Athletico Mince - Ep. 50 - The Guy Rowland Salvage Job

Episode Date: September 25, 2017

This episode was almost destroyed by microphone-knack during its recording and only exists thanks to the painstaking sound restoration work of Guy Rowland. If you encounter him in real life, give him a little kiss from us. Or thank him on Twitter at @guyrowlanduk. Become a member at https://plus.acast.com/s/athleticomince. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Oh Oh, shit, I saw my rod. Do you hear that? Yeah, that's that rattling. Is that rattling me chest? I'm not well, Bob. Are you nuts? Do you want to ask us about me health? No.

You bastard. I can tell what it is already you've been hanging on too much rum with bins and that and it's got into your throat. Maybe as I have. Shall we get this off this episode off to what I'm going to call a banger right? It got swimming planned over here. Well I'm thinking of sounds from Newcastle Train station. Oh yeah. Oh Oh, yeah. All right. And people into our environment to sort of like piss off our Jordy audience. No, I don't think alienate that I've got the actual truth of it is, Andrew, is that Jordy's picked from the North East. Don't mind you having a go on because they're bigger than that. You know, it's not like self-pity cities, you know what I mean? Such as what it's not like self-pity cities, you know what I mean?

Oh, such a... What? Did you say self-pity cities? Yeah, there was a such thing. Is what, like Lisbon? Lisbon, exactly. Oh, got you out of that one. Ha ha ha.

Go on, then you're Castle Treas station, let's see. We're letting you castle Treas station. You're gonna imagine a sweet, sweet smell of the pies, bubbling up a little. Oh. It's not on the stovs and that. I wish I was warm already. Oh mate, will the boofy cow have blue drink for one never? I should have buy a shit lord a harry bull to dissolve on the jammy. I keeling, different spitting your sisters hair you little bastard. If you must spit do it in your pocket like you might

Will pass on your partner if Phillips please report to the in-for desk your cousin Brenda has dropped off your ex-ma-oint money Passengers too hardly poles and reminded that the front and rear colleges are presently full of some kind of gunked and not suitable for travel of any kind. And I've got one final one, right? If any pottenger has lost an old station, go keegan. Please make your way to the taxi rank where Flattroof Galley has it

tethered to his wife's plan. So that's nice, First. I enjoyed that because I'm from Sunder. So that's nice for it, sir. I enjoyed that because I'm from Sunderland and that's mainly Newcastle. Yeah, well, you've all laid in there. Let's be honest, middle of the Sunderland, we are all under the shadow of the main line station

that is Newcastle. Oh, okay, very famous. Extra point there for the use of Hartley Pools. Hartley Pools, yeah. So it's one of those, man, me. Go on, then what's we chose? No, just to the people, I'm cracking on one because Andrews full of fucking disease. I'm gonna cough right there with this cubicle.

I'm gonna cough right there with this cubicle. And two because I've got about an hour and 20 minutes to get the full of mass. So let's crack it. Go on then. Water bomb wallets. Right. He sells unusual of these modern times we're not in the King of Elvore anymore. He sells bouncing little motorized water bombs. Oh nice. Right. And he sells

them to the gypsies in return for tax planning advice from the gypsy king. Right. And he also, nice detail, he drives a car which is painted to look like a Wal. Okay. That's what's one more. The coin. Oh, lives in a hostile fridge. Yes. Yes. Yes. He has a special powerful mystical ancient coin. Right, it's so powerful that you can use it to leave the top, bottle tops off.

Yeah. Oh, scrap of blistered putty on a window if it's flaking a bit. Wow, humankind. Yeah, special coin. His left Yeah. Special coin is left arm. Andrew is so long. I can't even tell you how long it is. Mixanford. Come on. Business. Like what was a third choice?

Nick Sanford. Yeah. Right. Final advisor. But he's a member of his local silly society. Oh, you know those. It's that middle class. Funny and about the silly, you know, the facts, socks with gartas. Yeah, trousers are rolled up. That's the fellas, they do dap dancers in songs to raise money for outfits for themselves. He lives with a narrowed fella, Winston's disease. I don't know what, so that might be a bit risky. I'm not that keen on him. Yeah? Can I be the first one? Why aren't you keen on him because of Winston's disease?

A celliness. No, there's still. Can't be asked for that forced jolletly stuff. A celly, so tired. See? Watch I finally walk. No, thank you. So are you going to be the kind, man? No, what was the cause? Yeah, he seems like a steady kind of guy. This is what I need at the minute.

How about yourself, there's two choices for you for your names this week. You can be Mike, the Pipes Piper. I like Mike. 51 divorced, saving up for a second tie, bright, I come into the country because the first one didn't take. Mike likes all about the pipes. He calls himself a freelance pipe consultant.

He'll help you out when it comes to drain pipes, central heating pipes, pan pipes, bag pipes, and smokin' pipes. But his advisory only doesn't get his hands dirty. Oh yeah. Oh yeah. God, he last bought last year for harassing some work when they were replacing the gas man in his street.

