Athletico Mince - Ep. 44 - Dinner With Morrissey

Episode Date: May 12, 2017

Bob talks about dining with superstars, there's a Man United gang update, Barry Homeowner calls round, and Andy tries to get Bob to invest in a chesty health product. Become a member at https://plus.acast.com/s/athleticomince. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Music Alright, honky-tonk. Alright, Ronnie, not dog, we're back to the side. The side, didn't I? Last week, you tried to get me to do some fellow enough feet, doing a noise. I thought you did it very well. Well, it didn't feel right. All right, well try this one. Could you do me the noise of a man who's just completed regrow in a difficult tell there in his bathroom? Maybe above a boiler or something. Yes, satisfied.

Well, don't you think that it's immediately put as on a better foot in? Right, John, we'll start again with that then. Go on, yeah. I'm don't you think that that's immediately put us on a better footing? Right. Join me start again with that then. Go on, yeah. All right. Oh, you sound like you've just done some talent or something. Yeah. Look at that. Good job. Job well done. How long will that take to drive? They're not long, I suppose. Just a couple hours. Yeah, with it being above the boiler and that. Couple hours I'll have a shower later on. God, it's like, it's, I'm just imagining,

but it's almost like just that simple job. It looks like a new bathroom. I feel like a new man. Yeah. God, I'd like to come in here and have a pint on the pot here. No, you can't. Oh, well, I'm just saying I'd like to. All right, don't, don't say that.

Do you want? That's it. That's a bit like, Morrissey, won't it? Do you want a name? Would you tell that I's a bit like Morrissey, won't it? Do you want a name? Did he tell that I had done it with Morrissey once? Did you? Yeah. Did you have any meat around his house?

No, we're all veggie. What was that? Yeah, he had a chef and everything. Today. Yeah. He wouldn't think he'd have the chef, would you? But I would say that he wouldn't think he'd cook himself either. No, so what kind of potatoes did he?

So, all right, so what's the other one up? He said, no one cooked for you. New potatoes? No did he? So what's the other top? No one could use potatoes. No, I didn't have new potatoes. It was like you know it was like a fiddly menu like little bits of shit of... shitty bits. Master chef shit. Yeah shitty bits, cool shitty bits, hot shitty bits. I tapped a spot. But I shouldn't have been fatties. It was in a lovely dining room. A sprout. Yeah. Just a little bit tomato ketchup. Yeah, with, I don't know, you'll keep written on it or something. I don't know.

I'm not so sure, and I'm not saying we're yogurt, I didn't mean that, but like with the slogan on it. Yeah. Um, but it was in a lovely like, orc paneled dining room. In his house. In his house. Um, and his orc got meat in it. Orc. Orc.

No, well, don't meat in orc, isn't that the thing? I'm just trying to trip him up. Yeah, do you want children to look like that? Man, I was letting to the house and I've had leather shoes on. Really? Yeah. To an blind eye, do they? He don't, he don't say a great deal. He explained to me that the house was haunted. Right. And he explained to me that he'd never Undesuit but he liked that he liked the suit I was wearing was he quite pleased about that was he that he'd never won I don't know that he was I think he'd just said I never on to suit, but that's a nice suit I've never owned a I'm never owned a suit, but that's an ice suit So we bring Morris. Yes, should we bring him into this podcast?

We might often. Should we met in the new manager of, I don't know, well no one knows who the manager of Swansea is, we could say that's Morris, he could be. That sounds very good. Yeah. For next week. Also, I always like to say this from time to time, Andy,

because you know, I know you sometimes tweet, like, what's the thing you tweet away, you say you'll never be better than him. He's better than you. He's better than you. Well, I always some dot, dot, sometimes, well, I'll put it in a tweet form. So listen to this. I once had dinner with Audrey Hepburn, dot, dot, dot, it's simple in it. Bob Mortimer is better than you. Right. So I just sometimes like to put that in. Is that true? In case you, it is true,

and in case you're thinking that I'm not better than you. See, the thing is over the weeks that we've been doing this, I've come to realize that you are pretty much a congenital liar. Fuck off. So I don't believe a single thing you say now. What, tell me about you having dinner with Audrey Hepburn then. I won't, I'm gonna tell you about it.

Because you would have to make something up on the spot. I wouldn't have to make some up on the spot. I promise you, I did. Did you say that I'm blind? Tell me something I've lied about over the course of these 43 podcasts. Raheib Sterling got an almost straight hospital. He had to be sent to the TV. Yeah, but he's got the, yeah, but that's not really the criteria.

