuning in. The kids are coming off a hot week. Thanks for tuning in and showing up. Showing up. You saved us from looking like a couple of bozos down south gang. As always please make sure you rate with you subscribe on iTunes full video available on YouTube and as you know those numbers are true the roof true the roof as well as patreon.com. Those numbers are also true to fucking roof.
Starting point is 00:01:33 Go to patreon.com. You can sign up to get bonus episodes of are you garbage. You get episodes of hard feelings which is me and Foley fucking you know having a good time a little behind the curtain some HR we do for those a month again for them a month. Yeah. That's a dollar fifty an episode. Those weekly and then every month at the end of every month we'll do an AYG live stream where we play with our top two tier members which is coming up. We're going to have a nice fun one. Listen if you're in and you're not sure they're a good time we have a couple of beers everybody's drinking we're asking you guys questions you're asking us questions. We also it's a it's a it's a it's an eclectic bunch we got in there to love the shit out of them but there's some
Starting point is 00:02:12 wack it's a good time. There are kinds of people and one one I guess relatively normal guy scripted at the end he goes I don't know what the fuck this is all about but it's a good time. He had like a business suit on that guy. Guys thank you so much we fucking love you and we're back baby. We love you and have a nice quick shout out to our producer extraordinaire what a lot of who that a lot of people don't know and when he's not producing the show he's an absolutely fantastic fucking standup kids got some chops we love him he also likes to go and watch uh indie rock bands that are on independent labels sure what he calls his homies homie he's a big homie guy and also to he has the large intestine of a North American grizzly bear and he likes to
Starting point is 00:02:57 rip jewels in the back of domestic flights give it up for T-Bone McMuffin Toby McMullen hey stinky oh man oh man I lost the security deposit on the air bnb because for a little package I don't know what's going on in there you like that that's like one of those sushi conveyor belts that goes around but they just never replace the sushi yeah it's sour I cannot believe you're calling me stinky you ripped a fart in Nashville that was like a gas leak I think it was outside too the neighbors had to evacuate it was under the fire truck showed up it was crazy never mind it's just foley we're good the paint was peeling off outside of zany you didn't clear a room you cleared a house and a yard yeah yeah you two are animals to be honest with you I on the other
Starting point is 00:03:47 hand I'm a gentleman that's true that's true yes you are sir yeah I had my little shoes off on the porch at Nashville get fully gotta look at my oh my folks we're gonna post a picture on patreon oh I don't know these things all right with it man these things I've never seen a toe this long in my life they're big boys I never seen some penises aren't as long as this guy's I don't think my penis is as long as his big toe he's got some fucking gangly gangly extremities yeah man fucking play piano with those things tickle the ivories gang if you haven't guys you can't tell by now this is a family episode oh yeah this is just us it's just you we thought coming back from a long trip you know best thing to do circle you act like
Starting point is 00:04:36 it was like the Oregon trial we were gone for 48 hours back from a long trip wasn't even a weekend was there an actual Oregon trailer was that just a video game no there was a I'm sure it was based on a you know I know the Donner party I don't know if they were on the Oregon trail they ate each other in the wood somewhere no maybe I don't know maybe there was a tarry before you guys I don't know I was a big or an Oregon trial guy so we're gonna get to we're gonna answer your guys questions yeah you know if you sign up on patreon you get your question answered on the air but before we do that what we're saving most of the discussion of the trip okay from the first part of the tour if you don't know we're on tour right now we're gonna be going back out in June got a lot of
Starting point is 00:05:15 dates coming up make sure you check Atlantic City June 18th that's right that's gonna fucking sell yeah that's gonna sell out we just got the numbers it's fucking creeping yeah it's it's close so get them now so make a move all right it's gonna be fun but we're gonna talk about the trip and his toes and his gas and fucking me and chicken sandwiches and the great time that we had on hard feelings that's a hard feelings but before we but before we get to the episode we just want to say to Raleigh to Nashville to all the fucking fans that came out that that came out that you know we got we were able to get picks with that brought us fucking t-shirts that brought us bobble heads we fucking love you guys yeah guys we love you it was unbelievable we didn't know if it was all
Starting point is 00:05:54 gonna work we didn't know if playing are you garbage with the audience at the end of the show was gonna oh it's a fucking good night yeah that's a fucking way to close the show good night oh that shit's fire dude that shit was fucking that shit was something else you guys are fucking hysterical i want to say that your questions were unbelievable we had such a fun time we want to say thank you guys thank you so fucking much it was a surreal fucking two three days whatever was uh like we were speechless me and the big man before we got on the plane we shared a hug and a cry it was a fucking we were i think he's close right now to be honest with now i'm good just don't mention shulks you start talking about shulks i'm gonna get on teary eyed
Starting point is 00:06:37 no it was uh it was a surreal moment fucking 10 years getting kicked in the dick kicked in the dick to fucking go down to raleigh and nashville and have people come out and fucking meet everybody and fucking hug and fucking making out with each other we found picks we're giving us gifts there was a there was one couple that came up to us an hour and a half before raleigh they got there they came from out of town they got there early me and followed out out front catching a couple of bone burnies a couple of burnies in there setting up the cameras doing what t-bone does and they come up to like hey guys can we just ask you know is it out of hand or what are you know is that a line if we ask you for a picture real quick and
Starting point is 00:07:13 we're like follow us to grow our first fucking fans i thought they were gonna tell us not to smoke in front of the building you ain't from around here olvidable that's from that's from myself this theme coat but not after this but they were like hey listen we just were huge fans who want to take pics and we were like i'll fuck it like we love this is i want to take pictures with you guys we love you can we get pictures of you yeah we love so then they were like hey they were like listen we're gonna go around the corner and really geek out after this i'm like we're gonna go back into the green room and fucking ball tap each other like little school boi's we were fucking giddy fantastic it was an awesome trip thank you so much and we can't wait to meet everybody else out
Starting point is 00:07:48 on the road and i'm telling you get these live shows i don't like to toot my own horn now but these live shows are fucking something else first that bad put that motherfucker in the fucking parking lot yeah yeah yeah it was fucking it was a great time i fucking love every single one of you i can't can't wait to meet everybody it's a fucking you guys are the best all right enough of the fucking oh she's good now back to business back to the trash we got some psycho questions here that we gotta get to kippy forgot his computer by the way i feel naked by the way i'm just gonna do this uh also by the way i forget whose question it was but it was if you have a if you have a flip case on your phone your trash which i feel those are a direct shot at me by the way trash uh who
Starting point is 00:08:27 do you think you are i like it's like you'd like to do the flip you love to do a flip sorry what's that yeah you do you know i because i don't like carrying wallets so i'm going to transfer to this and then uh that's insane to me that you would put that's that that's garbage that's less garbage than my mom using a ziploc bag to put her credit cards and fucking bank cards and keys and cough drops in you put all your shit in there you lose it you're done yeah you got your fucking chase you call td bank tell him to fuck you there i have the app like i got responsibilities now it's not just you you lose that thing i'm in trouble you're in trouble to begin with big guy i don't hate to break it to you i just tried to explain corporate accounting to folium god damn it was like it was