That's Mike the pipes, paper. Second choice is Joss Angeles. Yeah. Loves all things American. He lives on 20 bars and Hershey bars and Lucky Charms. that's Mike the Piper. Second choice is Joss Angeles. Loves all things American. He lives on Twinkie bars and Hershey bars and look at charms. He only listens to Holland Orts and the Eagles. He's got an American pit bull,

which is not allowed to have, because it's banned, so it has to stay in the main bedroom and he's flat. And he has the box room. There you go, Mike the Piper or Joss Angeles. Well, it's just not even like a problem for me because I'm all about the papers. I know you would be.

I know you wouldn't break you. I'm just back from America, you know? Oh, yeah, is that why you've been? A bit of Palm Springs, listening to Eagle FM. Right? Hired a Chevy, a Huy or something, Chevrolet, a Huy, like a truck. I'll go out there and pretend I'm America.

And yet you didn't want to be Josh Angelies because you've been living that life for the last month. Yeah, it didn't appeal to me, I'm a... It's a secret. Sorry, it does appeal to me, but I mean pipes are right at the top of chocolate sweets. Well, you know, there's so many choice from as well, isn't there? So yeah, I'm just... Right.

What do you think of me tangy, Latin tongue? It's camouflaged against your really, really light-beish. I don't know, is it a tunic that you wear? Well, it's a legend, gentlemen, at home. It's a buttonless, I've got queues. It's got a zip, it's concealed zip, regarding them. In the sleeves, as is always my problem, I'm a bit long for me because I've got a big bandy.

Sure, arms, tiny heads. And that's packaged that in it. No, I'm a tiny head and that's package that I need. No, I know. Wipes questions Andrew? Yes, go for a, um, I'll sound a little bit like a brand cloth then. Wipes questions Andrew? Hmm. Do your brand cloth was just up from up the road man, Grovel? Um, used to empty the bins, uh, is all that?

You did. Yeah, councilor, anyway, go throw them and have a rummage. No, I mean, do you, what for like some sort of haunted memory of Cliffs Just say what were you was up to? Oh, yeah, I imagine Cluffy didn't throw him much out You know, I mean like sweet rapper he said to his kid fall that up eight times Yeah, make a useful Brides rising off and drain covers I reckon he just burnt stuff in the garden? You reckon it's swearing.

Yeah, then you're passing. Then, you've got to have an outlet, haven't you? Well, that's sort of thing. Do you know what I found out when I was in America, in London? I like to take this on board. I'd different now, isn't it, where? Because it certainly is, hit home with me,

is that you know this American IPA, Hoppy Bea that I drink at the night, yeah? It gives you tits. I read that. Did you read that? Yeah. And I'm summing in, it doesn't it, that gives you tits? Yeah, and I don't think it's just one of these like, um, what is it, Buzz ClickBirt things. Right, it's legit, it's got a science behind it.

It's a tits. Are you getting some? And it might be because I set on me to ask watching box sets eating care. Trick your IPA. Well it might be that IPA because it's every night you know. Well, so I'll put it out there, maybe we should all be going a bit easy on that hopper. Perhaps you could measure them.

And you know, from time to time, just give us an update on your cup size. I'll find out if there's a way I can test the volume. Right, I think it's volume matter in it rather than length. Yeah. I think I could draw, I could get it to two, like of the King of all crabs, yeah, just above, and measure from it to I to the centre of the nipple. And watch for the spread. Yeah.

Anyway, the people don't want to hear this. No, a wife's question. No, true. Hello, says the wife. Hello, Bob's wife. Andy, does Sunderland Council operate a recycling scheme or do you just put all your rubbish in the family pram and dump it round the back of the bookies? Yes there is recycling in

Sunderland, it comes once a month. Every street has one to skip basically. We'll put our own milk bottles in it. I suppose metal wise, what are you looking at in Sunderland, you've got your hot dog tin, so the tin from the hot dog. Yeah, the hot dog tin. Yes, the luncheon mate, tins, yeah. I can't think of anything else metal that you would. Tinned hazelut. I don't think you can get in the tin. That's one of the buildings that hazelut you've got to hunt it down. No, really, it's like a... You know... It's an animal the team. That's one of the buildings that has that you got to hunt it down. No, really, it's like a... It's an animal.

No, it's not an animal, but you've got to say today, like in a bear griller's where, a bear griller's island that say, these are not going to survive, unless they find whatever. Right, let me know. Which is like, you've got to search yourself, I'm not going to survive this next week in Sunderland about

hazelord. But you've got to get it relatively fresh. You can't get it in a tin and keep it in a tin for like a merlet still sell it. Well, I'll tweet you to a picture of the wake of Sunderland from my astasel. Sunder, up the astey, yeah. Andrew! Yes, that's the wife. Yes, it's true.

That the tradition in Sunderland when asking El last to marry you is A to pop the ring inside a Johnny bag so she gets a lovely surprise when she pulls it off B take her to KFC and leave the ring in the bottom of the book it C feed the ring into your ulcerion to dump it so she will find it next time she sunbirds in the backyard yeah D. Dee attached it to her fried and I'd Savoli. Ew wrap it in streaky oldie burkin. Any of those are traditional there? What would you do? Savoli. You'd love it in your way. There's an element of a rouse up to that as well, isn't that? It's a kind of seduction because of the shape of the sub-loi.

