Athletico Mince - Boiled Parsnips 19: Curry Emergency

Episode Date: May 12, 2022

Peter’s rap, Geordie Heat, unidents, Steve and Wade, Dom’s beautiful song, and more. (Rec: 30/7/21) Become a member at https://plus.acast.com/s/athleticomince. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Hello Andrew! Hello there Robb with how are you? I'm fine you're looking slightly slender which is surprisingly with the lockdown. It's slightly more slender than the last time I viewed you. Yes, I believe I have lost 3 grams. 3 times? Well done! It tends to exercise and what are two lifestyle changes? Yeah, well it's just not having that tenth fish finger Andy. Can I just explain to listeners that I'll see this half of me teeth and the ugly bridge at the top is fallen out so there's a bit of a rattle on me voice that you might be going. Is that what's going to be today's problem? Okay how's that happened? What did you do to cause that? I do know it was the one of the softest of foods you could imagine it was a chocolate top shoe bun with fresh cream in the

middle. Really? Yeah that's what took it out can you believe it? Well it was a chocolate top shoe bun with fresh cream in the middle. Really? Yeah, that's what took it out. Can you believe it? Well, it was probably a lot of other things that led up to that and that was just the final... the final straw that brought the camels back, if you like. Exactly, a perfect use of that phrase, Andy. Thank you. An interesting beginning for us Andrew this week, because Mr. Peter Beadsley, as kindly sent me,

what let me just check what he's what he describes as a very strong opening rap to kick off the show. Good. The sad thing is he hasn't sent me any music and could I do the music? Yeah it's like the world in motion beat. Right you need a beat so I can provide a beat for you. I am I am Sunderland's number three human beatbox okay let's let's have it then let's do it all right you got to stare around at the grass in the tree see if you can spot some dog that in the lead You need a chick and you're apt Before you mount her in a sack The journey could get bumpy If you're chinkin' your lumpy

You should get round the back Of your local shop Have a look in the bin Like a jogging fox And don't forget the eggs For your beautiful wife If you do say we'll love you to win an inch of your life.

We're sharing for England. So, uh, oh, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, you what, whilst I'm here, I love in cutting jokes, you know, for me or your book. Just, I get a boy's girl and girls right in the mood. Okay, so I cut the jokes for you, but I've been invited to a new department next week. Not usually, I start the thing, but I might get it to go if I've got nothing done. What's this one for kids really? This one? What's blue and smells like red pins? I don't know.

Blue pins. blooping And what did the cleaner shout when she jumped out of her cupboard? Supplies Like supplies you know So there you go, but I hope that's the good That do you progress see Bob oh That's a bit money. Oh lovely. It can only go downhill from there. I think Would you like a couple of choices of names Bob before we go any further on your bastard. Yeah, all right then You can be three time right eye fly guy Okay, he's had a fly. He's had a fly that's fly

into his eye flu, Flood into his right eye on three separate occasions in the past fortnight. Not the same fly I hear some to add. No thanks. That's that. Oh you can be Kenny Reggae. Nothing of a really special about him but he likes to wear women's nickers with a picture of Bob Marley in the wheelers on them. Okay, I'm a lover. Yeah. Of course you can be honky tongue. Can I be honky tongue?

Candy. Can I be? Thank you. That always feels like a huge rejection of the names that I've offered you. But fair enough, can I just say that three time right eye fly guy is me. Is it?

You can assess this as a unit dent if you want. God. Well, that's actually happened. I've had a fly. Fly into me right eye on three separate occasions in two weeks. Well, when I've been just out and about. Out and about or in your in your fly ridden premises. No, no, there's no flies in my house.

Why the was last night, but that's another story. Yeah, just out on the boat tiny flies, tiny flies you know when they get stuck in your eye. Blymey. Three times, three times. And see a by? Well it is unusual, it's three separate incidents which worries me. Three separate incidents. Three separate flies. But if you want it I'll give it, if you want it badly I'll give it. I'm not forced.

Okay I'm not giving it that Do you like do you have fly spray or do you not like the smell of it? No, I have fly spray Yeah, I thought mine killing them. I love using fly spray It's not a popular Stance in the modern age. Is it not you know the muscle or a fly? I don't think so. I think any creatures Destruction is from the public Is it not? You know, the muscle or the flies, I don't think so, any creature's destruction. It's frowned upon. Oh well, I apologize, but I like,

I like not getting them on the windows, you know, I like to follow them around and see if I can get them right in the face, you know. I've got some names for you, if you're interested, lad. Oh, okay. You could be, did you fancy Mick, Mick, Mick and Easium? Maybe. He's got, what he's got Andrew, he's got the largest role of that magnesium ribbon in the UK.

