Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast - Rick Glassman!
Episode Date: August 15, 2022Kippy and Foley are joined by Rick Glassman! Thanks for listening. Love youse guys. Come to a live show! Follow Kevin: https://www.instagram.com/kevinryancomedy/ Follow Foley: https://www.instagram....com/foleygrams/ Live Shows: https://linktr.ee/AreYouGarbage PATREON: https://www.patreon.com/AreYouGarbage MERCH: https://www.bonfire.com/store/are-you-garbage/ Download the Dave app from the App store right now. That's D-A-V-E. Sign up for an Extra Cash account and get up to 500 dollars instantly. For terms and conditions go to dave dot com slash legal. Instant transfer fees apply. Banking provided by Evolve. Member FDIC. Ladder Life: https://www.LadderLife.com/GARBAGE MVMT: https://www.MVMT.com/Garbage Displate: https://www.displate.com Promo Code: Garbage Comedians H. Foley and Kevin Ryan are self proclaimed GARBAGE. Each week a new stand up comedian gets put to the test. Steal shampoo from hotels? Own a George Foreman Grill? Ever worn JNCO Jeans
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Hachi Machi middle-class famous tour update kippy. Uh-oh. We got a couple alerts going out straighten them out a little bit
Yeah, guys, so we're coming to Seattle and Portland unfortunately Seattle is sold out
So if you want tickets, you're gonna have to come see us in Portland
Then we're going to Kansas City Springfield St. Louis Nashville in the Philadelphia that show sold out already three months ahead of time
We added a second show tickets are on sale right now
Then we're going up to Providence, Rhode Island. That's gonna sell out in Boston. There's low ticket alerts. So get those tickets now
We'd love to see you do it. Welcome to another exciting edition of are you?
Garbage the show where you find out if your favorite comedians are classy individuals or
Absolute trash now here are your hosts Kevin Ryan and H Foley
Hey everybody out there and welcome back to everybody's favorite new podcast. This is are you garbage?
Little show we sit down with your favorite comedians and we find that the girls to be classy. Yeah, they're just a big old piece of trash
I'm your host age fully coming at you on a beautiful day. We're down here at Aunt Tootie's basement
She's upstairs trying to make a little extra money selling water ice. Okay out of her trunk. All right
It's melted, but it still tastes pretty good. My co-host is coming at you from right next to me unamused this week
He is the CEO of are you garbage bit of international business, man?
He's the Prince of Park Avenue, but always the king of the boards, baby give it up for mr. Neptune
2005 KJ Kevin James Ryan. You got some good feedback on that last time. Hey, what's up, everybody?
Well, thanks for tuning in as always use to make sure you rate you subscribe on itunes full video valuable on YouTube as you know
Those numbers are true. It's cooking coming up on a hundred thousand, baby. Let's go right now
Then obviously the greatest website of all time
www.patreon.com
Are you garbage sweet Lord check it out get bonus content behind the fucking we do live streams whole nine yards bunch of videos
Check it the fuck out. It's a good time. How about a nice quick shout out to our producer extraordinaire the magic man makes us all look good
He works the ones and twos he crosses the TZ dots the eyes give it up for T-Bone McMuffin Toby McMullin everybody
What's up, dude? What's up T-Bone dude shout out to Red Bank, New Jersey in the fact that we will never have to
Pay for a tire change again
Shout out to Jersey
But gang we couldn't be more excited to have our incredibly and I mean incredibly special guest here with this today for the first time kids a
Bit of a wild card. I'll tell you that right now. He's certified boncos by the way
He has a very funny stand-up comedian actor in podcaster
You might have seen him in but not limited to we got deadbeat alone together
Barely famous the comedian star mr. Billy crystal the sixth lead undatable 36 episodes of that cha-ching
That's what we're talking about the outdoorsman a feudal and stupid gesture
Which I fucking love that fucking movie like I fucking love that movie
I saw the documentary and then I watched the movie you guys fucking knocked it out of the park
You also seen him in nobody's today the Daily Show riffing with Griffin
WTF the voice at midnight and he's one of the stars of the new Amazon original series as we see it
And of course the host of the amazing podcast take your shoes off, but the big question was mine today
Is he garbage? He's crazy. I know he's a little backed up. I can tell you that right now because he told us
Give it up for Rick last man. Everybody. Let's go. Let's go. I told you off-camera
Please back up
Oh, man, no, I haven't I haven't taken a shit since those on the voice
Buddy thank you so much for coming in now with us. This is great. Give us the scoop
What's the backstory you said you were from Cleveland take it from there give us the origin story sure well if I'm Cleveland
Uh-huh boy my arms tight
It's kids
How's that why?
When I think you're saying I don't know what's going on
When you're supposed to zag isn't wild a
Fluke when you're you know if you zig or zag it's all part of the dance
Yeah, I'll give it to you. All right. Thank God. I was there. I was
I'm in Cleveland. Oh, I am doing my thing
Do I have a learning disability sure, but we all did a lady day everyone Cleveland does
Okay, it's in the water
There's some there's some there's some problems with the water. Yeah, well, the world. Yeah, and Lake Erie, okay
There was some problems in the water. All right. What was that? I mean, I don't know you got a school
He's probably lying. I agree. It's crazy look up Lake Erie water problems. I don't like you demand to meet it
I have a producer for that. God. These New York guys
They really zig when they're supposed to zig and I'm not used to I'm trying to get a fact check
No, yeah, like Erie there was a you know, there was like caught on fire. Oh
Fuck that's right. Yeah, that's not on fire, but it still tastes good
It's a smoky flavor that brings you back
Now you said something you said some some some water ice that tastes good at the beginning
I didn't quite get that water ice water ice is Italian ice
Traditional frozen it frozen Italian ice. Yes. Yeah, nothing wrong with that. No, it's good stuff. Um, so I just what are you?
I'll tell you I'll tell you yeah, mom. Yeah, I got my parents. They're doing their thing
Dad's in the restaurant biz. Okay. Okay. Well, he was this is we're talking on the kit. Okay, but what what what?
What is the restaurant? Shout out to flow in Eddie's no longer around. You're was your dad Eddie of flowing Eddie's
No, he named it flowing Eddie's cuz he liked the way it sounded. I do like the way it's Steve
Steve now is with could we push in Marshall Red Gallery? I'll send you guys a commercial. There you go
mandatory and
Yeah, he was in the in the restaurant biz didn't
He would get home it because he managed three of them so he would get home at 2 3 in the morning
He had three flowing Eddie's three of them. Damn. All right. What kind of sports bar and grill. All right. Yeah, okay
Great, it was really good time great great restaurant would go in the rib rib cookoffs all the time
And my dad was friends with Billy and beer you guys basketball fans, of course
Yeah, so through lamb beer they would bring some of the Pistons Isaiah Thomas came Jordan came once all right
Not to the restaurant, but to the rib cookoff like it was like a cool. Okay, um
And people love the cornbread boy that they love the cornbread. That's where we ate
We would go all the time because my dad he would get home at 3 in the morning
He would take me to school at 8 in the morning always at the restaurant. So we would go there for all our meals
Okay, and it was great then something happened. I don't know. Maybe I shouldn't talk about
Come on talk about maybe it's really it's not a do and give the people what they want my dad had to get out of the business
I poisoned Scotty Pippin. All right. What do you want from me? You know that?
Yeah, I was gonna say that
Bad piece of cornbread over a flowing Eddie's
Inside job I heard almost killed all the super sonics
You know that cornbread is world-famous and you're gonna actually get it at the Greyhound and Highland Parker Glendale
My brother's in the restaurant biz now. We'll get to that. Okay. Yeah, but he brought the flowing Eddie's cornbread over and
Yeah, I'd love to take you for some cornbread, dude. I'm a huge cornbread. Are you oh my god
What do you want the 403 I would say 403
Yeah, love it the fucking love big fan big fan of the corn muffin the cornbread the corn cakes that fucking Thomas's does
He's sliding the toaster. They're ready in two seconds. I'm telling you. They're fantastic
There's something about a New York voice that just really works for me and it's real right? That's a real thing
Or is this a character? It's it's a hybrid of he's British
I'm all fucked up. I was born in upstate, Pennsylvania, so they have a little bit of like a buffalo
Yeah, the water's on fire up there all the time and then a little bit of Philly and a little bit of New York is all mixed in
Yeah, but that's neither here nor there this show wasn't about me. It's about you my friend
Well, we want to talk about the restaurant biz but more than I meant to um
I'm just like without being pinpointed where it was. I guess I could tell you who would cook for you at the restaurant
That's what you would go there for like lunch ready for anyone ready
So you would just order off the menu. I don't rough the menu
Okay, yeah, I don't rough the menu and brothers that you have one brother older brother one older brother
So it was you how much older is two and a half years today actually? Oh happy birthday
No, I'm saying today. He's exactly doing it. Oh, okay. Yeah, it's wild. Yeah
How long is that come around how often is that fall once a year once a year? Yeah, but I think it during the restaurant
He was like four years old
That's a wacky place Cleveland. I thought he's eggs when he's supposed to
So we had some issues with it. Hmm. Okay. What'd your mom do?
My mom sold perfume really? Yeah out of the house. No, no
Macy's counter. Yeah, Macy's dealers. Oh really? She worked at I look wait
She won't I had all of them or she like a rep of some she repped
She's worked with different fragrances during the career of fragrance stuff
So she never worked for the Macy's she worked at the Macy's got sure at the Dillard's right
She would go she's one of those people that would be like, excuse me. Would you like to okay? Nice? Good?
