Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast - The Salsa Situation w/ Kippy & Foley

Episode Date: March 9, 2023

Are You Garbage is back with a Kippy and Foley for a family episode to answer your garbage questions from Patreon. Its a fun one! Thanks for watching AYG Comedy Podcast. Love youse guys. Come to a live show! Follow Kevin: https://www.instagram.com/kevinryancomedy/ Follow Foley: https://www.instagram.com/hfoleycomedy/ Live Shows: https://linktr.ee/AreYouGarbage PATREON: https://www.patreon.com/AreYouGarbage MERCH: https://www.bonfire.com/store/are-you-garbage/ Adam & Eve: https://www.adamandeve.com/ Promo Code: Garbage Comedians H. Foley and Kevin Ryan are self proclaimed GARBAGE. Each week a new stand up comedian gets put to the test. Steal shampoo from hotels? Own a George Foreman Grill? Ever worn JNCO Jeans?

Tor alert, baby, look out. Stay trashy, Tor, it's about to kick in the full swing gang. We're adding cities, we're adding shows, tickets are going quick. Come out and see us, little live stand-up comedy. Plus, we pay AYG with the crowd, it's a good, good time. Come and hang with the boys. Yeah, baby, in March, we're knocking out

Baltimore, Virginia Beach, Richmond, Virginia, Oklahoma City, Dallas, Texas, Houston, Texas, Austin, Texas, second show added, New Haven, Connecticut. There's about two tree tickets left that they're even available anymore. We got Burlington, Vermont, Tampa, second show added, first show showed out, Daniel Beach, Florida, Raleigh, North Carolina, Louisville, Kentucky.

Just added, Cleveland and Columbus, get those tickets, more cities coming soon. Let's party. Let's do it. Welcome to another exciting edition of Are You Garbage? The show where you find out if your favorite comedians are classy individuals or absolute trash. Now, here are your hosts, Kevin Ryan and H Foley.

Hey, everybody out there, and welcome back to everybody's favorite new podcast. This is Are You Garbage. Hey, yeah. It's that little show we sit down with your favorite comedians and we find that they're good to be classy. Yeah. They're just a big old piece of trash.

Trash, trash, trash. I'm your host, H Foley, coming at you on a beautiful day. We're down here at Antutti's basement. She's upstairs, sound asleep yet. I don't know how she sleeps through all that goddamn construction going on out there. What is she doing out back? I don't know.

There was a pool guy here. There was a hot tub guy here. I don't know what happened. That was just last night. I think she was knocking boots. Thought I heard the jackhammer going in the middle of the night. That was Tony. She's doing something up there.

I don't know what the fuck's going on. Man, have you heard anything about what the settlement was? What did she's real, real tight lipped about it? She's been very tight lipped about it. I can tell you, whatever she's doing, she didn't pull permits and it ain't enough to cope. That thing looks a shoddy craftsmanship up there. The city is going crazy trying to figure out what's going on.

Ellen and I is going to come and shut her down. Might have the Eagles playing there next year. Who knows? My co-host is coming at you from across the table. He is the CEO of RU Garbage. He is an international businessman. Has us in financial ruin, ladies and gentlemen. What are you talking about?

It's just Tony's fault. Give it up for KJ. Kevin James Ryan, everybody. What's up, gang? Thanks for tuning in. As always, make sure you subscribe on iTunes. Full video available on YouTube. And as you know, those numbers are.

It's Ritter Out. It's Cookin'. Cookin'. And then obviously, the greatest gosh darn website of all time. Shout out to Al Gore for inventing the internet. It is www.patreon.com slash RU Garbage. Sign up over there.

You get episodes, bonus episodes of AYG. You get episodes of Hard Feeling, which is, I gotta be honest with you, the fucking money maker. That guy, geez. Couple of whales on it. You're real radio in this. Extra shot in the coffee this morning, kid, huh? This kid's on drugs.

Don't forget Jingle Bell concert this morning. Get your tickets now, kid. We're going to be up in Jack Frost's Big Boulder. Oh, shout out to it. Yeah, check it out. That's a lot of fun over there. A lot of we're doing a lot of shit. Yeah, we're having a good time over there

on the Patreon gang. Come on board. Have fun with us. And have a nice quick shout out to our producer extraordinaire, the Magic Man. Makes us all look good. He works to ones, works to twos, crosses the T's, tots the I's, and he's got that big ol' wee-wee.

T-Bone McScroffins. Toby McMullen, everybody. What's up, dudes? What up, T-Bone? Little, you forgot your name for a second there. I'm not gonna lie. Ah, one of my closest friends. Woo!

Work hard, your dreams come true. Jack Frost, Big Boulder. Yeah. That's a throwback. Sure. Because I could not. That might as well have been Mars to me. That might as well been Aspen.

Dude. So Jack, for the non-regional guy and gal, Jack Frost, Big Boulder is the Philadelphia Poconos. It's like the dirtbags, you shout, oh, you know what I mean? So you go up, you get a hot tub, and you make bad decisions. You tear an ACL, and you get pregnant. That's what happens. That's what happens up there in the Poconos.

Step on bag of Coke and some fresh powder. Snow machines they use up there. They use snow machines everywhere, though. Do they? Except like the fucking, you know, the real good spots. But they have to make snow. Dude, falling in fake snow. There's no way it snows like four feet.

A nice ski trip would be awesome for the boys. That'd be a fun little retreat. Yeah. I got hurt when I got back. I was like, I'm a lodge man from here on out. What do you mean? Nice hot toddy. Yeah.

Making a run at some dame in the corner of the park. Hopefully it's my wife. Dude, falling in fake snow was like catching a bleach no-cone, dude. It's just so gross in your mouth, all chemically. Yeah, it's not great. Is it? That's what it is?

I thought it was just water and air. I don't know what it is. It's chemically. Yeah, well, it has to be able to freeze above freezing temperatures. Oh, shit. I thought they're just. No, they can only make snow when it's freezing.

That has to be cold enough to make. They can't just make it. It's not snow you would see in LA. You were doing meth, dude. Yeah, that's it. That's not movie set snow. They take a hose and like spray it real thin so it instantly freezes when it's cold out.

Butch it, instant mashed potatoes. Skiing like a dirt bag. I remember there eating cotton balls. I saw you pull a move right before you recorded. Now, I understand you were jammed up, Toby. But it got me thinking, because I think you might do this. Oh, boy.

Did deodorant get supplied before you put your shirt on, right? On a regular. OK, that is. That's weird, man. We've talked about this a little bit, I think. I don't know. That's, man, you're not.

You did that because you forgot to put deodorant on. I didn't have the. I ran out of the stuff that I like at the crib, but I haven't to keep an extra set in here, just in case. But you would normally put it on before you put your shirt on. Absolutely not, after shirt, post shirt. What? What am I?

It gets on your shirt. And that happens to you, and you don't see it. You have deodorant stains on your shirt a lot. We might have talked about that. That's still crazy. I get that it's crazy, but you look even trashier walking around with white stains all over your fucking shirt like a goober.

Can't land any broads like that. Fucking got right guard all over your sides. Nah, it's tough. Yeah, no, no, no. It started out a necessity of not having clothes to then change into. Because in the morning, you're in a rush, you're getting dressed, you put your deodorant on,

and you get all jammed up on the sides. I don't think so. I know so. I mean, dude, the last time we had this conversation, you literally had deodorant stains on the side of your shirt. That's impossible, because I didn't start using white deodorant until.

It doesn't matter. The oil still, it gets wet. See, you can see it on your shirt. I use the blue stuff, the old spice blue. Yeah. Yeah, clear stuff. I get alcohol burns from that. Yeah, it's like a goddamn chemical fire in there.

