Athletico Mince - Ep. 109 - Fritter Killer

Episode Date: December 24, 2020

Beardsley, a gift quiz, Lunch Club, Lawro, Bamford, Slaughters Christmas dinner and more... Become a member at https://plus.acast.com/s/athleticomince. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Hello, it's Steve McLaren here with my bestest ever, Kudling and Hogan friend, Casper this snake. Cello Casper. Hello. Oh Casper that was beautiful. Like a rich creamy topping on a pink candy dross petal. I hope you're all comfortably seated with bellies full of hope, friendship and hot nutmeggy sassages. Not milk.

Yes I like Casper dog build Building part. We went to sports direct here today to buy some darts to draw at old photos of the big glass. We couldn't find any, then an assistant waddle door but to help, he was spherical, pale and sort of sweaty, where your darts son, I asked? I'll fetch him for you. As he waddled away we noticed a damp brown patch with scratch marks on the back of the tracksuit bottoms. Caspers spewed up on a 10 pack of 100% reclaimed cardboard sport socks. His was of course my co-host Mr Andrew Dorsen. Oh Mr Sports Arks. First like a gear box. I'll miss the spot sucks. First like a keke box.

Scratchbacks on his buttock. Maggets juice on his still man. So what's your reckon and date? A little bit of a spot's direct burst story that. Yeah, I thought remember that happened but it seems realistic it sounds like something that could have happened. I have a bit of a bunch there You're eating something during the podcast. I'm eating a panatoni Panatoni for Christmas. Panatoni. No, you got to say it. Not a panatoni. It's panatoni

Night's day of Mr. McClaren., yeah? Nicely you're munching away there. It's something that always goes down well with the listeners when you're eating jitterpock. So I've spatted it out. I've spatted it out, it'll be socks. How are you doing? How's your health, Bob? Ah, not too bad. Not great, you know?

Not great. Not great. Is that physical health or mental health both and they both are you suffering from a malaise is that what it's called yeah malaise it's this not easy is it it's hard to say and I was contractually obliged to save Steve doing that intro for me I have to say please don't forget that my Clarence fun and laughter bars on what gives Christmas its cuddles and hugs. I had to have to do that. Yeah, available from all good supermarket health food stores. Available literally everywhere. Just lift up a

pair of things and you'll find one onirling. It a bush under a bin. Have you been approached yet about getting the vaccine? About now? I've got an elderly and unhealthy man. I thought you'd be quite a little taller. Well, I'm not in the super elderly. No. But you're very much in need, aren't you?

I would like to have one. Yeah, I mean, you're a big lad, Andy, that you're a bit vulnerable, aren't you? I think that's quite far down the categories of when you get it. I think big lads are probably like, maybe he's done all June next year, I think. June next year for the fat lads. It'll be a good day to visit the vaccination center when the fat lads are called in one day.

Well, there'll be like a bacon van outside, or the potable bacon van will go outside. Do you still roaring trade? In my life's experience, I think it's true to say that the fat lads are a bit squeamish when it comes to needles. Oh, do you reckon? So there'll be a lot of fat lads screaming from the tent. What life experience have you got? The fat lads and needles? Where's that come from? Well, I've worked with quite a lot of farms. I'm not going to start, no I'm not going to start shaming people, sorry, no, but I do think there's

a tendency for the bigger, the bigger lad to be a bit squeamish with needles. Well, I wouldn't have got my winter flu job a couple of weeks ago, and I just took it. No problem. I'll try or anything. How come you get a winter flu job? You're only about 40, aren't you? get a winter flu, do you have any about 40? 40 yet? Yeah, you can get one, you get one private, you've got a P399, it's not like free. Oh right, I see. A small price to pay in it, $3099 for a winter of flu-free liven. I've never had flu and these bars I'm aware. So. Other than that, offered like vaccines down at the showbiz centre as the not like special

consignment for celebrities to get early. God I am being shut, you know the showbiz centre shut at the moment because of the cold place. You're not gonna get the gun on zoom hang out on there. Yeah we get together yeah. We get together, um, do you know what's the fellow who used to do like grand designs or something, he's got long hair.

