Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast - Stuff Island: Microwave Nachos
Episode Date: August 25, 2022Kippy and Foley are back with their old pals Tommy Pope & Chris O'Connor of Stuff Island. Thanks for listening. Love youse guys! Follow Kevin: https://www.instagram.com/kevinryancomedy/ Follow Fole...y: https://www.instagram.com/foleygrams/ Live Shows: https://linktr.ee/AreYouGarbage PATREON: https://www.patreon.com/AreYouGarbage MERCH: https://www.bonfire.com/store/are-you-garbage/ Ladder Life: https://www.LadderLife.com/GARBAGE Liquid IV: https://www.liquid-iv.com Promo Code: Garbage Butcher Box: https://www.ButcherBox.com/AYG Comedians H. Foley and Kevin Ryan are self proclaimed GARBAGE. Each week a new stand up comedian gets put to the test. Steal shampoo from hotels? Own a George Foreman Grill? Ever worn JNCO Jeans
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Hachi Machi middle-class famous tour update kippy. Uh-oh. We got a couple alerts going out straighten them out a little bit
Yeah, guys, so we're coming to Seattle in Portland. Unfortunately Seattle is sold out
So if you want tickets, you're gonna have to come see us in Portland and we're going to Kansas City
Springfield St. Louis Nashville in the Philadelphia that show sold out already three months ahead of time
We added a second show tickets are on sale right now
Then we're going up to Providence, Rhode Island. That's gonna sell out in Boston. There's low ticket alert
So get those tickets now. We love to see you. Do it. Welcome to another exciting edition of
Are you garbage the show where you find out if your favorite comedians are classy individuals or
Absolute trash now here are your hosts Kevin Ryan and H Foley
Hey everybody out there and welcome back to everybody's favorite new podcast. This is are you garbage?
Little show we sit down with your favorite comedians and we find out that you're to be classy
Mm-hmm. They're just a big old piece of trash. I'm your host a trolley coming at you on a beautiful day
Getting down at the end of the summer got the boys in the house
Fucking hanging out and tooties upstairs. She's all excited. She found the high school kids beer stash behind a couple of books
You're good for her broads like a bloodhound
My co-host
He is the CEO of our you garbage. He is an international business man. He's the Prince of Park Avenue
But for a couple more months, he's the king of the boardwalk, baby
Kevin James, right? What's up? I'm for sure gonna fight Tommy in the next 50 minutes
Yeah in the intro jerk off
And your comments before we started wear that nice
Please make sure you rate you subscribe on iTunes full video available and you too bad
You know those numbers are the micless T bone from the rafters
Then obviously the greatest website of all time check it out fucking patreon.com shit ton of content over there check it
The fuck out. Oh, yes, sir
And he has no mic but I've been a nice quick shout out to our producer shorter
Yeah, the magic man makes us all look good put the whole thing together
It's give a nice big round of applause for T bone McMuffin Toby McMullin
Okay
You know why you don't know Mike get the fucking boys in uh-huh you heard about this program stuff island
Yeah, I fucking tearing up the charts
Is there two of our absolute fucking favorite?
They're the co-host of the stuff on the podcast if you don't know what you got to do yourself a fucking favor
Yeah, get out there family Chris O'Connor Tommy Pope. Hey gang. Hi guys. Thanks for coming both came in with your luggage
On your way down the building for the way to see in the intro in person is actually it's fucking it's like seeing a band
Yeah, you were snoring ten minutes
It's a fucking neck dart this dude jumps into a script. I've never seen I know I start biting Toby
Three bit after it was nearly flawless until he hit together
99% when did I say together here together together damn it like a third grader?
It's a piece of gum boys, how are you good man?
You got a big weekend plan. He both came in with your your overnights. Yeah, I walked in like off the page of GQ
He's got the he's got the duffel bag the high shorts the socks the shoes. He's a good-looking guy
Like an outfielder for the Mets
Bag carry on now told how old I got new colonos
No, it's sure
If I know that you should know that big fancy the commercial is yeah, it's Johnny
Johnny Depp's friends and you're at a party and he rolls in with the guitar. You're like
But you know his fifth pocket is full of some Grammys
Yeah, about 20 minutes of music's gonna be fantastic
We should have band together yeah, this song sucks late again. You're real good Johnny
Good stuff boys. Thank you so much for coming. Yeah, dog said this time think three times
You're on your way down to Philly for the weekend. Yeah, things are going good. Yeah
Chris did you almost you said you almost died yesterday? What happened and talking to the mic?
We were the cops all this time with your friend's dad waiting for Ronnie to come downstairs
Everything's going good. Mr. Foley
Yeah, you're up to something
No, I almost died just I was I went fishing yesterday with my brother and literally like I was completely out of sorts almost fell
Into the water. What kind of riggy on out there?
He's got I don't know. He's got just like a
Center console boat. It's nice. It is
Was up like 45 pure fishing boat that knots or MPH is yeah, yeah, we went over to Long Island
We went over to Glenn clothe
Yeah, and that's what together now
That's why we complimented
Yeah, we went yeah, but I like I cut I cut a line I
Fucking like over real I like fucked up reeling somehow just burned a rod telling a great great angler
Hit my head yeah, it's just you had a cut a line while I was attached to a fish
No, no, I just like I I
Hadn't stowed one of the rods properly and we were like jumping around so got wrapped around the rod next to it
And then one of the hook on the lure like cut the line on the other rod
So that must be a blast
I was like I was having like a meltdown by the end. I was like what the fuck is wrong. Are you guys right?
No, that's the problem. No, I don't drink left alone two hours. That was probably got up at like four
Are they yelling at you like you're a green horn. No, it's just me and my brother and he was just like he wasn't even yelling at me
That was even worse
In fishing for was again that kind of stuff happened Chris told a story about his dad
He's like he'd always resonate. Can I tell you? It's so fucking funny. I think about it all the time
He goes my dad said something to me one time and it just it it's stung so bad because he was so disappointed
He goes are you dumb?
Honestly, just tell me your mother and I will we'll figure it out
That's okay
Just play the hand I was dealt. Are you dumb or not? Are you dumb in the car after what another miserable report card?
He was just like, are you stupid?
