Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast - Shane Gillis: Pennsylvania Garbage

Episode Date: May 28, 2020

Shane Gillis joins the podcast to talk fighting his dad, America, and his alcoholic family. You know Shane Gillis from stand up comedy, Matt & Shane's Secret Podcast, The Bonfire, and SNL (sorta). PATREON: https://www.patreon.com/AreYouGarbage

Hey gang, it's your old pals Uncle Hank and kippy Kevin James Ryan special announcement. The are you garbage patreon is alive Oh, baby. It is up and running clean living go to patreon.com Slash are you garbage where you can get exclusive content? We're gonna have bonus episodes every week We're gonna have stuff me and Foley from the hard feelings archive We're gonna do live streams the whole nine yards Getting why you can buy low sell high what they say so check it out everybody go to patreon.com Slash are you garbage? We need this? Welcome to another exciting edition of are you garbage the show where you find out if your favorite comedians are classy individuals or

Absolute trash now here are your hosts Kevin Ryan and H. Foley Hey everybody out there and welcome back to everybody's favorite new podcast This is are you garbage the show where we sit down with your favorite comedians and find out if they grew up classy Or if they grew up absolute trash. I'm your host H. Foley coming at you from my mom's man cave Down here in southeastern, Pennsylvania word on the street pork chops on the smoker for dinden and I cannot be happier My co-host coming at you from an undisclosed location somewhere southern, New Jersey Wildwood 222 Ocean Avenue our good pal kippy Kevin James Ryan everybody yo yo king of the boardwalk still reigning supreme down here Dude, Sam's pizza as far as the eye can see and I'm loving every fucking minute of it

I'm happy to be here guys. Thanks so much for tuning in if you're new to the podcast Please make sure you rate review subscribe on iTunes full video available on YouTube and subscribe there as well And if you are new check out our past episodes. We had fucking Mark Norman Dan Soder Joe List Bobby Kelly fucking Andrew Schultz We had fucking everybody so go check those out guys and hit that patreon baby. Are you garbage patreon backslash? Are you garbage get on there for all kinds of exclusive content? It's gonna be fun But that's neither here nor there. We are extremely excited about our very funny guest today He is an extremely funny stand-up comedian. He tours all over the country He makes regular appearances on the bonfire on Sirius XM with big J. O'Criston and Dan Soder

He's also a regular on the dug stand-home podcast. He was a 2019 selection for JFL new faces of Montreal, Canada He's in the extremely funny short tires and he's also the director of 2019 short bad deal But the big question on everybody's mind today is he garbage? What was the uh, what was the bad deal? Bad deal. You didn't direct that 2019 no on your imbd No, this guy Fake fake imd credits. Jesus christ. No, I don't know what that is trouble That's on there. It says you're a writer and director of it

Yeah, I think that might be a different guy I don't know how to get rid of it It was your picture Ladies and gentlemen Shane Gillis What's up? You forgot a couple credits, but how's it going? What did he forget? I was trying to smooth over a couple of you know that reason to dig up the past Well, I don't know if that was the first podcast not to no, I don't give a fuck. Yeah, I don't I don't want to I don't want to go down that road with you

um But we're happy to have you here, buddy Are you garbage situation? I honestly up until probably 12 hours ago. I would have said complete garbage But I did a little research did a little homework. I'm gonna say the kid's all class. Kippy. What are you thinking? I don't know man. I know he's got you know, he's got you're from like Harrisburg or something right? I'm leaning garbage. That's tough. Uh, you're from like central pa a little bit. I'm from mechanicsburg. So Uh, yeah, but I grew up in like a

Nice a nice house and a nice neighborhood. How far away were you from Harrisburg? Uh, it's like 20 minutes west Yeah, so it's about the same comparison to where we are to Philly. So Yeah, um But definitely rural right blue collar. Yeah. Yeah. Well, it's weird how much this area has changed in the last like 10 years. I mean, it was definitely Very rural very blue collar, but now it's totally suburban It's probably suburban and we were one of the first suburban neighborhoods out here. So I've always been

It's always a good look when you have kids new money. I like it I am first the first new development the first cul-de-sac in the we fucking gentrified Bought low and the real estate started going up your pops like yeah, we're not doing too bad pretty sweet Well, he grew up on like a creek Oh News kids, dude Eight siblings and they all fist fought and their dad died They were they were garbage. They're garbage. That's like real garbage

But the thing is is that kind of never really like my kids. Hopefully we'll have zero garbage I'm half Sure. So this is this is what we're finding out about it's like it's generational You know what I mean? Like if your dad was garbage your garbage your kids might even be unless Unless you have like an all-star career They're going to be somewhat fucking garbage Yeah, I have this thing where I'm starting to do I do a lot of the stuff that my dad does and like I'm starting to like Just like the mannerisms are like oh everything

Yeah, so that that that that that inherent garbage doesn't really go away too easily I gotta say I saw an instagram story of you. Your dad's a fucking fucking brick shithouse. He'd still kick your ass, right? Uh, that's that's been the debate lately in fact earlier today Dude, that is such I do with my dad. He's with my dad. It's such a trash thing If you're like, I got I could take you and he's like I got one more left in me kid 100% what he says. Yeah, I was gonna ask you I was gonna ask you as a question and it was gonna be a trick question Like whether you thought you could beat your dad up and the trick question is if you even think about that

You're fucking trash because intelligent classy people don't think about fist fighting their own bed Well, I'll tell you what about it. I literally before this podcast started he and I had that debate in the kitchen Today and he because I you know, I squared up to him and like jabbed him a little and joking around Yeah, of course, and then he he was like, I'll I'll fuck you up And I was like I would beat the fuck out of you And this was in front of my mother so I mean, maybe it's not all classic

She's not it's not she backs your dad up. She backs your old man up like yeah, he'll kick your fucking ass Oh, he's done that. So one time, uh, I came out of the bathroom And my dad fucking towel whipped me in the face Like I oh he was doing laundry, which is right outside of the house. Let's go. It was insane He towel whipped me in the face and then I fucking grabbed the towel And he hid behind my mother And I was like, I was like if Joan you better move or I'm gonna fucking towel whip you And she stayed still

So I towel whipped her and normally I'm bad at towel whipping, but I fucking it was a perfect crack and she started crying And my dad went from like, oh, this is playful to just in my fucking face Like he hit his girl Yeah, he got my face. It was just like, I'll fuck you up. You pussy My dad's called me a pussy so many times. It was crazy. Yeah There's a in in trashy families There's a 10-year period where the where the son and the dad are just that like a constant fucking standoff Of who wants to fucking test it, you know what I mean?

Because once they get into their 60s, they start losing a little a little bit more but from like From 50 to 60. It's just two two fucking lions ironing each other up And I got when I was I was playing football So I got very big and I would I just would bully this fucking guy Like he was he was probably like 50 years old And I was So I would like wrestle him and beat his ass But if we fist fought back then he would have fucked me up. Yeah, it's a weird thing

There's some kind of psychology or like, yeah, like even at like, you know, like I played football too And like my prime physical shape I was still like, you know, not scared, but like I knew There's something about a man's like a grown man's hand Punching in the face that just does so much damage and just even though they're out of shape They have that look in their eye like Yeah, well, they'll do it And they're they're different. That's the that's the generational thing where my dad grew up fighting constantly I've been in like 10 fights. This guy used to fight

constantly Yeah, so he's I mean from a time period where like neighborhoods used to fight, you know what I mean? I'm like, let's go to third street and just fuck those guys up. You're like, what? Yeah, it's just fighting dudes from a section of the place Irish and Italians going at it. We're fucking with each other at the playground Yeah, man out here, it was uh, it was anti-catholics. We still had the uh, really?

