Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast - Sam Morril: NYC Class

Episode Date: May 14, 2020

Stand up comedian Sam Morril Joins Kippy and Foley for another round of Are You Garbage? Sam talks about growing up in Manhattan, underage drinking, stand up comedy, and the best snack food.  You know Sam Morril from Tonight Show, Conan, and Comedy Central.  Submit your own AYG questions: [e-mail]

Welcome to another exciting edition of Are You Garbage, the show where you find out if your favorite comedians are classy individuals or absolute trash. Now here are your hosts, Kevin Ryan and H Foley. Hey everybody out there and welcome back to everybody's favorite new podcast. This is Are You Garbage, the show where we sit down with your favorite comedians and find out if they grew up classy or if they're absolute trash. I'm your host H Foley coming at you on a beautiful cloudy day here in Astoria, Queens. My good pal and co-host, hot tailed out of town at the first sign of trouble is riding

out the pandemic at an undisclosed location somewhere in the very classy Wildwood, New Jersey. Our good pal, ladies and gentlemen, Kevin James Ryan everybody. Oh baby, down here in Casablanca Studios and we'll love it every minute of it. It's doom and gloom down here though for sure. It ain't looking pretty, but happy to be here. Thanks so much guys for tuning in. We really appreciate it.

Thank you for rating, reviewing, subscribing. You can do that on iTunes, Spotify, and the full video is up on YouTube. We appreciate it. And also everybody's sending in their own Are You Garbage questions, so we appreciate. You can send them to rugarbage at gmail.com. Thanks. Very nice, Kippy. Thanks so much.

And we have a very special guest today, one of my absolute favorites. I know one of Kippy's absolute favorites. We're going to lead off this, again, another fucking laundry list of credits here. We got big guests on this show and I love it. As far as acting wise, you've seen them on Billions. You've seen them on Insight Amy Schumer. His stand-up comedy credits are unbelievable. You got the Tonight Show.

You have his first special, positive influence, last call, Carson Daly. This week at the Comedy Cellar, the late, late show with James Corden lights out with David Spade. His brand new special, which is absolutely fantastic, called I Got This, the Conan O'Brien show. Ladies and gentlemen, that is all well and good, but we're here to find out, is he garbage? I say absolutely no way. Ladies and gentlemen, Sam Arrell, everybody.

Thank you. We all are a little, right? I mean, it's funny. I think, I think, I must have been one of the last episodes of David Spade before it got canned because it got canned so soon after I was on that you feel like a little guilt. Cancel that show? Yeah. What?

A good show, right? Yeah. They canceled lights out. That spot is poison. That like, that 1130 spot for like, since Colbert, once he left, it was like, you're, you're going to last two months at best. Yeah, nothing really special. That show was actually awesome, man.

And plus they had so many things that they could cut up and release digitally. I just, yeah, but I think, you know, I mean, we can get to this another time, but Comedy Central's got some issues. They're just, they just laid off like everybody there. It's sad. It's horrible. But, you know, started selling salsa last couple of weeks. I always said this and I know we get, we gave, you know, when we have a comic on Sam, it

means that we really love them. We really respect what they do. I always thought when I would watch, see the, the week at the seller, I mean, I think you're one of the best like pure comedians, pure joke writers, especially in New York city. And I used to think to myself, if I was running that operation, really give this fucking kid the TV show. Everybody else was just, everybody else would just say something topical and then jump into a bit from like 12 years ago.

Right? Yeah. I know. It's like fucking Trump versus Biden anyway, like my grandpa, just a bit about your grandpa. Yeah, dude, I missed that show more than anything, mostly because it just, it just makes you write jokes. It just keeps you, it just keeps you current. And it's like, you know, for someone with ADD as bad as I have, you need a homework assignment

to kind of steer you in the right direction. So I miss that show so much. I thought, I thought you were fucking great on it, man. And thank you, dude. It's totally topical because you don't have to give anything away personal that's going to like hurt. Sure. Sometimes you give away like a personal joke to like a, to like a set and you're like, well,

no one's ever going to see that. It hurts if that's kind of like gone, but, but a topical joke, you don't really give a shit about. Like that's, that was Tuesday. You know? Yeah. Yeah. That wasn't, that wasn't going to make it in six months or whatever.

Yeah. Exactly. Dude, I was just telling Foley that I wouldn't, I did a terrible show in Pennsylvania five years ago and the guy did a Lorraine a Bobbitt joke and I was like, Jesus Christ. Oh man. And afterwards, afterwards it goes, it was a good joke, 22 years ago, it's a good joke today. I was like, no, it's not.

Oh, so guess what? Other women have cut men's dicks off since then. Just sure. Just set up. Yeah. Yeah. Just change the names. Remember Lorraine a Bobbitt.

You say fucking another guy's dick got cut off and like, all right, that's like, now it's like three years old. Yeah. Yeah. Exactly. Yeah. Just put a little polish on it. You know what I mean?

I like I should cut that part off. That's ironic. Jesus. I saw the porno that guy did after that happened to him. Still had a pretty decent piece on him. Yeah. You didn't know that? No, I didn't.

Yeah. It was him and they ran the whole storyline. I don't know if you got fucking life rights for it or what, but it was like him in a hospital bed, like recovering from this injury. And then his nurse came in and worked on his little tiny pee pee. It wasn't it wasn't great, but for getting slashed off, still look pretty decent little resale value on that thing that's bad. So Sam, this is our you garbage.

We've had some of your cronies on here, some of your boys on here and I got to say, yeah, you got Paul Verzi. You got Joe List. Mark Norman, Bobby Kelly, all trash. They're all garbage. I could have saved you a 50 minute podcast on that, but you I have a lot of hope for here. All right.

Really? Yeah. Well, the t-shirts not helping me a little bit. I was expecting a suit and tie. Oh, man. Upper East Side Kid. Right. Yeah.