Oh Lawrence Lou Ellen born, yeah, yeah. Yeah. We had a zoom interior design zoom with them last night. Those May rocks Stuart. She has a lot of us are into interior design. You can't get me in there. Can you kind of get me like signed up for the show percent? Just for Christmas, I saw some of that.

I can't. I can't. I can't even have yours a guest. No, I can't. I mean, if you put a little, one of those little peaky binders caps on, I might be able to get you in as it, like I said, that Phil Collins has put a lot of wear on. Might be able to sneak you through.

Would you like to choose a name for this episode? Yes, I do not have any further information other than the names, it is just a name. You could be the infection section. You could be strong man John. You could be Probe Yield Tube 77. Can I just be running up dogs? You could be prob you'll tube 77 yeah Can I just be running up dogs or you can be big Linda? Oh? Alright, I'll withdraw that I'll be back to be big Linda, please already up though. No, I'm really up dogs You're on your own on your tongue on your tongue

But you want to be big Linda for this one. Yeah, please age your fancy quiz sir. Yeah, what you got? I've got it's me pricing quiz yeah but I've used the top three Christmas presents this year yeah. Okay. I'll call it into some freaking list you know. I don't know what I'm serving yeah. Some list let me just find it here. So it's called Boeing, Pap, Charger, PENUT! Clang, Dying, Moon. Oh yeah! PARP, CRASH, CAPOOM, HAIR. Give me just a little more time, time, time.

And it is, Andrew, the three most popular gifts this Christmas. Oh! You got a price and for me, least to most popular gifts this Christmas. Oh, you've got a price and for me least to most expensive advice for say children's gifts adult gifts or combined adult gifts. Right. First one is the olebbery three in one charging stand. You can charge your Apple watch your iPhone and your iPods. Apparently that's the number one gift. That's one of the top three gifts, is it? Apparently.

Do you guys, the second one is the Logro Moon Lamp. Yeah, it's a sphere about the size of a football. When it lights up it looks a bit like the moon. Jesus, it's wet. Yeah. And then I haven't got a brand for it, I'm afraid. I forgot to write it down, but it's a combined hair dryer and brush.

So do you know what I mean? As you brush it, the hot air is coming through as well. These are the top three gifts where car boots are. It's off you know it was in one the independent or something. Bloody hell. All right um right the most expensive of them are wrecking as gotta be the hair dryer expensive over there, I reckon has got to be the hairdryer brush combined because it's two things combined into one plus it has an engine in it of sorts. Second, I think, is the charging thing and thirdly I reckon the moon because it's just like a, it's a favor, a lump in it. So, okay. Well, Andrew, I think this might be the start of a very very merry Christmas for you because... You nailed it!

Oh wow, what about that? How does that feel? That rarely happens, that feels good. Oh, Andy! Peter Beads, he sent me a Christmas message. I came as a PDF attachment that I had to re-export and paste on the desktop as an MP3. Really? Yeah, that was possible. Have you got some new software that does that? You got some new software from Infinity Rocket BlastFix here. He got a plastic, obviously. Okay.

So let's have a listen shall we? Okay. All right Bob. It's Pete there. Well, what a stranger. I was being Bob. Every day,

just seamlessly merging with the next with little or no contact with the outside well. My life seems to have shrunk you know a little capsule just containing the wife, me and the little cheeky Robin that comes and sits on the ornamental cherry tree outside the spare room window. I tell you Bob, that little Robin is so cheeky, cheeky, cheeky, cheek sharp. When he sees me staring at him, he turns his cheeky head the one side and stays back at me as if I am an advert you know for kebab rotate or something. I sometimes say a little bit of cheeky Robin but as soon with his mates. The other day I was staring out of the top

of the window waiting for the Amazon vent to land. I bought a bottle of life excelsior, a egg codler with helicopter graphics because she's always telling me like how much she would love to just fly away like an egg timer signed by Joe Riley or she loves Joe Riley to the wife like so I wanted to accept the Amazon man so that the wife wouldn't see that well wouldn't see the presence like well after a couple hours spent staring and imagining that I was a cop that the van arrived. So I called it the window stairs to meet him at the door. Sadly though I got there that the wife was already walking out of her TV room.