Is that the other's more? All right. Are there any trees left in Sunderland or have they all been chopped down to make dog kennels? We don't have dog kennels. What did you just tell the old proud ups I've done? We just let them loose. They sleep where they lie. Very good. Thank you.

You've said too much what you want to do. I've got questions as well for you from Blood Relt, They just let them loose. They sleep where they lie. Very good. Thank you. You're welcome. I've got questions as well for you from Blood Relve's and Mine. Oh, for fuck's sake. Bob, as a millionaire in your luxurious home in Market Harbor, is your walking wardrobe big enough to ride a motorbike around in? I don't have a walking wardrobe. I have what's called Espa.

I have what's called Vespa. I have what's called the dressing room. And it's bigger than a walking wardrobe. It's big enough to make one 180 degree pedal on a BMX. Not like a Harley Davidson. Now I've hooked that on. All right, okay. Have you and the other millionaires of Margaret Harbora had all of your pound coins melted down

amid into one massive coin with each of you comparing the size of your massive coin at the garden parties you so frequently frequent. Yes, good answer, honestly. Bob, I see that it's harvest festival time soon. Oh yeah, and I noticed you've been showing off about your crops on your blog. How do you respond to the allegations that the real harvesting that goes on is the harvesting of your slaves organs and blood, which you sell on the dark web? No comment. Do you hear me? All right. I've had a lovely letter and they saw it's just to prove that to what

the email. Sorry, I've proved that people in the professional football circles are listening to the podcast. Oh God, I've had a letter from the lovely Adam Lillianna. Have you known Liverpool? Okay. I thought I'd read it out of these, dude. It's nice, something nice there. Oh, they're a thought of Goldman's boys. I just wanted to write and say, I'll fucking chuffed I was, that you mentioned my summer makeup routine the other week. That's nice isn't it? Yeah it's been listening. It made me wonder if you or any of your readers have tried Charlotte Tilbury's film star Bronzer. I tell you it's a fucking miracle. Super full warm and up your complexion. I apply it to hollows in my cheek. It's well fucking swanky, it says.

I finish off with her swish and pop blusher. Shade is called Love Glow. Just detail that on the apple of your cheek. I tell you lad, you got to fucking try it. In fact, I fucking in sick. Going to send you some samples. Can't wait to hear what you think. Signed Adam fucking lily.

So what an isit letter. He likes us and we're gonna get some free stuff out of it. Some swish pop blusher or something and some foam star bronzer. Beautiful. We're gonna share that now, we? Liverpool Lads look after themselves, don't we? Dude, are we gonna get a share that? Are you gonna keep it off yourself? I'll be right back to you. I mean if you look to put if you put fucking blusher on you'd look like that clown up the it fell you know what I mean my boy went see the it fell chatting

self so there you go it must be a good thing yeah you know Brendan Foster what the runner runner comment it jolly runner you're a rumor about them? Well, there's a lot of don't get me fucking so damn John it yeah, it is a spider He's a what? Spitter what when he's in the room? That's turning a spit. I don't know where I've never seen a spitzer during a race. It's probably afterwards But definitely a spitter. Well, let's look at I'm getting quite close to Peter But he's the one I'm not asking him about his spitter. All right, but Peter's a biter, anyway. Yeah, he's a biter, yeah.

Well, the might not across. What's the latest for Peter Beasley? Oh, he's actually fully enough that he can features in the gangs of EPL. Do you want me to do it? Go on, move out as well. Gangs of the EPL! Ow, ow, ow, ow. Gangs of the EPL!

So I went one place, see Spurs vs Burnley, it's a few weeks back, but it's good what happens. I couldn't get me VIP pass, right, so I had to fork out. Did you know how much it was for a hospitality seat, the dinner and watch the matter? For spurs, for spurs. Wembley, I'd probably be guessing above 400 quid. It's five and a quid for two to eat. For Burnley, it's a category like nine match. It's something called the Bobby Mool lounge.

Got there, got some patty, yeah, and a glass of champagne on arrival, which is a nice way to be greeted, isn't it? And patty, what like, patty? Patty, patty, patty. Peat. Peat. So that's a nice way to be greeted, Andy, with like crushed, formed me, and there's 50. It leads to be formed, required, yeah, but yeah. No, I know what you mean. So there's some legends floating about, pat Jennings was a good

one at the spot. You still got that lovely, worthy hair, I know what you mean. So there's some legends floating about Pat Jennings was a good one at the spot. He still got that lovely, worthy hair. You know, it's like a helmet, isn't it? Yeah, and soft, spoken voice. But I did notice, suddenly, that as he was floating around, he was lifting credit cards. We're speaking to the packets.