Genuine question. Yeah, are you dumb age wise here? And he literally goes cuz you don't seem dumb
But if you're dumb like we'll figure it out. We're like we'll work the problem
We got another son, that's fine, but if you're dumb, we'll get a different car
What'd you get in your report? What grade are you? It's all just it was high school. It was like D
You're a smart kid. No, yeah smart sharp kid. That's what I couldn't do school, man
I never understood like school is always like a nightmare. That's usually
It was always bizarre to me when you'd like like I don't know they wouldn't get a report on whatever the French Revolution
Where's your fucking report, it's like you don't need my
I'll get it to you next week. It'll also be garbage. Yeah, it's not casual Fridays though. You have to turn your reports
Why I'll get it to you next week. What is this office space?
Yeah, it's not pressing
No one's gonna miss this. That's a wild mindset. Were you a good student Tommy? Ah, yeah, I was really yeah
I panicked. I was the opposite. I was like not I wait till like the day before and then I'd fucking that's when I shine
I need I need the pressure. I need the gun to my head. All right. Let's figure this the fuck out
It's everything in my life. It's like I let my anxiety go all the way to last minute
Cram and then go. Why don't you just enjoy the process? He worked out. He went to Drexel. Yeah
It's a good school. Yeah, I was uh, I did well in high school
I used to always see the kids like taking that time like if they had a report done in a week
They'd like do a little bit each night or like that would be really never that's chapters and like getting ready and I envied it
Like I was like I would love to be in that world or it's like, you know, you're sitting on your dad
It's laying on your bed. Yeah doing your homework and you're like your friends are over and having a good time
I come home. I'd watch DuckTales throw my school bag on my bed and then go throw a ball for fucking six hours in college
It was you
Imagining college you just throw a VCR taping and just like watch DuckTales before test
At this point, you're already drinking. Yeah, Tommy come on. These girls want to bang us tailspins on
A frat party like, you know Scrooge McDuck who knows Scrooge McDuck
Yeah, I would just sit in the bathroom
Cuz I like my fuck does that mean be well my mom would be like on the hunt to see if I was doing my homework
And I'd be like I gotta take a shit
And I would just literally the the amount of hours probably pre-cell phone. Yeah, like where you know
Literally because we had like our childhood toys like on in a cabinet still from when I would like bath time
They were just like still in there. I would literally play with really open enough
fucking rubber duckies
Except you him and I sometimes I'd hide Calvin and Hobbs in there
And I would just sit in there for hours in the bathroom just reading Calvin that's for hours hours your mom wouldn't knock on the door
She would she would she wouldn't see my mom with my mom. She I get two knocks. Then she's coming in
Oh, yeah, fucking butter knife right to that thing. We had no laughing flash bangin at me. No locks. That's crazy
Yes, no locked doors in your house doors
Just jammed open. It's slow jerk off in a bunk bed
Can't
That was the one of the one of the most terrifying experiences of my life
I remember being a kid and
My brother was pissed at me
So he had primed like the bathroom door lock
So he had like left it open but locked it like the little knob
Yeah, so he was coming downstairs to like give me the business and
I like so he started we start getting into a wrestling. I shake free. I sprint upstairs
Slam the door lock the door in the bathroom, and I'm like, oh safe, but I had unlocked it
So literally I'd like slam the door locked it and be like, oh
Jesus, I'll just let him cool off for a little bit. He just got to the door and opened it
And I was like
Your dad and I want to know are you dumb you're hanging from a rope by your ankle
Oh
He just put the Calvin Hobbs in the middle of a little loot it was straight up like Jurassic Park with the guys on the toilet
Yeah, cuz I was like I made it
Also, what else are you gonna do in the bed? You're gonna sit on the toilet
I just lean against the wall like I like sitting on the tub. I was a sitting on the tub guy
I like sit on the toilet. I got homework by sitting on the toilet too long. Yeah, really?
It's the only place you could separate yourself from my brothers and my family
We'll get two bedrooms and one bathroom to share
So I would just go in the bathroom and like I would grab a toy. Let me tell sirs. It sounds like you grew up in a shoe
One person with five people is a lot. I mean not a lot fuck
I
Lot of people don't I grab a toy and I would do I'd sit on the toilet and the
Bath tub was right in front of you so the curtain. I act that like was um like I say Johnny Carson
And I'd bring like a toy for something from my bedroom and I'd act like
You know there was an audience there and I would just describe whatever I brought into the was the toy the audience
It was he your sidekick. No, that was like I was describing a toy to the crowd. Hey, I got a mr. Buttons
You ever get invited to the couch
Just me and Richard
Sit next to Don Rickles
He'd probably take like a little glass or like for water in the bathroom
But I like it's a little scratchin soda. He's smoking a sick
Just apple juice, but I thought it was
Johnny how are you?
You want to see my sneaker or not?
Tommy I hear you were in elementary school
Put the nose and the ears on and take them off if you want
Johnny I tell you I'm going back to packing a lunch
I
Know that is a debt collector for sure
Do you answer wrong do you answer numbers that you don't have to know way
Yeah, I imagine what the collection business must be like dude
It's gotta be in the dock on it's fucking nuts. You just you sell the debt collectors sell and sell and sell
Yeah, random dude you but I'm saying trying to collect these days get the fuck out of here
I know, but it's that much easier. You just like press a bot. You're not like, you know, yeah
It's all like computerized. You're just like, but you're not like sitting in an office like what don't want to make any colors fucking that way
No one's fucking answering. I well if you do answer they're like
They are stunned
Yeah, that's hang up and try to
Send me the voicemail and you didn't finish. I almost fell over the side
You're talking about rods and reels and
Again, he got nothing the rods he was trying to get real nautical with the terminology
Even if you catch a fucking Marlin you can't tell a good story just show the fish and that's it
That's also fish
What did you bring the fish?
Had you almost fall over I want to know I was fucking with the rods that I had tangled and I was like standing on the back and my
Brother was in the front of the boat fucking with like this trolling motor because it wasn't working and so it was like
It was starting and stopping and then we were in this like rip
So the rate waves are crashing over and a wave just like a rogue wave hit and I went like I literally there was a rod planted in one of the
This is like little holders and I I hit the rod
Thank God the rod didn't break I could have broken a rod and gone over but that rod held I was just like you see what he asked for
Rod almost broke
I wish you wouldn't fall over I wouldn't have heard that story
Well, I'd rather go to a funeral. We had moved on. I didn't hear that again. I didn't really respect your choices as a broadcaster when you went back to that while I was like fuck
Getting the benefit of it now. What do you want?
