Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast - Sal Vulcano Returns!
Episode Date: September 11, 2023Kippy and Foley are joined by old pal Sal Vulcano! Thanks for listening. Love youse guys. Come to a live show! NEW TOUR DATES: https://areyougarbage.com/ Follow Kevin: https://www.instagram.com/kevi...nryancomedy/ Follow Foley: https://www.instagram.com/hfoleycomedy/ Live Shows: https://areyougarbage.com/ PATREON: https://www.patreon.com/AreYouGarbage MERCH: https://areyougarbage.com/ Mint Mobile: https://www.MintMobile.com/GARBAGE Ladder Life: https://www.LadderLife.com/GARBAGE Support the show by downloading the DraftKings Sportsbook App and using the code AYG. If you or someone you know has a gambling problem, crisis counseling and referral services can be accessed by calling 1-800-GAMBLER (1-800-426-2537) (IL/IN/LA/MI/NJ/PA/WV/WY), 1-800-NEXT STEP (AZ), 1-800-522-4700 (CO/NH), 888-789-7777/visit http://ccpg.org/chat (CT), 1-800-BETS OFF (IA), 877-8-HOPENY/text HOPENY (467369) (NY), visit OPGR.org (OR), call/text TN REDLINE 1-800-889-9789 (TN), or 1-888-532-3500 (VA).  21+ (18+ NH/WY). Physically present in AZ/CO/CT/IL/IN/IA/LA(select parishes)/MI/NH/NJ/ NY/OR/PA/TN/VA/WV/WY only. New customer offer void in NH/OR/ONT-CA. $200 in Free bets: New customers only. Valid 1 per new customer. Min. $5 deposit. Min $5 wager. $200 issued as eight (8) $25 free bets. Ends 9/19/22 @ 8pm. Early Win: 1 Early Win Token issued per eligible game. Opt in req. Token expires at start of eligible game. Min moneyline bet $1. Wagering limits apply. Wagers placed on both sides of moneyline will void bet. Ends 1/8/23 @ 8pm ET. See terms at sportsbook dot draftkings dot com slash football terms. Comedians H. Foley and Kevin Ryan are self proclaimed GARBAGE. Each week a new stand up comedian gets put to the test. Steal shampoo from hotels? Own a George Foreman Grill? Ever worn JNCO Jeans?
Transcript
Discussion (0)
Are you garbage if your tux has a stain on it and you wear it anyway?
Then when you get to the wedding, you immediately spill something on yourself in front of a crowd
to make you look like it happened there so everybody is not the wise one.
I respect the f**king move.
What are you doing off?
He gets there so long and he'll get me meatballs there.
Gang, get your tickets for all the cities on the state trashy tour at rUgarbage.com.
Gang, before we get the episode started,
let's talk about our good friends at Mint Mobile.
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Yeah gang, orderday at MintMobile.com slash garbage one more time that's MintMobile.com slash
garbage and let's get to the show.
Welcome to another exciting edition of Are You Garbage? The show where you find out if your favorite comedians
are classy individuals or absolute trash.
Now here are your hosts, Kevin Ryan and H Foley.
Hey everybody out there and welcome back
to everybody's new favorite podcast.
This is Are You Garbage.
Oh yeah. So at this show we sit there on your favorite comedians and we find that it's new favorite podcast. This is R U Garbage. Oh, yeah.
So at the little show we sit down with your favorite comedians
and we find that at the group to be classy.
I heard it is a big old piece of trash.
Trash, trash, trash.
I'm your host, Dave Trolley coming at you
on a beautiful day.
We're out back here at Tuddy's in the new edition.
Uh-huh.
I just saw her out front.
She was paying off a little league umpire, OK?
Yeah.
I bet I'm a Spartans this year.
All right.
My co-host is coming at you from right next to me.
I kind of got him this week a little bit, right?
There's a little bit of a chuckle there.
Smirk.
He is the CEO of RU Garbage.
She is an international businessman,
but always the King of the Boardwalk baby.
Give it up for KJ Kevin James Ryan.
What's up gang?
Thanks for tuning in.
As always, please make sure you're right.
If you subscribe and I tune in.
Full video of LVL, Mald YouTube.
As you know those numbers are,
Shruder out!
Cookin', then obviously the greatest website of all time.
www.patrion.com slash RU Garbage Gang. video, Vellmold YouTube, as you know those numbers are Shruder out cooking. Then obviously the greatest website of all time,
www.patrion.com slash are you garbage gang sign up over there.
It's a gosh darn party.
Yes, sir, and having a nice quick shout out to our producer
extra in here.
The magic man makes us all look good works the ones the two's,
the threes and the fours.
He crosses the tees and he dots the eyes,
give it up for T-bone McScruffins.
Toby McMollon everybody.
What up, dude?
What up T-bone?
What up, pal?
Man, talk about a guy who comes in with just like dope Uncle Vod.
He's got $2 bills for all the kids.
Man.
He's in all time hang.
Oh man.
Uncle salad Christmas.
I'd be hovering around you.
Are you kidding me?
Get the door for you sir?
That's true actually.
You would not be waiting to drink Christmas
Gang we couldn't be more excited that are incredibly and I mean incredibly special guests back with us again today
We absolutely love them you guys love them
He is on tour right now and this is all leading up to a brand new special that he's gonna be recording at the Vic theater in Chicago
Illinois which goes on pre-sale September September 13th and 14th, and goes on full sale,
September 15th, give it a percent of O'Connor.
How was that? Was that all right?
That was great. I would say that the pre-sale code
is no pressure.
Yeah! There you go. Thank you very much.
I appreciate it. Congratulations, buddy.
Thank you so much.
Look at you. It's so good to see you guys.
Thank you, man. I love you both.
I love you guys. I gotta say just one thing.
Sure. Out of every single pot, we have, you know, we're all comics.
We all have podcasts. We all are in the same little like click together.
Uh-huh. Out of all the podcasts, I swear.
There's, there's none that is as well put together conceptualized and, and, and, and, and, and then
conceived and like done better than you guys.
Thank you. Thank you. Thank you.
I really truly, truly from the bottom of my heart mean that.
Thank you.
Everything is, it works together and it just is amazing.
You guys carve this thing out and it's the most fun
podcast to do and it just, you know, it's like,
you know when a comic is like a young comic,
yeah, you gotta find your voice, you gotta find your voice.
Some of this podcast is just, just, just pitch perfect.
Oh, my hand.
I've got a dub- Stop crying here, yeah. No pressure, be perfect. Oh, my hand. I've got to stop crying here.
Yeah, no pressure.
Be funny.
Yeah, yeah.
Talk about fucking building up the break it down.
All right, guys, take care.
Thank you, guys.
We were going to hit you up for money.
Now, I guess we can't.
Do you, speaking of that, do you, do you go around a Christmas
and everybody gets a little something
with like the younger kids in the fam?
I have my birthday is November 6th, so as a kid,
I used to take all my birthday money,
save it and use it on Christmas gifts.
That's just, I kind of like, I just, I love Christmas.
And so that gets, I can't, I can't, I can't,
I continue that tradition.
So I'm the guy, no joke when you said that,
I'm like, yeah, you don't even know,
because I like, I have a note in my, in my phone,
a note page that's like, potentially Christmas gifts. So I'm always, yeah, you don't even know. Because I like, I have a note in my phone, a note page
that's like potentially Christmas gifts.
So I'm always adding to it.
So if I see or think or see something
that someone likes like six months early
and nine months early, or I see something,
I think someone will make a running list.
And then I, because I literally take it to Christmas,
people are always just like, am I family,
an extended family and friends?
They're just like, I can't wait to open this
because I know you've been putting some thought into this. Oh, dude, that's awesome. We had an uncle Frank in our family, you know, and extend the family and friends, they're just like, I can't wait to open this because I know you've been putting some thought into this.
Oh, dude, that's awesome.
We had a, we have an uncle Frank in our family.
And when he would show you 20 bucks, he would show up on Christmas day.
He'd always have an envelope for all the kids just in his pocket.
And he'd find a brosco.
Ah, I love that seat.
It was like he was at a nail salon.
We'd be all over him.
That's always whether you, you clocked them when they come in and if you see the envelope
I get you so what do you need?
My dad's grandma grandma rose.
She did this thing.
I don't know why she did it, but it was great and we just always like that's the way it
was.
When you were leaving, like it's like a lot of grandma's do it, but she like really like
every time she'd be like on the way out, she'd hit me with a five.
I'm like don't tell my body.
Yeah.
Now I don't know why she was so scared of that information getting back. Yeah, they always real has like they stole
it or something. Yeah, five bucks. Yeah. And she uses a don't don't say enough. Uh-huh.
The cops ask you. You found that. Yeah. You want a shooting dice. Nice.
