Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast - Psychic Scam w/ Kippy & Foley

Episode Date: September 4, 2023

Are You Garbage is back with Kippy and Foley for a family episode to answer your garbage questions from Patreon. Its a fun one! Thanks for watching AYG Comedy Podcast. Love youse guys. Come to a live ...show! NEW TOUR DATES: https://areyougarbage.com/ Follow Kevin: https://www.instagram.com/kevinryancomedy/ Follow Foley: https://www.instagram.com/hfoleycomedy/ Live Shows: https://areyougarbage.com/ PATREON: https://www.patreon.com/AreYouGarbage MERCH: https://areyougarbage.com/ Get 50% off your 1st box by going to https://factormeals.com/Garbage50 and use code GARBAGE50 Harry’s: https://www.harrys.com/garbage Support the show by downloading the DraftKings Sportsbook App and using the code AYG. If you or someone you know has a gambling problem, crisis counseling and referral services can be accessed by calling 1-800-GAMBLER (1-800-426-2537) (IL/IN/LA/MI/NJ/PA/WV/WY), 1-800-NEXT STEP (AZ), 1-800-522-4700 (CO/NH), 888-789-7777/visit http://ccpg.org/chat (CT), 1-800-BETS OFF (IA), 877-8-HOPENY/text HOPENY (467369) (NY), visit OPGR.org (OR), call/text TN REDLINE 1-800-889-9789 (TN), or 1-888-532-3500 (VA).   21+ (18+ NH/WY). Physically present in AZ/CO/CT/IL/IN/IA/LA(select parishes)/MI/NH/NJ/ NY/OR/PA/TN/VA/WV/WY only. New customer offer void in NH/OR/ONT-CA. $200 in Free bets: New customers only. Valid 1 per new customer. Min. $5 deposit. Min $5 wager. $200 issued as eight (8) $25 free bets. Ends 9/19/22 @ 8pm. Early Win: 1 Early Win Token issued per eligible game. Opt in req. Token expires at start of eligible game. Min moneyline bet $1. Wagering limits apply. Wagers placed on both sides of moneyline will void bet. Ends 1/8/23 @ 8pm ET. See terms at sportsbook dot draftkings dot com slash football terms. Comedians H. Foley and Kevin Ryan are self proclaimed GARBAGE. Each week a new stand up comedian gets put to the test. Steal shampoo from hotels? Own a George Foreman Grill? Ever worn JNCO Jeans?

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Starting point is 00:00:00 gang that state trashy torres plowing through the country oh maize and do yourself a favor get your tickets and argue garbage dot com kippy where we going uh... we're starting off September nineteen we're going to phoenix and we're going to the comedy works in Denver another show in Denver Salt Lake City well sangelis and the ego a second show in San Diego that we're going to watch it in the sea Pittsburgh Pennsylvania buffalo New York Toronto Canada Toronto Canada
Starting point is 00:00:21 third show in Toronto Canada and we're going to panny act michigan we're going to Chicago Illinois, Chicago Illinois, Chicago Illinois, Minneapolis, Minnesota, Madison, Wisconsin, Milwaukee, Wisconsin, Sacramento, California, Sacramento, California, San Francisco, San Jose, Philly, and Philly, baby, get those tickets, shows are selling out left and right,
Starting point is 00:00:38 we want to see you there. Welcome to another exciting edition of, Are You Gobbage? The show where you find out if your favorite comedians are classy individuals or absolute trash. Now here are your hosts, Kevin Ryan and H Foley. Hey everybody out there and welcome back to Everybody's New Favorite Podcast.
Starting point is 00:01:03 This is Are You Garbage? Oh yeah. So at little show we sit there with your favorite comedians and we find that everybody's new favorite podcast. This is our you garbage. So at little show we sit there with your favorite comedians and we find that it's a good to be classy. But they're just a big old piece of trash. I'm your host, Dave's Foley coming at you on a beautiful day. We're out back here. It tutties in the new edition. She's upstairs, a little mega death, a little coffee, all right, relaxing,
Starting point is 00:01:23 playing her word games, having a nice, nice time, right, getting ready for the fall. All right, my co-host is coming at you from across the table. This is a family episode. I own an apology for my ozemping burps. The past few days you've been dealing with giving up for gay, Jay, getting James Ryan, give it a report of potty mouth, everybody. Thanks for tuning in. As always, side effects Please make sure you rate you subscribe on iTunes full video available and YouTube as you know those numbers are
Starting point is 00:01:49 Shroom cooking obviously to greatest gosh darn website all time W.W.W.W. The patreon.com slash are you Gordish you go over there you can get up to two bonus episodes a wake Baby also all the fucking you get hard feelings you get all the videos we've done a whole bunch of short videos drop in. I can't get a load of that. And you get tickeys over there. No, that's at rUgorbidz.com. Ah, wait for you to get the tic- Which is also an amazing site and we also just added a second Philly show gang. Let's fucking go. Let's go. Second, third show's getting out. Third show in Toronto. I mean, yeah, the shows are fucking selling out. Get your tickets. We'll see you out there on a road. Yeah, we're not pitching you scoop them tickets up
Starting point is 00:02:29 We want to see out at the shows gang. We love you to death. I love if people showed out there's only four people Here's just lying all time, which is a very garbage move How about a nice quick shout out to our producer short an anti-oh magic man He likes grinding on rails and humping legs. Give it up for D-bone and X-Ruffins. Toby McMollins. That's pretty good. Got a little hand dog in him. The world's raddest dog. Yeah. Man, nothing makes me smile when they dress dogs up like that. When it's got sunglasses on and it's skateboarding. Do you ever see the dog doing construction? Man, he's got the trail. He's flattened. He's smooth and out concrete, it's a good time.
Starting point is 00:03:07 Can I just say you boys are really showing the versatility of the black t-shirt? Yeah, this guy stepping all over my black t- Listen, I don't know what to tell you. He gets one good compliment and then he's like, then every time we're all, he's like, what are you wearing? And I'm like, a black t-shirt, he's like,
Starting point is 00:03:21 well I was gonna wear a black t-shirt, we're gonna look like idiots, I go, well I'm the black t-shirt guy. My plan is to muscle I was gonna wear a black T-shirt. We're gonna look like idiots, like, oh, well, I'm the black T-shirt guy. My plan is to muscle you out. I'll be honest with you. It's not gonna happen. I think it is. It's not.
Starting point is 00:03:31 Because I'm prepared to look at a fool for the next couple of months. You've been doing it for 42 years. I don't know why you're gonna draw the line now. That's what I'm saying. It's fun, because you know, you can dress it up with a V-neck. You can dress it down with a shirt bucket.
Starting point is 00:03:41 Sure. I didn't even want that. I didn't even want that. I got it right from the office to happy out. Yeah. Throw me a pocket. The problem with that is you're not going to be able to get your hands on enough good black tees.
Starting point is 00:03:54 That's always been your problem. You're going to get a storm amount. Yeah. The give them the short squeeze, baby. I'm going to go buy them. I'm going to go to every DXL on a tri-state area. Squirt and mustard on me. Or at least sell them to you at a premium. I'm going to DXL.com. I'm going to buy them, but I'm gonna go to every DXL on a tri-state area. Squirt and mustard on me. Yeah, at least sell them to get a premium.
Starting point is 00:04:06 I'm gonna DXL.com and get them wholesale. I know, but we've got to get over there at the warehouse. Now, we've gone over this. It's always different material. They don't always fit. Bigger guy closed, don't always fit like they say they're gonna fit. That's why you're always jammed up and like a purple suit or something. I really think in a couple of years, I'm gonna take a stab at Big and Tall fashion design.
Starting point is 00:04:29 Okay. I really think I could, I could, I have something to offer the industry from my personal experience. Pre-stained clothes, what are you doing? He's come with mustard already on him. Hot dog pockets. It's got a Kevlar crotch to prevent ribbage. Hotage hot too we were fucking we were somewhere the other day and it's fucking well his belt snapped in hand. Oh dude love that. I just got back into it. I thought it was the button which would have ended early apparently. Dude what
Starting point is 00:04:57 I ended the evening abruptly. I would have been walking around with a bathing so long because I only got mulley doing the one-paragene. He responded like I thought he should have himself for something dude. He went oh no and I turn around and he's like standing on his tipy toes with his hands in the air. I'm like this man just pooed himself. Yeah I had to wash my jeans though because they were getting too loose. It's not not real jean fabric.
