Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast - Rosebud Baker: East Coast Garbage

Episode Date: April 30, 2020

Rosebud Baker (comedian & podcaster) joins us to talk about drinking too much, cursing too much, and being trashy. It's a funny episode with an old friend! You know Rosebud Baker from Comedy Central, Stand up comedy, & Two Less Lonely Girls podcast. RATE. REVIEW. SUBSCRIBE. Submit garbage questions: [e-mail]

Welcome to another exciting edition of are you garbage the show where you find out if your favorite comedians are classy individuals or absolute trash now here are your hosts Kevin Ryan and H Foley hey everybody out there and welcome back to everybody's favorite new podcast this is are you garbage I am your host H Foley coming at you from beautiful Astoria Queens right here in the epicenter of it all baby my co-host coming at you from an undisclosed location somewhere in southern New Jersey is our old pal kippy Kevin James Ryan everybody hey what's up gang happy to be here thanks for tuning in as

always quick reminder please rate review subscribe on iTunes YouTube thank you for everybody leaving reviews and comments and subscribing we appreciate it keep doing that and tell a tell a friend tell a pal to check out the show as well let them know gang come on with us and our very special guest today we go way back to where Moses wore short pants she's an absolute get we are so happy to have her here JFL comedy festival in Montreal Canada documentary series on Amazon Prime and most recent bill Burrs the ringers on comedy central she's an excellent stand-up comedian performed all over the

country our good pal Rosie shaker baker Rosebud Baker everybody hey everybody I was late I'm sorry I fucking adopted a puppy yesterday that's awesome what happened I just so I sat down to look at my to like open up my computer I was looking at my phone I saw you just posted a picture of the puppy like 25 minutes ago and I'm like oh there is no way she's gonna be on time I literally my head I'm like dude she just got up up there's no way she's on top I saw the puppy I want to eat it I was honestly we might have to we are we're out in Los Angeles there's we haven't you can't fucking get groceries here I don't know

how it is there but you can't get groceries here without waiting in a line for like that wraps around a building so this dog's gonna be lucky if she makes it a week looking pretty delicious she's so cute what you name her we named her mouse okay that's respectable you can tell a lot of garbage about people depending on what they name their dog yeah I know names real garbage what do you think is the biggest garbage pet name I mean the obvious is fluffy my buddy had a fluffy growing up I had a fluffy I had a fluffy that got hit by a car when I was real little if your dog's name was fluffy your your mom never you

never saw your mom come home from work like you yeah for sure for sure you know what I'm saying if I think fluffy or like spot spot if your dog's name is spot you probably were on like you had part of the yacht club or some shit you know which is a different kind of garbage spots like it spots like it's like ironically normal like crazy rich people have like oh come here spot because they want to feel like they want to feel like a normal person a little bit name the dog Remington or something like that right but fluffy fluffy fluffy never made it out of the fire fluffy was always a casualty of that we tried to go back

in for fluffy but couldn't find them anyway Rosie it's great to have you here buddy as you said you're out there on the coast or in the middle of the the COVID-19 quarantine other than that how are things out there how you hold them up I mean it was it sucks I was out I came out here for pilot season I was in the middle of shooting something it was like a stand-up series for Netflix I was fucking psyched about it and you know we get a week into filming and I was like they were like yep pack it up go home I was like all right great fantastic Jesus it sucks and now they're like you know shoot some stuff on your phone as like a

video diary and I'm like what what are we doing here yeah some of that stuff can fucking take a hike I've seen some of that on there they did an SNL they did an SNL last night with from home I don't know if anybody if anybody saw it I didn't see it yet but I'm definitely gonna watch it can't I can't foresee it being that great I saw some of the late nights I saw like Conan who like I love Conan I grew up on Conan he respected you know but like to see just like these people trying on their cell phones I'm like dude what do we just run a do a rerun and pay your staff what are we doing yeah like what are we yeah I don't understand

it's like why I mean the whole reason they're doing it is just so they don't have to pay a bunch of people they're fucking royalties you know of course yeah it sucks but you know I think our industry is dead and I'm gonna learn how to cook and I just hope to God that my eggs aren't dead because that's the only option it seems like I adopted a dog already I got engaged there's nothing else to do except have a kid so you know I'm just gonna make it happen go back into the 70s I think songwriting will become really big I think rock music is gonna come back in the next couple of years

that's what I predict rock music rock music's gonna come back there's gonna be a new bruce springsteen I'll tell you this when we're finally out of here I think the me too rules are gonna go out the fucking window oh it's gonna be people that's in the street are gonna be assaulted in the streets yes no one's gonna be asking for a hug like I'm gonna be tackling my friends yeah that's crazy how do you think that's all gonna gonna gonna play because people are saying that like everything's gonna be changed forever that's the first thing I want to do is