And they say, but for see. Don't do anybody is. All right. See me on the street. You
call me Larry. But yeah, there was something something that made it even more cooler. Yeah, I mean
I had an aunt who still like up until maybe two or two or three years ago would still hit me with like 30 or 40 at Christmas
I'm doing because I'm doing fine. It's okay. I just I don't believe you
I know nobody did nobody did you almost still want to accept it because it's like a thing you know what I'm also like I'm balding
Like I don't need your mind like even if I needed it. I still like I had some pride here right if I need this 30 dollars at
This point of life I need more than that exactly 30s not get me out of the out of the red
out of the out of the red, you know, you check book on your baby.
Jim,
up.
We ever see that signveled up.
Sure.
Send in checks.
You never cash.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Yeah.
I love cream because I'm crap.
And then he goes and cash is them all.
She's so withdraw.
Yeah.
She goes down to the bank first thing in the morning.
You want to do is make two left.
Go down.
Yeah.
Great.
I didn't know you were a big sign guy. Oh, yeah. Yeah. I used to come home make two lefts go down. Yeah, it's great. I didn't know you were a big sign guy, all right? Oh, yeah, yeah.
Yeah, I used to come home, I was way into it.
I mean, I catch it like the first one in like 90
when I got canceled and brought back.
Ever came back, I was on board big.
And I used to live with pizza and my ship
would end at 11, but if there was no customers,
you could mop and get ready so that like a 10, 50,
sometimes I'd possibly get out of here
in the five minutes away
I used to literally speed home and because I didn't know how to work the timer on the VCR
That was what I used to tape sign the sign told upset 11 on VHS
I have a marble notebook to this day where I would write the episode and write the three or four plot points on
I think a log and then I would you log, and I had all the video cassettes
before it came out like on video and stuff like that.
It is a, it is an education on how to write.
I mean, that's why you're,
that's why you have a very successful TV show.
If that's stuff, you'll look back and you're like,
oh, yeah, like you were,
you were breaking down the plots of Seinfeld.
Yeah, absolutely.
Yeah.
I actually met Jerry in 19, January 1995.
I was 18. What were you doing? I was 18. No, I was, uh, 95. I was 18. 1995. I was 18.
You do it.
I was 18.
No, I was, uh, 95.
I was 18.
Yeah, I was 18.
Delivered my cows own.
I stiffed on a tip.
You believe that?
All that residual money.
I wasn't.
I was, so I went on my first ever plane ride with two friends to California.
I'd never been on a plane before.
Uh-huh.
And we went to crash at my, my friends older cousin was in a rock band called Sister Whiskey.
Nice.
That's a pretty good name.
That's a pretty good band.
That's a pretty good band.
Right.
And it was like, it was back when like,
there was like still that like good old time
like rock and roll like a poison type of thing.
Sure.
And they signed a deal with Warner Brothers
and they had a one single that came out
and it was like, wow, we gotta go.
So we went there, we crashed on this couch for two two weeks and it was my first time on a plane.
You probably felt famous you're crashing on the couch a whiskey.
Yeah, it was a bass player.
Yeah, it was well he had a rabbit that shit everywhere and he didn't even pick it up so I didn't feel two fans.
It was I mean these guys are really rocking roll.
It was it was two couches and then I'm like the floor there's three of us so like I
I there's definitely days I was on floor
amongst the rabbit shit.
Yikes.
But it was a blast nonetheless.
What was young Sal style back then?
Were you living the Motley crew lifestyle?
I was grunge at that time.
OK.
I had hair down to here.
Really?
Oh yeah, yeah, man.
I could show you some pics, you know.
If you want to stay a little late at the class.
Check out my office.
But we went out there and just by chance, one night we went to
Jerry's famous deli, no relation.
No, there really is no relation.
It's a restaurant out there. There's like three or four of them.
Okay. So we're in there. We're just eating and it's closer to their closing time.
And when we walked in, there was two sheet cakes right at the front,
like the four area, it said, nothing fancy. It's places like a glorified diner.
Yeah. It said, congratulations,
sign felled on your 100th episode.
So we sat down, the way it comes over,
I'm like, what is this?
And he goes, oh yeah, they'll be here tonight.
And I go, what?
They'll be in this place.
He goes, they actually come every single week
right after the taping.
It's a tradition.
And they've been here for years
and they have a meal together here.
So they rented out the place when we closed
and the whole cast crew, everything's coming in to celebrate it. Damn, I said you're kidding. I mean at the
time he was my idol already. I remember that hundredth episode. Yeah. I think
that's where they went afterwards. Right. Right. And I go, okay. So is there
any way we could stay? He's like, can't do that. So we just stop like a
boss boy. More water, Mr. Simon. I thought about it. Sure. Luckily I had my pizza jacket in the truck.
So we took as long as we possibly could.
And then we paid the check.
We were close to last.
And they closed it.
We went outside.
And we were like, oh, we want to something to sign.
In case you meet them.
So we ran to a bookstore.
I bought Sign Language out there.
Wow.
Nice. We came back and it started to pour.
Now, one of my other friends was as big a fan as me.
And my friend who's cousin was the rock guy, he wasn't.
So actually, shout out down, Deepak Talamei.
He's now a big guy in LA.
He owns this Beverly Hills Warren and she shop.
And he makes, he literally got famous
off of making Italian delicacy food
from all his grandmother's recipes.
It's called the Manicos and he makes it.
It's like he started with just sun dried tomatoes and now he has a whole
lot career.
Yeah.
Remember when those hit sun dried tomatoes?
I was like metallic.
Yeah, that was big.
That was big.
They're not as big.
Now I love them.
Yeah, yeah, not everywhere.
Yeah, they're not.
But long story short, they sat across the street in a car because they didn't care and
it started to, because it started to pour.
And we just waited out there in the pouring rain and the people started to come, started to
come, started to come and we're like waiting to see him.
And then all of a sudden we see our friends flashing the, from across the street and people
talking.
It was a hit.
Jesus Christ.
They're like, so we run over like, what happened? He just pulled up in his Porsche.
The Porsche right in front of you,
got out and walked in and you didn't see him.
You just missed him?
He walked in right past us.
The Porsche was right there,
we're like, we didn't see him.
So we're like, oh my God.
Now we gotta wait.
So you waited till he came out?
I waited till he came,
so we're like, we're gonna wait here.
So it was all a window, so we saw them.
I'm like, oh my God, this, you know, this Jason Alexander,
I don't think we saw a Kramer, but Michael Richards. But so we just
waited. But by chance, he came out to smoke a cigar alone.
Whoa. And he came out and we were like, oh my god, he's standing
with him. He's talking to the valet only the two people standing
outside. So he walked up to him. We say, excuse me, Jerry, huge,
huge fans. We were waiting for you, we missed you on the way in.
And he goes, yeah, I saw you stand here when I walked in.
I thought you were going to say hello.
I was like, would you mind signing this?
No, sign sign language.
And then I get, we go, would you mind taking a photo?
Okay, film camera.
And he goes, yeah, you know, and he was really cool about it.
He took a photo.
I still have it.
I put it up online.
So if you Google me and him, he was probably out there.
I was 18. And he took the photo. And then we were. I put it up online. So if you Google me and him, he was probably out there. I was 18 and he took the photo and then we were like, thank you so much. And then we walked across
the street to our friends and it was still kind of raining. And we were just like in shock a little bit.
And we were like, we have to, it was at the end. Like, should we, we were those guys. Sure.
So he's still standing out there. Right? So like, you never circle back.
Never, I mean, never.
The job's done, you got the money, run.
I was so young, I mishandle this.
And let me get kills.
Let's go back up to, so what happened was he irished.
So he threw the cigar out and he went to go get in his car.
And we're like, oh my god, he's leaving.
I'm like, we don't know what to do.
And so we were in the, we were, we were, we were sellers to walk back.
And it's raining and we just, we just yelled,
Jerry, Jerry, it is a good,
it's me.
Was there really a second spitter, right?
From the good line, right?
Right.
We just got a lot of our ass.
Oh, huh, like he hasn't heard that shit before.
So he was, he was like, all right,
and then he went to get his car and it was raining.
We didn't know what to do.
And my friend just keeps walking toward him. And as Jerry's trying to start the car, he just takes a picture of get in his car and it was raining. We didn't know what to do. And my friend just keeps walking toward him.
And as Jerry's trying to start the car,
he just takes a picture of him in his own car.
From the, he just walks up to the,
he has a picture of Jerry's time for like this in his Porsche.
Like with all rain drops on the window,
like trying to start his car.
And then he just like sped out and went away.
Yeah, there it is.
Is that you?
That is.
My friend was on the other side.
I cut him out because I didn't know if he wanted to be
in the first place. But yeah, that's me. Yeah, you doing the sign. my friend was on the other side I cut him out because I know if you want to be in the
But yeah, that's me doing the sign look at that Jan 95
Yeah, follow them home
Never met him it's me from Jerry's never bumped into him again center. He's he's bumped me a couple times
Not me, but like I was next and he's come alive sure. Yeah, and
Yeah, but I've never really talked to him again. I was scared to talk to you when I first met you
But people asked me that I remember when you follow you followed a YG's Instagram page or something for real Yeah, and I was like I remember I text I think we did a three-way call. I was in the car. I'm like
You both I swear to God.