Starting point is 00:09:08 like fucking waterboarding myself i don't get it i don't get it counter argument i'm not chemically addicted to my wallet i'm way more likely to just lose my wallet than i am my cell phone that i'm checking every five six six minutes true myself i don't you don't i don't think i've ever lost the cell phone he likes to watch his bands and go to get the tickets for the shoes and all that kind of stuff and then touch face with the homies and the homies and the hey hey that's the homie all right this is uh the best while we're on the subject this is a perfect segue to the first question guys so as you know when you sign up for patreon we'll get we'll we'll answer your garbage questions kind of the best way to do we also pull some from the facebook but uh when you
Starting point is 00:09:45 join patreon we'll answer your questions just the best way to to go back to getting to everybody's questions uh this is from steve isaac's did your mom use her cleavage as a purse for a cell phone bernie's lighter etc that's a real dog to bounty hunter wife shit well she used to pull out like a fucking stun gun and pepper spray out of them banks you talking about the titty bank oh the titty bank dude that's a fucking no i don't think i don't think you know i don't want to speak bad about but i don't think denise you know that's i don't know it was only she's got a handful she's only bigger broads that would do that it was like big boisterous blonde broads would do that here's the only except girls who would hit you with an uppercut really packing their shit in there they
Starting point is 00:10:26 have a rolling stone's tongue right there yes yes yes yeah um no she never did that do you do it pulls out a microphone get all the t-shirt money in here get all the t-shirts in there the only time that's acceptable is i would say from 1981 to 1995 and i feel you gotta be at like the beach or a concert 100 percent no concert first of all my mom's not going to a concert wait your mom was doing it on the beach i'm saying that's where you would do it if you were at the pool or you were at the because we went to a community pool quit bragging and if the ice cream man showed up yeah fucking patty better make with the fucking ones make with the cage with that pity sweat on if i gotta chase this guy down the street i'm gonna need an extra choco taco in
Starting point is 00:11:16 a screwball to get my head right to get my fucking my bearing i got my legs back under me i need a post workout fucking post workout that still got my sea legs strawberry shortcake um that would be the only time but no and dude i've seen fucking waitresses do that oh not at strip clubs yeah pull change out of your fucking wet titty bad just smell it sure i mean the only putting it in your shoe oh i had to do that as a kid if you had like basketball shorts or whatever you gotta fucking put a put a fiver in there marty funcals are over here you gotta do what you gotta do back in the day pockets when you were a kid imagine not having pockets now as an adult oh it's crazy but like as a kid you like i don't have any pockets can you hold you like what the fuck what are you
Starting point is 00:12:03 doing all your gear dude where the burnies at we used to jog our shit we called it whereas like if you had um it would go like say you had basketball shorts on and boxers this is like pre boxer brief you had like the puffy baggy boxers they would be above so the shorts would stop here then the boxers would stop here yeah and you put like your cigs and lighter in there if you didn't have if you didn't have pockets what in county like what if no if you were like when you're out for the day yo stuff this in your ass the ceo's coming and i never i wasn't smoking at 13 like you i was a cool fucking kid what do you start smoking till after after like your college football days we've all heard the stories high school lower the lights like to sing huh falling is about to
Starting point is 00:12:48 get into the varsity years i was i i i didn't have a pack of cigarettes on me when i was shooting hoops i mean we were fucking we were mature kids i don't know what you want i just had to take a water breaks we were ripping marble lashes and divorces here comes my here comes this bitch to get her alimony money yeah that's that's garbage man i'm not saying it's class fully zine ice cream kippies down by the docks find a dead body so again this shit here's another one fucking do we le chance or whatever whatever do we le chance whatever kory felvin's name was and stand by me his name i know it was le chance i don't know what his first name was um um the only thing that i could slightly connect to that with is for a little while in the early 80s
Starting point is 00:13:37 there was two sneaker craze that swept over this is pre jordan's pre you know name brands you know i mean you might have a nike or two but what we're big for dirt you're old enough to have shoes pre name brand i'll take the white ones well the counter came around the farm about every six months you can have any color you want as long as it's black with the model t no we had um uh a company called wild cats which was the big sneak i remember wild cats back when they were hot i mean i never they were more of a tj max brand yeah that's what i'm saying for for you know for poor kids do remember to teach getting shoes we had to do it a couple of times like shoes at tj they were just like in a bin and you know like dig through the bin and they were like connected with that plastic
Starting point is 00:14:21 thing it was a real tough it was a dude it was a real look back on it now who the fuck cares i know so there was some of those trips with back to school stuff that i'd be like damn we're fucking broke hey am i gonna get lunch money tomorrow yeah or am i put it about to put it on my feet yeah save the kids but no there was uh take the pizza bag tomorrow i'll wear flip flops as long as i get my odyspunks um kangaroos oh which had a zipper on the side of the pocket he used to fucking tuck on the shoe yeah he used to tuck a couple of quarters in there a couple of bucks yeah in case you came across a packet Doritos that you had had your name on it hit the vending machine yeah which was big which was after you and i think we might have touched on at one
Starting point is 00:15:07 point was the muskas the Chad muska skate shoes with a stash pocket in the tongue that the tongue because member skate shoes were had like the big heat they had a big tongue and a zipper on it muskas it was his name Chad muska that sounds like something a deer admits when it's when it's rotting stop that's no muskas but they had a zip and you could fit like they claimed you could fit like an eighth and a skate tool and a lighter in there or something like oh whatever you needed yeah in the commercial no it wasn't a commercial it was very like tongue in cheek no pun intended it was very like you know hey this is for extra bearings or whatever to put your dope was to put your fucking hash in there baby you're cheap but your Panama right while you're skateboarding on
Starting point is 00:15:49 public property yeah yeah yeah that was big i remember my boy pat he still denies this but he came up to me and he's like he had just gotten the muskas and he came up to me in like eighth grade hallway he's like dude i'm packing i'm like get out of my face you fucking dork you want some bubble tape i got jolly ranchers in here oh i love a jolly ranch oh excellent fucking question man this next one is it really out of the feeling the smell everything got to me and i've never thought of this this is from uh i hope i'm pronouncing it pieravine um pieravine uh at a public pool or water park have you ever laid on the concrete to warm up oh yeah oh dude i can feel that now like a salamander and the serengeti are you
Starting point is 00:16:36 kidding me the gilly bacon dude the kids do that now it's so funny you mentioned that but like my nephew my niece and like you can't do it as an adult let's say that you can't be fucking 32 laying down next to the pool laying down in the tennis court really soaking it in um they'll go out to the driveway and bring their towels to to dry yeah and oh dude there's nothing because i'm i'm very attached to smell like i like you know nostalgic purposes i would have never thought but i used to love like you know like i wouldn't like get down in the street and smell like the fresh asphalt asphalt after it rains in the summer that smell when it's still hot but kind of cool oh baby little slice of america that's an apple pie and wet cup that's what kenny rockers was singing about
