Athletico Mince - Ep. 115 - Ron Craggs Fruit Reaction

Episode Date: August 14, 2021

Peter raps again, a smoke game, Harry considers his future, Lawro’s transports, and observation comedy returns. Become a member at https://plus.acast.com/s/athleticomince. Hosted on Acast. See aca...st.com/privacy for more information.

Transcript
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Starting point is 00:00:00 Hello and welcome to this latest installment of the Athletic Omin's project. I am Andrew Dawson and I hope you're all well and enjoying what remains of our summer months. Picture yourself if you can, taking in a morning at a local arts and craft market. You hope to acquire some lively new trinkets while helping out some hardworking creative types. You reach the end stall of the market and cast your eyes across the squatting puss of a man dressed as an army soldier, gobbling into a bucket. He has an array of animal bones and skulls lying on a stained duvet on the ground in front of him. I found those in my woods, he says, you can make them a jewelry or winchimes or whatever,
Starting point is 00:01:03 I couldn't care less than yours. But they're all yet quit and you left off the right money. It is of course my co-host Mr. Bob Mortimer. Oh Mr. Bobbie. With your dirty hobby. Oh Watson craft sweat. Oh, oh, oh, oh. With your donkey skull hat. Hello Bob. Crap sweat Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh Marmalade, the apricot, what's going on there?
Starting point is 00:01:45 It's a must-ditty... It's not a problem. I don't know a celebration of the Dutch, perhaps. Perhaps a little bit Dutch? I don't know, I just put it on. Your dress is a jockey for some reason. What's that about? Well, do you not think this piece cap is quite slim in?
Starting point is 00:02:03 A little bit. I think so. It hides your hair. Shall I grow my hair? Do you think I'm thinking about growing me hair? Just you just have hair just a lot of the thing just to see what's there just to see if there is any I'll tell you what I would love and if you can do it do you know the Fordon cut Yeah, that slab of that slab of opacity. Yeah, I love you a grow on there. I don't think that's possible. I could maybe just get some icing from off a cake and just put some on. Yeah, or a glove. I don't know. I don't know what I'm aiming for, but I feel as though because I'm not completely bald or
Starting point is 00:02:38 old. No, I'm not. No, I'm not. There's a bald spot there. Can you say? Yeah, it's a bald spot. So you are, there's a bold spot there, can you say? Yeah, a bold spot. Yeah. But I kind of feel as though I ought to myself before I get to a world, if you just let it shoot up on that floor. I'm sure you have one last year. Yeah, I might do that. I might do that in the winter months, get me warm.
Starting point is 00:02:56 So Andrew, are you doing good spirits? I'm alright, yeah, not bad. Thank you for your intro song. Just about a chance, Patreon, Patreon listeners will know that Peter Baisley occasionally sends in an intro. Yes. Yes. And he sent me in another intro. So we should do it, Andrew. It's the world in motion song. He's obsessed with it. He's obviously resensing, I've got the job to do the rap. So once again, if you can give me, you know that world in motion beat. I will be the human beatbox that I was in the recent past.
Starting point is 00:03:31 And I'll press play and hopefully it'll gel. Okay, here we go. You've got the stairland at the grass in the tree. See, you can spot some dog that I'm the least You've got to look the path before you walk the path To always look your best and puff a puff a smash In the fallen lad and coming down the line Diver them with hot dogs
Starting point is 00:04:02 The best ones come in blind Get your chicken wrapped before you mount an attack. The journey might get bumpy if you check in not lumpy. And don't forget the eggs for your beautiful wife. If you go to her will lump you to within an inch of your life. I'm staring for England. Oh, oh, oh! There you are. Oh, no, it carries on.