And bags of furniture. I was at Paul White House, right. And we took our after-match table. You get a little supper afterwards, right? And next door's on the table is Darro Brian and Peter Beatsley, yeah? So that's a nice innit. Paul says, hello Peter, lovely to meet you, how you doing? Peter says, ah, move it, and since you've never moved in, and since you've moved in that nearer, it's knocking, it seems to be coming from the loft, but as soon as I go in and get the stops,

Paul, you know, he doesn't know what Peter's like. He says, I'm sorry, Peter, I didn't quite catch that. Peter says, you know, he follows, and I'll be in the stomach, like that's certainly not a look and like, you know, he does funny cooking and that wears a waistcoat with duct on it. It's when I was in the back yard, and we had a big accident,

you know, it's my guest, he tried to walk up my figure, or something like that. You know, it's Kimmeridge Lam's done, where I am, and a lot of people think it's clear. Paul looks really confused. Oh, I'm finding. I was just stepping,

I said, oh, well, Peter, so chuffed for you. Anyway, are you Dara? And Dara says, my lot poorer after paying for this. What was pushing here? I went to the toilet and the bug roll is a soft as rustle-grants portal. The tiling is as blue as Len Goldman's bodgie. The tiling is blue as Len Godman's bodgie. And after you're done, a man blows the drips off your trumpets. Then Peter sees a chance to step in, right?

So I go, I wonder if I was to do it in my cold water tank, I would conceal myself in there, early in the morning with the knockin' the start of night. Obviously I have to take some basics with me. Ginny's lunch and me, maybe a banana, a fork and flask of thumb. Well, just then, we're here announcement and it's an MC introducing Man of the Match to the VIP guest. One of the little podiums. Is that a show? I don't know yet. Man of the Match to the VIP guest. Right. One of the little podiums. It's a show. I don't doubt you.

Man in the Match comes out. So MC, ladies and gentlemen, it's time to present to you the AIA, some Man in the Match. Please welcome Mr. Harry Kane. Hey. Sure enough there he is. Well we see his chin first, right, reflected in the mirrored columns. Yeah. And then the man himself emerges. Wow.

Well, like the MC does a little interview. It was one each the match. It says, and Burnley equal, that's really good. Right at the end, yeah. Yeah. So, Harry, not really the result that you wanted. You can time that by 10 and pop sausage roll on top. The result was very frustrating.

And conceiving in injury time was most upsetting. The whole dressing runs in life, fluffy, fluffy, especially Debbie who was going to see the scary clown film tonight, but is now too fizzled to bother. MC says, they obviously came with a plan to defend and hit you on the break. Yeah, well that's what Sean D'Eshaw has done.

It's very upsetting. He's a right boot smooks by there. He stands there like he's head of games and shouts her very gravely voice. Little Henry Winks was on the bench and started crying. He thought Mr. Dish was a monster and his beard was blood around his mouth from eating a rock or a cockroach. So what do you think about this wumbly curse nonsense? It is definitely for real.

And me and my gang are going to do something about it. So thank you for your sports trophy. I've got to go now. And off you went. Quick. Yeah, like fluffery buffered. You know, you're not a chemistry teacher, like retreating from an experiment to a surf area.

Yeah. You're quite quick. Like gone. Well, as you know, I'm a bourbon Aussie bastard. Yes, I like to say it like that. Well, as you know, I'm a bourbon Aussie bastard. And so I thought it was worth hanging about. I knew Pat Jennings would have a pass to the players lounge, so I went up to him.

I said, look, I know you'll be. Is it one or one that he lifted? Well, you just don't know of it. I dream, so I thought, he's, I'll go, I'll approach him, he'll have a pass or something So I said I know you've been nicking credit cards So take me to the players area and I'll and I'll keep me mouth shut All right work to treat he pops his air air means access all areas

Okay passes land yard ground me neck then offy scottles look like she'd be shithole me Your main cuz you're on room So that's me in the players area. Fuck this is long and sorry. I got straight to the toilets, because I know that's where the action's going to be. I settle down in a cubicle with a paint, a paint again, it's in a raw chicken, a whole raw chicken. Yeah, yeah.

So that's a nice toilet, me, a linen and a... Obviously, with your hands, yeah. Yeah, yeah. And there's bograw leather, white gans and that, true. And you can put the bones down the pot. Pfft. So you're wrong. Andy, after about five minutes,

in called the White Art, Debbie, Herick and Harry, but they've got little Harry wings with them. Oh. So that's an interesting in it. Do you remember? So, Ari says, right, we have got to do something about this shitty curse. Herick says, feel, we have got to do something about this shitty curse. Eric says, feel offer or just hate.

Ari says, yes, yes, very good Eric, but I was actually speaking. Derby says, yeah, Eric, that was very inappropriate interruption. I'm shaking enough at the moment without you adding your two pili six months to all ready-fraxious atmosphere. Harry, thank you, Derby. Now, I have been looking into how you can banish our transfer occurs. Wink says, hold on, so I should give my voice to her now. Hold on, is that why you invited me?

What's your east front back show, Somers? Hold on. I have you left, Hilden. Wink's taking off. Heie's gonna have to be fucking children. Hold on, is that why you invited me? So you could slit a virgin's throat! I'll be silly belly Wingsie, you're here as I've ever owned me and to hold the ball of salt. I'll give Sarri a ball of salt. Debbie, you're keeping your mouth shut Wingsie. I'll rub soft-heart, hand towels into your face, then you'll feel like a scootsmock downpipe. Winksy says,

So lots. Harri, we had to make a magic never. Eric says, is that a bit like a magic marker? No, Eric, a magic marker is like a commercially available felt tip pen, renowned for long life and constant ink floor not for lifting fucking curses Debbie said fuck say Eric who are you butsman really the death nut drunk aircoff avenue in one minute alright has Ari let's not get busted and hot under our colors we've got

to curse to lift Gets give me your make-up mellow. So Debbie gets out with, um, make-up mellow, and it's a very nice, it's a Gucci one, right? Got a mother-of-pearl frame, um, a fit bit attached to the wall, and a wireless shoe lock here to, as well. So that's nice for Debbie, isn't it? Yeah. I can't find her shoes. So... Now, a magic mellow works on the principle that anything reflected in it, including hostile intent, will be bounce back to the sender.