Starting point is 00:05:17 Yeah I ain't real denim. That's basically just technology. Yeah. I think this kid's rocking jaggins. Yeah. What are you gonna do? Uh, that's funny. That reminds me, uh, I was watching a movie the other day.
Starting point is 00:05:31 We're, yeah. Shout out to the movie. Uh, what was it? Fucking Fargo. Fargo. I do, I was on a plane with him the other day. He was hailing at fucking, uh, the big Lebowski. I've never seen, I don't know if I've ever seen you watch a movie
Starting point is 00:05:47 Dude you were laughing like a middle-aged woman at Robin Williams You were just fucking tackling over there. Well you get through a certain point of the plane where you get a little delirious You're watching a moon, you know, I mean you know big guy. You're a big movie and I don't watch that many movies on a plane I'm doing all 90s from now on all 90s comedies and dramas. I watch primal fear Sure great, but I tried to watch I can I say this this might be real bad, but Christopher Nolan Could pull it back about 10% I'm trying to watch interstellar. It's all That's like dude fucking relax with you
Starting point is 00:06:23 Jesus I'm fucking getting dizzy over here I tried to watch tenant one time my head almost fucking fell off I don't know what the fuck was going on people walking backwards and this and that I don't do that some movie I wouldn't even I didn't I've never even seen the pre the trailer. It's so intense That just misses me completely people talking about how weird it is ago. All right take that off the list Yeah, I turn it off throw on the bird cage got my fucking head on shrap that ain't happening man Crazy I love them don't get me wrong one of the most brilliant directors of all time
Starting point is 00:06:55 But god damn fucking Makana Hayes sweatin And that's like Jesus Christ try a cup of decaf yeah But I was watching Fargo, which takes place in what? The early 90s, probably? Something like that? Early 90s. Which fantastic film by the way. For shout out to it.
Starting point is 00:07:13 It'll have you talking like that. It'll have you talking like that for the rest of the day. It's our deal, Jerry. This is my deal, Jerry. Man, but they were cooking. She was cooking at some point in the movie and she was using these and it blew, I never thought about it. But this was it and this is a staple. Oh.
Starting point is 00:07:37 In the eight, 19, I got to send it to Toby. This is a staple in the 1990s and 1980s problem, maybe before. Corning was the company. Corning. I believe so. Give that a goog. T-bone, can you look up corning? I believe it was corning, serving where.
Starting point is 00:07:52 I think you could throw those fuckers in the oven, too, to be honest with you. Oh, yeah, yeah, you can cook it. Yeah, when something came out of that with the glass top on it, whoo, whoo, whoo, whoo. Put that green, that flower, that's reminiscent of the 70s.
Starting point is 00:08:03 We had yellow. The bottom one, sure. ours would be the flowers or stars or whatever they are would be yellow Man, oh, she they got a whole set for their wedding and man me and my brother over the years just broke one by one Yeah, till it was just like the soup bowl left. They're still there still two or three floating around at the nieces house They're nice that'll still get filled with the Nese's house. They're nice. That'll still get filled with corn or whatever. We had the ones with the handles that had a glass thing and she'd put it, she might still have it.
Starting point is 00:08:31 She puts it in the oven. Uh-huh. She does bake beans in a man. Then this is another, this is another fucking blizz ass from the pizzazz. That thing? Oh, forget about that's what I'm talking about. We have that. Yes, sure.
Starting point is 00:08:43 Patty has it. Patty has it. Yeah, you put some scallop potatoes in that. Ooh, little mac and cheese. Talking about home run. That stuff was a lot cooler back then, man. A lot of that shit they just bought from the neighbors. What? Somebody was moving.
Starting point is 00:08:57 Somebody was selling it. I was selling it. Yeah, they come around and fucking you get hit with that. A lot of the two-and-a-casseroles. Slopped out on a Tuesday and that thing. That was the casserole container. Sure, that's all that was. Patty did two great casseroles in her day,
Starting point is 00:09:11 and she hasn't done them. You know, I mentioned this to her the other day, she used to do cheese potatoes on Easter that would fucking they'd line up down the block, sell out in two seconds. Chees and potatoes. She doesn't, she used velvita too. Crazy good. Yeah. Just unbelievable. But yeah, that blue one on the bottom. Well, cheese and potatoes. She doesn't teach us valve either too. Crazy good. Yeah, just unbelievable
Starting point is 00:09:26 But yeah, that blue one on the bottom. Yeah, that one. That's a whole lot. That's a fucking yeah, whatever was in there Was yeah green bean casserole from Denise What am I? With the fucking French is fucking onions on the top Which I took me a long time to come around. Oh, I love They might as well be alien toes. I was a kid dude. I was not fucking with them They're cooking our fingernails. I was lost it. I was losing it now. I like those from jump but Chicken all a crumb is one that patty did which is bait. It's all the same shit. It's your it's whatever
Starting point is 00:10:02 Mushroom soup and bread crumbs on top. Oh, yeah, chicken all the crumbs was a home run and she did a tuna casserole with peas and egg noodles, which stopped the show. She learned how to cook jail. Tuna casserole peas and egg noodles. Hachi, machi, who wants Bruno? She make it huge. Those serving dishes pair so well with salads in a cool whip container on the side. Yeah.
Starting point is 00:10:29 Yeah. And two parents screaming at each other or you're that already left. One of the other. Yeah. And he didn't shut out to you. He didn't take them. No. No.
Starting point is 00:10:39 At my dad's in the early days, it was a lot of cereal out of Tupperware. Which fucking man. Not wrong with it. Huh huh. Remember when you realize that? You know how to have your license and do that. Talk about thinking outside the box. I was for a doll.
Starting point is 00:10:51 Get a mixing bowl and just crush a fucking bowl of Captain Crunch. Another thing that was going around, I actually saw not too long ago, it's like there's like a meme floating around or something of the wooden salad bowl. Did you have those? Those things. I, if I don't- Oh, French? Yeah, kiddo me? No, but they were old school.
Starting point is 00:11:08 Did you have that? I can picture your family having that. Oh, yeah, and then me and my brother fucked them up by putting them in the dishwasher. My mom was freak out. Hey, it's tasting like cascade for the next five years. It comes out all white and grainy. Oh, what the fuck did you do?
Starting point is 00:11:23 I used to put it whenever it was like- Put a new coat to stain on that. Put it back in the fucking cabinet, Adia. Lacker that up real quick. Man, our washing machine etiquette was a light rinse, throw it in the thing, let the dog lick off whatever got missed and then close the door. Let's go.
Starting point is 00:11:43 Yeah. But terrible with it. Terrible with it. She's, she'd freak out on us. What, by not washing the stuff. They're not doing the pre-washed stuff. Yeah, we were, we've always said, but we've always been a bit very heavy pre-wash,
Starting point is 00:11:55 pre-wash fam. So what you got Dan paying for? Nah, but when it doesn't come out to me, if it comes, if something comes out a little dirty, it then you're running again. Yeah, but not if there's a bunch of food in the bottom. to me, if it comes, if something comes out a little dirty, it then you run it again. Yeah, but not if there's a bunch of food in the bottom. Yeah, but then it questions the, it questions the integrity of the clean for the rest of the rest of the, of the, whatever they're called.
Starting point is 00:12:16 Some burnt eggs on a pan. Yeah, and you're just, you put that stuff in there, you put your pans in there. I'm an anti that, but the bird will do it from time to time, which I don't mind, but then it holds the, it it holds the there's a film All you gotta wash before you make your screen. Yeah a little cascade in there. Yeah, I've been doing this lately She'll show not it won't be loaded fully loaded and she'll wash everything and if I go to open it And I kind of in the process of loading it up if they're clean They're dirty again. I don't like that. I love it.