Also, was that good? He's a good enough podcast. He would have been like let me get back to my story
I heard you at the dentist last week. Tell me about that
Would you have to perform it for the family when you were a kid did you have to do anything? No never no
No, I mean you just you tried to get a word in actualize. I mean, that's how you perform
Yeah, family parties were life ice. Yeah in a good way or my mother's one of 11
And my my father's one of 9th or our family parties were fucking
Everybody's yapping drunk doing drugs because they would line us up at a certain point after dinner when they had a couple in them and a coffee
Oh, really? Yeah, they thought what would you have to do like saying I opened up for my cousin
I'm telling you man. She's fucking she'd stop the show. She was unbelievable a singer
No, she just did the dance moves with the hat and the glove and all that
She's in a parlor it was in blue barricade. Yeah, Tommy. Yeah, she was good. The dad had to leave the room
That's very embarrassing. My father would never allow that. Oh, really?
Anyone that would like play the piano no
We had one over with a we're at my cousin's house
It was like a little bit of more distant, you know what I mean?
It wasn't like really in the we're really in the fold
Yeah, and he had a friend oh like that uncle or whoever had a friend over
I mean who this guy was he still gets made fun of 25 years later. He broke out an acoustic guitar
A bunch of fucking you know a bunch of pipe fitters
Living and it was no way
That's getting barreled into toothpicks over his forehead
Uncle Ryan having any of that
What a steal tips directly
Yeah, guys would still have spackle on their hands
Watch you play free bird
You cannot bring an instrument to that party when you're a kid
That's a bloodbath just showing up there better be instrument there better be 24 highlights in the guitar case
Zero guitar, you got a sniper rifle
Shoot the neighbor's dog I kill myself with that sniper rifle if it's not
Look, man, we were on a plane one time and the pilot got on and had a guitar in his back
Start yelling bomb
Fucking hippie pussy. I had that was about one Christmas party. I got a carry oak somebody
And my mom made me
I
Can't believe I never thought she was trying to find some life in you fat little ass up there and do something
This is the story of a girl
It was worse dude, it was a puff daddy song
Oh, man, dude, I wrapped that Christmas
A little tough guy my dad would have like I don't know you had a daughter
He's wearing his mom's juicy sweatsuit
Oh
Para hugs on some fake gold
I'm still kippy from the block
There's a fat kid in valour eating the wrong notes
He's fucking moose knuckles sticking out
Oh, you stink. I can die picture that scene so clearly
I remember my uncle then turning around
I got a yellow jumpsuit on
Getting all swishy and shit
Pacing the hook
Your uncle turned it his back on you
He just put some money in the counter and walks out
Uncle then just puts turkey in like a fucking ziplock bag. You're like, I can't do this. I gotta go
Is this Denise's kid
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Now we didn't have none of that bullshit you were doing it dry
I was a showman. All right, I didn't need all the who's it's
I didn't have any fucking any of that bullshit. It's fucking you in the audience
And it were a tough crowd after a couple of fucking bud ponies. Really? I didn't loosen them up. What was your act? I did, uh
No, I did three hot dogs in 30 seconds and then regurgitate them
After thanksgiving dinner
Patty we can't have to do this. No, don't worry. He doesn't
Charlie
No, I did uh, I did uh, robin leech. I did him. I like that. I'm robin leech and I don't know why
Yeah, my styles are rich and finest
That was more
Get a
Play the road in years. What do you want?
I would do that and I would do a crazy eddie impersonation that would bring the house down crazy eddie
Who was that? He was like, uh,
Huh? No the stereos crazy eddie prices aren't saying
Oh god
All right, your cousins are because he's in the wings just feeling he's doing eddie again
It's always kills. How am I supposed to follow this? This pushy should be closing
Getting the whole man
Oh
Suck a dick. I'm dead. So you almost fell in, huh?
Unbelievable you did say something pretty crazy right before we started, uh
Recording everything he says is pretty that churches are now turning into night clubs. Yeah
He was the headline his business is so bad in the religion business
They're not making enough money
So that's why they're getting all this like sound stuff because at night they throw parties
Dude, I don't think this is happening. Oh, it is. You got eyes on this
Yeah, I mean it's not happening in like the scary catholic ones yet
But just wait those like those can't get the permits fun hip ones. Yeah the ones with a band
Yeah
They're starting to get they're starting to get down
I remember you go to like a like kind of like a cool church, you know, we would never no
We're a catholic church. I remember the one time they on like sunday. Look the lighthearted. They had a guitarist
Yeah, that was always a big turning point. You're only getting half the fucking donation
I was playing nothing worse than music at a church unless it's black music like white music. No, that's trying to be cool
With the catholics if you just do the organ
That's
That's primal
I'm not talking about classics on eagles wings will send me dude. Oh, man. I love that
My heart will pass. I think young eight seven. I'm like, this is a banger
I knew the third fucking burst. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Hozana in the highest. I fucking jodled that song. Hozana in the highest for sure
Oh, hozana was all right. Yeah, I'm not talking about classics. I'm talking about the guys that trying to freshen it up
Like you
No, you get rid of that stuff
You keep that shit real solemn and real fucking straight up the middle
You get some heavy set lady to do the singing play the organ and that's it. I want to picture my mom like this
Yeah, I want to see her in a casket when I hear you sing at the church
That was a big no no with us when they the sundays they do like the guy came in with like a couple like somebody
Had the fucking one of those things tambourine. Yeah
I
That only lasted for like a month maybe and every I think at the next meeting or whatever was it go
That's like jay says like baptist church shit in the middle of the country. That's crazy fucking white people. Yeah
Put it at a black church
Man, they can throw down. I've been I've been twice and it was unbelievable
I went to one and when I went to Drexel in west Philly crazy
The band of cotton's memorial was that was they were like the fucking five heartbeats
I was doing the electric slide midway
Those guys were
There was a buffet. It was like an event. Yeah, man
Not ron with his guitar on fucking the five o'clock man's on saturday. It's like, let's go dick at our pizza
We hit a hit. We hit a easter vigil or something one time like by accident
We're like, oh, we'll go to the midnight mass knock it out quick
It ended up being like 14 hours people were
Baptized come from eight. They were doing like all the sacraments the night before Easter
Yeah, or the night. Yeah, whatever. We thought we're gonna knock me. We're like, I will go
It'll be 50 minutes running out the fucking door. Yeah, I mean khakis won't even on wrinkle. Exactly. Nope wrong
Dude, that's we had like cousins from ireland come over and go to like american catholic church
It's like an hour and change. Yeah, and they were like, what the fuck hours they got their lunch. They got their lunch pales with them
They're like 30 minutes in and out they could build a bridge in that time
You're on your knees for five hours
I just need god to see that I was here. I don't need
Yeah, it's an old appearance. You know what I mean? We'll shake some hands plug the website. Keep it moving
We used to leave after my dad. I go with my dad on sundays
We used to leave after communion. Yeah every time that's the move dude. I used to hide under the deck
I used to go to the church
Grab one of the deck. Yeah grab one of the uh
What do you call them the little piece of paper that says what church? I'm still trying to figure out what the bulletin
Hold on the bulletin program
I go to the because you'd have to show your your parent my parent like which which mass you went to the 10 the 11
You weren't going with your family to church. This is when I was a little older. I was like 10 11 13
That's not that much older to not you still go to church together. What were they doing? Yeah 10 years old
That's all you walk to fucking mass by yourself on a sunday. Why would why would they not be going with you?