For it to work, you need to know the identity of the person sending the bad merger or bogeo. And I think we do, don't we, Debbie and Eric together. Kyle Walker. Oh, and the mat, yeah, because there's trouble there, aren't they? Collector Mundo, my sweet spurs boys. So first thing is we must consequent the mirror by doing a special chant. Hurry holds up the words he's written and the old chant. We charge this mirror

with the power of the ancients, guardians of the earth, wind and fire, charge this mirror with your energies and make this mirror sacred. Then Ari says, fuck sake, I forgot to sprinkle that pepper on it! How fucking bullshit does he have made? So Harry Olton's up some pepper satches from his pocket, pours them on the mirror, they repeat the chant. Now we must place the mirror upright in a ball of salt.

Give us the ball, thank you, Enke. So the place, the mirror in the ball. Now we need to put a photo of Walker opposite the Miller in the ball. Deb says, I've got a selfie having my smartphone. Smiling, because he's got his phone to work. Opposite the mirror, stood up in the salt, to reflect the negative energy back to him. And Ari does another chant while Winky holds the ball.

Oh, Carl, you disagreeable nasty bitch! Take back the curse on our beloved pitch! Just at that moment Sean, this burst into the room. Alive ads! Oh, sorry it didn't been turned to rupt you! Are we breaking Winkyie in, as it were? Oh, shit, it's the monster. He's gone to fucking rear-pin!

And with that, Winksie drops the ball, smashing the mirror, and he runs out of the bogs. Yeah? Sean Dish goes over the sink. Yeah, puts the plug in and starts having a piss in it. Hey, thanks for the point, Ballowair Lads. Harry. Excuse me if I don't disrespect for Mr. Dish. But we in the fans found your tactics very first rated.

A modern, tied-up setting. It was black playing against 11 books, but some at Bardums. Shane finishes his piss, right? Scoops some out and his cup-tans and takes a slur. Fuck off, Harry. You're a lot of too soft. What you'll not need to do. Shane finishes his piss, right? Scoops some out and his cup tans and takes a slur. Fuck off, Harry. You're a lot too soft. What you'll all need to do is eat more dark meat pies and start drinking your own piss. Keep a turf mower and die slaves. Well, says, Harry. That's made me quite wacky look crackers. what a rude and best man. Then he notices that Debbie is sobbing. What's up, Dads, is you hurting?

That man fighting me with his bare voice, and winked as broken, the mirror which means the curse may not be lifted away, and to top it all with a hand sandwich and the snack of your choice, my fit bet is broken, and totally a completely piffy wiffled. Harry, Debbie, the champ may have sustained for long enough to lift the curse. Wept on the next match before you pephile up. You got to believe, feel the flu or she's hate. And they all say, feel the flu or she's hate. Little post crypts. Right. It's a long win, I get a taxi back to Charring Cross, right? Yeah, about to pay.

I've got no fucking credit card. Ah! He's done yet! He's lifted it when he got me in the arms. He's done yet! You knob! It's hockey season, and you can get anything you need delivered with Uber Eats. Well, almost, almost anything. So no, you can't get a nice drink on Uber Eats.

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I regret to inform you Bob that I've done another song. Don't tell me you've done a song. I've done a song. It's kind of a public information wrap, I think, this one. Have you been reading about Ali's sex robots that are coming out these days? I haven't. Well, that's all I had. That's all I had, like, said sex robot.

They're very much your thing, so I've done a song to kind of warn us about that. And here we go. Sex robots, you're thinking in our homes. Sex robots,ading our homes Sex robots don't joke their membo balls Judy Allen Mary Scott the names are real but the bodies are not Nackas from a wire, nocus from a daughter, a sex female trap, that is coming from the future. Oh, oh no, they were there threats, when you need to have it off, you might pull them their pants, but gotta fuckin' pitch-shuck. We had a fucking bitch shock Sex robots, the ultimate sin Sex robots, it's like buying a new bin Sex robots, don't give in Unless, you happen to be

The Cropa Unless you happen to be a cropper. Oh, I don't know what I'm at the end there. Something quite incredible happened to me this week. What's that then? And you're gonna have to help me out with this Andy. Okay. Read some of the words for me So I can make it authentic so do you want to pop round here? Right, okay?

Because there's just a couple of times you have to You might go right it's Barry or mona right? Yeah, you're welcome. Oh fuck up. No go back where you are Just coughed out the way you're all right. Yeah, well, it's this got nowhere to go. I said man So I was looking at her playing. We're on I was looking for a for a flat airplane were on. I was looking for a flat nut. Oh man, I was looking for a flat with me son. Right? Because he's stupid. He needs a flat nut. He's stupid.

