Athletico Mince - Boiled Parsnips 11: The Mick Peacock Touch

Episode Date: August 20, 2021

A diverted journey, golden hornets, wrestlers, Steve and Casper, the DomPod, and rumours.For the full version of this episode, join Club Parsnips Become a member at https://plus.acast.com/s/athleticomince. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Hello and welcome along to another episode of Athletical Passnips with me, Andrew Dawson. Please relax and let your mind drift off to a post-COVID future. You and your family are enjoying a summer boating holiday up and down one of Britain's many beautiful canals. It's late afternoon and you're just about a moor beside a pub with a sun-drenched beer garden. But before you can bring the boat to a halt, your tranquility is shattered by the arrival of a speedily waddling figure, like a human duck in a boiler suit and carpets livers. He holds a rope with a heavy magnet attached to it into the water and yells, I'm the top British fisherman and I'm gonna catch yourself some fucking treasure!

Ladies and gentlemen, it's my co-host, Mr. Bob Mortimer. I'm Mr. Blobby, you search your wallet, a little T-Sideman, with your plastic tonnepan. Oh, thank you for that. I'm the Bobby Ammer. Of course you are, yeah. All right. I've just got a message from the wife coming in.

All right. It's multi-message, it's exciting in it. It's spelling something out. Right. Looks like it might be. Looks like it might be. Oh, it's just a word idiot, but said by separate letters. So that's nice. That's the kind of thing that came to relationship alive, I think. Exactly. You can't have attention to detail. Have you got a name for me Andrew? I'm just honky, honky junk. You can be honky junk if you want. I haven't got anything planned for you.

Oh well then, I'm putting a formal request. Could I be honky junk today? Can be honky junk? Oh, you can be toasty Raymond. Toast full Raymond would be nice. Toast full Raymond full of toast. Yeah. It's catchphrase.

Is he a full of toast? You're looking good, aren't you? he a full of tasks You're looking good. Yeah, yeah full of tasks The we've got some past nipers questions here We are we are we are I'll kick off from one cop from Ben Carr if you don't mind. It's asking Nigel Pearson what the biggest animal is he could knock out with one punch? Mm-hmm. So I've phoned up obviously I've fond up obviously and I got him to give us an answer and he did thankfully. If the rules allow me to use a traditional British haymaker, then I could knock out a pig or a shetland pony with one punch. I'm having

a bit scourced, I know. You want a little bit, Jimmy Vardy, I think. Jimmy Vardy, I've never lost a fight with an animal. Asperger. If I was to fight a mythical beast such as a crackin or a griffin, that is a fight I would also win. That's all he said. Is a Phoenix a mythical beast? Are they real? No, they're for real, yeah.

They're rising, don't they? They're rising. They're rising. On the same subject almost, Mark, who calls himself just Mark, he says, if you had the power of a golden hornet, how would you use it? Now, is a golden hornet a mythical beast? Or is that real? A golden hornet.

You know, a golden hornet. I've never heard of it. I was just saying, it's murder hornet at the minute. There's no, there's these murder hornets that are going around. But I don't know if there's a sim, it, a golden hornet. I've never heard of it. I was just seeing murder hornets at the minute. There's no, there's these murder hornets that are going around. But I don't know if there's still a golden hornet. I think I would just spray

golden showers on people and what? Is that right? That doesn't my fail right? What, you'd wee wee on people. If you had a gold plate. No, no, no no like a gold plated Goal plate stuff from the sky. Do you know what a golden Hornets powers are Well, I'm just guessing the ability to shower gold on the you know passes by I think I think I think that's a big leap from

As I'm being described as a golden Hornet to believe in it. You would use the powers of a golden hornet. Yeah. Pretty obviously they installed fear, fear into any human that renders them static, you know, frozen. Right. Like the fellow that turned everything to gold when he touched it. Yeah. Mick Peacock. The Midas. Yeah, Mick Peacock.

The Midas Touch. No, Mick Peacock, that was. The Mick Peacock Touch. Yeah, it's a God. Nicholas, I don't really know about Golden Orts, Andrew. Nicholas Luke asks, who is the best wrestler of all time? Um, for the milk. I don't know if you've got...

Giant hair, Stax, I think. Big lad. Giant hair, St stacks, because he was massive. Yeah. So he could flak it flat, and anybody, plus he was really scary as well. And he's got that nice, like, rural twist, and he, with the hair stack, you know, like, what sort of you collect? You kind of imagine him living in a hair stack, or, or amongst some carefully arranged hair stacks.