What the fuck are you doing creeping around like a fucking midnight asshole? Nothing, I just came down to the door and to ask if, I don't want any fucking porches. Porches you want ballad dial, I want an ex-cram no with a white sliced bread and a mug of fucking bovral. As if that wasn't fucking obvious. Oh, okay, look, you're gonna sit down, I'll face you, darling. Will you fuck an out? I'll get the door. I can do it, see in a face that doesn't look like a fuck an aircon.

Oh, okay. That's all I want to know. Why you thought it was a door? But I like I got problems a bit to see if I can get all the other parcels without saying you know. Sure, the door is a tall fellow about 30 years old. Like, we're a very nice side patting to his hair. Urgh, who are they? I must say, your sight for sore eyes, do you have time to put in an ever nice fried egg and a cup of thug and tea?

No, I'm a bit behind already but thanks for asking. I like a bit of behind as well, especially when it's near a nice... ...psspsspsspsspsssssty! Especially when it's near a nice, like a bonkong. What's in your hand son? I bet it's something very fucking modern, you know, like vase. I'll blast the boat. No, my name's Gatti, seems me dead. Does she dad live nearby?

Might he like a fried coconut, and a knock on me fronties? No, it lives in Bolton. All right, like that big care fella. Oh, I wouldn't mind a tumble in his own knees. That would be very fork and sweet. Er, I tell you, Er, I'll just get these parts of the fellow-wise Joabyee Shachat. No, you fuck and ward you fucking sack of clung shoes! Hey, I'll check those, thank you, Gary. And don't worry, I'll be watching your cheeks swinging on you way back to the van. I'n gweithio, mae'n gweithio yn gweithio yn gweithio yn gweithio yn gweithio yn gweithio yn gweithio yn gweithio yn gweithio yn gweithio yn gweithio yn gweithio yn gweithio yn gweithio yn gweithio yn gweithio yn gweithio yn gweithio yn gweithio yn gweithio yn gweithio yn gweithio yn gweithio yn gweithio yn gweithio yn gweithio yn gweithio yn gweithio yn gweithio yn gweithio yn gweithio yn gweithio yn gweithio yn gweithio yn gweithio yn gweithio yn gweithio yn gweithio yn gweithio yn gweithio yn gweithio yn gweithio yn gweithio yn gweithio yn gweithio yn gweithio yn gweithio yn gweithio yn gweithio yn gweithio yn gweithio yn gweithio yn gweithio yn gweithio yn gweithio yn gweithio yn gweithio yn gweithio yn gweithio yn gweithio yn gweithio yn gweithio yn gweithio yn gweithio yn gweithio yn gweithio yn gweithio yn gweithio yn gweithio yn gweithio yn gweithio yn gweithio yn gweithio yn gweithio yn gweithio yn gweithio yn gweithio yn gweithio yn gweithio yn gweithio yn gweithio yn gweithio yn gweithio yn gweithio yn gweithio yn gweithio yn gweith So I, I've got to do the scrumms for the wife. I'm wearing them in the TV room. I can see

that she has already opened the packages. What in the name of a living fucking funeral, but is this shit? I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I Of course, there were my surprise Christmas presents for you. You're not like them. Sit down, Peter. I am in trouble, love. Just do as you fucking talk. Okay, love. So I remove some dumb residue tissues and sit down on the arm of the sofa. You're a good lad, Peter. I love Joe Wiley. on the arm of the sofa. You're a good lad, Peter. I loved your wily and combated hair with egg-tarming is a fucking winner as far as I'm concerned.

Well, I got you right, I don't love you very much. I know you don't, Peter. Would you like a hug chop? No, it's all I love. I'll just go and get these presents for up to you. That's up to you. Right, I'm watching homes under the hammer on couch shops or fuck off. She turned the sound up on the telly. Ma ma ma ma ma ma matting. Ma ma ma ma matting.

Ma ma ma matting. Mmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm You are matting cream! Ooh! Bit of dumb hair! You want to get that? Not that bad, I have experience! So I'm pleased that you like the presents. I don't suppose she will have got anything for me, but I don't mind, you know. Oh, not ears, that cheeky robbing back again. I am a little fella. Oh, he I fucked off.