We had the good yeah, we in in mechanics, we still had good racism where it was just like northern ireland shit. Yeah Yeah, it was it was the Protestants And yeah, my dad my dad has a story about he was playing basketball one day and he went to the same high school as me We went to a catholic high school and uh, there's a school called red land here, which is like I don't know. They literally even when I was in high school their student section would wear orange when they played us to like Be the Protestants and they fucking during my game. My dad was and they threw like fish onto the court They were called fish eaters and shit. Holy shit. You don't bow down to the king. Yeah. Yeah, that's like 1800 shit

Yeah, that's games in New York shit I'll I'll stop hijacking your fucking pockets, but a good story when that was no, that's what dude That's what that's what we want, baby We want in this game in this game my dad gripped up the dude. He was guarding it was like if I see you outside of this I'm gonna fuck you up and uh Like four years later in college. He saw the guy at a bar and I don't think the guy recognized him And my dad was like, let's go outside. He just jumped this dude He just beat the shit out of a guy for no reason

You fast forward like 30 years the guy's eating dinner with his family at some casual dining facility You guys are in there eating your dad's like, I'll be right back get the check It's like the last scene in sleepers when they kill fucking Kevin bacon Yeah, it was for no reason. What does your pop do? What does he do for a living? Uh, he's a salesman. So okay He does I was actually making fun of him yesterday. He also pretend Like all dads. He thinks he was a fucking troupe for some reason In his old age, he you know, he like salutes the flag and shit and uh, no, he's just a salesman

Not just not selling him short. But yeah, I'm down in Wildwood and every Friday and Saturday and Sunday morning on the boardwalk It shuts down at 10 a.m. And they play the Pledge of Allegiance and the national anthem, dude, and it is it's pure america, dude I love every second I feel I'm sitting there like trump 2020, baby. This is a good It'll get you going, dude It hikes me up, dude nationalism you get you get some white dudes going on nationalism. It's hard to pump those brakes Yeah, it really is once that blood gets pumping dude. It's fucking game. What guys love nationalism We did uh, we did taps on Memorial Day at three o'clock made everybody stop at the party the kids let taps play

somebody in my neighborhood, uh Somebody in my neighborhood, I guess has a trumpet and they played taps on Memorial Day and my dad stood up and He literally stood there like that and we were like that was that was what started the uh troupe fight. I was like You're a fucking salesman Stop Your dad's paying for a flyby over the house He's out of his mind. What about your mom? What does she do for a living? Uh, she was a teacher. I think she's retired now. Okay. All right. Yeah

That's pretty good. All right, and uh typical Growing up How was that? Uh, it was good. I mean trouble. Yeah. Did you get into trouble as a kid? I did get in a lot of trouble, but it was never real trouble. It was never like Yeah, I wasn't doing fucking just kids. Yeah, I guess we were like smoking cigarettes and weed and shit, but You know, you weren't like stealing cars in Harrisburg or anything like no nothing like that. Just drink just substances That was always the problem. There you go. Because Harrisburg's scary, man. I've only I've only been there like

Where I realize it like I've only been there remembering it once for a show Early out in comedy It was Labor Day weekend. I think the place where you started was probably there Yeah, um H. Mac H. Mac that huge that huge big kind of big stage, right? Yeah, it was me. Oh, yeah It was like me kevin cotton and joker shaynor murdered everybody. He was fucking bomb Shaynor ate my lunch to the point where like his setups were like getting applause breaks and I was like, yeah Yeah, shaynor's shaynor's shaynor's built for h mac. He's like

He's like because it's all like fucking white trash that think they're hipsters. Yeah Yeah, he would do a setup and people would stand up and clap their hands over their head And I went up there like I gotta I got a lot of dumb Italian friends Yeah I gotta bring him back Here's something I want to I want to bring up before we get into the questions We're gonna get the question in a second play. Are you garbage? Um, this is something interesting I don't know if kippy knows this but am I right or wrong in hearing the fact that you got into west point? Is that right?

Yeah, I did Wild did you did you do that's how all your grades in high school? They were good, but not like I mean, honestly, it's pretty crazy. I think I was ranked like Bottom of my class That's like that's like an Ivy League school Yeah, I did well on the sat's and also not like great. I got like an 1170. It wasn't crazy, but I got uh twice what I got I know but I got uh It was for football. That's how I got in but did you get the appointment from like because you have to get like a point

By a congressman. Yeah, I met like with a congressman who tried to like I mean, they were all excited to the football player was going because normally Truthfully the guys that go to west point typically are fucking dorks. They're like super smart. Yeah It's a lot of soccer players and cross country dudes a lot of boy scouts It's mostly literally boy scouts like most fucking dudes at west point where eagle scouts It's fucking crazy, but uh and a lot of them had like perfect sat's it was nuts Then you're just in there fucking giving kids no gays and shoving them in well, I got I quit like right away I quit after

Yeah, I quit after three weeks. Oh shit. I didn't know that you actually went there and did all that stuff I didn't know you were allowed to do that. You can just quit the army after three weeks. Yeah Well, once I heard you could just leave I was like, all right. Well, I'm gonna fucking leave Oh, I thought you were in for five years No, I went to I Now if you quit I think after your sophomore year you owe them the the service so dudes that like quit their junior senior year Just are enlisted as privates Yeah, it was just I uh, you know, I was a pussy and I fucked up going there. So

It was like like day one I was fucking around like joking and of uh a drill sergeant heard me So he heard somebody so he comes running over to us It was like who said that and a fucking dude next to me stepped up and told on me What that's first Fucking pussy shit. Yeah, man. Yeah a lot of snitching over there Ha ha ha kind of hold each other accountable. I was like, ah, these are not my fucking. Yeah, these aren't my kind of guys Yeah, let me go. Let me go back to mcconnorsburg and fight my dad

Yeah That led to some fights. Oh, I imagine he was fucking pissed. Well, he was he was through the fucking roof one day He's a patriot before a Dude, that was his fucking I was his dream is kid going to west point. Oh playing football at army. That was like he was There's still army hats in my house floating around like there's still west point gear around the house, uh He I remember one day I was leaving the house and I was talking to him about going to west point because I didn't really want to go But there was a lot of pressure my parent like I told my mom I was going to commit to temple and she cried

Oh, that's where I went to you where all we could have been out together I almost went there and quit definitely after two days for sure. I would have quit you were gonna play football there too Yeah, it was down to eastern michigan temple and army. Well, what year did you graduate high school? Oh six Oh, yeah, I was oh five. They were terrible when you when you would have went there. Yeah, that's why I got offered They were dude, they would lose games like fucking 65 to oh and the night before they were you showing up in my house On like a friday night for like a kegger. I'm like, dude, get the fuck out of here. You guys think Fucking go get some rest, dude. Yeah

Yeah But uh Is that why you did you quit because of football? Uh, yeah, I quit because It definitely fucking sucked and I I was definitely like soft and as soon as I found out I could quit. I was like, oh, I'm fucking out of here Yeah, um What you I knew I'm going into it

My dad was definitely pissed at first So the the west point like trains the parents because they know during basic training every kid is going to be like I'm out. I'm going home. And so when I so the parents are trained to be like, you're not allowed to come home You're not allowed at our house. So my parents said that to me and I was like, you fucking losers Yeah, you fucking dorks, dude I wrote them because it was all letter correspondence, too. So I like wrote them a letter. What? Yeah, I got a letter That was like you can't you can't quit. So then I wrote like a fucking three page on loosely

You know shitty handwriting just like you never did shit with your lives. Don't tell me to fucking do this And of course I regretted it I was being a pussy. I was being emotional and I felt You know, I felt horrible about writing that letter. But yeah, and so and then the next letter was like, sorry We were told to do that. You can obviously you can come Shane Shane, we're so sorry. We're so sorry Yeah, dude, I can't imagine the anxiety involved in fucking having to send a letter like that with all those emotions in it Then wait for fucking two weeks for it to get back

Then you gotta wait till tuesday for fucking mail call till shock sard shows up Holy shit. Yeah, and you got mail call was fucking hilarious, too Now the the basic training stuff was kind of easy at west point Like it's designed for like I said dorks to get across country people. Yeah, it's not like yeah It's not like marines or army boot camp. It's fucking It's like do 10 push-ups like the drill the drill instructor has gotten trouble for swearing at us Like Yeah, like cadets reported the drill instructors for using profanity and they got in trouble