Yeah. And showering the hair stack with piss. Possibly because we're golden-hearted from above. Big Daddy, you see, Big Daddy was the opposite of giant hair stacks, wasn't he? He was the swan enemy. But Big Daddy used to walk around with a top hat on and a cape and was almost a figure of fun. Yeah, Big Daddy would like. Big Daddy would like. Yeah, hair stacks look a foot and kill you. You look like a classic giant, didn't he, with his beard? Yeah. I liked Massambola, do you remember Massambola? No.

I saw him, my uncle used to take me to the rest of the Newcastle when I was young. All right, nice one. Massambolo used to come like, that is an African warrior. Right. And he could do a stand on the corner post, you know. Right. So I mean... Was he what you would describe these days as problematic?

I don't know really. I honestly don't know what... You know, like he came dressed as a like an African warrior. And did Ed stands on the corner post when he was victorious. I can't ask for more than that really. Richard Richards says Bob, can you recommend a good mattress, which is weird because I could recommend a good mattress, but he has an asthmase, he has an asthmase, so over the other. Can I throw that over to you Andrew because I can't?

No. I'm white girls only. No. I could, but I haven't been asked so I'm not going to... Well I could go and strip me bed next door and see what brand it is, but I am not willing to do that. So I'm sorry I can't help the lovely lady. Let's take a ride and see what we can find inside and these lifestyle. It's a feature that I produced a while ago and then it died the death, but I brought it back. I don't remember it.

It was just about my lifestyle and I asked you a question and you could answer it and then we could talk about it. Three things, right? Tell me which of these three things I've recently purchased Bob. Alright I'll give it a go. A new washer dryer, two of plastic bin for indoors. Oh what bin? Plastic bin. Okay. Well as it pours to what? Wouldn't bin? Most bins are plastic aren't they? Three are a reclining armchair. Oh well and you're probably tricking me because it's obvious but for a fat lump out you know it's got to be the recliner

in armchair in these lock-down teeth is it right? It's correct they're all correct about all three. So you've got a bucket next year to have a weigh-in. I've got a bucket yeah for spitting bones in though yeah a weigh-in. I've got a bucket for spitting bones in though. Yeah. And weigh in in though, yeah. Golden Hornet style. I've got a washer dryer for cleaning the cloth and that I've been wearing while I've been in the hot chicken. Oh, the chicken bones.

What do you, have you tried the drying function yet? Yeah. Any good? It's all right. It's only gonna be there for emergency reasons. I'm not gonna dry everything in it. The no-gray, Anna. If you're putting up to a decent heat,

they'll make you clothes smell and hold on there. Yeah. It's all... It's just for emergency. But it's nice to know what's there. Do you know what I mean? I've been in touch, Andy. Nice feature, well aware.

Nice feature. I've been in touch with my very very very good friends at Infinity Rocket Blustix. Alright yeah. Because of course interesting news with Steve McLaren this week being appointed as sports director at Derby. Very vague title isn't it? Yeah. So they installed some spyware in there for me and I've got a little MP4 of a very interesting meeting that happened. Starts off with just Stephen Kasper in in Steve's room you know, manages office, our sports directors office or whatever. Can you believe it Kasper? Back in the old office and this time I'm like a super boss with no need to go out in the

curve where Jack Frostkin whisper nasty stories into your ear. Casper, what's wrong Casper? Oh Casper, why have you just had a one, two spew and pull on the floor? Casper licks the floor and then lets out another little bit of sick. It's the laminate isn't it? That foreign fella Kuku got rid of all my beautiful double-wasted carpeting and replaced it with cheap quarter-inch light cherry laminate. Look at the wear on the high traffic areas like the doorway in front of the desk.

It begs Bill Boy Baggins belief, it's clearly not being properly sealed either. Honestly, it curdles my cream at really does. Right, let's make a list of what needs to in Casper. 1. Recap it all areas of the management suite in a durable, stand-resistant oatmeal double-twist wool carpet. A leek and 20-mil hard hardwick twist was worked very well. Two, reinsert the daily cream cake trolley and double up on the vanilla slices. Casper climbs up onto the seat opposite Steve, coals up into a ball and flips over on his side.