Starting point is 00:17:25 right there i'll tell you that right now good night that little fresh cut grass mixed in maybe a fucking couple of couple of burgers on the grill good night and goodbye you got some sparklers coming after dinner too i love it but i know the combination of chlorine water and um and cement like you know on sidewalk nothing like it it's clean living baby clean living that's dude i know i hadn't thought about that trip over by the fucking jet in the in the pool put your little stinger by there yeah after that was that was the the kids version of having a smoke after you fucking after you pulled it in the pool i'm gonna get to second base with the jets then go laying the driveway i'll be back in about an hour i'm gonna run out and smell the sidewalk
Starting point is 00:18:18 get something to eat afterwards i'm drained holy really likes the shallow end of the pool i thought when i did that as a kid i thought i was on to something yeah i thought no one knew what you were doing these guys were all idiots yeah i'm over the guys are down on the diving board the actions in the shallow hey you guys can be diving for rings all you want i'm over here get my knob slob by mr thirsty what's the matter to you didn't do yours couldn't fit properly this guy to find a manhole he had to do in the fire hydrant he had to go to the heights in the summer toby get out of that storm drain it's clogged up no honestly what i was thinking about when kb said diving for rings there is no scrape like the scrape of a bottom of a pool on a face there's
Starting point is 00:19:25 something in that concrete good but it's it's the weight to face i've done it do a hitting it it's this weird sensation it's a weird feeling yeah yeah for sure yeah it stinks makes a weird noise under the water oh summer's right around the corner i can't wait ah man it's gonna be a good summer kids got a couple of bucks in their pockets going on the road it's gonna be a hot one no more day jobs for kippy flipping slides for everybody yeah take that accounting department kippy's free this summer goodbye hey gang real quick want to talk to you about one of our favorite new sponsors here on the show lucy nicotine oh yeah lucy nicotine is a company founded by caltech scientists and former smokers looking for a better and cleaner nicotine alternative couple
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Starting point is 00:26:12 sponsoring the show he listens to the show shout out to robert the owner he's uh he's a good man he's a great man he he's served overseas this is where he came up with it in the desert because he was over there stuck in the desert needed to get his ball bag off his leg you know what i mean came up with his own underwear changing the game that sheath underwear dot com promo code garbage now back to the show fucking fantastic well those those are why we do this something like that to take me back baby that's the fucking oh yeah that's the juice right there um this is from gary ever left the restaurant because there was no prices on the menu i can't say i've ever even no no i've been probably a hand i've not gone because when
Starting point is 00:26:59 i looked at the website there was no prices i've never not done that i've i've never not done that i've never known knowingly gone in and the whole menu be fucking oh of course you wouldn't go i wouldn't go something really fucked up has to happen for the follies to have the um the non-social anxiety to get up and leave i would never leave i would i would just go like oh i'm not going to pay rent i'm going to pay rent late or whatever i'll get the appetizer on a drink and make it look like i'm supposed to be here let me go out on a corner and get a fucking dog or something yeah my dad would never he could he i'd be too embarrassed to leave yeah for any reason if like you're waiting for a long time for service it would take a good 45 minutes for my parents got up and left i would
Starting point is 00:27:45 think yeah yeah this thing would be too embarrassed to leave because there's something i don't know why there's something weird about it it's happened to me on a date before what showed up to a place this place looks nice with a date with a girl no price on the video how did you get into a place like that with the way you carry yourself the haircut the clothes what were you wearing that they let you in they must have been like i must be early bitcoin adopter or something i walked in i said i develop apps i'll have your here yeah something you went under the god they must have been like oh someone's here and then when you tip them 15 cents i have to go to a restaurant it's still launching um that's bad but did you roll out no i just i just bit the bullet just just outside just like oh this place
Starting point is 00:28:25 is great inside sweat sure i mean it's it's a real fucking douchebag thing to do and you know i mean the restaurant business has changed so much that i don't think too many people are doing it now you gotta have a lot of balls and be pretty good to be pulling that shit off what there's not many restaurants that do that now sure there's also two my wife's very like she'll look at i'm just so blue collar trap like we don't we don't have refined palettes or anything you know what i mean like that if something is market price on a menu or doesn't have a product like i'm saying you go to a regular restaurant everything's lined up but there's like three or four things that are market price or box seats down at the bottom of the menu and the owner's box yeah the fucking VIP club level
Starting point is 00:29:09 baby that the ryan's don't wait no way but we've i've worked in enough restaurants to know that those last couple of things there's only a few things that are acceptable for a debate sure lobster it can't be the mac and cheese or something you know but sometimes sometimes what did macaroni close out today that's a goldman that's a goldman line by the way yeah what did crustacean call close out by the way wait that's like my scallop pit goldman um yeah it's gotta be it's gotta be you know there's gotta be the stand sure it's usually it's usually like you know uh the surf and turf or the lobster or whatever but my wife really she's got no problem fucking sniffing around the owner's box yeah she goes right and what says what i think that and i'm just like
Starting point is 00:29:54 you don't even that's how they get you you don't look at that that's interesting you bring that up because i was thinking about that just um this thursday night um we got back uh into town on thursday i'm familiar i was i was doing some work uh friday and saturday near where my parents live sure so i drove down um friday yeah and then friday night we were not to have dinner together you and a fam me and a fam yeah you picking this up i picked it up whoo what was the bill it was really important to me to take i wanted to take my family out to them i have the same i have the same feeling what was the bill if you don't mind me asking uh it was only like uh 250 or something like that only 250 it wasn't on this guy 250 listen you ain't never don't say it's only 250 to me
Starting point is 00:30:40 okay it's say it was 250 i'm really proud of it do not say only i don't want people out there think i'm spending for i wouldn't like drop 500 dollars or anything well only 250 makes it sound like you do drop 250 a lot really was only 250 250 is a lot for a dinden huh yeah so we got some champagne some more bread for the boys too no i meant it wasn't a bet i know you mean either way that being here nor there um you said your wife pulls the trigger your wife pulls heavy on the trigger this is the first time i've taken my parents at the dinner i think ever yeah i've never taken my parents up yeah so it was important i'll buy her a drink if we're out at the but we're at the pub or something i'll buy around we're going we're going around for round but you know let her
Starting point is 00:31:28 let her be yeah all right she but she gets one i get one but it was important for me to order the shots on her to do it obviously they didn't want me to and they're like my dad's like what are you doing you know what i mean sure it means a lot for you yes i went down the shore with uh for like easter and when we went out i'm like i'm getting the booze i'm getting the like it was like the night before thanksgiving not thanksgiving you're handing out solo cups well no it was like we're going to liquor store for the weekend and i'm like i got it i got like let me i'm like i've been riding the fucking coattails for sure 34 years like kippy spent a little bit of gage but i was thinking about um you know because obviously there was an announcement made before the meal