It's like Fight Club. Yeah, sometimes you catch a thin batch of that stuff. It's light on the deodorant, heavy on the alcohol. I've scratched myself with these. Couple is screaming me. Yikes. I'm trying to sit here and fucking do a show. I got screaming pit.

Feels like you got shot. I hate that burning feeling. No, I'm strictly Dove or Victoria's Secret. Baby powder base. Victoria's Secret. No, not Victoria's Secret. I got a powder on. Not Victoria's Secret.

Fuck it, leather and lace over here. What's the broad deodorant? Secret. Secret. Yeah. Kippy's Secret. Kippy's Old Secret. Hey guys, hey, this is Chicken Sandwich.

It's just between us. Kippy's got a butt plug in. Strap it on a B cup bra, look at your wife. Oh, and babe, I'll smell like shit if I don't. Now pass me my G-Straight. I got a couple of tampons with me. Man, I've been calling that stuff Victoria's Secret for quite some time.

It's just Secret. I've been asking in the pharmacy. Hey, you guys got a back section with a beaded door I can go shopping. Good stuff. Yeah, no, I go after. It's strictly preventative. It's not ideal, but I've ruined too many mornings

leaving the house and I have fucking, I have deodorants. Now that you mentioned it, I think we have discussed this. And yeah, I just, I thought about it this morning because I remember seeing you do that a lot. Surprised, I'm surprised that you told me. I think officially put it out there.

I think most people would put it on before. I understand that is the process. Yeah. It's more of I just. I think birds might do it after for that reason you're talking about. Yeah, it just, it just gets on my shirts. It's just more of a preventative.

I wouldn't call it garbage. Chick sometimes really coat that on. Oh, dude, you, I get heavy. You do. I run through fucking deodorants, Dicks. Man, that's the one thing I had. It was, it was, I never liked gambling too much. I never got any acne.

I didn't really have a lot of hair and I never really had BO. Yeah, I don't have, it's not a problem. It's just more of like a, while I'm there, I'm like, let's get a good base on here. You know what I mean? Like if I'm doing the job, let's do it. So, you know, sometimes we're out late

or if we leave at fucking nine AM or not gonna, I'm not gonna get home tonight until fucking goddamn 10 o'clock. That's a 14 hour day or someone do the math. That's a long day. You gotta be able to, you know, the clock's ticking. I gotta stay fresh. I hear you.

What if I end up at a happy hour or something or a fucking, you know, a nightcap somewhere. I gotta be fresh. Somebody set you up. Straight from the office to happy hour, ladies. Gang, this is a family episode. And apparently the emergency break works. Caught a fire department, will you?

Cool this down a little bit. I got a little something I wanna talk to you. It's trashy to me and I won't do it. It's causing a big riff in the family at the moment. In the family? Only in my wife. Okay. Hansy's on the fence about it.

I'm still waiting to hear back. She's been going and looking at houses to buy, not to buy, just to go. Yeah. That we like proper cannot afford. She goes herself? Yeah. I like that.

So about do you think we spend all of your money? Yeah. That's just a picture on it. It's a thing of like, I'd be so embarrassed they were like, oh, are you thinking about making? I couldn't lie. I assumed that you couldn't just, when I was a kid, I just, cause we used to do that shit.

We used to do that as a family. And me and my- Open houses? Me and my boys would do that too. I mean, there's no way that the realtor thought you and your boys were coming to look at houses. No, no, no, we wouldn't go in, but me and my boys in high school would smoke up.

We'd hop in the station wagon, my buddy Charlie's mom's white station wagon, caught at the Millennium Falcon, and we'd roll around. Couple lady killers, huh? You see no, my lightsaber. Yo, you, you bird's like, sway. You got a seat in your back, it faces out the window.

It looks like you're throwing it into hyperspeed. Wow, I have my super soaker. Super soaker on me. Oh man, we're all thumbs today. But we'd roll around on a Saturday and just go look at the nice neighborhoods around our area. Sure, that's one thing. You're fucking high.

That's different. This is a, you're high driving around with nowhere to go. You can't go back to your house, you're fucking, you'll get clipped. You know what I mean? But I do remember my parents as a kid, we would just like on a Saturday, let's go see what's out there that we can't afford.

Yeah, that's crazy. And go in and walk around, but I assume. I have too much, I would feel like they would start asking quit and I would lot. I don't think I could go in. I thought they did a credit check. That's what I still think they do. Like can we just go, like say we were out in LA.

All right, we're out in LA doing something. Could we just go and look? At an open, she's setting appointments. Okay. She's not, this isn't an open house where they're like, hey, anybody come if you live in the neighborhood from one to four. She has this woman driving around to see apartments.

Driving around. She's on the upper west side. Just wasting people's time. Yeah. Oh, that's a fucked up. Lady's got kids to feed. I know. Dude, she's showing her everything from apartments

that are like $200,000 to apartments that are like 2.7. That's like something out of. I'm like, there's no way she thinks you're buying. Who looks at a fucking studio apartment that a four bedroom high ride? What are we doing here? I'm like, this bro's all over. She's looking at commercial space.

Ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha. I got a supermarket down in the village. Ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha. That's fucked up. That's like something that the lady didn't fight club. Just pretending to fucking be whatever and going around. No, she, no. So the woman knows.

Ain't nothing on that, Toby. Thanks. Toby's real fucked. Toby's cleaning the ice box. He looked over and saw your dead eyes. He said, Christ. I smile like I do. Like a Toby's eyes.

Ha, ha, ha, ha, ha. Yo, this guy's not even laughing at my flubs. Ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha. You don't laugh at that joke, I said, improperly. Piece of shit. Wow, that's a. But the woman is, the woman's also kind of taking the lead.

I can't throw the whole thing on. She was like, oh, we also have these and these and these and these. And I was like, yeah, sure, I'll take a look. And she's getting in the car. Yeah. She said it was a rough car too. I'm sure.

It wasn't like, you didn't like. Yeah, stop wasting this ladies. No, she was like, I can also show you the, like. She's desperate. Probably has no friends. She should have qualified the lead. Oh, I fuck your driving. You're driving around somebody you can't buy.

But so you're telling me that if there's an open house in like the Hollywood Hills, we could just go. Yeah, yeah, I think people in LA do that. Maybe catch one of those. It's been in movies. Like they go just for like, they put out like food and stuff. Really? Yeah.

Like I think a lot of like, you know, bad comics or actors like walk around and like, they play like a different character. You know what I mean? Like, just for like fun, like shits and giggles. They go in like their fucking Theodore fucking. Oh, Van Nostrand. Yes.

Dr. Van Nostrand. Maybe catch one of those girls from Selling Sunset. You ever see that show? Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. That's great. So what do you think you're gonna buy? No, I just want to take a dump in a really nice bathroom.

I'm just gonna take a shower and hit the sauna real quick. I like a little leg room, you know. Got some people coming over at about a half an hour. You heard the pool. I gotta test it out, get in the pool. Jumping off the roof and shit. Yeah. Well, like as the big man said,

this is a gosh-dorn family episode of Re-Enter. It is. When you sign up for Patreon, you get to answer your garbage. You'll get to ask your garbage question. We'll answer it on the air. It's just the best way to do it. We got a lot of submissions,

the IG's, the emails, the ba-da-ba-da-ba, but Patreon gets first crack at it. Just a squad, just the boys. The Hamies. Let's see, this one's from Bucky, five, six, five, $20 homies since 2021. Hachimachi, hey, big spender. Talk about getting on the ground floor.

Haven't had one read, is a garbage zone anything cheetah print? Cheetah print, is a garbage zone anything cheetah print? I think you would be hard-pressed to find anything classy that is cheetah print. For a minute, though, that was cool, right? Weren't the birds wearing leopard stuff? I think, like, kind of ironically, a little bit.