You know those people who have that disease, the board and they're their their their edge is speed it up So like they're they're seven, but they look there 40 or they're 40, but they've got the body of a six-year-old They're seeing the right. They're going in a six. I'm not Well sounds like it. I Don't lie about having dinner with Morrissey or Audrey at Bern. That was what my mum said to me on the deathbed. Don't lie. Do it, what in your life?

You know, eat what you want, go where you want. But don't start lying about Audrey or Mr Morrissey. Will you promise me that, Bob? I held a hand. And you did. Give her a last kiss. Okay. And so I wouldn't lie about that.

But where did you kiss her? Sorry? Where did you kiss her? I wanted to check her for it as far as I remember. All right. Well, what do we do? Oh, you're disgusting. Did you want to name? I was thinking that you might, I know you like, you rejected shitty man, right? I did, yeah. I don't know. I just want to run it past you once. I wasn't feeling it last week. It's been sat in front of you. It keeps coming back to me.

Shitty man. Yeah. You know, it keeps coming back to me. What about the night Thomas? Right. He's, he's, he's almost invisible in the shadows. Right. And he creeps around the local estate called the sacks as his favorite.

Right. And maybe he just drops his Thomas out every now and then. No one sees it. I'm not saying you're a pervert. Right. Chesty Matthews? I like that. Is that a man or a woman? It's a man, but a man like you is quite Chesty.

Right. You know what I mean? It's very nice. Used to be a little ball-legged, quite tricky ringer for Preston. Right. He's retired now. Yep. And now he's retired now. Yep. And now he's got a pigeon chest

because he's on steroids and he's also got the tits. Right. Again, sat here, it seems perfect for you, Andy. I'll be the shitty man, I think. You're gonna be shitty man. That last. Oh, I'll, I'll, I'll be about these for you.

You can obviously be honky-tonk if you wanna be or you can be get ready for this. Probe tube three. Nope. No thank you. I'm ready for this. Probe tube three. Nope, no thank you. I'm looking for the one. It's gotta be one. I'm going for 54, down to three.

And you don't know why, I'm grateful for that only. I'll have to go back to the ship. And forever in your depth, you know, but. Wait, I'm not the one, you're not that asked. I'll have to go back and then say if I can get, if I got your Probe tube one, would you tap me with it for like just two days? I'll take it. I don't know if I can get it for a whole week. I'll take it for a morning, I'll take it for a part there. So ask him if they do a part there

deal. Right, I'll say what I pay day day I call them. Is your other choices. Soapy nice lass. Yeah, like it. She's just called Soapy, she's a nice lass. She's a nice lass. She's average intelligence. Yeah, yeah, she's not harmful. Average loss. Not normal. Average loss. Yeah. Edge 23. Graduates. Nice loss. Graduate but unemployed. Yeah. Oh, uh, uh, in turn work at various media organisations. I mean, various meat factories. Yeah.

Well, I'm going to take it. I'd love to. We try to take it again. I haven't got the third choice yet. All right, go on. Asti Speumanti. Yeah. He's a Lord Budgett Lothario and he's got a season ticket at the Carriotti Club. Oh, he goes along every week. We get up to sing with him. That is on both.

I'll make the look. I'll be the young lady if I'm not there. Okay, so be nice. Last. So where do you want to go from here Andy? We meet again. We do. We wait again to do our bits and pieces.

I've been watching Better Call Saul. I absolutely adore it. This is another example of me being off the pierce, culture wise, because not on ever not seen Better Call Saul. I've only got the end of series one of Britain bad. You do that deliberately though to be the outside of it, don't you? Oh, I haven't seen it. I watched series one of Britain Badden, I thought it was shade. Really? Yeah. But everyone's like, sin.

Oh no, no, no, you're gonna stick with it. Series two, it gets really good. Series two, when it really picks up. I'm sorry, but if you're gonna make a TV series, fucking make it good from the beginning. Don't go, oh, well, it's a shade, but if you stick with it for another 10 hours, it'll be alright.

No, you probably don't, it's probably not your cup tea, aren't they? Simply like? I'm just saying by that. Well are you saying I'm not sophisticated enough to be able to deal with? No, you're probably, not you're probably a walking dead gamer throw. I know all about people making cracking caravans. I'm from Sunderland. What colour's the cracking, Bretton Bad?