Starting point is 00:12:45 That was, I don't, let it run it back. I get yelled at a little bit. Yeah. But if it's handful and I start loading it, I'm not figuring out what I put in there and what I didn't. That to me and that, that this is it. Sometimes I know, I know it's clean. No, it's, that to me is.
Starting point is 00:13:01 Why do that? Why waste the time? Just wasting this. I mean, that's's yeah, so cool. Why anything where you're going? Why waste the time in the time is 35 seconds to live like a normal human being Yeah, no, I did that once The reason I hate it was in college and me and flip got our first real nice apartment together in college Mm-hmm, and it had a dishwasher and I was like oh man
Starting point is 00:13:24 We're gonna be like these like real adult mature people. Like a couple, two lawyers living together. Yeah. We fucking the first week, we did the first load in there. And then like never, we then we just lived out of that. Oh, yeah. And there was like a couple of utensils or things in there
Starting point is 00:13:41 that just stayed in for like 70 cycles. Sure. To the point where I'm like, it's just such a reflection of like, oh, I'm not doing well mentally. Living out of the dishwasher. Living out of the dishwasher and then just being like, load it back in. For years, I lived out of the dishwasher and the dryer. Oh, well, the dryer, I mean.
Starting point is 00:13:56 The best. Yeah, it's, it, but that you would just, hit that for a couple of minutes, a couple of squirts of water, you ready to go. Throw a wet sock in there. Good night, yeah, that's, yeah. That's all right, man. Yeah, no, it's a thing, a mental thing I have with them.
Starting point is 00:14:08 I have to, fucking, it's a reminiscent of just like a shitty time in my life where I'm like, I have to, I have to do this for my mental health. I have to pull it out. Yeah, we never had those wooden bowls. We would do, we would do a mixing bowl on the table. Yeah, but no, not even the big ones,
Starting point is 00:14:24 like the little one, you would like, maybe you would go over like your body's hot, my body would do and hand me like a mixing bowl on the table. Yeah, but no not even the big ones like the little one You would like maybe you would go over like your buddies how my buddy would do and hand me like cereal in it in the morning I want to be like oh dude. This is fucking wooden spoon. Yeah, I'm like there's just a civil war It's just soaking in whatever with their salad dressing in here. We're not an antitom. Let's go. No, I don't fuck with it Take with the make with the real balls. Yeah, patty did do this though. Mm-hmm. She had you couldn't tell us nothing When they first got married I think they got a bunch of stuff as people do of course, but this is 78 or something like that That they got this stuff. You know what we had that we thought we were I thought I was a candy
Starting point is 00:14:59 Born in 76. I was born in 76. So you got married after you were born? No. No. So it was like 70, it was in the seven from that. It might have been, but I remember at 70, you're realizing that your parents were fucking two ships in the night when you were born. Patty's stepping out. I was at the wedding.
Starting point is 00:15:18 I'm in ring bear. That's a real trashy thing to ring bear. I was bartending. Talking about seven and seven. Drift 11. I think for their wedding they got a bunch of this stuff and they put it away and then I remember when I got a little bit you know two three four whatever they started breaking that stuff. Sure. Let me tell you something French onion soup
Starting point is 00:15:36 crocs. Oh, what the handle? They had them. Dude, you couldn't I felt like we were opening up a restaurant. Yeah, steal them from somewhere. Dude, we had a whole set of them. They were up in the cabinet above the refrigerator. And usually around new years, they would break it out. They'd have another couple over and man, my dad would set that up. That's not. Dude, I don't think I've never known anybody that's had the French onion soup bowls.
Starting point is 00:16:03 That's unbelievable. Too much. She got too much cheese in your diet. If you got your own French onion soup bowls. That's unbelievable. You're too much cheese in your diet. If you got your own French onion soup bowls, dude. That's a lot of cases. Cindy had to have those back in the day. No, shot. I'm never, no, I'm not saying you're wrong for having them, but I've never, I don't think I've ever seen that in part. Maybe like my buddy stole one from a bar in college or something.
Starting point is 00:16:20 Dude, that's one step away from fondue and that's swingership. Yeah, I think we had, we had a fondue kit somewhere I don't know if they were broken. I think my mom threw it out immediately Went to confession. I'm not a I'm not a French o-way Smashes it in the dry and yuppie. You know I saw the other day that I've never been either you guys have been to the melting pot No, it's just a red straight to America No, it's like a fondue place. Yes. Whoa.
Starting point is 00:16:46 It's a chain fondue spot. Damn. It seems pretty bad. Now, it can't be. It's fondue at your table though, right? You're not, it's not communal fondue for anybody with $9.99. What, what, what, what you want to achieve, fountain?
Starting point is 00:17:02 No, I didn't go. I want to now. I looked up the menu. Dude, Fondue is top shelf. That's new guy, Luke Shit. He told us about that. That his family used to do fondue for dinner. Did you imagine? We did it in school. We did a chocolate and a cheese.
Starting point is 00:17:16 And then we were like, school. Yeah, but we were like, we were learning about Europe or something. Taking honors courses. It was just me and four other fat kids at lunch. No. Which is two hours for some reason. What I've done with my wife, the Germans, I think they do it around New Year's or something. There's a...
Starting point is 00:17:35 Gestion of flight shouldn't they call it? I don't think so. I think you just made that up. The blitzkrieg. And it's great. It's like, you make them for your home table. And it's like a little Trinkety. It's not like, you know, don't they call it raclette over there or something reclet I think reclet Swiss is originally Swiss
Starting point is 00:17:51 That's like the big melted cheese where they just body have a sandwich top with that when they started going around the gram Dude, it's a huge wheel and they just Yeah, I don't even kick it put that on a shoe and I'm eating dude. Let's go. Uh fondos tight though But they do it and it's like this thing where it's supposed to take like dinner takes like four hours. Like you sit down and there's you have your own little thing and you can put whatever meats will cheese it like whatever. There's just a bunch of shit. Kind of like you're making your own top is a little bit. You're just sitting there eating, drinking, catching heaters and dude, I must I put about like in 19 pounds of cheese back.
Starting point is 00:18:24 I can't put in shit for a month. I try when me and the bird go out I try to like relax and Like stretch it out a little bit, but man as soon as I'm done I want to get the fuck out of there. Yeah, you're crazy. Yeah, it's always causes an issue I'm not even done my drink. I slam it fucking You dumb bro. Harry on man. You pull the wallet out and they're still eating man They really do like that. Dude dude that's just rude on your behalf. You shouldn't be going check while she's still putting salt and pepper on her. Yeah. One I also think
Starting point is 00:18:52 you probably eat quicker. I know you eat quicker. I'm sure I'd have champions pay some. I gotta fucking call up the record books. Uh, you eat quicker and then you do have the anxiety of like the set you want to be gone Let's go get out of that but that's if you're sitting there with another person if somebody did it to you If say you were so you'd be you wouldn't talk to that person ever again I like what I'm every name in the book. I like to walk into the restaurant. I like that I like to sit down. I love the walk out. I'll done walk out. Thanks again, man Here you go. That's real like the walk out.
Starting point is 00:19:25 In between, other than the eating part, I don't like it that much. The conversation that is that- He'll fly. Yeah. So what else is going on? I'm hitting him with a lot of that. What else are you doing?
Starting point is 00:19:37 How's everything else? I wanna get the hell out of there. He's talking to your girlfriend? I don't know. He didn't just meet her at the bus stop. What else is going on? Why are you friberately? Maybe you're not, maybe you're not a great hang at dinner either.
Starting point is 00:19:49 I'm surprised she's not running out. Kim, let's talk about draft kings. Shout out to him, the kings of the draft. Let's talk about seven long boring months without the NFL gang draft kings and official sports betting partner, the NFL is giving you a can't miss offer for week one. New customers can get $200 in bonus bets instantly when you bet just five bucks on any NFL game.
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Starting point is 00:22:56 But what else? Yeah, I don't like that. I feel like a fucking, like an uncle who comes around once a year. But the follies we didn't talk with when we were eating back in the day. Yeah, we had a restaurant. I don't know what my parents talked about.