Grew up on the Upper East Side. Yeah. Straight. That's Upper East Side in the 90s. Two kippy. That was a lot of cash. That's all money up there. Oh, yeah.

So just tell us a little bit like what was it like? So you were a pure city kid. What did your mom and dad do? My mom's an artist. My dad's a lawyer. He worked for Viacom. Jesus. Yeah.

Yeah. He was doing a lot of like copyright stuff. So, you know, ironically, my dad would be, I'd be like fighting against my dad now because I've been illegally uploading so many clips from Comedy Central, which is a part of Viacom. Yeah. Draft and letter, cease and desist orders. So I will really, I will call my dad and be like, can I get in trouble for this?

And I'll be like, probably not. Like I will actually like go to him for like that sometime. He is my lawyer. Like I have friends like Mark Norman has a lawyer. My Mark's dad is also a lawyer, you know? So I don't know if Mark uses his dad though. I use my dad because he knows about entertainment law. So I, and people have told me not to do that because they're like, well, you know, if he

fucks up a deal, it could hurt your relationship. And I'm like, with my dad, we'll be okay. Yeah. Look what happened to Billy Joel next thing you know, your old man's sailing away with 40 million of your money. That's true. Well, we don't have that problem. Yeah.

So yeah, originally like, I guess it's flat iron now, but I call it a Chelsea grown up. I was originally Chelsea. Then I was Upper East Side. My mom married my dad, product of a blended family. So he's technically my stepdad. Okay. And I call him dad. He's a great dad.

Yeah. A brother and sister who, who are stepbrother and step sister, but you know, you just, I was so young, man. I was like, probably, when they met probably like three or four and they got married and I was like seven. Wow. So it's almost all you remember. Exactly.

I mean, my name was, I was Sam Greenberg, you know, so like how, how do you enact with that? Oh man. That's Catskills all over a baby Sam Greenberg coming at you. I would have changed my first name to Shecky, but you know, it's like, it would have been harder to play the Midwest back then. That might even be hard to play the Midwest now with Sam Greenberg. I know.

Well, you know, so yeah, I mean, I, I love growing up in Manhattan. It was, to me, it was like, it's a different vibe. It's like, that's why, you know, I'm always fascinated to have city kids on the show because it is such a different thing. And it's, I mean, there's garbage in it. Like, like to say, to say that like your mom got remarried and stuff like that, you could look at stepdad, stepmom stuff like that is trashy. But when you're dealing with an entertainment lawyer or an artist, it kind of raises the

class a little bit. And that's, that's the kind of shit you see in the city. Well, we had, I had a biological father leave. So that definitely, if we're talking about that, you don't see that in Manhattan, uh, stereotypically. So that's, that's just bridging tunnel right there, dude. You have a very Manhattan. I mean, even like, you're like, my mom's an artist, my dad's an entertainment lawyer.

I grew up in Chelsea or flat. That's like, that's like the beginning of like a bad movie. That's like what a bad script writer would, you know, and be like, she's an artist. He's a lawyer. They live in Manhattan. You know, I can't sell a fucking TV show, but like, this is hacky. I'm like, it's my life. Jesus Christ.

It's very Igby goes down to me and I get a little bit of a cruel intentions vibe from him as well. In a good way. Oh, man. Uh, yeah. I mean, I remember loving that movie as a kid. I hit me right at the right age and then, and then I read dangerous liaisons years later and I'll like, this movie fucking sucks.

It's a way better script, but, uh, you know, uh, yeah, you know, I went to like a preppy Upper East side school and you went to a private school, right? I did. Yeah. And I, but here's the thing. I definitely rebelled against it. If we're going like trash versus no trash, I definitely rebelled against it. You know, I was, uh, there was, there was definitely some cocaine floating around that

high school. You know, I must have been awesome, man. We're all friends here, baby. Like in the beginning, it's like in the beginning, like the kids in traffic. That's what I imagine you would, you would tow for grace hanging out, that was a good movie right now. That was a great fucking movie. Uh, man.

I love him. But, uh, so, uh, yeah, I, I mean, it's funny, people would always say to me like gossip girl, and that's how I know the girl would be like too young for me. I'd be like, I don't fucking know what you're talking about, you know, but, uh, I never did coke once. I've never done it in my life because I knew a kid who fucking, this is dark here, but I knew a kid who like, I was in probably like seventh grade, he was an eighth and he fucking jumped out of a window because he did too much coke, 30 stories, eight.

He was an eighth. So, uh, I know what you're thinking. He didn't make it. But see, that one now that fucked me up. That was one of those things where I was like, oh man, I'm not touching coke. And there was a baseball coach in my school who was just like the coolest guy and he would, he just liked me because I was a bad kid. And I think he just thought it was funny.

He was like, he was a rebel too, because it was like a stuffy private school and he was like a vulgar Jewish, uh, coach. He sounded like he talked like George Carlin. That was the tone of his voice. He would say shit like, uh, he would say shit like, he would say something racist in class and then, and then turn to one of the black kids and go, oh, I'm racist. I went to fucking Memphis, 14 white guys, eight Christians, one Jew. And we'd be like, yeah, it's still racist.

Yeah, you're just doubling down on the racism at this point. But you know, uh, yeah, he kind of steered me on a, on a good path. I mean, I still got fucked up, but it was mostly like, I smoked so much weed in high school. I drank so much in high school. Like I really, eighth grade on, I was pretty bad. That's always weird. I mean, do you get like, where would you get beer at?

Like the bodega is like, you would find a bodega to sell you or like, first, I mean, you name it. We all had fake IDs on top of that. Yeah. I know. He was taking a subway when he was probably fucking seven years old. Yeah, that's true. We were.

And, and so we have, we all have fake IDs. If that didn't work, you, you loiter outside of bodega and you look for someone with kind eyes, you know, uh, there's always ways. There's always someone who, I remember there was a Chinese restaurant, it was like a little shit hole called Simon's, which is like, what's Chinese restaurant is called Simon's? Come on down to Barry's for, you know, he's like, oh, halla hands, Chinese food, delicious. But anyway, we, uh, we'd go there, I remember. We would, we wouldn't eat Chinese food.