That's my mother's a nurse. She's like worked like 12 hours sometimes and your dad wasn't going my dad never went to church
Unless there was a funeral. Yeah, he grew up cast like a grab a bulletin and hide under
Had those eggs ready. He fucking did he wouldn't make breakfast like two hours. Yeah, have the home fries ready when I get home
The scrapple takes 45 easy
Long and slow. That's how you get to perfect
Look at this
It takes it takes 10 minutes. He's just making up
I gotta kill the pig. You know how long scrapple takes
He didn't need any when you boil a hot dog. It takes at least an hour and a half
You gotta slow and slow
But seriously, I would go in my backyard and hide under the deck and I would just sit there
And just like play with like a fucking baseball or tennis ball
So you'd run down the church you get the bulletin. Yeah, I'd have a friend get a bulletin sometimes too
I'm like, yo, can you get me a bulletin? Whatever mass you're going to
And then pick it up from him and then give it to my parents later. You're running scams back then, huh?
That's pretty good. Fucking no-show job at church. Yeah, I would never show up if it was up to me
Yeah, I need that's going I even stopped going I would do for a long this time
I would do Christmas and Easter. Yeah, just for like for my mom and the family and then like one point. I'm like, yo
Fuck this. They're saying I'm done. I'm done with this. I will get the I'll get an apartment when it when the church becomes an apartment
I love I love the idea of that. What when all the churches become apartments. Oh, yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah
Jesus Christ you wacko
A lot of time under that deck, huh?
In the hot sun. Yeah, fucking in the hot box
I do that temple on my first year at temple
There was a huge class. It was like it held like 400 people. It was like one of those like
You know intro to business like 101 or whatever
So it was like hundreds of people were supposed to be in there and they had this new technology
where you had to buy like a clicker like a little remote
And you would walk in and like to register that you were there. You would click
Yeah, like you didn't so we would just take turns and we'd send one person with like 35
It's a big bag of clickers. Yeah, you're fucking pulling them out like I'm here, baby. Perfect
Man, they thought that was gonna work. Well, dude, I remember them rolling
I remember it was like the first 10 minutes they were explaining. I'm like, I'm going to abuse the shit out of this
You know, like veteran teachers like the teachers. I had a Drexel for engineering. They didn't give a fuck
So like you you're spending a lot of money
That's like if you have to make the most of it if you don't want to come if you said I have that was my favorite professor
It was like you can come. Yeah, if you get the work done. He's like everything's going on
You can figure it the fuck out show the first day in the last day. I don't care. Yeah
Those are classes. I did the best in 100 because otherwise I'm like, I'm not doing the fucking project out of spite
And I'll figure it out next week. Yeah, you know, it's the best part about college
It's like you got to figure the shit out on your own and the teachers took me five years to graduate
I was not good at that. No. No, I was too baby for any of that stuff. Where'd you go?
Widener University Widener. Okay. What a shit whole town
It's a jester. I know that's a bad campus
I've been there. You got some goodies for the wrong reasons. Yes. You weren't going to check out the grounds
Oh, she had spongebob sheets
Going to the new church down there
It was a night club
All right gang. Let's get it. We gotta do some here. It's always fun with the boys here
We have time with the stuff filing boys gotta do yourselves a favor check out the pod check out the page
I mean you just did it that passed like two or three weeks. Yeah. Yeah, um
I confessed to making out with a man on you. It was awesome. Yeah, that got a lot of reviews. Yeah, that was did you
They liked a kippy episode. No, no, but it was a woman. It was ended up in do you remember that?
I mean you were there you gave me the money to buy the drink remember standing out front of the lantern and uh
That girl in a red dress came by and we started I started making out with her
Was this the matrix?
Whatever moving on um
And you smooched her. Yeah, and then I thought she was a guy because she was so hot and so into you. Yeah
That's exactly thank you
Something ain't right ringing a bell here either you you're a dude or you're an artificial assassin
ex machina
uh, yeah, as you know, so when uh
You sign up for the patreon. We will answer your garbage question on the air just the best way to do it
Uh, so this one's from mike james. Is it garbage if your vehicle is in the parking lot of the strip club on google street view?
That's a fucking badge of honor. I would say yeah, it's pretty sick or you're unlucky. Yeah, it's it's yeah
Yeah, that's pretty bad. Especially if you have like a very
distinct car, you know what I mean? How do you find that? I rocks you with eyelashes?
That's someone else's I rocks you well. It's definitely garbage because you're clearly there during the day
I'm not doing that. Well, maybe he's responsible takes a cab home after uh, you know, oh there you go
A couple nosebears. I like how you're I like how you're giving them the benefit
You're like, you know, this guy could be a great fucking guy. Yeah, maybe it's car broke down there
You know what I mean? He spilled some buffalo wing sauce all over the place. Tommy's already had to use this excuse
Anyway, it's not garbage Tony. Uh, did you have a go to uh gentleman's club in philadelphia one that you you frequented?