Starting point is 00:23:07 Me and my brother were just causing trouble and getting yelled at, knocking over drinks, knocking over sodies. Sure. Yeah, it wasn't a lot of like, yeah, we weren't like talking about politics and shit. No. But you love a nice tendon.
Starting point is 00:23:19 I do love a nice tendon. It's gotta be a real... Doesn't like people though. It's gotta be a real select cast. Sure. That I feel real comfortable with. Who's more comfortable than your girlfriend? At some time, that one, there's other people there.
Starting point is 00:23:33 Yeah, me and her, it's fucking... I'm running the show. I didn't great. Oh, I'm well aware. I'm well aware. Uncle, thanks a tough hang. I'm well aware of the vibes you throw out when you ain't having it. When we're together, we'll be on Treshield. We'll be playing the starter physical.
Starting point is 00:23:52 When we eat together. When we eat together, it's real who? Me and you. Yeah, it's real older couple who's over each other. Sure. Once that, we're just waiting for the plates at the table. Well, it's also, yeah. I mean, yeah. What do we like, we travel, it's just me and you travel and somewhere it's like we've spent nine hours of the day together already. Yeah.
Starting point is 00:24:13 It's not like you went and worked your job. I went and worked my job and then we came down and I was like, oh, you know what happened today? I want to start bringing. We live all day together and then we just do the clips, no, we're shitting on people. I want to start, oh, yeah, that's nice. I want to start doing the paper at
Starting point is 00:24:27 Breakfast, I feel like that could really stretch it out a little bit with who anybody Like if you and I you're gonna read two headlines and then dive right into Snoopy dude come on sure see what's going on See what Clifford's up to whatever it is. Dobert. See what dobert's what I jinxed no bird sin Nice paper. Some juice. So you're not going to sit there and have you read the paper that dictate me your interpretation of what's happening around the world. But then I could flip it down and say something to you and then flip it back up. Yet nobody wants to be on the other side of that dude.
Starting point is 00:24:59 I'd rather be eating alone. You're looking down your glasses. What was that? It's so you're not interested in the news. You just want to prop for your dickhead into this. Yes. Something to allow them to be me. Exactly. Yeah. Yeah. How was that? And then flip it up to second. You're about to say something. Yeah. That's all right. All right. All of that is signed. We got to got a damn family episode. Okay. Much. You got to get into your garbage questions. As you know, when you
Starting point is 00:25:24 sign up for Patreon, we will answer your garbage question on a year. You got a goddamn family episode game. We got to get into your garbage questions. As you know, when you sign up for Patreon, we will answer your garbage question on a year. You got a lot of submissions Patreon obviously gets first crack addict because we love yous. We love everybody. That Patreon's all right. This one's from Jesus or Jesus. I don't know, never have one red.
Starting point is 00:25:39 Is it garbage if your mom cooks? The AT&T Technician lunch came downstairs and saw this bozo in full uniform, tearing up some scrambled eggs at the kitchen table. That's like, obviously you'll want to say yes if you're hungry. You got to eat it standing. Oh, yeah, you can't have your feet up on the couch. She fucked them. What are we talking about?
Starting point is 00:26:00 I didn't even think of that. What? Oh, Jesus, sorry to bring some news to you, pal. But as long as you get free nights and weekends, who cares? And you're about to have two Christmas's. So enjoy that. Yeah, fuck.
Starting point is 00:26:13 But again, if the vibes right, and I was in there, I wouldn't say no to a sandwich. Yeah, you would. You would, because you don't like, you're, you want the sandwich, yes. You would love the question. If it's a house I wanted to live in, and like, you got, and she was like, you know, you got a real good mom vibe from her, I don't know, I might.
Starting point is 00:26:35 I don't think you, I don't socially you want it. You just, you don't even like sit down with me and eat and laugh, but you're gonna talk to this complete stranger. It's different psychologically, I don't know why. Yeah, I don't think you will. You're not comfortable I could do I could do the I got 10 minutes of small talking me why I will fit down I could see come across like a real nice 10 minutes for you to finish grambies. Come on five minutes
Starting point is 00:26:56 Even better fucking got him in your hand pop it on like aspirin Read the paper. That's a tough look just pop in the paper down, you know patty loves a man of uniform I was sitting over the whole time. Well you two knock it off Get a room already I'm reading my horoscopes Uh-huh. I used to love that was the one thing I did read in the newspaper Sure just to see how full his shit it was. Yeah. I never fucking bought into that, but that was the one I did.
Starting point is 00:27:28 Oh, I did. Hookline and sinker. Of course you did. New York Post. Sally Sumpton. Really? New York Post. I'm a kid.
Starting point is 00:27:36 No, when I was younger, like in my 20s and so. I'm talking, I'd be like seven being like, let me fucking scope this up. I would just use silly putty on it. That's the only thing that I thought I was a spy. I don't know. Fucking retrieving the classified documents. What's your sign? I was a spy. I don't know. Fucking retrieving the classified documents. What's your sign? I'm a Leo.
Starting point is 00:27:47 Leo. Classic Leo. Leo, Leo daily horoscope. Married Leo's signs will feel the full effect of Venus and I already hate this. Yeah, it's even fun. No, I'm gonna tell you right now, find out the lady who does the New York Post, it's Sally Sumpton.
Starting point is 00:27:59 I wanna say Sally Brompton, but I don't think it is. It's like Sally Abrams or Sally Brompton, you nailed it. Did I? Yeah. What's Sally Brompton saying for Pisces? All right. She's always good. No matter how annoying some of the people you have to deal with today may be. You must stay calm and always react in a civilized fashion.
Starting point is 00:28:17 This brought his way off. Yeah, that should be mine. Maybe, just maybe. Move your more agreeable attitude will shame them into changing their ways. I am, I'm gonna be more agreeable. Kevin. Good to see you. Like a shirt.
Starting point is 00:28:34 Shut up, big head. Uh, what's Leo? Even though money matters are under excellent stars at the moment. All right, shout the patreon.com. Today's full moon warns you need to watch your step when dealing with people whose outlook on life is more materialistic than yours. You. They will hesitate to cheat you. Yeah. Sayin' bag in son of a bitch. Stole your car. In my outfit, in my fit.
Starting point is 00:28:59 Oh, mine's sick, dude. The only barriers you will have to contend with today are the ones that you create in your own mind. Jesus. I'm like, Neo, dude. It's gotta free myself. The more you, the more the shrooms kick, then it's you, right? The more you are tempted to believe
Starting point is 00:29:16 that a particular goal is beyond your reach, the more likely it is that you can grasp it with ease. There you go. Yeah, sure. I'm buying a car. I'm doing something. This is like psychic stuff to me. It's like you just apply it how it vibes.
Starting point is 00:29:31 You know what I mean? Do you really buy into it? If it's good, like if it says good things are gonna happen. Should we get a psychic to come up? That would be a no. That would be a no. I'm like, Patriot episode. I would love that.
Starting point is 00:29:43 No. Read our tarot cards fuck that You know I remember back in the day there was there was this comic you would go around trying to read tarot cards I was put it a joke on yeah, she started dealing something. It was like the king of death Yeah, I was like later on out. Oh, you're not finishing that. I didn't mess with that. What do you nuts? Get out of here. Desserts. Yeah, I had a girl. We dump in garlic water on you. I had a That is a disgusting. Yeah, I had a girl. We'd dump in garlic water on you. I had a Nah, you don't you don't fuck with the side kicks aren't fan buyers. You don't know who you don't know
Starting point is 00:30:12 He's drizzled garlic butter on her See bunch of garlic bread. Oh god guys. I'm gonna eat this witch Nah, you don't you don't do you they open portals and stuff like that You don't know what's going home with you and following you around you don't mess with that shit If psychics had the ability to as you say open portals They don't do it on purpose They don't know what they're doing and then all of a sudden they let something in and then next thing you know My head spinning around in a bedroom has it's never happened anywhere It would be a billion dollar industry if they could do that. It is they do well
Starting point is 00:30:43 No, but like each one would be making a billion dollars. Psychics and mediums, nah, you don't mess with that stuff. No, not. I don't fuck with psych. You're more of an extra lord, kinda guys. There it is. Also, I gave you a compliment, extra lord, just pretty good. Be a skinny mini.