And then they came back from that meeting and were like you pussies fucking here we go We're fucking killing you tonight So all this snitching Jesus fucking it's that's so that's the whole fucking like it's all it's all about like duty Honor country. That's the fucking thing. So like if somebody cheats there's an honor code like if if you're cheating or something It's everybody's duty to fucking tell on you. No, I get that cheating is one thing but fucking rat I mean, what about the fucking? Yeah, the code that you're for your fellow soldiers Didn't these fucking guys see a few good men? It's the first one. You keep your mouth shut goad red

The one that killed himself Yeah, it was it was a tough one. It was a dark period. Holy shit. Wow crazy. It's all working out, baby We're close. We're close. Yeah, we were close dude. We were real close I was looking at channel my god kids having a good kids having a great two years. Oh man This is really gonna fucking speed bumping his in his hot year that the kids got going and wait That was a double that was a double pump to your old man too because first he had west point and was he excited about that too Uh, well, truthfully they had 24 hours to be excited about snl. Nice. All right. I mean they had 24 hours So thankfully it wasn't like they didn't go around bragging really to their friends as much as I they would have if they had more than 24 hours

Dude, he's got to fucking hate you man He should do your ass dude. He should just fucking tune you up in the kitchen one day. I know he's gonna He does Did they give him reasons to to brag at the bar? Yeah for like a couple of weeks. Yeah. Yeah, he just shows up and people are like, how's your son? Hey, gillis, what happened to your boy over there? Real fucking fishy to that kid, huh? Real funny guy Holy shit. All right, let's play are you garbage? That was fucking awesome, man. I love that

We're gonna ask you a series of questions. Shane determine whether you're garbage or not. Like I said, you got The west point thing was big with me even even even if it was athletic. I'm all in. I got fucking I got 700 on my sat so you're a fucking three times Yo, the kids struggles the kids struggles. Are you dumb? You don't seem dumb. No. Oh, well that's stuff. I am Yeah, dude foley's dumb in every everything socially You're funny. How are you dumb? What's what's fucking he's doing? Dude, he's doing rodney danger field. If you really boil it down, he's just doing rodney. You want to know what happened in high school? I got no respect. That's what happened

No, man. I fucking I was terrible at taking tests and all that stuff. I was yeah, bad student bad student crossed the board All the way now no way So 1150 1150 you're a fucking Kennedy in my book. I like Well, let's find out kippy. You want to start it off? You want me to hit him with a couple of couple of the basics You can do uh, do a couple of the basics. Yeah, I'm interested to know. Um, shampoo in the bathroom What were you working with down there? I imagine it was irish spring your old man Jesus. Yeah, it depended who it fully depended on who went shopping grocery shopping I'd know I had two older sisters. So I did have some nice stuff

There you go. I had two older sisters. So there was yeah, but it was all shit. I didn't know what the fuck it was It was always like You know, I'd have to read bottles to figure out It was Am I gonna catch a burner on this one or what? For sure. Yeah, I definitely jerked off with like high quality salon Moroccan oil or some shit Fucking pubes all shiny and shit

Who used to have the conditioner? That was my move. I was a big conditioner guy back in the day Oh, just just just a little bit of water Little dime size, baby. You're fucking getting me hard. I might go do that today. I'm at home I might get one for the for the old man. Where's the conditioner? I'll tell you this this is a devastating uh, I was embarrassed to report this yesterday on my My uh, there's a box of tissues in the room. I'm staying in that I used up And I don't think he's got a cold

Went in yesterday and there's a new tissue But first off, I don't know what the fuck she's doing in my room, but second secondly That's a tough look reloading your boys Tissues that's a fucking dark one. Yeah, she she knows what's going on Yeah, it's no good. She knows what's going down. That's fucking too funny, man I always thought I was getting away with it too. Not not recently, but uh in like seventh grade I would shower for like an hour and a half. You're sure in my head. I've never been caught like I've never been Confronted, so I think I've got

I got confronted uh, probably two years later when uh, I was out my sisters My sisters were quick to be like, yeah, everybody knows you're beating off in the shower knock that off There's a $700 water bill for june Well, we just had uh, we just had a situation with the kids apparently last summer it started But uh, the three boys a couple of Nephews and and some cousins were doing the fucking take the turn on the jets by the pool What he's doing, that's my jet go ahead and your fucking jacuzzi No, yeah, they were fucking taking turns on that fucking my mom had to put the kibosh on that real quick

Fucking yeah kids fucking the pool. Yeah, I mean what you gonna What you just gonna let them do that? I'll take turns putting their fucking stinger in the hole I got hot dogs on you boys hurry up over there Holy shit. All right, so Stuff with your good stuff with your sisters. That's pretty good. Uh, were you a miracle whip or a helman's man ace family? Uh I don't know. I was neither. I guess mayonnaise. Are you a no mayonnaise guy? I've grown into it. Yeah, uh grown up now. Never. Yeah, it's a pretty classy thing because I love it

I know that's fucking garbage. If you don't like mayonnaise, you're okay in my book because You're a little bit of a classy individual because I'm trash. I love it Uh, did you was you said it was like a nicer house single family home? I presume Yeah, yeah, did you have a garage? Yes, we have a two-car garage. All right. I have a two-park question. Could you park Two cars in that garage or was it filled with shit the garage? You can't park one car in it Oh, that's fucking that is trash. What's in there? What's in there? Well, so like a boat in there that doesn't run a couple of jet skis or something

My sister that got addicted to heroin has all her stuff in there. She lives here Yeah And uh, yeah, the whole thing's filled with just three different three different failed ventures to live by themselves Piled back a couple of coffee tables multiple coffee tables and stressors in there. Yeah Okay, that's the thing it's it's a it's it's a shell of a nice house. That's exactly that's I grew up the same exact way Just dog shit. Did you have a refrigerator in that garage? There was a freezer Okay, now there's nothing now that there is a refrigerator down in the back room here in the basement that

for real fucking it's got to be 25 years old, of course. Yeah And uh, it's got it still works and there's there's a milwaukee's best in there that's been there since I was in high school High school. Yeah. Yeah. No one has touched dude I got it. I got a can of natty light in mind literally from high school I might I might go get it and look at it. This thing's crazy The relic fucking chugged that shit. You kidding me a fucking hole in the water. I wonder what a full reel It must have expired in like o3

Does beer go bad? Yeah, there's definitely I think after like a decade For sure. Yeah, I don't think there's preservatives in it. So no garage fridge. No no fridge with like a second ice pops You have a second. It was a big freezer. Yeah. Yeah What's in there hunting meat and stuff? It was now. There's nothing now. There's nothing Does your dad on swear his sister sleeps? Uh, yeah I wasn't sure if you're gonna laugh at that one. Yeah, I don't give a fuck. Uh, well, she's got cancer She's got cancer now. So laugh it up Yeah, yeah, yeah, she's all right. I'm sorry to get that. Cool. No, it's a fuck it

It's actually it's working out for you. Good. You get more sympathy for cancer than heroin. Oh, we make sense Yeah, it's a lot more loving. Um The hunting fill my dad hunted I never did Okay, classy. Very good. I like it. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah fishing. I like fishing Uh, I suck at it, but Yeah, there was always like bait. There's a lot of bait and shit in the fridge But he he gave up on that. He wasn't he wasn't an outdoorsman either Did he have a night crawler guy for a little while somebody?

