Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast - Pocket Bacon w/ Kippy & Foley
Episode Date: October 17, 2022Are You Garbage is back with a Kippy and Foley for a family episode to answer your garbage questions from Patreon. Its a fun one! FINAL RUN! Buy the Are You Garbage Card Game: https://areyougarbage.b...igcartel.com/ Follow Kevin: https://www.instagram.com/kevinryancomedy/ Follow Foley: https://www.instagram.com/hfoleycomedy/ Live Shows: https://linktr.ee/AreYouGarbage PATREON: https://www.patreon.com/AreYouGarbage MERCH: https://www.bonfire.com/store/are-you-garbage/ Ladder Life: https://www.LadderLife.com/GARBAGE Butcher Box: https://www.ButcherBox.com/AYG Promo Code: AYG Manscaped: https://www.manscaped.com Promo Code: Garbage Comedians H. Foley and Kevin Ryan are self proclaimed GARBAGE. Each week a new stand up comedian gets put to the test. Steal shampoo from hotels? Own a George Foreman Grill? Ever worn JNCO Jeans
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Got a news flash for you bozos the card game is back on sale. Oh my god
The original edition of the card game some of our favorite questions right here got about 50 or so of them
Sold a bunch of them. Put them on the shelf for a little while now
We're doing one final run of the original series one last job, baby
It's a good good time to get hammered with your friends and find out at the people that you know
That you love her garbage so do yourself a favor the link is in the description
Pick up a pack today because they're gonna go quick. Oh, yeah, and that ain't it tubby. We got road dates, baby
We got two shows in atlanta coming up in november
Then we're going to charlie north caroline if you're in the area get those tickets for that
We got two and filly that are sold out. We got one left in providence road island those tickets are moving
We got one left in boss and that is for sure going to sell out get those tickets. We want to party. See you there
See you there. Welcome to another exciting edition of are you garbage?
The show where you find out if your favorite comedians are classy individuals
or absolute trash
Now here are your hosts kevin ryan and h foley
Hey everybody out there and welcome back to everybody's favorite new podcast. This is are you garbage?
Oh, yeah, it's that little show we sit down with your favorite comedians and we find out they're good to be classy
Yeah, they're just a big old piece of trash trash. Yeah, that's right. I'm your hostage for
Yeah, that's right garbage trash
Coming at you on a beautiful day. We're down here at an totes basement. She's upstairs
Bad case of mezzo filioma
Soon as she can find a lawyer that'll play ball
and a doc
Watch a little daytime
Yeah, she's been up late, huh? It's either that or she was a marine at camp la june in 1965
They're going heavy after you drank gasoline or something whatever was in that water. What's no
Christ the corn never hurt nobody. What the hell?
The main job my color is coming out
They're trained killers
Ah, my co is coming out from across the table. This is a family episode
He is the ceo of are you garbage and the pumping picking champion of 2013 give it up for kj
kevin james ryan
Because it's the fall baby. Thanks for tuning in everybody
Uh, make sure you please rate review subscribe on itunes full video available on youtube as you know those numbers are true to roof
Oh my
Swing and a miss by a new guy luke
Ladies and gentlemen, uh, then obviously I'd be remissed. I'd be a jerk off of being a soul. I'd be disgraced. Yeah, I watch god father
If I didn't mention the greatest goddamn website of all mother fuck
I ain't talking google. I ain't talking sg is I ain't talking xx and x videos dot net hamson
It's all right. That's a close number two. You know what was big back in the day early on before I'm wire
He didn't know what you wanted to ruin a fucking gateway real quick
Dude, you're ruining a devil. Oh man jammed up with free ones dot com
You could say I was like the first time you could search by
Hey, who's my favorite star h foley you type in that click the name and then like all the stuff would come up hot
She much you like a little little weeders, huh?
Gang how about a nice quick? Hold on patreon.com you fucking
I forgot we got a whole bunch of stuff on there. I had xnxx on the mind
I apologize. We're closing in on our next goal, uh, which is when we hit it. We will do, uh
Buying a storage unit. Yeah, we're gonna go to an auction do storage wars. Hopefully fucking get rich quick schemes
That's what I'm into take those hillbillies for a ride
We just did uh, we just won one of the bonus we do weekly bonuses a yg weekly, uh hard feelings one of the bonus
We just it was on a road in the car good time Missouri out there was a good old time check it out
Good good good good time and gang listen what our good pal t-bone this muck mc muffin. Uh-huh is out with the sniffies
Yeah, he's sicky wiki. So we got new guy luke filling in
He's a young good-looking his hands are shaking
It looks like he's never touched a computer. I don't know what's going on. He's taking the sat's over there
Gang new guy luke ladies and gentlemen
How are we doing guys? Oh, man. He is he is a behind-the-scenes kind of guy t-bone. Your job is safe
Tell you that right now
Fucking npr paul over here
Let the lights go off real quick
Buddy, thank you for filling in. We appreciate it t-bone feel better. We love you
We just got jammed up to recording schedule. He's sick. We got to get these episodes done. That's the way it works
You know what I mean? Yeah, is that the family is okay? All right. That's like, you know, it's just very like right
You're looking at me like go along with that
T-bone's dead on the couch. No, what are you talking? He's right there
You're long-haired freak
Buddy, we love you feel better. All right. What are you doing? What are you doing?
What are you doing?
He's fine
We
Buddy, I hope you get there. I hope this gets he's editing it. What do you mean?