Oh Casper, you're such a bolt of happy lightning, I sometimes think that you're made out of children's laughter and cheeky chimps antics mixed up with ladies Easter bonnets and 100,000 giggles. 3. Install fun and laughter bar, vending machines in all the corridor junction points. If you collect five wrappers, you can have a 6-1 free from the club shop. If you collect five rappers you can have a six one free from the club shop. If everyone is high on fun and laughter then who can stop us from taking 15th place off QPR? Just then there's a knock on the door and in walks Wayne Rooney. Oh Rooney, you wanted to save me boss? Yes sit down Wade. Wayne

sits down right on top of Casper. Casper's head is poking out from under his ass, gasping for breath. As you know Wade, I've been appointed as the mega boss of the club. It's a bit like being an actual king. The only things I have to do are appoint a manager and bash some players. So I wondered if you would like to be manager because I mean everyone has heard of you and that's the main thing these days isn't it? Well, like I've almost wanted to be a manager, because you know it's a really good job to have once you become shit of playing. It's either that or that's been calling with a

giant candle collection and Snow Plow business and to me, I was with a global warmer and that's and that's and that's and that's and she might be on a rugged with the snow plows like so so yeah, I'd love to jump like and that's and that's and that's and that's like oh well that's just great. Now I'd like you to introduce you to my very first signing for the club. I think you two are going to become the bestest of forever friends. Come out Casper! Come on Casper where are you? Steve gets up from behind the desk and looks for Casper. Come on Casper, don't be a

rudney of Planckerton. I want you to meet our new captain, Wade Rooney, when gets up to help and instantly sees Casper on his seat. Casper's body is strangely flattened and his tongue is sticking out with a slightly blue tinge to its surface. Oh my god, what if you've done your big lump of cock? If you've crushed Casper, who's going to dictate the future direction of the club if we don't have Casper? Who's going to dictate the future direction of the club if we don't have a Casper? A whole Casper! He takes Casper in his arms and begins to sing. I wear my heart on my sleeve, I'm not afraid to say what I mean, and mean what I say.

And then he is a cough and a splutter and Casper begins to join in. How where my heart are my sleeve? Don't count the cost. If I can't live in love, then surely I'm lost. But you tend to get burned. Tent to get bruised. Oh Casper, you're alive. Darling County can still finish 15th,

and that's for you Wade, you'd better apologize to Casper right now. Yeah, sorry, like I was just didn't see, you started the chair and that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that,

that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, Yeah, okay. The full version of this episode is only available to our club pass nips subscribers. Find out more and sign up at patreon.com slash athletic omens. Do you want a quiz? I thought I was doing the quiz. You're not using as well. But my quiz is about, um, combie, hash. What's your quiz about? Brazilian footballers.

There you go, if you want. I'll tell you what, man, it's me favorite quiz for. I don't apologize for it. It's pricing. Of course, pricey estate and to least, or vice versa, yeah. Because I'm cooking a Corn Bifash later, so I thought I'd do a price quiz on some of its greetings. It's called pop, boring, swac ketchup, peanuts, don't eat potatoes, oh yeah, pop,

tink, beef, give me just a little more time. And the three items Andrew are standard tin of the azda by the way. Standard tin of corn beef. I think it was I think it was princess, think so. Okay, two kilogram bag of maris pipe potatoes, a 460 gram which I would consider the standard one, but of Heinz Ketchup. Right, the cheapest is the combife. Okay. Then in the middle, in the middle, the potatoes and then the ketchup was the most expensive. You only got the potatoes right Andrew.

The most expensive was the cornbuff at £2. Then the potatoes, £2. Potatoes £1.70 and the Heinz ketchup £1.50. So all I can do was the ketchup £1. on special offer? I don't think so it might have been you know you catch up prices do you? I think it might have been a special offer but whatever you know I'll take it was at the end of that quiz then? yeah that's it you did not you didn't do very well you got one right? I'll do that you got one right

Alright, you got one right? Why don't we shoot with a good wood welcome along to my podcast We shall have that calling the dumb pod Is when, well, what have you got something to say already? Sorry, no Wait till you get reduced please That's how it works It's the podcast where I like to have a conversation with one of my celebrity friends, anyone who's available for 20 minutes or so will do. And this week, my special guest is not over there leading television, Fisher and Mr. Bobo.

