Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast - Tommy Pope Answers Your Questions!
Episode Date: April 5, 2021Kippy and Foley are back with comedian, trash person, and old pal Tommy Pope for a hot ep! They talk drinking too much, working in the service industry and so much more. Live Shows: https://linktr....ee/AYGLiveShows PATREON: https://www.patreon.com/AreYouGarbage Fum: https://www.fumessential.com Cards: https://areyougarbage.bigcartel.com Follow Kevin: https://www.instagram.com/kevinryancomedy/ Follow Foley: https://www.instagram.com/foleygrams/ Comedians H. Foley and Kevin Ryan are self proclaimed GARBAGE. Each week a new stand up comedian gets put to the test.\ Steal shampoo from hotels? Own a George Foreman Grill? Ever worn JNCO Jeans?
Transcript
Discussion (0)
Welcome to another exciting edition of Are You Garbage?
The show where you find out if your favorite comedians are classy individuals or absolute trash.
Now, here are your hosts, Kevin Ryan and H. Foley.
Hey everybody out there and welcome back to everybody's favorite new podcast.
This is Are You Garbage?
Sure is.
It's a little show.
We sit down with your favorite comedians and we find out if they grew up to be classy
or if there's the big old piece of trash.
I'm gonna host H. Foley coming at you on a glorious day.
We're down here at Antutti's basement feeling fine, feeling good.
My co-host is coming at you from right next to me.
He is the CEO of Are You Garbage.
He's getting into NFTs and Bitcoin.
Kids got his toe in a lot of pools.
He's got cash these days.
I call him Mr. Ryan, but give it up for Kippy, Kevin James.
Everybody.
Hey, gang.
What's up?
Thanks for tuning in.
As always, please make sure you rate, review, subscribe on iTunes.
Full video available on YouTube.
Subscribe there.
And as you know, those numbers are...
True to roof.
True to fucking roof.
Okay.
True the roof.
Patreon.com slash Are You Garbage.
You can sign up.
You get bonus episodes at AYG that don't get released to the public.
Not a lot of people picked up on that.
We do weekly episodes that don't go out.
You can only get them on Patreon.
We get to do episodes of hard feelings and then live streams on Patreon as well.
Also, we just dropped the Kippy MTV Cribs Edition on Patreon.
That's up.
Go check that.
We got a lot of fucking business today.
Fun times.
The cards.
There's still some cards left you can get.
Link will be in the description.
They went quick, huh?
There's not that many.
I don't even know if they're...
By the time you hear this, they might be gone.
Okay.
And then also the live shows will be in Raleigh, North Carolina on 420.
And then 421 will be in Nashville.
Get those fucking tickets.
Let's go.
Don't make us look like assholes.
Yeah, no shit.
We got the guys from the coast calling every day up our asses.
Let's move some fucking merchandise there.
It's the coast of Delaware, but still, we're trying.
I got the guys from Rehoboth all over me.
Gang, real quick, give us a nice shout out to our producer extraordinaire, TheMagicMan,
the fucking genius behind the Kippy's Castle video.
Give it up for T-Bone McMuffin, Toby McMullen.
What up?
What up, T-Bone?
Dude, chillin'.
Stressful day.
Getting fucked by Instagram with their goddamn copyright bullshit.
Yeah.
We had Toby hemmed up early on this morning.
I was like, you fucking idiot.
You didn't use royalty-free music.
I did.
I'm on the phone with Nashville fucking talking about copyright infringement.
It's fucking crazy.
It's my buddy's band, man.
They said it was cool.
They said it was cool, man.
Sir, you don't know Bob Seager.
That's why you don't do business with friends, dog.
Gang, this is a fucking family episode.
An old-school one, man.
Old-school one from Jump Street.
Back to the roots with this fucking wop.
When Moses went short band.
All the way back to the streets of the East Village running around.
With a low-reside.
Whatever.
I don't know what you're talking about.
Gang, we couldn't be more excited to have an incredibly special guest back with us today.
If you haven't checked out his episode, make sure you check it out.
We're going to do some Patreon questions, some Facebook questions.
We're here answering your fucking questions.
Damn.
Give it up.
You better save something for the tank, buddy.
As soon as I introduce you, I take a nap.
Tommy Pope, everybody.
What's up, boys?
What's up, buddy?
Thanks for coming in, man.
It's always great to see Foley's tongue in person.
That thing's got a fucking heartbeat of its own.
Oh, man.
All the comments on YouTubers, like, the big man's tongue is going wild today.
It is.
It's like going to, like, a Japanese seafood market.
You know, when you see a fish or, like, a sea cucumber?
I've never seen that before.
Foley's down on the docks every morning in Tokyo.
Dude, I want to be in your will.
I want your tongue.
I'm going to put that thing in a fucking glass cube on my dress or my home run ball.
Turn it into a love seat.
It splashes a little soy sauce on it.
It ain't too shabby.
Dude, I got a merch idea for you.
Why don't you guys make bean bags, put Foley's face on it, and when you sit, the pressure
throws out of tongue.
Maybe throw his laugh in there.
That might be a logistical nightmare, but I'll have the guys look into it.
That's a shipping and handling nightmare.
Oh, man.
Buddy, thanks for fucking tuning in with us.
Thanks for coming in and sitting down with us.
I got my own Depot shirt on.
I find one T-shirt I like.
I buy 17 colors.
Same way.
It's always black for me, though.
Dude, that's garbage, and that's old school.
I do the same thing.
I'm currently operating.
You only have one of everything you own.
Don't fucking lie to the people.
That's not true.
I got a bunch of these T-shirts.
Unless every T-shirt comes with mustard stains.
Get some pre-uncertified.
You can find them on Amazon.
You squirt some mail on these before you send them.
Yeah, sprinkle the chips right on there.
That's fine.
It's like a stamp of approval.
Patreon questions, Facebook questions.
Before we get started, I'm told I got a call this morning from corporate, from up top,
top floor, that Mr. Ryan has a statement to make, and before we get into the questions
we're going to start off with that, I will turn it over to our CEO.
I normally-
Kevin Ryan.
You know, it's hard for me to admit what I'm wrong all the time, right?
I take very staunch opinions on this program, as we both do.
Fair enough.
And I've had the attorneys in corporate draft a statement for me to make as I've changed
my ways.
Okay.
How I see the world.
Did you touch someone?
This is pretty dark, dude.
Hey, Duby Dobrik, whatever your name is.
First of all, I thought she was 17.
She was well-developed like a 23-year-old.
Hey, honestly, let me move my chair over.
Yeah, I don't know if that's testosterone in the chickens, but she had a side of hooters.
I want to move my chair over away from you from Getty image purposes.
I don't want to get hemmed up in the post because he's making sense.
Stamped creep on both of our faces.
She found herself drunk in the basement of a Tooties.
Oh, man.
What do you got?
All right.
So my statements made on previous podcasts regarding brushing your teeth in the shower
have been wrong, and I sincerely apologize to anyone I've affected with my words.
While my words at the time were said to shame and hurt people, especially my fat co-host,
Foley, I now know I was wrong.
Please accept my apology.
Wait a second.
Are you saying you're for it?
I'm for it.
I was totally against it.
Kevin.
I started doing it this week.
I saw it sitting there.
I'm like, I'll try it for the show.
It's a fucking game changer.
Dude, it's great.
I actually was the same way.
All right, this quarantine is so 40 years I went without doing this because I put those
garbage.
Yeah.
I got a fucking step away.
You're 40?
Yeah.
You look terrible.
And you slept with three of your brothers until you were 28.
And that's garbage.
It took another 12 years to figure it out.
No, I got a separate tube and a separate toothbrush.
Joth, do you leave it in there, though?
Oh, that's tough.
Wow.
I can't do that.
That's a lot.
No.
Well, you'll be writing another fucking apology in a week.
I'm still going through with the lawsuit.
All right.
Fucking kippy rap report.
The defamation.
The important thing on the phone, I want some D's made.
Dude, it's a game changer.
You get out and it's complete.
I never realized that.
Yeah.
You fucking jerk off.
You know, it comes down to growing up, I thought if you leave the conditioner in longer,
your hair will be more healthy.
