Athletico Mince - Boiled Parsnips 27: Dyche’s Farewell

Episode Date: January 31, 2023

Bob plays his cards right, topical comedy, a new Geordie Heat boss, Adrian joins in the ASMR, Martin visits Steve, and a snooker visit. (Rec: 30/4/22) Become a member at https://plus.acast.com/s/athle...ticomince. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

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Starting point is 00:00:14 See you after details. Hello ladies and gentlemen and welcome to Athletico Pass Nips. Imagine if you can, that you're a fun style character with cat phrases such as not on the kitchen table? Not now Malcolm. Oh That's not nice and I resemble that remark On your first day of a new job you're sent into the boss's office for a welcome to the office chat The office stinks of sour milk and the boss himself is a sweaty human egg wearing a vest and with his cowboy boots up on the table. You see your opportunity, not on the kitchen table! You say, I thought you'd kick me one night. Oh, that's not nice. Oh, God, you're one ugly trick.
Starting point is 00:01:22 Oh, I resemble that remark. I get out and never, ever return. It is of course, Andy does. Oh, Mr. Big Boss. With your creeping hair loss. Oh, Mr. Cowboy. Face like a sap n' eye. Oh, Mr Mr Eggman
Starting point is 00:01:47 Yogurt skin and red hands Like a lump of the damn Rapt in a slice of boiled hand All right, I'll be Bob I quite like that. I don't mind the combo of the vest and the cowboy boots. I reckon that'll be alright That's soup that's beautiful. That's soup that beautiful. Yeah with a pair of running shorts. Oh god, yeah beat it Yeah, what was those? Remember the running shorts you stuff the run shorts you stuff it they were kind of like though
Starting point is 00:02:20 It should there were shiny quality used to be like get them in red that they should come back They were like football kit style, weren't there? I did live a pull off shiny shorts. Yeah, I think the last time the mid in appearance was with those retro advertising runners. Was it 4801, 8801 or something? Oh, that's probably right. Yeah, the fellas with the droopy moustaches,
Starting point is 00:02:40 that was funny. We're gonna charge you a £1.45 to tell you a telephone number, but it's all right, because these fellas because these fellas get you athletes from the 1970s hey hang on a minute there oh hey up Bob three of hearts higher yeah Oh wow I get to play that! Higher. Is that yes? Ten of diamonds, really beautiful. Higher all lower. I'm so happy. three lower I really do I have to get seven of clubs seven higher or lower higher
Starting point is 00:03:31 higher the end of clubs I will get higher or lower higher. Queen of Spades, you're on a run, you're on a run, you're on a run, whenever one four of diamonds. Higher. Nine of clubs, higher or lower. Oh, that's tricky. Higher. Jack of Spears! Jack of Spears, higher or lower? Lower. Three of hearts, higher or lower? Higher. Humiliation.
Starting point is 00:04:20 Oh, shit. To a club, sorry. Oh, well, I was looking at all a run, but ultimately you won nothing. Never mind. Thank you for doing that to me, that was such a fun journey, did. Do you want a name? Please, yes. What are you normally running on that? You're a dog usually, am I? Yeah, you're a honky-tonk, yeah.
Starting point is 00:04:44 Among your tongue. Well Liam Casserol, he likes cooking on the top of the hob, you know, he just keeps his crafting shit in the oven. Never used it. He's watching the oven. He keeps watching the oven. He keeps his crafting accessories, you know, like paper, cards,
Starting point is 00:05:00 sequins, glue, sequins, sequins in the oven. Yeah, okay. Shit, glue, sequins and oven. Yeah, okay. Shit show Kenis. He does live, he does live crafting shows. And is he going to glit, glit bomb? Was it called glit cannon? No, I don't want to ruin his show for him. Kelvin clean. That's just simply a play on the firm as Nickadizana. I love all of them. It's up to you. I love all of them.
Starting point is 00:05:29 You'll have them all. I'll be the first one. Liam Castellan. Yeah. I've got a couple for you as well. Ken Starski. Go on then. It's another Ken Starski.
