Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast - Wasp Attack w/ Kippy & Foley

Episode Date: August 19, 2024

Are You Garbage is back with Kippy and Foley for a family episode to answer your garbage questions from Patreon. Its a fun one! Thanks for watching AYG Comedy Podcast. Love youse guys. Come to a live ...show! AYG Live Show Tickets: https://punchup.live/areyougarbage/tickets Live Shows: https://punchup.live/areyougarbage/tickets PATREON: https://www.patreon.com/AreYouGarbage MERCH: https://areyougarbage.com/ Mint Mobile: https://www.MintMobile.com/GARBAGE Aura Frames: https://auraframes.com Promo Code: garbage Pretty Litter: https://www.prettylitter.com/garbage Blue Chew: https://bluechew.com/ Promo Code: Garbage Comedians H. Foley and Kevin Ryan are self proclaimed GARBAGE. Each week a new stand up comedian gets put to the test. Steal shampoo from hotels? Own a George Foreman Grill? Ever worn JNCO Jeans? Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

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Starting point is 00:00:00 Hachi-machi New York City and the surrounding areas. We got a brand new show coming to the Gramercy Theater August 27th. We're gonna have some of our favorite guests come on and answer your garbage questions live. Yeah, I'm not supposed to say anything, but we got Mark Norman, Ari Shaffir, and Big J. Okerson. All tickets available at rugarbage.com. We'll see you there. Kipi Mint Mobile. Mint Mobile, Mint Mobile, Mint Mobile. You know it, say it three times, Ryan Reynolds will appear. Boing! Boing-oing-oing-oing-oing. Saw that Wolverine there and I can't be mint mobile mint mobile mint mobile, you know, it's say it three times Ryan Reynolds are up here
Starting point is 00:00:26 Oh, yeah, you're you're you're you're saw that Wolverine there night kid can't miss Yeah, mint mobile dang do yourself a favor get over to mint mobile. You're paying too much for your phone bill You know that we know that $15 a month. They got starting out you buy three months 45 beans breaks up to 15 easy peasy What do we do? Yeah beans breaks up to 15 easy peasy what are we doing? Yeah say bye to your overpriced wireless plans and switch to Mint Mobile. Mint Mobile is here to rescue you and your squad with premium wireless starting at just 15 bucks a month. These dudes have cracked the matrix.
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Starting point is 00:01:27 you're watching your old naughty videos. To get this new- Emails, faxes. To get this new customer offer with your new three month premium wireless plan for just 15 bucks a month, go to mintmobile.com slash garbage. That's mintmobile.com slash garbage.
Starting point is 00:01:40 Cut your wireless bill to 15 bucks a month, mintmobile.com slash garbage. A $45 up for a payment is required. it's the equivalent of $15 a month go for new customers on a first three months plan only speed slower above 40 gigabytes on unlimited plan additional taxes fees and restrictions apply see mint mobile for details do it welcome to another exciting edition of are you garbage the show where you find out if your favorite comedians are classy individuals or absolute trash. Now here are your hosts, Kevin Ryan and H Foley.
Starting point is 00:02:17 Hey, everybody out there and welcome back to everybody's favorite podcast. This is R U Garbage. Oh, yeah. It's that little show we sit down with your favorite comedians and we find that the group to be classy. Yeah. Just a big old piece of trash. Trash, trash, trash. I'm your host, Tate Trulli, coming at you on a beautiful day. We're out back here at Tooties in the new edition. She just picked up a
Starting point is 00:02:36 part-time job over at the high school. Okay. Defensive coordinator. Gonna be running a four-three this year. Hell of a squad. Nickelback. Mike O is coming at you from across the table. He is the CEO of RU Garbage. He is an international businessman and my best pal in the whole wide world. Give it up for KJ. Kevin James Ryan, everybody. What up, gang?
Starting point is 00:02:57 Thanks for tuning in. First things first, please make sure you review, subscribe on iTunes. Full video available on YouTube. As you know, those numbers are true. The roof, baby, cooking. And obviously my favorite website of all time, you go over there to www dot patreon dot com slash R.E. Garbage and you can get up to two point four bajillion hours worth of bonus content over there. I'm talking weekly bonus episodes, AYG weekly
Starting point is 00:03:20 episodes of hard feelings. Then we got, I don't know, about about 20 30 just proper bonus videos over there at least Cooking baby. I love it and gang our good pal. Toby McMullen is no longer with the show We wish him the best of luck. We were gonna be supporting him and anything he does We hope you guys do the same filling in for him You look like a kid that just went up to the cockpit How do you fly this thing new guy Luke everybody? Working the once and twos there. He is guy Luke. Hey kid is this where I speak now. This is your time
Starting point is 00:03:54 I put up like an arm when I have something to say you take your Invisalign out. Look at those chompers He's you like George Washington sitting back there. Yeah gang We're here for what we call a little family episode just the the boys, the bozos and the homies, just the way we like it. I've been doing battle over at my place. OK, I mean, I don't know. I don't know with who or with what, but I guarantee it. You ain't winning wasps. No, buddy.
Starting point is 00:04:20 No. Where? I got an insurgency going on over at my place. So up on the roof. Nice joint you got. I've been spending a lot of time by the ductwork. That's where I that's where I catch my heaters over by the broiler up on the roof. The railing is steel pipes, right? Yeah. And architect you are they're open. Like, oh, that's where they get you. you and I don't know I really been putting it off for like weeks You got a book you smoke them out or something. I saw a couple a few weeks ago I'm gonna get to it. I got to get the wasp ray
Starting point is 00:04:54 I got to get the wasp ray that has that long little red thing so I can fucking squirt in there and get them You're not quick enough to get away if they turn on you. I'm aware of that dude I was in Def ConON 4 or whatever. Whatever the bad one is. I was jammed up. I waited too long. And then I got some wasp spray and I went up there and man. Just went to war with them.
Starting point is 00:05:17 But I couldn't get in there. They kept coming out and getting away. That was all, listen, what you're not a, you know, you're usually, what you should do is use your your charm You're a very charming guy. What am I gonna do crowd work on it? You should infiltrate this infiltrate the nest make them think you're one of them and then take over inside job corporate takeover It's that guy's pretty cool. Hey, we're on the streets. You got good connect. No. I just nuked them I went in there got him in there went the other side
Starting point is 00:05:42 But now I feel like they they flew over to the fence And now there's a couple over there. I don't know if they have like a what happened sex with my buddy get out of you I don't know if they had a side base or something like that, but they're still kind of up there Uh-huh that waspray is toxic man. Yeah, that's all my fingers. I put my I picked my nose, dude I could smell it for two days dark flying Dude, I could smell it for two days. They start flying out. That'll kill you. Yeah, man.
Starting point is 00:06:06 Not a guy of your size. That's got to be a lot of wasps. Get a half a can in me. You don't have anything like that down there. No, I got nothing in the bird. You're going to get them. I got some birds. We got some birds in the gutters.
Starting point is 00:06:19 Birds in the gutter. That's a new punk band coming out. Yeah, we got a... There's a bird's nest under the gutter guard in the gutter. And I just let them be. That's, you know, that's what I'm gonna do. That's nice. So then a baby falls out though,
Starting point is 00:06:32 then you're jammed up and you gotta take care of it. Yeah, I'll cross that bridge when I get to it. But back, that reminded me, I don't know if you guys, back in the day, spent a lot of times just like in the woods or whatever, smoking cigs, you know, like eighth grade summer. What varsity athletes do? Yeah, eighth grade summer,
Starting point is 00:06:46 seventh, sixth to eighth grade summer, you got nothing going on, you got no day job, you're not working yet. Sure. You know what I mean? So just wake up, we'd fucking, you know. Rip heaters by the creek. Yeah, try to get our hands on some heaters, go out by the creek, maybe someone could, you know,
Starting point is 00:06:58 snag a couple of brewskis or something. Sure. From the house. You got nothing but time. Nice bottle of Amaretto. I remember, I think I said Vinny with the skinny in August. It was my birthday. It must have been like my 13th birthday. He stole a bottle of... It was just your birthday, by the way.