He's stupid. He's stupid. I was looking for a flat with me son. I'm on the track, a gulfed, yeah. I'm blocked, a bit up from us. There's an earpiece in his phone. So this is what I hear Andrew. True. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, did a Lieber Runi. Can you believe

it? Yeah, yeah. Hell, Ariel. She was punching above a weight anyway. Yeah, yeah, yeah, got a new job. Going great. Yeah, the whole office is in L-O-V-E with me. Yeah, the whole office is in L O V E with me. Yeah, yeah, we should be up. Maybe play around the foot golf Anyway, yeah, ciao, ciao plus Bella equals. I'm amazing, right? It's fucking Barry on the Barry on the train on the centrain, right? So maybe son had a bit of a giggle and we get off to the town centre to go to his state agents And he's just a bit up ahead of us and he goes into an estate agent. We look in the window of the estate agents as a couple of flats there look out of Dyson and D you know. So we go in and he's there working at the estate agent and he beckons us over to his desk.

So if you can just say yeah about every three seconds I'll be doing this speech here. So he beckons us over. I say hello there. I wonder if you could help me. My son starts at the university a couple of weeks and I was wondering if you would allow students in your properties if I acted as a guarantee. So just looking for something cheap and cheerful,

a student or maybe's one bed, Furny, yeah, not too long a journey from the campus. Thank you, now we can fuck off over there. Oh Jesus. Danny fourths Sal and he looks at us both. He says, either of you ever been in an electric car, driven by a rally driver, we both say now, well get up, come with me, you're about to jumpstart your throne meters. So we'll follow him outside, a little white

hatchback with the name of the estate agents on it, you know, electric car. So we get in, we drive along, he says, yeah, yeah, I got the perfect place for your son, it's a peach aruni. You can barely hear the engine in this cany, it's pure electric, not hybrid. Don't go hybrid like I did, I will say. You can lose a fist for the greenery. Interpretation. Can you feel the torque? Yeah. Max power is instantly available because there are actually no gears. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Fear the gear. That's what the species say and I'm made of pure speed. So I expect your son will want a shark pad, decent wireless sound system, kitchen island, coffee maker, electric kettle, dimmer switches. That's what I had at his age and I got sex most weekends. I tell you what, after a night with me they look like roadkill.

So he went on and on and you know you're,'re we arrived at this little purpose but block you have to come over again Andy. Oh okay. So my son's going to ask some questions yeah you knew asking me son's questions right so he shows us this one bedroom ground four flat Barry says take a look around the bitch you won't hurt you so my son starts asking some questions. How does your son talk? Just his end it's a quick just that is anyone living here? Is anyone living here at the moment? I don't know has it got something hidden? I don't know We'll have to pick out or tax. I don't know can I get public transport the uni from here? I don't know has it got a broadband? I don't know does it come furnished? Do you know I don't know how much is the rent? I don't know So do you want to take it and I say well be honest mate it's nice but we need a bit more

for this. We got to at least not much the renters he says oh yeah yeah yeah I see yeah all about the money is it yeah yeah yeah it's just like my wife she did like she did a leave Arunia you know fucking headcase you've had a brief window into the Barry Phanonema Phanonema anyway would you leave me would you leave me well would you would you ever think for a single moment of flipping a leave Arunni on a bloke like me? And I said, look, I have no, you may, I can't really say. Look, we've got a few more to see in this area. I lied. We'd best get going. So we leave for this day agent, explain, we were showing the flat like to it, but Barry didn't have much info for us and a nice lady sorted us out and I'm sure you'll be pleased Andy

because we did end up renting the flat. Brilliant. That's nice, isn't it? A nice happy ending and it was a nice day with me son and we got the train home. Guess what we're here? Few seats behind us. Homeowner? Yep.

Yep. Yep, got the sack, the old keeper. I know, can you believe it? behind us. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Got the sack, the old keeper. I know, can you believe it? Best fucking salesman in Europe. And they've let me slip through their own grateful fingers. Yeah. Yeah.

No, can't come, I'm afraid. It's 50 days since the Leveruni, so I'm having a night in. Without the sun yet. Going to listen to some of our favourite ballads on the Sonos multi- room sound station. Yeah, yeah. Chalballa. So, chalplus balla means I love you.

Then he puts his headphones on. You know, you can sometimes hear. We can hear he's listening to leels and I can't live if I'm in for that one. So, lovely song though. Do you think that was a story, was a bit less, from the series The Wire? Not really. No you didn't. No.

Hii! Let me biscuits again! I went down the ball and I leaned in with me nephew Jackson. Got to the end of the game and then I went to the bugs and I changed it. There were XXXL trucks out of the top. then I went to the bogs and I changed it to an XXXL truck so top. I was back in and I was slightly shoved of the ball and ball into me truck so top and I

heads towards the desk to handle over the ball and shows then I slapped down 300 quid, pushed the ball up out the top of me truck so the last behind the desk could see it and I said I couldn't exit, poor I did it. And I was gone, gone! Let me fix that. Let me fix that. The end of the video. Do you want to look at Martin Lawrence and spin up, too?