Red? Red? Yeah, you said it honestly, Andy, it's not for you. It's like you've got a wide, not empty of mind, but like a more spacious mind. And you'd like things like pixies and dragons to drift through. I honestly, I want series one again, the thrones as well and knock that on the edge as well. I didn't understand it. I didn't know what was going on. I've also, this is me, do you remember a couple of podcasts ago,

I said, I wanted to make a regular TV and film slot. So this is that slot. Oh, you've just squeezed that in that way. Yeah, second recommendation is big little lies. Yes. You say that? I'm two episodes in. It's great in it.

School, school mums. Mm-hmm. Oh, that business is good for, isn't it? I like looking at school mums. Yeah, Nicole Kidman. Yep. Reese Weather Spoon. Reese Weather Spoon.

And there's another one I'd never know. Another one, or? And Laura Dern. Laura Dern, who will remember from, was it raised in Arizona or something like that? Uh, blue velvet. Hey, I've got you all drawn in. I mean, the TV club, I'm not.

I have. This could be a separate podcast. Finally, Andy, another film. I ought people have watched Barbara 2012. I have watched it. Well, I watched Barbara the sitcom by mistake with Quentilla. I don't know that. It's on YouTube. And my film recommendation is a room for Romeo Brass. That's an old film, wasn't it? Well, it doesn't mean I mean, Barbara's 2012.

Romeo Brass is probably 2002 or something? Superfilm. So that's the end of that section. Now, also Andy. Do you want to get the contribute of that section? Yeah, can you contribute to me? Why don't we give it a jingle? Oh, God, you're alright, I haven't gotten it. Tee-ee-ee-ee-ee-ee-ee-ee-ee-ee-ee-ee-ee-ee-ee-ee-ee-ee-ee-ee-ee-ee-ee-ee-ee-ee-ee-ee-ee-ee-ee-ee-ee-ee-ee-ee-ee-ee-ee-ee-ee-ee-ee-ee-ee-ee-ee-ee-ee-ee-ee-ee-ee-ee-ee-ee-ee-ee-ee-ee-ee-ee-ee-ee-ee-ee-ee-ee-ee-ee-ee-ee-ee-ee-ee-ee-ee-ee-ee-ee-ee-ee-ee-ee-ee-ee-ee-ee-ee-ee-ee-ee-ee-ee-ee-ee-ee-ee-ee-ee-ee-ee-ee-ee-ee-ee-ee-ee-ee-ee-ee-ee-ee-ee-ee-ee-ee-ee-ee-ee-ee-ee-ee-ee-ee-ee-ee-ee-ee-ee-ee-ee-ee-ee-ee-ee-ee-ee-ee-ee-ee-ee-ee-ee-ee-ee-ee-ee-ee-ee-ee-ee-ee-ee-ee-ee-ee-ee-ee-ee-ee-ee-ee-ee-ee-ee-ee-ee-ee-ee-ee-ee-ee-ee-ee-ee-ee-ee-ee-ee-ee-ee-ee-ee-ee-ee-ee-ee-ee-ee-ee-ee-ee-ee-ee-ee-ee-ee-ee-ee-ee-ee-ee-ee-ee-ee-ee-ee-ee-ee-ee-ee-ee-ee-ee-ee-ee-ee very wise, crocky. Yeah. A little bit too violent for the little ones. What about the last

hour? Last hour, can't remember anything last hour. Yeah, it's a good question. I'll ask anyone who goes to say a CGI thing, is like, look knowledgeable and say, yeah, but what about the last hour hour? And you'll usually pull some out, because it's just a big fight in it. Big fighting, action, improbable stuff. Yeah, good, enjoyed it. Listen, can you think of a number for maybe between one and 40? Don't tell me what it is. I've done it. 20, 140, no double it.

Yep. No subtract 15. Oh, that's quite hard, but I've done it. Don't tell me your number. I haven't. Now tell me your number. 25. 25 there.

Thanks. I'm just, I'm doing some work as an ambassador for the government's new number awareness scheme. All right, so. And that's just that there. So now the world's more aware of the number 25. Yeah. What could be, it's not lesser aware

than it was 30 seconds ago. I think it's just tiny bit more aware. Trip feed. I think people are thinking like, I am, what do I source it 25 with? What do you source it 25? I'm very little at being used to. A dot board.