Really?
Yeah, that's that's so flattering.
Start it right and checks.
Yeah.
We're in, boys.
Just make sure we're around them during Christmas.
But people at home are something like that.
I found like, oh yeah, it was that stellar
and so on and so came in.
I was like, oh, what'd you say to them?
What do I say to them?
I said fucking say anything.
Right.
Not walking up.
Hey, what's going on?
You can see it.
Especially Jerry when he would like walk in the Gotham.
Yeah.
That's where he bumped me twice.
That nice, sorry.
The jeans, the nice blazer and like a cool, like rich guy
baseball.
Like a net jet hat or something like that.
That's how he came in with the blazer.
As a matter of fact, I was up next and I had a spot like an hour
later.
So I was like, whatever, right?
So he came in. I was like, I almost didn't go that night.
I almost like, for some reason I had to cancel.
I'm like, oh, thank God I came.
I got to watch him.
So he goes up there for about 30 minutes.
And then he's about to get up and like,
oh my God, I have to follow him.
Which actually, I don't really mind,
like it depends the situation.
It's a little, sometimes if they're big enough,
there's a built-in kind of life.
You know, I mean, I'm still, I had a decent enough set. I don't think I was gonna bomb
But also like you kind of want that experience
You want to see how it goes? What if it goes good? What if it doesn't either way you have a story?
Mm-hmm. You follow and if you bomb you go well I bomb that was follow and so I
Doesn't matter. I'm thinking like all right
I'm switching my set around. What am I gonna do? You know, he says, he's going, I'm like, when is he gonna stop 25 minutes, 30 minutes, 30 minutes.
Then he goes, thank you guys,
and everyone cheers, I'm like, oh, here we go.
Cause then he goes, you know,
a lot of people ask me who I think is funny.
He goes, and I wanna bring someone up next
who I actually think is funny.
Ladies and gentlemen, and he goes like this,
and I'm just like, did the club tell you?
Do you think it's you? I don't know what's happening.
I don't, but I, but it's I'm real timing.
This is real time.
It could be that showbiz thing or like maybe he's just breaking me up.
I still in the night.
I don't think so.
He remembers me from Jerry's.
Yeah.
This guy when I met him, I decided he creeped me out for an hour.
I think it was J95.
I believe it was.
It was raining that night, you know?
I had to pastrami on Ryan and a pickle.
So I'm just, I didn't know, like I'm literally,
it's just while I'm just processing
as he's saying these words.
And I'm like, maybe the club told them
I was supposed to be next in natural life.
And maybe he's just being kind
because he has no idea why I'm going to do this.
How long ago was this?
This was, um, it was your famous.
Pre-pendemic. I was already on the show. Yeah ago was this? This was, um, it was your famous. Pre-pendemic.
I was already on the show.
Yeah, okay.
Yeah, but, um,
and then for the listener,
at Gotham, you're not coming from backstage.
You're in the room right by the stage.
You're all coming to the stage.
Yeah, I'm just like,
I can't believe this is about to happen.
I'm like,
man, I know that feeling of that.
You're doing that quick math in your head.
It can be camping
Me, is it him? Who's he?
Maybe he loves me. I don't know maybe they told them. I didn't know he knew the show and he's being nice to me
Of course you picture you too in a convertible just
The amount of things I thought in those ten
Oh, dude. Yes, so I even said maybe he's just being kind
to the unknown comic he, you know what I'm saying.
And he goes a lot, but he said it so sincerely.
And the crowd was just like, look,
I'm like, who does Jerry think is funny?
And I was 10 feet to the right,
and he goes, ladies and gentlemen,
Dave Dave should be our whole touch.
And Dave should go, moves me,
and then walks past me and goes,
I'm like, no way, man.
And I was like, you are kidding me.
So now Dave Chappelle is up there.
And I'm like, all right, I get to watch Dave Chappelle
and follow Dave Chappelle.
Actually, I probably had a spot like 90 minutes later,
because Dave Chappelle did a,
literally, I had to leave for my spot.
Sure. And it was like 45 minutes into Chappelle. So, I had to leave for my spot. Sure.
And it was like 45 minutes into Chappelle.
Yeah.
So Jerry did like 25, 30, then Chappelle did like 40, 45.
And the whole time, like my, I'm like, I'm not gonna follow either of them.
Yeah.
Like I'm not even gonna, I have to leave.
I want to fake the stomach.
Yeah.
Hold the fire alarm.
Yeah.
And I just said to Andrew whoever was there, I just was like, I have no, I have no spot out to go and I left and I didn't get to, you know, follow either of them.
But there was a, you know, I never really, I don't think I've ever told that story,
but when he was like ladies and gentlemen, and I was writing a Dave Chappelle and Dave Chappelle walks from behind me.
I didn't know he was dead. I had no idea he was there.
And he just, and I just like, if you could be in my head at that moment, it was like, oh, yeah, no, I know that feeling dude.
That's awesome, dude.
Who was like, you guys ever have that issue we had to that moment, it was like, oh yeah, no, I know that feeling dude. That's awesome dude.
Who was like, you guys never have that issue,
we had to follow someone and it's like, Jesus Christ.
I just had to do, I just had to follow Rogan
at the mothership, oh knowingly.
Same thing, I was walking up and like,
the guy was bringing me up.
Okay.
And I didn't know he was there and going up
and he was like, this next guy, I did the math
and he's like, this next guy, a kid who I just met.
He's like, it's one of my brothers in comedy.
And I'm like, is he doing that super nice thing?
I just met him and he's, I don't know.
And I'm like, oh, I was like, ah!
He was in the back of the room.
I knew he was dead in the water.
I started putting on my coat.
And I'm like walking on, you know, from me to the,
you know, the camera to the stage.
And I'm like, all right. And then he's like, ladies and gentlemen, Joe Rogan, I just
soaked back. And then Joe brought me up, which I know we weren't sure what's going to
happen. So he's like, next guy coming to the stage. And I'm like, I was waiting for you,
but you know him, right? He knows I had met him for like a minute before that. I know him
better now. We were running the scenario. This is inside baseball. We were running the scenario. So Joe Rogan just went up
It's past the mic. So the three scenarios are one he knows Kevin's name and is gonna bring him up
That's great. We were thinking it's like a two percent chance. Yeah, it still has a tough road ahead because the place
Is gonna go nuts and have to people are gonna follow him out to try to get a picture or whatever to
He's not gonna remember him. He's just gonna get off stage
and they're just gonna go over the god, Mike, go.
Now please.
They weren't sure.
They were like, we don't know if he knows who's next.
Right.
We'll get you, I might have to run up after him
or we'll make it over the god.
We don't know, but we'll get you on stage.
I go, all right, I'm in the wings, just waiting.
Whatever happens, I'll handle.
And then he brought me up, which then I started panning.
I'm like, how the fuck? Why do you remember my name? He name is like from the are you garbage vodka? I'm like what the fuck
So then I'm like professional. I'm like processing that while I'm like shaking his hand on stage
Wow, that's cool. That's cool. I'm about three minutes
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Gang them back to the show back to the show.
Once I met an open like Wolf Larson.
What do you guys.
Chicago.
He's dead now, but shout out the wolf.
I have to call Louie at the store, but it was I think it was scheduled.
So I knew I was doing that. But that was also like, you know, store, but it was, I think it was scheduled so I knew I was doing that.
But that was also like, oh, you know, but it's fine.
Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.
It's one of those things you have to, you're like, fuck this sucks in the moment or whatever.
Like as you're leading up to your mind's racing, but then it's one of those things of like,
you get off your like, oh, I can do that. I'm glad I did that.
Exactly. And you feel, you feel way better after.
Yeah. Oh, man, that's great. That was fun.
All right. Yeah. That was that's great. That was fun. All right.
Yeah, that was all good.
Talking shop with Sal.
I like it.
So I'll start of the Jerry's doing.
That's what I'm talking about.
All right, but let's we got to get into some of it.
It's always good time hanging with Saly V over here.
The show has, it's been a while since you've been here.
So there's been some hot button issues or some things up for debate
that we don't really have the answer on that.
If we originally disagreed on it,
then we opened it up to everybody.
Wanna get your take on some of these things.
Let's do that.
You're getting dressed, right?
You get out of the shower.
You put your underwear on.
Then you do put your socks and then pants or pants
and then socks.
Okay, I'll say as a general rule, I probably,
so here's the thing.
I knew he was gonna have, he was gonna have a take on it.
Because I do both.
And it depends on the pants I'm putting on.
Because sometimes if the pants has a little bit
of a tape or an ankle, it's a little bit,
it takes a little bit more elbow grease to get the socks on.