Yeah.
So I find things to do while you're in there.
Yeah, I put the conditioner on first.
It's working, dude.
I gotta tell you.
It's got a fucking head on here.
It never worked to me.
The longer I left the conditioner in the flatter my hair was.
Really?
Oh, it was brutal.
Oh, because you got dirt and old grease in there.
Yeah, I got thin hair.
Yeah.
That's the only thing thin about it, folks.
It was pre-product.
Yeah.
I didn't surprise you, Condition.
Yeah, well.
I would say you never, I would say you've never washed your hair once.
I wash my hair every day.
Every day?
Every single day.
He's got that good Italian hair, dude.
That's ridiculous.
That whole fucking.
Because it looks so full and in place, and that's what people do.
They don't wash their hair.
They put more wax in it.
To get that fullness.
What do you use?
You use the good stuff?
Yeah.
Like what?
What are candles?
My mom's got a couple of Yankees while you're around.
Oh, I use that.
Smells like apples and cinnamon in the winter.
Sebastian Clay.
It's like.
Ooh.
How much is it?
Like 20 bucks for one ounce.
It's a lot.
20?
That's more than Coke.
No.
Crew's about 22.
Yeah, crew's expensive.
Crew's all right.
I do the crew spray.
I think it's like 15.
Kippy, stop.
Yeah.
Come on.
Dude, I'm.
Tommy and I are talking here.
Yeah.
Sit this one out.
You touching me hurt me more than any more than the joke.
You being like, oh man, he might be affected by that really hurt.
But he washes his hair with his toothbrush.
Why do you think it's in there?
I got a baby.
I got baby bristles going.
This is a hot one, folks.
So that's your statement.
So you're brushing your teeth in the shower now.
I knew things were going to go screwy because Kippy's solo right now.
He's got the place to himself for a little while.
Yeah.
The broad went back home.
And you're stepping out of your element.
You're doing a little experiment in that place.
Yeah.
I'm all over the place.
What made you decide to brush your teeth in the shower?
Well, I've never, it's never been close.
And then I can kind of get to it from the shower now.
Like the way my, and I just saw it there.
And I was like, you know what?
For the pod, I'll try it and I'll fucking throw it in your face.
And I'll hate it and we'll get content out of it.
Dude, I was like two seconds into, I was on like my fucking second molar.
And I was like, this is not too shabby.
Yeah.
Then he spit it all out.
Turn the shower off.
It's done.
Get that coolness in there.
I got one more for you.
I could take it up a notch if you want.
Hard enough.
You could do it in the shower or in the sink.
So you eat nachos.
I'll fucking dive over this table.
What you do is get a bag of tortillas.
He'd be surprised.
They don't suck up as fast as you think.
If you get the water hot enough to mist, it helps the cheese.
Yeah, gives it a good consistency.
You got to drink lemonade while you're taking a piss.
It's like the same going in, same going out.
Brush your teeth with hot water.
It feels like you just had them polished.
It's fantastic.
All right.
You feel clean in the mouth.
Feels great.
I'm a cold water guy.
I don't know what you want.
I don't know what you want from me.
I'm trying to, listen.
I'm trying to fucking save you the embarrassment
having to come in here.
Fucking six months crying at a fucking audience again,
telling them that Uncle Hank was right.
I don't know.
I mean, I don't like the way this was received,
so I don't know if I'll ever be public to apologize again.
That's really turned back on me.
Yeah, you never apologize.
You don't know.
You were fucking dumbass.
Fucking dumbass.
Whatever.
That's what it is.
I'm a changed man.
I'm a reformed man.
Do you think you'll continue to do it
after you and after your wife gets home?
Not every time, but yeah, you know.
How's she going to feel about that?
I think she's done it.
She has to be a shower brush as well.
A shower brush and a non-shower brush
cannot exist in the same household.
Immediate divorce, immediate.
She does it occasionally.
She's not against it.
She's not opposed to it by any means.
She's definitely done it.
She'll be goose stepping back in Germany at heartbeat.
This man is gross.
I love it.
What?
In the shower?
I love things with any short time.
I feel Mrs. Hea though.
So will I.
Tommy, how are you?
I'm good, buddy.
Feel good.
You really turn regis sometimes.
And Tommy, how are you?
He's saying that.
He's our guest.
I know.
Well, we're fucking 14 minutes into the show.
And I know he's lying because I can tell
he's hanging on by a thin thread over there.
Yeah, what do you want me to do?
Tell you the truth?
Get the fuck out of here.
You're supposed to be having fun over here.
He's got to bring up the truth.
Yeah.
Fuck, I thought we were supposed to hear
to hang out.
Okay, my dad just had bypass surgery.
I drank so much last night.
I only shipped myself this morning at the gym.
Yeah, I got a little shit going on
on Holy Thursday.
Yeah, that's right.
Yeah, I throw out all my khakis just in case
because spring's coming.
I got swamp ass out the fucking night.
Oh, man.
Why'd you throw out all your khakis?
I can't wear like colored pants in the summer.
It's things show.
My monkey butt is outrageous.
I go three blocks and I start, you know, sweating.
It's a mess.
It's not good.
You're sitting on the subway.
You're feeling it roasting.
Oh, my God.
And then you think about it and then it starts dripping.
Yeah, then you're like, dude, do I feel that?
And then you're going to stand up?
Sometimes I'll take a picture to see if I got anything.
Oh, I can do the same thing, dude.
See if I got anything.
Yes.
And rarely, it rarely, it never does.
And I'm always right.
It feels it.
But it feels like it's there.
Well, you got to get through the underwear layer.
The underwear is thicker than we give ourselves credit for.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
You guys butt sweats that much?
Oh, yeah, especially like auditions and shit.
Oh, who are you?
I don't get that.
Get the fuck out of here.
Dude, the things you take opinion.
Oh, that's gross.
These guys are gross, huh?
Dude, the one time we were eating sandwiches
in a Wawa parking lot, he goes, oh, my God,
you're eating so fast.
I'm like, oh, I'm doing the thing you wish you could do.
Can't ever get it in fast enough.
Holy, the sweat just can't escape your cavernous ass, dude.
Yeah, it's true.
It really can't.
Well, I get backed up in the center.
That's where I get my moisture.
That's my little rain forest down there.
What the fuck is this center?
I don't know.
Yeah, we don't have a hemisphere, OK?
I don't have a family room in my crocs.
No, you take a walk to the living room.
Yeah, yeah, the Florida room.
The Florida room.
Remember the Florida room?
Those things work.
Is that where, wait, that's like the thing.
The glass don't.
It's the glass don't.
There's another room for those, too.
They were always cooking hot.
Sunrooms, a sunroom.
But they call it a Florida room because it's got an indoor fan.
That's so trashy.
Yeah, yeah, yeah, the Florida room.
With carpet.
It's a real garbage place.
Dude, the parents have one.
It smells like sig.
Oh, you got one.
Dude, his literally smells like it.
But not the way he's talking.
Does yours have like the oval kind of windows where you can?
No, it's a block.
It's a square.
Oh, yeah, it is the same thing, though.
And all the window, it smells like the floor of a VFW,
because the moisture gets in, you know, insects get in.
Oh, we have one of them.
It's like a tent.
It's a fucking outdoor.
Yeah, you find some pension bugs out there.
Yeah, some roly-poly's for sure.
Oh, roly-poly's heavy, baby.
I don't like that.
You're gonna fucking have to be shooting dice.
It's like I'm at the fucking Borgata.
I don't like that at all.
Yeah, that's trashy, man.
OK.
All right, let's shift gears.
Let's get into some fucking, some Patreon questions.
Guys, so as you know, when you join the Patreon,
we will answer your questions.
We have a little bit of a backlog.
We're really cranking through some of them,
but we're going to get to everybody.
And also, when you leave your question,
let us know that if you're new and you haven't had a dash yet,
we'll, you know, we'll prioritize you a bit.
Well, you could just shut up and be patient.
Yeah.
Fuck it.
I got the enforcer over here.
Unbelievable.
That was a repressed memory right there.
Nobody asked my question yet.