Yeah. I'll show you, Bob. One, Peter, be the, there's only one, Peter, be the, one, Peter, be the, see, Bob. Oh. Oh, that's a Peter, won't it?

I was a lovely update there lots to enjoy there Bob's you reckon Paul McCartney still having a wonderful Christmas time No, I mean it was I'm what? 1978 79 Maybe he doesn't enjoy it so much now. I don't know. I think maybe you enjoy it more the older you get Andy sort Please I think so yeah, hey apparently he's a friend of yours Paul McCartney to do that. Yeah, I did hear that Maybe you enjoy it more the older you get and you so hopefully you still have a thing. So yeah. Hey, apparently he's a friend of yours. Paul McCartney, did you do that?

Yeah, I did do that. Yeah, that's nice, isn't it? Do you say him up the shopper's centre and that? No, I don't go. He don't wringle or goes. Wringle goes, does he? Yeah, wringle loves it. He's got his own chair that's got a little symbol on it and he just he cracks it.

He smashes it. Tings the symbol. When he makes something bring it on. Yeah, manly chocolatey-clothes, loves them. Paul, Paul had joy swarms under the hammer as well, so there's a little triangle of circumstances there. I think, isn't there? Isn't it a triangle of circumstances?

Yeah. Yeah. One nice way of putting it on. Can you think of another triangle of circumstances? Maybe for next time? I'll try and think of a triangle of circumstance for next time. Yeah, I'll do that I went up to London to have a meeting with a bloke who wants to make a show about a cereal killer, Andy, who's obsessed with fritters. You know like spam fritters, potatoes, veggie fritters, potato, bean fritters, you know, the whole of the fritter world. They're a bit out of the favour at the moment, I think, Andy, because they're very much associated with chip shops, you know, and being unhealthy in that. But the funny thing is, as soon

as you call them, like, Pocora or Tempura, everyone can't get enough of them, do you know what I mean? So anyway, his idea was to combine fritters and murder, right? So, like, as a serial killer, idea was to combine fritters and murder, right? So like as a serial killer would get all murdery if he hadn't had a fritter for a week or so, and when he did kill he'd leave a fritter in the victim's anbag, yeah? Some survivors would say that he had a fritter tattooed on his neck and that they remember the terrible smell of cooking oil, you know, from the Orocerlin. Anyway, as the detective had to find out where each of the handbag fritters had come from, we get to see lords of fritters, yeah? The twist is that the detective becomes addictive to fritters and in the final scene she

declines to shoot the killer, but instead decides to marry him and join him in his murdering. So I think it's pretty strong. And he'd be sponsored by the UK Federation, doesn't he? No, this was this bloke's idea. I think it's really strong. It was quite an upbeat meeting actually, hadn't he? That would watch it. So I decided to treat myself to a meal at Roles Restaurant in Covent Garden, you know, and

boy did I get lucky because I was shone to a seat right behind where the Christmas meeting of the British Managers lunch club was taking place. So I had a good listen in, I was Sam Maladice, Steve McLaren, Tony Poulis, Mark Hughes, Nigel Pearson, Andrew Alan Padreute, he should be called Andrew, see me? So this is how it went. Anyway, big sum. Good afternoon, one and all, and welcome to the BMLC Christmas blowout.

Money, money, money, money, money, money. And they all lick their badges. Before we talk into this platter of sea birds' beaks, I have a big announcement to make. Nigel chirpsed, have you won a fight? You haven't had a fight with me, so there is a chance that you have had a fight and won it. Now, don't be so daft, Nigel.

I would just like to inform you that I have accepted the job of manager at Westbrom, Kerf, fucking, ching. And the best bit is, if I can keep the fuckers up, I get an ice-cooled two million pound bonus to lump into the lunch club offshore investment fund. Money, money, money, money, money! Like their badges, it's the perfect recipe for a two-legged rinse and reject. I literally can't wait to park the baggies bus and drive it away with a sack of cash on

me lap. Now Tony, Tony Polis, how's it going at Sheffield Wednesday? They're a bit cash-strapped, so I hope you know what you're doing. Yeah, yes of course. It's just a standard single, it's just a standard single stage destroy an exit I should be gone pretty shortly after the January window and getting some massive washed up defenders to shore up the midfield and just watch us drop drop drop I won't walk I'll wait to be pushed should be easy negotiate a million for my exit sweet as a nut Small as a brand new Maraka cash in the bank. Please I beg you, tell me is there