He's fine
Well, I love you
He's like he's in a hospital bed or something. He's fine had a little bit of a scary incident yesterday
Oh god, that's never good. I was down in the burbs. We're driving from one place to another and I find
You all right, I just let him do his job man. You're freaking out. Oh man
He's looking around like he's fucking out left field with a hockey stick. That's my line
Yeah, I think I stole from my cousin
Um
I just looked over he's checking to make sure the cameras are on he was looking at the boxes. No, um
Spider the big man doesn't like changes. So this is this is a big curve ball in your in your mix
Hey, I love new guy Luke. I know but I don't think you in the back seat of a minivan
I don't think you like them on the ones in
Dude
We're doing the beeps in the suite. Yeah, I don't want this guy feeding the m60 when I'm in the fucking fox
So I want t-bone in there Johnny on the fucking spot. That's right. Um, we love you, buddy t-bone. I feel better my friend
Stop doing that
Should be services later
In lieu of flowers all the flowers, please we send gift cards send some grip tape to uh tody's basement
um
Driving in the car. Uh-huh
um
I got my nephew with me. Okay
He's in the passenger seat sitting up front and I hear him go. Wow. Look at that spider. That's the biggest spider
I've ever seen. Mm-hmm thinks it's on the outside of the window. Mm-hmm. It ain't
Motherfuckers in the car. Yeah, I'm talking
The size of a sac of joeya
Like heavy bike
This thing got a piece on it. I'm telling you right now what you do because you're not wanting to kill spiders
Well, I am I'll kill anything if it moves. I shoot why I ask questions later. I almost I almost killed the three of us
Save the spider
You're going off a cliff
Dude, I was trying to shake him off like you was jackie chan. I'm telling you right now
We both freaked out because when we realized it was inside the car
You're not a cool cucumber either
No, you lose it quick and I don't like I don't like chaos in the car when I'm driving
So he starts you mainly caused by the way he starts freaking out. It's on me. Oh my god
Screaming and this stuff like that and then I those follies are cool under pressure, man
The main headquarters of the bureau of crazy. Yeah
Spider disappears for a minute. He thinks it went out the window. It didn't it was they never do it was on me
It was it was on my hair now. He's driving the button
So he's freaking out he takes off his shoe you keep making the stops
People get bringing the bell. He's hitting me with his flip flop. Oh my god. You guys are idiots
And now every last one of you he never got him. We pulled over. We searched the entire car
I can't find this thing. Yeah, I know he's not dead
This is like home alone with with buzzes tarantula around dude. I'm roaming around
He thinks he got him a little bit when he's crawling down here
You
Henry don't move
What are you doing kip? What do you do? I'm never getting in that goddamn car again
Dude, I'm telling you if it was just a regular little spider. There's a fucking setup
It was just a regular little spider. I'd be okay. This thing means business
I feel like they'd be getting bigger and bolder too a little bit
Yeah, remember we had one on our window in fucking Missouri or wherever the fuck we were we were doing like a buck 80
High 72 and this thing was like just fucking chilling on the outside of the window smoking a bernie at
A heater so he thinks he got it when it was on the headrest
But it wasn't where it would have it should have fallen. Uh-huh. So he's injured
He's in the car and he's probably upset with us. Yeah, so
Well, good luck. I'm an uber man. I don't know what to tell you dude. I drove up from Philly this morning, man
I was the whole way just petrified
Just waiting for this fucker to make a move. I was waiting to feel the the the cold metal on my throat
Yeah, your hand on your piece. Yeah, everything's fine. Just waiting trying to set a trap for him to come out
Take out the engine block. I mean, yeah at that point the only thing to do is put my seatbelt on
Do a quick jerky jerky put a mouthpiece in and crash into a wall
To pull pull a payback on it. It's a deep cut. Try not to melt Gibson. Oh
Uh
Yeah, so that's how uh, that's how my day yesterday of my morning went. That's pretty good. Yeah
I got one for you. I was just uh, I just got back from uh, Europa. Are you uh, what jet lagged?
Uh, Kai was up at five o'clock this morning, which ain't good. Okay, you know
Uh, it's easier on the way back every thoughts changed as your opinion changed on the uh, what the russia ukraine situation
Did they turn you over there? I don't know. I was I was digging around snooping around a pipeline
I don't know if you heard you got all your fingernails. That's a good sign. I'm missing that dude. Um
How do you feel about the call button on a plane?
Will you call the attendant over if I'm on fire? Maybe yeah
No, never really and you know, I wanted to talk to you about this, which I've never said it
But oh god every once in a while we'll be on the plane and you'll hear a
Yeah, what is that that that's the engine shutting off
Ha ha ha ha
That's them switching over to fucking hyperdrive. Somebody left the trunk open. Uh, what is that?
Yeah, usually it's that or some sort of service call. So you hear it throughout the whole plane
Uh, that might be I think they also communicate
Them set like the they have their own language the
The uh, the the air step to talk to the front the back. Yeah, the air skanks
Uh, no, I'm kidding
That was rude and uncle. It's ain't hard feelings. Sorry. This is a public program. Jesus. Um, no, uh
Yeah, my wife was using it using it quite a bit. What do you mean?
What do you need? It's a long flight. I have half hours. I get my business class by the way
Really machi I am broke. That's patreon.com. That's german business, too
What do you mean? Yeah, I had to go over to secure more funding. We're fucking hemorrhaging cash over here
What do you think pays new guy loose bills the fuck sit down with swiss back? Yeah, I had to fuck
Yeah, I had to sit down with fucking half of the half of the eu. They said no bueno
I got a couple of gold bars with a black balinese dancer on it
Ha ha ha ha
Man
Well pay back for the boston tea party, huh?
Playing hardball. I've had my back economy. It's a deal to queen's dad. Who's got the cash? Um
Yeah, I'm like I this was a big thing because I'm a big no fuck. I don't want that
But I feel like you're paying they they that's the sir
And this is this was her argument, right?
If you sit economy at any point if you want to get up and get a couple like on those long flights
We're flying Lufthansa. You're allowed to uh, they have like a snack bar type thing
You get up and they have like waters poured
They have like a tray of water waiting for you a call you can go you can get up and go get stuff a buffet
It's okay. That's how fat you are you hear a cup of water and you go a buffet
Wait, you could just go get it yourself because I see that blue does that everybody kind of has that you can get up and walk
Back and go like hey, you know, can I have a cup of coffee or a tea or whatever, huh?
Yeah, when they're back there like they're catching heaters and stuff
I know fucking plane tiddly wings. I assume they're fooling around
And nothing like an attractive flight attend dude even the guy anybody if you're if you're just on a plane and you're not 100
I'm into it. That's my cup of tea. Yeah, um
but
They don't have that
for the uh business class because they want to
Givious they want to you know, they don't want you getting up. They have german shepherds patrolling me
Ah
Swamp eat on me
Spotlight goes around the plane. Yeah, she was using she used it a couple of times and at some point. I'm like, yo tuts
Reel it in a little bit. Now, obviously she could do whatever she wants. She's the boss, of course
Um
And don't tell her I said this but she doesn't listen to the proof
I don't even think she knows we have a program. What do you she thinks we're making sweaters?