Starting point is 00:05:37 Yeah. Cleans to be the nephew of Starski from Starski and Hutch. And your reckons, he's got a certificate from Hollywood to prove it. Oh, you can be or you can be honky tongue or you can be Colin Norsebag, it's all of his food out of a Norsebag that is stored from the local steables and it's not a shameda moon. What was that first one again? It was so much to do with Starsky. I'm going to be honky-tonk if you don't mind and I don't know you don't. Try really, try really hard. Do you remember Saturday nights in the 70s Staski, you know, eye inside. Come on, have some wives questions
Starting point is 00:06:16 Andrew. For Christ's sake. Must I? Andrew says the wife. Yes, hold on the wife. When you are layered in the bath, do you ever attempt to adjust the taps with your feet? Or do you just not put any water in there anyway, preferring to chisel the muck off with a butternife? Yeah. I'll just usually sandp it, or it off like, like, like, like, you sandp it with me skin. The wife suspected that, and she thanks you for the answer.
Starting point is 00:06:45 Funny. Andrew, after you've had a bath, do you serve the water for your famous roca stew? Or do you let it drain so that you can get your kids mattress back in there? I usually carry it out into the garden in buckets and put it on the hang-in baskets, which as we know are KFC buckets that are filled with grass cuttings. Okay.
Starting point is 00:07:18 Thanks, Frondie. Oh, she did. Yes, she's thanks you very much for the sign. Andrew, when you are waddling around your estate trying to get support for your sexy bingo evenings, do you try to attract attention by banging on a kid's drum or do you prefer to toot on your little plastic saxophone? I'm a tooter. I'm always with a tooter.
Starting point is 00:07:41 Who wouldn't? Do you want? Not something I've heard. What was it? Not a bingo. I'm always been a tutor. Who wouldn't? Do you know what? No, I'm not Sunday at birth. What was it? Not a bingo. No, you're not sexy bingo. Sexy bingo. Old bingo is sexy.
Starting point is 00:07:51 I've got a good idea. Can I, can I, is that the end of the questions? Yeah, yeah, thank you for answering. Could I attempt some topical comedy? Yeah, go on. I've been working on some topical comedy comedy routine. Are you seeing? Have you seen? Have you seen? Have you seen?
Starting point is 00:08:06 James Corden! James Corden is quitting his chat show and he's leaving America! Close the borders! There's... Have you seen? Have you seen? There's a new super sewer opening in London underneath the Thames. I don't rate it. I've heard it's full. Maybe they'll change the name to channel 4-0.
Starting point is 00:08:54 I don't actually like football so I don't know if that one works. What's your reckon? What's he called? Do you have a stage? Not a comedian. I've done a Josh Samae. It's a comedian. Yeah. Well, you could maybe Liam Casserol. Liam Casserol, yeah. Okay. I've had, I think this is good news.
Starting point is 00:09:13 I've had another bit of script from the upcoming Notflix series, Jordy Hate. Oh, excellent. And... Jordy Hates. Crime on the time. Oh, excellent. And... ... ... ... ... ... ...
Starting point is 00:09:28 ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ...
Starting point is 00:09:36 ... ... ... ... ... ... Interior, Jody Heat Heat Ed Quotas. It's a leaving party for DI Steve Bruce, who was leaving for his new role as Chief Constable with the Baggy Interceptors in Birmingham.
Starting point is 00:09:59 Join in IMA, PC Denise Welsh, PC Carol Be. J.J. Shelby and his successor in the post, D.I. Eddie Howe, first to speak. It's P.C. Welsh. Well, I have to say what sad occasion it is for us all. You've been a smashing bus lake and never caused us any bother or out like that. Ah, that's very kind, sweetheart. I've really enjoyed me time here, even if it did lack impact. I'll miss you all. JJ Shelby Chirpson. You won't miss me, you matey. I will visit you in your dreams and pass unnoticed amongst your colleagues as I seek fresh blood. I, well, I'll very much look forward to that Jeje, you keep up the good work now, won't you? Bet you buy, golly wow, I will! I'm not just about the biting you know, I'm committed to the night shift.