Starting point is 00:04:29 Oh. No, it doesn't need the music. He sent me a message. Oh. You do with music if you want. That's right. There you are. Go Bob. Oh, that's got you in your mouth for the podcast, like in your video, for Football Wrap. I love the fun writing that's so, a'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweith organic you know with eggs these days are you are you see are you
Starting point is 00:05:05 are you be able to get away with you know like boundary and a farm fresh you know but she saw some last on her television that the organics like happier chickens you know so she's got a sentimental about it like a'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweith You know, yesterday I ran out and she was absolutely busting for a 12 egg poor chi and scrambled platnalex. And I had seven eggs, so I sneakily garage under the excuse of seeing I was going to have a good stair, a jet wash for an hour, you know. And I got some barn-rated like. So, I use the barnies for the scrambled egg element
Starting point is 00:06:08 of a plat-air, because I thought, I'd seen I've less chance of spotting them, like, you know, but sadly, he did spot it, and I got into some very deep, you know, very, very deep-ish. So, I said, there you go, darling, a lovely 12 egg scrambled and poachy plate there with a nice mug of buzzwill what's going on with these fork and scramblers they seem very pale and watery are these organics oh yeah I think it's all rough you look a bit shifty to me.
Starting point is 00:06:47 I can see your eye twitching like a let me have a touch. I can see your eye twitching like let me have a taste. Are you getting cheated, useless midnight fuck and creeper. They've got absolutely zero fuck and clout and a fanfreshes A worse than that and a not fucking bannies are there Well come come to think of it, there could be bannies. I might pick up a box by mistake There's no fucking mistake here haircut boy You know I'm deliberately tried the fuck and jade me with bannies. You'll sneaky little wonky dial a ffog ond ymwsteg a'r heir cydbwy. Yw'n ddechrau'r ddwy'n ddwy'n ddwy'n ddwy'n ddwy'n ddwy'n ddwy'n ddwy'n ddwy'n ddwy'n ddwy'n ddwy'n ddwy'n ddwy'n ddwy'n ddwy'n ddwy'n ddwy'n ddwy'n ddwy'n ddwy'n ddwy'n ddwy'n ddwy'n ddwy'n ddwy'n ddwy'n ddwy'n ddwy'n ddwy'n ddwy'n ddwy'n ddwy'n ddwy'n ddwy'n ddwy'n ddwy'n ddwy'n ddwy'n, oes, oes, oes, oes, oes, oes, oes, oes, oes, oes, oes, oes, oes, oes, oes, oes, oes, oes, oes, oes, oes, oes, oes, oes, oes, oes, oes, oes, oes, oes, oes, oes, oes, oes, oes, oes, oes, oes, oes, oes, oes, oes, oes, oes, oes, oes, oes, oes, oes, oes, oes, oes, oes, oes, oes, oes, oes, oes, oes, oes, oes, oes, oes, oes, oes, oes, oes, oes, oes, oes, oes, oes, oes I'll be back to show you that can, you know. So that would be a close one there, Bob and Andy, you know, and I'm still getting the
Starting point is 00:08:12 glares of her whenever I pass the TV room, right, you know. So anyway, so good look with the podcast and remember that a stare at a bush is worth two at your hand. Keep them peeled. Oh, turn that's it. That's a pleasure, wasn't it? Oh, lovely stuff. You know what, I think that's the first time is I've rack knowledge of me in one of his messages,
Starting point is 00:08:36 he mentioned me there. Do you need a little bit? Yeah, I feel a little bit, you know, touched. Oh, what are you like? You like organics, bannies, farm fresh? Not fresh. Not fresh, what? Oh, for real? Yeah, I don't get, you know, touched. What are you like? You like organics, bannies, farm fresh, free range. Oh, free range. Yeah, I don't get, you know, kaged eggs. Eggs that are kept in kage,
Starting point is 00:08:51 it's not, I like, I like free range. I'm very, yeah, but, yeah, yeah, yeah, but on a more serious note, Andrew, actually, you've made a mistake there because the free range egg isn't exactly what you think it is. And, eh, no, no, no, no, no. For the free range egg, right? It all it means is there must be a little access to the outdoors
Starting point is 00:09:14 that is open for certain amounts of hours a day and none of the chickens use it. Oh, God. What should I be doing? You're gone. The only egg that is like the one you're thinking of whether just in a field is organic. Right. Okay. So you know that's yeah yeah. I tell you one thing, I've one thing you should do is you know you should go
Starting point is 00:09:38 to the thought round about yeah. Yeah you know where that is? Yeah, go to the thought roundabout. An excellent success junction. Don't you reckon. Do you reckon? Do you reckon? Yes. Egg tips. Right, I've got a new game. Go on then.