Yeah, she doesn't know what we're doing down here. Um
What do you need that you can't hey when they walk by can I grab a
They're not always walking by though
Like they'll just go like pop in the back because they're not
Like they'll come do the service, but then they're like just fucking they're chilling in the back reading the magazine or whatever
Yeah, I'm too scared to use it. I'm always afraid. I'm gonna hit the oxygen thing and not everything's gonna fall down
fucking
Guy goes upside down. I said I'm gonna crash the plane. Yeah inverted. Um
Speaking of that, can I tell you a scary airplane story that was told to me this week?
This isn't even your story. No, I could make it my story. So there I am flying in f16
This is top gun god damn it. I got two migs behind me on my day. I'm giving them both the finger. Uh, sure
um
Buddy a buddy of mine
Went to went to uh was was flying down to Costa Rica with his family. Mm-hmm. They're just about
Off the coast of florida. Okay. Smoke in the cabin
Yay American Airlines flight smoking the cabin right in spirits
Welcome to palm all airlines ladies and gentlemen, if I can smoke them a piece pipe in the back
Catching Hades someone's ripping a dude in the bathroom. Otherwise. We're in trouble. Um, also, you know, there's different classes of bathrooms on planes
Found that out. What? Yeah
What are you talking about? What do you mean? Where were you all week?
What's going on here? I was securing our future
um
We gotta do we gotta do three weeks a year and fucking frank for germany. I just bought a lithium mine in uh north ganna
We're moving to these over there. Yeah
um
Hold on sidebar that what are you talking about different economy has a different bet
I found this out you can go to either one though. You can't
Because we got bumped out of the first class one
You're probably I was just out trash. Yeah, I didn't know there was a I thought business was in first class
We're just pseudonyms probably in there going out like a couple of rabbits leather toilet seat leather
Oh, that's real german. I don't like that. That's sterile. What are you talking about? Would you like a bull gag while you poop?
Yeah, I'm sure her whole family's listening to this now that's just over there too. Oh, what's the show?
We'll check it out first bag of just mimicking them. Um, what?
That's wild. Yeah
I don't like the pushing of the button. You start you ask them. What do you need what she need?
Just so I know what she needed
She was drinking some sort of mango juice
Really? Yeah, it's called a mango
Shola, I'm gonna pronounce that wrong. It's that it's mango with like a little bit
I guess like sparkling water like seltzer and
Something else those germans do juices. I also. I don't know if you ever seen a german breakfast, but
hachi machi
Just a bunch of cold meats and vegetables. It's fucking stinks. Shot of vodka in a bullet. Yeah, it's fucking rough
Anyway, so
They're on the plane
They're just about off the coast of florida. Mm-hmm smoking the cabin. Yeah 40 000 feet. They're cooking. Okay
Captain comes on we got an emergency
Everybody get your seatbelts on get your heads down
Don't say a word. Don't get up. Don't start screaming. You do any of that stuff when you get on the ground
Fuck it. Don't give me. I'll give you a right hug. I'm turning this plane around and we'll go home
He's like you do anything like that. You'll be arrested as soon as we land
Dude fucking drops it 40 000 feet to like 6 000 feet
Kids said they were on the ground in about eight minutes from 40 000 feet
I know but that's always hard for me to like I mean if I can't quantify 6 000 feet to 40 000 feet
Yeah, you can when you're fucking facing straight down and your eyeballs are getting sucked into the back of your head
There's no call button there. I could tell you that. Yeah, he thought it was it engine was on fire
Went down hit 6 000 feet. They looped around landed in miami
They took that same plane the next day to costa rica. They fixed it that quick
You're nuts. I mean that minivan back to philly. Also, you can tell you've been hanging out with your family too much
It's all fucking dread stories every time you come back. Did you hear about mr. Wilson shot in the head four times?
Yeah, it's good time down here, but that's neither here nor there gang as this is a family episode
We answer your garbage questions when you sign up for the patreon. We will answer your garbage questions on the air
We have a little bit of a backlock, but we're working through
Uh, also real quick. I want to give a uh, uh, quick shout out happy birthday to our boy greg born
Shout out to greg born. Okay. Just wanted to do that real quick
Do I know greg? No, I knew you're gonna make this weird. I forgot to talk to you about it before
Is this one of your german contacts?
Is that some fucking kgb signal?
Luke you fucking believe this piece of shit. Manchurian candidate luke luke just looks over greg born luke luke looks over right?
He jumps out of the
He started eating ramen noodles. Yeah, i'm calling homeland security
That's what denzell ate manchurian candidate the remake which was pretty good
I remember watching that the first time hung over. Oh my god. I was in college. I didn't know what it was
I'll throw this song. It was an all-proper comcast on demand
Oh my dude the panic that said it wondering if I was a goddamn canady
Waiting for him to flip the fucking switch on the yeah, I didn't like that
I haven't looked at anybody the same since by the way. I didn't like that
I didn't like conception and I didn't like uh tenet. I like the movies, but there was just too much
Tenet, I didn't know what the fuck was going on. Oh, yeah started in the middle half of it's going backwards. No, that's not for me fucking kooky patuki
No, thank you. I thought it was about a landlord for the longest time. Yeah, nothing on that. All right
So greg born yeah, happy birthday shout out to our boy greg born that's all he's our boy. Yeah, he's a listener
Okay, yeah, all right. Yeah, I don't know this man. I know. Yeah, I also don't personally know the man
shout out to
It's good stuff. Yes
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Yeah, or his place whatever and they go down and then they open up the pants and it's the monster's house
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Kip I like that freeze pipe. Cold as ice. I'm telling you right now back when I was a kid
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Lowers the smoke about 300 degrees. You're getting nice thick puffy clouds start raining in that place
Really really cools it down. It's a good good time. We got the bubbler through that in the freezer
Lit that up didn't even realize it. I was halfway to Pluto. I'm telling you that right now
I didn't feel it. God damn it. Do yourself a favor grab a freeze pipe. You will not regret it. I promise you
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Um, all right, let's see here. This one's from Danny. Hey
Uh, have you ever bought clothes for the family photo shoot and return them to the store after 100% for the photo shoot?