What? Or for the outer circle. Out of the circle of the bullseye. Yeah, that's a good 25. What do you source it 25 with? 25. Yeah, you lost your virginity. Ha ha.

90, 25. 90, 25, yeah. I would have chosen 25. I'm gonna stick with it. I'm determined to virginity. Haha, 1925. 1925, yeah. I would have chosen 25. I'm going to stick with it. I'm determined to think of something 25. I associate 25. This is why we have the programme for the number awareness. You see this is it in action. Have you seen how unaware I am of the number 25?

I believe. Blimey, I feel such a haven. You're gonna have to work on that, aren't you? Yeah. I would like to do a bit of EPL, summit like that. Go on, then, Bob. All right.

What have you got? Well, I'm still old enough for legal reasons. On my version of what happened after the Arsenal, Arsenal Tottenham match. So we're going to have a gang of EPL special, North London special. So I'm going to go and tell you about what happened when I bumped into the man United gang. All right then. gangs of the E-P-L. So, the river rebel, up in Lancashire, or a... a vocator.

A vocator like a porch deg, on crispy brown toast, beautiful river. So it's good for chub, good for barble, that sort of thing. on criss-pie brown toast, beautiful river. So it's good for chub, good for barble, that sort of thing. And there's a very exclusive private stretch but I get in because of me VRPC. Because of your contacts.

On my contacts. Audrey Hepburn. Yeah. Sourcesations. Don't shed doubt on my Audrey Hepburn. Whatever. Well, whatever. You covering tea, are you? Do you know what? I'm going to I'm not doing my own surgery at birth. Whatever. Well, whatever. You covering tape, are you?

Do you know what I'm doing? I'm doing a recastering tape as well. No, I haven't. I haven't. The only memory of Catherine's hair is that she's still dead. Not on my knee, but my own, still to me, the only memory is that she did her first show out of the same offices that I, my management are, right? And so I was walking down the corridor and on a door it said the

Catherine Tate show, no one had heard of her at that point. I don't know, but not she hadn't been on telly. So I walked in there and there was only... Why did you walk in? Because I'm a friend of the character, Sarah Salo, see what's happening, and I walked in there and it was a very empty office, but with just one person in it, yeah. And I said, is this the Catherine Tate show? Yeah. And the person said, yes. And I said, it's not very good, is it? Yeah. What did they say? I all I remember, I can't remember what they said, I remember said I have just married a terrible era

that will remain with me for three, four, five days. But I thought it was quite a good joke, no? No, that's quite bad. So quite lacking in social skills, I think. I have good social skills. Do you? Yeah. You would say that if you were lacking in them though.

Well, come on, you've hung around with me. Whenever I've never disappointed, your social skills rise, I'm a bit shy, I'm a bit, but I'll say hello, are you doing it? When you mean you've hung around, I've not really hung around with you, as soon as we finish this, you fuck off. Of course I fuck off.

I wanna get back up, watch the telly. Do you know a teen mum, teen mum to start it again? Has it? Yeah. This time it's twins. That should have been in a different section shouldn't it? Yeah. Cover that next thing.

So I set up, and I know it's set up me stuff me rodding that, and I know it's just along the bank is where Rody Phil Jones, Marcus Rushford, yeah. And the little robot, Rody Toady, all of the nice fish. Yeah. I don't know whether you call it fish or angle. You know, they're having an angle. I have in a fish, whatever, fishing.

I have in a dip, dip in it in, dip the floor in. So I sidel up, get a bit nearer, and I'm nicely hidden by a bush, so I can listen in, I'm there, right? Wade says, hope we catch something soon, I'm starving. Phil says, now I have to be careful with Phil. I don't want to see my bread and butter. Mae'n gweithio'r fwy'n gweithio'r fwy'n gweithio. Mae'n gweithio'r fwy'n gweithio'r fwy'n gweithio'r fwy'n gweithio'r fwy'n gweithio'r fwy'n gweithio'r fwy'n gweithio'r fwy'n gweithio'r fwy'n gweithio'r fwy'n gweithio'r fwy'n gweithio'r fwy'n gweithio'r fwy'n gweithio'r fwy'n gweithio'r fwy'n gweithio'r fwy'n gweithio'r fwy'n gweithio'r fwy'n gweithio'r fwy'n gweithio'r fwy'n gweithio'r fwy'n gweithio'r fwy'n gweithio'r fwy'n gweithio'r fwy'n gweithio'r fwy'n gweithio'r fwy'n gweithio'r fwy'n gweithio'r fwy'n gweithio'r fwy'n gweithio'r fwy'n gweithio'r fwy'n gweithio'r fwy'n gweithio'r fwy'n gweithio'r fwy'n gweithio'r fwy'n gweithio'r fwy'n gweithio'r fwy'n gweithio'r fwy'n gweithio'r fwy'n gweithio'r fwy'n gweithio'r fwy'n gweithio'r fwy'n g pipe down, you scare off the fish, we need quiet, you worsen colline when she sees a full skip. Phil says, uh, uh, Liet, no, I'm sorry to be a pain, says Phil, but as anyone see my