Shut up, Dildo.
This is free.
No, it's not.
Yeah, no, it's not.
You got a point.
Toby, cut that.
Cut that.
Nothing's free.
Send the fucking emails.
Let these slow Dildos hear it.
Customer's always right.
Best customer service and podcasting, by the way.
That's right.
We'll get back to you.
This one, I can't foresee either one of you doing it,
but it is a home run of a fucking question.
This is from Timothy.
Have you ever hung a sports jersey on the wall on a hanger?
Of course.
On a hanger?
That in my bedroom.
My dad wouldn't let me put a fucking nail.
You know, he wouldn't let me pin it up four ways
and they're not going to pay for me to get a frame.
So I just go, boom.
And it hangs flat.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Letting Dijkstra.
That was my next question.
And Von Hayes.
I had a Von Hayes one, too.
And then Mike Quick.
Oh, man.
Mike Quick.
That's old school.
Yeah, dog.
What kind of hanger were they on?
Metal.
So it was shitty.
It was before the plastics.
These are the ones you'd have to...
These were heavy duty.
Yeah, your mom would have to dry clean a fancy shirt
once a year.
You'd save them for fucking months.
And take off.
So we love our customer paper.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Punch right through it.
Yeah.
Hating somebody with one of those was game.
It was like those old game shows you could smash through
and see what's in the bag.
Plinko.
We were just talking about that.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
We just talked about it last episode.
Shout out to Plinko.
Have you ever...
I don't think we've ever hung a jersey.
Nah, I was gonna be...
I threw a couple of pennants up, stuff like that.
Yeah, I was a...
Yeah, I was a penny guy, too.
I didn't roll like that.
Yeah.
Did you lead to stick in for the pennants?
The stick?
No, you had to take the stick.
Yeah, I had to stick in.
Oh, my God.
I had to stick in Pen and Hang.
What a dooper.
You were the...
In case you wanted to use it.
In case you ever get tickets in a big game.
In case you get hemmed up at a parade, huh?
Yeah.
It's like New York City when you bag pants.
Every when you go out, you just wave it on the front lawn, shirtless.
That's trash.
I don't ever remember getting them with sticks in them.
Oh, you order them online?
You fucking savage.
I don't know where we got them.
You gotta earn it.
You gotta go to the stadium.
Yeah, get it.
Get it from the guy in the shop and push the shopping cart.
You gotta fight the popcorn guy.
They're coming taped up, Dildo.
They're supposed to be held here.
Yeah, yours came in a box.
I can't remember.
We definitely didn't have sticks on them, and we certainly didn't leave them on to display.
We had a couple of flyers ones, I remember, with the sticks for a long time.
But then you always, I felt like we always hit each other with the sticks.
Like, that turned it, you know, you got bored waving it, and you're like, what else can
I fucking do?
Who else?
Who can I hurt with this thing?
It was typically most of the 90s.
Can this fit up my ass?
That was the 2000s.
That was always the problem on little bat night, fucking me and my ass.
Oh my god.
Oh.
Dude, you weren't from the Tri-State area.
If you didn't have a Trenton Thunder, a mini Trenton Thunder bat.
First of all, the bat night just turned into, like, they called them beaters for, like,
your car?
Oh yeah, your older brother would just be like, nah, I'm gonna hold that right next to
my seat.
Like, how often do you get in fucking road rage bat flights?
And you need it right next to you?
They both pulled them out?
You have a sword fight?
Accessible.
Yeah, yeah, they're the same game, they're the same game 10 years ago.
Holy shit, are you Joey from 24 C?
Still hits him in the face.
I didn't hit you twice.
You stepped on my shoe when you went to the bathroom.
No, I don't use a little bathroom while I ran into a guy with a full-sized Louisville.
Yeah, I used to have a Louisville in the trunk.
Just, I don't know what I was gonna do with it.
Nothing.
It wasn't batting practice.
It was cool to hear right all around.
Yeah, it was also cool, like, when you were, like, getting beer out of the trunk with somebody
to party, like, yeah, just, you know, I got the Louis if anybody needs it.
Put some duct tape on it.
No goddamn reason.
My name was extra in the side of it.
That's good.
You have evidence.
I know.
Did Kevin James Ryan hit you?
Oh, man.
Great.
Come on, run of the question.
Come on, run of the question.
I'm gonna defer this.
You were, you worked in the, just call you a look around.
I was, well, there's a Bahamas pennant there.
I've seen where you could put it.
I know.
They vetoed it.
They vetoed the pennant.
Who did?
These two bozos.
No, we just haven't found the right spot yet.
Your jersey made it on the wall.
You had goddamn right it did.
We should put it on a hanger.
It's a nice pennant.
You worked in service industry, right?
One year.
One year?
I thought you were, like, a bartender later kind of guy.
That's not true.
I was a bartender one year.
Where's he looking right now?
I'm locked into the Bahamas thing.
I think it's fucking beautiful.
It's coming home with me.
You guys have no respect for it.
You put on that cumb field couch.
Fuck it.
Dustin Hoffman over here.
Poppa Ridland and get focused.
We're broadcasting here.
It's like, I take it back.
He's about to take an eye test.
What the fuck are you doing?
When I, just before I started comedy.
He's still looking at it.
Look at this.
We'll give it to you.
You can have it.
Get down and left this memory bank.
Up to you fucking idiots is when I spit lies.
We want the lies.
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Now back to the show.
26.
I had a full time job.
I walked into this bar that was opening up.
Public house.
Do you remember that in Philly?
It was a real big joint.
The public house.
Where the fuck was that?
It was on 18th and Cherry maybe?
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
And an old person, an old friend of mine from Drexel was a manager.
And I was like, this place is great.
It was hard to get into.
And she's like, which ever one of bartend?
And this is the peak of like, you know, 26.
Almost out of the area of like going out and getting trim and hanging out and too late.
You know, I'm getting too old for that.
You're in the deep end of the pool.
Correct.
You see trim?
Yeah, I did.
What are you, Magnum PI?
See, I'm showing my fucking edge.
Boys, get your rods.
We're going to go fishing.
We're going to go fishing.
Bring two buckets.
I'm hungry tonight.
We're going to go score some muff, huh?
What do you say?
I was going to get something eaten at home.
I worked there for a year and it was the best time in my life.
And then when I...
What year was this?
I'm sorry.
2006.
2006.
Cities probably popping.
That place was probably nice.
It was probably fucking real fun.
Two years open.
It was fucking amazing.
Packed, I assume.
Packed.
Oh.
Co-closets, bar, barbacks.
It was nuts.
It's a regular restaurant.
Okay, fair enough.
Yeah.
The kitchen.
The kitchen.
It was nuts, dude.
Bus boys.
Bus boys.
And then...
Not his place was nice.
I'm telling you.
They had a bus boy.
They only worked weekends, but still.
The sodas were carbonated.
Some kind of computer system where if you call, we'd pick up.
I don't know.
A phone, you had a phone.
I meant bartenders.
Oh, man.
Talk about fucking swinging a myth.
First bomb in the episode.
Go get your Trenton Thunderbat, will you?
You guys are the first two people I've talked to.
It's like 4.30.
No, I'm talking to him.
Swung and miss.
All right.
You stink too, though, if you want to bet.
We're being honest here.
And then I worked in a kitchen.
I worked in a BYO when I first started comedy just because I was interested in cooking.
So I worked for a year in a BYO Italian in South Philly.
Then I worked in Pepper and Cheenies in Phoenixville for a year.
Very nice.
Okay.
How fucking boring was that, huh?
No, no.
That gets into this.
Because I know you waited tables for like 20 years.
Stop reading the questions.
You two.
Look at each other or me or something.
That's why I'm looking down this way.
You guys are got to fucking wander in eyes this week.
Yeah, I turned the table or two.
That's right.
All right.
But I sold some specials in my time.
You worked at a fish place on Rittenhouse, right?
I worked at Devon Seafood, yeah, for a while.
The aquarium?
That's how we got our perk guide in, isn't it?
I'm sorry, are you talking to me?
Yeah, my eyes aren't wandering now, are they?
Yeah, Toby marked that minute mark.