Starting point is 00:31:00 Thank you, sir. Um, I don't know, that would be fun. I had a girl read my heart. She was like trying to read my palm. Did I was in first grade on the bus? I'll never forget. He was moisturiser. Yeah.
Starting point is 00:31:11 Are these boogers or your life line? And she told me I had a short life line. I hate that. I know which one that is. I don't know if mine short or long. I was like, what do you mean short? And then it was her bus stop. So she got off. I was like, freaks me out. I was fucking punched her dude, I was like, what do you mean short, and then it was her bus stop, so she got off.
Starting point is 00:31:26 I was like, you fucking get back, fuck you doing. Sounds like she was doing real well. So I bust with you. I was in first grade. You let a first grader do it? I mean, she was probably third grade. Colleen, she had a right hair. She had to let her drive the bus.
Starting point is 00:31:40 I know. Good she is. Get the fuck out of here. I remember dude, it stuck with, I think about it probably once a week. Yeah. And as a kid, I'm like a short. I'm gonna die at nine or like 30 to like what's short? Oh, so I'm like, I don't think you should be authorized to be telling people now. No, doctor. You write a book or something. Yeah, no, we don't fuck with
Starting point is 00:31:58 that shit. But that would be a really good picture on idea. Come in. Tell us our futures. No, I don't want to know why now. Okay, you do realize that the pushback that you were giving is why it's going to be so far. What are we talking about? That's why we're doing it. Regular cards. Tarot cards.
Starting point is 00:32:17 No, regular. Well, bring us a gear blade, Jim. Do seizes one eyed faces. Take a jacket clubs and keep it moving. No, thank you. We'll talk about it. I'll just bring them in. Dooses aces one I'd face is take a jacket clubs and keep it moving. No, thank you. We'll talk about it. I'll just bring them in. Be like, oh, this is my friend. Hey, what do you think of my buddy? I would maybe do a psychic bag of talk to some people. Oh, a medium. Yes Lot of my friends and a lot of my straightens and people out of my family straightens the people out of the other side. You fucking tell that rat prick
Starting point is 00:32:48 I know you fucked it. You know I love them. You did it anyway Tell that son of a bitch. All right my Nana died and she never gave anyone in the family a biscuit recipe Can you get that for me? Ask her if it was cinnamon and up bag She'd always play art ball at Easter. Yeah. There's that one dude on the internet. I don't know what his name is.
Starting point is 00:33:14 He wears glasses. He can guess like the name of somebody that you knew. Man, he really looks really shit. Oh, the guy who stands in a room with 80 people going, Jim, I'm getting a- And then with the J. Now, the guy who stands in a room with 80 people going, Jim, I'm hitting the- And he did with his J? Now, he fucking hits the whole name. Dude, you're seeing an edited version of it.
Starting point is 00:33:31 Think they're actors? No, but they're people looking, I think what happens with this a lot of times is they're people looking to believe. And then he goes, anybody with an end, anybody lose anybody with an a cancer. A lot of time these people fill out fucking question ares too There was a sixth like a date liner 60 minutes on it
Starting point is 00:33:50 We're like you go in and they have someone like in the waiting room of like, who are you here for? It's my son died while whatever and then like they just passed the information. Oh man It's like leap of faith with Steve Martin. You ever see that? Good film Good film. Good film. I've seen the Leap of Faith with Jamie Thomas. Goddamn right. Yeah, deep cut.
Starting point is 00:34:11 Mm-hmm. I ever saw it. Porno. No, it was a skateboarding frame. Skin flick, as we called it back in the day. Newtie mags. All right, let's get back to it, gang. This is from Russ.
Starting point is 00:34:21 Have you or your friends or family ever done a drive-by with a paintball gun. Yeah, with square guns. That's not paintball. I mean, square guns. That's good. Child is fun. I was fucking paintball guns in a soul. We ended up getting into a fight with the one kid. I felt bad for him. My one buddy got out. They tried to fight him. Just some fucking kid walking home. You got hit with you got hit with paintball guns or I'm sorry. We were riding around with square guns. high powered squirt guns like super Sokers
Starting point is 00:34:47 Okay, I mean they weren't government issues. We were in the back of those things and we were driving around as one kid was like walking Home we started squirting them and then he said the finger he said something and then we stopped my one buddy got out Was like gonna fight them and then by the end of it we're just like apologize. I think we gave her right home. I felt bad. Hey, We had a Painful rat probably a little bit. Yeah, all that shit. We could never get that. Yeah, a little bit. ours are called splat guns, I think. No, yeah, we did, uh, there was this Robinson's like, uh, bait and tackle where you could get a gun with like a hundred and twenty nine bucks or something.
Starting point is 00:35:29 Like a proper paintball gun. Yeah, they weren't, they were like pump action though. Okay. Uh, and this is like mid nineties probably. Yeah, it's probably like eight or 10, uh, we had them and then my, all my brothers friends had, and they were in junior high probably, you know, they were probably like seven, they grade and and they were there was a couple of like so not with like the can on it That's yeah, yeah, yeah, but they we we would use like the smaller ones like the cracker john's sure. Yeah, so you can well Wow, wow, wow, wow, wow, wow, wow, wow, wow, so waste of gas if yes
Starting point is 00:36:02 Fucking couple of virgins running around the back yard Sure to gas and gas. Fucking couple of virgins running around the back yard. Sure. Um, every paintball gun I ever encountered never had gas. Sure. Oh yeah. Oh, we're out of the tank or what? Hellic guns too. Who know? It always had an empty cracker in it. Those things look real. Oh, we had to we had we looked so we had a clip. I remember and you could fit 16 in the clip. Jesus. Yeah. and we fucking man. This thing was like an actual gun fucking I remember I just Who took the sleep doctor doctor can't be over here. I remember when my dad got it for I'm like I'm like this is I was way too young dangerous Yeah, and he would just be like yeah go like we just like there was like a pond
Starting point is 00:36:44 We would go out the pellets man. They were like in our glass shape. Yeah, fuck you on We had the one everybody had it was like the craftsman or with the marksman or something You would press the front and the front would open up you had to be like There's a rifle. No, this was a handgun. I remember the handgun I had the two little things on the side and you pulled it out that's that you would load that from there Yes, pull that the black like I was a fucking nine million fucking Lizzak. Yeah Fucking had the heat on me. I had a buddy might get him up in a wall while with one of those What you do is stick up he flashed it. Oh, yeah fucking cops are all over us immediately
Starting point is 00:37:20 Yikes I could hit behind a hokey track. I think I think I didn't find my super so I could be serving a nickel here I'd still be locked up if they got those are trafficking charges Goddamn straw purchase fucking arms dealer over here But yeah, I mean there was kids that would drive around with paintballs and like fucking they shot up my house one time Those were bad kids kids that got that stuff when they were little. Yeah. No, they're patty at a line.
Starting point is 00:37:46 No BB guns. None of that shit. There were these things that were like, they were toy versions of them in the late 80s, early 90s called Splat guns, where they have like the little balls and they have like this little rubber thing inside. We weren't allowed to have that shit either.
Starting point is 00:38:03 That shit either. Do you know what's fucking wild? I mean, it looks like war. That fucking, those aerosol. Isn't that a aerosol? Airsoft. Airsoft. Airsoft. They have little gels in them, right? No, they are hard plastic pieces. Yeah, really?
Starting point is 00:38:14 Dude, those dudes are like full blown, like laser scopes and shit. Oh, is that where they're like, dump it in their spilling? Yeah. They dump them in the hot dead. I thought that was painful. That's painful. Okay. I think they do that with the aerosolves as well. Well, there's all these like Eastern European dudes,
Starting point is 00:38:29 we have all these YouTube channels where they put a GoPro on the gun, they put a GoPro on their helmet and they make like Call of Duty style videos. Yeah, yeah, yeah, I've seen them. They're pretty sweet. That's pretty tight. That's my algorithm for the time to time. So, it's our fucking Gilly suits running around.