I went once every like I'll go once every 10 years by chance with like a couple dudes. It'd be funny
I hate it. Yeah, I don't like it at all. We went not too long ago with um,
Yeah, thanks for the invite. Santino. Yeah, isn't it more garbage that he saw that on how would you see that on google?
Are you google mapping the fucking strip club or if he was there and saw the google car drive by and was like, oh
fuck
You see those cars all the time. It's not like everything makes the final cut
I mean, I don't know who's editing this thing
I think that's more lame. Yeah, do you think there's a there's like a someone who's got to choose the photos be like
A good one. It's a sweet one. I think so. Yeah, have you ever fallen off a boat that one's from christ?
Now this one's from milk bean mic. Did you ever put your school lunches in a wonder bread bag?
Fuck yeah, that's a tough look. Charlie's hamburgers used to sell their hamburgers in the
In a bread bag
So then that's how I got the idea. I was like, this is cool. I can like show my friends Charlie's hamburgers. Where was that at?
Falsome pa
Really they moved but it's the best cheeseburger you'll ever have and they would fast food style. They would put them in
They would run through so many rolls and so many burgers. They only sold burgers and chips
There's no like side items. I love a place. It just does like that's how you know
One thing you do one thing and you do it better than everybody else
They put them in wax sleeves throw them in the in the roll bag itself
And then they give you the bag really? Yeah, and you could see the meat and the fucking
Ketchup and mustard in the bag and then you know, that's all right
Dude, I took the train from home here today and my mom gave me an apple and a new york times newspaper bag
Why wait a nap just an apple just an apple. Oh my god
Why do you need a bag for that? I don't know that's like putting horses in the bag
Why don't you think you can read the new york times? No the times wasn't in there. It's just the apple just one apple
No drink. Oh, she gave me the bag from the new york time. Yeah
That's wild to do it as a kid going elementary school. You just did it today. That's crazy. I know never the newspaper bread something
You know, there's no ink all over the apple one apple like I would feel so weird like it's like buying condoms without getting a pack of gum
Throw something in the bag with the apple. This is supposed to be like a weapon on the train
I don't know. She just handed it to me and we had such a nice time together that I wasn't gonna be like, what the fuck is this?
Yeah, that's nice. I was just like, all right. I'm taking it
I think about it once a week. Are you dumb? Are you dumb? Just tell me now
Did you pack your lunch as a young man going to school personally?
No, I know you didn't do that
No, I got you locked yourself in the bathroom
Yeah, now pack lunches. Blowny sandwich monster. Your mom would do it. Yeah, okay
But I love Blowny sandwiches. Blowny sandwiches are all right. I love Blowny sandwiches on what white bread?
Yeah, so did every soldier in World War one. Yeah, right? Nobody's I would have I would have
White bread. What do you think it was a baguette?
What did you eat for lunch?
Similar something like that salami and cheese was a big one
Salami and cheese on white bread with mustard wrap that up like for summary some some
Metamorphosis what happened?
That's the way I always see through the bread just to the meat. No, that's too much fucking
You don't know it's not volume. I don't like it all smushed. Dude. I still I'll still take a piece of provolone
Put some Dijon and then a piece of geno salami do a little roll of teeny. Oh, yeah
That's fucking keto baby. That's that's and that's a vogue right now
Just because of deli meats were like that's all you had at like family parties. It's deli meat out
sweaty fucking cheese you hit that cheese like three hours a ride bread off to the side my god
It is so good. Just eating meat. Yeah, mustard's got a little crust on it
Slices of meat. Nice. I still look at that couple of seven and seven glasses floating around here
I'm gonna rip a fucking bra. I might fuck a burger after this
On the train every get so hungry you get horny. Tommy didn't make it to Philly
What happened that I'm off into caucus. He started talking about salami on the gas
He fucked a burger
In the cafe car
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Summer, okay, what are those things you have to do together? You gotta put them all together. Have a good opply summer
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Stick a liquid IV. How many times faster do you think it hydrates you over water? Maybe one time?
Oh one time. Yeah, because you're a bozo one and a half times two two times faster
And more of a string gets in there quicker do yourself a favor liquid IV is delicious
I use it for my workouts. I use it for powers me through
Yeah, I bet for hangover buddy. I gotta be honest with you. They sent us
I got liquid IV coming out the wazoo and I feel Russian through it
I feel like frank lucas with it because I got my whole family hooked on it
I took it down the shore where we all do our boozing. Oh my god
But they were they were scratching their necks knocking on the front door
I'm going through a bag of the pina colada right now
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Are you taking amtrak? Yeah, how you guys getting amtrak?
Yeah, what?
I don't know if you knew jersey transit. They're back. Yeah, we're making a couple of shekels now
The delay is is why brutal. I used to do that shit like, you know, amtrak's 53 minutes or whatever an hour and 10
Five minutes taking the excella first class excella. This drives me fucking nuts
It's a difference of 10 minutes the cellar and it's like 200 hours more expensive. Yeah, the assila to boston's worth it
Yeah, but the assila to philly
It's worst cafe car their cafe car sucks. Yeah, so fucking bad. They got stools
I like a bench with a table. Yeah. No, it's like a diner. It's like a diner booth
Do me my buddy the one night we were going down to philly. We got like a
Put a table. Yeah, they tried to make it like futuristic and cool. It's like the future sucks
The way it was is perfect
Just leave it
Dude, I remember the first time an apple and a new paper swish my baloney and cheese and get me an old train car now
Oh my god. I remember the first time I rode the assila. Now put this sandwich in an envelope and let's go
Someone mail me a sandwich. Oh my god, dude
The first time I rode the cellar. He put the wires in the sandwich. It's a vanilla folder
First time I rode a cellar. I was the most excited
I was to see the cafe car. Yeah, because I was rocking the cafe car in the regular
I was like, I can't I can't even imagine what they're doing on a cellar
The food's probably it's probably lobster and shit. Yeah, and it was absolute. It's an empty hallway. Yeah
He's still talking about
And like holds on to it forever. His face gets all red. You see these like fucking veins come on
Do you ever go to like a really wealthy person's house and their remotes don't work?