Starting point is 00:11:02 So long as I get the occasional nip and suck." I good lad, J.J. Now, PC beardly, I'm really going to miss your tenet cases and your cold omelette rolls. Maybe you could give me the recipe. Oh, says Carol. Oh, dear Bruce, have very kind of you to compliment me on the eggs, but I have to admit that they are all prepared by my clown husband in his kitchen with hook and circus. I shall not pass on the compliment if you do not mind, on account of him being a hawk and midnight creeper with a brain of Todd, it may turn him toward the self-hawk unsatisfied. Just at that moment the door opens and Peter Beardley pops his head round.
Starting point is 00:11:52 Hello, I was just passing by like you, I thought I was wishing I'd boost. All the best for this future in burning am. I, that's very kind of you Peter that I was just sent to your wife. That wouldn't mind getting hold of some of your agresities. Oh, that would be a pleasure, Steve. No, the most important thing is the preparation of the actual pan you're using. I think it is to get one of them, squeegee squeegee rough rough cleaning sponges, you know, a'r yw'r yw'r yw'r yw'r yw'r yw'r yw'r yw'r yw'r yw'r yw'r yw'r yw'r yw'r yw'r yw'r yw'r yw'r yw'r yw'r yw'r yw'r yw'r yw'r yw'r yw'r yw'r yw'r yw'r yw'r yw'r yw'r yw'r yw'r yw'r yw'r yw'r yw'r yw'r yw'r yw'r yw'r yw'r yw'r yw'r yw'r yw'r yw'r yw'r yw'r yw'r yw'r yw'r yw'r yw'r yw'r yw'r yw'r yw'r yw'r yw'r yw'r yw'r yw'r yw'r yw'r yw'r yw'r yw'r yw'r yw'r yw'r yw'r yw'r yw'r yw'r yw'r yw'r yw'r yw'r yw'r yw'r yw'r yw'r yw'r yw'r yw'r yw'r yw'r yw'r yw'r yw'r yw'r yw'r yw'r yw'r yw'r yw'r yw'r yw'r yw'r yw'r yw'r yw'r yw'r yw'r yw'r yw'r yw'r yw'r y She ruff off, she's good, she's good. Do you get the answer, Steve? Do you know?
Starting point is 00:12:45 Do you get what? I mean, do you feel me? Do you stick on me, Drift's name? PC Caroll Bees, the approaches Peter at the door and Wispers into Isaiah. How dare you interrupt me at my fork and work, Steve? Do you think my fork and colleagues want to tolerate your deaf fork and bent slab of a fierce o'r ffordd o'r ffordd o'r ffordd o'r ffordd o'r ffordd o'r ffordd o'r ffordd o'r ffordd o'r ffordd o'r ffordd o'r ffordd o'r ffordd o'r ffordd o'r ffordd o'r ffordd o'r ffordd o'r ffordd o'r ffordd o'r ffordd o'r ffordd o'r ffordd o'r ffordd o'r ffordd o'r ffordd o'r ffordd o'r ffordd o'r ffordd o'r ffordd o'r ffordd o'r ffordd o'r ffordd o'r ffordd o'r ffordd o'r ffordd o'r ffordd o'r ffordd o'r ffordd o'r ffordd o'r ffordd o'r ffordd o'r ffordd o'r ffordd o'r ffordd o'r ffordd o'r ffordd o'r ffordd o'r ffordd o'r ffordd o'r ffordd o'r ffordd o'r ffordd o'r ffordd o'r ffordd o'r ffordd o'r ffordd o'r ffordd o'r ffordd o'r ffordd o'r ffordd o'r ffordd o'r ffordd o'r ffordd o'r ffordd o'r ffordd o'r ffordd o'r ffordd o'r ffordd o'r ffordd o'r ffordd o'r ffordd or ffordd o'r ffordd o'r ffordd o'r ffordd o Oh, okay, oh yeah, nice thing, you all, and good... them when we were on the night shift together. You're the only chat in here, you slaggy bike. So, Carol.