Starting point is 00:32:02 get whatever you want uncle hanks uncle hanks take sure and you were probably very overbearing throughout the meal about that ridiculous because that's just that's that's you're overbearing to i love you you're overbearing to begin with but then when you are taking care of something you're very now get the extra look at two of my dad don't forget the bread i ordered all the appetizers all of them the country i'll take them all i said is anything anybody specifically wants let's get some muscle started let's get which is very i'm not taking away it's very nice of you very very nice of you some of these some of these some of these some of that that so i you know i see we get whatever you want now i was thinking okay because you just said your wife
Starting point is 00:32:42 like say your wife because at the dinner with your family yeah all right let's say she ordered second or third does she match the price or does she just order whatever the fuck she feels like because i think that's what you were getting at you said she'll pull the trigger i'm saying with me and her um because i was i was when i go she'll get yeah i don't and i'm just using her not her yeah no i'm trying to think i don't know i've never so here's my question i don't know the parents got a little bit of cash to throw around sure here's my question is it garbage that you threw two hundred fifty dollars around into carabas yes how many big max was that
Starting point is 00:33:25 two fifty and big max ain't that much to be honest with especially if you're getting the supersized meal they get you they don't screw around McDonald's ain't cheap um is it garbage to like to to to overall to you order the most expensive thing on the menu if you're not paying for it i think it's tacky yes right it depends on it also depends on who you're with so that's well you know what i did what i ordered the most expensive thing on the menu so everybody felt comfortable do you i got the blooming onion i'll take two orders in a mozzarella sticks as an entree can you put them on one plate please and is that trash i'm sure you've done that because you're a weird little fact order and appetizers as your entree yeah what am i a
Starting point is 00:34:14 fucking circle of course the chicken i just want your potato skins oh yeah shit do you know broccoli oh crush a fucking pea skin right now dog crush a pea skin shout out to friday's doing it right friday saturday's and saturday's i'll tell you that i got a question for both of you guys yo have you ever gotten the specials that were not on the menu that were read to you by the waiter this was of course you fuck yes never this was a thing the ryan's blackout that goes there's something going on don't even read them to me i've never listened to a fucking special fucking table i've never listened to a special i go yes zip zip it david if it ain't on a menu if it ain't on a menu i don't trust why isn't it on the menu my man because it's not the way it
Starting point is 00:34:58 works because it's special they have special ingredients that came in that day they got it fresh well if it's so good it would be in the prime time it's not the way it works yeah i'm not saying it ain't good people you're you're trash yeah that's trash both of you i'm welcome to the show baby i'm not sitting here like a fucking Rockefeller you get the special i might have done it once or twice if i hear it on the fucking rip right away if i go oh that's it i'm done i'm pulling a trigger on that i've done it once or twice in a really nice place they don't tell you the numbers on those though that that's how they get you yeah yeah uh it's not a it's not a money thing i just think we were i grew up in a house where i'm like we're not that's for fancy people that's for that ain't
Starting point is 00:35:43 us give me the fucking goulash and the you know give me the soup and the soup and a salad or whatever where that ain't us i always listen to the specials i make eye contact i do oh okay oh you know the crab that sounds not but we don't fuck with it if i'm interested in something i ask how much it is that usually pisses off my girlfriend because that's trash you can't be asking how much the special is no what do you mean if they don't tell you have a little tape have a little tack how much are the soft shells oh 45 okay we'll keep okay i'll i'll take the chicken fingers two lemons in a diet cook and we'll need a couple more minutos here my friend yeah um so that i was curious about that i was very nice to cook them i would never over i would never step over but it's
Starting point is 00:36:26 also like if someone's but i wanted to set that tone i wanted to make sure i was so comfortable feel free yeah plus i wanted to fill my my fucking jerk off yeah um i get the fucking strip like an asshole it is nice to to finally not have to worry about like this bill is going to be 70 percent of net worth and that was it that was the celebratory dinner now it's back to business back to work relax jesus christ back out here for you folks dude you're allowed to have a dinner with your family relax am i now we know why we spent 20 minutes before the show for the going to wait so like how does the money from the show live shows break down because i had a bit of a bill on my hands and fuck tji meanwhile you're sniffing around the fucking you're sniffing around the
Starting point is 00:37:05 corporate bank account all because you fucking blow it on oysters or whatever hey well you were hitting me up for money like i owed you money like dude the way you were asking questions i blew my tutti stipend for the month dude the way you were back to zero now just everybody the way you were grilling me on expenses and income it was like i was like dude am i doing something wrong i'm like looking at toby i'm like what's going on hang on you know it's a little dicey too i don't like um is the treadmills when you i don't trust them when you use your card to fucking to pay the bill the tip doesn't go on it immediately oh they get you coming and going on that i got about you get whacked on tuesday for that one i got 25 percent of 250 out there fucking
Starting point is 00:37:49 waiting to fucking linger in bang me over there like a sock like a sock full of nickels fucking catch you while you're sleeping i'm sweating out what i think process that overnight uber does that too don't think i'm not up on that when's that gonna drop yeah they get just put it on there right now when you get it all in front of me i didn't know let me know what i'm fucking working with i got fucking four ipas of me you think i'm gonna remember 22 percent not happening yeah i gotta fucking check my six on thursday come on dude jeez checker six was a big line of the fucking the first leg of the door too we were saying that's all yo check your fucking six yikes whoo yeah i've made a lot of hairy game time decisions with a couple pending transactions man that's what i love
Starting point is 00:38:30 about navy federal the second that you use it army tea the second that you use it they keep it they keep they keep it right in front of you man keep it right in front of you it's great bolly what do you got your bank account i don't can of balls and spices a couple of anchors a few shillings are you gonna make a deposit today guy who would definitely wait is the banker the waiter too um i haven't flushed it out yet this one's for me and have you i was gonna charge and burn over trap me but he invoked the right to parlay no quarter this month on the interest rates we could do this all day come on we used to do this on center city company back in the day when you first got the navy federal account
Starting point is 00:39:23 that's watch out for our new podcast aria pirate i thought that was gonna hit really hard i mean we just said we've been doing the same joke for 45 seconds fair enough um all right this is from ian have you ever asked an uber driver if it's okay to smoke that's even finance i would assume no it's not no no no no um why i used to do it with taxis was big religiously especially in friday night cool if i smoke in here what i get in they light one up with you they bum one give me the lighter back in the day with a couple of fucking two two two two two roots keys in you early two thousand like you know probably 2006 to probably i don't even know philly was still kind of long nothing better than smoking in a cab on a friday night when you got a couple of things in