That is tempting, isn't it? Yeah. And you can view it, you can view the ribbon on his 24 hour webcam. Don't know if you fancy that. I'm pretty much sold on that, yeah. Go on, because these are options... Well, as friction Simpson. And... Near very.

...Portsmouth's premier human nail file, would you believe. But it's his interest in. His nail was either side or both Mormons. Side in the middle of the, that's the sort of action you're likely to get involved with. Caaargh, that'll be... I'm torn between the two of them. Oh, you can of course just be on the other dogs.

I'll be the fellow from Portmouth because what I can do then is I can view the magnesium on the webcam and it means I haven't, I get all the enjoyment putting on of the hassle of the upkeep. I was going to say there's no flies on you Andrew, but of course there's no occasion we isn't there. Of course, that's not what Kazumi is, isn't it? Jordi hates. Crime on the time. Hot Jordi nights. Jordi streets.

Full of crime. Jordi hates. heat. Interior Jordi Heat Incident Room, PC Denise Walsh answers the phone. Hello, Pat. You're through the Jordi Heat. How can we help you at the day? Sting. Oh, fuck it's here. Sorry, what was that you said? Nothing. Just me knew you go boats are a bit squeaky.

Now, listen, it's Mr Sting here from the massive house with the massive gates. And I need one of your squad over here, Pronoh, on account of the emergency, Mr. String? It's not String, it's Stingiously count. Excuse me, what did you say? I was talking to you, I was talking to me, Piglet! It was just a fat and me dulce-me! All right then, pet. So what is your emergency?

God last! Well, you know the rash pavilion coury house on Hepwood Street. Mae'n gwaith, mae'n gwaio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweith And that, well that isn't very helpful. Have you ha-formed up the coury house to check the order? Yeah, and did Sistid assent, sent- sent this send- I'm a drass, but I think the pulling check on me, I should say, that it is also a little bit cold to be probably honest. Well, that's probably on account of the time it takes to get down your massive drive, Mr Sting. Yeah, you could be right. There, my drive is indeed focal massive. So anyway, cut the

smart talk. What are you going to do about it? And what is it you suggest we do, do we do, Pat Lambhinny? Set the squad car round to the courier house, smashing up, flim the basement, and arrest the head chef, and the bloke who took me out there. No, I don't, and when he can he do that, Mr. Sting. Yuck! Sorry, what was that? Nothing! Would you try to be piglet? Who's just on a flat on me and boat, cos you... Okay, well, that'd be all, Mr. Sting.

Well, maybe you could at least tell me, how I might take the edge of the curry heat. Oh, well, what about par in a fresh, cup of fresh cream into the sauce? The only cream I have is in true, these cream horn, and if I nick that you'll go edge shit, she might even throw the basement. Hold on Mr. Sting, I'll just ask one of my colleagues. DI Bruce, do you know of anything you can do to make a curry less hot? Well, uh, oh, what I always do is, in a fresh cream. Crank sick! The gentleman hasn't got any fresh cream.

Or has he not got cream at all? Or in a clear that he could scoop the cream out of? Drinks wet! No, no, Mr. Diabrosi hasn't. Well, that's the only tactic I know of. I generally just stick the one tactic, you know, and if that doesn't work, I just shut my eyes and think of me beach house in Portugal. What about you, PC cattle beed, have you got any ideas? Oh yeah, very much so. What you need to do

is separate six egg yolks, warm them for 30 seconds, probably in the fork and microwave, Mae'n gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio. Mae'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r

gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio yn gweithio yn gweithio yn gweithio ynwy'n fwy'n fwy'n fwy'n fwy'n fwy'n fwy' But I thought we were going to have some sausage and pufferra in the stock room. Un-nor-sweet-out. But the reputation of the squad comes first. I... I suppose you're right, boss.

MUSIC And that's the end of the script, and the... LAUGHTER It felt really realistic. It felt really realistic it felt really realistic it didn't feel like a script felt so natural very enjoyable can we have a look at some of the unidense that have been submitted by the the lovely passing it was okay because, because it's got them. Go on now.