Oh, no, we never did that. It's that picture right behind you up there
Yeah, you think that blazer stayed at the house. I mean, I don't think it fits anymore
Shit went right back. I think all those outfits except for my dad's uniform all went back to the store
Oh, that
That's the I mean that going of a little place to get it done that shit phased out
Before I got old like yeah, it was probably like when you were a kid. They were still existing
I have one with a picture of me and my little brother there and I remember being like this is
Cuckoo bananas we're doing here. I'm holding a wiffleball bat or something. It's real bad
I know that picture. Hi. Yeah, the big fat one
Not the skinny yellow one. I think it's a skinny yellow one. Really? That's I don't know. He was a baby and I was 10
It's got electrical tape on it. Yeah, he's gonna fucking post it for sure dirt bag
um
No, we never did put that that shit never we just got we never got like portraits
Like we would never that like we never did that that's crazy to me. Yeah, like we would do like oh, you're dressed up at
Easter
Let's get a picture at Easter and then you're right on the back like
Easter 1992 or whatever. I remember the fights that that photo caused
It was a Wednesday. He had my dad just got on from work busting his ass all day. Luke. What the fuck are you doing?
New guy Luke creeping around
Uh
What are you doing?
What's that doing? He's fixing the curse
Just let him go. I I love how is this what you do when you do when you do your big acting jobs
What's this guy looking at stop looking at me? I freak out like christian bale
Never again. Luke you're british all of a sudden. Um
That was a huge fight that was that was my dad getting home from work
We had to be there you got to wear this you got to do this my brother had hit me
I had makeup on my face. It was it was a whole it was a whole big nightmare. They weren't cool
I'll take that though over the picture of everybody wearing white on the beach
Ah, man, you got to have a couple of those. No your beach people. Yeah, but we're trash. Yeah, we're poor beach
We were poor beach people we were hot dogs in a cooler people not we weren't fucking
White polos and khakis on the beach at dusk all white eagles jerseys
Everybody's doing away, right?
Are we home or away shirts and skins out of that kelly green shit? All right
Shout out to the birds by the way cooking
Um, I uh, I remember one time. It's just funny because this picture resurfaced. Um when my grandfather passed away
My surface
No, it started making the rounds because it's a whole it was there. It was my grandparents 50th anniversary wedding anniversary
Big deal, right? My aunt was uh working for the city like pretty high up in the city or whatever
So she got it done. She had the service done at the cathedral service
Or like they had like a service like a mass or something or like they redid their vows or something there was some sort of like
Proper thing at some like at the cathedral in philadelphia or something trashy the redoing of the vows
At 50, I don't think so. I mean these are old these are old bags, you know
I think if you're doing it after you cheated in vegas, yeah, it's one
You know what I mean? You come back when you get caught with herpes or something. Yeah this time. I'm serious exactly
I'll never I'll never
Have sex with a skizer again. That's a little different than you know
50 years 50 years a lot. Um
And I'm in my like my dad's or my brother's old sweat or like
Arrow I was dressed so poor because I was I could never I was I was so fat and would get fatter by the day
A little fat piece of shit
I'm sure you weren't in your mom's pants your dad's sweater
My mom's pants
I got her shoulder pads in um
I think I have my brother's like old like arrow pastile sweater
I could just never get dressed up and danny could because he was like and you know an in shape good-looking kid
It's a tough look he could get
He looked like the guy in the money like the mannequin. Yeah, you're eating in front of the choir sister
Let me tell you. I know exactly what you're talking about. I look like a fucking slob
So I didn't have it doesn't matter anyway if you showed up perfect 10 minutes in you're gonna look like course
You look like it's like it's like you like to fuse when you dress a fat guy. Yeah, it's fucking
It's a wrap. It's like a three in the dryer for a couple of minutes. I know um
But I'm wearing this is bad and like I remember
I didn't have underwear. I guess I didn't have clean underwear
so we're like
A pair of umbro like soccer shorts or basketball shorts as underwear
What kind of pants do you have on like horror really just helps you do is real bad. He must have been swishin
Here you coming down
That's amazing. You probably got a little stinger because of all the friction going on that
Dude, that's all right
That's like wearing silk, baby
You guys got a shirt. You just keep walking. Give me a minute. I'll walk up. I'm eating the house
Huh, let's see guys in there. All right
We're running a string of soda
Let's get a soda
Whoo, come back you're smoking
Oh, what a fat little bastard
Umbros
And quarter royals. Hey, we're blue with white stripes, dude. I'll never forget them man. That must have been a good time
Because the quarter royals got a little swish. They got a little rip. That's ripped for his pleasure
You're wearing them inside out
Trying to get your freak on
Shit
Oh god
You couldn't see this in the picture. Did you know?
Yeah, you can see the string in one of the picture because the my draw strings hanging out and my
I think it was my aunt quinny was taking the picture of all the grandkids and i'm dead
I'm dead. That's why when my grandfather passed all these pictures are coming around and this one has all of the grandkids
You know, so like this was the one that like whatever
And my I have a white draw string hanging out of the front of my cords
And my aunt quinny goes she goes kevin your strings
I was like, oh, yeah, it's my underwear. I don't know. I don't know what to say, dude
I remember let me in so I remember being like, oh man. I'm a fucking I remember that was a good
I was a turning point. It wasn't rock bottom, but it was close. I didn't turn around for another about 15 years, but
Yikes that's bad
I am what I am. What do you want from me up there?
You're telling me you've never been jammed up in a bad situation. I'm in a bad situation right now
I got a pair of biker shorts on
Get me a jockstrap. I'm cooking right now. No, but I had a pair of suit pants on
This week and you know, I'm going up now. I'm going over you go over the belly. I go over the belly now
um
under the balls
Hell yeah, I'm hanging out
Watch
You have the time now. These are my balls. We got old cop patrol in the five points walking the beats
um, sure
uh
Pants go above the belly. Mm-hmm, but the undies go normal
Whoa, yeah, I can't oh no. I'm not so you have no man's land in there. Oh, yeah. Wow. Yeah
Really? You got to send up a flare to collect a bond. That's crazy. Call a ceasefire
No way. Yeah, there's a space you're raw doggen
The bellies were all dogged in the pants. Yeah. Yeah, huh, which ain't great
No, no and I can't because the positioning of the zipper. I can't just pull down and pee
I got to undo everything
I always undo everything
Well, my belt was real heavy and the pants were real light and when I went to do it
My pants fell down as I was peeing and I was at a urinal not in a stall and I was around family and friends
So people walked into the bathroom. We were in umbros
My pants were around my ankles and I was peeing. Why didn't you bend down to pick them up?