two-bow air box, I've got a bowl of tummy and the bread helps it settle. Rudy Tudey chirps in. Upset stomach can be caused by trapped wind, acid indigestion, constipation or bacterial infection. Common symptoms are aching, bloating and diarrhea. Clay Seek, Warton, it are 2D2. Your voice is really chill. It's going to penetrate the water and fork off all the fish. It's as bad as when Colleen finds out I've eaten all the chicken dippers. At that moment, in Strider's Latin, right, Naked, apart from quite a thick belt that's got characters from the Frozen movie on it. So that's a nice belt in it, and he's got the Toopoeir box.

So Phil says, that, read, thanks, Sldyn, ddyn, ddyn, ddyn, ddyn, ddyn, ddyn, ddyn, ddyn, ddyn, ddyn, ddyn, ddyn, ddyn, ddyn, ddyn, ddyn, ddyn, ddyn, ddyn, ddyn, ddyn, ddyn, ddyn, ddyn, ddyn, ddyn, ddyn, ddyn, ddyn, ddyn, ddyn, ddyn, ddyn, ddyn, ddyn, ddyn, ddyn, ddyn, ddyn, ddyn, ddyn, ddyn, ddyn, ddyn, ddyn, ddyn, ddyn, ddyn, ddyn, ddyn, ddyn, ddyn, ddyn, ddyn, ddyn, ddyn, ddyn, ddyn, ddyn, ddyn, ddyn, ddyn, ddyn, ddyn, ddyn, ddyn, ddyn, ddyn, ddyn, ddyn, ddyn, ddyn, ddyn, ddyn, ddyn, ddyn, ddyn, ddyn, ddyn, ddyn, ddyn, ddyn, ddyn, ddyn, ddyn, ddyn, ddyn, ddyn, ddyn, ddyn, ddyn, ddyn, ddyn, ddyn, ddyn, ddyn, ddyn, ddyn, ddyn, ddyn, ddyn, me, Slut and A to help it settle. Then Slut and Benz over touches his toes with his nose, right? Now clean Slut and an anus. So they all take out the little shoulder wipes and begin to work where is anus, right? Now as they're working away, Marcus fans a little single niblet of corn. That can happen sometimes, can it? So Marcus puts the corn on his oak and sure enough, a fwy'r cyfodd, mae'r cyfodd yn ymwch, mae'r cyfodd yn ymwch, mae'r cyfodd yn ymwch, mae'r cyfodd yn ymwch, yw'r cyfodd yn ymwch, mae'r cyfodd yn ymwch, mae'r cyfodd yn ymwch, mae'r cyfodd yn ymwch, mae'r cyfodd yn ymwch, mae'r cyfodd yn ymwch, mae'r cyfodd yn ymwch, mae'r cyfodd yn ymwch, mae'r cyfodd yn ymwch, mae'r cyfodd yn ymwch, mae'r cyfodd yn ymwch, mae'r cyfodd yn ymwch, Dreams about sticking sex with and bags. At which point is that, and karate kicks fell into the river, yeah?

Yeah. Bush. That funnily enough, I know it's quick. That's the end of the story. Wow. But I know it's incomplete. It feels incomplete, don't it? It very much does it, but it is that's the end.

Sometimes that's what happens in life. Yeah. It comes out of the blue. Yeah, it ends it. I'm a bit scared of that's what happens in life. Yeah. It comes out of the blue. Yeah, it ends it. I'm a bit scared as like, and I hop footed it at that point. That's a good ending. Yeah. That's a good ending.

So I got out of there. Almost got out of it there. So, yeah. Did you think that was a bit like of Miten Men? You know, the river bank and the kicking him into the river. I've never read of Miten Men. All right. Well, then, I think it's a film.