Hello, Bobo, welcome along. Hello, Tom, thanks for having me. You can speak now for your very much. I just thought we'd have a little chat about things this and that. We'll catch up up talk about stuff Brain exercises, well do you do brain exercises? Well, I read a book every night So I suppose that's something and I do that word game. Is it called words capes? Oh, yeah words guys. What level you on? Oh, I mean, I'm I'm in a sort of glacial area. Does that help here? Do you got a number? I'm on level 324

Would you want me to look down? I can look me no no I'm a booverd oh so do well also do a crossword first for give rewarded yeah it's children's crossword but I don't think that really matters very much uh moving on do you ever particularly favorite field when you were growing up used to hang about in? Yeah, the field I was lived next to a field. So yeah, very fun memories of it. It's played football. We've had about, you know, yeah, we as well.

We had one, we only stuck the one corner of it. We only had the round in the corner. We never went into the middle or anything. And I think about that a lot. I don't know. I wonder why that was, I doubt no. It's a very good point, yeah I used to hug one corner in particular. Yeah, you stayed at St. Price didn't you?

Yeah. It was so much to explore but you just didn't. Yeah, big field it was as well, yeah, there's so much I've missed out on. Yeah. I went back there recently with our friend of mine, Roger Cox. Yeah. I got back in Chattanoid on Facebook a while ago, we just did the mine, Roger Cox. Yeah. I got back in touch with him on Facebook a while ago. We went back and we just did the same.

We stayed in so cool. So cool, man. Very, very strange. I've got to stop there just from having a pop. I've got to do a little sponsored break in the middle of. The jump pod is brought to you in a South Asian wave. Sausages. Right, back to second off.

What did you use to have breakfast when you were a kid, Bob? I used to have, I used to have porridge, one day, soft boiled eggs the next day. It beans on toast the next day and then repeats. That's so important. Rotate that sort of every four days, yeah. You know what, I never had toast when I was a kid never never never occurred to us no I look back and I wonder I wonder about it but you can't go back

can you you can't go back no do you think there's any better actor than Erison Ford yeah do you think there is yeah I do can you name any of them? I like Robert Tavale. He's my favorite actor. I don't know him. No, no, I'm not bothered. I got a pinion Even way on that one Just can't be at one more question for we go have you ever camped out overnight for anything? Yeah, I went to camp to camp and as a kid you've got elective strict Yeah, I went to Camp Tip Camp and as a kid you've got electric district No, no, no, no, no, you've got the rug into this stick I meant like to get something and next day like tickets or something like that kept out to you know to To get get the first the first one through the door at the big sale then at the store something like that

I did camp out once that I was at the city all on steps for tickets to Rod Stewart All right, Did you get front row seats for it then? Pretty near the front. I was launch off, yeah. I'll camp there for tickets for a circus once but when they went to say the next morning I was there. So I think I might have misjudged that one a bit but you can't go back, can you? Yeah, yeah, better be safe and sorry, innit, Dom. I hope you enjoyed the circus. It was alright. It was alright. Err, I forgot to add a cloud. It's not from the... What?

Alright, Tom. Sorry, Tom. I think I've submitted it from the Dom pod. Thanks for joining me as ever, Bob. Well, well, uh, don't forget everyone. Shotsy-gis. Heh. Do you like driving, Andrew? Do I like driving? Yeah, do you? Yeah. Do you find like your

cars, you like your little palace, you know, you know, you know, no responsibilities to talk to anyone. A little bit of sanctuary, you see it? Yeah, I do, yeah, I do. It's one of the very few times when I feel's if I'm in control of my life or anything else. Yeah, if not the vehicle. Well, sometimes the vehicle, yeah, why do you ask? Do you have a reason? Well, because I was wondering, I do like driving,

like you know, but the other day, I was, I had to do a photo shoot. Oh, yeah. That's where I'm professional photographer, photograph, she had to look so that you look sweet and youthful and that. Right, we've got a Christmas fishing show so it's for radio times, you know. Alright, so what did you go, they don't at the river then?

With your mate? No, I went to get a photograph. Went to a professional photography studio in London. Lundin. Lundin. I remember London. London. Loud. I remember London. But what I wanted to ask you was, is I was in a car, and I haven't been driving much obviously, but it had a driver.

How do you feel like when you're in a car with a driver, do you talk to him and that sort of thing? I prefer no conversation whatsoever, and you make that clear from the start. They start talking and usually I just put up a hand. Right. To see a cease. Yeah. Sometimes they're all right with that. Sometimes they take offense but yeah you could talk to them. No I take a bin lid with me you know and just when they talk I hold the bin lid up in front of me first. No well I never know what to do so I always get in the back seat. That's the one thing I do yeah.

Yeah. Because actually this one I went in the front seat and because he had a big massive box in the back seat. So I had to sit in the front seat which made it all the more difficult. Well you're laughing. I don't know, just something. So it's even more awkward, right? What do you, what do you, I asked him the usual shit, you know, like, are you busy?