Starting point is 00:40:07 you yeah oh that was when you got a couple a couple of a couple of things rattling around in new york you couldn't do it with an uber it's two it's not their cars too regulated but i've taken ubers on the road in like michigan and shit where that guy goes you care if i smoke i go buddy have at it that's the real question yeah i had a cab driver ask if it's okay if you smoke yeah garbage i've had that for sure trash yeah but no um shit i remember fucking crushing whippets in the back of a fucking cab doing fucking 55 up the fucking fdr back in the day cut that yeah i mean jesus christ fucking guy playing it fast and loose um all right uh this one's from eddie davis first time question has anyone in your family
Starting point is 00:40:54 or you washed and then dried and reused a paper towel or napkin i'm sorry what has anyone in your family or you washed then dried and reused a paper towel or napkin no that's disgusting i okay but you can what what so when i wash and dry my hands uh huh i'm not intentionally wait why are you drying your hands with a paper towel don't you have a fucking hand towel in the bathroom yeah but sometimes no like if i'm in the if i wash my hands in the kitchen if i come in from outside okay or like if i'm cooking or something okay and like i'm like oh i got something i gotta rinse and i'll do that okay and i'll sometimes keep it around no yeah that's okay and then reuse it but you're not fucking like hanging it to dry like a towel
Starting point is 00:41:42 i'm not doing a load of fucking load of poundies downstairs in the basement like a fucking jerk off i got a load of paper towels and wait a minute that's a real delicate cycle yeah you gotta do that on cold no that's trash i've never seen that but every one of my everyone i know has has about 900 chipotle napkins sure a drawer somewhere sure i'm a big listen keep your napkins gang you're fucking you're doing good for the environment sometimes you get hand up you need them keep them i can't do it anytime i get napkins i throw a fucking stack in the glove in the glove box yeah so if i fucking sneeze on the turnpike and i got bugs all over my face or on my hands i don't want to put that on the wheel
Starting point is 00:42:22 i fucking lean over pull it out clean up sure we talked about this i think it's trashy a little bit to keep a roll of paper towels in the car that's ridiculous it's great great it's great but limo drivers do that i know but you're no limo driver it just seems a little i don't know i keep that i keep uh uh armor all glass cleaner and i keep uh the tube of armor all wipes in my car all times all times i guess i was in there was a little hurt and you could use a you could use a sweet i'm getting i'm getting your details on monday i'm getting your details what are you gonna do when you okay what tell me when you return that thing you're smoking bernie's in there uh no i wasn't yeah i know that's what you asked me you said no well bring it up so i brought
Starting point is 00:43:07 it up no i wasn't if you work at conicelli uh i have to pose us down there conicelli nissan at jp kennedy nissan and christler um that's the details okay you get that out i'm not smoking in mine no no okay folks what do you take the overrun what it what it let's i'll be i'll be you're smoking in there unless you quit tonight i'll be truthfully honest with you when i do if i do i will 100 let's put it a how many days or when a date you're smoking in that car by the end of the summer no way no doubt about no way dude why you guys have to date is that the overunder we want to put what are you gonna be the irish men and fucking pull over to have a cigarette what's it so labor day is what we're saying before seven remember what but so august 31st all the driving
Starting point is 00:43:54 back and forth to the shore you're lying now you've smoked in there i for sure haven't one million percent i haven't i'm telling you it's a new kippy labor day labor day well september first he's saying two grand you want oh you put money on it two grand no you pay us two grand if you don't what do i do if i do it what do i get if i do it good on you yeah get the fuck out of here i'll fucking close out bet um all right this is a resist the great reset uh have you ever used anything other than a belt to support your pants i believe i have yeah yeah shoelace a lot one shoelace will get around you though three shoelaces three sets of shoes big big skater thing back in the day yeah so you don't have the belt buckle
Starting point is 00:44:43 yeah slapping around lightweight i uh i'm sure i've done something in a jam i think i use a uh especially when we used to like work construction and stuff in college it would be like if your belt broke or whatever you had to do like an extension cord or something or like wire or whatever your pants are falling down you're doing manual labor guys are grabbing at you so doing pressed hams uh no well like your pants would be falling down and yeah you'd have to do something i for sure remember doing something on like on the fucking on job sites but um never like to a fucking never to school or something i used to wear my football belt all the time you know the little course you do they're like nylon yeah yeah with those two little hooks yeah those are great
Starting point is 00:45:27 you remember i'm sorry and i'd go in and then you fold it over and it hangs down a little little bit that was big do you remember these were like these were big back in the day that a pair of fucking nice timberlands with your jeans cuffed and your fucking football jersey on on a friday before a game fucking thought you were fucking johnny cool guy joe high school over here till till you got smacked around with a field yeah fucking you're fucking out you don't know where you are the cheerleaders are fucking rolling their eyes you're lining up next to them blue 42 they're going go team go there with the foe foley's out the lunch again go buffalos uh what was big back in the day i remember one summer or whatever it was like a fab but they were like
Starting point is 00:46:10 hand woven colored kind of like native american or south american like uh woven belts braided belts not braided i know exactly where braided were braided were dope too and you would flip them down through the fucking thing they were braided belt your ass gonna get beat up they were big especially like the skater world the braided belt was big and then there was the other one uh i think they called them like military belts they had like the they were the oh my god how fucking dope were those my dad used to weigh them out of time for his navy uniform i love those things you kick out for a navy uniform i love those slide it in and you slide the thing down they were big when it we were they were big when you were a little kid and they were big when you in junior high they
Starting point is 00:46:54 hit and there was this place mr rags opened up in the oxer valley mall was like this want to be pacific sunware type thing i don't know if it was i don't know if it was a national chain or whatever but mr rags and they had like the ufo pants and like you know the cool fucking the cool shit that you wanted as a fucking 13 or 12 year old or whatever it was and they had you got to pick your own buckle and then they would they had just wheels of that like nylon not not or whatever it is yeah because it had teeth on the thing well the teeth yeah when that thing went bad though yeah you were done yeah so you would make your own in any color you want to do it and that hit we all there's like a bunch of fucking dorks that's pretty 17 dudes all went into mr rags and all bought
Starting point is 00:47:37 the same fucking military belt or whatever they're doing yeah that's pretty good man it felt like a fucking king rocking that that ain't too fucking shabby right there those things were fucking awesome yeah i was a suspenders guy for a minute no bell but suspenders yeah for like a half a minute suspenders were cool i remember wearing suspenders the high school at one point with jeans man rough weeks sags in your fucking sleeve who does that what was that what fad was that based on it was like you know i was like the swing or something the swing like remember swing got cool no i wasn't a rock a billy it was like well you just told me you were fucking dude you just told me you were fucking michael j fox more than been fucking back to the
Starting point is 00:48:18 future is that what you were basing i'm asking yeah what do you mean man he was pretty fucking cool i'm not i'm not saying he wasn't i'm saying what was it based on it was based on that michael j fox and ferris bueller that's why i keep i don't know if it's garbage but i keep all my stuff when i get in my car i take everything out of my pocket my i put it all on the passenger seat and you lose it all the time well you know why i do that y'all need to get up is there a lighter under you is is there a hoagie under you because that's what marty mcfly did into the lorry and he put everything next to him i love that crank the power i love our no marty mcfly more like a marty mcdonald's am i right all right that's what i'm having fun uh dude on the stage and rolly i made some really