It's a film, it's a book, it's a book, a movie. It's not in the film club, don't get people confused, I'm not recommending it. It's all good. That's a good book, yeah, you read it when you're a kid who makes you cry. I'm not read it then. You do know, a big lad, big lad,

smothers the little brother, I don't mean to, but it kills it. Deaf pros. I don't know, Jeff pros, this is a snooker. He was the grain cross-cord man. I met him once. Have you had dinner with him? No, I haven't had dinner with him.

I won't dinner with Jeff pros. Why? Well, he was a nice and a fellow, but I was in a post office getting a pass for him. Not a bit of a sin for you. Well, he was a big deal to me at the time actually because I think he was in Star Wars. Yeah he was in the queue next to me at post office in London when I was getting me passport to go to the World Cup in 1982. Oh really?

So that's a great story isn't it? Is he in front of you in the queue or behind you in the queue? I would say he was beside me and behind me and in front of me, it was everywhere. It was all over you. Yeah, all over me. Can I do a song, Andy? Have you got something? What have I got? You're not doing one of your German East German songs. No, I haven't got one this week for the reaction. The last week's song was quite violent at times.

But Roan the Old Podcast, let's be honest. Well, yeah. So, well, if you're not doing it, why don't you do a song then? Okay, right, I'll just, really, you're gonna have to do, it's the same tune, do you remember you did the synth for it? All right, yeah, yeah.

Would you be able to do that for me? No problem, Bob. Thank you. I have got some words for the last bit this time for it. All right, yeah, yeah. Would you be able to do that for me? No problem, Bob. Thank you. I have got some words for the last bit this time. Good. I'd still like the synth. I'll skillfully over the top of it though, yeah. BABY BABY BABY BABY BABY BABY BABY BABY BABY BABY BABY BABY BABY BABY BABY BABY BABY BABY BABY BABY BABY BABY BABY BABY BABY BABY BABY BABY BABY BABY BABY BABY BABY BABY BABY BABY BABY BABY BABY BABY BABY BABY BABY BABY BABY BABY BABY BABY BABY BABY BABY BABY BABY BABY BABY BABY BABY BABY BABY BABY BABY BABY BABY BABY BABY BABY BABY BABY BABY BABY BABY BABY BABY BABY BABY BABY BABY BABY BABY BABY BABY BABY BABY BABY BABY BABY BABY BABY BABY BABY BABY BABY BABY BABY BABY BABY BABY BABY BABY BABY BABY BABY BABY BABY BABY BABY BABY BABY BABY BABY BABY BABY BABY BABY BABY BABY BABY BABY BABY and mixed the fucking glows, 10-pulled nurses, bored out of the tits, putting tubes in your gob, and sucking out bits of grit.

Raspberry jam is nice, but it's full of fucking pips. Nutella spreads quite easily, but it looks like turkey shit. Lemon curd is tasty, but it's very high in fat. So I'll stick to my amulet or nothingly but a bap.

Thanks, Andy. You're welcome. I got a bit distracted by the song but I'll stick with it. It's a nice song. It's got important information and take away a value for people. It was kind of a song in two halves really wasn't it because it was dental nurses at the start then in the second part it was a very spread. Yeah but they're a very interesting comparison. second part of it with their very spreads. Yeah, but they're a very interesting comparison. Yeah, because both things are taken for granted until you really put them under the microscope and that encouraged listeners to put the job, the lot of the dental nurse and then also think about those jams and spreads there. If you're go easy on the jams and the spreads and the curds, yeah, yeah, probably going to be less inclined to have to visit the dental on us. So there's a kind of a warning. Yeah.

Can I just do a little bit of yes, no, behind the door. Oh, here we go. Yeah. It's fun, man. All right. Go along with this. Right. See that door there. I'll tell you what we're doing with Audrey at Bernstein. I wasn't playing the beyond the door game. I'll tell you that. I've been invented. I've been invented then. This to me, this feels like Channel 5 game show. Okay. I think if we can get Jimmy Carr on board, we could be onto something, but that's another story. Right, that door there, you see.

Yeah. Imagine there's another door next to it in your imagination, and I'm gonna say some things, and you've got to tell me if you would go through that imaginary garden, to look at them. All right, close up. A pine pot full of glitter. You know, thank you.

Okay. Patrick swears he's gauzed. Yeah. It's not the gauzed from the film gauzed, he's like, he's wearing a built up show. One built up show. It's one built up show. Ah.