Starting point is 00:09:59 First to play. And it's called, Can You Smell Smoke? And I'd like you to play a long bob if you could. Can you smell smoke? Here we go. Bob. Yeah? Can you smell smoke?
Starting point is 00:10:20 No. Is that your final answer? Yes, so you're saying that you can't smell smoke Yes, okay Bob Thank you for playing. Can you smoke? It's a good game, Andrew. I think I could catch on. Do you remember? Do you remember? Oh, you remember?
Starting point is 00:11:01 Bath of the 1970s. Remember broken glass? Everywhere weren't they? In the street at the kiddie's playground even in your bed? You tell your mum and she'd say show up at the one side and just sleep next to it, you're daft apath. And a path outside your house will be full of broken glass wouldn't it? You remember? You'd have to ring the council a common ticket away. You remember ringing the council? You'd have to do it on the landline. Do you remember the landline? Yeah, from the 1970s. I remember, but you can never get through with them because it was almost a cross line, wasn't there?
Starting point is 00:11:33 Cross lines, it was a cross line, it was a heavy breather on there, wasn't there? I got a 70 pound five for everything, back in the 1970s, days, but it would just be asked for honest. It's fast, it's fast, it's fast, it's fast, it's very good. Pointing out things in you, remember and it happened, it happened, it's fun, yeah. Hey, how's your health, Bob? I've just got like a little reminder and before and in the calendar that says once a year, I've got to ask you how your health is. Could you go for a fuck? Not really. you how your health is. Could you give a fuck? Not really. It's pretty good at the moment. Yeah. I can't think of any element at the moment. I'm sleeping alright. I'm watching me real housewives. It's okay, thanks for asking. What are you watching? What are my watching? Well, I'll see you watching. Anything good? I'm really, I'm just watching hours and hours
Starting point is 00:12:22 of real housewives. Have you watched the, did you, did you have a look at the CSI for real forensics? Yeah yeah some of that was good. It's good showing it. Yeah and I've also been watching Love Island. Oh I've you got caught you've got caught. I've been I've been suckered at watching that by me daughter and I've been watching ghosts the sitcom I've heard that's funny. I've heard that's funny I've been watching that all me son because basically they're at an age now where anything that I can get any kind of connection with them Yeah, you know shared experience. I'll just do it whatever it is. So love Island and ghosts. That's what I've been watching Does your lad like the football do you can you connect with him over 40? Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. That's that's all me and thing
Starting point is 00:13:03 Yeah, yeah, Sundling that's that's all me and thing. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, that's that's all me and thing. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, that's that's all me and thing. Yeah, yeah, yeah, that's that's all me and thing. Yeah, yeah, yeah, that's that's all me and thing. Yeah, yeah, yeah, that's that's all me and thing. Yeah, yeah, yeah, that's that's all me and thing. Yeah, yeah, yeah, that's that's all me and thing. Yeah, yeah, yeah, that's that's all me and thing. Yeah, yeah, yeah, that's that's all me and thing. Yeah, yeah, yeah, that's that's all me and thing. Yeah, yeah, yeah, that's that's all me and thing. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, that's that's all me and thing. Yeah, yeah, yeah, that's that's all me and thing. Yeah, yeah, yeah, that's that's all me and thing. Yeah, yeah, yeah, that's that's all me and thing. Yeah, yeah, that's that's all me and thing. Yeah, yeah, yeah, that's that's all me and thing. Yeah, yeah, yeah, that's that's all me and thing. Yeah, yeah, that's that's all me and thing. Yeah, yeah, that's that's all me and thing. Yeah, yeah, that's that's all me and thing. Yeah, yeah, that's all me and thing. Yeah, that's all me and thing. Yeah, yeah, that's all me and thing. Yeah, that's all me and thing. Yeah, that's all me and thing. Yeah, get elected over there and he's a bit of a left field. He used to be kind of a proletester sort of fella and then family's way into office. I thought you might have seen it with it being legal based with your career. No, I've checked it out. I only watched the first one, that's pretty good. All right, I'll check it out. First one the other day. Is that a profession these days, Protester? I'm a
Starting point is 00:13:42 Protester like. I think it is, yeah, yeah. Well you're doing, oh Stan, what you're doing these days? You know, I've done a pro at Eston like... You get a license from the council to do it, yeah? Yeah, I'm a licensed Protester these days like... Andrew, I went up to Alexander Palace in London. It's one of the places I went, because I needed me reg on service. Right. And I have to, you know, I don't know if you know you have to get a certificate of compliance
Starting point is 00:14:10 You know, it's like an MLT, but for your ray god, right? He calls on the Ministry of weapons It's just I just rotating the right replaced the quartz ignition and topple the rail levels, you know, the rail uses. They're doing an hour or so so I fought a pot round to slaughter now because it's re-opened slaughter's restaurant. I didn't think it would reopen because, you know, did you know they got into big trouble with their no-mask policy? And especially when Ron Craig started filtering his gravies through used masks to try and make a point, you know what I mean? That he found lying about the retail park and that. Yeah.