You're gonna want it to pull it down over.
And I don't have that kind of time.
So, busy man.
If it's a tight pant, I consciously put the sock on first.
Okay.
But in general, I would say I actually put the pants on first.
That's the way I roll.
What if you were putting on a suit?
The socks are going on first.
Yeah.
Because you can't mess with, because you're going to wrinkle.
You're going to wrinkle up that suit.
This should mean no extra fanfare after the pants are on. Yeah. Because you can't mess with because you're going to wrinkle. You're going to wrinkle up. This should need to see me no extra fanfare. Right.
After the pants are on. Sure. And I also will have the jacket. I won't put it on until
I arrive at the event. I'll throw it. If you're driving with the sport going on to the
wedding, you're going to look like an idiot. Are you how do you how do you feel in a suit?
Are you confident in a suit? Or are you like I know with us us, we're, you know, me and him are bigger guys.
So it's like, I feel like sure,
fat kid at a communion immediately.
That's the way.
It never looked better than that for a second.
Yes, yes.
It just, you put it on the fuses lit
and you're, I'm gonna look bad in an hour.
It depends on the stage in my life,
but when I am, which is most of the time
when I feel like, you know, I'm definitely like too, too heavy.
It just feels like I'm like,
just putting like makeup
on a fucking donkey.
Yeah, like constantly tucking in and pulling.
Oh, dude.
I just look like I'm like I'm a guy
in like a large amount of text time.
Yeah, that is trying to look fancy.
Like it just feels like, okay,
the actual material is elevated.
Sure, but it's just a lot of it.
It feels like at the end of the day,
it's draped over.
I mean, I go back to being a little fat kid at a wedding with too much cake in me and sugar running through my veins
and just my shirt just all over the place. I'm always I'm always playing the game of should I
lift the belt above my stomach hump? I'll always go on. So it looks flat because it's gonna fall under.
Sure, I start under and so I start there. I walk in with it just like at the belly button area?
So it looks like I have a flat stomach.
But then as soon as I like as soon as like the macarena
color.
That thing's dipping down below the gut.
Go easy on the limbo.
You know what I mean?
I crossed that threshold last summer.
I started going over the gut.
Yeah.
Because the t-shirts weren't weren't long enough.
And the belly would just peak out a little bit.
Yeah.
So I started going over.
I actually ended up getting, this was I found on Tommy John's website, they have these
like undershirts and the tithyx that, yes, this squeezers.
Like the one that's like, you know, it's like air thin or whatever like that.
And then it goes really long.
It goes down to like the thigh so that you will never have it come out and ride up on
you.
You know, get eyes on it.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
And so it's great because a lot of times I do a standard undershirt because you got to
do an undershirt.
I thought you were going to say it was a good way.
But you do an undershirt, I don't do an undershirt.
Oh, when you have a suit shirt on?
No, never.
If I do, I feel like you can see, if you take the jacket off, you see the...
You do, but I think it's acceptable as long as it's, you know...
You want to hear a pro dirt bag move?
Please.
You cut the sleeves.
I don't know.
I'm here.
This is what the show,
but we are not changing.
You cut the sleeves off a regular V-neck.
Make sure it's V so you don't see it
because the double up, and then you cut the sleeves off.
But wouldn't you just go with like a, a, a, a, a,
guinea-tee?
You could.
Yeah.
I don't do guinea-tees.
Either do I, I don't, I don't love them. It just makes You could. Yeah. I don't do guinea-tees. Either do I.
I don't love them.
It just makes really worse.
Yeah.
But the reason I don't is you get nip through there,
you get sweat through there.
I don't like it if it comes up.
Or if you move a certain way and the button like buckle,
sure.
Which is a problem for a bigger guy.
Yeah.
The buckling.
So what happens is with the shirt, it's a double-edged shirt,
because with the shirt, you're a little hotter.
Yeah.
And then also you got an actual, you know, an actual layer for the belt.
Yeah.
So now you're really, because if you think about it, you fold a t-shirt up, you, it's
still your head, you still probably had two with three inches as a comfort.
Mm-hmm.
Take that thing if you fold a piece of paper 18 times and around it reaches the moon or
whatever.
Right.
Right. And so that's that way too. So this is you
just get a question I deal with a lot. Yeah, no, of course.
It does help you with sweat absorption now when you got it.
It does. And then I tell you what I do recently.
The light on me, baby. I
Scoobasuit underneath this.
Rash card. I abandoned my suits and I rent for each occasion.
Whoa.
Renting is easy now, it's online, it's affordable,
it's they make it very, very convenient.
And then I, it's because depending on,
it's now in flux week,
I'm trying to lose weight for the special.
And so I got another 30 to go,
but I lost about 30.
And so like, you know, I never know when I'm in limbo,
I have a wedding October seven,
I don't know what I'm gonna be,
what weight I'm gonna be at.
Sure. So I wait till about a couple of weeks before and I just order it. I have an account and I in limbo. I have a wedding October 7th. I don't know what I'm gonna be, what wait I'm gonna be at. Sure.
So I wait till about a couple of weeks before
and I just order it.
I have an account and I just click it.
Nice.
Yeah.
Are you still going shirt and tie too,
or have you started to cross over into like
light sweater underneath or anything like that?
I'm all shirt and tie.
You're off it.
Off it.
For weddings or in general when suit wear?
Every suit wear.
That's the only place he's wearing a suit.
Yeah.
So Ed, you got a cord.
I know wedding, I'm gonna wear the tie. But anywhere else, All the places where to suit. Yeah. So we got court. I know wedding.
I know wedding.
I'm gonna wear the tie.
But anywhere else, not only have I gotten less.
You burn no tie.
Yes, of course.
Well, I feel like not only do I do no tie at non weddings,
but I started doing no suit when it calls for it.
I started subscribing to like the Adam Sandler model.
Where I'm like, I'm a comedian.
You don't expect much from me.
I'm the silly guy here.
I'm the clown. I'm gonna show it to the winner. You don't expect much from me. I'm the silly guy here. I'm the clown.
I'm gonna win her jacket. Shoot. I don't go like billionaires that is with the shorts, but I'll show
up like a function that people addressed up at. As long as I got a cool t-shirt on and nice pair of
sneakers, I'm the comedian. Is this a personal affair or like work affair?
Like something for the show.
Because something for the show,
you can wear whatever the fuck I'm like,
Hey, I'm the guy on the thing.
If it's not a wake or a wedding,
I will not put a suit on.
You're just going what jeans and a tee?
Even if it's like,
Oh, you got to be business casual?
No, no, no, no, no.
Jeans and a tee.
I love that.
You know what you could really crush, dude? Mock Turtle Neck chain out. Well, I did that. You know what you could really crush, dude?
mock turtle neck chain out.
Well, I did that.
I am from Stanislaus.
I mean, you know, if you want to, if you want to guys get into 87 to 90, we can talk about.
Did you rock a dickie?
Uh, dickie meaning the fake, the hair, the hair, it just looks like it.
Yeah, I had two when I was little, but my mom bought those.
I was extra young.
But when I was in 678th grade, the style was this.
Cavare cheese.
Sure.
Usually have a blue.
Z Cavare cheese, usually have a belt, like a some ornate,
like silver buckle in front.
They would be tapered.
They look like NC Hammer pants when you sit on a new.
That's all pre-mighted time, but yeah, I got them. And then what don't make you look like NC hammer pants when you should on a daily day.
That's all pre-might time, but yeah, I got them.
And then, what don't make you feel better about it?
And I remember them so.
Eighth grade dance, they were hot.
Eighth grade dance, and used to wear white socks
with black leather slip on loafers.
That's a look.
And how to buckle.
And then I do a turtleneck cardigan,
chain outside the turtle neck.
Yeah, you know, I would do mock turtle neck,
every time I mock turtle neck, chain on the outside and a raiders hat.
Oh, you're a fitter.
When it w a.
What the hell?
Rob base was pumping.
Oh, yeah, I got I got.
Oh, sorry.
No, I mean, that was Rob base was it.
Yeah, that was all right.
All right.
I got something because now we're we we just had a younger comic on
little sash, shout out to little sash, shout out to them.
The what if you're wearing ankle socks, right?
You got a pair of khaki.
You you're you a shorts guy now, yeah, you got a pair of khaki shorts on whatever.
I got all the shorts and you're
got all whatever you need.
And I and I pushed through to mean to keep being a short sky because my legs
are 110% bald
Oh all mine hair 100 tight pants I mean they got well my dad has bald legs
So I was anticipating has bold yeah, and he doesn't wear shorts because he hates him
And so when but I see you in short sometimes and they're literally like glow sticks
And so I was like I won't that that happened to me. I'll tan the bald leg
Yeah, I'll still wear them. Oh, yeah, yeah, but it got worse and worse and now there's nothing so I was like, I won't that that happened to me. I'll tan the bolt leg, and I'll still wear it.