Yeah. Does he not go so mad? Yeah, I went in knockoff. I, I, I happy with the car. Anyway, I, I was lucky and it's, I sensed he didn't really want to talk at all so good. We were round about Lee Green, you won't know that but it's just into London, South London. And he asked me, can you get this? He asked me if he minded in stopping his mate's house to drop off this freezer or something,

like a mini chest freezer, something, it was on his back seat. Right. So, I said, yeah, I've made a little stand-andy, like, you know, oh, well, was it far? I'm out, you know, I've got to be there on time. I said, yeah, he says, no problem in everything. So we got to his mate's house and this was the problem. What accent was that he's got? and this was the crock. What accent was that he's got? Just generic taxi. So this is the worst thing Andy, because it turns out his mate

was a massive fan of the fishing show. Oh, right. A lunatic. And this podcast as well. Oh, just the fish. He didn't mention it. He didn't mention it, right? Yeah.

And he has, in his back shed thing, like I don't know, you know these things, cock these out at the back of the rouses, like, conservatory shed, anyway, I'd run them. And he had all this vintage, fly fishing equipment, right? All right. And rods and fishing, fricking display cases. Fish on that.

And he just leaves the driver to put the phrase away at need of the bee. One thing I would say Andrew was a nice collection. So I should be having an attitude of gratitude with that shouldn't I? There's like bamboo rods and old wooden Victorian rails and fish mounted that he says is dadded caught. Interesting, yeah. But I know this is a bit of a fishytale right about fishing that but it did it made me sad because it is dad if he did catch them. I'd

stuffed fish on the wall that were like 40 50 pounds huge fish. They're just not around any more Andy. Are they not? No, it's agricultural runoff. Really? Overfished, pollution, water extraction, all that stuff. Listen to that. So, I had a look at this old centre pin reel, yeah? And suddenly I felt the sudden of a blunt instrument on the back of my head. I felt a release just like Lauren in pen you know he says get up and thank you fucking straws off your uses piece of shit they were self-apprican under oh bad course he was yeah

thank you straws off and you know I'm the kicks now before the strike you again well what I meant to do and you know I was that dizzy nauseous and he was holding a blood instrument above right above me head. It's got a complied haven't you? What can you do so I got up to meet trousers and me undies off. He says right on all fours and point your body up towards their pecket of fig mutants on the top shelf. Then I heard the glass shatter from one of his stuffed fish display cases, you know. I said, listen mate, I don't owe any trouble. I'm on my way to a professional photo shoot.

Fantao shoot, faantao poop! Now take this chab and feed it slowly in your irinus while that drawer laugh about on your bucket butt. So I get like then just like the nose if that's what it's called of the chub right and press it against me in the end as you know and just as I can feel myself being parted by the chub's lips I hear a dull bang and see the bloke drop to the floor I look up and there's me driver holding like a long thin hard thing. I say I met thank you so much. I said, do you think he really would have made me feed that whole job? Up there you know. He says, do it, I do. Mom I'm a gang banger. I shouldn't love it, but I do. Ssh, ssh, ssh, ssh. So I got dressed, you know, a bit shit first,

it did me fault. You shouldn't be, no, no, stop there. You shouldn't be ashamed. You did nothing wrong, right? You said shame, face there. Yeah. Don't, don't, don't carry that shame with you. Well, that's very kind of it, I say, Andy. I

don't know if there's any kind of like victim support service available to you, but, you know, don't I just felt that shame. It's seen me in a very, very component because my, my bum was facing right up to it. There was a pack of no fig newtons. They're like an American figure. So on the way back, I had a different driver. It was a lady, actually, she had like, do you know a neck goiter, you know, the big balloon under the chin? Oh yeah, yeah.

And it had a tattoo of a helicopter on it. So I thought that was a nice feature. I think, do you remember the actress Peggy Mount? She used to have one of them Didn't she? Not the tattoo just the the goiter Yeah, yeah, it's it's it's something that can afflict a lady later in life. I think fellas get them to as well Yeah, yeah, we can do yeah. I imagine I'll get one I'm well. I didn't like the sound of you. That's about it. I think

Thank you very much and do see you all thanks for listening and it, I think. Thank you very much, and too. See you all, thanks for listening, and all that and everything. Thanks as always, yeah. Thanks for indulging us. Bye-bye. Cheerio! Thank you.