hug and kiss people when I get the fuck out of here yeah I mean if it doesn't if the whole city isn't burning and being looted then yeah that will be like my first priority but I think it's gonna be like I think New York and all the people that like move there thinking like oh New York it's good it's such a tough city like they're gonna get the city that they heard about when they moved there you know what I mean take a turn yeah it's gonna be summer of Sam is what I'm saying it's that's gonna be

nuts I mean you think it's awesome it's it's gonna be awful it's gonna be awful I know that things you know like that in Brooklyn who's like you know yeah toughening out in New York City they're done they're leaving they're gonna be gone because if they're either gonna be gone or they're gonna be stabbed and I think that is what is gonna happen like wow I do think I think comedy is gonna change like forever I think um people are gonna want

jokes again I think people are gonna I mean I don't know for sure um or I think stand-up could just be done and it could be like podcasting and it's your these are grim predictions by rosebud open a window do something it's gonna happen eat it play with the puppy a little bit you guys need to you need to understand this we're done no finished turn it in Rosie you're finished Rosie's just trying to get us all to quit so she comes back comes back I was in it we're done

I'm still holding out I'm still holding out I mean nobody's actually I think the people that are funny are gonna stick around because they have nowhere else to go sure I also think like what are like the you know the open micers do you know like the people have like they just moved to New York and they're like oh I'm gonna get into it it's like you were bad to begin with and now you're gonna take a you know you're gonna mean you're gonna take six months off or whatever it's like that's gonna it's gonna really thin the hurt yeah absolutely that's awesome

which is a good thing yeah I like that yeah podcasting is definitely definitely something that's gonna be uh hopefully pulling some income yeah well also now that fully fully found out we can podcast from our homes he's never gonna leave the house yeah I kind of been loving the fact that I can do shit just from my house it's great yeah if there was the option to go outside that would be great but um since that's not an option I'm good with this this is fine fully you know your new podcast can be my 600

pound podcast they're gonna have to take you out of the house through the wall like in a four from my bed yeah they're gonna have to cut open your window throw you off the roof like like a couch that's too big but but I'll be broadcasting the entire time so that's fucking that that's premium content right yeah that's that'll be behind the paywall for sure oh yeah I've been feeling like a fat person just like because every time I eat I'm like there I know that I'm only fueling up to eat another meal that's the only thing I'm doing

I know I'm gonna have another full meal within the next 45 minutes I know it's pretty it's enough he fully is in the heaven yeah it's crazy heaven I'm loving it I'm singing in the kitchen dancing around are you and your lady quarantine together yeah we're quarantine together it's actually working out we're having a good time we're shopping we're fucking cooking it's going good help please help just hold up a sign that says 9-1-1 mail me a gun please where's that 3d printer at

you again ordered a 3d printer off amazon for you and and one bullet no shit two bullets crazy I we seem to be doing pretty well me and Andy are doing okay like it's not congratulations by the way congratulations absolutely thanks man great guy that Andy Haynes tight little body on him too not gonna lie kids in a little bod he's got a swimmer's body that guy yes he does I mean what he's just doing right now um is he listening is he watching a show on his phone with his headphones on

no he's sleeping or trying to sleep but i'm screaming in the living room and it's fine it's like we we got engaged second day of quarantine thinking you know they can also be done in a week or something yeah we got divorced the fourth day yeah currently seeing other people online we're both texting with several others no i think we dyed his hair orange which is uh great because i feel like i'm fucking somebody else and um i don't know i feel like we're gonna be we're gonna be fine

i'm not i'm not really worried about it honestly that seems to be the quarantine move is to dye the hair i wanted to shave my head because i don't have anything i mean it's gonna be a couple like you know you're saying it's gonna be fucking 12 years but the way i look at it's gonna be a couple more months where i have to audition for anything so why not shave the head but kippy kippy was like not not a good look well i mean he's fucking he's you don't have that much going for me yeah man you're already a circle-shaped person what do you need your head to

match hey i got feelings too over here the only thing you have going for you is your head of hair that's legit the only thing you have you do have a fucking full head of hair you're gonna take that off you're gonna look like a thumb yeah try diet not wrong diet if anything just diet yeah maybe frosted chips yeah oh some tips that's what i'm talking about i want to get some tips you know look like joey fatone left in a river like they fished him out of the hudson

yeah that's what i'm getting i'm doing tips i'm going to cvs tonight getting tips getting fresh tips it's gonna be the new craze and post-apocalyptic new york might as well i mean what the fuck who cares what about a show about a podcaster vigilante we can pitch that in new york after this is all over like night caller you guys remember night caller no because we're not 80 um he said it was a real it was a real our fucking it's it's insane sometimes i'm current it was a real garbage eighties tv show