Starting point is 00:14:52 But you can't keep an entrepreneur like Craig Zee down. That's true. And sure enough they were offering, it's like it says, post pandemic celebration launched 20 quid. Yeah. Not bad Andrew. 20 quid yeah not bad Andrew 20 quid 3 cars so I took a door next to the table next to the door so I got the occasional blaster fresh air you know what I mean yeah hopefully no sooner to sat down and screwed on me
Starting point is 00:15:17 dining brass hand then in walks Adrian Lewis you know that's player he's with Martin and lucky mate from, he's making from home, that home's under the hammer. Yeah. The sat a couple of tables down from me, so I listen in to what occurred. So I'll tell you what happened, listen. Right.
Starting point is 00:15:34 Oh, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, says Adrian. You've got a lovety of Martin. It's 100% meat-based, with off-cut side orders and juices extracted, directly from uncharted cuts. It's martin from ohms under the hammer, it's got very unusual smell, a bit like a landfill
Starting point is 00:15:55 site, you know or a shit farm, unusual, but you know what I think I like it. Oh good lad marty, it turns some people stomachs, but you know what, it just turns me on. The way it comes along. Alright, you pair of bollocks, are you ready to police your orders? May I ask, what is, what's actually in the dish, moment of death, platter. Yes sir, you certainly fucking can. Alright, yeah, what's in the moment of death, platter? It's a platter of ra-cuts that have been sliced off just after the final scream. Tung, long sack, liver fat,iel, and in the end out here. Right, and what does he come with?
Starting point is 00:16:49 Good, and of course it's virtually swimming in various blutes. No, maybe not. What do you have in age in my sweet, sweet, dirty party? Oh, what's this one here? A taste of harifiture. Oh, that sounds wonderful. It conjures up images of fields of wheat and lambs galloping on pastures while the harvest moon sets on the horizon. Its beef tendons and pigs milk with a shocking amount of near of near the line and patty as a side dish. Oh, oh, oh, oh, you meaty hero, that has got me popping and sweating like a trout in a
Starting point is 00:17:33 microwave. The pigs milk has been slightly curdled with chicken hormones. Fuck off, though you're fuck off, sir. Not till I've eaten. I'll take one of those, thank you. What about you, Marty? Do you just do a steak? We made some chips. I love chips, especially the twice-fried ones, which I know sounds a bit unusual. Oh, well.
Starting point is 00:17:58 But I do like it. Yes, I do. Do, do, do. Pushpine, I'll push it. The G. Excuse me, do, do, push, pile, I'll push it in the G. Excuse me, sir, but please, never mentioned fruit in this establishment. The legal pack on our website makes this very fucking clear. Chef Craig's considered that a curse.
Starting point is 00:18:17 Well, we've got it that moment, Craig's he arrived at the table. Did I just hear from fuckment in meant to know the other fucking footage? Yes that was me, sorry I didn't know it wasn't allowed. I do beg your pardon, shan't happen again. Oops everything seems to have gone a little bit pear shit. Keep the floor to the quiet run. They go in, that's twice the fucking clan and you haven't even ordered yet I got your Perth you makin' sounds it's interfering with the meat the ambience like a copper one of my dog fights a fuck rich dragon shape where did you get it being them bargains no it's well known brand actually it's called EPCOTS BY Bunjami. Sorry Ron, I'll deal with this. Get out of the restaurant now you fucking hedgehog in
Starting point is 00:19:10 a court. I'll give you three seconds before I tip me clean at your legs. Foc-foc-foc, you better go Marty, you better get out. And Martin ran out, you know, screaming almost. I should have read the legal pack on the website if I came in So it's just that moment Cragsie started up the piss on the floor So I'm not up to it today. I followed Martin out and we went to prep for a crefice sandwich and the flat-seed later Oh, that's nicer. That's nice. Oh, it's nicer. That's I mean, you know, it's nice of you. That's, I mean, you know what, it's all there, isn't it? Oh, it was read the legal pack. Oh, it was read the legal pack.