It's going to be a hard cut to the out of the restaurants,
I'll tell you.
Fucking Bobby Darin over here singing.
It's like a zig-nay on the...
Yes, that's that.
That was how we fell into that.
I'm going to let you two just hang yourself out to dry.
When I was snorting black tar, we popped the Ken perk.
He didn't work there.
Worked at the garage in the alley.
He fully turns the corner, they're flipping pigeons.
All right, this is from Dan.
If you pay for dinner on a credit card, then tip in cash.
Is that classy or trashy?
It's classy as it gets.
Right?
Yeah, that's because you're thinking about the other person
because they don't have to pay taxes on that.
And they don't have to pay the restaurant.
Don't you have to turn your tips in?
I've worked at some places where they collect them all, though.
They lie.
They just fucking lie.
He's going, yeah, I made $40 tonight.
The other $80?
Yeah, I don't know.
I really did.
I bust tables in high school and college, but that was it.
Because when you put it on the card, you could just put cash.
Cash.
And they don't know the amount.
So say they leave you $40, you then turn in $20.
Yes.
If they ask.
Yes.
Or you could fuck over your coworker that you don't like.
That's been annoying you for the last short.
If it's a pulled house.
That's big with you, dirt balls.
If it's a pulled house.
Yeah.
Man, that's brutal.
Forget about it.
My eyes were on everybody's fucking hands.
As soon as they checked out, I'm looking at everybody's palms.
I'm waiting to elbow somebody.
Your pockets.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Fucking flex.
It's always a girl because they can't get hit.
Slow night tonight, huh?
Yeah.
That's what they thought anyway.
I had a thick softball bruiser that would fucking lay down the wall with this other girl that
was stealing.
You had a, you had an enforcer?
Yeah.
She was, she was the one working tables and this little hot fucking blonde was working
behind the bar.
I knew she was stealing and I was like, look, just do me a favor and warn her because she
was like from northeast.
She was a real fucking real Irish.
Would you have to break her off?
Yeah, dude.
Just a big freckle monster.
I knew she fucking, if she's homer and softball, she can right hook this pig right on her
fucking job.
Probably came in with wet hair all the time.
Always running late.
Yeah, I know exactly what you're talking about.
Smelling like that purple hairspray can.
Oh, yeah.
But if she likes one.
Is there something?
Yeah, yeah.
Aussie.
Aussie, yeah.
But if she liked it, she loved it.
Had a kangaroo on it.
Yeah.
It was like three bucks for a fucking 74 ounce.
Fucking ruin the ozone with two sprays.
Yeah, that's why it's funny.
They weren't really cared of.
The Australians didn't care about the environment.
It's going to be 200 degrees next week.
All these white trash bitches from northeast.
Fucking spraying their bangs.
Trying to go from a four to a five.
Dude, there's nothing trashier than wet, crunchy hair from the northeast.
Well, there was a weird thing when a lot of, especially Irish.
I was a bus as a kid.
I don't know why that made me sick to my stomach seeing that.
Yeah.
Anybody with wet hair.
Wet, scrunchy hair.
Frozen with.
It smelled like strawberries.
Like rotten strawberries.
Yes.
Man.
Tough look.
Tough look.
Here's the thing.
That's a very old school mentality of doing that.
Because the, that originated with people, people almost being embarrassed that they had to
pay with a card and not didn't have full cash.
So that was always, I've always encountered this with like old school people, like old
school moms.
They were like, I'm sorry, I'm putting on the car, but I'm tipping in.
I'm tipping in cash.
That was always big with us here.
Put it on the car, but I'll tip you in cash.
Because she's kind of, she's like, she feels bad that she's even putting the thing on
a car.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
I want to make sure that you get your money.
I don't want you off.
Also too, wasn't it?
But she doesn't realize now that yeah, it's most, most restaurants are pulled houses
and all that kind of shit.
So.
I was always, I was always under the impression that you had to, I guess maybe in the early
days, you had to wait to get that money or did that restaurant always give you that
money?
I mean, back in the day.
A couple days.
So the credit card processed it and then you got.
Sure.
Yeah.
No, that's what your paycheck, like your next paycheck in two weeks.
Yeah.
You got to wait the whole thing.
Yeah.
We were always, it was always like, we'll put on the car, but I'll fucking.
Some places are different, but usually you take your cash tip, you take your cash tips
that night and then you get your fucking check at the end of the week, which they do bang
it out on.
But most restaurants now, when it comes to taxes, they, there's just a number, you know,
I mean, or they fucking claim every single thing that you have.
So that doesn't really work anymore, but it's very sweet to do that.
I'm going to put a helmet on for how boring this fucking story is.
Here at AYG, AYG Enterprises, we pay all of our taxes.
All right.
Next question coming in.
This is from, this is from Joe.
Have you ever had a catch outside with an autographed ball?
No.
No, hell no, dude.
Well, it's funny.
That's money in the bank.
We had, I brought this down.
There's a bait.
There's a world series or an all star ball signed by like two.
That like was our, that was like our college fun we thought when we were kids.
And then I brought it here.
I put it in.
It's in plastic and he took it out and I like, my childhood just reenact.
I'm like, dude, put that back.
Put that back.
Don't fuck that up.
Yeah.
That's Gary Stevenson.
It was like Terry Francona and fucking Rory Mulholland or somebody.
Two fucking zilches.
I felt bad.
Like even my personal balls were like, you know how you collect like your first home
run ball?
Sure.
And then I went around with those.
I felt like, I felt nervous.
Of course.
Scratch off the market.
I know.
It's been there for 20 years.
Were you a kid that would, would you, would you ask for autographs and shit like that?
Would you be hanging around the playground?
That's one of the, that's one of the questions.
My first autograph.
I'll never forget.
I was watching an Eagles practice.
My dad took me down to watch a lot of practice.
Oh my God.
Yo.
That's, that should be a question.
Do you go to watch the training facility?
Yuki Washington.
Shout out to you.
My boy, you still around.
Yeah.
Oh yeah.
And I saw him.
I met him as a fucking legend.
I mean, McKeever had to do this talk for Delco.
And it was Yuki Washington.
Every conversation you two have, you mean?
At the, no, no, shut up.
This is out front of the, it was like a Philly organized thing where he had to, he had to
talk as well.
He was like M Night Shyamalan.
Yeah.
All of Philly.
See, they really got the celebs.
M Night Shyamalan and YouTube Ozos.
What was the weather guy busy?
The Philly Fanatics ex-wife.
Who I slept with that night.
No, yeah.
And I thanked him.
I thanked you.
My very first autograph.
And he was like the sweetest man.
Wait, Yuki Washington?
Yeah.
On a what?
On a football.
Wait, you had Yuki, you had the fucking sports.
I thought he was Dr. J.
Dude.
When you're fucking eight years old.
Of course.
That might as well be the president.
That's the guy you see him more than the president every night.
Oh yeah.
He's reporting the news.
Him, Vernon Odom was big.
Jim Gardner.
Monica Malick and Meltas.
Shout out to Meltas.
No.
Who was the...
Jim Gardner was big.
Jim Gardner looks exactly like my dad.
Papa.
The guy that just died of cancer.
Gary Papa.
Yeah.
If I second him ain't...
Five.
Five was big.
Shout out to Vine.
He used to play.
And then when he started doing the sports it was like, fuck it.
Oh yeah.
Passion six was the 18.
Oh, forget about it.
They had it all under lock.
There's also...
There's the dude that...
He's the sports guy.
The big tall guy now.
John something.
Oh, Clark.
Yeah.
Big good looking like, you know...
Yeah.
Yeah.
You don't like him?
Everybody hates him, dude.
He used to show up to Kavanaugh on Drexel's campus when we were in college and hit on everybody's
girlfriend.
He's a...
He's like a mainline douche.
Yeah.
You know?
He wears like boat shoes and fucking salmon pants.
Yeah.
He's a real fucking dildo.
He threw a lemon.
Not in the public house, buddy.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Dude, he threw a lemon across the bar at my buddy and hit him in the head.
Get the fuck out of here.
At Kavanaugh's on Drexel's campus.
Oh my god.