anything I like about that? Steve McLaren interjects. Do you not feel a bit sad for the fans? You know the football club is very important to the local community. For some people the matches is all they have to live for. It's a bit like you know me and Casper feel about to take you there. Well obviously I'm telling them that they're the best fans in the world and that there's a proper club and that the club is nothing without them and I'll act bollocks. Maybe you could start selling mine and Casper's fun and laughter bars at the club shop. That would give everyone a billy boost. Come on, Steve, Steve, let's not get all sentimental.

Tell us about your new job at Derby, is it to destroy an exit or a remain and drain? I haven't really had time to think. Casper and I have been busy recapping the office suites and restocking the bars with our hugs and snuggles raspy and candy floss co-leaves. There's a hundred hugs in every glass. And how much do these huggies or whatever retail for? £10 petumbler. That's a fucking result. Money money money money money. Alan, Alan Paddewa. What are you up to? It's hard to keep track if I'm honest. I'm currently technical director at...

I'm on a minute, I'll just look it up on Wickey. Er... yeah, there it is. Technical director at CSKA Sophia in Bulgaria. Oh, that's where the Wumbles are from. How lovely. Technical director, what the fuck is that? The more to the boat, what's the angle, what's the grift? Well, I needed a European Union base

so that I can still export my part-u range of set-in ties, cufflinks, collar pins, and ranch-style housing furnishings terrifree on leave of the EU. I was also aware that the Bulgarians are still suckers for stone-washed skinny jeans. So I've repurposed the indoor training facility as a clothing warehouse. I'm shifting over 2,000 skinny's a day. Mostly at a single parent market.

Bulgarian, Stonwashed denim. Who would have thought it would come to that? Mark, Mark used. You've been very quiet. What are you up to? Your little wild chasel. Well, I've been applying in all the various posts, no look up to now. I've designed a new range of underpants for ducks. I'm very excited about wearing a large pair at the moment and keeping me nice and dry. I wanted that West Bomb job. You stole it from me some! I can't downmark! All his fair in love and war and the British managers merry go around. As soon as Tony Murray Sheffield Wednesday, you'll be assiuin'

And if not there, there's always the forest job. Chrissy, Chrissy, Yilton, Rex, he'll be out there early feb with a truck full of cap, happy days. Money, money, money, money, money, money, money, money, money, money, money, money, money, money, money, money, money, money, money, money, money, money, money, money, money, money, money, money, money, money, money, money, money, money, money, money, money, money, money, money, money, money, money, money, money, money, money, money, money, money, money, money, money, money, money, money, money, money, money, money, money, money, money, money, money, money, money, money, money, money, money, money, money, money, money, money, money, money, money, money, money, money, money, money, money, money, money, money, money, money, money, money, money, money, money, money, money, money, money, money, money, money, money, money, money, money, money, money, money, money, money, money, money, money, money, money, money, money, money, money, money, money, money, money, money, money, money, money, money, money, money, money, money, money, money, money, money, money, money, money, money, money, money, money, money, money, money, money, money, money, money, money, money, money, money, money, money, money, money, money, money, money, money, money, money, money, money, money, money, money, money, money, money, money, money, money, money, money, money, money, money, money, money, money, money, money, money, money, money, money, money, money, money, money, money, money, money, money, money of a pair-barview fight on the YouTube. People love to watch fighting and when it comes to having a fight I'm by a long stretch the best fighter. When people fight me they lose the fight. I employ traditional British fighting techniques which are the best fighting tactics in the world of fight. That doesn't sound very happy or funny giggles

thing to do. Who is it that you herpain to fight? I want to fight Stephen Fry or Joe Squash. These are both fights that I would not lose. At the end of the fight I would say that it is a fight that I have won and my opponent would say I have just lost that fight. Ok Nigel, it sounds an absolute hote but yeah, here are the beaks. Sorry, oh Nigel, it sounds an absolute hote but here are some beaks that won't be hooting again. Come on lads, tuck into this seabird platter

and use your hands, there is tough as an arch, there's no call. Money, money, money, money, money. So that's what I heard, Andy. Right, very good. Exciting times for them, innit? Very much so. Yeah.