It's like the best feeling in the world
Because you go, oh, we're all the same. Yeah, you guys are fuck. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah
Yeah, I just got one tv the remote that came with it. It works perfect
You have 10 different things you're managing and none of it works. It was the call a guy
Fuck you. You did too much
Then they go up to their fucking their giant circle bed with their supermodel wife
It's gonna be funny you
You go back to your apartment with him
That kid with the baloney sandwich was really burned us, didn't he?
But I know I know
Hey, you're at a batteries you fucking loser. I know that they're fucking their wife
But they're not fully in it. They're thinking about the fucking remote. No, I think about their secretary. They're also
You're not to think that guy's worried about the remote. You're worried about the remote because that's all you have
He's worried about his Porsche's Range Rover
His boat and when are you going to rich people's houses where you would have access to their remote?
Yeah, he dabbles in both worlds. Yeah, okay. I got an uncle
It's nice. Yeah, you got us a bank of america. Yeah, did he yeah, that's exact uncle
Yeah, your uncle had to get you guys a bank account now. It's a big week. Come on. Yeah
I have it. I have it
I can get a bank
This guy ain't putting apples in my newspaper
Yeah, he might
He's also done. Yeah. No, these guys they're very every little detail bothers them
So I know rich people. Yeah
I also think you're taking one rich guy, you know and extrapolating that against no, they're all the same
He's also related to you. So like he's his gene pulls a little
He just got lucky. Yeah, dude. I don't get why that's the burn the remote doesn't maybe it was out of batteries
That's justification
If I can see if like the ice maker didn't work or like the dishwasher was broke
Or ripping the screen door ripping the screen door. I'll give you that everything breaks remote. What the remote
But the remote is I mean look the the man in the house probably isn't doing the rich man of the house isn't doing dishes
So he might not see that the washing machines broke
But he knows the tv's not working
He can't not know you're a psycho
Every time I talk to there's just another layer where I'm like, yeah, oh no, you're crazy
Absolutely, it's fucking. Do you think you can kill somebody?
I definitely have
Definitely, definitely probably look at the kind of guy who'd like to take his time to do it real slow
Let him think about it. You'd walk into the police station covered in blood to be like good
What I like fighting to really podcasters. Yeah, oh and killing them. No, I just like really have well, that's a challenge
No, I mean I was I this I was kind of talking about this the other day
Well, like I watched this show that have you seen like uh blackbird or whatever
No, it's this show on apple tv. It's not very good. The guy the main character is like he's like so I watch it all the time
With my remote this is the story, but he's like a theater guy who got jacked and like doesn't know he walks around like
crazy
He's like so ridiculous
Upsetting but anyway, he's just for the listener. This might not be a real show
I just want to
The way this guy moves in the show is so distracting. It's impossible to watch
Just putting that out there
But he told this like his character in the story when he's a kid
His stepdad is a piece of shit
And one day he like he comes home to like beat beat up his stepdad
He finally thinks he's big enough and his stepdad kicks the shit out of him and then fucks his mom
Like in the room next to him like hard and loud
And I was like if I were that kid I would kill that dude really first 100 I would kill that guy
Yeah, yeah, just for banging your mom. Yeah, just like it's murder. It's time to murder somebody. Yeah, you know what I mean?
And I think it's
When else are you like that's you kill that person it's it's better to like
You can't live past that. Yeah, but without that guy dead going full crazy
If you make them scarred or limp forever, it's more powerful
If you corner if you corner that guy you maim them
Yeah
If you corner that dude and you literally break his arm in a certain way it can't it can't function anymore
Give him a limp. He's got to look at himself in the mirror every day and think of you or castration
How do you get there? Are you poison him?
How do you knock him out? You gotta mobilize in the knees or you knock him out cold without him knowing like yeah
You set up a culture anytime you hit someone in the head with a bat
No, no knees risking murder. Let me ask you this. Are you guys like are you guys still pitching that show to disney?
All right, let's see stuff finally does that more mainstream success
They guys you guys are found on the dark web, right? That's really that's really good. Take a load of you and turn you down, huh?
I'm just saying your stepdad kicks your ass and he fucks your mom and the both giggling in the room next to you
You kill him. Wait. Why is she?
Wait, the mom's giggling too. Yes. Oh, she's gotta go. Are you killing her as well?
You're not gonna let her hang around the house is yours. Now you guys are finally coming around
Are you killing her as well? What you killing her as well? Uh, no, but you'll pound her after let her know what a real man's like
Oh my gosh
Oh
He's about to kill somebody he already did I think in this reality kill this stepdad. He's gotta die. Anyway, what's the next question?
You guys ever make nachos in the microwave
It's made up
No, this is from jj. I swear to god. Have you ever made nachos by microwave in american cheese over the classic round or
Uh, tortilla. It's the fucking best. I made nachos in the microwave at 4 a.m. Last night. Really? Yeah sober
4 a.m. Yeah
What kind of cheese do you use?
Run me through it because you're cooked you're a chef or a chef you're cooked as long as the chip is is of decent quality
American cheese. No, no, that's what are we doing? That's garbage
No, these are the uh, like the mexican style. Yeah
But they're like restaurants. They're deep fried restaurants. They're deep fried actual tortillas. Yeah
extra sharp
cheddar
Just a crack at a barrel. Extra sharp. Shred it. Shred it. Yeah, you're getting a cheese blend or no
No, no, no, you got to get the brick never get shredded cheese. It dries out
They use it so you took the brick and then you you chop you have to break yourself never buy
Really, you're in there slicing cheese at four in the morning. I got a fucking yes. It takes two seconds. You were crazy
Guys, yeah, he's hammered microwaving nachos at 4 a.m. Still won't eat bag cheese. He will have o'connor sleeping in a coffin
Bag cheese has preservatives that keep it dried and not clump. Yeah, it has to stay separated on the fucking
It does have a consistency so you get to crack a barrel and shred it yourself
Get a block and shred it so i'll be so fucking lazy. All right
And then I I only put pepper flake. I didn't even put any toppings on a little scallion
Do you're doing scallions?