Starting point is 00:13:49 Now, now, ladies, let's not have any of that. Well, I reckon it's time I introduce you to me successor. Please give a warm welcome to DI Eddie Howe. Carol. Oh, my God, he's fucking gorgeous. Looks like a fucking East German poet. He can climb my wall anytime fucking once. Denise Welsh, oh sounds like the slag now. I certainly know it looks like one. Oh fuck off, no you fuck off. Oh, thank you very much, thank you, Jack.
Starting point is 00:14:27 There's only one lady in here. Fuck off. Can I just fucking say what an absolute pleasure is to be working with such a hurry in accessibility. I don't really know up from down on my arms from me fucking ass when it comes to cry fighting, but I'm sure you'll all hold my hand and see me through. Can I ask you, D.I. Bruce,
Starting point is 00:14:55 if you're looking forward to your new fucking post in Burning Am? Oh, I very much so, yeah. Yana, as long as I can get over the language barrier in that. The boss makes a good point that they don't half talk deafed down there in Bernanham. You need an interpreter! A bit like what I do when I'm fighting a succumbus or a nightfatter! I think other than... I think other than the work,
Starting point is 00:15:26 then that late the work will be very similar. And I've told I've got a lovely office where I can get on the ebay in peace. Well, I wish you all a fighting best with your future endeavors and your good fighting luck all round really. So one thing, I think you guys have organised
Starting point is 00:15:42 a little surprise for DIY Bruce. Denise opens the door and in strides So one thing I think you guys have organized a little surprise for DI Bruce. Denise opens the door and in strides Mr Sting wearing a bean husk boiler suit with a Robin Hood hat on his head. He's carrying his loot. Steve Bruce. Oh fuck. Good evening ladies and gentlemen of Johnny Heath. It is me, Mr Sting from the Massive House, with the Massive Drive and the Massive Fields of Wheat, where my Massive Dog's Rome Free.
Starting point is 00:16:12 Hi, Mr Sting, do you fancy a bunk up? No, I do not. I'm here to sing my tribute to Guy Abruz. So, give me a good fucking lesson and no thought four doors or temple equipment if you don't mind. EEEE goes! Oh, Mr. Stin, oh Mr. Stin, he knew a tune or two! And Mr. Bruce, yes Mr. Bruce, I wrote this one for you! You are a cop, but brave and true, and you never missed the shift.
Starting point is 00:16:45 For cram on the time, on George Ordy night's eight, seven, six, four, rice. Close up of Bruce's fingernails scratching at the surface of the table, and JJ Shelby, knowing at the wall. Oh, George, he's, yes, George, he's committed to their cause. God bless the squad, God praise the squad. Nineteen eight and Edward. The old must go to starting your reign. Some things will change. I had this rebate.
Starting point is 00:17:15 My gift to you is this final refrain. Nine two eight, seven and grain. Sting Bows with a flourish It leaves the premises. It is massive hydro-rocket car. Eddie. That was very nice, but you know, fuck it, it's fucking over. Everyone nods their head and waves in agreement. Jordy heats. and that's there was much as the script as I got and that's more than enough I can't
Starting point is 00:17:51 wait to say yeah and say the full thing on the Nutflick service there yeah couple of years time the reckon yeah good big budget big production shall we Shall we have some of the questions that have been received from the past nippers? Why I must have some in front of me here I will begin with this one that comes from the enigmatically named Trichten. Trichten says which handfiguration for smoke in a cigarette or Andy and Bob's preferred methods, AJ index and middle finger palm facing towards the face. That for me is the classic. I don't smoke, I know you don't smoke anymore. Are you sure me that?
Starting point is 00:18:35 That's the classic, yeah. Yeah, that. You've got the thumb and the index finger over the, no, no, I'm doing... I like the that one, Andy. So yeah, it's not because of that. So you've got to tie a hand cover in the face. Yeah. To keep the face warm. I've always thought like that. It's cool.