Like, you know what I mean? I don't think you'd show up to, like, a wedding in a leopard and a cheetah dress. Like, I think, like, you're going out if you had, like... Wait, you sure about that? I think so, I don't... I thought that was popular. I mean, if you saw a girl roll into a wedding

in a cheetah print, everybody would think she's a hooker. Or Shania Twain. Yeah, all right, Miss Twain is the only one that can pull it off. Either way, I'm taking a swing. Ha-ha-ha, ladies! That's all that tells me.

I can tell you what the trashiest cheetah print thing is. What? The seatbelt pad. Oh, that's tough. That's what I'm saying. Who has that? Horse. Ha-ha-ha, hookers, tugboats. What are you, making moves on Uber drivers?

Ha-ha-ha. I think, yeah, that's what I'm saying. It's always, like... It's, you know, slutty-type clothing that you would see in traditionally in movies or whatever. How about accessories, like a handbag or whatever? A handbag, sure, if done...

I mean, is there, like, coach leopard print? Otherwise, I think it would be trashy. Is that what you graded on, coach, huh? I don't mean, I don't know anything. Look at you. That was my favorite TV show in the 90s. Ha-ha-ha. Did you get money for that?

Talk about diversifying. This guy's got his own handbag line. Shout out to Craig T., huh? Freakin' in the keys. I don't... Yeah, I don't know. What else is leopard print that would be classy? It would have to be something that you could wear.

I mean, dude, if we were going out to dinner and you're, if me and my wife and you and your girl and she showed up in, like, a Spandex fucking Cheetah where you'd be like, what are you doing? Gets, you know what I mean? Peggy Bundy. Yeah, exactly. That's what I'm saying.

Yeah, yeah, okay. You know what I mean? It's never anybody fast. No. What's not, yeah. Sure. It's always one of those things. I think it's one of those things

that trashy people think is classy. You know what I mean? All right. That's where I would fall on it. I don't think there's any acceptable animal prints except maybe snake skin boots. I'll give you that. You gotta be like an oil tycoon, too.

I don't have a Cadillac to go with those. Zebra's pretty sweet. I guess certain way, like a raw, I don't know. Didn't somebody just show up wearing a lion head somewhere? One of those celebrities? That was the Lion King. One of the Kardashian ladies. She had like a huge lion head.

I don't think you can do, that might've been at the Met Gala or whatever that thing is. Are they all those rich people dressed up? They'd be shunned wearing an actual lion head, right? I don't think you can wear, I don't think popular culture in Hollywood could wear. That would be a PR nightmare. Fur's out, right?

I think so. Yeah, okay. Fair enough. Fair enough. It's trashy. All right, let's see here. This is from Andrew, $10 first time, long time, $10 homey here. I don't know if we've ever talked,

I think we've mentioned it, but I don't know if we've ever given a ruling. It's cutting the top of the chip bag, so it's easier to eat the big bags deeper, trashy or not. Cutting? Like you get halfway down a bag of ruffles, a big bag of ruffles, and you cut it. I think that is classy.

Then you have a clip. You have a clip. I think you would clip either way. I'll say my- They were a real tight roll. My only thing with Trader Joe's is, they don't have the resealable sometime on their things, because they make these chickpea and like pea, like rings.

They're like funyons. They're so good, but there's no resealable. Once you get in, once it's open. Yeah, game over. You gotta put it away. Yeah, but I don't know. I don't, I think, to me, that's trashy. That's like taking the, I don't know.

For some reason, it doesn't, you're damaging the product. Yeah. It just seems- It's like toothpaste. Well, obviously the classiest thing you could do is put it in a bowl. What?

The chips. For who? Then you gotta eat the whole thing. Yeah, no. This is to store it back. I'll tell you what is trashy. If you open up a bag of Doritos, a regular bag of Doritos.

Finding those in a Ziploc bag in the pantry at somebody's house? No, thank you. Oh, no. That and cereal on the Tupperware? I think my sister does that. Yikes. Hey, what the fuck? I need to know how long he's kicks me in here.

Yeah, no. That shit's fucking whack. I'm not eating, I don't eat breakfast at her place unless it's a couple of screembees. This ain't no sitcom, honey. That's fucking yonstein. That just seems like work, more work than anything. Yeah, no, I don't, I want everything in the bag or box

that it was designed to come in. That's how I feel. Otherwise, I feel it's like somebody's been rubbing their grubby fingers through it. I need something fresh untouched, you know what I mean? Because, you know, they definitely drug their hand to get it into the bag or the box. But a bag of chips, you slice it, you fold it once,

put the clip on, that's all right. I don't know. Ken, let's talk about that Adam and Eve. Let's talk about getting weird. Knock, knock, who's there? My boner, let's go. Right this way to my butthole, ladies and gentlemen. Gang, do yourself a favor, spice things up.

Yeah. Have a good time with your partner. Get weird. Have a good time with yourself. Uh huh. Save a little cash on dinner in the movies, meeting her girlfriends, when you can get a little dildo and go home and stick it right up your butthole.

Oh, sure. Right, what are we doing here? Let's go. This is a goddamn family program, big feller. If you go to Adam and Eve. How do you think those kids got there, Adam and Eve? Kicking things off, little appetizer. Go to AdamandEve.com right now.

Adam and Eve is offering our listeners 50% off just about any item plus free shipping and rush processing, because if you're hard, you gotta get it quick. Ha ha ha ha. Can't be waiting six to eight weeks for delivery. I got a hard on now. It's my boner and I gotta come.

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Ha ha ha ha. Join the patrons. Peace. Come on kid. Back to the show. They should start making. Stop for me. They're making those salsa tins wider too, by the way.

Just a heads up to you salsa people out there. I've never agreed with anything you've said more. It's crazy. Make a fucking, what are we doing? It's already pretty wide though. No, not for those restaurant style chips, they're cranking out. That's the chips problem.

That ain't toast, that ain't fucking, that ain't the good folks that are. Well, first of all, Tostitos has their own line of dips. The Con queso, the artichoke dip or the spinach dip. Man, that Con queso. Dude, come on man. Well, you get it all over your hands and shit. They need to take a cue from the people at Big Hummus.

Those guys are putting out perfect dipable there. Those guys are putting out perfect. You can get two hands. You ain't, you end a friend. Yeah. Fucking full bore kicking. Sober, that's like a hot tub. Every, we get four or five people in there.

Yeah, man. That's the way, dude, you can, you can literally clean one of those things where you could put it back. Yeah. You can fill it with cereal. Everything. Okay.

Whoa. Good call. They have the film on it though, which nobody ever throw, nobody ever completely rips off. That'll jam you up too. When that thing latches back and hits your hands like a Venus fly trap.

Hate that. Fucking hummus on your knuckles. Yeah. All right. But here, there's gotta be a reason why that, and it's gotta be the shelf life of hummus is way shorter. That's not a super airtight. That's like, that is flimsy plastic.

You, I think you need four con queso or salsa. You need, It's gonna be hanging around for a while. You need a jar. All right. So make a glass jar that's oval. That doesn't, you can't spin an oval. Oh yeah.

And also there's no, he'd be able to grip. Nobody would have the hand strength to open up a sabra saw his fucking jar. What about Nutella? They make it work. That's plastic. Yeah. They've also, you can't get to the bottom of Nutella

without getting Nutella. You really can't. You know what? You're not gonna be able to fit a chip and fucking Nutella like a restaurant style chip. Sure. That's similar size. Sure.

I've definitely done that though. I've definitely used tortilla chips in Nutella. I don't know what that you. Salty and sweet. Yeah. There's not really anything you can't fucking dunk in Nutella. Realist.