And it was almost...
He's like, because we used to fuck...
We used to call him the weather guy.
And he fucking hated it.
We'd be like, yeah, whatever weather man, what's going to be like this weekend?
And he was like, I'm the sports dude.
I wouldn't take the jokes, which are like we just leaned into it more.
A lemon wedge or a full lemon?
Lemon wedge.
Like from the...
Like maybe from his drink or from the thing.
Right in the fucking head?
Dude, and my buddy went, bull is he trying to get over the bar?
Of course.
It was a whole fucking scene.
Yeah, you take the shortcut.
I fucking died bombing that dude's neck.
I ain't going around the hell, dude.
You're getting worked right in the middle.
That's on him though.
What are you doing hanging out in a fucking college bar?
Yeah, he thinks he's a celebrity.
He's going to pulse on 23 year old.
Yes, I got you.
But you got...
You're in there with the hyenas.
And now I got to unfollow him and fucking apologize.
He's not going to hear this.
I don't know.
We're pretty big.
Especially in the dry state area.
That's true.
T-Bone bleeped the name.
All right.
What's the big story on Action News tonight?
Tommy Pope was talking shit.
That was actually about Glenn Hurricane Schwartz, everybody.
I'm not just giving him a wedging jam in a little longer.
Oh man.
Great question.
This is a bonkos one, baby.
We're all over the place.
All right.
This is from Jack Rush.
Have you ever left cigs out to dry when they got there?
No.
You got to be in a tough spot.
Geez.
And they have the brown liquid watermark on them.
Fuck.
Is that like in the pack or like rolls into something?
It doesn't matter.
You got to be in a tough spot.
I've done it for sure.
Oh man.
That's back against the wall.
Even picking up a fucking cigarette these days.
Like if it's down, it's down.
Oh dude.
You got to fuck.
I thought you meant like off the street.
Yeah.
No.
You thought, no.
He thinks you mean like somebody flicks it.
I'm not kidding you.
You can't even scavenge anymore.
I don't know what to happen in this country.
Tommy's out front of a Sevka.
I get kills on that.
Oh man.
You're going to fucking judge me.
And it's like this short red light and a fucking one inch.
There's sparks going everywhere.
Queens.
That's all there are.
Just looking in pots and trying to find, you know, tiny one drag six.
Dorn quarantine.
I can't do it.
I'm going to vomit.
A wet cigarette, man.
It's fucking bad.
But I've been there.
The earth gets a hole in it.
And you like hold it like this.
I've done that.
You can still get smoke.
I did this day.
I'll do that.
This day.
You smoke a fucking.
What's a Native American one?
You have fucking American cigarettes.
Well, you can lose the front half of that and still be good.
Oh my God.
Those things are brutal.
You lose the front half.
It's like a normal cigarette.
You can share it out with the native American one.
You have fucking American cigarettes.
Well, you can lose the front half of that and still be good.
Those things are brutal.
You lose the front half.
It's like a normal cigarette.
You can share it out with the neighborhood if you wanted to.
Dude, you liked that on Tuesday.
You finished on Saturday.
Those things are.
Those things are.
Dude, you're like a fish puffin' on that thing.
You feel like Nemo trying to fucking catch a light.
Brutal.
That's so funny.
All right.
That was actually one of the questions from Player Have You Ever Weighed Outside for
an autograph.
Yeah, hold on.
I want to go back to that.
Because I imagine just from what I know about you and you were closer to the city that
you would go to like, did you ever get on a spring training or anything like that?
Of course.
They took you down there when you were a kid?
Yeah.
I went up to Bethlehem for spring training before.
Oh, really?
Or for, yeah.
Yeah, for the Eagles.
Iron pigs.
Iron pigs.
No.
Well, the Eagles used to practice up there.
Oh, really?
They used to report up there and we went.
I remember I thought it, in my head, it felt like four and a four-hour drive.
And then I got there and I'm like, I was like four.
I'm like, I don't know how you fucking beat back.
Oh my god.
Dude, imagine like taking the train to the city.
It was like 30 minutes and you thought it was like a fucking all day trip.
Yeah.
I ordered a strong bully from a fucking Greek joint the night before wrapped it up.
My dad's like, it's 45 minutes till though.
Took three naps.
Yeah.
I packed like I was going to the zoo on a school trip.
Yeah, I would go to spring training or the Eagles practices like once or twice a year
and then.
As a kid.
Yeah.
As a young kid.
Would you try to wait?
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
And then you'd wait till all these guys came out and you'd only get signed by, you know,
no names like this fucking.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
And then, but I noticed him walking in his car and I just started screaming Yuki and
I ran to him with a football like, you know, like a rom-com.
I mean, turned around and signed it.
You know, nice man.
Pretty sweet.
You remember what kind of whip he was in?
No, he never got to the car.
I had wheels, dude because I was fucking ran him down quick.
I was on.
Once I set my sights, I closed.
Yeah.
He had no shot again.
That trans and whatever the goddamn thing was.
Hey, where you going, big guy?
I'm sure it's like a firebird or something.
Risky because he's so tight.
I pulled up next to Vernon Odom one time and he was driving a fucking Cadillac that would
blow your hair back.
Oh, I'm sure it was made in 2024.
It was fucking top shelf.
He's got features like Mr. Potato Head.
Yeah.
Does that don't take enough?
Is he a football player?
I can't.
No.
Vernon Odom, the older guy.
Oh, yeah.
Visions on Saturday afternoon.
Yeah.
Like in the evening.
Yes.
Vision.
While we're on the subject, this is from Ben.
Do you keep stadium souvenir beer cups in regular rotation at your house?
Absolutely.
Really?
Absolutely.
Because that was your chance to get a bigger ounce.
A big thing or so or whatever it was.
Yeah.
Yeah.
It was either beach cups, pizza hut cups that you stole.
Oh, yeah.
Or the beer koozies from the parks.
Yeah.
Those were the fucking.
I remember having like a set of flyers playoff ones.
Yes, dude.
They were, for 15 years, they were at the house.
Yeah.
And for a good one to two year period, they were the same octagonal shape and they would
slide right in so you could stack three or four.
Oh, yeah.
Otherwise, you got no real estate.
Yeah.
Otherwise, you're jamming up the work.
That's what mom and his team knows.
That's what mom and his team knows.
We got to get rid of these cups.
We got to get rid of these cups.
All the fucking, you know, all the art is already worn off.
It's all faded and worn off.
Yeah.
Yeah.
If you had those displayed around, like, you know, your trash.
Oh, that's garbage.
That's garbage.
Oh, man.
Yeah.
That's a fucking.
I don't think I've ever gone over and recently gone over to anybody's house and that's what
they've given me.
Now I'm doing, I still like, I kind of have the same mentality.
I use like, you know, like the ninja or like any of those blenders.
Yeah.
Yeah.
I take the lid off and I just use that for water.
Yeah.
My wife does that.
Oh, really?
Yeah.
Because it's like 32 amps.
It's a big boy.
Yeah.
It's real bad if you're at a homies place and you're watching like a Hawks game or something
and they pull out the stadium cup and they're wearing the jersey.
Watching the game at the house.
That's a tough one.
That's unacceptable behavior.
That is.
Grow up.
That's a tough one.
Even wearing like all colors to a stadium, even if it's a game, like if you're, if you
got a hat and a jersey and fucking calm down.
I mean, also, if you're on the couch eating soft serve out of a little plastic baseball
hat, you get dressed up at home.
Get the fuck out.
You get the foam finger and you're talking a big game, but I bumped into you the day
after I bumped into you on the train the day after the Eagles won the Super Bowl and we
were coming back up to me.
Hold on.
We were, hold on, hold on.
We were coming back up to New York.
This is 100% true.
Yeah.
We were coming back up to New York.
He's, I see him on the train, like fried.
Like he had gone to, he had like blinked.
That was his sleep for the night.
And he's like, Hey man, you coming back down for, for, for, for the parade tomorrow?
And I'm like, I don't think I'm going to make it, man.
And he's like, I think I got worked on.
He smells like a bar rag.
He's like, he's going, yeah, man.
