Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast - Smoking with Mom w/ Kippy & Foley

Episode Date: November 13, 2023

Are You Garbage is back with Kippy and Foley for a family episode to answer your garbage questions from Patreon. Its a fun one! Thanks for watching AYG Comedy Podcast. Love youse guys. Come to a live ...show! NEW TOUR DATES: https://areyougarbage.com/ Follow Kevin: https://www.instagram.com/kevinryancomedy/ Follow Foley: https://www.instagram.com/hfoleycomedy/ Live Shows: https://areyougarbage.com/ PATREON: https://www.patreon.com/AreYouGarbage MERCH: https://areyougarbage.com/ Manscaped: https://www.manscaped.com Promo Code: Garbage Ladder Life: https://www.LadderLife.com/GARBAGE Comedians H. Foley and Kevin Ryan are self proclaimed GARBAGE. Each week a new stand up comedian gets put to the test. Steal shampoo from hotels? Own a George Foreman Grill? Ever worn JNCO Jeans?

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Starting point is 00:00:00 Gang still a few dates to hit for that state trashy tour. Grab the squad and come out and see the boys stand up comedy. Then we play a little AYG with the crowd. Grab the squad. Come hang the big man ain't lying. It's a great time and we are coming out. We got a bunch of cities left. We got Minneapolis, Madison Milwaukee, two shows in Sacramento.
Starting point is 00:00:17 San Francisco, San Jose, Washington, then obviously that we're coming home to chickens or coming home to roost and Philadelphia, baby. I have to feel more get your tickets, gang. Yeah. Welcome to another exciting edition of Are You Gobbage? The show where you find out if your favorite comedians are classy individuals or absolute trash. Now, here are your hosts, Kevin Ryan and H Foley.
Starting point is 00:00:46 Hey everybody out there and welcome back to everybody's new favorite podcast. This is R U Garbage. Oh yeah. So at little show we sit down with your favorite comedians and we finally have to go to be classy. Yeah. Perfect, just a big old piece of trash.
Starting point is 00:00:59 Masura. I'm your host, Hohley, coming at you on a beautiful day. We're out back here with Tuddy's in a new edition, she's upstairs in a nice bath. Okay. Yeah. Getting sexy. All right. I got nothing.
Starting point is 00:01:11 My co-host is coming at you from across the table. He is the CEO of RU Garbys. He's an international business man. Got a big ol' forehead. Give it up for KJ Kevin James Ryan. The ladies love it. What's up everybody? Look at that thing.
Starting point is 00:01:23 Hey, thanks a lot, jelly roll. Thanks for tuning in everybody Make sure you're right with you subscribe on iTunes over there, which we're climbing up the charts finally get finally getting some respect over there on the charts And then a full video available on YouTube as you know those numbers are true to room And obviously the greatest website of all time you head over there you pull your laptop your desktop You're dude you're getting it Dell your gateway and www.patreon.com slash are you garbage you go over there? You get a bajillion one point nine two bajillion hours of content to lock on over there. You know lying
Starting point is 00:01:57 I know a line. That's why I said it. I don't like man never lie You been right fucking whitey fish over here man never lies. Keep it right here, right? You're fucking whitey-fisk over here. Gang, how about a nice quick shout out to our producer short and air the magic band. Makes us all look good. Works the ones, the twos, the threes and the fours.
Starting point is 00:02:12 He crosses the tees and he dots the guys and he's thinking something mean to say to me right now. Give it up for T-bone McScruff and tell me McMollon. What's up, dude? I really was. What up, dude? I know you are. Dude, the roll-up of the the jacket sticks the sleeves are too long
Starting point is 00:02:27 It's it's like the worst candy of all time denim roll-ups Man why did you think you was gonna give you that I don't care. I do it for the people out there No, maybe that he's a man of the roll-ups the numbers are putting up these days denim roll-ups got two three laps out in the wild Roll ups the numbers are putting up these days. Did him roll ups got two three laps out in the wild joke That joke was a real gusher Oh my god come on It does look like you drop something behind a couch Here's a deal all right, and I've mentioned this before on on on on this very program I'm gonna pull some sort of sympathy call you can't find a jacket that wide with sleeves that sure yeah
Starting point is 00:03:04 That's really what it is that wide with sleeves that short. Yeah. That's really what it is. That's what's that from the Andre the Giant Collection? Now that's a bit. He's the he-man toy as a model. What's going on over there? How you doing, Stretch? Listen, here's the story.
Starting point is 00:03:18 Man, I could become a billionaire in the men's, and the larger men's clothing fashion business. Uh-huh. Get me in there. What's stopping you? Capital. IQ. General no-hat.
Starting point is 00:03:31 Technology. That God damn government. Like it all over me. Get me. A lot of people wouldn't mind having me at it away. I'll pay it out. Yeah. If you were going to start a business, what's your first play?
Starting point is 00:03:42 You're like, all right, I'm going to get into the, you, you, you, you. Now that you're losing some weight, you're looking good, you're looking start a business what's your first play? You're like all right, I'm gonna get in I'm gonna get into the you Now that you're losing some weight you're looking good. You're looking fresh. It's gonna ask you for money Yeah, what's the first boom like I'm gonna all right. I'm gonna I'm gonna do it I made some sketches some loose stuff. I have some ideas. What's the first call? And I don't exist Who you call a bad? I'm a called baddie. See what Casabes doing Tommy see call patty have a heater over the phone That's also real trashy when your mom do you have you have zoom six together? You're out there. You're each guy go out. I look go have it. You have a telephone six. She's my good friend
Starting point is 00:04:19 So I got I got her a time. He's seeing I'm with him most of the time So I can't call him in Gidget, so I call Patty and we yap a little bit. Boy, you're starting a business. Who you call? I didn't say I was starting a business. I said, I said he was reinventing the big and tall store from the ground up, which I think I could do,
Starting point is 00:04:37 with connected with the right people. I think I have really good ideas. You gotta, you can't make the fucking, I don't know who this is for. Sounds like a great idea. There's guys that are as big as me that their arms aren't that long. You got to shorten up the sleeves a little bit and use better fabric. They're all over the place. Sometimes they're good. Sometimes they're not. How hard-sourcing that much textile is? You've said that before and I understand that,
Starting point is 00:05:01 but you need go getters on the team. I think what you should do you're You're as a problem solver kind of guy. I am you're looking at it. You're trying to solve the wrong problem You're trying to source and by the way cool stuff one of these companies hit me up It's crazy to do some fucking model you're what you you got to be top 400 famous fat guys that just get me on a fucking print that we 400 famous fat guys that just get me on a fucking print that way Hit him up. I'm going to sweater over the shoulder to hold nine. Oh man. It's crazy that I'm not fucking working print work I should be walking runway, too Rowan Fat guys on the rascals. Do they have big and tall runways? Fashion shows? Probably I could see your face on a bus
Starting point is 00:05:41 Sure, there you go double-decker Sandwich bastard. I ain't gonna get my boom buck. You're thinking about this the wrong way. What you need to be thinking about you. I'm not thinking about nothing. They should hire me. Didn't you start this by saying that you got some great ideas? They should hire me as a consultant. I can get in some fat guy information.