Yeah, go on. Nice. So I've got some info there. Mark's been a bit of a loose end since the... I haven't seen much of him ever. Well, since the football season started, he hasn't been on much because there's not much punditry going around because Chris Sutton's come along

and Hoover looked most of the miserable bastard demographic that used to be Mark's territory. So anyway, Mark's been getting under Barbara's feet a bit around the house, not even keeping his DIY up the speed. He's just been sitting around reading these big footbooks and chow and his fingernails most of the day. So Barbara's packed him off down to the local tech because there's some kind of retrain and introductory deon and she's saying that one of the

teaster courses that's on is about working for trade and standards, which is something he's always been interested in, one of his many passions. So she sends him off with some jam sandwiches in a top-wire box for his lunch and Mark heads down to the tech. I'm sorry I shouldn't interrupt. Do you happen to know the top of the box said, Mark on Loro? You know, it's a bit of an honor. It probably said Mark Loro and so on. So anyway, it gets down to the tech and the talk has been delivered by Dominic Littlewood.

I like Tom. The little fella from Baby Say Once, Fyick Britain Britain show. Probably Britain's top trade and standards expert. So, Dom does a bit of an overview of what trade and standards is all about, what you're going to expect if you take it on as a career, run through some examples of good and bad practice. He passes around his magnifying glass that everyone gets to have a go on hold it. So, Dom says, yeah, here's some of the names of fake brands that you need to look out for. Tommy Hilfinger, Disney and Gucci, but we've had the little dot on the top of the letter eye.

Does anyone want to come up on the stage and ever go, I don't if find some fake goods with me. Mark's been enthused by what he's heard so far. I think I'd love to do that. Yes. So, Dom says, lovely, come on, son. Mark gets up on the stage in front of everyone. First thing, Dom shows, when it's one of them,

LeBouton, High Hale shows, you know, the expensive ones, it's got the red saw, very expensive High Hales. And Dom says, hey, we'll look at that, Mark. Is he fake? Oh, is he legit? Mark has a ever look at that mark, is he fake? Or is it legit? Mark has a close look at it. Ah, I think it might be fair, Tom.

The stitching looks a little bit uneven on the inside of the shoe. Dopsus, sewing mark, is actually legit. One thing he did this was that I've written twat on the sole of the shoe in T-X. But that was just wonderful of what I like to call dumb's decoys. Is it over at M? Get set an iPhone, hands up the mark. Or do you think Mark? Fake? All legit. Mark, I think this one's definitely legit, dumb. I've got an iPhone far myself and this feels exactly the same as it. Now Mark, now sorry, look a little bit closer. You see that green acid dripping in the bottom of it?

That's the sign of a fake. So Mark's like, I've got a lot to learn here, haven't I? Last one Mark for ya, it's the burberry and back. Burberry, what's your reckon? Tell Holda, can you say it from burberry? I don't know. Burberry for weak. What's your reckon?

Is he fake or is he fake? Or is he legit? Mark examines it closely. Doesn't want to get this one wrong, really, taking his time over it. It was at the bag and a little wasps fly out the bag. She did. Land on Dom's bald head. Dom's screaming and agony.

Get him off me bald head! So Mark thinks fast. Ripsy shirt up and right? Mark, Ripsy shirt open, grabs his top-web box, pulls out his jam sandwiches and smears the jam all over his tits. The wasps, they are homing on his tits, he's basically saved on Little Woods Life. And as a result of that, he gets an A plus on the taste course and the upshot is that once the skin grafts on his tits are ailed, Mark's going to be done two afternoons awake with the tree and standards unit and he's a lot of council. Mark's happy, Barbara's happy and Chris Sutton can sleep, easy at night.

Did that remind you of the film driver? Is it the one that's got a good looking fellow drives really fast? Yeah. I'll have a side book. That seems feels like an exciting film to me. Right. Once those wasps came out, my out was pounded. Yeah, it does drive. Thanks, Bob. So one of the days when I was in South Africa, I was filming in a set that's like a, it's a replica, you know, the film Zulu Zulu. It's like that, it's got sandbags on the outside wall and a little hot and all that.

I'm playing a British soldier waiting for an attack from Zulu. All the other soldiers were just like white South African extras, you know, so that's a nice pool of people to choose extras from and it's white South African. I'm in the classic period costume. Do you can you imagine it red jacket,

beige, like sort of job per things. Right. And black boots, like smart. What smart, yeah. And I'm holding a beer, because that's what I was advertising. I'm crouching behind the sandbag wall with a little plump block called Richard De Freyrs.

Oh, nice name. And it's Richard De Freyrs. So on nice name. It's Richard De Freyrs. So on action we have to crouch right down and every time we do it as I'm crouching the camera's going past on a track. I feel what, it feels like a finger stroke the outside of me stretch, jogpers. Next to my inn is... Sorry, carry on. That's fine, we'll take. And I'll be, you're not fed up, fellow, so I turn around and say, excuse me, Richard, but I'm sorry, what do you think you're doing? And he says to you differently. What are you talking about?