We just sit down and I'd be like, Bud Light play, isn't it? All right. That's awesome. Get posted in a Chinese place. Always someone's parents were out of town and they had to like, I mean, we were bad kids. We found ways. You know, I remember being like, I mean, this is fucking embarrassing, you know, but like, we would get in like dealers cars.

It was a different time. I would just get in like and buy weed. This is like when buying weed was a big deal. This is. Now you walk in and do a dispensary and it's just like, oh yeah, here, you take whatever you want. They're like, you know, Dan Sotter's got that joke, how they're like Somalia's now. But like, I remember I, I'd go in there and, and my friend would be like, fuck, he just

got in a car. He's driving through the park with this guy. I hope he comes out. Yeah. No shit. We didn't know that guy and you're doing it for a 40 of something called sour diesel or whatever the fuck it was called back then. But uh, yeah, so we, we were bad kids for sure.

I mean, I, which weird is a lot of the kids from my high school, like either had serious drug problems or fucking overdosed. Jesus. This is like fucking the beginning of sleepers. I know you can't, you can't even, you can't even say the kid that jumped off the building is trashed up because he said he was on the 30th floor. That's money. Most suburban kids that they're living in ranch houses, split level.

You can't kill yourself jumping off a nine foot roof. Terran ACL then you're like, then you're fucking, yeah. All right. Well, let's get into some questions here and I think, I think, I think we've geared the questions perfectly towards the city environment. Um, let's go on. I want to start with some of the basics. Uh, your mom's an artist, your dad's a lawyer.

Was there, was there a maid involved that a maid lived with you guys? We had a nanny here and there, but it was never like an all around like the clock made. But we occasionally we had a maid. Yeah. Sometimes. Who was it? I'm sorry. Did you have to clean up before they came or would they like come and like pick up your

laundry off the floor? My mom would want me to clean my room before she came. Yeah. That was the same. That's like, that's a respectable like shell out another 20 bucks and have them do it. What are we doing? Was your mom cooking? Yeah.

Your mom cooked. All right. I'm a decent cook and it's because I'm not good, but like quarantine, I'm living with a girl who's like, you know, I'm living with my girlfriend Taylor and she's, uh, she smokes a decent amount of a pot or edibles or whatever. And she's also like, she's vegan minus like eggs. So she thinks anything I cook is like amazing. Oh yeah.

Yeah. Because the bar is fucking low. The bar is real low. So my mom can cook. She's like, she makes like good, good, healthy meals. She's a healthy. She's, she's in great shape. So is my dad.

They're healthy. So growing up, will you, will you butter in or margarine? Butter. Okay. Did you ever have this is, did you ever have the spray? I can't believe it's not butter. Everyone had that spray. Come on.

Dude. I never, my mom would never buy it. I went to my buddy's house. I was like, what? I'm like, I thought it was like Windex or something. I'm like, I'm not fucking putting this on my toast. I, uh, yeah, you don't put on your toast. You do it for like eggs or something.

Yeah. Like Pam or whatever it's called that you spray it with. Now it's all olive oil. I only really, you know, just cause like you can put on anything. Where the fuck was olive oil? Where was olive oil in the 80s or 90s? I didn't, we didn't know anything. It was like vegetable oil.

We were eating. I don't know. My parents like doing, doing vegetables and vegetable oil, but I've like this weird taste. You're like, what the fuck is this? Yeah, you know, uh, the Mediterranean's, I mean, they, they did it right for so long. We didn't, we act like we always say, where the fuck was sea salt in our chocolate until like five years ago? Dude, you get a, you get a, you get a chocolate bar with a hint of sea salt.

It's like 7.99. About fucking the best eight bucks I ever spent. Why can't, why can't Snickers or Twix just throw some salt on their chocolate? It's charges 10 more cents. Cause you know, that's what salt costs. I know. I make, my girlfriend's been making cookies. I almost said I made them.

I almost took credit for her fucking cookies. She put salt on them. She sprinkles some salt on them, they're amazing. It did. It's so fucking good. It's really good. Dude, I remember, I remember when flips came out, they were like the first generic or the first like mass produced, uh, like you could buy a bag of chocolate covered pretzels.

Oh, I still get them. The best thing about them is they left the salt on. They were like the only people to ever keep the salt on. So you would, I would, took my first bite of a flips on a school trip to like the renaissance fair or something and fucking blew my air back. Yeah. Flip changed the game. As, as good as it gets for like a, for a snack, what's like my favorite, man?

I fucking, I'm obsessed with this new one that's like, they're like Hershey's gold or whatever. Oh yeah. It's like, it's got like little pretzel pieces in the Hershey's. It's fucking insane. Yeah. That's the only couple of questions in Sammy's got some expensive taste and that's fucking that ain't, that ain't trash.

Where did your mom go? Where'd your mom go to the grocery store in the city? Would you go Zabars? Zabars was like a treat. Zabars was like, my dad would go running sometimes and he would stop in Zabars and like, it was like a treat if we get like, uh, like locks and bagels and shit. That was like a, that was like a sometimes Sunday treat. You know, that's fucking classy.

No, we went to like, she, she would keep it like. Dagestinos. Yeah. We did a little bit of every, I don't think we had like a go to grocery store. I think it was like wherever there, there was a trashy one by us called associated and we went there for a while and then she was like, this place fucking, this place sucks. Those are tough man. The associated.

Yeah. It's just like cardboard boxes of produce. I'm like, what the fuck is this? I want to say this kid's not garbage at all because I remember when I first came to the city and I went to an associated, I thought it was like the Taj Mahal saying associated the produce was trash. It was always like, it was always rotten and shit. It's, it's not a good grocery store.