Oh, i'm like microwaved where you shredded the cheese. You wouldn't know
I know i'm saying that's crazy. You wouldn't know if i put that in front of your face
Of course. I'm not judging. You tell me that's not homemade. Go ahead
You're waking up o'connor. It's 4 30. I'm like fucking try it
You got to unstrap them out of his restraints
It's just me it's just me easy doesn't it? It's just your buddy, tommy. Yeah, you definitely sleep in the bed standing up in your room
Don't take off your eyes. It's okay. It's okay. It's okay. Hey, don't hit me. Don't hit me. Don't hit me
Seven different sleep sounds going he got rain. He got winds though. He's playing system of a down or something
Wake up
What is your alarm by the way your wake up alarm? I don't have one
What do you mean? I just wake up. But what if you have a flight or something? I just wake up
You're like creamer
I like every once in a while. I said alarm, but I usually I usually have like a 7 a.m. Flight
Unless i'm hammered. I will wake up
That what are you talking? Will you wake up perfectly on time? Yeah
What and not it's not always perfect. Sometimes I wake up sometimes a five minutes early
And when you're I assume you get up you get in the shower. Are you already packed for the night from the night before? No, no
I rush it off his floor throws it in a duffel. Yeah
Yeah, did either one of you pack dirty clothes to go down to Philly this week ever
Uh, no, but I have done that before. Yeah, that's disgusting. I go to move. Yeah, really?
Down to my mouth like I'm going out of the if I'm going on the shore
There's a lot. I'm gonna wash them. No, I'll do it. But there's a washer. I might leave it in the dryer
So she thought that my mom you don't have more clothes that are clean. You could just fucking grab a second shirt
Oh, wait, so you're talking about going home bringing dirty laundry. No, I'll go to my mom
I'll like go to the down the shore or whatever. Yeah. Oh, yeah, bring dirty. Everybody's wearing dirty clothes and wow
I would go so far as to wash them at the end of the weekend too. So I'm coming back with fresh clothes
I do that all the time. I go to patties. Yeah, definitely. Yeah, she's good. Yeah, and she will wash them
Yeah, I'm not doing washes those really doesn't want me touching her. What don't your mom does your laundry
Of course, she does it's her house. He's like defends it like it's crazy to me. First of all, he's also 50 years old
I started at like, well, I think I was like 10 years old. We had to start doing our own laundry
I couldn't use an iron if you fucking gave me a million years. That's different than a wash
I mean, you should know how to use an iron. I know how to use a washer. I know how to use a washer and dryer
It's getting the shirt on the board. That's really that's really lining up the seat
Yeah, why can you iron? Yeah, I used to work at a dry cleaner problem
Inventive iron
Chinese yeah, no, I know I I mean we started at a very young age too. My mom
Wrote it out on like fucking like poster board. It's like this is what you do for
Yeah dishes cut the lawn all that shit. Oh, yeah, I could cut the lawn and do the dishwasher
I just I doubt people that don't do their laundry say shit like that. You don't do anything
No, my mom just
I always cut the grass. You don't cook. You don't clean. I don't do your laundry
I take the trash out. What do you do? I clean the garage when it needs to get cleaned
I put the storm with those things. Are you one of these old fashion guys? Does your mother take care of your father like this?
Did he? Well, yeah, yeah, I put don't do that
This is how you reverse it. Yeah
Yeah, he is a master
Old school Italian families the mother treats the father like a fucking child and ruins the family
No, I love that. I love that. I love that. The siblings don't know how to do anything when they get to college
That you're not doing them any fucking favors. No, he's your children make your children do your laundry learn how to fucking cook
Get them out of catholic school. It doesn't do any sort of learn CPR not religion
The book of his eco could suck my dick learn how to suck another man's mouth if he passes out
Tommy do your own laundry
Yeah, you don't go mouth to mouth anymore. I heard yeah chain told us that
And tell me I don't even have kids. I know right
You should you'd be a great father. Thanks. Yeah, I'm gonna do it on a laundry. You'd leave them early, but you know
Yeah, plus the mom likes doing the laundry she does that's a bad excuse. It's not it's a
That's pretty good. Don't let her do it. She didn't grow up with any love. I don't know what the down is
She's doing the laundry. That's insane. She's an old woman. She does it good and wants to do it
That's that I do other things around. How's the worst rationalization? I've ever heard in my life
She does it better than me dude. She's a grandma. She's a she does it better than me old woman
Let me ask you this a lot of people do shit better than me. I still do it myself
Let's say you had a going for surgery. Okay, you could do the surgery. Okay, but the surgeon doesn't really good
Who's gonna do the surgery? I would exactly. Yeah, I would
If the surgeon was a 90 year old woman, I would do the surgery. I think I'm sorry for bestowing this
She's the matriarch. She likes doing certain things. Yeah, she wouldn't let me touch her washing her washing machine
Yeah, don't touch my washing machine. I go you go. No, you old broad. Shut up and go sit down. I'm 46 years old
I'm a man. I should be a man. I will do my I'll tell you what
No, I'm not talking to my mother like that makes you look weak that you have to you have to stand on the laundry
Oh, Jesus could be a man. Yeah, you know what I mean? You're gonna fight your mom. She wants to do the laundry
You're gonna be like, no mom
I don't put her in a headache your headlock and then put on fucking hoop a stank and fucking do your laundry
Guys that are taking you can tell your people that are taking care of his child because they don't know how to keep
Also, if you were just like, hey, you think an apple in a new york times bag is taking care of
She sent him out like he was a fucking like he was going to look for dock work. You're broken. Listen, you're training a child
Unlike tommy. Yeah, he's not broken. He's got his whole life in order. There's no question
He might be crazy, but he doesn't shrink button down. I'll tell you that
This guy's a fucking whiz with the fabrics off there
Light wash light drop
Tumble do you have anything that you do in the sink?
Like anything delicate that you do in the sink with like a little wool light or anything like that
I could see your panties or anything
And they sink with oh, you mean like wash the same hand wash. No, I do
I'm very close with my my laundry guy. So now I have a separate bag for things. I don't want dried
I'll hand them like a separate bag smart these I don't want to drive and they hang they hang them up and fold
Oh, really? That's why I should do that because I stopped going to my guy
They fucking because they torture. They don't give a shit. I know. I know. Where'd you do this the sun?