Starting point is 00:38:44 Isn't it one where you can shoot furbies or worbies or wobblies? What are they called? Those things? No, those are the things that get wet. What are the things like Mr. Beast? Orbies. Orbies.
Starting point is 00:38:55 Orbies. I think some do short shoot orbies. Gel blasters, they call. Yes, and they have like a light. So it looks like a laser coming out. They have a light when it shoots out. That's what they show you in the videos. And then some hunk of shit shows up to the crib.
Starting point is 00:39:06 Oh, really? Yeah, they make cool videos for TikTok and stuff, and they don't give you the real deal. What are they called, Werby's? Orby's. Orby's. What do they do? I don't know, I'm not sick.
Starting point is 00:39:15 My nieces and nephews had them. And I'd like, you'll be like drunk at Christmas, and they just got like an Orby gun or something, and they get real fucking, they turn into the bloods in the crypts dude and I'll be like trying to I'll be I got one I go for a kitchen knife dude I got one I open trying to poor man atten of my third man atten of the night and they're like hey Uncle Cav I turn around they got they gotta be fucking him up I'm behind enemy line
Starting point is 00:39:39 hands it over your wallet and they they go they start laughing and I get gets that point where I'm like if you shoot me with that, like why we're gonna be fucking, I'm really gonna be pissed. I'm gonna hate ya. I wouldn't mind having for a weekend, if I was around like the kids in my little cousins stuff like that, throwing down on some serious nerf hardware, for a weekend would be pretty fun.
Starting point is 00:40:01 That technology has gotten, I don't know, Rethian bought them or what, but that shit is pretty fun. And those things move. Can't what do you know about Harry's? Got out the Harry. Let me tell you this. Shaving away to double shouldn't cost you an arm and a leg gang with Harry's. You pick your starter setup at just three bucks. It's valued at 13. Look at that. You're saving money already. Includes a five blade German engineer to razor with weighted handle, foaming shave gel and a travel cover. You can even schedule refills deliveries for as
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Starting point is 00:41:13 slash garbage for your $3 starter set. Do it gang. I'm back to the show. Back to the show. Oh yeah, you guys are playing assassin in high school? No. Instead of video game. No, it's a thing a lot of high schools three living
Starting point is 00:41:24 hotel by yourself for a couple of weeks. What do you mean? You guys ever burned your finger down? You ever tracked someone for three to four days? You guys didn't shave and dye your hair in eyebrows? What's assassin? It's where you get like a group together and then everyone is given a target so everyone's hunting everyone else and then it's like a game that can last up weeks,
Starting point is 00:41:46 and you just sit, everyone has a Nerf gun, and if you get blasted, you get their target, and it goes until there's one person remaining. That's not bad, it's pretty fun. Yeah, we would do something like that with squirt guns, but not really like a game. This kindness squirt guns. Squirt guns were our-
Starting point is 00:42:00 They really pushed it upon us. I still love drinking at it, and they had like such a plastic taste. Plastic taste, yeah. Oh man, it was great. Like a bulldog on a hose? We're really pushing them on us. I still have drinking at it and they had like such a plastic taste. Yeah, man It was great. Like a bulldog on a hose Literally, folks you're going to matter ammo. Well quit drinking it you fucking I got mountain doing there I used to put soda. We used to put soda in them. Yeah, somebody on this is a deep cut But Leverearn and Shirley was very popular television show and I was a young man
Starting point is 00:42:24 And I think Lenny your Squiggy used to have soda He used to have soda in a screw cut. We tried filling up water balloons With P one time Jesus Christ and we realized we couldn't Do it like I guess in our head. We were like oh, we'll just take your tip We didn't even get that why I was like oh, yeah We'll just like peeing a cup and then pour it in. I'm like oh, oh, we'll just take- Tinture tip. Well, no, we didn't even get that far. I was like, oh yeah, we'll just like pin a cup and then pour it in. I'm like, oh, you need pressure to expand it. You know what I mean?
Starting point is 00:42:51 So I was like, all right, well, let's fucking put, try to aim, try to aim your little fucking, your shooter up to the deal. I was in my buddy's bathroom and I peed. Immediately the balloon just flew out of my hand. Just peeing all over his floor. All right, I had the same experience with the condom where I was like, we peeing in a condom.
Starting point is 00:43:08 I was. Why? Because I was an idiot, dude. I was like 22 and I was like, I mean, still. I know a lot of idiots and they never been like, yeah, I was peeing in a condom. Well, whatever, man, I was like, all right, I had this condom on.
Starting point is 00:43:23 I was going to take it off and I was like, I bet I could pee. That'd be a fun thing, condom full of piss. Sure. And then it started to inflate man, I was like, all right, I have this condom on. I was going to take it off and I was like, ah, I bet I could pee it. That'd be a fun thing, condom full of piss. Sure. And then it started to inflate and then I was like, I've made a horrific tactical error. It's a time bomb. I just, you just have a loaded gun full of piss, pointed at you. You're coming red by your own, red by your own. Red by your own.
Starting point is 00:43:40 It was a hairy situate. Yikes. Damn. That would be pretty fun, that would be awesome. It was fun for about three seconds until now you're in a situate. Yeah, he's. Damn. It would be pretty fun though, beyond that. It was fun for about three seconds until now you're in a whole situation. Yeah. Jesus. Uh, let's see here.
Starting point is 00:43:52 Great question. This one's from Bart. Haven't had one red. Is it trash if your local pizza shop has a different box every time you go? Man, I never, they remember they used to be branded. Most of them. You'd get a lot of brand or they always did keep the same one. Yeah.
Starting point is 00:44:08 But then now it's, I guess after the pandemic, all this shipping and like production, now it's like. Yeah, yeah. You go to Angelose, you get Dominix. Yeah. It's all over the fucking place. Yeah, it sucks, because there was a nostalgic, warm, cozy feeling when you're open up to GiZepi's box. Yeah, no, they just don't give a shit
Starting point is 00:44:26 You're like I remember like driving I might that would drive I'd have to run in to get it You come back out. He like open the door for you know, and you like get in you're like you I remember just staring at like an aldo's box for like you know a hundred years a cold Friday night Running out of fucking Joe's pizza getting in the car with a fucking warm pizza box on. Keeping the change to starving and just the way that pizza smelled was fucking heaven. Two liter of Pepsi rolling around on the floor. Man, clean living.
Starting point is 00:44:57 I have it on one time. Shit, it was all right. Here we were coming from. I had the pizza on my lap and it burned the fucking shit out of me, dude. It was like so hot Sure, so I remember like I like got home. We ate the pizza I'm like my fucking like it like it like that itch, but like stung and I'm like what the fuck?
Starting point is 00:45:12 I went up to take a fucking piss or a shower. I was getting changed for bed to the inside of my thighs We're fucking bright red from the fucking Zalbock goddamn the kid up a little bastard called back on a free pie So you get wearing shorts in the winter. Porky. I don't know why you assume it was the winner. Um, all right, let's see. This one's from Spitfire skater. That's a shout out to my, uh, Eminem. Yeah, my screen name Spitfire 542. Use ever bring extra electronics when you're staying at a hotel so you can fully charge them on the hotel's dime.
Starting point is 00:45:45 I may have brought two laptops and iPad among others with me during my last trip. Jesus. That's really shocking to say. That's really trying to pull one over. That's one thing I don't, I've never have. I've never worried or paid attention to the electric bill. Ever. Auto pay.
Starting point is 00:46:02 Because my mom was such a freak about it. Even when the fucking, I don't know, I never got that. Ever auto pay because my mom was such a freak about it even when fucking I Don't I never got that might be also I was in small shitty apartments, you know what I mean? Yeah, it's also like a house I understand my mom was such a fucking Nazi about that shit though Lying about turning up the thermostat or turning it down. Yeah, go over there and do the fake press like press down to them back up to Say come on lady fucking sweat in my balls off in here. Yeah. I just got jammed up at the fucking at the house because we left for a couple days and I thought I said it to like I don't know fucking 77 or something like that. Just I don't ruin your month. What?