I just got some night crawlers. I was down in virginia fishing, uh, and night crawlers are fucking terrible That's suck to use as bait No, I thought they were the good ones. They're huge. You gotta fucking they're huge and you gotta like hold them still And just gut these motherfuckers and the fucking jizz they give off on your fingers is tough Fucking terrible. And they obviously they don't like the hook. They're like moving around They know what's up. Yeah. Yeah, it's not fun. You know, you're hurting these fucking hands One of us ain't coming back Yeah, just for me to catch a fish that I don't even want to catch just for me to

Because then I catch a fish and I feel bad For that too. I got to rip a hook out of its throat. Mm-hmm. Yeah Yeah, it's not worth it. Do you have a hunting? Do you have other family that live in the area like cousins and all that kind of stuff? Like around the area. Yeah. Yeah, although a lot of them have made the jump to florida Oh, wow, that's real garbage. It's always a challenge. Yeah, and not and not like nice Not retiring. No, like cocoa beach ranch houses Ranchers or ranchers are tough a rancher in florida ain't no coming back from that dude

You don't you don't you don't go back up a level No, and they're all everybody's alcoholics. They're all raging raging alcoholics There's a go here's it my aunt that lives down there now one one year at christmas Uh, so this gives you a good idea of the family because they they all did pretty well financially, but Uh, my uncle is a hard ass and he stood up and was like this is the middle of christmas This guy just stands up and is like holds up a drink. We're about to open gifts and he holds up a drink He's like to all the guillesses that couldn't be here And they're all like, yeah, cheers and then my dad my dad stood up and held up a drink

It was like tall the men and women in the surface My aunt who was sitting on like a tall chair with her feet kind of hooked into the bar just fell face After we saluted the troops and then my aunt passed out and landed on her forehead and then uh My other uncle yelled out because everybody got quiet for a second. My uncle yelled out It's like somebody get that woman a drink It's a classic uncle line, dude It's like it's like a progressive commercial What's up, i'm mayhem it's just a bottle of jack daniel's flying through your house

Well, the reason I the reason I asked is because I wanted to know when you were a kid and you guys would like go on Like little trips with the family Have you ever taken a trip with your family that required multiple vehicles where you followed each other? Like followed each other to canobals grove. Yes, some shit like that. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah for sure because we would always go with my cousins and shit, so Yeah, always multiple multiple fans of kids. That's a real trash. Just a caravan and garbage going through central pennsylvania They don't have to do that now because you got the gps But I remember fucking like three and four cars like driving to some fucking zoo somewhere and none of them are maserades I'll tell you that they were all like fucking station wagons. I remember it was a green

It's a green mercury van. I remember it Oh, a green van is a tough one. Yeah, we had like a dark green van Um, this was one since you're from the area till we play with the people from the area. Did you ever go to uh, bush gardens? Uh, yeah, but the one in virginia. Is that where yeah, that's the one Colonial williamsburg my friend. I went to colonial williamsburg on a fifth grade field trip Uh, school is not too bad. Yeah, that's pretty cool. Uh, but no, I went to bush garden I was more of a gettysburg guy. I used to go down to gettysburg a lot That was that's that's one of my next questions. Did you ever go to uh, gettysburg reenactment?

Bro, I loved gettysburg reenactment. I was what dude, I love that is some garbage stuff I was watching grant last night on the history channel that shit rules. Yeah, it's pretty good No, I've loved the civil war for I mean I I would go to gettysburg like if I needed time to reflect I still do that like I'll drive to gettysburg by myself and like stare at a battlefield to be like All right, my girlfriend, you know is living with a different guy. That's fine. Yeah Just look out over a field like more michael said, uh, maybe next time

Yeah, actually like the week the week of the s&l thing and me and o'connor were at uh went down to gettysburg Just fucking I got in trouble They tried some lady tried to like get me in trouble for that because we made fun of gettysburg on the podcast The most recent podcast before I got canceled and it was like we were calling the confederate soldiers fucking gay and uh talking about how canada kid only sent down like sweet boys for the pennsylvania This lady like typed out a transcript about it was like he doesn't respect the civil war And everyone was like, all right, that's actually funny this he maybe

Confederates definitely misguided. We'll we'll leave it at that. Definitely. Yeah. Yeah All right, um at a family party you guys serve yeager Uh Probably when it was popular there was always People but like I said, everybody was is alcoholics now and they had to every a lot of people had to stop drinking okay, all right, so Now they're trying some of them are still just just going. Yeah, fuck it. And uh, so yeah, I don't know

Unfortunately, I had to the last couple years. I haven't gone to the fucking family Christmas party because of the fucking career Yeah, but Yeah, I've been working. Yeager was definitely there for sure. So they went through the cycles of all that Whatever the fireball fireball was there balls big in my family. Yeah big fire still Yeah, dude, we're fucking trash. Oh Dude, they buy sweet tea vodka Instead of mixing it with like lemonade they mix it with vodka. They do that and titos together

Like fucking animals Yeah, dude, they're fucking trash. Hey, hey from the ryan house. I'll tell you that Jesus christ Is there currently a car parked on your lawn that works or doesn't work? No, no, no, okay Have you ever you can't do that? Have you ever owned a sports team hat or jersey that had camouflage on it? Yes, oh, what was it? Uh, I think I had a camo eagles hat like this year I lost it lost it at a rest stop Got beat up by another trucker

Yeah, actually, you know what it wasn't camo is one of those fucking uh, fucking uh, what's it called? Uh Like a worker's hat. What the fuck is the car heart? Yeah, it was like a car heart eagles hat. It's pretty sick Yeah, I'm gonna get another one. Do you own anything with the true camo technology? Yes, I have a sheets long sleeve camera That uh, that's ultra garbage It's sheets camo is fucking sick and I also took this is funny I took a picture like in a mirror like acting like I was taking a very serious selfie wearing it Obviously anybody that knows me knew it was a joke, but when I was getting canceled they used that

Oh, shit. I've seen that. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. It's camo like That was the really paint. He was like all right. Yeah I remember look I remember looking over to my I was with some like my wife. I think I'm like I'm like, they're really fucking doing them dirty. Oh, they're getting me that ain't doing you any favors Hey, don't you know that guy? No, I never met him That's that's so fucked up Uh, anywhere in your house. Is there a half a bottle of windshield wiper fluid? Yeah

For sure every garage. Yeah, that's bad news. Yeah, there's actually also like 50 cans of paint for some reason in my garage Yeah Old useless cans of paint, why don't we throw it out? I don't understand you never know And what's crazy is they go back like five years later like oh, we still got some paint in the garage That shit's like it's just hardened separated. Yeah. Yeah, it's from the previous homeowner. It's not even for like shit you did Yeah, um, okay. Uh, have you ever ridden a golf cart not on a golf course? Uh Yeah, probably all right. Sometimes like sometimes an uncle has one to like drive to go get the man

No, yeah, you steal it. No Did you steal? We used to steal some golf carts on the yeah But no that was always out of course. There's there's a lot of golf courses around here Dude riding a golf cart is fucking clean living. I just did it uh two weeks ago My friends were out golfing and I can't golf for shit. So I just went out to drink I'll take an eight on this one. You're just in the back fucking. I was wearing gym shorts and flip flops and uh

Yeah, it was great Anybody who gets a caddy you're fucking nuts people get a cat. Let's get a caddy Yeah, it's crazy Have you ever this is this is so it's like here's what I'm saying. It's like a nice house But then there's hold on. I can't I turned me off on here There we go. I every time I do this I look at my own You look at yourself too. It's crazy. But uh, yeah, that's oh Oh

For the listener for the audio listener She just showed us a drop ceiling with a fucking tile moved out of place like he was reaching for a handgun Plus I saw some I saw some water damage on that one panel. What's going on? You got a leak upstairs Yeah, my mom, uh clogged the toilet here and the the ceiling dropped out in the basement Fucking taken dumps, dude Yeah, my mom dropped one hard. She shits like a dude Oh That's fucking hilarious. Um anyone in your family have truck nuts

No, no, okay. No, although I do have a cousin uh that he's never not wearing gym shorts all year round and Almost never has sleeves like uh, that's top and he's he is the funniest fucking dude in the world. He uh, He wore a Purdue Windbreaker to his brother's wedding You were a pullover windbreaker Where was the wedding?