Starting point is 00:07:14 Happy birthday, pal. It was just my birthday. What are you, 38? 38. Woo! Look at you. Airline 56. You don't.
Starting point is 00:07:24 Yeah. Waistline. What is your waist? 38? is your waist 30 36 is but I'm under the I'm under the I'm under the pouch I'm not going over. Oh, I went over the pouch. I'd be I know 52 or so. I'm over the pouch. Yeah, it's not a great Look, I don't know what to do You got me dude. You got fat math teacher waist that thing is screaming. I thought about it though. I am 50. I'm 48. I don't got to worry about that shit now. No, do you?
Starting point is 00:07:50 I'm gross. You're not doing this from a wheelchair. Wheelie in here, prop you up. Calling it a rascal. But dude, finding, I remember one time we found a monster bee's nest. This thing was, I mean, this was the size. I don't like bees.
Starting point is 00:08:04 This was the size of like a five gallon bucket. It must have just been there for years. In the tree? In the tree, probably about 25 feet up and I mean we, for a week and a half, went to war with this thing. Rocks and shit? Yeah, just rocks. So dumb. Through tennis balls. That's how they got Macaulay Calkin in my group. I know, his glances, he can't see without his glances. He's dead! He's not gonna need glances where he's going. I respect bees, I love bees, I love honey, I know what they do. What are you running for fucking mayor?
Starting point is 00:08:34 I'm just saying, I'm scared of them. And wasps, forget about it, they serve no social contribution. At least bees are kinda cute, wasps are proper evil bumblebee scare me, too The one with the yeah, they're like flying dogs. Those things are huge those things got some they got some weight to them But I heard they don't bite. I think they bite they can bite and not sting or something They can bite not we get a they have a retractable stinger the bumblebee wait the Wolverines Yeah, the big fuzzy guy. Yeah, they come back in and out Oh, they don't they don't die when I don't think they die. Oh, I think the worker bees do might as well be a goddamn
Starting point is 00:09:10 Because everybody told us that we were a kid bumblebees don't sting and Mike my buddy Mikey Brown We were sucking down a couple of chocolate tacos Like a varsity athlete in town line and One one on the back of his knee and somebody's like don't worry They don't sting and this thing lit him up, dude. You thought he got sniper'd it was yeah, but yeah It's just the drones that don't have the the like in between bumblebees, you know, not the big dogs Okay, not the drone the drones the worker bees. I Love all that stuff. But was was are evil. They don't do nothing.
Starting point is 00:09:46 They don't serve any purpose, I don't think. No, and they also- Neither do I for that matter. Still. They're like the poison sumac of bees. That was like, you know, remember how like, I got poison, watch out, there's sumac in there. You got poison or poison oak?
Starting point is 00:10:00 Was it poison oak and poison sumac? Poison ivy's the regular one. That was like the boogeyman Fucking you just hear tales of that stuff getting a kid two schools over poison ivy was alright That was you could that's matter you get sumac you're ended up down in Children's Hospital, dude You're fucking GM. I was always amazing people could recognize it my mom would be like that's poison oak don't touch it Who do you bear grills over there smoking it? Twisted I used to get that shit so bad.
Starting point is 00:10:26 I was so allergic to poison ivy. Anyway, jammed up over there with the wasp situation. Why are you calling a pro? What? Calling a professional exterminator. Hey, come get these guys. I thought you meant like LeBron or somebody. Hey, when you dunk on these dudes.
Starting point is 00:10:40 Steph Curry in there. Light them up with some threes. To not afford them. Yeah. But that's either here or there, gang. we got a gosh darn family episode on our hands as you know when you sign up for The patreon we will answer your garbage questions on the air When let's do that now. This is from will you I don't know why I transitioned like that and with your help We'll do it. We'll get those bees
Starting point is 00:11:01 This is from William Never have one read parentheses not lying, which I think a lot of people started lying about saying they respect the move Hey, buddy, it's just not I got three days to live a lot of them start changing their names and stuff Respect shout out to the homies is it garbage you have to stop your dad and uncle from a fistfight while camping Dad made a comment about my aunt's boobs almost came to blows. Holy shit. Dude, you know that's it. The fire's going. He's been staring at them all day. He's got about nine Miller lights. And he goes, hey, set of cans on her, huh? Like next thing you got a bite of neck. That's, I mean...
Starting point is 00:11:40 Couple of picnic baskets over there. Hello. Hey, hey, boo boo. That's I mean couple of picnic baskets over there. Hello Hey boo-boo, that's always scary When when oh when it when you're a kid and adults turn on each other? Yeah I've never if you're like yell at me, you know what I mean, but sure I never had that my my uncles and my dad That was never ever anything remotely like that It was a couple of times Legal purposes we have to move on a couple of back rubs. Oh really hot tub going something like get your hands off my wife Nah yeah, we've never uh let's just say Tucker T. Had a couple of Jenny cream ales in them
Starting point is 00:12:22 Got a little affectionate Patty did not like that over Patty was taking her hoops out problem it was the 80s sure they were all swinging back then okay all right really I can't talk about this. All right. That was, we would always, you know, my family's very big, so the cousins, you know, all the aunts and uncles and then the cousins generation spans from like, at one point, like infants to like, 28 year olds. These are Kenzo dirt balls.
Starting point is 00:12:58 Yeah, we're talking about- All due respect. We're talking about Irish yaks without a goddamn future. Man. And anytime one of like the older cousins would bring, because there are a couple good-looking guy cousins who would land some, you know. Sure. And there's a thing in our family where a lot of the dudes marry up. A lot of the guys are swinging out of their weight class. Gotcha. So they would, you know, there would be a new girl. Socially. Social class. They'd get a couple rich broads. No, just better looking than they are. Yeah, and
Starting point is 00:13:26 There would be some times really, you know, so and so would roll in with somebody only, you know The new flavor of the month or whatever and all the uncles would be like, ah Fucking out tongues are on the floor. It's like buddy. What do we do is a goddamn Thanksgiving dinner? I gotta say grace get the yams cooking. Let's get up. Yeah, have you seen? It's like, yeah, I seen. Oh, we all saw it. Christmas mask, I gotta say. Day of the Lord.
Starting point is 00:13:53 It's not my fault she's got them hanging out. You wear a low, who wears a low cut top, low cut top to Christmas Eve. She's got her belly button ring out. It's Easter, she's in a bikini. What do you want from me? I'm all jacked up on honey-baked ham. Can only do, hey, I'm only aed up on honey baked ham and only do hey
Starting point is 00:14:05 I'm only a man at the end of the day Yeah, that was always uh you know any time a new person came in you were like hot. That's a tough look That's like when Tony and Bobby got into it on the Sopranos They beat the shit out of each other when they were up at the mountain house. Yeah, but the lake house And talk about ruining a vacation Did you ever have that? Where's whatever it is? Yeah.