I'm trying to figure out what I'm going to wear because it's going to be cold and we
want to be able to fit as much Jameson bottles on us as possible.
I'm like, he's like, I think we're going to get the little ones because they curve
around your leg.
All right, Tom, I'll see you later pal.
Hey conductor, can you see this guy's got a ticket?
Oh my God, dude.
I came at him.
Small town boy makes good.
All right.
Look at you.
My wife goes, who do you have on the podcast?
I go, the good looking guy from the train.
I scared the fuck out of you.
He got me.
Well, he saw me go to the bathroom and then I'm walking back to my seat and he came
up like, he had drunk uncle energy.
Oh my God.
And I was fucking sober as a judge.
Look at you little shit.
You're sitting your dick in front of your wife.
I has a little guy doing that.
Just completely blitzed out of my mind.
High as fuck.
He bumped out like blueprints about what Jameson bottles he's going to take.
Oh my God, the horrified look on your wife.
I've never met him.
She's like, are we getting robbed?
I don't know what the fuck is going on right now.
I'm like, no, he's a friend.
I swear.
He's giving me a wedgie, but he's a friend right now.
Why were you going back up for one night and then coming back down for the parade?
Probably get pills or something.
I probably just got on the wrong fucking train.
I thought he was going home.
Yeah.
Yeah, I don't know.
Kibby, what are you doing in Baltimore?
I probably shit my pants.
I was like, I gotta go home.
No, it was fucking, yeah, yeah.
And that's, look, it's the Super Bowl.
Hold on.
There's gotta be, there's gotta be a couple dates.
That's a fucking couple of pants.
You get a couple dates in.
I take the, I swear to God, when I was getting dressed and you're right, I was getting dressed
and I was like, is this too much?
Cause I had a green t-shirt on, but I put a sweatshirt over it just so you can see the
top and the bottom.
And then I had it.
Cause you're not an asshole, man.
Yeah, that's not a parade yet.
Then the shoulder pads and the helmet.
He had the black lines under his eyes.
I was just gonna say the eye black was a little much.
Wearing the jock outside of the jeans.
Maybe driving through the parade in a golf cart.
Oh, dressed like Andy Reid.
Oh, that's fantastic.
But the parade was fucking wild, man.
That was so fun.
I didn't do it.
We just did, we were at like the riot the night before or whatever.
We all like drove down.
That's how trashy you are when someone in, when the, when a team in Philadelphia wins,
when the Phillies won and when the Eagles won.
There's something innately in your dirt bag DNA that you're just drawn to city hall.
Everybody, 100% ever do it because it's in the center of the city.
Everybody from the Trison area just fucking converges.
Like it's a bug zapper.
Also, if you had the drive.
So I watched it in Delco because the bars are empty in Delco.
Yeah.
Also, I'm sure it's the same in Monaco and whatever fucks.
When you, when the games get more important, you don't watch them in a bar.
You're living because you don't want any strangers around.
You're on a nice seat.
You got a fucking, your own controlled environment.
Sure.
And I knew no one would be there.
We had a corner of Farneby's in Drexel Hill.
It was beautiful.
And then we all get in the car.
But all you see is, all you see is all the cars.
It's like bumping cars with drunks getting down to the city.
It's fucking lawless.
It's crazy.
The cops are like.
Oh, that is shit.
I don't give a fuck.
Literally, when we were down there, we were down there in the fucking chaos and it was
like me, my wife, a couple other buddies and like their girlfriend.
And we were like, all right.
Like we were older.
We're like, we've seen enough.
Yeah.
It's starting to get a little dicey and then no lot.
Like as we said that five guys walked by with a telephone pole over their shoulders.
Like they were carrying a piece of lumber.
And I'm like, I think it's time to wrap it up.
You guys are ordering dessert.
We'll share a tiramisu.
Oh my God.
When the Blackhawks won the cup for the first time, we were down in Wrigleyville and I saw
a group of dudes shotgun and 24 ounce tall boys.
I was like, fuck you.
I love that.
And then I saw guys coming out of a head shop that they had looted and a guy had a six foot
glass bong just running down the street.
No way that made it home.
No.
But I was like, this is great.
Dude, a sports riot.
I mean, I love that shit.
Yeah.
But also like, I'll say the thing about like how trashy Philly is we were in the Philly's
riot and randomly saw another group of my buddies who was like up kind of on a telephone
pole, kind of not, whatever.
Yeah.
And we couldn't get there.
And I was like, yo, that's my boy.
And everybody's like, oh, shit, you know him.
I'm like, yeah, they're like, and then like, they just let us go because they were like,
oh, they're friends.
They got to get back together.
Like everybody was so polite during the riot.
100%.
Yeah.
I went to the parade and somehow, you know, the cement blocks that are over top of a gas
station.
Wait, what?
That protects the park.
You've already confessed the three crimes so far.
What are you about to say?
Well, they made a chain that pulled people up.
So they pulled us up to the top cement so you can get a look at the parade coming through
Broad Street.
Wait, on top of the cement block that protects for weather?
Yeah.
So like the roof of the outside?
Yeah.
I've never heard of roof referred to as cement blocks.
Well, it's a cement square.
Okay.
Then we're doing key bumps with strangers.
Sorry about that.
You couldn't help it, could you?
I can tell you how.
No, no, no.
I'm just saying, yeah, they walked over, they let us up.
It was nice.
You were like eye level with the fucking fire trucks and shit, whatever they were using.
Oh, God, that's so funny.
You like that, Tommy?
Yeah.
Hey, see the fucking fire truck right there?
You want to see helicopters?
Yeah.
I'm like, Dad, they're right there.
I can touch them.
He's like, shut up.
Give me Coke.
Go get me a bag, Tommy.
He's like, go ask Paul for some more.
That was such a real name.
Paul.
Thank you.
Nobody hangs out with a Paul unless he's got a connect.
True.
Oh, man.
Paul ain't getting a desk job.
That's good.
Paul.
Paul knows his way around a weed whacker or Coke.
Paul has a lot of keys on him for some reason.
Doesn't drive.
Oh, God.
All right.
This one's from Facebook.
This was a home run from fucking Facebook.
This is from Scott.
Is it garbage to leave your shoes in the hallway outside your apartment door?
You know what?
I'm biased on this.
OK.
Because this quarantine's been a new, I take them off as soon as you get in.
But I never used to be a shoeless family.
I used to look at, you know.
You were shoes in the house growing up?
Yeah.
Oh.
Yeah.
No, well, not like we carpet, so we take them off.
Not in bed.
It wasn't illegal.
It wasn't like, you know.
Sure.
Yeah, it wasn't illegal.
Tommy, take your shoes off.
Yeah, no, one and none of that.
But my father, as soon as you woke up, I've never seen my dad's feet.
His what?
His feet.
I've never seen his feet.
I never seen his dad's feet.
That's hilarious.
I swear to God, as soon as he gets up, it's a white trash thing where you feel like you
got to get moving.
What kind of shoes is he rocking?
Oh, fucking serial killer fours, dude.
Because he is.
Oh, white glasses, dude.
No motherfuckers ever had a collar on a foot.
Yeah.
He looks like he's about to clean a fucking cafeteria.
Yeah, the air responsibles.
Yeah.
Yes, dude.
New air orderlies.
It's crazy because, you know, now they're in like the all white chunky fucking.
Yeah, they're cool.
Yeah.
And also, like, the stone wash, Levi's and shit.
So every 10 years, he's killing it.
Every 10 years, he's like, oh my God.
He's ahead of the game.
And he wears denim on denim.
I'm like, Pop, this is, you could go anywhere right now and look legit.
Yeah, he could go to the public house if he wanted to.
But then, like, another five years goes by, like, take an easy killer.
Check for blood stains.
Oh, that's so fucking funny.
That's funny.
He puts his shoes on right away.
No, it is a tactic.
It's a white trash tactic because you feel like you got to get moving.
You got to get moving.
Yeah.
And he did.
He sent his alarm like three minutes before he had to be at the fucking docks.
Yeah.
Just one stop for a coffee to pay.
He wasn't a slipper guy, I take it.
No.
Oh my God.
You seen his mustache?