Yeah. It's always the worst, the worst grocery store in the city as everyone in New York should know is Christie's without question because the fucking, and by the way, I remember John cats and Matides or whatever the guy who runs it ran for mayor a few years back. He looks like a fucking catfish. He's looking up if you don't know what he looks like, but Christie's is like, not only is it like on the level of bad that associated it is, it's like whole foods back in the day expensive, like whole foods once Amazon bought it, the prices came down a little at least.

Now it's like fucking Christie's is like expensive and horrible. Yeah. The only time I ever been, I was living, I lived briefly in Brooklyn Heights, which is like super fucking night, you know what I mean? It's all just like millionaires and shit and so it was that when that was, that's what was in the neighborhood. So that was really nice. That was the only time I thought it was a nice fucking spot to go.

I didn't realize it was trashy. It's Christie's isn't trashy. You're saying what he's it's just fucking over. It's like insanely expensive. It's like they act like they're whole foods and Whole Foods at least has some good quality shit in there. You know? Yeah.

Well, he said Whole Foods like a rich guy. You hear he said that whole foods. Yeah. Very classy. Look, man, look, I'll fucking go to any grocery store at this. I'm going to like weird ass ones in LA right now because you just want to get. The point that now when you're in LA like whole gardening co-ops, believe me, I want to go to Whole Foods more than ever right now.

But the problem is like that's what everyone in fucking LA that there's so many people like this is the only grocery store I know of and you're like, no, you got to go to the fucking shit whole grocery stores. Yeah. Because those are the ones that have everything. It's untouched. I got sick as fuck from going to one of the mainstream ones Vaughn's. Have you heard of Vaughn's?

Yeah. Yeah. It sounds bad. It's one of the big ones here. It's pretty nice. But I mean, but that's the problem. It's one of the big ones. So it's like I got, I was on my ass.

I think I had COVID. Yikes. Jesus. Really? It was, it was the sickest I've been in the year. It only lasted like a day and a half, but it was like, I was like a one on one temperature. I was hurting. Good immune system.

This kid ain't garbage. Right now. This guy was popping Flintstones. Yeah. Took down COVID in a day and a half. That's fucking. I don't, I don't have a good immune system, man. I'm always sick.

I mean, and you guys know what it is. You're on the road. It's like, if you're on the road, you're always sick. So I'm nervous about this shit right here. Yeah. It's true. You haven't been far. You've been, oh, you've been over there.

Stay awful. I've seen people still flying. Yeah. Fuck that. Yeah. If they're with like the CDC. Fine. But anyone else.

What exactly? I'm like, what the fuck are you doing? You see, they're opening up the, they just announced carnivals opening up cruises again in August. Yeah. Like Jo Mackie and I said, you could, you could finally work again. Did cruises were garbage before this? I used to, oh, ever since I was a kid, I would see, you know, 2,500 people, uh, sick with

bacteria and cruise ship. We never went, we couldn't afford it, but we were never going on a cruise ship. Cruise ships. Have you ever performed on a cruise? No. I would only think I would go. I went on the, I only did one. I did that in practical jokers.

That's the only one I would do was like, you're with a great group of people, but it's still a fucking boat. Like I hate boats, man. I just, I don't like it. And also, I think everyone gained a hot 12 at least. Yeah. Cause there's food in every room. You go into like, you go into like a banquet hall room and you're like, why is there fried

chicken in here? You know, trying to add new up. It's weird. That's why I did. I would have loved to do it just for the buffet, man. Fucking hit the all you can eat shrimp. Fuck. There was a, there's a basketball court on the, on the boat though.

There's some shit that you're like, this is kind of cool. Yeah. I've only ever seen commercials and I'm like, that's fucking wild. We'll have like this, this slide that goes into the pool on the boat. I'm like, what? This is bizarre. It goes over the side of the boat underneath the boat through the propeller room fucking back up.

That's cool. But the fucking populism. Yeah. Yeah. That's, yeah. That's where she stuck. All right. Can we hit him?

All right. Have you ever bought or sold anything on Craigslist? I've definitely sold furniture on there. I don't know if I bought anything on there. I've done it a couple of times. I've sold stuff on there for sure. Yeah. I've bought stuff where you had to like go to their apartment and it's like, every

time before I walk in the door, I'm like, why the fuck am I doing this? What am I doing? Nobody's still doing that now. Right. I mean, not during fucking code. I mean, women sure as fuck don't. I thought Craigslist got shut down. Didn't Craigslist get shut down?

No, I think you can still like look at apartments or maybe not. I don't know. I know the escort's got shut down. That's what I heard. Yeah. Oh, that's what I heard, too. Well, that's not all. That's not the only thing you use Craigslist for.

That's all you should be using it for. Otherwise, you're fucking garbage. Sam, have you ever ran down the subway tunnels when you were a kid? Ran down the tunnels? Yeah. Yeah, of course. You what? Really?

Oh, wait. No, in the tracks. Oh, no, of course not. I think I'm in on the train. No, God, no. Who the fuck does it? What is this? The Warriors?

No. My next question was, have you ever fought a rival gang member? I guess I'll scratch that. What fucking gang? The fucking Upper West Side? Yeah. Come on. The Van Buren Boys.

Yeah, I'm with them now. I'm rewatching Seinfeld, so that fucking landed extra hard here. Dude, I just went back a couple of weeks ago and did it. It's fucking, I mean, I crushed every season in like two weeks. So good. Sopranos and Seinfeld are like my warm blanket rewar. Dude, it's, I'm so, because I talk, I mean, like, you know, a lot of people, especially comedians are, you know, of our age and our generation, are so influenced by the show

Seinfeld. Well, my wife is from Europe, so she's never seen it. So like, she started watching, she's like, you've just been quoting this show. She's like, I thought you were like coming up with all these lines and references. Oh, dude. I'm just stealing them from fucking Seinfeld. Dude, my girlfriend's younger than me. I made a watch Glengarry Glengorosh last night and she, like 10 minutes in, was like

always be closeness from this. Yeah, pretty great. Yeah, fucking mammoth. That's awesome. So have you ever taken any pictures down at the subway? Like, have you ever given any photos of like you and your friends hanging out, like on the train tracks or down in the subways? No, I never went on the track.