But yeah, yeah, but it got worse and worse
and now there's nothing.
So I do push through that.
And I get asked a lot, do you swim?
And I say, I swim, but that's not why I'm a lexable.
And they go, oh, you knew I was talking about your legs,
I said, I knew you were talking about your legs.
I saw you looking at them.
What kind of ankle sock, what color ankle sock are you doing?
Are you doing white or black?
Okay, so if I'm wearing shorts,
I'm, I'm,
This is an age thing.
I'm going no show on a sock.
Proper no show.
Proper no show.
Okay, if not, it's black.
We ever go no socks and sneakers.
I do it depending on the shoe.
I'll do it with my slip on checkered vans.
Cool.
What's up?
Or a pair that is very comfortable and I don't mind if it's gonna get jacked up.
Oh, stinky.
Yeah, but other than that, I'm all over that because I'm a sneaker guy as well.
So I got them, I got the inserts in there to keep them nice.
I got the pine stuff in there.
You know, so I usually wear a sneaker.
There was something I bought that was like a permanent sock.
Have you ever seen that?
No.
It's in the sneaker. It's this company. I forget what it's called. And basically, it's got like a permanent sock. Have you ever seen that? No. It's in the sneaker.
It's this company.
I forget what it's called.
And basically, it's got like adhesive on it.
And it's like a sock.
And you put it in the shoe and you cut it to the shoe.
And so when you slip your feet in,
there's a layer in between that and with the thing.
Oh, yeah.
I bought it on my store and I was like, this is awesome.
I bought it 10 years ago.
I have the package.
Yeah.
Exactly.
I never opened it, never used it.
Yeah. But throughout the incase you want it. The no socks and sneakers that for the first couple wears it feels great
It feels great all of a sudden you look like a
Vietnam down. Yeah, it's bad. It's bad. You're getting blisters. You're getting all calluses
You're getting that sweat that sweat once it once you have it doesn't go away now
Let me say one other thing about the no shows. Please hit me. There's two types of no shows There's one just below the ankle right just below it
Which if you wear like a slip on you kind of still see you can still see a lot of those no shows
You can still see then there's the like a true. I was never here
It's the one that goes and if you take off you shoot. I swear to God it looks like a ballet slip
Yeah, no, it goes all the way down to the toes and comes back up. So the top of your foot has nothing on it. Now that's if you really want to look like
yeah, I'm nothing on, but I've noticed that when I've taken those off and I'm amongst mixed
company, I get mocked roundly because I look like just a fat ballerina. Yeah, yeah, my lady one time,
the Italian swan, my lady one time lifts so hard that she had tears in her eyes.
And she, you know, like, she got into a fit 10 minutes.
And so for the first three minutes,
I didn't know why she was like,
because she couldn't, she just looked at me
and I just looked like a real,
like a just a fat Italian ballerina.
We were on vacation in Mexico,
we were in the hotel room when I was at the closet changing
and she just started hysterical laughing.
We might have smoked, but then she was, and then she told me what it was and then I mean, you know, I was
doing ballet moves all over the room.
Yeah, baby.
I leaned in.
How is your ballet?
You think you got a mover to in there?
Seen enough.
Okay.
Seen enough.
I was out of this stuff.
He walks on his toes down here.
I used to walk on my toes with shoes on though because the Michael Jackson needs to practice
that.
Sure.
Nice capizio.
You know what capizio is?
No.
Did the shoes used to wear that he'd like moonwalked in?
He wore like, not ankle socks, but they were like folded down a little bit.
Folded down.
Yeah.
My foray into no ankles was, remember the girls?
Trans fats.
What?
The girls would have them. Remember the girls fat
The girls would have them remember the girl that's the they had a little ball on the back
You would cut that off yes, and where yes, I would like to are there still some of those I'm sure you can get sure
2023 baby. Yeah, yeah, um Did you ever have to make back in the day? Cause ankle socks, we talk about this now, obviously products, manufacturing availability, you can get anything
at any point now, right? But back in the day in the 90s or even 80s, whatever, the, getting
your hands on a pair of ankle socks, not everybody. That's why you did it. You had to get
them from your mom. So did you, did you ever fake them? We're like, you fold the, you
fold it down under the heel, like take a regular pair of crew socks and fold them.
You know, I, I don't, that was cool.
But I'll tell you something I did do.
I was going, what later when I was like a teenager,
we were going to a disco tech in the city.
And we were online and they had like, you know,
dress codes or even they didn't.
They had the door at person being picky and telling you
what you couldn't couldn't do and
We were online and I had a shoe that had some like it wasn't a it wasn't a dress shoe
Like it was just like I don't know if it was a sneaker
But it it just wasn't a black leather shoe or whatever and I saw them pulling people out of line and not letting me get in we ran to
Was it Dwayne reader whatever I bought electric tape and I literally taped my shoes all of them
up down, like I wrapped them in the electric tape so that, online in the dark outside, you
glinted, you're always not going there.
And I got in and my shoes were electrical taped the whole night.
And that's how the duct tape shoe trimmed, hit the U.S. in there.
That was you.
I heard stories about it.
That's where it got the name, the electric slot. Wait till he breaks out his moves baby.
Well one time I was at a club he did it reminded me this I was at I went for like two
years to clubs right and I'm at a club and it was like it was it was one of the
ones like when I when ecstasy came out and like it was more like less lounge and
more like a warehouse where people were just like
Walk around like with the rate like baby passifiers And yeah, and I wasn't that but I I was there and me my friends are there and then all of a sudden to dance
Well like someone's like back out back out and they made like a big circle right and it opened up in the middle of like a
Nike like it was like like a limelight type of play. It was called twilight though
Twilo or something like that anyway everyone backed out and this kid,
just a lone kid, he just walks in, right?
He has a backpack on and he, he, he, he, he,
he sets the back behind, he unzips,
he pulls out a helmet.
He puts the helmet on, he straps it in.
Next, he goes right down on his head, spins,
and he just starts spinning on his head,
up on the helmet and
Place was cheering they cleared out for this guy like he does it like they knew it. It's like sure hits 1155 Way helmet. Here he comes his back and then as he's as he's rotating me and my friends go
Holy shit. It's that I don't know if I should say same
But it was some kid from high school from like seven years ago
Is that sure? Yeah, Gary and it was him from high school from like seven years ago. Gary. Yeah.
Well, like is that sure?
Gary.
And it was him.
It was him, man.
He had red hair and freckles.
He was like unmistakable.
And that was not him in high school.
Sure.
Him in high school was.
It's butterfly now.
Under the radar, nothing.
And he cleared out a crowd of his club and put on a helmet.
That's awesome.
And then no one knew he. I mean, I don't know if he had that skill set or developed it
later, but the guy spun on the set for like a good 40 seconds wild.
I don't know.
I'm not enough about me and my club days.
I love that.
Did you ever since we're about the same age, did you ever make the purchase of the Michael
Jackson jacket?
No, I had what I passed off as it. It was a member. It was a member's only. Sure,
it was a red member's only. But I had the capesos and I had the gloves. You did. Yeah, and
I actually have a polar word them for my aunt's house with me and all of them like being
like, you know, like doing the fine. Sure. Would you wear the glove like in regular life
or would just be a performance at like Thanksgiving? Yeah, that was on all the time. Really?
You never know when there's going to be a duel, man. thanks to that was on all the time. Really? You never know when there's going to be a duel man.
Yeah, that's what was on all the time.
I mean, I don't know.
I mean, dude, it's hard to explain to people.
Yeah, but it wasn't like the glove, the real glove.
Who do you have to explain Michael Jackson to when no aliens?
At the top.
He's the motherfucker king of pop.
You guys weren't even told about it.
They know about it.
No, I know, but how hard it hit in the early 80s
when Thriller came out.
It was like, I mean, I like,
Taylor Swift Hoot.
Yeah, sure.
You know what I mean?
People would melt in front of him.
Yeah.
It was like the Beatles.
Sure.
Wait, who are they?
But mine was Jank, like I got it, I remember,
because I got an album, like a promotional album,
but it was the Jackson Five album.
Okay, so the glove, it wasn't like the one you can get now it wasn't even like the one he wore
oh I remember he made them they made them bring them back and do it yeah
yeah but picture my glove is a white winter it was marketed as Michael Jackson
it was a white winter glove it was like a south-earth and oven myth it was a
wool glove and I still have it to this day. And on it was printed the Jackson five and gold
all over the place.
So it was it, it was his glove,
but it was like a Mickey Mouse hand.
And I and I wore it everywhere, everywhere.
Couldn't pick nothing up, but it was all right.
Look, cool.
And in the, in the same vein of putting the socks on first, now I assume the shower is a glass
door, right?
Like a, like a big glass door.
Yeah.
They just type into, but back in the day, when it was, or let's just say you're at a hotel
that with like a standard bath with the tub and the thing and the curtain.