I'll tell you this man
You walk into a mall or department store when you get to that perfume section and the AC's cranking and the ladies are all
Running around. Oh, it's a fight. It feels really good in there really see
A little invasive. Yeah, I love reminds me of my grandma. I'm just too much real grandma didn't get along now
She zigged a lot. I should have zagged your fault. Yeah, I know it always is
All right, you're dad's with my grandparents your dad's
Tough break for you loser
What happened with what she died what do you mean what happened? She's an old bro. She'd be like a hundred and four now
So I was I was in sale my mom sells
Perfume poison. I fucking I I have a very sensitive to the lights and smells and tastes okay
And then it's just and she just just it's poison
She brought her homework with her her work home. Well, I mean she's spraying stuff. It's just in the air
Yeah, the man watching her it was a lot of my personality came from watching my mom do because I would do it too during summer
She's just confusing people. No, she's so my mommy can move some merch
She's just an unbelievable saleswoman, but with with the best intention like in anything not even transactionally like she's a type of person
Anytime you want to get a flight changed. Mm-hmm mom will get it changed not you don't have to pay a change fee
You'll get the free upgrade. She's just always schmoozing. She's always schmoozing. She's always okay
Let me see and she's looking at the women's arms and no no no and like the type of lotion
She's like rubbing it in got you not even necessarily trying to sell it
She just loves to make friends sure talk with people, you know, it's great
I like that my dad's a salesman, but the other end my dad's like
My dad wants to get the sale. He's not gonna lie to you
Yeah, I lie to you and
Hey, you can get corporate anywhere. I'll tell you that right now, but a flow in Eddie's
This stuff sells itself. I don't got to sell you
Where'd you go to high school private public? Well, that's where it gets a little confusing
Where it gets confused I haven't go to a couple schools graduated from flowing Eddie's
I had to go to a few schools boys. Okay. Um, I in eighth grade. I was
Was in just the standard, you know, learning disability class, whatever that is just like this
Okay, you know, you're in like this class with the people that are like playing with balls and stuff sure and I still I don't know
Because I'm remembering stuff
So I'm sure there was I there's more information that I don't have but I got degraded down to the sub learning disability class
I don't know what that means. I'm sure it was called something else. Just crazy. You seem like a super smart guy. Thanks, man
You look smart, too. That's yeah, I've never tried a Rubik's Cube. I would love for you to mix it up
See if I could do it
Takes him an hour
Dead air makes it up for me. So
so I went into this class and and
They started like tracking me
I didn't realize this at the time, but they were like they would take everyone's in that class
They know of what they're everything they're doing not necessarily bad
But every going to the bathroom left his desk like just a full report. This is in a regular public school. Yeah, okay
yes, eighth grade and
Whatever happened I got to the point to where I wasn't going to classes anymore
Like I was in this for one class and then I went to my other classes, okay?
And then I was in it for multiple classes and it got to the point where I'm only in this in that room in this room
Okay, or other people. Okay?
Also, listen, I'm not you know, we're all imperfect especially or in eighth grade and I'm absolutely hyper kid
But someone tells you not to they was at a desk and they put blue tape around the desk
So you can't leave the blue tape when someone tells you not gonna believe the ball on the floor
You mean what the fuck did you go to school? It sounds like a zoo? What do you know this class?
There's there's something this sounds illegal sounds like sleeper
You're in some kind of fucking government experiment. I really don't understand. I'm not you well
I didn't help my situation by you can't you can't walk out of the blue box
I'm so you can't set your foot out of the box. Oh, I'm on my knees
You know, I'm crawling around it and and the right and all these things down and and I used to do
Remember, I don't know if you guys did this. It was huge by Lake Erie
You would take a pin a push pin and you would put it through here. I was just thinking about it the other day
Oh, yeah, the dead skin and like you look good, right? Yeah
So I would do that I did that a few times and I later the later that you're found out that those reports that I'm stabbing myself
Oh, come on clean somebody was looking for his funding. Yeah
I was that was a scheme with money added a fucking governor
Put this kid in a box and cut us a check. Will you I think you zoom out far enough
It's a classic case of misunderstanding a hundred. It sounds like and me who lacked a lot of awareness
Didn't pick up on any of this
Not to mention
People aren't speaking you directly. They're having the reports is sending it to the higher-ups and just well
We better put Rick in a box now, you know, what are your parents saying for all this? Well, this one
No, this one to the dads in the weeds. It's fucking happy hour
They had to pay their bills, I know fucking Estee Lauder was all over fucking the back, you know
My mom was a big advocate. I'd actually love to get her on the phone. See if I can tell you what she said, okay?
My mom would go in there and just
This is an AYG first I
Hope he just doesn't he just asked like how our day is and stuff. Oh, I gotta see first
Is this a good time for the drama of eighth grade?
By selling something hello. Hello. Hi mama. I have you in a podcast. I don't say anything racist, okay
Hey, your son's crazy
You have any blue tape left? Okay, so we're talking about eighth grade and being put in
We can't say the name but the class and the and in the in the in the boxes and the Rick stabs himself and the burns with cigarettes
And they're like, well, what did your parents do and and I was saying mom's a big advocate
Will you tell what did you do because I wasn't there? What did you do?
You went in and you spoke to the principal or superintendent or something
Well, I I I've done lots of things but one of the things I did was I had a meeting and I had the superintendent and
the principal and the vice principal and the counselor and the mother fucking
Discussing educational teachers that giving you a hard time. We are like this lady and the counselors
And I had them all and I went in there very calmly and I just said
that they were the evil evilest people and that
They didn't know what they were doing and then I said they should change the name of this school from
to Auschwitz
Hey
Concentration camp. It is the killer of children spirits and souls and that they're all
Should be ashamed of themselves for taking this. All right. All right. I love you
I love you mama
Wonderful, I love you so much and remember if this is tough for you and you need somebody to talk to head on over to better
Help comm slash ties up
All right, love you back
Okay
It sounds like you were fucked with that. That's fucking insane. Um your mom's a hundred percent, right?
Yeah, and I didn't know this was even happen like my mom
I didn't know my mom when I found all this stuff after the fact and also okay knows what you remember when you remember and
Tough actin's an actin you hip to it. Yeah, my hip. Yeah, you spray it upside down. It comes out
My hair comes out. I used to do that in a little circle would come on your hand
Disappears like freeze. Yeah, yeah, doesn't hurt
But I did that in one day I had a little mark on it and that's later
I found out that they were saying I burned myself with cigarettes never smoked a cigarette to this day
But like a lot of this stuff
So now I'm in this school. You guys had this over here, right?
There's the I got it. No DC trip. Everyone goes to DC with yeah, we'd find out cancel cuz a 9-11, but sure. Oh
How old are you?
35 9-11 that was in 2001. Oh, I didn't know you were an eighth or ninth grade. Um
I think you've been lying to me
I don't know where whose show is this
So your mom on the phone. I hope that was an actor on the phone
So I didn't get to go on the DC trip I was real embarrassed
People would say why can't you go and I was embarrassed. I didn't even know what I was doing. I'm like, I just I'm not I'm not gonna go
While they were introducing me into other class like out of other classes, I was still in with this one class
I remember that I was in there was a group and
Like, you know, we the teachers and talk everyone's in groups
So it's like a little bit more of a free for everyone's talking you getting up you doing your thing
And I don't remember if I asked permission up, but I went to the bathroom
And I remember coming back from the bathroom and just panic Ricky's on the loose
I still have my friend David still sometimes doesn't be Ricky's on the loose and I was so embarrassed. We know I'm on the loose
I went to take a piss
On the loose on the loose is a bad term to be thrown around. Also, I don't have friend
I'm not victimized. What is it? What is the social what it where are you at socially in all of this?
I didn't have friends outside of school or you know, I didn't really have
You know, I wasn't I wasn't bullied. No one was mean to me. I didn't even realize like just looking back
I really lacked a lot of awareness as a kid. Everyone was not nice
I'm sure there are bullies in school that are like TV show bullies
But I never really experienced that in high school people. How you doing? Oh, it's not, you know, sure
I can't play today. People always make excuses. I always took it at face value
I thought I had a bunch of friends, you know, but I was never included in things
But then when that happened, I was really like
For the first time kind of wanting to not
Not not be that person. Well, not not that I want to not be included. I wanted to like I'll
Don't talk to me. Don't invite me. I'm don't don't see me right now. Okay, you know, don't see me
and
Then ninth grade is coming up and I'm now I can't have I have a decision high school
I'm now going to be in this box or I could choose to go to if I want to go regular classes
I have to go to the special cool school. It's called pep positive education program. Shout out to pep
We'll put their Instagram and it'll appear and
This was this was a school man. This was like
pardon pardon my
If I'm stigmatizing this poorly but through the eyes of this
Jewish magic the gathering playing wanting to have friends kind of silly boy. It felt like oh, these are bad kids. Okay
There was in each class as a teacher assistant teacher and a restrainer
Literally in the hallways people are being held down on the ground kid jumped out the window first floor
But like to run away pulling him through the window like that's getting loose kids with serious
Windows getting loose. That's getting loose Steve got loose. Yeah, he's out. He's getting loose instead of zigging or
Yeah
He probably was thinking and zagging through that field a little tape all over
But it was also it was the first time where I I
started to feel like I
Had I I'm not an idiot good
because they didn't have books past pre algebra and I
was always good at math and
People needed help and I knew everything and the teachers saw me doing something like why don't you help out?
I just remember feeling wow
I feel really good about myself. Okay, when I'm you want me to help somebody else. Yeah
And then I started to feel like I'm smart. Well, not stupid, right? Okay, my brother's a brilliant boy
It was on Jeopardy recently one. We'll get the fuck down smart guy. You should try the cornbread. Holy shit
But he was always smart and was every one of his answers on Jeopardy try the cornbread. Yeah, it was it was it was a southern
Southern foods to start with C
Wasn't good enough edit that out and
It's also right. No, let's keep it and put it in twice edit it in
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That's MVM T.com slash garbage do it. Yeah, but let's talk about latter
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Ladder life comm slash garbage ladder life comm slash garbage doing I'm back to that job back to the show
It's where I found a basketball start playing basketball. Okay, just because that's a tall drink of water. Yeah, I'll are you six three today?
There you go
And basketball changed my life boys basketball changed my life, okay?
Because then I graduated from pep. Okay. I remember that is that like high school like high school
Yeah, a lot of time you go to pet. It's a school that that's where you go
Usually a lot of times I don't know usually but it seemed like many of the people that went there
That's where they went to school. Okay, maybe some of them left
Maybe some stayed gotcha, but it went that I went and then I did a good good job
So then I started doing half days. Okay, I was going first half
I was at pep and then it took a bus back to my school. Okay, people like where were you and I was so embarrassed tough
Yeah, so embarrassed to explain I got my ear pierced
There you go. Yeah, is that what you told me?