I was urinating at the time. You can't fucking suck in. No, that's gone. Oh, yeah, that's cool. Yeah, that's going
You couldn't cut it off if you had to
They start shooting
Nah, it'd be messy and I'd get it all down there tumbling the gun like fraydo. Oh hundred percent
Yeah, I'd be losing it. Uh, okay. No bueno. So don't feel bad
You're a little freak up there
You should have just wore a pair of your sister's underwear or something
I would have I'll do that now. I didn't I didn't know you could go both do that now on the weekends
Um, all right, let's see here. This one's from Nolan first time new $10 homie
Shout out to the $10 homies. Uh, have you ever parked at a gas pump just to go into the store?
That's a big you gotta you kind of got to do that in new york
If you're driving in new york because there's no parking spots
I do that wall wall all the time even if I'm even if I'm not filling up really fuck them. Yeah
Because it's a pain in the ass getting out of those spots especially at the super wall walls with the gas tanks because they're fucking right there
Yeah, you just pull in there. I don't know it took me a while to break that
I've just started to do it because I used to have like anxiety that if I got gas
And then went in to get a couple of cars sitting there cars sitting there. Yeah, really got fucking nine pumps
No, I know if it's hectic if it's jammed up. That's a problem
If if the pumps jammed if it's no if it's if it's hectic you can't wait in line
Then like pull in and just be like I'll leave her here. I'll be back come back with a saudi. Yeah
Um, there's rules. We're living in a society people
I would tell you the time those rules are breaking down. Everybody's doing what they want. I know but he gives a shit
Uh, I locked the I locked my keys in my car at the gas pump. How do you do that in in 2022?
No, this was this was 2005 probably 2004
Shout out to my fucking 1996 Chevy
You can't do that with the Kia right if you leave your fob in the car to let you know
I don't have a fob. That's why wait. What? Yeah, I have a key
A key. Uh-huh. That's why this Kia challenge that's going around where they're stealing like apparently Kia and Hyundai
They're getting stolen like crazy because they like buy Hyundai not Hyundai
You say Hyundai. I say whatever. I'm also say syrup. Yeah, whatever. You say a lot of things wrong too. Hello. Sounds like you're
All right, how many pillows you sleep how many times I've seen guests stare at you like
What is this? What is this huge man talking about? How many pillows you sleep with? Hey, my size has nothing to do with that
It's ridiculous. Looks like you're smuggling some pillows in there. I say restaurant a lot too
You say a lot of things proper wrong. Yeah
But
Days like so they can be hijacked with like a usb
Like the keyless ones like the push to start johns you can kind of just like is yours push to start
No, I'm turned to start analog old school so they can't get you. I'm here
Yeah, I doubt it's you know
It's probably easier than stealing a fucking man getting your car stolen with a fucking Nintendo switch
That's real fucking trash. My buddy had his car stolen and like every time I got back in it
They like found it. They found it in the Bronx
Uh, it was a nice car too
Every time I got in and I'm like I just feels it's not even my car and I'm like this feels weird
Can you not take it back? Can you say I'm not taking this car? No, the insurance company was at your fucking, you know
We've we've recovered the car it's your car
Oh, fuck that. Yeah, probably homeless guys jerking off in there. Yeah soup kitchen touching their bowls
Dirty mic in the boys. Mm-hmm
Um
Like that at all
You know, it's a dick move not a dick move, but it's a douche move leaving the car running with like if you pull up at
Like a 7-11 you pull up in the front car running windows down music on that's like look at me. Look at me
Or that are backing into a spot that don't need to be backed into kick rizak
I like a back then though
It depends where it is
You're backing into the front row of the 7-11. You're wrong backing into a driveway. It's really nice
I feel like if you were about to rob that hatch you're like this guy's ready to play ball. Oh, yeah, you got it
Yeah
Ready to fucking truck you headlights are always on
um
The music thing
Is so fucking obnoxious. It's like I I probably I don't I don't remember I don't recall
But I probably did it when I was 16 and like thought I was cool
Not even that but people in the city
They'll pull into like a fire hydrant spot like waiting for somebody and they'll keep the music blasting
If you have the music blasting and you're constantly moving
I'll give you that enjoy your life. But if you're sitting still
You gotta be ready to fight somebody. That's crazy. That's wild that knows
Those things oh the whistler tips dude. I want to smash a fucking rock through one of their fucking
Yeah, you gotta get out of the city. You're getting too old for this shit get too old for it
We were talking about that fucking today. Oh god jerseys looking pretty good
Got a tomato farm out there
Tomato farm eat my own crap. Um, all right. This one's from christian ten dollar homie. I've had a question
We had ever owned anything from copper fit
Oh, man those socks the t-shirts
Remember those bracelets that have like magnetic powers and then pictures started wearing those fucking things. Yeah, the necklaces
Yeah, there's a bead in there there
No, kick rocks. Yeah, I guess I think the I do like my compression socks though. Well, that's
Proving to work. Yeah, that's titanium. It's not copper. Are there metal in there? Yeah wire in there
Yeah
If I could jab to the metal detector
Take on wolverine. No, there's no metal in there. Yeah, I don't know. They're just tight socks
They go up really high
Okay, they leave a dent too when you get it when you get into the hotel and I take those babies off
Who talking about who let the dogs out? Yikes. That's a good feeling peeling those things off
Oh, and they're probably so your leg probably goes like and then steps in to wear like the sock like there's a there's a
Brutal there's a overhang for all the fluid that's being kept up from from the socks
Mostly Gatorade. They did it to my dad when he had a congestive heart failure
They had a the doctor was like, you're fine. It's game compression socks
Fuck that could be it
Yeah, damn
I mean, don't you go to the doctor though? I do
I'm usually just chit chat
See anything good for breakfast? Yeah
Um, that's what I was worried my knee was for a little bit
What that because my ankle does swell up. It's a brain tumor in my knee
Golly kippy, do you know anybody who's ever had this I get calls like that trying to solve problems. My knee is scoliosis
Uh, no because my ankle
Um, was was a little was a little swelled up
Swelled up swelled a little swole
And the knee was hurting and I was worried that it was going up
But I was I've been checked for lymphedema and they said it's not my heart and all that stuff because when that started happening
I had it all checked out
Just just fatty McMuffins
How you doing we have all checked but how do you feel you're doing with the weight loss challenge that's currently happening? Not great
I'll be honest with you
Just this past week. I've been injured sure and there was a lot of food around where I was
You know
Well, wishers and whatnot. What are you gonna do?