Yeah.
Turn the water on.
Are you getting in the back of the shower?
Are you going in front?
I'm going in the back. Okay. And enter the water stream like you getting in the back of the shower? Are you going in front? I'm going in the back
Okay, yeah, enter the water stream. Yes. Yes. Okay. Yeah, we've established on the podcast that that is the gentleman
This lunatic gets in the front. Yeah
Well, I'm still going to wild ride if you get
What you doing on the edge? I live on the edge. Yeah, wake up. She's a violence baby
I got I just a matter of fact. I do another thing
I turned the hose of the head against the tide.
All.
So it hits the towel, so really no one's going to hurt.
I respect that.
And I just kind of like, you know, I run my hand to that.
Yeah.
I'm going to regret this.
And I swore that I wouldn't bring it up again.
But since Sal's here, I'm going to bring it up.
Can I try to set it up?
Okay.
Because it's, I feel like there's been a lot of jockeying in the setup of this.
No, he's lied every time he's brought it up.
And I finally got one chance to get it out.
Toss out.
I'm so excited right now.
If you're at a dinner, is it uncouth to order a pizza
as an, as an entree for yourself?
Well, again, I don't want to be, it's ticklabin,
it depends on the scenario.
Thank you.
Let's set the scenario a little more.
Yeah.
You enter a place, an Italian restaurant, right?
That has like the coal fire pizza oven.
It's on display for everybody to see.
They have a handful of specialty pizzas.
What are you shaking your head at?
I just, I shouldn't have brought it up.
I know. Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha I Sal we needed a heart no out of the gate man. Oh, I see I see okay, all right
Yeah, they're trying to fucking you know what they write history here, and I'm not gonna allow it
I'm doing pathetic guys. I always want to be like well tell me this scenario
We'll walk through it gently and we'll come out and we'll no one will feel as we heard what time of day was it
No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, set, give me the exact example and I promise I'll shoot straight. Thank you. That's why we invited you. I wasn't even gonna bring it on.
He's wearing a goddamnit.
He's from Staten Island.
What do you, he's on Pro Pizza side.
Yeah.
Come on.
He's probably got some getting delivered here in a couple minutes.
I give speeches for Christmas.
I delivered them for five years.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Okay.
So me and my wife, we go, this has been tried on a bunch.
Me and my wife, we go out. It's one of the, it's not, it's not in the city, it's um, okay. So me and my wife, we go, this has been tried on a bunch. Me and my wife, we go out, it's one of the,
it's not, it's not in the city, it's in the suburbs.
They have like a big coal fire pizza thing,
people are ordering pizza.
It's on the menu.
There's probably about four or five specialty pizzas they do.
We get an app, we split an app,
she gets like the carbonara or something like a pasta dish.
I get the pizza, whatever pizza,
I forget what it was.
The margarita pizza.
She has a slice of the pizza, I have a bite of the carbonara.
Is that crazy?
Absolutely not.
Thank you.
Thank you.
In that situation, I wouldn't even blink.
These two people, I can't believe it's the topic of contention.
They actually got slapped the waiter.
In that scenario, if you're at a, you know, a little bit of a fancier place
or you're with a whole bunch of like a whole big table, I don't know.
I still think if if that's one of their showcase items, showcase items is what we're using
from here on out.
You know, that's something that no one for an Aussie if it's a place that serves pizza
It is a little bit relaxed already. Yes. I don't know if there's an etiquette necessarily now if you order a pizza
I like one of these pizzas like this I get it delivered and there's eight people at the table and you order a pizza and everyone else
Loves an eye right I'd feel a little a little bit a little odd. Yeah, well
Okay, I can see and the woman on the phone when I called the restaurant.
You got that?
And we called on air.
We called the restaurant.
I'm not the judge.
Did you really?
Yeah.
And I thought I was, she screwed me too, Vong.
I got to be honest with you on the call.
I thought I was dead in the water.
I really really tried.
Well, these two were screaming at me.
Call me a piece of shit for an hour.
Wow.
Yeah.
I figured out why I was so opposed to it too.
Because when I was a little kid,
we went to like a TGI Fridays or something.
And I went to order the pizza.
My mom was like, you don't get pizza at a restaurant.
Oh, Fridays, I mean, yeah, okay.
She's like, this is TGI Fridays.
Not Mondays, not Tuesdays, not Wednesdays.
Order a fucking on tray.
Pull that shit during the week, third.
Set up straight pizza boy.
Oh, man, since we're all one on the thing of pizza, are you obviously that island pizza
the whole nine yards given?
Let's say you're on the road somewhere.
You're in, you know, fucking youma or something.
The only thing is available is Domino's or pizza hut.
What are you leaning towards?
Pizza hut.
Really? Yeah. But pizza doesn't deliver. And I'm not going there. So it's going to end up
dominoes. Would you would you go to a pizza Hut on Staten Island when you were a
kid or was it always a local spot? No, there was a pizza. No, you would go. Yeah,
pizza was kind of a restaurant. You do the salad bar. You do the salad bar and they
had the beautiful red plastic cups. They did. You know, and they did bring it over
in that instilling the skillet like hot. Yeah, they did. And they did bring it over in that, still in the skillet, like hot.
Yeah, with the dough.
And it looked like it did on TV.
That's one thing they did right.
Yeah, we did.
It looked exactly as advertised.
Yeah.
Don't get me wrong.
We did regular pizza too.
But that was the sole exception was pizza hot.
The long spatula.
The long spatula.
The long spatula.
You know, you're coming out.
It was terrific.
Yeah.
They even had a really nice, they had a, what do they have in the, in the, in the
foyer of the one I went to, they had an NFL, they had a arcade game that I was just
to play.
What's the one like?
Was it blip?
No, it had to be.
It wasn't blitz.
It was the, it was the one like, we're like, if you're Mike Singletari, you just run down
the field and nobody could stop.
I'm not tech mobile.
That's what it was.
It was.
Yeah. Yeah, they always had one. Mine had one. mobile. That's what it was. It was. Yeah.
They always had one.
Mine had one.
I think it was a Pac-Man or something.
Yeah.
I remember the original handheld football game.
You were just a little dashed.
The Red Dot?
Deep.
I got that.
They remade those now.
They vintage toy like push.
I think once you figure that out, man, you were unstoppable.
Yeah.
Oh, yeah.
One time I went to, so I was on the road and I was just with my my my lady and we were going to a movie and there was we were in the middle of
I don't know where we were my development you know sure and
We were like let's bring a pizza into this movie. We were going to like a midnight movie
That's wild. Yeah, and so it was a dominoes in the big parking lot of the movie theater
Uh-huh, and so we went in I'm gonna sound like I'm some like I'm teaching Sean
But I was high, but I don't get high all this, you know,
I was high at the time.
And we went into a dominoes and there's two kids
working at teens and I go, I'll take whatever,
this regular pizza, pepperoni, right?
And we're waiting in like, in there,
there's no seating, we're waiting in there.
And the kid was like, you know,
they couldn't have been less interested.
And as, you know, and there,
they're not making it from scratch,
that he pulled out the thing and maybe he put the cheese on.
But I see him take, I didn't pay attention long enough,
but I see him take a pepperoni, right?
And I see him go like this, like he threw it down almost like,
like, you know, like, remember, like, like, I'll see you soon.
He just, he made a thing of it.
Like he threw it down, like I heard it like slapped the thing.
And I didn't think of anything,
and I was like, oh, man, you know, he's a showboat or something
I just got showing off hot shot didn't fucking for a promotion right exactly and then I didn't look again got the pizza
We drove to the thing
Maybe we ate it in the car right before the place that's what we did because I opened it in the car and when I opened it
It was the only pepperoni. It was dead center and it was the only pepperoni.
That's how fuck you.
I know. I was like, we lost our shit.
Because think about that.
I was trying to process it.
Like, was he high?
Was he like, fuck you?
Like, was he angry?
Did he know?
I don't know.
Why? How? Who?
What?
Like, it's a sausage town.
I'm not going to come back.
We left so hard, but then I was like, this son of a bitch. I don't know whether they'll be like, good one or like, go's a sausage town. I'm not gonna come back. We left so hard, but then I was like,
this son of a bitch, I don't know whether there'll be like,
good one or like, go back there.
What in pepperoni?
Did you end up bringing the pizza into the,
into the movie?
I think we just ate it.
I think I just ate it in the car.
And then we went in with whatever else we bought in.
Because I was gonna ask for his pizza,
is an entree testimony to be stricken from the record.
What if he took a pizza?
If he took a doubt, it was pizza.