Those guys don't wear fucking slippers.
I know.
Yeah, your dad's got a stash on him.
Your dad is blue-collar as it gets, I feel.
He had a bypass surgery today.
So shout out, Pop.
Shout out, Pop.
Quick healing or else I'm shaving that fucking thing off.
Put it in a glass cube and it's fully stung.
Guys, if you join the $100 Patreon to get Tommy's dad's mustache and fully stung.
Oh God, I'm sweating.
Yeah.
This is a really good time.
Fuck, this one's bananas.
And holey-yage.
Well, my wife started doing the shoes outside the hallway, which I don't approve of.
Yeah.
What's the rug situation when you come in?
I'm sorry, I keep doing this like a fucking grandma, but it's nice.
It's okay.
Yeah.
Although also that's what we were shitting on beforehand.
I know.
Yeah.
But outside, there better be a rug out there.
We got a rug outside.
That rug out there is not used properly then, right?
Unless everybody goes by the rules.
Rug outside, rug inside.
You're putting New York fucking bottoms on a rug that you're then putting your socks on.
Throw the socks out.
That's a smart man.
You operate under the same rules I do.
It's disgusting.
The more you think about it and you're taking these fucking sneakers and walking through
all this homeless shit.
At home with piss, blood, shit.
Yeah.
And then you're just throwing it right in.
The rug where you're eating and in two hours period, maybe one for you.
20 minutes for you.
Look over, he's eating his shoe.
Yeah.
He untucks a piece of pizza out of his pocket.
You got me thinking about that now, though.
Yeah.
No.
The pizza.
No, it's cool.
Once you get it in your head, that'll make you change.
We wipe and we wipe our shoe.
Whoa.
Whoa.
We wipe our shoe.
What's your ass before you get in?
Can't ruin a couch.
We wipe our feet on the rug before we get in.
We step in onto another rug, take our shoes off, and then go and put them over to the
side.
Yeah, that's okay.
I like that move.
But see outside, the roach or something could crawl into it.
A mouse or something could get in there.
A spider.
Oh, you mean outdoors.
He means outside of the apartment.
It's not like a fucking outing.
We're not leaving him out on the street.
Hey, nobody touches conferences.
Dude, I put eight pairs of fucking sneakers out the other day and they were gone in like
an hour.
Really?
Yeah, and it's side street in Queens, a story.
Just to get rid of them.
Just to get rid of them.
Yeah, because my girl was throwing stuff in trash cans.
I was like, go put it outside.
It doesn't matter what it is.
That's the thing in New York.
You put it outside, people take the shit right away.
I took a fucking ninja.
I ordered a new blender.
I put it right on the curb.
Oh, I thought you meant like a figurine or something.
You got kind of motif you got going on at the house.
You got to hang it right next to the pennants.
I put an old, it's running on the fucking one leg, dude, and it was still gone.
Just gone.
As long as you don't put it in the trash area, they know it's still usable.
Yeah, most buildings, if you keep it in the building, like bigger apartment complexes
have like a place like next to mailboxes.
They know to look over, yeah.
This is where we take our shit, or if you're outside, they do it.
See, I walked by like three or four pairs of lady shoes out in front of the door.
Sniff them.
I just need the left one.
No, I got into it.
I walked right by them and I was going to take them, but then I was like, ah, I got scared.
I stopped putting them outside of my apartment because we now have to put our recycling there
because this fucking heroin kid roots through everybody's trash the night before recycling.
So you can't put your bottles and cans out on the street because they go through.
Out on the side.
Yeah, we have a side compartment.
He opens the front gate, walks back there, rips the fucking cans, the bags open.
Leaves of, yeah.
Leaves it all.
Mayhem.
So now I got to sit this, which sometimes leak.
Oh, yeah.
You never caught this kid?
No, but one time I did.
And I did that thing like, my dad does this thing where he combines seven words in the one,
like if you said get out of there when you were, can you be like, ah!
Yeah.
Like so what?
Yeah, like you're talking to a horse or something.
If I hear him on the side right on the go, yeah!
And then he quick carries it.
Yeah, he scares him.
He grabs his son, kills him and hits him right.
And then he's like, you know, he's.
You're yelling at him over the window.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Yeah, heroin addicts don't get phased by much.
I saw one guy.
It was just so funny.
I don't know if he was drunk or something.
Yesterday I was walking down 42nd Street and he was out in front of a subway sandwich.
Fucking knocked dude laying on his back.
Yeah, I think he was drunk because he was having a good time and looked on his face like he
wasn't sleepy.
And some guy standing over him like, hey man, do you need help?
He's like, where am I?
And he goes, you're out front of the subway sandwich.
You're out front of the subway.
And he goes, I'm not on the subway.
I'm like, this guy's fucking hanging out dude.
It was like 2 PM on a Tuesday.
I gave a, this homeless dude was up front like a Steven Star restaurant.
He was like walking.
He was like, hey man, let me get down.
And I was like, do you hear a take?
I had like the easy $75 to $100 worth of leftovers.
It was very expensive.
And I was like, I can part ways with this.
I was at that perfect level drunk.
I'm like, I'm doing something good.
I handed it to him.
He opens it up, looks at it, looks at me and goes, he threw this fucking thing 40 feet
in the air backwards and I laughed so fucking hard.
Just what a power move.
Yeah.
Like he wanted to see you how good it looked and then he's like, fuck you.
Fuck you, you yuppie piece of shit.
That's what nobody's eating tonight.
Medium well, get the fuck out of here.
Oh, don't risk the crack.
What are they, shoestring potatoes or fuck out of here?
I said a dollar.
How am I going to do with this?
Harry Covet, fuck you.
Ducklerange, get the fuck out of here.
We were on Temple's campus one time and we ordered.
How was the kappachi here?
Fuck your mother.
He's got an expensive palette.
He's still homeless and wants to borrow your friend.
No sorbet?
What the fuck am I?
I'm sorry, Kevin.
It's all right.
I'm not getting back into that.
All right.
Let's see.
Got a couple of more here and we'll wrap her up.
This is from Jordan.
Have you ever refrigerated a Starbucks cold drink for the next day?
Yes.
Really?
Refrigerated a Starbucks cold drink.
You come in with three quarters because it's probably your second or third of the day.
It's got ice in it.
You're like, this is still good for the morning.
But the ice doesn't stay.
Hear me out.
I've done this before.
This is fucking white trash.
This guy's boncos.
Hold on.
I just want to say this is a fantastic question.
Home run of the question.
It is a great question.
Shout out, Carl.
Shout out, Paul.
Jordan.
Yuki.
Hear me out.
The water is displaced by the coffee.
You know those Coca-Cola candies, the gummy bear Coca-Cola?
Yeah, it looks like that kind of.
The water's at the top.
The water's at the top and you can siphon it with the straw.
So I concentrated.
What the fuck is wrong with you?
Get that water right the fuck out of it.
How about you just mix it up a little bit and drink it?
Nah, it's way too diluted because I want to put more ice in.
I don't know.
Do you spit it out or drink it?
The water?
Yeah.
Nah, there.
Nah!
What the fuck, dude?
That's nuts.
Yeah.
Or, I mean, dude, that's dirtbag shit.
You're siphon and all.
I think it's actually glassy.
Like it's an old Chevy.
Leave it in glassy.
Go buy it in glassy because they go get a fucking Starbucks.
Of course.
But hold on.
There's nothing wrong.
Listen, I'm not fucking Joey Siphon's over here.
I don't know what the fuck he's...
Sammy Siphon?
Yeah.
I don't know what he's talking about, but that is a great thing.
When you put it in there and it's cold, there might still be a little bit of ice in there.
What's better than having to start your day coffee that doesn't mean much to you to get to the one that matters?
You know?
What if it's a fucking...
Buddy, it's New York.
There's a Starbucks every 30 feet.
What are we doing?
Go get a fresh heat.
I don't even fuck with Starbucks no more.
You're drinking half empty, whatever you find in the streets and you're taking it home.
I know.
Would you get that Russian coffee you have?
Yeah.
This is from Moa.
From where?
It's a small boutique.
Oh, my God.
Got his hair done there.