that me and my mom used to love to watch together she'd sit there and chain smoke marble lights and we'd watch night caller he was a everybody has everybody has a show that they would watch with their mom while their mom got drunk you know yeah yeah that was anything on tv for me but yeah sure yeah that was saturday morning cartoons for kippy you're like that was my recital yeah never forget that talent show thanks for coming mash was a big one for us that was me and my mom that's insane that you watched

matt like i don't even to me that's literally from the 1920s in my head yeah it was never on when like i was growing i you know that was something that was yeah i watched the season finale i watched the series finale of mash the highest rated television program in the of all time with my mom it's a great show i'm too bad she can't remember any of it but um yeah it's a broad good stuff i used to watch er with my mom and i remember yeah i didn't i didn't know that she was hammered the whole time

but every every fucking week she would ask me she'd be like so what happened last week like she's like has to ask me to fill her in and finally i learned what getting drunk was and i was like this bitch is that's awesome he's tanked yeah see forget what happened the week before what's that george cloney doing i don't understand wait so they're all doctors there's no idea what's going on in the show that was a show that my dad would walk by and watch me and my mom watching he'd be like how the fuck's he make

anything done at this hospital we're all fucking in bed together he didn't understand it at all all right let's get into some uh get into the game here we have a very special guest as everybody knows our good pal rosebud baker also known on the streets to the west village as ribs baker yeah our good pal ribs bake us um we're gonna get into some questions here we know she's an accomplished stand-up comedian she's doing very well but we have to find out is she garbage kippy what do you think

i don't know i mean i don't think so i know she comes from a pretty good family she's got some good stock in her you know what i mean but you know she's she's a little rough around the edges you know she's she's got a bit of an attitude problem from time to time keep it going let's get it i'll get it all out i think she's no she's not garbage you know she's she's definitely put a toe in the you know the the garbage pool at times i feel maybe a garbage phase but yes i say with that at down a hundred percent

no she's not she's not garbage like your garbage fully like that there's that's not the case there's levels yes there's levels yeah well i think we have some interesting questions here we're gonna find out uh rosie thank you so much again for being here kippy do you want to kick it off yeah you want to you want to do the basics with uh with rosie where did you yeah okay where are you where did you grow up by the way i don't even know um i grew up outside of dc in alexandria virginia what um yeah that's where the shallows are from

i know yeah i thought you were an LA kid all the way no really no i knew she was east coast yeah wow all right the plot thickens you don't you don't get somebody this angry from the west that's fucking that's like years that's generational alcoholism and east coast attitude is you get rosebud you put that in a in a fucking combustion table yeah rosebud um yeah all right what what uh grocery store did you go to growing up safe way safe way is a little dicey that ain't

good i never i've never seen a nice safe way paid me a picture here in alexandria that's a did you grew up in the burbs right i grew up in the burbs um i so alexandria is like uh it's kind of developed now but it's um it's like a suburb of dc you know it's where a lot of uh fucking i don't even know what they're called senators they're like kids and their wives they the fucking raise them up in alexandria or in mclean which is where we move to later on and it's like a uh it's just like an old

towny looking place but it's really well populated okay so it has like the same um almost like a look of dc all right but it's but it's not it's it's just a fucking town you know what i mean yeah it's like in america it's like yeah yeah any town usa kind of yeah you had a driveway exactly yeah we had a driveway yeah gravel or paved paved okay totally who has who has gravel fucking driveways people i know well here's the thing it was paved but it was like

paved gravel like it was gravelly still what it wasn't like it wasn't like a smooth paved road it you could this was could you rollers have a snow plow come up you could but it was you couldn't you could rollerskate on it but it'd be a rocky ride strap in you're in for a bumpy ride like it'd be a little bit of one of those okay that's garbage rollerskating the driveway yeah that's great there we go now we're peeling the onion back a little bit okay did you have a cleaning lady growing up that was a big thing in the 80s and 90s

a cleaning lady did she raise me yes okay do i speak spanish i see i think she was my mom yes all right okay was it did she was she there daily or was it like weekly or what was the schedule on the cleaning daily she was daily did she live there she uh later on she lived there um after my mom had more kids she lived that's a little bit of scratch right there i like that i literally i literally called her mommy nana so like i had my mom and then mommy nana

and then so mommy nana spoke she was from bolivia and she i didn't think she was from fucking i didn't think i didn't think she was from north carolina she was a kennedy you know she wasn't venezuelan is what i'm saying and she uh she spoke spanish to us and we we didn't bother to learn it back that's insane so yeah yeah keep it moving lady make sure the eggs are cooked all right i'm like all right you're my second mom so we had a cleaning lady growing up but she would only cut she would come on