Starting point is 00:18:59 Is the one where you have the middle finger and the ring finger and the little finger divided so that you've got down the middle. Is that a thing? Maybe that's a lady's? That would be a bit corny wouldn't it? It's a bit arch. Yeah. Well I think Trickedon's described the classic there in the thing. That's a key I think. Yeah. Pumped towards the face. Yeah. Martin Hughes says, do you like things that are great? Yes, Martin Hughes says, do you like things that are great? I like things that are great. Good things are fantastic and I also paint. Just the hobby, nothing drastic.
Starting point is 00:19:36 Yeah, I love things that are great. I love things that are all right, sometimes. Really? Yeah, yeah, I've got fairly low threshold. Like, he says, like things, not love things. I like things that are alright. But what about things that are not bad? Um, same as alright, yeah. Depends on how I like them. I can like them. You know, you take your kids to the movies, like Avengers movies and that. Yeah.
Starting point is 00:19:59 And they're always, I don't know what it is, like they're always like six out of ten, not bad. Yeah, like that yeah I like it yeah it's nice it's a nice event isn't it something to do but if something's great it surely deserves our fondness there's not that much that's great though so of course you like things that are great I think being some good football recently the Johnny Depp child's great is that great I've not been watching bits of it. It seems to be two people who are quite damaged. I make no comment. I think we have a big argument, cost themselves a lot of money and maybe I don't know their reputation reputation It's human drama though, that's real It's human drama, it's sad, it's sad I think
Starting point is 00:20:47 But you see, it's compelling Andy and Bob says, Ryan, Moll-New Moll-Moll-New Moll-New Andy and Bob, what is your go-to chocolate bar? Can I guess yours, Andy? You can have a go I think your go-to chocolate bar is the flake
Starting point is 00:21:07 nah nah no what is it it's a galaxy oh it is nice nice and greasy yeah it really lends you mouthed on it you want to guess mine yours would be the it is a bit unusual and I'm not being I'm not being an artist. It is the one I love. Um... Topic. Bag on. No! Get in there.
Starting point is 00:21:34 Beautiful. It's a beautiful bath. So, it's underrated bath. It really is. It really is. Mark Wilkinson, consumer advice he asks for. He says, secondhand car required budget 5K, must go like Bob Supercar, but sip petrol and these frugal octavia. I'd go for 07 plate, scored a fair beer, VRS one, you know the hot one. That was a very specific answer,
Starting point is 00:22:04 just off the top of the head out of your research that... Hey, no, I haven't researched it. You know I like giving consumer advice, Andy, you know? And that's what I would recommend. I mean, he's not going to get my Octavia here because it's an airplane plate. You're not going to get a Ferrari drive. Oh, that's nice.
Starting point is 00:22:19 Yeah, someone's doing well. It's an airplane plate, but I tell you what, it's got some zip. I bet it is and I was especially your fat leg pressing on the accelerator and I'm looking really hard on the pedal and because it's quite short I've got a brick that I have in front of the pedal so I can reach it so yeah yeah I was listening to Tyson's Fury the other day on the radio and he says I've got the... is accent great in it, I can't do it but I've got to know seven octavia.
Starting point is 00:22:50 He says... It's all he says. He says I don't need any more money, I don't like, but you know I'm not bothered, I've got an all seven octavia. Yeah, yeah, does the job, what's the problem? Heard and asks, have you ever used an escape lane? I haven't, I mean I've been tempted like as all, but no, I've never used an escape lane. That's not the hard shoulder, is it? That's for Laurie's going downhill in it, the escape lane. Yeah. That's high
Starting point is 00:23:18 Japanese stuff, that, isn't it? That is, yeah. Fear the escape lane, don't you. No, don't go near it. Similarly, road-based questioning from Ethan Nolson. Does Andrew know what's happened to the caravan on the year 19? It's gone. There was a caravan on the year 19 and a layer by recently. We're not really sure what it was there for, but apparently it's gone. I've not seen it.
Starting point is 00:23:42 I've not noticed that it's gone. I don't know what's happened to it, I imagine it's been cubed by the authorities, but there you go. I've heard that Adrian Lewis and the waiter I have got together for these help you sleep tapes. Yes. Could we play one of them? Yeah, let's do that. Okay. I think it's the time in the podcast when people might like to have a little nap.