I mean, you can't like put like Korean barbecue. So are people out there? Maybe we're, obviously we're on the, you know, we, we land more animalistic when it comes to things. Sure. Trashy. Are people filling up like little cups of cheese

and salsa, then like, you know, bowls, then to dip? The only time. I think, I don't think my mom's dipping in the salsa jar. No, my mom's definitely putting in a little. That's what I was saying. Really? Yeah, I think my mom would do the same. The only time we do that if there's a,

if there's a dollop of cream cheese in the middle of that, that's when, that's when we'll do it in my house. Do you think your mom's dunking in the jar? She doesn't fuck salsa. What? You kidding me? It's keeping north of the border. Nah, she ain't doing salsa.

Okay. All right. Playing, playing ruffles in the Pledge of Allegiance. Yeah. Yeah. What, what are her chips? What is, what is Patty snacking on? That's a couple of more Beezys. There's like carrots and celery in there.

There's those little pepperonis. Okay. She does. The Hormels? Yeah. Your mom's, your mom's cracking out Hormel. Whoa, kippy easy. She eats them with chopstick though, so it's nice.

Stay international. She does that. She, you know what she's a huge fan of? Let me guess. Chocolate Twizzlers. What? Loves them. That's trashy.

Howdy, I love you. They are all right. The Hershey's. How many, she's eating those every day? Dude, she comes back with a bag of those things. That's what heroin addicts do. They need the sugar to keep them up. So what's his name called?

Eating candy by the pound. Yeah, she fucks with those heavy. And they look like bears got into it. That's ripped open. Yeah. She does rits. She always has those cracker barrel cheeses too, that she slices up.

Shout out to them, those are all right. But she doesn't really wrap them up too well. There's always that. Not either is Denise. Man, I remember when I was a kid. They get fast and loose with the fucking food preserve reservation policy. When I was a kid and I would see the hard pieces

on cheese, I would move. It still kind of gets me. Couldn't do it. I bought a thing of those pre-sliced, the ones you had the other day, the Bors head pre-sliced, because you can't get good slice, you can't get good slice meat really

in New York City or cheese in New York City. Well, I don't have a deli. You don't have a deli? And the one we do, the one we don't. There's no deli counter. Not at the one. I don't consider it a grocery store if there's no deli counter.

That's a convenience store. You might as well be selling tires or something. They have it pre-sliced. Yeah. Like they do that day or whatever, I guess. Like it's not like packing. No, I got you. I got you.

I don't fuck with it. But I use that Bors head stuff and man, that doesn't reseal that well. So that's just eating. That's just fucking eating whatever's in the fridge is getting to that. And man, I try to make them. Whatever's in the fridge.

I try making a bacon egg and cheese. You open up the pickles or at it? With a hard piece, dude. This thing wasn't melting. That's how fucking hard it got. I had the lid on this, I had everything and nothing was cracking. Yeah, no, I can't, I can't hang with that.

No, that's rough. All right, let's see here. This one's from Antutti's burner account. Never had one right then, dollar shareholder. Is it garbage to have ringtones for different people? My dad has a different ringtone for every one of his four kids. It's crazy, I didn't...

That's an old person thing. Sure. That's our parent's generation thing. And it's the funeral march for the wife when they call. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. So they got some sort of bit going. Yeah, the empire song. Yeah.

Dun, dun, dun, dun, dun. Yeah. I mean, who's phone isn't on silent all the time? Yeah, parents. Always. Parents are always, always loud. Is that me? Yeah.

Never know who it is. You're the only one in the house with the volume on it. It's you. I call Patty there. She keeps telling me that she, instead of going to church, she watches church. You know, cause it has like a live feed on Facebook. She had in her back pocket, walking around.

What are you doing? What are you doing? What are you doing? I hit the confession after that. Really? Yeah, dude. Watching, I was big from the beginning. It's literally in her back pocket, just playing.

She's got the Lord on her shoulder. She's got the big man looking over. Yeah. Damn. Get over there, will you? Just not do it. Does your mom have a tablet? Oh, man.

It's never, dude, it's never an iPad. It's always a- If they give it to you free and Verizon, when you get something. And they call it the Kindle. Give me my Kindle. I'm like, this is like in Japanese spyware you got here. This thing's bugged.

It's a Kia. Yeah. Get me my Kindle. I was over there looking at the Kindle. She one time asked me, she's like, this thing's not working right. She had- It's the microwave, Dutz.

She had, I'm not lying, 25,000 windows open in that thing. I just sat there for like, it was like I was on Tinder. Just fucking swiping, swiping. Going them out. Dude, crazy. Yeah, they don't always get it. She plays her games on that. She has her games.

Oh, she's a Candy Crush girl. Some shit like that. Something. Something to do. Something trashy and ejecting she can do while Heaterville. She can do in Heaterville. She gets it now, she gets in the car because she's in the backseat now.

That would be our mobile game. What? RU Garbage presents Heaterville. Heaterville. You got to run around town smoking cigs. Patty's the boss. Oh, go in front of the Sears. Light up in the fire zone.

No parking there. Got a ticket. Told you to put your flashers on. One of the challenges, bumming a light. Find somebody outside of church. Scars level, you only have one match. One match and there's three guys smoking. You got to make it work.

Somebody make that game. Yeah, that's all right. Oh, Pat, we might have to cut this. This might be our game. Heaterville. RU Garbage presents, welcome to Heaterville. Dude, come on. Dude, big tobacco will be behind that for sure.

Yeah, it's all right. We can get a couple of bucks for this. Bubbin' a pipe. There's a level where you try to quit for a week. You just end up getting in fights. Telling a homeless guy it's your only one. Now I left him inside, man. That's a real New York thing you can do.

Now they're inside. Oh, yeah. I don't think that flies in the burp. No one's leaving. You're not really going out. If you're out front of a bar, you got your heaters on you. You got your heaters on you.

Ah, man, that's fucking great. While we're on heaters, there was a couple of heater questions. This one's from Dave. Ever smoke a sig while riding a bike? For sure have done that. Yeah, it sucks. Yeah, it's not as good as you think.

It's like smoking on a boat. There's too much wind. The cherry goes into the sig. Smoking on a boat sucks. You think it's going to be cool. It's so not cool. It's not. Plus you feel like if you throw it anywhere,

the whole thing's going to blow up. It sucks. You can't even feel it go in. And you can't flick it in the ocean. Yeah, I don't know. Really? Yeah, dude. With all the tuners and stuff down here,

it's going to end up in you anyway. He digs too, man. Underwater burnies? Catching a heater after a great white was on your tail. I mean, you flick them out the window. You share a neighborhood with a shark. You're going to want to smoke, dude. You got problem.

You're running. You're anxious. You got to own wind a little bit with a cool menthol. You flick them out the window. That's the same fucking thing. The ground and the ocean are the same thing. I don't think I do flick them out the window. Oh, is this the PR thing you're spinning

for the people out there? You think they're going to believe that you don't flick burnies out the window? And I'm supposed to sit here and lie to the good American people and Canadians? No way. Big man flicks them out the window. Okay, now you've come full thing.

You're doing sound effects. Oh, why did these people, Henry? This one's another really good one that I've never thought about. And it sucks. This is from Benny B. Cubs, ever smoke a heater with gloves on. You can't feel it.

I need to. It sucks. There's no tactical feeling to it. It needs to be 80 degrees below zero for me to put a pair of gloves on. When's the last time you had gloves on? It would have been one of those winners like three or four years ago.

Yeah, when we were out really humping around. Dude. Doing bar shows and gloves and stuff. I hate wearing gloves. Yeah. Hate it. Uh-huh. The worst.

You can't see. Yeah. Gloves, dude, I remember shoveling my driveway. You got it in your, and then your hands went from the snow. You say you can't touch the heater. You just got it in the mouth and you're power puffing it.

You're trying to work a lighter with that thing. Oh man. Tough. Tough noogies. All right. This one's from Dr. Shrimp Stick 4000. Got an MD listening to the show. At what age has it become garbage

to still live with your parents? This is more of a theory rather than a yes or no one. I don't know, man. If it was up to me, I'd be, I'd be there right now. You'd be married to your mom. No sex stuff. But yeah.