I can't fight a party tray
I'll try
Get them in a headlock. They got those zeps down there, too. Yeah. Hey, you ever have a zip? I don't know what that is
Uh, it's like a
Like a zeppelie. No, it's a sandwich. It's like a it's like an italian hoagie. I call them zeps though
It's one place makes them that down down the down the street called eaves chili. Shout out to them thick piece of raw onion
Heartburn something as easy as 500 beans. I've ever made daddy. Oh
If you don't think I'm filing for bankruptcy before I step on a chapter 11
And 13 and I'll take a number four, please
Chapter 11 supersize what's chapter 13? Uh, there's one that means you don't have money and then the other one means is uh
kind of like a business tool
to like
Chapter 11 is that is the yeah, I guess chapter is what?
To get to get out of any business pinch. Toby. Look at that up. I think it's
No, I think chat file chapter 11 is bad chapter 13 is the one that's like rich people use to like
Reorganize wealth to determine how they're gonna pay you or something like that. That's Luke by the way. I know chapter 13
Is the bankruptcy for a business. Yeah. Yeah, but 11 for reorganization
Oh 11's reorganization chapter 13 is like I have no money. Exactly. Are you wearing a t-shirt? No, you're that you're you're that open
Yeah, how many buttons do you got how many you just got two buttons?
You have more unbutton than button and you got crazy chest hair
The new guy luke is in here flexing on us. You look you just slept with a married woman
You're about to redo your vows. Watch out
Keep how about that butcher box a butcher box butcher by who but your butcher backs
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laderlife.com slash garbage ladderlife.com slash garbage doing a back to the show back to the show
Ah Jesus. All right, um
Talking of this this one's from ed and this this was a big debate of the making the whole uh
Slab of bacon or not slab of bacon. That was quite controversial. Uh-huh a lot of people on my side on that
A lot of people weren't I would some people weren't
A lot of people cut it in half cut the bacon in half
Some people ate it raw. I think more people were on my side on that. I don't think so
How many did you get messages and well wishes and whatnot? I would like to see the size of the gentleman and or ladies messaging you
Wow too bad blind survey
Yeah, both of you are blind to diabetes
um
All right, this one is from and I get anxious a bit while flying
So my wife makes a bunch of bacon and puts it in a ziplock for me to munch and calm me down
We call it pocket bacon
That's something I have to do to you. Is he golden retriever?
That's beggin strips right there
That's crazy, dude bacon calming you down
Gets me all fired up. No, I'm about to hit somebody. That's a tell me fighting fucking air horse
It's like a five hour energy. That's a different kind of fat
He might not be making on a plane. I'm just regardless
That's a fat behavior. I wish bacon calmed me down
Nice glass of bacon before I go to sleep. You never did that. I would assume what the warm milk before you go to bed
No, that was like what you did in the depression to me. I thought that was horrible stuff. Luke ever get involved in that
My dad tried a couple times, but like it take any congeals kind of at the top you put in the microwave or something
It's kind of no never warm milk
Me either. No, it's cocoa
Every night. No
Oh some nights we'd have a cocoa before we went to bed
Yeah, we would do tea sometimes as a kid tea. Yeah, my mom my mom would drink it
So I would take oh whatever. Yeah, who was a cup. It's like having a cup of coffee before you go to bed
No black tea. Yeah, it's a caffeine. Yes. It's not a cup of coffee
I think it has more cat. I think there's more caffeine in black tea than there is in coffee
I don't know. He's been he's been pulling out a lot of bullshit facts and he ends up being right new toby. What do you got?
Black tea is caffeinated, but you just would use a non-caffeinated tea. Yeah, maybe I was drinking non-caffeinated tea
Hit the search button
Get your opinion on this black. He's not heaven. Do you think these dirt balls at the caffeinated tea at their house?
Do you think Denise was drinking caffeinated tea on a week night? Probably
Come down from the wine
Get her head on straight
Black tea and coffee are similar. Damn. There you go. You were wrong. You said more so I win kippy wins put it in the
Wind column fair enough
Black tea has less caffeine. Yeah less, huh?
I'd like to see you after the show
Toby always makes me look good
None of my facts are ever right hits the buttons a little bit that says I'm right. Um, he's a team player luke
You don't sign these checks
Very true. No, I know he knows who daddy is
And if you get one from me, it's gonna be postated for a while
It's gonna be in another person's name, too
Hey, just just make it out the cash
Some of your dad's checkbook
Did your dad do like a big tea? Is that what it is?
Can you do your dad's autograph?
Signature. He's not famous
His dad's Shannon Sharpe. Uh-huh
No, I mean like
I mean, I who's checking like a permission slip in high school maybe or something. I don't know if I ever told you
Can you do it dude? It's like comical like comical how bad my father's is like
Horrible, uh-huh looks like a second grader doing cursive. I'm not even joking to the point where every time
I would get called in by new teachers
being like
this is
Why didn't you have your father sign this because like if I did bad on a test
And he actually had to sign it and I would be like, do you think I'm fucking stupid enough to hand in this?
I'm like, this is I have tea before bed lady. I'm like, this is so bad
I've you would catch me in a heartbeat. It's that bad
But we see me my brother used to use that to our advantage
Because once he got known that he had a really bad one
It was just easy to do
And they go, oh, yeah, mr. Ryan's is horrible later. Plus he played ball. He signed a lot of stuff
Yeah, he didn't fucking didn't he didn't give a fuck
I mean, he did but he'd be like, you know, you got to get this up
Whereas my mom would be like, we got to sit down. I'd be yelling
You gotta talk about my brother be like, don't let me fucking have to talk to you about this again. I go
You got a big as I'm hopping out the car
Hey, whatever he's signing all he's signing on the fucking center console with a fresh 20 and a BB gun
Fucking later. I'll see you next weekend pops
I'm out
Make sure you stock up on the fucking wow. He's tea. Well, yeah
I like those pretzel goldfish
Ah, yeah, my mom would freak out too. My dad, yeah, they would talk to you like they worked for you
You know, they would talk to you like they were there, you know, just want to see a little more hustle
Give you a little hustle. You're about your parents. Yeah
But my parents signatures
Denise had a solid one that was like catholic school fucking hit you with the rulers if it wasn't good
I don't know if my parents trust you was left handed. That's hard
Fucking goes off on a fucking. Yeah, dog leg left midway through the name
I don't know if my parents were trained by the CIA, but their signatures were impossible
Really to duplicate. Yeah
impossible
Because they cared back in the day. Mm-hmm. I mean we sign stuff. I signed
Lisa all that. I don't it's just fucking
Whatever you ever sign on one of those electric pads
Fucking
That like you have to sign stuff now like due to covid everything, you know, like hey sign on, uh, adobe or whatever
I just like yeah
Later, can you write in cursive new guy luke?