Starting point is 00:14:27 Did you ever have where the vacation got cut short? Like one of the families left because of some type of whatever well, we would do ours with no, we never really went on like like I said before, we never really went on vacations. We were just down the shore a lot. It was like get down the shore someone's got a family ever to leave early. That's it.
Starting point is 00:14:42 We're leaving. Oh really or like that's it. Oh, yeah, this just happened. Not that long Yeah, like I've had to deal I've had to deal with like give me the keys. You're not right It's 2 30 and the more you're not going back to Philly. Give me the keys sleep it off sleep on a couch Whatever you're fucking double just you're not going home. I can't let that happen fighting over Almore game Jerry Blavitt. Yeah, we never had anything like that. There was a couple of lines crossed of Other parents parenting other kids but nothing major My mom was real paranoid and I remember my one
Starting point is 00:15:18 Uncle family friend wanted to take the kids at a beach and go boogie boarding And I think my brother was like 13 at the time. My mom freaked out. You're not going to the beach and go boogie boarding. And I think my brother was like 13 at the time, my mom freaked out, you're not going to the beach without me, no. And like made a whole big stink about it. Yeah. Dumb broad. Shut up.
Starting point is 00:15:34 I love you, Patty. Patty's, you really got Patty's number this week. Woo, wee, she's a good kid. I, yeah, no, there was always, I mean like we're a big drinking family. So the cousins, like my generation, right. So, like, now let's say we go out drink at this point, a little settled. We're a little older at this point, but in our 20s.
Starting point is 00:15:56 Right. So you have all of my. They'd all tune you up, right? I get fucked up. You're the weakest link in the squad. I don't know. Probably the young kids. So a lot of the women, a lot of the women my you my cousin Mikey He's the next youngest one under me and he would fucking his hands are like dry Fuck me up. I don't kick your ass though for public appearances I don't know if I was telling the other day all my younger cousins would Well, the thing is they all so we'd all go out drinking and they all marry all the girl cousins like my sisters
Starting point is 00:16:26 And all my good like that age group. There's a couple they all married like fucking You know guys who hang sheetrock and all your cousins scare me. They all have like flame tattoos They all they're all like they're they're all tatted up. They're all fucking you know after a couple of Heineken's they start close talking Get their arm over it. They're getting grilled by a detective. Yeah, all right. How much you make? What?
Starting point is 00:16:50 But there's been a lot of times where like so. No filter either, man you're getting big, huh? Ah dude, everybody, that's the number one question. Ah, how's the pot going good man? Foley got big, huh, or whatever. Good test. Sons of bitches. Asked me to christen this kid last week,
Starting point is 00:17:07 can you believe that? But there'd be times where they get out, someone, myself or somebody, my brother, you know. And every, someone, there's a point where it has to get broken up at some point. Where like, you know, you go, why easy, go home. We would just get, every once in a while, mom would get too drunk and start crying.
Starting point is 00:17:27 All right, so it happens from time to time. You've been talking to nice dudes. The guys were always real respectful and like never, never went there at all. There was never any like competition or whatever. They had a strong united front and they were usually pretty on the same page about everybody. If they didn't like this one or love that one or whatever sure yeah every
Starting point is 00:17:48 once in a while somebody would you know one of the moms would get a little too much bad-ass hells plane or something like that meatloaf yeah paradise by the dashboard light and all of a sudden I remember I remember one of them started crying down the shore my uncle Mike I was was like, what's up with her? And he's like, alcohol is a depressant. Woo! Hit me with that. Doggy. I was six at the time.
Starting point is 00:18:09 Ha ha ha, never looked at it. Killing my buzz, dude. Ha ha ha. You should make me one of them Schlitzes. Ha ha ha. Get a couple of tears going. Kit, what's song about Aura Frame? Woo, shout out to that Aura!
Starting point is 00:18:21 We take a lot of pictures. Yeah, I take a lot of pictures. Nobody ever looks at them? No. You know how you can get around that? Tell me, Fatso. Share with the family? Yeah.
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Starting point is 00:18:43 You hear what I said? Yeah, it's a solid product. Every one of my- every fucking female in my family has one my mom my sister-in-law Talk about mother-in-law no brainer gift. What do when I go on though when I go on the road? I set one up at home, and I said I upload tasteful nudes for my wife. Oh be whole stuff deeper interested It's a scare the mice away guys. It's it's a meaningful present. It doesn't take a lot of thought It's very easy if you got a lady a mother a daughter a sister anybody in your life And you want something where to go oh, I've seen this the sister Mary Katherine has one bada bing bada boom right now Or a or yeah, or is having their very first friends and family sale And we've got an exclusive offer they offer for our listeners for a limited time. You can get $35 off their best selling frame by visiting
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Starting point is 00:19:42 Pretty little. You know, when it's hot outside and you go over to somebody's house and they have they have a cat. Oh We keep put you're trying to eat a hamburger Like a gosh darn porta potty not with pretty litter You don't even know the cats in there could be in there dropping a deuce. You wouldn't even know it no clue They're raw dog. Uh-huh. We love pretty. Me and the bird use it. The cat loves it. Smells great. No clumping.
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Starting point is 00:20:50 Yeah. Do it. All right, let's see, this one's from Machin, or Machine, I don't know. $10 complete bozo here. Are you garbage if you pack your sandwich in an empty chip bag if you're out of normal sandwich bags? Dude.
Starting point is 00:21:03 Woo! They are talking about you in the break room. If you pull, dude, if you pull a hoagie out of a Doritos bag, that is a... You get the Cool Ranch sparkles on it. That might, that would be a good seasoning. Add a little flavor. Add a little flavor.
Starting point is 00:21:18 Man, we used to do... Those are generic brand chips, by the way. For sure. Those are... For sure. I always hated the... That's a tortilla chip You get in the oats party mix it is a regular tortilla chips. Yeah, no, that's like that in the pretzels get out of here It's like taking communion those things those things
Starting point is 00:21:39 You got a kneel afterwards I always hate it in growing up the flip bag. The one that didn't have a that's all we grew up with. They sucked. Never worked. Always get fucked up. My mom could do it. That and Saran Wrap. You got to have three kids to work Saran Wrap. They haven't. Dude, I end up like a mouse in a glue trap when I'm working with Saran Wrap. They haven't improved that one bit. It's still a nightmare to get to get the Saran wrap off. Yeah.
Starting point is 00:22:07 It never works. Mm-hmm. I love when somebody does tin foil really well. Moms could always get a tight seal. You put that thing in space. Yeah. You get a tight seal on that. I used to, there was a time when a friend of mine,
Starting point is 00:22:18 or they own a butcher, like a meat store, and I would wrap the meat. And that, like, you know, oh, man. And then you have to break the egg. I'm always amazed how they wrap hoagies. I got to, dude, that like you know, oh man and then you have to I'm always amazed how they wrap hoagies. I got a dude the hoagie is a drum but growing a spliff No popping in that thing. We were a big tin foil family setting up your crack out of Setting up the metal detectors at school
Starting point is 00:22:41 Just my sandwich everything would be in tin foil the sandwich would be in tin foil and she thought that if you wrapped a cold soda in tin foil it would stay colder. My one buddy Derek would do, he would show up and I would be like, gee I had a warm Coke. What are you eating a robot? Dude I had a warm Coke that ruined my peanut butter sandwich every day. Oh that sucks. I take it out and be wrapped around the can of coke like fuck Jesus Christ, sitting here eating a half pipe up. The difference between a warm soda and a cold soda Oh my god, so you're living in the 1600s. That shit sucks Yeah, I was uh that was that was my go-to. Did you guys have lunch boxes? That was dork shit to me by that point. Who are you? Did you guys, you guys, I guess, tough to get an angle back here. Did you guys watch TV when you were a kid?