I was at the malls at the piercing pagoda. I said I got my ear pierced it took six months
Three hours every morning. It was a hoop. I don't know what to tell you. No, I got my ear pierced
I just remember like like who I should get my ear pierced. I don't know. I'm going back to school
I need to show up different. Yeah, I'll get my ear pierced
and
Then when I graduated from pep, they invited me back. They're like you did such a good job
You should show people I play the piano like we you come and do a performance. Okay? I was like, yeah, sure
There was it wasn't a performing school
I'm just kind of remembering that I went back and there was like an auditorium for like some of the people that like
Didn't be people up for two weeks
They got to leave or something and I played Titanic on the piano and there was a choir that sang but we never rehearsed
I don't know them. They don't know me. All right. It's like kind of playing Titanic. They're singing and then they gave me a pen
You guys don't beat anybody up for two weeks
You know it's like that
Playing chopsticks, but when I went back to school, I saw some kids. I did not know who's coming next in that sentence
I hope he's making it all up because he is he's a fucking genius
How's this for am I am I given too many specifics? No feeling all right. This is I'm loving this screen exactly what the show is
Yeah, so
I go back to school and
I'm in the gym and some of my the kids that I was friends with in like third fourth grade
But you know like there's they always your friends
You know sure much anymore, but you know, you know, you know, Timmy pretty well great basketball player
Mm-hmm, and when the Jimmy's like do you play basketball and I had been playing basketball?
I didn't know much of basketball. I would wear um
What grade do you want at this point? I'm now back. It's the second half of ninth grade
Okay, second half of ninth. Yeah, and by the way people who play basketball have been playing basketball
Like they didn't start playing in ninth grade. Of course playing a sure
you know a you and sure and
We're also a very good basketball school. Okay, we played against LeBron very cool
Okay, get to that we do but I say that to say like it's a good basketball program. I got you
I don't understand scrubs. Yeah, these are people that play these are ballers as I call them. I would wear
I call that yeah, okay. Yeah, I think that's cool. Yeah, I
Would wear my
Cackie cackies I always wear cargo cackies and I would have the why you were playing this is just when I were to school
Okay, cargo cackies and extra large button-downs. Okay, and I'm like oh, I need to have shorts
So I would I either wear shorts under my cackies and just really uncomfortable or I for a little bit
I had those cackies we could unzip remember those
Yeah, all right. Yeah, those are all right try zipping them back though. Thanks mom
Get her on the phone LeBron dunked on you
Who's seen the bottom half of my pants
Feel like that was anti-Semitic the voice choice
Has anybody seen the um?
No, it's my nerd voice. Yeah, that's what I'm saying. Oh, no, you're making that connection not me
Am I more nerdy than Jewish?
Yeah
Mix up that Rubik's cube
So when Tim's like do you play ball? I'm like, yeah, because I've been playing
Not really like in the driveway or what I school a pet. That's what got you like that was almost like if you weren't in prison
You go out into the you're in the yard. Yeah, you got to play I and I still have because I
Would play with the teachers and they would wear rings still I got hit with by accident
Just playing with the ring and I had this this mark on my face and I remember I was at pep
I didn't even know if I was going back to school
But I still like I want to be in the yearbook if I go back to school and I'm not in the yearbook
I don't want to people be like why you're not in the yearbook sure so I went and I took the picture
But I was like black eye and cut and it's like
But so I'm like yeah, I played so like great well we played these guys play
And and for me it was more like something to do in a way to connect so I would stay after school
I started playing ball with these guys
and I
Made the team JV team in 10th grade because okay shout out to ship Collins by the way he key
Saw that I wanted to be on the team, you know like if he was gonna cut anybody he cuts me
Got but he didn't got I didn't play much. How are you with this boy? Are you like 62?
Maybe at least okay, but I never I don't know anything sure, you know, I don't play I never it didn't grow up with this
And I remember we didn't even have in a way Jersey for me
So I would still go in the games, but of course I'm not getting in the way games
I'm just sitting on the bench just in my you know my
Cargo
We're in a full basketball, you know from underneath all that stuff for some reason
I didn't realize it at the time, but this was the first time like wait a minute. I think I'm gonna have some friends
I'm part of something and I cared very much and I I worked so hard
I played so much constantly going into 10th or 10th grade. I'm on the JV team. I'm not very good
But I just I worked so so so hard and I got decent. Okay, and I
Have friends now I for the first time I think this is so heartwarming
I'm serious. Yeah, what do you mean? Yes sports fucking rule, dude. If you're if you're unaware
This is a gripping story
Sports do rule Kobe Bryant. I don't remember what interview it was
Talked about something about how important sports are sports are not even at the level that he was at
But sure he did he was at the one of the highest levels. He did good. Kobe Bryant. Yeah, and
He talked about how important it is to at a younger age to to work with people to get something and also
Loose and he's like because it matters so much because you're whatever level you're at
You you need to win and you want to win and you don't and it breaks your heart
And then you realize but then there's next year and you try it again
And you're like losing sucks and it should motivate you but it's just a thing
Yeah, and how important it is to lose not just for sports
But just like to recognize the importance of how you feel in this moment is chemical and matters and it's just this moment, right?
and
I'm actually feeling myself
Want to get merches as my eyes are watering but like sometimes my eyes start to water when I say stuff like no, that's good
But um, I have friends. I'm I'm I have a sense of confidence people are
Asking me before I don't think we were on but before I was talking to you about how like sometimes it's uncomfortable
You ask people to come to your podcast about there
Oh, yeah, it's like I'm okay with it, but that's all I ever did
I would be like, hey, do you want to come over and like I can't I remember I think I talked about this recently
I'm one of my pods but remember my buddy who I am friends with now
But he never wanted to play and he always said that he's not allowed
My mom won't let me so I said cuz my mom's such a good saleswoman
I asked my mom to talk to his mom
I'm gonna call his mom and she hit his mom had a lie to my mom
That's like you fucking dory. Why wouldn't they come over and play?
I don't know
Yeah, I'm not judging I'm just saying as an eight as a ninth grader look at you know, they're going
That's unfortunately and it sucks as you get older you have perspective. Yeah, I do know some shitty some things were
I don't know if this was particularly with David, but some things were like people come over
I would get like I love competition basketball is great because I love being physical. I love competition
I get aggressive in play and
We used to like friends would come over sometimes and they wouldn't want to anymore, but like I would always want to wrestle
Hold on there Ricky
I
Know you're losing me
You're attacking kids why don't up he's in a singlet
On your knees
Have a couple of like a pizza rolls. We watch the a team something
So I don't know the brother at the time he was I think I think at this time
Two and a half years older and he was really into boxing and his friends would come over and they would box
boxing gloves in the basement and
They're like two feral cats. I
Would stay over. Yeah, I would stay over all the perfume and fucking
All of your activities take place at sing-sing it's
I love it you got me I fucking love it, but yeah, I was annoying I bother people I also didn't pick up on stuff
I always I still in the I've developed a lot of tools
I came into some awareness five years ago that really changed my life, but I I
Really couldn't pick up on stuff unless unless you said Rick
I don't like it when you do this then I would maybe be like maybe he doesn't like this
Okay, you know at most but if you were just like
Okay, I'll be like yeah, you know and
Not that we don't all have the tools and maybe I made people and come also my brother was older and be aggressive
And he would be fighting my brother also brothers getting fights sure my brother beat the shit out of me
You know like not just you know like like
Jumped on I remember that those I was in the den watching the Simpsons
I'm sure I there was some reason that I didn't know about but just came in and jumped on me landed his knees on my lap
So I couldn't stand up fucking beating me and I was like
Great cornbread though. Yeah
Check it out on Jeopardy. Well, yeah, hey missus glassman. I gotta leave
Come my mom
But yeah, people would see, you know, I'm either wrestling them or seeing me getting beat up or you know
What was the rest? Where did the wrestling like WWF wrestling? Yeah that kind of wrestling and also like I was saying
My brother liked a box
So and I thought my brother was so cool. My brother was good at basketball brother. So funny
So not as cool as mine
Let me call
It's probably on TV or something probably fighting somebody
Um, but yeah, it was an aggressive house, you know, it was an aggressive house
Kind okay, kind but I think the farthest way to say it is just lacked awareness was was hyper and if if if the other
Person didn't share in the dynamic and some did okay
I do remember thinking because my mom said to me
It's so nice that your friends with such-and-such or such-and-such not like I'm necessarily doing that a favor
But like she's glad that that it's happening. Yeah, and I always thought that like I'm a good guy
I'm friends with the weird kids
Until within the past five years
What happened five years the second time you said within the past five years or what happened in five five years ago that
this loose I
This isn't a secret and I'm happy talking about it. I don't love talking about it too much
I talk about in the pod and is a thing, but I was diagnosed with autism five years ago. Okay, and
That changed so much for me
There were so many unrelated things that that connected in patterns
Yeah, and I mean really five five, you know, I'm in my 30s when I found out and and just developing
I've told this story on the podcast before on a podcast
I feel like you need to say that in case people I don't know, but I'm on the show called undatable
Are my boss bill Lawrence shut the bill Lawrence prison's gonna be up here
Successful dude. He is a basketball game. I'm in the game for years
And he sent me an email
I there's been a year has been going where I'm like you were in one of those la basketball how I got so I never was on
It's pretty cool. Oh bill saw me at the improv
Came up to me. Well, he went actually specifically see Brent morning. You guys know Brent. Yes. Yes very funny comic
One of my best buds Brent came to see him. I was on the show
He took a liking to us and we after the show we're talking basketball and I'm like well, this is my ride game
Yeah, this is where my value comes from people like me since I started playing basketball people only like me because I'm
Good at basketball. I get down to the paint. I don't leave that fucking box
You got to see what I could do
The game's a great game. It's what you want. It's industry. It's indoor only they never have more than 15 guys
So you don't have to wait more than one game
So there's a list of people and he says there's a list of people I go
Why don't you give me assistance phone number email check it he goes, okay? I every week for months
Finally, she's like, all right, why don't you get you guys come Brent and I came and I was fucking Brent makes fun of it
And it's funny in the way. He says it makes me look a little much, but it's also I'm awesome. Okay, I'm just you know
I'm I'm aggressive. I'm in and it was great
And so was some of some of the people and I'm in the game bill sends me an email Brent and I an email
Hey, I want you to audition for the show. I don't I don't have an agent. I have never auditioned for a show before
That was my first job
I'm in this game for years but Bill is a friend, you know, he's I've known him for years and
So cut two years later, I I've got I learned a little bit about autism and I'm starting to realize some stuff and like
I'm autistic and I'm not gonna get checked. It's like five grand and it's tough to diagnose an adult
Sometime it depending but like where I met it's tough to got you as a kid. It would have been easier
Yeah, that's all I'm thinking about is you were come you you went undiagnosed and we're fucking completely
Mishandled as a kid and that put all these feelings in you a feeling like lost and and you know feeling like there's something wrong with you
And this isn't a thing and if they would have fucking
approach it a little bit different
Your whole life would have been different, right? This is really corny. I'm so grateful for the way everything went
I wouldn't I'm the comedian. I am and I'm really because of that. Yeah, and of course and I think I'm really good
And I became good kind of recently it took me a while to figure out how to be do the craft
It's hard obviously sure, but I'm really grateful for the language of comedy that I learned which was
You know, I never I never knew how people felt about me, but I wasn't aware that I didn't know
I just whatever I'm thinking you're thinking and I'm the I grew up that I'm glad thanks mom and dad
I grew up thinking I'm fucking awesome. Sure. Everyone likes me. I'm funny David wants to come over his mom won't let him
you know so like I
Never knew how people felt about me. So I filled in the blade likes getting it with a folding chair
So I never I never ultimate warrior
Man I'm gonna cry. I want to see this fucking show that's a fucking show and ball in my eyes out
Kim, let's talk about Dave Dave. You mean my best pal Dave
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I'm working on later. Okay time
So so
But what I was saying is I never knew how people felt about me, but it wasn't like how do they feel?