she would only come once a week and we had to like clean for her to clean i was like this is this doesn't matter my mom's like the cleaning lady's come and clean your room i'm like what the hell we paying this broad for i remember that yeah i gotta clean my room if the cleaning lady's coming she's stupid how about she cleans the now vacuum how about that yeah am i getting the cut at this what's the deal mom can she also pay us when she's paid her yeah it's fucking bullshit she still comes actually this is a kind of a garbage thing i was home not too long ago uh

for something and me and my a couple of friends that still live at home went out to like you know the town pub and got all fucking banged up i'm like sleeping on the couch nobody was supposed to be home i knew my mom nobody was home so i was there i'm sleeping in my underwear like hung like drunk like hung out on my booze and she's on a she comes in to clean her and like her assistant and i'm like my balls are hanging out i'm like plopped on the couch and she's like kevin i'm like oh hey i'm like i wrap myself

and i'm like a bed sheet like go upstairs dude talk about like i'm in my thirties i have my fucking cleaning lady walking in and sees your fucking ball bag oh dude i know your 30 year old ball bag i know i know i'm not an antique what do you want women have been through too much i know i know we only promised the american dream and she got your fucking ball sack no she's actually she's like she's like my mom's friend she's just like a regular white chick it's crazy oh yeah well i i didn't listen to that part of

the story i don't think i said that you just assumed she was south american that's true oh i'm just right that's a good no it's a good shot in the dark i mean it's an educated guess we only got a cleaning lady only like like once every couple of years of something real special has happened and we felt every couple of years sounds like we felt like kennedy's when it happened we'd be all we'd be all lined up out front like to sound the music waiting for the cleaning lady to come on the neighbors song

we thought it was mary poppins rolling in the town it was fucking awesome that's great you're bragging to the neighbors yo timmy no i'm gonna brag and i got a cleaning lady today all right safe way cleaning lady um let's get into some family eating habits that's what i'd like to know what was uh were you a mayonnaise family no no mayonnaise we didn't no nobody that's see that right there's why i think she's not garbage because i think a lot of things that i do discuss rosebud and that's a good indicator a lot of things you do discuss most people but

let's put an asterisk do you do you eat a lot of mayonnaise it's coming out of his pores but i don't not eat a lot of mayonnaise i eat mayonnaise and we hadn't we had mayonnaise in the house when i was a kid i fucking hate mayonnaise it's disgusting i don't like the smell of it makes me want to puke the smell of it actually makes me want to apply for welfare okay what about what about lunches when you were a kid what was the what was the lunch situation would you be buying a lunch in school oh would you go to school do you go to a private school or public school

i went to public school okay um my sisters all went to private school and i went to public school why i think because my parents were like and she can handle it oh that's the black sheep of the squad and right there yeah yeah it's no good they were like we're not we're not gonna bother spending extra money on this one but i actually like needed i like needed it i was in like the small classrooms you know what i mean because i was like i needed extra time on tests and shit i was like retarded so they um so i don't know why but i was kind of

i think that's why i'm like different from my sisters because my sisters all have like good jobs and stuff and i you know do this you're not a comedian yes um fucking anyway dude i tell you were killing me before all that time that we put into this fucking seven years up here i was getting rid of all of the Tribeca film festival in a couple of weeks i was fucking paving the way here he was catering but still yeah i was parking cars but still

dude 11 years of work down the fucking tubes in two seconds i'm like i think we're all fucked but anyway um that's the last you'll be having for a while yeah i know it's um i'm just enjoying it while it lasts but i i went to i went to public school and i was like i bought lunches but um but it wasn't it wasn't a bad public school you know what i mean it was like it was one of the we had one of the better public school systems like i went to a public school where

people got cars for their 16th birthday yeah yeah so that was semi similar to me yeah did you ever get suspended or expelled or anything yeah for what yeah um sexual harassment what what yeah i uh tried to stick a broom up my friend's ass and i got suspended for sexual harassment jeez that's not sexual harassment that's a good time what are you talking about i thought it was pretty funny a guy or a girl a guy oh come on did he report you no he didn't report me the fucking the teacher that saw me do it reported me

and was like that's sexual harassment oh get the fuck out of here buddy that's that's a lot more play you know what i mean that's grab that's what that is i was like i'm just sticking a broom up his ass relax that means on yeah i want you to take the one out of yours time buddy let's go i know i i was like i to this day i remember going into the principal's office and being like did something happen with a broom for this guy that reported me yeah that's like i remember being like it's a clearly a joke like what i need to

know what happened to this guy's anus with a broom yeah i want to hear that story yeah yeah that helps him if he wants to know what harassment is i will harass him for that yeah that's fucking insane that's bullshit so that doesn't really count yeah we you're smoking in this high school we are smoking under the under the bleachers and all that yeah another thing was another thing was smoking did your parent before you were 18 did your parents know and allow you to smoke those kids were always a little fucking