Starting point is 00:48:58 hacky cheap fucking fat joke and everybody's like oh i'm like this is what you pay for this is what keeps it going maybe um sorry i'm stiff allergies uh yeah have a sip of water you thought it throws a little dry there yeah mine too i'm hurt the burnies ain't helping either uh all right this is from uh brandon hundley it just says five second rule question mark which i don't know are you you do play by the five second rule sig's on the street no yes i'm what i drop a sig i'm picking it up pan that new york pandemic you're picking a sig up off the side one single fucking person from fucking beijing the fucking Delaware has gotten fucking coronavirus from fucking you don't know that sig off the street you don't know that i got people in the who i talked to the who
Starting point is 00:49:46 who come on i can't be too quick over your gunslinger i talked to baba or riley uh now i'm weird with food it's gotta be in my house i'll do it if something drops it can't be wet my here my thing is it can't be wet wet on carpet is a no no because that comes up all fuzzy you got a dog here i even have a dog what the fuck yeah it comes up with five o'clock shadow i ain't doing that no no in the kitchen if i drop like a pretzel nugget or something i'll go for it oh yeah yeah yeah you also do the real fucking dirty it's dirty and it's super trashy if you bump i don't pack my sig so when i give foley a sig out of my pack he takes it and then just bangs it on whatever saw like it could be a door it could be someone else's car it could be a fucking it's
Starting point is 00:50:36 fire hydrant bananas it's so gross dude you know what else i do also it's crazy that you don't pack your six i'm old school baby you know what else uh i think i'm starting to realize there's trashy that i do i don't know if anybody else does it but if i'm eating in a restaurant and something falls off my plate i'll take it off the table and eat it yeah it's trashy is it it depends how quick and what it is and what the table is but yeah probably yeah like i mean it could be it could be like a little piece of macaroni salad i'm picking that up and i'm eating on a tablecloth or just a table or are you eating it as a tablecloth i go to nice places you do yeah no i'm not eating anything off a wooden i'm not eating anything off a table yeah i'll eat it i'll do it now i'll do it nope
Starting point is 00:51:19 not for kippy i'll do it i'll do it right now not for kippy um all right this next one's from brian have you ever you wait one second sure sorry it's completely derelict uh you said macaroni salad macaroni salad versus potato salad who wins i don't fuck with either one of them yeah i'm nuts i'm getting both next question i don't fight yeah i don't know i'm not i'm not splitting those up causing trouble between those two are you crazy yeah don't start a civil war in the foley house yeah i want the fucking peculiar platter with the fucking egg salad mac salad coleslaw i love all that shit all that shit all that uh i'll eat walrdorf salad until my fucking face falls up chicken walnuts and fucking grapes dumbledore a little bit celery love all those prepared salads
Starting point is 00:52:12 yeah great um macaroni salad brian supreme uh yeah i don't it doesn't do it i don't like cold stuff really yeah i don't like a lot of my i like i like my eating up your peanut butter and i like my stuff i like everybody knows i just keep putting it in my head look you haven't lived to you had hot ice cream do you ever have a deep fried no yeah i know you buddy we talked about it i know i even if we didn't talk about it i could have i i i i would have put pretty good money on the you had chichi's in there deep fried ice cream a lot of korean places do it too they have fried ice cream um great awesome um yeah i just don't do cold i don't do cold stuff that's supposed to be warm that makes sense what potatoes are supposed to be warm you draw some lines in the
Starting point is 00:53:04 sand man i know dude i know i know i know i don't know why either i'm sure i i i'm sure i would love it i just not be hanging out with 11 in the gang this kid's cuckoos i get a nosebleed every time i throw out a softball that thing's gonna be a little bad in the back and forth i like this like this it comes like i don't fucking do that yeah do that around me you're gonna get stabbed sure now hey have all the max out you want it's just to your lemonade only if it's hot well i'm not a fucking jerk off i like a nice cold beverage everybody knows that also shout out to i think his name was jp he was he was drinking in the fucking parking lot of zanies before brought an ipa for the ran up to ran ran up to me and gave me an ipa he goes
Starting point is 00:53:51 oh here you go fucking yeah it was great thank you how about a shout out to the kidney airport oh shit yeah i'll see you in boston young man i'll see you in boston buddy i got straight up right by the way you couldn't stop by the can and set a load on clank yeah kid kid fucking ran up behind his a k-man big fan took a pic everything looked at toby goes oh so you're the other guy listen i'll get it uh but you're not skinnier person than i thought airport recognize is pretty fucking cool nice i was a fucking that was a week changer for me a week changer that was in the john i said i was like where the fuck where you last night we could have used you fucking juice the numbers a little bit keep the guys on the coast yeah um all right where was i all right this is
Starting point is 00:54:31 from brian uh have you ever used a water bottle holder on your bicycle as a beer holder why am i drinking on a bike every vacation i've ever been on i've drank on a bike really every time i go down to the shore we get we got the beach cruises with the cup holder a couple of pops in there i don't do bikes i'm more of a golf cart car we got the golf cart too i think every beer i've ever consumed on a bike with shotgun shotgun and on a on the bike while you're riding yeah what kind of bike did you have in chicago i bet it was really annoying probably a lot of tape on it fixie or something not a fixie single speed single speed no fixie was it was it a 10 speed that had the the the horns that go down no no no drop handles it wasn't 10 speed was a single speed had the
Starting point is 00:55:15 like just regular t bar handles t bar t bar for a t bone wait single speed what is it was it a mountain bike or a bmx bike uh it's a road bike what does that mean i'm out i don't know either does it look like a mountain bike no i think what you call a mountain bike yes it's not a bmx bike no yeah so it's a mountain bike to him it's a mountain bike hit me as well it's a mountain bike either way if you pulled up with that i go look at the dork on the mountain bike that's what i would say either way get out of traffic take that shit on the sidewalk i'm waiting for work hey buddy hit the park i got a pod to do uh yeah it was a big we do it uh went in a way we go over and visit my wife too because you're allowed to just drink it public over there so we'd like ride
Starting point is 00:55:57 to the water get some beers on the ride a couple of you know open it up hop in a couple of pops but the quake yes it's trash i mean come on i think it's good clean fun no it's trash i mean it's trashy if you're like you got like a fucking i think riding bikes is trash that's nuts i mean that's the most insane statement riding bikes is trash man come on what are you doing adults riding bikes get out of here with that it's a good time it's exercise gets the blood pumping you don't have to look for parking i'm not saying in new york you ride the bike in new york you're fucking goob but you're down a shore in wildwood come on cruising down surf you got the wind at your hair you're going down to the beach all right we're gonna get some clam strips you got a boogie
Starting point is 00:56:39 board under your arm and ipa hanging out all right i can see that good time got the beach cruiser with the big handles we're stopping at a crab cake got a little basket got toons bumping on your phone all right come on i like it i'm not bad not too she we're gonna stop somewhere for lunch yeah of course that's where we're going oh that's not bad yeah come on ride a bike to launch and fucking lock it up out front can you get can you get arrested for riding a bike drunk uh toby drunk you can yeah uh i mean i've ridden a bike shmaron i never ran to an issue yeah no they can i got pulled over on a skateboard one time on elson avenue at a for fucking shredding too god damn hard and this is why trucks are smoking this is what led me to my like just just shotgun to get it over with