You still cut your hair, right?
Yeah.
You do?
Yes, sir.
Every two weeks.
I mean, that's nuts.
No.
It's like working on your own Ferrari because you got a good head of hair.
You could really fuck that thing up.
That's what I'm saying.
That's good, though.
Thank you, Kev.
It's the ant touch.
This is where he goes.
Oh, really?
It's a chick trying to fuck.
He's going to start asking me for money.
That's what I'm dreading.
Did you make this cake yourself, Kev?
Hold on.
Before you two get caught up in the semantics of this, that, the other thing.
Yes, of course, Kevin.
The classy thing is to get one.
But doing that move, like Tommy said, if it's your third or fourth of the day and you don't
finish it, why waste it?
Throw it in there.
It's great the next day.
I've known people that if they're on their way home, they get a coffee.
They say they get a nice coffee.
They get a nice coffee.
Then they get a nice coffee with no ice.
They put that in the fridge.
That's a pro move.
I'll get your ass.
This right here is my third.
I'm not going to drink at all.
If I was around the corner from my home, I put it right in there, right in the fridge.
The hot stuff?
You'll put it in the fridge?
Hot stuff?
Once it comes to room temperature, because that's where bacteria lives.
Yeah.
And then I'll just add ice to it in the morning.
And then it's ice coffee.
Then it's ice coffee.
That I don't hate.
The siphon and water out.
Yeah, that sucks.
I just remember doing that a few times because the water differentiation was so high.
I was like, I can get rid of this.
I shouldn't have brought it up.
Check, please.
It's not that fucking interesting.
No, it's fucking bananas.
Crazy.
Well, now I bet you somebody does it.
I'm sure.
Don't write in.
Yeah.
This guy will try it.
This guy who has a specific question clearly does it.
Tell him to try it and tell him to respond to you guys.
And then you text me because I'll never listen to the show.
So we're roommates.
I wake up.
I walk into the kitchen.
I'm late on rent.
Yeah.
We're roommates.
I'm out the fucking window.
You can have my shit.
But I walk into the kitchen.
Oh, yeah, yeah.
That's, yeah.
I'd be concerned.
Yeah.
It's a tough one.
Yeah, I'd wait until no one's home.
Doing the bathroom.
No one's looking.
You can't shake it up.
It has to be right out of the source.
Trust me.
You can't muddy the water, dude.
Easy.
Easy.
Easy does it.
That's bananas.
I love it.
All right.
Let's see here.
This is from Dixon Butts.
I don't think that's his government name.
Have you ever bought something from a vending machine that you didn't want, but you bought
it because you were going to get a possibility of a twofer?
Like you saw that it was double stacked or one hanging and you were going to get the bonus.
I don't think I've ever.
That's a great question.
Gone out of my way to do that.
I don't think I would remember if I did.
Yeah.
That seems like something up your alley.
I was kind of deferring this one to you.
Yeah.
I'll shut up.
I'm pretty specific when it comes to the vending machines.
And I'll take everything.
The only thing.
A through E.
One through 10.
Bingo.
Give me the lock.
Come on.
B2.
Don't screw me.
Yeah.
That usually happens when it was like a pack of Lorna Dunes cookies or some doll or like
the lifesavers or something.
I ain't fucking with that now.
You buying hard lifesavers?
Is this the 90s?
Are you saying recently bought lifesavers out of a fucking vending machine?
I bought lifesavers out of a vending machine within the last five years.
Wow.
Yeah.
Wow.
Yeah.
You don't like a little hard candy instead of getting mints to get a thing of them.
Oh my gosh.
Wait.
I was thinking the mint.
You're doing pure regs hard lifesavers.
Oh my God.
I didn't know they still fucking.
What are we in the depression?
What the fuck is doing there?
That's crazy.
That's that Skittle star bar and you're going fucking regs lifesavers.
Sometimes I like a lifesaver.
What do you want?
The last time I had a hard lifesaver was in a stocking for Christmas.
Sounds like a good year.
That was your big gift.
That got his bones, its ears.
I can't believe I got a half a pack of lifesavers.
Oh dude.
You just jam that thing full like dollar candy and it's like, man, mom and dad are doing
good.
Oh yeah.
Yeah.
You know it's like Russell Stover's and fucking shitty pin mints.
You're like, holy shit.
I didn't even get to Santa's stuff yet.
That's the best year ever.
Good.
I remember one or two years they like, I don't know if it was my step-mar somebody.
I remember opening like individually wrapped small, like say they got your batteries for
the remote, whatever.
Bingo.
They would individually wrap one year.
They must have time on their hands or something.
Wrap each battery?
Battery?
No, no.
But in like whatever was in the stocking was wrapped, which was like, I felt like, yeah.
Never.
I loved it.
I was like, this is great.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
It was just to keep your dumb ass occupied thinking you got more shit.
Yeah.
But yeah, when it worked, I'm just talking about it now, fucking 25 years later.
One of the things was.
Got up to 92.
One of the things was the remote control.
Fucking need that.
That's for the family.
That's how you know your dad's all fucked up.
Wraps up something he really needs.
I thought you had fun just putting the batteries in or something.
Telling it's a gun.
I never, I never remember my dad not being hungover on fucking Christmas.
He would come down like a half hour, 45 minutes after my mom.
Really?
Sitting there with their coffee, waiting on big Steve to get down the steps like.
And did you have to wait to open presents?
Keep your mouth down.
You don't have to be screaming.
We get it.
You like it.
Stop screaming.
Sounds like a fun guy.
Nah, he was great.
Once it wears off.
Put jammers and boots on.
Pair of timbos and a flannel set.
Hey, would you work boots?
Just loosen up a little bit.
There's some quiche in the kitchen.
We weren't allowed to walk downstairs until they were downstairs in position.
And that was brutal.
Jesus.
Yeah, waiting for my daddy out of the can.
Yeah.
So I can check out the G.I. Joe.
Dropping off a heater and a cigarette.
I want to see what the new recruits look like.
All right, let's do one more here.
This was big, big, big in my family.
This was from Alex.
Have you ever used a can of frozen juice concentrate?
Yes, of course.
Which I mean was the 90s.
That's all I did.
Yeah.
That's all I knew what juice was.
That was our lemonade.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
We did orange juice that way.
The lemonade was great.
The tropicana orange juice.
We made iced tea with the frozen lemonade.
My mother would make the tea, Lipton tea bags.
Hot boil.
And then she would take the like a Tom Collins or Arnold Palmer.
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
And then she would take the frozen.
And do like a half and half.
Half and half.
That's pretty fucking classy.
Genius.
That's why I got hooked on tea cooler.
Swiss farms tea cooler.
Fuck it, delicious.
What's Swiss farms?
In my early 20s, all I drank was tequila.
That's why Tommy's twisted.
And tequila and tea cooler.
What's tea cooler?
It's iced tea and lemonade.
It's on a palm.
Okay.
Who calls it tea?
You mix it with tequila, dude.
Who calls it tea cooler, though?
Swiss farms.
Oh, oh, oh.
Swiss farms.
I got you.
I know exactly who you're talking about.
The plastic.
Yeah, the gallon.
The gallon.
The fucking form.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
The drive through.
Is that in vodka or that in tequila?
Tequila.
So good, dude.
Damn.
Yeah, for five, six years, that was my shit.
And look how you turned out.
That's great, Tom.
Oh, come on.
Scaring heroin addicts out of the alley.
All right, let's wrap it up.
Gang, what a fantastic episode, Tommy.
Thank you so much for coming in and sitting with us.
I love you.
Anything you want the folks out there
to know you got coming up?
No, there's a couple of fun things
I can't really talk about,
but Tommy J. Pope on Twitter and Instagram.
That's it.
Very nice.
Kip, what do you got for him?
Guys, at Kevin Ryan Company and also Shamedia,
also follow the Are You Garbage pages
at Are You Garbage on Twitter and Instagram.
Guys, the cards, the live shows
at Raleigh and Nashville.
Good nights.
Good nights and Zanies.
And yeah, patreon.com.
We're looking forward to it.
Come out and see your show, gang.
It's a good place.
We love you guys.
Peace.