a little dicey where you were like 14 like out front of your house okay i was actually like such an addict from the very beginning like i started smoking not even because i like wanted to it's just like people forgot my birthday and i was 18 so i started smoking and as like an act of like fuck everybody yeah and then for some reason i really enjoyed the fact that i could hide it from people so i would smoke in my car and i wouldn't even tell my boyfriend at the time so like the way that they found out that

i was smoking was it was raining one day and i was like ashing out my window and uh there was ash on the side of my car and my mom noticed it and my boyfriend noticed it and they everybody noticed it the same on the same day and i was like god damn it but i loved smoking like i loved keeping it a secret and like getting in my car and just being like it made me feel so adult to like hide my cigarette addiction yeah i loved that's garbage but i like it that's real garbage that's like something out of royal

tanning bombs yeah my my mom like i still kind of like i mean i used to like hide it from my mom still even in like my 20s you know what i mean i just i wouldn't like celebrate it i would always like i don't know it's that irish catholic like shameful yeah sneaking a smoke but do i had a buddy growing up who his parents like let him smoke at like 14 or something they were like well off like his dad was like you know like some like big financial advisor guy like they had a huge house they were like very well off and educated

they just like let him smoke at like 14 and like dude i remember on christmas in his stocking he got a carton of new ports and a thing of condoms and i'm like get the fuck out of here i swear to god dude and i'm like what kind i'm like this kid doesn't stand a chance in life like you're literally giving them new floors and condom and he's still at home what does he do now he's still just still this fucking family's house jerking off in condoms and smoking newbies all day it's awesome of course new ports too that's a weird choice we all started on new port senators son

yeah we all started on new ports i don't know why i started on new ports too yeah why i don't understand that everybody smokes new ports when they i don't know i i think they fucked me up too i got like sick oh yeah that would rock the shit out of you yeah it's like dude it's like eating a tuba toothpaste that shit gets you yeah it's really bad it's like if a puppy finds rat poison that's what it is that's fucking tough and i remember they're all woozy they're like an other there's an older kid like just fiberglass in it so it gets into your

lungs quicker i'm like okay like yeah great i was a child cranking new ports like a fucking as if my lungs are gonna have a hard time letting nicotine into them is that true by the way did the do new ports have fiberglass in them to shred your lungs up i think all mental does that was like i think menthol cigarettes have have it or something i don't know also i don't fucking know but man that's fucked up yeah all right what about a uh belly button piercing you have belly button piercing growing up that's pretty garbage

um i the only time i ever had a belly button piercing was because i got in a fight with my boyfriend and he had made it known how much he hated belly button piercings and i went out and got my belly button pierced to piss him off that's you are an insane person that's fucking yeah that's like that's fun that's fucking crazy yeah i went home and i was like hey look what i did do you like it oh my god you're fucking you are diabolical cold blooded fucking you need a shrink are you seeing a therapist right now

remind me to never double cross rosebud baker start crossing you this was before i ever started seeing one but for sure uh definitely pissed him off that's crazy and high school were you the girl that dated older did you date older guys in high school yeah i had like a 38 year old dude picking you up from fucking not not that old not that old you're like cruel intentions yeah i wanted a boyfriend that was like in college but i i settled for the ones that were like seniors you know

yeah and then and then once they went to college i would like still see them and be like oh i have a boyfriend in college you know yeah um but like cheat on him uh yeah it was i was trash who's a trash teenager yeah i'm starting to pick up on that yeah did you ever have that boyfriend beat somebody up in school no but he would show up outside oh you're fucking garbage you're but if your boyfriend if your old boyfriend is showing up unannounced places to like yeah like find me with someone

yeah that he would do that a lot and then um and he had every reason to do that because i was cheating this is like Dawson's Creek i know man what the fuck i remember just being like you're so fucking crazy but then like getting in my car and being like well how do you see that coming this guy's pretty good jesus um this is a shit girlfriend did you ever wear glitter makeup no i never really wore a lot of makeup okay there you go that was always i was always a big

some girl showed up at some a party or something in a fucking glitter all over her face i'm like it's something body glitter yeah something body glitter is really the thing that tips you off if they're wearing victoria secret body glitter yeah there's some issues for sure were you rocking ed hardy back in the day ed hardy is like isn't that for like latino men i'm like why the fuck that was the last piece of shit i've ever heard come out of you i believe that's for the latino men my boy

and like your jaw went out three inches yeah no it's like what yeah ed hardy wasn't really like a woman's thing for sure that's not a that's not a women's thing that's like that's also how you know who you're who you're interviewing he doesn't know what ed hardy is he's just heard it's cool so he's like he's like oh sorry that was a question for martin urbano my bad yeah we thought girls wore those all all cut up they would like they would like slice the shirts up and wear them i thought that was a thing back