I remember there was a movie. There was a movie. I forgot the name of it, but like where they said the third rail would electrocute you. And I was, that was enough to scare me. Yeah, I still believe that is true. That's why you don't fuck with the third rail. That's 100 percent true. I've obviously seen people go down there, but you don't.

You're always like, good luck to that fucker and you better not get hit because I got somewhere to be, you know what I mean? So as a kid, would you you would go from train to train? Like between, you know, often from off. Yeah, but that's I mean, that's really bad now. But people are telling me, I mean, people still do it. But that was that wasn't like as big a deal back then. I'm sure. I mean, it probably was more dangerous back then.

But it wasn't as strong upon. Did you ever break dance on the train? Were you one of the showtime guys? Never officially, but I'm sure when you're a kid, you're silly. Yeah, I mean, we did silly shit on the train. But no, never like never officially. Did you ever sell? Did you ever sell anything on the trains?

Did you ever sell candy on the trains? No, never sold anything on the trains. I used to do this class. Come on. I would sell shit on the street. Like, like, like when I was a kid in summer, it was like really young, like lemonade and shit, but I would never do. Okay, he's a young businessman.

He's a young professional. He's gets he's an entrepreneur. I like it. Never, never candy. No, never got into the candy game on the summer. No, I never broke into it. I got one. Go ahead, Kippy.

Have you ever had Thanksgiving dinner at a restaurant? Shit. One year we did Chinese food, I think, because something like something went wrong with the turkey. So one year we did Chinese. But that's like, that's a fucking like I wanted to I wanted to omit that the second it came out of my mouth because now we sound like Jewish stereotypes that we're like, fuck the fuck the fuck the Thanksgiving story.

Fuck the turkey. Let's let's get some general. So let's go to Simons or whatever. Christmas, I'm going to get some Bud Light and some fucking generals out Christmas. They just what? So what do you say Christmas day? Would you hit Chinese in a movie, though? Yeah, of course.

I was always so jealous of my friends. I got to do that. Yeah, awesome. Why is that the tradition? Do you know why? Because they're the only places open. Yeah. Well, movies, well, I think for a couple of reasons.

First off, you get a lot of good movies that come around around that time of year. So it's so it's and like you're with your family and Chinese is just like it's a celebratory Jewish meal. I think it goes back to like a lot of Jews and Asian settling around the same time and Chinese being cheap, but you know, easy to get. And then it just it just stuck with Jews as like a traditional meal. So so weird. Chinese is a go to for sure to this day.

I love Chinese is probably my favorite. I always felt Thanksgiving dinner in that I've always like you would see that in move the only time I saw the would see that as a kid would be in movies from like in New York, like people would go to have Thanksgiving dinner at a at a restaurant that blew my fucking mind. No, no, we didn't. I think it was one year, I think. And it was because like the oven was fucked or something.

It was some dumb reason. No, we normally do it at all. Yeah, we would go to Boston usually. That's where my dad's folks were from. So we'd usually go to Boston for Thanksgiving. Nice, classy. Again, this kid's hitting all the buttons. I'll pay that.

Yeah. All right. What about growing up? What was the earliest that you went to a strip club in the city? Once you go to scores for the first time. I know that was big when you were a kid. I've never been there. I went to one when I was probably like 18 or so.

All right. Have you ever eaten at a strip club? Yeah, once. What the fuck? Come on, Sam. Here's what happened. Here's what happened. Is that good or bad?

That's bad. What do you mean? What do you mean? No, they had good Chinese food. What can I say? Well, no, it was here's what happened. My friend Dennis growing up, his dad was like, he was like a madman character. He was like a fucking, I mean, rest in peace.

He was a great guy, but he was a total party animal and he loved us. And invited us one night. He's like, meet me at this steakhouse. And my steakhouse is on 47th and 10th and wherever he was. And sure, that's that's such one of those blocks that I should with my friend and I, Dennis, we showed up in a t-shirt like this, a white t-shirt in both and like cargo shorts and they're like, you can't come in here. It was the penthouse club and they gave they loaned us a penthouse polo

shirts to walk in with like that really cleaned us up. Oh, sure. But, you know, the one of the gypsy steal your shirt and you couldn't get it back. So we go up there in any way. The dad was like, I got your crab cakes. So that was the one time I had a strip club. That's fucking hard. That's tough.

The only time I ever did was was in New York. And we were at a bachelor party, stumbling around all day, drink. You know, we started drinking like 10. Yeah, we made it to a strip club at like four and I could like barely see. And I like looked in the back and there was just like a set up like catering. You know what I mean? There was like a couple of, you know, I don't know, tacos or something. I just fucking wrong.

I could barely see. I'm like, I need to get something in me before I throw up on these fucking strippers. Yeah, it's trash. It's yeah, it's not good. I'm not I'm not a fan of strip clubs. It's not my thing. But, you know, you obviously it's like part of your growing up process. Yeah, you got from 18 to 25.

After that, it's yeah, after that, it's it's rough. Have you ever gotten to a fight with a bouncer in the city? Definitely not physically, but I've seen that and that does not look like it ends well. Never have I seen the Patriots. If you're fighting the bouncer, you're fucking trash. Let me think. Have I I've gotten in like arguments with them for sure when you're like young and had too much to drink, but no, no.

I mean, I knew my frame from a young age. And I knew. Sure, sure. But have have you ever ordered a screwdriver at the bar? Geez, I don't think so. And that's a that's a dead giveaway. You're either underage or a piece of garbage if you're ordering a screwdriver. My move when I was underage was to order a drink that made me sound old. So when I was like 18, I'd be like, give me a gin gimlet.