I bet you'd like, is it? Yeah, I bet you'd like a traditional British manager just at this moment at Zungland. Well, we kind of got one of the upcoming sort of wannabes I think at the manager's lunch club. We've got Lee Johnson from Bristol City and he's all about power points and wearing brown loafers with like blue jains and stuff like that. Well, that's what you need. He's got like a very very highly tuned, brand of bullshit that I think he'll string out for maybe 14 months before we give him a sack.

But yeah, I'm on the sideline. Yeah, I'm very, very caught. Sport jackets and all that. I'm very confident that it'll fall apart. I'm just on a hunch. I just like had a hunch, you know, like a Christmassy hunch. I had me made to infinity rocket plastics, installed some spyware in the mark Lawrence and Smart TV, via his wireless router, yeah? And I'm glad I tell you, I'm glad I did, because I can tell you what happened to his

house the other evening, yeah? Oh brilliant, yeah. So, Mark was listening to Talksport, you know, digitally through his TV. And as he cleaned up all the whimsies on his mantle piece with a Belinda wipe, yeah. So what your first thing that you hear is Jim White from Talksport, right?

As I promised you before the break, I have some breaking news that is literally gonna blow your mind. As if Var and Covid weren't enough. Now we have this. It's unbelievable. And I can't wait to see what Simon Jordan has to say about it. I'm so annoyed and frustrated by this development that I can feel my gall bladder pulsating like

a frog's goiter. Listen to this, your will town FC have just an out that from next season the overspilled car park behind the Cops Road terrace will have a reduced capacity of 50 vehicles down from this year's 51 vehicles. They're beggars for leaf. What say you Simon? Listen, I've been in the business for over an approaching period of time, there is tantamount to an era. The customer is the bread and putty of any business.

What if it was your mum who was 51 in line? It's cost-cutting in a place of wrongness and ineptitude and it's unrelistically aggrigious. Here, here. Well said, Simon Jordan. And just at that moment Andy, there's a knock on the door. Oh, God help us, who could that be? I'm only halfway through my whimsies.

If I forget my place, I have to start again. Mark answers the door and it was his nephew, the young prince Patrick Bamford. Oh Patrick, do come within. So what do I owe with this pleasant surprise. I'm just visiting all my favourite uncles to give them their Christmas pleasees. Now, your uncle Mark, aren't you? The one and only, the very same, I thank if you can get you a cup or something. I would absolutely love a fluffy coffee if that's okay. I'm sorry Patrick, what's a fluffy coffee?

Fluffy coffee, you know where the milk is all fluffy and scour me. Do you mean, frothy? Yes, frothy, I absolutely adore fluffy coffee. I say on the mark, do you have a twothy quiff that I can have with my fluffy coffee? I just love twuffy quips. I've never heard of twuffy quips young muck, Patrick. Is it a cake or a biscuit or what? It's a chalky bar and come up. Hey, I've got an idea. Maybe there's one in the selection box I bought for you and Auntie Barbara. Let's have a look. Yes, there it is, a twothy quest.

Oh, a twothy crisp. Oh, yes, I know I'm a bad damn. Rice puffs and caramel in a chocolate coating. I'll get the kettle on. Well, at that point there's another knock on the door. And then walks, marks, other nephew. Jack Grelish. All-eyed Patrick, happy Christmas. What's that you eating? It's Trophy Quiff. I'm having it with a cup of Trophy Fuffi. Mark comes into the room holding two coffees. Hello, young Jack. Would you like a frothy coffee in half a Trophy crisp? I'm just pleased, Uncle Mark, that would be busting.

Jack takes a step forward to take his coffee of Mark, but as he does so, Walter the Christmas Woodlauss walks out in front of him on the carpet. Jack stumbles and pushes Mark over, and two cups of frothy coffee flying to the air and spill all over Mark's whimsies. Ah, no, not my whimsies! Jack is such a clumsy boy. You need to be more careful. Barbara's gonna go ape shit if I use a baller Christmas edition Belinda Waps. It's worse than that Uncle Mark, he's also killed Walter's Christmas woodhouse. Oh God, now Barbara's gonna kill me! Christmas is ruined for everyone, everywhere!