Who would have unidenseed it if need be? What have we got? First one here, I've got what? Pete Trimby. Pete says, I went to sleep the other night and had quite a vivid dream about someone I hadn't spoken to or even thought about in years. I walk about an hour later, looked at my phone and saw a text message from said individual, apologising for not

being in contact for so long. Unident or newfound psychic abilities. What do you reckon Bob? I'm tempted to give it and I mean normally I find other people's dreams very dull, you know, because they don't have like a real world reference at all. Yeah. But to complete the story as it were, but this little beauty does, I say, well done. I think it does, I think it does, it's a corka, it's a nailed-on unident for me that one. Well done, Pete Trimby. Well done, Pete Trimby. Enjoy your unident's status. Spread it far and wide. Uh, we've got a one here from, uh, Steve Nunn, who says Uniden, question mark.

Uh, a few weeks ago, I rented a car with a very unique number plate. Last week on my way home, I was knocked off my bike. It was the same car. What about that, Uniden? Ooh, it's the car too. I think that might be another yes you know. I think it is. I think we've got a strong rule this time. I mean I'd like to imagine if that mystery number plate was

UN1DNT, you know, that would not be function. Wouldn't that be something indeed? Picture Steve sitting there in the road next to me, his crumpled bike scratching his head. Yeah. As he looks at the number plate. And it's like a figure from a cartoon. You need something.

So I'm giving that well done, Steve. Now this one, it's a unident submission, but I don't know whether or not this is a made up one. You can decide. This is from Tom which I doesn't give you surname which immediately rings the alarm bells for me. He says my brother was walking down a country path when he became aware of a commotion of rustling in a bush. He stopped to see and a dog Todd was launched from the bush, striking him on the leg. Nothing further a bird's from the bush. lodge from the bush, striking him on the leg. Nothing further a bird's from the bush. Well, if it happened, I think that's a unit dent, but that's the big question. Did it

happen? Did it happen? Well, I think we've got to accept the integrity. Have we? I don't know what's up to us because there was one or two that was submitted that I think were clearly lies and I even put on the shortlist. So I mean if it happened it's like it's a major you need in this Andrew. Did you ever tell you the tale about the Indian the beggars con in Mumbai? You did many many years ago but I'll write a repeat. Because that involves a gentleman from a posh hotel, walks out of the hotel, goes past some

hedging and then out of the hedge comes some liquid Todd and covers their shoes and then from behind the head emerges someone who has a bucket of soapy water who says I can clean that off for you for five dollars or whatever. So it reminded me of that Andy which is it's nice for me to be reminded of something like that It's nice to remember things So I think that's about it in terms of the unit dense one quick more Matthew Sier says I had a house party when I was 16 and we were out on the patio, swarking roll-ups One of the lads dropped his roly and it landed on the filter end stood perfectly upright. Is that a unit end? Well a roly that is unusual in it. Well if it were a conventional cigarette, I would think it will be doable

But really tricky but the fact that's a roly and I might give it provisional acceptance yeah depending upon anyone else contacting us you know through the usual channels to say they've heard of it how that information and if it has happened yeah yeah let's give it provisional status and so we'll give that an ambustet this time. Ambustet, yes. Ambustet, yes. I've got some hacked footage from the boardroom, with Derby County from Infinity Rocket Plastics. Uh-oh, yep.

Yeah, so, actually Andy, would you give them a quick ring just to thank them? Yeah, yeah, I've got the direct contact here. There we go. Hello, hello, is that, is that moose? No, it's me, Henry Leccew. Moose is that a Comic-Con planning meeting. Can I help you?

I'm very good. I wear shorts, you know. I've got great legs. Right, it's Andy from Athletical Pass, and I just wanted to thank Moose for sending over the Derby County stuff. Alright, I'll pass that onto him, yeah. I'm really good at that sort of thing. I'm not, you know, technical at all, really, just run the office.