Starting point is 00:06:00 I feel like they're all skinny minis that are doing it, they're doing the work on there. There's no way. You think they're big dudes? Yeah. Well, they're jamming me up. Oh, fuck it on. You're in a concert too long.
Starting point is 00:06:10 So I got to do the roll up. And if I do just the one roll up, I look at them late for school or something like that. It looks like they don't fit. Like when I had my jeans and patty wouldn't get them ham, she would just tuck them under. The worst. The tuck under doesn't even last to the bus stop.
Starting point is 00:06:26 You that thing, you think, you stand there that the tuck, obviously the roll, the outward roll to show the cuff, but the tuck in, you think's gonna hold and when you're standing still like a fat little kid looking in the mirror, you're like, this will be, I'm gonna be able to get away with this. Buddy, jab the toe.
Starting point is 00:06:41 Man, first period comes. When the outward role and tuck became fashionable in the early 90s That was man. That saved my life. Sure. It wasn't cool when you were in school No, but I do know that I'm talking where you fold it in the tight roll. I think they're called yeah, my brother It's a big tight rock. I got a tight roll my paints that in a pair like nice Timberland boots Meanwhile, I was wearing my dad's khakis at fucking eight years I go over to Pat's house to go swimming after swimming mr. Thutsky fucking bathing suit like a jerk
Starting point is 00:07:14 I remember he goes we can go to my dad's he's my dad has anything Fucking pubes in the bathing suit already little nuts in there Gromand sad just fucking just go and fucking flesh to flesh. Oh, Do you got any intel in the fashion show because I'm walking what fashion show and the big and tall fashion show? doubt it's in Paris Is that Danny probably clean food? Fucking youngstown, Ohio Abby. All. Clean up up there. Fucking rust belt, guys. Alright, alright.
Starting point is 00:07:46 I might have a line for you, pal. What do you got? The curvy fashionista.com. Okay. Has an article. Where are Big and Tall Menad? Did you know this expo was for you? There seems to be some sort of expo.
Starting point is 00:07:59 I'm not doing expo work. Runway. Oh, great work. This was in the conference room of a Mary off dude. This is bad. Okay. Puts you guys eat nomlets.
Starting point is 00:08:11 Patty, um, it was at the, it was at the Omnia hotel in Atlanta. The Omni and it was in 20 and it was at the Omnia hotel in Atlanta. It was in 2019. I don't think this idea took off from God God damn pandemic shot and everything though. Oh shit I can help out. I'm just saying I've started business watch start my own clothing line I don't know. I'd have to have somebody in the clothing business. What night? What am I gonna do differently? I'm not telling you Okay, I it was more of you You fucking you walk around banging your Bible saying you have these great ideas and I, flexible,
Starting point is 00:08:48 breathable. I don't think for a fact you want something material. Trust me. You get listen, I'm telling you, you want it like so thin. No, because you wear through that. You get lines on your shirt from the table. You need powerful material. Yeah, you're thinking about this all problem. It's uncomfortable. No, this is the You know the one jacket that I have the tan one. Oh, yeah, perfect. That's thin, but I had to wash and dry that like a thousand times Yeah, have you this thing is what you're trying to take current fashion standards and apply them to fat guys What you're doing is need to change the game for larger gentlemen. Burlap sacks make them cool. You got to change what peep the perception
Starting point is 00:09:31 of cool. You're playing you're playing fucking pity pat checkers over here. Need to sweatsuit to come back. Get up. Get it. Who's the most famous fat guy? TJ Coward. Get DJ Coward in the burlap sack branded or something. He's not that big though. He's big. Is he big at all? He's big. He probably gets all the shit custom made. Custom made custom paid or you just custom. Hey, drives rolls, roaches and stuff like that. You don't need me.
Starting point is 00:09:54 No, but I'm saying if you can get him, you got to start dressing easier. You're trying to cram, not, hold on. Hold on, hold on. That pounds a shinto a five pound bag. That's an idea. Yes, that's that's not it. No, no, no, no, no, no.
Starting point is 00:10:07 You can't you've given me an idea. You're out. That's my idea. No, I'll give you 3%. It's my idea. First for it. That's no. No points.
Starting point is 00:10:17 I need to get a hold of one of these famous fat guys and me start dressing them and maybe making my own clothes. But who's going to do that? Who's going to the manufacturer? You can't dress't dress yourself yeah we do most of that for you because I don't have the right gear because they don't make it right you can't buy the right gear so you're gonna make gear let's take it to the tailors but I'm not taking short in the sleeves do something they're wizard you fucking yeah he's shortening it up top or something. I gotta figure something There's got to be a guy who can shorten a frickin sleeve. It's patches maybe yeah
Starting point is 00:10:51 American flag patch or okay couple of operas on the back Some guy with a welders mask will sell you upright. Yeah, it's fucking take well that thing. Yeah You know what patty did tonight. I was a little Questional about it. See what you guys think about this. I'm listening. Might have mentioned this to you, but I got a present from Patty the last time that I was home.
Starting point is 00:11:14 It was a blanket. What do you think that blanket was made of? Ooh. Oh, man, this could go one of two or 12 ways. I think if you really think about it, you'll get the answer. Hmm, all right, I've chocolate or smoked temp. No. Moral miles.
Starting point is 00:11:38 Nylon. No. It's not a material. It's not a material. No, recycled tires. No. It's a blanket.. No, recycled tires. No. It's a blanket. Is it comfortable?
Starting point is 00:11:47 No. Okay. Sick, sick, cigarette butts like a bird's nest. Yeah. Anxiety. A bunch of my father's old D-shirts. Whoa. Yep.
Starting point is 00:11:58 I got a death blanket. Dude, that's what they do now. Who? No. I don't know. No. We've done it in our family multiple times. And I got a pillow made of a sweatshirt.
Starting point is 00:12:08 Who's making? I got you the world's saddest quilt. Yeah, you're nuts. What the fuck? What did I say? Who wants to do to imagine pulling that thing up when the lights are out? Oh my God.
Starting point is 00:12:19 Smelling fucking brook alone. Oh, the fuck? That feels like the hugs. I never got the last time you gave me plenty of hugs. Oh, the fuck that feels like the hugs. I never got the last time you gave me plenty of hugs. Dude, I am, I am absolutely skeeved. Yeah, one of the times when I was home, she put the blanket that was all my dad in his bed. That was, that mended up by my bed.
Starting point is 00:12:41 It was like chilly and I put it on me. We'll go home and I know almost fucking jumped out the window. Dude, I mean night and almost fucking jumped out the window. I mean, I'm not a big ghost. That's just he be GB stock. And what do you do? Well, now I fit in all those old t-shirts. I'm stocked up. I got a couple of sweet navy ones all worn in. Mm-hmm. Perfect. Couple of stains. Sure. Sure. Yeah. Where's the blanket right now?
Starting point is 00:13:07 Better be at the bottom of the sea fuck that dude time my house that thing incoming nowhere near me all right Fuck it was old leave that in a story. Yeah Well, I think a lot of people are doing that now. I Loose I'm gonna say no and people are like, I did, there are, I'm sure, 20 people out there of the, I wouldn't say that's a trend. No. Not a bunch of, I've never heard of that. A lot of people eat snake, dude, that doesn't make it normal.