Starting point is 00:23:35 Do we have lunch boxes? Yeah, an 18 lunch box, the thermos always. That was very crisp. Remember when you were in the Beatles? Ummm... That was awesome. No that was... I had a new kid jibing in, I like it. Still training! I need a safety vest on. You're like the waiter that's training behind the waiter. I used to hate that.
Starting point is 00:24:00 I hated being the guy that was training, the guy that was getting trained, and if it ever happens when I'm at a restaurant. What's up, I'm Steve, this is Bill, I hate that. I hated being the guy that was training, the guy that was getting trained, and if it ever happens when I'm at a restaurant. What's up? I'm Steve. This is Bill. He's going to stay in here and creep you out for a couple of minutes. It's brutal. And dude, I had to do that as a busboy, which it's like, dude, there's not, it's not that hard. We'll figure, take the plate.
Starting point is 00:24:19 This is Kevin. He's an idiot. I do. This is Kevin. He'll be eating the rest of your hamburger after my tucked in shirts coming out my fly. It was always such a ruse in restaurant. I'm wearing dude, I'd be a 14 year old wearing my dad's clothes in their bus and table. You tow the line for like a couple of weeks. It's like, you know, it's all professional at first. You know, like this is Bill.
Starting point is 00:24:43 I'm going to be doing coke with him in a couple of weeks. I'm going to party. Uh-huh. Oh, yeah. That was, man, I remember the first time I was working. I was in college. I was a freshman in college. I was working at a high-end restaurant down there
Starting point is 00:24:57 in Center City, Philadelphia. I didn't know this. Yeah. What? Portofino. Ooh. Yeah, very. You didn't tell me that. I'm sure I did.
Starting point is 00:25:06 How am I just finding out about... I'm sure I did. I know the pizza place. What pizza place? The pizza place that you worked at as a kid. Santo Palato? Yeah. Rest in peace. I think it's now called Pizzaland or something like that. Dude, for some reason... Chinese came in and bought it out. In my hometown, a bunch of generic ass pizza places, all of...
Starting point is 00:25:24 Like they took over the one, there was like IG's Pizzeria, like all these like, you know, and it's like pizza world, pizza land, pizza city. I'm like, what are we doing here? You worked at Portofino as a server? It's Porto, Luke, can you see if Porto, no, as a bus boy. As a fucking 19 year old bus boy. Yikes.
Starting point is 00:25:41 Can you see if Portofino in Philadelphia is still, it can't be, that had to be- You were the hostess? Look up, John. I got to look up. My uncles are coming in staring at my teeth. Permanently closed. Permanently closed.
Starting point is 00:25:52 Man, when you see that, it's never good. That's the kippy bump for you right there, gang. There was three reviews on Facebook. I was like, I don't think this is working out. I mean, you were in the restaurant industry back in Philly at that point. I was. I was a swanky place. Well, you were working there when I knew you know yeah, I would have been before two or three years before I met you okay?
Starting point is 00:26:10 I remember a port of feet. I'm gonna try to get a job there shot. Yeah, I saw you walk in I said that is dude staying looks like he smells He's got a bad attitude on I've ever heard these myths for everyone you're waiting for a while When I was trying to find a job I think in New York when I got up here somebody had told me like an old manager and said When you go in for the interview Dress like a waiter like wear like a uniform like wear like black pants and a white shirt
Starting point is 00:26:41 That and that seems to make sense. No it always backfires. Because I didn't have a job and I go in and they'd be like, are you, where you working at now? I'm like, no I'm not working now. Do you just dress like a waiter in your off time? Dude, now that I think about it, you at least had to lie and said you were working. That's crazy. I just got off a brunch shift, something. I just wanted to let you know I'm ready to go. got to get the guest checkbook and then Where's your name? Hey Bryce Harper walking around in the uniform? Hey, you gotta dress for the job you want you know what I mean? That's a too thin undershirt. That's not just a white shirt
Starting point is 00:27:17 That's like tooth. Yeah, you're like you can see your belly Under the button-down shirt no you were just wearing a white undershirt. You just got off a shift. You had stains all on your pants and shit. Had a fighter helmet on. Yeah, that's a tough look. But yeah, I worked at Portofino. I forgot why I started that story,
Starting point is 00:27:39 but I did work at Portofino. And I remember there was a tight crew of waiters that worked there at that time. Gotcha. And they invited me out one night cause I was underage. Like, and they were like, cause like, they were like, I was like, you know, I'm a pretty good,
Starting point is 00:27:56 nice guy to hang around with, funny. Got a couple of riffs here and there, a couple of bits popping around. And they were like, yo, we were having a drink at the thing or whatever. I don't know, maybe don't maybe pen and pencil that's a big Philly I was like a writers bar yeah it became a I don't know they were going we were going they were they were going down to Finn McCool's that right remember Finn McCool's right down the street a good blow and I know I went there and it was
Starting point is 00:28:22 just like it turned into like out at the restaurant. It was pretty they were pretty tight laced because it was like a pretty, you know, there's a guy who ran a tight ship. So like and then I got there and they were all like fucking making out with it. It was like spring break when we walked in. They were all making out, doing blah. It was servers gone wild. And like I used to date Tiffany.
Starting point is 00:28:41 She's now with Steve. And then dude, then the cook show up and that's that that's the fucking big dick walking in the room The second the cooks got there like motorhead rolled in Fucking let me at the end of the bar. Yeah, they the cooks are those guys always closed the chef for the cooks Yeah, they went of course. They all they always got all the hot servers. Mm-hmm always you too You're in there. So how long you been cooking? Shutting it some taters All right, let's see here this one's from penny mustard stains $10 humy never had one read
Starting point is 00:29:19 Shout out to you is it garbage if your mom sent you to first grade with your crayons in a crown royal bag Oh, he said the teachers had to call it in Is it garbage if your mom sent you to first grade with your crayons in a crown royal bag? Oh? They said the teachers had to call it in That's bad, dude, that's Those are they were all broken There was no wrapper on it was sharp either May that always that always made me that sucked when you Opened up and like you just had like it's a different thing at that point when it gets all filed down it's a Different thing yeah, I feel like a charcoal artist. Yeah, I mean it's like it's all in your hand the papers off
Starting point is 00:29:51 Even even the ones that came with the sharpener. It is never the same a fresh crayon Flat top there was nothing better than like outlining something with that I felt like and then do anything real nice a nice box 64-pack Let's go I remember feeling genuinely like we had like generational wealth when I got that six I was showing people and Christmas. I was taking it to my cousin's house. You know get a load of this sky blue Not that eight pack bullshit. You're pushing that you get stole from TGI Fridays get out of here. I'm talking a heavy bike That's trashy man, that's a tough look that's a tough but I mean like also what are we doing it's not like the first graders drinking you know what I mean it's like why you
Starting point is 00:30:34 gotta call that in it's a mom trying to make good a clear that she can't afford the 64 pack yeah I don't know man a crown the liquor in liquor in school? Liquor, liquor paraphernalia? That's contra, man. It's probably the 80s, who gives a fuck? I'm saying everybody drunk, who cares? Teacher's probably doing yip. Got his lunch in a weed box. A little shake in there.