Uh at a hotel and mechanics Hold on. Hold on. Hold on. What's the wedding cash bar? Uh, no, no, no, you can't uh I don't remember. I remember my cousin wanted me to do stand-up. Oh, dude I've done stand-up at a wedding. It does not end well. I tried to I tried to avoid it And uh, I got there late and I still right when I walked in as soon as I walked in the door They were like, oh, he's here. Uh, Shane, why don't you say a few words? And uh, all I did was make fun of my cousin Frankie who was wearing the pullover

And uh, he had the dead front tooth his one Uh, he was lifting and he dropped a weight He just has a cracked purple tooth. Jesus Christ Yeah, I just made fun of his dead tooth and his mom His mom during making fun. I was like, may your love live forever like Frankie's dead tooth His mom audibly was like, Jesus Christ, Shane Pretty great And I was like, that's all I got. I said like one thing I made fun of Frankie

That's so good. Oh, shit We always had somebody in the family that would show up to a wedding fucking wearing like khakis or something like that You're like, dude, what are you doing? I think he was wearing khakis in a windbreaker to be honest That is fucking uh, they that family is fucking nuts. That that side of my family is they're probably my favorite people to hang out with Their dad is uh, my dad's brother and he he fucking uh, he's he's the smart one of the family He was the oldest and he uh, he like went he went to Notre Dame and then he After Notre Dame, he volunteered and joined the marines in vietnam And then then he got out and became a prison warden

Uh, he's a fucking hard ass, but he's funny. He's very fucking funny and his kids They're from like the coal region his wife. So they're from like shimokin And that's you want to see some fucking white trash do you go to shimokin? Anywhere in the coal region is fucking it's crazy. They're all like ukrainian and shit But you're like pollocks from the mines True white trash is very true white trash is eastern european Yeah, very eastern european up up in northeast pennsylvania, but those dudes those dudes in nom that volunteered those guys are fucking bad ass Yeah, he was he was yeah, and then he came back and was again. He was a prison warden and what's funny is it like transformed him

So he was around uh, all the people he worked with were black dudes in like the 80s. So that's how he talks now What's up, John? That's awesome for real a hundred percent. He's like you motherfuckers. How's it going you jive motherfuckers Hey, that's awesome. Yeah, he's the best Last time I was with them they have a house out in south bend So they they're always they go to every single Notre Dame game my cousins. Here's a good one my cousins Uh, they lived here. They lived in mechanicsburg and they would go they would drive to every single Notre Dame game Uh, which is like a 10 hour drive

There were days where they would leave friday night To get there for a you know, 3 p.m. Kickoff on saturday and drive back after the game lunatics That's insanity lunatics last time I was there. They were eating ham salad Ham salad, you know what it's called. It's called monkey meat. That's an upstate pennsylvania thing. We had that as a kid Oh, it was the grossest shit I've ever seen. Yeah, that's where they're from. Great in colridge Ham's it's it's like a pink paste you put on like a hotdog bun Oh, it's huge. It's the most disgusting shit. I've ever seen. I'm gonna throw up. I'll tell you what's in it

I'll tell you what's in it. My aunt makes it. It's unbelievable. It's chopped ham a little bit of relish and mayo Fantastic. It's like garbage pate It's it's some of the grossest shit I've ever seen actually, uh Here's a picture of my cousin frank. Also. He's again. He's wearing a perdue Perdue basketball jersey during the day I'm thinking he didn't go to perdue Oh, shout out to Frankie boy. What up, Frankie?

Frankie is the best there. He is eating a ham salad Oh Look, here's the here's the windbreaker at the wedding All right now like what it was What did he say when you when you shit on him like dude, you're like clearly I just saw the picture of you you're wearing a suit and tie And what does he what were you like wearing you in a suit and he's like, this is okay Yeah, of course. It's like I'm not wearing a fucking suit. Come on. He this is a guy who

During the christmas parties or any party he'll lay on the couch Like the whole family will be in the room. Uh, he's just laying on the fucking couch He lays on the couch. He also always has a jug of iced tea as a spitter If you're carrying a spitter at christmas you fucking trash Let's get your uncle or your cousin on next episode. Yeah, he's got a little bow on it He's nuts. You'd love him. Oh, that's too fucking funny. Oh my dude this spitter I think you're gonna say you would carry around a jug of iced tea to drink But the spitter is over the top jug of ice. He always has a gym bag with him

No, he goes to the gym every day, dude. He's jacked. He's so strong Gym bags are garbage though. Yeah, he's got that retort strength Hey, he carries around a weight belt and uh gym bags filled with skull He sounds like my favorite fucking guy. That's awesome. He's my favorite. He was just telling me how uh, Skull doesn't kill you. I was like, I really need to I was like, I really need to quit Dip because I dip and I was like, I gotta quit too. He's like, it doesn't it doesn't kill you. I'm fine And then he smiles. He's like He's like, dude, I'm fine

Makes you strong like me Oh, that is too fucking funny. Have you ever paid for anything with a money order? Uh, no, I don't think so very nice. That's financial stability right there. That's not too shabby Does anybody does anybody you know when you're growing up ever been seriously injured in an atv or mini bike accident? Yeah, yeah, there's a bunch of that was something that would happen a lot Uh around here for sure. Those ATVs are fucking dangerous, man Yeah, a lot of people out here had ATVs and shit and kids would just get fucked up on those things Um, have you ever rented a snowmobile?

For like the average, okay, I have not That's always that's always a real fucking trashy thing someone who rents a snowmobile for an hour to go in a circle and like big boulder or something Hit the fucking bricks No, I never did that now. I know you mentioned it. It's it's fun, but it's like, you know It's like the same people that ran a wave runner and just like zip around Um, do you currently have a pocket knife? No

Why you laugh at no Curly I do not. No, it's a funny question. No, I don't have one now when I was a kid. Yeah, I fucking pocket knives were big Needed a pocket knife needed one, dude. You never knew I was gonna pop off um Schener probably still yeah, no, dude We just did a podcast with him in fucking six and he like pulled out Dude, he pulled out like a snub no shotgun out of nowhere. We were like, what the fuck is that? Yeah, Schener's a fucking idiot. Um, he's the man. He's the man. He's the dude. He's the he's my favorite

Um, have you ever owned a wrist rocket? Uh, no BB gun have not Yeah, just got it. Actually, I just got my first BB gun probably the last That's real fucking crash In the last like eight years you went to west pulling and we're technically on SNL and you just bought a BB gun I got a BB gun and a Chevy cruise out of all that Things are looking up

I gotta use Chevy cruise Now it's just sitting in Queens. I gotta go Oh my god, that's fucking hilarious. You gotta watch if they bring that alternate side parking back. You're fucked Fucking take it if they take it Just let me get the BB gun out of the back. Let me get the fucking my handgun I got a box of eagle eyes in the back. I got actually you're you know what on fucking uh On monday during memorial day my niece and nephew were over and I was trying to find the BB gun and my mom I think got rid of it. I was in the garage yelling

Where's the BB gun? And uh, there was some disputes after that if you show a little kid a BB gun That's like the fucking yeah, I'm trying to be the coolest fucking guy. Yeah. Yeah That's fucking why growing up would your dad ever continue driving just to listen to the rest of the song Um I would say I would say definitely my dad my dad was a big motown guy That's all he listens to is all he listens to to this day is motown Listen to the same fucking 12 songs. That's classy. It's on the smooths

Yeah, he's a big motown guy So if my girl was playing he'd take an extra lap around the neighborhood undoubtedly Undoubtedly here's the fill had some good. He would always uh He'd always turn this so like let's say I wanted to go like rent a video game or go to mcdonald's or something He would always turn the turn signal on like he was gonna go that way And then not go that way. That's awesome. That's a dad move right there He also my family would do this. This is this is kind of trashy now looking back

they would park After church after church which sometimes me and my dad would drop my sisters and mom off at church and say we were gonna park the car Just go get a car wash and Come up after church but he They would get they would take me out of the car and I would have to race the car from the top of the neighborhood to my house Uh, they would go, you know, they would tell me that I was fast enough to beat the car And uh, I would literally I would trip on the curb every single time

Every single time I would fall off the curb and my family would drive slowly next to me Just waiting for me to fall And that was every sunday and I never stopped Your parents from jackass? Yeah, never stopped. Um, mrs. Gillis and this is jackass. Yeah, she's a teacher. She's a fifth grade teacher Oh, my son's a fucking idiot look at him Uh, um, okay. I think I only have one or two more. Uh, I think two more. Have you ever been to a strip club with a family member? I don't think so

Okay, no, that's always that's always that always crosses a weird line in a family. Well, yeah, especially it would just be obviously would be a cousin Uh, it'd be weird if I went with my sisters Do either or solve them there No I was gonna be I was gonna be really mean to my sisters Neither one of us know her it's fine. Oh, that ain't gonna happen. Yeah That either one of your parents smoke No, my dad dipped. Okay