in the day i don't think so i don't think that was ever a thing unless unless you're talking about like a biker's girlfriend yeah i can't think are you a biker's girlfriend i did uh i dated a guy that had a harley for a little while did you ride in the back of that harley yes i did oh helmet or no helmet helmet topless let the girls out that's real trashy like what were you wearing did you have you have you ever do you remember ever given anybody the finger while you were on the back of that motorcycle

for traffic situations because that's real garbage you ever see videos or that with like the girl fuck you man fuck you that's my boyfriend yeah no that wasn't me that's a lot um but i was a side chick while i was riding it so that does yeah i mean you know wow that's trash yeah you make you make the bed you sleep in there rosebud i mean you're dating that guy on a harley you're like well actually he was uh seeing other people oh no this is evil yeah yeah yeah this is these are oh man i'm not proud of these fucking answers i know

this is but it's fun we it's celebrated here it's celebrated yes yeah i love it okay i got another have you ever uh worn crocs no okay never wore crocs never owned crocs what about they don't i did own a pair of uggs i did wear them uggs aren't trashy though i mean they were like that was they were like the most popular thing at some point i was in boston at the time um yeah i'm not proud of it you can you can see the memories hitting her she'd be like yeah and then like her like eyes lower her shoulders dropped she's

like uh this is like an ai meeting where i'm where i'm forced to just like answer are you an alcohol like you know i'm speaking of alcohol you obviously you're you're sober now but did you back when you used to booze did you ever drink wine with ice in it oh my god yes i didn't know any better white wine white wine or red wine both i mean i don't know this is warm i mean i was i didn't i didn't read the manual i did it ice and a straw over here please thank you

worst part about it is that i wasn't surrounded by classy enough people to tell me not to sure um i was last night means that my taste in people led me to that of course of course you have somebody who would have known would have been like yeah rosebud you lay off the ice on the merlot you know what i mean yeah last night i was sitting i was sitting at home and i poured a wine i'm like maybe i could drop a piece of ice in it i'm like no i can't do it i can't do it i want to do that for sure no people are drinking their reds a little cooler these days but ice is fucking garbage hold on hold on maybe you're gonna do a zoom thing

will i watch the peak can you hand her to me sorry i gotta hold the puppy oh yeah so sorry only one guest at a time rosebud i'm sorry the dog can't the dog can't stay ah that's a nice little doggy she's so small oh she's just looked at her a little shit eating mouth yeah oh my god what kind of dog is she's a brussel's griffin chihuahua mix oh that's cute fully stop talking like that it's fucking i can't help it you're a 45 year old man dude i love it i love it when dogs turn people into different people it's my favorite thing is that garbage rosebud you're a dog person is that garbage you think when when grown men talk baby talk to doggies they can do a puppy dog like that i just want

to eat his little fish right here i'm so mad it's so embarrassing like i respect you as a as a person at times i respect you as a person and then you go and do that it's like how am i supposed to like look you in the eye well just let me explain this to you kippy this is exactly what i do first i take one of those little piggies that she has all right i put a little salt and pepper on it and now no no no my skin is i have my blood is running cold that's because you were a latch key kid you didn't have a dog when you were growing up i had multiple doors cold you know what else you have dogs growing up and you don't do baby talk to dog what's the matter with you kippy i do but not in front of my other adult male friends this guy's hiding something you're hiding something

you need to open your heart you need to open your heart and you need to hey rosebud why don't you why don't you put some ice cubes in some wine okay and then talk to me okay why don't i put some ice cubes in your asshole with the but why don't i that's sexual harassment again you're gonna get suspended from the podcast don't be double crossing rosebud after those stories you wake up with the fucking vacuum cleaner down your throat with my belly button piercing cut off on your nose hello kevin yeah and it's just a recording of fully going who's dead it'll be where she goes she goes back i'm cutting all of this out so mad um so mad all right i got one go ahead we gotta run out of time here um do you do do you call either of your parents or aunts or uncles by their first

names oh that's a good one like hey steve all all of them even wait your parents and your aunts and uncles um my aunts and uncles i all call them by their first names my mom and dad what are you co-workers what's the fuck's going on i call my mom nanny i call my dad dad okay why do you call your mom nanny is is her name like nancy or something her yeah her name's nancy but everybody calls her nanny that's a little different um yeah but like if you were going to your uncle steve's house you're like hey what's up steve how you doing yeah oh that is a lack of respect right there you don't say uncle steve no really like i'm not a child oh i still do my Aunt Sheila my Aunt Kathy my Aunt Colleen yeah my mom did you do it is it did you yeah did you do it as a kid