And they're like, you know, so I would try to just order something that made me sound like, well, I'd be like, fucking, you know, you know, you can't order anything sweet or that's a giveaway that you're young. Although I'll tell you, you know, who's go to drink was a screwdriver slash from Guns N' Roses. So you can only do it if you're underage or a rock star. You're rock star. You can drink whatever you want. You can drink whatever the fuck you want. Yeah.

Yeah. I do. Gimlet. Give me a Jim Gimlet and a TV guide, please. Thank you. It's only it's only gin and lime juice, but it makes you sound worldly. Of course. Of course. I just got a little nervous hearing it. Dude, I was at the Lancer the one time and they let that was on stage and like these like five clearly underage girls came in and they were like,

oh, waitress came and was like, what do you want to drink? And she's like, oh, do you have anything on special? She's like, oh, we have five dollar well drinks. They go, OK, we'll take three of those. And I was like, oh, you have no idea what a well drink. That's hilarious. She goes, OK, three of those. One time I was 20, I think.

And, you know, I used to run this show with Harrison Greenbaum, who's a magician, you know, and we went to a bar after the show and I had a fake ID and he didn't. And he takes out a wallet and it just lights on fire. And the bouncer is like, all right, go inside. That's pretty fun. He was impressed enough with the trick that he was like, all right, you can drink underage. Nobody does that trick unless they're going through a divorce.

What was what was the neighborhood you would go drink at? They're like, it was like a neighbor was like the East Village where you could there was a bunch of shitty bars you could get in. Because I know there was a there was a bunch on the Upper West Side, too, I think. Yeah, like Jakes, dilemmas and sure, the Ginmail. I know all those. Yeah, those have been around for freaking ever. I think those were like harder on IDs. I think they were like that was a rep.

I remember there was a bar in the East Village called Bar Nun that we used to hit up. Yeah, it was. Yeah. That was easy to get into. That was like there was never an issue there. And I think they still do shows. Yeah. They do comedy shows there. Yeah, I think in the back. Oh, man, how funny is that to do stand up at a place used to drink underage?

It's fucking weird. I think I might have done a show there once now that you mentioned it. But yeah, there were I mean, when you you start with like hookah bars because they don't give a shit and then you're like, all right, now Chinese restaurants, now let's work our way up to like a shitty fake disco. And we made it like Scarface. Did you ever go to limelight or any any place like that? Or was that done by the time?

I think that was it might have still been around, but it wasn't like a pop. I was not a club guy. I never to this day, I hate clubs. I don't like places where your personality is is taken out of the equation. I didn't I never had the confidence to just walk up to a girl and like present myself. You know, I needed like two step and go. What do you think, sweetheart? That's pretty good, man.

I never articulate it like that. I love the personalities out of the equation. I mean, I water. Exactly. You need I felt like my only chance was to open it with something funny. And of course, I was never I'd been to a couple. But I was miserable. I hated it. Sam's picking up chicks at diners on the upper east side.

Proudie, it's quarantine. Yeah. And when you go out to a restaurant, do you ever order the special? Hmm. That's a classy move right there. Is it? I usually don't. I don't think I can't. I'm sure I have my life. It's not my I usually have my mind made up pretty quickly. I'm usually I'm usually a quick decision eater.

I'm easy to food. I can eat. I appreciate good food, but I can honestly eat anything. Yeah. Are you a chicken fingers kid? When I was a kid, fuck, yeah, not anymore. Now it's like it's funny. Now I used to get so excited by unhealthy food. Now I see fucking fried food and I'm just like fucking kid.

I ate this shit for so many fucking years because it was all the club had. When you got to perform for an hour after eating fried food, it's like fucking it's just not good for you. You feel like you're like you feel like gas in your chest and you're like, oh, I feel like coming out of my pores and my fingers and stuff. I'm like, you can like I feel the oil that it, you know what I mean? I feel like I'm in the deep fryer after I like French fries or something. It's definitely not a little bit later.

It's not real food. Yeah, it's not extra virgin either. If I'm going to eat like shit, I want it. I don't want to regret it at all. Like if I get like a burger like in an hour, at least or like Shake Shack, at least that's like a burger. I'm not going to like regret, you know, yeah, or I don't know. If I'm going to do fast food or something, I want to I want to do it right.

OK, all right, I got I got one for you. I think this is very garbage, especially you being a city kid up a reside. Did you ever in your formative years date a girl who lived in either New Jersey or Long Island that you would have to go out and see her out there and like maybe spend the night out there? God, no, no way. All right. I believe you call it bridge and tunnel. Is that right? I believe I called it.

I'm fucking lazy. Is it like I'm not I'm not I'm not hopping on the path train or whatever fucking train. I knew guys that did that. Like I have family there. I'll go see my family, but that's about it. All right, growing up, are you a Shark Bites household or a Gushers family? I love them both, honestly. Yeah.

I like them, but it's just my mom by them growing up. My mom was very healthy. She like if I had to eat, I had to sneak a lot of sugary stuff into the house. My mom was very, very healthy. I know I would buy them. But I my favorite like candy type things like that are like junk food. Things were like I love Gushers. I love Shark Bites.

I love Dunkaroos. I love I love fruit roll up fruit by the foot. That was all my shit right there. Yeah. And obviously, like cookies, chips away for sure. The best we would get is a fruit roll up. We never got fucking Gushers or Shark Bites were like that was like Kruger. There was no way we were ever fucking seeing that in the house because we eat the whole thing.

I'd eat the we eat the whole box. Really, you couldn't control yourself around sugary treats fully? You seem like such a guy who comes with self restraint when it comes to that stuff. All right, that's neither here nor there. Let's keep the let's keep working this kid here. Have you ever ran out onto the field at a sporting event? God, have I? Close as I got was the dugout.