And at that point Jack tripped over the wire from the router and I lost my feed. So yeah. Oh yeah, it went from. I got lucky there, didn't I? I just had this Christmas instinct that should be at marks, you know, finding out. And I'm glad we found out about the goings on at Yorval and Simon Jordan's opinion on it. Simon Jordan's opinions are very important, aren't they? Oh yeah, that's all that matters. I'm hoping that I'm just waiting to see if asks to find out from Sam and if the vaccine's safe.

Oh god, I could go either way, couldn't it? What are you doing at Little Woods? Oh God. Welcome along too. The Dollywood Podcast on the one podcast otherwise down is the dumb pod Normally I get one of our show we celebrity friends as well. So I should guess bar Jax was wasn't available this week. So I've got the bike from the cabries boosted Mr. Bob over Jordy, did I good afternoon Bob? Thanks for joining me. I had a lot of pleasure. I thought we could talk about Christmas.

You know the days done, Bob. Christmas is time for thinking about Jesus. Do you play, Bob Baltimore? No, I must admit, I'm not very good. I don't really play at all. You don't play at all anymore. We'll come across as a very selfish man. When you say that?

Well, I mean I try to be a bit of myself, you know generally speaking. Yeah, if you were gonna pray would you pray for things that you want for yourself? Or you know, will you trims on your car or would you pray for the wider community? I'd like to I will I haven't prayed but my guess is I'd probably combine them you know. Would you like to pray now with me on this podcast? Alright if you want to, don't you of course. I'd say together my host coast, we'd pray together a day for some real trips for Bob Ball and I had all so for everyone to have a nice time at Christmas. There we go, amen.

That's nice. Amen, thank you for that. Lovely stuff. Bob, do you think Dior is a Christmas film? I don't watch it as a Christmas. Is it sat at Christmas? Well apparently yeah, Christmas Eve. Oh well there you go, it's Christmas film, isn't it?

Was it? Well I don't really have any fin you need for a way. Personally, I want to fence myself with that word. Have you got any predictions for 2021, Bob? Predictions. Yeah. Whoa, I think that dogs are probably gonna get hairier. Generally, yeah.

It's been going that way for a while, isn't it? It has been going that way, but I think they're gonna really get long this coming year. Oh, that's been going that way for a while, isn't it? Yeah, that's been going that way, but I think they're gonna really get long this coming year. That's good. That's good. Strong prediction there. We'll come back in a year and we'll see if that played out or not. I just out 20-21 is completed. Yeah, I agree. That's all I have for. Oh, your name, yeah. Yeah, completion. That's all I want.

Have you got a favourite Christmas from your past? Particularly, really, stick in your memory, tug your art strings, that's all thing. I remember, I remember one when I got something called the Matchbox Motorized Motorway. Oh yeah. I was probably about 12. I could watch the cars go around and around the track, race me brothers and that, that will go fun. Does it make you sad that it's never ever gonna

be as good as it again? Yeah a little bit yet. No, it is, you know, like, yeah. Yeah, I don't, we have me too. Well, I think we've, I'm coming to rethink the end both for Christmas. Oh yeah, just need to say, sponsors, this podcast is brought to you in association with Susie Rulls.

So here we go. Let's get from the dog pod. Have a Merry Christmas, Bob. Thank you, Dom. Thank you. Thank you. Oh, hello. Adrian Lewis here. If you're looking for a Christmas with a difference, oh my

good friends at Slot is restaurant. Round the corner from the darts at the Alley Valley. We'll be supplying take out dinners on the big day, direct from the kitchen door, round the back. Here's the hair restaurants, head waiter, with details about the special set menu. For your starter, you'll be the giant long forgotten prawns in a highly toxic petroleum sauce. Your main course will be lorry engine roasted road bird. We cannot guarantee the species, but it will definitely be road-sourced. If you were a plucked, please specify where not to end.