Starting point is 00:19:47 You know what I'm saying? This might not be a popular opinion, but I'm really glad to see the back of the Olympics and see the return of Hondler under the hammer. Yeah, I know it is. It's a shocking moment when you go on the air player to catch up on escape to the country, and it's just a void.
Starting point is 00:20:03 There's only so many different kinds of bike race. I can tolerate it. What was your favourite activity at the Olympics? Wah, favourite thing I think was the speed climbing. Did you say that way? Did you say that one? Climbing wall and they were up there. 20 meters are racking in about seven seconds. Wow. It was like human spider men and women. That was good. And did they have to play a tag or anything?
Starting point is 00:20:28 No, they just couldn't do it. No, they were no tag. There's a campaign to have Tig restored the Olympics because it used to be until 1936 when Hitler had it removed. Oh, right. I'd like to see you back. It's a terrific game. It will be won on the I for Hitler, wouldn't it?
Starting point is 00:20:52 What places have you been since lockdown Andy? What places have I been since free, since freedom? Well no, since like when we've been, I've, since lockdown I've been at the Sainsbury's, a branch of raw hand, I've got bought a shirt, I've been to an information centre, Ashtown Forest. Are you a list of them, have you? Yeah, a fishing tackle shop in Kessik, and a booths. You didn't know about booths, you know about booths, Superman. I've heard of booths. I've seen more months when I was going on my travels.
Starting point is 00:21:24 That's all I've done, I just wondered, have you done lots? During the whole period, since we were free for a brief time last summer, I went to Annick to a nice bookshop called Bartler Books. Right. And other than that, now there's been pretty much nothing else. Not much of a life, is it really? You know what? It's alright. It's alright. It's alright. I never did much in the first place before all of this. Yeah. So I'm getting brave, you know. I'm going to try to believe in the vaccine and get myself out and about a bit.
Starting point is 00:22:06 Yeah, I mean, I went and all the day in Scotland for a week, and that felt all right. Oh fuck it, I hope me wife had some questions about that, actually. Oh, okay, good. So I think she, I think she mentioned Scotland. Yeah, he's a wife question, and she says, I saw you recently went to Scotland.
Starting point is 00:22:22 Did you parade around the glens in your Red Nile and Sondland tracksuit, or did you go like full millets? What is full millets? You know like walker, cagul and walking boots and well I was I was lucky that weather was really nice I wore a nice t-shirt like this one and some shorts some cargo shorts. Oh, you in cargo shorts. Yeah, yeah, think about that. Yeah. You're in the bottom legs.
Starting point is 00:22:49 Yeah, that's a trouser buster, isn't it? Oh, yeah. Andy, were you camping, glamping, air B and B? Or did you all just sleep in your sit-run with multi-packed crisps for your pillows? Oh, God, this representation of me is deeply unfair. Air being, actually, air being, being nice, a nice cottage, and the only downside was that there was
Starting point is 00:23:17 a massive fucking wasps nest in the roof. So we had a get pest control. What were you doing in the roof? Well, I wasn't in the roof, but the wasps were there clearly say them going in and out and it bothered you I felt uncomfortable. Yeah bothered me. Yeah I thought that my launching a tackle something like that. I don't know. Yeah, generally doesn't happen Andrew Generally, it's just you know, although they can't be sure Andrew did the kids managed to find an amusement arcade in the Highlands to keep you all
Starting point is 00:23:45 entertained? No, because we had a game's room, a convert at garage which had a table tennis table in it, so we all played table tennis. What for hours and hours and hours? And sucked on the bats, on the rubber bits on the bats for comfort. And did it avatali can be a bit of a bugger if you can. Yeah, it had a tally. Yeah, it had a tally. I went knowledge it or farming Scotland when I was eight and it didn't have a tally. I caught it on a farm. You imagine not going all day when I'll tally. It's mad me. I just played marbles
Starting point is 00:24:23 for the whole two weeks. I mean I'm quite outdoorsy in a my own way but's not then. I've just played marbles for the whole two weeks. I mean, I'm quite outdoorsy in a my own way, but come the evening. I need Metally, you know what? I'm telling you on. Yeah. I'm not insane. Gangs of the APL. Oh, yeah.