Starting point is 00:13:33 Yeah, that's like, you can't, uh, it's good. It's good eating right there. Talking about, um, you shit, you're meant. I don't know, that's, we, no one I know in my family's ever done that. See, I figured that would be something that would be in the repertoire over there. Uncle Ernie's favorite shirt, they make it into something. Like a teddy bear or something like that. Who wants that?
Starting point is 00:13:55 I don't know. That's what I'm saying. Get a- I- I- I'll rest in peace shirt, like you're a rapper or something, I'll give you. You know what I mean? Show it to the crib proper, and an airbrush rest in peace shirt like you're a rapper or something. I'll give you you know what I mean show to the crib proper And an airbrush rest in peace some for the black back windshield Yeah, some defa you know fucking free Yale or something. Yeah, give me something, but Yeah, that's a
Starting point is 00:14:17 You're a ebg. I mean you're a very sentimental very emotional guy true, which I get to play there I want to rather head to t- teach you but you're also a big He be Gb guys. It's an emotionally weighted blanket You never amounted nothing you fat piece of shit You think you can you think you can design fat guy close how do you feel about that? What I don't like any of it man. I don't like what. What if you put like, what if you put like a little voice message in something? For me? Yeah.
Starting point is 00:14:48 Not for me for the if the kids sure, but like, like pop up. Lose you. Sure. I'll give you that. Fucking good. Where my smokes what? I'll give you that, but fucking sleep tight. Yeah, but like, I don't need anything from,
Starting point is 00:15:07 I mean, that's my step that's race car like stuff like that sure but like I you don't need to be she had made it no blanket we all got them one's a bathing suit I think man did she when did she send that all away? This is old on these. Jesus. I got the Skidmark edition. Ha, damn. Yeah, she hears it, she's gonna be pissed. Patty, I love you. Little creep up. Just saying it.
Starting point is 00:15:37 I do get that it is a nice very sentimental thing, but it's a lot for me. One shirt made into a pillow, like a couch pillow, I get. You keep in the basement. I don't need that thing walking up to the stairs to get me. No way. That thing's gotta be behind closed doors. Put it in glass like Annabelle.
Starting point is 00:15:57 Wake up, it's suffocating. Surrounded by holy water. Yeah, that I get. I mean, like, yeah, I don't know. That's just very, it's also like, I feel like if that thing caught on fire, it would burn blue flames or something. Souls of Hogi's past coming out of it. They watched the shirts. I know, but like also too, like, those are like, that's not like fine fabric. Those are
Starting point is 00:16:21 like worn old man's. Yeah, they're great. They're great teas that I would that I could be kicking right now. It could be rocking them. I love when a T-shirt's nice and broken in. Sure, I could be broken in nights. I get that. A couple games are racquetball.
Starting point is 00:16:37 How old is it? Huh? I think to me a shirt gets a little too old. Oh, he had T-shirts. That's what I'm saying. From 90s. Yeah in the constant rotation She got him dry cleaned and shit a nice starch tea ain't not wrong. His t-shirt game was all right He's running around in the do cock a shirt Vote for Ross because you're the boss of the cock it's I'm surprised you do you knew that? Oh, yeah, I know some old stuff
Starting point is 00:17:05 Probably family probably vote for do caucus much hellbilly's Fucking hills have eyes Fucking woods people that Come out once every four years the fucking vote Just put their thumbprint on it. Make your mark. Put your bootleggers. A lot of my family's signing documents with the next. All the townspeople keep on a bat with pitchforks.
Starting point is 00:17:36 Get on, vote and go, vote and go. Put your whiskey runners barking at you. A couple of overs, do your ears, leaves. K, but talk about man skates. Shout out to man skis eight. Let's talk about keeping the front yard and the backyard looking clean for the neighbors. You don't want the property value dropping.
Starting point is 00:17:51 And they just dropped the 5.0 performance package. Do yourself a favor. Get over to the man scape and pick one up. We're talking about the lawn mower 5.0 ultra. It has two interchangeable blade heads. Look at that. These guys just keep innovating. It's crazy.
Starting point is 00:18:04 So you can decide whether you want to keep a trimmer. If you want to go all the way down and keep a super close shave, the way Kippy likes it. I like a nice bold sack. I can clean meals. You can't just make it clean. Gang, you know, we're all about man's capes over here. Everybody's got one.
Starting point is 00:18:18 Everybody uses one. Do yourself a favor and pick one up. Uh-huh. The performance package 5.0 also comes with the new weed whacker 2.0 ear nose, air trimmer. The T-bone just used before we recorded this guy damn episode. Look, Lord. Got crop, crop, preserver, bald yoder, and crop, soother, toner and two plus two free gifts. There you go.
Starting point is 00:18:40 So here it is. Here's the turkey. Get 20% off and free shipping with code garbage at manscaped.com. That's 20% off and free shipping with code garbage at manscaped.com. Do it, gang. Yeah. Kept what's talk about ladder.
Starting point is 00:18:53 Shout out to ladder. Gang, we don't want to stress you out, we're all going to kick the bucket one day. You don't want to leave the family holding. I got Lyme's disease. You do what? You don't want to keep the family, you don't want to leave the family holding the bags
Starting point is 00:19:06 to do your self-favorite, pick up a little term life insurance over there at Ladder. No doctors, no needles when you're trying up for $3 million in coverage. Yeah, it's 100% digital. Like you said, no paperwork, no, everything could be done online from your couch. Just answer a few questions about your health
Starting point is 00:19:22 and an application to get started and find out if you're instantly approved. There you go. And as always, there's no hidden fees. You can cancel it anytime and even get a full refund if you change your mind in the first 30 days because the latter is making it easy for you gang. Ladders even made the Forbes best life insurance 2021 list and it's easy to see why cause they're killing in every aspect of the game.
Starting point is 00:19:41 There you go. Go to ladderlife.com slash garbage a day to see if you're instantly approved. That's ladder, L-A-D-D-E-R. Life.com slash garbage. One more time, get a pen, get a pencil, pull out your laptop, your phone, scream it from the raft, there's ladderlife.com slash garbage gang. Now do it back to the show.
Starting point is 00:19:58 Back to the show. God, but all that aside, this is a gosh darn family episode gang. And as you know, when you sign up for the Patreon, we will answer your garbage question. On a year, a Patreon gets the first crack out because they're the MF and Hamies. Yami, I know what you mean. All right, let's get into it.
Starting point is 00:20:16 This one's from Nahman, a $10 secret inside auditor. Ooh, that means the eyes are on me. Is it garbage to find out that a family member is in jail through the Look Who's in jail section of the county newspaper? We found my uncle in there and still no one belled him out. Ouch. That I kind of respect, learn your lesson.