Sometimes wonder if they just got me in for me legs, you know, they're really quite stunning. Same with me long neck, very, very pretty. What's your neck like? I, I am really got one, to be honest. Oh, that's a shame. I wouldn't have mentioned me wonderful neck if I'd known. How insensitive of me. I'm like, well, you couldn't have known about me, me lack of neck, so don't, don't fret

about it. So, are you going to use the footage for your soccer podcast? Yeah, yeah, just about to play it now, yeah. Oh, I love soccer. I mean, you know, with my neck and me long, long legs, why wouldn't I? My favourite thing is to kick the ball forwards. All right, well, I speak to you, thanks. Oh, do you need an office person for your podcast? You know perhaps one who has really heavenly legs, a powerful neck and

a real love of soccer. No no we don't really have an office. Oh shame, would you like a photo of my legs or a video of me kicking a ball forwards, using, you know, me-set legs. No, thanks, but that's okay. No, thanks for your help anyway, see ya. So, did you speak to Mous? How'd it go? Um, he wasn't there. Can we just get over there, I feel a bit weird. When you give things a go, don't you? You know what I mean?

Right? Let's play the wav. I believe it's been hot suit cased from a router bleed apparently. Right. Here goes. Like I say, it's in the boardroom and Steve is there with Wade Rooney and his snake Casper. Let's play start. So, Wade, what do you reckon to this awful situation with the club having no money and no players? Do you think it's a bit of a bug? You know, do you think it's worth it to have thoughts about what I haven't made the decision yet as to when and where to have these thoughts that that that that I'm a bit the same. It's all such a little Miss Messy, isn't it?

I'm even having trouble thinking about when I should have a think about, when to think about it. Do you like the new rug casper chose for in front of the bookcase? Yes, a great rug, it's a sort of rug you're really going on with once you've decided to make a decision or how you felt about it and that and this them and him and her and them and there.

The chairman weighed he says we need to make a to-do list right that's why I called you in so shall we make a start I'll go first I think we should make a fun and laughter bar with a custard layer and call it the fun and laughter funny custard bar. I agree. My turn. I'll actually be able to buy a set of half-could. Oh yes that's a lovely name. What goes best with that? Keith Watson, Keith Bailey? I like chestnuts as a say name, so I'll about Keith Chestnuts. Keith Chestnuts is a super luxury name. So find out if there are any footballers called Keith Chestnuts on the to-do list, right my turn. Did you know that at Les Curtains and making a comeback, maybe we should hang them on the

windows of the executive boxes? That was sure we're right ahead of the interior design curve and I think that's important. I agree, my turn. What if we got a strong man to parade around the ground before the heck off, old in Casper up above his head? Oh my giddy pinples, how could you suggest so-so thing? Casper is the most precious non-liquid in the world and he he gets moxie notches if exposed to heights. If he starts spewing he might not ever stop, and then the hole in my life would be bigger than a giant hat. Casper is a bookage of champagne, bubbles with cotton candy necklace, and the topping of caramel cuddles, don't you dare put that on the list. Sorry boss. Yeah and say sorry to Casper.

Sorry Casper and that and this and them and those and who and what and that and how and why and that and then and now and that. So come on, read out what we've got on the list. It's the jokes that costed the layer to the fun and laughter bar. Find a footballer called Keith Chessnaughts and put netcans on the exact cover box. Well I think that's pretty comprehensive. I think with made real progress, the chairman's going to be chuffed to fuck. I agree. So that was that, isn't it? That, that, that, that! Hello, and welcome to the Dunpod with me, Dominic Littlewood,

Prince Toppercast with my celebrity friends if we wake at this week my celebrity guest is not over the TV fisherman, Bob Ballman. All right, Tom. Welcome to a log, Bob Ballman, thanks very much.

We're just gonna have a little casual chat and stuffy feet, worry about this now. Can we know traps already, if we like that. First of all, Bob, where are bats on the bed? Do you have the open side of the doofay? You know, let's go to the press stands on. Do you have it down the bottom of the bed? Yeah, I keep it down the bottom don't want it against me chaining that, you know, I

Might at the top so I can stall stuff in it, you know If I have a sandwich in bed and I don't finish it, I'll just pop it in the open bit sorry river later. I'm not bad I think of that, dumb. Yeah, the difference is a rip in you from this there, but that's okay, that's what life's all about, isn't it? Ah, that is a little segment, I like to call Dom's tip. It's a little tip you might want to try, but if you run out of milk and you make it a cup of tea, just walk it down some custard,

and it works just as well. Is that true, though, dumb? You know, is it actually true? That's very true. You could try that yourself later on. Well, I don't think it's gonna work, but I will try it if you've said it works and give it a go.