Starting point is 00:24:38 What do you reckon? Do you want to listen to a bit of that? For it. Let's place. Gangs of the-L's fire. So Andy, most and his mate at Infinity Rocket Plastics, that hacked into one of these Zoom meetings of the White Hearts, you know, the Tottenham Gang the other day. It's a decent bit of footage actually. It was actually apparently penetrated the main server with something called the Grantham overcoat. Oh yeah. Do you
Starting point is 00:25:17 know that some that's a phrase for some way of getting into a router. Saw that online, yeah. So in the Zoom room, you've got Ari, Kane, Debbie, Ali, Eric, Dio, Tynxie, Winxie, Son, thing. And it is a surprise, this is gonna surprise you. Josie, Marino. Oh! He's back. So I'll press play and all that business. So it starts off with Harry.
Starting point is 00:25:43 Right, what's all about? What's this all about? I haven't really got time for idle chatter and chit chit chit jibber twaddle. I'm in the middle of very exciting and very complicated negotiations about my future. Winxie. It's just that you're like our boss in there, you know. Without you, where would we, where would would we where would we we kind of be what's the where did we use Derek? Eric, rudolous. No need to get all butter you're not a color Eric. What you mean is that you will miss my leadership, my advice and access to our HQ in
Starting point is 00:26:25 me mam's garage, simple as that. Debbie Ali, it's not your dad boss, the fact is we it is all hurting about you leaving. You is a magic, well I'm sorry Debbie but that's not my problem. I had a very gentle menu agreement with Daniel Lavy that I could leave this season and seek success in new pastures. Something. Here, Harry. He's got this German. Here, Harry. Don't get all agricultural and rural owners, that's a reference to the fact that he said new pastures and rural owners, I thought you and me had a good thing going. Well, well something we did,
Starting point is 00:27:12 but it's no good getting it into a fluffy, buffy about it. You've got to move on, you've got to let it go. Oh, so now you're getting all Disney frozen on me. I'm no princess and I don't watch cartoons and I only sing K-pop. Click, click, bang, bang. We just sing it like it's click, click, bang, bang. Eric, I watch cartoons. Winxie, made sure Eric, watch your favorite. Eric, Ed, Ed. And Eddie. I've got a sponge box for me. I love the little Absorbent Bastard. Debbie Ali. Shut up about cartoons, you two. So you say that Daniel Levy has said you can go.
Starting point is 00:28:00 Even though you are a top scorer in striker with a magic chin and increasingly deep lying tendencies. Joseph Marino, he interrupts. If I may interrupt, how it is a warrior. Daniel Levy is evil. He has no respect for teamwork, commitment and family. If you trust him, then you will be disappointed. With me you went trophies,, then you will be disappointed. With me,
Starting point is 00:28:25 you win trophies, with him, you lose your pride. Winxie, poor, we didn't win trophies with you, did we? So in one sense of everything you was not a person who keeps his promises, you hardly even played me your fucker. That's okay, Winxie. I hear you. I feel you. I respect you. I admire your lovely legs, but the reason we didn't win anything was Daniel Levy, because Daniel Levy is evil, and what's more, he has no understanding of bandages. Harry, Joseph, you just said he doesn't understand bandages, is that what you meant to say? Yes, 100%, no idea about bandages.