Starting point is 00:20:36 I some down a little bit. People used to always take a peruse through that section. I dude, at like 12 or 13, that's the only thing that interested me ever. Who got jammed up and I always wanted to find someone I knew or someone's dad or something. Yeah. Never found nothing juicy. Always look. I feel like that was always on a Sunday. I started talking shit right here. Fucking running their mouths. Yeah. It was a paper used to be all right, wasn't it? Sure. Yeah, the local paper. Yeah, I get one in the in the burbs that I'm in now I call it my I was perusing it really yeah, I like start getting delivered
Starting point is 00:21:14 I now it comes like weekly or monthly or the whatever the something you know, whatever I'm paying for it. I don't think so. It's mostly by ads. That's like, the town Gazette or whatever. And I love the local ads. It's like Jimmy's contracted and he's got like his son in a headlock or whatever. Did you put your fist through the walk as Eagles didn't come? Call me. It's real like, it's real like used car dealership vibes. They had no real marketing person. I love it. Yeah I used to love the the place mat at like your local diner I had all the things on it. That one is well been a treasure map to me man He's then you see somebody you know on there like oh shit fucking pads image of hair styling He's got cash like that. He also sponsored a little league diner cash. I could use a little brush clearing
Starting point is 00:22:03 Uh-huh. Oh, yeah, gotter, get your gotters clean. When you, when they put down one of those, you know you're in for a nice meal. They still, they still have a reasonable price. Are they still doing that? I believe so. We hit one somewhere, and the breakfast wasn't great. They had their real off brand ketchup.
Starting point is 00:22:18 I didn't, the off brand ketchup. Yeah. Ah, we were somewhere. Wait, are you talking about when we filmed the, oh, yes, yes, the story. Yeah, yeah. Oh, that was awesome. Off-brain ketchup.
Starting point is 00:22:33 Yeah, we were all juiced. We were like this. Did they have some local shit or something like that? We had a waitress who was about 12 years old. And no idea what it was. That was the central Jersey somewhere. Yeah, you know, the one of the biggest. It was like fling Newgers or something like that. It was on Payche somewhere. Yeah, you know, the one of the biggest was like flingers or something like that
Starting point is 00:22:45 It was on paycheap. Oh, yeah, one paper that place supposed to be a fucking home I was a place they sign felt going like comedians and cars like real fucking Real old school and it's stuck we went to a joint made their own ketchup not that long ago and Philly Boys almost riot it fucking out long ago and Philly. Whew. Boys almost rioted. Fucking. Crystal Conner does not like homemade ketchup.
Starting point is 00:23:08 I'll tell you that. It's not much he does like. You do hines. You do hines. You're not wrong. You do hines. I'll take a hunts. I wouldn't kick it out of bed.
Starting point is 00:23:17 You do hines. That fucking homemade shit. Get it? It always takes like cinnamon or coriander or something like that. Get out of here with that Save that for the honey mustard some wow me some things just need to come from a factory, dude Yeah, chicken beef. Yeah, I'm also turning around on Ken's you know Ken's Ken's dressings. Yeah, turning around on them They're great fancy to me. No, yeah, I gave him a big pouches. I remember seeing in my mom
Starting point is 00:23:44 Oh those big monster ones my mom will? They came in the big pouches, I remember seeing them, my mom. Oh, those big monster ones. My mom will come home with like the big Caesar. I'm like, God, what do we have to, what do you have to numbers this week, Tuts? He's working overtime at the hospital. Did you guys ever fuck with those, the whole salad in a bag?
Starting point is 00:23:56 It came with the dressing and the croutons and all their bags. Yeah, they were like, oh yeah, that was Nese's, his spech. I go right into some fucking green bowl that had probably probably tastes like Cascade fucking whip that up. I Didn't start eating salads till about four years ago. So that was all that was all lost on those things are all right, man Fucking ready to eat fucking everything's in there right into a wooden bowl that's just been destroyed by the dishwasher
Starting point is 00:24:21 It's like that one just we never we were the green like the fucking dishwasher. It's a lot of that white mold. We never, we were the green, like the fucking, it looks like like fucking iceberg lettuce on the side. Oh, yeah, we got one of those. Also puke didn't when you were sick. That's what got placed next to you on a couch. Ah, fucking, that Ken's is gonna take a little different tomorrow, ma. Yeah, that's gross.
Starting point is 00:24:44 Yeah, Patty has a cool like, let's say a whole ball lettuce. Like a whole head of lettuce, it has a lid on it too. Keeps your weed in there. Fucking greenery, baby. Trying to stay lit. God. Dip it into the dog CB D pills. Look out.
Starting point is 00:25:08 Anyway, what we were talking about something. We were talking about the back of the paper trying to see who got jammed up. Oh, yeah. That and I'm doing a nice police scanner back in the day. Yeah, we never really we've had when we never my stuff that happened. I mean, we've talked about a boss CB radio. I fucking don't know. My uncle Redwood sit there with that fucking scanner
Starting point is 00:25:26 and a couple of fucking stagmires and just fucking, be on the watch. Did we drive down the show? Waitin' for some action. It was my stepdad, me in the middle and my brother, a Ford Ranger. And he shit, he's between my legs, shifted because I'm like,
Starting point is 00:25:41 how's a fat fucking eight year old or whatever? So dude, I'm in the middle I'm like stick it is Yeah, dude man eating sunflower eating that was the first time I ever seen barbecue sunflower seeds Oh my god fucking blow your tits off. This is they start playing ball. Oh, I was just sucking them You got a nugget or something like and put them on top Yeah, and the CB radio, he's cranking Winston's, man. Peter and a car ain't nothing to shake a stick at.
Starting point is 00:26:09 But the biggest dirt ball thing I ever did off those menus of the diner placemats blew my mind. And that's when I really lost faith in certain kind of advertising. It was like mattress warehouse or like, you know, half, whatever, bottom line pricing. Well, it doesn't work on couches or whatever. Of course it doesn't work. I know, but I keep you're, you know,
Starting point is 00:26:33 keeping good with the local community. I called the guy, it was on there. I needed like a mattress or a couch. I want to say it was a mattress. I needed a mattress and I called this guy. And he's like, good loser. What? Nobody calls those. I did. What did he say? I always, but nobody calls those I did what he said I was
Starting point is 00:26:47 GMed up. I was looking for like an $80 mattress. He said the table next to you. Hello. Can I help you? He's taking my order hold on let me take this I got a fat bastard spilled his juggle milk all over the place. Pat's over stands mattress and eggs What happened? He's like yeah, yeah, when can you come by? I'm like, I don't know, I can be there in an hour. He's like, that don't work for me. I'm like, wait, that's not, there's no store. He just had a garage full of furniture. Wait, so you were at a diner.
Starting point is 00:27:15 I was at a diner. Woffing down. Breakfast, lunch, what do you at? It's a little bit of both, probably, you know, and I told you. 17 maybe. And you were in the market for what a mattress? A Matt probably 18.
Starting point is 00:27:26 I think I was going to college or maybe 19. You were in charge of getting that stuff yourself. Your mattress, wait, hold on, who needs a mattress for school? You're freshman year, you sleep in a door. I'm saying I might have been my sophomore year. Jesus. Yeah.