Starting point is 00:30:57 All right, let's see, this one's from True North Trash. Is it garbage for the wedding party to get steaks and everyone else got burgers? Talk about gut and goss. That's messed up. Dude, burgers at a wedding seems crazy. Sliders at a wedding. As an hors d'oeuvre, as a past hors d'oeuvre. Sure. Burgers at a wedding? Who the hell wants to dance after eating a burger? If everybody's sleeping in the back, might as well be serving turkey. Bunch of whoppers. Texas barbecue burger.
Starting point is 00:31:27 I don't think I've ever been to a burger at a wedding. Anything separate is weird. Anything where... They get something, you get something. Yeah, at that point, just make it kitschy and everyone's got burgers. Ah, we're doing it low key, we're cutting. Burgers at a wedding.
Starting point is 00:31:43 We got burgers. Burgers at a wedding is wild that dude. That's insane. I had to have fries It's probably fries or a salad. Those are the choices probably tots got tot it up mashed potatoes They're just doing the best potatoes or steaks. I love a burger with a mash, but yeah, really? Oh, I don't think I've ever had it That's too heavy, dude. That's it's a nice. You're doing take a nap. Are you doing great? Oh, it's great. I don't think I've ever had it. Oh, that's too heavy, dude. That's a nice. You gotta take a nap after. You're doing gravy on it? I would, yeah. Would you put it on the burger? Not an animal. I would do that. I would do that. That would be my first move, maybe. Kind of like ketchup. Yeah. Like whip it up, make a little whip,
Starting point is 00:32:17 and then... I didn't think to do that. That's what I would do. If you're doing both of them, you're doing that. I didn't think to do that until I caught wind of the Thanksgiving on a roll, putting mashed potatoes on a sandwich, which I didn't discover until pretty late in life. What mashed potatoes on a sandwich? No, the Thanksgiving on a roll. That's newer. Yeah.
Starting point is 00:32:36 Once like while, I mean like restaurants started doing it. The gobbler. The gobbler. Yeah, I never thought to do it. Now you just have them on the side. I remember crushing a gobbler. Oh man, getting so sleepy. I think they sell them all year it now. You just have them on the side. I remember crushing a gobbler Man getting so sleepy. I think they sell them all year round now I do there was there was a time because I would treat it while awesome while over do like Thanksgiving on a sandwich
Starting point is 00:32:54 I get the big the like the classic the fucking big John. It's like a it's like a footlong And I take that to a homeless shelter. I was so fat dude. I was so fat I would that mashed potatoes squishing out the side. I'd get a half a gallon of Wawa iced tea and a big bag of Doritos, and I would go toot and get so sleepy afterwards. And they only served them from like two weeks before Thanksgiving to maybe like December.
Starting point is 00:33:21 You know what I mean? You had like six weeks to get them, and I would use that as an excuse to like I would do. I would be doing like four or five gobblers a week, just crushing them, do putting them down inside a mac and cheese. That while Mac and cheese is all right. A classic gobbler. That's it's a long it's a long.
Starting point is 00:33:42 It's like a foot for the folks that don't know. Wow. And I would do I mean, I'm not doing any sandwich. It's not a fucking classic at this point. If I'm I enjoy a shorty, which are the smaller ones, believe it or not. We've entered Foleyville, everybody. Yeah, it does six of them. But I like I like I could fit the whole thing in my mouth at one time. I'm a party train.
Starting point is 00:34:02 I love a hoagie party. Who don't then do that at the wedding? Not burgers. That's hoagie party tray. Who don't? Man. Do that at the wedding, not burgers. That's crazy. Yeah, they started at burgers on a wedding. That's, I mean, that's... I would be pissed. If I, if I showed up there, brought a gift and all that stuff, and I saw these dickheads
Starting point is 00:34:16 who got fucking Porterhouse for nine. Also think about the invitation. You probably didn't get what you want to choose. I said, so I'm saying the choice is probably fries or a salad. Think about the rumblings. I'm like, oh, if you don't know what's common, you're like, what's coming out? None of those burgers are cooked to order. Even though they start dropping them burgers on you. Dude, this says the dad started a fight because the dad paid for the wedding and only got a burger. I'd be fucking pissed too, dude.
Starting point is 00:34:40 I'd be going to eat my daughter's fucking steak right out of her fucking right off her plate. Have me put the bill for this fucking with marrying some Joe Schmoe probably crazy That my dad my dad tried to flex on that at one point He invited a guy real last minute to my sister's wedding real last minute like day of why I? Think cuz he's like I'm you know put money up for this and this is a buddy of mine. He's coming when he's coming and he They were like had to find a chair my sister's like he sprung it on my sister like day of Man, it's like yeah, Steve's gonna be here. Well my sister's like who the who is Steve has a real power move
Starting point is 00:35:20 You know what I mean? Don't worry. He's bringing his own dinner. Okay. He's there with a burger. It's got lunch box Alright, let's see here This one's from holy foley is it garbs to teach your kids how to do math by teaching them how to play blackjack That kids gonna be counting car that kids gonna have a problem Yeah, that's I would assume probably a decent amount of people That's it's quick math. You gotta be teach you cards as a kid We played we called it high low, but I think the other name would be like AC do see for it Right, so it's like
Starting point is 00:35:54 What you're up to so it would be like you flip two cards right and say it's like a four and a jack Okay, you would bet there's a pot going, like a cumulative pot of like everybody Annie's up. And then if there's like a Jack and a four, I go, I'll bet 50 cents that the cards are going to come out. You were betting? Yeah. That was big. I was talking about Old Maid or Go Fish or something like that or War.
Starting point is 00:36:21 No. We'd go up to the Poconos and sit. Parents are coming down and setting up the keynote table. My mom's got the visor on and the rake fucking. Seven's up everybody. You got a $25 marker. Hey the fat one's sitting at the table with a gobbler in his hand.
Starting point is 00:36:38 He wants a $10,000 marker. He's got a soft eight going. What do you think? You're going to your mom, take this stiff throwing the cards back at her Yeah, that was a big thing We would I mean that we loved going up to the Poconos because we'd sit there the TV didn't work Oh gambling operation and run a racket bookmaking and yeah, we played high low
Starting point is 00:36:56 You guys make moonshine up there too. Yeah still going Get it going, baby Yeah, it's the first time nice little cook operation up there in the Poconos. They said I could have a sip of beer at New Year's Eve. How old were you? I was young. Oh, real young. A sip of beer?
Starting point is 00:37:16 No, I had a sip of beer young, not at New Year's Eve. I was allowed to have a glass of champagne. I forgot. It was a glass of champagne. Let's get him to Manhattan, will you? I wonder why I got a problem. I was allowed to have a glass of champagne that's gonna happen wait what am I gonna prize a lot of a glass of champagne and glass yeah you must have been hammered I didn't like the champagne too many bubbles I still don't like it I think that's what I don't like it now I didn't like the champagne so I asked for something else and my stepdad gave me some of his Coors light La Bala de Plata. I wasn't driving
Starting point is 00:37:46 We were in the book a Glasses a taste a sip a taste Yeah, like a garbage onion aren't you? Yeah. You're like a garbage onion, aren't you? Look at you. Yikes. Yeah, AC, high, low. That's still a great game to play.
Starting point is 00:38:09 That or what we've been playing a lot as a family when we get together is left, right, center. The dice game? Yeah. Play with a loaded handgun. Dempsey's been playing that for like a decade. That's a fun game, dude. You get a bunch of ones out.