Your bird may be served, with a large, mashed-barly vegetable matter that has been deep-fried, in pangolin piss, along with some bravely brain gravy. For dessert, your caranjoy, astute gods's pancreas, stuffed with mouth-trop-inch and drenched in some fucking custard. Oh, oh, that's got the fat pulsating through my log jammed arteries. If that doesn't spur me onto in the world that's championship nothing will. He is slaughter's head coach. Sorry, he is slaughter's head chef Ron Craggs. Buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh- Meet her to all of the way and always will return to the other's mystery. Oh, I can see that I'm trying not to sneeze into the plans while I'm cooking. I don't think it must not, that I can do the nuts.

Oh, thank you, Ron. I'll see you around the back door on Christmas Day, and don't forget my extra order of some hoof soap for me Saint Bern head. Visit slotters this Christmas. Four. Now we go, are you going to be watching the darts? I'm already on it, under you. You're already on it. I'm going to tell you, who my favourite player is, is Glenn Durant.

The Boralad. The Boralad. He reminds me a little bit of yo but if like if you'd been beaten up, you know what I mean. I follow Adrian but he's on tomorrow. I've also got another new favourite, it was the heavy metal dance player Ryan Seal, have you seen him? I've liked Seal for a couple of years now, yeah. It's great, Eddie. It's a full on war, I'm a rapporteur today. It's full of war, I'm really, yeah. It's beautiful. [♪ OUTRO MUSIC PLAYING [♪

Someone on our club pass, nips thing, put in a request to ask if Mark could let us know what his top 10 party foods were. So I submitted that and he sent me back a wav with that on. So let's have a quick listen, or that's where we go. I don't have a lot of time for party food I find it frivolous. In fact I find any food that doesn't require a cutlery to be an abomination. It makes me nauseous but with that in mind here are my top 10 party foods

number 10 the mini pork pie number 9 standard pork pie number 8 sticky wings 5. A whale of dark yellow cheese. 4. Lemon Roulade. 3. The chicken differs. 2. Frawn Ring. 1. Circulally Pops. There you go.

That's a lot. 5. The chicken is a bit more spicy. It's a bit more spicy. It's a bit more spicy. It's a bit more spicy. It's a bit more spicy. It's a bit more spicy.

It's a bit more spicy. It's a bit more spicy. It's a bit more spicy. It's a bit more spicy. It's a bit more spicy. It's a bit more spicy. It's a bit more spicy. It's a bit more spicy. It's a bit more spicy. It's a bit more spicy. Number three in the chicken differs number two Brian ring number one Circularly pups There you go. That's my top ten party foods place try to enjoy the festive season

Hmm there. Thank you Mark. Not really all the brimming with enthusiasm, but He's what what what what was that number one a turkey turkey lollipops well what is that right just a turkey on a stick is it it's a sundaunt it's exactly as you imagine you never had them no I've never heard of them no get yourself there I got some care of see the other day I walked that happy with it I don't think I think it think it fades quite, I think it doesn't suit delivery I don't reckon, but maybe it's just where local. The aftermath of KFC is pretty traumatic for me. I just get really thirsty from whatever's in that season that's on the chicken.

Do you often get KFC? That's none of your business. I suppose it isn't. The corn's going to be a bit sweaty as well, but anyway, have you got any Christmas viewing suggestions, and that might be interesting? I haven't got really your times yet to have a look through, so I don't know, but I'm going to watch the dots, like I've said, that be watching that. Last night I watched the Death of Stalin, which is one of my favorite recent films, it's got your mate, the fisherman in it. It's got Paulio in it, yeah.

Yeah, that's brilliant film. It's a sort of a minute you watch a couple of times because there's so much going on in it. So that's a lot of fun. Have you watched a film, I can give you a really big recommendation here, I'd like to do. You could watch it with your lad as well.

There's a film, I think it's pretty sure it's Netflix called The Hunt. Right. It came out about six months ago. Okay. I'm not going to tell you anything about it. It is absolutely fantastic. You're just going to tell me it's about the hunt and that's it. Well, I honestly don't want it.

Honestly, it's got a lovely concert at the heart of it, which I don't want to tell you. So I can only really give it a massive recommendation, it is a hoat. That Robert is good enough for me. Okay, well, happy Christmas to all the listeners. Happy Christmas everybody! See ya! Bye! Thank you.