Starting point is 00:27:41 That's fucking what? That's patties the part. I'm like, it's the shot. Yeah, well, this is the, I mean, we we go this is the crux between both of us. I go and do stuff you wait till patty doesn't you Get shot down by day in the mattress man. I got patty straight me out with a cert asleep or queen. Let's go Yeah, right you probably sold for drugs after after three classes. Don't unwrap that Don't take that tag off neither Plenty of room on the floor
Starting point is 00:28:10 I went I'm like alright and he's like yeah, you can meet there too. I'm like meet me there Like I was about to fuck dude and sir. I'm a businessman Time for the fucking sit in the diner making your business Cole still cranking heaters. I had I had three bucks in the jukebox dude. I was fucking cooking. Soon as this old heart of mine's over I'll be at your place. Uh yeah so I I went and he's like he's like it's one two three main street or whatever and I had known the street I'm like that's a setup. I'm like that's an industrial park. I'm like I don't think there's no storefronts down there. Man it was like that scene from
Starting point is 00:28:49 fucking Casino. I was like yeah to keep going. No it's Casino. Good fellows. Karen to get a little further down. What a further down. Yeah I was thinking of Sharon Stone you're right. Yeah. Oh man. You want to be my mattress guy? In nuts. I don't know what's going on. Man, I like turning the coast. Say it was like, good jungle to light. It's went on and shit.
Starting point is 00:29:12 Oh, fuck, dude. Man, they have the goods. They were all just wrapped up in plastic, which I assume they were used. And I was just like, all right, man. Yeah, this is looks like you have to in that I'm a nice guy where I can't go. Oh, fuck this. I'm out. I'm like, all right man, yeah, this is looks, I got to, in that, I'm a nice guy where I can't go, oh fuck this, I'm out. I'm like, oh, yes, look, I gotta check my budget, call Patty, you know, it was all thing, and I just fucking skedaddle, fucking buy you, you're fucking garage mattress, fucking kick rock. That's all right. All right.
Starting point is 00:29:42 Great question. Yeah, home run. All right, this one's from Jeff, new member from Miami. Shut up, pay it. Haircuts in the front yard question mark. The bird gives me a haircut in the front yard, saving money from the barber shop and no cleanup. Like you'd have to do it if you were inside. Whew, I would say that's a backyard activity. To me, to me, if you want to do it,
Starting point is 00:30:02 I would hope she has some sort of skill to it as well. It does paint a nice picture though. A nice Saturday afternoon. You're out in the front yard It depends on the front yard You know what I mean it depends where the front yard is a lot of the front yards in the front buddy a lot of people do Operate in the front yard they put the pool out there where it's legally okay or maybe not That kind of stuff. That's back. Those are back yard activities. You're nuts to try to save front yard stuff.
Starting point is 00:30:29 I'm saying some people, maybe some people operate in the front yard. It depends on the house's position. I would say dirt bags. Yeah. Okay. That's all I'm saying. I thought you were spending to be like, it's okay. It ain't okay.
Starting point is 00:30:40 That's a back. That's a side yard at Bet. Garage. Do it in the garage. Yeah, sweep up. Do it yard at Bet, garage, do it in the garage. Yeah, sweep up. They were in a bathroom. Nine. They went in a tub.
Starting point is 00:30:49 One run the fucking. I think the classiest place to get an in-home cut is in the kitchen. That's where you would normally get a cut. That's where Patty, any time Patty ever did some other broads air was done in the kitchen. I get that, you're not wrong, that makes sense. There's always a fun night. But then that's where you're cooking. No, I just thought of that. It doesn't matter to clean it up.
Starting point is 00:31:09 Paddy can never clean it up all the way. One of Paddy's friends from work would come over and she'd do somebody's roots. Oh, it's fucking goofing around laughing. Couple of candies floating around. Probably show up with an enemy. Yeah, they got hair just cereal in the morning. No way. No hair and no hat to bath. Push again high off that hair. I too. That's bath. That's bathroom. Turn your lights out. Um, yeah, I used to have a friend who cut hair. And she would say she's like the after a day, short, the hair cutter. Shout out to you. Had a whole crew of gas. Shout out to hair cutter. Shout out to you. Had a whole crew of gaffes. Shout out to the hair cutter.
Starting point is 00:31:45 Um, a couple of dime pieces work there back in the day. Oh, they said it would be hair everywhere, like all down their boobs and stuff, like all like, because it's just you're just cutting all day. Especially the hair cutters are a good chop shop. They're running and gunning. Sure. You know what I mean? It's a numbers game.
Starting point is 00:32:03 It's like the boiler room in there. They're burning and turning baby. Let's go. Ain't no money and you know what I mean. It's a numbers game. It's like the boiler room in there. They're burning and turning baby, let's go. Ain't no money and you sit in here. Gotta get someone else in. And they were like it'd be it's everywhere. It's all down our boobs, it's in our run. Like it just fucking. It's her me.
Starting point is 00:32:17 It's her me. Yeah, turn me on. That's a good thing what you say. But I would say knock that shit off in the front yard. Unless. Yeah, you got to do that stuff in the backyard in a privacy. A little bit of privacy. It's also like the backyard, you can do whatever you want in the backyard as long as you're
Starting point is 00:32:34 not bothering. But you're in the front, people walking by, the mailman's coming up, you're getting a haircut. But this is what I'm saying. I'm trying to articulate it, but I'm not. Sometimes the front yard is the culture a little bit. You do get to see people coming by. If everybody's all friends,
Starting point is 00:32:49 maybe they have the little kitty pool out front when the kids are swimming and they're like, I'm not saying that's not the case. I understand what you're saying, but it's trashy. We're here to determine if it's classy or trashy, and that's fucking trashy. Front yard haircut is happening in one of those foldable beach chairs.
Starting point is 00:33:03 That's like metal, and then it's like the lattice like Wove and light you up. Yeah I ever get caught in a couple of those and I was a kid just see the the long ones where you'd lay out Oh, yeah, the ones that were like rubber or like plastic, but they were like plastic threading I got my foot caught in that one time. I was a little bit of bear trap. Split your chin open. Straight down, dude. It's like a rusty ass shit.
Starting point is 00:33:29 90% of front yard haircuts are mullets. Sure. Yeah, it's not a good, yeah, I would say. Trunk of the mullet. Nothing, but the other 10%'s bowl cuts. Ah. We did it on the back deck when Denise would cut the hair and be the back deck.
Starting point is 00:33:44 Should you give you a bowl cut? No, she would shave, just buzz on the back deck when Denise would cut the hair and be the back deck. She give you a bowl cut? No, she would shave just buzz on the summer. Because the whole thing? Yeah, she put it at yeah. Oh really? I told you, one time she put a number one in the back of my head. Go kippy. She really?
Starting point is 00:33:57 We're gonna win this year gang. Number one, yeah. I don't know, she's the fucking, I mean, she was like a- You ask her? Yeah. I mean, she's, yeah, she was like a do you ask her? Yeah I mean Yeah, she's not just fucking I'm surprised you Catholic lady like that would allow that was the summer summer was all right She's gonna send me to school like that like some fucking either way to say wait a second Was it was the number one shaved in or was the number one shaved around?
Starting point is 00:34:20 What do you mean was it was the one longer shorter than the rest of it? Oh, shorter. No, she shaved my head. It's not a cattle. That's insane. She's not that good. Hey, what are you nuts? Cleaning you up. Do you hear that guy that gets the horse in the side of his head?