One time we snuck down to the dugout and I got a fist bump from Jorge Pesada. That was the club. We were like we were high up and and it was a blowout. So the Yankees were winning by a shitload and he was already my favorite player. So it was like, no, I never got in the field. But I one time I got in the field was like on the field day at a Mets game that my friend and my friend took me to. So that was like the closest.

Yeah, that doesn't count. I'm talking like I'm talking about streaking across fucking. No, Yankee Stadium screaming Baba Buoy getting arrested. No, close. Closest I got was it was a Pesada fist bump. But that was that was pretty big. That's clean living. Yeah. I was I was a big Yankees fan.

So that was pretty damn cool. When you go to a game, do you go like as kid or whatever? Would you buy cheap tickets knowing and then knowingly try to sneak down? Yeah, that was a move usually. Yeah, that's garbage. I like it. I mean, like I did it like, I don't know, last summer or something went to a Mets game. Like just because I had the night off, my body is like, we're going. I'm like, all right, I'm in and we went and we bought like the $17 tickets.

And then next, you know, we're like, you know, 30 rows back or something out. You know, I'm like the first baseline. It was great. That's a good thing about baseball is you get 162 games. So like, no, who the fuck goes to every game? You've got to be like insanely die hard. Yeah, nor have autism. One of the other. Yeah. I never understood what security guys gave a shit.

It's like, it's the fucking seventh inning. They ain't coming. I can't get up there fucking hang out. Yeah, they usually don't give a shit. I don't know. Yeah, I feel like I did that recently. I feel like the Philly state, even at the vet, they were like, they were like fucking FBI. They're like, didn't want you anywhere near the fucking field. It was brutal. Dude, this is you want to talk about this just that just shook this memory. How garbage my family is. My uncle was a cop in the Philly PD.

So for big Eagles games, he would sneak up because Philly, the veteran stadium had a jail in it, had a jail and a judge and a courthouse. Because so many people get arrested, they would process you immediately. So like, you didn't have to like all ship you to fucking jail or whatever. He would take us in through the jail entrance. He would sneak us in and then we would just like sit in the handicap section or something. But that's a pretty good section, though. Yeah, it was pretty good.

It was definitely it was definitely that was there was no view obstructed at all. Yeah. All right. Have you ever been involved in or been to a topless or bikini car wash? No, but I also like can't even drive. So car questions are like they're like, yeah, that's such a New York kid. I can't I can't I have a license, but it was like I got it late as hell. And I got it. She gave it to me at a pity, the instructor.

I went into the car like I failed twice. Please don't fail me. And she laughed and I was like, oh, I'm good. So that was like, yeah, there you go. Yeah, break the ice. Did you have jobs growing up as a kid? Did you work or no? Did you work at a call center?

A call center? Yeah. Like cold calls? Yeah. No, I didn't do that. Kevin, can you add to that? Oh, that's a tough one. Yeah, I've definitely I've definitely been involved in some illegal scams over the phone that I found out like after the second week. I think I tried to be a knife salesman for like a week and I just didn't have it.

I think that was. That's trash. I cut to a knife salesman, buddy. That's that's king. That's the king of the garbage right there. I was young as hell, though. I still had this voice. So and I was like, I am selling shit.

You want some noise? Get the fuck out of here. Working with grown men as a kid. We said this before. It's there's there's no better education when you're like a 15, 17 year old kid and you're working with grown fucking men. It's like a real eye opener. Yeah, unless you're Hailey Jollos meant to get out of here.

All right, I think I only got one or two more. Do you ever wear a chain wallet? Never. Never. You ever wear a jean jacket with no sleeves? Have you ever had quiche? I love quiche. Garbage. No, quiche is clean living.

Do you make it the night before? What are you talking about? You're not trash. I did. I used to date a girl who would make it a lot of quiche and I liked it. Yeah, it was good. Big fan. Have you ever owned a futon?

Yeah. Ever had a rat tail as a haircut? I would look like Frasier Crane. So no, it won't look like a rat tail. It would look like a little curly poof in the back of my head. I'm getting it now. Jeez. Frasier was a great show.

I saw, I see Jerry's little like curly mullet on Seinfeld. I'm like, yeah, that's what would happen to me. If that was, that was a weird, because Jerry's a, he looks really good now. He's like aged really well. That's really well. They all look so 90s on that show that you're like, oh, that's fucking weird. That's what you do with curly hair back then. He didn't use it, but Jerry had a tight little body, man.

Remember when he shaved his chest? He was pretty jacked and he never had to put any product in that hair. It was just like, yeah, it was like naturally 90s. Yeah, dude. That, that show is just fucking every time Kramer just kills me. I'm like, why did he have to do that? You heard everyone, you heard everyone involved when you, like you think about, think about making a show that great.

Like, dude, the entire cast of the Cosby show is shit out of luck on royalties. Yep. Bill Cosby was a fucking rapist. You know that like when Kramer went on that rant, everyone on Seinfeld was like, don't fuck up our royalties. I know it's still, I mean, but they still play it so yeah, that didn't even fucking. I know, but you never know when something like that happens.

I'm sure some, I'm sure some people like, I don't know. Yeah, I, I, I wouldn't fucking even know what to begin. That's, that's not how you take down a heckler is what I would say. Well, that's the guy that from Cosby show that was working at at Trader Joe's. That was the reason he was working at Trader Joe's is because fucking they stopped running the Cosby show. So his residual was dried up. So he had to fucking take a regular job.

It's brutal. Fucking Cosby couldn't hear no fucking creep. God damn, I know Cosby should just fucking give them that guy like a million. I know Cosby's in jail. How, how garbage is that? How crazy is that to think Bill Cosby is in prison right now? And he deserves it. It's not even, I mean, I guess you'd have to be that famous and go away.