I this was like a subconscious thing
But I always knew when somebody laughed that in that moment, you know, we're connected, right?
Yes, so it wasn't that I'm necessarily the funniest is just I loved making people laugh and I loved laughing with people
I like making them laugh
But if I'm not the one making them laugh we're laughing we're on the same page and I knew that right there's a safety
You can't fake that right? I mean you can fake but you can't it's undeniable. Yeah, I don't think you can't
I mean, I remember saying learn one of those round table interviews like for Oscar something
He was talking about the hardest thing and I agree with this the hardest thing to do as an actor is to fake laugh
You know, right? Yeah, you know
Even if you're not in this business you could it's something that feels a little disingenuous or like sure. It's it. Don't worry about it. Yeah
But I learned so much about like learning how to if I could say something in a way that gets a laugh
Then it's good. Mm-hmm. What I didn't know really until five years ago was how fucking exhausting that is for everybody and just
Needing to get laughs being on all the time being on all the time and people always said to me
I never know if you're joking or serious and I say this all the time on my podcast
But I never thought and I still don't think that those two things are mutually exclusive on both. Yeah
I'm being playful
But if I need something and I'm uncomfortable or I think I might you make you uncomfortable more realistically
If I could say it in a funny way, maybe it's better. Yeah, you know pick your battles sure also
I was so I didn't want to always be fucking doing this. I'm fucking drained constantly
But you had to it was in you I it was I
When I call comedy a language, I mean that quite literally I spoke English as a second language
I spoke comedy comedy is my language. So I only know how to say I have to take I have to use your bathroom
I didn't know that sentence. I always knew I gotta go take a big fucking shit
You know not really but like, you know, I'm saying like yeah, yeah, like that's another way to say it
I learned how to talk in this in the fucking annoying loud bullshit way
And I just thought that's what it was. I just thought also. I fucking love this game. I'm thinking right now
He's all right when people didn't make me laugh
I'm thinking like
What's the point of you? I
Still
This guy's bringing up most of my life like Seinfeld said something to me a basketball sign for if you're not going for a joke
What are you doing? Um, I've said I've I remember I said this to my mom and
All years ago and it is something sexual. So if it seems weird my mom, I don't talk to her on the phone
Let's do it live. You're worried about weird now. We're fucking a half hour in what do you come on?
I'm thinking that I just feel like this could be contextualized not that it's weird but inaccurately like
I'm not there's no weird here
I don't talk to my mom about coming too much
But I do remember saying like I had this awareness and I said to her if somebody doesn't make me laugh
Teach me something feed me or make me come. What's the point of them?
And I don't think if that's selfish. I I've always I always felt like selfish has bad PR
You need to offer me something and I need to offer you something or the relationship doesn't serve a purpose
Mm-hmm, and I don't need people to feed me not too many people know how to make me come autism just joking, but you know what I mean
But you friends if you they don't make you laugh or if they're not super interesting and could like teach you stuff
Mm-hmm. No, I completely agree. Yeah, I understand
So in my mind
That's also my value. My value was oh, I funny
Another value of mine is I'm a great basketball player and I got to say
When does this episode come out this month this month?
Like 48 hours. I'll send you a clip. We're cut to it. We'll cut to a clip up
Hold on one sec. So so I I
Back to the beginning kicked out of this basketball game. I don't know
Wait, you got kicked out of the basketball game. Oh, I have to tell you. Do you really?
We don't have to this guy gave you a show to so you wouldn't show up to his game anymore
People in the lane will give you a straight the series deal
I'm showing this is years after I'm in the game. Okay game for years
Years after the game starts. I'm on the on the I'm on the show
I mean, I'm in the game then we're on a TV show for three and a half years. Okay, then the show gets cancelled
I'm still in the game for another year or so before this happens
Where he sends me an email and I want to preface by saying the email is gonna sound mean and aggressive
Mm-hmm. It was pure love one of the night
It changed my life for the better and it was he did something for me that other people haven't and a lot of people don't
Which was he told me something that I didn't know that benefited me to know. It's just kind of a more
Personal version of hey, you got a booger, you know, sure, okay, right? He sends this email saying which we're big on that
Love to tell not I don't love to tell somebody but now know that I'm with somebody
100% um
So I'm thinking to my autism for like a year. I'm not maybe
But then within a two-week period I got kicked out of a of a poker game
Mm-hmm, and that one it's cuz they're boring. I'll take responsibility for everything, but they're boring. I'm having fun
Seriously not one person wanted to wrestle
You got a pair of two someone get on my shoulder. So there I got tow for grace in a headlock. All right, there we are
I
Mix up that cube would you
All right
But you know I put a pin in the poker game, okay, and then but so the email for the email
Yeah, so I get kicked out of this basketball. Hey Rick. Hey handsome. That's what he calls everybody calls it really handsome
This is a tough email to send. Mm-hmm
couple of the guys in the game don't like playing when you're here and
When I was younger, I I've had some issues and and and I thought fuck these guys
So if you want to say fuck and fuck off, you know, you have every right to do that
But I just think this is you lack some awareness and there's some things that I don't think you realize about how people feel about you
And then he listed some stuff and some of which made sense some of which I still disagree with
but I can't argue and deny and I knew this then this was it was like um,
Can I have two or three things on the list? Yeah, okay
You you're too aggressive you're yelling at people you talk a lot of shit. You're always you're always yelling at stuff. Okay?
You don't
You don't pass the ball enough, okay, you don't get back on these
Double dribbled in the championship. I don't want to say it wasn't mostly about my game. It was mostly about my behavior in the game
Yeah, yeah, um, which doesn't the autism creates like a blind side to you acting
I'm truly it can't be all day. Let listen mate
I'm not this way because of autism. I'm this way because this is this is this is the way I am
However, some of the character traits of autism didn't help me be aware to make the choice to be different
Which I think I would have but who knows sure, right? Mm-hmm
But it's not an autistic thing. It's it's um
Where I could connect the autism to was
The reality and what I realized when I read this email was maybe maybe yes, yes
No, no all of those things. There's a through line, too
I had no idea anybody felt that way or could feel that way okay, and you know
I've said this as an analogy before but if someone checks their watch a lot of times people think maybe they're bored and want to go
I think oh, it's and you'll I'll tell them the time. Okay, so I didn't know
So even if it wasn't true if nobody wants to play with me that's something's happening that I'm doing wrong
Incidentally and I said we'll put up a clip I
Was where I wrote this show that I was pitching with Bill and this was years ago and I made this before the email
After the email after the I got but he said so the email was
I'm not gonna kick you out of this game. I think you should not show up for a few weeks
Okay, think about if you want to come back to the game and here are some of the things and you know
I love you and it is what it is
and
That really that really
It really felt bad. I wasn't mad at him. It felt really bad like I've been in this game for years
I'm some of these guys in this game are been writers on the show. I mean, these are my friends
You know say very much. What are they my friends? You know and I
Didn't like that they had to tell Bill and Bill had to tell me instead of telling me
I also had I used to think fuck those guys. I'm in the I'm responsible for my end
But also if you guys told me this I would have then known if I had a booger on my nose
Yeah, I have since learned that although I still agree that that should that is what you people should do people are afraid of
Confrontation not because they don't want to make the other person feel bad, but they would feel bad
Because they feel bad people people run away from uncomfort even if a builders that meant and I think that's
It's a shitty indirect inefficient way of communicating
But I've also learned that everybody has their own tools and it's not
Their responsibility to communicate the way I want them to so I've since
Dissolved that and and I take my responsibility. I also have come into some I was real that when I first found out
I
Got real excited
Because like was a diagnosis. Yeah, okay, so you went and you I got diagnosed gotten a five G's
It was a different thing
It met with it. I found this adult behavior that the test for UCLA was just for kids or it's specific more specifically
This was an adult behavior specialist who deals. This is what she does and met for a while
And she gave me this diagnosis and at first it was like
See not see that I'm autistic, but see like see Rick. You're a good guy like you're not you're not people
You know my intentions were good, which isn't everything but matters and that was what I was resting on sure
And it's not all that matters at all, but like oh, oh
Kid when I was a kid all these things they can act everything so much and then I I
Started researching and learning and reading more about it and it's like oh my gosh and all these things and there's one book
I forgot what it's called and people I've talked to on my podcast people message me
I feel it's relevant. I want to say
Asperger's from the inside out it's called it was this guy who wrote it who wasn't diagnosed until his kid is kid was
So he point being he was diagnosed as an adult too and all the feelings of
Is this what it is am I and oh and all like I all these tools that I built myself some were very efficient some inefficient
It's just from the perspective of learnings adult. It was big. It was very nice to be like. Oh, yeah
This is I there's a community of this, you know
Then as I started wanting to like I would tell some of my friends
Some would say yeah, obviously some say that's not you're not autistic
And I remember I felt dirty needing to convince people well
You didn't know me when I was a kid and what and I was like selling people on a thing that wasn't meant to be an identity
It was just like Pierce has literally given me a book now of learning stuff
And and I became depressed too because I started to realize, you know
So this I'll go in and out of the show that I was writing or am but
Well was because if that's the story but this guy who's who's the funniest best basketball player in the world everyone loves him
He turns 30 and finds out nobody likes him and it's like that happened. That's you know
Everything is different than what I thought it was not that things changed and that's what's weird
The diagnosis didn't change who I was it just opened up awareness and things didn't change
Which means it's always been this way and I only remember my memories and what was my responsibility
And why is this and and then I became so sad and I
Don't know when I'm bothering you
But I know that you probably won't tell me and I might do it at some point
So now I'm walking around like by the way, I'm sorry if I'm
Is this okay? This is fucking no. I'm saying that stuff. I do that stuff. Oh, okay, but like
Shit I was doing an act off
Hey, you're gonna rope-a-dope me I don't like that
I
Didn't know so I'm like walking around. I'm walking around. I remember I
Know as it feels like I'm walking around on
Blindfolded on a beach where there's like a line in the sand and I never know where the line is and people could move wherever that you want
I put your no one tells you yeah, so I don't know and
I'm just so depressed and I don't know what I'm supposed to be doing because I am taking the
Responsibility completely on me because I've bothered people and it took me a
Bit before I started to kind of come out the other end and realize I am responsible and I'm not responsible for you
and that's where I started to develop tools of of
I've realized that people
People aren't usually upset annoyed or disappointed by I mean
Relatively in the in the gray area pocket by
Who you are or what you say or what you do what makes what triggers them or upsets them or makes them uncomfortable?