Starting point is 00:24:15 There's no snooze. Yeah, alright. Here we go. There's then softer discs as well. There's then soft pieces there. Oh, hot movie footage. Cube, links that was, stewed in a cocktail of dog piss. Oh, caramelized German wetter. Triple cooked, full whiskers on a bed of mechanically recovered maggots from France.
Starting point is 00:24:59 Oh, marginalised scalp in dense. Fuck off. Pan-fried germs dropped from a lower wall on a wet shop and dressed in an amodium sauce to cut out their made-of-man. Oh, fuck off oh, fuck. Ow, in a thong. A rat of the... Oh, sorry.
Starting point is 00:25:39 Go on. Oh, like... Doctor Crabtree's egg back. A rat of fuxxins, I've been rammed into the boiled belly of my bison. Night night. I've probably lost half of our fuel list sleep. Lost half of the fuel list of various reasons after that. What'd you like to play a little game, Bob?
Starting point is 00:26:16 Go on then. Which I call from Centre Spot to Shit Farm. I like this game. Thank you. Four, yes, here we go again. Three football clubs, professional level, no no like, and I want to know the distance between the center spot on the pitch to the nearest sewage treatment facility. Well, I don't want you to tell me, I want you to tell me closest to furthest away. Or vice vice versa it's up to you. Here we go. Those three clubs this week are
Starting point is 00:26:48 Stoke City Peter Breonite's Swansea City closest Stoke furthest away to the nearest shit farm Stoke Swansea a shitha stoke swanzy peterbro and what order are you giving me there stoke is the nearest stoke's the nearest then swanzy then peterbro is the furthest aware yeah couldn't have got that more wrong couldn't have got that more
Starting point is 00:27:21 wrong you got it completely wrong spita braaynated 2.2 miles, Swansea City's 2.6 miles and Stoke City are whopping 3.4 miles from centre spot to ship farm and unfortunately I'm pretty disappointed in that and because like I was at Peter bruh watching the borough for a few weeks back and it's kind of in the town sent the near the river near the railway station and I thought there can't be a ship farm that near to the to where the public crawl around. Two miles just goes to shore doesn't it? Did you go really good instinct there? Did you give just some kind of
Starting point is 00:28:01 I thought Peterborough there's no ship farm near Peterborough and then I've been to Stoke and Stokes retail sort of park out of Tower Did you give to some... No, I thought Peter Brothers, no shit farm near Peter Brothers. Well, I just lost my brother. And I've been to Stoke and Stoke's retail sort of park out of tower. Yeah. And I thought maybe there'd be a one called... Anyway, we can't analyze it, Andrew. You know, I've got it wrong. It's a Crete them are weird.
Starting point is 00:28:17 That's the thing. It's a Crete them are weird. It's sometimes where you're least expectable. It's what I've found from the research that I've done. Oh, Andy, the people at Infinity Rocket Plastics, they got old of a, I think it's a WAV4, is that such a thing? Is a WAV4 WAV? I'm not familiar with a bomb, anyway. Anyway, it's one of them and it's Sean Dacia's final
Starting point is 00:28:49 motivational turn he gave to his squad before he left. Okay, so that is a sad development for me, Dacia leaving Burnley. It's like, what does it say when the Reavans leave the Tower of London or something? That's when it's all over. That's when Armageddon happens, something like that. So you think Bernley's gone now? Yeah, I think so. I think relegation's imminent and then the Puerto Sonland end up in leg one. I don't see how they can you know progress at all. Well maybe if they remember these words from Sean? I don't think I'll see him through. Let's have a listen to them. Here we go. But sexiers have been together. Enjoying Burnley's shitty weather.
Starting point is 00:29:36 Eighteen pies and pitting in sinks. Bullying the likes of Harry Winks. We've played it long, we've tackled hard. We've kept clean sheets and we've eaten large. Keep your football simple, use pliers when you squeeze a pimple. Where your shirt, I and the tight when you're out for a pint on a Saturday night. And remember, Dung, Rick work, Duck King, Pry, Forklift, and that's the Burnley way. Bansy foot works a waste of time, just like hot dogs without the brine.