could you or were you a nine-year-old going hey Kathy can i get him can i get some can i get some wine with a uh ice over here i don't remember ever calling them uncle dog or like aunt susie you called the mister mrs baker kept it real professional i just called her susie i just called him susie dog gb grand we're changing this episode to are you a psychopath because that is rosebud baker you can't you can't be a child and rosebud did you ever did you ever kill anybody at your prom let's let's let's start asking some serious i can't talk about that that's between me and the limbo driver that's crazy have you ever murdered a landscaper that's too funny uh cruise landscaper um were you allowed to curse in front of your parents as a

kid like could you be at the dinner table like ah what the fuck uh yeah that's always i mean i wasn't allowed to but i did all the time i'm sorry you were not you you were not a fun gal to be around as a kid i don't think this is this is not trash though this is like because i was definitely not supposed to do it but this just came from like a pure pure love of curse words like from the time that i learned them i was like this i just got the keys to the fucking kingdom the first time i heard the word fuck i was like what did you just fucking say to me i loved it i was like i remember i practiced it on the soccer field because i had a soccer game and i remember going into that soccer game and being like i'm gonna curse all over this goddamn field i've done that too like

i'm like yeah wait till they hear what i gotta say rosebud baker rosebud baker ended the game with three points five assists and twelve motherfuckers 19 f bombs the b word the s word she called her mom's score in my head i was literally commentating on myself just being like whoo i got a lot in there yeah a lot of did not score once didn't fucking defend my team nothing no defense no offense i scored on my did i curse everybody out i scored on my own goal but i did call that guy a cocksucker so it all evens out what is on the winner at the end of the day you're you got a cigarette in your mouth running around the field i loved it all right way to be an adult we got a couple more here i got one that's gonna lock it in i'm i'm guaranteeing a yes on

this uh it's the two part question have you ever been to the sandals resort sand no all right have you ever gone to uh a caribbean island and come back with cornrows in your hair with your hair braided no come on don't lie don't lie never happened you've been never once you've definitely been sitting on like a delta flight with a where with a court with a braid on the listen i swear on the dead guy in my prom i promise you i never came back with cornrows i've never once yeah that is a fate that i was able to somehow uh skip have you ever owned a jet ski no did i ask my parents for one yes yeah that's even worse and you didn't get it that's even work i didn't get it you know what's kind of you know i know my we had one but

i wasn't allowed to use it which was like i was like oh come on you're not even gonna let me enjoy them the fun why weren't you allowed to use that sucks i don't know i just wasn't allowed to use because they were probably writing it out on the weekends my stepdad had one and i wasn't allowed to use it um did anybody growing up did you have a hot tub that wasn't like built into the ground like a like you know what it like uh like a like an aftermarket hot tub that you will like that they give away on the price is right for like 35 no we did no we never had that no those things you have a pool in the backyard no oh yes we did have a pool okay yeah that was later that was after we moved to mclean so that was when we were like higher class my dad got promoted

we got more money was there a hot tub connected to that pool no was there a diving board or a sliding board there was a diving board okay it's average run the mill no slide no slide if you had a slide no you were doing all right if you had a fucking slide you were doing a you had a slide you were fucking in ground pool with a slide look out that's fucking class right there that's yeah you got a six flags in your backyard yes yeah my buddy got one when we were kids and we were like I had a pool with a diving board and then my buddy got a big pool hot tub diving board sliding board I looked at my dad I'm like you better step your fucking game like you piece of shit if you think I'm gonna swim in this bullshit ass pool you got going on back here Justin's got a fucking

slide and the big diving board with the spring you know what I mean oh that's nice yeah yeah see this is why you can't have kids because they're gonna they're gonna come home they're gonna look at their friends fucking pool they're gonna come on be like the fuck is this piece of shit house that you put together for me yeah you're like I'm trying to keep you alive yeah exactly one of the biggest pieces shit things I ever did and I always I always think about it too is exactly what you're talking about my dad bought us a car all right for for high school all right what it was gonna be it was it was my sophomore year my brother senior year so my brother was gonna drive it for for his senior year and then I would have a car for my junior and senior year and be driven to school every

day in my tenth grade year because of my brother and it was a Chevy Spectrum and I didn't know what the fuck a Chevy Spectrum was and I never saw a picture of it and when he pulled into the driveway with it it was like this little black like 80s hatchback which I then grew to absolutely love but the first time I saw it he gets out of the car I go that's it I want to punch you right now for doing oh what a piece of shit my dad out there busted his ass fucking driving 300 miles a week fucking pulls up in this car like that's it come on yeah and I remember normally he'd be like tough with me with the situation like that like go for you what are you talking about he literally was like what I'm sorry what do you know I was like oh yeah you broke his spirit you broke his spirit