You try it. You bloody will try it, mate. Report back here, we all find it next time. Could you use cheese? If you melt the cheese, no. Nah, it's got to be something with some kind of liquidity consistency. Chasers, that would go to listen

or unless you want to melt it first., but even then it's still too thick. You try to recreate milk crying out loud. I laughly summers evening, strouling along me in my cow, or the lovely summers evening. That's the song I'll be working on. What you think about it, Bob? Oh, I thought it was beautiful. It, honestly, it mesmerized me. Yeah, it took me down the country lane somewhere even in Slovely. Yeah. Oh, I might do some more work on that.

I just got stopped in this manmit because we've got to do a little Spudzer advert thing for this part of the podcast. This podcast is brought to you in a association with Red Sauce. Red Sauce is so versatile, put it on your sausage ends or maybe just have it raw at the power of your hand. Red Sauce. There we go. And that, well one more topic to cover

size so we got a bump. What's your preferred size of pickled onion? Big, nice move. I like the little one so I can put it all in me mouth, you know, without having to get messy biting into it. How many pickled onions can you fit in your mouth and what go? Well, the little ones I could probably get about eight in. But eight? Oh, about the big ones.

Big ones. Well, I'd only put one of them in, you know what I mean. It's a lot of juices. Would you regard one big one as a chalke? It has it. Yeah, maybe, maybe. Yeah. Does your wife ever say that when you pick the lanyons, you put them in your mouth and won't go?

None whatsoever, that's my business. Or are you your own man in the government? I'm your own man, though. Honestly, when it comes to audience and cheese, I'm your own man. All right. I believe you. I'm on the fence on that one. I ain't got an opening on that. But pick the line inside just before I throw it in.

That's it from the Dump pod for this week. We'll be back with another episode next week when my special guest will be Jaxwosh. Thank you very much. Bye! I just done the Dump pod cast and they used quite good. He's written a nice little song. All right, really? I hope he continues with it. Really beautiful little song.

We've got a few questions from the past numbers. I know we did unit dance but we've got some generic questions as well. Let me have a look what we've got. Ben Duncan says if you had that eight the hair of one footballer who would it be? Oh, my gut reaction to this is, and this is a resonator we know is a Burr-a-Fan, Craig Johnson. Well, that's if you're hungry, you know? Well, yeah, obviously, if you have to eat the hair of a footballer, you've got to assume you're going to be hungry and desperate, aren't you?

So there's plenty going on there in Craig Johnson's hair. That, you know, like Phil Fordens, like that slab he's got on his there. Yeah. And Craig Johnson's here. You know, like Phil Fordens, like that slab he's got on his head. Yeah. I mean, if you cut that off nicely, that might emitter a stick a bit. Do you know what I mean? Bit of pepper sauce. Yeah, and I slice off that. Yeah, fry it.

I think you would fry it, yeah. Yeah. Gook here. Fine. Good answer. Um, Kristian Inzli says, my wife has just completed a 50 mile ultra marathon in the league district. She wants meat to do it with her next year, please advise.

My advice is no. Well, I'll follow you on that, Andrew. Colin Booth, does Andy or Bob have a recipe that uses hot dog water? It just seems like a waste to throw it away. I use it. I can help out here. I use it to cook cabbage in, it's delicious. All right, an additional flavour, I just chuck it on my weeds. Do you? Because it helps some grow, yeah, yeah, it's good for weeds.

Have you got an as healthy crop of weeds this year Andy? I've got a lovely patch in the corner of the next to the deck and I mean weeds are currently about five foot high. Nice to the grow through the deck in, that can be the next to the deck and I mean weeds are currently about five foot high. Nice to the grow through the deck in that can be a problem to the grow through it. No, no there's just like a patch of what you can barely describe as earth that they grow out of. It's just a weird ground. You like weird ground but in your garden, do you know what I mean? I know what you mean. I know what you mean. It's a weird patch. Ding dong landlord here. Just to let you know, I'm going to have to remove the air bricks from your walls.

I need them to keep carrots upright at me, rabbit's birthday party. Do you remember him? Ding dong landlord here. I just thought I'd drop this dog dirt off for you. I thought it might be useful for blocking up the holes when I took your air bricks. How thoughtful of me. I thought it might be useful for blocking up the holes when I chuck your air bricks. How thoughtful of me. I know. We'd better go and I've got some business meeting. Oh business? Alright, it's fair enough. Well thanks, past netbets for listening. There was an indulgenous as always. Thank you very much. See you past netbets.

Bye bye. Music