Starting point is 00:46:42 That shit. Well, yeah, so we left, and then we got the first, I forget what it was, my wife's like, we used, it was like, you know, we got hundreds of dollars, and I was like, it's a fun, we were only there two days last week or so, two days last month. Left that shit, Ron. Hearing, like clicked all, like,
Starting point is 00:46:54 so whatever run program they have pre-determined, bypassed my me setting at 79 or whatever. So it was just cool to house down to fucking 70. Oh, which I'm jealous. I wasn't at keeping the ghost. Gilly. All right. This one's for me and P ever get a party catered by wall law. Uh, yeah. I don't think recently really super ball. Super ball. My cousin's house. She had a shit ton of shorties floating around. was wall-wad chick filet and
Starting point is 00:47:27 Somebody else got in on it. Yeah, it was awesome But is that just her ordering a bunch of shorties? No, they do like catering. Gotcha. So like they come in like boxes and they'll have like 12 tuna hoogies 12 turkey hoogies Bob and you set them all up nice. That sounds like heaven dude dude All right, it was all right. I don't mind that I don't think I ever did We didn't really do that many anytime we did something catered It would just be at whatever hall we were at right like a nights a Columbus or a fucking VFW and it was sternos city the sternos And it would just be like their kitchen made the meatballs made the turkey made the whatever whatever and whatever, you know, that's all I mean home runs I also think too is our family is so big that we would
Starting point is 00:48:13 You know, it's not that much heavy lift and while there is a lot of people It's like all right. You're bringing this you're bringing that you're bringing that's like sure There's a lot of people to just bring some and then it's fucking you know We never had to call in heavy artillery, you know, but I wouldn't mind that. Yeah, no, I love that. No matter who's doing what, at every family occasion in my family, there is Chick-fil-A nuggets.
Starting point is 00:48:36 There's one of those and there's always a box of Philly soft pretzel, John's, like the little one. I mean, that's gotta gotta be That's relic nuggets Those Chick-fil-A chicken nuggets are unreal Unre and they last dude. We're breaking those out cold later that night the next day. You're heating them up Home run. No, that's all right. You ever seen one of those. Oh, yeah Fucking throw down on them. That's the best if you're there drinking And then like you come home you go out to the whatever you come home later and you're fucking
Starting point is 00:49:09 Just handful of fucking nuggies. You ain't got to think about nothing. I love all that stuff man I love a fucking sandwich tray and all this Anything in those those round things with the lid that never fits. I love him Fucking good times dude I love him. Oh, fuck it. Good time, dude. Uh, and that Philly Soft Pretzel tray is fucking that with the cheese. They, for the listener, Philly Soft Pretzel is a company. Yeah. There was this Philly Soft Pretzel company or whatever. It's like, now, I don't know why Philadelphia is so known for its soft pretzels.
Starting point is 00:49:38 It's like Philly's, or New York's not, I mean, New York has a super pretzel or like the big guy, but that's like, the super pretzel soft pretzel the company No, they have like the big jumbo ones like the hot dog guy sell the jumbo Yeah, they suck. Thank dude, but I tell you what family that had the super pretzel soft pretzel box in their freezer that dad was doing all right Yeah, I think in the opening of I think in the opening of our show You had one of those? I think there's one on the kitchen table, which was, all that food was just in my mom.
Starting point is 00:50:08 You were a super pretzel soft pretzel kid? Not really. Toby? Time to time. We would be. But it was never. From the frozen section? Yeah.
Starting point is 00:50:17 Nah, that was viewed as trash in my family. Oh, they were great. Welcome to it. Yeah. Yeah, great. If I had my way, all pretzels would be soft. Right. That's crazy talk.
Starting point is 00:50:27 But I don't know why Philly in the soft product was maybe is like, because I know it's a German, I think it's a German thing originally. I know there's a lot of German. What do you got? Uh, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, I got a really wordy article on a website that looks like it was made about 1996. Okay.
Starting point is 00:50:41 Uh, classic Philadelphia soft pretzels are breakfast for many commuters on the run that don't seem right Don't seem wrong Because before the Sizzle you a while. What yeah cup of coffee in a soft pretzel straight you right out keep you going through dinner Oh those carbs. I Mean that throughout the day this guy's talking about when pretzels were invented in 16 610 AD. How did you have in monks? Going the season of land every early Catholic rules were a bit of consumption of dairy fats and meats.
Starting point is 00:51:12 So pretzels made with just flour, water, and salt fit nicely on the menu. Believed. It's believed early pretzels were soft like the ones we treasure in Philly today. Yeah, they were because I remember going on some dirt bag field trip in eighth grade where we went where it was like old timey shit and they remember they would have like the little shops the fake shop like she's sewing. He's a lot of men doing this. He's doing that and one of them was where they made pretzels and the way hard pretzels
Starting point is 00:51:40 came around is that they left the big ones in the oven too long. Gotcha. And they were like, oh, fuck, we can crush these where I watch the football and drink in beers. Uh-huh. Catching heat or catchin' it. Well, this is actually awesome. Okay, okay, okay. Uh, in 1850,
Starting point is 00:51:56 Breadbreaker Ambrose Roth obtained the recipe from a hobo as a thank you for a hot meal and some hospitality. Yeah. How about I get a rip of it? That fucking hobo changed the goddamn world. This is hobo doing. Let's get eyes on him now. Pop, who was that homeless man? I don't know, Jerry.
Starting point is 00:52:14 But I'm gonna run him over with the carriage later. So it keeps us about, for sure, gonna kill him. Yeah. He then Roth and Passong rest beyond to his apprentice, Julius Sturgis, who subsequently established the country's first commercial pencil bakery.
Starting point is 00:52:28 But for some reason, Philly used to like almost every large intersection in the city had a guy selling pretzels. They would just stand there with a huge box of pretzels, they would go buy their pretzels for the day, you know, a hundred pretzels or whatever, they bag them up and bags a three. We get them in college. We do that same thing in college, we money for yeah a lot of yeah something that we want raise a better sure Or something we were fucking drug fun. Yeah, but they would stand on the corner and you just go was three for a dollar at the time Or maybe like a quarter a piece or a piece of piece dude
Starting point is 00:52:58 They'll write them out of dirt and grit on them the guys like fucking but I never and I know you moved up to New York Can't you get your hands on a good soft pretzzy can't Can't do it. Uh even I don't think 7-11 even has or maybe they still have them in New York I don't think so but the 7-11 soft pretzels compared the Wawa as a Philly kid They were fucking pretty good. They were pretty good. Although I hated 7-11 I was a Wawa guy, but that in a slurpee Good night good night kids are fucking the livin'. Mm-hmm.
Starting point is 00:53:27 All right, let's see this ones from Mason. Is it garbage to order garlic bread from a pizza shop for the pasta dinner you made at home? I don't hate that. This was like the fries with the burger that we talked. Going to McDonald's to get fries if you make burgers at home. I don't hate that, because garlic bread at a pizza place. Throw some mozzarella on there, Very underrated. Very.
Starting point is 00:53:47 But I just heard it. Yeah. Garlic bread as a whole is underrated. It's real phenomenal. Those ones you get in the freezer aisle that's in the silver like the like the emergency blanket. Yeah. The bread that just ran the fucking New York City marathon. Yeah. They're all right. Getting comforted after a hurricane. Uh-huh. What? Yeah.
Starting point is 00:54:10 FEMA garlic bread. Yeah, dude. I don't know. I get it. It seems like a good idea, but in my head, it just, it doesn't feel right. If you do it right, it comes out solid. No, no, no, no, not that. I'm on board with that.
Starting point is 00:54:21 I'm saying going to a pizza place just to get garlic bread to have with a dinner you made. Seems what? Did your parents used to make, I mean, my step that would make garlic bread. My mom would make garlic bread every once in a while. And man, we would be like hyenas. Oh, there was my step that's he would cut like a big French or Italian loaf. Yeah.