Starting point is 00:34:40 That guy's all right. No, she shaved it. Let's call it like a one or a two or something and then took the straight, like just the clippers and just did like one, like it was like a one with a little hat. It's all just straight lines. I mean, there's no real artwork.
Starting point is 00:34:56 It's, you know, the pound, I think it was like number one. Wait, she put a pound sign in there too? Uh-huh, hashtag number one, baby. Can you forget your McDonald's order? Wow, what do I want? Alright, got you. Yeah, at least my dumbest son. This is number one idiot in the family.
Starting point is 00:35:16 My brother got something too. He'll put lines in his eyebrow. Probably got a tooth. Tell you any, it's a part Look at you probably beat them off with a stick that's over here. I think I was sick That's the trashy Yeah, it was on the back tack. I remember it being 400 degrees and me just sweating fucking I have like a black and got comfortable over me or something to catch that I feel like you stood up and then immediately lost a race
Starting point is 00:35:51 I boy right there. It's gonna be a professional athlete I got lines in the side of my head one time right before Easter Sunday and man today Freak the fuck out, you're too fast. I hit it for a week. What? I just, I stayed on this side of him. How you doing, mom? This is really good.
Starting point is 00:36:12 Maybe not a week, a couple of days I got away with it. I think I had it done on Friday and by Sunday, they were like, well, there's something. What the fuck? That was back in those times. You could avoid your parents pretty. If school was happening, they're working either earlier. They're gone, like one of them's gone in the morning.
Starting point is 00:36:30 Yeah. The other one might be gone when you come home still. So there's only like a two hour period. If you can just tell him you cringed your neck or something when you're a dine, and I said, if I can tackle football, got me. Like in Jimmy O'Hallean. We're in a winter hat. I think my brother did that with his ear pierced one time.
Starting point is 00:36:48 That's tough to hide. Yeah, I think he tried. He had his eyebrow pierced. I think he tried to do it Like he pulled like a beanie over it or something and I'm pretty sure my dad ripped that out of his head. What are you a doc worker? Yeah. Yeah. All right. Let's see here. This is from Hugh Jess. Classic. Like it.
Starting point is 00:37:10 Is it garbage by Bernie's t-shirt if you never smoked teeters? I respect it, but don't start. Appreciate the support, baby. Shout out to you. I was rocking my heater's t-shirt yesterday. All right. Let's see. This is from Grand Daddy Triple X.
Starting point is 00:37:24 Is it trash to take the doors off a car that's not a Jeep to go cruising around town? I feel like more people are doing that these days. In my regular cars? I have never seen it. Like you think you take the door off in a cord? Yeah, I think people are doing that. That seems hard, I would assume, right?
Starting point is 00:37:40 Illegal for sure. Yeah. You need one of those like air compressor ratchet guns to do that You know I'm talking like the ones that use on like in like you can't just do that Yeah, no you can that's just yeah, no you can you can I feel like you need to like like you know I'm saying I see what you're saying how is it factory install? How is that not illegal in a Jeep but it's legal You can get eyes on that why it's illegal to take the doors off on a Jeep
Starting point is 00:38:05 and not a regular car. Maybe it's not illegal. That's a safety thing. Kids, is it nice to hold up your hands? Because it's Jeep's or a rire. Because if you're on an accord and you take the door off, if you get teabound, you're fucking done. In New York, it's perfectly legal.
Starting point is 00:38:20 Real. Take the doors off your car. But you can't. That's it, I'm doing it. You can't do it in in PA though state-to-state really yeah Thought this was America jeez. I want to drive around on my doors off according to this this article from 98.1 the hawk Is that true? Yeah, what is it 98 one 98.1 the hawk? Yeah, that was it 98 one 98.1 the Hawk didn't use this joke around about that. Yeah, we did a
Starting point is 00:38:50 Channer. Yeah, me and shot the Ryan Channer. We did 90 It was based off your Bozo buddies. Fully was one of those guys. He was very Cramer from Seinfeld. He was always talking about these friends that know whatever Saul or heard of or anything and they always had the weirdest names in the world You know, this is my friend like Bob Sakamana. I'm like, like he would tell us these stories. So me and Shane are just Made up a whole universe where the holy your imaginary friends live Nadia went point the hawk, huh? Is there okay? That's dating don't be doing that. I have your like cruising Slow in a beach town or something or in like the desert sure can't think of what other car you would do it for
Starting point is 00:39:34 Or that you definitely have to cut some No, yeah bronco that makes sense, but a regular car you got to cut some some wires that go into that car for the doors and shit They might be those plugs like those like the lights like the classic female to male Joanne, you ever do those? You feel like you're a brain-tower Yeah, mission impossible. Yeah, those are alright Yeah, even when was the old like all the old batteries for like power wheels or Rermochial cars all had that Yeah, real scientists. Did you have a real scientist? Did you have a power wheels as a kid?
Starting point is 00:40:07 No. I did. Red Jeep, I'm pretty sure it was used. What do you got ready on the spot if you did? There's some videos. You had one? I think it was used. So a great video of a dad's soup and us.
Starting point is 00:40:20 Must be nice. I'm pretty sure it was my dad's last itch effort to keep the family together. Like, yeah, this little smooth things over. Everybody got one. Now, I got one. I saw a great video of a dad souping up the, a Barbie power wheels Jeep for his daughter. He's like, this thinks things, swaps the engine out and then it cuts to her drifting out of like a fucking six year old drifting.
Starting point is 00:40:44 I've seen that. I've seen that. I've seen that. That's awesome. Yeah, she knows what she's doing. Hell yeah. Killing in that. Fucking whip and work. Yeah, shit out there.
Starting point is 00:40:52 Always want to one of those so bad. I thought I would be able to go anywhere with it. I thought once I got that dude, but in the actual out of it, I'd be hitting the open road. You can make it to the end of it. You can even drive through grass in them. Yeah. The old ones were like, you'd be cruising in the drive.
Starting point is 00:41:05 You're like, this is pretty good. You hit the ground, and then the battery's out. Yeah, you make it to about the end of the coldest act. Uh-huh, that's a wrap. I tell you what, in a big wheel though. Oh man, talk about with bin work. What's the big wheel? The big front with the two back.
Starting point is 00:41:19 Yeah, yeah. Dude, I had one of those puppies coming down and fucking red maple, I have, look out. Yeah, they were I had one of those puppies coming down fucking Red Maple Ave, look out. They were sliding the whole way. They were a little outdated by the time I was a kid. They were huge. We had what my brother had want like, it was like a hand me down from somebody.