Starting point is 00:29:06 Eric, so Harry, are you definitely going? Daniel wants me to stay, of course, but I haven't heard anything from you, not to be honest. Any woman would think that you couldn't care less with a cream horn on top of the touchy roll in your pockets. Debbie, let's admit we always spec your decision and I'll think you is madgey but if you got to fly then we ain't cause and turbulence we just want to be advised to be next leader of white hearts. I was thinking maybe that should be me, winksy,. Maybe we should ask him, don't believe, this say he has a magic ass and a really cool underground headquarters with long sofas and a watermaker? Something, fuck German. It would be good, I've got a K-pop karaoke rig in my penthouse and a M&M dispenser o'n a'r loma sofos o'r nodolong, a'r dweud dweud i'r hyn hyn hyn hyn hyn hyn hyn hyn hyn hyn hyn hyn hyn hyn hyn hyn hyn hyn hyn hyn hyn hyn hyn hyn hyn hyn hyn hyn hyn hyn hyn hyn hyn hyn hyn hyn hyn hyn hyn hyn hyn hyn hyn hyn hyn hyn hyn hyn hyn hyn hyn hyn hyn hyn hyn hyn hyn hyn hyn hyn hyn hyn hyn hyn hyn hyn hyn hyn hyn hyn hyn hyn hyn hyn hyn hyn hyn hyn hyn hyn hyn hyn hyn hyn hyn hyn hyn hyn hyn hyn hyn hyn hyn hyn hyn hyn hyn hyn hyn hyn hyn hyn hyn hyn hyn hyn hyn hyn hyn hyn hyn hyn hyn hyn hyn hyn hyn hyn hyn hyn hyn hyn hyn hyn hyn hyn hyn hyn hyn hyn hyn hyn hyn hyn hyn hyn hyn hyn hyn hyn hyn hyn hyn hyn hyn hyn hyn hyn hyn hyn hyn hyn hyn hyn hyn hyn hyn hyn hyn hyn hyn hyn hyn hyn hyn hyn hyn hyn hyn hyn hyn hyn hyn hyn hyn hyn hyn hyn hyn hyn hyn hyn hyn hyn hyn hyn hyn hyn hyn hyn hyn hyn hyn hyn hyn hyn hyn hyn hy So, Tommy McTenderhooks, my successor is...
Starting point is 00:30:27 ...Ewick Dyer. Thanks. Boss, I won't let you down, Debbie Ali. Oh God, listen to him again! Oh, what's that? The fuck's he's doing? Took on soon, watch here. Oh God listen to him, it's getting old Barry home on runners makes you sick. So in that I've got to go and getting very youngsters and double fluffed here. Joe's there, one second, I don't think I
Starting point is 00:30:59 did mean bandages, I meant managers. Okay Joe, say come on, and Ari does his final flourish like you always does. Okay Joe, be cool and let's get this fucking end with me. I'm sorry Andy, that was all a bit of a mess that was. No I enjoyed that, that was nice. We've got to admit the most of it while we can because you know Harry Kane might not be there forever. Yeah, true. Earlier on you mentioned our patreon offering, club pass nips, patreon.com slash athletic comments and on there the listeners get the submit questions and there's a one left over from the last episode from Samuel
Starting point is 00:31:41 Jorgerson I think it says here. Right. And he asked, would it be possible to get Mark Lawrence's favourite modes of transportation? And Mark Lawrence and Top 10, much love. So Samuel, much love back to you, Samuel. So I got Mark to submit his Top 10, and here it is. Oh, nice one. Ah, Mark Lawrence's sending these in my top 10 modes of transportation. Number 10, the Moe Peds. Number 9, the steam train.
Starting point is 00:32:12 Number 8, horseback. Number 7, the peddler low. Number 6, the tandem. I often like to take to the roads in a tandem with Barbara behind me in our rabbit and guinea junior in a little basket at the front. Number 5, I couldn't think of a number 5. Number 4, Speedboat, I enjoy the wind flowing through what's left of my hair while out on a lake.