Is when their expectations aren't met right and we all a lot of people have subconscious expectations of what an interaction is supposed
To be based on reputation and based on their own experiences
So when I come into a comedy podcast
I'm expecting to be silly and blah blah blah blah if you guys are not that thing
It might be a little jarring and the jarring is the issue not who you are
So I have found a way to let people know beforehand my podcast is called take your shoes off
Because take your shoes off is an easy Ivo CD. Mm-hmm. It's an easy one for people. I make sense
But it's also like an icebreaker. Sure. I also need you to wash your hands and put your cell phone in the phone
Soap and sit on the blanket the pounding. That's it. Yeah, I've got you. Okay. Uh,
I thought you were trying to have a big time
So if you could if you could frame which is I don't want it to be my responsibility
And but it's it's kind of a tool of communication if you frame people's expectations of you and or the interaction
It'll only be best. Sure. So I know when I meet people
I'll I'll say certain things and this is a different situation because this is playtime and I know it's supposed to be playtime
So I don't need to I think I'm gonna be the same page with you. But when you meet people you sometimes have to say hey
I'm uh, I get a little silly
If feel free, please if it's if you're never not on board just say Rick like bring it down. Mm-hmm
I have no ego. It's just true. I got no ego attached to this. Tell me but I won't know it makes people feel safe
Sure to tell me but also. Oh, he's a lot. I'm expecting that. It's okay
and
I started to
realize that oh people
Other people's expectations of interactions are not my fault and it just made me start feel a little bit better
Yeah, good, but I wrote this thing ultimately I wrote this thing
And I made this web series called the six lead shot of the sex lead on my YouTube and it was great
I was a six lead on undatable and we made this little web series
That ended up being on hulu for a little bit and let me see calm and it won awards and I say this
Bragging because it felt really good and I I made this thing about me. I mean, that's a pretty not to cut you out
That's a pretty fucking long pretty fucking tough journey and to see some kind of fucking, you know
Accolades from that that's understandable. Yeah, because also I was playing a it's very curb inspired
It's a bad curb your enthusiasm
But I was playing a heightened version of myself of now seeing how people saw me and now I get to do that for entertainment
I get to be that thing
contextualized sure and
I got to do on the Warner Brothers lot. We got to shut down one of the streets for I had extras
costumes crafty security. I'm directing this thing and it was very
awesome and
Bill saw it and liked it and wanted me to make more and he now started to see oh Rick's
You know, I don't think I was too good on that that's that sitcom
But look oh Rick's funny like Rick is a he found a thing and this is after the email
This is after all this stuff. This is before the email. Okay. This is bill has now seen me this thing
I also think the way that bill is able to communicate with me
I think there was and I don't want to put words in his mouth
I'll tell you how I felt I felt like like bill thought I was funny put me on the show
I was whatever on the show he thought I had potential, but I wasn't doing it
There was some issues on the show too that I didn't realize were happening. I always wore headphones
People thought I didn't want to talk or I was I was being disrespectful
Just things I didn't know and I don't think I had the best reputation on that set for the first year and a half
Mm-hmm, the bill saw me do that and then he started like
And you didn't know any of this stuff yet you weren't diagnosed you didn't it wasn't diagnosed
Yeah, what the fuck I didn't know this stuff not to say that people didn't say things, but it didn't register to me
I got you um
but then the email thing happened and a
Year goes by I've since been diagnosed. I'm already back in the game
Bill was really sweet too. I had shoulder surgery right after he kicked me out
So I didn't come back for like months and months
So when I came back bill said if if I'm Bill and you're me
Okay, and all the other guys are shooting run over here
Mm-hmm bill made a point to stand over here. So other people here. I'm so how's your shoulder surgery?
I know that's why you were gone for a while like trying to not let that throw me you know class move
And I said I'm feeling better, but I also know that a lot of guys here don't like playing with me
Cuz I didn't fuck you guys. He's like what the fuck I
Said you were getting your ears pierced. What are you doing? I fucking love it
And what did they say nobody said anything?
Some of the guys didn't know that I was a bill. Yeah, some of the guys didn't know why I was kicked out
I didn't know I was kicked out some of them obviously fuck them. Oh, but also I
In my head
The point of playing basketball is to win. Mm-hmm. That's where my value is. That's why we're here
Nobody wants to lose and sit a game. So fucking win
While other people are there to have a good time extra player friends
Yeah, maybe pull it back a little bit on a Saturday, but I like to fucking hustle
I like to drive in yeah
There's some change when you went back where you like okay, and I'll see this more socially
It made me think of like when I went back to school. He wouldn't even order ninth grade
Man this guy's all right
Um check the ball you just
Yeah, check the ball check the ball. I'm open. I'm just fast break. I refuse to shoot a layup. You want me to shoot?
Sorry, you don't want to win
Fucking cowards
Um, I know you're soldier surgery. Yeah, everybody hates me
When I made the sixth lead and when I was editing it, I love it. I'm proud of it. I love people seeing I think it's done
It's gotten me jobs. It shows people what I'm able to do. It's my voice
I'm very happy with it while I'm editing it like anybody else who does stuff
I'm seeing some stuff I could have done different if I make more here's what I would do
And I remember thinking like I like this process
So a year goes or so goes and I have this idea for the show based around this thing and I film
Uh, I film a short not meant to push it anywhere, but basically before I write this thing. Let me film it edit it
For the writing process. Um, and it was really funny
I never but
I made it. Um, Joel McHale plays bill Lawrence
Uh, the script was uh written around the email that bill sent me
So it was really like taking some ownership and power and creative artistic like choices through this thing that
Was ultimately very beneficial for me, but like a hard thing and to me able to make it funny
Um, and we were doing and then bill and I and and another
Producer shout out john stern from futile and stupid gesture. We were out going out to pitch this thing. I was gonna say
This was all you got cast in that after all this awakening, right? No, that was before because it seems like
You fit in like you fit more into that
Now
From what you're telling me does that if you haven't seen the movie it's awesome. Great. It's a story of the net origins
But do you see what I'm saying? Like no, I fit how so that character. Yeah, maybe yeah
Listen, also, it's not like I'm diagnosed and all of a sudden like I stopped punching people and you know, like I was
I'm still an adult. No
No, like I'm still like, you know at this point I have I have friends. I'm not like
The worst guy. I'm not horribly annoying. I'm just a lot sure and you know
Just you know, just like any other annoying guy who doesn't you know, but like
It wasn't um, it wasn't like I couldn't do stuff
Um, so when I put I booked that it was unrelated
Uh, but but the guy I met from it
Bill and I were going out to pitch this show. Okay, right when I booked
As we see it that amazon show. Mm-hmm
So I couldn't do my show anymore. So I didn't finish it. Um, I didn't finish out that short because it was only for me anyway
Years go by I'm watching the footage with um shout out john michael
He edits my podcast with me and I'm like, this is really funny
I want to do something with this but there was no ending. So I filmed an ending last month
It's literally over three years. Um, and I'm putting it out uh august 29th
So that's what I'm like. We'll show a sizzle clip. I was kind of joking, but I'll send it to you
Um, but I made this gonna send you 15 videos, right? Uh, yeah, you know what have this
Podcast be like bts some of the stuff I want to send you. Yeah
I cannot overemphasize the fact that I do not know how to
All right, we won't do it that august 29 check out my youtube channel. None of that stuff's plugged in
Um, but I I've really I've really like uh, it's been a really nice way of self
acceptance of like
Not only growing and learning um becoming more aware and learning more tools of communication but also to then like
Use this stuff that that could be embarrassing or shameful, which isn't maybe I'm wrong, but it isn't uh as like
Fun character stuff. Yeah. Yeah, of course
Um shame kind of gets in the way of of acceptance and like
To be embarrassed about something makes sense and I'm nervous and embarrassed about a lot of stuff
But to feel shame about who I was as opposed to gratitude for getting it here
Just makes me not be able to accept the thing and as corny as this is self-acceptance has changed my life. Um, it's made me
Uh happy
Gotcha, but it also has made me not try and sell you who I am like this. I am a lot
You know, I zig when I'm supposed to zag
Now I feel bad. No, it's okay. No wait the stuff that you said before we started about how I'm my podcast is stupid and I
I meant that
I'm gonna accept myself as well. We did call rick's mom before the podcast and say we cannot come over and hang out
We did say that
We can't I went over he put me in a full nelson. We did cancel the sleepover
Which we apologize. We'll make it up next week. Well, I have now started putting people in half nelson's
I've made a compromise. I've toned it down
I do four stunners a month. That's it. I do think it uh
Now knowing that I didn't know I and I always knew you had a different take on
I mean, I didn't you know, we didn't know each other well or at all before this
I always knew you had a very different take on comedy. It wasn't
dcoc
What's that d to see d to see a different take on comedy. Um, is it a one-time acronym?