No, but you smoke, right? I'll smoke cigarettes. Uh, so I'm not dipping. There you go. You ever let it You can't dip at the fucking comedy clubs people get very upset. Yeah other comics and now it's definitely a bad look Now I gotta change my ways stay away from that. I'd keep the sheets Uh Sheets camo in the closet for a little while You need some salmon polo shirts, buddy. True. Uh, do you ever let a cigarette with a grill lighter? Uh, for sure. Absolutely. I just I did that this weekend garbage. I did that this weekend on a

You feel like garbage. I did that on this weekend on a beach cruiser on fucking surf avenue in north wilewood, new jersey Who are you down at the beach with my family has a house. So when this all fucking happened me and my lady just came down here I've been down here for fucking oh nice. It's chilling dude. The ladies with you. Yeah The the german. Yeah, we got married Oh, shit. We got married in february. Then this all happened. Yeah, is the german She now she's staying in america. She's here baby. I'm a patriot. I brought my gal Yeah, you brought over that dirty german I feel I feel like shane's about to report you to ice. Yeah

Where you at exactly down there? And you said she doesn't have a paper zoner. Is that what you're saying? She doesn't have her papers It's cousin frank shows up That's the last yeah, that's the last guy So kind of Purdue Cody outside. Yeah, all right I got one and then this is it for me. Dude. Did you or anybody in your family? I'm assuming extended family Uh, for the word wash. Do they say wash wash? Wash

Yes, 100% The lady that makes the ham the lady that my aunt that makes the ham salad Absolutely says wash your hands before you make the ham salad wash. Yeah Yeah, there's some people in my family that have that fucking like western central pa fucking accent. Yeah It's weird, isn't it? And yin's It's it's almost like a it's almost like a chicago accent in some parts, isn't it? Yeah, it definitely becomes midwest like as soon as you leave philly it starts to transform into the midwest like Pittsburgh is

As far as the you know, the people it's a midwest. Yeah 100% for sure. Yeah fucking yin's getting downtown Yeah, we just had rena rena greenberg was just on from girls. Oh nice and she had uh, she said yin's I was like, that's disgusting I'll take yin's and john all day. Uh, I I just I can't stop saying alls That's a very uh, I don't know what the fuck that is but like alls you have to do Oh, I don't know why fucking trash Yeah, all's all's you gotta do all you gotta do. Yeah Yeah

Dude, I still say that I down here. I've heard a couple of times everywhere's Like I looked everywhere's I can't find it anywhere Jesus christ Yeah, I can't the central pa x and I have is it comes out a little when I say like home and shit like that But uh, I also do this thing where I like I'll I'll ask a question That's just a sentence and it's obvious that someone's like if someone's walking outside, it'll be like Going outside Like I can't I can't stop doing it. That's the only thing that's

Yeah, that's trashy. That's you can't get away plus being back at the house the trash tendencies come out Oh, yeah, I've been uh Yeah, if if I'm in mechanics for too long, dude, I am trump 2020. Yeah, a lot of a lot of fox news out there, man Oh, phil phil watches fox news I was I was joking about it on my uh on matt and chain secret podcast, uh, but uh Fox news I realized is just like White dudes respond to fox news the same way like black ladies at church do like my dad just sits there

Fox news is black church for white guys like he just sits there tucker carlson will say something to my dad will be like Mm-hmm Audibly reacts to the television The whole time the whole fox news. It's like a dog watching dogs on television. Like that's how dads react to fox news Like something okay, they'll see obama and be like They start looking behind the tv they start looking behind the tv Where is he? Where is that kenyan muslim?

Holy shit. Have you ever uh or anybody in your family ever towed your own car? Oh Like you're in a car towing a car Or it could be one of the really small u-hauls that you hook up just the two front You put the two front tires on it I don't think I don't think we've done that. I mean, I'm sure my cousins have but no not in my Direct family now. I'm sure frank has frank. He's done. Yeah. I think he drives a truck You know what else is really trashy too if you ever push a car with your car like put it in neutral

On that like push it down the side of the highway to get to the exit or something Have you ever had if you guys ever had the pop a car where it's a stick and it won't start and you keep it in neutral And then you push it and pop it in the gear. Oh, no No, we've I used to never had it to get to school. We had to do that move for a little while That's 80s shit. They got rid of they got rid of manual transmissions in the 90s. They're the best man. They're the fucking best They're so fun to drive last question Shane Gellis are you garbage?

Do you guys put up trains at christmas? Uh We had a train set Uh, we had a train set. It was never really put together Uh, I tried to put it together every year because I was a big fan of it It said Santa Fe on the side of it. I remember that the Santa Fe was it yeah silver and red It was it was amazing and uh, no, we never really got to it, but it did stay in the house for about 20 years That's for sure in fact it in fact

I bet I could go in that back room in this basement and for real find it I have I have one 20 feet away from you hanging on the wall That's awesome. My uh, there's a shelf in here that has 30 Hess trucks on it Oh For no reason trucks are garbage my my grandma Uh I almost fucking choked. Yeah would buy me Hess trucks every year for my birthday. Actually, she just died and uh That was the last yeah, she was all right. This is the last

Last Hess truck I got I got 30 Hess trucks dude. I never know one of my family ever did Hess trucks I didn't know anything about it. I guess I missed all the commercials as a kid I went over my buddy's house when we were like 12 and he had Hess trucks and I'm like, what the That weird fucking gas station with the wait. Hold on. You guys don't like him. I fucking love them, especially the later ones He lit up They lit up. There was an action. Go ahead. They stopped. Let me take them out They stopped. Let me take it. They my my parents thought it was like a currency That's when you know, that's real garbage. I was getting the box. I was gonna inherit the mint conditioned Hess trucks

When I got older And that's why you hate them They literally were trying to save like let's say I sold 30 Hess trucks to somebody. How much do you think that would be worth 18 bucks? I lose money on shipping yeah Post in the ad that was my inheritance insane Shane Gillis, are you garbage, baby? You're trash. You're garbage, man. You're trash

You know what sinks it the sinks it for the listener. There is a a Penn State a framed Penn State picture I believe behind that's Notre Dame stopping Penn State because very nice like I said earlier. There is a Well, at least there was a pretty staunch anti-catholic and You know, so if you were if you hated Catholics, you really liked Penn State and obviously if you're Catholic you loved So that rivalry was is still huge here for no reason. Wow like everybody hates Notre Dame or hates Penn State for sure And what's the medal that's hanging off of it? All right, you might gather here

These are my dad's uh girls high school state championships that he is a volunteer coach for Well folks, that's the show Jane Gillis And I feel like an asshole, buddy, I thought I was trying to get those intros, right? I fucking forgot Matt and Shane's secret podcast What a fucking asshole Don't feel bad about it. I'm sorry. Matt and Shane secret podcast Shane Gillis. Is there anything else you want the uh, the folks to know? No Better fact, I don't want anybody knowing anything anymore

Yeah, I'm done Holy shit, buddy. Thank you so much for coming on. We appreciate it guys We've been wanting to have you on for a while with so much. I know sorry. I sucked about it I also never wanted to I hate zooming in on but I hate zoom podcasts. Yeah, that's tougher I guess but whatever this whole thing has been on my head because I feel like I'm stepping on everybody because of the connection I feel like a fucking asshole and people give a shit for it. It's tough. Fuck him I can't wait till it's over and we get back into the fucking studio. We definitely want to have you back on it With so much love to you guys. Shane Gillis everybody. Buddy. Thank you. We'll let you go appreciate your time. All right, boys

All right, bro later Now we want to move in to the to the squad. All right to the patreon fans We want to thank everybody that signed up so far. We really really appreciate it Um, as you guys know if you want to have a question sign up for the patreon You're gonna get a lot of bonus content and we're gonna get to read one of your questions We got a few of them right now that we want to go through kippy has them in a sealed envelope And uh, we're gonna find out what we got. What do you got kip? Yeah, so guys when you join, uh, the patreon I mean, we're we're getting hundreds of questions at this point

And it's kind of impossible to get to all of them So kind of one of the perks of joining the patreon as we will automatically read one of your, uh, questions on an episode And that brings us to now Price waterhouse coopers was just at my front door dropped off the envelope with all the fucking questions That big man showed up. They crossed their t's and dotted their eyes Let's get to it. By the way, we got some fucking Funny ass, uh listeners also, um, some fucking real fucking garbage Some of these kids were asking questions. I was like, what the fuck? Where did you grow up? A fucking trailer in mississippi?