It would take me a few
Minutes to relearn it. I really what about you? Probably. Yeah
Big cursive guy. We only used it. You know, we learned it in second
I think to third and then that was we were we I used it all the way through
High school. I had everything had to be in cursive. No
Wow, we weren't turning anything handwritten at that point. Really?
No, yeah
That well 10 years that was it
Yeah, it's when compute. I mean nine computers hit in the 90s. That's when I was in
You know, I was
Eight, I mean we had computer class in second third grade shout out the organ trial shout out the fucking number munchers. I fucking hated organ trial
It was great, dude
Whack, I didn't get it. Yeah, I mean, but you're coming from like you were probably older
So you're like this is other kids stupid. I'm gonna go, you know, finger pop a cheerleader. All right
Hey speaking my language the spotters dork
Um, but yeah, I mean I was like four. I'm like or whatever seven six. I'm like, this is sweet
I'd be weird to like it if you could drive a car kids were we a computer didn't come into our home until
I was in college and I took it with me
it was um
It wasn't a dell gate was an epson. It was an epson epic. Aren't they salt?
Take a bath with it cool down
It was an epson and it had had nine floppy disks that you had to put in that type something up
I had a printer though
I have I have one now. I own a pretty cat getting murdered
Everything's real jiffy till they go to bring out the receipt, but other kids. I think we're more
Uh, computer knowledgeable than me
I literally every single person on the planet's more computer knowledgeable than you true now
Even now true true. Um, but I even own a computer. Do you?
No, I don't holy shit. I don't own a computer
The bird does got a laptop and fucking work stuff computers a lot of shit. Uh-huh. I'd use my phone
These are my phone. It's easier. I don't rub your formula, huh?
Hey, though, hold it in this hand from you on in the other. All right getting busy
I'm in and out two seconds to really get off. Oh, that's good
Are you doing on the couch? Never sitting on your couch
Fucking dirt bag. What do you want me to do? I mean rubbing on yourself in the in the closet like a gentleman. Hey, listen um bros
I don't have to get the e-drills apparently. Can't I'll get our kicks off walking down the street?
I'm guys gotta put a little work. This one. I don't even get this is from uh
SCI first time long time is it garbage or lighted joint in the microwave?
Hmm. I heard like
I remember people used to put blunts in there for like a second or two just to dry them out
Or dry them out like if you if you licked it too much instead of doing the lighter
Popping in the microwave for three seconds or whatever. I remember that
But how do you light a joint way? How do you have that light on the end? I don't think that works
Maybe that's a new guy. Look see if you can light a joint in the uh
In the microwave, that's crazy. That doesn't make sense. What if the what if it lit in the middle?
You know what I mean? I would suck dude. There is my there goes my doobage
Now they probably mean to dry it out
I put a pair of sneakers in there
To mold your feet at baked potato
Oh
Um
What do you got there seems like a fire hazard? Yeah at the very best. Yeah, that's no good. He must have he must have meant to
It's a dry out of it
I don't know this guy's bonkers clearly all hopped up on fucking reefer. It's a little weird. Okay. You never smoked bananas, right?
People smoked banana peels back in the day banana peels. Yeah, something like that. We would smoke cinnamon sticks
It's coming back on tiktok and stuff people are like shaving off the banana peels for blunt wraps
Okay, now this was you smoked the banana peel and it got you a little higher or something
I thought I remember we didn't fuck with it. We smoked uh
Cinnamon sticks, you know like the the come like rolled. Yeah, you could fucking light it
And like fucking smoke it and that was like before we got our hands on burnies
Remember a 1.2
We smoked this stuff called tube grass. We were fucking idiot. We just wanted to smoke
I was just young dude
nine
Geez, and it was just like a weed like it was like a like a piece of hay kind of and you broke it
And we get a lighter and just like sitting the woods in a tree fort and just fucking would you inhale it? Yeah
Would you inhale the cinnamon stick? Yeah, would it fuck you up a little bit? I don't know nine
huh
We used to fuck with um
Crack
Now it was before crack we'd get it down at felton street
The formaldehyde
E
No, yeah formaldehyde wet wet what what dude wet is way different than cinnamon sticks
cinnamon sticks are for children and desserts
Fucking wet is for fucking drug addicts and dead people
Nice cappuccino
Yeah, what the fuck it was tea leaves or something soaked in formaldehyde or yeah wet
Okay
Yeah, yeah, that's in training day when he looks at him. He's like
No, that was we had it was wet because he looks hey, he looks at him because I didn't know you get wet
Ward
But I don't think it was weed
There was weed in that dipped in formaldehyde. I think but this was like tea leaves in formaldehyde
Much better for you
It was organic at least
I was wondering does any caffeine in those tea leaves. It was bigelow. Yeah, uh, jesus
Man, no never cinnamon
Yeah, I was fucking so stupid never put drugs in the
microwave
Put weed in the freezer
With a little you know what we used to do
It was real nice if you got a nice bag of kind bud
Okay, that's what we called it back and told you are yeah kind bud. Otherwise, it was dank dank was big dank
Was it dank?
Shwag shwiggits. That's what that's what we started with. It started off dank
And my guess in my head at the time was kb
dank
mids
shwiggits
shwag
Brick weed brick stems and seeds
Anyway, if you got a nice bag of kind bud nice eighth you wanted to keep it fresh
You'd put it in a little tupperware container with a little orange orange peel or something. Yeah, that didn't work
Ah, sucked fucking you looked real nothing nothing's fucking worse than like 14 year old stoner
Science, you know what I mean?
No, I hear the seeds are good
Put a skittle in there fucking bill took a seed home. He's growing it in his attic. Yeah, okay, steve
You don't even know how to germinate him
You gotta put in the microwave dumbass
What's the matter with you?
Um
All right, let's see. He does don't want to throw more of your upper up. We're having a good time
Um, this one's from ac dun. Uh, do you own any household appliances that require pliers or a screwdriver to turn it on properly?