Starting point is 00:57:25 if you're out in public was i was skating finishing tallboy pbr shout out to kip big fan of tallboy pbr big fan uh i've been living in chicago for about five years at the time cop pulled me over and was like yeah you can't be drinking in the street and i just like kicked my skateboard up it's just like oh i didn't know i could do that i'm from florida pretty good excuse and the cop was like all right all right yeah have a good one sir um all right we got a few more here uh this is from ryan uh have you ever been kicked off the go karts for crashing into people that was big back in the day trading paint the little rubbing rubbing his racing baby we were really bad yeah i said get out i couldn't do it if my parents were there like at that age because i'd get fucking reamed
Starting point is 00:58:13 for acting a fucking for acting a fool in public but what made the boys went up by ourselves different we got all yeah it was fucking walrus yeah i was it was thunder road it was tokyo drift out that motherfucker you know it's real embarrassing i remember the first couple of times i rode go karts i or i couldn't bumper cars i couldn't figure it out you ever have the dirt ball have to get up and stand on the side fucking steer yeah you're crying like yeah it was always a big thing too when you're in the bumper cars you got moved up from you and your parent to just you driving by i wasn't getting your learners permit that was that was a real tough look and really defined your your self-esteem is when if you and your father are in a go car together or in a
Starting point is 00:58:57 bumper car together and you're getting owned oh yeah your dad can't get a hold of god damn it just give me a minute here i think i got a bad wheel that's a tough look man also by somebody like by like a 13 year old or something who's just fucking him and his good time buddies or if i got you cornered and you're making fun of your dad you're fucking end up bad it sucks they got to come break it up tough look they got a thing in chicago called whirley ball of course they do it's like you shotgun a fucking and handle a soco and then you jerk off no it's it's a combination of bumper cars lacrosse and basketball you basically have like who does that who i hope when we get to chicago all the things you talk about everybody says yet nobody does that that guy's fucking late
Starting point is 00:59:41 yeah they're like they're gonna be like if we pull into the airport and everybody was off fuck toby's back i'll love it here comes mr whirley ball okay i'm not quick hide the pbr i'm not gonna lie whirley ball it sounds a lot i was gonna give you the bitch it's like okay it's not great sure but as like a concept you could have stopped a whirley ball you kidding me we didn't want to hear we're gonna shoot that when we go to chicago fully playing whirley that's what i was thinking is it would be good for a video i mean shoot me getting a hot dog because that's the only thing i'm doing try telling i'm coming uh coming heavy all right let's do a couple of mo couple of mo here this is a big one that i'm also we should have done this earlier on when we were talking about
Starting point is 01:00:22 this kind of stuff this is from calib have you ever put your license or debit card spending cash in this the the cellophane of a pack of bernie's as a makeshift wallet that was also where that's a big beach move or like we were going tubing or fishing or whatever if you don't have pot if you're wearing basketball shorts you take your 20 you slide it in the cellophane your fucking debit card or license in there whatever you need and then the lighter goes in the pack now the lighter which is trash lighter in the pack is garbage trash fucking garbage but i've done it oh yeah i've also put other nefarious items inside a pack of cigarettes while there were cigarettes in there then you gotta go fishing
Starting point is 01:01:03 around for when you get to the bathroom yeah yeah yeah yeah that's a trash move very but also at the same time you go to the beach that's what you do i mean you condense everything down to one fucking thing otherwise you're losing your fucking you know it's also could be classy because you're prepared i got my license i got my debit card and i also got my bernie's there we go i'm a big hide everything at the beach right in my shoes that's an old Seinfeld bit is it yeah yeah when you put it they're not going to find it if we put it in the front of the shoe that's pretty good yeah yeah i hide everything um all right this one this isn't the same thing this is from nick deluca shot the nicky bones uh have you ever asked for a specific color lighter at a bodega all the time
Starting point is 01:01:44 let's get the fuck out of here no it's what fuck you get out of here trashy sometimes i feel like pink sometimes i want blacks yeah but it shouldn't matter that's what i'm saying you just go give me it's a functional thing give me a lighter the fact that having an opinion and like attachment to it is a trash wait i have a great question what what color lighter is bad luck where you're from because white yeah white white everywhere it's not everywhere i've heard yellow in some other places but white primarily we got my buddy warley ball my buddy we picked up my buddy ryan uh to go to like six where the ball sticks yeah where the ball stinks you whatever coastline in your warley ball uh picked up my buddy ryan a couple other like two or three other people to go to fucking
Starting point is 01:02:21 six flags one day we're like high school or something i got the i got the 96 Chevy Lumina paint chipping off real good look got the head unit installed with electrical tape no big no big deal okay probably got some 50 cent or g-unit bumping we're doing it kibby's got a white t a fitted hat on backwards we're hanging we get it you're a dork oh that was cool let me talk about the glory days when i was third string tight end or whatever the fuck did you have your eyebrows on i had my eyebrows yeah um we're getting a picture but my buddy gets in with a white lighter it was like very light gray and i'm like dude he like i'm like let me get a light and he hands it to me i'm like dude we're going on this trip like this isn't fun what do you do get this thing the fuck out of you
Starting point is 01:03:01 guys now you believe in that god dude we like flat tire ran out of gas we finally make it there we get in we give them the tickets we wait in line for like three hours to get to the front of you know johnny got murdered johnny fuck fuck roller like batman or whatever the big roller coaster is dude we are the next in line and a electrical storm it gets stuck upside down we have to turn around leave the park the second we leave the park no readmittance the sun it's pouring rain that we get outside and get to the car the sun comes out fucking park opens back up we get we wait it was like a seven hour trip we didn't do anything blame that fucking lighter ever since i'll say anything but white is when i'm ordering when i'm getting a lighter about anything but white
Starting point is 01:03:42 i like to pick let's go to trash you know it's really trashy the pack of matches in the pack of bernie's that's that's kippies move i'm a big i love light and bernie's all this thing smell like sulfur that's no good love lightness the first drag of a fucking bernie off a book of matches is to die for what's your book of matches technique are you a flip over keep attached or are you a pull off and then flip no the flip in the case he uses the old wooden ones the flipping of the case is trash you you take it off rip it out close it strike the back do the this like this hit it shake it twice pause it rip and burn matches your trash in general i think they're classy and they're evidence of a distinguished gentleman what are you bear grills the nice wooden
Starting point is 01:04:35 ones whose role i used to i've rolled with those for sure the one he was bear grills he lighted things with a magnifying glass did you ever you ever let a cigarette with uh with the matchy the long matches for the fireplace yeah the door of flame jones yeah for sure no not a door not a starter log door of flame door of what are you andre the giant lighting a whole pack the grill lighter is a tough life you ever been out somewhere and someone hand your grill light or like they had it in the car or something it's on the ready of my parents fire in the smoking lounge at padlock well i'm saying at the house is fine because there's a grill close but i've had like gotten buddy's cars where i'm like they hate you with the