Starting point is 00:30:21 A backpast is worth 10 to the side, a steak is always better fried. Refrigeraries are bastards, bars are fucking joke. If you feel in bad at half time, then other fucking smoke. Dribbling is for babies, smoke salmon is for the ladies. Please don't bother with fancy flicks, robona's and nutmegs is just for pricks. Make sure to remain a team to be feared, it won't be easy without the dispears. Kick the ball high into the sky, a tackle hard, aim into the thigh. A time-wester is a point-server, and an old-fashioned blade is the perfect razor. And remember, putty,
Starting point is 00:31:09 dubbing, joys, shit, that's the firmly way. God look. That's his hair. Good final message, Andy. Good locker, fuck off. Thanks for nothing. It is a shame because when I think what he's done for that club.
Starting point is 00:31:43 Yeah. I mean, I don't know I was listening to the radio yesterday and there was a good episode of you know the show where Martin from ones under the hammer visits the homes of the rich and famous yes yes I do yeah so I'll play I'll play it for you um Obviously starts off with the theme tune. Ma ma ma ma ma ma ma tinn. Do do do do. Ma ma ma ma ma ma ma tinn. Ma ma tinn.
Starting point is 00:32:12 Ma ma tinn. Do do do. Do do do. Well hello boys and girls and welcome to the show. It's an unusual format but I hope that you like it and all I do. So you find me not far from Stoke on Trent in a pretty village outside a lovely 1970s Dharma bungalow got a lovely yellow door and they were all yellow. Let's get it to knock. Ladies and, it's ex-English football team CEO, Mr Steve McLaren. Hello Steve. Hello Martin, do come in but try to be a bit quiet because
Starting point is 00:32:58 Casper is having a little beauty nap. And who might I ask? Is Casper? He's my bestest ever friend. He's my rock, my everything. He's like a great big balloon full of pure love and rainbow sprinkles with a footch topping and a champagne glass full of sympathy and understanding. Sounds wonderful. Is he upstairs? Because I don't really need to see upstairs. No, he's on the sofa in the living room. Okay, I'll try to be quiet, but it is for radio, so I do have to speak Steve. Yes, I understand that. So this is the entrance hall, it's got nice thick wall carpet and lonely wallpaper. That's a pattern with a big leaves and frogs that dad and yo-jewel but I like it! Did you choose it, Steve?
Starting point is 00:33:58 No, it was Casper's choice. He's as clever with colours as he has with love and kindness. Right, so we're going through to the living room so I'll be nice and quiet. Oh it's okay there's no one in here. We can relax. What a beautiful apricot color itself. I'm gonna give that a go. No, no be careful! Hey, that's what the fuck is that? The fucking snake! Yes, that's Casper and you've broken him up now. Does he bite my fucking Goddy's ugly? How dare you disturb Casper and insult him like that? Go and get out of my house, go and fuck off!
Starting point is 00:34:40 Fag my man, you weird fucker! You want to grow up and get the proper pet! I'm weird. Look at you, you scruffy fucking chap. You look like you've been sleeping in the tumble dry, and you smell like cat food. Oh god, this whole house stinks. What's it built of? Fucking dog shit. Oh shut up. Have you got the idea of something?
Starting point is 00:35:01 And it fucks your brain? Ha ha ha! Your brain's not only fucks. You dozy prick. Have you got the idea of something and it fucked your brain? Ha ha ha ha! Your brain's all early fucks, you dirty prick! Get out, you dirty kidhead, you dweller! Don't worry, I'm going! What an awful man with an unusual attitude! And you know what, I didn't like him!
Starting point is 00:35:20 So I'll see you next time! And that was all I took, Andy. Yeah, more than enough I'd say. Oh God, did you say Martin, he's been ill recently. Oh, that's a shame. He was in hospital, yeah, so on Twitter and some people like tagged us in to wishing more the best. I think he's- Oh, well, I wish him more the best.