all right we're like cheatsky boy hey I was when you break your dad's spirit that's the worst feeling it is yeah god I've done it many times my dad had five daughters so his spirit was broken by the second one he barely got out of the 80s that guy he's done I mean you should see him now he looks like a cheeseburger shell of a man just a shell of a man yeah a life and then five girls he married my stepmom he married my stepmom because he uh he just fell down the stairs alone in his apartment one day he was like I better just ask somebody to marry me my daughters aren't gonna help you know it's pretty trashy I said this the other day because I have an ex stepmom I'm like that is that is a level oh that's that's a level of trash I have an ex stepmom yeah that's

does she still send you presents for Christmas and stuff like that no uh but we do text occasionally because I have two brothers I have two half brothers she has you know two kids two half brothers she had kids with my father so we still were in contact and stuff but I said it the other day I was explained to somebody I'm like oh yeah like my ex stepmom and I was like oh that one hits a little different an ex stepmom my stepmom and I don't even fucking talk I don't even talk to her and they're still married yeah she sucks do you call her mom do you call her mom or do you call her Meredith I call her Meredith I know I was joking yeah it'd be so funny if I called her it'd be so bitchy if I called her mom if I walked in one day and I was like hi mom you should do that

if you want to be like I mean because you are a bitch so you can hi childless mom that's awesome hi you barren whore it doesn't really let you know Rosie we gotta get a we gotta get a treatment going on all this this is good stuff here get Ryan Felipe on the phone absolutely no problem he lives next door I think I just got one more here um do I um I guess I got two growing up which I don't think so did your parents have a station wagon growing up yeah oh that stuff was the wood paneling on that station wagon yes it's official roast butt maker garbage yeah I thought you were I thought you were high class you know what I mean here's the thing here's the thing halfway through my life my dad started making money so and my sisters weren't born until then

so like I have this totally different kind of childhood than they have like station wagon I see no shitty driveway like like throw me out in the yard in a diaper kind of what railroad kid kind of yeah a station wagon it's station wagon's a tough look because you you gotta figure what the you know like what the thought process is to buying a station wagon back in the I mean I get to do I mean they were very popular they were utility vehicles I know they really were I would I would rock one now for sure you know get throws you a couple of buddies in the back I was telling fully my my buddies we never had one but my my growing up my friend had one and his in the back of it they had it was so old they had the seats that faced out back like do you remember that out back

the window yes we had those oh no we didn't have those my friend had those they were fun yeah and I remember sitting down I'd be I'd be I was like a six-year-old being like this is fucking sketchy I'm like those cars could just fucking crush me right now it's a whole different world in the back I loved it I was in the back living people for sure back here for sure giving people the finger like yeah yeah that's hilarious that was great well Rosie buddy we want to thank you so much for sitting there with us and playing are you garbage uh the puppy's adorable congratulations on the on the engagement I'm gonna give her a number here I'm gonna say she's the station wagon kind of station wagon wait one is this one to what one out of 100 so it's percent

garbage so you're like you're like a 22 percent garbage I'll give you that's not bad that's not bad that's not bad I'm scared to give a number because the kind of garbage that rosebud is is the kind of garbage that would ruin the lives of garbage like my family sure she would have yeah she would like have my have my dad rubbed out or something like that or she'd have she'd pull some strings and have them like relocated to Alaska to work or something yeah yeah she really got a new job cool hey congratulations congratulations on your dad's promotion you're like what and then your dad calls you right away I'm like bye so yeah I'm not saying but that was so much fun thank you is there anything you want

anybody to know out there rosie I know the dates are slowed down a little bit because of the corona but uh they can they can uh subscribe to my podcast uh on all things comedy it's called devil's advocate with rosebud baker and um we talk about well I've been doing a lot of solo cast lately but um usually I have a guest on we talk about the worst thing that ever happened to them and why that makes them so funny and uh and lately I've just been basically talking shit myself in a room yeah which has been really fun um but yeah you can subscribe to that you can also subscribe to my other podcast find your beach uh that me and my fiance fiance Andy Haynes have that we started on the first day of quarantine and we've been doing it every single day of the

quarantine very nice so yeah if you want to watch a relationship fall apart you can do that you want to see a marriage end before it starts tune into rosebud's podcast very nice rosie thank you so much kippy what do you got for the gang out there that's all I guys as you are but please rate review subscribe on itunes spotify youtube uh share with a friend and uh people are hitting us up with questions and stuff like that I forgot to I had a couple I forgot to read them but you can DM them to us or email or you know whatever get them to us somehow if you follow us very nice great stuff guys uh rosie thank you so much bye puppy doggy you thank you guys see you guys be safe bye mouse uncle hank loves you give me schmoochie bye bye let me tell you okay bye bye oh dear you

look at that little thing hi guys see you buddy