Starting point is 01:05:15 fucking red grill lighter lighter from the front yeah what the fuck is this thing all right let's do one more here uh let's do two more this one's actually from the facebook group it's just a fucking homerun real quick have you ever attended an osfest get out of here no osfest no warp tour no lala palooza no woodstock t-bones had a dual warp tour at some point first concert warp tour 2003 charlotte north Carolina dropkick murphy's andrew wk less than jake fucking afi stonk watch davie have it get kicked in the nuts with a shoe one of the best things i've ever seen in my fucking i didn't know one fucking person you said there yeah one name um i want did how many monster i need your drinks did you have a couple red bulls let me tell you what those were all right
Starting point is 01:06:01 i hate a monster love a sugar free red bull though love me too buddy i love you you are kids with spirits on that love a sugar free red bull yeah they're not to they're not the enemy that people made them out to me because let me tell you something red bull hits you slower than coffee and i think they're better for you okay yeah i don't know i don't have the scientific research to back it up i'm not a red bull guy you ever you ever crush a red bull when you're thirsty red bulls your favorite soda so put it in my cereal with the homies the homies i like my soda with my homies i like my red sugar free red bulls sodas with the homies i would like to see how long toby could like spit out a spiel but she was pretty close to the warp tour
Starting point is 01:06:46 where it's all his lingo you know what i mean like i had a red bull with the homies at the warp tour with andrew do we did an ollie and a bupupupupup i don't know if ollie's his lingo but no whatever all right let's uh this is the last one um this is from alessandro alessandro first time question here thank you buddy ever ran a movie from a red box that my friends is what i call a home run red box is was and always will be trash how do you get it back in there i don't know i've done it one time do you keep it i think you keep those no no no no no you return them i did it one time i remember i was living in me and my me and my buddy had rented a townhouse in bucks county right right after college like we had our first jobs and it was like a sunday night late and we
Starting point is 01:07:41 were like oh let's get a movie or something so he's like let's go to red button to me i'm like the fuck is it what are we doing going to a vending machine outside of 7-eleven and sure shit we were there and it gives you a fucking move and i remember then i'm like i don't know what this is it seems pretty convenient but i want no parts of it and i will not be a red box family i've never said this out loud okay but it's something that i still think of to this day causes only trying to get Pringles out of it cause causes me an insane amount of anxiety and it's it's why sometimes i snap in certain situations but for some reason the 7-eleven by my house had like a video vending machine this was mid 80s really i don't know why early 84 85 where you had to you go in
Starting point is 01:08:30 it's an eventing machine all right and you saw the movie you pressed it came out but you had to have this card it had to be like with the company or what i was like you had to have this card that you put money on but we didn't know that so it was me and my dad fucking long week of work he's in his uniform stuff like that now when would you move you when would you move what would you movie so he takes me over there and we spend like an i i mean honestly an hour looking at movies trying to figure out which one you want and now all at the machine all at the machine how many movies could have been in there it was like literally the size of like the wall it was like like the entire candy aisle okay this machine was there okay it was either like
Starting point is 01:09:10 west coast was closed or blockbuster had gotten there yet and um i remember like at one point my friend's mom was there she's like what are you guys doing we're looking for a movie or something like that but we when we went to go get the movie we found out that we had to have this special car that you didn't have and for some reason i felt so embarrassed i don't i just felt like a loser yeah that i you know i like i just felt terrible you know and the fact that my dad was with he was like even worse it was it's like i'm it's crazy but it's like one of those things i still think about to this day sure and never would i fucking go to a red box because of that i look at them and i'm like you're not fucking getting me twice yeah you're not gonna get me today video movie
Starting point is 01:09:52 vendy machine i'm me and my old man fuck you it's not happening a move that i guarantee a listener is done is you get a red box you scan it you scan the disc and then you print off the thing that has like the qr code that's the machine scans you put it back in you put that slip of paper back in the case put it back in the red box get a fucking vidya game or a flick for a dollar i a couple times i got a thing out of a red box and it was just a slip of paper and i was like oh yeah why would it be a slit of paper because it had like they have like a barcode on there that the machine scans then knows what's in the machine oh they put it back in the case yeah oh you pieces of shit yeah i'd fucking smash the machines that have personally after the childhood trauma i just i just sure
Starting point is 01:10:36 confessed sure there was things are there was the trashest thing my town had was there was a bait machine like a bait vending machine yeah was live bait yeah because the like who feeds the worms what do you mean who feeds the worms how do they stay alive they stay alive and like the dirt that they're in what about what about like fresh air and stuff i think there's holes in the thing i mean it's not like a hermetically sealed fucking vending machine these guys buying dead worms you ain't gonna catch anything catch a gold but uh yeah we used to go to that because like the place didn't want to the place it's all big i think this thing was robinsons or something tackle like a gun and tackle store they weren't open because people would go fishing at like
Starting point is 01:11:17 fucking 6am or whatever and they would go like yeah so they just had a bait vending machine i remember thinking that i remember thinking that was the coolest thing in the world dude i'd be like yo dad can we stop and get some night crawlers let's go just for the fun of it yeah kippie needs a kippie needs a new pet i didn't fuck with night crawlers big night crawler guy i think i said this one time too close to a snake for for for for the foldies i don't like that your dad's got a pair of night crawler boots they have that weird band-aid on them yeah i'll hook them real good oh get it in there it's got the rough little feel to it their foreskin yeah no thank i think i talked about and then we got to get out i talked about it one time we went
Starting point is 01:11:52 up the mountains and for like a fishing trip we always like big like freshwater like rivers and lakes and stuff like that's what we did a lot went up to the mountains and we were like staying on this lake and we took the hose and at night we sprayed the outside backyard dirt to get slugs to get the worms to come out because they move in the rain so then they all came out and we went and picked up the fucking water what the fuck i think we only found like two by the way you're gonna put salt on a slug yeah i've done that that's fucked up yeah that's like war crimes real bad all right let's wrap it up you're out there salting slugs yeah you gotta yeah you're you're not stopping there salting slugs and drawing out worms yeah next thing you know you're freezing
Starting point is 01:12:36 grannies you got anything for him kip that's it baby please make sure you subscribe with the whole nine yards itunes patreon youtube i'm at kevin ryan comedy on all social media also please follow the r u garbage pages on instagram and twitter and guys honestly again thank you so fucking much from the bottom of the bottom of hearts the patreon rally national we just hit a big milestone on patreon this week thank you so much for that thank you so much for everybody coming out it means literally the fucking world to us i feel corny because i keep saying that but it's so we don't mean to throw it down thank you so much and get those fucking ticks gang ac is gonna sell out we're already like 70 it's not for another fucking two months and it's like 75 percent full
Starting point is 01:13:17 so get those fucking ticks summer of garbage yeah come see us we love you peace

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