Starting point is 00:41:37 But those things that tires used to fucking get all, the plastic tires would lose the tread. Do you ever remember those? That's what it was cool for. I know that you slide it was cool for I know I know that you slide it, but I remember my buddy had one of them was like you could see into the time like to this I hate my we got to get we got to inspect this thing and I run this through the fucking the state inspector something I pull the permits on this thing. Hey pay for these stickers get these things
Starting point is 00:42:00 My brother had the sickest one. It was a Batman one the bat mobile. It was the big one. Hi. That was the big one tight My my buddy also had they had to I don't know where the fuck they got him I think they like trash picked them or something They were scooters, but with like bike tires on them like 80s scooters. Oh, I know exactly what you're talking about Those things were awesome. They had breaks on them. Yeah, shit. They were called something Can you Google it 80s scooters with tires? They had like yeah, they were like probably the size of this can the tires were yeah And man, they had like it was like a skateboard deck in the middle. Yeah, they had like the it was like a bike half bike half skateboard kind of Yeah, they they're making them again They're like they're calling them like the flashback to and stuff
Starting point is 00:42:45 But I'm not getting the original like a razor or something like that. I was way before they might have just no But I mean that's a name. Yeah, razor and mongoose are I Think like GT made them You might be raw. They were like bike-esque. They had like the gyro on and they had the bike cables Yeah, they were sick man my day had them and I've I Put it by them in stores. The GT's zoo. Maybe that was it. White mag wheels. Oh, yeah. Yeah. And those things. Do you ever have mags? Yeah. I had them on one bike. One bike. I was like 15 when they finally got them for me. It was a GT pro performer. I hardly ever used it. What color?
Starting point is 00:43:25 It was like- The mags. White. They were white. The bike was like baby blue with red neon writing. It was sick. But I never wore it. I was literally about to start driving.
Starting point is 00:43:38 Starts driving. Start getting some poon tang. Yeah. That was Huffy's my whole life. Then I'm about to get out of prison. You get me that? our mag wheels the three smokes plastic Yeah, that was always that was always poser shit for me. I was like Dave Mirade rocking that
Starting point is 00:43:52 Yeah, but I think they were more they were more dirt at that Like it was like dirt. I think they were like dirt. They became poppy with my generation when ET dropped because one of the kids in ET Had yellow mag wheels. It was more of like a style. It was a bad kid, though. Well, you weren't doing tricks. It was more like, check me out. It was a choice.
Starting point is 00:44:12 I was telling you, dude, you guys, you might have caught this when they were selling bikes with the inside was completely closed in. They were like huge discs on the tires. I think they were like huge discs on the tires. I think they were like speed stuff. There was one bike in particular that had it because my cousin had the bike. It was a BMX bike, but it was completely enclosed.
Starting point is 00:44:34 It looked real futuristic, but they were days. They were so fucking heavy. I was just saying it was suck. They were like the tires on the cop cars and Robocop. Okay, yeah. They stunk. I remember like, they were like, the tires on the cop cars and Robo cop. Okay, yeah, yeah. Yeah. Um, they stunk. I remember one, we just one kid.
Starting point is 00:44:49 I don't know where, who, what school he went to, we would just see him from time. He would just go moping around and like whatever shop in center we were hanging out at. He had red mags. And we were like, dude, this guy will fucking, this guy fucks dude, who drives around with red mags. He had like a mustache when it was like 14
Starting point is 00:45:05 You know any of you one of those kids. I hope he's out there listening to this. Yeah, I don't tell you man. The bike's next to him So it's upside down. He's spinning the tire They know they know everybody saw that and that's that reminded me too We so we used to hang out a lot of Shopping centers one in particular sure that was where like all of a we get our bikes and we go to hang out there you can get there's you get sliced pizza you go in the woods smoke weed smoke a heater there was like we called them half pipes to they were like in the kind of like the retention basins you would see them like white or concrete
Starting point is 00:45:43 you know what I mean they're like I't know, you might not have them down. Well, the water would come out. Yeah, it was like an overflow thing for water to let water. If like a ditch. Now, how would you call them? They were retaining ponds. They'd be like underneath like an overpass. And then they would have a, they would have a tunnel that would come out where the water would
Starting point is 00:46:05 go. Yeah, they were like kind of self-made half pipes, but they had like hard edges to them. They were usually like white. Like a Jersey barrier? What's a Jersey barrier? Jersey barrier is those, the big concrete slabs that they'll put for like road work and stuff where they're, where they're, no, no, no, no, no,'re, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no. This is, this is the mouth of where a tube or water would shoot out. Like the, the two would be like this big. Okay, and it was, it was great.
Starting point is 00:46:35 Takes from fucking North Carolina. It's probably riding over wagon covered bridges. Oh, that's not even a thing. Wagon covered bridges. bridges jumping over hogs We did jump we do to have a lot of jumps over cracks sure shadows about a nice quick love it But we would go to the rains came There's always a story there's always a story of little Timmy from three schools over we would go We would jump into them when it was like that. Oh, yeah, that was well one you had to
Starting point is 00:47:05 So dangerous. You had to test the water if you slipped you were going up against the great underneath the thing coming up the other end Fucking turn into spaghetti. Oh That's not all of Foley But not to mention the bacteria that must have been in there. I do the bacteria. I mean, we just we were just in any time there was some sort of stagnant body of water. We like we should get in there. Yeah, just fucking jump. Just jump out of a tree ride your butt throw football.
Starting point is 00:47:36 Did we were treating them like they were above ground poles, we didn't give a fuck. But I remember the one kid we used to, uh, an older kid we used to buy Sigs from. He drove, uh, of red terstoyote, tersel, the hatch, but I mean, it was old. This is probably 99 red. Terrier. 2001. Right. I got this is probably like a 91.
Starting point is 00:47:57 Like this is already old for then. Like almost a dots. Yes. Very dots in it. And he had a system in it. That guy pulls into Vill hours parking lot you then ringer buying me eaters It's does anybody in this parking lot's gonna buy me heaters. It's gonna be this guy. Oh, yeah, dude He got out he we could he looked like Vin Diesel
Starting point is 00:48:18 We called him Vin Diesel and we're like oh fucking I pumped Vin Diesel was a chires last night I was able to get a seat man. Man, he would get out. He was a guy Park. He leave the fucking radio blast. Leave the door open, looking for a fight. When you could do that, man, that was a more civilized time. He leaves it cranking in a seven. Fucking trunks, rattled mirrors falling off. Yeah, dickhead dude. Go in there for a big gulp and a big bite. Let's go. Making noise, wanting to be seen, baby. I respected. And then this like in, yeah, right away you started buying a
Starting point is 00:48:56 sick and he never, there was people who knew they were breaking the law would be chill about it, right? I mean, we're like 13, like we're not even like, hey, I'm 16, my parents let me smoke, I can't get heaters, whatever mean, we're like 13. Like, we're not even like, hey, I'm 16. My parents let me smoke. I can't get heaters, whatever. Like, we were like 13, you know, and you have a fucking hair on my balls yet.
Starting point is 00:49:12 And I'm asking them for six. And he made a speck, what are you bumping? Yeah, what do you need, Marble Lights? Like, fuck, knock it all up, dude. Fucking fuzz is everywhere. Get in the arc, yes. Lisa's littered with cops. Get in the arc, fuck, he's littered with cops
Starting point is 00:49:30 Fuckin they're all the stakeouts trying to catch me buying heaters dude. He didn't care shout out to that guy Yeah, the tercell old school man, I like it All right, let's see here This one's from Thomas Mullin hmm close close but. Close, but they've cigar. First time long time. Is a garbage from mom picks you up from a DUI and just says, Well, you're trying your best. Pfft. Man, that's not the first time you fucked up.
Starting point is 00:49:56 You're at the wrong end of a lot of bad decisions right there. Jesus Christ. Oh, you're trying. Imagine getting a DUI and your mom going, Well, you're trying imagine gonna do you I and your mom go well you're trying. Hey buddy, you ain't that's the almost made it home. That's tough. That's a tough look. Yeah, that's you.