Yeah. Which I would allow, because that's an inery testimony to be stricken from the record what he took a piece if he took a downer's pizza into
Which I would allow because that's an in bonkers
Yeah, I'll tell you to this day though. Well, man, not not too much today
But I am still I can still do it and I did it my whole life. I brought food in I
Fuehler snacks
Food and snacks. What are we talking about? We started snacks and food my mom started that
We snuggle a smuggle that shit into Yankee Stadium
She but we'll do let you like you know, but she used to bring like you know, we bring like a lunch
Oh, she's tinfoil sandwich wrapped, but I used to bring whatever I wanted in that you know snacks
But I also wasn't above bringing in a hero. I would go to like, you know
Just tell you and bring it in right in my pocket
But I know I then I was I was cold here. The cold hero. Nothing too smelly. No, no.
No, not like a tuner. No, but I'll go in subway before going in there.
But then you got to really unwrap it's like you got to wait for an action
sequence. You know what I mean? And especially with like the
sun chips, you really got to wait it out. Somebody blow something up. I'm sorry.
That's so funny. But I would I'll do that because it's like you're not getting in a bag of sun chips when I get lost in gold
Yeah, I had to go see like something made a class
It's like breaking a window, man. It's how really loves the expendables
Just watching the pianists sweating look at I
Literally This sweating look at I use that way too. Literally.
My man, who chose terms of endearment?
Like a fully artist. Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, Yeah, but then I learned that like they really make most of their ever since the pandemic. I won't do it because I know that's where they make
But as a kid when they want to charge me seven dollars for raising that
Me that's always I never did we never did it?
Snuck stuff in that I was always part of the experience. Yeah, I was such a fat kid. What do you do?
The boxes were bigger. Okay, I would still get popcorn or boxes were bigger. Okay. I would I would still get popcorn or nachos
But I would I would you were a nachos guy to yeah nachos actually I don't really love popcorn
It's like the truth, but we still yeah, but I would get nachos
But I would still sneak in my own water sure and my own candy. Yeah, I loved it
I loved getting it there the waiting the what do you get?
I'm gonna get the big box the big big thing
The pretzel I should get snow caps get the car, I'm gonna get the big box, the big, big thing. You know, the pretzel like, oh, I'm gonna get snow caps in the city.
Snow caps, yeah.
But let me tell you something right now.
Go ahead.
Content settled during delivery in those boxes.
Because you pop open that snow cap box
and it was 30% full.
Yeah, sure.
And I used to feel like dusting.
A little hood winked, it's time as well.
Sure.
So that kind of fueled my sleepiness.
Yeah.
Yeah.
All right, let's see here.
I guess we got one more from the staples.
You're putting on the odorant, right?
In the morning, you already got your,
you went pants, socks, whatever.
Are you doing the odorant before the shirt or after the shirt?
100% of the time after the shirt.
After the shirt.
Because I can't risk getting the...
That's also another bigger guy move.
On the shirt, yeah.
Because that stuff don't come out.
It just doesn't, it's like toothpaste.
You have to go that through a proper wash.
You can't go like, it's later on it comes right back.
But I do very, very carefully.
I like cold it and I literally make sure I don't get it.
But you put the shirt on after.
No, you put the deodorant on after.
Well, I put the shirt on 100% the time first.
If there's ever a situation where not,
it has to be like a surgeon.
And that's why I do it because every time,
every single time I mess it up.
And the problem is if you do do that,
like for me, I've ran into it like five times
where you put the deodorant on,
then you put the shirt on,
you notice a stain as you're walking out the door,
you go, shit, I gotta change my shirt. But now you're in the same position with a new order and on.
And now you're going to, you know, also the flip sides, no walking the park either.
No, it stretches it out because you've got to then I got to go like this and I got to like pull
and I got to make sure I'm not just applying it to the shirt.
Because the deodorant I use is a soft solid and it comes up like, you know,
and it's so you can be a banger.
I do secret.
I do a dull. I was secret for a long time. No, know, and it's so huge. I trained you bang out. I do secret. Oh, I do a dull.
I was secret for a long time.
I'm a gel.
No, no, the soft sound.
They're baby powder base, which is way better.
Oh, light and fresh.
Did you rock the gel?
Remember, and you let them, and they come up to the greats.
I put that on, it would make me sweat more.
Yeah, that's what the soft solid does,
but I never eff with gels ever.
And I never, I never, ever got guys deodorant either.
I hate though, I don't need like turbo forest.
Really?
I don't need that.
No, it's all spicy.
No, I can't.
It's all musky and it's like, you know,
it's always just like, you know, tropical, like,
tropic blasts.
It's very fabricating.
It's very manufactured.
It's not like a natural smell.
I do this, before that I did degree and degree.
To.
Degree for a while was unisex.
Yes.
For many years and then someone said,
Oh, that original degree smelled so good.
It was like a light blue almost turquoise.
Turquoise.
Yeah, that was my go too.
I forgot about that.
And let me tell you something right now.
That, that was some really good deodorant it was someone over there props to them
They decided to take that exact deodorant and make it men and women's sure and then call it extra strength because the old stuff
Already had that like whatever that thing is in it. That's like no, you're not gonna sweat
This is gonna you know sure it was already in it
But then they remarketed it as some type of extra, and they started charging instead of $3.99
for that same exact stick,
they started charging $10.99.
Damn.
Yeah, believe it.
Ha ha ha ha.
Put that in your mouth.
Shout out to the boys in market.
Yeah.
And then I switched from degree to secret,
and that's everything that I can say to you
about my deodorant in the past.
I do use the old spice just to you
to know antiperspirant, but what I do too is,
if I forgot my Kelone, if we're traveling,
if we forgot my Kelone, it couldn't take it,
I will do a little on the shoulder.
Just in case I get a hug, I use it as Kelone.
Outside?
No, on the inside, before I put my shirt on.
Ah, I'm giving that.
I'll just do a little crazy.
You get a little fragrant going.
Really?
In case you had a hug, they'd be like, oh, he smells like, because as a bigger guy, you get a little fragrant going. Really? And in case you had a hug, they were like, oh, he smells like...
Because as a bigger guy, you got to play all the angles.
Okay.
And if you're giving like a, you know, puttonic hug to a girl, and you get the, oh, he smells
good.
Right, right.
Okay, I got that.
Yeah.
Little less disgusting.
Right, okay, yeah, that smells better than I thought.
I will go, like, I won't just stay in this area.
I'll go a little lower.
If you saw the amount of the, if you saw the amount of the amount of the amount of the amount I put on you would be
Baffle yeah, my back
That's a ant roller yeah an anti-pursuit. I haven't sweat on my arms in my life
It's quarter-rise without a doubt right now without a doubt right now. I'm gonna get like double-arm pit cancer
But like Sal you crying
right now I'm gonna get like double armpit cancer put like you crying
Dude I had my buddy Pat watch me put it all one time you're like getting ready and he's like I did it He goes what was that?
So shocked I go on I'm put on he's like that's an insane amount of the order for any human to win yeah
That's it's this yeah, yeah, it's a lot. It's a lot. Go down to the elbow. I loaded the nipple.
I don't know if we're years here,
but the adablin any colonial?
I don't.
As in part of my life, I'd stop like 25 years ago
because I get nauseous.
Okay.
All natural.
Any perfume, any colon, I get like literally nauseous.
And when I went, like when I want a plane
and the woman next to me is like doused in like that,
like some type of terrible perfume,
I literally, like I get like watery eyes scratchy throat and I want a vomit
So I had to give it up and the in the Cavareechy days though
What were you using a car? No, I didn't do your car back then I did a CK one
Oh, and I also did a sweet one had a little boss had one
I had a whole I had 10 colognes then yeah
I had a whole I had 10 Cologne's then yeah, yeah, yeah, it's and Cologne's that's doing by doing by mood there was a what's that one?
The Armani what's that one?
George your Amani. Yeah, it was
I was very popular. Yeah, like bottle was it like water or something like that?
Yes, something cool water. No, that was that was something. Yeah, but I'm gonna gonna tell you the colon that came that ended all the other
Clones and then I was like I don't need any of this I gave all my clones away and I only bought the same
Cologne for the year we talking this I wore this I wore this Cologne. I know what it is I'll say late
Late 90s early 2000s. I have two gels. Yeah, aquedigio. No, but that is the one we were trying to,
that was the one we were trying to do.
Oh, that's water, yeah.
Yeah.
Tell water.
I don't know if you're gonna get it,
but I'll give you a hint.
It had a nice citrus to it.
Eternity.
No.
Bad.
Who?
Who said that?
Who said that?
You son of a bitch.
No. Curve. No. Obsession. All good guys all good. Guess.
Lameil no the body the guys body. How about I tell you the company? Maybe not the name. Okay. It was by Clinique
Clinique sir
That's girl stuff. Clinique
Clinique it was wonderful not though. Clinique.
It was wonderful.
And I wore that until the doors fell off in the next time.
I think it was called happy.
It must be.
It's the first result for Clinique.
No kidding.
And you're just a good guy in your bones.
Even your smell is happy.
Who are the nicest guy in comedy?