Whoa, hit me. Hm. That's pretty good. Right hand. Yikes. Are you good at them?
Ah, what the fuck I get left hand. I had a right hand. I need the right. I have a thing
Thanks, dude. Come on. He just went over it. What are you doing?
I don't know what the fuck you two were doing just then.
OTA's one-time acronyms. But if I'm missing a high five, I want in.
I, I, M, A, H, F, I, W, I
Jesus. I'm not that good. I am.
6TG. Maybe I'm not autistic. I don't know. What's 16 times 9? W, S, T, T, N
6TG
Oh, did he just do that? Yeah, he did. Jesus Christ. He asked him what 6TG by 9 and then he hit the acronym instantly.
What is it? 145.
Wild. No, but he, hey, did an acronym for what I asked him.
Hey, dude, it's moving too quick. Mix up the cubes. I had a couple of cocktails last night. Everybody's slowing down.
Are you being serious? Yeah. I haven't done it in a while. No, I've actually never done it, but
He's never done it. I just, I can't imagine it that hard.
I've never done it. I always cheat it. It's always like, it's always like 32 moves from being solved at any given point.
I don't know, dude.
I really just want, I don't know how to, I want to just play with it, but keep talking.
Piece of shit.
I feel like you have your own cameras in here. I fucking love it, man. I fucking love it.
I'm never going to get him out of this thing. Jesus Christ.
Dude, that is a fucking wild fucking tale, man. That is something else. Thanks, man. Good to be here.
Hey, you just seem thrilled.
Um, I'll play this in a little bit. Yeah, sure. Uh, no, but it's good to be back. Um,
What else?
What else?
Did you go to college?
What?
Yeah, Rikers.
Kent State.
Okay. Oh yeah. See, I told you guys would be, I told you they would be okay with Kent State.
What, what could I have said where you guys would have not said okay? Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. I've heard of it. I mean, I, you know.
Right, right, right, right, right, right, right. Oh my God.
Uh, do you take the SATs?
ACTs probably.
Uh, I took an SAT. I don't remember. I just went to Kent because my brother went to Kent. I'm like, I'll go there. Graduate it.
Okay.
Degree in what?
Marketing with a, uh, I was also doing theater, but I was able to graduate a half a semester earlier, which is not early.
Four and a half instead of five. Okay. Um
To, uh, so I just didn't finish theater because I didn't, I didn't take it out of there. Yeah. In the real world. Yeah. Come to work in stiff.
All right. That was
Unfucking believable. Okay. Yeah, that's okay. That was fantastic.
Let's get into some fucking some, some garbage cues here.
Yeah. I'm gonna go back a little bit. Do your parents still live in the same house that you grew up in?
Yeah, they do.
Um, was it a street, a boulevard, an avenue, an oval?
Oval? So it was like, you mean a cul-de-sac?
So the address would be like, you know, stop with the Rubik's. Yeah.
Now I can feel I'm drawing my line in the sand.
Put the fucking Rubik's cube down. Get the fucking blue tape. Let's go.
Getting this kid organized here.
It was an oval.
This keeps going, but your mom's gonna be in here calling me Hitler in 20 minutes.
All right. What was the name of the grocery show that you went to as a kid? Doesn't matter, dude.
That's fucking dick.
Gimme it. Gimme the Rubik's cube back. Stop it.
Uh, really want another grocery store? I feel like that's how-
Yeah. What do you mean? This is the show.
Hynans. Hynans.
All right. Hynans sounds pretty classy.
Where do you shop now?
You got a couple of bucks now.
You're doing all right. I'm an Air One guy.
Air One. I don't know what that is.
That's not one that everybody talks about how crazy expensive it is.
Is that like Raya?
It's like a box for an avocado.
It's the Raya for grocery stores.
Really?
Yeah. I go to Whole Foods often.
If you're slummin' it to see the common folk.
Well, I love the prepared foods. I'm gluten-free.
Okay.
No offense.
And they have a lot of stuff on their hot bars, organic, gluten-free. I like it.
Okay.
And you own a place out in LA?
Say that again?
You own a place? You own-
Such an asshole.
I rent.
You do your rent. Okay.
Why am I not remembering?
Stop with the root big ski.
I knew I shouldn't have fucking gave it to you.
Yeah, I know.
I haven't done it in a while.
What was the name of the pizza place in Chinese place in your hometown?
Duracies.
Pizza.
Very good.
Diner, drive-ins, and dives-worthy.
Whoa!
This is from the king.
How come I didn't get that when I said Kent State?
Because Guy Fieri wasn't there.
What the fuck?
I don't know what to tell you, man.
Get some fucking bleach and flame out the fucking 57 Chevy.
Walk with the Wing was the Chinese place that was the spot.
However, that went away and now it's Hoa.
Okay.
Yeah.
All right.
When was the last time you were on a boat and where was it?
Brock, dude, a long time ago in a galaxy.
So I'm really upset that I'm not able to figure out how to do this while I'm
chatting with you.
I was on a boat.
I don't know.
Fuck it.
Next.
Okay.
Waterski to camp, Jew camp.
What was the name of the, what was the name of the Jewish camp?
Emma Kaufman camp.
What did you know?
Emma Kaufman.
You wanna do your research?
Emma Kaufman camp, you idiot.
Oh man.
You have a car?
I do.
What are you whipping around in?
A hybrid electric Audi Q5.
Audi.
Okay.
Boned or leased?
Leased, dude.
Okay.
Always a lease.
Yeah.
I'm gonna seize.
Yeah, that was a lease.
That's pretty classic.
You ever by the floor model of an appliance or a TV?
No.
Okay.
My brother once got me true lies on DVD and it was used and I don't keep it with my other ones.
I totally get that though.
That's nothing has ever rang so true to me.
Then that.
I don't keep it with my other ones.
What's your mom's best friend's first name?
Uh, it's none of my business to say.
Okay.
I'll say it.
Lolly.
Lolly.
Okay.
I like a lolly.
That's pretty good.
That's pretty good.
Will you wash your hands at the restaurant?
Yeah.
I wash my hands before I pee.
Really?
Yeah.
So if I'm gonna eat.
And I'm gonna eat.
And I'm gonna eat as well?
Sometimes.
Listen.
You're at a restaurant.
Lemons and limes.
Lemons or limes on the table.
Will you wash your hands with them at the table?
No.
Okay.
I will order before I wash my hands though because I've touched the menu.
Okay.
Okay.
Any pets growing up?
Oh yeah.
Lay it on me there.
A cat boy.
A cat boy.
A cat boy.
Just one cat, two cats, multiple cats.
What are we talking about here?
I mean, we gotta.
Bleep all of them.
I'm not kidding.
I know you don't edit.
Bleep all those.
I've never said my cat's names and I'm not joking.
Bleep their names.
A lot of them.
I don't want to tell them.
Did you kill any of them?
Bleep these names?
Yeah, thank you.
I'm an incredible editor by the way.
It was all a ruse.
Sounds like it was a lie.
Do you not know the difference between a ruse and a lie?
A ruse is a elaborate lie.
My mistake.
And look, it's done.
Not yet.
Not yet.
Jesus.
And you stepped.
This is just like a sizzle reel for him.
He's doing it.
He's got his basketball thumps going.
He's got a Rubik's cube.
Yeah, I mean.
Now we try to ask him questions and he clams up.
And you stepped on my did you kill any of the pets line?
Hershey, Squershey, you could say that name.
We closed the garage in him.
Thanks dad.
It was an accident.
Oh my god.
He was a, this was before sensors.
This was pre-COVID.
And that was a couple houses down.
How many car garages did you have growing up?
Two.
Two car.
Could you fit two cars in there or was it filled with stuff?
You fit two cars in there.
Although there's three now because when I went to college,
my grand, my, my, my mom's parents who lived in California,
the last few years they were alive,
they sold their place and moved in with us.
So we put a little, we used that money,
we put a little addition under the home.
Okay.
To give them like their own little living area
and then another small part of the garage.
Okay.
Write that down.
I remember we got to write that down.
Right next to Lollie.
Putting it down there and killed cat.
Got that on there.
If I, I'm sorry, please.
What did you do job wise when you were a kid?
Did you work?
Did you work at all?
Worker's permit when I was 13, worked at McDonald's.
Okay.
Worked there eight months, made maybe $600,
kept going home.
I was too hot.
Hated it.
Can I go home?
Okay.
Do you want to ask to leave?
I would ask to leave constantly.
I would also ask people to do the coffee because it made me too hot.
All right.
Now.
But then I worked at Best Buy.
I would leave because it was too cold.
Worked in the computer department, did a good job.
Sold a lot of computers, got big into computers for a while.
I sold so many computers that they let me,
they gave me some free CDs.
I got a hardball CD and then another CD.
So.
What's hardball?
What did I don't know what that is?
The storm is over, storm is over now.
Come on.
Is that a band?
Is that a Cannery's baseball movie?
Cannery's baseball.
Oh, hardball.
Yeah.
Okay.
Wasn't as good as the replacements.
No.
Shout out to Shane Falco.