Unless it's a t-shirt
You have to like even the t-shirts they come back and they're and I'm like, come on
That graphic is like it's just it's just
I don't know. I've never seen
You put this in the boiler
I can see crazy train like I got bad out of hell
General's Gavin. I would love to know what the world looks like through your eyes. I swear to god, man
All right, let's do uh, let's do one or two more
That's not great
Let's do one or two more here. Um
Sometimes the water comes rushing up high tide all the time, baby
couple rogue waves
Flash floods always always a siren going off
The lights are always blinking none of the shopping carts work
Oh, I just want to show them the new york savage first time a long time ten dollar homie
Uh, wait. No, I lied. That's not that person. Uh, this is from denis
Anyone have trauma from their parents ripping their baby teeth out as a child?
What?
My brother put uh, I did it myself
But he tied it on the string to the door
We did that. That's the trashiest way to do it. I seen the hockey puck was pretty cool
I saw that on like youtube or some shit. The brother like someone shot a hockey. Yeah, tied it to the shoes
I think you meant they shot it in his face. Why get out kid must be a dead eye, huh? Why not just let it come out
Cuz you gotta get the views about you pull it out. You pull it out. You just wiggle it because you get money
So you're always trying to get some fucking bread. Yeah
Did you not get the tooth fairy?
Uh, yeah, we got the tooth fairy, but we weren't ripping our teeth out to get the money
We were doing well enough
A belly full of bologna sandwiches
She should have gave you another apple at the time had an IPO that was doing very well
Oh, what are you gonna give me a dollar or two dollars that never checks under his pillow
Like 40 bucks in five years ago you hold on to your teeth as long as you can
That's why it's working for you. Not the other guy
Real rich guy mentality time value money. Yeah
Why would I give someone else my teeth?
Put it on a credit card. Don't worry about it. Just make sure you pay the
You
But you had to get one done like that with the door
Yeah, at some point you're like petrified my mom would be like let your dad or let your brother and I'm gonna get the fuck
Not with the door just in general. We tried the door. Maybe it's like a bit. Yeah, you did it once
That's what I'm saying. But ours was fucking just pulled out with a little piece of paper towel to get a grip
Yeah, you do it take that. I remember I remember my dad yelling at me one time like that dude's coming out
Yeah, yeah, like we're not tired of hearing about it. We're not doing this. It's gotta get the fuck out
Yeah, yeah, we gotta get it in the stock market. You know what I mean? If your mother tells me one more time
You got a loose fucking tooth. Come on. Uh-huh garage because you're just walking around bitching about it. Yeah
Exactly. Yeah. Yeah. Well, and you can I remember just the fibers you could hear it
We get to the point where like because that the gum would not like die but like the nerve endings would die
So you'd be like you wouldn't fear. Oh wiggle. Oh, it makes my blood run cold thinking about it
We just let it live
You did. Yeah, I liked wiggling it probably just swallowed yours
You're like a puppy. Yeah
Shit some out. Yeah. Yeah the first time you'd be like, ah, it's wiggling. It's gonna fall out
Yeah, that was it go play on your boat. Yeah go go away
Oh
Finish your polo matching
My horse broke my tooth
All right, we gotta do this one. How am I the bitch?
Dad's gotta rip it out of your skull to get you to shut the fuck up
My dad was like stop complaining. It's coming out. Just relax and that was the end of it
What did your dad do for a living? He was an engineer. All right
Okay
I'm waiting for some quick
He's sitting there like someone just grabbed his girl's ass in a bar. He's like somebody dry it
Who hit me dude when he's on do it when his arms start bowing like his legs
You better get the fuck out of that room
What the fuck we're coming out like you were in a fucking wwf when he turns into the number eight
You better fucking you better get on your horse
He's gonna hit me, dude
Wait for one of your stupid fucking jokes on your comedy podcast
This means you go fucking say something
He dropped below the mic he's like he's an engineer
I don't even know what the fuck we were just
He's an engineer what else you got a piece of shit
Whose beats are they?
They could be yours. Yeah, are they are they uh merch they're up for grabs
It's for real because the mind just broke. Okay my headphones. Okay. I'll be a bar for the trip
A bar who you can't borrow it fucking. Yeah, what I want to put back in your after to ruin your ears
I got clean ears. I clean me ears every day. I'll see you clean your ears every day. Okay with a cute
Why don't you say something I wouldn't have yelled at you. I would have lowered my eyebrows. My mother doesn't for me
I tried down the philly every night. She doesn't let's wrap it up
Gang we love you. We fucking love you. Have a great weekend stuff
Island do yourself a favorite check them out boys
You gotta think that you want the folks out there to know hit them plug away. Yeah, we're gonna um
We're gonna we're gonna add a lot more cooking videos. Um, I'm sorry for the we do high-end productions
And we're gonna do some
Moderate productions look at this is the show on patreon. I got their patreon the patreon's cooking
A lot of people are are catching up to our our free programming
But the patreon is is is worth the five dollars. What free program. It is. It's a funny way
You said let me get this out because we never fucking plug it. I think it's not like it's right after sesami street
Link we got some bags. We got some tote bags. Oh, what do you mean this shit? No, that's good. Don't fucking do it
Don't fucking do this. I'm trying to do it. I'm not gonna pay the
Johnny cool card. I'm not we don't do we oh, we're not professional. Yeah, check it out if you want or whatever
That's all i'm saying
I know what you mean. It's only five dollars. I don't even know where you get it. Sign up for our patreon. It's only five dollars
Please sign up. Tell me now. Tell me he's only got so many teeth. You know what?
This is why we don't say nothing
Wait, you do have a you join the free fucking youtube
You do have you do have one episode of look at this up on youtube right what everybody can see
We're gonna have a third one up on friday for free because it's it's sponsored by uh trough. Yeah, okay great
Look at you doing fantastic show. We got a lot of sponsors now. Shout out fanny. She's the fucking best. Shout out to her
Kippy, what do you got for?
I don't know check out whatever whenever
Hey, i'm listening to our band i guess
I'm just out here living life, you know, if you like you like you whatever man don't tell nobody about
If you're in the amtrak snack car later come up and say hi
The future sucks
No, we're regular we're back to base
We're all over the road get some fucking tickets the tickets are selling out. Don't fucking snooze on it
Uh, we had a second show in philadelphia that's gonna fucking go to
Boston's about to sell out province is gonna sell out get those fucking tickets come see us gang
We love you boys. We love you t-bone. Love you. Can't be love you. We'll see you next week. Peace