God damn buddy get a get a glove get in the city. Will you? Um, all right, this one is from uh patreon member kris james. It's have you ever done donuts in an empty wet parking lot? Oh my god Dude, well, you know, I've done donuts on people's front lawns. Let me take you back to the fall of 94 I was zipping around fucking bluebell in a fucking 1989 Nissan sev6 pickup truck. I thought I was michael j fox at the end of back to the future Just a fucking douchebag zipping around and I specifically remember we went to some party at some kids house He went to another school. He kicked us out and I'm gonna lay out the door

I fucking drove the truck across his parents lawn and fucking turfed it and kept it moving Dude, you're a lot of y'all You were every fucking door from a high school movie ever Because you're a fucking letterman jacking on later. Mahoney. I'm fucking turf your lawn, dude Fucking dork That made out with it and then I made out with his mom and kept it fucking moving I know you and your dirtbag friends fucking went into a parking lot on a rainy night No, well by my car, I had a fucking 95 chevy lumina with the paint chip and off

I couldn't ever fucking get it. I couldn't get it cooking to start doing to start doing donuts I did do some wide circles though. I got a couple of figure eights. I was doing you'd snap a cv joint in two seconds Oh, dude, I was fucking I had a big odd old grandfather car was my first car. I crashed it like 10 times Donuts in an empty parking lot garbage yeah Some at some point in my life. I thought that was cool. I'd look at somebody doing donuts That guy probably gets some fucking tail dude like a fucking stunt car driver I got they get out of the car with the helmet on

With all due respect Lucius, I'm gonna do some driving they crawl out through the window um Okay, this is from patreon member Nathan growler. Have you ever worn jeans in the pool? Dude, if you're wearing denim on a beach or in a pool, you're fucking trash. Okay. Does he mean a full pair of jeans or like cut offs? It just says because I've been everywhere in a pair of cutoffs. I've been to funerals and cutoffs It was the 80s, baby. We were cut off for a day a set of daisy dukes was welcome wherever you go Oh My god, I remember one kid dude. I was a I was a cam counselor at uh

And we went away to like six flags or something for the day We took all the kids and this kid wore jeans And then he wanted to wear jeans in the fucking wave pool and I was like dude every bone in my body will not let you get in Those who would get in the fucking wave pool in a set of dungarees. It ain't happening, dude At least take your cigarettes out of your pocket Why don't you got to get back to work kid My nephew my nephew today. He was swimming at the house and he jumped in the pool with his t-shirt on I was all over that. I was like no, no, no, no, no get that fucking t-shirt off. He's like, but I like it

I'm like we're a we're a fat family. All right. We let our titties We let our man boobs hang in the pool. Okay. We're a skins team kids. Let's go Shirts and skins Okay, this is uh from matty matty crusty um Did you ever reuse plastic wear like knives forks and cups? I feel like that that might be a thing you guys did didn't yesterday memorial Putting fucking solo cups in the dishwasher like a real piece. That's solo like like a second tier of plastic

That's how you know your trash when you fucking rate the the the fucking the the gauge of your plastic plates To apply we go to apply Dude, that's fucking I went over my but I remember a shout out to flip who lessons I went over my buddy flips house the one time and his grandma was like washing out solo cups I was like she tried to pour me a fucking Pepsi or something had water in the bottom I was like, yo, that's I'll take a can from the garage fridge And keep it fucking moving. You could taste the palm olive. I've had that Yeah, fucking using a dirty sponge to clean out a one time you solo cup

Let's go. Give me a give me a chilled glass like a fucking like a gentleman Oh, that's that's something we got to put that down as a question. Do you ever have frosted mugs in the freezer? Oh, I was drinking some runs of frosted mugs a couple of weeks ago um All right, uh, this is from our girl court. Shout out to court. Um, Have you ever put shredded or sliced cheese on plain macaroni to make mac and cheese? Yes, I've recently during the pandemic. I took, you know, that would be Heavily invested in a cronion cheese shout out to the good people at craft

But the night before we had taco night. So I had some mild cheddar In the in the fridge. There's there's nothing mild about you. Okay I put that in the macaroni and cheese. It really classes it up. I'm not gonna lie That's a nice bottle of pinot noir. Oh, we got a nice night. Nice bag of pinot noir Um, yeah, I've definitely done it as a fact in my, you know, super fat kid days Fucking some penne pasta with some broken up craft singles throw it in the microwave for a couple of minutes gooey goodness That's what that is. You ever eat the shredded cheese out of the bag like a fucking animal today?

Yeah, dude, every time you if you if you're putting shredded cheese on On something you gotta take you gotta go right to the fucking source, you know, those for the doctor, huh? But dude, you never ever ever get all the shreds in your mouth. Not once That's like the crane game you go in there with a bib and you go in there with your fingers Pull it up by the time it gets out. It's all over the floor. It's all over your shirt Yeah, you're rolling the dice in a clean kitchen. You pull that fucking move. Oh man. All right. Um I think you fall under this next category. This is from our boy power ranger talk Have you ever traveled with a plastic bag as part of your luggage?

Yes Yeah, I don't know if I haven't I'm a I'm a you know, I'm more of a gentleman You know more of a roller bag kind of guy. I'm very loose when it comes to the term Carry on Carry on could mean a lot of things No, it means one thing it means a duffel bag or the fucking Backpack which goes under your legs or the little scooter John or the little roller boy, but I'm a big tote guy kippy I like I like to put my stuff in a tote. I've used a tote as a carry on

That's just because you don't have actual fucking luggage. That's why you use tote bags Yeah, you know what happened is we were gonna have to play in my flip flop fell out fell on the floor And I held the lineup took out a small asian family with that with that fucking boat That's like it's low bridge Now I had a bend over and pick up a bunch of shit out of my tote that fell people were waiting behind me like, ah, this fat fuck Yeah, I would hate to be next to you on a plane. Um Okay, this is from meow bot. Have you ever faked an injury to get on a roller coaster or a plane faster? No, but I'm a big fan of pretending that I'm sick

So I can get out of doing a lot of things get to the head of the drive-thru Hey, I'm a veteran. Hey, hurry it up. I'm sick up there That's a pretty good one man. Have you ever done that? I think you have I have I think we pulled some like anxiety Yeah, well, we did it garbage. Oh, I know we did it at disney See the move at disney's get a fast pass so you can zoom around a little quicker But the ones you can't get a fast pass on you pull the old I got fucking anxiety business You get right to the front of the line of the fucking Pirates of the Caribbean too sweet. I'll tell you that much I got a 12 year old back here with pts

The kid's got a weak heart. Let's go. He walked in on me. He's fucking slapping my monkey one time. He hasn't been the same since Get him on the tea cups Uh, man. Yeah, we've done that. Um Have you all right, this is from prince at tazooka. I'm gonna butcher that prince at azooka Have you ever been threatened or assigned court ordered counseling? This one's a little fucking dicey. No, but I In 11th grade my girlfriend was over at her friend's house And there was a bunch of kids that were like freshmen in college

That she was friends with and there was a bunch of them there And I called over there to talk to her and some dude picked the phone up I'm like, hey, is Jen there? And he's like, yeah, she's sucking my dick right now And he didn't realize he was dealing with a fucking lunatic So I hopped in my fucking truck and went over there and was banging on the door with it with a knife in my hand And before anybody came out one of my buddies mom showed up and they took me straight to norristown state hospital for Evaluation So what were you gonna do?