I say, are you stalking my trousers just adjacent to my anus? He says, no, I'm not my boy. No, that wasn't wrong. See, it's difficult. Probably a cheeky snake or a round of fucking menace they are and I love an ironess. I said oh right it's law-could this right that would explain it I'm really sorry man so look yeah I've got this cool nice cold beer you know man mistake and all that well after that we get on quite well when we arrange to make for breakfast the next

morning because he's got a boat on the marine and the unit gets on a beautiful, he says a little breakfast for me there. He says, tell me the boy, it's a blue boat with big bright orange flags so early in the next day and I met me wear to the marina. Oh yeah! Oh yeah! That's, there's a scruffy blue boat with their orange flag. I reckon that's it, there's a blog on the deck. I ask, I say, is this

rich a deba- a freeers joke boat? Yeah, he nods, beckons me on board. He opens the door to the galley and points for me to go down. He hasn't said a word, right? Now, Andy, do you think that he hasn't said a word because it's like ominous or because I struggle with the accent. I'm not that bothered. Okay, anyway, as I step down, he pushes me from behind and I fall down the stairs, yeah. I hurt my shoulder. All right, back my shoulder. That's not a very nice place to hurt yourself.

No, it's not on the body. No, so then he says, take your fucking strides off and push your butt up towards the moon Well, what can I do? Lundy, I'm not my shoulder, so I'm in no position to fight So I take me trousers off and that push my ass up towards the surface of the best I can now then he says Take this copper funnel and plight it in your eyes. I said, okay, that's fair enough. I said, what are you going to do? He says, I'm gonna fill your cavity with lucky grams and full fat milk.

But he did it South Africa, yeah. So, in this state of like shock that I'm in, not a start. So, sorry, I should explain. I've left I should explain he says you know He says fully covered you were lucky grams. Yeah, I'm absolutely shocked because I never fought for one minute You could get lucky grams in Cape Town It's lucky Grims even a thing so is it lucky grams lucky charms? Golden Grims Golden Grims and look at you Some great. Just just! He's lucky charms.

Well, it's Golden Grimm's. I wouldn't have thought you could get them in, kid. Hey, I'm a bit different culture innit? Yes, so in the state of shock, I start feeding the thin end. Obviously, of the funnel in the meas. Obviously, when suddenly the Galley-Daw's burst open and there's Richard De Freyers with a Teaser. Poor you. Leave me out of the middle and fuck off

Rob Boehr in way with prick. So the blog puts his hands off Scottles Round Richard and leaves the board. I say, oh, thank you, Richard. Why did he want to put cereal into my ass? He says, He's part of the brick-fisting buggery movement. Just world kids looking for a way to live He says Spotted a breakfast and buggery movement

Just work kids looking for a way of life and up the morning meal I see so he would have eaten he would have eaten it literally out of my cavity Yeah, we're the fucking legal gangbag is you've got a love them And that's what happened to me the other day. Ugh, that's terrible. Yeah. Do you have dreams about that? Do you know I blanked out South Africa until we started doing this, but I think it's good for me to get rid of all this shit. Peter Beards has sent me a song. Peter Beards has done a song.

Yeah, I don't know what he's seen, I don't know what his intention is. Right, he sent me a song. Peter Beardley's done a song. Yeah, I don't know what his intention is. Right, sent me a song. Okay. And I could play that, right? It's not, it's not, it's a bit sad, but it'll be a nice, we're at the end with a bit of pierthos. That's a bit miserable, yeah.

Bam, why not? So, chow, chow, chow, see you soon. I'm gonna leave. Well, yeah. Equals are moving on. Okay, see ya. And it's Peter Beatsley. So these days, I love for, don't remember me so well, like, but for example, for the last

five years I've been going the bus to Poe, most days. It's very cold full up there and there's lots of band between the crew and mechanics and the losses in the office. I'n gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r ffysio'r ffysio'r ffysio'r ffysio'r ffysio'r ffysio'r ffysio'r ffysio'r ffysio'r ffysio'r ffysio'r ffysio'r ffysio'r ffysio'r ffysio'r ffysio'r ffysio'r ffysio'r ffysio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r i'n ddyn am ysgwyr i'n gweithio, a'r i'n gweithio, a'r i'n gweithio, a'r i'n gweithio, a'r i'n gweithio, a'r i'n gweithio, a'r i'n gweithio, a'r i'n gweithio, a'r i'n gweithio, a'r i'n gweithio, a'r i'n gweithio, a'r i'n gweithio, a'r i'n gweithio, a'r i'n gweithio, a'r i'n gweithio, a'r i'n gweithio, a'r i'n gweithio, a'r i'n gweithio, a'r i'n gweithio, a'r i'n gweithio, a'r i'n gweithio, a'r i'n gweithio, a'r i'n gweithio, a'r i'n gweithio, a'r i'n gweithio, a'r i'n gweithio, a'r i'n gweithio, a'r i'n gweithio, a'r i'n gweithio, a'r i'n gweithio, a'r i'n gweithio, a'r i'n gweithio, a'r i'n gweithio, a'r i'n gweithio, a'r i'n gweithio, a'r i'n gweithio, a'r i'n gweithio, a'r i'n gweithio, a'r i'n gweithio, a'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r

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But iced tea, ice cream, or just plain ol' ice? Yes, we deliver those. Galtenders know, but chicken tenders yes, because those are groceries, and we deliver those too. Along with your favorite restaurant food, alcohol, and other everyday essentials. Order Uber Eats now. For alcohol, you must be legal drinking age. Please enjoy responsibly.

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