Starting point is 00:38:23 Everybody starts with three ones and it goes like 20 minutes. Are you guys betting land and stuff like that? Oil futures I bet you the Vandy track What I just got half an Ithaca, I wouldn't take your land if you gave it to me as a gift It took me forever to get wrap my head around solitaire I didn't learn how to play solitaire until I think I was in my 30s. Yeah, that's good to like understand it I don't know what that means. What pretty just like matching I never made any sense to me and I would see people playing like what the fuck are you doing? You know what really reading tarot cards?
Starting point is 00:39:01 What's it say? Am I gonna find love this year? cards. What's it say? Am I going to find love this year? I'm Miami Vice. I never understood some computers because obviously I grew up with it on computers like it was on windows and stuff like that. Sometimes when it would draw three cards, not the one. How do I get to I got to I need the middle card. Keep going around and around and around.
Starting point is 00:39:24 Fucking G. And then like. I would always cheat because you can go back. What's how do I get I got a bow? I need the middle card keep going around and around and around fucking G And then like I would always cheat you know because you can go back You can go back and Take take you all Molly you can undo take a breakfast ball as they call sure and Also, what you can do is like I think if you're playing with a man I guess on a keypad as well, but with a mouse if you double right click it sends everything home that can go home does that make sense? So like that's a hack too. We got into it. I forget was me and flip I think flip was like crazy quick at it, and we would try to like start fucking beating each other really uh
Starting point is 00:40:00 Really killing it with the ladies at the time that in the gobbler Falls lead midway through a game. Fucking cranberry sauce breath over here. I don't know why these chicks aren't coming over, dude. Girls don't like stuffing? Keppy, this is blue chew, baby. Oh, baby, I'm hard at the words blue and chew. And we don't need no copy for this. This stuff sells itself.
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Starting point is 00:40:37 So the neighbor, your super's not sniffing his nose around. Hey buddy, kick rocks, I need help. And sometimes you don't need help, I don't need help. But sometimes just sometimes just you know it's like swinging with two bats if you catch my is that what you do you like to go Superman? Put my cape on and all daddy up guys blue chew is a unique online service that delivers the same active ingredients as viagra Cialis and la vichra but at a fraction of the cost in a chewable form Blue chewed tablets are made in the good old USA, baby. Homemade burner. Oh.
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Starting point is 00:41:24 Just pay $5 for shipping. Come by Kippy's Knock on the door if you catch my drift. That's BlueChu.com promo code garbages to receive your first month for free visit BlueChu.com for more details and important safety information And we thank BlueChu for sponsoring a podcast. Yes, we do. This is from KJ Peterman Is it garbage to call having the TV remote on DJ in the TV? That's a good time. Put on the electric slide. Well, I'm trying to boogie DJ in the remote, DJ the TV. That's pretty good. That's a dirt bag. That means you really feel in control. Sure. You're calling the shots. I'm setting the tone a lot of last channels on that boom right back to it I remember I would get yelled at by my stepdad for uh
Starting point is 00:42:08 He would say you're not mashing the buttons the right way like you know so if it wasn't working He would say mash you gotta mash the but mash the buttons. I would get yelled at for pressing them too hard You're gonna break it just touch it man when that new controller came out Well big John once those comcast once you started getting the comcast from those days were like disposable you would get you could get one every sure you know you every get one every new year whatever so the new remotes came in that was a good time one thing we never we were just we were not a technology family we were never able to do the
Starting point is 00:42:41 universal remote we were always a remote multi remote family and still are to this day. Yeah, no. You turn the TV on, the cable box and the TV remote never all spoke. We would sometimes get the all power on the cable. Sometimes that works, but when the TV gets left on and then all power turns the TV off. Something weird. Then you gotta go TV power. Oh man, TV power. Start playing, then you gotta go TV powered. Oh man, TV powered.
Starting point is 00:43:05 Start playing solid there. That never worked though, even at like the nicest houses I went to as a kid. Really? Never, no one could figure out the universal. Yeah, dude. Tech wasn't there. You mean like the- A third party remote. You would go to Radio Shack, buy a universal remote and then like-
Starting point is 00:43:20 Kinda find the code for the TV that you have and get the manufacturer and the VIN number. Get out of here. I remember a kid telling me the first about it was the first time I ever heard of a CD burner and he had a burnt CD. I must have been seven years old. I remember sitting on a desk going, who are you? Like he's like, yeah, I'm like, how did you?
Starting point is 00:43:40 It sounded like he had like CIA level intelligence. I go, how did you get this? He goes, I went to a computer store and my dad said he needed it to to make copies of software and I was like what I'm like my dad would never drive by a computer store let alone go in and lie to the guy yeah we were just not a technology we We're still not, dude. Still, if something gets broken, it just doesn't get fixed. Patty's in the Verizon store every couple of days. She went in the Verizon store to get her text messages to pin a thread.
Starting point is 00:44:17 That's right. I remember that. And dude, that's not just walk up. Hey, what do you need? You got to sign in the computer, wait in the queue. Dude, those people must look at You gotta sign in the computer. Pull a number. Wait in the queue. Dude, those people must look at her like she's an alien. Well, dude, I was originally Sprint for a long time,
Starting point is 00:44:33 which is, you know. Believe that? This guy's running our company. Sprint, man. I was a Sprint that T-Mobile bought Sprint, so I had to start going. I thought Sprint was a soda for like five years. Low cows. But whatever, they were the only ones So I had to start going. I thought Sprint was a soda for like five years. Locals.
Starting point is 00:44:46 But whatever, they were the only ones that would give me. A credit and a phone that I didn't have to buy at that. I don't have any fucking money. I remember getting shut off all the time. Yeah, and I would have to. So I would go and then whatever. So T-Mobile bought Sprint and now I have to I have to go to T-Mobile store and it's gotten better.
Starting point is 00:45:03 But for the first like two years, you go in there and they go, what's your phone number? They go, oh, you're a Sprint customer. And they like put you in the shanty town. They thought you're this real second class. You got to go to the back alley. Yeah. It was like, go sit over there. You go, it's like a bunch of lepers.
Starting point is 00:45:18 They're like, get off of me. You know what I mean? Go see Rusty in the oxygen mask. Yeah. You didn't get like the full, you know, they were like, we'll get to you when we get to you. Meanwhile, they're rolling the red carpet. You're paying 83 cents a month.
Starting point is 00:45:30 They don't need you. Hey, unlimited calls and texts after seven. All right, let's see here. Now, this is a pro move. This is from Casey. Is it garbage or you use toothpaste as spackle on the drywall while you're painting? Does that work?
Starting point is 00:45:47 Oh yeah, a little bit of Colgate, a little bit of white toothpaste. You really, I mean, I'm no carpenter. You just need a little fucking, I mean it's not going to be perfect. For what? Like if you take a picture off a wall. You're not doing a whole job with it. No, that'd be a lot of fucking toothpaste. Plus the place would smell like mint. I'd be pretty good. I would have to crack and fall off You know I think if you're like patching a hole like not a hole
Starting point is 00:46:13 Like if you if you fucking be a little dad a painter a paint a painting hanging There are a picture you take that off the screws there. You don't want this you take it you just Pull it in I'm sure you sand it a little bit. Never knew that. Never thought of that. That gets you out of whatchamacallit's too. You got to use white toothpaste, right? Can't be doing aqua fresh. Sparkling.
Starting point is 00:46:35 You got to do a that'll get you out of a stuck at your safety deposit back to if you got a handful of too many blemishes. I never had anybody withhold the safety deposit or the the the that was called safety deposit security security deposit. Yeah, never had anybody hold that my last department. I got deducted. I think a hundred and fifty bucks or fifty bucks. That's just a scam different color walls.