Starting point is 00:54:41 In half long ways. Yeah. Take the top and then he would make like he would take butter You know, I don't some probably olive oil garlic whip it all up and make this paste and then fucking So it's also like not that hard. It's like butter and garlic and bread which is most of But the trick is that you want it to be soft and when my mother would do it It would come out hard like the stones that built the pyramids dude It was an ongoing bit my mom used to burn a roll dude. Sure. Crescent rolls got we'd be sitting down then the fucking fire alarm
Starting point is 00:55:12 would go on. Forget about them. I forgot about the bread. Yeah. There you are scraping fucking black. You're scraping ash into the just try to have a pills buried. Patty did that on Memorial Day. She left the big beans in the oven too long. And man, I don't ruin a pedal clearest. Everybody had to eat it. Everybody jumps in the pool. There's yikes. That is also a thing too of like, you try to, you know,
Starting point is 00:55:34 now it's all right, this one's okay. You're like, you know, fucking chip, I got them too. Yeah, crack a tooth on a double leg. Um, yeah, that is just a personal thing I have where I can, I don't feel like I can do it for some reason. Although it does make sense. Sure. But I guess in my head of them, like,
Starting point is 00:55:49 oh, if you're gonna make, you're making dinner, I get to french fries, to nail a french fry at home, ain't easy. You can nail garlic bread at home or buy pre-frozen made garlic bread. Maybe the place is real hot with their garlic bread. I have had garlic bread that I, as I said, there's no way my mom can but we're coming anywhere close to this We're also missing the point in that we are not discussing the garlic bread. We're discussing the garlic not I believe
Starting point is 00:56:13 No, he's not red. Oh, he's a bread. Yeah, but I was picturing garlic not the soul time. Oh garlic nuts for sure I don't love them. I might have said otherwise on the podcast before, but I think they're a little now you've always been relatively they're good. They're all right. I do love them. They could be jazzed up a lot. If you do the monster mozzarella, I feel like you'd have to slice them. Yeah, the inside stays a little too doughy. Slice them and put some cheese in there and then kind of pinch them back up like little garlic not sliders half a meatball and some mozzarella sure Yeah, but then this is just the meatball slider and Your fucking problem. No, but you're you guys just turned a thing you don't like into another thing that exists
Starting point is 00:56:57 That's just not the America right there Welcome to the mountain pop give me More fun do a table three dump them in By the way the melting pot website does not have a menu. It just has a lot of franchising options. They're really president Burn in turn, baby. That's funny. Remember we were talking about that. Oh, yeah about we were I think we were down We are in Atlantic City or something like that and there was a sign for the shitty Italian place and it said The first there was nobody in there and it said franchising shitty Italian place and it said the first there was nobody in there And it said franchising opportunities available inside and it was like, oh you think you could do better, huh?
Starting point is 00:57:31 Yeah, we're tankin let's see you take a shot. Take a step up to the plate. I'll show up I love how it's also like what do you want to see him which all right? How about a franchise? Did you like I came into spend seven bucks? You're really upsellin me with a $90,000 investment. You could do a chicken par, man. You want to buy the place? Yeah. Who's going door to door franchise shoppin'? Any restaurant that has franchising opportunity on it.
Starting point is 00:57:54 Socks. Needs a cash infusion. Yeah, wicked. That's the fucking, that's the keep the sheriff off your back for a couple of days. They're talking about Robin Peter. The number one item on the melting pot menu is the big night out. It's probably just a sort of whatever, right?
Starting point is 00:58:11 It's a date night thing, but it's very clear. It's like the capital grill. They're trying to be like the upscale place by the mall. Sure. I respect. I like that. Check this joint out. I could use a big night out.
Starting point is 00:58:22 Well, for $14 more, you can get the bigger night out really. Oh, yeah That's got lobster baby. Be a full night to I'd be nice you and your girl go out e for 10 minutes and screen matter Hurry up This is my big night out This geez away. I'm holding a lighter into the pot as we walk out. I don't want it to cool down I don't want it to cool down. All right, let's see here. This is from TNS. Haven't had one read yet. Have you or anyone you know ever discovered a dead body? Jesus Christ. Which is a trashy thing.
Starting point is 00:58:56 You're probably poking around somewhere. You shouldn't be poking. No. No, I've never discovered one. I saw a homeless guy frozen a death out in front of the Chinese embassy. I noticed as I was taking the change out of his cup. You all right, buddy? I noticed as I was stealing his pretzel recipe. No, I was, uh, I was living in New York and I used to have to walk from second half of the first Ave to get the bus to go up to the upper East Side and we lived right next to the Chinese
Starting point is 00:59:29 Embassy, which is a huge fucking building by the way, real creepy. And he was it was a super super cold winter. Mm-hmm. And I walked by and the detectives had just gotten that. This guy had frozen a death outside. Damn. Yeah. Huh. Now I was an adult. Damn. Yeah. Huh.
Starting point is 00:59:45 No. And I was an adult. Yeah. Drugs too. Tricky, don't. Hey, don't think I was right after you. Uh, yeah, I don't think I ever, I've mentioned before we're in the woods. We saw like a shallow grave dog, but that was it.
Starting point is 00:59:58 That was whiskers or somebody. It was somebody's dog. No, this was a, like an eight foot fucking grave. Really? Yeah. A couple whiskers. Uh, yeah, and it's here. The, this was a, like an eight foot fucking grave. Really? Yeah. A couple whiskers. Yeah, and it's here. The shit out of us. You think they might have buried somebody back there? No, it looked like they buried. They dug a hole to put someone in. It was like fresh dirt. Wait, it wasn't filled in. The hole was dug. The hole was dug. Perfect coffin size. You just missed a whacking. We're like out in the, we're like deep in the woods, you know,
Starting point is 01:00:27 like kids. And we were like, fucking poly wallnuts and Chrissy walking around. Yeah, we were like, what the, we're like, I was fucking crap this up. All right. No need to build this tree for it. It's going to look at these nudes and somebody's garage. Exactly. It's going to fucking Steve's house. Seal some of those fucking wine coolers.
Starting point is 01:00:43 No, never, never, never happened. A lot of dead squirrels and stuff like that when you're walking down like an alleyway this fucking Steve's house, steal some of those fucking wine coolers. No, never, never, never happened. A lot of dead squirrels and stuff like that when you're walking down like an alleyway. And all of a sudden you smell that. Oh, that, that smell of death. Yeah. I hate when you go into a bar or something and you smell it like that dead mouse somewhere. Yeah. And you're like, this is gonna ruin this flatbread.
Starting point is 01:01:00 Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Sucks. All right. Let's see here. This is from Jimson. Is your toilet seat currently crooked or not attached properly? Yes, yes.
Starting point is 01:01:11 I think it's because we're bigger guys. Yes. We're larger than life gentlemen. And the pressure you put down of sitting and turning and what else. You're blowing out lug nuts. They're not plastic. They're plastic clips, I would call them. Yeah, and you can't retighten them because they just snap
Starting point is 01:01:31 Yeah, also sometimes I think in the middle of that I pee on them a little bit Not like on purpose, but like if you know if I got the lights off We got acid urine. No, no, but that urine. Oh fucking eat through it after a while If you don't wipe properly, it's like a car down in the keys Choose right through death But we got to wrap it up gang what a fun fun hang boys love a good family episode Uh-huh, what do we got here? We got some guys. Yeah, let's let's plug the tics We we added another show in Philly which is fucking crazy the venue's huge
Starting point is 01:02:04 But we were fucking we said let's live on the edge a little bit So we fucking added a second show. Let's fucking sell that baby out We appreciate the fucking support red and a third show in Toronto. That's probably on sale by the time this comes out We have two third show in Chicago second show Sacramento. Yeah, third show in Chicago is almost sold out Sacramento so get those fucking tickets gang the live shows are a fucking good time. We'll see you out there on a ride The first show in Chicago is almost sold out. Sacramento, so get those fucking tickets gang. The live shows are a fucking good time.
Starting point is 01:02:30 We'll see you out there on a ride. Love you gang. See you next week. Boom!

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