Oh, you don't even get any fucking butter. You got any room room temperature butter in there that I can spread easily Chelsea says it's okay My boy Schultz says it's all right You know what's great about him just to say like he he can take apart an argument so well Yeah, like that is such a good point like just to think that poor people think that everything's gonna go bad So they keep it in the fridge rich people classy people keep it out I don't know. I'm still on the fence a little bit about it, but I mean he made some good points That's probably his scottish roots. I bet his mom did that whenever there was butter in the house. Sure

Um, okay moving on. Uh, this is from jeff jeff. Have you ever taken money? Taken money from a wishing well or like one of those wishing ponds No, but I got busted when I was like maybe 10 years old, you know, they have those things that like Drug stores where you put a quarter in It's it's it's for like some charity It's like it looks like an advent calendar And you kind of yeah, it's like st. Jude's or something Yeah, you put a quarter in like a little slot, but it's all presented there

You were still in the quarters I stole all of them and my mom caught me walking out the door and I had to go back and give them to the pharmacist and all this Shit, it was a whole big thing that that in the perp the perp 30s you had Hey, sorry about the quarters and these school buses. I got my pocket, buddy Gaze mister don't take home my zanies Leave some for me Oh god, you're garbage. Um, I did that one time shot or not one time. I think I've done it a couple It I would always throw it back in it would be more like I needed, you know, I wanted more fucking action

You know what? I mean, I wouldn't fucking take it and put it in my pocket be walking around wet pockets Like a jerk off But I would take it and just like throw it back in or whatever but shots in a shamony mall They had a mean fucking big rocks around it I think you could stop that question Is every have you ever stuck your hand in a wishing fountain because those things are disgusting Oh that like weird There was always like cookies in the bottom of it or you know, somebody throw a lollipop in there

There's a weird slime on the floor Yeah I don't think those things are around that much anymore Um, uh, this one's pretty funny. Uh, this is from pay a patreon charlie frank Have you ever have you or a family member ever worn a motorsports brand either arctic cat or fox racing jacket as their primary winter coat? She ever sees them dude walking through like fucking target that looks like he parked a snowmobile out front It's like buddy get a car. What are you doing? Go to go to fucking h&m get a get a coat like a fucking gentleman I always saw dudes that wore motorcycle jackets when they weren't riding the motorcycle was gardening

Some dude with a shoe jacket on That'd be like me walking around with a jacket that says i'm a comedian. You know what I mean like who You just want you want to show what you are when you're not on the bike I walking around with a scuba suit on Hey, summer in aruba Uh, that's pretty funny. Um, I've definitely had like a fox racing t-shirt and I've never been on a fucking dirt bike or anything Um, all right just from patreon lea j. Have you or a family member ever purchased anything from qvc or the home shopping network? I got a hunch that your garbage mom spends most of her day posted up with a couple of more bros and the phone ready

Let me tell you something back in the early 90s. Okay There was a mad rush on several items that you could only get through qvc or the home shopping network And my aunts and my mom would like take turns Like like they were calling in a radio station for fucking Bon Jovi tickets to try to get a couple these items one of them was the Electric ash tray. Do you know what that was? It was it sucked it had like an exhaust fan on it or whatever that just blew back out into the air Yeah, just blew it out the side instead of the top

Dude, your family is deep rooted garbage You your family hatched like a Ponzi scheme to get something to smoke more cigarettes in the house You weren't nobody was using that thing outside That's an in the house smoking apparatus. Mm-hmm. Yeah, man. That's fucking trash. That's one thing We never my mom never that was always beautiful for us is like scams. You know what I mean? Like anything you see on tv is a scam Oh, we order tons of shit like that Ginsu knives fucking all all that stuff I think ginsu ginsu knives was made by like a jewish dude in long island

That was no like there was no like samurai who came up with that. I think we even had a chopper. What was that thing? Would it we chop stuff up? Yeah, it turns around or whatever It was so small. Yeah, people started they started, you know Those things became widely accepted pampered chef. I think made a couple of them shout out to pc Oh This one i'ma fuck my mom dude. We used to this we used to make a day out of this Have you ever repurposed old t-shirts as a rag? Oh, what dude? That's all through the 90s. My mom would just like t-shirts are getting cut up

And we would just cut them up and use them. I remember that time that bitch caught up my gi joe shirt I used to fucking love that thing dude. You're cleaning the fucking toilet with that. I know my fucking gi joe shirt Oh, that's funny. That brings back some fucking memories. You know what's garbage, too? Though everybody has it it makes me think of it I was trying to figure out a question that had to ask that but like when old clothes become Like cleaning clothes or paint clothes Yeah, that one pair of jeans that has paint on it that you always had to wear if you were doing Shit like that. My mom has like three outfits like that. Yeah, you know, what's uh

Yeah She's got a couple He says she what she wears to work in the bedroom Couple of nurses uniforms. She didn't graduate high school. I don't know where I came from I don't know if that the grease on the fucking on the on the up and up, but let me tell you something else hell of a bedpan extraction um, I uh What the fuck?

I forget I was gonna say oh the growing up especially in the suburbs was uh, if you had The set of grass cutting shoes that were just all green Oh, yeah, dude. You had to put those things on every week That fucking stunk every dad when he went out to cut the lawn in the fucking 80s and 90s Looks like a goober had a had a white a pair that was originally white pair of new balances that were now green You know, it's really trashy. That was a big dad move was the uh the short sleeve sweatshirt That was big and that was a big 80s thing. Yeah. Yeah, and it was always cut like too high up on the bicep on the on the on the Yeah, the bicep. Yeah

Is that what that's how out of shape you are What's the arm one? What's the one on the arm? I thought it was I thought it was the tricep But that's a dinosaur go ahead the triceratops. Um, oh my god, you're fat and dumb um, all right, just a couple more Uh, we'll get to the rest later. Um, this is from Jeff. My family never did this Have you ever kept the grease from bacon or pork chops in a coffee can to cook with later? No, but my best friend growing up Rodney Klein who was african-american his mom did that And dude she was good eating. It's fucking great eating

I know my dad my my grandmother when I was a kid my dad tells me is that his mom would make Bacon in a cast iron skillet and then take the bacon out and then use that grease to make the eggs That's what that's I think if you're reusing it right away. Yeah, sure I mean saving it to like use it a later date to me is like That that that that grease can and some of my friend's house has smelled so bad There's two shots of it like it was cutting Two bacon grease and a tall boy stat I'll tell you the whole story

All right, and the last one for this week. Um, this is from our boy Lewis m uh, and I think this is a no for both of us. Did your mom ever pick up smokes for you before you could drive? No, yeah, but before I could buy cigarettes really that's trashy I think so. Yeah Your mom was buying you packs of bernie's before you could fucking before you even legally allowed to smoke, dude That's crazy I don't care. I don't care if your dad's a doc anything you are fucking if you're buying your underage kid bernie's your trash Oh my god, I never did it. I still hide it from my mom from time to time when I go out and dabble in a nice bernie, you know

His mom obviously did that's where the question came from Oh for sure for dude, I had buddies I think I talked about it on one of these episodes His buddy would get like a carton of new ports and a pack of condoms in his Yeah, for Christmas and his it is stocking. I'm like, damn talking about a stocking stuff or Shooting porn shooting porno videos over here later fucking garbage. Yeah. Um guys, that's it for this week. Thank you so much Those are all patreon members that signed up in the last two days. We just launched it. So thank you so much Um, also if you want to you can go to patreon.com

Slash are you garbage the link will be in the episode description everything like that and uh, you can get uh, free You can get a bonus episode every week. You can get uh, something from the hard feelings archive Which is another podcast me and foley used to have we release one of those every week We're also going to be doing live streams as well So you can get all that exclusive content at patreon.com Slash are you garbage and when you sign up we will read your question on the Yes, sir a lot of big things coming up when all you guys to get locked in on the patreon We're gonna have a lot of great things in there a lot of exclusive content. All right guys. Thanks so much

We appreciate it. Check us out full full video available on youtube Please rate review subscribe on itunes. Also. I am kevin at kevin ryan comedy on all social media And I am at h foley on ice on twitter and foley grams on instagram Make sure you follow us. Are you garbage on instagram and follow you are your garbage on twitter? Again, we appreciate you guys. We love you guys and we'll see you next time. Thank you