Starting point is 00:35:41 Cuts exploded or something like that. But he's all right, he's on the mend. It was touch and go I think but he's alright so that's good news. No standing man. So I'll be best wishes. I'll be best wishes. I'll be best wishes if you're listening Martin. You've been watching out on Telly. Yeah I've been mean, I've finished all the married at first sight now, Australia and the UK. Yeah. And better call, Saul's new season has been released. So, I mean, good.
Starting point is 00:36:13 Which is me favour, be favourable, sure. Well, what I'm doing is I'm watching the season before just to catch myself up, you know. So, I've got that to look forward to. And, um, I'm watching you see I'm completely absorbed in the Johnny Depp trial at the moment so that's what I'm watching that and football really. Right I've been just absorbed in the snoker for the last two weeks. I just like I love it. It's just so soothing but at the same time exciting. And I went down to watch it live at the Crucible in Sheffield last week.
Starting point is 00:36:49 Oh, last one. I mean, the atmosphere is brilliant. It's a proper family atmosphere, which you don't get much at sporting events. That was really nice. There's like a fan zone outside the theater itself with snooker tables you can play on they have this thing called crazy snooker So it's kind of like crazy golf, but on a snooker table
Starting point is 00:37:10 Do you know I mean you can no that's how it's fun Yeah, you anyone to join in you've got to hit the ball like the one I did you got to hit the ball up a ramp on the table And then it's got to go into the hole at the top of the ramp It's not easy because there's no wall in the ramp can drop off either side So I thought I'd have a go and as I pulled the cue back some, some of what passed bump me on and I missed the ball and I ripped the cloth on the table with the cue. Yeah. Embarison. No cost. And then I just did this voice. So you. It's Corbin. I can show him me Corbin when it just dead this voice. Soon you. It's Corbin. I can show him your Corbin when it he says there. Soon you there laddie thinking you have a next ray of redden or Cliff Razzor Renco.
Starting point is 00:37:52 Razzor Renco was a darts player but I didn't want to correct him because he was you know what he's like. Erasabot thinks the word yeah he says what's your best break, what's your best break? Hey, what's your best break, laddie? Go on. What is it? I am played much snoker for a long time, but I mean the full size table's a tad But I do remember I've got I've got 23 Break 23 was not great, but not bad. So I told him it says 23 Ask me my best break. Go on, ask me. What's this, all right, all right, what's your best break, Jeremy?
Starting point is 00:38:31 455. No, I mean, come on. 455, I mean the maximum's, maximum's 147. Everyone else that. He says 455. I says how, how did you get 455? He says red, black, red, black, red, red, black, black, black, pink, black, pink, turbo ball power up.
Starting point is 00:38:55 Red, black, red, black, black, ultra ball, ultra ball. Another turbo ball, red, black, black, turbo ball. All the colors in one go for a triple shot bonus black Was he on a fruit with shame? That's that's I don't know what he's been but that's like space no But I just let him have his moment. I says yeah, well done well done I thought I changed the subject that I says a was Billy Bragg does he still not around with you?
Starting point is 00:39:24 Jeremy says it's random back having a smoke with Jimmy White and Well done, I thought I changed the subject then I said hey where's Billy Bragg does he still not around with you Jeremy Says it's random back having a smoke with Jimmy White and That that rang true because I've been around the back earlier and I did say Jimmy White I've been a smock out the bar right so So I just took his word for it and I just made me excuses and went into the theater Is it a boozy a boozy place the still could the booze is available? Yeah Yeah, and you can't hit your boo went into the theatre. Is it a boozy, a boozy place to snooker? It's a boozy, it's available, yeah, yeah, and you can't hit your booze into the arena, but the vast majority of people are responsible and respectable and they do, you know, shut up when they're told to, but I'm going back for the semi-final and Saturday evening.
Starting point is 00:40:01 Well, I hope that the person that you adore is going to, you know, probably a Ronnie or Sullivan candidate. I do like I'm watching Ronnie or Sullivan, yes he's in the semi-final so fingers crossed that he prevails. Okay well on that note Andrew thank you for having me. Nostalgia pleasure. Thank you past nippers for your support and see you next time. All of that. Yeah, thank you and goodbye. you

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