I wouldn't want to do her or nothing. But yeah, I'd marry her for the benefits. She's got social security. Sex purposes, dude. I don't know, man. That shit all is, it's so much different than, you know, what we. So there's an age.

Some speed bumps. Is there? Yeah, man. Is there? Yeah. I would say. Then the pandemic, a lot of people moved home. That's different.

I know we were down there for a couple of months. That's different. We kept the apartment in New York, obviously, but we were down there. Man. I would say. The roles have changed on that a little bit in recent years. A little bit.

A little bit. You can go to 19 now. Hold on. Look at it this way. Listen, let me run one scenario. Okay. One run scenario. Run one scenario.

You graduate high school, you go to college. That you're out of the house. You stay at the summer or whatever. You come back for the summer. That's where you're messing up right there. What are you doing? Go to college. I wouldn't recommend anybody go to college.

Start a podcast. Dive into a real thin market. Like podcasting. No, I would. So college, you get that. You go back in the summers. That's fine, whatever, whatever. And I would also give you a year after college.

So let's say you graduated 21, maybe. To what? Get an apartment? To get a job, get on your feet. I would say no later than 24. Think about it. Even if you didn't go to college and you ended the workforce, obviously you're not fucking killing it right away.

If you get a decent job, maybe getting a union or whatever, you can get out early 20s, before 25, you can be out of your house. Okay, I agree with you on that. You're right. You should do all that stuff. You should go to college. After college, you should get an apartment with a room.

It depends on what kind of, I mean, you might have a- Or join a trade union. You might have a banging job. I don't know, you get your own place. But what I'm saying is move back. You want to be out there to see how bad it sucks. Then you move back in. I had a couple of runs before I went back.

I went back. How good is it when you went back? I went back after college. Then I got a townhouse with my buddy. You're a real smart guy, huh? That crashed and burned. Moved back to my house. Moved back to my mom's.

Then we got that place in Philly. We got Titan Street. Right. You never went back after that. Yeah. You did? A couple of months before I came to New York. Okay.

Yeah. So I moved back. After college. After a townhouse. Here's the thing. Here's the thing. Hit my balls busted while I'm eating eggs. Oh, it's a fucking shot, dude.

Look at it. It's a part of it. Dude, dinner. Dinner with no more three. How good are those eggs, Toby? Not good enough, dude. And here's a different situation. You parents have a condo or whatever.

If your parents own their house or whatever, that's just going to go up. That's, you're thinking of the family line. You're going to want that piece of real estate for future generations. Someone's got to watch this shit. Move it home because you're a dirt bag at 30. It's different than keeping the family property in your name.

Well, that's what you're doing. You're keeping an eye on things. Keeping an eye on my investment. What sign out of my mom's oatmeal. Making sure there's no loose spending going on. You got to switch it to fucking off-brand cereal. Yeah, I don't know, man. I have some buddies who still live at home.

Really? Proper, never even packed a bag to move out. No shit. Uh-huh. Really? Yeah. Damn. They got their own hookup, though.

They got the basement or something like that, right? I'm not sure what's going on, to be honest with you. I mean, it's no longer you. You don't go hang. If your buddy still lives at home, you don't go to his house to hang out. You know what I mean? You're bringing chicks back.

Corvette postered pretty cool, huh? I'm ma-sleeping. You don't go hang out at that house anymore. Yeah, that would be tough, yeah. You know what I mean? So I haven't been. Kept towing upstairs. I haven't been there, it's probably

since like a year or two after college or whatever. OK. Yeah, you're right. All right, what's proper age? I would say 25 with one safety net. If you move out, it's not for you. You can come back maybe at 27, get your feet on the ground. If you have to, a lot of people don't have that luxury,

obviously. They get jammed up, and they got to find a spot, and that's it, which is probably better for them mentally moving forward. Mature-wise, because they have a gun to their head, they don't have that safety net. I mean, I know I failed because I had a safety net. I'm like, I'll just fucking move home.

Oh, yeah, 100%. I'm all fucked up. I want to live there now. I would say 25, you should be out on your own. And then obviously, I think my brother, I was just talking to my brother about this, he had to fucking, he had to move back home for a brief time because they sold his building that he was living in.

Like he was living in an apartment that somebody owned, and then they sold it, and they were like, you got to go. Like, would you either buy it or you have to go, and he had to move home in like 30 days, and he had to move back home until he found out, until he was able to find a place to buy. How do I get back in the paddies? What can I say?

The building, it's something the building, yeah, the building's getting sold. She's not going to fact check, yeah. No, yeah, she should welcome you with open arms. Take the trash out, unload the dishwasher, take the dog for a walk, and be all right. I'd walk in the door when mom'd be like, I knew it wasn't going to work.

Really? I knew that Kevin was an idiot. I knew it wasn't going to work. You loser. Hey, as long as the meatloaf's hot, who gives a shit? I'll take the beating. When this show was happening before, it took it like before. So they got headphones, Toby.

Put your headphones on, have your eggies. My mom was kind of like, was like, I think there was like meetings happening with siblings and other people to have like some sort of intervention to get me back. I was like, you tried. You gave it your shot. Time to come on home.

Get back to Sucks County. Tried to get you to the church. Father Ryan. I wouldn't mind it. You wouldn't? It's probably low overhead. You know what I mean? They take care of you.

Sure, they do. Cover your court cases. Plus all the old broads fall all over you. And you get the booze on the job. You get the booze on the job. Couple of fucking nips. I've seen some priests at Sunday Mass fucking go heavy bike on the wine.

Like they're doing like chugs of it. And then go back for a second one to wash down the wafer. Like you're just drinking. Got a helmet on, beer helmet on. You ever have that stuff? I don't think I ever had the wine. I don't like communal cups, if I'm being honest with you. I ain't sharing a cup with you when it's gold.

I ain't sharing a cup with the fucking old weirdos in my town. Not happening. No. I don't even like shaking everybody's hand during the peace be with you, Parse. Just a whole congregation covered in cold sores. Yeah, fuck out of here. I've had that wine, man.

It is not premium. I'll tell you that. It ain't stag's leap. I can tell you that much. It's cooking wine. Oh, it sucks. It's designed to get you all fucked up and do dumb shit. Let's see.

This one's from Coach Willie. If you bring something to the dry cleaner, how long does it take to pick it up? Oh, fuck. Dude, I still got uniforms down here at Sparkle Cleaners. It's either I get it right or I'm on top of it, and I pick. I'll even see if it's done early.

If I'm checked in, but man, I'll leave them. I mean, there's winter coats I got sitting somewhere. What do you think the dry cleaning business is like these days? Are dudes still doing that? Like, you have friends. I have friends that wear suits to work. That sounds like two guys who don't have friends.

You have friends. I got friends. I just told you my buddy's living at home. He's not getting dry cleaning done. But no, we know people that have jobs that get up and go to work every day and all that kind of stuff. Quit bragging. My brother works.

He doesn't got to wear a suit anymore, though. So this is my take on it, right? He probably. I did work in corporate America. I did work in New York City office building. I know for a fact that my brother, I mean, he's a sharp guy. So he's got clothes that need dry cleaning on the regular basis. Sure.

On the weekends, he usually dresses nicer on the weekends than I've ever dressed in my life. Like, if they're going here, going there. Sure. Yeah. Nice pair of slacks. Nice pair of slacks. Sure.

Yeah. Maybe like, not a blazer, but not like a jacket. I've seen him wear button downs on Saturday. And be like, what the fuck are you doing? Yes, those dudes do that sometimes. I'm naked. You talking about that? You see my shorts?