I'm a very literal guy. Yeah. Wow. I was wearing bitter and angry.
resentful by a full, by strikeout. My dumbass saw this and I was like,
there must be some sort of furell collab they did. Like a song.
I would think that too. These are. It was this happy for men.
Cologne. That's it. That's the bottle. That's the color. It's still out
That's very good for sale right now. Yeah, I might pick that up time. I might pick that up
I just got a bottle from DXL. They had it. It was an impolite
Bacon
What's DSL?
I think you was I think you know the shipping company
I think it's all good. I think you know the shipping company.
I just arrived at my door.
It was delivered by DXL.
When you want to smell four days late.
Yeah, man.
Next time you throw on through Sephora, give it a spray.
I will.
I can't even go into a Sephora.
I can't go into a Yankee candle.
I got a migraine.
I told you, just don't got caught steel
Man, this guy's weird. Imagine working in one of those
No, cut it. Who couldn't? Um, all right, we gotta be going to get to some listener questions
We can we can bang out a couple here. Um, let's see here. This is from Mayhem first time long time 10 dollar homie shout out to you
Have you ever made a custom sports jersey like with your name on it? Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Really?
Yeah, what age we talking?
Now?
Yeah, I got so many.
So is what you're on the back?
Oh, you know what?
No.
Okay.
Given T is different.
Given to me?
Yeah, that's different.
Yeah.
I mean, if you're selling out the Oto Arena
and they give you an arsenal jersey or whatever.
So I have those.
I sure.
Yeah.
Okay, that's way different, South. I have, but Okay, I've way different so
I have a cool. Yeah, I ordered it out of the back of East Bay
I like 60 jerseys. I don't wear them because I'm not a jerk. I get on the body for a jersey
You know, I can't that makes me look even wider
You know what I would love to do, but I feel like it's really given up with is to the baseball Jersey unbuttoned
If I leaned into that a lot, that covers a lot.
Yeah.
That's what I want to do.
I've been giving those also like as gifts from not like shows,
but gifts.
Like I even have sweatshirts with the number of names on the bag.
So I have a bunch of those.
Chrissy D. Rocks those, but he can pull it off.
He's got the body.
He's got a solid body.
He's got a solid body.
He's got a solid body.
Yeah.
But you know, and then also the ones like when you join the team, I got those.
I know you not told my friend, but I did make a custom one recently, a Steelers jersey that
said Big ZD on the back.
That's fun.
But that was fun.
Yeah, that's a big big ZD.
Big ZD.
Okay, cool.
I thought it was big ZD and that's real fun too.
What's up, I'm Sal, was big ZD and that's real fun
Can we can you be sell big ZD volcano? I tell you right right now. I start loan of money. I tell you for the future of this podcast and out lies if I come on here
You do not say my name and my last name ever again. Ladies and gentlemen, big ZD. Big ZD.
Yeah.
P-Boat, that's a home run.
My credits could be the same, but you just call me big ZD.
Big ZD.
Give it up for big ZD, everybody.
Man, that's all right.
Okay.
Man.
This is from Uncle Rico.
Ever wanted T-shirt with an airbrush design on it.
Yeah.
That was big and then I did.
That was Jersey Shore, you know, we had those. And I actually
recently had merch designed, inspired by that. We were kind of thinking about doing the same.
You definitely have a couple of old timey photos too, right? Like you was like a cowboy in
a saloon or a holding like a Tommy guy. Sure. I took a picture of one that I had when I was
little. And I did another one as an adult. I have two nice
Yeah, that's all that. Yeah, you thought you were walking in the alleywood. Yeah, but the kid one I was afraid
I love it forget it
They put me like a like a top coat and I had a cane and like they had these big lights and I didn't want to do it
I was like five sure and then everything was big on me and they took the picture and it literally I could find the picture
I don't want to waste time on on this but I can and they took the picture. And I could find the picture.
I don't want to waste time on this, but I could find it.
And the picture of me, it's black and white.
And they put it in that frame that's oval,
like a brown paper frame.
It looks like it's, you know, the old time.
And it's just me like this.
Your hands off me.
And I lost it.
And I got so sad because I remember that I was like,
I'd never seen that again.
And then like after like 10 years,
I was thinking it was gone forever.
I found it in a book. And I got it back. And that's why I took a photo of it because I was like 10 years, I'm thinking it was gone forever, I found it in a book
and I got it back and that's why I took a photo of it
because I was like, I'll never lose you again.
That's a good one.
I let you go once.
All right, let's see here, this is,
this one's from Greg, have you ever moved furniture
a few blocks using only a dolly?
That's all right.
No, no, not moving.
All right, let's see, let's do one more and then we can wrap it up. Oh,
this is this has been another big fashion. This is from David Nell. Are you garbage if you used to just
tuck the tuck in the front of your shirt? I was big. You thought you were getting away with something. I loved it.
That was a style. I did it a lot. 92 probably. Yeah. You blast out the back, you know, the front, you keep the back, you know, out and it was
like, you know, you were, you know, kind of neat, but you were cool.
Yeah.
A little bit, you know, you're a little bit of an edge to you still.
Yeah.
I used to do it with a Tommy Hilfie shirt, dude.
I love that.
Couldn't tell you nothing.
Nope.
And then I remember the collar was too big.
So we got it like Marshall's, or what?
I was like a miss print.
Man, it was like a mocked.
It was a bad look. And I'd be on the Y'd be on the wildwood boardwalk trolling for chicks. Strike it out and I'll get my picture
taken an old timing plate. Dude, I don't see that anymore. No, I'm sure cooler. You know who does it?
Who I just, I call weird weird down in the wild would actually but Tommy Pope, do you know Tommy Pope? Comic, right? Yeah, he does something similar, but he's a very in shape,
good, well-dressed guy.
And he can, he does that all.
Oh, the half tuck.
The half tuck.
Oh, it's called the French tuck.
Is it?
Oh, yeah.
That's when I put my wiener between my legs.
You're doing it.
I always thought it was out of necessity because my wiener?
No.
I don't want no one seeing it.
You don't want to, you don't want to talk, but the shirt's too long to dress short.
I will do now.
I'll do an abbreviation of that as a bigger guy, you know, if it hangs, because it's
a fine something that fits with and length is tough for me.
So I'll talk the side in to my belt.
I've done it.
And it just bunches up. It's a little tough. You've'll talk the side in to my belt. I've done it just bunches
out. It's a little. Yeah, you taught me that. And it just hang it folds up on one side.
The other side shortens up a little bit. I don't know stage all the time. Yeah, maybe
throw a bomber jacket over that. No one's not a one. I've done it. And I've also done
the front half only and leave one flat hanging. So it's like, it wasn't even, it might
not even been a tension. Sure, yeah.
I'm so casual,
you don't even know what's happening here.
That a little disheveled here.
Am I not like,
I don't know,
I get things to do.
I haven't been thinking about this for four days.
I didn't talk and untuck that half,
tuck ten times before I looked at it.
I'm a serious,
they call me pixini.
I didn't take a hand mirror
to my medicine cabinet mirror
to see what I look like from behind for 10 minutes
I would do that's crazy
I'm a cool guy. It's called a sheriff's pinch
They just making this up now get out of here
Ladies and gentlemen, Mr. Salvalkana. I love you man. Thank you. On tour right now. Yes, like 25 cities up right now
Presale for the special goes out September 13th and
14th. Yes. And then on sale September 15th, they're going to be at the Vic theater in Chicago,
Illinois. Why don't you record it again? December 2nd. It's a Saturday. There you go. And if we sell
that, we'll move to the first at SavileCountauComedy.com and the pre-sale code is no-press-pr-es-h, which is
the network. The network that I do the pods on. horse, I have the hay babe and taste buds if you guys
they've been on it. I'm not you schedule for
both. Yeah, we're coming back. Yeah, yeah, yeah, of course,
you guys were literally like, you might be my all time
favor. Yeah, thank you. There was something about like, you
guys, I don't know, you just, you just did it so well. Thank
you. You weren't like, like, guess like, okay, what do I
gonna do? You just like, I mean, you live the shit. Well, I
mean, we argued over bagel bite. So it guess like, okay, what are I gonna do? You just like, I mean, you live the shit. Well, I mean, we argued over bagel bites.
I was like, this is my super favorite.
What are we talking about?
Yeah, so I'm excited that you guys know.
You and the Rosa going back and forth, man.
There's nothing better.
It's fantastic.
Well, that's how I feel about you guys.
Thank you.
We love you, buddy.
Thank you so much.
Kippy, what do you got for them?
We're all over the road.
RUGARBAGE.COM for the tickets.
That second show in Philly, we had another one at the film
or get those tickets.
That's moving quick too. We appreciate the love Toronto third show.
I think maybe a four show in Chicago. Get those fucking tickets.
We love you.
Can come see us. Go see Mr. Salvo economy. He's on tour right now.
Get tickets for that special. We love you. We'll see you next week.
Peace.