Whoo.
Ziggy Zaggy, Ziggy Zaggy.
Hoi, hoi, hoi.
I have that soundtrack too.
The man show?
What?
Was that from the man show?
I know that from the replacements.
Oh yeah, that's right.
Irish kicker.
Yeah.
Probably.
You don't think you'll want to say that anymore?
Irish or kicker?
You can't put them together.
At your place now.
Do you get dressed in front of the dryer?
No.
No.
Is that because you keep your clothes in the dryer?
Yeah, that would be a trashy thing.
Yeah, no, I don't do that.
If you leave your shit in the dryer.
No, no.
I also, when I take it out, I don't even,
I don't throw it in a drawer.
I fold everything.
I put the socks together.
I do the...
The OCD.
Just having a nice closet.
I don't think that's OCD.
You keep everything nice and neat though with the house.
Yeah.
Shorts color coordinated.
Shorts or color coordinated.
Shirts.
Shirts color coordinated.
That would fall OCD.
Roy G. Bev.
So I open your closet.
Roy G. Bev.
You won't open my closet.
I want to be hiding.
If you ever come to my podcast, you're not even upstairs.
Doing this one in the third garage.
Just so we're clear, that's not a you thing.
I just don't want people up there.
Okay.
Well, I was going to ask you that.
It's with your OCD.
Does somebody like me skeev you out?
No.
No.
No?
Hang around a little while.
I'm pretty gross.
Yeah.
Are you?
Yeah.
Yeah.
You don't want to wash your hands after you touch that ruby skew.
Hmm.
If I went to your house right now and asked for a water,
what would you give me?
I'd ask you cold or room temp, my friend.
And then what did that be?
A bottle or do you have like a...
Would you like room temp or cold?
Let's go room temp.
I got a burky.
I'll throw it in the glass for you.
What's a burky?
It's a nice water filter.
Really?
On the counter.
On the counter.
Ow.
Yeah.
And then what about cold?
Depends if I have bottles.
I often have bottles sparkling or still,
but if not then I'll throw in some ice cubes
and I'll let you know that the ice cube tray
never touches the counter unless I wash it after.
It's very clean.
Put the nice filtered water in there.
If I'm going to take the ice out, I'll ask you,
but I'll tell you I already washed my hands.
Man, this is a guy I want to live with.
Yeah.
A burky is sick.
I just looked it up.
It's like four hundo and it looks like
something you'd have out at a brunch that would have
like lemons in it when you're serving fresh water out.
It's sick.
All right.
OK.
Is there baking soda in your fridge?
Yeah.
In your freezer?
No.
If you were preparing pasta at your house?
When?
On a Tuesday.
I'm just saying when I'm preparing pasta.
Yes, when you're preparing pasta at your house.
It gets me there easier.
I apologize.
Gotcha.
When you're preparing pasta at your house?
When am I doing it?
Tuesday, 5 p.m.
Cloudy outside.
Right.
Well, I'm not making pasta on a nice day.
I want to be walking outside.
Not car, Bevy.
That was too quick for me to laugh at.
TQ.
I was a good piece of business.
G-P-O-B.
This guy's talking to the fucking board's code over here.
Do you cook the whole box of pasta in the whole jar of sauce?
Or will you half it and put it back in the fridge or the cabinet?
The fact that you call it a box of pasta is already I'm out.
Where is he?
No, I get, I'm not making my own noodles, but I buy fresh noodles, gluten free.
Okay.
GF.
How'd you do that?
I've seen a menu before.
But yeah, but that would be asterisk GF.
Sure.
I'm more casual with it, all right.
Lot of garlic, lot of garlic.
One whole onion, if not two, saute that up for a while.
So you're making the sauce.
You're not doing jarred sauce?
No, I'm jarred sauce, but I'm doctoring it.
But the question is,
do you use the entire jar of sauce or will you put it half,
use jar of sauce back in the fridge?
I've done both.
Okay.
It depends on how much I'm making and what's doing,
because sometimes with the pasta, when you get fresh, it's not as much as a box.
But a lot of times I like to make food that I think will last me two,
three days, so I don't have to keep making it.
But then you just eat it that day.
Gotcha.
So you figure out, what am I going to do?
Am I going to be home?
How much am I trying to make?
I'll throw it in the fridge, but I try to use that sauce within a week.
Okay.
All right. That's pretty good.
It's pretty, pretty, pretty good.
Have you ever been kicked out of a restaurant?
Ask to leave.
No, I've been kicked out of a poker game and basketball game in a school though.
I've been kicked out of stuff only by my friends.
Why'd you get kicked out of the poker game?
Because they were boring.
We're just, we're sitting around, these are, these are boring people.
Okay.
And also I know some of, some of them I'm still friendly with
and maybe watch and, and I have to acknowledge that I'm not talking about everybody,
but also you know, you know, your poker game is boring as fuck
and you guys are dry as fuck and I'm in there and I'm being silly sometimes
and they're taking all through the table.
They're just like, like, uh, you know, did you golf?
Like, yeah, no, no, I went golf and I wasn't sure, you know,
I wasn't sure if I would want to go.
But I ended up doing it and you know, I decided to do nine instead of eight.
I'm like, oh, okay.
I'm not, you know, I have your conversations, but I'm not engaged.
So then the talking and then you're, you know, you're thinking and,
and I'm just like joking around.
Like, like if I want you to stay and I'll be like, hey, you should fold.
You're going to fold?
I'll hold on real quick.
Also, I just want to say, I just real quick, I'm not sure.
Are you a little bitch?
Me?
Yeah.
Are you a little bitch?
Sometimes.
Yeah.
You're a little bitch.
Sometimes.
Yeah.
Why don't you play?
Don't be a bitch.
Being silly.
All right.
I'm on their side.
You know, I'm every now and then in a hand,
like that's a device.
Did you have a pizza cutter in your house growing up?
Like the wheel one?
Yeah.
The, uh, the restaurant would cut it for me.
I don't, we didn't make pizzas.
Never had pizza at the house.
Yeah.
But we would order a pizza.
And you're not cutting that.
It's already pre-cut.
Fair enough.
All right.
Do you have a pizza cutter now?
What's the problem?
Hold on one second.
What's the problem?
Did I say something wrong?
We could do it again or do you want to?
Hey, don't make me send you an email.
All right.
There's a lot of nice people around here.
Uh,
Will you push a button at a red light?
I have to.
Yeah.
I don't love it.
Okay.
You don't like to do it for, you don't want to touch it.
No, do you?
No.
All right.
But you have to do it, right?
Will you do it with a hand or elbow or like,
do you have a spot that you think is like impervious to germs that you'll,
instead of sacrificing a hand or a finger?
I used to, but the reality is you put it on,
you touch it with an elbow or a sleeve, then that's dirty.
Man, we are the same person.
And sometimes, sometimes you'll go home and you'll be like,
I don't want to touch my faces.
I'll use this, but that's the thing you're using.
So what I've had to do is just accept I'm going to get it on me.
A lot has changed, a lot has changed recently for me.
After COVID, we got bad.
I started doing stand up again, touching microphones.
I'm like, just get, I'm just fucking, let me touch the thing.
Whatever, man.
Give it to me.
You know, sometimes I feel like you're that way too.
Yeah.
I've had very OCD germs is a very big pre-COVID too, right?
And now I think some autism.
Oh yeah. COVID was like my Super Bowl.
That was like here.
I was like, okay, everybody has to live like I live.
Let's do it.
I felt that way.
It's like everyone's on the phone.
I'm like, this is what it's always been.
Dude, I'm wiping down the groceries.
That's all I ever wanted to do and not be a wacko.
Were you eating your room?
Yeah.
Yeah.
Really?
Yeah.
Well, I have a tray.
I have trays that I eat in the room.
No, but I'll bring it.
If I want to eat in the room, I'll make a decision like,
I'm going to, I'm going to frost myself.
I'm going to take, I'm going to eat.
I'll be fine.
I'll have a napkin.
I'll have a tray.
Okay.
Yeah.
And then how long does that tray live in the room
after you're done eating?
I don't.
I put, I can stay there overnight.
I mean, maybe if I'm in the middle of a movie
and I'm watching something in bed,
I'll put the tray on the floor.
But always, always, even if it's downstairs,
I don't, I don't, I don't like waking up in the morning
and seeing dirty clothes, dirty dishes.
I don't think that's an OCD thing.
I just, I know that I don't like that because it, maybe.
I don't know.
Yeah.
What if I say you're cooking and you know,
you're, you're making your, your fresh pasta and a noodle falls
on the, a piece of noodle falls on the ground.
Will you pick it up and eat it or is that a go in the trash?
If a noodle poly will be on the trash,
if I'm making a veggie and my floors have been cleaned
recently, it's a game time decision.
Sure.
And it's early in the saute phase.
I have been known to put it back in the pan.
It'll, it'll heat up.
Yeah.
But not if I'm cooking for somebody else.
That's so specific, man.
It's so fucking funny.
Early in the saute game.
Has the bathroom.
I said clean.
Yeah.
Body wash, bar.
What are you doing?
Body wash.
Body wash.
I found the ones that are okay.
I don't know what they are.
I asked my now ex, but still friend.
She told me all the things I'm supposed to buy that are the good ones.
The healthier ones.
Yeah.
Gotcha.
Yeah.
I like, I use a bar sometimes.
I'm not against a bar.
I don't prefer a bar.
Yeah.
Shower curtain or sliding glass?
Unfortunately, curtain.
Curtain.
Okay.
All right.
Take your shoes off on a plane.
I do now.
You know what I do?
I go, enjoy yourself, Rick.
I don't like taking my shoes off on a plane
because then I'm putting those socks back in the shoe.
So what I used to do is if I needed to take my shoes off,
I would then rest my heel in the hole of the shoe.
Okay.
So my sock wouldn't touch the ground
and I've started letting my sock touch the ground.
But when I come home, I'll take the sock off when I walk in.
Well, by that logic,
wouldn't the sock get dirty from the outside of the shoe?
No, because the sock is in the inside.
So my heel goes where the heel is.
Gotcha.