Take it out of my underwear. I think two things. One, I think there's probably less dry cleaning because things are more casual than they used to be, right? Like, workplaces are more casual for the most part. But there's still dudes in New York City that, and ladies in New York City, they've got to show up in business attire.

Sure. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. But I also think the technology has changed. So those shirts, the fabrics have changed. So the shirts, you don't have to dry clean. You can get through with washing them and then just like ironing them or whatever. You know what I mean?

My uncle Mike. It doesn't have to be so dry clean. I mean, my dad, too, because my dad had to wear, like, he wore his fucking navy uniform every day to work. Like, every day, he had to roll in their fucking top and tails, fucking sharpie shit. Damn, I wonder what my mom was dropping on dry cleaning. I know she had some kind of deal.

I think it was way cheaper. I remember they'd be like, a dollar a shirt and stuff like that. Way back in the day, you'd see signs like $0.99 for shirts or whatever the next day. I remember having to go to the dry cleaners if something happened or you got to go pick up your uncle Mike's stuff at the dry cleaners, like once or twice.

Because you needed it. They needed it. Something. And they're handin' me like, what did you? Onemacies? Like just fucking 50 shirts. I remember dudes would have the rack. They would have like a bar across their thing

and they would hang it. That's how much shit was getting dry cleaned back in the day. Crazy. If you were wearing like three or if you wore, you'd need three suits a week, four suits a week maybe, five shirts, pants, the ties, the whole night. My uncle Mike on the shirts, extra starch. Dude, it was like bulletproof.

That's a lie. This one's from Cameron. Hey gang, never have one read. Is it garbage if you use your deceased grandmother's handicap placard until it expires? Had a straightin' patty out with that too. I don't. Listen, I think you get a grace period

where you can use plausible deniability. I didn't realize, whatever, whatever. It's a derp egg. It ain't a great move. It ain't a great move. I remember I had a friend in high school who had one because he like sold used cars or something. Because he flugged social studies.

He wore a helmet. He had to wear, he had one because he like sold used cars and there was one. What? He would try to use it. I'd be like, dude. Wait, why would you get a handicap thing for selling used cars? He got a used car and it was in there or something.

He came across it in his used car business. Like I said, a dealer place. I remember we pulled up to like, wow, I'm like, dude. I'm a fat piece of shit. I ain't that far. Five drunk kids can't hop out of a fucking, you know, an Aldi or whatever. Yeah, no.

That's not cool. That's a tough look. Yeah, it's not cool. My mom had one because of her MS. And that is the Disneyland Fastpass to Earth, bro. Sure. Yeah. Zip up, zip in.

Right by the door. Yeah. I think that's like the fire lane, dude. Fuck you. Yeah. Pulling up and check out. How you doing? Straightening me out of here.

Yeah. That's, I don't agree with it. I will. Depends on if you're an older person. Me, you're a young kid. You got to give it up. But like your mom is an older broad. Now, what do you, she kicked the shit out of both of us.

She's got it from my dad. I'm gonna fucking try it, Patty. Let me know. She's got it on the plates, too. That's a little diff. Well, no, I'll give you that because we were gonna change it. I mean, you know, we go to DMV. What are we doing?

Yeah. I know the. You know what I mean? What are you going to wait in line for? Are you going to ruin a Friday? He's getting out of the car limping. Do you want a neck brace? I know the kid's getting embarrassed by it when she's

going to pick him up and shit. She'll fucking pull right up. And I'll be like, what are you doing? Yeah, she's elbowing people out of the way. She's going to get her tire slashed by a wheelchair guy. Yeah, you can't do that. You're going to get beat up at Acme, dude. You can't do that.

You can't do that. You got to get rid of that shit. All right, this one's from Paul K. You know, he used to do that all the time. God rest his soul. Cotton. Oh, Cotton had a handicap. Cotton had to do it again, dude, because of his mom,

who hadn't been in the car in probably 20 years. Man, he used the shit out of that. Woo. Yeah. Well, in the city, he can help you if you're in a pinch. If you're running into a wall or something. Because they have to park him. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

They don't have that in New York, I don't think. Handicap? No. Well, I think in Philly. That's a real cutthroat, though, and I think about it. Tough, freak wheels. Hey, you can't make it here. You can't make it anywhere.

Yeah, there is no. And Philly, at least. Yeah, Philly takes a lot of shit, but they have handicap parking zones. Well, I think it was for, if you were a handicap, you could get it on your block. Like, when I lived in North Philly, the guy across from me had it right in front of his house.

Like, I think, like, you apply to be like, I need one. That somebody steals it. Oh, man, he always fucking. You're going to war all the time. What? Steal. Steal your handicap spot? Yeah, yeah, yeah.

People are animals. This one's from Paul Kay. Have you or anyone you ever, have you or anyone you know ever worked at a highway, rest stop, restaurant, or state visitor center? Think about it all the time. What do they do? We've talked about it.

Or we've, we've. I don't know if we ever talked about it on air. Clock it in next door. Welcome to Georgia sign. It is, I think, how do they get to work? Do they pay the toll every day? Where do these people live? Like, when you pull.

They got to have a pass, like a workers pass, right? To go like, hey, look, I'm on a job here. I just think to my. To flashing your badge. I just think to myself, why would you get on the turnpike to work at fucking Roy Rogers? There's. So they can get.

There's other spots. You know, out there. I don't know. Man. Do they, do they might pay. With the cologne got maybe they. They might, they might get a little cut, two, three extra dollars an hour or something like that.

White your beak at the end of the week. Plus it's probably steady work. They're open. You know what I mean? Sure. Not a lot of people want to do it probably. Sure. It gets filed under travel expenses.

Okay. So it's not, you start to pay. It's only deductible. Is, is there any per. Fuck that. Is there any perk to working at that location? Wait, what? They're paying up front?

Yeah. That's crazy. I would sneak across parking in the neighborhood and cut across. Running across fucking eight lanes of traffic. Cut across the retention bond. I got a clock in in three minutes out of my way. Really?

Huh. See if there's any perk to working at a. Do they pay more? You know what I mean? At a rest stop. It's gotta be some, maybe it's a government job. It's not a government. Roy Rogers isn't a government job.

But if it's in the thing. I think the taking care of those things are a state job. That's a good job. That's good. Benny's right there. I'm sure. Be all right. It's a government job.

Rest area attendant. Not attendant. Yeah. The attendant is not the guy working at the fucking pizza slash KFC. Yeah. The Benny's that you're right next to with monkeys. So hey.

I assume they all play ball together, right? It's like a mall. Do you ever see the economies of a mall? It's crazy. Really? Dude, my buddy was. Get the hook up. My buddy was working at a mall in Foot Locker

in Oxford Valley Mall in high school. And I mean, they trade footlocker trade shoes. Tread shoes. This. Oh, well the food, yes. Typically on the, you know, either cheap or very on the cuff. Wow. But then it's like the Jersey guys are trading shoes for,

like, hey, I want this Kobe Jersey. It's like give me a pair of fucking whatever's. The Hat guys are all, they're all in on it. They're all just fucking moving units, trading. That's pretty good. It's a guy trading 19 hats for a massage chair. Yeah. That's a good deal.

Can't even. I told, I, my buddy used to run the two for. I'd be over there in Brookstone or whatever it's called. The two for 90 deal or something. You come in, you pick any two pair of shoes. Yeah. You use Rob in the place. Yeah.

That's what he was doing. I never parted. The theory was you would walk in allegedly, hand him 90 bucks or 80 bucks, whatever the 70 bucks. Take seven pairs of shoes. And he would hand you two pairs of shoes. That's the deal though, right? Yeah.

But then he would put the 70 in his pocket. It wasn't a, wasn't an authorized footlocker promotion. That's a crazy movie. Oh, wait. Hold on. I thought it was. Tommy, there was no deal. That was his deal.