Starting point is 00:46:57 They had to paint over that I get yeah, like I we painted the bedroom. I forget red or something for a while back in the day until I guess they clamped down on it or Whatever I would just wouldn't pay the last month's rent Really you have to security deposit. Nah, that's not how it works. All right. Well It is now it is now but I don't know you listen toothpaste on the wall ain't mine either I owe you 1500 bucks you have $1,500 of mine or even we're even I'm not doing that bullshit Get the check in six weeks or come back and pick it up
Starting point is 00:47:28 Fuck that no, I'm with you dog All right, let's see this one's from dragon these nuts, I don't think that's a legal name My wife and I bought the floor model of a mattress. Oh It's a tempur-pedic exclamation points bonus. The mattress also has a vibrating massage feature. Whoa, dude. That's like that's do come with bed bugs. I couldn't do I would be okay. I've gotten to the point where I'm cool. I would relatively prefer the floor model save a couple of bucks on a TV or something like that. What about the sneakers? What do you mean?
Starting point is 00:48:05 I don't like that. The one sneaker? I don't like that. I, they're always a different. The pair I'm wearing right now is that. Really? Yeah, the foot locker on 181. He took them all, he, one of them was the,
Starting point is 00:48:15 I go, do you have these in a 10 and a half or whatever? And he's like, I can only find the one. Let me see the other. And he was like, yeah. I didn't feel great about it. Loser. And other people put their feet in there and stuff. They're like they're faded though. The ones usually faded. Uh-huh. There's like fingerprints all oils and stuff never Never they get discount. I don't think so you suck. I know a bed is crazy
Starting point is 00:48:38 Everybody is late on that. That's the first thing you do in clothes. I'd rather you nude you're laying there in your street clothes You might even fucking bricklayer coming in something to think about in the evening I'm just saying you got some guy who's like, you know Terminator. Yeah, all right. This is good. You know, you get a nice deal though. Fuck it. He's thrusting on it I'd have to steam it. I'd have to do something to steam that up. Sure or Treat it. I don't think our boy did. Nah, I don't think we do. But the massage features all right.
Starting point is 00:49:08 Also, what kind of freak are you? That's a lot. That's a heavy bed, too. That's what I like. Those Tempur-Pedics, plus the massage mechanism in there. That's what Patty has in my room at her house. It's her old. Spinal bed. Her old mechanical bed. It's all the straps for old, her old mechanical bed.
Starting point is 00:49:25 It's all the straps from the inpatient fucking mental institution. He's strapping you down. The gynecologist table. For your night terrors. Legs are up. Yeah, they had a bed, a mechanical bed in their room, and then put one in my room, and then they got a new one.
Starting point is 00:49:41 This thing weighs about seven tons. I would, I know,, yeah, that's like yeah That's like buying a car you keep that until yeah She's still won't get rid of it because she's like I don't know how to get the hell get it out of there Mm-hmm. You got plug it in Plug the bed in I was at the unplug it plug my CPAP in when I sleep there now How do you sleep? But I would feel like I'd be sleeping on an iPhone charger like that that would there's too much electricity running through that
Starting point is 00:50:04 Yeah, I'd be able to feel that in my vent in my bones. I do wake up with short-term memory loss in the morning Eight lobotomy's in the middle of the night open up your mouth the radio starts playing You fucking wacko. That's crazy. You should be playing shadows permanently on the wall You leave it so I can follow yeah, no that's fucking sleeping on an elephant foot. That's too much I would love the for snoring purposes. I'm a bigger gentleman. I got you know I got breathing issues I would I would prefer have you heard him snore oh Where do you where have you heard me?
Starting point is 00:50:41 Just all the rooms never like in the same room with you cuz you're pretty good And I got it so fucking bad, buddy We're drinking That is do we're out how you're getting a good night's sleep with that either. I am NOT I'm up early drinking coffee Okay, it's bad. I mean you're dying like every couple of minutes. That's not bad Get a mask, baby. Now pop it up. It's getting better. I'm coming. I'm shedding a couple LB's it's getting better You need that balloon up your nose that they do on Instagram Looks like it. I'll plug this guy in I
Starting point is 00:51:21 Would need I would need the if I'm inclined a little bit I'm not snoring remember you call me snoring on the plane All right, I was snoring next to the guy and I don't apologize. I woke up so nice. Am I bad, dude my bed He's like, it's alright man. I'll be so I'll be so I'll be right there sleeping with you We were jammed up and you don't look good sleeping buddy. Not that I do. I look like an octopus on a runway You don't look good sleeping buddy. Not that I do. I look like an octopus on a runway I used to sleep. I used to sleep on the couch when I live with my boy and Not like I would sleep. I we both it was a two-bedroom We each had a room but a lot I like getting you know fall
Starting point is 00:51:57 I'd like falling asleep on a cow no man over 35 if you got a little bit of weight on unless you're unless you're Brad Pitt You do not look good sleeping on a couch uh No, and my buddy would go he'd call it a Low he'd be like you get real Lomo. I might have my one leg off. So L. Oh leg off mouth open I'd have my one foot on the ground head back tucked in the corner dude Fucking mouth open catching flies. He, you get Lomo real quick. I like to go the other way, face into the couch, and whip the leg over the back of the
Starting point is 00:52:31 couch. Ah, that's wild. It's like you're getting a fucking colonoscopy or something. That's crazy. Ah, it feels so good. I like facing out. I like, dude, if there's Face out your arm, though get you get it with the arm My arm falls asleep all the time now. I'm doing a bit on this get out of here. Are you yeah, you know I am Oh, are you yeah fucking stealing my fucking bits and doing I'm on the put you're burning my bits on the podcast I got a lot of dumb Italian friends As a good bit that is a good bit. I didn't think of it
Starting point is 00:53:04 friends has a good bit that is a good bit I didn't think of it My wife's German Fuck I like I like being out I like facing out but that I gotta have the TV on because if not the monsters get you of course But I don't like the light then facing me so I'll do a sleep mask from time to time But you tuck in your head back in a corner of a cold couch. Yeah, it feels like friends leather couch. That's where I get my best sleep. So she's out of town.
Starting point is 00:53:30 I'll sleep on the couch. Your tongue's just sandpaper the next day. And I'm brutal. I've snored so bad that the little ball swells up. The little ball. Yeah. A little ball. Uvula. Really? Yeah. Well, the punching bag in the back of your mouth. Yeah. Really snored. So I snored so bad and so long that that swells up
Starting point is 00:53:48 I don't feel it starts choking you so you gotta lean forward a little bit You gotta keep it an angle and I drink very cold water to try to shrink it up talk about a hot My wife's lucky gal. I mean you feel is filling up So swole dog What do you want from me? Huh? Go to a pulmonologist. That's what I want from you. Get checked out. Get a pap. Or get that thing that they're putting in people now. No way. You're nuts. You talk about putting a fucking neurolink in me? just to stop so it ain't that serious I don't trust those things as far as I can throw them get this get this surgery
Starting point is 00:54:29 You know you they know where you are. They probably have a they probably have a kill switch on that. Oh, yeah Like it turn you off shoulder blows start asking why you're paying so much in taxes. They fucking root root fucking pull your card, dude No way am I signing up to put anything in me come plug you from the matrix Okay, have you walking out in the desert dude, just just take over your body like men in black Jesus Christ all right, let's see here This one's from Heath Bori $10 homie Oh Crude, but have you ever been caught masturbating by someone outside the house? I was on I live on the third floor. I was doing my business
Starting point is 00:55:13 I look out the window and on the roof was a direct TV worker putting a dish on the roof looking at me, dude That's bad. That's bad on the direct TV guys working Yeah, I'm just saying you don't watch. You would look. You take a peek, but then you turn away. Maybe it was, I'm looking. If I do my business in the living room, I pull the shades down and do one blanket over me. Do one of the couch blankets over me. You put a blanket over you when you're at your house like that?