At the moment
well
We have an issue with the turlet
Where we have to keep a screwdriver handy right now because they fucked with the water pressure in the building
And we had an incident which I might have discussed on the pod
About the water going everywhere. This wouldn't just shut off the a backless
toilet
Yeah, and it has the has a flushometer on it. They're called valve. Yeah. Yeah, and it was just going
I told you this never told us this
And they were supposed to check everyone and he didn't every apartment to make sure that the valves were
In the right spot, but no, um
I remember tv's we had to have the pliers. This is going way back. Yeah
Going way back because the button was gone
I don't remember anything specific. We always had like our fridge for a long time
At the pieces house you'd have to I mean too long
eight
10 years maybe
Wouldn't close right you had to like
Lift it and push it in and drop it down. Oh, yeah
That was for a decade. I think a proper decade. That's what made it yours though. Yeah made it special
You had to tell people. Hey, I'll get it. Just leave. I'll get you got to lift you got to put a hitch in it
You know what I mean? I thought they would let a few things. We had so many instructions
Sure things in our house to
To older people like the remote pull it out. Click it back in hit it down to like
Yeah, of course, you just get used to it switch out the roll the batteries or something
I had that with my phone because I just got a new phone
But the phone I had before it it was like slowly dying the left wouldn't work the button the I wouldn't work
If I wanted to type numbers I had to turn it to the side
You just get used to doing that stuff and just roll with it. Sure. Um, the only thing my my mother didn't tolerate
Was and I used to freak me out when I would go to like a friend's house
And they would have this if there was no light bulb in the refrigerator
Oh, no, that's like a power outage. No, thank the bulb. I know what I'm saying
It feels like you're in a power outage. It feels like everything's getting warmer real good
I wouldn't fuck with anything unless there was a light in there
Everything seems bad right away. Then if you had a buddy whose
Parents refrigerator's light was out. It's a good chance the whole fridge smelled like coleslaw like a weird way
I feel like everything was wet too. It was all everything was like
switching
Now temperature temperatures, you know, what's nice is the other light watch your meatloaf cooking. Mm-hmm
Good gentlemen, we get this. This is one of the common questions. We've mentioned before uh, we it's probably like weekly we get it, but
Turning the stove on to heat the house we did that a lot. Yeah in the morning
Fucking making it, you know making you a fucking
Fried egg sammy with the oven open and she's in a fucking ski jacket. She's about to go in a fucking ski lift
This one
Also, I forget how big the show is now
It's a quite a big show and I have a lot of family and friends that listen shout out to the bozos in the homies
We love you. Yeah, but the fucking chicken
And we got to teach we got to have a chicken sandwich code for the live for the for the public apps
Because all this shit's getting back to fucking Denise somebody's
I catch a rash in his shit every time I see
I heard you talking about you telling his story about how I fucking yeah
Yeah, I got that too. What was she bitching about the other day
Patty was coming at me about something you told them this you told them that
Terry
I had a good time with her the other day
We were talking about something and I said something crazy
I said something like I said not to do something
Because it would lead to this this and this
all right, um
And normally the people somebody would have been like that would shut up. What are you talking about and we were driving and she's like
Oh, yeah, that's pretty good. Oh god, you too. She know it. Oh man, easy
Yeah, mama craig craig you two are you two together are
Wacky tobacco like Danny's lover and you guys are getting wet together
Fucking smoking sherm the plan is all we kank ripping heaters. Um
But fuck what there was something oh
For the longest time in the Montego
Shout out to him. Um, I used to have to it could we get stuck in park. Do you remember this? Yeah, we get stuck in park
I'll remember the night
That might have been that was the trip
The impetus of are you garbage?
Remember we were driving back from
Outuna
And we that was the way I was making funny for drinking milk at dinner
Remember and we laughed and we laughed and we laughed and we stopped at that wacky fucking gas station
Oh, it was real sketchy. Yeah, and the guy came out from the back. Remember that was like
Four in the morning, maybe in the middle of fucking Pennsylvania. Yeah, we thought they were getting robbed or something like that
I didn't know what no, we thought they were gonna come after us. So you were like fucking let's go
Oh, yeah, and then they were like, oh the bathroom's around back and he was like it was like that scene in casino with fucking
Then you're like, yeah, keep going and I'm like I got my fucking spidey senses went up and I was like new way
I ran back in the car then they think you should all pee on myself
They came out to be like, oh remember they started it was like jeepers creepers or whatever
They came out of the front to be like, no, you're doing it like where you going?
And I couldn't get the montego was stuck in park one of them was a woman
I remember yeah, there was a woman and a guy. I think two women and a guy and you were like
You were like fucking go man go and they were walking closer to the car
And dude, there's not a soul inside like there's probably not a person for 500 miles
It would have had to blow the propane tank to kill it
Yeah, uh-huh. That's how we would have done it though like the end of tremors. Thank you. That's what I want to see crazy
No, but you're go. I remember you're like fucking go dude
It was one of those things where you're like and I'm like shut the fuck up like I'm like relax
I got I need to concentrate because like you had to feel the clicks in it to get it
You know what I mean like you had to really like a fucking safe crack
It was and you were screaming. I remember being like shut the fuck up man. I gotta get like just shut up and let me do this
Fucking dude, we peeled the fuck out of there. You got a stethoscope on the wheel
You're like, hey man, you're like they made the call the cops the buzzer coming
They sent the signal the call went out the call went out, but we gotta wrap her up gang
We love you to death. We love you so much for tuning in come see a live show gang. Mm-hmm a couple opportunities
charlotte uh
Atlanta guys you have two shows in Atlanta play the red clay comedy festival atlanta get those fucking tickets
Those are gonna be a good fucking time. Yeah, you can just get tickets
um
Yeah, you don't have to buy passes to the
Uh festival you can just buy individual tickets unless you want to or you want to of course. Yeah, I'm just letting you know
You have multiple options there. Um
And then there's another show in road island on sale right now
And another show in boston those shows will most likely sell out as well
So if you're thickening around kicking rocks get those fucking thickies make a move gang. We love you also
Hold on. We have merch available. Why have why have new guy look here?
merch available and also go follow the clip channel the are you garbage there you go
Clip channel new guy. Luke is in charge of that. There he is those numbers are creeping
We post, you know anything from shorts, you know under a minute
10-minute chunks of uh, some of the best heavy hitters and highlights most chest hair on youtube check it out
peace