That was his deal. In the movie that Kippy's writing. Yes. He was his own marketing guy. God damn, this is good. Yeah, exactly. Wait. Footlocker, so Footlocker wasn't doing a two for 90.

No. That was his move. Yeah. He was doing a sale on steel. Allegedly. Allegedly he would do that. But you weren't allowed to use Jordans or Tims because they had their own inventory system.

They were high in products. Walking around in Asics like a dickhead. I'm in the monarchs, the air mon... Yeah, that never happened. What are you talking about? What do you think the feds are gonna come get you? For your sneakers? I don't, why would they come get me?

I wasn't there. I had never even been to the Oxford Valley Mall. I'm gonna testify against you. I mean the Chamonix Mall. Franklin Mills Mall. What if I pulled out a badge right now? It was all set up. That's a handy pull out a handicap lacquered.

Been working you for 15 years. Get my hands on you. Poo for 90, that's a fucking sweet deal. All right, let's see this one's Blake. Is it garbage use a water bottle in the cup holder of your car to simulate a stick shift? Good old fashioned fun, if you ask me. It's so funny, I just did that.

I've been doing it since high school. Did I even make dirt bike noises when I do it? Cause I have to have my hand on something. And I usually keep it on the shifter. Sure. Like on the automatic shifter. But I had a glass bottle in there, Boyland's Diet Cherry. Okay.

Poo, that'll blow your hair back. Okay. And I just left it in there. And driving home on Sunday, cause I was out in the burbs. I was doing it the whole way. Just having it there. Having fun. It's a good time.

Yeah, I feel like Jason Bourne or whatever. Yeah. I do a lot of dumb shit like that. Like all. I'll put like sometimes when I have my hands on the wheel, I'll pretend like I have guns in the front and I'll flip the safety up and then do that. If we were to race.

Maybe this is why you're a bad driver. If we were playing fucking cops and robbers, the whole plan spy hunter the whole way. If we were to race in a manual, in manual transmission cars, do you think that that would be a big enough equalizer for me to be competitive? If you want it automatic.

No, no, no. Everyone gets a manual. No. I mean, I think we would both smoke you. Yeah. Can you guys drive sick? 100%. I mean, you can't drive a regular car.

So we at least have the advantage of going out. Yeah, why would you think? Even if you learned how the stick shift works. I got it. Hey, if we made some. Do you still have to then drive the car that you don't know how to do? If we made the thing that I can't do harder,

do you think I would win? Yeah, what are you talking about? Our set of skills. You have delusions of grandeur when it comes to it. You couldn't beat me in a swim race. What, delusions of grandeur? Yeah. Okay.

All right. That's what you were smart for a second. That's your new imaginary world I love. Now back to me shooting missiles off my car. That's the Jedi, the Tatooine scene when they sprung Han Solo. Hey, turtle or zippin'. All right, I got the first reference.

I don't need the page number. That's good. That's good. That's where they sprung Han Solo from Jabba God. All right, shut up. Then they faced a pit of Sarlacc. I'm looking at a pit of Sarlacc. Saved digestive system.

Thousand years, you believe that? Shut up. I can't anymore. It's the pit the Bubba Fett fell in. But then eventually got out. It slowly digested you over a thousand years. Maybe 10,000. I wish I was in it right now.

Hey, you got one of those. There's one of those in New York. Hey, I got handicap parking. Pull right up. Now what are you saying? I was just, I was saying that I didn't know that you could drive sick. I thought neither of you could.

Like the wind. I haven't done it in years and I wasn't good. But that would be like, hey, Toby, let's use an editing software you don't know how to use and see if I'm better than you on that software because you don't know how to use it. I'd fuck you up. Exactly.

Even if you mastered the- Not on the track, pussy. Even if you mastered the stick shift, you then don't know how to drive the car. I gotcha. I was just saying, would it, if it would be enough of a skill gap to the shifting that it would- You have never been in the driver's seat

of a manual transmission, I would have said. Have you ever driven a car? Yeah. Which we said we were gonna do. We were gonna teach Toby how to drive. Hey, shining. A pit of sarlacc. You just gotta watch it.

We said we were gonna teach you how to drive. The second you got in there and tried to, you would, it would stall. No, I think I, I think I could do it. I guarantee, I'll bet every dollar that I have, which is $7,000. Damn, you've been saving. Oh, 3,000 after the rent gets taken out.

But that hasn't hit yet. I don't know why. Okay. That still hasn't hit. You gotta start poking around on that. They're gonna whack you with a couple of times. I did the app. I'm done.

I washed my hands of it. That you, the second that you got in the car and tried to put it in the gear, the car would stall. I know, I absolutely could put it in the gear. I've driven a motorcycle and shit, dude. I know how shifting works. What do you think? I think he's an idiot.

Oh, you talking to me? Yeah, dude, you would stall out the second that you did. There's no way that you would, you would move forward. I mean, I would argue. What are you talking about? Break in, clutch in, shift into first, the fucking. Yeah, but it's not just that it's not just. He's off the clutch.

He's on the gas. Come on. So you do know about it a little bit. Yeah. Yeah, but I would also argue, this isn't a shot to you. Just that you haven't done as long. You would probably stall immediately too.

And so you got back to the hang of it. No. You haven't driven it in how long? I'm not saying I'm not. It would be rocky. You wouldn't stall. Okay. All right, you know what?

For the sake of growth, yes, I would stall. How about that? That is a possibility that you could sell. You haven't driven an auto, you haven't driven a manual car. I agree that that could possibly happen. Thank you. All right.

I'm not a know-it-all like so-and-so over here. Yeah. Whoa, what is happening here? Growth. This pit of Sarlacc is really getting everybody. Down is up, up is down. Yeah. He's driving, you're admitting something.

How do we- I'm not sure what happened. I don't know what just happened. We should teach you how to drive though. Sure. Not in my car, but down, down. The Kia. What the fuck does that mean?

It's a piece of shit. That's what that means. I got a goddamn lease going here. What? I have a lease too. Yeah, but it's like the South Korean car. Come on. He's coming for the guy spending all of his money.

Hey, I made eight bucks. It's increased on my- Spend nine. You make eight, you spend nine. Tell you do it. All right, let's see here. This is from William Ferguson. Is it garbage to brush your teeth and pee at the same time?

That's a task I was never able to, it's too much. I'm missing. Oh, I'm all over the place. I'm missing now. It's that for it's- Can you do it? Can you do the tap in the room? Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

I just gotta start the one first. I don't think I could do the other side though. So I don't think I could- Hey, Sam A. Throssney, knock it off, will you? You're one step below juggling. Get out of here with that. What are you doing? Is this your car?

I can't pee, I can, but it's a mess. If I, it's too much lateral. I don't know what's happening. I get out of the thing. I pee everywhere. I get all loopy-eyed. I'm in that bathroom. I know, I share bathrooms with you.

It's like a large amount. You should just stand over, why don't you start sitting? No, don't- I told you when I tried to start doing it and you shunned me for it. You're peeing in the tub. Yeah, no.

No, that's a step in the wrong direction. Sure. Work on my aim. There you go. Kids at that eye. I can't do, yeah, I can't do that. To the point where I go, I just, it's too much concentration.

I just go, I'll just figure, I'll just, whatever. I do enjoy brushing my teeth and walking around though. This is my theory. I think there's two, there's two kinds of brains where I have to do that. I have to walk around. I walk out, I walk into the bedroom, then I walk out the hallway, into the living room.

I walk out, I look out the windows. I walk, I have to- I feel like I'm on a TV show, I don't know why. I feel like Alex P. Keaton from Family Ties. Michael J. Fox. I feel like that would have been his move, walking around. Yeah, I feel like my brain, I don't know, I need to be distracted or something while I'm doing it.