He's barefoot on the other foot. I'd like to see that, thank you. Yeah, yeah, that thank you. Yeah, yeah. Err, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh his brain. Hey Nicholas Lindhurst, Lindhurst is the original Rodney Plunker, isn't he? He is, yeah. So, Nicholas Lindhurst. Yeah, he had associations with him as well. Yeah. No, Nick Lindhurst, never met him. I'm never met him. Okay. Well, Nicholas Lindhurst, behind the door, but a little bit of his brain coming out of his nostril. No, I brain stuff again. No, not interested. No, all right, one out of four. Oh, I got one out of four there. Yep. A bell was Patrick's words. Listen, well, I've got you here. Yeah. I'd like to try and flee

some money out here. All right. But another of me dragons, then I do. Oh, God, I know, I come here. Here we go. Right, it's called energy tits. Right. Right. Now what it is, it's like a pair of plastic tits. Yeah. Just drop them on. Yep. Right, we're in a bra but meant in weather as well. And what it is, they're filled up with liquidized superfoods. Right. And then there's a plastic straw that comes out of the cleavage. So every now and again, an alarm goes off. Every like see, three hours.

Right. When you need some nutrition, the alarm goes off and the straw comes up and you just suck some of the superfoods out of your own energy tits. Why couldn't you just have it in the carrier bag? Because you've got a carrier bag round with you. Yeah, well you've got a carrier that you've got a carrier energy tits around you. Yeah, when you wear them, they strap them on, you wear them. You don't, they're so lightweight, you don't even know you wear them until...

Blam, blam, blam, the alarm goes off. And you suck. And you suck up, it's stuff like nuts, seeds, wasabi peas, cubed fish, but it's all liquidized. Oh, it's all liquidized, is it? It's low impact. How would you mean? It's got a positive spread.

Yeah. I've done market research and it scores highly on both reach and pull. Well, that's all encouraging results. I think you'll agree it's pretty much the golden formula when you're trying to do a start-up. I suppose some of some of your mention But there is a safety aspect as well in Randy because say there was a stray bullet or a I don't know

You know, they'll take a bit of impact is what I'm saying. Oh, definitely. Yeah. Yeah, I mean the light weird But it's another layer isn't it? Yeah, but when the fault when the full Well, when you tell me about that market research, obviously, rich and poor, yeah, I'd be fucking mad not to be interested. Right. Anything else, sir? I want 200 grand, three percent. And I'll take a check to do it. I'm interested, bro. I'd like to see the market research first, Andy. I'd like to see a hard copy of the market research.

You're going to be in a decision now. All right, I'm out. I'm out. I'm out, yeah. Honestly. Energy tech's not going to be part of my portfolio. What else? Clogs for dogs.

Interested vaguely. I've seen a dog with clogs. It's very amusing. Someone else done it. Yeah. Scratch it. Hats for twats. Scratch it. Only twats wear hats, don't they? It's basically that's what they say down at Millwall. That's kind of all I've got. Hi, Barry Homo here. Yeah, Ding Dong.

Ding Dong, you know who's there, don't you? Ding dong. Landlord here. How do you complain from neighbors about the noise you're making when you wee put night? Could you keep it down? Yeah, we all have bad days. Ha, here. Have this lottery ticket, it's a ten pound win, but I can't be fucking bothered to claim

it. Yeah? Ding dong, Landlord here, I've come to do an inspection. Mainly for smells. You know, the smell of failure and reduction. Renter. Ding dong landlord here. Just bought you around this brochure on first time mortgages. Thought you could pass it on to someone who can actually fucking afford one. and who can actually fucking afford one. Ha ha, half, half. Actually, you know, he's a good tip for you, Andy. I own my own home now, obviously. And I actually sanitize my hot tub

with salt tablets rather than chlorine, much, much gentler on your skin, much gentler, so much gentler on your skin. And I think that's important. Ding dong, landlord here. I decided I want the rent paid by direct debit from now on. I can't risk having a photo of me taken with a renter. Can you imagine at the casino?

Ding Dong, landlord here, hi tenant, I'm collecting a for charity it's called tenant aid. It gives tenants advice on how to blow the brains out. Hey I tell you one actually I scratched my dancing cane at the casino the other life. Yeah yeah yeah I scratched my dancing cane. Gonna have to hike up the tenants rent to cover a total re-varnish. Yeah. Bad day. Yeah so that's a manly. So Barry Hormorne is now bastard landlord as well. Yeah, I suppose Hormorne is a fucking... Yeah, he's changed a bit, aren't he? He has.