Starting point is 00:32:41 Number 3, the motor car. Number 2, a gondola, a cornetto of course. And number one, you're not gonna expect this. It's a Husky John sled ride. Good one, wow. Thank you very much. That's my top 10 modes, a transportation. Mark had looked sweet with his tight silvery shirt
Starting point is 00:33:02 on a Husky's in front of him. Definitely, wouldn't he? That's all there we are, that's that. I think there's almost the programme and that maybe is a detective, detective on a sleigh, tight shirt. A canal detective, that'll be good, slow speeds. Well I was thinking that I like the snowyness, you know, a bit like that Nordic crime thing. I think he'd be very good as well because he's very pedantic. He'd just work through the clothes, you know, it just do good coppering. Would you need to send him off to some, he can't do it in Britain, because we
Starting point is 00:33:33 hardly get snow anymore. You'd have to send him off somewhere. I'd send him off. Greenland or something like that. Icelandic, Iceland, period. Yeah. The good work. I think I'd like to do some observation comedy, because that's where it's happening. I've got some as well. I think I'd like to do some observation comedy because that's where it's happening I've got some as well. I've got a little bit as well I'll have a go. See what you think, you know, I'm trying to work up to a routine kind of thing I've ever noticed. I say is this something that you've previously noticed but subsequently for forgotten Let's see. Have you ever noticed have have you, have you, have you, have you, have you, have you, have you, have you, have you, have you, have you, have you, have you, have you, have you, have you, have you, have you, have you, have you, have you, have you, have you, have you, have you, have you, have you, have you, have you, have you, have you, have you, have you, have you, have you, have you, have you, have you, have you, have you, have you, have you, have you, have you, have you, have you, have you, have you, have you, have you, have you, have you, have you, have you, have you, have you, have you, have you, have you, have you, have you, have you, have you, have you, have you, have you, have you, have you, have you, have you, have you, have you, have you, have you, have you, have you, have you, have you, have you, have you, have you, have you, have you, have you, have you, have you, have you, have you, have you, have you, have you, have you, have you, have you, have you, have you, have you, have you, have you, have you, have you, have you, have you, have you, have you, have you, have you, have you, have you, have you, have you, have you, have you, have you, have you, have you, have you, have you, have you, have you, have you, have you, have you, have you, have you, have you, have you, have you, have you, have you, have you, have you, have you, have you, have you, have you, have you, have you, have you, have you, noticed that? And enjoy remembering it. I have, I have. Any good? Drop it. It was better than mine. Okay, well, that doesn't necessarily mean it's any kind of indication of quality.
Starting point is 00:34:36 I'm going to try three on you and tell me which one I should put in me act, right? Have you ever noticed? I say, have you ever noticed, that very occasionally when you park your car in a multi-story, your miles from the pair point, and when you get there, you can't remember your reds number, and so you walk back to the car, you take a photo of it, and then you walk back to the pair point, but your foreigners died, and so you walk back to the car to get a pen to write it down but you've left your keys on top of the pair machine so you're right angry, smash up the coin mechanism with your brass hand and you've had you have an artist that's
Starting point is 00:35:16 that you've had an artist that's happening. You know any good? The first one. The first one. Yeah, the first one. Yeah, it's the final one. How can you ever notice that sometimes when you've had a drink you can be a bit unsteady on your feet, yeah, and you have to steady yourself against, you know, for example, a brick wall and you wake up in the morning and your brass under scratched up a no amount of Pearson's brass under restoreant can shift the scratches. I have an artist that. Have you, have you, have you, have you noticed that? I like the middle one the best. Okay, I'll put that in me act.
Starting point is 00:35:51 Right, good. I've got a couple of names for you that I forgot during the jokes earlier. This is what we can do now, innit? Well, we can, they can apply them retrospectively. All right. Do you know what I mean? Yeah.
Starting point is 00:36:01 And then you can listen back again through the filter of those names. You can be, say, and Bri. He has recently acquired the UK license for the invitation of all Bri, so any Bri that you buy, 58% of the money goes to him. You can be Bruce Forshites. He claims the secret to long life is doing four shits every day, even if it kills him, or you can of course be honky tongue. So it's Bruce 4 numeral. Bruce 4 shites, yeah.
Starting point is 00:36:31 I think I'll take that Andy, I think I'll take it. It's not sophisticated, it's not sort of but then sometimes you don't have to be. Yeah, no, it's got, it's a high impact name, you know, it's a hello. My name's Ruth Ankels. Yeah, that would be a PKK, right? And if you said, yeah, my name's Bruce Forshites. Bruce, you're a story behind that. It does, it does. Well, I've enjoyed this episode. Bruce Forshites, thank you very much. And thanks to everyone for listening. Thank you for listening. See you next time. Ciao! you

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