It's something weird. To fill the time, because you gotta do it for like 30 seconds. That's what they say, so it's a brush. It's two minutes, isn't it? Two minutes! Yeah, brushing your teeth?

T-bone, get a- Two minutes! Get an ADA recommendation. That's how long I shower for. I think it's 30, 30, 30, 30. I think it's 30 a quadrant, if I remember correctly. What? Get the fuck out of here.

Two minutes, two times a day. Two minutes. Yeah, it's 30 a quadrant. Two minutes! You're missing teeth! No, I mean, I'm missing teeth. You could be out of there, be out of there quick. I'm missing three teeth,

so you take off 15 seconds for that. Throw in a piece of trident and call it a day. You know what I did start doing? What's that? And I'm telling you right now- Pooping in the fridge. If you wanna, if you wanna change your day up,

tomorrow morning when you wake up, gang, go into the bathroom, before you brush your teeth, use the mouthwash. Mouthwash, then brush. It feels fantastic. Is that what they say you're supposed to do, I think? Yeah, because the fluoride stays on your teeth, the mouthwash washes the fluoride away.

Yeah. Did I see that on an Instagram? Someone said that in here. Yeah, we wanna just recently talked about that. Okay. Joe Coyer, somebody was a big teeth guy, I think. Something like that. It's great.

We do a lot of recording. It's great. Yeah, I don't know if I've ever done that. It really freshens it up. I did it this morning with Scope. Love Scope. Listerine. Kick rocks.

Scope's like a drink. It's delicious. All right, let's see here. This one, AYG's long lost fourth member. Okay. Have you ever bought a product? We are hiring. Have you ever bought a product?

We are not. We are not hiring. Send your applications in. I'm trying to trim some of the fat as it is. What? That wasn't a you joke. That was a Toby joke. Never.

Love you, buddy. Canem now. Toby, leave this there. Leave the S shoes and get out. No, it's new guy. Do you think new guy Luke still listens to the show? I think he pretends. He's probably not going to hear this.

This will be a test. Pussy. New guy Luke, let me know if you hear this. We're what, 55 minutes into the episode? Yeah, something like that. Yeah. Pushing an hour. Yeah.

New guy Luke, if you don't report back, getting the scissors out. Cut, yeah. Cut him. I run a tight ship. Luke, the code word is Indianapolis. No, we're going. That'll come up too much.

The code word is. Annapolis. That's what I meant to say. Tube of Sarnac. Tube of Sarnac. Idiot. What is it? It's the pit of Sarnac.

Sarlac. Hey, you got me fucking up. Chocolate Sarnac. What are you doing? Have you, all right. AYG's long lost fourth member. Have you ever bought a product at a grocery store, not in the original aisle,

i.e. cookies in the toilet paper aisle? No. I couldn't do it. I mean, it would feel too tampered. To pick something up that's not there, that someone else left. That's weird to me. Well, that would never happen,

but also, I've always gotten yelled at that I had to put it back. You should. You should. Always. As a guy. My mom did that, my dad did that, and the bird does that.

She's like, someone stocks those shelves. Not that I want it. I mean, obviously I'm in. I go back and put it back. I get out and you leave it, you leave it. As a guy who used to have to block the shelves. That's what they call it in a biz, when you pull everything that.

All right. I was a hell of a blocker. It can't, yeah, you find a fucking half honey-baked handle in the back of it. I thought they had to throw it out. What? Like, it's like meat or something, probably. Yeah.

I mean, if it was me, I'd probably just take a temperature on it, and if it was still cool, I'd throw it back. He's trippin' B.R., right? Yeah, I always thought anything, you were. I mean, like if toilet paper was in the cookie roll, the cookie aisle. If somebody left, for some reason,

I can visually see a red bag of chips ahoy cookies in your pocket, in like the toilet paper aisle. I thought you would have to throw that out, because that could have been tampered with. More than likely it was. No, more than likely it wasn't. If somebody was gonna tamper with it, I mean, if it's closed,

yeah, it just goes back on the shelf. Really? Yeah, what do you think? I mean, if it's closed, what do you think somebody could have done to it? I don't know. Stuck a needle in it or something, squirted something in it.

I thought anything that would- If they were gonna poison it, wouldn't they put it back where it was to get- That's what they'd want you to think. What? That's what they'd want you to think. But then if they put it there, oh, this might be something, something.

That would be a, everybody operates on the understanding if it's there, it gets thrown out. Right. Huh. You know what I mean? I guess so. You would want it to look like a regular product

so it could be purchased. That's what we'd want you to, that's what the person would want you to think if they were poisoning it. I don't know, I don't trust it. Okay, fair enough, clearly we've- Yeah, I wouldn't go near it. Okay.

Never. Yeah, no, it just, if it was in someone else's car and I know that, it's theirs. I want a fresh one. Yeah. It's never been- You always take the, you don't take the top of the thing.

It's always too back. Milk, especially. Never. You know what, I'm big on coffee lids. I go to the middle. Oh, yeah. Middle on the stack on coffee lids. Straws too. I don't fuck with straws, but sure.

I like turtles just as much as the next guy. I throw out four straws before I get to the one that I'm using. I don't go near the first straw or the first napkin or the first pump of anything. Like to catch up things. I'll throw one of those out. Oh, yeah. Yeah.

I want something from the middle. Yeah. I want something non-touch. Uh-uh. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Don't like it. Would you guys ever buy anything off the clearance shelf that's in the grocery store that's usually by like, where you go into the back and towards the stock room?

Where the fuck are you shopping? There's no clearance shelf at the grocery store? Do you remember it's in there? It's in very- At like a clothing store, fuck yeah. That's the best. Find a sweater for $6. There's a clearance shelf in every grocery store.

It's always towards the back. There is a lot of times. Really? Yeah, yeah, yeah. I remember the beginning of this. It's always jarred gravy for some reason. Yeah. Shout out to it.

Good Heinz jarred gravy. Do you remember? My dad used to jazz that up real nice. You remember when this first started AYG, it was the pandemic. I was down there, we were Skyping. We were doing hard feelings every day for the public. The 94 pack of chicken legs that you got.

That was in the clearance aisle? Yeah. What the fuck? I was getting buy one, get three free. There's easier ways to kill yourself, dude. Buy one, get three free packs of chicken, dude. They were moving units. It's like a Wuhan sale over here.

Get out of here. Dude, I remember my mom came down and she was like, why is, where's all this chicken from? I'm like, well, I couldn't leave it. It was freebies. Bad economic decisions, man. That's when I pounce. He bought that in a bunch of real estate.

Act me overshot the demand. That's their fault. This is where I strike. I don't know if that's clearance. It was in the meat clearance section. I'm telling you. There's no meat. That's manager special.

That's different. It said clearance. That's VIP as far as I was concerned. That was what are in the special. Patty used to always go manager special. We would always get that. That's got to get on a grill in two hours, manager special does.

It would go right in the freezer, man. Why would act me? Shout out to the why would act me down there in like 20, 25th Street or whatever in Delaware. They have a clearance section for the meat. I'm telling you. Check it out. Tell them Kippy's in here.

Patty, I didn't know it was a clearance section. Patty was definitely in that manager special. A lot. Yeah. Questionable chicken fingers coming into that. We gotta wrap it up. My dad wouldn't touch it. Gang, we love you to death.

We're on the road. Tickets are moving pretty goddamn quick. I ain't gonna lie to you. Sure. Do yourself a favor. Come out and see us. It's a good time. We love you to death and we will see you.

Next week we are in Magoobies. Very limited tickets left there. Magoobies and Timonium slash Baltimore, Delaware. Then we got Virginia Beach and Richmond, Virginia all next week, 14, 15, 16 of March. Get those tickets, baby. Plenty of tickets there. Oh, we had a manager special.

Everything must go. We overshot the domain and the funny bugs. See you next week. Peace.