Starting point is 00:50:14 You get your act together there. That's a mom with a couple dewees herself. Yeah, she gets it. She's been jammed up in there. Oh, this is Debbie's kid. You know what I mean? I'll come down picking up. I gotta be. been jammed up in there. Oh, this is Debbie's kid. You know what I mean? I'll come down, pick you up. I gotta be.
Starting point is 00:50:28 That's your mom though. She's still off the hooch. Yeah, there she's known at that. Yeah, I mean, that's a. Getting arrested with your mom. That's bad. That's a tough look. Ah, yeah, I mean, I've never been arrested.
Starting point is 00:50:44 Knock on water. Never even brought in. No man. Questioning. No they used to call it was a joke. I mean I've said this before they used to call me the Teflon Don because whenever cops came I never got caught. They were like this is bullshit. I would just stand there and it would be okay. It stuck to you was ballooning. This fact kids got enough problems. Te's a tough one. I mean, obviously as a joke, I wasn't walking around. I was thinking I was like, I mean, I mean, given out Terkisa Christmas,
Starting point is 00:51:12 somebody fighting Vin Diesel, give me a bag of eaters. No, it was, I just never, I'd always just got... High school party. I always got, dude, I always got passed by in the shuffle, in the mix. Honestly. You didn't know high school parties where the cops showed up and everybody had a run? 100%.
Starting point is 00:51:31 And your fat ass got away? I either got away or the ones where I didn't, the one time I didn't have my ID on me and they were like, all right, just stand over there and wait and then like they processed everybody else and just forgot to put a lame sheet on your head. But I'm gonna have that fuck and they just wanted his head. They just forgot about me.
Starting point is 00:51:50 Okay. And then and then same and then another time we got hit by the state troopers and it's the Philadelphia. The troopers. Troopers got us as citizens bang. Oh, I remember you tell me about and they just they fucking it was so made you dump the beer right four cases, I think. And there's nothing more terrifying
Starting point is 00:52:06 I'm a fucking Pennsylvania state trooper or any state trooper for that matter Jesus what if I wasn't a trooper it feels like you're going straight to prison And then I just didn't they just pant they just like I Two times where like I did get jammed up and didn't get away like I go okay You got me I'll bite the bullet, whatever it is, they fucking just never wrote me up. Never, never filled out the paperwork. I got jammed up talking to a state trooper
Starting point is 00:52:33 who was security at our prom for some nefarious allegations against a couple, two-tree friends of mine about how we got there, et cetera. And man, the first 10 minutes was okay, but I was on a fucking head full of acid that kicked in as I was in mid-commerce. They just went to the sky. It's, woo, woo.
Starting point is 00:52:54 You want a spice up a Friday night, Toby? Hello fucking perjury in yourself in front of the man on a head full of sunshine. Not gonna lie to you, sir, you got two faces right now. Are all three you gonna arrest me? You do me a favor and stand still. If you can, who are the other worm people? Give me a second.
Starting point is 00:53:16 Give me a second. If we're done here. You don't have jurors diction on this planet. They brought me out once. They were like, how did this, this, this happen? I'm like, I don't know, whatever, blah, blah whatever but but but have you ever thought about the concept of love man? Like an hour later than yank me out again. They yelled my they call my name over the loudspeaker They were fucking grilling me again. He was your boy. You were probably elbow deep in the finger foods at that point
Starting point is 00:53:40 Dude, I ate ball eyes Yikes. But we got pinched at my buddy's house at an apartment. Yeah. They just took us down. They scared you. They try to give you the rabble rouse or? Sure.
Starting point is 00:53:53 Yeah, it was the only one who never got caught, you know. Yeah, sort of a bunch of times for being an idiot. But just a look at the draw, you know, racketeering illegal gambling operation. God damn Rico charge. You want a teflon Don? I have to mention to pay off money. Dude, the one when the truth, it's just Kippy's picture on a court board down the precinct. How we go back and back up, back up blue magic next to him. We got to cut that out of the snake all of us. It's just a chicken tender on the wall. Uh, the flat bread freak strikes again. I'm running out on tabs all over town. Kellombo's out there looking for one more flat bread. Um, uh, the worst one that's going to fucking the state troopers got the gang.
Starting point is 00:54:46 That was the worst. That wasn't just like those guys don't fuck around. Dude, they everybody had to do are intimidating. Cause I think we were still, we were still under eight. Did they have uniforms on? No, undercover Penn State jerseys, Villacios, these they got out. Uh, and they were like, when they wear those military, those like, uh, drill sergeant hats,
Starting point is 00:55:04 out and they were like they were those military those like drill sergeant hats Buddy I ain't no cadet all right. Yeah, they're frightening. Uh-huh. It's like major pain all over again A lot of times they have no sense of humor. No, they lose and I had a buddy who was a state trooper Uh, and dude I caught him and his fucking gear they were that chin strap that just like covers their That's what I'm saying buddy relax fucking what do you do grab a cup of coffee now they they're real that's very I mean I think that you know that's an honorable thing it's real of course fucking prim and proper and they they check the they check Jersey State troopers they don't fuck around in that turn by cocktail you know um but when I got when I got when I got when
Starting point is 00:55:40 everybody else got got they all had to go through like They had to do like 40 hours community service and Fucking it's this isn't gonna doll you like we're in college and they had to like drive back down to the city to do some sort of fucking Drinking class like it wasn't just like pay a fine and fucking move on it was like my one But it was like months of fucking bullshit. Yeah my one buddy got sent away to fucking rehab for fucking like three weeks or something like that all like a month my other one had to do it like locally for smoking herbs now knocking over banks beers they really I don't know I wonder what they do now about underage it's got to be a little less probably what a little more back and throat what do you want back when I was a kid when in my in like junior high and high school, well, kids were going to knock.
Starting point is 00:56:26 That was when all that, like, just throw the fucking book out. Like, it was crazy. Like, shit, you would get for like, one underage drinking if you had like two beers. They'd throw the fucking book out yet. Like, it wasn't, I'm assuming that's gotten a little. I don't think so.
Starting point is 00:56:40 That's when all those fucking, that was all like state run shit that they all had or a privately run shit that the state was sending people to. Oh, that's true. We're getting fucking kickbacks on it. I don't think all that shit's happened I'm sure like you get jammed up some but I mean it was I could be wrong completely but it was fucking Oh, if they still throw the fucked up car in front of the high school you guys have that they did that for me Yeah, yeah, yeah, just use your car Fucking driving by I think it's nicer than mine. I was scoping it up. I can drive and buy things nicer than mine. I was scoping it out.
Starting point is 00:57:07 Took the tires off it. Take them doors off. He'd be all right. Done with that head unit, pal. God damn, but we got to wrap it up, gang. This was a fun. Yeah, was that who gang? We love you to death.
Starting point is 00:57:21 Grab your tics. Check out our your garbage.com. Check out the Patreon, all that good stuff. We love you and we'll see you next week. Puzz. gang we love you to death grab your tics check out our your garbage dot com check out the patreon all that good stuff We love you and we'll see you next week. Pooies

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