Starting point is 00:55:39 Yeah, for that exact reason. Even with the blinds closed? Yeah, I feel like, because it's a sun blind. I feel like I'd get in trouble for that exact reason with the blinds closed. Yeah, I feel like cuz it's it's it's a sun blind I feel like I get you get in trouble for that Private property you're good. Yeah. Yeah, and you're off with the windows anything you do on your property, baby, huh? Okay, good that I don't know if you live next to a school though next show at 8 o'clock tonight Bye come see the fireworks welcome anytime Next show at 8 o'clock tonight. Come by come see the fireworks welcome anytime
Starting point is 00:56:09 Yeah, it's a red light going. That's pretty jammed up open for business I don't think I'm very conscious of that obviously my body ain't great You know what I mean, so I'm not like you got the duct tape on the laptop computer of course your guy Guys locked in I mean that's I have that on my computer at home. That's I just yeah They can look at your phone too. That ain't good. I know. You got to cover that camera too. I mean, hey, if you're you, you know, you want to take a peek, take a peek.
Starting point is 00:56:36 Yeah, what am I going to do? Where is your business normally conducted in the home? Um, what? Uh, I'm in the Uh, I don't. In the apartment. I don't do it that much. When you do. Lie to me.
Starting point is 00:56:51 I'm dumb. Bastard. On the couch, like I like my like catching my Z's. Kitchen? No. Tool shed. Starbucks down a block. Ummm.
Starting point is 00:57:08 No, it depends. Couch or shower. Sure. It's standard. Standard operating procedure. Bed. I like the bed. Oh, you little freak. This guy's really opening up, huh? Gets a little camera time. He starts turning into a real pervert.
Starting point is 00:57:24 It's a Tempur-Pedic. Let them get to know the real Luke Okay All right, let's see here this one's from Barry Barry McCaulkin or $5 homie is It garbage to park in the back of a crowded Walmart parking lot and swap windshield wipers with the newest vehicle You can find when your wipers get worn bastard Listen I kiss me fuck that I kind of respect. I don't respect it, but like have you ever changed your windshield wipers?
Starting point is 00:57:56 Yeah, I used to do that all the time on ever. I've never changed my windshield wipers ever dude Oh the one on the the one my last one on uh You get those double stacks, the fat ones with the different color well, you know, all your call your past handful of cars have been leased. So you just turn them in and they, you know, you're getting a brand new set that'll last couple of years. Yeah. Dude, the loom, the one on the loom, it was off half off and it would it would hang like a like a rat tail dreadlock. You know what I mean?
Starting point is 00:58:25 It would just flip was man. Just does the top of the window. It was yeah My buddy had a car where he was missing the one on the passenger side Just rolled on rolled it. Yeah, and when it was raining, that's like It was like a cat burglar scratching out the window to speak. I bet I've always been into most of my cars. I'm like I got to go heavy cuz they're never good and think to me that is such a obvious I'm just like if they're 50 bucks whatever it was I was like I don't have that money to sink into this for a thing I might need next week. You know what's great. I'm gonna told you before Rainex put a little rain X on the windshield Sure, I don't know what that shit's made of but man does that work
Starting point is 00:59:02 Do you ever get in the back of a car where they've all marreled the floors? fucking ice skates I'm saying I'm like buddy That shit's made of but man does that work? Do you ever get in the back of a car where they've all marled the floors? Fucking ice-skating Ubers all the time. That's what I'm saying. I'm like buddy. What do you do? It's like at the back of a Camry We don't need dude, and you're like bacon grease on the floor. You're slipping all over the place. Yeah, it's no good Yeah, hate it danger I remember I got yelled at for I armor old the floor of a golf car when I was working at the country club Fucking kill somebody That's what he said somebody but too much armor on his floor. Mr. Silverstein's in traction. He's flipped over to bunker
Starting point is 00:59:32 I'm not an armor all guy. I think it's too. It's too greasy. It never goes away You should stay with the spray or whatever like wherever it goes on heavy you end up seeing that now No good not an armor all guy not a turtle wax now We're talking much speaking my language, but didn't turtle wax like I don't know what it did They fucked they fucked what previous I want to think is maybe Santino's dad worked for turtle wax I got fired or so I want to say somebody recently said sound familiar, and they were like fuck turtle I just like the package. I never knew what that was show. There was a long time I was for the outside of the I thought that was for animals like I just didn't know we I never knew what that was. There was a long time. I was for the outside of the car.
Starting point is 01:00:05 I thought that was for animals. Like I just didn't know we were not a turtle. X family. And it just it sounds like it's for shine your bird. And I always thought it was like the magic shell stuff because they had a magic show, you know, like the ice cream where it hardens. Never got it. Did you get that as a kid? Yeah. Yeah. You fucking bastard.
Starting point is 01:00:22 Also, hold on. Let me put a little pin. He's a younger gentleman. That was more acceptable than getting your hands on that in the 80s It was in the grocery store in the 80s. It was like 30, but yeah, that's what I'm saying It's probably 499 when he got supply and demand baby must do he was eating that in 2012 not 1984 in the 80s. It was probably just Teflon or something like that. There's probably turtle wax. Probably just rebranded it, keep it moving. I remember for a while I was jammed up and I got somehow. I never we never had it.
Starting point is 01:00:54 And I was in the grocery store. I'm getting it. I think I was in my 30s. And I would just put it on a plate in the in the freezer and eat it, like eat it like a chocolate bar kind of. That's fucking nuts not no ice cream needed Just fucking free base in it. I thought that was the greatest thing ever when I was a kid we never yeah now Never that never happened on Hershey's syrup we I was it I think I've told you this but there was one time if remember
Starting point is 01:01:23 Super fresh was the place we shopped at and they would do a bought ten for ten Acme did it too. Like you bought an America's choice chocolate syrup. Wait ten for ten. That's just full price No, they were ten for ten dollars. Yeah, well, they were they had a surplus of units. They were if you bite then you pay for ten Hey coming down here job and Denise bought ten I mean if you bite then you paper then hey come down here screw job And Denise bought ten Packs of America's Choice chocolate Sarah talk about no light at the end of the tunnel ruined five summers, dude
Starting point is 01:01:55 It ruined five years of my life this shit stunk It was it was look like it looked like the hex on Valdez everybody. It looked like an oil spill dude It was brutal. It didn't make it didn't it just sat on top of the ice cream You couldn't mix it in this stuff. Don't break down like alien blood forever plastics, dude. It was yeah Jammed up, but we got to wrap it up gang. Oh man. What a fun one. Yes gang. We love you to death What do we got coming up here? We got route 66 gang tickets for that are moving. We're starting Chicago. We have Tulsa, Oklahoma City Albuquerque Where else flagstaff Chicago get all your tickets everything's available at are you garbage comm get those tickets
Starting point is 01:02:41 We want to see you out there also a little bit little bit of insight in that. We got a fucking crew coming out. We're shooting the whole thing. We're going to do a little... Come be a part of it, gang. A lot of behind the scenes. We're going to be shooting every show. We're going to put it all together and make one big fun project, gang.
Starting point is 01:02:54 We want to see you out there. We love yous. Gang, we love you. See you next week. Peace.

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