And then the top of my shoe,
the top of my sock is touching the outside top of the shoe,
which isn't the best, but that was okay for me.
You know, we make them up.
Of course.
We make up our rules.
100%.
And that one was okay.
But now I'll put it down.
But also it depends where you're at.
You ever take a shower in a hotel
and do you put your feet on the shower
or do you go heel and toe?
I'm all in.
Wait, heel and toe on the, in the shoe?
I used to not in a public shower.
I know exactly where you're talking about.
Yeah, you would stay in your heel.
I don't want the,
I want as little of my foot touching that shower as possible.
So you point your toes and prop the middle of your feet up.
Yeah, like this.
Here's your foot.
Oh no.
Like almost like tippy toe.
That's not a tippy toe and back toe.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Like a trotter, like a horse.
But then sometimes you're like,
I'm fucking going to touch,
I'm just standing in it.
Sometimes I'll be standing in it and not realize it.
And then I'll be like,
Oh, I feel like the best way to explain it is like,
you're both meat eaters.
Are you totally fine with it?
Or have you ever considered not eating meat sometimes?
I'm fine with it.
So I'm in the middle and I just sometimes don't want to.
One, because I follow a lot of animals and I,
I love animals and I think I,
I mean, I just, it doesn't make sense.
And also sometimes it just grosses me out.
Sure.
But I'll be sometimes eating meat.
And then all of a sudden I'll be like,
What the fuck am I doing?
Yeah.
It gets in your head sometimes.
Yeah.
So that'll be like that in the shower sometimes.
I'll be like, Oh, and then I'm washing my foot feet again.
Do you sleep with your socks on?
I probably have fallen asleep with my socks on, but no.
How often do you wash in the sheets in the room?
Surprisingly not often enough,
but I don't do outside clothes in my bed.
Me too.
I don't get in my bed dirty.
Okay.
But I go oftentimes a month before washing.
Do you shower before you go to bed every night?
If I did something that day,
but I probably shower four times a week.
Okay.
I don't shower every day.
I also don't leave my house so often.
Okay.
If I go someplace that is dirty to me,
whatever that might be,
if I'm at a restaurant that feels dirty,
if I go to a gym or I do anything where I'm sweating,
physical therapy, if I'm laying on a bench or something,
I'll shower.
Okay.
All right.
If you're eating, if you're having a big dinner
or like a fancy dinner.
Then I'll shower, yes.
Will you go the whole day without eating
or eat less in anticipation of the big meal?
Game time.
It depends how you feel.
I mean, my pooping situation at the moment
is nothing to write home about.
So I would have to consider that.
Like this morning, I've been limiting my gluten,
but like I'm on vacation and I want to have some stuff
and I wanted to get a Belgian waffle this morning,
but I'm like, I'm going to want a pastrami sandwich tonight.
And I parented myself someone.
I'm like, Rick, pick one of them.
Okay.
So I decided to get the pastrami sandwich.
So I didn't have the waffle today,
but that's more about like the way I feel.
My joints kind of swell up when I have gluten.
In a random way, that answers this question.
A trashy thing would be if they were,
if somebody was going out to a big meal,
they wouldn't eat all day.
I'm not eating all day.
I can't wait to get there.
I want to be starving.
Is that trashy?
Yes.
What? Yes, very.
Yes.
You're parenting yourself, which is very classy.
We got to wrap up here, but in a one or two left.
Anyone in your family have a standalone hot tub?
Just a hot tub in the backyard.
No, however, my parents' shower does have jets in it.
The jacuzzi.
Pretty nice.
Parents do well.
Well, when we were using the restaurant,
Biz, he was upper middle class.
Then we moved our way down to middle.
OK.
Fucking gross.
You got the jets in the shower, though.
Yeah, we got the Montecues in the bath.
I got that reference.
The West Side Story.
OK.
Fair enough.
What's the Mayo situation?
Well, West Side Story and Romeo and Juliet.
Yeah.
What's the difference, right?
Yeah, I never thought about that.
Really?
New York City.
That's the difference.
What's the Mayo situation?
Not going to do it, although every now and then
in a tuna fish sandwich, sure.
But I recently discovered I haven't done it,
but somebody told me about instead of using Mayo,
try making tuna fish with hummus into trying that.
Oh.
Yeah, that's not a bad idea.
No.
In fact, a good idea.
That tickles my face a little bit.
Anybody in your family ever claimed to have seen a UFO?
No.
That leads to trash?
It's not the classiest people are claiming that.
You know what I mean?
Have you ever had a subscription to Maxim's magazines?
Yeah, and stuff.
Whoa.
Thank you for an FHM kind of guy.
You and your acronyms.
I still have them at home.
I still have all the Maxim's at home because I used to.
I never read them.
I just loved the covers.
So you would look at them.
Almost like trading cards or comics or something.
It's just like, wow, this is beautiful.
Yeah.
Yeah, it was good times.
I just talked about this on a podcast,
but my mom had, whatever, I'm not going to get into it.
It's about masturbating and an elimination machine.
Yeah, I will say that for episode two.
All right.
Listen, this is what I think.
And I'm just shooting from the hip here.
I think you've never solved a Rubik's cube.
Yeah, you're not going to get the cube.
You got close and then you went off the rail.
Yeah.
I haven't done it and I've never done it.
Could you?
You've never?
No, I haven't done it in a very long time.
I used to do it all the time.
I was able to go up.
I give it.
Let me play with it for a day.
I'll be good.
But I used to be able to do it like.
A day?
Oh, I thought you were asking Zara that for a day.
No, I'm saying like, if I play with this for a day,
I bet you once it's off, maybe if I could concentrate.
But I used to be able to do it under a minute.
I was like, I thought, I haven't done it in a while,
but I wanted to try.
That's pretty cool.
I used to, they used to frustrate the shit out of me.
They're insolvable to me.
I would never be able to do it.
I'm going to say this.
I don't know how what you guys are thinking.
This is like I said, I'm sure.
Yeah, he's classy.
Yeah, it's class.
He's class.
Thank you.
I mean, he's got moldy.
I asked him what kind of water he would give me.
He said, what temperature do you want?
He took a temp on the water.
Like he's a Michelin Star chef over here.
It's all class, baby.
Come on, you fucking.
You're not going to get it.
You know, it's that kind of attitude that really
needs to go pee.
Not going to win any Saturday games
with that kind of attitude.
All right, ladies and gentlemen,
what an exciting, interesting episode
with Mr. Rick Glassman.
Anything you want the folks out there to know
that you have coming up?
Plug it away.
Plug your pod, and he dates, and he anything.
He's got a Rubik's Cube tournament next week.
Boy, my arms tired.
He's going to lose for sure.
Oh my god.
You're getting there.
No, you're not.
You're getting fucking further away.
It's like me trying to take my wife's bra off.
I can't say that anymore.
Go ahead.
Focus for a solid two minutes.
You want to do it?
Go ahead.
How are you?
I'm great.
Yeah, I have to.
I don't know.
The last time I thought you loved me,
then I thought you hated me.
Is any of that for real?
A little bit, yeah.
I concur.
No, no, no, no, tell me, tell me, tell me.
I like, let me put this down.
This is deleted, see?
Wait, wait, wait, wait, because of what?
What made you think that?
I'm here playing.
I thought we're laughing and having a great time.
No, 100% of the time, we're laughing.
No, 100% yes.
Rick, of course.
What happened?
Spent the whole time?
Tell me what that is, because I love you guys.
I'm having such a good time.
I'm having such a good time with you, for real.
I thought I pissed you off once or twice.
That's all.
Just when you guys went OK when I said Kent,
but other than that.
No, not at all.
I'm having such a great time with you guys.
I also felt really nice because I thought
maybe I was being a little boring,
just telling you some stories.
What are you crazy?
That was fucking gripping.
No, of course.
And to our point, I think, one, like I said,
we don't know you very well.
So it's like, when you come in, we turn the thing all worked.
We have to learn you, learn your rhythm, learn your speed,
your story.
Yeah, so it's just, we're just figuring you out.
I mean, we've only been, we've only,
I've only known you for like an hour and eight minutes.
I love you.
Yeah, you're fantastic.
That's why I said it, because I want you to love me.
I really do.
I really, like, I, this was, this is great.
This was fantastic.
I know, I had a fucking blood.
Fantastic.
Yeah, it was great.
Fantastic.
Well, that's Ed Rick, I love you.
Catch me at the funny hut.
The appreciation of an arc of completion of a dismount
is actually quite disappointing.
I'm disappointed that I can't do this.
We get that.
I get that.
But I also want to say.
So we got to him dunking right now.
I'll send you some clothes.
I'll send you some clothes.
Just fucking.
I'll be all right.
But I also got to say, because it's a lot of,
I don't want to say pressure because I don't feel it,
but there is a lot of expectation on me from my audience
that everybody in the industry thinks I'm perfect.
And I just want to, this is just nice to let people know.
Look, even Rick sometimes can't.
He's a human.
Yeah.
Yeah.
You're like us.
No, no, no.
He's got fresh pasta.
What are you talking about?
No, but all jokes aside, I got to say that.
And I was under the cards.
Is this your card?
No, we have a good time.
All right.
If you guys watched the last eight minutes of this first,
you probably won't watch the episode.
If you're like me and fast forward to the end,
then watch from the middle through.
But thank you guys for having me.
Buddy.
Whenever I'm back here with my equipment
and or you guys are in LA.
Of course.
I would love to make you some recommendations of restaurants.
You'll come on.
And so there's no confusion.
I love you guys.
I appreciate you guys.
We love you.
It's really nice.
Thank you.
Oh, of course.
We love you.
Kippy, what do you got for him?
Guys, we just had another Philly show.
First one sold out.
Get those tickets.
Boston's going to sell out.
Providence is going to sell out.
Seattle's sold out.
Portland, I think, is going to sell out.
Get those fucking tickets now.
Come see us, gang.
This was a wild one.
Rick, you're awesome, man.
Let's end it the way we always do.
Eight, seven, six, five, four, three.
Maybe lock them doors and turn the lights down low.
Fade to black rings.
Keep the music on the soft and slow.
We'll see you next week.
Is that from the hardball soundtrack?