Yeah, love my home. Love my wife, love my home, love my island, my kitchen island. Yeah, like the Vince Parsnips episode of the sitcom. Alright. What we're calling it, is it more Passnips, Vicar or Dyl P for Passnips? Dyl P for Passnips. Dyl P for Passnips. Do you want to do it?

The same show. The same show. D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D- Oh, Marion, Marion, I'm not well. I feel all faint and woezy. Oh, you look all pale, love, seek yourself down. I think I'm going to pass out, Marion. Speak to me, Vince. Keep talking. Oh, Twitter. Contactless parents. Damn dear, I got delivery. Pulled pork. Oh no, Vince, Vince, you've gone on modern.

We're there. I'll get something that'll sort you out. Try to stay awake. Stay with me, Vince. Hurry, Marion. I'm slipping away. Fit, Vince. Drive over as cars. Bog, I'm on go. bits, driver's cars,

Pokemon go! Yeah, here, Vince, quick, I was sip from this can of Cresta Pop. K. Oh, that's frothy, man. Oh, oh yes, that's working. Thanks, Marion. Are you feeling a bit more like yourself, No Vince?

Oh, thanks for, dear, dear, dear, dear, Do you remember a jog crisps? A crisps made for actual ed jogs and fries five centers. Do you remember them, eh? And sail in a century when Nicholas Parsons, do you remember it? And the mastermind board game with that fella on the front of the box with a bird and putting colour my lotion on your chicken box Dear man, Brett, and the mastermind board game with that fella on the front of the box with the bed

and putting color my lotion on your chicken box and smoking upstairs on the bus and beat him! Marks! Oh, Vince, do whatever's scared me like that again. Oh, I'm marrying, I feel so much better. Hey, go put the chip pad on, love. Let's see if we can set the outside fire. Duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh. That one was really good. There was some tension there. Let's see if we can set the house on fire!

That was a really good episode. There was some tension there, it wasn't really good episode. I've got a Scottish tail end, did you think it's time for one? I think it is, yeah. Here we go. Mary McDougal MacDonald McNeill was born out of wedlock in the year 2000. Her parents had hidden her birth from all other folk and especially from the lurch and his spies. just reading, mostly tells about the mainland and how her life might have been if she had escaped the island. So, interested, she's sort of like hiding there, like who's the famous hider who hid on the floor, and Frank, bit like that sort of eye. Scott is silent again. Now every year the lordsmen took a census on the island and today was census day.

She was instructed to hide in the secret hole and be as still and quiet as a discarded hotcake. As she lay in her hole her mind drift to ward an imagined life on the mainland. She saw herself working in halphids in the striking orange and brown uniform. She would carry out free health checks on vehicles and advise motorists of travel requirements when driving abroad in Europe. You must always carry a littered tray in a tin of plums when travelling in front or you will be subjected to an undisput fine, she would warn the motorists. And that only, you must always have at least three aqualungs and a bag of pepper in your boot or you may spend a night in the cell.

And in Spain, be sure to always have a wedding dress and a breadmaker in your car, or your car may be seized and crushed with a further notice. After work a young handsome colleague would take her for a drama in a local hostelry. As the whiskey loosened his tongue, he would comment that she had a formidable amount of tat. So much so that huge suites of it had to be considered surplus. She would giggle and place her hand alongside his personal pipe so that it swall and forced the AA membership card in his pocket to cut into the bulb of his arasio. Then she heard the floorboards above her creaking and the the sound of the layered henchmen descending the stairs to the cellar. Try as she might, her fear got the better of her,

and she let out a little ooty, dummies weaker. The cover of her hidey hole was wrenched open, and she died an instant death. For the henchmen had the face of Robbie Savage. So that was that was another Scottish term. It was very heavy on driving regulations. I will she was advising motorists before the travel the year. New French regulation, your headlights must be covered with small dinosaur staccas. You know, that stuff is a lot that you get. In France, quite glad we're going to come out of the EU.

Yeah, just for that reason. Yeah, that's one of the predominant reasons of leaving, isn't it? Yeah. All right, then are you gonna fuck off first? I shall have I'd like to go first. Thank you, right. I don't want to take that waft from you as you leave the door. Bye. Bye Thank you.