But like, dude, he is, he was a crazy thing about Cosby. He's maybe the most horrible serial rapist of our, of our lifetime. Right. Yeah, it's crazy. And was also America's dad at one point, which is, you know, and he also got mad at Eddie Murphy for cursing. Yeah, he used to break his balls. I tell you what, anyone who's like holier than that than that.

They have some dirt on them. Usually, not always, but usually. I still wouldn't mind getting my hands on a couple of Jell-O Pudding Pops. I'm not going to lie to you on that. That's understandable. Those are all right. All right. I just got a couple more here.

Have you ever, you ever had tuna casserole? Yeah, I like it. What about Sherbert? Were you a Sherbert family? I didn't like Sherbert. I never liked it. Yeah, it just like it's just shitty ice cream. I like ice cream.

I love it, but I'm garbage and I'm really pulling for you not to be garbage. So I'm glad you didn't. I don't think it's like horrible, but like it's just not for me. I like ice cream. I'm also I'm also technically lactose intolerant, but I just fought it for so many years that I'm kind of. You got immunity to it. I think I think I beat it.

I think I beat lactose intolerance. My girlfriend is she is bad with lactose intolerance. So we got like a bunch of oat milk ice cream in the fridge. I got to tell you, it's fucking good. Dude, it's not bad. What's it, the Oatly or something? There's some there's one brand that's really fucking good. Yeah, I'll tell you what the best one is.

If you can find it. And this is a is the Van Luen's vegan shit is unreal. There's a van Luen's right next to you, so it's expensive. It's like probably like they have it at Whole Foods. They have it at like one of the grocery stores out here and they have it. One of those like kind of nice little grocery stores by me in New York. But it's like, yeah, it's fucking incredible. I got to give it a word.

It sounds real classy. Oh, it's I you better believe I checked to see if it was German or not. I didn't want my fucking Jewish blood immunity only to be. Yeah, we're profiteering. Yeah, if you got anything else, I got just one more. Have you ever had three? Have you ever had three D Doritos? Oh, that had no money all over it.

You don't remember those? I remember them, but I don't. I mean, let me wait. Hold on. Let me look it up real quick. So I want to see what they look like so I can give you a little tiny huge. But like they were like puffed up and be like kind of a mini Dorito. And then they puffed that up. Yep, I've had this.

Oh, man. There was like a wax coating in the middle of them. They were not fucking good. I got to tell you, I got on board with some trashy new stuff. Like I remember when Mountain Dew Code Red came out, oh, dude, trash, trash. I'm all about it. One of those ice cold and ice 20 ounce it out at some fucking Turnpike gas station. I love it.

Do they still make it? Yeah, yeah, they have like a blue one now, too. Yeah, I remember doing a road gig like nine years ago with Joe List and he pulled over and bought a Mountain Dew and I was like, really? I didn't expect it. I was kind of like good for you. Because I'm a coffee guy. I do coffee for my, you know, I drink a ton of coffee now.

But like back in the day when sugar didn't fuck me up like it does now, it just makes like you get that initial high, which is great. But then like 20 minutes later, I'm just like, I'm sad. You know, sugar does to me now. I get sad and I feel sticky. I'm like, I can feel the sugar like coming out of my pores. That's so true. Yeah, it sucks. Mountain Dew is fucking garbage, man.

If you're my last question for you, Sam, and I'm going to say right now, no way this kid's not garbage at all. Oh, wow. All right. Kippy, what do you think? Yeah, you've got a couple of blemishes in the file, but pretty Teflon. Just don't blow it here. OK. Sam Morel, have you ever been involved with Tiger Shulman Karate?

Any karate school or this is the big one. OK. Have you ever practiced karate in public? I did. I did like kickboxing when I was a kid, but it wasn't like a karate school. Kickboxing was cool. That was boxing was cool. Yeah. No, one of those kids wearing a gi in Central Park, fucking working on his moves. Never, never.

I I I feel like that's I hate that shit. And it's like fucking learn it in private and then dazzle someone when shit goes down. Yeah, exactly. You know, I was never into that. I don't like I don't like also like so many people who just take a martial art. They take it for like two weeks and they're like, let me try this move on you. And you're like, yeah, that's not how it works. Yeah, get the fucking bricks.

Work on the dummy for a couple of couple of weeks before you try it out on real people. I hate the guys fucking practicing juggling in the park. I'm always like, yo, take that shit fucking down by the river. Fucking take your bowling pin somewhere. I know there's always a guy in in in Washington Square Park. It's him and his girlfriend or him and his wife tossing bowling pins back to each other. And I cringe every time I see that guy's getting late. You believe that that if I told my girlfriend, hey,

I want you to take go out. We're going to juggle together. I'd be fucking dropped in two seconds. Dude, he's looking at you saying the same thing. Him and his him and his girl. Like you believe that guy that guy's getting laid right there. The guy with the nine chins and no teeth. He's getting laid.

Oh, my God. Sam Arrell, not garbage, buddy. Thank you so much for joining us. Is there anything you want the folks out there to know that they probably that they might not already know? I don't know how that's possible. I got a special at some Comedy Central. It's free. It's it's just Sam Arrell.

I got this and I got I do two podcasts. One's basketball, one's movies. I do Pod Don't Lie with Stavros and I do a movie podcast with Taylor Tomlinson called This Is Important To Me. We just like, you know, any new couple you're like, this is I like this movie. You haven't seen it. You should have seen it. We watch it. We play clips. It's pretty fun. Nice. Good. I like that.

Kip, anything we've got to know? No. Yeah. Just make sure you go to you rate, review, subscribe on iTunes. We appreciate all the new reviews are coming in. All the new subscribers. Also, the full video is available on YouTube. Please check that out. Rate, review, subscribe, comment, all that jazz. And you can submit your questions to RUgarbage at gmail.com.

Yeah, very nice. Sam, thank you so much, buddy. We really appreciate you coming on and talking to us. We had a really good time. We'll see you guys next time. Thank you so much. This has been RU Garbage. I'm Age Foley. Good night. Thanks, guys.